Chapters Ponies, ponies everywhere
As soon as Jess woke up again she noticed the message was gone and that she was also now covered in white fur. Whatever had been happening to her seemed to have finished, this fact made painfully more obvious when she accidentally flicked her new tail at her face on accident. Then she realised something, 'How did I fall asleep in a dream?' and another thing 'I'm some sort of bird thing' and finally 'Where the hell am I?! .
Her head swivelled back and forth as she searched the plain for something, anything. It seemed to her as though her vision had gotten better as she could now see a town off in the distance, about 40 miles away. The houses looked primitive and the horses seemed to roam free, firstly though she would check out the cottage only a couple of miles out.
Jess spread her new wings and gave a good few flaps before her talons/paws lifted off the ground and she... thoroughly face-planted. After that she decided to try her luck at walk... flying again before falling again, and again, and again. At this point I decided to eat some popcorn while I waited for the lazy gryphon to just walk. "Haha! I knew it! You aren't my thoughts at all now show yourself!".
She pointless spun around in circles, looking everywhere for the source of the voice her mind was conjuring up to alleviate her own boredom. "You won't trick me that easily, you said I was a grilled phone or something and I've never heard of that so that means you aren't me!" she said triumphantly, a cocky grin on her face that was almost as wide as her hearing was terrible. "Stop teasing and show yourself!" Her odd little game of make-believe would have to wait though, because on her 13th spin she noticed a plume of smoke rising from the cottage.
Immediately she sprung into action, previous thoughts forgotten while she sat on her rump and crossed her arms "You aren't getting my to forget that easy, someone could just be cooking something". Her indifference to someone losing their life would seem cruel to others, but Jess was secretly a sadist, and she sad there indefinitely. A seductive grin warped her face as she saw a few tongues of fire dance along the cottages rooftop and she began to feel warm and tingly inside when she heard someone screaming out for he- "Holy shit! I'm going, I'm going"
With a start she was broken out of her odd trance and sprinted quickly towards the cottage, desperation leading her to not notice she was running much faster than usual and on four limbs no less. But still she sprint... gallop.... trot.... but still she ran... she moved onward quickly, the screams getting louder as she got closer and noticed the door was still closed. With barely a though she barged it with a shoulder and moved into the cosy but burning cottage.
She searched left, right, up, down, backwards and north-east until she came to the kitchen that was right next to the room the door led to and found a small yellow horse with a pink mane and wings trying desperately to lift up a toppled fridge that had the door open. Upon seeing the gryphon the winged-horse thing gave a determined stare and pointed to the fridge with a hoof. "Help me get this up, angel bunny is trapped inside! If you wouldn't mind that is..."
Disregarding the fact a flying equine was now talking and seemed a bit bi-polar Jess quickly went over to the fridge and hooked her talons under the frame to give the cold cupboard a mighty heave and roll I onto it's side. She grabbed the bunny that was cowering underneath without a second thought as well as the flying dandelion before moving back out the door she came from.
After putting down the two animals in her arms she coughed violently a few times and saw her once white fur was now almost covered in ash. Jess gave a disappointed at the colouring before swapping her attention to the wing equipped Equestrian 'There's that word again' to see that it was trying to comfort the bunny before smiling in her direction.
It walked right up to her and wrapped her hooves around Jess, sobbing quietly. "Thank you, thank you so much" were the only words she could decipher, Jess could feel tears on fall onto her back and she smiled while she hugged the air gifted mare back with a smile of her own "You're welcome I guess" which was a pretty pitiful thing to say but the mare didn't seem to mind as she only hugged tighter.
At this point the pair heard cheers and Jess looked up to see ponies, many many ponies, all standing around cheering. The only ones not cheering were the ones who rushed past the pair to put the fire out presumably and the ones who came up to try to start a conversation.
It was at this point her mind decided to kick back and her normal thoughts were no longer clouded by adrenaline. 'Wouldn't the bunny have been safe from the fire in the fridge? Also how did that fire even start, the only electrical appliance was the fridge and that didn't even have a cord? and finally her last thought was 'How come there are multi-coloured horses cheering my name while I hug one that has wings? And why do some of them have wings as well? Are those horns I see?'
After her train of thought decided it no longer needed rails her brain decided to give up and take a nap, so she fainted while still holding onto the winged banana as a very upset looking bunny stomped it's foot repeatedly and then its ears turned into carrots. This made the bunny no longer angry but suddenly very scared and suddenly its train of thought decided it could fly and he fell into a coma.
"Well this looks pretty, she said into the void of colour that surrounded her- hey wait a minute why am I narrating myself in third person out loud now? Doing it in my head in the first place was weird enough but now it just sounds like I'm going crazy or something."
"Yeah you probably are going crazy, other than that though it seems that here everything you think is broadcast which explains why everything you think is being said wait I just said that didn't I? I hate it when I go off in a random repeating tangent"
"Who are you? Jess exclaimed as she looked around the landscape before her eyes came upon a silhouette in the distance. As soon as the figure was spotted it suddenly appeared closer and revealed what it was. A goat. After the realisation hit her she burst out hahahaha!"
