A Cat's Life

by Flutter Bloom

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Nightmare Moon, Spike, Random, Adventure, Anthro, Main 6, Diamond Dogs, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 4015

Oh where did Spike go wrong? When one eve a annoying sound is heard in the cobble streets of Ponyville; Spike decides to go and investigate due to it disturbing Rarity's beauty sleep. This soon ensues into a series of comical events.

When one eve a annoying sound is heard in the cobble streets of Ponyville; Spike decides to go and investigate due to it disturbing Rarity's beauty sleep. This soon ensues into a series of comical events that require a rather bold feline, a dragon, six ponies and... A... a dragon mixed blood?

Oh where did Spike go wrong?
Maybe it was when he threw that book at that four legged feline.

This story is mainly for comical purposes, if it gets serious then yay! But if not then it's fine. I am not lookin' at it to become popular just... Hilarious. Share a few laughs, through a few shoes. See someone get slapped by a Unicorn. WHO KNOWS!

Oh and my anthro/human visual (Using this scale) would be a 4 maybe a 3; some might look at it as a three (right in the middle) but for me it's a four. ^^

Published 2014-03-28 19:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-29 15:39:59 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Have you ever heard the noise of a cat with a sore throat trying to sing on pitch in the middle of the night? That blood curdling, vomit inducing, nails-on-the-chalkboard pitched sound? Probably not, or unless you lived in the city you would have. Well the small town of Ponyville now gained that problem. It had started seven nights ago, but it was only that morning that the white mare with the purple mane started to complain about losing her beauty sleep. It had started pretty early in the morn, far earlier than the purple cold-blooded dragon was use to. His friend who lived with him, Twilight, was the one who disturb his very unenjoyable slumber in his small bed.

Well, him being woken wasn’t very enjoyable either. What had awoken him was a harsh shove and his stomach hitting the hard ground of the 2nd floor to the library. His head was spinning, in his eyes the walls were tilting. Of course he knew that wasn’t possible unless Twilight had lost her edge and was shaking the building instead of being ditzy. Of course he knew that would most likely never happen - or so he hoped - a long groan had caught his attention and yanked him back to the fore front of the more important events of at exactly that moment.

His emerald coloured like eyes had flickered the amethyst coloured mare as he turned on his back and rubbed his throbbing skull. Should he be concerned about a concussion? Most likely, he did shove him pretty hard.
“What’s wrong Twilight?” He asked, blinking hard as he tried to get his eye sight rather straight instead of it being all wibbly wobbly like Derpy Hooves’ eyes. When his sight finally did straighten, he was able to see the mare’s messy mane and her face shoved into the pillows. Her body seemed limp as she grabbed another pillow and shoved it over her ears to muffle his voice out.

“Hmphf.” She groaned; but what she had said did not really sound like any word that the dragon knew of in any book or dictionary his friend had read. The face of confusion was what his features represented as he slowly stood to his clawed feet just to take the pillow off her ears.

“What di-” He couldn’t even finish his beloved question, thus because the mare had shoved another pillow between his teeth to still his tongue. Dropping the pillow he had from having to removing it earlier from Twilight’s ears just so he could remove the soft cushion from between his teeth.

“Spiiiiiike. Hush. I need to sleeeeeeep.” A groan left her with coherent words as she finally rolled over on to her back with her wings gently folded. The mass of different shades of her mane was everywhere, which made Spike think. Why hadn’t she gotten good sleep? Well, in his mind he could just randomly guess anyway. So the question to his own answer was of course - that alley cat with the bad singing voice. Now the other part to his mind numbing thoughts.

