Why Am I A Bug?

by DJ TR33

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Changelings, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 8485

A human wakes up in Chrysalis' body shortly after the Changeling Invasion. She's not happy.

Shortly after the Changeling Invasion, a human wakes up in Chrysalis' body in the middle of the Badlands. Alone, hurt, and starving, she tries to make sense of where she is and what happened. Unable to remember even her own name, she struggles with her identity as she faces the trials of being public enemy to a whole species.

Or, you know, she doesn't. Identity crises are overrated anyways.

Published 2014-03-30 14:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-07 03:39:43 UTC

Chapter 1: Arrival

Chapter One: Arrival

by DJ TR33

"God damn..." I said to myself as I slowly sat up. I felt like a train had just run me over, then backed up over my body, and run me over a second time. My head felt like a drum at a shitty rock concert, and every part of my body was aching at the same time. I groaned, and it felt like I was rubbing sandpaper in my trachea. I could hardly see anything, and what little I could see was a blurry mess.

In short, I had the hangover of the gods. "Last night must have been awesome," I said in a low rasp, wincing as I did so. My throat still hurt like the dickens. "I just wish I could remember it."

Slowly, I tried to sit up, but my body wasn't cooperating with me. In the end I just rolled over, face-planting in the sand. "Damn it," I said, or tried to at least. Unfortunately, due to my position, all that this accomplished was me getting a mouthful of sand.

I spat, trying to get it out of my mouth, but when I ran my tongue over my teeth I could still feel the gritty texture against my fangs. "Shit, this is going to be one of those days."

Wait-- fangs? Last I checked, I didn't have fangs. I ran my tongue over them again to make sure. Yup, I definitely still had fangs, and they definitely were still covered in sand. I forced my eyes open, ignoring my raging headache, and immediately shut them a second later.

"Jesus fucking Christ, that's bright," I mumbled under my breath. Normally I'm not quite that profane, but when I'm hungover I'm just never able to give a damn. Slowly, I forced myself to open my eyes again, and looked out at the landscape in front of me.

A desert was sprawled out in front of me, going on for as far as I could see. Granted, that wasn't too far since I was still squinting, but the dunes in front of me seemed to have no sign of stopping. The vast, uniform landscape was broken up only by the skeleton of some kind of small animal about twenty feet in front of me and the occasional tumbleweed drifting across the ground.

"Are you serious?" I muttered to the empty expanse. Now, I'm no expert on deserts, but I'm pretty sure that they can't move. And if they can't move, then I must've been moved out here by some asshole with a twisted idea of a practical joke.

That was when I had the misfortune of looking down at myself. Instead of my pretty average, 25 year old female human body, I seemed to be in a weird, black, bug-horse-hybrid creature's body with a black chitinous exoskeleton that was reflecting the sun directly into my eyes.

"Motherfucker, not again!" I screamed, covering my eyes with my black hooves. Unfortunately, one of the hooves had a fucking whole in the side, meaning it was useless for all eye-covering purposes. I let out another scream. It was a primal cry of fury, an expression, if you will, of my complete anger at the total shittiness of the situation. It goes without saying that none of this helped my injured throat and horrible headache.

If I hadn't been in such an intense state of rage, frustration, and pain, I probably would have been freaking out at the fact that I had been turned into some kind of horse bug monster. Ordinarily, I would have been trying to rationalize it, to say that I was dreaming, or in a coma, or high, or some bullshit like that. This situation, however, was far from ordinary. To say that it was a bad day of my life is like saying that Absolute Zero is chilly. In fact, it was already the second worst day of my whole life, right after the time my boyfriend dumped me and I ate three gallons of ice cream to compensate and right before the day after I turned 21. And it was just getting started.

I slowly squinted my eyes open again, and dragged myself into the shade of one of the dunes. This in itself was no easy task, since my whole body protested every step of the way. It wasn't made easier by the fact that all of my limbs were now completely different sizes from what they'd been before. Eventually I made it to the shadow, though, where I was able to open my eyes all the way without the threat of painful burning.

For the first time, I had the chance to really examine my new body. As I mentioned before, I was covered in a hard, black, and extremely shiny layer of... something, which seemed to function as some kind of exoskeleton. My legs were extremely long, and parts of them seemed to be missing, as if someone had taken an ice cream scoop to them and had just scooped out various parts.

Great, now I really wanted ice cream.

I also seemed to have some kind of wings on my back, although they were thin enough for me to see straight through them, so I doubted that they'd be any help for actually flying. By crossing my eyes, I noticed that I seemed to have something projecting from the top of my head, which I confirmed to be a horn after some examination with my front hoof. It was jagged, and when I pressed against it I found it to be sharp enough to actually break through the chitin on my right hoof, leading to a weird, viscous green fluid pouring from it which I eventually realized was my blood.