"Very well, laugh your ass off, see if I care. As if I'd be willing to have a nice conversation with someone who blatantly insults someone they just met, I mean honestly that is just ru-"
"Hush now Billy, there are much more serious issues here other than blind racism."
"Jess looked besides the disgruntled goat into what she thought was only empty space but turned out to actually be a deer. It spoke in an almost motherly voice to the goat and the deer must have been friends with him if it knew his name was Billy. Wait your name is Billy and you're a goat? Hahahaha!"
"Wow she looks stupid, I was clearly mocking the idiot but she clearly took it wrong. Billy, be a dear and kick her or something would you?"
"She's a bit rude isn't she? I only met her like ten minutes ago and she's already calling me names. My name is Harry not Billy you stupid Deer. Still though, no harm in kicking a giant bird thing."
"I think that Billy is a bit dumb if he can't remember that we can hear his thoughts, how dare the ugly thing call me stupid! I'll have to remind myself later that dammit this is just getting silly now!"
"After laughing her ass off for a few minutes while Harry and the deer had their silly banter, Jess finally decided to calm down and reassess the situation a bit before suddenly there was a flash of light and oh my god what the hell are you?!"
"What? What is but the function following the form of who and who I am is a god with a hat" were only things to come out of the odd things mouth for a few moments before Jess finally realised that 'My thought's aren't being broadcast anymore!' and after which she fully examined the creature.
It seemed like it was a kids failed build-a-bear creation where the dumb thing just grabbed a bunch of random parts but managed to somehow stitch them together perfectly. What it had said before certainly was true, it was wearing a rather large top hat, a rather small top hat, an enormous top hat, a baseball cap, a sombrero, a tennis racket, a fish, three bears doing handstands on each other and it kept changing things in a really annoying manner which could only be described as-
"Chaotic, you guessed it alright. I'm Discord the lord and god of all things fun, so come and gather round everyone!" Discord shouted in an odd sort of rhyme but it seemed as though the others were frozen in time, as Jess watched on they slowly picked their mouths off the floor and realised they had the ability to talk once more.
"What the hell does that mean?! Is this some kind of joke? " said the deer with quite a menacing hoof poke. She had walked right up to the god and tried to stare him down, but his lack of reaction only caused her to frown. So she huffed and moved back to her spot, when suddenly what once was nothing, nothing there was not. When she had been moving back she hadn't expected that she'd fall over a log, which turned out to be Discord who now wore a hat in the shape of a frog.
"Of course it isn't deer. Why would I do jokes like that? I'd prefer a new hat." Said the odd God thing, that seemed bent on making, the author create shitty poems. When at that moment, Jess decided to exclaim, her thoughts at the time.
"Why are my thoughts haiku's? This is just bat-shit insane! And what mean by author?!" Jess said in a blur, her choice of words hadn't really made much sense because she had never written a haiku in her lifetime as she never had the skill for it. Harry and the deer of course just stood there with mouths agape at the strange scene that was unfolding in front of them while the god who'd created the mess just rolled on the floor in laughter
"It's been a while since I've been able to have that much fun messing with some-pony, put 'er there!" Discord stuck a paw out to Jess, when she slowly made contact with it though she was suddenly a few meters off the ground with her head pointed down to the non-existant floor. After a quick scream and a loud thunk she grumbled and stood, anger clearly apparent on her face from the death glare she was giving Discord.
"Alright I've had it! Explanation! Now! And don't you dare do anything annoying akin arranging all apparent announcements to start with the letter.... Damn you!" Jess at this point was thoroughly pissed, if the aura of murder she was giving off wasn't enough of an indication. The deer and Harry were now slowly moving away, casting worried glances between the two.
"Alright fine, have a seat" and with a snap of his talon there were suddenly seats everywhere, absolutely everywhere. The group was suddenly in a room literally made in an arrangement of seats which went rudely ignored by Jess as she yanked one out of a wall and sat down impatiently. The other two decided to just sit on the ground at this point, they had pretty much given up at this point and both decided to just sit this out and let the two insane things talk to each other.
Discord for his part chose to take a seat as well, on the roof. "Yes I understand this might be confusing so here's a quick explanation in the form of a story!" he exclaimed throwing his arms out as all the chairs suddenly disappeared and they were back where they started only this time with a floating table between them all and a large blue book with a blank cover on the table.
"Best of all it's the popup version!" Discord decided to emphasize this by dramatically opening the book with his right paw fast enough that it came off and flew across the room. Sure enough the book was a popup because now it showed a smaller version of Discord sitting on a throne, smiling down at two horses that had wings and a horn.
"Once upon a thousand years ago, busy year, two Alicorn princesses decided to overthrow the God of Chaos due to all the panic he was causing at the time even though he was only having a little fun" he turned the page with his talon this time, which decided to join the paw in the void. The next page showed a statue of Discord in a garden.
"They used the elements of harmony to trap him in a prison of really uncomfortable stone which really sucked because he had an itch at the time so it quickly became unbearable." Discord punctuated this by scratching a phantom itch on his back with his tail before it turned to the next page and floated into the sky. This page showed discord in front of six horses that seemed familiar to Jess.
