If You Love Something

by Obselescence

Rating: everyone
Tags: Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy
Length: 4935

Pinkie's run out of helium for her balloons, and she won't be able to get any more for two whole weeks—which is practically forever. Thankfully, she's found one last balloon to hold onto, and she'll never it let it go.

Pinkie's run out of helium for her balloons, and she won't be able to get any more for two whole weeks—which is practically forever. Thankfully, though, she's found one last balloon to hold onto, and if she can help it, she'll never it let it go.

Written for April Fools' Day, because everyone loves a good prank—including and especially Pinkie Pie.

Published 2014-04-01 00:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-01 00:20:04 UTC

Chapter One

If You Love Something

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“Out?” cried Pinkie. “You don’t mean out out, do you? You mean they were out to lunch and you tried again later and they had plenty left, right? Or you mean they were just a little bit out and they gave you some of what they had left ‘cause they felt really sorry and they wanted to make sure that you didn’t go home without—”

“Pinkie!” said her Dad, in his be-quiet voice. He hefted a bale of hay from the cart and sighed. “They were out. They were out the fifth time you’ve asked, they were out the fiftieth time you’ve asked, and they’ll still have been out the five-hundredth time you’ll ask.”

“Oh...” said Pinkie, her gaze falling to the ground. She kicked a rock over and looked up again. “So when you say they were ‘out,’ you mean...?”

“Out of helium.” Her Dad pulled another bale off the cart and set it down beside the first. “Depleted, emptied, spent, or devoid of.” He spat on the ground. “I told you to read your thesaurus, girl.”

“I did read my thesaurus!” said Pinkie, in her loudest and most truthful voice. And she had read it. Once. Then she’d figured out that stuffy old thesauruses were much more fun when they were turned into confetti, and after that she’d never really had the chance to read it again. “I’m just really really really hoping they had some, because we’re out out of helium and if there’s no more I can’t make balloons, and without balloons—”

“We’ll just have to make do until the next time I go back down to market,” said her Dad. He looked up at the sky and gave his sideburns a furtive stroke. “Which, judging by the weather, the climate, and the atmosphere, should be in a couple weeks. Rock Farmer’s Almanac says that’d be the best time.”

“A couple weeks!” Pinkie gasped. “But that’s... that’s forever in Pinkie time!” She could almost feel herself deflating, little tears of disappointment welling up in her eyes. “How can I throw super-fun parties for us and make everyone happy if we’re going to be out of helium balloons forever and ever?”

Her Dad knelt down and rustled her frizzy pink mane with his hoof, in his cheer-up-Pinkie sort of way. He even smiled at her—or, at least, his frown turned a little bit upside down. It kind of looked like a smile, at least. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to throw us some mighty fine shindigs or hootenannies or whatnot,” he told her. “You’re great at making do.”

Pinkie snorted through her sniffles. “I... I guess I am pretty great at making do.”

“Well, that’s what your mother says, at any rate,” said her Dad, standing up. “She’s the one who changed your diapers.” He set his shoulder up against the larger of the two haybales and pushed. “Now help me get these in the barn. Your mother’s going to want them ready for supper.”

“All righty!” she giggled, feeling better already. “Yessirooie!”

She helped her Dad push the haybales into the barn, where they’d stay with all the rest of the food and the party supplies and the other things that weren’t rocks. Like dust. And hay. There weren’t a lot of other things that weren’t rocks on the Pie Family Rock Farm, but Pinkie knew the barn housed its fair share of fun and interesting items—if you knew where to look.

At that particular moment, a fun and interesting item would have taken the form of any spare tanks of helium she might’ve left lying around. Maybe—just maybe—she hadn’t used it all up on balloons for Maud’s Amazingly Alliterative And Awesome Airthday Axtravaganza. Surely there had to be one or two tanks of helium that she’d just forgotten about, waiting for her to find them when she needed them most.

She couldn’t really be out out for real... could she?

“Not here,” she said, checking the first hiding spot beneath her evergrowing mound of book-confetti. She zipped to the second behind the rock-tractor, then the third, then the third-and-half hiding spot. All empty! “Not here, not there, not anywhere!”