Could Rarity sleep?
A frown soon crossed his features as he took a seat at the edge of the bed and stared at her. Thinking and just as if Twilight could read his mind, she ended up bolting straight up with her wings extended, eyes wide open, then finally her with a long yawn. Hauling herself off the bed; she wrapped herself in the blanket just to stumble downstairs. Why did felines have to be nocturnal? This wise question that probably all the Ponies in Ponyville thought would probably never be answered as well as the question of: Why was a city feline in this small town and why did it keep on singing?
“Maybe…” Twilight started to speak with what sounded like a croak in her throat, “If we approach the cat we could get it to stop and---”

“THROW A BOOOT AT IT!” The voice to speak next was a harsh one heavied with sleep and anger. Now it wasn’t the octave of the dragon nor the amethyst mare, no it was of a different origin. Maybe if Twilight was more awake she would have heard the crashing into the window and the dragon begging the mare not to speak. Twilight sluggishly had turned around to see the pale aqua colored other who had been a mane dyed with the colours of a rainbow.

Although her form shook with what the female would have guessed was sleep deprivation of seven nights. With the opening of Twilight’s mouth came another interruption from the door opening and what looked like a messy mane mare walked forth, but her attention seemed drifting.. But there was just one but two of them that stepped in and those having to be the with the pink mane and tail, and the other being the diva, white coated beauty that the dragon oh so loved.

“Throwing a boot at it won’t help…” The pink maned mare went to speak but quickly stopped with a small mewish yawn and flustered cheeks of embarrassment from the lack of sleep she was showing. “The feline would just yowel louder, maybe he or she is looking for their friends…” Sure, with this the golden coated mare was soon down and rested herself on the stairs that lead up to the second floor. The one adored in blue went silent and glared at the shy mare who had finished speaking, she did say a word though because not wanting to disturb her friend trying to not sleep. It took energy to stay awake. This all the ponies should know.
“Fluttershy is correct Rainbowdash, all that will do is scare it away. Maybe into the farm with Applejack - which would cause her to be too tired to do her duty on the orchards.” The white mare spoke but couldn’t stay standing and ended up having to rely on the wall for support as the wave of sick sleep washed over her. “And last thing we need is another tired Applejack.”

Twilight nodded and made herself sit and ponder on this issue. It wasn’t long until she got an idea. “Then how about we take find the cat and Fluttershy speak to her, sounds good?” She looked to the dragon, and his frown increased. “And I mean you Spike. I don’t have the energy and I don’t think Rarity does either.” Spike opened his mouth to object but what stopped his was the feeling of Rarity grabbing his arm, leaning her head on it, and glancing skyward to his eyes with a pout.

“Please Spikey boo. It’s messing up my beauty sleep.” She begged, and what had seemed like the blink of an eye had really been more than an hour of him being convinced to do it and when the sun went down he was standing there, outside, with one Rainbowdash’s boots. A sigh passed from his lips as he slumped his way through the streets, from how the light seemed to cast on the stones he could only dare to guess the time it was that had he was out there.

Messing with the laces to the boot while he pondered and walked. The streets seemed empty and dead around this time so finding a small feline, probably not even house broken, seemed reasonable in it’s own. Even when it was messing up his dearest Rarity’s sleeping habit. Then he would have done it even if it hadn’t messed up her sleeping habit.

Continuing to walk the alleys, he began to imagine. What happens if the feline was different - and didn’t stop after he apprehended it and Fluttershy’s skill decided to fail of reasoning with animals because of her lack of sleep? Anything was clearly possible in the span of time. As he pondered a sharp sound pierced what he was thinking about. Placing a small claw in his ear, he moved it around as if trying to clean his ear out.

Having removed the claw now was clearly a bad idea due to the high pitch sound of what could be mistaken as someone trying to get Rarity to wear the most hideous dress seemed to have filtered the air. But for Spike, it wasn’t long until he realized that sound was a feline in itself. Now, what kind of cat makes that noise? He sure doesn’t know. Maybe when he gets back to the library he’d thank Fluttershy for making sure the cats in Ponyville don’t sing at night.
Now came the tricky part: really finding the thing.