"A thousand years later he escaped, only to be thwarted once more by six ponies who became the new hosts of the element of harmony. One stubborn earth pony, one annoying earth pony, one egotistical Pegasus, one timid Pegasus, one really annoying unicorn, and one sheltered unicorn." This time he used a wing to turn the page which soon joined with the other and flew away. The new page showed Discord standing next to the yellow Pegasus that Jess remembered from the fire.
"Shortly after his imprisonment he was freed again, on the premise that he not cause chaos and become a force for good. After a few days of living with Fluttershy he befriended her and decided to not use his chaos to make things get too out of hoof." Now he just leaned over and used his tongue to turn the page before exploding into multi-coloured bubbles. The last page showed discord on a couch staring at the ceiling, or he was until he suddenly faced the three who were huddled around the book.
"After a while though he got bored again, so he came up with an idea. An idea that wouldn't be too chaotic to get him in trouble but chaotic enough for him to have some fun" Discord had said with a devilish grin before leaping out of the book, much to the shock of those huddled around it, "He thought to himself one day 'Why don't I get some other bored creatures and bring them here? I could turn them each into some animal that I'm made of and a bit of my power to have fun with' so lo and behold here you are!"
This statement caused the deer, goat and gryphon to just sit there for a few moments while gears turned in their heads before finally the questions rushed into their minds.
"What about my friends and family?! I had a life!" Said the deer.
"You said into some animal that you're made of, how many did you bring here?!" Said the goat.
"Where are we anyway and why do you have that mask of a pink pony on your face?" Said the gryphon who had obviously not caught up with the situation yet because she was a little slow.
Discord of course was loving the attention and decided to answer each question in a rapid-fire that would make Pinkie Pie proud, "Notanymoreyoudon'tbecauseIgrabbedeachofyoujustbeforeyouweresupposedtodiesotechnicallyIsavedyourlives. Ibroughtsevendifferentcharactersherewhoyouwillallpossiblymeetinthefuture. Technicallyyou'reinEqustriabutrealisticallyyou'reinadreamscapeIcreatedthatacertainblueprincesscan'tgetintorightnowthatwillletthoseofyouIbroughtheretocommunicatewhenyousleepatthesametime" after this he threw away the mask and seemed to calm down a little, "the mask doesn't make much sense now but after you wake up I'm sure it will."
Five minutes. That was how long it took the deer and the goat to understand what Discord said. Jess on the other hand apparently understood it right off the bat for some reason and decided to ask another question, "So what kind of creatures are the others? And why would it make sense when I wake up?"
Discord just laughed at this for four minutes and picked up Jess by the scruff of her neck, holding her at eye level "I won't tell you what they are because that would spoil the surprise. To answer your second question" he dragged out before he let Jess go. She panicked as she faced the ground that wasn't there only for it to open up and her along with the goat and deer suddenly found themselves falling face-first towards the ground from thousands of miles in the sky.
Needless to say after about five minutes of them all screaming Jess fainted, screaming as she sat up in a hospital bed surrounded by six shocked ponies, one of which was holding onto her talon. She then saw what looked to be a small dragon on the other side of the room and immediately fainted.
Howdy, thought I'd quickly say a very small amount of this is in Twilight's perspective as if she were writing a report to Celestia. A very lax report but one all the same. It should go back to Jess by the end so just enjoy the lull before the confusion. Also note, DCS stands for During Celestia's Sun while DLM stands for During Luna's Moon.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I would like to inform you of a few curious events happening in Ponyville that you may or may not be aware of. At approximately six DCS, my friend Fluttershy's cottage had mysteriously caught fire.
The cause is unknown and hence 'mysterious' because Fluttershy hasn't many appliances nor was there any indication of where the fire had started according to the investigators. They had said, and I quote; 'Sorry your highness, we tried to follow the scorch marks but there were none, in fact there are no burn marks at all. It's like there was never a fire in the first place'.
Thankfully though Fluttershy was rescued from the strange fire by a Gryphon who must've been passing by at the time when she saw the smoke. For some odd reason she fainted directly after rescuing Fluttershy so my friends and I took her to the hospital in Ponyville until she woke up. Then she fainted again for some reason.
It seems like she's waking up again now though so I might be able to ask her why she fainted, maybe even learn something new about Gryphons!
Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle
Jess had woken up much more slowly than before, carefully opening her eyes to the wonderful new world that was contained outside the immensely dull hospital room she currently resided. As she glanced over the room she noted the five ponies from before, including the yellow one she had saved from the fire who had a worried expression on her face.
As she opened her beak to say something a thought struck her, 'Weren't there six of them?' , and along with this thought she was also struck by a sudden pink wall blocking her view. This wall then sprouted a face with the creepiest smile she ever saw before going taking a deep breath and blaring out what Jess hoped was a sentence.
