One Minute of Chaos

by Michael Hudson

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Fluttershy
Length: 3965

Discord has been reformed, and now seeks help for the next step in integrating with ponies. Romance. Never said he would be right.

Prequel was done second and you do not have to read it.

Discord, the spirit of chaos, has fallen gravely ill, and its really affecting him. From mood swings to more regular physical ailments, he is feeling terrible. Unfortunately, dear Fluttershy will never be able to help him, so he must find a different pony to make him feel better. And he'll prove just how sick he is, or at least get a few laughs along the way.

The wondrous cover art was done by the amazingly talented kazifasari.
Edited by war10ck111.

Accepted into Nonpareil Fiction!

Featured by Luna's Fanfiction Library!
[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]

Published 2014-03-31 00:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-31 00:30:04 UTC

The treatment plan

“One minute of your time please. I’m feeling just a touch under the weather.” Discord asked as he gave a small wave to the white mare in front of him. As he went to enter though, Rarity slammed the door in his face. “Well that was just rude. Please open up, we have important matters to discuss.”

A screech came from the other side of the door. “No! You look sickly and I remember the last time you said you were sick. I was blue for a month after that ridiculous sneeze, so if you would kindly, go away!” Discord looked down at the hospital gown he was in and frowned. Truly couldn’t blame her he supposed.

“I will admit, I am violently ill. I can’t think straight, my hands are clammy, and I keep finding butterflies, ah, ah, achoo!” Discord watched as the pink bugs flew away. “See, I am in no condition to be by myself. Besides, I am here for advice so I can be cured, and who better than you.” Discord put a paw to his chin. “Well I’ll admit I tried asking Twilight first, but you eat a couple dozen books and yeesh.”

Rarity opened the door a crack and saw a very depressed draconequus scratching at the wood that made up her house, repainting it as he did so. “Fine, get in here, don’t cause trouble, and stop ruining my house. It's beautiful and elegant, something you probably couldn’t even start to appreciate.” Rarity opened the door further, but instead of just walking in, Discord wrapped around Rarity’s throat as a brown and white scarf.

“A little tight, don’t you think?” Rarity just barely got out the question, and the scarf loosened.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t like to hug normally, and I’m just so honored by your generosity. Now, lets head AIIII!” Discord returned to his regular, or better put, more regular form, his tail caught in the door. “Again, rude.”

“So, why don’t you tell me what your actual symptoms are so we can figure out what is wrong with you and then you can get out of here.” Rarity turned back to the draconequus, who was currently studying the white mare.

“I wasn’t lying dear Rarity, I truly have a problem, including the butterflies in myself. Maybe a nice chowder would soothe my stomach and help me feel better.”

Rarity rolled her eyes at the spirit of chaos. “Fluttershy is the better cook, why don’t you go see her?” The draconequus sighed and actually curled up in a pile of his own coils.

“I wish I could, but none of her food, or anyone else’s has been interesting me recently. I’ve tried everything from climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro to running with the bulls. I even spent time in a bowl of hot coals.” Discord grinned as Rarity flopped down onto one of the many couches within her boutique.

“Well at least one of those activities sounded like they might have helped, though don’t you mean a bed of hot coals?” Rarity was filled with dread as Discord arched one of his bushy brows.

“Oh my, I fear for your mattress then. I personally prefer bowls to eat out of. The coals were my attempt to eat something, and boy were they hot. At least four alarm probably.” Rarity jumped up from her couch yelling in frustration.

“Alright smart guy, just tell me what to do so I can get you out of my mane and get on with my work. And yes, I actually care about my work, so don’t try to help by ‘fixing’ some of my designs.” Rarity rolled her eyes at Discord's attempt to prove her wrong by switching into a fine italian suit.

Discord took off his fedora and held it in front of him. “You’re absolutely right Rarity, I’m sorry. You see the business I need to take care of scares me and I would rather not talk about it.” Discord watched as Rarity looked him over, waiting for her snide remark, or some other comment on how this was out of his character. That or how ponies were supposed to fear him. The draconequus sighed seeing that as part of his problem.