So, to recap, I had just woken up as a strange bug horse monster with wings and a horn in the middle of some god-forsaken desert. I couldn't remember anything about the night before, my entire body hurt, and I had a headache like Athena was trying to burst from my head. I had sand in my mouth, and my eyes were still smarting from looking right at the sun. I had no idea where I was, why I was there, or how I was going to survive for any extended period of time. There was only one word that I felt adequately expressed the situation.

"Well, fuck."

Author's Note

Welp, here goes nothing. I've seen this for Sombra and Nightmare Moon, so I decided to get in on the action, and I hope that the as-of-now unnamed main character will be enough to keep it fresh and interesting. I have some of this planned out but mostly I'm going to be playing it by ear, so I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope it goes okay.

If you're offended by any content here, please write a comment expressing your anger. I'll find it hilarious.

Chapter 2: Frank

Chapter 2: Frank

by DJ TR33

I stood up slowly, trying to keep myself from falling over again. It wasn't easy, especially since my legs felt like they were literally on fire. Don't ask me how I know what it feels like to have your legs be on fire, but believe me, it is extremely unpleasant, and it was not helping my mood at all.

Eventually, I managed to stand push myself into an approximation of a standing position. I stood upright, my legs wobbling somewhat beneath me and threatening to send me crashing to the ground. The only reason why I actually managed to stay upright was through sheer force of will, and an intense desire not to get more sand in my mouth.

I lifted one leg up to take a tentative step and promptly fell flat on my face. "Shit..." I mumbled, cheek pressed against the sand. When I tried to stand up again, I realized that my horn had lodged deep in the sandy soil. I pulled hard with my back legs, trying to get it out. After a few seconds of straining, it came out with a jolt. I overbalanced and fell over backwards, landing hard on my back. A jolt of pain shot through one of my wings. "Son of a bitch!"

After a few seconds, I rolled over and tried again. This time I managed a few steps before crashing back to the ground. It took a few tries, and a significant increase to my headache, before I was able to walk without falling immediately. I made my way up the dune I'd been sitting under. It took a few minutes, since I constantly had to check myself before I lost balance. Eventually, I made it to the top, and I was able to look out at the desert in front of me.

"What the hell..." I said, trailing off as I took in the view. In front of me, a few miles away, lay a massive structure. At first I thought it was just a massive sand dune, but I quickly realized that it was made out of sandstone. I could see holes in the structure, entrances to tunnels that presumably wound down into the ground below. I stared at it for a few moments before realizing what it reminded me of. It looked like a massive ant nest, or a wasp hive.

"The Hive," I said, almost unconsciously. Something about the word just felt right.

I tore my gaze away from the Hive for a moment to look at the view beyond. The desert kept on going for almost as far as I could see, but just past it I could make out a glimmer of green, the end of the desert. For a moment, as I looked at it, I felt an intense, irrational anger start to bubble up.

Then I remembered that I had a lot of better things to be mad at than a green place that was miles away, like the fact that I was a bug-thing or that I still had fucking sand in my mouth. Mostly the latter, though. I brought my leg up, trying to rub it against my teeth to get some of the gritty little shits out of there, but all I really accomplished was cutting my leg again, this time on my sharp front fangs.

"Goddamn it!" I cried out, putting my weird black leg back on the ground. It hurt like crazy, and I hoped that whatever creature I was wasn't venomous, or at least was immune to its own venom, otherwise today was about to get a hell of a lot worse. And, to add insult to injury, I still had sand in my mouth.

I was interrupted in the middle of trying to spit it out by a voice coming from somewhere nearby. "My Queen!" someone near me cried out. I winced as the sound amplified my already bad headache. I turned towards the source just in time to see a smaller bug creature crash into me at full force. I screamed as it knocked me off the top of the hill, sending me tumbling down the hill in an ungainly mess of limbs and chitin until I finally stopped at the bottom, with my mouth once again firmly pressed into the sand.

"My Queen! Are you alright?" the voice asked.

"What do you think? Of course I'm not fucking alright, some asshole just crashed into me like a goddamn five ton truck!" Slowly, I struggled back to my feet, looking up at the asshole in question.

He looked a lot like me, but smaller. A black glossy substance covered his entire body, although it was cracked in a few places where I could see green blood flowing out. He also had a horn, fangs, and glossy wings on his back, although one of them was bent at a bad angle halfway through. Despite this, he was hovering in the air above me, pain warring with concern as he looked down at me.

As I spoke, he landed next to me and bowed his head. "I offer my humblest apologies, My Queen. I have injured you, and my life is now forfeit. With this, he exposed his neck, giving me a chance to study his features more in depth. Unlike my own horn, which was jagged and sharp, his looked more like a thorn, sticking up off his head and eventually tapering to a point. He also had a large fin running down his back, almost like a mane, and a short tail made up of a similar material.