"HellomynameisPinkiePiewhatsyourname?thankyouforsavingfluttershyfromthefireareyounewhere?BecauseIknoweveryponyinPonyvillebutI'veneverseenyoubeforesoareyouvisitingorareyoumovinginandhowcomeyou'rewhiteandbluewhenGildawaswhiteandbrownorisitbrownandwhite?OhthatsrightyoumightnotknowGildaoryoumightconsideringyou'rebothgryphonsbutjustincaseGildaisabioldmeaniepantswhowasDashie'sfriendinflightschoolDashieisthebluepegasuswiththegaypridemanebutdon'ttellherItoldyouthatnotthatyoucanunderstandmeanywaybecausenooneelsedoessoIcanjustoffendponiesalldayandtheywouldbenonethewiserevenifIsaidittoyourfacelikeRarity'ssenseoffashionisreallyweirdattimesandAplejackhasasecretrelationshipwithherbrotherandyouhavereallyprettywingsdoyomindifItouchthem?Theyjustlooksosmoothand-"
At this point the writer got sick of writing the usual hyped-up-Pinkie thing that she does when she meets somepony new and had the purple unicorn shove a hoof in her face "Calm down Pinkie, she's just waking up after collapsing twice so you should probably give her some space."
"And besides darling" the white unicorn added pointlessly "However is the poor thing to understand you as soon as she wakes up, we can barely understand you regularly" she had said with a flourish of her hoof while the ponies around her nodded in agreement.
Jess, who at this point had finally realised why Discord wore he mask in the previous chapter 'Chapter? What do you mean chapter? You said something about a writer earlier as well' decided to think weird thoughts before taking up the challenge-but-not-really-a-challenge that the white unicorn had issued her unknowingly. "Hello Pinkie Pie, my name is Jess and your welcome for saving Fluttershy." Pinkie's smile immediately lessened, "I guess you could say I'm new in that I'm going to be stuck here for a while. I'm assuming I'm like this because not all gryphons have the same colouration." Now Pinkie's eyes were growing wider, "No I don't know Gilda but I'll be sure to look out for her in the future." Her hair grew a bit straighter, "Um, assuming that Dashie is your friend isn't that a lit-"
This time Jess was cut off with a hoof to the beak as Pinkie was now right in her face. Literally, her face couldn't have been closer if they were the same face, "I don't know how you understood that but for Celestia's sake don't tell anypony else what I said ok?" The goofy pony from before was gone now and in her place was a mad-mare with a deranged look in her eyes. Jess only gave a simple nod as a sudden fear took hold of her, "Pinkie promise, right now! Cross your heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in your eye!"
Pinkie had shouted all this in the loudest whisper Jess had ever heard while the other ponies in the room just stood there trying to figure out the situation, "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" she said slowly, the words barely registering while she looked into the menacing blue eyes of the pony before her.
Just as quickly as before Pinkie moved, this time in the opposite direction. She was bouncing up and down with a smile on her face while Jess just lay there slack-jawed. Her attention soon changed to the purple unicorn who had cleared her throat rather loudly, "Well, now that whatever that was is finished. Onto introductions. My name is Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity and that's Fluttershy who you helped to get out of the fire" she said, gesturing to each of the ponies in the room, "oh and the dragon earlier was Spike, he had to go home though to make sure the library was being watched."
Jess looked down at the yellow pegasus who was huddled behind her blue counterpart slightly "Um, hello to each of you I guess. As I said before my name is Jess so nice to meet you. I hope you don't mind me asking this but, do you know someplace I could sleep the night?"
Twilight seemed to think for a moment at this, "Well I don't know of anyplace in Ponyville that takes in Gryphons, I wouldn't mind if you wanted to stay in the library though because it has plenty of room",
This seemed a sound decision in Jess' opinion, up until the obvious problem presented itself "Twilight, gryphons are carnivores aren't they? Even if you let me stay I wouldn't have anything to eat."
"Well then I have no idea sorry" "Um, Twilight" "As far as I know there aren't any places in Ponyville that serve meat" "Twilight I wouldn't mind" "That's mainly because there aren't any carnivorous or omnivorous creatures here sorry" Fluttershy finally decided at this point to breath in deep and speak a little louder "Twilight!" which quickly snapped Twilight out of her rant.
"I have a few carnivorous animals that I take care of, so um, it wouldn't be a problem if she were to stay with me. It could be my thankyou present for helping me" she'd said with a slight blush on her cheeks which only caused Jess to D'aww inwardly at the sight.
"Wasn't your home damaged though? I mean it was on fire when I got there." This seemed like a pretty big point to Jess but it only made the other ponies look confused, and Rainbow Dash just leered at her slightly for some reason until Twilight finally caught on.
"That's right, you fell asleep right after the fire so you wouldn't know. For some reason the fire didn't actually damage anything even though we could al smell the smoke and feel the heat even from we were. The heat it gave off was more of a feeling being projected outwards from what was likely only an image of a flame thanks to a high amount of friction in the atmosphere rom what must've been magic radiating from the flame. In other words you should be able to sleep over at Fluttershy's for the night" was Twilights long-winded explanation.
"Of course" Jess said with a snap of her talon even though she had no idea what Twilight had said before turning back to the yellow pegasus "Well Fluttershy I guess I'll be in your care for the night."
And with that each of the ponies left one by one to get to their homes and get ready for bed. Jess had started experimenting with her eyes on the walk to Fluttershy's. She found out that she could see slightly in the dark as well which she had to admit was pretty cool. She couldn't seem to figure out why they didn't fly to Fluttershy's, she couldn't fly yet but the mare didn't know that so why wasn't she?
When the cottage was visible to pony eye however the action of the day had caught up to her and she almost fell asleep on the pathway even though she has already slept three times on her first day. As soon as Fluttershy opened the door Jess headed to the couch and collapsed on it, later to be covered up by Fluttershy who only smiled at the sight before going to bed.
