The Rise of Lunchtime Luster

by Twinkletail

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 4821

Princess Lunchtime Luster, the Princess of the early afternoon, is tired of being neglected.

Celestia raises the sun. Luna raises the moon. Twilight...I dunno. Her name is Twilight. She probably does something with that time

"But who controls the early afternoon?" asked no one. And that was exactly what had Princess Lunchtime Luster so mad. Today, she's going to make sure ponies know her name, no matter what it takes.

Thanks to the Intelligent Shipping Discussion Skype group for this, especially xjuggernaughtx for the name.

Published 2014-03-31 15:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-31 15:00:04 UTC

The Appetizer

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.

She read through this latest book, fuming. The revisionist history evident in the tome was simultaneously astounding and engaging. She wasn't quite sure why she'd even bothered to bring it with her. It wasn't worth checking; it was just the same as all the others.

Tome after tome spoke of Celestia. Her radiance, her benevolence, her charm and her glory.

Chapter after chapter spoke of Luna. Her intellect, her wisdom, her fall from grace and eventual return to her rightful position.

Page after page spoke of Cadence. Her compassion, her kindness, her beauty and grace.

Paragraph after paragraph even spoke of the new one, Twilight Sparkle. Her unassuming beginnings, her prodigious talent, her learnings on the topic of friendship, and her ascension to princessdom.

Everything about those four was chronicled within those tomes.

Yet not a single word was written about her. For all she saw, not a single quill had touched parchment with an intent to inform of her selfless deeds. No ink had been shed to wax poetic about her life, her goals, her accomplishments.

She was a Princess as well; she deserved far better treatment than this. Even Luna -- who had become corrupt and attempted, not once but twice, to plunge Equestria into eternal darkness -- was spoken of favorably and plentifully. Her deeds for ponykind warranted praise and worship, not apathy and neglect. The level of Equestrians’ adoration towards the princesses of morning and night bordered on worship, but today would mark the rise of the princess of the early afternoon!

"Luster?" a voice called out. "Lunchtime Luster?"

"That is Princess Lunchtime Luster," she replied, standing up and spreading her glorious wings, wings the color of the afternoon sky as long as it wasn't raining.

Luster watched the secretary stifle a chuckle. She frowned. If this mare truly knew of her power, she would not dare to chuckle, snicker, giggle, or even chortle in her direction. And that was just the problem: nopony knew of her. That would all change after today, though. After today, she would ascend to her rightful place in history, and all would know her name.

"Princess Celestia will be ready to see you in five minutes," the secretary said, barely taking the time to look in Luster's direction.

"Five minutes?" Luster asked, doing her best to keep her temper back. "Why in Equestria would you call my name to inform me that it is not yet time for my audience with Princess Celestia?"

"I thought it would be nice to give ample warning so you wouldn't get too engrossed in your book," the secretary replied, her gaze never leaving the magazine in front of her.

"Well I find that incredibly unnecessary and inconvenient!" Luster told her. She was beginning to lose patience with this pony who would not even look at her, a princess. Where did she find the nerve?

"Sorry," the secretary said, licking a hoof to turn the page of her magazine. "Please sit down and the Princess will be with you in five minutes."

"You called me up!" Luster said, one eye twitching. "And now you're telling me to sit? You are speaking to a princess!"

"I'm only asking you to sit down, ma'am," came the secretary's reply.

"Your majesty!" Luster said with a sneer. The secretary rolled her eyes.

"Please sit down, your majesty," she said, with a layer of snark so palpable it could practically be tasted.

"I will not!" Luster said, shaking her head defiantly. She did not take orders from ponies like this. The secretary finally looked up from her magazine, raising a brow at the angered alicorn standing in front of her.

"Very well," she droned. Then her eyes turned back to the magazine, which was certainly piquing her interest far more than the pony attempting to demand it.

Luster stood there in front of the desk. Part of her did desire to sit back down. She had slept wrong last night, and her left hind leg was aching. But this was a matter of principle now. To concede and sit as that damnable secretary requested would be a concession that she was not willing to allow. No ache would sway her from her current position.