Curious, I poked at the fin. It had a strange, almost rubbery texture. Reaching back, I tried to feel for a similar fin on my own body, but instead of a fin I found something that almost resembled hair, but seemed a bit harder and less flexible. I was testing it with my front leg when some of what the bug thing said sank in.

"Wait, what did you call me?" I asked, looking at him. He raised his head, hesitantly.

"My... Queen?" He asked, his voice as hesitant as his movements. I decided to let him down as gently as possible.

"Look, I'm flattered, really, but I think you've mistaken me for another person. Uh, bug creature. Thing. What do you call yourself?"

"My Queen, I am Drone #743." He still looked extremely nervous and confused, although I suppose that could be explained by the whole thing of thinking I was a queen. His queen, apparently.

"Yeah, there's no way in hell I'll be calling you that. How about Frank?"

He froze, staring at me with wide eyes. After a few moments, I started waving my hoof in front of his face, but he still didn't move.

"Shit, did I break Frank?" I mumbled. I poked him, hoping it would break him out of whatever the hell was going on. It didn't work.

After a few seconds, I poked him again. "Two," I said under my breath. A few moments passed. "Three." For a bug creature with a hard outer shell, Frank was surprisingly fun to poke.

"Four." Still nothing.

"Five." I smiled to myself. Poking was always awesome.

~~~

"Sixty six." Still no movement. I barely held back a yawn.

"Sixty seven." Wait, did he move a bit? I think he did. Hmmm.

"Sixty eig-- woah!"

Frank jumped back, looking at me with complete and utter confusion. "My Queen, did you... give me a name?" He asked, his voice filled with reverence.

"Yeah, I did. Why? Is that important?" I asked, still befuddled by his reaction. As much fun as he'd been to poke, I still had no idea why he'd frozen, although I was glad to see I hadn't permanently broken Frank. He seemed like a good guy, even though he'd crashed into me earlier.

He started to say something, then paused. "My Queen, may I ask you something?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. The whole fear thing was starting to get on my nerves.

"I told you, Frank, I'm not your Queen, but sure. Go ahead."

"Did you... hit your head when you fell?"

I looked at him, surprised. From how he was acting, it seemed like he was taking a huge risk in asking me that. Maybe he was braver than I'd given him credit for. I sighed, not wanting to disappoint the little guy.

"Here, let me level with you." I sat down, so that I was actually level with him. "I have no idea what's going on, why I'm here, or where 'here' is. I'm hurt, tired, and hungry, I have a killer headache, and I still have some motherfucking sand in my mouth from when I first woke up. I don't know what I am, but I'm not your Queen. My name is..." I trailed off, as I suddenly realized I didn't know what my name was. Thinking about it, I realized I couldn't remember anyone's name. Not my father, not my brother, not my friends, not even our family's dog. I remembered picking up that dog's shit thousands of times, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what his name was.

"my Queen, are you alright?" Frank asked, seeming very concerned. I almost growled in frustration as he stubbornly continued giving me that title. Suddenly, I had a moment of pure genius and inspiration.

"Okay, Frank, here's what we're going to do. Consider this me testing you on your knowledge and skill. I'm going to pretend that I don't know anything, and you're going to fill me in on anything I ask about. Sound good?" I asked. He nodded, looking relieved. It was as if he'd been expecting orders the whole time, and hadn't really known what to do without them.

I felt kind of bad, knowing that I was using the little guy, but I needed someone to fill me in on the world I was in, or else I might fuck up seriously. Now, I know that it might seem like I didn't care what happened, but that's not really the case. The way I saw it, this was most likely some kind of freaky trip, but it also might be reality, and I had to prepare for that possibility. On the off chance that I wasn't making all of this up in my head, I had no intention of dying of starvation just because I was too dumb to use what the world sent my way. In this case, Frank.

"Okay, first question. What's my name?" I asked, standing up again. I started to walk up the dune, leaving Frank to catch up. Ordinarily, I would have felt bad, but Frank was expecting royalty, and I was ready to oblige.

"Queen Chrysalis, my Queen," he said, scurrying to match my longer strides.

"Chrysalis?" I said, looking at him in shock. "My name's fucking Chrysalis?" I started to giggle. It was just too goddamn ridiculous. Soon, my giggle turned into a snort, then a chuckle, and finally a full blown laugh. Frank just looked at me with a mildly concerned expression I would get to know very well in the near future.

"Eh, I guess it suits the situation," I said, still laughing a bit to myself. Frank looked relieved that I'd come back to my senses somewhat, but he seemed too nervous to question me about it. I'd have to work on that. "And it shortens to Chrys. I like it!"

"Now," I said, turning back to Frank, a sinister gleam coming into my eyes. "I've got a helluva lot more questions."

Author's Note

Chrys is effing ineffable. That is all.

Chapter 3: Changes and Changelings

Chapter 3: Changes and Changelings

"So, what exactly are you?" I said, sitting down in the sand. My headache seemed to be clearing up, but my body still felt bruised, and it was much easier to not have to concentrate on hard things like standing or walking. "What species?"

