The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles

by Antojo Pony

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 57258

When the New Kid and the Boys end up in Equestria, little do they know that their game will have more consequences than they could ever imagined. However, they are too engaged into their game to notice.

Whoever controls the Stick, controls the Universe.

When the New Kid is sent on a quest to retrieve the sacred Stick of Truth by the Grand Wizard, his paladin companion accidentally finds a key that opens a portal to another world. The Boys arrival soon unleashes a chain of events that would shake Equestria to its very core. However the Humans of Kupa Keep and Drow Elves of the Elven Kingdom are too busy with their game to bother with the fact that they are changing the world for better or worse (Stranger things have happened).

All characters and events in this story-- Even those based on certain franchises-- are entirely fictional. They most likely will be interpreted... poorly. This story contains coarse language and due to its content should not be read by anyone.

Prereading/Editing: Awesomedude17 Editing: Alticron

Published 2014-04-09 10:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-26 16:38:46 UTC

02. Introductions (Part One)

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Two: Introductions (Part One)

Location: Ponyville

Lyra Heartstrings awoke early that morning to start her breathing exercises. As much as she detested them, she had no choice. It was one of the conditions Bon Bon had imposed when she strongly set her hoof down.

Lyra was, much like Twilight Sparkle, born and raised in the city of Canterlot. Instead of being a socially inept awkward bookworm, Lyra was the opposite. She was a strong outgoing social butterfly and preferred socializing rather than immersing herself into books. It was not to her surprise that she did poorly in her studies, and just barely managed to graduate on time. Much to her parent’s disappointment, she decided not to pursuit a higher education. Life was too short to be stuck inside reading dusty old books.

Her parents were wealthy ponies that owned a successful chain of stores that sold musical instruments. Of all the private tutors that her parents had hired, the only lessons she actually enjoyed were from her old music instructor. She was jolly old earth pony, with a sharp ear for detail. With her instructions Lyra had discovered her talent for music and earned her cutie mark. Her parents were proud when they found out about her cutie mark. During her last years of school, her parents tried to persuade her to pursue a career in music and perform with the Royal Canterlot Symphony.

Yet again to her parent’s disappointment she decided to instead work at their music store. Without many options left, her parent’s decided that it was time for Lyra to shape up. They sent her to Ponyville with only enough bits to cover her expenses for the few weeks. Before they left however her father told her that if she wanted to take her life seriously, he would be proud to pay for her college tuition.

Yet Lyra saw no need for such things. During her first week in Ponyville she quickly found place to live with her pen pal, Bon Bon. Using the bits that her parents gave her, she helped her set up her own candy shop. It was a small store, but Bon Bon took pride in that it was product of hard work and some help from a friend, a lazy friend with rich parents.

From then, Lyra made a living from helping out at Bon Bon’s shop or playing her lyre at the town square. It wasn’t much but she wouldn’t have traded it away. She grew to love the small town and all the strange and crazy occurrences that occurred within. And for the first time in her life found herself, she was digging deep into books.

She was never a bad student; she just never had a subject that she found interesting besides music. Lyra began reading books of old mythology and came across the subject of strange ape-like creatures called Humans. She became obsessed with subject and began reading every book she could get her hooves about the so called “humans”.

Bon Bon became so irritated about her obsession that she threatened Lyra that if she didn’t stop with her strange habit, she would kick her out of her house. With much remorse, Lyra did what she was told and stopped fretting about humans. Her depression didn’t last long when she discovered the world of martial arts.

Deciding that Lyra’s new obsession about being a master of the Still Way was an improvement from her obsession about humans, Bon Bon decided to let Lyra have her fun. In order to make sure that the unicorn didn’t develop some new strange mania, Bon Bon had ordered Lyra to take martial art lessons and to follow them completely. That included that Lyra had to take her practice and meditation seriously.

So know here she was, sitting out in her backyard trying to empty out her mind and reach enlightenment or something. The books made martial arts look so cool, she thought that she would be an ultimate warrior that could punch through solid rocks, wield awesome weapons, and beat up bad guys jumping out of nowhere. Her instructors constantly told her that she needed was discipline, discipline was boring. What would she give for a chance to go out adventure or for something interesting to happen?

*Crash!*

Up above the house she was a flash of rainbow light. Had Rainbow Dash performed another Sonic Rainboom? Then she noticed that there was something lying in the back garden next to some green shrubs. It was the strangest creature that Lyra had ever seen. It looked like a pale monkey, but the only fur was the top of his head. He was wearing a yellow shirt and a long green scarf that also acted like a cape. On his head was a folded newspaper folded into a hat with a feather sticking out. On his front legs she saw a pair of crutches.

‘Poor creature,’ thought Lyra, ‘he seems to have trouble walking.’

She began inspecting the front legs of the creature when she them. Hands, this creature had a pair of hands! Lyra squealed in excitement as realized that she must have a real human in front of her. “I knew it!” she screamed. “I knew that humans are real!”

“Huh- wah…?”

The creature stirred and opened his eyes. “W-w-what happened?” he asked as he began to observe his surroundings. There was a discomforting silence that filled the backyard as the creature stared at Lyra. “What are you?” he asked after a moment.

“My name is Lyra Heartstrings and I’m a unicorn,” she introduced herself while with a smile. “And you,” she pointed the hoof at the creature, “are you a human?”

“I am not a hu-hu-hu-human,” the creature angrily replied, “My name is Jimmy. I’m an Elf and pr-proud of it.”

Lyra lowered her head and pouted in disappointment, so the creature wasn’t a human after all but an elf. She gave a sigh and saw a lute lying near where the elf had landed, “Is this yours?” she asked as she picked up the lute with her magic.

“Yes,” answered Jimmy. “I am a level ten bard. I entertain crowds and win battles with my ma-magi-magical song of en-en, of en-enchaa, with my magical songs of eh- magical songs of en…”

Lyra glanced at the clock hanging from her kitchen. She watched as the long hand made a complete rotation indicating that a minute had passed. Wait… clocks had hands? How does that even work?

“…magical songs of en-, of en-enchaa, magical songs of enchantment.” Jimmy had finally finished his sentence.

“Well then, how about we play a tune?” Lyra asked as she grabbed her lyre hoping that the elf’s music abilities were better than his speaking abilities, “Let’s see if you truly deserve the title of bard.”

They began to play a simple melody. Once Lyra saw that the elf was indeed quite skilled with the lute she began to play a more complex tune. To her surprise, Jimmy began to play a tune that complemented her own. Soon an audience of curious ponies gathered around the backyard as they entranced by the melody of the lyre and lute. Lyra and Jimmy didn’t notice though as they were too absorbed in enchanting tune they were playing. The out of nowhere, they began a completely new melody with the two instruments working in harmony. They played throughout the day in celebration of their newfound friendship.

♕----------♕

The New Kid opened his eyes and lifted himself from the ground. A glance at his surroundings revealed that that he was amidst a creepy dark forest. There was a foreboding sense of danger within the forest. Every branch, leaf, and blade of grass was shaking savagely; as if warning him of an impending doom. Then he heard the howl of wild dogs or wolves coming from the trees in the distance. Without a doubt, the New Kid came to the conclusion that the portal had sent him to the dangerous forest that lied outside of South Park.

But even worse, he had no idea where in the dark forest he was. He glanced around but saw no dirt path. So they strange rainbow thing must have driven him away from a path. He had to find a path to find his way out of the forest. Also he had no idea where the other boys were at. His guess was that they were spread out throughout the forest. Not a stranger on finding hidden children, the New Kid took the sweet katana that rested on his back and wielded it. He knew that the forest posed many dangers and was prepared to fight.

“Help!” echoed a voice throughout the trees.

The New Kid rand towards the scream of help and arrived to clearing where he saw Butters armed with his hammer trying to fight of some kind of strange wolves. Instead of fur they seem to have a hard rough brown surface. These strange creatures were in fact literal timberwolves.

“New Kid help!” screamed Butters, “These wolves have some kind strange armor.” He swung his hammer into one of the wolves. It flinched but soon snarled as it lunged forward to attack Butters. Butters blocked the attack and managed to lunge to wolf off. The new Kid smashed his katana into one of the wolf’s head. The timberwolf was smashed into pieces of twigs, branches, and logs. But the other two wolves were biding their time waiting for the right time to strike.

Then a rattled sound filled the air as the New Kid began to feel the earth beneath him vibrate. The logs on the dirt began to glow as they levitated to form the rough of the shape of a wolf. The branches began to intertwine as the formed the main body of the wolf. Soon the timberwolf that the New Kid had smashed into pieces was growling viciously at him.

“They can resurrect themselves?” Paladin Butters said in disbelief, “Oh hamburgers, it’s like fighting those Nazi zombies again.”

The battle had begun; the new kid swung his katana as hard as he could at the first timberwolf. The timberwolf howled and snarled its razor sharp teeth. Butters went forward and held his mighty high towards the sky before slamming it down into the first timberwolf. A spark of gold light emitted from the hammer as the first timberwolf fled away from the battle. The others snarled in rage the two boys.

The second wolf lunged forwards and rammed itself against the new kid, the New Kid was swept off his feet as he lost his balanced and felt his defense go down. The third timberwolf lunged at Butters and was ready to bite. The paladin however was ready for the strike and managed to reduce some damage by blocking the attack.

The New Kid checked on Butters and saw that he was he was fine. He went forward and swung his katana thrice at the second wolf. Butters repeated the same attack he did previously at second wolf. With another flash of golden light the second timberwolf also fled from the battle. The remaining lone wolf growled in furry and the New Kid saw an aura of green light emit form wolf as it was prepared for a last stand.

It lunged forward and began to merciless assault Butters with a series of fury swipes. He bravely tried to block the attacks as fast as he could but it proved too much for the paladin as he fainted from battle. As fast as he could, the New Kid reached into his inventory and pulled out a cup of Tweek’s Coffee. He drank the speed potion and smashed the cup in to pieces.

All that the final timber wolf could see was a blur as it felt the sword slice through his armor. The wolf growled in pain but it didn’t last long as he felt another quick strike of the katana before it crumbled into pieces.

With the battle over, the New Kid rushed towards Butters to make sure he was fine. The paladin opened his eyes and said, “I’m okay, boy were those wolves tough. But we have to get out of here New Kid; the forest is a dangerous place filled my many strange creatures. Who knows what we will encounter next?” Butter glanced at the New Kid, “I’m sure that the others will be right… I think.”

QUEST ADDED
“Lost in the Woods”
Objective: Find a way out of the forest.

♕----------♕

South of the borders of Equestria lies the Badlands, an arid and hostile land that also serves as home to the changeling hive. Anyone with half a brain knows better than to take even one step inside changeling territory. They have eyes everywhere and monitor everything within their lands.

It was a changeling scout that first found the strange creature lying unconscious. At first the changeling scout thought it was foolish adventurer that got lost while exploring the Badlands. But at closer inspection the changeling realized that this thing was a pig. It was one of the strangest pigs the scout had ever seen, well to be honest the changeling scout hadn’t seen many pigs but that didn’t matter.

The creature in front of him was definitely a pig of some sort. It was wearing a red-violet robe and blue cape. On its head was a funny looking pointed turquoise hat with a star and smiley face on it. The channeling scout stared at the pig with amusement and poked it to see it was still alive.

“No kitty, that’s my pot pie,” the pig uttered.

So the pig was still alive. The changeling scout jumped with joy as he found himself a new pet. He poked the pig again.

“Nah, stop it kitty,” the pig said as it stirred around for a few seconds. “That’s my pot pie.”

The scout poked the pig another time.

“Meem, kitty is being a dildo,” the pig said this time.

The changeling snickered in amusement as he poked the pig one more time. This time he decided to poke it at his big round tummy.

“I said that was my pot pie!” screamed the pig as it opened its eyes. Before the changing could react, the Grand Wizard grabbed his staff and swung it at the changeling.

*SMACK!*

The sound of a changeling skull being cracked filled the air. The Grand Wizard was pissed and took out his anger out at the strange giant bug that was poking him. “Don’t you ever poke me you got that?!” he barked at the changeling as swung his staff at him. “Know your place, respect my fucking authoritah!”

The changeling emitted a strange hissing sound that was heard throughout the area. Soon a small group of armed changelings arrived to investigate their sound when the saw the stranger creature standing over the bloody carcass of their dead comrade. They glared at the creature that in exchange was waving the staff that it had used to beat their fellow changeling into a bloody pulp.

The four changelings hissed at their new threat. The crouched in position and brandish their sharp fangs in an effort to intimidate the enemy. The strange creature however did not even show any signs of fear, “So you want to throw down?” the strange creature said, “I’ll throw down…MAGIC MISSILE!”

The Grand Wizard flung a small white projectile at a changeling. That changeling immediately threw up all over the ground. The other changelings stared at their companion who was now nauseous and had a unhealthy tint of grossly green. The turned to face the strange creature how was now holding a lighter and an aerosol can.

Without hesitation Cartman lit the lighter and sprayed two changelings with a blast of fire. They howled in pain as they felt their chitin being charred by the flames. The remaining changeling looked in horror as one of his mates was vomiting all over the place while the other two were lit on fire, screaming in mortal agony as cracks began to form over their exoskeleton. Deciding that it was not worth fighting the dangerous creature, the last changeling spread its wings open and fled as fast as it could.

“Hey get back here!” screamed Cartman to the fleeing oversized insect. “Fine then, flee like a little bitch.”

He then took a look around his surroundings. So he was stuck in the middle of nowhere in a barren land. The horizon consisted of nothing but dirt and some shrubs scattered here and there. In the distance he saw some mountains. Yet there was not a sight of civilization to be seen. “Damn it, that portal must have taken me to Australia,” he concluded, “That would explain the giant bug things.”

He glanced at the bug-like things that were lying around: the one he had beaten for insulting the Wizard King, the one he threw his Magic Missile at, and the two that were still roasting from his flame strike. One of them was still breathing. The Grand Wizard walked towards the changeling covered in vomit.

“W-what are you?” the bug thing asked in soft harsh voice. She glanced up at Wizard King’s eye with fear.

“I am the Grand Wizard King of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep,” he said calmly, “I am the protector of the Humans of Zaron and I strive to defeat the evil Drow Elves.”

“You’re a monster,” spat the changeling.

“No, I’m a totally awesome Grand Wizard,” said Cartman as he pulled out a water bottle. “Now then, tell me what are you and where do you come from?”

“Like I’ll tell you anything, we changelings are a proud race,” said the dying changeling.

“Changelings huh, so you can change your form at will. That’s cool, very cool,” said the Grand Wizard more to himself than the dying changeling. “Where do you come from? Tell me this and I shall give you this magic cure potion that will completely heal all your status ailments.”

“That is just a bottle of water,” spat the changeling. She gave Cartman a glare of utmost hatred “Kill me, prove to me that you aren’t a monster and spare me from this painful death.” The changeling then emptied whatever contents was inside her stomach, there was blood amongst the mixture.

“This is a magic cure potion,” Cartman said irritably. He grabbed the changeling, opened her mouth and forced the contents of the bottle down her throat.

The effect was immediate. The green tint vanished from the fallen changeling. Her strength had returned and she felt like she had awoken from a long peaceful slumber. “Why?” she asked the Wizard King in confusion. “Why would you spare my life?”

“Because nobody tells me what to do,” he responded. “If I want you to live then you live. Now then tell me about the changelings. Can you transform into whatever you want?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I am the Grand Wizard King, I command you to transform right now!”

The changeling spat at Cartman’s feet, “I will never do your bidding! I serve my Queen and one of her most trusted guards. I’ll rather die than betray my queen.”

Cartman snickered at the changeling, “You? You are one of your queen’s most trusted guards? Then she must be super lame is one of her best guard can taken down by my simplest spell.”

“You will not insult Her Majesty if you know what’s good for you!” hissed the changeling.

“Can’t you see that your so called ‘queen’ doesn’t even care about you?” the Grand Wizard asked the changeling. “If she really did care about you then why did she send you out here where you almost died? Does she even know your name? Well does she?”

“Well… uh," the changeling hesitated as she tried to come up with and an answer. “That doesn’t matter, I serve my Queen, it is my duty, and it is what I was born for.”

“You were born to serve your queen? Your sole purpose in living is to serve your queen until you die?”

“Well—in a way it is,” said the changeling.

“Ha!” shouted Cartman. “Don’t you get it? You’re being used; you’re just another tool for the queen to use. She doesn’t care whether you live and die. Because in the end of the day, when you go back home and cry yourself to sleep, asking yourself if there an meaning to your life other than being the queen’s personal bitch, well then tell me. Tell me if you’re happy. Tell me that you find pleasure bending over for your queen so she can just fuck you and not even have the courtesy of giving you a simple thank you. Is that what you want, well is it?”

The changeling jaw gaped down in shock as she stared at the Grand Wizard, “W-what do you want from me?!”

“Take me to your queen,” replied Cartman. “That’s all I ask, is for you to take me to see your queen.”

“You must have a death wish if you want to step into the hive,” muttered the changeling, “But if you really want to die so bad then I won’t stop you. Follow me.”

The Grand Wizard ventured onwards through the badlands with his strange tour guide. Soon he would arrive to the hive of changelings and set his plans in motion. He’ll make sure that the Drow Elves will pay for breaking their truce that the humans had worked so hard to make.

♕----------♕

Deep within the the Everfree, the New Kid and Butters were still wandering around trying to find a path. The New Kid was starting to suspect that they were walking in circles; so far everything looked the same. There hadn’t crossed any familiar landmarks or any paths so far.

One thing was certain, they knew they weren’t alone. Every so often they could hear the barks and growls of the timberwolves out in distance. It wasn’t to his surprise when he heard growling coming from a few trees away. It was to his surprise however that he also heard a high pitch scream for help coming from that direction as well.

The rushed towards the sound of the growls and screams, there in an open patch was pack of four timberwolves. One of wolves however was different, on its head was wearing a makeshift wreath of twigs and leaves. The pack was gathered around a tall tree. They were brandishing their sharp teeth and snarling at something that was taking refuge in the tree branches.

“Help!” squealed a desperate voice.

The New Kid glanced up and saw one of the strangest creatures he had ever seen. It looked like a pony but last time he checked, ponies couldn’t talk. She had yellow coat and a red mane and tail. On her head was a large oversized pink bow and she was clutching tight onto a branch holding dear to her life.

“Douchebag we have to save her!” shouted Butters, “It’s our duty as a paladin to help those in need. Well it’s my duty as a paladin, but I can’t take on those wolves on my own.”

The new kid simply nodded as he picked up a stone and lunged at a timberwolf. It hit one of the wolves straight in the head. The timberwolf turned around to and saw the New Kid and Butters with their weapons drawn. The wolf growled at the boys, the growl attracted the attention of the other timberwolves.

The battle had begun. The timberwolves formed two columns, two in front and two in the back. The timberwolf wearing the wreath was the back column.

The new kid started by swing his katana three times at the first timberwolf in the front column. Butters raised his hammer in the air and swung it at the first timber wolf in the front column. This time there was no light emitting from his hammer, Butters had managed to mess up his timing. Nerveless the timberwolf crumpled into pieces of wood.

The wolf with the wreath gave a howl and a green aura surrounded the timberwolves for a brief moment. Then the wolf with the wreath howled a song. Immediately the remains of the wolf that the boys had defeated first vibrated as it flew up to reform the timberwolf.

So the timberwolf with the wreath was either a healer or a priest. The New Kid knew that healer had to be taken out as quick as possible. But it wasn’t his turn yet.

The second wolf in the front rammed itself into Butters and gave him a vicious bite. Butters had failed to block the bite and started bleeding. The third timberwolf in the back column took a deep huff and emitted a gust of putrid breath. This time both boys had managed to block out the worst of it, though a foul lingered in the air afterward.

It was now their turn. The New Kid knew that one of their priories was in taking out that dammed healer. But it was protected by the first timberwolf in front. That didn’t matter to the New Kid. He had a way to deal with bitches like that; all he had to do was use one of his abilities.

♕----------♕

Meanwhile high in the tree, Apple Bloom was watching the fight in awe. After their accident trying to get their zip lining cutie marks, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were lunged far into the air and landed somewhere in the Everfree Forest. Being the brave filly she is, she decided to go after them and find them before they go into trouble. However what she didn’t remember at the time was that the Everfree was also a very dangerous place as evident by the timberwolves that tried to turn her into their feast. Now she was stuck up here watching a battle taking place between the timberwolves and two strange creatures she had never seen.

One of them was wearing a hooded cape and gloves. She couldn’t make out many details other that it was definitely male. There was a puff of smoke and then the creature had vanished. Apple Bloom looked all around to see where the creature had teleported. Her search was cut short when she heard a whining noise come from one of the timberwolves, the wolf with the funny looking hat was bleeding. She turned and saw that the hooded creature was back in position next to the other strange creature.

She could observe the second creature in better details. Itstood on two legs and was pale, it had a blond mane on his head. It was wearing turquoise robes, yellow gloves and a gold headband with a red gem stone. It drank some kind of potion and instantly his bleeding stopped. Then the creature stepped forward and lifted his hammer high towards of sky. A storm cloud quickly formed above him as flashes of lightning struck the hammer and were then deflected to the two timberwolves in the in the front column.

“What are those creatures?” she asked the air.

♕----------♕

The New Kid watched the timberwolves as he prepared for their attacks. Smoke was emitting from the two timberwolves in front. So they were weak against lightning.

The healer howled another song as it glowed blue. It had healed itself and recovered some health at the same time. Then it took a deep breath and spitted out a sharp piece of wood at high speeds. The New Kid couldn't react fast enough and felt the piece of wood pierce him as he started bleeding. The third timber wolf in the back column did the same as the healer and launched a second piece of wood, but this time towards Butters. The Paladin had managed to block the attack.

The first timberwolf in the front column ran forward and tried to dig its teeth into the New Kid but managed to get a perfect block and lashed out a counter strike at the wolf. The second timber wolf inhaled deeply and let out another blast of rancid air. Again this time boys had managed to block it.

It was now their turn again. The New Kid took out a bag of Cheesy Poofs and tossed it to Butters. The Paladin took the potion and recovered some health. The New Kid took a deep breath and decided to use on of abilities as a thief.

With a puff of smoke to cover his tracks, he quickly rushed through the air and reappeared behind the timberwolves. Then he began to quietly creep behind the blasted healer and mugged it. He looted the wolf’s heart and quickly went back to join Butters. He felt light as blood poured down from his wounds but at least the bitch healer was dead.

Butters saw that New Kid was at a critical condition. “Hang on buddy, we can do this,” he said in comfort as he used his healing abilities. He didn’t notice the blue aura emitting from his hands as he patted the thief. The paladin was instead focused at the front column of wolves. He walked forward then raised him mighty hammer towards the skies and summoned another storm to smite the timberwolves. They were instantly turned into a pile of woodchips.

The third and last remaining timber wolf growled in anger and he ran straight towards the New Kid and unleashed a barrage of fury strikes. The New Kid however was prepared for them, having seen Butters face the attack. The New Kid managed to block every single of the wolf’s strikes and landed a counter attack with his katana.

It was time to end the battle; the New Kid swung his sword will the strength he could muster for a power attack. The timberwolf howled as his he was wreaked to his last health. Butters delivered the finishing blow with his mighty hammer which cause the last timberwolf to flee. They had won.

“We usually win,” he said as they celebrated their victory.

Apple Bloom watched the two creatures in amazement. They had managed to fend off the timberwolves, she saw it with her very own eyes. When the wolves were out of sight, the creature in the turquoise robes approached the tree where she took refuge.

She hopped down from the tree and met her rescuers. “What are you?” she asked them as she got a closer look at them. She had never seen anything like them before.

This question confirmed it to the New Kid. They weren’t in South Park anymore. He was sure they weren’t even on the same planet anymore. So the portal had dragged them to another world or dimension. It was an uneasy thought and it showed in his face. Luckily neither Butters nor had the pony noticed his expression.

“I am Butters the Merciful,” the first creature introduced himself. “I’m a paladin. And this guy over here,” -He pointed at the New Kid- “is King Douchebag the Thief”

“Thief?” asked Apple Bloom as she glared at the New Kid, “You mean you go into folks houses, break all their things and loot their stuff?”

“I’m pretty sure that one time was an accident,” Butter blurted out much to the New Kid’s irritation. Sensing that he was close to having a sharp Japanese sword shoved up his ass, Butters decided to correct himself. “What I meant was that King Douchebag uses his thief skills for good. It’s kind of similar to my duty as a paladin to help those that are in need. We seek justice for all creatures.”

“So you go helping everypony that needs it?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yeah pretty much. So you're supposed to be a pony,” said Butters. “I must admit that you girls do come up with some neat costumes.”

Apple Bloom stared at Butters with confusion, she turned her head to the New Kid who simply shrugged and gave her a look that said “Don’t ask, just go with it”.

“Okay then…” Apple Bloom said in an effort to move the subject forward, “So you go helping ponies in need of help right?”

“We always strive to take on quests for the sake of good,” said Butters, “Do you have a quest for us?”

“Well… yes,” she said with a blush which the New Kid had to admit was cute, not that he would tell anyone. “Well earlier this morning we had had accident with trying to zip line, but long story short it didn’t go as planned. So to make long story short my friends were flung into this forest and I that’s why I’m here. But to make long story short I was almost attacked by the timberwolves. But then to make long story short you defeated the wolves and now I need you help to find my fellow crusaders.”

“Don’t worry,” Butter assured the foal, “We will help you find your friends.”

“Thanks,” said the filly as they walked further into the forest in search of her fellow crusaders. “My name is Apple Bloom by the way.”

QUEST ADDED
“Find the Crusaders”
Objective: Find Sweetie Belle
Objective: Find Scootaloo

Author's Note

The New Kid is equipped with the Sweet Katana (Level 14, bought at Jimbo's shop) it's the best melee weapon in the game for non-fighters.
His range weapon is the the Fucking Ninja Stars (Level 13, unlocked when your character gets promoted to "King Douchebag" while playing as thief).

Wow, I didn't expect this fic to get this many faves/likes. But I hope I'll keep up to your expectations. I want to go with a different angle in this story, while the mane 6 are in this story, the Boys will not interact with them as much. I want to write a crossover where the characters interact with ponies other than the mane six, that's why I had Twilight take a vacation in the Crystal Empire in the previous chapter.

Next chapter: More introductions are made.

03. Introductions (Part Two)

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Three: Introductions (Part Two)

Hot steam rose up towards the sky as the train continued on its journey north towards the Crystal Empire. Outside the windows was the beauty of the Equestrian landscape. Spike glanced in awe at the enormous valley of flowers they were passing by. The surface of valley was covered in a carpet of tiny blue flowers the size of grain of rice. Amongst the sea of blue, Spike saw many other flowers of all shapes and sizes, including a colossal red flower the size of a large oak.

Spike had never seen such beauty, well except Rarity. He turned around his seat to see that Twilight was absorbed with a huge academic tome. “Come on Twilight,” he said exasperated, “put that book down. You’re going to miss all the pretty flow…” Spike blushed and gave a cough, it was close call. “I mean you’re going to miss all the awesome sights.”

“Huh? Oh… Yeah, sorry about that Spike,” Twilight said as she put the massive book down. “I got distracted there, it’s such an interesting subject.”

“But Twilight why are you reading, I thought we were going on vacation?” Spike asked. “Last time I checked the Princess didn’t give you any assignments and she even said she wouldn’t give you any while on vacation unless it was an emergency.”

“I know that Spike,” Twilight answered. “I’m just doing some independent studies. It’s just that this topic of interstellar portals is so fascination. Maybe the Crystal Library may have any information on the subject; they do have one of the oldest collections of books, some of them which were considered to be lost forever. Maybe I could ask Cadance for…”she froze as her eyes spread wide open.

“Um… Twilight, you okay?” Spike asked as he waved his claw in front of here. Twilight did not respond. She just merely glanced at the air, a glimmer of sparks in her eyes. “Twilight you’re starting to scare me.”

Having few options Spike ran out of the compartment towards the restroom. He filled a cup with water and ran back towards Twilight and splashed her face with water. She shook her head as she came back to her senses.

“Thanks Spike,” she said with in embarrassment, “I haven’t done that in a while.”

“Well what has you so worked up?” asked the dragon.

“The Crystal Empire,” she said, “Spike, we already used one of the ancient portals without realizing it. The one at the Crystal Empire! Why didn’t I think of it earlier?”

“Because I prefer not to remember that whole incident, and prefer not to think about the fact that the closest I’ve ever came to snuggling Rarity was as a dog?” he responded bitterly.

“Oh grow up Spike,” Twilight said, “That whole incident is behind us, and I doubt that we’ll ever go back to that dimension. But the point is, that that was one of the latter portals what was among the last of its kind. One of the unexpected positive result of Sombra’s imprisonment of the Crystal Empire for over one thousand years is that we have access to books and technology from that era.”

Spike decided it was time to stop listening, once Twilight put her hooves around a subject she found particularly interesting there was no stopping her. He went back to the window to look at the beautifully field of flowers as Twilight kept going on about ‘portal this’, ‘portal that.’ He wouldn’t be surprised it by the end of the day she wouldn’t have anything other there than portals on her mind. He had enough thinking with portals for one lifetime.

“Just imagine it Spike, the chance to meet being from other world and dimensions. Imagine the knowledge we can exchange, not to add the whole opportunity about learning about whole different culture. I wonder what these beings will be like…”

Spike didn’t hear the rest of her thoughts as he left the compartment and headed towards the dining car. If he was going to put up with Twilights lectures for another five hours he might as well do it on a full stomach.

Outside the train there was a brief flash of rainbow light up in the sky. It vanished just seconds after appearing. A certain princess came down hurling down and slammed down against the train tracks. She lifter her head to the massive engine of the train heading towards her, “Mmmmn,” were her final words.

*SPLAT!*

“Oh my Celestia!” Spike shouted in surprise as he entered the dining cart. “They have rubies!”

♕----------♕

High above Ponyville lays the city built upon the hill. Canterlot, the Jewel of Equestria, the Royal City, and the city where everypony is welcomed; as long as they are a wealthy unicorn. It was founded by unicorns as the second capital of Unicornia before the unification of the tribes under the Royal Sisters.

After Celestia was forced to banish her sister, she decided that she wanted to spend time alone to lament the lost of her sister. Apparently the unicorn brownnoses also known as the nobility didn’t get the memo, or simply wanted a change of scenery, followed Celestia to mountain where she went to morn. By the time Celestia descended from the peak of the mountain after she had done her mourning, it was already too late. The unicorns had been managing during her absence Equestria from their old capital.

And that is how Canterlot became the new capital of Equestria. It is the only city in Equestria with enough activists, artists, intellectual assholes, hipsters and smug bastards to rival that of San Francisco. It just happened that one of the smug bastards was a ranking official among the Royal Guard.

He was a tall proud unicorn of righteous birth. He was polishing the shiny badge on his chest in front of newly recruited unicorn guard. “Well I’m in the middle of something important,” he told the guard. “Unless you have something to report rookie, I would suggest for you to go back to duty.”

“Sir, I have reports of strange creature that we just apprehended,” she replied.

The official merely just huffed, “And what does that matter to me? Just do what procedure calls for when apprehending non-unicorns.”

“But Sir, I must insist-“she complained.

“You will do as you are told,” said the official in a low tone, “If this ‘creature’ or whatever isn’t a unicorn then I could care less about what you do. It is our duty as the Royal Guard to protect the citizens of Canterlot. You are dismissed.”

The guardspony groaningly saluted her superior and went back to the holding cells at the guard barracks. There was her fellow guard, a rather mellow and dimwitted unicorn. Though she didn’t mind, he was few guards in the unicorn division that wasn’t a bigot.

“So Silver Star,” he said as he saw her approached him. “What did the Cap say? What are his orders?”

“Standard procedure Bronze Shield,” she replied, “Standard bucking procedure against a non-unicorn.”

“So are going to have to plant some evidence on it?” Bronze Shield asked. “I mean this creature hasn’t really done anything bad other than scare of couple of ponies, but then again falling seeming out of nowhere does tend to spook anypony.”

Silver Star merely grunted in response as she opened the door that Bronze Shield was guarding. There, lying on the floor was the creature. It looked sick; surely its pale skin was the result of its shedding? It was wearing a red cloak with gold trims that formed some strange designs. It was wearing a green hat, a band of twigs and branches embracing it, forming a crown.

She glanced at the strange creature in curiosity. She sensed no threat coming from it but she had to be sure. Her horn emitted a lilac aura over the creature as she casted her quick detection spell. There was nothing threatening from this creature. Though she did sense something odd about this creature, its magic, in particular how weak it was.

“So what are going to with it?” Bronze Shield asked as he entered the room.

Silver Star turned and took in a deep breath, “I don’t know. I thought I would be part of a proud force that stood for justice and the protection of Equestria. But I didn’t sign up for this, not bucking this!” She slammed her hoof sternly towards the tiles. “I wish Captain Armor was still in charge. That was when being a royal guard actually meant something.”

“But that doesn’t answer the question of what we do with the creature,” Bronze Shield whined.

“The procedure established by our current captain says that we determine how much of a threat this creature poses and then deal with it likewise,” Silver Star replied, “And I say screw that arsehole’s procedure, let us do the right thing. This creature isn’t a threat, Bronze. Let’s take him to where he can get medical help.”

Bronze Shield lit his horn as he picked up the stranger and placed it on his back. He decided to take a quick identification spell on the creature. “I don’t know, Silver. Maybe this creature is dangerous after all.”

“Grow a pair will you,” grunted Silver Shield as she led him to the medical ward.