“Alright, what is it that ails you darling?” Rarity smiled as she saw the shocked look on Discords face, even if it meant she would need to sweep the now lost eyebrows up later. She could tell that he actually did need help though, and saw no reason why not to at least try.

“Have you heard of Pony Cassidy’s hit song, ‘I Think I Love You’?” Discord then grinned, realizing there was one more thing to do to get his point across. Rarity put a hoof up to her muzzle trying to figure out what he might mean, and why that might be relevant. She looked back at the now white and purple draconequus as he said, “Or Bogart Palmer’s ‘Bad Case of Loving You’?” Discord smiled as the young mare’s face went from white to a very deep red.

“No! I refuse. Find another Draconequus or even a chimera, but leave me out of your sick and twisted fantasies.” Rarity stomped her hooves down, panting heavily.

“Oh Rarity, you really must try to control that awful screaming, otherwise I might be the best you’ll ever hope for. And you have to admit that at least I look fabulous!” Just as Discord had posed, he suddenly found himself being shown towards the door, and rather forcefully if he had to share his opinion, which he normally did.

“No no no no no.! I will not be the bride to some creep without an ounce of taste or regality! Therefore, get out!” Rarity successfully shoved the draconequus out of her boutique, almost having been given a heart attack by the proposition.

“Really, one no was enough. Also, what made you think that would wor-.” Discord had just come out from under the door, about the size of a shrew when he’d been smacked by Rarity’s tail. Note to self, make sure you have good anchoring when small, or at least some way to protect yourself. “Well, I suppose I’ll just curl up over here then.” Rarity looked over to the couch where the spirit had resumed full size, and in his regular colors she added thankfully. “Seriously Rarity, don’t flatter yourself. You have far too large of a stick shoved up your plot for me to like. And if I may, ‘Bride to some creep’, really?”

Rarity huffed, her eyes narrowing as her lips curled back. “Oh, I don’t know. Personally I believe if you wanted somepony you would just bop them on the head like dear Fluttershy and make them.” Rarity paused having seen Discord cringe. “Wait a minute, it's Fluttershy, isn’t it? You actually are in love?”

Discord threw his hands up in the air, sneezing at the same time, releasing more butterflies. “Yes, and Twilight didn’t really approve of my feelings. I was hoping with your interest in romance, you would be generous enough to help me express my feelings to our dear friend.” There was a silence as Rarity just watched Discord, who soon started playing with his hands creating different little objects in between the talons and paw. In fact, Rarity couldn’t help but laugh when he made a cat’s cradle, with an actual cat inside.

Discord scowled and snapped his fingers, getting the ponicans to start galloping around with her dresses on them. Rarity yelped and said, “Wait Discord, I am interested in helping you, but please give me time, the idea of this is absolutely ludicrous.” With this the ponicans stopped, and the draconequus simply strode over to Rarity, low to the ground, and a smile that never got anywhere near his eyes.

“Ludicrous ay? How about the fact that it hurts whenever I see her. The fact that when I sleep she haunts my nightmares? The fact that when I use my magic, I immediately wonder if dear Fluttershy would approve? How about the fact that I now actually enjoy being reformed?” Discord now stood tall in front of Rarity, towering over her, but instead of a bellow of rage, a tear fell from his eyes. “Or having come about an inch of giving myself a lobotomy to try to rid me of this curse before seeking help?"

Rarity levitated a handkerchief up to the spirit of chaos. “I’m sorry Discord, I truly am. Please sit down and we can start discussing what you’ve already done, and what you must do to progress your relationship. But how about lunch first, to mellow out the mood a little?”

Discord smiled and said, “I think I would like that.”

======++++++======

In retrospect, Rarity knew she should have just continued the talk, instead of the mess lunch had become. Rarity sighed as she watched Discord finish off what she could admit was a somewhat older and out of fashion dress, but still one of her favorites. All for his threadghetti with meat sauce. Rarity sighed and slammed her hoof down on the disembodied paw that had been going for the rainbow spool that she was keeping safe.

