Limits

"Mama?"

Ascentia shifted in Twilight's arms, feeling her brain start to wake up before her body did.

"Mama?"

Groaning, she opened her eyes, feeling Twilight behind her, holding tight to her as if afraid she'll drift away in her sleep. In front of her, Sunrise stood there, running her hand through her hair.

"What is it, Sunrise?" Ascentia asked tiredly, nuzzling into her hand reflexively.

"...Mama, I'm sorry. I was...being kinda bitchy, and not even really thinking clearly. I didn't mean it when I said you weren't my real Mama," Sunrise said, sniffling a bit, "But who cares. I never did before, so why now? Still, I'm sorry."

Ascentia propped herself up a bit, rubbing her eyes, "What you said really hurt, Sunrise. It'd be like if you'd snapped at your mother for... well this," she indicated the numerous scars and marks covering her body.

This confused Sunrise a bit, "I'm not sure I follow."

"Well, let's say you got really angry at your Mom one day and decided to hit her where it hurt and yelled at her for all that abuse she put me through before you were born," Ascentia explained groggily, "Not only is that already a sensitive issue for her, but she can't deny it, can she? And I love you so much, Sunrise. And a tiny bit of me hates the fact that I'm not your biological mother. So when you said that to me..." she trailed off and looked down at the floor, "...Never mind. I don't want to fight anymore."

Blinking, Sunrise crawled over and hugged her, "Okay. But Mama, I don't care. You guys told me he was some anonymous test tube, anyway. You don't have to be my bio Mama. ...Although it'd be cool if I had your hair!"

Ascentia mewled softly and hugged her daughter in return, tearing up a little, and stroked her hair, "Thanks, Sunny. I love you."

"I love you too, Mama," Sunrise nuzzled her.

Ascentia sighed happily, snuggling her little girl while her big girl snugged her from behind. For a very brief moment, Ascentia's mind was competely clear of any doubt or fear. Something she hadn't felt since her and Twilight first started dating back in school.

Kissing Sunrise's cheek, Ascentia reluctantly wriggled her way out of Twilight's grip, "How about we go make breakfast for your Mom for putting up with our shit all week?"

"Sure," Sunrise managed a smile, "That'd be cool."

Sitting up and throwing a robe on, Ascentia stumbled to her feet and led Sunrise downstairs, "Alright, time to teach you how to cook..."

"...Aren't you going to put on more clothes than that?" Sunrise asked, following her.

"I'll be fine, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Grease burns?"

"Hah, ask me how I got this big slice scar on my neck some time," Ascentia laughed.

"O-kay...?" Sunrise was not sure how to respond to that.

"It's a joke," Ascentia smiled, "...Admittedly it's a really dark joke, but still a joke."

Sunrise shrugged, "I guess so, Mama. So, what are we gonna make?"

"Hmm..." Ascentia peered through the fridge, pondering the contents, "How does omlettes sound?"

"Sure, let's do it," Sunrise said, going to the cupboard to search for spices.

Casting a glance at her for a moment, Ascentia pulled the carton out of the fridge and set it on the counter. Grabbing a pan from the cupboard, she gave it a twirl and set it on the stove, turning the heat on.

"Cut up some celery, tomatoes, and some ham while you're at it," she said, pulling out the vegatables and meat while throwing some bacon onto a plate.

Nodding, Sunrise obliged as she retrieved a knife and cutting board, "Mom's going to be so happy when she sees all this."

"Well maybe not this persay," Ascentia shrugged, "She's never liked watching me cook unless I'm in nothing but an apron. But she'll certainly love the surprise."

Sunrise blushed at the image, "Yeah, that's what I meant..."

Ascentia turned a smirk to her, "Oh, you're blushing now? Not running off screaming 'EWWWW'?"

Getting an idea, Sunrise giggled, "Doesn't mean I wasn't thinkin' it."

"Usually that goes the other way around," Ascentia said, playfully shoulder-shoving her.

"Shut up," Sunrise stuck her tongue out at her.

Ascentia reached down and playfully slapped her butt, "Just cut the veggies, missy."

"Ah!" Sunrise squeaked, jumping from the gesture, "Mama!" She paused, then slapped her butt right back, "Ha! Take that!"

"Jokes on you, I love being spanked," Ascentia said, hip-checking her.

"That's the first time you or Mom ever spanked me," Sunrise realized.

"Well your mother was always terrified of getting angry and hitting you, and I'm about as frightening as... well, a Kitten," Ascentia shrugged, "Plus, I always thought spanking a child was the sign you were a shitty parent anyway. It's like, what does a kid have to be doing that warrants hitting them? Most kids are less than three feet tall, what threat are they to anything?"