Honestly? it felt like he was wandering around in circles do to how many times he passed Sugar Cube Corner. A yawn escape his throat and the sound of a trash can falling over made him turn sharply behind him, and without missing a single beat when seeing a figure stand high on their two hind legs did he throw the boot. Maybe it was out of poor reflex, or just maybe he wasn’t expecting the moment that was soon to ensue.

“OUCH!” The voice from the figure yelped and scurried into the dim light of the moon that seemed to cast on the buildings and cobblestone walk ways. Basically going up to the dragon and grabbing his shoulders with her large paws with claws extended. “You threw a boot at me; why?” When she spoke again her tone dropped and her large feline ears slowly moved down. The fur he could see seemed to be sticking up and her hues of hazels with hints of green seemed to shimmer with the reflective light from the moon.

“Y-Y-You’re that cat that’s been keeping people awake?” A solid gulp sounded from the amethyst retile. Looking down at her attire he quickly looked away. “You’re naked.” In all of Celestia WHY WAS SHE NOT CLOTHED? Her eyes looked down at herself then looked back up at the dragon.

“One; yes I am that feline. And two; I gambled all of my clothing away.” She muttered as she moved away from him, letting him go then twisting on her back paws. Her small snub of a tail tried to swished but failed miserably. “Got anything to eat around here?” She mewed with a yawn and a paw over her mouth. Spike shook his head just to blink some with a frown. Seriously - what was up with women nowadays!

“What do you mean? If you wanted something to eat then you should have bought something when the market was opened or gone to a restaurant.” Spike muttered, honestly he didn’t like this chick and he couldn’t even respect her by looking at her while she spoke. He had to keep his eyes locked on the back of a house. All-in-all he was never doing this again for the six mares.

“Riffraft, street rat I don't buy that~” She mused as she looked back at him over her shoulder with her blinked. Her ears with what could be guessed as a calico colour twitched some, with her standing completely still her coat seemed to be mixed with all sorts of grays and hues. “I could always dine on a pony. I mean they’re the other-other white meat.”

“NO!” Spike’s voice pitched an octave higher, “H-how about this. I take you to one of my friend’s place and she can cook you something in the morning. I don’t think the orchard open this late at night… And if you want to dine on meat I don’t know how to ask her to cook it…” He started to garble his words at the end. This caused the feline to quickly move and grabbed his claws between her oversized paws. There was no way she was a common household cat. She’d be big as opal. Spike knew this - so what exactly was she.

“Sounds like a deal. Nowwhatwillweneedforpoultry…” The last bit of her senetece seemed to all sound like one word with how fast she spoke with a wide grin that showed her sharp canines. The dragon swallowed hard before turning around and gripping her paw with his claw. “Hm? Where are we going.” Her hyper personality soon plummeted or so the dragon thought by her reaction to dragging her to the library.

“My friends. Just, be patient.” With those words ending the conversation the dreaded walk of Spike’s shame seemed to be quiet, well up until he opened the library with Fluttershy possibly expecting a small house kitty. Maybe everyone was expecting it. Or so he guessed, and maybe he deemed right - seeing Twilight’s expression of pure shock then maybe.

“DEAR CELESTIA!” Rarity’s voice pitch higher and louder than normal. “SHE’S NAKED!”

Author's Note

This was longer then expected, but here have this while I work on Dead Hearts.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

“SPIKE!” Twilight’s voice pierced the air as she quickly b-lined her way to Spike. Yanking him from the feline who stood there completely confused. Her eyes flickered from the dragon to the white mare, then to the yellow mare, then the baby blue mare, then finally to the amethyst mare who was not pleased in the least bit. It was when Twilight had him close enough to her for a small conversation to ensue semi-privately. “What. Are. You. Doing?” She spoke with clenched teeth, her eye twitching. Now normally the mare would not be frightening but with her lack of sleep, her mane a mess, her tight grip on his arms, and the twitching of her features was far enough to kick a small bit of fear into the dragon.