Nurse Redheart had sometimes had a hard time working the night shifts in the Ponyville hospital. It almost seemed like everypony wanted to hurt themselves during the night time. So far it was calm though, barely one or two ponies had come in and they were only for minor injuries like a sprained hoof or burnt out horn.
Just as she thought she might have an easy night however she was told to go fix up the room the Gryphon had been staying in. Grumbling to herself she reluctantly made her way there and needless to say she was shocked. For some reason her mind couldn't fathom the bed was on the ceiling and acting like a cat. She had no idea how it got on the ceiling or how it was acting like a cat but the one thing she did have an idea about was that she should either scream or remain calm and go inform somepony of what was happening. So she screamed and sure enough ponies were informed of what was happening right until the room just flashed and went back to normal.
The ponies that saw that event decided to never speak of it again unless something else happened that could explain what the buck they just saw.
Jess had to admit that breakfast this morning was delicious, considering she hadn't eaten at all yesterday. She also had to admit that she hated Equestrian showers as the were built for pony's and as luck would have it she wasn't one. Didn't stop her from questioning how the heck an earth pony would take a shower without wings or magic.
She had noticed she really wasn't as used to the body as she should've been. Her movements were slow and clumsy and she had no idea how she was supposed to clean feathers. In the end she just settled for rubbing a talon through them while she brooded on her own thoughts, in just one day her whole life had changed and that fact didn't really catch up to her until now so Jess did as her doctor of some sort, she couldn't remember for some reason, always told her to do and retrace her memories.
'Alright lets see, first I woke up in a field and was apparently a gryphon, then I was attacked by a crazy lady so not much there. Then she gave me a wet letter which caught fire and burned a message into the ground, what did it say again? Something about me being bored so Discord turned me into a bird and stuck me in Equestria, yeah that sounds about right. Wait am I missing something? Think Jess, snap your talons and... dammit I can't remember.'
She was, at this point, soaked from head to tail. Fluttershy had started getting worried with the time it was taking Jess so se calmly walked up to the door and gently knocked it, "Hello um, Jess, you've been in there for quite a while now, are you alright? Would you like some help with something, if you don't mind that is."
After being broken from her thoughts Jess had to strain her ears in order to make sense of the faint mumble that was Fluttershy. 'I guess I do need help, I could probably get her to help with my wings' , "Yeah sure Fluttershy, I could really use some help with my wings thanks!" she had shouted in reply if you couldn't guess.
Jess had decided that out of the five or six ponies she'd met, Fluttershy was definitely up there on the cute meter, especially with how she came in meekly, her head peeking around the door with a face as red as the fire that should have destroyed her house. Jess slowly unfolded a wing and watched as Fluttershy carefully put her hooves to Jess' wing, all the while blushing much brighter.
Jess lay on Fluttershy's couch, gasping for air, when a sweet smell got her to her feet and a call of "Lunch is ready" got her to the kitchen. On the table was the juiciest steak Jess had ever seen and Fluttershy was on the other end of the table happily eating a salad. She kept a wary eye on Fluttershy as she calmly took her seat in the most awkward way possible, because chairs aren't made with Gryphons in mind, before happily digging into her meal with a speed that would shock Rainbow Dash due to how slow she was eating.
She used her talon to cut out a bit and take a bite, "Fluttershy, next time tell me about that ort of thing". Jess had said it so quietly that to hear it would require complete and utter silence that was happily provided by the remote cottage.
Fluttershy's face just tuned into a miniature sun while she started fiddling with her lettuce, "Sorry, I thought you would know that would happen being a gryphon and all. I really am truly sorry".
Jess quickly ate the rest of the steak 'Funny, I can't remember the last time I had steak' , and with that thought out of the way she stood back up and moved to put her plate in the kitchen sink only to be intercepted by Fluttershy who took it and went to throw it at Jess in a fit of pure hatred... Not really, she just took it with a smile and went to cleaning it up. "That's alright Fluttershy, I guess I just forgot is all. Thankyou for letting me stay over the night, do you mind if I go for a walk?"
Fluttershy just looked at her puzzled while she washed the dishes, "You can go or leave anytime you like Jess and you're always welcome to sleep another night if you don't mind." Then she blushed again and hid it behind her mane, what a weirdo.
Jess smiled to Fluttershy before moving to the front door and shouting back, "Alright then, I'll hold you to that!", before opening the door and stepping out into the wilderness that was the long path to Ponyville. Just as she was out of sight from Fluttershy's home though her face was quickly acquainted with the wilderness that was the long path to Ponyville.
When she turned her head around to look at the mediator between her and the path she certainly wasn't expecting an evil looking bat pony. She was especially not expecting an evil looking bat pony with an 'I Love Luna!' t-shirt on. However she had definitely not been expecting it to have a chicken in it's mouth.
Calmly she stood up, reached behind her, grabbed the bat, placed it in front of herself and then punch it in the face, hard. It responded by rolling around on the ground in pain for a bit before glaring up at her "Ey, wa th eyl o you ink you a doi?". It just stood there for a while and now she thought she could safely assume it was a he, especially after it spat out the chicken.