“What’s that, Pinkamena?” said her Dad as he stacked the hay in the corner. “Need something?”

“We don’t have any helium left anywhere!” cried Pinkie. She checked the third-and-three-quarters hiding spot just to be sure, but all she’d left under the empty helium tank was a pair of googly-eye glasses. “We’re out out for real!”

Her Dad raised a bushy gray eyebrow at her. “So you’ve said.”

“But I didn’t mean it!” She put the glasses back under the tank and slumped to the floor. Even googly-eye glasses couldn’t make her feel better right now. “Now how am I going to make do?”

“Well, if you’d been hoping we had some helium left,” said her Dad, “you should’ve kept some helium tucked away, in case of helium emergencies.”

“But how can I make do until next market day if I just don’t have any helium?”

“When I said that you would have to make do, I meant you should try to learn to live without it,” said her Dad, in his best now-is-the-time-to-learn-an-important-lesson voice. He sat down beside her and placed a hoof on her shoulder. “You’re not always going to have everything you want, Pinkamena. Now might be a good time to learn that.”

“But learning isn’t fun!” Pinkie protested. No, learning was boring and stuffy, and always involved reading moldy old thesauruses. She’d take a flank-shaking, roof-raising party—with helium balloons—over that any day of the week.

“Sometimes things aren’t supposed to be fun.” Her Dad got up and stretched, working out the cricks in his shoulders. “Now, I’m going to check on your sisters in the rock fields. Today’s a gneiss day, so it’s bound to be dull out there. You want to come along and brighten things up a little?”

“No...” said Pinkie flatly, she slumped over further, until she was face-down in the dirt. “I’ll just... stay here and try to live without balloons... forever.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, patting her on the back. “Austerity, prudence, and frugality are important qualities for a good rock farmer. You’ll see.” He quarter-smiled. “Why, I bet come next market day, you won’t even need it anymore.”

“If I survive that long,” said Pinkie, her voice muffled by a mouthful of dirt. “If next market day is ever in a million years.”

She stayed there, in the dirt, for a good long while. Long enough for her Dad to have probably left. Eventually she picked herself up, brushed the dirt out of her mouth, and sighed. You just couldn’t have a good party without helium balloons. It was like a cake without frosting, or a cupcake without frosting. She just couldn’t imagine it. The rainbow of colors floating and bobbing around in the air was essential to fighting off all the gray, gray, and gray that was everywhere on the rock farm.

Without those balloons—well, she didn’t even want to speculate. Things would be so boring, it wouldn’t even be funny. It most certainly wouldn’t be funny.

“Maybe I can just...” She checked her fourth hiding spot under the emergency rock stash and found a few uninflated balloons. Pinkie grabbed a green one and took a hugemongous breath. “Here goes nothing...” She blew it up until it was full of air—which was decidedly not helium—and tied it. Then she sighed as it fell lazily to the ground.

It just wasn’t the same.

She looked up to the sky, or at least the barn’s roof, and screamed her loudest Pinkie-scream. “Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?” It just wasn’t fair! How was she supposed to bring joy and fun to her family if she didn’t have the right tools for it? She didn’t even have a proper sky to scream into. Just a boring old wooden barn roof, with its brown wooden beams, and its brown supports, and its bright blue—

Wait. Pinkie straightened. “Is that...?” It was! A big, blue, and—most importantly—helium-filled balloon, floating in the corner of the ceiling. A leftover from Maud’s Amazingly Alliterative And Awesome Airthday Axtravaganza. It had been waiting there for her in her darkest hour. The very last balloon, and absolutely stuffed with helium. “I’m saved!”

Getting the balloon was easy with enough haybales stacked in the right spot. Her Mom would probably yell at her later for making a giant and unstable haybale tower, but all Pinkie cared about was the bright blue balloon she now held in her hooves. She nuzzled her cheek against it, giggling as the static tickled her coat.

The very last helium balloon ever. She had to take super good care of it now. She had to keep it safe forever and ever. She had to...

She had to tell somepony!

