March - 2012 (T.W.G.)

by The Writer's Group

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 3169

The Writer's Group March Group Challenge Responses!

What have we done...
The Writer's Group March Group Challenge Responses.

Premise: In five-hundred and fifty words or less, please respond (in the most amusing way possible) to one of the prompts.

Cover art by: Owlor.

Published 2012-03-30 09:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-19 12:30:54 UTC

Losing Coherence - tytyvm

Author: tytyvm

Prompt: . . .

Title: Losing Coherence

"Excuse me? Excuse! Me!? Son, do you realize what you just did!? You touched me! You. Touched. Me! Step outside. Step! Outside!"

You’re now staring down the muzzle of a very large and very angry stallion…mare…thing! “Oh Celestia what is that!?”

Now pined against a dingy, cobble stone wall, your ears and knees buckle before its hideous mask of a face.

“Wait-wait-wait!” You cry.

The creature freezes its now fully primed limb; prepared to unleash a c-c-c-combo breaking left hoof. Glaring at you with its beady, baby blue eyes, the beast snorts out an undignified, cherry-sweet puff of breath.

You spew out your first thought that comes to mind, “Okay! Okay-okay! You’re missing the game! Let me tell you who’s on first!”

Some colt in the corner of the bar yells, “Haha! What’s on second!”

His neighbor screamed in ecstasy, “I love that bit! Wooo! Hey buddy!? I don’t know’s on third! Ha-Haaaaaa!”

Your ugly assailant with the sexy, heart-shaped cutie mark deadpans.

You looking forward into the monster’s face. “Uhhh. So as I was sayin-“

“No!” It screams; smashing its hulk arm into the stone besides your head.

You would later define that moment as the one in which you defended your pride and honor. In reality, you shrieked like a banshee straight out of a Harry Trotter midnight viewing on its birthday…hanging with Justin Hoover…with pie…but less joy.

The rabid being was inches from your luscious mustache, its chiseled lips mere sparks from yours. A record hit the turn table and the musi-“What? What the buck are you writing!?”

“I am making the magics!”

“Wha-!?”

“Deal wit-it!”

They kissed with a passion so deep that the deepness became passionate and inversely more deep! The bow-chika-wow-wow level had been cranked to eleven and Luna burst through the door to proclaim that, "The yum has been doubled!"

“And that is how Equestria was made!” The bar looks at you like you’re half as crazy as you really are. The mare who had been asking about hanging out turned around and ran…trotted…scampered…let’s stick with ran…ran away. You chirp like a bird and fly away into the bitter cold, warm night. You final thought is, "And now the title makes sense."

Spike's Wastebin - StoryBirth

Spike's Wastebin - StoryBirth

Author: StoryBirth

Prompt: Bad love letter to *blank*.

Title: Spike's Wastebin

Dearest Rarity...

I love you so much Im writing this poem.
Others think I stand no chance, but I'll show em.

"No...seems like I'm trying to show off..." Spike scoffed at his first idea. Oh well, it was a first draft anyway. He threw it in the wastebin.

Your coat, it is a beautiful white
I'd really like to fly a kite.
With you...I mean...

"Ugh. Poems are harder than I thought. But anything for Rarity." He threw it in the wastebin.

I have a really big crush on you.
I like you more than a pile of

"No..." Goo wouldn't work. He threw it in the wastebin.

Your hair's a wonderful shade of purple.

"Aurple...Burple...Curple..." He threw it in the wastebin.

Your eyes remind me of saffires.

"Wait, that's not right. Twilight! How do you spell sapphires?" he called to the other room.

"With a ph, Spike!" He threw it in the wastebin.

Your eyes remind me of saphires.

"No, two "p"'s, Spike," Twilight said, reading over his shoulder during her few seconds of free time.

"Now, that's just confusing. Then it'd sound like sap fires! Dumb ink...now I have to throw it away." He threw it in the wastebin.

Your eyes remind me of sapphires
Your hair reminds me of golden wires

"Yeah... This is good. But her beautiful mane isn't gold... I can keep going with it, though."