“All right Discord, I agreed to help, so shall we continue our discussion of your infatuation with Fluttershy?” Rarity had to admit she was happy for the draconequus. Besides, maybe the relationship would help Discord become a bit less offensive? Of course, maybe she would kill him first, she thought as the paw poked her in the muzzle before floating back to Discord.

“Yes, I believe we shall. I do hope you can help me with getting Fluttershy to understand my feelings, preferably without you asking her. That would just ruin the surprise for me.” Discord smiled at Rarity who was simply shaking her head at the draconequus.

“How are you having trouble with this? Why don’t you just make the clouds say what you want, or shower her in flowers and the such to get your point across?” Rarity gazed up at the ceiling imagining some gentlecolt performing such tricks for her.

“Well, how would dear little Fluttershy react to that? I do try to boast that I can manipulate the occasional pony or two, and that takes understanding. I have tried one or two different tricks though.” Discord grinned as Rarity arched an eyebrow. “All right, but if we are actually going to recall the event, we are going to do it my way.”

Discord summoned a puffy cloud and a few theater chairs, gesturing for Rarity to sit. He then stretched out the cloud to become a magical screen, already showing memories of playing with ponies from long ago. Rarity commented with a huff, “You know nopony will trust you if you continue to enjoy those old pranks.” Just then her chair snapped shut, flinging Rarity into the ceiling. Fortunately, the chair opened back up to catch the white mare.

Discord started chuckling as he replied, “You are absolutely right. I really should focus more on the more recent events.” Rarity glared at Discord as he took a picture. “Well then, it was a regular afternoon for Fluttershy, and dinner was roaming around.” Discord was now on the screen, standing in the middle of Fluttershy’s cottage. The draconequus snapped his fingers and became a heart shaped table, with another heart made out of rose petals laying on him.

“Ah, Discord that's actually fairly sweet. Did Fluttershy not like it?”

“Not exactly. I merely overlooked one small detail.” Discord sat there for a few minutes before Fluttershy flew in, humming to herself. The chimes in Fluttershy’s house added their accompaniment to the tune, but the breeze also blew away the petals on Discord. The eyes on the table narrowed, but then lightened up as the yellow Pegasus came over.

“Good afternoon Discord. Oh wait, I mean good evening, and what a pleasant surprise that you would come by to visit today. I apologize for coming home later than normal, but I found these poor baby birds that had fallen out of their nest, and I just had to help them find their way back. I’ll start dinner right away.” The table grew arms and crossed them on top of itself, eyes narrowing further.

“Dear Fluttershy, aren’t you missing something?” Fluttershy looked up and stared at the table draconequus for a good few moments, before her eyes perked up and she jumped a little in the air.

“Oh my goodness, you are absolutely right.” Fluttershy flew to her refrigerator and pulled out a carrot cake that she set on Discord. “I promised you a slice of Angel’s carrot cake yesterday, and I should have brought it out immediately. Today’s been a little busy, so my head’s a little all over the place.”

Discord looked down at the cake and then back at Fluttershy. Then back to the cake. A tongue came out of the table and wrapped itself around the cake before dragging it back into the draconequus’s maw. “Thank you Fluttershy, it was absolutely delicious.”

“That is wonderful to heeeeear! Where did it go?” Fluttershy flew onto the table in full panic mode searching for the now missing carrot cake. Discord went from table form back to draconequus, wrapping Fluttershy in his lengthy body.

“Don’t panic my dear, I doubt that nasty little bunny of your's would have been able to fully enjoy it anyways. Besides, we have more important things to discuss.” Fluttershy pushed herself free of the hug, glaring at Discord. Discord smiled but it then faltered when Fluttershy trotted away from him, opening the front door.

“Leave.”

“Oh come now Fluttershy, don’t be so harsh. Aren’t small pranks something,” Discord actually paused, his eyes downcast, “friends do to each other?” Fluttershy’s gaze became more intense as her brows lowered further. Rarity took a sharp breath of air, having forgotten what her friend was capable of.