“Maaaaaaaud!” She zipped across the rock fields as fast as her hooves would take her, the balloon tied safely around her tail. Her eyes locked onto Maud’s particular gray in the endless expanse of other grays, and she zoomed toward it. “I found it! I found it!”

“Hello, Pinkie,” said Maud, looking up slowly. “It’s good that you are here.” She looked around, a little bit more slowly. “It’s a gneiss day, isn’t it?”

“I think so!” said Pinkie. It probably was, but she’d never really bothered to memorize all the days in the rock cycle like Maud had. “You’ll never guess what I found!”

“Is it a rock?” Maud guessed. She pointed at the ground. “Because there are a lot of rocks here if you want to find more.”

“No, silly!” Pinkie giggled. “Listen!” She took a deep breath. “It’s a balloon! ‘Cause you see the party shop down at market didn’t have any helium today, and we’re not going to get any more forever, so I was really sad, but then I found this very last helium balloon from your Airthday Axtravaganza and now we’re saved because I’ve got a balloon we can use for parties! Isn’t that great?”

Maud blinked. “Oh.”

“I know! It’s great, right?” said Pinkie. She wiggled her tail, grinning from ear to ear as the balloon bobbed in the air. “He can be my pet balloon, like your pet rock! I think I’ll call him Bloono. He’s the last of his kind, so I’m going to have to take extra good care of him to make sure he doesn’t die.”

“Everything dies,” said Maud. She took Boulder out from her pocket and gave him a gentle pet with her hoof. “Except rocks. Because they are rocks.”

“Pfffft!” Pinkie pffffted. “Well, duh, silly! You can’t pop a rock. But I just have to keep Bloono safe and away from pointy things, and we’ll be able to have parties again! And, and we’ll be able to play games with him too, like tic-tac-toe, or pin the tail on the pony—well, maybe not pin the tail on the pony, but you get the idea!” She squealed. “We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Okay,” said Maud with her usual enthusiasm. “That sounds good.” She pointed to a big stack of quartz crystals a few yards away. “Do you and Bloono want to help me clear these rocks out? It’s supposed to be a gneiss day today, and that’s quartz.”

“Of quartz!” said Pinkie, saluting. “Bloono and I are ready to go! We’ll have the job done in a jiffy!”

But sadly the job wasn’t quite done in a jiffy. Bloono tried to help her out, and she was sure he was trying really hard, but he wasn’t quite up for the task just yet. She had to keep re-tying his string around her tail, to make sure he didn’t blow off in the wind. And of course she had to make sure he was super far away from any sharp and pointy rocks. It was practically a job all by itself, and that made it a little bit tougher to focus on her other job of moving the quartz.

At least Maud was there to give her some actual help.

By the time she and Bloono were finally done, the sky had already gone dark, and she could feel her tummy rumbling. “Pinkamena! Maud!” came her Mom’s voice from the house. “Supper time!”

“Oh boy!” said Pinkie. She turned to Bloono. “Race you to the house!”

Normally, she’d have raced Maud, but Maud wasn’t very good at races and didn’t like winning. Bloono, on the other hoof, was a pretty good racer—he was on her tail the entire time—and she only narrowly managed to beat him to the house.

“What’s this, then, Pinkamena?” asked her Mom when she and Bloono reached the front door. “Your Pa told me that you’d run out out of helium. Said you were learning a lesson on doing without.”

“Yeah!” said Pinkie brightly. “But then I found Bloono, so now I don’t need any more helium or any learning!”

“I... see,” said her Mom. “Well, get in and get ready. Your Pa may have a little something to say about that.”

As it turned out, her Dad didn’t have an awful lot to say about that. At least, at first. He came in from the rock fields all huffy and dirty as always, took his seat at the dining table, and took a few bites of his hay first.

He was actually being pretty quiet.

“Hey, Dad, look!” said Pinkie, grabbing Bloono from the air. She leaned over the table to show him to her Dad, knocking over the rocksalt as she did so. “I found a helium balloon! Isn’t that great? Now we can still have parties!”

Her Dad chewed. Then he swallowed. “Pinkamena,” he said slowly, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “I thought we’d spoken, talked, and conversed about bringing your balloons to the table.”