The only difference is that your wires are purple

"...Gurple...Glurple...Hurple...Iurple..." He threw it in the wastebin.

Your bright eyes shine like your cutie mark...

"Huh...mark...mark...bark? No...tree bark isn't exactly gorgeous... Wait! I got it!"

...and your horn reminds me of Pony Stark.

I took a second for Spike to even register what he wrote. "Why... Why did I write that?" He threw it in the wastebin, along with an Iron Pony comic book. He'd been reading them too much anyway.

Roses are red
Violets are blue

"I'm sure she'd love a classic, right?"

Sugar is sweet
And so

Suddenly, the ink bottle fell on the parchment he was writing on. "Oh come on!" He placed the ink-drenched page on top of the colossal pile of crumbled parchment in his wastebin.

Rarity looked at the note that was just slipped under her door. Whoever sent it was nowhere to be seen, but perhaps she could guess based on what the note said. Her first hint was that whoever wrote this didn't rank highly in penmanship, with letters that looked almost like random squiggly lines. Regardless of bad penmanship, she could still read it.

My Dearest Rarity,

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Forget the poem!
I love you!

Sincerely,
Your secret admirer.

Rarity looked over the sloppy parchment with a smile. She then made her way up the stairs to her room and pinned it on her billboard, next to a picture of Spike.

That "Special" letter - Kriegor

Author: Kriegor

Prompt: Bad love letter to *blank*.

Title: That "Special" letter

Celestia clamly walked into her chambers after a long day of ruling her beloved nation. Shutting the doors behind her, she muttered a silent "Thank you" to her sister, who upon her return, had allowed Celestia a much needed break by taking part of the Sun Princess's chores on her own back. The addition of Luna's night court had added three extra hours to Celestia's sleep.

Something resting idly on top of one of her many luxurous, exotic pieces of furnitire caught her attention. It was an envelope, though unlike those she usually recieved, this one was not addorned with golden highlights, or a royal wax seal for that matter. And it was not one of her student's letters either.

The envelope glew with a soft golden glow as she levitated it closer to herself. Further examination revealed a crudely-drawn heart on it. For a moment, she battled with herself whether or not to open it. Of course, her curiosity was victorious.

She took the letter out of its envelope and unfolded it. The first thing she saw was a horrible drawing of what vaguely seemed to be Celestia standing next to a small pony, both encased inside a heart. By all means, it was horrible.

She giggled and began to read through its contents.

"Deer and beautyfull princes Celestia,

Today i realized that i always have loved you very very much. You hev a very prety mane, and a very pretty coat. you are the best Princess ever!!!! You are very kind wit all of us ponies and also havea really pretty smile. I want to give yu lots of wet kisses (in the mouth) all day long!!! I want too do things to you that nopony else have done before!!!!!!! you re the best thing a colt like me could have! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wit love from,

Youre secreit admirer.

PS: I live in 0872, Main avenue, Fillydelphia. Yo know... in caise you wan to go on a date withh me."

Celestia let go of her magical grip, letting the letter flutter down onto the floor. Her vision was clouded, and a quick sniff told her that it wasn't just her seeing things. The whole room was covered in a thick mist of steam, and her coat was all wet.

Oh- Oh my...

While taking a step backwards, she heard her hooves splash on something. She also felt something trickle down her hindlegs -- several trickles, in fact.

She shook her head, and slowly drifted her tounge across her lips. A nearby drawer was flung open, and out came a piece of paper and a quill. She began to write.

"Dear Secret Admirer," She froze, thinking about what she was going to do. With a shrug, she kept writting.

"I love you too, and I wish to go on a date. Expect me to arrive tomorrow -- No, tonight..."

Tic-Tac-Toe - Owlor

Author: Owlor

Prompt: What did Luna do on the moon?

Title: Tic-Tac-Toe

If you look up to the sky with a telescope, try to locate Clop-ernicus, a large crater on the left side of the moon. Now, hold the telescope still, but let your eyes follow the ridges past Mare Imbrium to the place where mare imbrium and Mare Serenitatis meet. There you would find an expectantly waiting, and rather bored Alicorn. Well, you wouldn't actually SEE her, unless you had a really good telescope, but at least now you know she's there. Right now she's sitting on a rock, looking out towards the blue and green marble in front of her.