As they made towards a turn in the hallway, they were met by their commanding officer. “And where do you think you’re going with that creature,” he asked in a cold voice. “Don’t you know procedure?”

“I have followed procedure Sir!” answered Silver Star. “I have determined that this creature here is no threat to Canterlot or its inhabitants.”

“Excuse me?” the captain replied bitterly, “I am informed that menace…” – he pointed his hoof for emphasis- “… has been disturbing the peace. He gave Duke Prude Heart quite a fright.”

“With all due respect Sir, Duke Prude Heart is a spoiled cowardly git. He tried to sue his own shadow for emotional damage when it scared him for pony’s sake.”

“That thing was also armed,” said the captain. He levitated a golf club and dropped it in front of Silver Star. “And you dare say that that thing isn’t a threat?”

“But Sir, I must insist how can it be a threat?” she asked her captain. “The creature was unconscious when we found it. My identification spell hasn’t revealed any hostile or dark objects on his body. And he has no way of communication, how can it possibly be any threat?”

The captain snorted and turned. “I knew you’ll be trouble,” he said in a dark tone, “I’ve always knew that you’ll be nothing but trouble. But I also know that you are confused. You’ve have been misled by lies, but don’t worry I’ll forgive you for your misdeeds. But such conduct needs to be punished nonetheless.”

He ignited his horn and send out spark of lights. Immediately there was a rustling in the wind as ten armed unicorns immediately teleported into the corridor. They lowered their heads and surrounded Silver Star, Bronze Shield, and the creature.

“This is against the law!” protested Silver Star. “You can’t do this to me.”

“But I just did,” retorted the captain with a vicious curl. “Princess Celestia and Luna are out in Manehatten for royal duties and Princess Twilight is out on vacation in the Crystal Empire. Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do, I can have you executed and they would never find out.”

There was a groan coming from the creature. It began to stir as it began to regain conscious. The armed unicorns noticed this and immediately focused their horn on the creature. “You there what’s your name?” the captain asked as he pointed towards Bronze Shield.

“Bronze Shield, Sir!” he saluted.

“Well if you don’t want to end up in deep shit like your marefriend over there,” he said as he ignored the protests coming from Silver Star, “Then I would suggest for you do deal with the creature.”

“Yes Sir!” Bronze Saluted. Hit his horn and fired a spell. The creature stopped moving and returned back to the realm of unconsciousness.

“Bronze you spineless bast-“

She didn’t get to finish her thoughts. Will dull thud she fell to the floor and was knocked out by a sedation spell fried form one of the guards.

“Take those two to the dungeons,” he ordered the guards as he went back to his office.

The guards obeyed and dragged Silver Star and the creature down the hallway. Bronze Shield remained alone in the corridor looking at the direction where the creature and his best friend were dragged down wondering if he had done the right thing.

♕----------♕

Deep within the Everfree, Apple Bloom was wearying staring at the strange sword that the New Kid was wielding. It was emitting flames, yet the New Kid did not seem to mind at the latest.

Butters explained to her that sometimes the New Kid liked to modify his weapons and armor with patches. Each of these patches gave his equipment a different effect. The patch that the New Kid had on his katana was one that dealt extra damage when he dealt a perfect strike, whatever that meant.

But after observing the timberwolves and the fact that they were made out of wood, the New Kid decided to modify his weapon to deal extra fire damage. It seemed obvious looking back, but then again there’s a reason Captain Hindsight existed.

There were walking in a random direction, hoping that they would find something that would lead them find the other crusaders. Yet for the past half hour their search as yet had no clue to where there location.

After another ten minutes, they stumbled across a tree. There on its branches was a piece of the rope that matched the one they used to make the zip line course. On the soft ground underneath near the tree roots was a helmet. It was Scootaloo’s helmet.

“They were here!” Apple Bloom said with joy as she hopped in relief. “They must be close by.”

The New Kid began to observe the soft soil closely. They he saw two sets of hoof prints, they were still fresh. Apparently the two crusaders had struggled to remove their safety equipment, which is evident from the broken branches and equipment scattered around the tree.

The New Kid, Apple Bloom, and Butters followed the hoof prints until they reached a large rock that stood over twenty feet tall. There was when the two sets of hoof prints split paths as one went to the left and the other to the right.

They followed the path to the right; the forest became thicker as they moved forwards. The sunlight began to diminish in the as it was covered by thick treetops that. A musty aroma began to take hold as the soil beneath them began to soften up and increased in moister. The growls and barks of the timberwolves was coming could be hear from not far.

“Look, there she is!” Butters shouted. He was pointing towards a large moss covered log. Surrounding the dead tree were four timberwolves, there was a healer amongst them. They were snarling and barking at the log. The New Kid glanced at the log, there taking refuge in small gap underneath the log, was a small white unicorn.

“It’s Sweetie Belle!” exclaimed Apple Bloom, “C’mon lets go save her.”

Just as she was about to spring into action she was stopped by the New Kid. He simply gave her a look to stay quiet much to her protests. They timberwolves hadn’t noticed them yet. It was the perfect opportunity for a surprise attack.

He pulled out his ninja stars and slowly began to creep towards the wolves. Once he reached the farthest distance he could without alerting the timberwolves of his presence, the New Kid hid behind a large tree.

The timberwolves were still barking and one of them began to dig at the spot where Sweetie Belle was hiding. Decided he couldn’t stall any longer, the New Kid lunged from the tree and threw four ninja stars at the wolves as fast as he could. With a whoosh, the stars zoomed straight at the wolves, each of them hitting and stunning their intended target. With the timberwolves momentarily stunned, the New Kid ran straight towards the wolves to commence the battle.

The timberwolves align themselves in two columns again. The healer, like always, was in the back column behind a timberwolf. The New Kid stepped forward and dealt a powerful slash at the first timberwolf at the front column. It howled as it was ignited by the fire emitted from the New Kid’s katana.

Butters caught up to the New Kid and went forth and charged at the second timberwolf in the front column. The strike from his mighty hammer wasn’t enough to take it down even with his extra holy damage.

The timberwolves were still disoriented and stunned from the ninja stars. The first timberwolf howled in pain as the fire consumed it. It fled the battle like a little bitch.

The New Kid had an extra turn before the timberwolves would be able to attack. He gave the healer three swipes from his fiery katana. It too howled in pain as it caught fire. Butters gave another might swing two the second timberwolf in the front. The bonus holy damage made it flee from battle.

There were now two timberwolves left. The healer sang a strange song as a blue aura emitted from it. Soon the flames stopped and it recovered some health. In other words, it did typical healer shit. The other timberwolf inhaled an enormous amount of air and inflated. It then released a blast of the most rancid air. It smelled worse than Lionel Richie's asshole and was enough to gross out the New Kid and Butters.

The New Kid charged towards the timberwolf that released the putrid gas and gave it a powerful smack with his katana, penetrating through its tough bark. Unfortunate the flames weren’t enough to take it down. The New Kid returned to his position as he felt that morning’s breakfast regurgitate it course up his throat and all over the ground.

“EWW!” shout a revolted Apple Bloom. She noticed that both the New Kid and Butters were an unhealthy green; she had managed to avoid the blast of rancid breath that the timberwolf had unleashed.

Butters lifted his mighty hammer towards the sky. The sky overhead darkened as dark storm clouds began to form overhead. Sweetie Belle watched in awe as multiple strikes of lightning collided with the hammer which in turn deflected it to the timberwolves.

The two remaining wolves yelped and fled. The New Kid and Butters had won the battle. “Gee I sure hope I level up,” Butters said in commemoration of their victory.

Apple Bloom rushed over towards the log where Sweetie Belle was. “Sweetie Belle you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah I’m fine,” grumbled out as she crawled out from the log. She was covered in dirt and moss stains. “Oh no, Rarity is going to kill me if she finds me like this.”

“We’ll deal with that latter,” said Apple Bloom. “We have to find Scootaloo; do ya know where she is?”

Sweetie Belle shook her head, “Nope, no idea. We split up when we were ambushed by those timberwolves,” she said as she glanced at the boys. “Who are you?”

“That funny looking one over there is Butters,” Apple Bloom said as she pointed at the paladin.

“I am Butters the Merciful at your service,” Butters introduced himself with a curt bow.

“And that one yonder with the hood is King Douchebag, but everypony calls him New Kid.” Apple Bloom said.

The New Kid gave a nod.

“He doesn’t talk,” Apple Bloom whispered as she went forward to get a better glimpse of the New Kid.

“Well, thank you for saving me,” Sweetie Belle told the New Kid.

He simply just gave her a nod in response.

“Well it was pretty brave of you to take on those timberwolves,” she continued. “Especially since those wolves were dire timberwolves. You know what dire timberwolves are? There like regular timberwolves… but only dire.” Sweetie Belle glanced at the New Kid for a minute or two before finally deciding to break the awkward silence with, “Uh, I really like your… nose?”

QUEST PROGRESS
“Find the Crusaders”
Objective: Find Sweetie Belle (Complete)
Objective: Find Scootaloo

The group retraced their steps back to the rock where Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had spit ways. As they traveled the path the path Scootaloo had taken, the trees began to spread out and the sunlight penetrated the forest.

“Almost close to noon,” Apple Bloom said a she gave a quick glance at the sun.

Their path began to harden as the soil turned to hard dirt. It became harder to identify Scootaloo’s hoof prints in the hard dirt. Scattered stones began to fill the path as they approached the side of a range of rocky hills.

They came across a steep cliff. They heard ever familiar barking of the timberwolves was near. Hopefully those barks meant that Scootaloo was still alive and close by. The New Kid glanced up a cliff and saw a small ledge where an orange pegasus filly was taking shelter. Here hoof were filled with rocks as the timberwolves down below.

“Oh geez, we have to fight more of those stupid wolves again?” Butters moaned.

The New Kid glanced at the cliff then towards overhang hallways up where Scootaloo. The timberwolves were barking and leaping high towards the ledge. But fortunate the ledge was out of their grasp. It was at the perfect height; it was too high for the timberwolves to reach from below and too much of a distance from the clifftop to reach from above.

He began to climb a tree to get a better view of the situation. High at the cliff top, just above the timberwolves yet a safe distance from Scootaloo, was a pile of rocks. All they needed was a push and then SLAM! The wolves would be done for.

It was time to use the technique he learned from the Canadian monks. The New Kid took a deep breath with his asshole. He then began to find the frequency, and began to adjust it accordingly. The rocks above in the cliff began to shake, yet the New Kid held in his magic. He felt an enormous power building from within but he kept it in, he hadn’t reached the right frequency yet. He remained like this for a few seconds, holding it in—then he felt it. It was time, the New Kid decided to let go of his massive spell then…WOOSH!

He had unleashed the Nagasaki.

The pile of rocks high up in cliffs rumbled from the blast of the massive fart the New Kid had released. A small rock began to roll and it hit a timberwolf at the head. The wolf glanced up to see what had the nerve to throw a rock at him. The last sight it saw was a massive rockslide pouring down straight towards the timberwolves. Then with a deafening crash, the rocks entombed the timberwolves, sending a mighty seismic wave all around.

“Well that’s one way to dealt with them,” said Butters with a relief that he didn’t have to fight any more timberwolves.

“EWWWW!!!” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle moaned in disgust, they were both revolted and amazed by the sheer capacity of the massive fart.

Once Scootaloo had realized that the wolves had been dealt with and that it was safe to get down, she spread her wings and leapt from the ledge. She safely glided down towards the ground where she was tackled by Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in tight embrace of relief. A tint of red emerged from her cheeks at her friend’s display of emotion.

“I don’t know what you did,” she told the New Kid once she had managed to pull the other crusaders off her. “But I must admit that was pretty cool. Where did you learn to do that?”

“He doesn’t talk,” Butters answered, “But Douchebag was using a very powerful magic that he learned from grand masters of the technique.”

“Well as interesting as this all is,” said Apple Bloom, “Now that we are all together again, we need to get outta here.”

The other agreed as they ventured onwards towards the forest exit, taking the opportunity to get to know one another.

QUEST COMPLETED
“Find the Crusaders”
Objective: Find Sweetie Belle (Complete)
Objective: Find Scootaloo (Complete)

3 New Friend Requests:
1. Apple Bloom
2. Sweetie Belle
3. Scootaloo

After much conversation, the boys (Butters did all the talking) had managed to explain the game they were playing and it rules. The crusaders found it interesting and asked if they could join the game.

“Well I think its okay,” said Butters, “The Grand Wizard did recruit The Girls when we went to raid the fortress of Darkness. So yes you can join. Right now we have three classes that need to be filled in: They are Fighter, Mage, and Jew.”

The Everfree forest began to thin out as the continued down the path. Apple Bloom had managed to find their direction and led them towards Ponyville. Up head almost of hundred feet always were the brightly lit fields that made the outskirts of to the small town.

“We’re almost there,” Apple Bloom said. “Let’s go to the clubhouse and see if can set up for the game. I always wanted to be brave noble fighter. I’ll take down all those that stand in my way with my strength.”

They were now fifty feet away from leaving the dreaded Everfree.

“Well then I could be a mage,” said Sweetie Belle excitedly, “I can entice crowds and vanquish foes with my mighty feats of magic.”

They were ten feet away from exiting.

“Well then that means I shall be a Jew,” Scootaloo said with a grin before it fell apart moments later. “Wait, what’s a Jew?”

Quest Completed
“Lost In the Forest”
Objective: Find a way out of the forest. (Complete)

Author's Note

The CMC joined the game and then all Tartarus broke loose. THE END.

Special Thanks to Awesomedude17 for pre-reading this chapter. So if you find any errors feel free to blame him.
But in all seriousness do feel free to point out any errors in the comment section bellow.

04. Nature of the Game

Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Four: Nature of the Game

Pre-Chapter Author's note: I'm sorry for the quality of the previous chapter. I hope the quality of this one and the following are better.

In the center of Ponyville, a small café was bursting with activity. It wasn’t crowded or full, nor was it a busy day. On the contrary that morning had been rather lackluster. The source of the activity was simply the presence of five mares. Five peculiar mares.

After bidding their farewells to Twilight and Spike on their vacation, the rest to the Elements of Harmony decided to eat brunch at a local café. It was a small café, comfortable with a relaxing environment. The lax occasion was filled with conversations of local gossip, plans they had, and other general small talk.

Pinkie Pie was in the middle of telling a joke when she froze. Never had she felt such a sensation like this one before. Her Pinkie Sense was going haywire and she was receiving mixed signals. Pinkie’s back was itching, her neck pinching, her nose twitching, her eyes winking, and the rest of her body was vibrating.

“Uh Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash with concern, “You okay?”

A few moments later, Pinkie Pie stopped moving and returned back to a normal stance, well normal for her. “Evil is coming,” she said in a hoarse raspy voice, “And It’s going to be one big doozy.”

“Uh, are ya’ sure sugar cube?” asked Applejack. She knew better that when Pinkie was tingling it was best to listen. Her senses had yet to fail. “Are ya’ really sure that something is going to go down soon?”

Pinkie Pie did not answer and merely stared at the wall. She bag to jerk back and forth in violent motion. “It’s worse that I thought,” she said in a panic stricken voice as her mane began to deflate. “The dragons… the dragons… they are coming.”

Fluttershy squeaked and ducked underneath the table. “Dr-dragons?” she asked horror struck.

“Soon—the dragons are coming soon,” Pinkie replied in a weary voice. “The Dragonborn…a great threat looms in the horizon.”

“Uh do you think we should send a letter to Twilight?” asked Rainbow Dash feeling a bit nerved at what Pinkie was saying.

“Oh don’t be so ridiculous darling,” Rarity scoffed, “Twilight just went on vacation, a much needed vacation. Remember that incident with the noodles all over Ponyville?”

The rest of girls shuddered at the memory. They had agreed to never speak about the details of that incident. Rainbow Dash had devolved a fear of pasta from it.

“I’m sure that we can take on this threat without having to cut Twilight’s vacation short,” Rarity said in a calming tone. “I’m sure Pinkie is just joking, aren’t you?”

They glanced at the pink mare with questioning glances. Pinkie’s eyes were disoriented and her expression empty and out of focus. She remained like that for a couple of long grueling second before coming back to her senses and shaking her head vigorously. “That was weird,” she chimed in her normal cheerful voice. “Sorry about that, I kind of dozed back there… Hey what’s with the long faces?” she asked her friends that were now staring at her in disbelief.

“Pinkie, do ya’ have any idea what you was saying back there?” Applejack asked. “You were talking all spooky like about some great evil that’s a comin’.”

“Oh Applejack, why would I ever say something like that?” Pinkie asked nonchalantly as she returned to her normal coloration and her hair began to curl up to normal.

The other mares glanced at each other. A dense chill had taken hold of the ambiance. Yet Pinkie Pie continued to devour her food as if nothing strange had happened.

“Uh good one Pinkie,” said Rainbow with a feigned chuckle, “You almost got me there.”

“Dashie, why would I joke about something like that?” asked a confused Pinkie Pie. “I know I appreciate a good prank here and there but I’ll never do something like that.” The party mare began to feel her Pinkie Senses activate again. This time however it was familiar to her. “I have to go now,” she said before gulping down the remainder of her meal.

“What was it?” asked Applejack, “What did you feel this time.”

“Oh don’t worry Applejack,” Pinkie responded with a wide grin, “I have to throw a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party. It has to be four times as big since there are going to be four guests.” With that she left the café and began to merrily hop down the road while humming a jaunty tune.

The rest of the Elements of Harmony remained seated. They were silently thinking about what had just happened. The whole thing was unusual even by Pinkie Pie standards. Rainbow was confused, Fluttershy was scared at the thought of dragons, and Rarity remained skeptic yet concerned.

Applejack—dear Applejack, she was frightened out of her wits. She knew what Pinkie Pie had said was a reason for concern. It wasn’t the mention of dragons or about approaching evil that scared her. They had dealt with those things before. What frightened her was the ‘doozy’. The last time Pinkie felt an oncoming ‘doozy’, they were nearly eaten by a hydra. In the end, it wasn’t the hydra that was the big ‘doozy’ but Twilight starting to believe in Pinkie Sense.

“Well it’s been a nice having lunch with ya’ll girls, but there are chores to do back at the farm,” she said as she left.

Applejack trotted down the streets of Ponyville with no destination in mind. Pinkie’s cryptic message was burning deep in her mind. She was just being silly. Ponyville was no stranger to threats and disasters, especially after Twilight moved in. Pinkie Pie was just being Pinkie Pie, nothing to it. Even if there was some evil lurking out in the corner, she was sure that it was nothing they couldn’t take down.

Having calmed herself a bit, she headed towards Sweet Apple Acres. Truth be told, there wasn’t much to do at the moment. Harvest season was a month away and the weather team was doing a great job in providing rain. Usually during this period, the Apple family took opportunity in hosting family reunions and finishing the paperwork required to maintain the farm. Big Macintosh took charge of the paperwork, he was incredibly smart yet quiet stallion.

He had earned top grades during his school years and even earned a scholarship to a fancy university in Manehattan. Yet Big Mac tuned down the offer and decided to help out in the family farm. As much as Applejack and Granny Smith tried to change his mind, he refused. It was a trait common in the Apple family, they were a stubborn bunch.

Applejack decided to take a tour of the orchards. It was a relaxing walk. She became one with the trees; the earth was rich and wonderful underneath her hooves. Celestia’s sun was a warm blanket on a cool night. The air was crisp and rich, it was the pick-me-up she needed. Now feeling relaxed, she headed towards the section of Sweet Apple Acres that contained the clubhouse Apple Bloom and her friends hung out when they weren’t out causing mischief.

She arrived at the clubhouse and saw one of the strangest sights in her life. Scootaloo was reading, and even more surprising, she wasn’t even reading a school book. Between her hooves she had a large scroll of parchment that she was intensely studying. She had thick rimmed glasses and a small black round cap on her head. Scootaloo was muttering words in strange language.

“Hello Scootaloo,” she greeted the orange filly, “What you got there?”

“Oh hello Applejack,” greeted Scootaloo as she raised her head from the scroll. The glasses magnified the appearance of her eyes. “I’m just reading up on my kind. These old folks must have really liked to cuddle; they kept sleeping with each other. This one dude named Lot kept on cuddling with his daughter’s every night after his wife got stoned.”

Applejack quickly rushed towards the filly and yanked the scroll for her hooves. “What in tarnation are you reading?!” she asked. He glanced at the scroll but could not understand any of the contents. It was written in some strange scrip she had never seen. “What is this nonsense?” she asked as she held the scroll in her hooves trying to make sense out of it.

“That is the sacred text of my kind,” answered Scootaloo, “Or at least that’s what he said. He told me that in order to master the powers of the Jew I had to read this book scroll thingy.”

“But how can you even understand this gibberish?” asked Applejack,”It’s not even written in our language.”

Scootaloo merely shrugged, “I dunno, maybe it has something with being a Jew?”

Applejack shrugged and decided it was better no to question any further. “So where’s Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle?” she asked Scootaloo in an effort to change the subject.

“Oh they're out behind the clubhouse practicing,” Scootaloo replied.

“Practicing what?”

“Practicing their fighting skills,” the filly answered, “We’re playing a game of warriors and heroes. But Apple Bloom and Sweetie are having a bit of trouble getting the hang of their abilities. So the New Kid and Butters are helping them.”

“Who?”

“Oh there are two new friends we made in our dangerous ventures into the wild outskirts of Zaron.” Scootaloo answered. She stood high with her chest out and proud. “We are the brave warriors of Zaron, it is our duty and mission to help those in need. We seek adventure, glory, and the defeat the evil Drow Elves.”

Applejack felt a headache coming. Of course this had to be one of the crusaders’ games, which would explain why Scootaloo had taken up reading strange runes. But that didn’t’ explain why she appeared to be capable of understanding the contents of the strange scroll. Deciding it was best not to drive herself mad, she went to see the other crusaders.

They were gathered around the back of the clubhouse. On top of Sweetie Belle's head was an adorable scarlet magician’s hat with gold trimmings, its colors matched the crusader cape that she was wearing. She held a small twig that she was using like a wand.

Apple Bloom was next to her; on her head was the same black bandana that she wore at talent show a few years back. The skulls were fading from it and it was clear it hadn’t been worn for a while. On Apple Bloom’s right cheek was a black scar that was painted on. She held a small wooden sword and was ready to strike.

Across from the two girls was a strange young creature in a hood. He was held a small trowel and was in a defensive position. Between the stranger and the crusaders a funny looking monkey with a blond mane.

“Okay Apple Bloom, try again,” he said, “You almost had it last time.”

Apple Bloom tossed two apples into the air and quickly turned around to buck them while mid air. Her first kick was too quick and she missed the first apple. Her attempt at bucking the second apple also failed. She gave a look of disappointment at the two bruised apples in front of her. “GAH!” she screamed in frustration, “Why can’t I do it right?”

“Because your timing is all off,” Applejack blurted out. The crusaders and the boys turned around to face her. “Well howdy ya’ll,” she greeted the two strangers, “My name’s Applejack, I run Sweet Apple Acres with the family.”

“I’m Butters the Merciful and this is the New Kid” said Butters.

“Can’t say I’ve ever seen folks like ya’ll before but since Apple Bloom is okay with ya’ll then I’m fine with you two as well,” said Applejack with a warm smile. She held out her hoof and the New Kid returned with a firm handshake. “Nice firm grip you got, I like you already.”

New Friend Request
4. Applejack

The New Kid glanced up at the farm pony, she was a head taller than him, but he recognized an adult when he saw one. Well at least she seemed nice. She walked towards Apple Bloom and gave her a nuzzle much to her embarrassment.

“So little sis, the key to bucking apples is timing,” Applejack told her sister. “Not only do you have to know where to buck, but when to buck as well. Here, let me show ya’ll.”

She tossed two apples up into the air and turned around in an instant. She raised her rear legs into position, waiting for the apples to fall into the right height. Then she gave a mighty kick that made contact with its target. The apple was projected at with such force and speed that the New Kid did not have enough time to react.

*SPLAT!*

The apple collided with his head and burst into many chunks that were scattered all around the orchard. The New Kid was disoriented from the impact.

*SMACK!*

The second apple came zooming in and hit the New Kid in the gut. The New Kid fell down to his knees clutching his stomach. The pain was intense. It hurt; the apples had actually managed to hurt him.

Applejack rushed to the stunned thief, “Ya’ alright?” She looked down at him and saw a purple bruise where the apple had hit him on the head. “Ouch, that’s one nasty bruise but you’ll be fine. Tell me how much it hurts.”

The New Kid merely blinked and gave the farm pony no audible response. He quivered from the pain but said nothing to indicate what he was feeling.

“Don’t worry none I’ll get somethin’ to fix you up real nice,” said the panicked Applejack. She ran off towards the barn and was out of sights within seconds.

“Hey Douchebag, you alright?” asked Paladin Butters. “Common’, it’s just a bruise. It’s not like you got hit in the eye by a stupid ninja star or had liposuction performed on you. Now that fucking hurt a lot.”

The New Kid glanced a Butters as his hand began emit a blue aura as he activated his healing powers. The paladin began to pat him at the head. The effect was instant, the New Kid felt his headache go away and bruising began to fade. “There you go buddy, walk it off.” –He began to pat the New Kid where the second apple had hit him- “Just walk it off.”

The New Kid brushed Butters off and stood up. He glanced at Apple Bloom and with a smile pointed towards a small pile of apples and then to himself. He adjusted himself into a defensive position.

“You want me try that again?” asked the confused Apple Bloom. “Did my big sis hit you hard in the head or something?”

The New Kid shook his head. He reached into this inventory bag and pulled out a bottle of soda. He gave it to Apple Bloom and returned back to his defensive stance. Apple Bloom turned to Butters as he gave the explanation, “King Douchebag really wants for you to try that ability again. He gave you a power potion that restores your energy. Now try it one more time.”

Apple Bloom chugged down the bottle and gave a loud belch. Sweetie Belle gave a groan of disgust and the New Kid was impressed. That filly really knows how to burp. With renewed strength, Apple Bloom tossed two apples into the air and bucked. She missed the first one but managed to hit the second apple. It flung away towards the New Kid who managed to block the apple.

She groaned in frustration. Just as the fighter was about to voice her complaints, Applejack returned holding a large baskets with apple, apple fritter, apple tarts, bottles of apple juice, even and apple pie. She gave the basket to the New Kid. “Here you go, consider this here basket as an apology for bucking you into next week,” she said with a nervous smile.

The New Kid gave her a polite nod and gave the basket to Butters. Applejack gave a sigh of relief, “Well that’s good then, by accepting my apology basket you have agreed not to sue us.” With that crises averted, the farmer turned and trotted towards the barn, “It’s been nice meeting you two. I think I’ll go help Big Mac with the paperwork.”

“Well I think that’s enough training for now,” said Butters once Applejack was out of sight, “Maybe we should go into town and see if there any people with quest for us.”

♕----------♕

The northern part of Equestria is a cold and hostile place. Some viewed it as a frozen wilderness filled with vicious beasts and monsters. Others viewed it as the result of the ancient tribal days. The Frozen North was the product of the dreaded windigos that fed of the hatred and strife of the ancient tribes.

Regardless of your opinion of the Frozen North, there was one thing you couldn’t deny. The harsh cold and bitter winds was the least of your concerns. Even with safe places like the Crystal Empire, many knew that the rest of the wilderness was deathtrap.

There were hoards of frostwolves or even worse, dire frostwolves that called the place home. If that wasn’t enough, there were the enormous frost worms that would tear your anus apart in mere seconds. It was a harsh environment to live in, yet for generations the northern minotaur tribes had called this place home.

Greybeard the Elder was a wise and fierce minotaur. During his youth he ventured through the frozen wasteland for adventure and glory. Now he was the head elder of the his tribe. His office was filled with lost treasures he had recovered from the frozen ruins of ancient castles. His most prized position was hanging in the back his office, the hide of frost worm he had slain during his adventuring days.

Greybeard was interrupted from his thoughts when a knocking came from his office door. After he retired from his adventuring days he was elected as the leader his the small mountain village. “Come in,” he said with his deep soothing voice.

The door opened to reveal one of his most trusted aides. “Ah, Iron Will,” he said in deep calming voice. “It’s a pleasure to see you! Tell me, what news do you bring from the ponies?”

Iron Will entered the office holding a large stack of papers. “Elder Greybeard, the crystal ponies have agreed to trade with us, our relationships are improving,” he said. “But they have dismissed our warnings about the looming threats that are gathering out there in the Northern Half.”

Iron Will and Greybeard glanced outside the window. Out there in the horizon was a thick grey unnatural fog was looming. “I fear that this is only the beginning, Iron Will.” Greybeard said in a solemn voice. “A great evil is coming—we must prepare ourselves even if the ponies choose not heed our words.”

“Maybe they can be persuaded during the delegation at the Crystal Empire in two days,” Iron Will suggested.

“I hope you’re right Iron Will. I really hope you’re right.” Just then more knocking came from the Elder’s door. “Come in,” he said.

A rather lanky grey minotaur entered the room. He was panting like he had just run a marathon. “Great Elder, th-they have found him. He has arrived,” the messenger said in-between breaths. “The Prophecy...he has arrived.”

“Who has arrived?” Iron Will asked.

“The Albino One,” he gasped, “Our scouts have discovered an albino calf no far south from here.”

♕----------♕

Butters, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and the New Kid were walking down the streets of Ponyville. Scootaloo had decided to follow Applejack and help Big Macintosh with the accounting. The remaining four children decided to head towards the main park in search of quest to do. So far every adult they asked quickly walked the opposite direction. Surprisingly they were more frightened of the crusaders rather than the two mysterious strangers by their side.

They were walking around the park for nearly half an hour when Sweetie Belle groaned, “Uh, this is boring. Why isn’t there anypony that has a quest for us?”

“Cheer up Sweetie, I’m sure we’ll find one real quick,” Apple Bloom assured.

They tried for another ten minutes before giving up. Bored out of their minds they decided to leave the park and look somewhere else. When they were passing through a seemingly empty section of the park, they heard a muffled whimpers. They spotted a tall black tree, sitting beneath the dark shadows of its branches was a grey pegasus crying into her hooves. She had a blond mane and tail, on her flank was a cutie mark that consisted of bubbles.

“Ms. Derpy, why are you crying?” asked Apple Bloom as the approached her.

“Ruined, all ruined,” she replied while brushing away the tears from her eyes. “I’m ruined.” She then collapsed in further tears, burying herself into a fetal position.

The New Kid walled towards the lamenting pegasus and patted her on the head. He began to brush her mane with a hairbrush he snatched from an unsuspecting mare they came crossed in the park (he was a thief after all). It worked, Derpy began to calm down and stood up straight, “Thanks,” she said meekly, “I needed that.”

“Ms. Derpy what’s wrong?” asked Apple Bloom once the mailmare was calmed down.

“Well I was delivering some packages when all of a sudden I was hit by something hard,” she said. “Whatever hit me knocked me out of my balance but fortunately I didn’t lose any packages. So I went on my route. Once I finished with my route- I checked my list to find out I was missing five packages,” -she began to hyperventilate- “Oh I don’t know what to, I know that they are somewhere scattered around Ponyville but I have no idea where to look. My boss is already at his limits with me and if I finds out I screwed up one more time…I’ll… I’ll…I’ll be…” Derpy didn’t finish the sentence as she collapsed again; the dam of tears broke as she began to pour a waterfall of tears out of her lopsided eyes.

The New Kid began to pat her again and brush her mane. The mare gave a deep sigh of appreciation and calmed down. “Thanks again,” she said as she wiped her eyes.

“Don’t worry,” said Sweetie Belle, “We’ll help you find those missing packages!”

“You will?” asked Derpy with a teary smile. The New Kid gave her a reassuring nod and she grabbed him in a crushing hug. “Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank You!”

QUEST ADDED
"Special Delivery"
Find the missing packages: 0/5

♕----------♕

Kenny awoke to smell of dirt, grime, and rat droppings. He was lying in his bed, his filthy moldy bed. He was back in South Park. Kenny glanced at the broken window hanging at the wall and saw his reflection, he was no longer wearing his princess outfit but rather his familiar orange parka.

With a sight he went to his closed and pulled aside the dislocated door. There on the floor was cardboard box with his belongings. He opened it and saw his princess costume and even more importantly the medallion next to it. It was a gift from the Sony Corporation and gave Kenny the powers of a real Japanese Anime Princess.

“Purinsesu Kenī wa kita,” Kenny announced once she was in the princess costume with the medallion secure. Princess Kenny headed out toward Stark's Pond where the incident had taken place. When she arrived at the pond, she was surprised to see that it was empty.

All the other kids had dispersed to play their own games or to watch TV. Princess Kenny glanced around the deserted pond to see if she could find any clues on what had happened. Right below where the portal had appeared was a spark of flashing light.

She ran towards the spot and discovered that the light was coming from the emblem that Butters had been carrying. The princess held the smooth elaborate carved stone in her hands. It was pulsing, almost like it was alive. The light was still emanating from the cracks on its surface.

Princess Kenny held the emblem tightly. With a spark of her princess magic, a rainbow came storming out from the emblem. Soon another portal had appeared in front of her very eyes. Taking a deep breath, Princess Kenny stepped forward and vanished.

Unnoticed by her, there was a mysterious stranger glancing at the spot where she had vanished. “Dammit, I’m too late. She’s gone,” he muttered bitterly. He then took out his cell phone and spoke into it, “Boss this is Agent S. We have lost contact; I repeat we have lost contact. The portal is gone and the gatestone is gone as well...”

Once the whirls and blurs of colors had vanished, Princess Kenny was greeted by the majestic sight of Canterlot. Far down below her, she could make out the various architectures of the buildings and the splendor of the royal palace. It was one of the most magnificent sights she had ever seen.