“I know, but this one is special!” said Pinkie, with a mouthful of hay. “His name is Bloono and he’s the very last helium balloon I’m going to have for practically forever! I can’t just leave him floating around anywhere he wants! What if he runs away or gets popped? Then what’ll happen?”

“Then Bloono’ll be gone or popped, and that’ll be that,” said her Dad, in his no-nonsense voice. “You told me you’d learn to do without helium until next market day, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t mean it!” said Pinkie. “Don’t you want me to be able to throw big wild parties for us to have fun? I can’t do that without Bloono!”

“I kind of like Bloono,” said Maud quietly, chewing her hay. “He’s mostly air, unlike a rock, but also quiet, like a rock.”

“Be that as it may,” said her Dad, banging his hoof on the table, “your sister will put Bloono away somewhere while we’re eating, or she will go to her room.”

Pinkie sputtered. “But, but—”

“No buts, except in your chair,” said her Mom, daintily cutting out a chunk of hay. “Listen to your Pa, Pinkie. Put the balloon away.”

Pinkie looked at her Dad, then back to Bloono. She looked at Bloono, then back to her Dad. She didn’t really want to go to her room, but she really didn’t want to let Bloono out of her sight. If she lost him, she’d be entirely out of helium balloons, and she’d never be able to throw a party again.

She definitely didn’t want that.

“Well, then, I guess I’m just going to have to go to my room!” She hmphed and stuck her nose up in the air. “And if you ever need a supper party, Bloono and I will be there to say I told you so.”

“You mind your tongue at our supper table, young miss,” said her Mom. “And you mind that balloon’s tongue also.”

Her Dad narrowed his eyes at her, his sideburns wiggling dangerously. “I won’t accept any back-sass from my own daughter in this household,” he said. “Nor will I accept it from a balloon. To your room, Pinkamena! You’re grounded for the night!”

“Just so you all know,” said Maud. “Bloono can’t talk. He’s a balloon.”

Pinkie pouted, tears welling up in her eyes. “Well, maybe he could, if you’d just give him a chance!” With that she stomped off from the table and up the stairs to her room. They’d see, eventually, once she had her next party planned. It wouldn’t be today, or even tomorrow, but when the party came, Bloono’d be the difference between having colorful helium balloons and not having colorful helium balloons.

They’d all see!

She shut her window to make sure Bloono wouldn’t accidentally escape outside, and looked around her room for a good place to keep him for the night. The corner was full of rubber chickens, and the space under her bed was crowded by whoopie cushions. She looked to the walls and the ceiling, which were made of splintery, splintery wood, and shuddered. Letting Bloony get anywhere near those was just asking for him to get popped.

Her entire room was a deathtrap!

Just like her Mom had always told her!

“Well, I’m going to keep you safe, Bloono,” she said, tying him around her hoof. She locked both eyes on the balloon, staring deep into her own reflection in the shiny blue rubber. “Even if I have to stay up and watch you all night!”

~~~

“Pinkamena, are you still up here?” asked her Mom, knocking on the door. “It’s ten in the morn. Your sisters are already out in the fields!”

“Oh...” said Pinkie, her eyes still fixed on Bloono. It was possible they may have frozen like that, but she wasn’t entirely sure. She’d only stopped blinking an hour ago. “I’ll be right down, then.”

“And about last night,” said her Mom through the door. “Don’t you mind what your Pa said. He was just a mite frustrated that you weren’t trying to do without. He’d been all excited about you learning to get along without helium for once, and then you show up at supper treating that balloon like it were Celestia herself come to save you.”

“I did not!” said Pinkie. She tried to stretch, rubbing the tired out of her eyes and hoping she’d ever be able to blink again. She looked back again at Bloono, to make sure nothing had happened to him in the few seconds he’d been out of her sight. “Well...”

Her Mom laughed her scratchy laugh. “Well, if Bloono makes you happy, Pinkamena, who am I to bother with that? Just stay away from your Pa for a bit, all right? He’s in a mood.”

“Okay, Mom,” Pinkie yawned. “Thanks.” She looked at her reflection in Bloono to study the bags that’d grown under her eyes. “Could you be sure to leave some extra sugar out with my breakfast? I think I could use the energy.”

Her Mom laughed again. “Of course, sweetie.”