I'm guessing you've never seen the world from space? It’s a pretty wonderful sight and it certainly is cool being able to feel like you could hold the entire word in your hoofs. It gets pretty boring after the first couple of hundred years though.

The alicorn looks down again. In front of her, there's a line... no, it's more of a trail, a thick, deep trail, shaped after decades of deliberately walking back and forth on it. This trail intersects with a number of other trails to form a large checkered pattern. If your eyesight is keen enough, you might even see it in your telescope.

She's still waiting. She's long ago lost her sense of time, minutes, years, it’s all the same. Suddenly, there's a small flash coming from the small marble world above her. Her ears twitch slightly and she forces herself back into a mindset where time exists.

1.36 seconds later, and there's a beam of light shining down to somewhere in the vast empty sea in front of her. The light is dim, barely visible even to her magically enhanced vision. She immediately rushes out, but takes great pain to follow the trails she's already laid down to the square on which the light point.

Wasting no time, she starts running around in a circle. The minutes turn into hours, and the hours turn into days, all the while she's running around. Eventually it’s done, an almost perfect circle, carved into the dust.
She sits down again, but this time for just a moment, while she's thinking. With a sudden flash, something reaches her and she runs out onto the large grid in front of her...

***

Pinkie Pie was lying in a field with a lantern beside her. She was looking up into the sky, just taking it all in, the entire vast size of the cosmos. Eventually, something catches her eye, a tiny, but noticeable difference in the structure of the moon.

The large grid on mare serenitatis had suddenly gained a new feature, a large, rather irregular "X". Pinkie Pie smiled. "Ha, sucker!" she said to herself "you fell into my trap, I got you now, moon!". She shook her lantern three times and it emitted a blinding ray of light.

She placed it on the ground, carefully angling it towards the moon and then she went to her tent to sleep. She'd return to this place eventually, maybe in a few months, maybe in a year, she didn't know yet, but eventually, victory would be hers.

She never told anyone about her game of "Tic-Tac-Toe" against the moon, '’cause she knew nopony would believe her...

The ponies you put up with... - CosmicAfro

Author: CosmicAfro

Prompt: After getting into an argument with another patron at a local bar, the pony challenges you to a fight out back. Because you’ve never been in a fight before (and don’t want this to be your first time), you come up with a more creative way to settle your dispute.

Title: The ponies you put up with...

“What did you just call me you dirty punk!?” the drunken bar-pony asked with excessive rage as he hopped off his stool. You didn’t mean to insult him, you thought your best friend was right behind you and you were teasing him. You’ve had a few yourself and his mane and coat looked slightly akin to your buddy, who was now in a booth talking up some chicks you both know he has no chance at.

“I-I didn’t mean to! I swear!” you respond, backing up towards the door, planning your escape. Your steps are wobbly, from fear and the alcohol coursing through your veins, mostly the fear. “Can’t we settle this like reasonable ponies?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice. How about my hoof in your face! You, me, outside!”

“Ha Ha!” you laugh sheepishly, pretending it was a large joke, using it as a defense mechanism. “Or, I could apologize and we can all go back to drinking and… merriment?”

He looks at you like you have rocks for your brain. Honestly, you don’t blame him.

“How about I buck your head right off your neck?”

You seriously wonder why no one’s restraining him. Then you remember this part of town is a fend for yourself after midnight thanks to the police shift schedule.

“How about a drink off?”

“No.”

“Dart contest?”

“NO!”

“Jeopardy!?”

“What!?... No! That’s it, Crackerjack! You’re going d-“

“Thumb wrestling!?”

He pauses, and holds a hoof to his chin as if seriously considering it. Maybe he’s more drunk than you thought, but he actually starts to smile at you.

“Heh-heh-heh. Alright kid, it’s a deal.”

“Ok, now it’s my turn to say what.”