The seconds ticked by, slowly and painfully. It was nearly Luster's favorite time of day, the one time of day which fell under her command. And here she was, standing pointlessly in front of a desk, staring daggers at a pony who would barely acknowledge her presence. She would have her revenge, though. It was improper for a Princess to use her powers for personal gain and grudges, but this pony's behavior was practically treasonous. She was sure that she could find an ancient law somewhere that could justify-

"...Lunchtime Luster?" the secretary suddenly asked, breaking the silence. "That's your name?"

Luster cleared her throat, not even bothering to correct the impudent secretary's omission of her title. The joke would be on her when she used her mighty powers against her. She simply nodded, her lips pursed in a small sneer.

"So do you lust after food?" the secretary asked. "Or do you only feel lust during lunchtime?"

"Excuse me?!" Luster shouted, her cheeks coloring. "How dare you ask a Princess a question like that?"

"I was just asking because of your name," the secretary said, seemingly unphased by the outburst. "You know. Luster. One who lusts."

"Not that luster!" Luster said, snarling. "Luster! The state or quality of shining by reflecting light! Akin to glitter, sparkle, sheen, or gloss! Ponies revel over the morning sun, but it is in the early afternoon when the sun shines--"

"Oh," the secretary said, chewing idly on her bubble gum and turning the page. “Would you look at that? This pony says she saw Elvis Pranceley in her pancakes.”

Luster groaned and shook her head, doing her best to hold her rage back. She remained in position, still refusing to move despite not wanting to be in this pony's presence any longer.

"Hm...you know, have you considered changing the spelling of it to end in R-E instead of E-R?" the secretary asked. "It should cut back on the confusion."

"I assure you that I have not had that particular problem come up before," Luster told her, gritting her teeth.

"I guess I've been reading too many romance novels," the secretary said.

"It would seem so," Luster snarked back, expecting to garner a reaction. None came. It was hard to snark a snarker, she posited.

Luster stared anxiously at the clock on the wall. Seconds seemed to pass like minutes to the restless princess of the early afternoon. Her left hind leg throbbed as if to yell at her for her stubbornness in not sitting down. A part of her still felt like she was achieving a minor victory by defying the damnable secretary's request for her to sit, but at this point it was starting to feel like a rather hollow one.

Luster did her best to push the aches out of her mind, instead focusing once again on the clock. She was positive that it had been more than five minutes by this point, and the clock gave credence to her belief. Indeed, a sixth minute had passed, and she was still stuck here in this blasted waiting room. It was positively unacceptable, and she would not stand for such treatment anymore. Not today, the day which would mark her rise to power. Not now, as the clock struck noon, signaling the beginning of her time of day.

"It has been six minutes now!" Luster demanded. "I insist that you let me in to see Princess Celestia!"

The secretary glanced up with her eyes alone, not even giving Luster the dignity of raising her head to face her proper.

"I'm sorry, your majesty," she said, with about a thimbleful of authenticity. "I can't control when the princess is ready to see you. She'll buzz for you as soon as she is."

Luster felt her right eye twitch. There was nothing she could say back to that. As much as she felt she was being disrespected, she knew that did not give her the right to disrespect Celestia, which was exactly what she would be doing with any sort of retort against the secretary's reasoning. Unwilling to stand near this bothersome pony any longer or put up with the throbbing in her leg, Luster finally decided to give up her minor victory. She turned tail and strode silently to the seat she had previously occupied. No sooner had her rump touched the chair than the sound of a buzz rang out from the desk.

"Princess Celestia will see you now," the secretary droned, her voice muffled by the perfume sample that her snout was pressed against.