"Man, no kidding! Speccy and I were watching this show on cable once, it was telling stories about how some parents were hitting their kids to discipline them. You know, for back-talking, spanking, and stuff," Sunrise made a face, "I told Speccy that you nor Mom spanked me, and he said his Moms and Aunt never spanked him, either. One of the kids actually came on the show and talked about how his parents spanked him and made him afraid of them."

"Yeah, we never had to spank you for anything. You were born with ears, so we can just talk to you," Ascentia huffed, "Same with Spectrum's parents. Rainbow's a lot of things, but violent isn't one of them. And Fluttershy hits as hard as a gentle breeze across the face of a cheerful baby."

"She did break a guy's nose once, but he had it coming," Sunrise giggled, "But yeah, seriously. I never got that whole back-talking thing. I remember someone at school came with a bruise and she said that it was because her dad hit her. I asked her why and she said it was because she was a back-talker! Kinda like she had it coming or something. I even said that it was abuse, but she got angry and defended her parents, saying that it helps shape her up to be more disciplined, watch her mouth, and obey her parents like a good girl should. That was creepy!"

Ascentia nodded, then lifted her head, "Yeah, my father was big into corporal punishment too. Not hitting me, but things like push-ups when I misbehaved. Kinda why I'm so strong."

Thinking that over as she chopped some ham, Sunrise bit her lip, "...I'm not sure whether that's unbelievably cruel or at least better than being hit..."

Ascentia growled, "It hurt. A lot. I don't mean like, ten push ups for misbehaving. I'm talking a hundred, or two hundred."

"Oh GOD, that's just...that's freaking impossible!" Sunrise cringed.

"Oh believe me, I know," Ascentia said, huffing a bit, "Nothing worse for a seven year old girl than being asked to do fifty push ups for bad grades. I don't mean a C, I'm talking a Deferred Mark for doing so little work in a class. I'll say this, he usually let the time fit the crime, but it was still enough to hurt."

"Jeez! If I have any kids, I'll...uh... send them to a room where they can't play with their toys! Or put them against a corner in the wall or something."

"Well... that's what we did with you a lot, but after a while it doesn't work," Ascentia replied, "While I think that kind of exercise is beyond excessive, I'll say that my father's method was pretty obvious: Make your kid do something they don't enjoy doing. But hitting your kids makes no sense. They have no involvement in it besides laying there and taking it. What is the incentive to not misbehave? With spanking, it's just pain. That's abusive if you do it to a dog, and yet with a kid it's totally fine?"

Sunrise made a face again, "Urgh, talk about double standard. How about both are abusive?"

"Well it is," Ascentia replied, "It's assault. Hitting another person has always been assault, and it will always be assault. It's just that nobody treats a kid's problems like an actual problem. Why do you think every kid in town likes talking to me? I talk to them like they're adults, and not a puppy. Even your mother does that."

"It's like they think that having kids live in fear of misbehaving is what makes them good kids," Sunrise snorted, "Yeah, uh, nope! I kinda remember that living in fear is counter-productive to parents."

"And like I said, for Twilight it's a particular button," Ascentia said, cracking some eggs over the pan and making it fall over the bacon, "The reason she went to therapy so much is because she was afraid she'd become abusive toward you. Afraid she'd take her anger out on you the way she did me."

"And yet this thought never occurred to her when it was just the two of you?" Sunrise asked.

Ascentia looked up from the pan, "...Huh... never realized that."

"Guess you learn something new every day," Sunrise giggled.

Ascentia looked down at the pan, a troubled expression on her face, "...Would she have..."

"Mama? You okay?"

"...It's just... if we'd never decided we wanted to have kids..." Ascentia said, looking down at the frying egg, "...Would she have just kept beating me?"

Sunrise blinked, "...Wow. That's... gee, I never thought of it that way."

She pondered a few moments, then heard a sound by the front door.

"Mail's here! I'll go get it."

Sunrise put the knife down, going to the front door, where the letters lay on the mat. Picking them up, she brought them to the kitchen, seeing if anything was of interest to her. Not quite, but she did find a letter addressed to Twilight, with a certain return address.

"Hey, Mom's got a letter from Uncle Spike!" She announced.

Ascentia rolled her eyes in irritation, and set her utensils down, "Well put it down where she'll find it. Spike writes to her all the time."

Sunrise set them down, nodding, "So, uh... yeah, let's uh... keep going, I guess."

"With breakfast or the conversation?" Ascentia asked.

"Mama! It's got nothing to do with me!"

"What doesn't?" Came Twilight's voice from the doorway.