*SPLAT!*

She had landed on top of piercing spire of a tall tower. The pain was so immense that Princess Kenny blacked out. Though she was prepared for it this time, it still hurt like hell.

♕----------♕

After their encounter with Derpy in the park, the children went forward to find the missing packages. “So do you have any idea where to look?” asked Butters.

“I dunno,” responded Apple Bloom “Well lets to the town square, maybe there’s some pony that seen one of the missing packages.

When they arrived there, the market was bursting with activity of midday shopping. Amidst the crowded marketplace was the sound of jaunty tune. The children followed the sound and came across an audience that was surrounding a small makeshift stage. Jimmy the Bard was engaged in playing the lute accompanied they Lyra who was playing the flute.

Jimmy began with a tranquil piece which Lyra accompanied with a soothing melody from her flute. The soothing rhythm enticed the audience as an aura of peace filled the area as all problems seemed to vanish. Jimmy began to speed up the tempo of the melody and began to build a crescendo. The peaceful feeling soon turned into one of joy as they began to dance to the merry tune.

The Bard was met with tremendous applause and cheers from the onlookers once his piece was done. “Wow! What a te-terrific audience,” he said to all the praise he was receiving.

“Well that’s all for now folks!” Lyra announced to the crowd gathered around. “But don’t worry,” she quickly added when the crowd gave a groan of disappointment, “Join us later tonight when we perform at Sugarcube Corner!”

Lyra waved the crowd goodbye with a wide grin and stepped off the stage. She then spotted the children and zoomed straight towards the New Kid and Butters. “WOW! More Elves!” she shouted in a high pitch squeal. “Well my name is Lyra Heartstrings and it a pleasure to meet you two.”

New Friend Request
5. Lyra Heartstrings

Her warm greeting however was not well received by Butters. “I am not a stinking elf,” protested the annoyed Butters, “I am a proud Human paladin and I’ll shall never stoop so low to call myself one of them!”

“Well fuck you too, But-Butt…Bu-B-Butthole.” Jimmy stuttered.

“Come at me you dirty elf,” retorted Butters and he brandished his hammer.

“Bring it on bi-bitch,” said the Bard as he pulled out his crossbow slingshot.

The two boys glared at each other, they stood still waiting for one to make the first move. “Hey don’t fight you two,” said an anxious Lyra. But her words were ignored by the Bard and the Paladin. She glanced at the New Kid, “You, can’t you do anything to stop them?” she pleaded.

The New Kid gave her a blank look and placed himself between the two boys. He reached into his pockets and pulled out the Stick of Truth. Butters and Jimmy immediately stopped with their bickering. “I believe that Do-Dou-Douchebag wants us to stop fighting,” said Jimmy when he saw the Stick.

“Very well, Douchebag has spoken,” said Butters, “Then so be it. We shall put our differences aside for now.”

With the fight stopped or at least postponed, the New Kid pocketed away the Stick. Lyra gave a sigh of relief, “That was some quick thinking Douchebag. I don’t know what you did but at least they stopped fighting. The last thing I want is a war between Humans and Elves breaking out in Ponyville. Speaking of which,” -she intently observed the New Kid- “Are you and elf or a human? I can’t tell the difference.”

Apple Bloom gasped, “Miss Lyra that’s racist!” she shouted.

“W-wait, I didn’t m-mean it like-like that!” stammer the embarrassed the Lyra. “You-you know what I mean…never mind. Just forget what I said.” After a moment’s pause, Lyra spoke again, “So what brings you here today?”

“We are on a quest to find the missing packages!” exclaimed and exited Sweetie Belle.

“But we don’t know where ta’ look,” continued Apple Bloom.

“Have you seen any around here?” finished Butters.

The New Kid just blinked.

“Well I saw some gray pegasus with a delivery bag a while ago,” answered Jimmy “Crashed into that t-tree over there. She kinda reminds me of Mr. D-De… Mr. Deeh—she reminded me of meeh… She re-reminded me of Mr. Derp.”

While the crusaders bid their farewells and promised to attend the performance later that day. The New Kid took this opportunity to sneak a couple of coins from the collection jar Jimmy had set in front of the makeshift stage. They head off towards the direction where Jimmy had pointed. Up there high in the tree branches was a long rectangular package.

Grabbing one of the bows the crusaders had improvised, he took a careful aim and knocked the packaged down. Hopefully it wasn’t fragile as it landed on the ground with a soft thud. His worries were brushed away as the package began to vibrate.

“Hey,” said Sweetie Belle as she picked up the vibrating package, “This thing is addressed to Rarity.”

Packages Found: 1/5

♕----------♕

It was cold, so damned cold. Stan was used to cold weather; after all he lived in a small quiet mountain town that was covered in snow most of the time. But this was a whole new experience. The bitter chill was biting his face and his balls were freezing. He continued to head towards the mountains in the distance. Maybe he could find some shelter or help there.

In the distance he could see various silhouettes of people. “Hey help!” he shouted out loud, “Over here!” The figures must had hear him since their shadow became clearer as they approached them.

When they were twenty yards away from him, Stan got a good glimpse of their appearance. They were part man and part bull. The bulky figures had horns on the side of their head and were armed with spears, swords, and axes.

“Just fucking great,” murmured Stan, “Of all people, it had to be either some stupid cult or PETA.”

“Greetings young albino calf,” said the elder minotaur. “Your coming had been foretold for many generations. We need your help, a great evil looms over the land and we believe that you can help persuade the ponies.”

Stan shivered when gust of icy wind made its presence known. “We can talk later,” said a minotaur armed with a great battle axe, “Let’s make haste and head back towards the village. The frostwolves are near and they are restless.”

“Come Albino One,” said the elder, “We shall give you shelter from these frozen lands.”

Stan was conflicted on whether to follow these freaks or not. “What makes you think I need your help?” he said and he brandished his mighty sword, “I am Stan the Ranger. I am a brave warrior and have faced many dangers in the past. Why shall I seek your help?”

“Your attire is not appropriate for this climate,” responded the elder, “You are cold and you bones are aching from the chills of this land. I can see it the way you wield your weapon.”

“Fine but before I make my choice I must you once question.”

“Go ahead Albino One.”

“Are you guys PETA or related to PETA?”

“I have no idea on what you ask,” responded the confused elder. “What is this Peta you speak of?”

That answered his question. Stan followed the minotaurs back to their village at the base of the mountains range. The structures of the quaint village were made out of stone and brick. A large bonfire was lit in the middle of the village and there was a group of around seven minotuars gathered around it.

Stan then realized that he had been stupid. He should have known that these cultists weren’t PETA. They had offered him shelter. PETA doesn’t care about people.

♕----------♕

After the New Kid heroically prevented the Battle of the Marketplace, the children went out to the outskirts of town in their quest to find the missing packages. They had arrived at the entrance of Whitetail Woods. It was a beautiful and peaceful place unlike the forest outside of South Park or the Everfree.

“Give it back!” squealed a high a high pitch voice.

“Come and get it shrimp,” retorted a deeper voice that was accompanied with vicious laughter.

Behind a pair of bushes was a small lilac unicorn filly with a blond mane and tail. Three brutish colts were teasing her. One of them was a dark blue pegasus, the other a grey earth pony, and the ringleader was green earth pony with a baseball cap. They were playing keep away with a package while mocking the filly.

“Stop that!” cried the filly, “Give me back the package, mommy needs it very much or she’ll lose her job.”

“I’m surprised that that retard even has a job,” said the snarled green ringleader. The other two colts gave a roar a cruel laughter. The filly was at the burst of tears.

“Why those no good colts,” Apple Bloom growled, “Why I oughta teach them a lesson for picking on poor Dinky like that.” But the New Kid and Butters was ahead of her.

“Hand over the package,” confronted Butters, “And I’ll make sure that you get hurt that badly.”

“Who are you?” asked the grey colt.

“We are the guys that going to kick your pasty butts that’s who,” replied Butter brandishing his mighty Hammer of Justice. “No one gets to bully in front of me and gets away from me… well except for maybe Grandma and the Grand Wizard.”

With that the battle had begun. The New Kid quickly pulled out a box of stink bombs flung the as hard as he could at the bullies. The bully colts turned a pale green, even the dark green one. They were all pissed off.

“Phew, glad we aren’t the ones fighting them,” commented Apple Bloom. She turned to see that Sweetie Belle was comforting Dinky, “Don’t worry Dinky, those nasty bullies will get what’s coming to them.”

A butterfly flew down to Butters, who let it land on his finger, smiling like some douche from San Francisco. He let it fly away, then got a determined look on his face.

“You think that’s bad,” said Butters to the bully colts, “You ain’t seen anything yet. Let’s see how you like dealing with ME!” He twirled his cape and vanished. Dark storm clouds began to form overhead as the sky darkened. Soon it was hard to see. Flashes of lightning began to strike down, illuminating the figure of Professor Chaos, who began to laugh maniacally.

The Professor spun his Wheel of Fate, but nothing happened. Instead chocolate rain began pouring down. The New Kid glanced up and saw that dark storm clouds were now pink… and made out of cotton candy? A flash of light and then the strangest creature that New Kid had ever seen appeared in front of him.

“Well, well what do we have here,” said the strange creature. His body consisted of body parts from different creatures almost like a chimera. “A noble paladin with a dark side, a bit two faced if you don’t ask? But I must admit it is rare to find a fellow compatriot that relishes in creating chaos.” The creature snapped his figures and was instantly dressed in a Russian Red Army uniform alongside Butters. “The name’s Discord, I'm the spirit of chaos and disharmony. Thought these days I’m mostly just the spirit of chaos working alongside harmony.”

“Now then, my dear professor,” Discord said in a heavily accented voice. “How about we go and spread some chaos?”

Professor Chaos glanced at Discord, “A tempting offer, but I am Professor Chaos. I wreak my own brand of havoc and destruction. I am the product of my environment, society has shunned me, but they shall pay. What has you to offer me? What hast you to offer me, Spirit of Chaos?”

“HEY!” screamed one of the bullies, “We’re having a fight here. Why don’t you to lover get a room or something?”

“You’re fortunate I don’t turn ponies into stone,” said Discord. With a flick of this claw, Discord had encased the bullies in frozen chunks of ice, “But you three really need to chill.” He then focused on Professor Chaos, “So how about it, shall we go out and make chaos?”

He hesitated. Professor Chaos didn’t know what to do. Realizing this, Discord snatched the New Kid and took the Stick of Truth from his pockets, “I’ll need this. Now, now, don’t you be thinking that I’m a thief like you.” He gave the New Kid a soapstone carving in his image. “Use this to summon me, cross the gaps between the worlds, and engage in jolly cooperation. It will only work once a day and I won’t help you with bosses, because bosses are no fun to fight with ultimate help.”

Summon Unlocked
Soapstone Carving

“Now then I have the Stick,” said Discord, “Let me spice the game up a bit. Professor Chaos, you don’t have a choice now. Let’s go spread chaos and I know exactly where to start.” Discord and Professor Chaos had vanished with a flash of bright light.

Apple Bloom was now standing on the place where Butters was at. The New Kid turned around and saw that Scootaloo was now standing in the rear besides Dinky. The look on her face confirmed that she was confused like the rest of them.

*SMACK!*

While he was distracted glancing at the Crusaders, the New Kid did not noticed that the bullies had been unfrozen with Discords disappearance. They were still pissed off. The pegasus colt rammed himself straight at the new kid, knocking him off balance and slamming it into the ground.

When he stood up, the New Kid was then bucked straight at the chest by the gray earth pony. Fortunately this time he managed to keep his balance and maintained his standing position. He managed to block the blows from the dark green colt.

With his body aching and needing regain his sense of balance, the New Kid was incapacitated for this turn. It was now up to Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom stepped forward with her wooden sword and swung it too soon, she barely managed to scratch the pegasus colt. Sweetie Belle didn’t do much better as she swung her wand too late and just gave the grey earth pony a light tap.

The bullies roared with laughter at the girl’s pathetic attempt in their first turn. Scootaloo grumbled something about how she would have knock out the teeth of at least one of them. The taunts from the bullies worked as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle let their defenses down.

The pegasus colt rushed into Apple Bloom, but she was prepared and blocked the majority of the attack. The grey colt picked up a large rock and flung it at Sweetie Belle as hard as he could. Sweetie Belle hopped to the side and the rock missed her.

The New Kid resisted most of the blows from the green ringleader but was left at low health. He couldn’t last another round of incoming attacks. Normally he would rely on Butters healing abilities at times like these. The crusader combat levels didn’t reassure him much, at this rate they wouldn’t last long. He had to end this as quickly as he could.

He drank his last speed potion in his inventory and smashed the cup into bits. The bullies were baffled when they was the New Kid disappear with puff of smoke. “Hey, where did that hairless ape go?” asked the grey earth pony.

*CLUNK!*

The blue pegasus colt was knocked out and lying at the ground. The two remained bullies looked around for the New Kid. They briefly saw him standing in position next to the crusaders before he disappeared again with another puff of smoke. “Don’t think that move will work again!” roared the green colt. “We’re prepared for you this time.”

*SWOOSH!*

The green bully turned to see that his fellow earth pony had collapsed and was knocked out. Standing behind him was the New Kid holding a dagger. There was another flash of smoke and he vanished again. He turned and saw that the thief was back in his place next to Apple Bloom. His pockets filled with bits and trinkets he looted from the bullies.

Apple Bloom followed the New Kid’s example and used her own ability. She tossed two apples into the air and bucked with all her might. The first apple went soaring through the air and smacked the bully right at the face. She had missed the second apple, but she was steadily improving at a better rate than Butters.

Sweetie Belle pulled out a firework from the crusader’s stash. The New Kid didn’t know why the Cutie Mark Crusaders had stash of high explosive fireworks and he really didn’t feel like asking. Sweetie Belle struggled with her horn to produce a spark to ignite the firework. After few attempts she flung the firework in rage with her magic.

When the firework landed in front of the bully it erupted into a spectacle of smoke and sparks of many colors. Some of the sparks landed on the mane of the bully and soon the smell of burnt hair began to fill the area. “You guys are crazy!” roared the earth pony, “C’mon guys let’s get the buck out of here!” The other two didn’t need to be told twice, the sprung up and ran away as fast as they could.

“Woah,” Apple Blooms gasped as she was glowing with a golden light alongside Sweetie Belle. “I feel stronger than before for some reason.”

Before the New Kid could respond, he was met with a tight embrace. After chasing away the mean bullies, Dinky rushed towards him with gratitude, “Thank you for dealing with those bullies. Now mommy won’t lose her job.”

“Hey!” said an irritated Apple Bloom, “We helped too.”

Packages Found: 2/5
New Friend Request
6. Dinky Doo

Author's Note

Apple Bloom's Ability: Apple Buck
Bucks two apples at an opponent, causes Pissed Off status with a perfect hit.
Upgrades
II: Increased damage
III: Bucks an additional apple
IV: Perfect hits now Stuns target instead
V: Apples bounce off the target and hit other opponents

So some of you are already shipping the New Kid and Apple Bloom. Damn you guys don't hesitate.

Special thanks to Awesomedude17 for prereading this chapter. B̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶'̶m̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶d̶d̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶-̶r̶e̶a̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶e̶d̶i̶t̶o̶r̶.̶ ̶P̶M̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶e̶s̶t̶e̶d̶.̶
Feel free to point out any mistakes in the comments or PM me. I'll shall the upload the next chapter when it's ready to be uploaded, please don't ask when.

05. Grand Wizard Changeling King

Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles

Chapter Five: Grand Wizard Changeling King

Location: Badlands

The heat became unbearable as the sun traveled over the wastelands. The scorching heat was just one of the perils that the Great and Powerful Grand Wizard King had to endure. The awesome Wizard King kept traveling forwards through the depths of the forsaken badlands. It had been long an arduous journey and supplies were running low. The Wizard King was down to his last two bags of Cheesy Poofs, a snack cake, three candy bars, and two bottles of soda alongside his last can of Red Balls. Truly with supplies down to a critical level it was important for the Wizard King to reach his destination.

“Are we there yet?” the Grand Wizard Cartman inquired his changeling guide.

“For the fifth time, NO!” replied the irritated changeling. She was getting rather irritated at the Grand Wizard’s bickering. “We’ve been traveling for an hour at most. We still have around half an hour left until we get there.”

“Well then you don’t you have any rest stops on the way?” asked the Grand Wizard. “I’m running short on supplies.”

“Short on supplies,” chortled the changeling, “Short of supplies!? You’ve been eating non-stop for the past hour. Can’t you do anything besides eating and complain? You’re acting worse than a spoiled larva.”

“You shall not insult the Grand Wizard King like that!” roared Cartman. “We wouldn’t be having this problem if you people had fucking roads and rest stops. Man, Australia sucks.” He slammed his staff into the hard ground.

“I keep telling you, I have no idea what this Australia is,” shouted the changeling in frustration. The fat wizard was really getting on her nerves. “Why did I even agree to take you to the hive in the first place? I can just fly away and leave you here to die-” she paused as that thought. A grin spread across her face as she said, “You know I’ll do that.” The changeling spread her wings and was about to take flight but suddenly stopped.

“That’s what I thought you bitch,” retorted Grand Wizard, taking the changeling’s hesitance to taking flight as a sign of submission to his awesomeness.

“Quiet you,” hissed the changeling urgently, “There’s something out there, listen will you.”

There was a brief silence, all the Grand Wizard was occasional gust of wind. They stood still hiding behind a large boulder. The Grand Wizard tried to listen to the silence; he glanced at the distance but saw nothing but saw nothing but dirt, rocks, and few scattered shrubs. Then he heard a faint buzzing noise, it was different to that of the changelings. It was chilling noise, a buzzing that reeked of death.

“Scorpionflies, just what we needed,” murmured the changeling, “Well then Grand Wizard, you best prepare for combat. These bastards are the menace of the badlands. Their stingers can paralyze you and they can rip you apart with their pincers. And to top it off, these bugs have wings as well and can damn fly.”

“Are you sure we’re not in Australia?” asked the Grand Wizard.

The changeling guide decided to ignore the question and raised her ears as she listened with intense concentration. “The noise is coming from over there. We are going to take a detour,” she said as she pointed at the direction where the creatures were at. “But from the sound of it, the scorpionflies are gathering, but that doesn’t make any sense. Normally those things are solitary predators. That is unless… oh shit,” –her eyes spread wide open- “It’s mating season.”

They took a slight detour around the predator’s breeding grounds. While it only cost them twenty minutes, they felt much longer due to the Grand Wizards non-stop complaints. “Will you just stop such an annoying brat!?” screamed the changeling. “Can’t you just be quiet for a five minutes? With all that noise that you are making you might attract the scorpionflies—“

The changeling stopped as she heard the familiar low buzzing. She turned around and saw a large scorpion flying towards them. Perched on its back were wings were two pairs of wings similar to that of a beetle. Its main body was two feet long and its tail stretched another foot and a half where a menacing stinger was raised, ready to strike.

“Well nice going,” muttered Cartman, “You attracted the fucking scorpionfly.”

“Shut up,” growled the changing as she transforming into a large tiger. She leapt high into the air and tackled the scorpionfly to the ground. With her razor sharp teeth, she clenched at the scorpionfly’s wings and yanked it off with tremendous force. The giant scorpion hissed in agony. “Well don’t be lazy, help me kill this thing!” growled the tiger/changeling at the Grand Wizard.

“Why don’t you stop being such a bitch,” muttered the Grand Wizard as he pulled took out his aerosol can and a lighter. He flicked his lighter but there was not spark. He flicked it again but there was still no spark. He tried two more times before throwing it at the wingless scorpion fly in rage. He took one of his emergency matches and proceeded to set the scorpionfly on fire.

It gave a bloodcurdling shriek of as the flames consumed it. It jerked and ran in circles before raising its stinger to strike. But the flames proved too much for the scorpionfly as it collapsed and died in twisted position. “How in the hell are these things supposed to be dangerous?” he said as he stared at the charing corpse. “It went down like a bitch.”

“That’s because that one was a runt,” said the irate changeling now transforming back to her normal form. “They are some that are three times as big. Let’s just get out of here before we attract any more of them.”

They traveled on for almost another hour before they arrived at the Hive. The Hive consisted of an extensive network of tunnels, chambers and structures that were built along and within a small mountain range. High above at the summits of each mountain was a series of well disguised watchtowers. Scattered throughout the mountains were many caves and tunnel. But only a few of them actually led anywhere. Most of them were simply traps laid out in defense. It was a perfect hideout for those that don’t want to be found.

There standing at the entrance of the Hive was a squad of around twelve changelings. A gruff and stoic changeling stepped forward from the squad, he seem to be the commanding officer of the small squad. “The queen demands to speak to you and your… guest,” said the commander of the squad. “It’s best not to keep her waiting.” With that they entered into the caverns of the Hive.

The Grand Wizard and the changeling followed the commander and his squad through the twists and turns of the Hive. There descended through narrow tunnels as they headed towards the heart of the Hive. As they kept descending, the smell of damp soil became more and more prevalent. At last they came to a halt in front of large pair of carved ebony doors.

“The throne room is the other side,” said the commander of small squad. He gave a brief salute to the changeling guide and a glare to the Wizard King. “Remember this maggot; I have my eyes on you.”

The doors to the throne room opened, it revealed a large chamber carved at the very center of the mountain. The stone surface was polished and smooth, above at the ceiling there were lavish chandeliers hanging above emitting an eerie green light.

In front and center was a large magnificent throne crafted out of obsidian and jade. Its padding and seat was made of rich dark green velvet. Sitting upon the throne was the largest bug that Grand Wizard had ever seen. She looked something that Dr. Mephesto, the mad scientist that had a breeding lab outside of South Park, had been experimenting with a horse and a bug, except she only had one ass.

“Dandar my servant, I am glad to see that you have returned,” said the changeling queen to the changeling guide without putting effort in looking glad to see her..

“My name is Putukate my Queen,” responded the changing while giving a courteous bow. There a slight tint of remorse in her words but the changeling queen did not notice.

“Yes,” said the queen nonchalantly, “How can I forget such an important thing? You are Putakate one of my...uh… what is it that you do again?”

“I’m one of captains of your army, my Queen,” responded Putukate, not bothering to hide the remorse this time.

“Yes, yes whatever,” the changeling queen turned to face the Grand Wizard. “So what about you, few are foolish enough to venture into my lair unless they have death wish. Who are you and what you want from Queen Chrysalis?”

“My dear queen,” Cartman said with a bow. “I am the great Grand Wizard King—“

The changeling queen began to roar out loud with laughter. “You? A King? Pray tell, what are you doing in my hive? If you were really a king, wouldn’t you have sent one of your loyal servants?”

“Normally I would have sent Douchebag to do this,” the Grand Wizard replied calmly, “But right now I don’t think he can be trusted. I think his mind has been compromised by the Jew.” He reached into his pockets and pulled out an elegant and lovely emerald flower. “Please accept my humble present; it pales in comparison to your beauty.”

“Your flattery will get you nowhere,” snarled the changeling queen. “What do you want?”

“Why I wish to offer you my services,” responded the Grand Wizard, “My awesome abilities are at your disposal.”

The changeling queen glanced at the Grand Wizard, taking in every detail she could find. There was something off about him, something sinister. “I doubt you’ll be offering your services for free, what you want?”

“Oh not much,” responded the Grand Wizard calmly, “Just an army.”

Queen Chrysalis roared yet again in laughter, her chuckles filled the room. “Let me get this straight,” she said in a serious tone as her laughter dissipated, “You slaughter three of my children, force one of them to take you to my hive and now you dare have the courage to ask for an army!?”

“Look, we can just get over this if you just give me a god damned army and I can go out my way,” replied the Grand Wizard. “You hand over my army, I’ll leave. It’s not that hard to understand.”

The changeling queen ground her teeth at the Grand Wizard’s lack of respect. Who did this little imbecile think he was? How dare he show such disrespect to her, the greatest changeling queen that has ruled over the Hive? He’ll pay, he will pay all right. After the humiliating defeat at Canterlot and her not so successful second attempt, she along with the Hive were forced into exile and hiding. Of course Celestia extended her hoof and offered an olive branch, but the changeling queen knew better to fall for such trickery.

For the past months she had been working on making the perfect soldier. Just recently the hive had produced its first elite soldiers, the Dynastes. They were an elite core of super soldiers; each soldier was capable of facing an entire army on its own. It was good in theory, but she had yet to test out the elite soldier’s capacity. Now she had the opportunity in front of her, that fat cockroach in front of her will pay for his insolence.

“Zanthos, go to the Dynastes and bring back the mightiest warrior,” the queen ordered Putukate.

“Yes my Queen,” Putukate replied with a bow. She left the room, giving a low growl under her breath that went unheard. “Why can’t my queen remember my name?”

“Ah yes, I see what you are doing,” said the Wizard King, “You want to test about my abilities to make sure I am not lying, a wise choice, a very wise choice indeed. Well then if I can take down you mightiest with a blast of my magic, will you then give in to my demand?”

“If you can take down one of my Dynastes I’ll give you what you want,” Queen Chrysalis replied with a menacing smile. “But I doubt you’ll be able to. These super soldiers were bred to take down an entire army of the Royal Canterlot Guard; I doubt you stand a chance.”

The doors to the throne room slammed open, Putukate reentered the throne room followed by one of the Dynastes. It was a grotesque yet awe-inspiring sight. The Dynaste was the height of three changelings and as wide as five changelings. Its’ chitin was robust and thick forming a tough natural armor that could withstand most attacks. Perched on its head were two crooked horns with a twisted curl. The beast was a mockery combining the traits of an alicorn and a beetle. It spread open its four wings and buzzed towards the center of the throne room between the Grand Wizard and Queen Chrysalis.

The Dynaste lifted its large head and sniffed the air before glancing at the Wizard King. It opened it mouth to reveal two rows of crooked and deformed teeth.

“You may proceed,” said the changeling queen. The Dynaste lowered its head and gave a savage growl. Its two deformed horns began to emit a deathly pale light as it began to channel its spell.

The Grand Wizard was not behind and immediately began chanting his mighty curse, “Fuck, cock, ginger, lame-o, balls—”

Queen Chrysalis rose from throne not believing the sight in front of her. The Grand Wizard was surrounded by a barrier of lighting; it was grown more powerful with each word he chanted. “What is the meaning of this?” she asked Putukate show was sitting beside her.

“I don’t know,” the changing replied, “But the Grand Wizard is really cursing up a storm.”

“—shit, Christian, mee krob…” –more lighting was traveling through the Grand Wizard- “BARBRA STREISAND!” He had unleashed a barrage of lightning straight at the Dynaste. The entire room seemed darkened compared to the vicious blue bolts of lightning.

The unfortunate Dynaste gave a hiss and squealed in pain. It began to jerk around violently as if to shake off the pain. But it proved too much. With a blood curdling shriek it launched straight at the Wizard King. The Grand Wizard continued with his spell and sent a powerful bolt straight at the Dynaste. The changeling warrior collapsed and hissed in agony.

“I’m still not done bitch!” the Grand Wizard teased with a sadistic smirk, “Asshole, weirdo, loser, PIECE OF CRAP!” He unleashed another wave of lightning at the Dynaste. It curled and gave loud piercing cry of pain before collapsing at the ground. It was still for a few second before releasing its final bowel movement.

“HA HA! What now?!” gloated Cartman. He danced over the dead Dynaste before facing the shocked changeling queen, “So how about that army you promised me?”

Queen Chrysalis could not comprehend what she had just seen. Here comes this pest, this Grand Wizard King demanding for an army. He wasn’t bluffing and the powerful display of magic proved that. If this so called king could take down of her elite solider design to take down an entire army, imagine what she could do with him on his side.

Yes, that what she’ll do. Instead of giving this Grand Wizard his army, she’ll make him part of her army. All it would take was a subtle mind spell, cloud his mind a bit and he will be her’s soon enough.

“Oh great Grand Wizard King, I am awed by your magnificent display of power,” she said with a false smile. Her horn gave a dim glow that was barely noticeable, “Please tell me more about you. I would love to get to know you better.”

It worked, the Grand Wizard began to gloat about his awesomeness and why he was the coolest person ever. The changeling queen did not bother to listen. Instead she was digging her way into his mind. It was rather easy; the Grand Wizard had no mental shields or protective spells. He didn’t seem to even notice that she had penetrated his mind. The changeling queen could see his memories, read his every emotion and see every thought and fantasy that went through his head. She had full access to his mind.

“WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU TO COME UP WITH SUCH HORRORS?!”

Queen Chrysalis’ screams echoed throughout the cavern. She fell to her ground clenching her hooves over her head. It was too much. The changeling queen wished that she hadn’t peeked into the Grand Wizard’s mind. She kept squeezing her head hard against her hooves hoping that is would wash away the abominations she had saw.

It was terrible, never had she imagined such things were even possible. The Grand Wizard was a threat, with a mind as terrible as that and his powers… Queen Chrysalis shivered as she tried to brush such thoughts aside. The fat abomination in front of her had to be dealt with.

“My Queen, are you alright?” asked Putukate as she rushed to help her up.

“Yes,” said the changeling queen, “I’m fine…just fine.” She glanced at the Grand Wizard before whispering to Putukate, “Listen closely to me Kortha. You will not tell any changeling on what happened. I want you to take our unwanted guest to the holding cells while I’ll think of a way to dispose of him. Do you understand?”

Putukate gave a bow and did what she was told. “Come with me,” she told Cartman. They left the throne room together and headed towards the holding cells.

“Are you going to take me to my army?” asked Cartman.

“Yeah we’re going to take you to your army,” Putukate lied. She was in sour mood as they traveled even further down the twists and turns of the Hive toward the holding cells. “It’s not that hard,” she kept muttering to herself, “Why can’t that bitch remember my damned name?”

Two gruff changelings were standing guard at the entrance of the holding cells. They were passing the time by bickering to each other. Their banter stopped once they noticed that Putukate had entered the hall. She sighed at the sight of the two guards fighting.

“Captain!” said the shorter one as he gave Putukate a quick salute, smacking the the taller changeling at the face.

“What are your orders Ma’am?” said the taller one while he still held the smaller changeling in a stranglehold.

“Éntomo and Insetto, at ease you two,” replied Putukate. “Nothing big, just some orders from the queen. Now you two can keep from killing each other, I want you to escort our guest” –she pointed at Cartman with disgust-“over to the holding cells. I recommend The Pit.”

Insetto, the shorter changeling gasped, “Are you sure you want to send him there?”

Putukate glanced at the Grand Wizard. He was preoccupied eating the last of his candy bars. “Trust me; there isn’t any other place I want him to be.”

The holding cells of the Hive pretty much the acted like a dungeon where rebellious changelings or unwanted intruders were locked up. They remained imprisoned there until they were either brainwashed or disposed of. Rations of love were intentionally minimal; prisoners were only given enough to survive by. The purpose was to starve them until they surrendered and pledged their loyalty to the Hive.

But in reality the holding cells turned into a situation of survival of the fittest. The biggest and toughest changelings became the cell boss and got more rations of love from the weaker prisoners. This was especial evident in the holding cell known as “The Pit” by the guards. Located at the very bottom of the Hive, The Pit was held the worst offenders and criminals of the hive. Prisoners were thrown down from a heavy protected hatch that acted as the cells only door.

The Grand Wizard now stood in front of that hatch with the two guards beside him. Putukate was watching them from a distance as she tried hard to hide her grin. “Now Grand Wizard,” she said. “Your army is waiting for you at the other side of that trapdoor.”

“Oh this going to be so freaking sweet,” said Cartman in excitement.

Putukate gave the orders to the guards. They quickly undid the protective enchantments on the hatch and pried it open. They grabbed the Grand Wizard, or at least they tried to grab him.

“Dafuq is this?” asked the Grand Wizard as he felt the two guards groping his sides.

“Too heavy, AHG!!!” grunted Insetto as he tried to lift the Grand Wizard.

“Then just push him,” said Éntomo.

The two guards gave Cartman a mighty shove and he fell straight down to the bottom of The Pit. The Grand Wizard looked around the dark cavern but there wasn’t much light to make out any details. There were some silhouettes heading towards him. Out of the shadows stepped a group of rugged and tough changelings.

“Look at what we got here,” said a particular large changeling. He was at around a head taller than the other changelings and twice as thick. His body was tough and well built; a scar ran down his right cheek. “We got a fat little worm crawling down here.”

“I am not fat,” said the irritated Grand Wizard, “I’m just big boned.”

“I’ll show you a big bone,” chortled one of the changeling silhouettes. Roaring laughter filled the chamber.

“Shut up all of you!” roared the large changeling with the scar. Immediately the cell went quiet. “No one is getting boned unless I say so,” he said before focusing on the Grand Wizard. “Understand this you fat worm. The name is Mosca and I’m the boss around here. What I say goes and I’ll recommend that you try not to get on my nerves and we’ll get along just fine.”

The Grand Wizard held his ground and glared at Mosca defiantly. “Yeah, I think we have a problem here. You see I’m the Grand Wizard King and I the one in charge. Now you will respect the Wizard King and submit to my authoritah or I’ll kick you in the nuts.”

“What?”

*SMACK!*

Mosca collapsed to the floor holding his dear private parts. “GAH! My ballsack!” his screams of pain were magnified in the confined space the Pit. No changeling dared move to help him rather they stared in shock at the Grand Wizard who was relishing in his victory.

“So any of you want to defy the Wizard King?” Cartman challenged the rest of the prisoners. None of them moved, the Grand Wizard took as a sign to proceed. He took a look at the rough mess of changelings in front of him. They were a mixed bunch. Some were in pathetic conditions while other appeared to be tough and rugged. It may not be to his expectations, but it’ll have to do. Hopefully these changelings would be better bunch than the Somali pirates. “Okay then, now that we’ve established that I’m in charge of yah, let’s get down to business. So can you transform into anything at will?”

