There was something speaking. He cleared his head and strained to listen. He heard something about a "big door" and "bodies" his friends? probably. At that moment, something (metaphorically) struck him. With voices came sentient beings, and with that came company! He immediately tried to stand up, but what he saw was a surprise to him and the small... colourful... horses? ponies? Saying he was confuse would be understatement of the millennia. But there was one thing he new from the bottom of his heart.
They were adorable.
John stepped out to introduce himself, but as soon as he walked out, he felt something on the back of his head. It hurt. A LOT. it didn't seem to do much damage, but his health was at... what, a thousand? to much extra damage could kill him. he heard a yell, but what could... oh, wait, battle wounds. he blacked out.
When John awoke, he was at full health again. heh, sleep... he looked around and found himself looking straight into the teal eyes of a light yellow pony. when he tried to sit up, it went without a hitch. around the couch there were five more pairs of eyes.
the first, purple matching the body. it appeared to be a... unicorn? sure, let's go with that.
the next was blue eyes on a pink body, and this one seemed ecstatic.
after that, magenta eyes on a blue body with a rainbow... mane? horses have manes, right?
then blue eyes on a white body, with a mane that screams FAAABULOUS
and finally, blue eyes on an orange body, with a... cowboy hat? cowgirl?
teal eyes had gotten much, MUCH closer. "umm... h-hi?" John said, as all the ponies gasped. "did... did i do something wrong?" John asked, feeling slightly nervous.
teal eyes looked happy. she spoke very quietly, but John made out a "who are you?"
"oh, me? I'm John, the pranking master." John said, earning a happy smile from pinkie mc. partybutt.
seriously, what with the tramp stamps?
"oh, my name is flutershy" said the newly dubbed Fluttershy, earning a grin from John.
"so, who are your friends?" john asked, as purple mc. sparkle butt stared in disbelief as what was unfolding... unfolded.
John noticed and a mischievous grin grew on his face. "misses sparkle? may i ask your name?" purple looked at him, very nervous. "that is my name." she said, extremely nervous. "what is?" John asked, faking ignorance. purple Looked at him in disbelief "Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle, can i ask you some questions?" twilight looked at him, he could feel her hunger for knowledge. "once introductions are done." John said, earning a sad sigh from twilight. "Alright, who's next?" John asked, watching the ponies scramble to decide which would be next, the pink one winning in the end. "Hi! Who are you pinkster?" John asked, her smile widened "I'm pinkie! Hey, do you like parties? *Gasp* ihavetothrowyouapartywaitwhatkindofpartydoyouwant?isiranalienpartyordoyouwattogotoaclubormaybewecouldjustgopranking!yousaidyouweregoodatprankingright?wellmeanddashieareto!thisonetimwe... she went on talking for a few minutes before John could answer her first question. "I do like parties, but... no cake. please." Pinkie looked at him for a second before what he said processed, then walked away confused. "and there's some of you I haven't spoken to yet. please, will the following ponies come up in whatever order suits you best. Apples, Rainbow, and great mane." rarity beamed at her new nickname, and after a short conversation, she came up next.
"My name is rarity, darling, and i must ask, where did you get those amazing clothes?" Rarity asked staring at his god tier hoody.
John stared at her for a moment before asking, "do you want the truth? can you handle the truth?" rarity was awe struck. the normally happy John was now coldly staring at her. "well, i'll tell you. I got it the first time i died." the room went silent. only one pony spoke up, and that was flutter shy. "how did you die?" she asked, afraid of the answer. "murder" John replied, the silence deafening. John smiled widely "so, who next?"he asked, shattering the tension in the room.
"I am" the rainbow one said, shifting nervously in front of the apparent ghost.
"okay rainbows, what's your name?" john asked while still getting sympathetic looks.
"I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in equestria! and you say you're the pranking master, are you really the best of your species?" rainbow asked looking at him like an alien.
"I'm the only of my species." John said, smile never wavering.
"oh..." rainbow said, looking for any way out of the awkward situation.
"Anyway, one left!" John said, ignoring the atmosphere of the room.
"that'd be me" said apples, shifting uncomfortably as she spoke.
"okay, and you are?" John asked for the umpteenth time.
"Applejack" aj said getting relaxed now that the oppressive atmosphere was gone.
"I have to ask, weren't you hurt before? what happened?"
"you mean how did i get hurt, or how did i heal so fast?" John asked, worryingly calm.
"how did you heal." aj asked, fearing the answer to the other question.
"sleep" john replied simply, confusing everypony in the room.