Ascentia took a steady breath, pondering whether or not she should confront Twilight about what just came to her.

"Nothing, Ma! We were just-"

"Twilight, if we had never had Sunrise, would you have just kept torturing me?" Ascentia asked, turning around to face her.

"Mama! Way to lay it on thick!" Sunrise groaned.

Ascentia glared at her and pointed to the vivid mark running across her throat, "I got this when she was holding a knife to my throat, don't fucking tell me I'm laying it on thick."

Twilight's tired eyes went wide, "...What? What are you talking about?"

"It just came to me that when you started going through all your therapy, all you kept saying was how scared you were of hurting Sunrise. How you were afraid this would carry over to her. But only maybe a few times you talked about what you were doing to me. It was all about what you were afraid you'd do to her," Ascentia said, shaking a little, "...So... if we never had Sunrise, would all that have just kept going?"

Now Twilight had no idea how to react. She had just gotten up and was now being confronted with a past serious issue; but moreover, Ascentia was actually upset about it more than she'd probably ever displayed. Off guard, she stood in place, looking all around, biting her lip.

"...I don't know," she said honestly, not looking at either of them, "I-I don't know."

Ascentia took a shaky breath and wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have dropped that on you when you just got up..."

"I..." Twilight couldn't speak, she just sat down on the table, holding her head. The moment she saw the envelopes on the table, one in particular, she grabbed it and clutched it tightly, "I have to go get changed."

She got up and left the kitchen without another word.

Ascentia was surprised, then felt ashamed of herself, "...I hope that's not my fault..."

Sunrise exhaled, shrugging, "Heck if I know, Mama. I mean, it's not what happened and in the freaking past, so it's no use worrying about it."

Ascentia sighed a little and turned back to the pan, "Sunrise, there's a reason nobody so much as laid a finger on you. I'm the reason."

"But... didn't you always tell me not to worry about it? Didn't you say that to everyone else?"

"I say a lot of things, Sunny," Ascentia sighed, "I openly told Twilight I liked it because the thought of her ever leaving scares the ever loving shit out of me. But it hurt. It hurt so much. And she was just... so angry. All the time. I was terrified of her, and prayed to gods I don't even believe in why she couldn't just calm down and give me a hug instead of punching me in the jaw." Her hands started to shake as she started having flashbacks.

"..Mama?" Sunrise awkwardly stepped back, "Mama, seriously, this is getting heavy. Y-You okay?"

Ascentia sat down and put her fingers to her head, her breathing starting to become rapid, "...Get your mother."

Sunrise squeaked, then hurried upstairs, "Mom! Mom, come down, quick! Mama's freaking out!"

Twilight came down, looking confused, "What is-" she spotted Ascentia and her eyes widened, "Oh my god!

Rushing over, she set a chair next to her and pulled Ascentia into her arms, stroking her hair as she tightly held to her.

"Sunny, in the top drawer there's a blue bottle," she said, "Please hand it to me."

Doing so, Sunrise retrieved the bottle and handed it to her, "Why? What is it?"

Twilight popped the top and shook out two white pills, taking a glass of water and holding it to Ascentia's lips, "Here Kitten, take this for me," she said softly, rubbing her back.

Ascentia shakily took the glass into her hand as Twilight popped the pills into her mouth. Taking a sip, she swallowed and set the glass down, wrapping herself tightly into Twilight's embrace and shivering.

"Your mother has PTSD, and she just had an episode," Twilight explained in a very soft voice.

Sunrise, however, was puzzled, "...Pretty Traumatic Super Dementia?"

Twilight shook her head, "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"OH! ...Oh..." Sunrise nodded, "...Mom? Is it... I mean... would you really have gotten therapy even if you weren't having me?"

Twilight nodded, keeping her soft tone as she ran her fingers through Ascentia's hair, "You were the snowball effect, honey. If we hadn't had you, I'm sure something else would have woken me up to what I was doing."

Sunrise opened her mouth to respond, then sat back down, "...You know, that's a good point, Ma. I guess something else could've happened."

Twilight nodded and rocked Ascentia, pulling the taller woman into her lap and making soft shushing noises when Ascentia started crying, "She's had episodes like this before, and they can get pretty bad."

"Oh..." Sunrise looked around awkwardly, wringing her fingers, "I'm sorry, Ma. I kinda planted that question on her by accident. But still, sorry..."

Twilight shook her head, "I've triggered her before without meaning to as well. It's not your fault. Even I don't know what's going to trigger her all the time. But when it does happen, get me as soon as you can."

"Okay Ma, I'll do that. But what about if you're in Canterlot or something?"

"Get Rarity," Twilight said, stroking her wife's hair.