"We're changelings, My Queen," he replied. To his credit, he didn't seem to shocked by my question. That was good, since I had quite a few questions that would probably seem stupid as hell to him.

"Right, of course. Changelings. You wouldn't mind telling me everything you know about changelings, right?" He gave me another startled look. Maybe he wasn't as stoic as he had seemed.

"My Queen, I- I don't know where to start," he said, looking at me in alarm, as if he had no idea how to answer the question. Come to think of it, that's what he just said. Huh.

"What about... food? What do changelings eat?" It had been at the top of my list of questions, ever since I'd realized that I was in the middle of a goddamn desert. All I knew for certain was that Changelings didn't eat sand, but if I wanted to survive I'd have to know what was edible.

"We eat love, my Queen." He said it with such a straight face that I almost believed him.

"No, but seriously," I said, smirking at the changeling. I didn't think he had a prank in him, but I guess I was wrong.

"I am serious, my Queen," he said, starting to look nervous. I knew he was lying, but it somehow looked too convincing. For a moment, I entertained the idea, then immediately pushed it away. There was no way in hell he was telling the truth, but the doubt wouldn't go away as easily.

"Frank, I swear to God if you're fucking with me..." I said, turning on him. His eyes grew wide with fear, and I knew then that he was telling the truth.

"Holy shit, you were fucking serious?" I started laughing again. "Jesus, first Chrysalis, and now this bullshit? How do you even fucking get love?" I asked, my curiosity overcoming the sheer absurdity of the situation for a moment.

"We feed off the ponies, my Queen," he said, and I completely lost it. Frank gave me another one of his mildly concerned expressions, but it just made me laugh even harder. For a moment, I forgot about any of the pain in my body, and even the sand in my mouth.

"Ponies!" I screamed, laughing hysterically. "I can't handle this shit, I just can't." Something in me broke then. Just yesterday I'd been a normal person, trying to get through my classes and trying to deal with normal problems like rent and cooking. Now I was in the middle of a desert, as a changeling, whatever the hell that was, and apparently a queen as well. Oh, and apparently I ate love as well. I started laughing even harder. It hurt, my whole body protesting the action, but I just didn't give a fuck.

"My Queen?" Frank asked after a few minutes, looking more than mildly concerned this time. To be honest, he looked downright worried. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm not fucking alright, Frank," I managed, between gasps. I was honestly surprised it had taken him so long. "But I'm as sane as I'll ever be." Unsurprisingly, this didn't seem to help his concern.

Slowly, I managed to regain my composure, what little I have of it. When I'd calmed down enough to handle the thought of bug-horses eating love from ponies, I turned back to Frank. As amusing as--, no that didn't quite do the situation justice. As fucking hilarious as it was, it only raised more questions.

"So, how does the whole getting love thing work? Do you just go up to a herd of ponies and ask politely for their love, or do you have to feed them sugar cubes too?" Okay, so maybe I still couldn't entirely handle it, but I was trying, goddamnit!

"No, my Queen," he said, sounding almost ashamed. I turned to look at him, and if I'd still been human, I would have had one eyebrow raised. This was the first time since I met him that he'd expressed an emotion that wasn't fear. "We watch our target, then wait for one of their loved ones to leave. Then we step in and disguise as the absent pony, gathering love until our mission in finished. At least, that's how it's supposed to go."

His voice sounded angry then, and I realized I'd touched on a delicate topic. If my survival didn't depend on it, I probably would have changed the subject, but it couldn't really be helped. As it was, I was more preoccupied with the other, more disturbing implications of his statement. Like, for instance, that ponies were apparently sentient in this world, which made stealing their love seem less funny and more fucking terrifying. I had another question, though.

"You said you disguise yourselves, right? How does that work? Black bug things don't exactly make me think of ponies."

"Like this, my Queen," he said, and a green glow lit up around his horn. Green flame erupted from the point, quickly covering his whole body.

"Jesus fuck!" I yelled, stumbling back. A second later, a blue pony was standing in front of me, the flames rolling past the ends of his hooves and turning them into blue fur. The pony had a yellow mane and a tattoo of a hammer on its ass.

"How the hell did you do that?" I asked, moving closer to inspect him. The hair looked completely convincing, and when I poked him it felt like real horse hair too. I probably would have made fun of his blueness if the whole transformation wasn't as awesome as a rollerblading ferret.

"It's not very hard, my Queen," he replied, a definite blush coming to his cheeks, the red discoloration showing through his new blue hair. I was tempted to poke fun, but I wanted to learn how to do it more. "I just picture myself as the pony, then use magic to make it true."

"Oh, right. Just use magic, of course," I said. Still, I wasn't going to let a little thing like the laws of physics stand in the way of my awesomeness. It's not like the universe had been giving a shit about the limits of reality anyway. I closed my eyes, trying to picture myself as a multicolored pony. Almost instantly, a picture came into my head.

