Gregor hates everything: rants from a pissed off civilian.

by GanAfterDark

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Sex, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1949

Gregor is a human. Gregor went to Equestria. Gregor isn't happy with going there. And Gregor hates everything there. Here are all of Gregor's little rants about everything. Enjoy.

Gregor is a human. Gregor went to Equestria. Gregor isn't happy with going there. And Gregor hates everything there. Here are all of Gregor's little rants about everything. Enjoy.

Published 2014-03-30 21:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-09 12:23:24 UTC

3) Gabby-mother humping-gums.

I know they put a stop to this shit a while ago, but I'm still gonna complain about it. Wanna know why? Because I fucking said so. Shut the hell up. Go get me another beer.

Any ways lets start. Are these kids satanists of some shit!? What type of person in their fucked up minds would be able to do anything like this without having any remorse!? Yeah that's right white ass whore hat bitch face, stop shoving bananas up your vag and fucking do something! I didn't see you do shit that day!

And plus, why are the mane six such fucking pussies!? How the hell is hair extensions, manicures, and sleeping on the job so fucking bad!? You don't have to throw a little temper tantrum and be a dick to them. They're your sisters! Be a real fucking sister and tell them otherwise, and stop being douches.

And for you Diamond Tiara, you're a fucking bitch. More than the mane six. Wanna know why? Because you're the little cunt licker that wanted these innocent little fillies to do this! Go shove a fucking power drill up your ass hole and jump off a bridge, you whore.

-Gregor

Author's Note

Ittle late, I know, but who gives a fuck.

6) That one wedding thingy where all the shit got fucked up

Author's Note

Another review for you guys. Thanks from Jacob Hooves for the suggestion.

6) That one wedding thingy where all the shit got fucked up

Canterlot Wedding bitches! Yes, I am actually very excited, because you want to know why? I just said it. I have been wanting to complain about that fucking stupid ass wedding forever! Finally, now let's get started.

First of all, I blame that stupid whore hat Celestia. You are the worst leader I think I have ever witnessed, and wanna know why? Fucking Twilight was the one to notice, and she's your fucking apprentice for shit sake! Are you a retard, because you seem like one, because your dumb ass can't even learn how to fucking use magic! You raise the mother humping Sun every single god damn day and you can't even use your gay ass magic just to defeat one pony?

The stupid shield. That shield was supposed to protect them right? SO WHERE IN YOUR FUCKING RETARD MIND DID YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO LEAVE 1 FUCKING PONY TO KEEP THE SHIELD UP!? I mean, he's Twilights brother, but fucking really!? You put the shield up to protect everyone, but then you were all like, "Der, I'm a fucking stupid ass retard, we don't need a fucking shield! Just let that one pony guy try to keep it up."

Oh yeah, and you know you have to train guards to actually fight, right? Because what it looks like is you took in a bunch of pussies and kiss asses and you made them royal guards. They can't fight for shit. Get that through your fucking brain Celestia, at least your sister is fucking cool. You have to train them, or else they'll crumble like a fucking cookie.

Oh yeah, I have to go again. Pinkie Pie is gonna throw a "Gregor is a fucking asshole" party. Apparently I'm the piñata. Whelp, looks like my testicles aren't the only thing that'll be fucking sore today.

Your pissed off civilian,

Gregor

7) Rarity

Dear snobby fuck face,

You're a fucking bitch. I hate you. Fashion isn't everything, you dumb whore. So stop kissing Bluebloods white ass and learn how to not be a fucking dick!

First of all, Spikes the shit, okay? He's one of the only fucking ponies/whatever the hell some of those wierd ass things are that I like. And you FUCKING KNOW he likes you, and, what? You fucking act like you don't and like you don't care! Spike wants some mudda fuckin' pony pu$$y and you're just being a ENORMOUS cock block.

And also, I thought you were the element of Generosity, right? Well than why can't you actually be generous!? Every god damn time I see you you're just the same snobby rich ass whore. Donate to fucking charity or some shit, because you need to do something! You know what? Spike would be very happy if you were generous enough to suck his dick.

Oh yeah, I forgot, thanks for hitting me with a stick you retard. I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING CANDY INSIDE OF ME. That party was awful, especially when Twilight got drunk and started making out with Pinkie. And I don't even wanna talk about what Apple Jack and RD did. I knew it! I knew they were fucking!

Your pissed off civilian,

Gregor

Author's Note

That's right, I'm back! You miss me?

1) Celestia

Dear White ass whore hat bitch face,

Yeah that's right PRINCESS, I'm fucking pissed. I hope that fucking retard Pegasus with the jacked up eyes is able to deliver this message to you. This shit sucks. Would you like me to elaborate? Okay fatty.

For one, you're stupid ass sent you're sister to the moon. For what good fucking reason? Because she got angry and couldnt control herself? Take dat bitch to counciling for all we fucking care. And plus, you didn't even need her help all along? Then why was that sadomasochist even fucking born?

Second of all, you're system fucking sucks. Seriously. Just go eat a bag of dicks and die. I mean, what's so scary about some fucking forest! Oh yeah, I forgot, it's fucking normal not like the rest of the shit you like to do. Yeah that's right, things that move by themselves are fucking normal!