Sunrise nodded, figuring to just go with it, "Okay, I will."

Twilight kissed Ascentia's cheek and rocked her, "It's okay, Kitten. You're safe now."

The door opened behind them, and a familiar man stepped across the threshold, "Hey guys, what's... oh my god, what happened?" Spike asked, coming to the table.

"Hey, Uncle Spike!" Sunrise greeted with a grin, running to him and hugging him, "Long story, but Mama was just having a tough episode. But she'll be okay!"

Twilight brightened visibly, smiling, "Hi there, Spike. Yeah, poor Kitten had a bit of a trigger. Don't worry, she'll be fine. She just needs to calm down."

Spike nodded and sat down, looking at the mail on the table, "Oh, it finally came? I sent it like three weeks ago."

"What?" Twilight said, confused, "That's odd. Usually your letters come a lot faster than that."

Spike shrugged, "Yeah. I don't know what happened. It was just a letter telling you I was coming down in a few weeks... which is today."

"I don't know why, but that's hilarious!" Sunrise giggled, taking the letter and reading it, "Dear Twilight, how are you doing? Guess what? I got some time off work and I'm going to come see you guys! I'll be in town on the seventh, I can't wait to see you! Ex-oh, ex-oh, ex-oh... hee! You sign your letters with hugs and kisses? That's so adorable!"

Ascentia slowly turned her head, glaring at him and growling a little. Spike snickered at this display.

"Yes Ascentia, Twilight's yours and you're ferocious," he said, patting the top of her head.

Ascentia smiled at the assertion of her territory and nuzzled back under Twilight's chin.

"Oh, you guys," Twilight giggled.

Sunrise looked between the two, puzzled. Had she missed something?

"So, how are you doing?" Twilight asked, her smile growing.

Spike laughed and sat down while Sunrise snuggled up to him, "I'm good. Been working hard, but I'm good. How's the family been?"

"We're doing great," Twilight said, giggling at the sight.

"I sure missed you, Uncle Spike!" Sunrise pouted, "I wanna see you more!"

"Well kiddo, I may just be moving back to Ponyville," Spike smirked, squeezing her a little.

"REALLY?! YAY!" Sunrise squealed, hugging him tight.

This made Twilight smile more as well, "You're kidding! Really?"

Spike nodded, "Yup. Picked up a new job working at the new steel yard on the outskirts of town."

"Aw, that's great!" Twilight said, reaching around and giving him a high-five, "It'll be good to have you back around again!"

"YES! Score one for me!" Sunrise said excitedly, "Which means we can do more stuff together, Uncle Spike!"

Spike smiled and pulled Sunrise under his arm, "Oh yeah, love spending time with you, kiddo."

"Those two are like father and daughter," Ascentia chuckled, nuzzling Twilight's face.

Unseen to Ascentia, Twilight bit her lip and looked down a little bit. She didn't respond for a few moments, feigning that she was mulling over some things in her mind.

"Yeah... Yeah, I know," Twilight replied softly, "I think it'll be good for Sunrise to have him around more. She really gets along well with him."

"You okay?" Ascentia asked, "Your heart is racing."

Twilight nodded, "Oh, I'm fine. I'm just... I'm really excited for this. I'm happy I can finally reconnect with him."

Ascentia made a concerned mewling noise, but otherwise took her word for it and curled up closer to her.

"So Spike, get a girlfriend yet?" Ascentia asked with a giggle.

Spike laughed and shook his head, "Nope. Not for me, I work too much and have too much family."

Twilight met his gaze briefly, her heart skipping a beat. She managed a smile, "Hey, as long as you're happy either way."

Spike smiled at her and nodded, "Of course. I get to come down and see you three all the time now."

"Yipee!" Sunrise cheered.

"I'm looking forward to it," Twilight smiled more.

Sunrise looked between the two, "Am I missing something here?"

Spike and Twilight both chuckled, "Nah, you're not missing anything..."

"Hey Twilight!" A young Spike called out as Twilight came out of her English class, carrying a back-breaking heavy bag, "Twilight, wait up!"

"Oh, hi Spike," Twilight smiled warmly at him, "What's up?"

"Uh... nothing, I was just wondering if you were busy right now?" Spike asked, smiling back.

Twilight shook her head, "No, I just have to study later. But I can wait before doing that."

"Twilight Sparkle? Putting off studying?" Spike laughed, putting a hand to her forehead, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, Spike!" Twilight giggled, hugging him, "I just haven't seen you in a while, that's all."

"Great, because there's... uh... something I wanted to talk to you about," Spike said, his voice cracking a bit, "Can we go... talk in private?"