It's a bit difficult to explain what I did next, partly since I was acting entirely on instinct I didn't know I had. In essence, I pushed the idea of the picture out of my head and into the world. I felt a pressure build in my horn, as if the world itself was resisting the change, but I'd had enough of the world's bullshit. I felt a cool tingling envelop my body, falling down from my horn and enveloping the rest of my body, and when I opened my eyes to look at it, I saw that it was the same green flame that had covered Frank.

"That is so sick," I whispered as the transformation finished. Looking down, I saw that my body was covered with pink hair. I had a long mane that actually came out in front of my head, and I could see that it had a purple, rose, and white color, in different layers. Looking back, I saw a pair of pink wings and a tail with the same colors as my mane.

"Well, not a great start, I suppose," I said, examining myself. Bringing a hoof up to my head, I found that I also had a horn. "Fantastic," I muttered. "I look like a goddamn pony princess." Still, it was cool as shit.

I could still feel a slight pressure in the corner of my mind, trying to get me to stop defying physics, but it was easy enough to ignore. I was sure that somewhere my physics teacher was crying to himself as I did so. I turned to Frank, but his expression looked pained.

"What's the matter?" I asked, cocking my head. He opened his mouth, but he seemed very reluctant to speak. Unfortunately, he was interrupted by the ground shaking like crazy. From a dune thirty feet away, a giant creature erupted from the ground. It had green gray skin, and its face was just a ring of teeth surrounding a black hole. It kept on coming out of the ground until it broke free entirely, leaping up in a small arc before crashing back into the ground, moving through the sand like a fish through the water.

That glimpse had given me a sense of its size, though. At about three feet wide and over fifteen feet long, the creature looked like a fucking massive...

"Wyrm," Frank said, his voice laced with absolute terror.

Author's Note

Hey everyone, here's chapter 3. It's a bit later than I would've liked, but... real life. What can you do?
Anyways, thank you all for getting this to the feature box. I won't lie, its been awesome seeing something I wrote get featured, and I only have you guys to thank for that, so... thanks again. Yeah.

Special thanks to Alondro, Garbo802, and Whitespace Only for their interesting discussion on the last page, and to Maelstrom and Vates Despero for pointing out errors in the last chapter. Also, thanks to the band Tyr, because they're fucking awesome and I wrote this chapter while listening to their songs.

Chapter 4: Wyrm Problems

Chapter 4: Wyrm Problems

by DJ TR33

"Jesus fuck, run for you lives!" I screamed, turning to do exactly that. Unfortunately, my mastery of running was not quite complete. To be honest, my skill in basic locomotion was pretty much non-existent. As a result, I faceplanted almost immediately.

Frank seemed to be having similar issues, albeit for a different reason. As soon as he saw the worm, he'd tried to leap into the air, but his bent wing prevented him from getting very far. He crashed down next to me, barely managing to stay upright despite the force of the impact. As his legs started to buckle, I saw green flame quickly flare up around him, his disguise vanishing.

Meanwhile, I was desperately trying to stand up, flailing my legs beneath me in an effort to push myself upright. After a few moments, I succeeded, and was able to focus my attention on other things, like the giant worm thing that had just jumped out of the ground. As it traveled through the sand, it raised a small mound of sand above its position, reminding me of a cartoon. It probably would have been funny if the creature wasn't three times taller than me.

"My Queen, we need to escape," Frank said, grabbing my leg with his own. The black chitin contrasted sharply with the pink fur that had covered my leg, and I realized that I hadn't transformed back. Again acting on instinct, I released the magic, flames wreathing me and turning me back into a changeling. I knew I might be facing my death, but there was no way in hell I'd go out as a pretty pink pony.

Once I was back to being a bug Queen, I turned to Frank. "No fucking shit, Frank, but I can't exactly run, so what's plan B?"

"You can't run? Why don't you fly, then?" he asked. In other circumstances, I would have applauded him on his sass, but I had more pressing issues, like the thing that seemed to be trying to murder us.

"I don't fucking know how, okay?" I said, feeling myself start to hyperventilate.

"Then... what do we do?" Frank asked, looking at me. "What are your orders my Queen?" That's when I really started to panic. I mean, he'd been calling me 'Queen' the whole time, but this was the first time I'd gotten what it meant to have that title. Apparently, it meant being responsible when a huge-ass goddamn wyrm jumps out of the ground. If this was what being a Queen was, I wanted no part of it.

Then I noticed it had gotten quiet. Way, way, way too quiet. There should have been the sound of the sand kicked up by the wyrm's passage, but it was missing. For a moment, I hoped that the creature had given up and gone away. Then the sand started to shift beneath me.

