In The Mind of A Useless Pony
Cloud Tumble considered it for a long while. It was always an option in his mind. No one would really miss him, anyway. Who would care if some useless pony just up and left to live in another country? The only people who would take notice are the ones who would live in his former house. He had the bits to afford moving away to the Griffin Kingdom, Saddle Arabia, or even further. He has never actually made an attempt to do so and he doesn't know why. Why does something tug at the back of his mind, telling him not to at the last second? It wasn't family, they all stopped caring about him a long time ago. Was it his job? No, he was a simple Weather Pony, easily replaceable. What held him in place?
"Let me go." He says to the mysterious force as he laid on his bed. It was something in himself that kept him still. "Who needs a pegasus who can barely fly, anyway?" He asks as he gives his wings a few flaps. His wing muscles were weaker than the average pegasi, but nothing noticeable. "Come on you idiot! You've got thirty thousand bits just sitting there and you're here laying on your back doing nothing with it!" He shouts at himself.
He obviously knows why he doesn't go, but he tries his best to ignore it. His best friends, Silver Dust and Amber Light. He could always talk to Silver about anything, no matter what it was. Amber looked on the brighter side of things, and always laughed at Cloud's jokes. He never told either of them about his plans, worried they might start trying to keep him there. They eventually noticed his change in mood, though. He stopped trying to tell jokes and was far less assertive. He wasn't very assertive to begin with, though, tending to just go along with whatever the other two had planned.
"Why do you two care so much?" He says to his absent companions. "I never did anything for you, so why do so much for me?" He asks as he rolls onto his side. The bag of bits come back into his vision. The bits that will get him out of here, get him a new life. He reaches for the bag, just wanting to get it over with. "Don't touch that bag, you moron." He says to himself. His internal struggle continues until he falls asleep.
His sleep is dreamless, stressful, and painful. Every night is the same, his back pains him, his limbs stiffen, and his head aches. He suffers through it, needing the rest in order to force himself through the next day. He's thought of just laying in bed all day, doing nothing but thinking about his numerous failings and how he could best hide them. He's never actually done it, but the possibility laid within every morning.
Normally, he heads to work roughly around seven every morning, but this time he stays in bed. He just lays there, thinking to himself. He thinks of his difficulty pronouncing 'L's and 'R's, his poor eyesight and the glasses that came with it. He drifts to thoughts of his hard time to speak in public and hatred of being the center of attention. How he never joined the Royal Guard like he always wanted. How he considered leaving without telling anyone.
That last thought hurt more than he'd like. He wants to keep laying there, just thinking, but someone knocking on the front door drags hims into an unwanted reality.
"Cloud? You in there?" He hears a familiar voice say. It was Silver Dust, likely worried about his friends absence at work. He doesn't want to answer the door, let his friend think he's elsewhere. However, something makes him get up, makes him open the door.
"Hey, Silver. What brings you here?" Cloud asks. He knows why, but he felt he needed confirmation to his paranoia.
"I was just wondering why you weren't at work this morning. It's not like you to take a day off without telling anyone. Anything wrong?"
"I don't know, man. I couldn't get myself out of bed, I was too busy thinking. You know, being paranoid as usual."
Silver keeps quiet for a short time before responding. "You know, Amber says she hasn't seen you in a while. Any reason you haven't visited her?"
"I've been avoiding a lot of people these days, you and Amber included. I'm trying to make a decision. A difficult one." He doesn't want to outright tell him about the bits, but he's having a hard time keeping it quiet.
"Does this have anything to do with the Royal Guard? I've told you, Amber and I would support you all the way if you joined, you just need to take that first step."
The Royal Guard. Cloud always wanted to join, to be part of something so big and important. Every time he got close to actually going, however, the thought of failing horribly scared him away. "No, it's not the Guard, it's something else, I don't really want to talk about it."
"Are you sure? Maybe it's something that needs a second opinion."
Darn Silver Dust, always using logic at the worst possible times. "How's Amber been doing? She still chasing that cute mare at the market?" Cloud asks, hoping to distract his attentive friend. No such luck.
"Changing the topic isn't going to work. You of all ponies should know that I won't give up that easily."
"Nothing short of the Apocalypse would stop you. Fine, I'll spill, just give me a moment." Cloud walks to his bedroom, and looks at the bag of bits. 'Should I really?' Seeing no other option, he grabbed the large pouch. He returns to his friend sitting in the living room. When he puts the bag down, Silver's eyes open wide.
"Is that what I think it is?" He asks, which receives a slow nod. "Jeez, how much is it?"
"Thirty thousand. I always put some aside each week."
"What did you plan on using it for? I can't Imagine you buying something big and fancy."
He can just tell him it's for a party, or a new home, but it wouldn't work, he'd see right through it. "I was planning on moving away to some other country, haven't decided where. I wasn't going to tell anyone, especially you and Amber. Then you had to come along and make me tell you everything."
"Well, that's definitely not what I expected." Silver says, taken aback by this new revelation. "I honestly don't know what to say."
"Really? No 'Please stay'? Not even one? You're slipping, man." Cloud says with a light chuckle. "What happened to 'Super Therapist Silver Dust'?"
"I'm not joking here, Cloud. I'm scared right now. You could have just up and left at any point, leaving me and Amber behind? Would you have at least left a note or something?"
"I..." He pauses, nervous. "No, I wouldn't have. I didn't want you guys trying to follow me." He sighs, avoiding eye contact with his friend. "There's no reason for me to stay here."
"'No reason'? What about Amber or me? We need you here!" Silver says, near shouting.
"Why?! I never do anything! How can you need me if I don't do anything for you?!" Cloud yells, standing up.
"You do way more than you think! I can't come up with those jokes you tell. You're the one who convinced Amber to start talking to the mare at the market. When the Weather Team needed ponies to work an extra three hours to stop a tornado from forming, you volunteered first. You put everyone else first." Tears form in Silver's eyes as he speaks.
Cloud remains quiet for a long while, deep in thought. "I need time to think." He finally says. Silver says nothing, only nodding his head and leaving. Cloud just sits there, thinking and staring at the bag of bits. He heads to his bedroom, leaving the bits on the table.
Now he simply lays in his bed, thinking about what Silver Dust had said. He stays in his bed until Luna's night comes, when he finally gets up. He goes into the next room, and grabs the bag of bits.
Author's Note
This is just me writing something a bit different. Tell me where I messed up, and what I did good. I don't expect this to become popular, and it likely won't.