~~~

She ate her breakfast lickety-split and went out to join Maud in the rock fields, making sure Bloono was tied tight to her tail. She was feeling a bit less bouncy today than usual—staying up all night to watch Bloono would probably do that to a pony—but that would go away once the sugar kicked in. Today, she was going to have fun, and she could think of no better way to do that than spending time with Bloono and Maud. And Boulder too, of course.

“Hey, Pinkie,” said Maud. “It’s a nice day, isn’t it?”

“Gneiss day was yesterday. Today, it’s...” Pinkie yawned again. “Gimme a sec here, I can remember!”

“No, I meant it’s a nice day,” said Maud, pointing up at the cloudy gray sky. “Mom said you were sleeping late, so I just wanted to point that out.”

“Oh!” said Pinkie, giggling. “Well, I wouldn’t want to take that for granite, then!”

“Yes,” said Maud. “Because granite day is tomorrow.”

“So...” said Pinkie. “Do you want to do anything fun with me and Bloono?” She wiggled her tail, bouncing Bloono around in the air. “We could play hide and go seek with Boulder! I’ve been practicing my looking skills!”

Maud gave Bloono a look, cocking her head to the side. “I don’t know, Pinkie. Bloono doesn’t look very good today.”

“What?” she gasped. “How could he—” She coughed. “I mean, no, that’s impossible, silly!” she said, stretching her smile as wide as it would go. “I stayed up to watch him aaaaall night, if anything were wrong with him, I think I would have noticed.”

She whistled until Maud looked away, then grabbed Bloono and checked him over. She pressed her hoof into the rubber and winced. He did feel a little squishier than he’d felt yesterday. Yesterday he’d been so full of helium that he could have burst. Now he was... a little less full of helium. Definitely not about to burst with it.

“You were right, Maud!” she shrieked. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest. The sugar was kicking in. “Bloono’s not feeling well! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?”

“I don’t know,” said Maud, clearly very concerned. “I don’t think about balloons much.”

“Do you think he’s sick?” asked Pinkie. “Where could he have gotten it, though? I mean, he looked absolutely fine when I took him home and stayed up to watch him all night. I never let him out of my sight!”

“Maybe that’s it,” said Maud. “I read in one of Dad’s textbooks that some animals don’t do very well in captivity.” She took Boulder out of her coat pocket and nuzzled him against her cheek. “Rocks are all right, because they are rocks, but balloons aren’t...”

“Aren’t what?” asked Pinkie, her heart pumping at Pinkie-speed. “Aren’t what?”

“Rocks.”

“No, no, no, that can’t be it!” It was impossible. Maud couldn’t be right about that, even though she was usually right about everything. There was no way that Bloono could be sick just because she’d kept him too close. She needed him! Without Bloono, she wouldn’t be able to throw any parties ever again, and that would be horrible. She could never ever ever let him g—

She bit her lip.

Surely he didn’t want to leave her, though, right? Balloons loved her! She’d never really kept a balloon around for as long as she had Bloono. And she’d never really read any of her Dad’s textbooks. And balloons had never really been rocks... But even so...

An idea sparked in her head. “I know!” she said brightly. “We’ll throw a party for Bloono! That’ll be sure to cheer him up! A party always cheers everyone up!” She stuck her hoof out. “Are you with me, Maud?”