"Oh fu--" I said as the creature erupted from the ground beneath my legs. The next thing I knew I was thrown away from the monster. I slammed into the ground, rolling a few times, before I came to a stop. Looking back, I saw the wyrm crash back into the ground. Above it, a dark figure sailed through the air, some flecks of green trailing behind it. My eyes widened as I realized what had happened. Frank had tackled me, sacrificing himself to save me.

As the wyrm entered the ground, I felt a strange sensation enter my body, coming across my body like the flame of a transformation. It was the cold, icy feel of complete and utter rage.

Now, I'm not really one to get angry. It's not that I don't feel things as strongly, I just don't think that anger is generally worth all the effort. Normally, the worst I get is mildly annoyed, or even frusterated, but not much is worth putting in more energy than that.

This wyrm seemed to be making itself the exception, though. I wasn't mad that it had attacked me, since I'm willing to take responsibility for myself. I wasn't even mad that it seemed to be trying to kill and eat me, since I was clearly its prey and I knew that that was just how the world works. No, I was mad that it had hurt Frank, who had done nothing but try to help me since I had woken up here, in this body. A creature-- no, a person that noble didn't deserve this as his reward.

Something changed in me then, and my mind seemed to clear of everything except for one thought, one overwhelming desire: kill the motherfucker that hurt Frank.

"All right, you flaccid asshole, let's see what you've got!" I cried out, watching the sand for signs of its activity. The sand went still once more as it dove, and I knew it was preparing to attack me again. I smiled grimly to myself. This time, the thing was biting off more than it could chew.

Once again, I felt the ground start shaking beneath me. I could feel the wyrm preparing to leap up, but I was ready for it this time. Just before it erupted beneath me, I leapt into the air, launching myself way above the emerging creature. I extended my wings, using them to stay in the air. At the same time, I could feel pressure build up behind my horn, similar to what I felt with the disguise but way more destructive.

If you had asked me how I was doing any of those things, I would have had no idea. Just a few seconds ago I'd been unable to run without face-planting in the horrible sandy earth. Now I was jumping and flying and generally going around like a total badass.

My best guess for what happened is that the rage helped focus my admittedly chaotic mind. When I stopped focusing on how I was doing it, my instincts seemed to provide enough direction by themselves. At that time, though, I didn't really give a shit how I was doing what I was. All I cared about was killing the motherfucker that thought it could mess with Frank.

I released the pressure from my horn, sending the energy out towards the wyrm in the shape of a green laser beam. It crashed into the creature at the top of its leap, knocking it down towards the ground. It hit with a tremendous thud, a four-inch hole burned straight though its body.

I landed on the ground next to it, my wings coming to a halt. Once again, I felt my horn charge up with energy, an even more destructive attack than before. The wyrm was squealing, a hideous pained sound coming from its mouth-hole. I grinned vindictively as the pressure built up behind my horn. It started to glow, green light coming off it and making the whole area look like a hipster had applied some kind of stupid filter to it.

The wyrm started squealing even louder and began to thrash around, trying to get away. At the same time, I knew the attack I'd been charging was ready.

"Listen up, you son of a bitch," I said, leveling my head with the creature's body. "Don't ever fuck with me or my friends."

I released the energy, and it slammed out from me in a green flash, coursing into the wyrm's body. Once more, green flames leapt up, but these weren't sissy illusion flames. These were hot enough that I could feel their heat a body length away, and they raced down the length of the wyrm, turning flesh and sinew into a black, glossy ash. A few flakes drifted towards me, and I stepped back.

That's when I realized I had just taken down a creature that was at least five times my size, and I had done it in under thirty seconds. That was more power than I had ever thought was possible, more power than even I would trust myself with. And, what was more, I had enjoyed doing it.

"That was fucking awesome," I said, smirking at the black ash. Sure, it scared me a bit, but it was way cooler than it was scary.

"Oh shit, Frank!" I said, suddenly remembering. My wings buzzed and I leapt into the air, flying over towards where my friend had crashed to the ground. Looking at him, I was glad to see that the cut wasn't as deep as I'd assumed. On one hand, he flow of green blood had already slowed to a trickle, and he seemed to be breathing regularly. On the other hand, he was completely unconscious, and I had no experience with first aid. Even if I had experience, I was pretty sure that I didn't know enough about bug creature anatomy to be of any help.

Obviously, he needed help, but I had no idea where to go. Actually... that wasn't entirely right. I looked up, towards the large structure that lay a few miles away. Something about it seemed to call to me, and I instinctively knew it was my best option for getting Frank help. And since my instincts had just let me disintegrate a giant murderbeast, I felt pretty safe trusting them.

I picked up Frank with my front hoof, awkwardly maneuvering him on to my back. When he was safely situated, or as good as I could get to it, I buzzed my wings, launching myself into the air.