“Small pranks, yes. Theft and blatant insults are not something friends do though.” Discord twiddled his thumbs for a moment before slinking out the door, the cloud collapsing on itself. Rarity turned to a blushing draconequus and smiled.

“Well, it was a good effort, but I can see why you came seeking my expertise. However, may I know why you ate the cake?” Discord picked up a hanky, sneezing into it, and blubbering out,

“Oh come now; we just watched a very moving picture and you ask such a silly question?” Rarity sat down onto the floor, raising an eyebrow at Discord.

“ ‘Sleepless in the Saddle’ was a moving film. That on the other hoof, was a joke. Now spill.”

“Fine. Normally if I come over to Fluttershy’s small cottage, we eat about an hour earlier than we did that day.” Rarity face hooved herself, glaring at Discord over it.

“I am not going to cover the fact that should already be obvious, you know, the fact that love is more important than food.” Rarity regained her composure, allowing for a moment of calm. “And start with my first idea, which is to transform your ridiculous shape. And I have the perfect design idea as to what your ponysona could wear to impress Fluttershy.”

Discord hummed to himself, mulling over the idea, and then snapped, a light bulb flashing over his head. “You are absolutely right. I mean, when you saw the stallion of your dreams you fell stupidly in love. Of course, we must take into account the fact that this is indeed Fluttershy and adapt to her peculiar tastes.” Discord rolled up into a ball, compressing his form for the smaller vessel.

Rarity was pleased with herself to have been able to already help the annoying Draconequus. Who knows, maybe I should try to befriend him myself? Rarity’s thoughts immediately shifted back to the effectiveness of using Discord as a pincushion as the chaotic spirit uncurled, revealing Prince Blueblood.

“That is not what I meant! I thought this was supposed to appeal to Fluttershy, not repulse every mare in Equestria!”

“Now now Rarity, I hear Blueblood is quite the popular bachelor. Besides, I don’t even have even an ounce of blood that is blue, and do you not notice the brown and white color scheme? I am very different from Blueblood, at least in my opinion.” Rarity huffed at the sarcasm in his voice.

“I understand. Now change back before I start having flashbacks. I don’t need two Bluebloods in the world for any longer than is absolutely necessary.” Rarity faltered as Discord changed back, a deep scowl on his face.

“You don’t get it. It doesn’t matter what form I have, I am still Discord, spirit of chaos, and the one and only draconequus!” Discord pinched the bridge of his nose, and Rarity came over putting a hoof on his side. Discord sighed, “Every pony wants me to be something I’m not. Whether it’s some force of harmony, or at least a pony that looks normal. But I’m not normal, I never will be normal. The only pony in Equestria who is willing to accept this fact is Fluttershy. Around her I just have to make sure I don’t start destroying everything. I can be me and she doesn’t cringe or flinch. She accepts me, unlike everypony else.”

Rarity paused, thinking about the words, and what other alternatives she could offer to help, but found none. “Discord, the only thing I could suggest is a grand gesture. To try to sweep her off her hooves and steal her heart. But you know what will happen then. I wish I could help you more, but I simply can’t. I don’t know you well enough.” Discord frowned, thinking to himself.

“Are you sure? I mean you’ve read all of those, urk, romance novels. Surely there is something in here where the beast gets the beauty, right? I need something, anything! Otherwise, I’ll never get rid of these awful, ACHOO!” A whole swarm of butterflies blasted Rarity in the face. The white mare’s eye started to twitch, looking at the gunk that had also covered her. She swallowed hard, walking over to Discord.

“Discord, before I go for the longest shower of my life, I have one last suggestion. Make a final grand gesture, but make sure it's from you. Maybe even show your feelings in something that is simple and blunt, instead of complicated and subtle. Like you said, you are the one and only spirit of chaos; show Fluttershy how that could make you the one and only one for her. However, keep it humble because it’s when your pride gets in the way that you get to be truly insufferable.” Discord looked down at the mare’s blue eyes, and hugged her.

