School of Hard Knocks

by The Princess Rarity

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cheerilee, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1933

Being a teacher isn't all fun and games...

When the final exams get submitted from the foals at Ponyville Schoolhouse, Cheerilee has a good feeling that her students payed attention all year long. She's almost looking forward to grading the papers, because she's sure most of the kids aced the test!

...boy, was she wrong.

Published 2014-03-28 15:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-28 15:50:03 UTC

I'm surrounded by idiots!

School of Hard Knocks

by The Princess Rarity

Finals.

No matter what grade anypony is in, it is always a stressful thing to undergo. Being tested on everything in the school year, all at once, can be a bit of a daunting prospect. Nonetheless, it is mandatory for all students to take it, in order to prove what they have learned over the months.

But Cheerilee had good confidence that her students knew the material well.

After all, she was always there to help them and answer questions, and they said that they had studied, so that seemed good enough.

She gave hopeful smiles to each and every one of the little ponies who handed in their test. She watched as they all piled out of the one room schoolhouse into the playground, happy that it was time for lunch break and that the exam was finally over with.

Taking her grading pens out of the cup on her desk, Cheerilee neatly stacked the tests on one side of her desk and took the first one she saw, ready to grade it.

...however, her expression fell when she saw the answers.

What are the Elements of Harmony?

Sugar, spice and everything nice.

Who are the ponies that control the Elements of Harmony?

Nigel, Hoagie, Kuki, Wally and Abby.

"That's not even six," Cheerilee muttered.

What is the capital of Equestria?

Canterlot.

"Well... at least that's correct," she sighed, doodling a star next to the answer.

Which Princess rules the Crystal Empire?

What's the Crystal Empire?

"I just taught them that!" she groaned. "How could they not remember?" She took out her red pen and scribbled a little See me after class note underneath the answer.

Of the following, which Princess controls the Sun?

[ ] A. Celestia
[ ] B. Luna
[ ] C. Twilight Sparkle
[ ] D. Mi Amore Cadenza
[x] E. All of the Above

Who were the first Rulers of Equestria (also the parents of Princesses Celestia and Luna)?

[ ] A. King Solaris and Queen Galactica
[ ] B. Mother Nature and Father Time
[x] C. The Elements of Harmony

"This is simple history!" Cheerilee said exasperatedly. "How do you not know that?"

What is the name of the town you live in?

Ponyfill.

"Close enough," she mumbled, drawing a small smiley face next to the answer.

What is the largest city in Equestria?

[ ] A. Baltimare
[ ] B. Fillydelphia
[x] C. Las Pegasus
[ ] D. Manehatten

"Celestia I wish," Cheerilee smirked.

What is Equestria's national anthem?

...we have an anthem?

Who created Equestria?

The monarchy.

"Not sure if stupidity or smart aleck," she mused.

What is the story of how Celestia and Luna rose to power?
(Please explain in two sentences minimum.)

They made a movie and a musical about it. They're called "The Sun Princess" and "Eclipse" - you should see them sometime.

"I wasn't asking for Disneigh and Bridleway references," Cheerilee said to herself, as she rolled her eyes and gave the open ended question a 0.5 out of 2. "But at least it's sort of right."

She looked over and let out a groan as she noticed how many papers she had to grade.

...this was going to be a long afternoon.

After downing a few aspirin to cure the headaches caused by checking papers, Cheerilee felt slightly relieved as she kept going through the tests and finding that the grades were slowly going up. She still came across one or two purely idiotic answers, but for the most part, it seemed like a somewhat smooth ride from here on out.

She marked a B- in the corner of her latest paper and set it off to the side.

Only three more to go...

She released a deep breath and took the next sheet, puzzled at the fact that none of the questions were answered. Instead, a small arrow was scribbled on the side as a sign to flip the paper over. And what she saw on the back made her frown.

i dont know any of the answers so here's a picture of a cat

With that, Cheerilee turned the paper right-side up, grabbed her red pen and wrote a big fat F in the corner, followed by a Study the material! comment.

Placing the failed test on top of the other exams, she moved onto the next one.

The first few questions were correct, however, Cheerilee soon found herself puzzled as she ran across one of the first open-endeds.

Which Princess rules the Crystal Empire?

To be completely honest, I don't think the Crystal Empire ever really existed. I think it's just all one big lie the nation has been told. Celestia is a tyrant, and that explains so many other messed up things we have going on with this country. I think they just built the Crystal Empire recently to cover up the rumors of possibly throwing Celestia off her throne. The Empire is probably nothing but a theme park and tourist attraction, that would explain why it's so sparkly.

Anyway, I think Princess Cadence runs that place?

Cheerilee hesitated and marked the question correct, but circled the top paragraph with a comment stating: I do not support conspiracy theories in my class.

She moved on, glad to see that all of the multiple choice questions were right, but when she came across the last part of the test, she found herself puzzled once more.

What is the story of how Celestia and Luna rose to power?
(Please explain in two sentences minimum.)