"I said, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" He was fuming at this point while pointing a hoof to her. Jess just thought it was kind of funny and started to laugh a bit at the display.
"Right now looking at an evil looking fan boy." That just about did it for her as she was now holding onto her chest while she laughed at the confused bat pony.
"I'll have you know I am not a fan boy, just an admirer. And Princess Luna does not take kindly to her subjects being scrutinised!" Jess thought she saw a little steam come from his ears. Right now though it only added to how silly he looked, that was until he stood on his rear hooves with a cocky grin on his face, "We'll see who's left laughing after this!" and he brought his hooves together, hard.
Hard enough that Jess only laughed harder as a bright flash enveloped him and suddenly he was inside a jar of out of date milk. After a good bought of laughing at the unfortunate bat pony who was struggling to get out of the jar she carefully tipped it over so it smashed onto the pavement and freed the very shocked bat.
For some reason the milk disappeared and turned into caramel syrup while the glass turned into a snake made of wood that slithered off into the forest. Jess only stood there confused while the bat stood and looked pissed off. "Goddammit! Of course you would be one of the others! Just my luck!"
Jess just looked at him confused, "What?"
The bat sighed and rolled his eyes, visibly calmer, "Yes well my name is Dane, well it used to be anyway. Now though my name is Eventide Shade and like you I was brought here by Discord."
Jess just laughed at him again, "Eventide Shade? What are you, seven?"
Shade just rolled his eyes again before stomping his hoof, "Shut up and listen bird-brain, since you apparently weren't told yet I'll give you a bit of information. We aren't able to use our powers to directly cause misfortune to another who was brought here."
"Powers? What do you mean by that? Also we need a name or else this will just get annoying and confusing." Jess was apparently very good at asking questions, since around 80% of her conversations this far were questions.
Shad groaned while shaking his head, "Did you even read the message? It told you about how powerful you were as well as how to use it. For example mine said 'Clap your hooves together'."
Jess finally put the pieces together and something clicked in her mind. Slowly but carefully she raised a talon in front of her face and snapped it. For the longest time nothing happened, until she sighed and looked away from her talon to a very confused looking Shade.
"Where the hell did you go? Don't just leave while we're talking that's rude you know!?" he was jumping around and looking everywhere while Jess just smiled wider and clicked her talons again. Suddenly a very surprised looking Pinkie was falling from the sky a few hundred metres up. She was surprised up until she saw Shade and gasped before taking out some flight goggles and a helmet from nowhere and adapting a superman pose, aimed straight at Shade.
Twilight was busy writing her latest report on the fire to Celestia when Rainbow crashed through the window. With a sigh she used magic to fix it, because she can, while walking over to her friend, "The library has a door you know Dash."
Rainbow for her part looked unfazed as she lazily got up and dusted herself off with a wing, "Sorry Twi, just had to tell you something important." Twilight just looked at her expectantly for a few a while before Dash realized she wasn't doing as she said, "Oh yeah! That Gryphon lady, I don't trust her one bit and don't you dare say this is just because of Gilda. For all we know she could be a spy!"
Twilight for her part sighed and started walking back to the newly fixed window, opening it with a hoof to let some fresh air in. "Dash you do this every time somepony new shows up that isn't impressed by you. She hasn't actually seen you do anything yet don't forget, and besides there isn't much spy stuff she could do in a day."
Dash decided at this point to point out everything that could happen, "...she could blow up a building, steal from the mayors office, poison Applejacks farm, eat Fluttershy's animals..." and she kept going for a solid twelve minutes. Twilight would've been impressed if she wasn't so annoyed.
She groaned and turned back around to face her friend before tempting fate, "Dash just give her a chance, I doubt anything bad will happen today anyway Dash. You're just being paranoid" she said as a large pink explosion went off behind her, which, while making her look awesome, also caused her face to drop into one of slight horror as she turned back to the window.
Dash on the other hoof had sparkles in her eyes. "That was AWESOME!"
Cutie Mark Acquisition Program!
"Come on Sweetie Belle! You're taking way too long!" Scootaloo and Applebloom were waiting outside the Carousel Boutique for one reason and the only reason they would be caught there, Sweetie Belle. The filly in question was finally making her way out of the boutique towing a large bag behind her before they all pitched in to lug it into the wagon and headed to Apple Blooms house.
"Sorry you two, Rarity decided that a sleepover at the clubhouse needed a years worth of supplies." No matter how much Sweetie had pleaded with her sister, she was forced to bring two hairdryers and a three spare sleeping bags.
"I can't believe you brought anything at all, Applebloom said that she packed everything we needed this morning," Scootaloo decided to go commando, get your head out of the gutter, "and with all your stuff in the wagon now there's no room for you or Applebloom."
"Calm down Scoots, ah don't mind walkin' home. Besides this'll give us a chance to plan out what we'll do once we're there" Applebloom said, in case you couldn't tell.
All three of them put on their thinking faces as they walked before Scoots decided to say the dumbest thing ever, "Well, the clubhouse is right next to the Everfree Forest and Fluttershy told that Cockatrice not to mess with us anymore..."
So they all chose to say the possibly most regrettable thing ever, "CUTIEMARK CRUSADER EVERFREE-FOREST EXPLORERS!"
