Dark Lord saves equestria

My name is Dark Lord bad ass Mcedgy the 1st and I’m here to save the day. My horribly dark and depressing past is just too much for most to here but i will tell you either way because fuck you. I waz like 7 or something when a group of evil and totally un original alicorns attacked my family. They killed them all and I was the only one left because I am also a expert ninja assassin. I just couldn’t save them in time. After that horribleness in my life I moved to the everyfree forest where I met a zebra named Zecora. She loved me from the minute we met and she felt such pity for me. She also loved my black and red hair. She said it was like a fire of epicness. She told me all her secrets and I told her all of mine.

    After a few months I went into town. The minute I walked into down all the mares swooned over me. They all clung to me like shit does to your asshole. They all loved my epic hair and amazing alicorness. Ow i guess I forgot to tell you I’m an alicorn. I will tell you how that happened. After my family died I learned I could absorb alicorns when they died (totally not ripping of skyrim. Skyrim ripped off this idea from me actually). Back to me in ponyville.

    As I walked around trying just to live my normal life the girls followed me causing more and more attention. That was when I saw my dream girls. One was blue with rainbow hair. The other yellow with pink hair. The blue one flew up to me and said, “Wow you are so badass looking. My name is rainbow dash and even though im totally off character and dont act like the real me I for some reason love you.”

    “Yes I know, I have that effect on ponies.” I said as I flexed my wings. She swooned over me and I could feel her just gazing at my awesomeness. I walked over to the yellow one and could see that animals loved her. I looked at her cutie mark and could tell she cared for animals.

    I started to sing and all the animals came to me. Ow I forgot to mention I am great with animals because they love my edginess.

    All the animals came to me at once and just like that she loved me. She said to me, “Oh my celestia you are soo good with animals. Around you I will never be shy even though the main characteristic of my character is shy fuck it.”

    “I seem  to do that to ponies.” I responded. Then all of a sudden a large portal opened and out popped evil me from an alternate dimension.

    He took Rainbow Dash and the yellow one. As the portal started to close I flew through. As I flew through I caused a Sonic edgy boom. Its like a sonic rainboom but cooler.

    As I flow through I noticed the world was dark and evil and stuff. I saw my evil twin and he dropped them and we began to fight.

    As he went to punch me I kicked him and he flew away. I then summoned the powers of the sun and moon because im like 10000 times more powerful than celestia and lune. I shot him with a lazer shot and he screamed out, “I will be back.” He might be right but for now they were safe. I picked them up and they both said, “We love you lets go make all the babies and we also love your fedora.” With that I created a portal back to equestria and flew through to go make love with my beautiful lovers.

            The end