Maud put a rock in Pinkie’s outstretched hoof. “Sure.”

~~~

The party was the best Pinkie had ever set up on such short notice. In only half an hour, she’d turned the dreary old barn into Pinkie Party Central. There were haysnacks and hay o’doeuvres, and plenty of book-confetti. She’d even managed to get some music going on the old beat-up record player. It was all rock music, of course, but it would have to do.

All it needed was the final piece to make the party complete.

“All right!” she said, tying Bloono to the tractor, where his blueness would best brighten things up. “I hereby declare Bloono’s Brilliantly Balliterative Balloonday Blowout ready to go!”

It really wasn’t that bad a party. She’d set up plenty of fun games, like tic-tac-toe, and tape the tail on the pony. The music was head-burstingly loud. Pinkie made sure to get her groove on as on as she could. Hopefully it would be enough to get Bloono feeling one-hundred percent better.

“I’m having so much fun!” she squealed, dancing harder than she’d ever danced before. She turned toward the rock tractor and made she was close enough for Bloono to hear. “This sure is a great party... thanks to Bloono!”

“I think Boulder’s really getting into it as well,” said Maud, dropping Boulder into the punch bowl. “He likes to cut loose every now and then.”

“Tic-tac-toe!” said Pinkie, dancing over to the games. “Bloono starts!” She scribbled three X’s in a row. “And Bloono wins! Hooray!” She held the sheet up so that Bloono could see it. “You’re really good at this!”

Maud shrugged. “I think that’s because he cheated.”

“Nonsense!” said Pinkie. She clambered up onto the rock tractor, and gave Bloono her biggest feel-better smile. “Bloono’s great at tic-tac-toe.” She pulled Bloono’s string down so that she could get ahold of him. “He’s having such a great time, I bet he’s already feeling better! He’ll win even harder at tape the tail on the pony, you just—”

She stopped.

“No...” she whispered. She gave Bloono a quick squeeze, just to be sure. He was even squishier and less full of helium now than he’d been before. His rubbery body felt so lifeless and cold. “It can’t be...”

“Bloono’s not looking better,” said Maud, climbing up on the tractor too. She blinked in concern. “He looks worse.”

“I know!” shrieked Pinkie. “But how? I threw him the most amazing party ever!” She sniffled. “Is it really so bad for a balloon to be cooped up with me for so long?”

Maud poked Bloono. “Maybe it’s just because there are tiny holes in the rubber through which helium can escape, so he’s deflating.”

“Thanks for trying to make me feel better, Maud,” said Pinkie, giving her sister a smile. She wiped a few of her tears away. “But I think you were right. I can’t keep holding onto Bloono forever. He has to be wild and free, like all balloons should be.” She sniffled again. “I forgot,” she said. “Helium’s a gas. You can’t keep it trapped forever.”

Maud put her hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder. “All right.”

Pinkie cradled Bloono in her hooves, rocking him gently back and forth. It was the last time she’d ever be hold a lighter-than-air balloon, and she wanted it to be special. “Can you... Can you clean up the party for me?” she asked. “I want to say goodbye.”

“Sure, Pinkie,” said Maud, climbing down from the tractor. “Tell him Boulder will miss him too.”

“I will,” she said. She climbed down from the tractor too, making sure to keep Bloono safe and cozy. She stepped out from the barn, into the cool open air, and sighed. “I guess this is it, then, Bloono. We’ve had some fun times together, but I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”

She gave Bloono a big hug, smiling as he squeaked back to her.

“Don’t worry about me,” she told him, wiping her tears so they wouldn’t get on him. “I’ll find a way to make do without you. Without helium.” She hiccuped, trying to choke back a sob. “And I mean it this time.”

Bloono squeaked.

“Maud and Boulder are going to miss you,” she whispered. “And so am I. So be sure to come back and visit us whenever you can.”

She let go of him and watched as he floated up slowly into the cloudy gray sky. The string was still within her grasp, and for a moment she wanted to reach out a hoof to catch it... but no, this was for the best. Bloono was free now. He’d have the better, happier life of a balloon who could drift wherever he felt like. This was for the best. “Goodbye, Bloono!” she called, waving to the little blue speck as it disappeared into the sky. “So long!”

It was a strange thing. She knew she was supposed to feel sad, but... somehow, she felt happy. Glad that Bloono was free now. Glad that she no longer had to keep watch over him. Glad that she could finally move on from her very last helium balloon. And, as she walked back to help Maud in the barn, she couldn’t help but think that maybe, possibly... just this once...

She’d learned something after all.

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The End

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Questions, Comments, Concerns?

fifthanthem@gmail.com

My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic © Hasbro

I do not own the intellectual properties this fan-fiction is based on.

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