Well maybe not the most regrettable thing.
Sudden second-person swap (or SSS)
Three days. Three bloomin' days I've been in this mouldy ol' cave. I swear that once I'm done with this practice I'm gonna explore the bloody hell out of this place. I'm going to explore it and I'm going to make lots o friends and I'm going to have much more fun then I'm having in this stupid cave!
Alright Linda, calm down. Just summon up a mirror and, yep there it is. I still look exactly the same. Argh! I've had it with this! Why is it so easy to change other things but not myself? No way am I gonna make any friends lookin' like this!
Ok, I'm just gonna calm down a tad and get to sleep. One of the others might know how to change appearance so I'll ask them if I get lucky, unless it's that damned deer. Geez she was rude, I understand if she's a might bit angry but there's no need to take it out on others.
I guess I'll just snap up the floor to be a mattress again, worked well enough last time. Still a right problem that I can't use a waterbed anymore, damn spines. Ahh that's comfortable, I wish I had a bed this big at my old place, then Jim wouldn't have kept kicking me out of it all the time.
Almost forgot about him didn't I? Well don't worry about me Jim, I'll be fine you know me. I can take care of me self.
Thudden third-perthon thwap (or STS)
The cutie mark crusader forest explorers had their war faces on as they stared down the lush wildlife in front of them. Scootaloo had taken up the leadership mantle for this particular expedition and was in front of the other two, facing towards them.
"Alright girls, unlike last time we aren't going to get snuck up on are we?"
"Ma'am no ma'am!" both Applebloom and Sweetie Belle said in the cutest little cheer ever.
"And we are going to earn our explorer cutie marks aren't we?"
"Ma'am yes ma'am!" Really makes you wonder where they learnt army drills.
"And if anything tries to eat us what will we do?"
"Scream and run for our lives!"
Scootaloo gave a small nod and turned to face the forest, "Cutie mark crusader forest explorers charge!"
A kitten waterfall couldn't compare to the cuteness of three fillies rushing towards their doom while giving an adorable little cheer.
Five minutes into the charge they got too tired to continue much further and decided to rest for a bit.
"Are you sure that we'll (gasp) even find anything Scootaloo?"
"I'm (gasp) absolutely (gasp) positive, we just need to (gasp) look harder."
"Well how 'bout that cave over there." Like a true earth pony, Applebloom's stamina was full enough that he had time to look around where they were.
"Alright then (gasp) we'll check out that cave and if we don't find anything we can search again tomorrow."
So the three of them went into the cave with Sweetie Belle casting a very poor light spell so they could see a bit ahead of them, that was until Sweetie ran into something.
"Oof!"
"You alright there Sweetie Belle?" Apple bloom was comforting her friend while Scootaloo investigated what looked like-
"A door?" She ran her hoof along the wood before it found the doorknob and twisted it, kicking the door inward with as little subtlety as possible.
"Is that a mattress?" Her two other friends had joined her now and Sweetie used her light spell to confirm that they were either dreaming or there was a floor made out of a mattress in a cave.
Scootaloo smiled and started jumping on it, soon enough the other two joined in as well, laughing their heads off. It took a while but they eventually calmed down when Applebloom fell over and hit an odd wall.
"Calm down girls, let me get my footin' again." All the jumping was disrupting her balance for a while until they finally stopped and she got up, looking towards her friends to see them staring behind her with wide eyes. She just sighed and rolled her own, "There's a giant monster behind me ain't there?" they shook their heads vigorously, "Not a monster but still giant?" she got a nod from that one, "So it's giant but not a monster, is Big Mac behind me?" shook their heads again, "Then that just leaves..."
She final decided to turn around and see what her friends saw, only to see a large eye looking back. And as if in perfect synchronicity they all shouted "DRAGON!"
Celestia had been eating her lunch, a chocolate and strawberry swirl shortcake, when she heard a screech from upstairs before the sound of glass breaking permeated throughout the castle. Shortly after a rather disgruntled Luna stormed into the dining room while Celestia calmly finished off her cake. "Is something the matter Luna? I'm not used to seeing you up so... late."
"Is something the- Of course something is the matter sister!" Luna barely used the royal Canterlot voice and yet the guards around the room still held their ears for none of them could handle it when at full power. "We- I was simply sleeping in my chambers when some batpony I've never met storms in and shouts our- my name!"
Celestia sighed calmly and stood up, walking over to comfort her sister. "Do not worry Luna, I am sure he was nothing but a fan of your night that wished to express his gratitude." It still made Celestia happy every now and then when Luna had found more and more ponies who enjoyed her night where none would a thousand years ago.
"That is not all dear sister, he was also wearing a shirt with mine image upon it that proclaimed his affections! I hath never seen such a shameless batpony, and I make sure to keep track of all those whom walk in the night." Celestia just cocked an eyebrow while Luna blushed up a storm.
"So you know all of the batponys in Equestria?" Luna nodded hurriedly, "Yet you've never met this one before?" this time she shook it. "Then perhaps he is from outside of Equestria and is merely visiting, did you make sure to greet him kindly?"