I don't think Celestia and Luna are even ruling this nation anymore - what with the fact that all they do anymore is sit around on their royal thrones and talk with delegates but don't do anything. They should start enforcing more laws and look further into the safety of Equestria. Also, the whole Daylight Savings thing they introduced? I personally think it's because the Princesses are getting old, fat and lazy. If they don't want to do their jobs anymore, they should pass it on to somepony else, not let the nation fall.

Long story short: King Solaris got assassinated, Celestia took his place. Queen Galactica was murdered by the Changelings, Luna replaced her. The two sisters joined force and ruled with harmony until Luna got jealous over the Moon / Sun issue and then she was banished, but she's back now, so Equestria is ok (for now!).

Taken aback by the response, Cheerilee gave the answer a 1.5 out of 2, making another comment, saying: Please keep your political views to yourself.

She let out a sigh, and shook her head, moving onto the last test.

"Finally," she muttered.

What are the Elements of Harmony?

Money, music, pizza, Honesty, apples and rainbows.

Who are the ponies that control the Elements of Harmony?

Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey, Ross and Phoebe.

"Not again," Cheerilee mumbled, with a light groan of annoyance. "Well, at least they bothered to list six things." She marked the first question partially correct and moved on.

What is the capital of Equestria?

Saddle Arabia.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Cheerilee rubbed her forehead and shook her head.

Which Princess rules the Crystal Empire?

My mom!

Raising an eyebrow, she drew a little question mark next to the answer. As she kept reading, she noticed that most of the multiple choice questions were correct, which was a relief to see, but as she came across another open-ended, it surprised her.

What is Equestria's national anthem?

All Hail Princess Sunbutt.

She let out a deep breath, and rolled her eyes as she marked it wrong and wrote a comment stating: We do not use such vulgar terms towards our Rulers!.

Skimming through the last few questions, Cheerilee was surprised to see that the rest were all correct, and she placed a grade on it, putting the paper with the rest of the others.

She was just about to sit back and take a minute to relax...

...when the bell rang, and all of the students filed in.

The lunch hour was done, the school day wasn't over just yet.

Cheerilee inwardly groaned.

And to think, just when she thought her job was done - it wasn't.

Author's Note

I apologize to all of my teachers for being one of those kids who half-ass the paper the night before it's due. But at least something productive came out of it! Too bad they don't offer a class in school for magical technicolor horses - I'd probably pass with flying colors.

Also, whoever can catch every reference I put gets a shoutout and a cookie.

p.s. - Yeah... I know this fic is stupid. Sometimes I get bored and I think I'm funny.

It's a conspiracy, man! They're feeding us a bunch of lies, man.

-- DELETED SCENE --

"What in the hay is a conspiracy theory?" Apple Bloom questioned as she compared her test to her friends. Between the three of them, it seemed as if she had scored the highest, with a perfect A.

Sweetie Belle shrugged and looked over her test. "I don't know," she piped up as she looked over her answers. "But I don't get why Miss Cheerilee is against me voicing my opinion. I mean, at least I got the answer right!" She noticed Scootaloo's test, and raised an eyebrow. "Hey, how come your test is blank?"

"I, uh..." Scootaloo let out a sigh. "I forgot to study. So I didn't answer any of the questions."

"Why didn't you just guess?" Apple Bloom asked.

Scootaloo shrugged. "I dunno," she admitted. She then flipped her paper over and showed the back of it to her friends. "Do you think Miss Cheerilee liked my drawing?"

"Nah, probably not," Sweetie Belle said. "It looks too much like a dog with whiskers."

"Well, there goes my Cutie Mark in art," Scootaloo sighed.

Ring, ring, ring goes the telephone!

-- EXTENDED ENDING --

"Have a wonderful summer, my little ponies!" Cheerilee called after her students as she waved them out of the school for the day. "I'll see you all in a couple of months!"

The kids shouted back their farewells as they made their ways far away from the schoolhouse, now finally free from the binds of work and out in the open and possible happiness of summertime up ahead. Fun was the only thing on their minds.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Cheerilee made her way back into the schoolhouse and sat at her desk, opening a drawer and picking up the receiver of the rotary phone inside.

She dialed a number she hadn't called in a long time...

...and she wasn't surprised on how she was greeted.

"Oi, sis! How're ya doin'? You still teaching them 'lil brats their ABC's?" a voice hollered.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes. "Hello, Berry," she replied. "And to answer your question, no. It's summer now, so thankfully, I have a break."

A hiccup was heard, and then came the response.

"Oh, yeah," Berry slurred. "I forgot. So, uh, whatdya need? It's not money, is it?"

"No," Cheerilee said. "I was wondering if I could join you for drinks tonight."

"Woohoo! Hay yeah you can! Girls' night!" Berry shrieked, only before she cleared her throat. "Ah, ponyfeathers. The cops gotta take away my cell. I'll see you at the bar later, 'kay?"

"Wait, did you say the co-"

"See ya later, sis! Drinks all around! Yeaaaaah!"

And thus, a click was heard, ending the call.