“W-well you told me to bring back the feline that was making that noise, I was just doing what you said.” He muttered as he glanced away from her, his claw now scratching behind his head with a blush. “I didn’t think it was going to be naked Twi. Plus she was going through the trash.” He said looking back at her, his eyes locked on her for a few seconds before a crashing noise got both of the two private conversers to look at the source of the noise. Which was a sight to behold, well when it included a passed out Rainbow Dash on the feline that had tried to scamper away and was now facing planted on the floor boards.

Twilight raised her eyebrow and then looked at Spike again. “I know, I’ll take care of it.” He huffed as he walked over to the small mass of a pegasus and cat. In the corner Fluttershy was squinting at the feline, muttering words of incoherent whispers. The dragon on the other hand had to gently move the passed out pegasus off the poor girl. Once she was off the feline scurried to stand and pointed at the sleeping mare.

“She was trying to KILL me!” She let out a yowel, her voice sounding like claws against glass. Spike’s only reaction was quickly covering his ears which dropped the front legs of the snoring mare, with that large thump she snorted and woke herself awake. Shaking her head with her mane quickly frizzing and going everywhere. When she finished her multicolored strands stayed in her face. A small strand of drool was there under her lip as well as she looked at the feline with lazy eyes that were glazed over from falling asleep.

The feline slowly stopped pointing and then frowned as she placed a claw to her bottom lip just to glance over at the reptile. “Whoops…” She whispered as glanced down to the ground and removed her claw forth from it’s position just to pull back her dark blackish looking hair with green tints and hues mixed with the green streaks as well as the highlights that shimmered in the dim light of the library. “S-she looks like she hasn’t slept.. In nights..” She continued to murmur as she hung her head. It was when a large gasp and what sounded like what could be made as small whimpers came from the corner did the other’s realize Fluttershy had thought and pondering.

“S-s-s-she’s.” The mare started as she moved and hide behind Rarity. Her voice was barely above a whisper as her eyes remained wide with what the feline could barely make out as fear - seeing as the mare’s reaction was good enough for her to catch the feline’s attention. The hoof of the white mare went to her mouth as she decided to speak now.

“Now dearie, what’s the matter?” Rarity asked as Fluttershy breathed in rather deeply.

“S-she’s a bobcat.” A squeak created as a reply to the pondering white mare as she looked to the feline and was about to speak until a paw was slowly raised. Silence over flowed the room now as the feline pointed down at herself.

“Shall I get clothed? I mean standing in the chilly library, practically starving, been trying to sing at night to get food but it seems that doesn’t help at all in this town.” A small tisk was made at the end of the feline’s sentence. More silence filtered into her response. “Or maybe I should stay like this. Oh no it’s no biggy. It’s not like I’m cold or anything right?” She spat slightly and looked away, “And it’s not like one of you doesn’t make anyone’s outfits or anything.” More silence seemed to filter the room.

“A-anyone?” Twilight spoke now in slightly confusion, “Shouldn’t it be anypony?” She said looking at Rarity who nodded them swallowed trying to get the amethyst mare to continue speaking. “W-well.” She said, her voice croaking as she looked to the feline. “I think Rarity is beyond tired and you’re singing as been keeping us awake for seven nights. I-is it too much to ask for you to hush for a couple of days?”

“You must be kidding me!” The cat meowed loudly, “Anypony? Not everyone is a Pony ‘darling’.” She said doing air quotation marks when she said the word darling, “Second of all I sing to make a living. Or used to. Before I got sick and my throat got messed up. And I need bits. How am I supposed to eat and clothe myself without a form of income?” This left the mares even more silent as Twilight gave a nervous cough.