“Well, that would depend on what you want us to transform into.” replied one of the changelings.

“Yeah, we can’t turn into inanimate objects,” added another changeling, “If we could, then I wouldn’t be in the damned place.”

The Grand Wizard thought over what had been said. “Hmm, can you turn into Billy Mays?”

The changelings looked around at each other in confusion. “What’s a Billy Mays?” asked a changeling.

“Really?” said the outraged Grand Wizard, “You guys don’t know who Billy Mays is? Seriously what the fuck-”

*ZAP!*

Mosca’s scream of agony filled the chamber yet again. When the Grand Wizard uttered that last word, that curse word, sparks of lightning flew out of him and struck the large changeling. The smell of charred chitin began to fill The Pit. Each changeling glanced at each other nervously. Unless they wanted to end up like Mosca, someone had to find out what a Billy Mays was.

Finally one brave changeling, a former infiltrator for the hive, performed a spell to look into his mind. To her surprise, it was unprotected. She quickly accessed to his thoughts and transformed into the strange creature was currently on his mind.

“Hi, Billy Mays Here!” proclaimed the changeling now turned into sales legend. The Grand Wizard’s mood immediately cheered up. The changeling Billy Mays felt some positive emotion emitting from him. It wasn’t love but rather admiration. Whatever it was, she started to feed of the Grand Wizard’s admiration for Billy Mays.

Apparently all of the other changelings sensed the positive emotion emitting from the Grand Wizard and followed her footsteps. Soon the Grand Wizard was standing in front a small squad of twelve Billy Mays. Each of them feeding of his admiration for the master salesman of Chipotlaway.

“Oh my god, this is totally awesome!” exclaimed Cartman, “This way cooler than Kyle’s lame elf army.”

Author's Note

Thanks to Alticron and Awesomedude17 for editing/proofreading. Hopefully the next update won't take as long as this one, I'm not making any promises.

Scorpionfies are indeed real insects, they are harmless bugs where the males have enlarged genitals that look like a stinger. Putukate, Éntomo, and Insetto all mean "insect' in Estonian, Greek, and Italian respectively.

~~Next Chapter: CCC (Part Two: C████)~~ I lied

06. Snowy Range

Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Six: Snowy Range

Why some minotaurs chose to live deep within the Frozen North could be anyone’s guess. Most ponies and other species chose to live in more preferable climates towards the south. Even the Crystal Empire was located not far into the southern half of Frozen North. The small minotaur village that Elder Greybeard and his group were taking Stan to was the northernmost settlement under Equestria’s influence. It was located right at the edge of the explored region at the base of mountain range that acted as the northern border of Equestria which only covered the southern half of the Frozen North.

What lay beyond the mountain rage was a mystery and one would be insane to go forth in such a dangerous journey. Throughout the years some very brave or foolish minotaurs had set forth to explore that mysterious half of the Frozen North. It could be assured that their finds and discoveries would amaze those that listened, except only a few ever returned sane enough to tell the tale that is if they ever returned at all.

The only thing that was known about the northern half of the Frozen North was that it was truly indeed frozen. It was in a permanent state of winter and filled with dangers that made the frost worms and frostwolves the least of your concerns. That brings us back to the question on why minotaurs would chose to reside in such a dangerous place. The answer was simple: They don’t. To be more specific, most minotaurs don’t permanently live in the Frozen North but rather live there temporarily or seasonally according to how much work was available. Most of them went back to their respective homes during the winter when it was too dangerous to keep the mines open.

The mountain range and surrounding area was filled with precious resources and boasted a large supply of rare metals just ready to be mined. It was believed that it was because of these mountains that the ancient unicorn tribes founded their city in the area and built the first mines using earth pony labor. The mines were later abandoned as winter’s grasp took over the area and the windigoes roamed the land. It is for this reason that the unicorns chose to build their new capital next to another resourced filled mountains. The mines they built can still be found underneath Canterlot.

Eventually winter’s grasp receded from the old homelands and it was relatively safe to once again to open the old mines. Many of the old settlements were in ruins and were unfit to occupy once again. Instead the ponies decided to build a new city that would be unlike any other, a city that would also the crown jewel and sight to behold. From the northern mountains came the foundation of the Crystal City. The early Crystal City was the most prosperous cities of all of Equestria and flourished for nearly two centuries. Such was their power and wealth that they declared their sovereignty as a city-state and became the Crystal Empire. Yet it was not to last as once again did winter’s grasp took the land as it was cursed by a pony named Sombra.

After the fall of the Crystal Empire, Princess Celestia was reluctant to maintain the northern mines open. As generations passed, knowledge Crystal Empire and the rest of the north faded away and were unknown except by a select few. It wasn’t until eighty years before the return of Nightmare Moon did Celestia choose to have an expedition north to rediscover and open the mines. It took nearly ten years to build the Northern Railroad and a few more to establish the mining settlements. Celestia had other interest in the Frozen North other than increased income. One of the first projects she had was the construction of a stronghold with a guard to keep order among the miners; the other project was the construction an observation tower that would notify her of the reappearance of the Crystal Empire.

♕----------♕

Location: Frozen North

Stan quickly noticed the temperature change when he entered the remote village. Seeing his surprised face, Elder Greybeard spoke up. “Ah, I guess you have never seen an enchantment such as this before?”

Stan just shrugged; he didn’t want to argue with the people that gave him shelter. Even if they are freaky cultists obsessed with bulls.

“As you can feel, this village is protected from the cold by an enchantment powered by the great bonfire at the center. As long as the fire is lit, the village is kept warm and shielded from the cold winds...” the elder minotaur kept talking but Stan quickly stopped listening

They approached they bonfire that the elder was talking about. There around the fire were around six minotaurs dancing and chanting nonsense. When the dancers saw the Stan and the group, they quickly stopped and gave the elder a quick salute. “Grand Elder Greybeard,” one of them said, “Is there a task for us to do?”

“No,” responded the Grand Elder, “Just continue with your dancing and chanting nonsense.”

“But why?” protested another of the dancers.

“Yeah,” said another, “Why do we have to dance around the bonfire? The fire is fueled by peat, we only need one or two bulls to keep watch over it. Why do we have to keep dancing like idiots around it?

“Because shut up that’s why,” barked Greybeard, “Now do you have any other questions? Then get back to your fruity little dance, and I’d better hear some fine gibberish when I get back.”

The dancers groaned in protest but resumed dancing around the fire pit. Some of Stan’s escorts dispersed back into the village as Stan followed Greybeard on a small tour of the settlement. A few of the important buildings were built of brick or stones. The majority of the living quarters consisted of wooden longhouses that housed ten minotaurs at a time. At the eastern side of the settlement was an enormous building that acted like an arena. Stan could see a large crowd of minotaurs flexing their muscles and lifting massive weights.

“Ah, I see you’ve spotted our arena,” chucked Elder Greybeard. “Of course it’s not that hard to miss, being the largest building in our humble village. Those young bulls do enjoy their competitions. ‘Work hard, play harder’, they say. You’ll have plenty of time to enjoy the games later; right now we have a lot to talk about.”

They arrived to village hall and stopped. It was pale blue brick building that held a few offices and a courtroom (Greybeard was the judge). Next the blue buildn was a boarding platform to a ropeway. There were minotaurs attaching resource filled carts and removing empty ones from the lift. “We are going to the watchtower and fort located near the top of the tallest mountain of this range,” the elder explained. “Our scholar lives up there, says that he prefers the sound of the harsh winds than to the rowdiness of the village. I don’t blame him.” They sat inside the passenger cart and began traveling up the one of the four ropeways.

“Hey,” said Greybeard nonchalantly as he relaxed in his seat, “If you want to, we can zipline down on our way back.”

Stan instantly replied with a quick and forceful, “No! Please for the love of God, NO!”

♕----------♕

Location: Ponyville

“This is my house!” Dinky exclaimed with a wide grin as the adventures stopped in front of modest one story house. The New Kid could feel and warm and comfy feeling emitting from. The house was fairly well maintained, though the front door and windows seemed like they had been replaced on several occasions. After bravely rescuing the young maiden from the clutches of the dreaded bullies, Dinky had invited our heroes to her home for a glass of milk and muffins.

While Dinky and the crusaders went straight towards the kitchen, the New Kid lingered back and walked at his own pace. When he arrived at the kitchen a few seconds after the crusaders he had already managed to pocket a few unguarded trinkets and bits.

You have lost Karma.

He felt an odd sensation as he was stashing away his loot. It was like there some strange force was watching over and judging him based on his actions. The New Kid quickly dismissed that thought, it was stupid. He was a hero after all. All he had to do was a few good deeds and some quests and his Karma would remain good.

“Wait, isn't that...?” he heard Sweetie Belle voice coming from the kitchen.

“Yeah I think it is,” responded Apple Bloom. The New Kid entered the kitchen to see that she was point at table. On top of the table was one of the missing packages lying there waiting to be delivered.

“Leave it to mom to lose something in plain sight,” said Dinky with a deep sigh as buried her face into her hooves.

QUEST PROGRESS
“Special Delivery”
Packages Found 3/5

♕----------♕

Location: Frozen North, along the mountain border

When Stan got off the cart, he was immediately bitchslapped with a icy burst of wind. The climate was even colder and more intense up the mountains. “Well, let’s get moving,” grunted Elder Greybeard as he clung tightly to his cloak, “You don’t want to freeze your balls off do you?”

They walked along a twisted and rocky path further up to well built fort made of stone. The fortress had the same protective enchantment as the small village below. Stan saw a massive fire pit but instead of having a group of minotaurs dancing around the bonfire, there was only a single minotaur next to a cart full of peat standing vigilant overlooking the fire. The main centerpiece was a massive and thick tower rising above with a dome roof on top. At its base were two storage buildings filled with goods and supplies.

“Welcome to Fort Snowy Range,” Elder Greybeard said as he led Stan through another boring tour. They reached the top of the tower where a blue minotaur was overlooking the other side of the mountain range through a pair of massive binoculars. Greybeard coughed to grab his attention, “Iron Will, I have brought the Albino One so you can take it from here.”

With that said, the elder left the observation room. It was a circular room with tables full or charts, maps, various tools, and a few scattered books scattered here and there. Iron Will stood still as he observed Stan for a moment before turning around and began polishing the pair of binoculars he was holding. “You are not really an albino, are you?” he asked as he continued to polish various telescopes located on the balcony surrounding the room.

“No,” Stan responded. He noticed that the room had no window or doors to the balcony but rather various open archways. The room was rather pleasant and he couldn’t feel any of the harsh winds though he could hear it. After a quick search he saw a small fireplace lit with the same ‘magic’ fire he saw bellow at the village and fort. It looked like ordinary fire but upon closer observation, he noticed that it gave different colored sparks. Some were blue, others green, and few of them pink; overall it looked quite gay.

“You’re not even a minotaur either, well then the prophecy be damned,” said Iron Will more to himself than to Stan. “Damn it, it’s hard to tell from the distance, could have sworn that you were an albino minotaur. The junk we got here is outdated to be honest. Should tell those cheapskate fools from above to upgrade our equipment. But no, now that the Crystal Empire is back they have higher priority.” Iron Will grunted and began to pace back and forth, “Well I can’t really complain being that, the Crystal Empire just reappeared recently and they need to be brought up to date more than we do. Now that we have a trade agreement with the Crystal Empire, it means that we don’t have to travel far anymore to reach the nearest trading hub.” The minotaur paused and stared at Stan as if he just noticed him for the first time. “Oh where are my manners, Iron Will is my name and when I’m not acting ambassador to the Crystal Empire, being a watchguard is my game. So who and what are you?”

“I am Stan,” he introduced himself. “I am a warrior, or maybe ranger, or something. I’m still not really decided. I proudly serve the High Elf King.”

“Elf King?” asked Iron Will. “Never heard of it. Tell me, what brings out here, where are you from?”

“I come from the forests of Larnion. But I am now a in the service of the High Elf King and the Elven Kingdom. As for why I am here, it was it was some weird portal that brought me here. You see, I was about the kick the crap out of the human army and the Fat Wizard King when all of sudden there were these strange lights and then I’m here.”

“Did you say ‘human’?” asked Iron Will with great interest.

“Yeah, the humans of Kupa Keep, They reside in the lands of Zaron and are our arch rivals. Their leader is a fat piece of shit.”

Iron will chucked at the last statement, “The scholar is going have a field day with you.” He walked towards a binocular stand pointing north and said, “Come here and take a look.”

Stan stepped out to the balcony. He saw the wind and bits of snow collide against the invisible barrier, giving a pale ghostly look. He peeked inside the binocular and glanced over the mountains. The land below had an eerie feel to it, Stan felt unexplainable shivers as he continued to glance through the binoculars. “I can’t see anything but snow,” he told Iron Will. The frozen land below did appear to be barren but the minotaurs long knew that the land was quite deceitful.

“Well looks can be deceiving,” said Iron Will. “What you are looking at is one of the most dangerous places in the world. Some poor schmuck can travel what seems to an empty field and then end up as lunch for a pack of frostwolves in less than a minute. What else do you see?”

“Nothing,” Stan responded as he took his eyes off the binoculars, “I can’t see anything, there’s a whole bunch of thick fog down below.

Iron Will looked down to observer, the thick grey unnatural fog had returned. “Yeah, that happens. We don’t know much about that fog other than its unpredictable. It just appears out of nowhere and then goes away. Sometimes it’s only there for a few seconds, sometimes it can last days. Only one fool has ever been trapped inside of one and lived to tell us what it’s like. All he said was it was dark and cold and he could hear voices. All he said was the voices talking about eternal night some other nonsense like that.” He walked to another binocular stand pointing south, “But enough about that. Here, have a look through this one.”

Stan peeked in and saw the opposite of what he had seen earlier. The white snow on the ground gradually reduced the farther he looked. He saw railroad tracks heading from a settlement below heading out to some kind of settlement shining in the distance. In the center of the city that seemed to be made out of crystal.

“That’s the Crystal Empire,” explained Iron Will, “Hard to believe that it only reappeared a few years ago.”

The door to the room slammed opened as and tall beefy muscle-bound minotaur walked into the room. He glanced at Stan and Iron Will before he chuckled, “I know that this job is easy Iron Will, and we don’t do much but sit on our lazy bums all day. But that doesn't mean you can take your boyfriend out sightseeing.”

“Shut up Stone Wall,” growled Iron Will, “You want pick a fight with Iron Will?”

“No need to have a stick up your ass,” said Stone Wall, “It’s my shift now, well unless you want to continue. I can give you two some privacy if you want.” With a cheeky smile he headed out the room.

“Get your lazy ass back here and do your damn job fool!” Iron Will ran and quickly had Stone Wall locked in full nelson. “Now apologize or I shall penalize, starting with your face with my fist!”

“Fine, just get your filthy hands off me!” protested Stone Wall. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“It’ll have to do,” Iron Will gave a deep grunt of indignation and released Stone Wall.

“I’m sorry that you’re a stupid son of a bull!” shouted Stone Wall as he gave a gut punch, “You shouldn’t have let your guard down.”

Stan watched as the two minotaurs wrestled as they exchanged punches and kicks in between grapples. It was disappointing really; the minotaurs did not know the ways of fighting or even real wrestling. Stan moved out of their path as Iron Will shoved Stone wall against a table. There was a loud clatter as the equipment on the table was knocked off and smashed against the floor.

With a loud bang was the door knocked off its hinges as a rather irritated minotaur rushed into the room. “Okay, what’s with all the damned noise?!” he shouted. The new minotaur had a wild appearance to him; he was tan with a black bushy beard that was beginning to gray. Part of his right ear was missing and he had tattoos running down his arms. The tattooed minotaur spotted the two fighting minotaurs and hurried to separate the two. “Okay knock it off, knock it off you two,” he scolded them. The minotaurs did not listen, Stone Wall was preoccupied with holding Iron Will in a headlock. “Well if you are going to act like bitches,” the tattooed minotaur grumbled, “I guess I’ll treat you like one.”

*Smack!*

Iron Will and Stone Wall yelped as they nursed their cheeks. The tattooed minotaur walked towards a flipped table and picked up a broken brass telescope. “As you can see, shit like this is exactly why we can’t have nice things!” he barked. “You ask why we don’t get shiny new equipment. Because most of our damned budget goes to maintenance and repair work!” He tossed the broken telescope to Iron Will, “Take this to the scholar for repairs.” Iron Will grumbled as he caught the telescope.

“Before you leave,” the tattooed minotaur continued, “I want you to know that you're going to be on fire watch duty for two weeks.”

“What!” protested Iron Will indignantly, “You can’t be serious!”

“Oh I’m serious,” said Greybeard coldly, “I don’t care if you two beat the crap out of each other but do it during your own leisure not when you're under my fucking watch. What you do when you’re off duty is your own damn businesses, so if you have a bone to pick with someone, do it then! Preferably in the arena,” he growled, “that’s why it’s there!”

He then turned to face Stone Wall who had a wide grin on his face enjoying Iron Will’s punishment. “What are you laughing at?” barked the tattooed minotaur, “While Iron Will busy making a fool out of himself down below, you are going take over his shift.” He then pointed at the door that had been knocked over, “You can start by having that fixed.”

The tattooed minotaur then noticed Stan for the first time, “Who are you?” he asked.

“He’s the ‘Albino Minotaur’ that was spotted today,” said Iron Will.

“You must think I’m stupid or something,” growled the tattooed minotaur. “Clearly it’s neither an albino nor a minotaur. Make that three weeks on fire watch of insulting my intelligence!” He then said to Stan, “It’s a shame we couldn’t meet under better circumstances, but I’m Major Bush Greybeard.” He then added in a deadpan voice after seeing Stan’s expression, “Elder Greybeard is my uncle.”

“Well then, I am Sta-“but Stan didn’t get to finish his introduction.

“Look, I don’t have time to talk,” Major Greybeard interrupted, “I have reports to send and things to do. I’m in charge of maintaining order in this region and I’m also in charge of this fort. Mostly it’s just dealing with reports and paperwork, but occasionally I have to deal with shit like this.” He glared at Iron Will and Stone Wall yet again. “Well I must be going now, I have to patch things up with Canterlot after my dumb uncle sent false reports about bad omens and an oncoming evil.”

“I shouldn’t let him hang out with the scholar. That old nut is mental I swear.” Major Greybeard whispered in a low growl. With that he hopped over the broken door gave a final instruction to Stone Wall on fixing the door and left.

“Well Stan, I guess I should take you to see the scholar now.” said Iron Will in awkward voice.

Stan followed Iron Will down the tower now feeling extremely bored. “Is there a way out of here?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” responded Iron Will.

“You know,” said Stan irritated, “Is there a way to get far away from here?”

“Oh yeah,” said Iron Will, he then pointed out more things that Stan could care less about, “Well to answer your question Stan, the only safe way to travel to and from here is the train. The train station is located at Sun Village which is accessible through the ropeways. In fact the ropeways are connected to all the mining settlements in this area. There’s the Lunar Mining Village, Camp Coal, Crystal Camp, Ore Town, and Goldminer Village (that’s the one Elder Greybeard is in charge of).”

They arrived at the door of the scholar’s study. Iron Will knocked on the door to which a voice replied, “Come in.”

The scholar was an ancient pale lilac unicorn. He had an aged grey beard and mane that appeared to be unkempt for a quite a while. He was wearing a thick pair of military glasses and was busy reading a chart. “So what can I do for you?” he said in a high pitched raspy voice.

“I have a telescope that needs repairs,” said Iron Will.

“What?” said the scholar with raised eyebrows, “Again? This like the third time you brought a broken instrument this month.” He lifted the telescope with his magic and began to examine it. “You broke some parts and others are too damaged to fix. But it’s nothing that I can’t manage. So is the telescope the only piece of business you have here?”

“Nope, I also have the ‘Albino One’ that you predicted would arrive.”

The scholar adjusted his glasses and then began to give Iron Will a look of indignation, “I know I have poor eyesight but that doesn’t mean I’m blind. I see no one else other than you Iron Will.”

Iron Will turned around to see that Stan was not there. Unknown to him, Stan was already halfway down the ropeway at the moment heading towards Sun Village. “I swear he was here a moment ago,” he said weakly.

“Albino One,” chortled the scholar, “What good will an albino do? I mean they have bad eyesight and a more prone to illnesses. Hardly the heroic type I must say.”

“Hey, you’re the one that told me about the Albino One in the first place. You kept saying something about how he would defeat the great evil that looms in the distance,” said Iron Will defensively.

“Really?” said the scholar dismissively, “Must have been when I was stargazing. You know I like to burn the herbs when I’m stargazing.” Iron Will saw that he was pointing at a glass pipe located on a shelf.

With a grunt Iron Will left the room. “I really hate this job,” he grumbled to himself, “I shouldn’t have stopped giving seminars.”

♕----------♕

Location: Ponyville

The New Kid and the Crusaders were once again resuming on their quest after resting at the home of fair maiden Dinky. Now they were patrolling the streets of Ponyville keeping their eyes wide open for any sign of the ever elusive packages.

“Any sign of them?” asked Scootaloo in tone that was indicating that she was getting bored.

“Calm down Scoots,” said an irritated Apple Bloom, “We’ve only been at for an hour, maybe hour n’ half.”

“Fine,” said Scootaloo, “But next time we get in a battle, I want to take Apple Bloom’s place.”

“What?!” shouted Apple Bloom in outrage. “Why don’t you take Sweetie Belle’s place, she has the lowest health and strength among all of us!”

“Hey, I’m not weak!” shouted Sweetie Belle.

“Yeah, but Sweetie Belle is a glass cannon thing,” said Scootaloo while ignoring Sweetie Belle’s comment, “She may have a weak defense and low health but she can deal massive damage, you on the other hoof can’t even perform your ability!”

“I’m not weak!” shouted Sweetie Belle again but the other crusaders did not seem to hear her.

“But Sweetie Belle is the slowest one out of all of us,” argued Apple Bloom.

“Maybe,” Scootaloo responded now facing Apple Bloom straight at the eye, “But she gets a speed bonus while casting spells. So while she may be slow to react and give a physical attack, she can quickly cast spells that deal a big chunk of damage. I just think it’s my turn to take your place in battle because so far you’re the least effective member.”

“What da’ ya mean?!” roared an outraged Apple Bloom. She was getting in defensive stance.

“What I mean is that you can’t even perform your first ability right,” said Scootaloo. “I mean that’s why I should take your place, you’re not ready yet.”

Apple Bloom glared at Scootaloo, the two fillies were now nose to nose staring at each other. Before either could make a move they would regret Apple Bloom felt something warm on her shoulder. It was the New Kid; he had his hand firmly placed on Apple Bloom’s shoulder. Apple Bloom felt a warm sensation traveled through her cheeks and quickly turned away. “Fine, Scootaloo can take my place,” she said softly. She then said in a much louder tone, “But that means that we are going to take turns and rotate after battles!”

The New Kid nodded in agreement and once Apple Bloom understood she relaxed.

“Why do we have to battle in a party of three?” she asked, “Who came up with these dumb rules?”

The New Kid merely shrugged. In truth, he never did question the rules of the game. Why he was only allowed one buddy at a time while fighting groups of enemies more than twice their number and size was beyond him. Discord must have changed the rules or something when he took control of the Stick. But what he changed was beyond him, he had no idea where Discord went with Butters.

Scootaloo took a deep breath and apologized to Apple Bloom, to which she also replied with an apology. With that problem solved, the New Kid and the crusaders continued on the quest to find the rest of the missing packages.

“I’m not slow!” screamed an irritated Sweetie Belle. There was a pause as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shared forced smiles.

“Of course not Sweetie Belle. So uh… eh,” said Apple Bloom trying to dismiss the awkwardness of the situation and away from a blushing Sweetie Belle, “Uh, so what’s your ability Scootaloo?”

“Oh it’s called ‘Slay the Giant’; first I ram the enemy with my scooter,” explained Scootaloo making swishing movements with her front hooves. “Once the enemy is knocked over I use my mighty sling and clunk them in the head with a stone.” She pulled out a pouch that contained various frilly socks of many different colors. “Now I have use for these.”

“I remember those,” said Sweetie Belle as she examined the socks, “It was a few years ago when Princess Luna came back. Once some newspaper printed that Princess Luna liked socks, everypony went crazy over them. Rarity wouldn’t stop complaining about why it wasn’t dresses instead.”

After searching the park and woods, the crusaders decided to try out the marketplace. When they arrived there the marketplace was filled with activity, it wasn’t crowded nor were there lot ponies. There were maybe around forty or fifty ponies shopping, chatting, or socializing. They went to the Apple Family’s stand where Big Mac had finished a sale of a basket of apples. After managing to finish the paperwork ahead of time, he decided to set up the apple stand for some afternoon sales.

"Hiya big brother!" greeted Apple Bloom with a wide grin.

"Eeyup." replied red farm pony. Big McIntosh was refilling the display with more apples.

"We are on a quest to find Derpy's missing packages, have you seen any?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Nope." said Big Mac.

"Ah drats," said Apple Bloom deflating a little, "Well I'm not giving up yet, and we’ll find them packages!"

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh turned then stared at the New Kid who also returned a stare of his own. Few shall ever comprehend the magnitude of the conversation that those two had without saying a single word.

"This is the New Kid," said Scootaloo, "Well that's not his name, and come to think of it, I don't really know his name." Yet her words went ignored by Big Mac who was now having an intense philosophical discussion with the New Kid.

"I thought his name was Douchebag," said Sweetie Belle.

"Of course his name is not Douchebag!" shouted Apple Bloom. "Um, what's a douchebag?"

Normally Big McIntosh would have scolded the fillies for such language but he was distracted with his conversation with the New Kid to notice. It's rare to find an intellectual that spoke his language.

"Eeyup." he grunted at the end of the discussion.

The Kid merely blinked.

Friend Request
7. Big McIntosh

The crusaders explored rest of the marketplace asking vendors and shoppers alike if they had seen Derpy or missing packages. To their disappointment, none of them had. They were about to give up on their search when they heard a loud noise coming from a nearby stand.

“No! Stay back you foul beings!” screamed a voice followed by the noise of a vase being smashed into bits. “No, not the petunias! It took me forever to get those to grow just right!” There was loud scream the followed the sound of another vase shattering.

The New Kid and the Crusader rushed towards the commotion and saw that this part of the marketplace was a mess. Some of the market stands were knocked down. There were produce scattered all over and in the middle of the street there was a pink earth pony with a green mane crying as she cuddled the remains of her petunias while other one was comforting her.

“They’re the flower ponies,” said Apple Bloom. “The one crying is Daisy, the pink one with the yellow mane next to her is Lily and the yellow one over there shouting is Rose.”

Rose was standing next to a flipped table and was indeed screaming at something. “Come back here, you no good hooligans! How dare commit such acts of horror! How dare you deflower us! How dare you!”

“What’s going on Miss Rose?” asked Sweetie Belle, making sure to maintain a safe distance from the screaming mare.

“It’s them!” screamed Rose as she pointed at something with her hoof. The New Kid saw that it was a gang of bunnies; each of them was wearing a coat or jacket. Some of them had headbands others were wearing bandanas and a few of them had sunglasses. They were making rude gestures at the flower ponies before running off and vanishing from sight.

“What in Equestria was that?” Scootaloo asked what the others were thinking.

“Where did they get those clothes?” asked Sweetie Belle, “I’m pretty sure that’s not one Rarity’s designs.

“Musta’ been Fluttershy,” said Apple Bloom. “Applejack said once that Fluttershy knows a bit about clothes making. Maybe she made those outfits?”

“But why?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Yes,” said Rose, “Why? I thought that Fluttershy was good with animals, then why is there gang of bunnies running loose and wrecking things? And who are you?” she asked once she noticed the New Kid.

“Oh this is the New Kid,” said Apple Bloom, “He’s an adventurer that likes to help ponies out.”

“Oh really then,” said Rose observing the New kid closely, “Well then, why don’t you go to Fluttershy and get to the bottom of this? It would really nice if to put up a flower stand without having our flowers being trampled on or eaten. Could you do us this one favor and stop that gang of bunnies from destroying our flowers please?”

The New Kid sighed internally, he knew he had no choice when it came to these things. That didn’t meant he liked going on errands and fixing other’s problems. Sure some quests were fun and others were not as much. But at long as he got reward in the end it didn’t matter much.

QUEST ADDED
“Furry Little Problems”
Objective: Talk to Fluttershy about the misbehaving bunnies

“Hey!” said an irritated Scootaloo, “We haven’t even finished our first quest and now we have another one to do?”

♕----------♕

Location: Canterlot Royal Institute for Guidance and Rehabilitation (CRIGAR)

Silver Star woke up with a throbbing pain on the back of her head. The flickering of the light stung her eyes as she tried to her balance. She gave a deep groan and began to observe her surroundings. Lying a few feet away from her was the strange creature from earlier still asleep. She was locked in a dim cell and she could tell that the cell door had and advance enchantment on it. Even if she knew how to break the enchantment, she couldn’t because one glance at a mirror revealed that she had a magic inhibitor on her horn. Magic inhibitors are rings that are used to control dangerous unicorns, pacify magic surges, and occasional bondage. Since Silver Star agreed that what happened during college should stay at college, she knew that it wasn't the latter.

“This is a miscarriage of justice!” she roared through the cell bars. “Let me out of here you bloody fools. You damn well know I’m innocent!” She gave the door a hard buck to which the enchantment responded with an electric shock. “Captain Asepsis you bastard, you know that that the Princesses will have your hide once they figure out that you are abusing your powers!”

Silver Star was engulfed with a pale blue aura and was tossed across the cell. She gave a yelp of pain as she slid down the wall. She heard cackles and hoots coming down the hall. The ragged and rather ugly unicorns appeared in front of her cell. Behind them was the one unicorn that she wanted to tear apart, Captain Asepsis of the Royal Guard. “Oh I believe that I am well within my powers. I shall uphold my duties as the protector of the citizens of Canterlot.”

“Citizens of Canterlot?” screamed Silver Star, “Citizens of Canterlot? Since when did you care about the Citizens of Canterlot? You always turn a blind eye to their pleas!”

“I care about the true citizens of Canterlot!” growled Captain Asepsis. “Don’t you understand that you stupid filly? Canterlot was founded by unicorns—for unicorns. I intend to restore this city to its former glory.”

“You speak of treason!” Silver Star shouted so loudly that she was surprised that the strange creature didn’t wake up from all the noise. “I never did like you and I have no bloody idea why they made you the new captain. How did they let a git like you become captain?”

Captain Asepsis’ eyes narrowed and were filled with loathing. “I would suggest,” he muttered, “That you best learn your place; because once our plan is set to motion, things will be changing around here. Riffraff like your won’t be tolerated.”

Silver Star buried her face into her hooves, they were a bit sore and the marks from cuffs were still visible. "Were you dropped as a foal? Are you really that mental are you are just stubborn? There are so many flaw with your plan I don't even know where your start. How exactly are you going to ‘restore’ Canterlot while also antagonizing at least two thirds of Equestria? Not to mention that you have to face not one but four princesses, all which I'm sure can easily take you down."

“I am taking calculated risks you stupid mare!” hissed the captain. “Before the princesses it was the duty of the unicorns to raise and lower the sun. The princesses may be powerful, but they are neither immortal nor omnipotent. Celestia was defeated by the changeling queen and did you now see the state of fear she was in when Tirek broke free?” He dragged Silver Star along the cell until she was floating in front of him.

“Yeah, and what good job you did to resolve those problems.” murmured Silver Star.

“We have nothing more to talk about,” Captain Asepsis snarled, “You just couldn’t follow orders like an obedient pup and now we have to put you down.” The two guards besides the captain gave a twisted smile that went ignored by the captain. “Your death is scheduled for tonight at midnight, but being the generous pony that I am, I decided to let you have a final request. So what would it be?”

“I would like a large bucket of popcorn,” said Silver Star, “Also I would like a lawn chair. So when this whole ordeal falls apart and smacks you across the face, I want a front row seat.”

Captain Asepsis gave a loud roar as he lit his horn. Silver Star felt a choking sensation and felt her breath shorten as she was levitated off the floor. It was the air was being squeezed from her and no matter how hard she tried, it was impossible to breath. The captain gave a deformed smile with a crooked grin as he strangled Silver Star, who was now turning purple from the lack of air. Deciding that she had enough, he flung her as hard as he could, straight to the concrete wall. There was a mighty thud from the impact and very thin cracks began to form on the wall. Captain Asepsis relished hearing the moans of pain coming from Silver Star. Feeling much better, he turned around and left with this two guards by his side.

“You know she does have a point,” said one of the two guards once they were walking down a hallway, “How do we know that this whole thing is going to work?”

Captain Asepsis glared at him for a few seconds and then continued walking on. Seeing that the captain wasn’t going to answer his question the guard decided to catch up to him. Once he caught up to him, the captain quickly turned around and smacked the guard across the face with the back of his hoof, “Shut up and don’t ask any questions! My plan is absolutely flawless.” He glared at the two guards, “So are you going stick with my plan or do you two idiots also want popcorn and a lawn chair?”

“Popcorn sounds nice,” said the guard nursing his cheek.

“Could really use a lawn chair,” responded the other guard.

Silver Star chuckled as she heard the captain’s screams as he dismissed the guards, traveling away from her cell. She couldn’t move much as her body was aching and throbbing with pain, she was sure that her right side was covered in bruises. “Totally…worth…it,” gasped Silver Star in between breaths. ”You’ll get…what’s coming… arsehole,” she muttered before passing out from the pain.