And last of all, I think you're a fucking pedophile. I mean, why the hell does Twilight Sparkle love kissing your white ass? I mean, she has to be eating some serious pony pussy if she can love something so much. She's fucking OBSESSED with you. Yeah, that's right, remember when you made me live with her? I can't help but hear her moan every night yelling, "UUH, UHH, OH, CELESTIA!!"

You're pissed off civilian,

Gregor

Author's Note

He's pissed.

2) fucking winter wrap up

Author's Note

For now on, I'll occasionally do letters, but a lot of reviews.

2) fucking winter wrap up

Okay. What the fuck is up with winter wrap up? How the fucking hell is it possible for a bunch of mud ponies, rètarted bird ponies, and the ponies with cocks on their heads to bring a season away without any possible way for the cycle of doing it? That makes no fucking sense!

I mean, what's so fucking important with making a bunch of stupid ass bird nests? What the fuck are the birds supposed to do, they make nests on their own, right? Why do we need those stupid fucking fashionista ponies-Rarity especially, I fucking hate her-making some god damn fancy ass bird nests? They're completely capable of making their own things, so do something important and actually help the retardted non-special horses.

Plus- you know what, I'm not gonna waste any time complaining about the mud ponies jobs, because you know what? I actually LIKE that part. Eh fuck this. I need another beer. I'm too fucking pissed.

Okay, let's complain about the hibernating animals. Let the mother fuckers sleep, for gods sake! Would you like it if I came into your house, yelling "wake the fuck up winters over!" I think all those animals are completely capable of waking their asses up without you're help. What am I talking about, you aren't helping the animals at all.

You ponies are fucking retarted. No wonder I learned in school that horses brains are like the size of fucking peas. Good luck with the shittty system. White ass.

-Gregor

4) Apple Jack

Author's Note

Yay, another letter!

It also sucks I had to be so mean to Apple Jack, she's my favorite pony.

4) Apple Jack

Dear All apple everything,

Everything's about apples, isn't it? Apples, apples, apples, oh yeah and I forgot, FUCKING APPLES. Does everything you're family do have to do with fucking apples? Like, what the fuck, were you born with fucking apple seeds inside your stomach? You're just a retard mud pony.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, you're an asshole, a bitch, a whore, and an apple obsessed cunt. Once you are able to shut the fucking hell up about apples, it just opens up again to either complain or some snide ass comment. And plus, I really think you and Rainbow Dash have been fucking. You are almost exactly alike, and no wonder Rainbow Dash is always coming to you're house late at night. I guess she just wants a little of you're "apple pie."

I still hope that mail pony retard gets this letter to your stupid ass, because I really need you to know this. I FUCKING HATE YOU. Along with all you're other stupid gay ass friends, especially that retarded pink little shit. Is she on drugs? Please tell me, that bitch needs some serious help.

I also think you've been fucking you're brother. Don't tell me that whole dead parents bull shit, how the fucking hell else was Apple-I'm a shit head-Bloom born? That's some nasty ass incest. I bet there are some fucked up people right now in this world, who are just beating their selves dry just imagining you two fucking. Now stop sucking Big-Dick-Mac's cock and try to fucking change.

No wonder you're always sore. You three should have a three way. Man that makes me so horny, you, Big-Dick-Mac, and Rainbow-whore-Dash. You know what, I'm REALLY horny right now, and it would be hard writing with my right hand and jacking off with my left. I gotta bounce, my dick's starting to hurt.

You're pissed off civilian,

Gregor

5) Pinkie Pie

Dear Pinkie-I'm a drug addict-Pie,

I seriously think you're on some hard crack. Or, maybe cocain. Maybe you're doing both, I don't know, but TAKE YOUR FUCKING RIDILAN. It doesn't seem like a good idea to be on drugs whenever you have some pretty fucking serious ADHD. So stop snorting coke until your fucking nose starts to bleed and please, please please, PLEASE get some help.

I have no fucking idea how you can be friends with everyone in Ponyville when I want you to fucking die. That's right, I want you DEAD because you're always ways bouncing off the fucking walls! Plus, I have no idea why you're rètarted friends could even make friends with you're hoppy ass, I mean what the hell! Where the fuck do you buy these drugs? Fucking CVS?

Parties. Everything's a party, isn't it? I bet you would be so fucking happy to throw a "My parents died today" party and you'll still have a blast. Fucking hell, you threw one of you're rètarted parties when I came here! So take take your fucking pills- oh wait, that'll only make you worse!

You know what? I'm fucking sore. I think I need to lie down after so much complaining. And plus, you can't imagine how much it hurts being bucked in the testicles by that fucking apple obsessed pony Apple Jack. Again, I hope that retard Derpy can get this letter to you, because the last time I tried to send a letter to Princess Celestia it didn't pass submission.

You're pissed off civilian,

Gregor

Author's Note

Yay! I'm back! If you have any ideas, please suggest them below. I'm running out of things to complain about! And you can always suggest ponies I can mail to. Ta Ta!