Spike soon moved to place a claw on the chest of the feline and his friend as if to try to stop this small conversation that could turn bitter due to a sleep deprived alicorn and a starving bobcat. A shriek now sounded through the room, which catch the dragon’s attention. Turning his head he looked to the source - which was in fact the feline - and blinked as he looked down. His claw gently but firmly resting on her breast, a blush covering his face as he glanced up at her, and with one blink Spike felt a clawful slap across his face as he hit the ground - hard. Then there was black and the mutters of worry filtered out of his hearing.

***

It was near morning when he finally opened his eyes, his head hurt and so did his back. The one that slapped him had a powerful pack - it felt like something kicked him in the head really. Blinking his eyes with slight wishes of sleep he sat up with one of his claws placed on his head, messing with his spikes he glanced up the room just to realize someone had dragged him to the 2nd floor. Looking to Twilight’s bed just to notice she was asleep.

Now his brain was trying to catch up with the events of last night - his brain not working right had basically decided for him to creep down the stairs and into the 1st floor - where he felt his foot land one something very soft, looking down he noticed his clawed foot was on a small snub of a tail. His eyes slowly swept over the form (that was clothed now and wearing a bagging pair of loose pants - like ones big Mac would wear - and a large over sized t-shirt that was just plain white from who knows where), blinking some he came to view her face - which included wide eyes with small tears at the corners and a paw over her mouth as the female tried not to scream and wake the pony from upstairs. It was when it hit him.

He was standing on a bobcat’s tail. Quickly moving he jumped from her tail and helped her up, in which she pointed to the outside down so they could escape and not worry about waking the mare up. Once outside she muttered over and over how much her tail hurt now as she placed a paw over her tail.

“You’re lucky you got scales and only have to wear pants.” She grumbled as she huffed and looked back to him. “Oh wait that’s right - you had slept when I introduced myself. Before I do, sorry about your cheek. Was trying to hit ya hard enough to harm your scales. Didn’t know I would cause that much damage. Baby Scales~” She purred teasingly as she glanced away, Spike blinked with confusion as he placed a claw on the bandage on his left cheek.

“Now, I’m Lazet Tabitha Twitchit. Just Lazet for short.” She said as she wrinkled her nose some, “I’m from overseas - ya heard of Puris in Furnce?” She asked with a tilt of her head. Her accent didn’t even scream foreign. “Ya might not of. Well - it’s not like here. I mean Manehattan just ate me alive and spat me out like a fur ball.” She shuttered some as she sniffled with her wrinkling nose. “I told you’re marefriends I wasn’t gonna get them. Although how I said it caused them to shutter..” He blinked at her wide-eyed. “What? All I said was pony meat was too stringy.”

“Why would you say that?” He asked between his teeth as he placed his clawed hand on her shoulders. “Seriously? Do you want them to like you?” He asked and went to open his mouth again as she placed a finger over his lips. Her eyes narrowing.

“Don’t say that when they thought the negative when you passed out with me naked and when we came in there with our paw-in-claw holding.” Her eye slightly twitched, “They thought you get laid mister. They said my appetite was because of that.” She pointed to the sky with clenched teeth. “That blue mare - she thought something else. She thought I was yowling most of the time due to…” She shutter with a gulp. “Other things. Now you promised me chow. I’m starving. Feed me.” Lazet spoke with begging eyes as she got on her knees with a small mew of a starving cat. He rolled his eyes.

“You may be a bobcat but you act like a house cat.” He huffed as he grabbed her paw and pulled her up. “Alright come on. We’ll see if AJ has any eggs she’s willing to give us…” His stomach growled some as he looked down.

“It sounds like you’ve never asked her… Are you.” A pause was between him as he froze and her eyes widening. “A vegetarian?”

“A veggie what?” He asked as she swallowed. “What’s that? I just never have eaten meat or eggs.” A shocked gasp came from her as she placed her paws on his back and started to push him.

“That’s not right. Take me to this farm and I shall show you what good eating is!” She said to him as her tone seemed to be one of seriousness and not a light one. This confused him greatly. Seriously - what has he gotten himself into?

Author's Note

^^;; no clue where I am going with this.