After Captain Asepsis left the prison, he was interrupted from his destination by another messenger. He was breathing heavily and had a face of urgency. “What is it this time?” Captain Asepsis rudely greeted the messenger.

“Captain,” said the messenger nervously, he was huffing quite a bit. “We have captured another of those stranger creatures.”

“And what does it matter to me?” barked the irritated captain. He had more important things to do and was rather looking forward to a relaxing afternoon. “Do whatever you want with the creature. Kill it or lock it up, It’s none of my concern.

“But Captain there’s something different about this one,” the messenger kept insisting “There’s something about her that I just can’t the words to describe. You have to see her for yourself.”

“Fine,” grumbled the captain, “Take me to the creature.”

Captain Asepsis followed the guard to where room where the creature was. Then when the captain saw her, he couldn’t believe it. Never before had he laid his eyes on such a sight. “Oh my,” he stuttered, “Sh-she she’s so…Kawaii!”

Author's Note

Okay so it took me a while to update this story. I'm not sorry though. Shout out to Awesomedude17 and Alticron for editing/pre-reading, they may not be perfect but they do a pretty nice job.

So I decided to add the location thing at the start of each section because frankly right now this story is taking place all over Equestria right now, don't worry the boys will eventually be reunited and they all will together. But until then I think I'll keep using it. Also that Karma thing was only a one time thing, lets face it, Karma systems in video games are pretty much meaningless.

Other than that I don't much else to say other than this story is starting to pick up pace.

07. Down the Rabbit Hole (Part One)

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles

Chapter Seven: Down the Rabbit Hole (Part One)

Location: Ponyville, Equestria

Fluttershy’s cottage had to one of the strangest homes that the New Kid had ever seen. He briefly wondered if Fluttershy was a hobbit but remembered that hobbit homes were usually not covered in barricades and didn’t have ‘do not enter’ signs. He had to admit that it did remind him a lot of Kim Kardashian’s new home, despite the fact that Kanye West was still persisting that his wife wasn’t a hobbit.

“Um... Fluttershy isn’t usually this shy,” said Sweetie Belle, “I wonder why has these things set up.”

“Let’s just get this over with.” said Scootaloo as she knocked on the cottage door.

“Go away!” squealed a soft voice. “It’s not safe! Beware, be bewared, the dragons are coming!” Upon hearing about the dragons, the New Kid pondered yet again about Fluttershy being part hobbit.

“Fluttershy, calm down.” said Sweetie Belle in a reassuring voice, “There are no dragons.”

“There are no dragons yet!” Fluttershy squeaked. “I’m staying here where it’s safe and dragon free.”

Apple Bloom kept knocking on the door as Sweetie Belle tried to persuade Fluttershy to come out and Scootaloo went around the cottage checking for an entrance before returning to the group. “It’s no use,” she said in defeat. “She’s locked herself good. I checked every door and window, but they’re sealed.”

“So what do we do now?” said Apple Bloom.

QUEST PROGRESS
“Furry Little Problems”
New Objective:
Convince Fluttershy to come outside
-or-
Deal with the bunnies yourself

They sat around in front of Fluttershy’s hobbit home thinking about what option they should choose. The New Kid preferred the option of dealing with the bunnies themselves. Looking at the face that Scootaloo was making, he could tell that she also was thinking the same. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle however were inclined for the other option.

“Okay how ‘bout we take a vote?” suggested Apple Bloom

“Well that sounds like a good idea,” said Sweetie Belle. “All those in favor of convincing Fluttershy to come outside raise you hoof.” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both raised their right hoof. “Well that’s two votes in favor.”

“And all those that think we should teach those bunnies a lesson they’ll never forget, raise your hoof.” said Scootaloo. The New Kid and Scootaloo both responded in favor.

“And that’s two votes for one option and two votes for the other...” said Apple Bloom dejectedly. “You know when we take votes it usually doesn’t end up in a tie.”

“Well usually there are three of us,” deadpanned Scootaloo. “Perhaps that had to do something about it?”

“So how do we figure this out?” asked Sweetie Belle in frustration, “Any ideas?”

“I dunno, maybe flip a coin or something?” suggested Apple Bloom.

“Well it’s better than just sitting here and doing nothing,” said Scootaloo, “So who has a coin?”

The New Kid pulled out of coin from his money bag then tossed it to Scootaloo. The most peculiar thing happened when Scootaloo caught the coin, the Star of David on her skullcap glowed for a brief moment. Suddenly there were two coins on Scootaloo’s hoof.

“Only need one,” said Scootaloo as she pocketed away the second coin. “Okay; heads, we talk to Fluttershy, and tails, we go after the bunnies.” She tossed the coin and it landed on the ground. It landed on heads. “OH COME ON!” she screamed.

Before Scootaloo could finish her sentence, a large rock soared past her, barely missing Sweetie Belle by a few inches. Standing down the path leading to the cottage was a group of the bunny gang from earlier. They were blowing raspberries at the crusaders.

“This is exactly why I chose the second option.” said Scootaloo as she picked the rock. There was a note attached to it. Written in very crude handwriting was the following.

Yellow One
We has you preshious held hostelge. If yous wants to see him alife den yous will dos wat we says. Bring your body or anada worthie bicktem for da sacrifice. Our hedkarters is located at Sun penal Hill.
- Blood Bunny Brodahood

When Sweetie Belle had finished reading the note, it burst into flames with her magic. “HOW DARE THEM!” she screamed in rage. “Douchebag, Apple Bloom, and Jew, I change my vote. Let us go teach those bunnies a lesson they’ll never forget. I shall make sure that this debauchery of poor spelling and grammar does not go unpunished!”

They left Fluttershy’s cottage with a fuming Sweetie Belle who kept muttering and complaining about the poor quality of the note. They arrived at Sunpetal Hill which was not far from Fluttershy’s cottage. It didn’t take long to find the entrance to the burrow that acted at the headquarters from the bunnies.

It didn’t take much effort at all since their signs located outside of the entrance marking the spot. Some of signs had crudely drawn skull and crossbones others had poorly written warnings for passersby to stay away. Right over the entrance of the burrow was a sign that read “Blood Bunny Brotherhood HQ” and had a large red arrow pointing down.

“I have a feeling that this is the right place,” deadpanned Scootaloo. She peered at the entrance of the small burrow. It was too small for them to fit in. Scootaloo stuck her hoof inside and immediately pulled out as she yelped in pain. “Why those-- I think one of them bit me!”

Apple Bloom peered into the entrance and her face was pelted by dirt. “Yuk” she said spitting out dirt. “Well the bunnies are down there and we are up here, so how are we going to get to them?”

“Maybe we can make the hole bigger.” suggested Scootaloo.

“I don’t think so,” said Sweetie Belle, “We accidentally dig at the wrong spot we might cause the burrow to collapse.”

“Well what are we going to do then?” said Apple Bloom irritably, “It’s not like we can shrink down to the size of a bunny.”

“Yeah!” agreed Scootaloo, “It’s not like one of us has the ability to shrink at will.”

The crusaders stared at the distance as if there were some monitor their telling them how to proceed. They heard some rustling and turned to see that the New Kid was digging through his pockets. He pulled out a small pouch.

During the New Kid’s second night in South Park, he was visited by the Underpants Gnomes. At the end of the ordeal, their warlock gave him pouch of magic gnome dust that gave him and his buddies to shrink down to the size of a gnome.

The New Kid sprinkled the dust around him and the crusaders. The crusaders gave gasps of surprise and confusion as they saw the world around them began to grow in size.

“I didn’t know that you could do that.” said Sweetie Belle with great interest at the New Kid. “Twilight told me that changing a pony’s size and appearance was very advance magic.”

“Really?” said Apple Bloom in disbelief. “Applejack shrunk down like this when stepped on poison joke. Well now I know how she felt.” She then glared the New Kid, “This isn’t poison joke, is it?”

“Well whatever it is, are you able to return us back our normal size?” asked Scootaloo. The New Kid shook his head to indicate yes and that seemed to satisfy her. “Well that’s good enough for me; let’s teach those bunnies some lessons!”

♕----------♕

Location: Changeling Hive, Badlands

“Well the Dynaste Project was a complete failure,” Queen Chrysalis announced bitterly. “I saw with my own eyes how one of them was easily electrocuted by a wizard pig.” She slammed her hoof down the table, “Do any of you know how much resources we wasted on this!”

The Dynaste’s quick defeat by the Grand Wizard left a bitter taste in the queen’s mouth. She herself had made sure that the Dynaste were specially bred to take down an entire platoon of Royal Guards. Unfortunately unknown to her, due to the incompetence of the current Royal Guard, it wasn’t much of achievement to take down an entire squad.

“Well?” the queen asked impatiently. None of the changelings in the dark conference room could answer. Queen Chrysalis gave a look of contempt to each changeling sitting around the long polished ebony conference table. “How much do we have left in our food reserves?” she asked after a period of since.

A portly changeling shuffled around in his chair. “Not much, our supplies are very low,” he responded in a formal tone.

“How much?” asked Queen Chrysalis with force.

“Well uh, well, you see,” the changeling began stuttered as he shifted around nervously in his chair. “We uh, only have enough supplies for, uh, we only have enough food to feed the Hive for uh six days.”

An intense silence filled the room and each changeling gave a glance at each other. “Well do you have any solutions?” asked Queen Chrysalis. She glared at the portly changeling, “Well, do you have any idea how we are going to solve our food crisis?”

“Well…my Queen, I-I have no idea...” stuttered the changing.

“Is that so, Fat Grub?” asked the queen calmly. She began to walk around the portly changeling watching him like a hawk watches its prey. “Well then Fat Grub, do you care tell the rest of us about your secret stash? Did you take in account the fact that you have been stealing from our reserves for years in your calculations?”

“Well that would explain how he got so fat.” muttered a changeling bitterly. A ruckus of laughter broke out.

“What? My-my Queen,” Fat Grub began to protest.

“DO NOT LIE TO ME!” screamed the Queen. She grabbed the portly changeling by the head and began ramming his head into the table. “Don’t you dare lie to me, your queen, you filthy scum!” She tossed Fat Grub across the conference room and he collided against the cold stone wall. Fat Grub gave a cry of pain as blood began to pour out of his head.

“You two,” she ordered two guards in the room. “I want you two to take him to the holding cells—no wait, yes.”-A wide gleeful smirk filled her face-“On second thought, I want you to take him to the Dynaste chamber instead.”

Fat Grub screamed in horror, “No! Don’t take me to those freaks! Not them, anything but them!”

“Get him out of here.” said the queen coldly and the guards obeyed. Fat Grub’s screams could be heard as he was dragged away. Eventually they faded away and Queen Chrysalis turned to face the rest changelings in a calm tone. “That’s one less mouth to feed. Okay, so what’s the next topic on the list?”

♕----------♕

Location: Ponyville, Equestria

The burrows were surprising well excavated and felt more like a cave. The tunnel the New Kid and the crusaders were traveling was very spacious with plenty of overhead room. Their path was lit with miniature glowing gems scattered all around. New Kid pondered on how a bunch of bunnies could make such a complex system of burrows.

“So which way do we go?” asked Apple Bloom. They had stopped because they had arrived in a section of the burrow where there were three tunnels ahead of them.

“Maybe we should split up?” suggested Scootaloo.

“No, that would be a stupid idea.” said Sweetie Belle. “I mean what if some of these tunnels are traps?”

Apple Bloom laughed at the comment. “Oh stop being silly, Sweetie Belle. There’s no way that a bunch of little bunnies are capable of such of a thing.”

The New Kid reached into his bag and pulled out an apple. He tossed it to one of the tunnels. They stood still for a few seconds but nothing happened. Apple Bloom was about to take a step forward before the New Kid grabbed her. A giant rock fell down and smashed the apple into bits. Dust flew everywhere and clouded the burrow as sounds of coughs and wheezes filled the air. Once the dust settled down and the New Kid and Crusaders were able to see once again, they saw that the tunnel where he threw the apple at had collapsed was filled in.

“Well that’s one tunnel down,” said Scootaloo as she glanced at the two remaining tunnels to choose from.

“What’s that noise?” asked Sweetie Belle. The group became silent as they began to hear a rustling noise approaching. The New Kid saw shadowy figures in one of the tunnels that were approaching them. Without a second thought he reached into his pockets and flung apples at them. The chatters of pain were a sign that he was on target.

Four bunnies came stuttering out of the tunnel, they were wearing jackets and wielding celery and carrots sticks like clubs. Seeing that they were still dazed and confused from being hit with apples the New Kid took initiative and attacked first.

He swung his sword fiercely at a bunny wielding a carrot stick and managed to hit him three times with the scabbard of his sword. Since the New Kid didn’t want to kill the bunnies, he was forced to have the sheath on his katana when fighting. While it wasn’t all cool as fighting with the blade exposed, it still hurt like hell to be hit with a blow of his sheathed sword. The bunny was snapped out of his daze and hissed and shook his paw at the new kid. He ran straight at the New Kid and swung wildly with his carrot stick. The New Kid managed to block most of the hits but was flung across the tunnel when the bunny used a cheap tactic and threw dirt as his face and gave him a strong kick.

“Oh that’s just plain dirty,” screamed Scootaloo as she ran at the bunny. She used her staff to launch herself at the bunny and managed to knock it out. There was the sound of audience applauding as sparks of light formed on top of Scootaloo formed ‘6.4 gnome feet’.

“Where did that come from?” asked Apple Bloom who was standing in rear as backup.

Sweetie Belle attacked one of the three remaining bunnies with her wand and managed to hit it twice. It barely did any damage.

“Sweetie Belle!” roared Scootaloo, “Use your magic attacks, your physical attack are weak!”

“I’m not weak!” screamed Sweetie Belle who was now getting rather irritated.

A bunny ran swiftly and swung a carrot stick at Scootaloo but Scootaloo was agile and managed to avoid the attacks. She ducked when the bunny tried to throw dirt at her face and countered with a strong buck at the gut. The bunny hissed and stepped back.

Another bunny in a large jacket and sunglasses ran forward and swung his paws at the New Kid. The New Kid blocked the attacks and swung his sword in a counter attack, but the greaser bunny caught the sword with it’s paws and countered his counter with a strong upwards kick. The New Kid was sure that he was now bleeding as he felt something wet on his forehead.

He quickly drank a bottle of water and the bleeding stopped. The greaser bunny watched the New Kid disappear with a puff a smoke. Before the bunny could realized was happening he felt a sharp pain. The greaser bunny turned around to see who had shivved him but was too late; the New Kid was already in his fighting place next to Scootaloo.

The fourth bunny was wielding a celery stick. He ran forward in such a speed that all Scootaloo could see was a blur. The sound of a celery stick smacking Scootaloo could be heard through the tunnel. Scootaloo was dazed and was unable to attack next turn.

Sweetie Belle tried to attack the greaser bunny with her wand but her swings were slow and the greaser bunny was easily able to block them. The greaser bunny managed to counter with a fierce strike with his paw.

“Sweetie Belle!” screamed an angry Apple Bloom, “Your normal attacks are no use and are too weak! Use your magic! That’s what makes you strong!”

“Fine!” Sweetie Belle screamed out of frustration. She took a bundle of firecrackers and lit a match with her magic. “I’ll use my magic!” she muttered as she levitated the lit fireworks and held it above the bunnies. “There, are you happy now?” she roared as she dumped the shower of sparks. The bunnies danced around as they tried to avoid the sparks. The greaser bunny and the bunny holding the carrot stick were lit on fire and began running around in panic.

The greaser bunny collapsed and was knocked out from the combining bleeding and fire damage. Now only two bunnies were remaining. The bunny with the carrot stick gave another speedy charge and swung his carrot stick as hard as he could at Sweetie Belle before passing out due to the flames. Sweetie Bell’s frustration made her unable to block and was dazed from the blow.

There was only one bunny left. The New Kid decided to use his own kind of ‘magic’ to boost his attack. His fart enabled to jump at a higher distance and knock out the remaining bunny with final swing of his sword. The last bunny was flung across the chamber and out cold.

The Crusaders gave a quick cheer on their victory.

“I think it’s best if Fluttershy doesn’t find out about this,” said Apple Bloom as decided to check on the bunnies. “They’re okay,” she said with a breath of relief. “They’ll be fine in no time. New Kid, you have to see this!” The New Kid approached Apple Bloom, who was now examining the greaser bunny. “There’s something wrong with this fella’. See, look at his eyes.” she said.

The greaser bunny had an empty expression on his face. The bunny’s eyes were staring forward but not paying any attention to the Crusaders or giving any sight that he had just been beaten. The New Kid noticed that there was pale blue-green unnatural tint to the bunny’s irises. Apple Bloom decided to check on other the other bunnies while the New Kid looted the sunglasses from the greaser bunny. There was no point in letting a good pair of sunglasses go to waste.

“All the other bunnies got it too. They all got them strange eyes.” Apple Bloom confirmed.

“So?” snorted Scootaloo, “Why does that matter?”

“It matters,” said Sweetie Belle, “Because I think these bunnies are being possessed. Remember back during that wedding and how ponies were being possessed then? Somepony is controlling these bunnies, but we don’t know who or why.”

♕----------♕

Location: Sun Mining Village, Frozen North

Stan stepped outside the carriage and onto solid ground. During his descent, he noticed that the ropeways were more sophisticated than he initial thought. The ropeway consisted of two lanes that were constantly moving. Most of the carts traveling along the ropes were filled with resources and goods. Occasionally their was split on the lane Stan was traveling on, but somehow, the carriage he was on knew which lane to take.

As he exited the carriage, he saw that the carts filled with goods landed further ahead of him much closer to the train station. That’s when he noticed that not only were there minotaurs, but also griffons, pegasi, and even honest to God, unicorns. He saw a stiff unicorn with a levitating clipboard next to him inspecting the contents of the carts before marking them on his list.

Upon asking one of the workers, Stan found out that the train did not leave until another hour. Stan grumbled to himself as the explored the settlement. Sun Village was larger than Greybeard’s small village. There were more permanent buildings and the air reeked of tobacco smoke. Contrary to its name, Sun Village was rather dull, plain and grey. The only source of color was the coats of the ponies that Stan had to admit, were pretty gay. He noticed a large crowd that was gathering at the center of the village.

A black and grey griffon dressed in a ragged coat stepped up a platform looking over the crowd and began to speak in booming voice, “My fellow miner and companions, as you can see, the first flakes of snow have fallen and the temperatures are getting colder. Our days are growing shorter and the short sun rays of autumn shall not last long.” he took a dramatic pause before continuing, “That’s right. Prepare yourself for winter is coming.”

Stan groaned inwardly but none the less half paid attention to what the griffon was saying. “We all know what winter’s arrival brings. And so soon shall our days grow shorter and our land shall turn grey. It is time for us to gather our cloaks, our tools, and all our belongings. For once winter comes, we’ll be on our way.”

Some of the younger members of the crowd glanced at each other and some muttering filled the air. The griffon waited until the chatter died out before continuing, “Yes that’s right, mining season is almost over. As winter comes, conditions will become unsuitable for us to continue mining here. Tomorrow, mining activity will cease throughout the different camps and settlements for the winter and won’t start again until spring. But I’m doing things differently, today is our last day and we are going to close a day early. Now there’s only one thing for us to do,” their brief pause as the griffon glanced over the crowd to. With a grin on his face the griffon proudly proclaimed, “That’s right, we fucking party until tomorrow! Open the bars, it’s happy hour all day today and, if there’s any left, all day tomorrow!”

The crowd roared and cheered and then dispersed. Stan glanced around as mugs and shots were being passed all around and some of the minotaurs started an improvised game of beer pong. Bonfires were lit and some of the older miners sat around and began sharing tales and gossip. Within a few minutes there was an improvised band on the platform playing jaunty tunes to the miners.

Stan felt a headache coming on strongly. Today was going to be one of those days. He had to admit that this wasn’t the strangest thing that has happened to him, but that didn’t mean that he was fond of these things. At first he thought that the minotaurs were nothing but strange cultists. It would have been better that way. He would have even preferred it that way.

Stan was used to weird shit but this, whatever the hell it was, was something completely different. He glanced at a nearby clock and saw that there were forty minutes left until the train departed. There was some time to spare. Stan entered a nearby bar for a sorely needed shot of whiskey.

♕----------♕

Location: Ponyville, Equestria

The New Kid and the crusaders made what could be considerable progress, it was hard to be sure of these things since they had no idea how much further the burrows extended. They had fought a couple of more bunnies, but the battles got gradually easier as the crusaders got more experienced. Yet the crusaders were impulsive and rushed into battles when they could be avoided by using the environment to their advantage. It was a pain in the ass to fight battles that could be avoided and resolved quicker using other methods.

They entered a large chamber at the end of a tunnel. The cylindrical chamber had a wooden spiraling ramp descending further underground. There were many tunnel entrances within the chamber; some of them had makeshift doors blocking the entrance.

“So which one do we take?” asked Sweetie Belle.

The New Kid pointed down. There at the very bottom was a large door made from an old apple crate that was being guarded by five bunnies. Three of them were regular thugs armed with carrots, two greasers, and a strange one they hadn’t encountered yet that was wearing a straw rice hat and was wielding a staff like a warrior monk.

“These guys are not that bright, are they?” muttered Scootaloo.

The New Kid had to admit that Scootaloo had a point. He glanced at the bunnies below and noticed they were standing below a lit lantern. If he could just get close enough, he could smash the lantern and with cast a quick cup-a-spell to knock out the bunnies.

“CHARGE!”

The scream echoed throughout the chamber and the bunnies guarding the door all looked up to see Apple Bloom and Scootaloo falling down towards them. The New Kid groaned internally; while the crusaders were indeed an improvement from Butters, he found it hard to keep them under control.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo landed with thud as they knocked out two of the thugs out. The New Kid leapt from the ramp and landed on top of the third thug. He quickly got in formation along Apple Bloom and Scootaloo as he glanced at the remaining three bunnies.

The two greasers glared menacingly as they got in a fighting stance. The monk remained stoic and did not move. The New Kid, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were locked in stalemate with the bunnies. Neither side wanted to make the first move. The New Kid knew that the greasers were good with counters and did not know the monk’s firing style.

The New Kid clutched his sheathed katana, ready to strike. The monk quickly responded with a riposte stance and taunted the New Kid with a gesture that he understood to mean “Bring it, if you dare.”

Before the New Kid could respond, Scootaloo roared out loud as she began to charge at the monk. The monk moved swiftly and managed to make Scootaloo lose her balance with a quick strike with his staff. Scootaloo went tumbling and groaned in pain and humiliation. The two greasers mocked Scootaloo with wide smirks on their faces as she nursed the bruise on her left cheek. The monk made another gesture that the New Kid understood as, “Come on, show me what you got!”

It didn’t take much to realize that his was going to be a challenging battle. The ‘greasers’ were experts at countering melee attacks and the monk was no push over. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo only had melee attacks which meant they had to use their abilities. Now this wouldn’t be a problem since Scootaloo already knew how to use two of her abilities. The problem was with Apple Bloom who has not yet been able to perform her first ability properly.

Crash!

Apple Bloom had attempted to swing her wooden sword at the monk but was met instead with a fierce blow that sent her flying across the chamber into one of the doors. The impact had cracked open the door and Apple Bloom was groaning. “No fair!” she complained, “That was cheating!”

So this was one of those fights that the New Kid had to carry by himself. He checked his inventory to check on his supplies, how the hell so many things could fit inside including an assortment of weapons and costumes was beyond him. He was well stocked in heath, PP, and cure potions. He was a bit low on mana and speed potions. A quick count indicated that he only had three speed potions left. He hopped that the others quickly caught on and he wasn’t forced to use them.

The trio of bunnies found themselves being pelted by some of a most foul smelling substance. The New Kid has unleashed a barrage of rotten eggs upon them and just finished emptying the rest of the contents of the box over them. He watched with a satisfied grin as the two greasers threw up the contents of their stomachs.

“EWWW!” complained Sweetie Belle who turned her head away in disgust “Is that really necessary?” Sweetie Belle was watching the battle below from a safe distance on the spiral ramp.

The New Kid’s smile faded as he saw the monk began to meditate. An aura of golden light engulfed him and New Kid felt his power increased. The New Kid hated enemies that could heal themselves. He didn’t have much time to contemplate this as the two pissed off greasers charged straight at him swinging wildly.

The New Kid managed to block and dodge some of the punches but others hit their target. He received a few kidney punches that knocked the wind out of him. He fell down and nursed the spot where he was hit. It hurt like a bitch, kidney punches were one of the few moves that were banned under the rules of combat followed by the Grand Wizard and High Elf. In fact, only three moves were banned: kidney punches, punching someone in the balls (kicking them was fine), and farting on someone’s balls.

Scootaloo winced in sympathy; nevertheless she followed the New Kid’s example and decided to use one of her abilities. A beam of light shone upon her as an old beat up scooter appeared in front of her. She hopped on the scooter and used her wings and pegasus magic to give it momentum. Scootaloo leapt off the scooter and sent it on a crash course into one of the greasers. While she was in mid air, Scootaloo quickly pulled out a frilly sock and stone from her skull cap began swirling her makeshift sling.

There was a loud crash as the scooter rammed one of the greasers, knocking him down. Just as the greaser bunny began to recover from the blow, Scootaloo flung the stone straight at him and it was enough to knock him out cold. “Now that’s how you do it.” said Scootaloo calmly as she landed softly and readjusted her glasses. “Apple Bloom, your turn.”

“But I can’t perform my Applebuck correctly,” complained Apple Bloom. “I always keep missing the apples!”

“OH COME ON!” screamed Sweetie Belle from above. “Apple Bloom, just do it! If you are too chicken, then just let me take your place!”

“Wow,” said the astonished Scootaloo. “Sweetie Belle, I didn’t know that you had it in you.”

“Well I wouldn’t be as grumpy is I wasn’t up here watching you get your flanks kicked,” replied Sweetie Belle.

“We are not getting our flanks kicked!” roared Apple Bloom.

“Then why is Douchebag nursing the area where he got punched, or why does Scootaloo have a bruise on her face, or why are you too afraid to use your Applebuck skill?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Sweetie Belle has a point,” said Scootaloo. “Why are you too chicken to buck a couple of apples?”

“Well that’s rich,” retorted Apple Bloom, “You of all ponies calling me a chicken.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean!?” roared Scootaloo.

“Scootaloo! Scoot Scoot-a-loo!” Apple called out loud.

The bunnies glanced at each other in confusion. The standing greaser turned to face the monk who gave him shrug. Even the defeated greaser bunny who had regained his consciousness gave his gave his two buddies a look of bewilderment. The three bunnies that were knocked out before the fight were now sitting on a bench, watching the events occurring in front of them. One of them even had a small bag of popcorn.

The New Kid groaned internally, he had a feeling that this was going to be a common occurrence and wasn’t looking forward to it. He placed his hand on Apple Bloom’s shoulder and wasn’t surprised to see the filly quickly spin around and glare at him.

Apple Bloom saw the New Kid pull out and apple and tossed it at her. “Fine! I’ll buck the apples already!” she growled as the caught the apple. She then quickly tossed in the air and spun around to deliver a powerful kick. Her kick struck its target and never had the New Kid seen a piece of fruit other than Butters fly that fast in the air. It was like a speeding bullet, the apple was a red blur.

Before the remaining greaser bunny could recognize what was happening, his face was met with the full force of the apple. He spun around and almost tripped from the hit. The greaser clenched his paws and glared at Apple Bloom.

SMACK!

The second apple struck him straight at the chest; the bunny stepped back and was stumbling. Apple Bloom sent the third apple zooming. It collided right at the greaser’s head and without giving any struggles he fell down unconscious.

“There, are you happy now!?” Apple Bloom asked Sweetie Belle who now had a smug grin on her face. “I’m terrible at bucking apples, are you happy now that I just… I just…” Apple Bloom lost her voice as realization came over her. “I did it, didn’t I? I actually did it!” She began to hop in joy, “I actually did it. I actually managed to buck three apples and defeated a baddie with it!”

“Well don’t be celebrating now,” said Scootaloo who was still bitter from the previous insult. “We still have an enemy left.”

They turned to face the monk, who wide smirk was now gone. He didn’t appear as cheeky and confident like earlier. The New Kid knew that the monk was pretty much fucked now with his buddies knocked out. Apparently the monk knew so too and was hesitant to make a fighting pose. The New Kid and the monk both knew that the fight was over. However the monk would not go down like a without making his last stand. He defiantly charged at Scootaloo and but his final attack wasn’t enough to bring her down.

With a quick work of his dagger skills, the monk was brought down. The monk laid alone in the chamber as the remaining bunnies including the greasers had fled the scene. The New Kid stood next to the defeated foe and took the staff that he clenched fiercely. The monk would not let go of the staff. The New Kid struggled to take the staff and it wasn’t until he fiercely poked the monk with his sword that he let go.

The New Kid gave Scootaloo the staff and with the other crusaders proceeded to travel down the tunnel that the bunnies were so keen to guard.

♕----------♕

Location: Changeling Hive, Badlands

Queen Chrysalis’ mood worsened as the meeting went on. So far the meeting had been a complete waste of time. No progress had been made other than sending Fat Grub to face his doom with the Dynaste.

Of course this was only one small source of Queen Chrysalis’ irritation. The biggest source of her irritation was the one changeling that was currently speaking. She had the nerve to bring up that peace treaty the Celestia had offered during this meeting. “You dare!” she hissed at the changeling, “How dare you bring up that treaty or that wretched Snow Mare in my presence Punani!”

Putukate swore inside as the queen once again forgot her name but kept a calm composer, “My Queen, we are at a food shortage and low on other resources as well. The Snow Mare has extended an olive branch and is willing to send aid to our needs.”

“We have no needs!” roared a tall changeling sitting across from Putukate, “We changelings are a proud race, and we shall not bring ourselves down to the status of beggar!”

Murmurs of agreement filled the chamber and Putukate felt as everyone in the room glared at her. However she did not back down and continue to press her point, “Have you not listened at all?! The Hive is at the verge of a crisis and if we do not take any action then in a few weeks time our Hive shall suffer from famine and the misfortune it brings!”

“We shall not let our kin starve,” said stubborn official, “We are not foolish enough to trust the lies that Snow Mare gives us. The Hive shall survive without relying on her treachery. Why, we have our top intellectuals working on way to mass produce love.”

“You can’t create love!” shouted Putukate, “We can’t just get bunch of chemicals and somehow create love via alchemy! We tried goodness we tried for years! All we ended up creating was Oxycontin.”

“You’re being a pessimistic worm,” growled another changeling.

“I’m being realistic!” roared Putukate, “This is not about me or you, this is about the future of the Hive. What will it take for your stubborn brains to understand that?!”

“Do not insult my intelligence!” the changeling shouted back.

“Well then you should act like you have brains then!” Putukate retorted.

An argument broke out yet again during the meeting. Queen Chrysalis used all her willpower to keep her from strangling the changelings in front of her. She felt a headache forming and began to massage her head. “QUIET!” she boomed in such a loud voice that it even shook the meeting table, “QUIET ALL OF YOU!”

Queen Chrysalis glared around the room with extra pauses at Putukate. “For the sake of your argument,” she continued once order was established, “You are all complete idiots.” The changeling queen took a deep breath and sat back down. “Now I know why I don’t hold many of these meetings, they accomplish nothing.”

A loud noise filled the room so suddenly that some of the changelings jumped from their seats. A loud knocking was coming from the heavy doors. The queen wondered why someone would be as foolish or brave to interrupt her meetings but since nothing was being accomplished; she’ll let it slide this time. “Enter,” she said with a voice of authority.

Two gruff changelings entered the room, one was short and the other tall. Putukate buried her face into her hooves as she saw the state of their appearance. Nothing was wrong with the way they looked, but rather the expression of their faces gave her a foreboding feeling.

“Éntomo and Insetto, what news do you bring to me that you are willing to interrupt such an important meeting?” asked the queen coldly. Secretly she was glad about them interrupting the pointless meeting.

“Well, our Queen,” said Insetto nervously, “We have some…concerns about our new prisoner. The-uh Grand Wizard.”

Queen Chrysalis face revealed nothing but her body froze. Putukate was fuming quietly but that could have also been attributed to the Queen calling the two interrupters by their names. “She knows the FNG’s names right but can’t remember mine?” she kept muttering under her breath.

“Well you two, what’s the problem with our prisoner?” the queen asked.

“We placed the prisoner in The Pit and that’s when things got complicated.” answered Insetto.

“Yeah, the Grand Wizard quickly became the new Lord of the Pit,” added Éntomo. “That means that all the other changelings in the Pit follow his orders. And well... the changelings there have taken a form that the new Pit Lord finds pleasant and are… and well – they are feeding off him.”

“ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THAT THING IS CAPABLE OF EMITTING LOVE?” screamed Queen Chrysalis in shock.

“Well not love,” Insetto quickly responded, “It’s more like admiration, but the point is that the prisoners in the Pitt are feeding of him and are gaining strength. If this keeps going on, in a few days we won’t be able to restrain them anymore.”

After hearing the bad news, the changeling queen stood still for a few seconds. Then suddenly Queen Chrysalis let out a mighty roar that shook the entire conference room and scared half of the changelings there. All of her anger, all of her frustration burst out at that moment as she slammed her two front hooves down the ebony table and managed to smash it in half. “Does the Universe hate me?!” she screamed wildly, “What have I done to deserve this?!”

“Well you did try to take over Canterlot.” answered a changeling official.

“And there also the whole revenge plot that involved kidnapping those foals.” answered another changeling.