Luster's blood boiled hotter than fresh lentil soup (which, coincidentally, was exactly what she planned on having for lunch in celebration of the imminent success of her meeting with Celestia). She got up from her seat once more, seething. She considered saying something to this contemptible mare behind the desk, but decided that perhaps a display of her power was more fitting for one who had bothered her so. She lit her horn up as she strode past the secretary, offering her naught but a sideways glance as she entered Celestia's office. Hopefully Celestia would forgive her for the great misdeed she had just perpetrated, but at this point, her approval would not matter much anymore. Soon, they would be on equal hoofing.

"Thank goodness," the secretary said. "Just in time for my lunch break." She had been waiting for this moment all day, and the name of the pony she had been dealing with hadn't made it any easier. Her hoof shook with desire as she reached into her lunch bag for the delicious sandwich she had put together. After a tantalizing sniff, she took her first bite into her much-anticipated meal. It only took a few chews to melt the joy from her face.

"Ugh..." she said, spitting the partially-chewed morsel into a napkin. "How can the lettuce have gone bad?"

The Main Course

Lunchtime Luster shielded her eyes as she enered Princess Celestia's chambers. She was fully accustomed to the brightness of the sun during this time; she would be a poor excuse for a princess of the early afternoon if she wasn't. There was something about Celestia's chambers, though, which seemed to increase the luminescence to a level far greater than she was accustomed to. It had to have been an enchantment placed by the princess on the room. Luster made a mental note to ask Celestia to teach it to her once she had taken her rightful place alongside her.

Even more radiant, though, was Celestia herself, a fact which Luster did not enjoy admitting. While she did not particularly dislike Celestia herself, she did harbor a large amount of discontent for the fact that she was receiving so much glory while Luster received none. Here she was, basking in glory, bathed in sunlight, lourding her beautiful palace and extravagant quarters over Luster. She had everything Luster wanted, everything that she deserved to have, everything that she would have after this talk. Despite this, she could not deny the radiance emanating from the being sitting on the throne that lay before her. Celestia was indeed a wondrous sight, one which demanded respect.

And respect would be given, Luster thought, as soon as she received the respect that she deserved. Celestia had plenty of ponies who gave her respect. Passages were written about her, songs were composed in her honor, and she could probably get anything her heart desired, be it material goods or words of praise, simply by requesting it. Luster didn't have a single bit of that, despite deserving it just as much. Until she had that, she would not allow herself to be added to the masses who praised the ground Celestia walked upon.

"Good afternoon," Celestia said, staring at Luster. Luster could see the slightest hint of...something in Celestia's eye. She couldn't read minds (except to figure out a pony's favorite lunch), but she was sure there was a bit of confusion behind her gaze. Perhaps it was from seeing an alicorn that she had never met? Or maybe she wasn't used to meeting a pony who did not bow before her. Either way, Luster found herself not particularly thrilled with the way that the princess looked upon her. She would say nothing about this, though. It wasn't out of respect; more like necessity. She would have to at least attempt to feign some manner of politeness despite her frustrations, or else Celestia would likely not even give her words a chance.

"It is a good afternoon, indeed," Luster responded "For it is my afternoon. I am Princess Lunchtime Luster, the ruler of the early afternoon, and I am here on royal duty to gain the recognition that I deserve!" She figured that such a greeting did not exactly fit within the guidelines of politeness that she had just set for herself moments ago, but maybe politeness wasn't needed in some situations, such as when greeting a fellow noble who had no clue who she was.

"Is that so?" Celestia responded, tilting her head. Luster could swear that she saw the tiniest bit of a smirk creep up in the corner of Celestia's mouth. She clenched her teeth, doing her best to not tell the princess off for her utter disrespect. Tact in situations like this was as important as the sprig of parsley on a good sandwich; perhaps it didn't play a role once one got to the meat of the situation, but it definitely added something to the initial presentation.

"It is so," Luster replied, immediately following a deep breath. "I reign over all things related to lunchtime! Ponies revel over the morning sun, but it is in the early afternoon when the sun shines--"

"I'm quite sorry," Celestia cut in. "I mean no offense, but I can't say I've ever heard of you."