"but..." twilight said, trying herself to understand before her mouth was covered by something pink. "don't question it, twilight." pinkie was uncharacteristically serious before sitting down.
after introductions, John wandered into the forest he came from, using his stealth and maybe some wind to get in. inside the forest, it was dark. oh, yeah, and it had monsters too... the only thing that surprised him was the lack of imps. he walked through the forest, stumbling about with no idea where he was going. he eventually found an old castle, and walking inside, he saw... another pony. but this one was different, it had wings and a horn.
john checked his syladex for anything to disguise himself as a pony with. he fished out a weird item that he didn't have before, probably a gift from the game. it looked like a pony shaped amulet, and had instructions on it to help him "blend in" with the ponies of this world. it said to just put t on, and that's it. john put on the strange amulet, and was immediately engulfed in blue light. when it faded, he was a winged unicorn, just like the one with the flowing mane. she was mostly dark blue, a contrast to his white. her mane was much more flowy than his, while looking like the night sky, and she had a regal mood about her. john, just then, noticed how much bigger than him she was. John smiled. evily. he became the wind and snuck up behind her, before re-materializing behind her, and uttering a bone chilling word. "boo" the tall mare jumped and turned, but was greeted with nothing. she turned back to the way she was facing before, and saw an alicorn colt. he was sickly smiling up at her. inside, John was laughing his ass off but he kept his pranking composure. "hello miss" she was scared john remembered a line from a movie he watched once, the shining "will you play with me?" he briefly flashed his first death, but ponified. "forever" he flashed bec noir, with a bloody blade, when the lightning flashed, he became wind again, and he was gone.
the blue pony ran outside of the castle, only to find the colt... laughing his flank off. he turned to her and smiled. she hadn't noticed before, but he was an alicorn! he put his hoof out, still smiling, and said "Hi! My name's john egbert, the pranking master!" the dark coloured pony was confuse, until realization struck her. she was pranked at that moment, she swore that she would get her revenge. but, until then, she would have to find the perfect moment. "well, my name is Luna, princess of the moon." john looked up at her, "than who's the queen?" luna looked at him, confused. "what do you mean, who's the queen?" luna had assumed that this "John had simply not recognized her, but it appeared that he didn't know anything abut how equestria at all. she shook off the thought. probably just another prank... "there is no queen..." this made John happy, really happy. "so," john changed the subject, "are you prospitian, or derseite? you look derseite to me but..." Luna had no idea what he was talking about. "It's a shame bed destroyed them, but..." luna was even more confused than before, if that was even possible, but decided to shrug it off as gibberish or pranks.
"Well, enough about that, I probably need to go before any pony goes looking fo-" john was cut of by a very femenine voice calling his name. "that happens" luna giggled, but then remembered something important. "you're an alicorn!" it was john's turn to be confused. "a what?" luna was flabbergasted. he was trying to say he didn't know what he was? "an alicorn." john looked at her, but only briefly. "okay, so?" luna was getting annoyed. "there was only three alicorn in the world as far as i knew before i met you. pray tell, are there any more out there?" john looked very angry, "I have to go." he said these words venomously, shocking the princess of the moon. nopony had ever spoken to her with such disrespect! before she could voice her complaints, John was gone.
meanwhile, with the mane six, shit was off the hook, it's like that shit wants nothing to do with that hook. the hook is dead to that shit. but, they were being attacked by a hydra. in the future. right now, in the present, they were looking for john, when he kind of just... showed up to the surprise and shock of the entire mane six. he laughed, they scolded him, blah blah blah. back into the future, which is now the present. just as the hydra tried to eat twilight, john jumped in front of it, smacking its head with his hammer. a disembodied voice yelled "STRIFE!" and john took his pose. john attacked the main body of the hydra, detaching all it's heads, and gaining a whole bunch of grist and boon bonds for his virtual pork hollow 2.0. the hydra body was gone, and john was dancing, then he passed out.
john awoke, once again, in fluttershy's cottage, it seemed at some point he had become a pony again, possibly because he still wore the amulet, and it's a safety feature to make sure you don't get caught. anyway, john returned to being human and captchalogued the amulet. twilight's mind was bustling with questions, but she decided to hold them until after everything was sorted. "so..." john started, earning the attention of the mane six, "where am I going to live?" twilight saw a chance. if he stays at my house, i can ask as many questions as i want! her hoof shot up, and she had a knowledge hungry look in her eye. john saw this, and his heart sank. "anyo-pony. anypony at all. nopony? no? *sigh* okay twilight. I'll answer your questions." twilight was ecstatic, but resized if she was going to ask question, she had to know john.
john: be in the future, at twilight's house.
john successfully be'd in the future at twilights house, that was a tree for some reason. twilight was... dancing, apparently, as subtly as possible. "so, what did you want to ask me?" john asked, sitting in a chair and preparing for the worst. "well, first, I'd like to ask you about your friends..." john's eyes became empty and distant, he hung his head, "what about them?" he said, depression lingering in his voice. twilight didn't notice. "just... tell me about them." john looked up, a hopeless expression on his face. "well, there's karat, he was shout, but a good friend, but he's dead. then theirs dave, he was all about irony and rapping, oh, wait, he's dead to, isn't he. well... oh, wait. they're all dead." twilight just then noticed how depressed john looked, and changed the subject.
"so... what kind of technology do your people have?" john was still looking sad. "you're good at magic, right? why don't you read my mind or something?" twilight was searching through her books the moment he said the last word. mind reading mind reading mind reading aha! mind... entering... that could work... she started with the magic, did a few things, and everything went black.
she saw the collective stories of john and all his friends, and their... unfortunate ends. she took a step back, and she was is john's house, watching a tv showing everything that happened. she turned around and saw john, but he was all dark and grim looking. he attacked her and she was out of his mind. John was asleep, crying.