“Thank you. I even think I already have a plan. And, if it so pleases my tutor, I want to reward you when she says yes. So, what would you like?” Discord already was summoning different outfits, causing Rarity to cringe as he picked up different articles of clothing, none of which should ever go together.

“I think you mean, ‘if she says yes.’ And I think something safe like chocolate will do. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wash,” Rarity paused seeing herself in the mirror, “everything.”

“Ta ta deary; and trust me, I’m leaving. Besides, I have much to prepare for.” Discord smiled to himself, liking the simple butler’s outfit he had once donned for Fluttershy. Yes, it would do perfectly.

======++++++======

Fluttershy hoped Discord was back at the cottage. He had been a little distant recently, and she was worried that he had become sick or something. Hopefully it wasn’t something she had done that kept him away. Then again, the carrot cake may have had done something seeing as he had eaten it whole. In fact, she still needed to make Angel a new carrot cake. “Wait a minute, there wasn’t a bush here before?”

Fluttershy looked around the bush, realizing that it was more of a hedge. Wait, not just any hedge. This subspecies only belonged in Canterlot, and was very hard to get to grow anywhere else. And yet here was a whole maze made of it. The yellow pegasus sighed, fearing she would have to scold Discord again to get him to put it back.

As the mare wandered the maze, she saw three pink butterflies hovering in the middle of the path. Fluttershy started following them, hoping it was some of her friends having come to help her. Instead, the maze opened up to a clearing in the forest, complete with bench, fountain, and a certain nervous draconequus. “Discord, what have you done?”

“I promise to return it all once I’m done, but I need you to sit with me now, please.” Discord led Fluttershy to the bench, sitting next to her. He was in the butler’s outfit he had worn to host their first dinner party, one of the first times they had ever done anything together. “I chose this place for a very specific reason.” Discord put a taloned finger to the mare’s muzzle just as she had been opening it. “No guessing today.”

Fluttershy was really worried about the draconequus now. He loved guessing games, but she allowed Discord to continue before voicing her worries. “This,” he said while waving to the maze around them, “horrible place is the one moment of my life I truly regret. I have lived for eons, caused grief to so many ponies. But only this moment makes me feel guilty for what I’ve done. That day, I took away a never ending well of kindness and love that caused every day to brighten with a simple, shy, smile. Taking your element away was something I never should have done.”

Fluttershy looked at Discord, hiding half of her face with her hair. “Why do you bring all of this up Discord?” Discord took one of the shy mare’s hooves into his paw.

“What I’m trying to say is that I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life worrying. Worrying that I will lose a special part of your wonderful kindness to anypony else. At least, not without getting a chance to keep it to myself. Fluttershy, I love you, and hope that you will do me the kindness of going out with me?”

Fluttershy was silent for a few moments, simply staring into the eyes that looked down at her. They were full of fear, sadness, and loneliness. But she could see one last thing, the one thing Fluttershy had never seen before in the spirit’s eyes, the thing that told her this wasn’t merely a trick. Sincerity. Fluttershy flew up and hugged Discord around the neck, meekly whispering, “Yes.” Discord looked at Fluttershy, unable to believe what he had heard. No words came to him, so he simply held Fluttershy, enjoying her wonderfully soft fur as he always had.

After a while in the tender embrace, Discord said, “Excuse me please, I have one last thing I must take care of.” He snapped, the garden leaving. He then snapped again, but nothing seemed to happen this time.

“What was the second one for?”

“Oh, just letting a friend know the answer.”

Meanwhile, in a certain fashionista’s workshop, a flash of light went off above Rarity’s head. A box of chocolates landed in front of her, with a note saying, ‘Thank you.’ “Congratulations Discord.” Rarity smiled as she thought about her hoof in getting the two together. However, this was cut off by the sudden fireworks show that went off right above Rarity. The white mare barely had time to sigh before the mountain of chocolate landed on her.