"And that," Luster cried, stomping a front hoof on the ground, "is exactly the problem!" She was unable to keep her frustration in any longer; she knew quite well that nopony knew her name, but to hear anypony, let alone Princess Celestia, say so was not easy to deal with.

"What do you mean, exactly?" Celestia asked. Luster felt her eye twitch once again. This looked to be a trend today.

"What I mean," Luster said through clenched teeth, "is that nopony knows my name, when everypony should!" She found herself beginning to pace as she went on. "Everypony knows you and your sister Luna. Books have been written solely about you! Even Cadence and Twilight Sparkle, who have not been princesses for nearly as long as the two of you or myself, are known throughout the land. But what of me? You and Luna control the morning and night, but what of the pony who reigns over the imd-day?"

"Well..." Celestia said, raising a hoof to her face, possibly to hide an oncoming smile. "If we wish to be technical, I'm the princess of the sun, and that covers mid-day as well..."

"No!" Luster shouted. "You have your realm already! Why must you claim power over more? You raise the sun in the morning and Luna raises the moon at night! It is I who holds power over the middle of the day!"

"I'm well-aware of our duties, Miss Luster," Celestia said calmly. "But you seem to be mistaken on-"

"I am not mistaken!" Luster interrupted. "Just because the ponies here do not know of my power does not mean that it does not exist!"

Celestia sighed. She could already tell that today was going to be a long day.

"Miss Luster," Celestia said, resting her front hooves in her lap. "There is no need to shout at me. I would appreciate if you watched your tone."

Luster frowned heavily, but finally nodded. Yelling would certainly get her nowhere.

"So..." Celestia continued, once she was sure that Luster's yelling fit was over. "What exactly is it that you want from me?"

"I want to receive the recognition that I deserve," Luster responded. "I have read many books written about the princesses, and my name does not appear a single time in them. This is a travesty of justice, Celestia, and it needs to be rectified immediately. I wish to be rightfully added to your history books. I wish to wear my own tiara as you all do and be looked upon with reverence, as all princesses should." She nodded to herself, proud of her self-restraint. Despite her current mood, her current demeanor was as mild as a calm early afternoon breeze.

"I see," Celestia told her. She cleared her throat, once again bringing a hoof up to mask the little smile that had appeared on her face. "We do not just choose princesses arbitrarily, you know."

"But I already am a princess!" Luster insisted. Celestia held a single hoof up to silence her.

"A horn and wings do not a princess make, Miss Luster," the sun princess said. "Becoming a princess requires a lot more than that. My sister and I raise the celestial bodies. Cadence has the power to control and enhance love. Twilight Sparkle has a vast understanding of the powers of friendship and magic and has written new magic. Do you truly believe that your powers can match those?"

"Of course," Luster responded without hesitation. "Do you know the degree of power that control over the early afternoon holds?"

"I'm afraid I don't," Celestia answered, smiling lightly.

"Well then, allow me to give you an example," Luster said, her previous scowl twisting into a confident smile. "I know that princesses should not abuse their powers, especially on an employee of another princess, but I must admit that I used my powers on your snarky secretary outside."

"Oh...?" Celestia said, a bit of legitimate concern finding its way into her expression. One hoof began making its way towards the underside of her desk, where her security call button was installed.

"Yes," Luster answered. "I used my power over all things lunch-related to spoil the lettuce on the sandwich that she had been craving all morning! I promise that once I am recognized in history as a princess alongside you and the others, this will be the only story of my abuse of power."

Celestia slowly rose a brow.

"Oh dear," she said, biting her lip. "That is quite serious. And you promise you won't use your powers frivolously again?"

"I do," Luster agreed. "I accept that it was wrong, and such a mistake will never occur again."

"Excellent," Celestia said. "You've learned a very valuable lesson, one that every princess should understand. Now, you do realize that if you were to be accepted as a princess, you would not be able to wear a tiara, correct?"

"I beg your pardon?" Luster asked, confused.

"No tiara," Celestia replied.

"And why not?" Luster asked. "Princesses wear tiaras. A tiara was part of my vision of being a princess."