“It was a rhetorical question,” Queen Chrysalis coldly, “And the next smartass to speak out of place gets fed to the Dynaste.” The changeling queen was about to dismiss the meeting in order to deal Grand Wizard. She had to get rid of him quick before he became too much of a problem. If only she could get rid of the fools in front of her as well.

If there was a way to get rid of the Grand Wizard and the counsel at the same time—then like a flash of lightning, an idea came to the changeling queen.

Loud wild laughter filled the room. It wasn’t a laugh of amusement, joy or even a cruel laugh; it was a laugh of madness. The changelings gathered around the broken table each stared at their queen as she just lost her mind.

After a few minutes, Queen Chrysalis composed herself and returned back to her cushioned seat. She calmly turned to the two guards and in a soft voice said, “Bring me the Grand Wizard if you don’t mind. Bring him here and please be quick.”

She watched with a cheerful smile as the two guards did as they world told and even chuckled as she overheard one of them complain about the Grand Wizard weighing at least half a ton. Once the guards were out of sight and could not be heard, Queen Chrysalis’ smile vanished. Instead it was replaced with a wild, evil and malicious smirk as she broke out onto another round of mad laughter.

It was later reported by the cleaning crew that some of the chairs in the conference room had brown stains and pieces of brick on them.

Author's Note

Persuading Fluttershy to come outside would require the New Kid to have a Speech level of 65

Some RPG Stuff
Enemies Encountered:
Thugs/Soilders: Regular bunny enemies, nothing special. May wield carrot or celery stick.
Greasers: Tougher enemies, they know how to counter attack melee attacks. Fight them using range attacks and abilities.
The Monk: The first mini boss encountered. He can heal himself and recover health. He can also use riposte stance but is not much of a challenge on his own.

Notable Loot
Bird Nest Hat: Located near Fluttershy's cottage.
10% Hp recovered per turn while outside.
May spawn occasional bird that may attack an enemy.
"Nature Power!"

Greaser's Jacket: Dropped from a greaser bunny
5 Armor rating
Increases your Coolness by 10 Mega Fonzies
"Ayyy!"

CMC Character Roles
Apple Bloom is your typical brawler, high hp and attack. Swing weapon at foe and if that doesn't work, swing harder.
Sweetie Belle is a glass canon, low hp and attack but makes up with her abilities.
Scootaloo is mixture of the two. Both her attacks and establish deals decent damage. She is also high risk and high reward. She deals more damage the lower her health. I will get more in depth with each CMC during the next author's notes.

08. Down the Rabbit Hole (Part Two)

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Eight: Down the Rabbit’s Hole (Part Two)

Location: Ponyville

The tunnel became even wider as they descended further down the burrows that made up the headquarters of the Blood Bunny Brotherhood. It seems that their hunches were in fact right as they reached the end of the tunnel. The New Kid and the crusaders found themselves in a large chamber. Inside the chamber there must had been at least fifty or so bunnies, each of them were wearing dark robes and holding a black candle.

None of them seem to notice the intruders that had just arrived. The bunnies just kept staring towards a makeshift stage that was made out empty crates. On top the stage was some kind of stone altar and two hooded figures and a victim tied up to a rack.

“Are you sure you can’t control him?” one of the figures asked.

“No,” responded the other. “No matter how much I try, I can’t control him. His mind is too stubborn.” The two hooded figures were talking about a white bunny that was currently tied up to the rack .

“He looks familiar,” muttered Scootaloo.

“Angel Bunny,” said Sweetie Belle coldly, “I recognize that scowl anywhere.”

Indeed Angel Bunny was indeed scowling at the two hooded figures. He tried to jerk around wildly and struggled to untie himself. But it was to no avail, the ropes around him wouldn’t budge. Angel Bunny looked up and spotted the crusaders. He quickly turned his focus away and glanced at another direction. However his actions were not lost to one of the hooded figures.

“What are you looking at?” he asked. He stared at the same spot Angel was had seen the crusaders but saw nothing. The New Kid and the crusaders managed to hide behind a large crate full of black candles just in the nick of time. “Ah yes,” the hooded figure said. “Here come our fellow brothers and sisters.”

From the tunnel came the very same bunnies that had caused havoc at the marketplace earlier. They too were dressed in black robes. The marched up towards the stage with the altar. “Well, did you bring it?” the other hooded figure asked

The bunnies nodded obediently and presented them with the flowers they had managed to snatch. “What is the meaning of this?” asked the first of the hooded figures. He turned to the other hooded figure, “You told me that they would bring us a victim to sacrifice.”

“Well that’s what I ordered them to do,” said the other hooded figure.

“But this can’t do,” said the first hooded figure as he there the flowers to the ground. “We were supposed to have a blood orgy in his name. But we can’t do that without a victim to sacrifice.”

“Look I’m sorry,” said the other hooded figure, “I’m sure this won’t happen again. I’ll make sure that they follow my directions clearly this time.”

“Oh I’m sure it was just a mistake, everyone makes mistakes after all,” said the first hooded figure in a joyful tone, “But it’s best if they hurry, we don’t want to keep our Lord and Savior waiting after all.” With that said the first figure burst into flames and vanished.

The remaining hooded figure gave a deep sigh and lowered his hood. The New Kid recognized him at once. He was Rabbity the Rabbit, one of the Woodland Critters. “We'll take your place along the others,” he ordered the bunnies that brought him the flowers. “I think I shall send others this time.” He looked over the bunnies gathered in front of him, picking out which ones would be more suited for the task. That is when he noticed the tip of a scarlet magician’s hat sticking out from behind candle crate.

On closer look, he also noticed the tip of red tail poking out as well. “You there hiding behind the candle crate, reveal yourselves now!” he shouted.

Rabbity’s face immediately brightened when he saw the New Kid come out followed by the crusaders. “Why hello there friend, you know that there is no need to be sneaky. You are always welcome among us," Rabbity greeted him with a cheerful smile, “It’s quite a lovely day isn't it? Perfect day to offer a sacrifice to Lord Satan, don't you agree?”

The New Kid said nothing as the crusaders stared at amazement at the talking rabbit. "Who are you?" asked Sweetie Belle.

Rabbity the Rabbit ignored here as he continued to glance at the New Kid and then at the crusaders. He gave the New Kid and innocent smile before continuing, "Well would you look at that, some progress at last! You know I sent out my brainwashed servants to find me a young virgin to deflower as part of my ritual and all they brought was a bunch of flowers, probably stolen from a young virgin, but that's not what I meant." His demeanor broke for a few seconds and the crusaders saw a brief glance of the monster that hid behind the childish face.

"Oh excuse me," said Rabbity once he regained his composure, "I admit there are a some things on my mind that are bothering me, these bunnies are one them,"-he pointed at the mindless bunnies that were standing still-"These bunnies don't just understand a blood orgy, I mean they do understand how to put on an orgy but it's just not the same thing."

Rabbity hopped down from the cardboard box altar he was on and began to slowly skip his way to the New Kid and the crusaders. "But here you come to save the day!" he said with a wide and creepy grin, "You brought not one but three virgins to sacrifice. Even better, you brought me three innocent children. Oh won't Lord Satan ever be pleased." Rabbity the Rabbit pulled out a gold ceremonial dagger, "My dear friend since you are the one that brought these victims, I think it's best if you draw first blood. Then after we sacrifice them, we shall have one of the greatest blood orgies in the name of Satan!"

Scootaloo pulled out her staff and Apple Bloom was wielding her wooden sword. They glanced at the New Kid wondering what he was going to do. Without any hesitation the New Kid took out his mighty Katana from its sheath took his place along Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. It felt good to fling his sword without having protection on it.

"Oh you must side with them?" said Rabbity in disappointment. "Then you bring me no choice then. You must be disciplined!” Rabbit's eyes lit red and the brainwashed bunnies began to chant and formed a circle around the New Kid and the crusaders.

“Ooga chaka ooga ooga …”

“This is your last chance my dear friend!” roared Rabbity, “Hand over those virgins or I shall take them from you!"

The New Kid did not move from his spot next to the crusaders. Then within a blink of eye he vanished with a cloud of smoke. Rabbity stared at the spot where the New Kid was but before he could relive it he felt a sharp pain on his back. He turns around only so see another puff of smoke. Rabbity hissed from pain of the cut. Thought he had to admit this wasn’t the first time he had been sliced by a dagger.

Splat!

Rabbity’s head was bludgeoned by a hard piece of fruit. “Why you,” he said angrily as he wiped pieces of fruit off his face.

Splat! Splat!

He was hit by another apple then a third. The rabbit gave a mighty roar, “You are making me very angry! Stop this and then maybe Lord Satan shall have mercy on your soul!” But before he could issue any more threats he was rammed over by a scooter. He hacked and coughed as he slammed against the hard ground. He never saw the stone coming as he tired got get back up and was knocked out unconscious.

With Rabbity knocked out, his enchantment over the bunnies broke. Sweetie Belle pointed out how the faint glow vanished from their eyes as they returned to normal. Once they came back to their senses, the bunnies began to panic and run around in circles. It was utter chaos as bunnies began running amuck, confused, and without a clue. Sweetie Belle was almost trampled by a stampede of bunnies. Among the chaos the New Kid managed to cut the rope that bound Angel Bunny.

Friend Request
8.Angel Bunny

Angel Bunny whistled loudly over the panic and managed to get all the other bunnies attention. All the other bunnies immediately paid attention to him. Angel Bunny led them out through the tunnel in a somewhat orderly fashion up towards the surface so the bunnies could run around and do whatever it is that bunnies do.

“Well there’s one problem solved,” said Scootaloo. “Let’s get out of here before something else happens.”

They proceeded to the exit, however as the approached the tunnel entrance, a wall of flames sprouted out of nowhere blocking their path. The hooded figure that accompanied Rabbity appeared in front of them with of burst of flames. The figure lowered his hood to reveal at innocent looking gray squirrel wearing a red scarf. It was Squirrely the Squirrel, another of the Woodland Critters. “I’m afraid I can let you leave just know my dear friend,” he said falsely sweet voice.

“I knew it,” grunted Scootaloo.

“Why can’t we ever solve these things peacefully?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Wouldn’t be as fun that way,” said Scootaloo as she pulled her staff. “Come on you stupid squirrel, show us what you got!”

The New Kid knew that Scootaloo had said the wrong thing. At that moment Squirrely the Squirrel’s eyes turned bright scarlet and he began to chant in some dead Roman language. The ground below them began to shake and emit strange light. Bright red ley lines formed on the surface in the shape of the pentagram. Strange writing and symbols formed around the glowing pentagram. Out of the center of the pentagram rose an ash black stand that reeked of burning and decaying flesh, on top of the stand was a fiery and bloody urn.

Squirrely pulled out a gold sacrificial dagger from his robes. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom looked away in disgust as the Satanic Squirrel sliced off his left paw with the dagger. The dagger glowed bright red as it began to absorb blood like a sponge. Squirrely then placed his left paw inside the urn.

A puff a smoke rose from the urn. The urn began to shake violently and cracks began for form all around it. Soon the cracks began to glow as something was emitting a violent light from inside. The urn began to shake even more wildly until finally it exploded into thousands of tiny bits and pieces. The New Kid managed to push Sweetie Belle out of the way of an incoming blast of shrapnel.

There in the center of the faded pentagram, (where the urn once was), appeared what looked like some sort of blanket of fire. It wrapped itself around the Woodland Critter and completely engulfed him. Squirrely showed no sign of pain whatsoever and boasted, “So who’s the stupid squirrel now?”

“That would still be you,” responded Scootaloo.

“Why you,” hissed Squirrely as he clenched tight to the sacrificial dagger. They fiery blanket around him intensified.

“Well you just chopped off your paw,” said Scootaloo, “That’s pretty dumb. Isn’t it Apple Bloom?”

“It’s gross I tell you,” said Apple Bloom, “But yeah that is really dumb.”

“I know that you’re evil and powerful and stuff, but do you really have to hurt yourself?” Sweetie Belle added. “Can’t you be evil and powerful without looking like a freak?”

Squirrely remained silent for a few seconds before coming up with as response, “Well then, if you have nothing nice to say then let’s get down to it, shall we? I assume you are aware in the ways of the ancient traditional fighting system?”

“And what would that be?” said Sweetie Belle.

“You know— you take a turn and then I take a turn. It’s rather standard combat system,” Squirrely explained. “I’ll even give you an advantage. Three of you versus me, that way the lone survivor can see her friends being sacrificed to Lord Satan.”

“That’s not really much different than how we had been fighting,” said Apple Bloom. “Are you sure that this standard fighting system? Seems a bit slow and tedious, what if it your opponent takes five minutes to take their turn?”

“… Just shut up and fight me!” roared Squirrely.

The New Kid opening the battle with a backstab. The blade managed to inflict a bleeding wound on the Woodland Critter. However it did not work as expected. The sacrificial dagger glowed and began to syphon the blood from the wound he inflicted. The fiery aura around Squirrely began to emit more heat into the already stuffy tunnel.

Sweetie Belle had no luck with her fireworks. Her attack was wasted on the Woodland Critter. No point on setting an opponent on fire when they are already covered with flames. Scootaloo managed to inflict damage with her scooter and sling but was irritated with the fact that she didn’t manage to stun the squirrel.

Squirrely’s eyes glowed bright red as he stretched his paw forward and unleashed a massive beam of fire at Scootaloo. Scootaloo managed to just only dodge the attack; the hairs of edge of her tail were slightly smoking.

The New Kid rushed and flailed fiercely with his sword. His sword sliced into the Satan worshiping squirrel. However, every time blood came out pouring out it was absorbed by the sacrificial dagger. The New Kid hated bosses that had some sort of gimmick. They always made the battle drag on. Sweetie Belle’s wand barely did any damage and while Scootaloo’s staff dealt considerably more damage, there was much more to be desired.

The deranged squirrel launched a wave of fire balls. Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and the New Kid danced around as they to avoid the flaming balls. Apple Bloom could do nothing but observe the battle from where she was. Scootaloo managed to dodge the fireballs. The New Kid and Sweetie Belle were not as lucky as the former began to run around in circles with her magician’s hat on flames.

“HOT, HOT, HOT!” Sweetie Belle screamed.

“Sweetie Belle, use a potion!” Apple Bloom shouted.

“I got this,” said Scootaloo. She grabbed a water bottle which also served as a magic cure potion and pour its contents all over Sweetie Belle’s head. The flames were extinguished but the hat was in terrible condition.

“Oh no, Rarity is going to kill me,” said Sweetie Belle, “I kind took this hat without permission.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” said Squirrely the Squirrel, “Because I’m the one that’s going to kill you in the name of your lord and savior. Hail Satan!”

“You know,” said Apple Bloom. “I’m starting to think that you have an obsession over this Satan.”

“Nah I think he’s more obsessed with blood and blood orgies,” said Scootaloo.

“Oh so he’s one of those freaks?” asked Sweetie Belle, “Like the one stallion that’s obsessed with tubs of jelly.”

“What’s a blood orgy?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Isn’t that those red oranges?” Sweetie Belle suggested.

“No those are blood oranges ” said Apple Bloom.

“Maybe its fancy talk for blood orange,” said Scootaloo.

“Guess that make sense.”

SWOOSH!

Squirrely the Squirrel hissed in pain. While everyone was distracted with talk about blood oranges, the New Kid used a cure potion and managed to backstab the squirrel without being noticed. The sacrificial dagger again shone bright and began to siphon blood from the wound inflicted. The temperature inside the burrow began to rise.

The New Kid cursed silently; if only he had a thief skill that out would allow him to take the sacrificial dagger away from Squirrely. Sweetie Belle tried her fireworks shower again and it had no effect on the satanic squirrel. Scootaloo unknowingly conjured a scooter and sent it ramming at the squirrel. The scooter crashes against the squirrel and barely managed to move him. The stone that was flung did manage to leave a decent sized bruise though.

Squirrely summoned a wall of fire that acted like a shield to protect him. He then began chanting again and began channeling a spell. The crusaders looked at each other in confusion, they still did not fully understand the combat system and Butters wasn’t around to explain how shields worked.

The New Kid swung his sword fiercely and wildly. Hacking and slashing as hard as could but he only managed to weaken the shield wall. Sweetie Belle swung her wand at the fire wall and it began to crack. Scootaloo managed to smash the shield into pieces with a strong swing of her staff.

Even though the shield was gone, it had managed to do its purpose. Squirrely the Squirrel had finished channeling his spell and suddenly it began to smell like sulfur. The New Kid, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were assaulted by wave of fire and squirrel molten rock. That attack too quick for them to block or dodge and they were all set on fire.

Scootaloo and the New Kid reacted quickly and quickly recovered from the flames with a cure potion. Yet there was problem when it came to Sweetie Belle. “HOT! Hurry up and toss me a potion!” she shouted.

“Uh,” Scootaloo said nervously,”we just ran out of cure potion.”

“What?!” Sweetie Belle screamed in panic, “I’m on fire! DO SOMETHING!”

“Sweetie Belle!” shouted Apple Bloom, “Remember what we learn in school. If you ever catch on fire remember to stop, drop and roll!”

“Are you kidding me?” Sweetie Belle shouted, “Rarity is already going to strangle me for the damage caused to the hat, now you want me to get dirt on the rest my outfit?”

“Well you can just stay on fire then,” said Scootaloo.

Sweetie Belle grunted in irritation and began to channel simple spell that would cover her body with dirt. However it’s hard to concentrate on spell when you are on fire and Sweetie Belle overcast the spell and managed to create a rather large of cloud of dust around her. The cloud of dust managed to extinguish the fire and once Sweetie Belle let go of the spell the cloud of dust lunged forward towards Squirrely the Squirrel. The squirrel hissed, the cloud of dust managed to dim the fire around him and his lowered his defense as well. Whatever Sweetie Belle did it was effective against him.

Sweetie Belle has learned a new skill!
Sandstorm
I: Unleash of cloud of dust that lowers the defense of all enemies and also extinguishes fire on the caster.
II: Sandstorm now lowers attack of enemies and deals additional damage.
III: It’s hard to concentrate on a fight when there’s sand in your eyes, Sandstorm now slows down enemies.
IV: Sharp fragments are intermixed with the sandstorm, Sandstorm now reduces armor.
V: Sandstorm now cures all status effects on the caster.

Squirrely hacked and wheezed loudly trying to get rid of the sand caught in his throat. He never saw a brief flash of light before he was sucker punched. While the squirrel was confused, the New Kid managed to steal the ceremonial dagger from him. The dagger pulsed in his hand as if it was alive and he was sure that the dagger was trying to speak to him.

With the dagger out of his possession, the fiery aura around Squirrely for the most part vanished. Scootaloo took advantage of the situation and launched herself at the squirrel and send him flying across the burrow. Squirrely’s eyes grew bright red and he summoned fire with his paws but it was weak compared with the fire he had channeled earlier. Even Sweetie Belle managed to dodge his feeble fireball attack.

The New Kid drank a bottle of soda to restore his power and decided to test out the power of the sacrificial dagger. He creped his way behind Squirrely and stabbed him. The sacrificial dagger pierced into the squirrel’s flesh as if was made of butter. Squirrely collapsed on the floor with the largest stab wound that the New Kid ever inflicted. The sacrificial dagger in the New Kid’s hand vibrated as it began to siphon the blood it came in contact with.

Item Acquired: Sacrificial Dagger
A strange weapon imbued with satanic powers. This dagger can pierce through anything including things like dragon scales and enchanted armor.
”Feed…me…blood…”

“May our lord have mercy upon you,” Squirrely as he laid on the floor bleeding. “I hope when you arrive in Hell that they...” but he never got to finish that sentence for at that moment Sweetie bell had unleashed another cloud of dust and he received a mouthful of dust.

Seeing that the squirrel was vulnerable, Scootaloo did not hesitate to unleash a power attack. She ran to gain momentum and used her staff as a pole vault to launch herself in the air. There was a loud cheer of a crowd going wild as the words ’10.4 gnome feet: Critical Hit!’ appeared in the air. Squirrely the Squirrel was flung like the ragdoll and collided with the wall of the burrow in defeat.

“We’ll shall meet again friend—no, buddy,” he hissed with a mouth full of blood. “We shall meet again when I see you in Hell, buddy.” The squirrel burst into very bright blinding flames that the New Kid and the crusaders had to look away from. After the bright light where the woodland critter was a pile of ash and a single book labeled ‘Antichrist Cookbook’.

There was another flash of light coming from the Crusaders. “Whoa,” said Sweetie Belle as she felt a power surge, “The hat, it’s all fixed like new!”

Scootaloo has leveled up to level 3!
Sweetie Belle has leveled up to level 3!
Apple Bloom has leveled up level 3!

QUEST PROGRESS: “Furry Little Problems”
New Objective: Talk to the flower ponies for your reward.

Item Acquired: Antichrist Cookbook
The book contains a spell to unleash fire and brimstone upon your enemies. However due to its complexity it requires a level fourteen mage.

♕----------♕

Location: Changeling Hive, Badlands

There was an intense silence in the conference room. Each changeling there was quiet, still, waiting for what would happen. They were all staring at their queen, conceived that she had gone mad. Though some would argue that she was already mad but none dare to say it out loud. A loud thumping noise was growing louder, like as if a giant beast was approaching them. Then came a deep breathing followed by a loud growl. Some of the changelings began to quiver and shake as they thought that the Grand Wizard was some kind of wild and savage beast like a puma or a tiger.

The doors burst open followed by some intense breathing. The Grand Wizard King entered the room, he was wheezing and coughing. “Don’t you have fucking elevators?” he asked in between breaths.

The changeling officials in the room did not answer. They all stared at the Grand Wizard, his appearance wasn’t frightening nor scary, but the aura that he was giving off was. It was downright monstrous. He took the empty seat that was once Fat Grub’s and laid his wizards staff on the broken table.

“I assume that your stay here is pleasant?” the changeling queen asked in a fairly polite manner. In truth she despised the being in front of her but knew that it wouldn’t be prudent to take action. From what she could gather, she knew that the Grand Wizard was cruel, manipulative, cunning, greedy, and most dangerous of all, he was power hungry.

Ironically, Queen Chrysalis possessed many of those same traits. She was intimidated by the Grand Wizard, though she would deny it, and wanted to get rid of him as soon as she could. She watched as the Grand Wizard adjusted to the chair and pulled out a bag of Cheesy Poofs. The queen was sure that the Grand Wizard was trying to get on her nerves on purpose. He loudly ripped the bag open and noisy stuffed his grubby hands in the bag.

Queen Chrysalis took a deep breath and decided it would be best for her mental health if she got rid of the Grand Wizard as soon as possible. “I assume that your stay has been pleasant, I’m sure that you find your army suitable?” she said in a friendly tone that she forced herself to maintain.

The Grand Wizard King did not answer but rather was more interesting in devouring the Cheesy Poofs. “Yeah, they’re all right,” he said with a mouth full of yellow cheese crumbs. “They shall make a fine addition to my army.”

“Would you please tell me about your kingdom?” the queen continued with her effort to keep her building anger down. “I’ve never heard of this Kingdom of Hooper Meep or whatever, tell me more about your grand wizards.”

“I’m the only wizard,” Cartman responded. “There can only be one. I’m the Grand Wizard of the KKK and there can be no other.”

“I assume by your title,” said the changeling queen, “That you would be the king of wizards or something along the line.”

“No I’m not the king of wizards,” said Cartman how was not getting rather irritated, “I am a king that happens to be a wizard.”

“Yes, yes” said the queen. “My mistake“ -she uttered those words bitterly-“It was rude of me. I am sure that you run a rather magnificent kingdom.” She proceeded with her plan, “I’m sure that you are always looking to expand your throne and influence?”

“What are you proposing?” asked the Grand Wizard with interest.

Queen Chrysalis lit her horn and charts and maps began flying around the room. They were detailed maps and charts of Canterlot and the surrounding area. These are the very same maps that she used to plan her failed invasion and now she was using them to plan another failed invasion. However this time it wouldn’t be her that failed.

“North of here lies the grand city of Canterlot, it is the capital and jewel of Equestria,” Queen Chrysalis said in impressive tone. “Never have I seen a city with so much love and positive energy.”

“That sounds lame,” said Cartman in an unimpressed voice. “Sounds like some made up crap that hippies come up with.”

“What are hippies?”

“They’re a bunch of lazy assholes that don’t do anything except smoke pot, wear crap, and listen to shitty music.”

Queen Chrysalis hissed, she had to use a different angle to persuade the Grand Wizard. Perhaps she could use his greed to her advantage? “Canterlot is also home to magnificent treasury filled with gold and prized jewels piled up high. It’s really a waste, all that wealth and power that it bring just sitting there gathering dust.”

She knew that her gambit had worked, the Grand Wizard was thinking deeply about what she had just said. “Wait a minute; hippies are dirt poor like Kenny. How the hell are they supposed to have a treasury full of gold? It goes against nature. It’s wrong!” He spat out the last word. “IT’S WRONG!”

“Yes,” said Queen Chrysalis, “Canterlot has all this wealth just waiting for some brave warrior or wizard to come conquer and take it.”

The Grand Wizard thought about what the changing queen had said. It was very tempting if the hippie city truly had a large supply of gold then it would be easy pickings. However he couldn’t help but feeling that the queen was setting him up. “Do you like fucking little boys?” he accused the Changeling queen.

“Excuse me?” she responded.

“Do you like fucking little boys?” he repeated “Because that’s what you are doing right now. Do you have a shower? Because I at least want to have the decency to be clean when you fuck me!”

“HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH THINGS!” roared the Queen Chrysalis. Her patience for the Grand Wizard had snapped. “You come to my hive uninvited, slaughter my creation, and even get an army of my subjects. Even then you remain and ungrateful pile of filth. Take your army and leave!” The changeling queen glared at her advisors and captains, no, former advisors and captains. “And take these with you while you’re at it, maybe they’ll be more use to you.”

The officials stared at their queen in disbelief of what they just heard. None could comprehend the situation with the exception of one. Putukate glared at her former queen with great distaste. If this was how it was going to be then so be it. The other officials began to protest to what the queen had said, some rather loudly.

“SILENCE!” roared Queen Chrysalis, “My patience for all of you wears thinner and thinner with each passing moment. Consider yourselves lucky that you do suffer the same fate as Fat Grub. Éntomo and Insetto, go and send word that I request a squadron of guards at the holding cells. Take this scroll to the changeling in charge. It shall inform them of the situation.” The queen handed the guards a tightly rolled green scroll to which they quickly went off to deliver it. The changeling queen then glared at the Grand Wizard, “You…you, I don’t care what you do with the scum entrusted to you. Go down to the holding cells where your so called army is waiting and take these leeches gathered here with you. You have until this evening to leave The Hive.”

The Grand Wizard left the conference room, not of course without managing to smuggle some maps and diagrams within his robes. The changeling officials all stood in the place, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t until the Grand Wizard unleashed a storm of curses that nearly electrocuted one of them to death that they chose to follow the Grand Wizard without hesitation. The changeling queen was relieved once the Grand Wizard was out of sight. She would have enjoyed the moment of solitude she was given if it wasn’t for one changeling that stayed back and chose not to follow the Grand Wizard King.

“So that’s your plan to solve The Hive’s problems,” Putukate said bitterly. “Do you think that our food supply shortage would go away if there were simply less mouths to feed? This is merely a short term solution and a half assed one I must add.”

Queen Chrysalis did not acknowledge the accusations, she felt no need to. “I always knew that you were a problematic changeling. You always asked too many questions and even now you dare question me. This is the survival of The Hive.”

“We both know that you are condemning these changelings to death!” Putukate roared at her former queen. “You don’t even care about The Hive. You spent more time protecting your own ego. Ever since the failed assault on Canterlot your decisions have been increasing in brashness. Instead of swallowing your pride and negotiating a peace treaty that is practically being handed to you, you put your ego ahead and refuse to even talk with them. Even though The Hive is at the brink of famine!

“Now here comes another fool, another monster, another selfish bastard. Somehow in that convoluted brain of yours, you decide that you can use him to your advantage. You plan send those changelings on a suicide mission with the hope that it would ruin the chance of peace treaty with Equestria. But even that’s not enough, and then when you hear the news you are going to twist the facts in order to paint yourself as a tragic hero in front of the Hive as the poor queen that wanted peace but was denied it.”

“You have a lot of nerve,” hissed Queen Chrysalis, her horn glowing menacing.

“Yes I do!” replied Putukate, “You are a terrible excuse for a changing queen.”

Queen Chrysalis gave a bestial roar as she powerful spell at the direction of the Putukate. Putukate managed to block it and with a fluid motion, almost like an elegant dance. The changeling queen launched more and more spells at the rebel but she kept missing. Putukate dodged left and right as she weaved her way closer and closer to the queen. Once she was close enough, she leapt in the air and gave Queen Chrysalis as massive kick straight at her muzzle.

The changeling queen was launched across the room and Putukate landed gracefully on top of her. “Remember my name, it’s Putukate!” she hissed as she stomped on the queen’s horn. As refreshing it was to hear the grunts of pain coming from the queen, she could not savor the moment long for she could hear group of guards approaching.

Putukate managed to avoid detection and made her way to the exit of the hive. It was still afternoon and the hottest part of the day in the badlands. She spread her wings and flew north. If she was in luck she would manage to reach Canterlot before sunset. She had to warn them of the oncoming attack. She prayed to whatever deity that was listing that her warnings were not taken with a grain of salt. She feared that if this attack were to succeed… it would be best not to think of the consequences.

♕----------♕

Location: Hell

Satan was relaxing in the tiki lounge. Ever since the destruction of San Francisco, for the second time, Hell has been experiencing an influx of culture and renovation. Never had the depths of Hell looked as fabulous as they did now, not since the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Those folks really knew how to party.

It was with great displeasure that his relaxation was interrupted by demon messenger. “What is it?” he asked him irritation.

“My lord, we have some issues involving certain woodland critters…” the messenger replied.

“Oh those freaks,” said Satan. “Well just give some magic powers. That always seem to calm down those kinds of weirdos.”

“We have already given them powers,” replied the messenger. “In fact, one of them summoned a portal from another dimension.”

Those last words grabbed Satan’s attention, “They did what? I’m very generous in allowing what they can do with the powers I give them. But playing around with space and time, well that’s when I draw the line. Strip them of the powers and tell them that they are in time out. Maybe when then learn to behave can you give them back their powers. Now if you excuse me, I have a pedicure appointment in twenty minutes.”

Author's Note

Remember to be good children or else Satan will give you a time out.

This is where I'll link you to story's TV Tropes page... if I had one.

09. Discord Explains It All

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter Nine: Discord Explains it All

Location: Ponyville

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and the New Kid left the burrows and stepped into the bright afternoon sun. “Gah,” hissed Scootaloo as she tried to shield her eyes, “Too bright.”

Ignoring Scootaloo’s complaints, the New Kid reached into his pockets and pulled out the bag of magical gnome dust for them to sniff. The world seemed to spin around as everything around them seemed decreased in size.

“Well that was a rather strange experience,” said Apple Bloom once she was her normal size. She was a bit dizzy from the dust and her eyes kept spinning as they tried to adjust themselves. “Now I know how Applejack felt when she stepped in poison joke.”

“We just finished our first dungeon and won our first boss fight!” said Scootaloo with excitement. “Just look at all the cool loot we got!” She dumped the contents of the sack they were storing their loot in onto the ground. While the spoils of their adventure were well earned, it was mostly worthless junk. “Maybe I can buy a gold necklace with this.”

“No offense Scootaloo,” said Sweetie Belle as she poked her hoof through the pile of loot. “Most of this stuff is plain garbage.”

“Hey, one pony’s trash is another one’s treasure,” said Scootaloo as she examined a tuff of rabbit fur. “I’m sure we can get a pretty bit from this stuff. Isn’t that right Apple Bloom?”

Apple Bloom did not answer. She along with the New Kid was staring at something in the distance. It was floating mid air and was approaching them. As it got closer it turned out to be a large colorful box with many colorful balloons tied to it. It slowly floated towards them until it stopped in front of Scootaloo. Scootaloo looked at the box and on top of the box was a pink party invitation addressed to the New Kid.

The invitation was bright pink and covered in glitter. When Sweetie Belle opened the card, confetti poured out from it. The New Kid grabbed the invitation while Sweetie Belle tried to get bits of confetti out of her mouth and read the card.

Dear new friend.

Welcome to Ponyville! This is your official invitation to your welcome party this evening at Sugar Cube Corner. Hope you can make it!

Sincerely,

-PP

Scootaloo opened the box and her face was met with a blast of confetti and trumpet fanfare. Inside the present box was yet another box. “Is this some sort of joke?” growled Scootaloo as she spat pieces of confetti.

“Look!” said Apple Bloom. When saw the tag, stamp and address they realized that this was a postage box.

Packages found 4/5
Friend Request:
9. Pinkie Pie

“And now we only have one left,” said Sweetie Belle.

“But we have no idea where it is,” muttered Scootaloo.

“Maybe we ask ponies in the market?” suggested Apple Bloom, “we have to go there anyways since we have a lot junk to get rid of and a quest to turn in.”

“We’re also low on potions,” added Sweetie, “Being on fire hurts a lot.”

Apple Bloom looked at the nearby clock tower, “Wow, it’s already late in the afternoon. Pinkie’s party starts in few hours. We have plenty of time, let’s go!”

Apple Bloom started running towards the road in front of Fluttershy’s cottage but stopped when something hit her on the head. She turned around to find Angel Bunny standing in front of the door of the cottage holding a large orange ball of yarn.

“What do you want now?” asked Scootaloo.

“OUCH!”