Luna moved away from her sister and kicked her hooves idly while Celestia sighed, "What did you do sister?" She heard Luna mumble a bit before putting a more stern tone in her voice, "Luna, what did you do?"
"We may or may not have... bucked him out of the window." Luna giggled awkwardly while a few guards couldn't help a giggle themselves, until Celestia glared at them slightly.
"Luna, is your room not in the tallest tower?" Luna got a bit shocked at this and nodded once more. "And which window did you buck him out of?" At the word South Celestia groaned and moved towards her room in he castle.
"Where art thou going sister?" Luna called out worriedly.
"I will be writing a letter to Twilight, telling her to search for the poor pony around Ponyville so that we might make amends." Quickly she went to her stack of paper and grabbed a quill in her magic as she wrote out her letter.
"But sister, how doth thou know of his location?"
"Luna, from where you bucked him from as well as the amount of power you put into your hind legs I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up in Zebrica."
The Hills Are Aliiiivvvveee!
'Why does it sound so quiet?' were her first thoughts as she woke up before groaning and rolling over, jumping slightly as the grass tickled her underbelly 'wait, grass? Also why are my indirect thoughts in third person?' She didn't get an answer to her second question though as she was too startled by the answer to her first.
Upon opening her eyes Jess immediately noticed she was in a nice grassy field on a hill with a gentle slope. The entire hill seemed to move as a casual breeze caused the grass to sway back and forth like in a dance. "Well then, I'm obviously dreaming because these sorts of places only exist in the country or in terrible movies like The Sound of Music" were her first spoken words as she woke up in the magical land of Equestria, "What?", as she woke up in the seemingly deserted place that was completely unknown to her, "No you are going to stop right there, thoughts, and tell me how you know something I don't even though you're my thoughts."
She was quickly drawn away from her obviously deluded "Hey!" speech patterns by the sound of someone singing "Fine then, ignore me, this is just a stupid dream anyhow" something along the lines of the hills are alive. When she tried to get up to investigate the odd singing she suddenly lost her balance and fell face first into the ground.
Rolling onto her back, Jess raised what she thought were hands in front of her face to discover they were not claws but talons. Needless to say she was struck silent in sheer shock "Holy shit!" of seeing the odd appendages in front of her and quickly scrambled to her feet, only to notice they looked like lion paws and was struck completely silent at the sight "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!".
After a few seconds she finally calmed down enough "AAAHHHHHHH!", after a few more seconds she finally calmed down enough "aaaaaaahhhhhh", after a few minutes of needlessly making noise she finally calmed down enough "ah", she calmed down enough to realise the singing had come from a lady who was wearing a blue dress with an apron and was currently sprinting towards her with a menacing expression on her face that made it look like the devil herself was hunting down poor, uncooperative, little Jess.
"AHHH!" she cried as she fell onto her back and tried to scamper away from the mad woman who was obviously bent on Jess' poor utter annihilation. It did not help her though and she quickly scrunched up her eyes in a vain attempt to not see the pain she was to endure. After a few SECONDS she realized she was not in absolute agony for some odd reason and slowly opened an eye, wondering if the woman had had a heart attack or something.
What she saw instead though was the woman holding a letter out towards Jess and with the most pleasant smile she had ever seen. Cautiously she opened her other eye and greeted the smiling woman with a wary smile of her own. Slowly, Jess reached out her talon and took the letter and not a moment later the lady was walking away, twirling and dancing slightly while humming a tune to a song only she could hear.
When Jess had enough time to get over her shock she decided to turn her attention the letter she held below her, promptly realising she now had a beak for some reason, she shrugged it off though 'Dream weirdness' and quickly returned her eyes to the letter. The envelope was a perfect white and had a wax seal with the letter 'D' on it, until she blinked and suddenly the envelope was entirely coloured to look like the sea with a small boat on it and the wax seal had been replaced with a smiley face sticker with its tongue poking out.
She shook her head a bit before hooking a talon under the seal and lifting it off. Taking an oddly soaked letter out of the envelope she sighed before chucking both the letter and envelope away in a fit of agitation before falling onto her back. Then she noticed the smell of smoke and looked to her side to the letter was now on fire. She quickly started beating at it with a wing before she stared slack-jawed at the fact she had a wing.
Some time later she stopped being stunned by the fact she had a wing and..... kept looking at the wing. Deciding to move on though she returned her attention to the letter, she turned her attention to the other wing she realised she had and lay there slack-jawed. She then finally returned her attention to the "Oh my god I have wings!" letter that was previously on FIRE "oh right" only to notice that it was gone and in it's place was a message burnt into the grass.
Dear [Jessica Denelle],
It has been brought to my attention that you [Jessica Denelle] have not been satisfied with your life and thus decided to take action.
I have chosen to bring you to a magical land known as Equestria!
She didn't seem to notice that the burnt message now seemed to be talking to her.
You have been turned into a [Gryphon] so that your [Human] body does not overload from all the ambient magic in the atmosphere.
You are also going to own a very slight amount of my power now which includes but is not limited to:
Pretty much anything.
All you need to do is [Snap your talons] and whatever you imagine will happen, however this power is limited and as such you have around [???] Patans of magic at your disposal.
My only request is that you explore and have fun!
Sincerely signed, Discord the God of Chaos
At which point Jess fainted again.