Blackie wants some coffee
Author's Note
this is supposed to be bad. I think but read it anyway. I do not own the cover art.
Blackie wants some coffee
Hello everypony this is Blitz lightning. I am the one who has written the somewhat bad but otherwise good to my fans and myself stories but that aside this is just a side project for my true fans. Well Today I am going to tell you all a story of what happened to my friend Blackie. Well he wanted a coffee from StarswirlBucks and things don't go as he wanted them to go. Oh and did I mention that he gets mad, and can be a smartass, real easy. Well here we go.
"Auugh," Blackie yawned as he got out of bed.
For some reason he had the incredible urge for coffee. Throwing himself out of bed he tripped a few times while sending curses left hoof and right going to his dirty kitchen to search his disorganized cabinets for coffee. He couldn't find any. He was in the mood for coffee. He was now mad at himself because he had no coffee.
"Maybe I can go to StarswirlBucks." He said to himself. So he had got himself ready and headed off to StarswirlBucks. The streets were filled with ponies. They kept bumping into him and this made him furious. He was mad about his coffee not being at home because he forgot to buy some and now mad at the daily bustle. StarswirlBucks was in his sight. He could taste that coffee right then until some fat white pony pushed him over.
"FUCK YOU!"! Blackie yelled to the sky sending the cuss word to amazing new reaches but the white pony didn't seem to care at all and left him. Blackie picked himself up and angrily walked to StarswirlBucks. He got to the entrance and saw a couple walk out. He glared at them and they looked nervously back at him and rushed away. He walked inside and there were ponies of all kinds sitting at tables eating everything but coffee. Then a white mare walked up to him.
"Excuse me sir would you like a cookie?"
"No bitch I want some coffee." He shouted surprisingly not cause a scene.
"Oh, what's that?" She said totally oblivious to the insult.
"Bitch you don't know what coffee is and this is StarswirlBucks? You don't know what coffee is? This is a coffee chain! That's like me going to Big Macdonalds and saying 'Hey let me get a big mac'. And the dude looking back at me and saying 'What the fuck is a Vegie Burger?' Look mare coffee is what keeps you up all day coffee is what your supposed to be selling."
"Oh, that stuff. We're out of that." She said like the insults and the sarcasms was never there.
"How the hell are you out of coffee?" Blackie growled through his teeth.
"I'll give you a thirty percent discount if you get the latte." She said still happily not as if the insults anger and sarcasm wasn't there.
"Okay I'll take the latte." He said relieved of some of the anger.
"Okay sir that will be 14 bits." She happily assured.
"What the hell? 14 bits for a frigan latte? I have never spent 14 bits in my life unless it was a Saddle Arabian prostitute giving me a hoof-job in a public potty place. Tell me why a latte cost 14 bits? I didn't ask for a latte with a side order of pussy." Blackie ranted. He then stopped there and listened to a conversation with a cashier and a customer.
"That will be 35 bits for a bag of beans." Is all Blackie heard from the cashier before continuing his rant.
"35 bits for a bag of beans are you guys out of your Celestia damned minds. Are they magic beans if I plant them in the ground will a giant bean stalk grow out my ass. Or are they the magic beans that helped Luna get rid of the Night Mare Moon virus. Oh wait a minute she's sick she's sick fuck me."
"I'm not sure if they were the beans that cured her." She curiously pondered looking at the ground.
"Every time I say latte now it feels like I'm getting done in my plot pipe." Blackie said with his frustration building. "And who hired you and your dumbass co workers? I don't know who but you need to get fired immediately every last one of you look like an extra for the Twilight projections. And not the one that lives in that nasty ass tree."
"What roll would I play sir?" She asked stupidly.
"Now who the hell do I look like? And what kind of question is that bitch?" He asked.
"Somepony I've never seen before." she answered quickly. Blackie paused thinking how dumb is this mare?
"Screw this your probably the dumbest mare I've ever met in my Celestia damned life. I'm out." Blackie announced walking out. Extremely frustrated Blackie walked out of the restaurant. The daily bustle was even worse. But he walked back home avoiding anypony. He had got home quick and sat in a chair that was filthy and broken. Blackie then thought about something. He got up and went to his kitchen once more and searched through his cabinets. He looked at the one he had not opened and in that cabinet and in a spotlight a random mysterious light shown on a tub of coffee. He didn't say anything but he brewed the coffee in his coffee maker. It took a couple of minutes and he poured he new coffee in a coffee mug that said "Whatever day it is I hate it." He took a sip. Then spit it out with all the force in his body throwing down his coffee mug. He looked at the coffee tub and read the back. It was way past due. He looked up and looked directly ahead staring right through his house. Then a large shatter smashed his window as the coffee tub was smashed outside. Then out came the coffee mug to as it shattered right in front of a familiar white pony.
"I just wanted some fucking coffee!" Blackie yelled as loud as he could.