Twilight blinked, but nodded, "Sure, but, are you okay? You seem nervous."

"Yeah, I'm okay," Spike said, leading them into an empty classroom, "It's just... something important."

Once alone, Twilight faced him curiously.

"What's up? What did you want to talk to me about?" She asked.

Spike twiddled his fingers a bit and took a deep breath, "Uh... we've been friends our whole lives, right?"

Giggling, Twilight nodded, "Yeah, of course! We've known each other since we were little."

"So... have you ever considered us being... more than friends?"

Eyes going wide, Twilight felt as if her heart was going cold and yet accelerating at the same time. She froze in place, unsure how to respond as she caught on to what he was saying.

"S-Spike...? You... You have feelings for me?" She managed, her voice shaking.

Spike smiled sheepishly and nodded, "Yeah..."

That had been what she was afraid of. Twilight shook a bit, a mixture of guilt and sadness overtaking her. Every bit of her being wanted to say yes, that she felt the same way. She could feel, she knew what a great boyfriend he would be. Having been best friends and with him as her assistant for years, it helped her see the possibility. But for it to actually happen, she knew that it couldn't happen.

Giving all of herself to him wasn't something she was sure she could do. Beyond the genuine love they shared, what else could there be if she had nothing further?

"Spike... Spike, I-I do love you too, I just... I don't..." Twilight looked down sadly, "The thing is... I've realized something about myself. It's something I-I didn't think I could come to terms with, I... But I have to tell someone. It's just... I'm actually... a-a lesbian."

Spike's eyes widened and the surprise of Twilight's confession overpowered the sting of her obvious rejection. Moving forward a little bit, he tentatively put a hand on her shoulder.

"Really?" he asked, "H-How did you... how did you find out?"

"It's kind of hard to explain," Twilight admitted, not quite looking at him, "But everytime I'm out, I always find myself staring at girls. It's like I notice something beautiful about them, something that they seem to possess. If they're... scantily clad, I feel compelled to stare, and not just because of the sociatal norms, but I digress. I even start picturing them naked, I imagine what it would be like to be with them, and I get so into the thought. But with men, not so much. I mean, I can easily say a man is attractive. I have eyes! But beyond that, I just don't see myself getting intimate with another guy. It's something I find myself kind of dreading. If I get a boyfriend, no matter how much I like him, he'll expect me to put out. And if I can't give that to him, what's the point? With another girl, I can give myself to her romantically and physically. It's... it's weird that way, but I have come to see that I like women."

Spike sat back a little bit, sighing disappointedly, "I guess I... I'm sorry Twilight, I shouldn't have dropped that on you... I'll see you around..."

He hurriedly rushed out the door, and Twilight heard his footsteps pick up into a sprint as he tore down the hall.

"Spike! Spike, wait!" Twilight tried to run out after him, but it was too late, he'd already gotten ahead of her. Stricken, she felt tears streaming down her face, her knees buckling, and her entire body going numb, "Spike... wait... don't go..."

"...Mama, I think they're stuck..." Sunrise said as her and Ascentia watched Twilight and Spike stare off into space.

"Should we try rebooting them?" Ascentia asked.

Spike tore off down the hall and out the front door, breathing heavily from the exertion as he sat down on the planter and his mind finally caught up to him. It finally dawned on him that not only had Twilight rejected him, she'd given him the penultimate 'Never gonna happen' he couldn't imagined.

Curling his head against his knees he fought hard not to cry.

For a while he remained there, trembling and fighting back tears. He wasn't sure how long he had been. But when he heard soft footsteps approaching, he cringed. He didn't want to be seen right now.

"...Spike?" Came Twilight's worried, sad voice, "Spike... I'm so sorry. Please don't run away from me."

"I... I didn't run away," he said hurridely, wiping his eyes and hoping he wasn't seen, "I just... was having an asthma attack."

"...Spike..." Twilight's voice quivered as tears ran down her face, "Please look at me, Spike."

Spike lifted his head and turned his reddened eyes toward her, "Yeah?"

Sniffling, she fell to her knees in front of him, reaching over to touch his shoulders, "Spike... you're not going to just leave me, r-right? You're my best friend, a-and I love you so much! I can't lose you because of this!"

Spike shook his head, "No, I'm not leaving. Just... I dunno... can I have a hug?"

"Of course," Twilight smiled a bit through her tears, bringing her arms around him in a tight hug.

"...Twilight?" he asked, hugging her tightly, "Can you do me a favor?"

Nodding, Twilight snuggled closer, "What is it?"

"Don't date a girl that's taller than me," he said, managing a little chuckle.

"Oh, Spike..." Twilight buried her face into his neck, sniffling loudly.