"I understand," Celestia told her calmly. "But I'm afraid we only have four tiaras in Equestria."

"...You're kidding me," Luster said, perplexed.

"I'm afraid not," Celestia told her. "It's a very serious situation, this shortage of tiaras. It's actually why I haven't brought on any new princesses."

Luster opened her mouth to answer, but was interrupted by the door opening behind her. She turned around to see an amber mare enter Celestia's chambers. She folded her wings to clear the entrance, beginning to close the door with her magic. Then she saw Luster staring at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the mare said, fixing the tiara resting in her mane. "I didn't realize Princess Celestia was seeing somepony."

"It's quite alright, Princess Sunset Shimmer," Celestia told her. "I'll call you once we're done."

"Alright, princess," Sunset responded. She gave the bewildered Luster a nod before exiting and closing the door behind her.

"...Princess Sunset Shimmer?!" Luster cried out.

"Oh, yes," Celestia responded, sipping from a previously-unseen teacup. "She figured out her own spell for interdimensional travel, and since she had learned from her mistakes and embraced the power of friendship...

"She also tried to overthrow Equestria!" Luster shouted. "And she gets to be acknowledged as a princess of your land?"

"To err is pony," Celestia told her with a smile. "To forgive, divine."

"And she has a tiara!" Luster exclaimed. "I thought you said there were only four?"

"There are," Celestia answered simply, setting her teacup down. "Princess Twilight's is one of the Elements of Harmony. And before you ask, we're out of those, too." She hummed quietly and opened a nearby closet, levitating a red fez out of it and placing it daintily on Luster's head. "Is this acceptable?"

Luster's fury could not properly be expressed in words. This was not for a lack of trying on her part; she certainly did make an attempt, but to call her rage-filled broken syllables words would have been an affront to language majors the land over.

"Are you mocking me?!" the enraged Luster bellowed. The princess of the sun's light smile faded.

"I was just making a joke or two, Miss Luster," Celestia said. "But I suppose I did take it a bit far. I do apologize."

"No!" Luster shouted back. "The time for apologies has passed! You have insulted the princess of the early afternoon for the last time, and for that, you and your country shall pay!"

The room was suddenly bathed in a somewhat-bright-but-not-like-super-bright light, and an aroma filled the air that was akin to a mix of fresh lettuce and ranch dressing. A pale orange light shone through the window and onto Luster's horn as she cackled maniacally. The light was joined by a thick wall of white smoke, both of which began to swirl around the angry alicorn until her body was fully enveloped. Celestia watched in confusion as the light-and-smoke mixture pulled tightly around Luster, then suddenly burst. The space where Luster had been standing before was now occupied by a white alicorn with orange sunbeams trailing down the sides of her body. She spread her orange-tipped wings, her gaseous sky-blue mane and tail billowing behind her.

"...Miss Luster?" Celestia said, looking slightly concerned. "You're making a scene."

"I am no longer Princess Lunchtime Luster!" the somewhat-sinister figure said through a scowl. "Tremble before me, for I am Post Meridian, and lunchtime shall last...forever!"

Post-Meal Mint

Four days later...

Princess Celestia sat at her throne, exhausted and irritated.

She had thanked her lucky stars that the concept of lunchtime was an abstract one that did not follow a strict time of day. Ponies could have "lunch" whenever they wanted, after all. In truth, she had been a bit worried on that first day that she would not be able to lower the sun, but her worries were quickly dashed when it worked just as it always had.

That wasn't to say that things had been just peachy ever since the rise of Post Meridian. Things had still managed to be somewhat inconvenient, which is what led to today's meeting. Celestia had briefly considered calling for help from Twilight and her friends, but in the end, she'd decided that this matter wasn't quite dire enough to get them involved. She was confident she could handle it herself without the use of force. The princess of the sun stared across the table at the gloating Meridian.

"So," Meridian said, a self-important smirk crossing her face. "You have brought me here for negotiations?"