Angel Bunny threw another ball of yarn and it hit Sweetie Belle’s jaw. He turned to the New Kid and gave him what the New Kid could guess was a signal to follow him inside the cottage. The inside of Fluttershy’s cottage was surprising dark. With all the windows boarded up, there was not a source of light besides the small black candle that Angel Bunny was holding.

“Where’s Fluttershy?” asked Scootaloo.

Angel Bunny pointed at a direction but it was hard to see where he was pointing too in the dim light.

“Why’s it so dark in here?” asked Apple Bloom.

Angel Bunny wanted to point out that he couldn't reach the light switch to turn on the light but instead settled with throwing a purple yarn ball at Apple Bloom. He face gave a wide smirk when the ball of yarn smacked Apple Bloom’s face.

“Ouch, stop doing that,” said Apple Bloom. “It’s so dark in here, can’t somepony turn on the lights?”

“I got them,” said Sweetie Belle. She stumbled around for a few moments before finding the switch.

The crusaders stared at shock at the sight in front of them. The center of the room was a mess; the coffee table that was normally in the center was smashed into bits. There was a large hole in the ceiling that was cluttered with debris that looked like it could collapse at any moment.

The new kid and the crusaders cautiously approached the smashed table. It was beyond repair and the New Kid saw what appeared to be a tuft of blond hair.

“Ouch!”

Angel had thrown another ball of yarn at Sweetie Belle. He had an impatient look was now pointing at the open door.

“Geeze, no point in being so rude,” muttered Apple Bloom. The crusaders left the cottage while being pelted with yarn balls. Angel Bunny gave the New Kid a slight bow before slamming the door hard in their faces.

There was a loud rumbling sound and the ground began to shake. A cloud of dust rose from the debris. It seemed the force of the door slamming shut was enough to cause the ceiling to cave in.

“Well that happened,” said Scootaloo, “Oh well, let’s go to the marketplace.”

“We can’t leave Fluttershy’s cottage in ruins,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Yes we can,” said Scootaloo, “For once, we’re not responsible for property damage and if we try to help, chances are that we are going to end up in tree sap. No, I want to go on exciting quests, not some boring construction quest.”

Sweetie Belle reluctantly agreed and the group followed the road toward the marketplace. By the time they got there, it was late afternoon but there was still much activity. The section of the market that was raided by the bunnies was now clean and restored. The flower ponies were finishing applying a new coat of paint to their stand.

“We did it,” said Apple Bloom, “We’ve dealt with the bunnies.”

“Really?” asked Rose with skepticism.

“Yup!” said Sweetie Belle cheerfully, “We went to Fluttershy’s cottage and found their base in a nearby hill. They were being controlled by this crazy squirrel. He was obsessed with satin and blood oranges.”

The flower trio stared at the crusaders unsure if to believe them or not. Then they turned their eyes towards the New Kid. “Is that true?” asked Daisy.

The New Kid blinked.

“Well then,” said Lily, “I guess we owe you our thanks. If you ever need any flowers, don’t hesitate to stop by our shop. Oh by the way, we received this package by mistake this morning, can you return to the post office for us? We’ll make it up to you, we’ll give you discount on your next purchase.”

Packages found 5/5

QUEST COMPLETE
“Furry Little Problems”

3 New Friend Requests:
10. Rose
11. Lilly
12. Daisy

Ten Friends Milestone Reached!
Perk Unlocked: “Earth Pony Toughness” – Apple Bloom gets +X armor. X is equal to her current level.

“That’s it?” said Scootaloo after they left the flower stand. “We don’t even get some kind of reward?”

“Scootaloo,” hissed Apple Bloom, “Heroes aren’t always rewarded for their deeds.”

“I know,” said Scootaloo, “But they usually get some compensation you know, like a free stay at the inn or a something.”

“But aren’t we banned from the local hotel?” Sweetie Belle said.

“Yeah, but it’s the thought that counts,” said Scootaloo.

“I knew that cutie mark crusader bug exterminators were a bad idea.” Apple Bloom muttered.

“I heard that they finally got rid of their termite problem last week,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Well it took them a while because Fluttershy convinced the owner not to exterminate them,” said Apple Bloom. “He’s not very happy with her and I heard that he’s looking for construction workers.”

“Hey!” shouted Sweetie Belle with an idea.

“No,” Scootaloo quickly responded, “We are not doing a dumb construction quest.”

They spent the next hour in the marketplace trying to find a vendor that was willing to buy the junk they were carrying. Eventually they managed to sell it off to mysterious pony wearing a pink cloak that ran a stand with a sign that read “P.I.E. Trading Services.”

With bits in their pockets (and after a long speech by Scootaloo on how they should open a bank account), the crusaders and the New Kid refilled their supplies. Here and there, the New Kid being a thief allowed him to pocket a few goods without being seen. Once sure they had everything they needed, they headed towards the post office to deliver the missing packages. A sign in front said that it was closed but the door was open and the voices could be heard.

Once inside, the voices turned into shouting that was coming from a room behind the counter. A grumpy unicorn dressed in official looking uniform stormed out of the office, “How many times? Just how many times do I have to clean up for you messes?”

Derpy stepped out after him, she looked hysterical and said in a rather poor attempt at a calm tone, “I can explain, this wasn’t my fault!”

“That’s no excuse! We have four missing packages that were scheduled to be delivered today—”

“Oh! Oh! We got them here!” squeaked Sweetie Belle.

The grumpy stallion looked over the packages and inspected each of them individually. He cast a spell over them and the long package addressed to Rarity began to vibrate again.

“Well, no damage done to the deliveries,” he said after he finished scanning them. He passed the packages to Derpy, “Well go deliver them with an apology. I’ll have someone inspect the damage done to the dwelling.”

“If you’re talking about Fluttershy’s cottage, we were there!” interrupted Sweetie Belle. “The roof is totally caved in and there are bits wood everywhere…”

She stopped as Apple Bloom nudged her in the ribs. But the damage was done. The stallion buried his head into his hooves and took a deep breath.

“But this is what,” said the stallion who appeared to be trying his hardest not to burst into rage. “It has to be like the third, fifth, or something time that you’ve done something like this. Doors, windows, even fences are easy to fix. But roofs? Roofs, as you well know, are a completely different level. Do you know how much this is going to cost me?”

“I…uh, well,” muttered Derpy nervously.

“This is going to be another headache,” said the stallion. “I’m pretty that the insurance company aren’t willing to fully cover this; even with their increased rates due to our uh… accident record.” He retreated back to his office. “This is coming from your pay check,” he shouted before slamming the door.

Derpy let out a loud groan. After a few silent moments, Sweetie Belle managed to form a rather weak apology but before the first words would come out, Derpy interrupted.

“No need to apologize, honesty it turned out better than expected. I know I’m rather clumsy at times, but I’m not the one that crashed into Fluttershy’s house… okay it’s more like it’s not entirely my fault. I decided that maybe retracing my deliver route would help me find any of the missing packages. On the way to her cottage, something landed on me and when I realized what had happened, I was in the middle of Fluttershy’s living room. I asked her if she was okay but she ran straight into the Everfree Forest.”

“Fluttershy ran into the Everfree?” asked Apple Bloom.

“No, the thing that landed on me,” said Derpy. “Fluttershy screamed something about dragons and flew into Ponyville. I tried to tell my boss that but he wouldn’t listen to me. If you hadn’t arrived just in time with those packages, I’m pretty sure that he would have fired me. I owe you one. Don’t hesitate to call me for help when you need it. I’m not good with bosses though, I have a hard enough time dealing with my own boss.”

QUEST COMPLETE: “Special Delivery”

Friend Request:
13. Derpy Hooves

Summon Unlocked: Muffin Badge

LEVEL UP
Apple Bloom is now level four!
Apple Bloom is now level five!
Scootaloo is now level four!
Scootaloo is now level five!
Sweetie Belle is now level four!
Sweetie Belle is now level five!

♕----------♕

Location: Crystal Empire, Northern Equestria

The train began to slow down as it approached the stop. Stan glanced outside at the Crystal Empire. It was bright and sparkly. In fact it was too bright and sparkly, like something out of some vampire chick flick. He was about to turn his eyes away from the dreadful sight until he spotted someone familiar walking.

Stan stumbled his way out the train and tried to walk straight towards the familiar thing. “Hey Butters!” he shouted. “Hey! Butters, c’mere!”

Butters stopped and saw Stan. “Stan, I’m glad to see you…why do you smell like my dad on my birthday?” He asked once the smell of alcohol reached his nose.

“Shut the fuck up Butters,” said Stan. "And what the fuck are you supposed to be?" he asked once he saw Discord.

"Well how rude," Discord said in haughty voice. He was dressed in fancy vest, top hat and monocle. "Why, my dear sir, I am offended at such disrespect. To answer your blunt question, I am Discord, the lord of chaos and occasionally mischief."

“He brought me here,” said Butters. “Thanks to him, I was able to perform my most evil act of chaos to date! I managed to put a library book in the wrong shelf! Now when someone tries to look up that book they won’t be able to find it!”

Stan glanced at Discord and with his raised eyebrows gave him a questioning looks on why the hell would anyone want to spend time with Butters.

Discord sighed and said in casual tone, “It’s quite rare to find someone that appreciates chaos. I’m not one to let a chance like this slip away. However should there be a better option, I would not hesitate to do so.”

Stan muttered something intelligible and hissed as a bright ray of light was reflected of a crystal building. “Why is everything so bright and shiny?” he asked as he covered his eyes from the brightness of the Crystal Empire.

“It’s the décor that they decided to go for. Though I would consider that the least of you problems,” said Discord who was now wearing a pair of sunglasses. The conductor from the train Stan departed shouted out something. “Maybe this will help,” said Discord as he snapped his claw.

Immediately the throbbing pain in Stan’s head began to vanish and his eyes weren’t’ watery from the brightness of the Crystal Empire. “Okay, so what the fuck is going on?” shouted Stan now that his head was clear. “Where the hell am I?”

“Really now?” asked Discord as he slowly floated around Stan. “No need to so hotheaded. I thought that you would have realized by now or at least has some idea of what’s occurred.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” asked Stan who was quickly his temper. The train he arrived in began to depart from the station.

“Well you seem to be in denial or just stupid,” said Discord as he rested on chair made out of clouds. He was wearing brown sports coat and vest, a pair of thick rimmed glasses, and seemed to be a notebook with two quills dancing in circles. “Now why don’t you tell me what happened and we might find the answers you are looking for. Start with what happened earlier today.”

“Fine, so we were playing a game today and we were going to have an epic battle for control of the Stick. Then Butters came out of the pond with some stone and he tripped—” Stan did not finish the sentence as he rammed into Butters and began strangling him. “Butters! You son of a bitch, It’s your fault that I’m stuck here!”

There was a sound of a whistle and Stan and Butters were surrounded in a magic aura and were levitated a few feet from each other. “Now as amusing as it may be, I can’t let you do that,” said Discord now dressed in striped referee outfit.

“Why not?” asked Stan. “It’s his fucking fault that I’m stuck in this fucked up place! So I think that I’m entitled to kick his ass!”

“Didn’t want to do this,” muttered Discord. He cleared his throat and pulled out the Stick of Truth and spoke in rather bad imitation of an old English accent. “With the powers granted from the Stick, I forbid you from beating up Butters no matter how tempting it may be.”

“I’m done playing! I don’t care about this game or the Stick, I just want to get back home and leave this place,” growled Stan.

Discord chuckled, “But my dear boy, you’re an essential part of the game. In fact, all you boys that came through that portal are important parts of the game.”

“Wait, the others are here too?” asked Stan.

“Yep,” said Butters. “I was with the New Kid and saw Jimmy earlier today.”

“Your bard and quiet friend are getting along just fine with folks in Ponyville,” said Discord. “Even your so called princess pal has managed to charm the upper crust of Canterlot society, yet for some reason, she has a habit of dying in violent ways.”

There was a loud whistle coming from an arriving train. Stan stared at Discord as the meaning of his words came to realization. “You’ve been keeping track of us?” Stan asked. “Okay, what about Kyle and fatass, how are they doing?”

“Oh, I’ve been keeping track of you since the moment arrived. I noticed that there was a small rift in this world the moment the portal activated. Ancient magic from a long time ago that I doubt Celestia is aware of. Of course I should have probably notified her about this incident but as long as I keep things from getting out of control, no harm done. As for your two other friends, if they are like the rest then, I’m sure they’re fine and I should be turning up soon.”

“Discord?” said a surprised voice.

Twilight Sparkle was standing outside the train station staring at them. Spike was behind with the luggage, glad that Twilight was a light packer compared to Rarity. “Discord, what are you doing here?” She asked, Twilight then noticed the two boys. “You look similar to…” – she turned to face Discord- “Discord, what is going on?”

“Why would you look at that, time sure flies quick, doesn’t it?” Discord pointed at an alarm clock with wings that was flying around in circles. “I would like to stay and chat, but we have a surprise party to attend so if you would excuse us.”

Within a blink of an eye Discord vanished within a blink of an eye along with the two boys, leaving behind a frustrated Twilight.

“What was that about?” asked Spike once he caught up with Twilight.

“Just Discord,” said Twilight, “Acting like his usual self.” She added in an exasperated voice, “I swear he does things just to get on my nerves.”

Twilight took deep breath and calmed down, “Well I won’t let him ruin my stay here. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

“But I thought we came here on vacation.” moaned Spike.

“We are and that’s why I’m taking the opportunity to go more in depth in the collection of book in the crystal library. We only had a small peak when Sombra returned. I heard that they just found a hidden chamber in the library where they hid books banned by Sombra. Oh this is going to be so exciting!”

Spike took a deep breath. Only someone like Twilight would find old books exiting. He stopped walking when he saw it. There where Discord had vanished was a stick. Normally he would have ignored something as trivial as a stick lying on the ground, but there was something peculiar about this stick that was calling to him. He felt a strange power emitting from the stick. Without realizing it, he picked up the stick and was staring at it aimlessly.

“Come on, Spike,” said Twilight, “Shining and Cadence are waiting for us at the palace.”

“Coming, Twilight!” said Spike as he ran to catch up to here. “Uh, hey Twilight- does this stick seem odd to you?” he asked her as he presented her the Stick.

Twilight looked at the stick intensely and picked it up with her magic. But within a few seconds she shrugged and tossed it away. “It’s just a stick, Spike,” she said, “Let’s go.”

“Yeah,” said Spike. He decided to pick up the Stick anyways and put it in his luggage bag before following Twilight.

♕----------♕

Location: Ponyville

“Well here we are, Sugar Cube Corner,” announced Apple Bloom.

The New Kid glanced on what had to be one of the strangest buildings he had seen to date. Apple Bloom nudged him to the door. Scootaloo had an impatient look on her face and merely told him to hurry up and open the door and for some reason, Sweetie Belle was wearing a hard hat.

The New Kid opened the door and was met with a loud blast of confetti. Just as he opened the door there was loud popping noise and smoke coming from the center of the room. Discord had appeared along with a dizzy Butters and Stan.

“Surprise!” shouted Discord and the party hat on his head erupted like a volcano and sparks of colorful light began pouring out of it.

Before anyone could say anything, there was a loud retching noise. Stan had thrown up in the punch bowl.

“Oh come on! I was about to spike that!” a fuchsia mare yelled.

Author's Note

Okay sorry it for the delay. I would come up with some excuse but I'm too lazy to think of one.

Starting the next chapter the story rating will be bumped up to mature. No there's isn't going to be any explicit material, just things that are too suggestive for teen. Hopefully it won't take as long, really, writing breather chapters are a pain in the ass.

10. Twilight, Sunset and Dusk

The Stick of Truth: The Equestiran Chronicles
Chapter Ten: Sunset, Twilight and Dusk

Location: Ponyville

The party continued on without any further incident after Stan’s embarrassing display. Finally accepting the fact that he was no longer in South Park or on Earth for that matter, Stan remained in a grumpy mood throughout the party. Ironically it helped him get along with a rather cranky donkey.

Butters was hanging out with the crusaders and explaining to them how to modify their weapons and armor to give the additional effects. The New Kid felt shivers travel down his spine at the thought of the crusaders adding fire to their weapons. Jimmy was on small stage performing a jaunty tune with Lyra. This was puzzling to the New Kid. Jimmy wasn’t that good of a musician, in fact he played like a ten year old that only had a few lessons, but now he was playing like an expert and entertaining the crowd gathered around the duo.

“Blagh!”

Rainbow Dash made another face in her attempt to get a response from the New Kid but to her disappointed it didn’t work. “Wow you’re good,” she muttered. “Too good. I know you are playing a game with the crusaders and all, but aren’t you taking this spy thing too seriously?”

“Rainbow dear, you have been going at it for almost ten minutes,” said Rarity. “Perhaps you should take a break? We are at party after all, why don’t you go get some punch…” Rarity then remembered the incident that happened earlier. “Um... you should try these cupcakes that Pinkie made! They are simply divine.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” said Rainbow Dash. She turned and proclaimed to the New Kid before heading to the food table, “I’ll get a reaction out of you. Just mark my words. See you around kid.”

“Please don’t mind Rainbow,” said Rarity. “She can be brash at times, but she means well. I’ll have to agree with her, aren’t you taking your role of the quiet rouge a bit too seriously?”

The New Kid blinked.

“I mean no offence of course,” said Rarity. “I played my fair share of role-play back in the day and know how it is to get lost in character. I have no problem with Sweetie Belle joining your game as long as you stay out of trouble. I just wish that she asked for permission to borrow that hat before she took it. Please feel free to stop at Carousel Boutique during the day, I’m sure that I can upgrade and enchant your armor and I might even have a quest or two if you are looking for them.”

Two New Friend Requests:
14. Rainbow Dash
15. Rarity

Gem Trade unlocked: Rarity can enchant your armor during the day in exchange for gems. Enemies around the crusader’s levels now have a chance to drop gems.

“Uh, excuse me?”

The New Kid turned to see a donkey and some sort of creature that looked like a mixture of a beetle and a pony. While the donkey looked calm the other creature glanced all around nervously as if something was around the corner ready to strike. Rarity gave the strange creature of stoic look but remained composed as she dismissed herself and left the New Kid with the strange duo.

“Hello, my name is Matilda,” the donkey introduced herself, “and this is my friend…”

“Call me uh… Kevin,” said the other creature rather bluntly “I need to talk to you,” –he glanced at Matilda and added- “In private.” Matilda looked at Kevin questioningly but left the two. Kevin headed toward the kitchen and beckoned the New Kid to follow him.

“My guess from your reaction to seeing me is that you never seen a changeling before,” said the changeling. “You may be wondering why I need your help. Well the thing is that I need you to act as a bodyguard of sorts. While the ponies at the party think the sword on your back is prop or a toy, I know the real deal when I see one. I also know that you know how to use that sword, which is why I asked for you help in the first place.” They stopped at the door that led to the back alley, “There’s something after me and I can sense them. They are close, very close.”

QUEST ADDED
Bodyguard
Objective: Protect “Kevin”

Kevin opened the door and they stepped outside to the alley behind Sugarcube Corner. Even though it was sunset and then there was still light outside, the alley was covered in shadows. It was empty except for a few empty cardboard boxes next to a garbage dumpster. The changeling raised his hoof to indicate the New Kid to stop. “Show yourself!” snarled Kevin as he got in an aggressive stance which the New Kid followed, “I know you’re there.”

Out of seemingly nowhere, another changeling appeared in front of them. “I bring you no harm. If I wanted to go after you, then I wouldn’t have allowed you to detect my presence,” she said. “I guess I should start with introducing myself. Good evening, my name is Putukate and I come from the Hive.”

“What do you want?” hissed Kevin. “If it’s about me deserting the Hive, I’m not going back!”

“I’m not here about that. The queen branded you a traitor and exiled you from the Hive so if for some mad reason you were to return to the hive, you’d probably be executed on sight. I’m here against the queen’s wish. I have an urgent warning for Princess Celestia.”

“The queen’s not going to launch another invasion?” spat out Kevin in disbelief.

“No,” said Putukate, “It’s a bit more complicated than that. Allow me to explain; earlier today, a strange creature arrived at the hive.” She looked at the New Kid and said, “Looked a lot like him, only much fatter and with a pointy hat. Never thought that a creature as evil as him could exist, and the fact that he’s extremely resourceful makes him very dangerous. To make matters even worse, the queen for some mad reason gave him a personal army and sent him on mission to take over Canterlot. While under normal circumstance this would be suicide mission and basically a death sentence, I have the feeling that this creature is actually capable of succeeding.”

“What does this have to do with me?” asked Kevin.

“I want you to go to Canterlot and warn the princesses,” said Putukate. “I know that they would listen to you.”

“Why?” Kevin shouted in disbelief. “Why would they listen to what I have to say? Changelings aren’t exactly welcomed in Canterlot.”

“Because the princesses know about you, then she’ll know your name or at least your current alias. Not long ago, Princesses Celestia offered a peace treaty to the hive. She cited you as an example that ponies and changelings could get along. The queen outright refused and that’s the only reason she even exiled you in the first place. Anyway, go to Canterlot and warn the princesses…”

“They are not there,” said Kevin. “Princess Celestia and Luna are in Manehattan investigating some corruption scandal.”

“Isn’t there a princess in Ponyville that has direct contact with them?”

“Princess Twilight and her assistant left on vacation today.” He shivered and then said in quite frightful voice, “There was this incident with… uh… pasta and noodles… it was horrible.”

“Well if it isn’t just great,” said Putukate, “Look, fly to Canterlot and warn whoever is in charge.”

“Why don’t you do it?” asked Kevin.

“Because I have to go back to the Hive,” said Putukate. “I think that the queen has finally lost it and if things keep going like they are now, then she’s going to lead the hive into ruins. I have to stop things from going further down south quick. Go to Canterlot, warn them, and hope that they listen. That’s all I ask of you.”

“Why should I go to Canterlot?” protested Kevin in anger, “I still occasionally get angry looks and glances and that’s just here in Ponyville. Canterlot is whole nother story, it’s full of anti-changeling sentiment, even just the mention of changelings causes a stir.”

“I don’t know and I wish I had a good answer for you,” said Putukate. “Maybe because it’s the right thing to do? Or maybe it’s in gratitude towards Celestia willing to offer our race an olive branch. Or maybe it’s simply because it’s was best for the survival of the hive. Whatever reason I leave it up to you. I have to return to the Hive.”

Just like she seemed to appear out of nowhere, Putukate also managed to vanish into nothingness. It seemed like hours had passed before the remaining changeling broke the silence. “Well it seem like I didn’t need you as a bodyguard. Even if what she says is true, I don’t have to do it, right?”

There was just the slightest of twitch of the New Kid’s eyebrow. While it would have been ignored by most folks, the changeling noticed it.

“So you think that I should go warn them?” asked the changeling. “Why? She didn’t even give much information other than a creature that looks like you except that it was fatter and wore a pointy hat.”

There was another twitch in the New Kid’s eyes.

“You know this creature, don’t you?”

Twitch.

“Is he as bad as she claims to be?”

Twitch, twitch.

“He’s even worse? Just how bad can he be?”

Twitch.

The changeling froze. “But how can… it… how can something as evil like that exist?”

Twitch, blink and twitch.

“I see,” said the changeling. “You can return back to the party, I have to think about this a bit more. If I’m not back in the party within ten minutes… well... wish me luck.” The New Kid returned to the party and left the changeling alone in the alley to contemplate.

QUEST COMPLETE
Bodygaurd

Friend Request:
16. “Kevin”

Back at the party, Pinkie Pie was setting up a game when she froze. The New Kid looked around and saw that Discord had a stoic look on his face. No one in the party seemed to notice this and when Discord teleported away from the party it was for the most part ignored. Pinkie Pie shook her head and continued setting up the party game, but the tips of her hair were a bit straighter than usual.

♕----------♕

Location: CRIGAR (Canterlot Royal Institute for the Guidance and Rehabilitation of Troubled Individuals)

Kyle opened his eyes and closed them almost instantly as he hissed in pain. Everything was a blur and he had a massive headache. He found it hard to move his body. Eventually the pain diminished a bit and he managed to keep his eyes open without getting a headache though his eyes were still watery.

“Well it’s about time that you woke up.”

Kyle turned his head to see who was talking to him. He immediately regretted it as his headache returned. Spots of bright lights filled his vision and his eyes felt like they were on fire.

“Don’t force yourself, I’m guessing that this the first time you’ve been hit by a stunning spell.”

“Everything fucking hurts,” muttered Kyle.

“Don’t know what the captain was thinking when he hit you with that second spell. Don’t worry, in a few hours the pain will go away. I just hope that our deaths will be painless.”

“What?” Kyle tried to stand up but failed to do so, his entire body was aching.

“I told you not to bloody force yourself! Just lean against the wall, my guess that your body is recovering from shock. It’ll go away soon.”

Kyle did as he was told. He was able to bring himself in a sitting position and support himself on the wall. The pain slowly began to fade away into manageable level. After what seemed to be an hour, Kyle’s vision cleared and he looked around the room he was in. What he did not expect to see was a light yellow unicorn with a silver mane and tail and some tattoo of some star surrounded by a ring on her ass.

“A unicorn? Really?” he muttered.

“Well good to know that your vision is finally working. Name’s Silver Star by the way,” responded the unicorn in a sarcastic voice.

“This isn’t real. This isn’t fucking real,” Kyle told himself.

“Oh trust me, I wish that it wasn’t,” said the unicorn. “I know the effects of the stunning spell and hallucinations are not one of them.”

“So you’re a real unicorn? Then where the fuck am I?” roared Kyle.

“Can’t you see?” responded Silver “A small empty cramped room with a bunk bed; a small sink; a bathroom stall which luckily has a door so you have privacy when you take a shit or hang yourself or both if you’re into that thing; a reinforced and enhanced heavy barred door; and a foreboding feeling of being institutionalized: where the fuck do you think we are?”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” roared Kyle as he stood up. He only managed to take a few steps before he tripped. There was a chain attached to his left leg.

“Look,” said the unicorn. “We only have a few hours left and I don’t want to spend them with crying and moaning like a little baby.”

“What hell is going on?” asked Kyle. “Why am locked up?” He was still confused and had no idea why he was locked with a unicorn. Why there was a unicorn in the first place was another question in his mind but felt that it would have to wait.

“Like I told you, we’re locked up and only a have a few hour before it’s off with our heads.” said Silver Star as if she was making pleasant everyday conversation. “‘Cause come midnight, the jolly old captain is going to come here and take us down for one last stroll before he has our heads chopped off or whatever method of execution he’s up to.”

“Shouldn’t that be something we should be worried about?” asked Kyle who thought that the idea that they were about to be executed in a few hours was something he should be very worried about.

“Not if I can help it,” said Silver with a growl. “I know how to undo the enchantments on the door. The only way to get out of here alive is if we work together. Do you see the ring on my horn?” Silver Star lowered her head so that Kyle could the dark green ring on the unicorn’s horn; it was covered in many strange symbols. “How dexterous are you with your paws?”

“What?”

“Your paws or claws, whatever you call them, how much are you able to manipulate them?”

“You mean my hands?” asked Kyle.

“Yes, that,” said Silver, “Are you competent in using them?”

“I guess?” responded Kyle.

“It’ll have to do,” said Silver. She walked towards Kyle and lowered her head to let Kyle within reach of her horn. “Look, just get this ring of my horn. I would ask you to be gentle, but that’s a luxury I can’t afford at the moment.”

Kyle placed his hand on the ring; it was ice cold and sent a wave of shivers down his spine. The ring became colder the longer he held until it was too much and he let go of it. Silver didn’t hesitate to let out her frustration.

“It’s not that bleeding difficult, grab the ring and yank it off will you!”

Kyle tried again. He tightly grabbed the ring with his right hand and pulled as hard as it could but it wouldn’t move. He tried again but it was of no use. He tried a third time but it too failed to remove the ring. He let go and began to rub his hands for warmth and the fingers began to feel numb from the coldness emitted by the ring.

He tried again with his left hand but this tried something different. He tried the twist the ring but it wouldn’t budge. It was simply on too tight and he managed to do was to cause the unicorn pain. “Use your brain, you moron! Think about it, if the ring is on too tight maybe there’s a way to loosen or lubricate it?”

“You don’t mean…”

“Use your spit. Spit on your hand and lubricate my horn.”

Kyle looked at his hands but was hesitation to spit on them.

“Just do it, you wanker!” screamed Silver, “Besides, you’re not my type anyway.”

Pony anatomy is weird when it comes to a unicorn's horn. For instance, many ponies are unsure on whether or not a unicorn’s horn should be considered an erogenous zone. For the most part, it’s not, mainly because it is extremely difficult for a pony to stimulate a horn. A pegasus may be able to do so with his or her wings, however the effort required is too much for a small payoff.

Kyle however possessed something that ponies lacked: hands. He spat on his hands and began to lubricate the unicorn’s horn. As Kyle stroked the mare’s horn with his lubricated hand, he unknowingly managed to hit all of her sweet spots. Silver Star felt of shiver of pleasure travel down her spine. She tried to contain her moans of pleasure, but it found it increasing hard as Kyle continued lubricating her horn.

Kyle continued to stroke the unicorn’s horn but became a bit unnerved when the unicorn’s breathing became deeper. Soon afterwards she started grunting and then moaning. Kyle let go of the horn and uttered, “What the fuck?”

“Oh, that would be nice!” painted Silver before she shook her head. She closed her eyes and then opened them in a scowl. “Hurry up and wank- I mean yank this bloody ring off will you!” she roared.

He placed his hand in the cold ring and attempted to twist it, the lubrication had work as the ring began to twist with ease. Kyle pulled the ring and it went flying with a loud pop and landed unceremoniously on the concrete floor.

Silver Star let out a loud sigh of relief, “About time.” She rubbed her horn and cast a spell that pulverized the ring.

“So are you going to let me out of this now?” asked Kyle.

Silver ignored Kyle and left him chained to the wall as she marched to the bathroom stall, locked the door and cast a silencing spell that sure that she would remain unheard no matter how loud she was.

♕----------♕

Location: Beyond Equestria in the Frozen North

When Discord arrived there, night had already fallen in this part of the world. The temperature was below freezing, though this had to do nothing with the lack of sun because in this part of the world, the temperature was always below freezing, while there were other regions on the planet located at the same latitude that had much more hospitable climates. The land beyond the mountain range that formed the northern border of Equestria was frozen year round. The weather was unmerciful with snowstorms and blizzards being common occurrences even in the summer.

There are some claims that the northern half of the Frozen North was cursed to a state of eternal winter while many dismiss this claim and say there has to be some other explanation. The answer to this question is a simple one, the Frozen North was indeed cursed to a state of endless winter. Since the view by most mages and other magical scholars is that curses don’t exist, then the question shall remain unanswered even though there is an answer. However, there is proof that the Frozen North is cursed that can be found in the great library of Diamanto, one of the great cities of the unicorns. Unfortunately the library, as well the rest to the city, was buried under a thousand years worth of snow and ice.

It just happened that this is where Discord arrived. However it was now a snowfield and the only signs of the great city were frozen and snow covered peaks of towers stuck out of the snow. Discord snapped his claws and pillars of snow and ice rose high into the sky reaching the heights of massive skyscrapers. With the snow dispersed Discord found himself in the middle of a dark ancient market square.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been here,” he muttered to himself.

There was something chilling about this place besides the bitter cold. Something sinister, something evil radiated from the dark ruins of Diamanto. An idea sprung in Discord's mind and he summoned many strings of lights all over the ruins; many bright lanterns floated through the old streets and buildings. Within minutes, the dark frozen ruins transformed into bright and colorful festive frozen ruins.

With that problem solved, Discord returned to the reason he was there; there was a buildup of energy here and it was similar to the ones that occurred earlier. However this one was much stronger, like someone was trying to build a more stable portal. Discord waited for about thirty seconds before he got bored and built a life-size chess set out of snow. Every single piece he made looked exactly like him, including the chess board.

There was a loud cracking noise followed by a loud roaring of thunder as bright flashes of light appeared in the middle the market square. A portal opened up in the where the flashes were but nothing came out of it. Discord waited and waited but nothing came. After ten minutes, the portal vanished and left Discord confused; why would someone go to all that effort to open and maintain a stable dimensional portal if they were not going to use it? Discord sighed as he inflated a large bounce castle for him to rest.

In his many years of existence, Discord had never had the misfortune to deal with the evil and wasteful concept that is bureaucracy. On the other side of the portal located in some secret government facility somewhere in the Colorado, government scientist and officials were discussing the results of the portal.

“So did it work?” asked the commanding oficial.

“Yes, we managed to open a somewhat stable portal.” responded a scientist.

“Good, we’ll get our boys back in no time,” said the official.

“Shouldn’t we uh… notify their parents of what happened?”

“How about you shut up and do are you are told!” barked the government official. “To be honest I don’t give a fuck if those boys are dead or alive, it’s just an excuse to test out this technology. So for now we cover up their disappearances, so is it safe?”

“Is what safe?”

“What the fuck are we paying you for?” screamed the official. “The fucking portal. Dear God, how the fuck did you even get recruited for this program?”

“Well we’re not sure on how safe the portal is,” said the scientist, “The portal is stable enough, we could send a probe and…”

“Fuck that, probes are too expensive. We can’t afford that shit.”

“So what do we do sir?”

“What’s your major, son?” asked to old official.

“My what?” asked the scientist?

“Your college major, son. What’s your college major?”

“Oh, it was computer science.”

“Activate the portal again!” ordered the official.

The scientist quickly obeyed and the portal machine began to power up until there was a bright flash of light. In the center of the machine’s platform was an orb that seems orb of many swirling lights that seemed eerily out of place.

“Hey!” cried the scientist in protest as the official picked him up.