"Holy fuck, Frank, ever thinking about laying off the love?" I muttered as I struggled with the weight of the changeling. Maybe my body was just out of shape, but flying with another creature was seriously fucking hard.

Cursing under my breath, I set off towards the giant hill in the middle of the desert with the closest thing I had to a friend slowly bleeding out on my back.

Author's Note

Woo, I made it past the horrible chapter 3! I think that's actually a first for me. For whatever reason, I can get to chapter 3, but chapter 4 is just a bitch to write.

In other news, I have no excuse for this taking so long, except that school is hard and procrastination is easy. I'd apologize, but my inner Chrys is telling me that apathy is the best option. Once again, thanks to everyone for their support, and I'll try (only try, mind you) to get the next chapter out faster than I did this one.

Thanks!

Chapter 5: The Flight

Chapter 5: The Hive
By DJ TR33

I flew toward the sandstone structure, my new-found wing muscles screaming in agony. The Hive had seemed pretty close before, only a few miles, but that had been an illusion. It was far larger than I had thought, and as a result it was a lot farther away as well. Which meant that not only was it harder for me to carry Frank, it was also important that I flew quickly.

Imagine the first time that you get on a bike, then imagine that you're biking with strange new appendages that you've never used before. Then imagine that you have to bike as fast as you possibly can, with an ungainly weight strung over your back, and you'll start to imagine the problem I was facing.

Flying isn't exactly like biking, though. In addition to the whole wings thing, it also has two extra directions that you can fuck up in. There's a bit more room for error, but if you screw up and actually crash the consequences are way more severe.

Admittedly, I had some help with the whole mysterious instincts thing, but I was still swerving around like a bumblebee on crack when I first started, and I only marginally improved as I went.
"I swear to god, Frank, if we don't make it I'm going to fucking kill myself. Then the wyrm. Then you." He made no comment, being as he was completely passed out. "Yes, in that order, and I don't care if it doesn't make sense!" I yelled back to him. This was accompanied by another swerve, this one sending me down toward the sand. Objectively speaking, when you're flying, down is the worst direction to go if you fuck up, and also happens to be the most common.

"Fuck!" I screamed as we plummeted back toward the sand, only recovering when I was about ten feet off the ground. Fortunately, the drop had resulted in a surge of adrenaline, helping me forget about how much pain I was in and giving me a momentary burst of energy.

I looked up and noticed that the Hive seemed to have grown bigger. By my estimate, it was about the size of a small town, probably about one mile in diameter and half that in height. Despite myself, the pain, the heat, Frank's condition, and my erratic flying skill, I started to smile. So, of course, the universe decided it was time to fuck with me one more time.

"Who goes there?" a voice shouted out at me, seeming from out of nowhere. Fifty feet in front of me, a slight shimmer in the air that I had taken for a heat mirage flashed with green fire, revealing another drone much like Frank. His sudden appearance and loud voice momentarily startled me, but I'm proud to report that I kept all dignity in handling the surprise.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I screamed, losing control of my wings and falling toward the sand at an alarming speed. After a moment I regained enough clarity to try to get back up, but all my frantic flapping did was slow me down enough to only crash into the sand, and not slam into it like a whale falling from space.

I hit the ground hard and immediately lost my grip on Frank. I then stopped noticing anything else as I tumbled head over... hooves, I guess, finally ending up lying face down in the sand, every part of my body hurting once more.

"It's the queen!" I heard a voice distantly call out, but I was more preoccupied by the fact that, once more, I had gotten sand in my mouth. I had just gotten to the point where my whole mouth didn't feel unbearably gritty, and now I was back to square one. Fuck you, too, universe.

I slowly stood up, wincing as the pain in my everywhere throbbed. Fortunately, no one part seemed seriously injured. As I did so, a buzzing sound came from the sky, and Frank landed next to me, looking a lot better and more conscious than the last time I'd seen him.

On closer inspection, I realized that this wasn't actually Frank. Not just because of the lack of a heavily bleeding wound-- there were other signs, small details that I doubted I would have noticed if my new instincts didn't immediately draw my eye to them. A small difference in his stature, mane thingy, compound eyes, and even the pattern on his wings all told me that this changeling was most definitely not Frank.

"My queen, are you all right?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. It had a slightly higher pitch than Frank's, although the whole honorific thing would fit right up Frank's ally. In fact, I think that was the exact same thing Frank had said when he bumped into me. "I offer my humblest apologies. I have injured you--"