"I suppose it could be called that," Celestia responded, her calm demeanor hiding the mild disdain she held for her guest.

"I noticed that your secretary is missing," Meridian said smugly.

"You must put a stop to this nonsense," Celestia said, her voice raising slightly. "I've been getting bombarded with letters from angry citizens who have not been able to order from the breakfast menus of their favorite restaurants for days now. My favorite bed and breakfast has seen their daily income cut in half, and Equestria is experiencing a critical shortage of both peanut butter and jelly. This must be stopped."

"A-ha!" Meridian exclaimed triumphantly. "Now you realize the true extent of my catastrophic power!"

"Right," Celestia said tersely. Catastrophic might not have been the word she would have used, but it was easier to just agree, despite Meridian's irritating cackle that arose from her agreement.

"So," the sun princess said, resting her front hooves on the table. "What are your demands?"

"I want to be known amongst your people," Meridian said. "And to be held in the same regard as you and the other princesses. I wish my name to appear alongside those of the other princesses in the history books."

"I can't simply add you to the history of Equestria," Celestia told her. "At least not to what was already written."

"Then include me in future history books!" Meridian insisted. "I want all of Equestria to know my name!"

Celestia hummed thoughtfully to herself. "It will take some time before a new history book is written, but if you release my land from your...power, then I promise that you will be included with your proper title."

"Not good enough!" Meridian shouted. "I wish to see immediate results as well!"

Celestia rolled her eyes. Dealing with tough negotiators was irritating, especially when the pony in question only just barely had enough power and influence to warrant it. It took a moment of thought before she came up with a brilliant idea.

"What is your favorite sandwich?" Celestia asked. Meridian tilted her head, thrown off by the strange query, but it didn't take much thought for her to come up with an answer.

"Peanut butter and bananas on potato bread," Meridian answered. "Why do you ask?"

"From this day forward," Celestia said, speaking with authority. "In Equestria, a peanut butter and banana sandwich on potato bread shall henceforth be known as the Lunchtime Luster."

The princess watched her guest carefully for her reaction. For a rough few moments, Meridian did not react in any noticeable fashion. Finally, the white and orange alicorn nodded.

"This is acceptable," Meridian said. "But I have one more demand!"

"What is it?" Celestia asked, the relief from Meridian's previous acceptance already shaking at the mention of another demand.

"I want a tiara," Meridian said simply. "All princesses have tiaras. I am a princess, and if I am to be treated as an equal, I require a tiara."

"Very well," Celestia said, figuring this was not too much of a problem. "I'll have one made for you as soon as possible, on the conditions that you will not...erm...endanger...our citizens ever again."

"As long as I am getting the recognition I deserve, there will be no need for me to do so," Meridian said. "I would much prefer to inspire ponies to follow me through good tidings than force anyway."

Celestia nodded silently. Perhaps there was a good pony under those strange mannerisms and that short temper.

"Then it is agreed," Celestia said. She opened her drawer and removed a large orange jewel from it. She levitated it over to Meridian, setting it into the front of the fez that she was still wearing for some reason. "I hereby recognize you as Princess Lunchtime Luster."

Meridian smiled a genuine smile as white and orange energy began flowing out of her. The bright light soon dissipated into the air, leaving her as the same sky-blue alicorn that Celestia had met four days ago.

"Thank you, Princess Celestia," Luster said, her smile as bright as the afternoon sun. "You will not regret this, I promise!" With that, the newly-recognized Princess offered her hoof for a shake, adding in a respectable little bow. Celestia accepted the hoofshake, although she wasn't quite ready to bow in response. Thankfully, Luster seemed to not mind this at all, and she quickly departed, looking the happiest that she had been in days.

Celestia watched the newly-crowned Princess depart. She supposed another princess for Equestria wasn't a bad thing. Her attention was then drawn back to her chamber door by the entrance of her secretary.

"Gosh," the secretary said as she entered. "That felt like the longest lunch break of my life."

"Tell me about it," Celestia said,