“You want to send a probe,” said the officer, “We’ll send a probe!” The official tossed the scientist towards the orb. Rather than colliding with the orb, there was a rather odd sight. It appeared as if the scientist was made out of putty. He appeared to stretch and contort and the closer he got to the portal’s center the more stretched out and contorted his appearance until finally he completely vanished.

“Open the portal in two days,” said the official “If he’s still alive, then it’s safe.”

“And if he’s not?” a person asked.

“He’s a computer science major,” said the official, “It’s not like there’s a short supply.”

♕----------♕

Location: Outside of Canterlot

“So that’s it?” asked the Grand Wizard as he observed Canterlot thought his binoculars. He, along with his changing army, was encamped in small woods a few miles from the city. “I knew that this city was lame, but this is just like mega lame. Seriously, it looks like something straight out of a fucking princess fairy tale. This is the sort of castle that Princess—who the fuck is there?!”

The Grand Wizard turned around and pointed his staff at nearby bush. Lighting burst from his staff and zapped the bush. Cartman smiled as a unicorn screamed in agony as he ran out the bush with his mane on fire.

“Don’t you dare fucking try to sneak on me and think that you can get away with it!” roared the Grand Wizard.

The unicorn ignored this since he was much more preoccupied putting out the fire. Even with being lit on fire, the unicorn lit his horn and sends a flare soaring towards the dark blue sky. It was near dusk the final rays of sunlight loomed in the distance.

A gust of wind roared from above and the leaves of trees began to dance frantically. There many loud banging noises, popping noises, and flashes of light and smoke. The ragtag group of changeling criminals and ex-officials, technically the ex-officials were also criminals thought they hadn’t been convicted, gathered around the Grand Wizard. There was a bright flash of blue light and within a blink of an eye a barrier of light blue light surrounded the Grand Wizard and his gang of criminals.

“So this is the great threat to our city?” scoff a prideful voice. Captain Asepsis stepped into the Grand Wizard’s field of vision followed by a large squad of trained guards; earth ponies in front, unicorns in the rear and pegasi as air support. “We got a tip from some stupid flea that some fat roach and his group of bugs are planning to take over Canterlot. Not much of a threat, are you?” sneered the Capitan.

“Why don’t you fucking say that to my face instead of hiding behind a force field like a pussy?” shouted the Grand Wizard.

“I will not tolerate such insults from lowlife degenerates,” said Captain Asepsis grimly. “You are in no position to be making petty threats. I suggest that you shut that filthy mouth of yours before you make things worse for yourself.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said the Grand Wizard mockingly, “I can’t make out what you’re saying over the sound of how much of bitch you are! If you want me to shut up, then why don’t make me? Come on, one v. one me brah! Prove to me that you are not one big giant pussy!”

“We have nothing to talk about.” Captain Asepsis turned around and ordered his squads of earth ponies and pegasi to detain the Grand Wizard and his gang of changelings. He had only walked for a few feet before there was loud explosion. The captain turned around to see that there were scorch marks and the smell of ozone where his shield used to be.

Lighting channeled through the Grand Wizard as he laughed like a maniac while he walked forward with an aerosol can and a lighter. It was as if the Grand Wizard was wield flamethrower, the bursts of flames from his simple can and lighter was five feet wide and reached distances of over twenty feet. The guards were in state of panic as they ran and flew as fast as they could to get away from the flames. “Yeah, how do you like that, bitch?!” taunted the Grand Wizard.

“Why must I be surrounded by idiots?” muttered the captain. He launched a bolt of green energy spirally towards the Grand Wizard. The bolt knocked the aerosol can out of his hands and sent it launching in the air before it exploded into a massive ball of fire. “Very well, you fiend. I accept your challenge—“

“Magic missile!” shouted the Grand Wizard as he flung a tampon at captain.

The tampon bounced off of a magic shield that Captain Asepsis had conjured almost instantly. “You duel without honor, boy.” The captain began channeling a spell. “Nonetheless I shall eradicate you with a single spell.”

“How about you kiss my ass!” taunted the Grand Wizard. He turned around, bent over and began mooning the captain. “Come and get it, asshole.”

Captain Asepsis roared with indignation, “YOU DARE! Who do you think you are to show such disrespect?”

“I’m the Grand Fucking Wizard King and you will respect my authoritah!” The Grand Wizard reached into his cloak and pulled out a syringe filled with apple juice. He injected the juice into his arm and took a deep breath. “DRAGON SHOUT!”

A massive stinky fireball came rampaging towards the captain. Changelings and guards alike, who were up to that moment forming a circle around the duel, scrambled to get out of the reach of the fire. Captain Asepsis did not move. The massive fireball collided with his shield and unleashed a mass explosion that sent changelings and guards flying in the air.

When the smoke dissipated, the Grand Wizard was disappointed to see that the magic shield was still intact and that the captain appeared unharmed, even though the land around him was scorched black.

“I have to give you credit, boy,” said the captain. “You almost made me flinch. Any final attempts before I finish you off?”

“Shit, tits, Jew, Hindu, Shia LeBouf, asshole, FUCK KYLE!”

An intense barrage of lighting was unleashed at the captain. Captain Asepses’ shield remained intact and showed no sign of damage. The Grand Wizard began to curse more profoundly but this lighting could not manage to reach the captain. Eventually the captain grew impatient and cast a stunning spell that hit the Grand Wizard straight in the chest and sent him in a in a collision course towards a tree.

“Your magic is unrefined, boy,” said the captain. “Do you think that you can defeat me with brute force like some savage earth pony?” There were some complaints from the earth pony guards gathered, but the captain gave them a vicious glare and silenced them. Dark blue light emitted from his horn as the captain casted his spell. The dark blue light turned into purple light then into a red light until finally it became ghostly white. “Good bye you scum and take your filthy roaches with you.”

“Mina-san, mmmng mmg mgmggg!”

SWOOSH!

The captain accidentally released his spell and once he realized what he had done it was too late. Right were Princess Kenny once stood was nothing but a small whiff a smoke dissipating into the atmosphere.

“Oh my Creator!” gasped one of the guards.

“They killed Princess Kenny!” screamed another guard.

“You bastard!” accused a third guard.

Swoosh

Everyone present except the Grand Wizard watched in horror as the poor guard instantly vaporized in front of their eyes. There was no sign that he was even standing there just seconds prior other than as small cloud of smoke. “So does anyone else want to join him?” Capitan Asepsis asked menacingly.

While the captain was distracted, the Grand Wizard took the opportunity to send a fire ball straight at him. To his disappointment Captain, Asepsis responded without hesitation deflected the fireball with a conjured shield. “Disgusting,” hissed the captain, “Have you no pride?”

Suddenly bright flashes of swirling light appeared in above them. A dark figure exited from the hole in the now dusky sky and descended gracefully. Princess Kenny landed gracefully onto the ground as she put away the strange stone in her dress and proudly proclaimed that she was safe. The guards and even some of the changelings shouted in joy upon hearing that she was safe.

“So that happened,” said Cartman. “Princess Kenny, where the hell have you been?”

“Mmm mmp mmpth mmp mmm?” responded Princess Kenny.

“Well, I was here to take over the castle but look at it, just look at it! I want my castle to be totally badass and cool.”

“Mmph mmpth.”

“Why the fuck would I want to help you take over the castle?”

“Mmm.”

“Fine,” said the Grand Wizard with a sigh, “But on one condition.”

“Nmm it,” said Princess Kenny.

“I want him,” said the Grand Wizard who pointed at Captain Asepsis who was watching their conversation in shock, “I want him to teach me that spell he did. I know that there’s nothing as cool and awesome as me, but that spell was pretty awesome.”

“What?!” roared the captain in protest, “Princess Kenny, how can you work with the likes of him? I refuse to do so!” There were many murmurs of protest coming from the guards as well.

It was then when Princess Kenny leapt towards the sky twirled around gracefully and activated her Japanese princess magic. Her magic worked as everyone present, sans the grand wizard, fell under her charms. “Kenny-chan kawaii purinsesu!” both the guards and changelings chanted. Even the captain fell under Princess Kenny’s charm, which for some reason had massive bonus on unicorns.

“I apologize for my rudeness, princess,” said the captain.

“Mmmph mm mpt,” said Princess Kenny.

“Wow, way to whore yourself out to a bunch of horses.” said the Grand Wizard.

“Mmn fck oou,” responded Kenny.

“Quiet you,” said the captain. “It’s only upon Princess Kenny’s request that I am not vaporizing you at this moment.”

“Oh, just cut it out with that paladin bullshit,” said the Grand Wizard, “Everyone knows that paladins are basically the royal bitch and right now I command you to shut the fuck up.”

Captain Asepsis let out furious roar as he pointed his horn at the Grand Wizard. Just as he was about to cast his deadly spell, Princess Kenny ordered him to stop. Normally the kind of spell that the captain was casting couldn’t be dissipated without an explosion, but Princess Kenny’s words managed to silence his spell. Captain Asepsis was about to bow his head and apologize profoundly to Princess Kenny, but stopped when he realized that he would prove Grand Wizard point. He tried his hardest to resist the Princess’s charm and instead ordered a pair guards to escort the Grand Wizard to an unoccupied room within the officer's quarters of the royal barracks.

“What about us?” asked a changeling, “Where do we stay?”

The captain was about to make a snarky remark about where they could stay, but felt a force the was stopping from saying so. “You can stay in barracks thirteen and fourteen,” he said reluctantly, “they are currently unoccupied.”

Once the Grand Wizard and the changelings were out of sight, the captain bowed down deeply and then began to apology profoundly. Princess Kenny waved her hand and suggested that they too return to the barracks for the night.

“At once your highness,” said the captain. “But I must insist that tomorrow we plan on how we take over the castle. We only have a few days before Celestia returns; hopefully nothing cuts their trip short.”

♕----------♕

Location: CRIGAR

“Well if this isn’t just great,” muttered Silver Star as she glared at the barred cell door. She had spent the past twenty minutes in front of the door trying to crack the enchantments on it.

“What is it?” said Kyle who was glad to be free from the chain and was now resting on one the bunk beds. His body still ached and he occasionally felt a jolt of pain on the back his head but was recovering quickly.

“Well it turns out that the enchantments on this door are much more complicated than I thought. Of course I’m capable of breaking the enchantments on this door, the problem is that it’s connected to a monitored network.”

“And what the hell does that mean?”

“It means than any guard with half a brain monitoring the spell network will see the flashing red light on the grid the very moment I break the enchantments on this door. Well it turns out that escaping from a high security prison isn’t easy after all.”

“So, what do we do now?” asked Kyle.

“We brainstorm. There has to be an exploit in the security system. There’s a ward that prevents teleportation to and from the prison grounds. Of course that spell was cast by Princess Celestia herself, so there’s no chance cracking that anytime soon. The walls are magically reinforced so we can’t blast our way out. I already told about the enchantment network and we can avoid any major hallways so the monitoring crystals aren’t a concern.”

“I have no idea what the hell you just said,” said Kyle. “All I understood was that there’s an enchantment on the door and you can undo it. The problem is that the moment you undo the enchantment it’s going to make some light flash red and activate an alarm?”

“That’s an oversimplification but for the most part, that’s basically it. There’s a monitoring room with screens and labeled grids for each cell. If there’s a problem within a cell the light indicating that cell flashes brightly, the color that it flashes depends on the situation.”

“What happens if every light flashes red?”

“That would probably mean that there’s a full scale riot going on,” said Silver Star. “But to undo every single enchantment will take an enormous amount of magic. Honestly it will be much easier to…” –her eyes shot wide open with the realization, she turn and gazed intensely at Kyle –“How good are you in a fight?”

Kyle stepped back from the intense look Silver Star was giving him, “I don’t have my royal club, but I can manage myself in a fight. Why?”

“Because we are going to start a riot,” said Silver Star as she lit her horn. “I just hope this works.”

The two guard who were supposed to be on duty in the monitoring room were not paying much attention to their duties. One of them was snoozing on while the other one was reading a magazine. A beeping noise alerted him that there was a situating within one of the prison cells. He looked at the grids and the saw that three of the lights for Building C were flashing yellow. Then two more lights in Building C began to flash yellow. Ten seconds later, there were twenty more flashing lights ranging from green to red with more beginning to flash every second.

The guard began to shake his sleeping companion “Wake up, we have a situation!”

The sleeping guard woke up and said, “What’s going on?”

“We have a problem in Building C, take a look!”

The sleepy guard looked at the grid and immediately felt a bolt of energy when he saw that every light for Building C was flashing different colors. “Wow, I didn’t even know that they flashed blue.”

“I have no idea what’s going on,” said the first guard who was starting to panic, “What are we supposed to do?”

“Uh, I don’t know?” said the second guard who was also starting to become panicked. “What are we supposed to do?”

“We are supposed to fix the problem.”

“And what’s the problem?”

“Every light is flashing weird colors.”

“Maybe there’s a problem with the grid?” suggested the second guard. “Can’t we just reset it?”

“Yeah, yeah we can,” said the first guard. In the center of the grids was a locked compartment. The guard unlocked it with his key. Inside the compartment there a number of various switches and a panic button.

“Which one is the switch for building C?” asked the guard.

“Shouldn’t it be the third one?” responded his companion.

The guard flipped the third switch and all the green lights on the grid for Solitary Confinement turned off.

“Screw it just flip them all,” said the other guard in frustration as he flipped each switch.

“Wow I can’t believe that worked,” said Silver Star in disbelief. She did not waste any time and sent a bolt of magic at the barred door and it blasted off. “Let’s go! We don’t have much time before all chaos breaks lose.”

“Oh shit!” screamed the first guard when the switches were flipped back. Every single light in each grid was flashing red. “Oh shit, shit, shit! What the fuck are supposed to do?”

“WE PANIC!” screamed the second guard as he pressed the panic button. The loud siren screamed throughout the prison alerting everyone prison that the prison was now on lockdown. Unfortunately the lockdown had the opposite effect since once a few magic sensitive prisoners realized that the enchantments keeping them locked in their cells was gone, it did not take long before there was a full scale riot.

“Well buddy, we are in deep shit right now,” said the guard, “been nice knowing ya.”

There was no response.

“Buddy?” said the guard as he turned around. The other guard was gone and where he was previously standing there was a puddle on floor.

Author's Note

The story is now rated Mature. Also if you are wondering when this story takes place in regards to MLP show canon, I made a blog post a while back.

After ten chapters we finally reached the end of the first day.
Next chapter: The First Night.

01. A New Quest

The Stick of Truth: The Equestrian Chronicles
Chapter One: A New Quest

The bright sun rose over the Colorado mountain range, announcing the arrival of another beautiful crisp and clean day to the small town of South Park. It was a rather small, peaceful and quiet mountain town. The humble folks lived in tightly knit community where everyone knew each other and always greeted their neighbor with a smile. Of course there were some drawbacks with living in a small remote mountain town. Waking up in the morning with a sore asshole and a few missing underpants was small price to pay to the locals. At least you didn’t have to deal with traffic.

And thus our story begins in the house of the New Kid.

His arrival to South Park had been foretold by Coldwell Banker. On his first day he was sent out by his parents to seek out new friends. He quickly made his first friend which unfortunately was Butters. Butters had led him to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep, which was also known as Cartman’s backyard. The great, awesome, and totally cool Grand Wizard King had bestowed the New Kid the name of “Douchebag”. It was the Wizard King that introduced him to their game.

When he first joined the game he had sided with the human faction. Deep within the lands of Zaron (South Park), there was an epic war fought between the human and elf factions. The relic that they fought over was the sacred Stick of Truth. Whoever controlled the Stick controls the universe…and has the ability to make up the rules of the game as they pleased.

Yet as the game progressed he found himself in the middle of the feud between the human and elf factions over control of the Stick of Truth. Yet regardless of what choices he made, the humans and Drow Elves had joined forces to in order to raid Clyde’s fortress of darkness. Through his courage and bravery, the New Kid had earned himself the noble title of “King Douchebag”.

As chaotic his first week was, the New Kid was relieved when he woke up that morning. It was relaxing to have a night free of alien visitors, underpants gnomes, crab people, and Al Gore. With a deep breath he pulled the sheets from his bed and got dressed. He went down to the kitchen where his parents were enjoying their breakfast.

“Hello son,” said Dad, “Did you hear the news? They decided not to build the biggest Taco Bell in our town after all. Such a shame, I was really hoping that they would have enchiritos.”

The New Kid said nothing as he sat at the table.

“I’ve been checking your Facebook page,” said his Mom, “You’ve made a lot new friends since we moved in town. Over a hundred since I last checked.”

Again the New Kid said nothing as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

“Son, I’ll Give $50 if you speak right now,” said his Dad.

There was still silence as the New Kid did not speak, instead he gave Dad a blank look and then started to munch on his cereal.

“I thought so,” continued Dad, “Anyways, it’s the weekend. Why don’t you outside and play outside with your friends."

The New Kid continued to silently eat his cereal and said nothing. He didn’t speak. It wasn’t that he couldn’t speak but rather chose not to speak. It was a trait that had been both an advantage and disadvantage though his adventure. The Girls thought it was hot that he played the role of the silent protagonist. Some of the Drow Elves thought he was full of shit. And the humans of Kupa Keep didn’t seem to care, especially the Grand Wizard, since he had the ability to kick ass.

“Well then enjoy your meal and then go outside to play with your friends,” said Dad at the breakfast table.

He remained at the table relishing the precious moments of peace that he had since moving into town. As much fun as he had playing with the other boys, he often found himself in situations that he rather not talk about. Well if he would even talk at all.

“That was an order,” said Dad sternly, “Go outside now! Go play with your new friends.”

The New Kid did as he was told and left the kitchen when he heard a knocking coming from his door. At the door was none other than the Grand Wizard King himself, Eric Cartman. He rushed through the door in his wizard’s hat and scarlet robe. He glanced at the New Kid with a look of distraught.

“King Douchebag, we have an emergency!” exclaimed Cartman. “It’s those goddamn Drow Elves again. Those backstabbing assholes plan to take Stick from the bottom of the pond. I should have known that Jew Elf Kyle would play dirty and want to get his greedy Jew hands on the Stick again. King Douchebag as your king I order you to retrieve the Stick from the bottom of the pond and bring back to the Humans. It’ about time that those fucking Drow Elves that should respect my fucking authoritah!”

QUEST ADDED:
“There and Back Again”
Objective: Retrieve the Stick of Truth

♕----------♕

The sun rose over the majestic mountain that great city of Canterlot was founded upon. Celestia had granted the ponies another beautiful day to the Equestria and beyond. Down below the grand city laid the small town of Ponyville. It’s a rather quiet town, with its unique charm. Everypony knew the other and if you were new to town, it was guaranteed that you would have a warm welcome party.

Rays of light from Celestia’s sun traveled through the window of town’s library. Spike grunted as the light reached his eyes. He fumbled a bit until he decided to get up for his basket to start on his chores for that day. He glanced at the bed in the room and saw it was empty, Twilight was already up. On a closer look, he noticed that the sheets were unusually neat and tidy. The soft rustling that came from downstairs confirmed his suspicions that Twilight hadn’t gone to bed at all last night.

Spike gave a deep sigh as he walked down the stairs. As smart as Twilight was, she could also be rather dense at times. If left alone, she would dive herself into an intense studying session and would remain locked indoors for days. It was more of an understatement actually; she would lose herself so much among her books until she either collapsed from either hunger or lack of sleep. Spike was glad that she had agreed never to use the Sleep-be-Gone spell after the disastrous consequences it had while she was studying back in Canterlot.

To his amusement, he was not surprised when he saw that that Twilight was buried in a pile of books. ‘Great,’ he thought to himself, ‘another mess for me to clean up.’ Twilight however was asleep alongside her piles of books her head nestled against a huge tome.

The adorable sight made Spike decide to let the princess sleep in. He went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He whistled a jaunty tune as the smell of the eggs and pancakes filled the house. The sleeping Twilight awoke to the delightful aroma of a warm breakfast.

“Wow that smells delicious,” she said as trotted into the kitchen.

“So why were you up so late last night?” asked Spike as he served her a plate of eggs and pancakes. “Last time I check there were no emergencies or an urgent assignment from the Princesses.”

“Well yes that is correct, but I found a very interesting book and decided to research more on the topic,” she responded feebly, “And well I kind of lost track of the time.”

“What was it about?”

“Well it was about ancient interstellar portals-“

“Interwhat now?” Spike asked in confusion.

“Ancient gateways that led other worlds,” Twilight clarified to the dragon. “The ancient civilizations of this world had discovered advance science and magic to build these portals. Archaeologists today have found the ruins of some of these structures; it was a truly magnificent discovery. But sadly we don’t know how these portals work.” She gave a sigh and took a deep breath. “Just think about the opportunities if we managed to unlock the secrets of the ancient civilizations but that probably seems unlikely.”

“Why’s that?” Spike inquired, he was not used to seeing Twilight pessimistic.

“Most of their knowledge was lost when Discord first ruled Equestria,” Twilight said bitterly, “I know he changed his ways (or at least is pretending), but I doubt he has any recollection of the contents of the Great Library of Unicornia. Apparently he thought it was funny to transform the library into a giant swimming pool.”

“After Discord’s first defeat,” she continued “The Princesses decided to continue on with where the ancient unicorns had left off. But with the knowledge gone, they couldn’t achieve the same results. The portal project was soon abandoned after they managed to send a brave crew of volunteers through a portal but didn’t have a way bring them back when the portal malfunctioned.” She glanced at a clock hanging at the wall, "Well as interesting as this subject is, we better hurry up or we'll miss our train."

Twilight wolfed down the remainder of her breakfast and cleaned up the stack of books scattered throughout the library. Normally she would have Spike do it but today they were on a tight schedule. Princess Celestia had suggested she should take a break once in a while to relieve the stress from her new duties as princess. After much hesitation and an incident that left half of Ponyville covered in noodles, she accepted Cadance’s invitation to spend a week at Crystal Empire alongside Spike.

After triple checking her checklist, she decided that they were properly packed and headed out to the train station. When they arrived there they saw that their friends were there to see her board the train.

“It’s only for a week Pinkie,” she said softly as she tried to comfort the sobbing party pony. “Hey, you can throw a big party when I come back.”

That seemed to cheer up Pinkie Pie. The rest of the goodbyes went by without much incident. They went aboard the train and soon the train started to move. Ponyville grew smaller in the distance as the train gained momentum. Hopefully the small town could manage while she was away…right?

♕----------♕

The New Kid left his house with the Grand Wizard. Along the way they were accompanied Paladin Butters, and Princess Kenny (who was an actual Japanese Princess thanks to a gift from the Sony Corporation). The band of humans journeyed towards Stark’s Pond, where the boys agreed to dispose the Stick because it was deemed too dangerous.

“King Douchebag,” said Cartman, “as you know, the Stick is at the bottom at the pond. I don’t care how you do it but as long as you get the Stick back it doesn’t matter. Just hurry up and retrieve it before those stupid elves find out.”

“Hey why does he have to get the stick?” asked Butters. “I mean you’re the one that threw it in the pond in the first place.”

“Shut the fuck up Butters!” shouted the irritated Wizard King. “King Douchebag broke the sacred oath; he totally farted on a man’s balls. And that was not cool brah that was not cool at all. But if King Douchebag can get the Stick back for us then I can forgive him for breaking the sacred oath. Now then Butters go with him.”

“Why?” the paladin protested.

“Because I’m the goddamn Wizard King and you will do what I say!” barked Cartman, “Now get your ass over to King Douchebag and get that goddamn Stick of Truth before those asshole Drow Elves and Kyle gets here!”

Butters marched over to the New Kid’s side. “Looks like we’re buddies again,” he said with a smile. “Oh well hopefully we won’t have to fight little babies again.”

The New Kid did not respond to paladin Butter’s attempt to make small talk as they walked along the edge of the pond. He soon caught a glimpse of the alien spaceship that had crashed into the pond. Taking a deep breath he activated the anal probe that the visitors (aliens) tried to place during his first night. The alien probe aboard the spaceship reacted and with flash of blue light, the New Kid and Butters were teleported inside the ship.

“Neato, so how did you get that in the first place?” asked Butters as he glanced out the window. When he didn’t hear an answer he continued, “You know you don’t really speak much. I’ve never actually heard you speak before. But the Wizard King says that you were a dick when you spoke to him.”

The New Kid said nothing but glanced outside the crashed ship. Butters turned around to face seem and saw that he was deeply staring at something outside the spaceship. The paladin scanned the bottom of the pond for a couple of minutes before Butters asked “Well do you see it yet?”

The New Kid pointed to something at the bottom at the pond. There where he pointed was the old ruins of some kind of castle or fortress. It would have been an impressive sight had it not fallen to such a state of disrepair. On what seemed to be a gateway was a strange stone tablet the depicted a coat of arms that consisted of two winged horses with horns. One of the horses was pale pink and white while the other was a mixture of light and dark blue. They were circling each other and between them were a sun and a moon.

“Wow that looks something that the girls would come up with,” said Butters, “Do you think that’s where their secret base is at?”

The New Kid gave Butters a look for saying something stupid and pointed again towards the small castle in the bottom. The paladin glanced where he was pointing at and there is saw it. Just a few feet away from the old decaying gate, half buried in the sand next to the stone emblem with the two horses, was the Stick of Truth.

“Oh I see it now!” exclaimed Butters. “But how are we going to get from down there?”

He turned to the New Kid and saw him put a snorkel on his head; he then tossed another one to Butters. “So we are going to swim down there?”

The New Kid nodded as he opened an exit at the bottom of the spaceship.

“Oh hamburgers…”

♕----------♕

“Are you sure about this?” Sweetie Belle asked as she looked down.

“Of course I’m sure,” said Scootaloo, “Trust me, we’ll be completely safe.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. They had agreed to try zip lining in hopes of getting their cutie marks. Apple Bloom had made a makeshift zip line course on the tallest trees in their farm. She was at the end of the course, making sure everything at her end was nice and secure.

“Apple Bloom is at the other side to catch you Sweetie Belle,” said Scootaloo. “So are you ready? Get set, GO!”

She shoved Sweetie Belle onto the course and the unicorn filly zoomed down the course. Scootaloo ignored Sweetie’s screams and she quickly gripped her pulley and leapt off platform she was on.

*SNAP!*

The rope that they were riding down snapped from the end Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo started. Scootaloo had not managed to secure it properly. Sweet Belle and Scootaloo screamed in horror as they clung to rope as it gained momentum and sped around the tree where Apple Bloom was.

Apple Bloom’s secured end of the rope served as an anchor to the spinning rope. The rope continued to violently spin like a giant sling with two crusaders serving as stones. The momentum became too intense for the fillies keep hold of the rope and were flung off.

Apple Bloom glanced up into the sky as she her friends soaring up high, screaming at the top of their lungs as they flew over the canopy of the trees… and straight into the Everfree Forest.

“Why did I even agree to this,” muttered Apple Bloom as she rushed into the dark forest in search of her friends, “I knew we should have never gone with the zip lining cutie marks.”

♕----------♕

The surface of the Stark's Pond began to bubble, at first there just a few scattered around. After a few moments the frequency increased as the smooth surface of the pond was distorted by ripples. At last tip of a snorkel penetrated the surface as the New Kid came out of the waters, tightly clutching the Stick within his hands. With a few strokes he reached the end his limits as he slowly limped towards dry ground all wet and breathing deeply.

“Good job King Douchebag,” said the Wizard King. “You have served your king well, now hand over the Stick.”

“Don’t do it New Kid!” shouted a furious and irritated voice.

They turned their heads and saw the High Jew Elf Kyle dressed in a burgundy cloak and crown of stick. He was followed by a horde of Drow Elves led by the brave warrior Stan and Jimmy the Bard. The Elves quickly surrounded the humans of Kupa Keep with their bows ready and loaded.

“What did wizard fatass tell you?” he asked the New Kid as he glared Cartman. “Did he tell you that we were planning to take the stick form the pond? He’s lying to you New Kid; you were there when we agreed to get rid of the Stick.”

“Don’t listen to his Jew lies King Douchebag,” retorted Cartman, “He’s trying to confuse you. You know that the Drow Elves cannot be trusted, they plan to you betray you once you turn your back.”

“What the hell are you talking about fatass?!” Kyle roared, “You’re the one that broke out truce and alliance by trying to retrieve the stick in the first place. New Kid, do the right thing and had the stick to the right side.”

“Fuck your stupid truce!” shouted the righteously infuriated Grand Wizard, “We only agreed to it because it was the only way we could beat up Clyde.” He then turned to the New Kid, “King Douchebag, I command you to give the Stick to me!”

“Don’t do it New Kid!” shouted the sneaky, conniving, traitorous son of the bitch from New Jersey; also known as Kyle. “Do the right thing and give me the Stick.”

Stan marched forward with an annoyed look towards Cartman, “Haven’t we already been through this before?” He glared at the Grand Wizard, “We have you humans surrounded and outnumbered. New Kid, give us the Stick.”

The New Kid remained still as he observed the boys intensely glare at each other. Cartman glanced at Princess Kenny and he nodded his head in understanding.

“Fuck you Drow Elves!” screamed Cartman. “Princess Kenny, sound off our horn.”

The Princess obeyed and blew the horn. At first there was nothing as the blast of the horn echoed. Then the ground began to vibrate. A thumping noise was heard from over a small hill. A small army of boys each of them armed with whatever equipment they could find came marching forward.

“FOR THE KKK!” they rallied in unison as they increased their speed and came face to face with the Drow Elf army.

“It seems that the tides of war have come,” said the wise Grand Wizard in a sage voice. “So be it.”

He marched forward between in front of his army and began to give his speech. “Humans of Zaron, the time has come again for us to lift up our weapons to face the dreaded Drow Elves of Larnion. Let it be known that your brave deeds shall be talked about on Facebook for days to come. Let us brave together and go out there and kick the shit out of that wicked Jew Elf and his army. We shall be strong, we shall fight fierce, we shall not give up, and we will never let the Darkness corrupt our lands for we are the brave. We are the KKK!”

The Human army roared in unison as Kyle finished his own speech to his Elf army. The two head of factions turned around to face each other. Kyle was followed by Stan and Jimmy. Cartman met them at the center of the battlefield with Princess Kenny.

The High Jew Elf turned to the New Kid who was still standing at the edge of the pond holding the Stick. “Well New Kid, whose side are you going to fight for? Do the right thing and join the Elves.”

“Don’t let him Jew your mind,” barked the Grand Wizard King, “Don’t fall for his lies. Fight for Kupa Keep brah. You don’t want to deny Christ brah do you? Why you gonna deny Christ brah?”

“Gah!” screamed Stan the Warrior as he buried his face into his hands. “I can’t believe that we are actually doing this again!”

“Yeah, this is starting to get re-re-rep-rep-repetitive…” stuttered Jimmy the Bard.

“Mmmm mmmmmm,” muttered Princess Kenny, “Mmmm mmm mmmmm.”

“Princess Kenny is right,” said Grand Wizard Cartman, “Where the hell is Butters?”

At that moment the waters of the pond began to stir and bubble. Soon another snorkel priced its surface as Butters crawled his way out the pond. He was carrying the emblem of the two winged horses with horns.

“Hey guys, I think I found out where the girls secret headquarters is at.” He said with a smile as the showed the stone emblem to the boys. The paladin walked towards the New Kid’s side, “So what’s going on?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” whispered Cartman. He then turned to Butters spoke in a louder tone, “Just get over here Butters. And throw away that stupid stone, it’s fucking gay.”

“At once your majesty,” Butters saluted and rushed towards his side. A feeling of foreboding met the air as the two factions stared at each other. At one side the Drow Elves, led by Kyle, Stan and Jimmy were making their final preparations for the upcoming battle. No farther than a few feet away were Cartman, Kenny and Butters as they led the humans forward. The New Kid remained still between the leaders of each faction. The time had arrives for their game to reach its final moments. It was time to decide who the true master of the Stick of Truth was.

“Butters throw that stone away and blow our horn,” ordered the Grand Wizard. Butters tossed away the emblem and reached for the horn at his side. Nobody noticed as the magical relic impacted the ground, a crack spread throughout its surface. A split- second later the cracks lit up brightly.

Then it happened.

A burst of rainbow sprouted from the stone emblem. Its radiant light blinded the boys as they were about to charge forward and commence the battle. A show of rainbow light filled the center of the battlefield as it began to spin around in a wild dance. The light turned into a ghostly portal with a strong gush of wind whooshing through the middle of the battlefield.

The New Kid felt himself yanked out of the ground like a flower and pulled up into the air towards the portal. He heard a scream and glanced up to saw that Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Butters, and Jimmy were also being dragged towards the portal. Soon his sight was filled with bright lights as he went through the portal. Then with a flash… they were gone.

The boys that remained wondered in confusion on what had happened to the leaders of their game.

“Dafuq just happened?” asked a confused Human.

“I don’t know,” answered an equally confused Elf, “So what do we do now?”

“How about we play cowboys?” suggested a Human.

The remaining boys agreed and left Starks Pond to start their new game of Border Patrol vs. Meheecans.

QUEST COMPLETED
“There and Back Again”
Objective: Retrieve the Stick of Truth (Complete)

Author's Note

If you are still using Butters when you go recruit the girls, you are playing too safe. And so begins my attempt to do a crossover with South Park because why he hell not? So if you are offended by the content of the story then it means that I'm doing it right.

I haven't decided on what class the New Kid is so I'll leave it open in the comment sections. So what should it be: F̶i̶g̶h̶t̶e̶r̶,̶ ̶M̶a̶g̶e̶,̶ ̶T̶h̶i̶e̶f̶,̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶J̶e̶w̶?̶
The comment section have spoken and decision made.