"Okay, we are not doing this fucking thing again, you shitwank!" I said, as he started to offer up his neck. "I already had to deal with it once, and if I have to do it again I'm going to scream!" I realized that I had gotten louder and louder as I was talking, to the point where I was already screaming when I reached the end of my sentence. The drone graciously didn't point out the irony, being too busy cowering in fear. I felt my anger go out of me. It wasn't his fault he'd been there, and he was probably just acting under orders from "Queen Chrysalis". It made sense to have guards around a city, especially one filled with emotional bug vampire things.

"Look, I'm sorry. I think we got off on the wrong hand-- er, hoof." He looked up, seeming to be completely taken aback. I guess Chrysalis wasn't big on the apologies. Or mercy, if the whole offering their heads for their mistakes is any indication. "I've just had a long day, and I just got a bit fired up. My bad."

"Yes, my Queen," he said, bowing, although he still seemed very confused. He looked back up at me. "What are your orders?"

I paused, thinking for a second. I'd kind of forgotten that being mistaken for a bug queen could have benefits, too. I mean, why do I need to wear myself out flying Frank back when I could just get drones to do it for me? I stopped, realizing that was a very dangerous line of thought. Time and again, rulers have come up who treat their subjects like nothing more than tools, and all of those rulers have been horrific tyrants. Still, I was really tired, and in a lot of pain, and there was some fucking sand in my mouth again, so maybe just this once...

I made a decision. "Go and get Frank over there, then fly him back to the Hive," I said, gesturing with my hoof. "We had a bad encounter with a wyrm, and he took a hit for me, so I'd like him to be given everything he needs to get back up to full strength." He nodded, then sent up a burst of magic with his horn. Two other spots of air shimmered and turned to drones, who came down and helped the first drone with carrying Frank. Two of them lifted off, holding Frank between them, while the third came back over to me.

"Do you have any other orders, my Queen?" He asked. I thought for a moment.

"Yeah, I do. Help me get back to my chambers, and then go see to Frank," I said. I knew that I was treading on thin ice here, mainly because I didn't know if I even had quarters, and I really didn't need this drone thinking I was crazy. But it seemed to work, because he nodded reverently and then helped me take off, guiding my flight as we came back toward the Hive. I found that flying without a weight was way easier, but by that point I was tired enough that I would probably have crashed headfirst into the sandstone side of the Hive without his help.

We landed at one of the tunnels, and I could feel exhaustion pulling at me, like some kind of tentacle beast in those fucked-up hentais. I cringed at the mental image, although it's nice to know that my brain was already messed up before I was deposited in the body of a tyrannical insect equine.

We went through some winding and rough-hewn tunnels before coming out into a large opening, crowded with a number of different changelings and carrying innumerable tunnels with changelings coming and going through each one, each tunnel set at a different height in the room. Because they were flying creatures, the changelings didn't need bridges, and the room had an air of chaotic energy as they weaved through the air and around each other, flying to and from various tunnels.

All the changelings in the room stopped what they were doing and turned to watch as we came in, their faces all masks of apprehension and fear. There'd been some noise in the cavern before, but now it was completely silent, save for the buzzing of wings as they all hovered in place, watching me with buggy eyes. The effect was kind of creepy, and I felt compelled to speak.

"Hey! Everyone, just... keep doing what you were fucking doing, alright?" I said, my voice carrying through the large chamber. Slowly, the changelings started moving around again, but I noticed that they all gave the drone and I a large berth as he led me across the room, finally taking me to a smaller tunnel. I noticed that this one was far nicer than the ones we'd been in before, a smooth tunnel with the circular walls and ceiling polished to a shine and soft sand on the floor to make it easier to walk.

Eventually, it opened up into a oval shaped room that shone black like the night sky. A lamp burned in the corner, lighting the room an eerie color with its green flame. A small pile of books was line up neatly on a shelf carved out of the rock wall, although judging from the dust I would've guessed they hadn't been read in a long time. But what really caught my interest was the large bed standing in the middle of the room, looking like something pulled straight from the seventeenth century. It had black curtains that went around it, hanging on golden rods. The comforter was also golden, comfortable, and looked really goddamn expensive, all though I was tired enough that it probably didn't really matter.

I mustered the last of my energy and threw myself up on the bed. I was asleep before I landed.

Author's Note

You probably thought this story was alive. Nope! Chuck Testa!

Chrys, Frank, and Sand in the Mouth are back for another exciting episode of "Why am I a Bug", in which... nothing really happens. So I guess I lied about the exciting part. I also lied about the whole updating promptly thing. I would give an excuse, but I don't really have one, so how about we all just accept that I'm an asshole, and just (hopefully) enjoy the story.

In all seriousness, thanks to everyone who liked, faved, commented, and stayed with me. Your combined weight has caused enough guilt for me to practice the dark act of necromancy and bring this story back to life. Oops, guessed I lied about the seriousness part too. My bad.