“Yeah, my cousin Louie, who’s a monkey, thumb wrestles all the time. I got really good at it, so good I break hooves all the time.”

“But you don’t even own any thumbs!”

“Yeah, your point?”

Oh… crap.

~~~

Three days later you wake up in a hospital with a broken hoof and an injured back plus several scars on your face. The doctors tell you that you should have just taken the beating, they’ve never seen a thumb wrestle fight end so badly. You forgot how it happened, but you did participate.
You’ll never call another pony “Tytyvm” ever again.

Curiosity or "What's wrong with Applejack?" - overdonefictions

Curiosity or "What's wrong with Applejack?" - overdonefictions

Author: overdonefictions

Prompt: Laundry day (one of the ponies are going through pockets and the stuff they find is somehow...interesting).

Title: Curiosity or "What's wrong with Applejack?"

Laundry day for the Mane 6. Applejack hung her clothes out on the wire next to her friend Twilight's clothes. Applejack noticed something odd, though. Twilight's vest pocket had a piece of paper sticking out of it.

Applejack was not normally a nosy pony. She was, however, a curious one. She slipped up next to the clothing in question and moved her head to the pocket. She pulled out the paper in her mouth and looked at it.

Her mouth opened in shock, she dropped the slip of paper. She had found Twilight's Frequent Flier's card for the local strip club. A card that every colt in Ponyville possessed. Get five hole punches, get a free lapdance. The card already had 3 out of five hole punches in it. She couldn't understand it. Why would Twilight have such a thing?

Applejack tried to find a place to hide this. She had no pockets, so she put it under her hat. The thought of keeping a secret from her friends sickened her, but she had no choice. If she told her friends, then nopony would ever look at Twilight the same way. But she had to tell somepony. Somepony quiet...

At Fluttershy's cottage, Applejack fidgeted on the sofa. Maybe this ain't such a good idea. she thought. Fluttershy returned from the kitchen with a hot cup of chai tea. She sat next to Applejack. "Now Applejack," she said "What did you want to tell me?" Applejack removed her hat and showed her the punch card. "Ah foundt this in one oh Twilight's vests. Ah couldn't keep it a secret, an I figgered ya'll was the best pony I could tell."

Fluttershy shook her head disapprovingly. "Applejack. You should know better than to dig in other people's possessions. Besides, it isn't that strange, I have one too." Fluttershy pulled out her punch card and showed it to Applejack. She continued speaking "Why, I believe everypony in town has one. Don't you?"
"Yah-" Applejack's voice shook "yah mean even the mares?"
"Well I did say everypony."
"No. That can't be right. And no, ah don't have one."
"That's odd."
"No, what's odd is EVERYPONY including the mares owning a card to a all mare strip club. Meanin' thar's only mare strippers."
"What's wrong with that?"
"It just ain't natural."
"Applejack. Did you even stop to think that maybe, just maybe, you are the strange one?"
"Well no. Ah s'pose ya'll are right. Could Ah maybe go with ya'll just once? Ta see what it's like?"
"Of course Applejack."

Later that night, Applejack was scarred for life. She was literally the only pony in town who didn't attend this club. Now she was the only blind pony in town.

What's wrong with Applejack?

The End.

The East Border - dominiquelestrange

Author: dominiquelestrange

Prompt: Bad love letter to *blank*.

Title: The East Border

"Dear Rarity,

I know I'm probably catching you off-guard with this letter. Whenever I'm writing a letter, it's always for Twilight Sparkle. Sometimes when I need to write one, I have her help me with the wording. But I couldn't let her know about this letter. I would be humiliated for all of eternity.

So, uh, yeah. Let me get on with it.

I've always liked you. Um, well, obviously. If I didn't, we wouldn't be friends. Maybe we'd be nemeses or something. But anyway. When I say 'liked you', I mean 'like like' you. Two likes. You know what that means.

But I don't want to ruin our friendship. If you want to stay buddies, that's fine with me. (Maybe.) I just thought one day, it's worth a try, you know? Better ask now than never. But I totally understand if you don't want to go out with me. I'm a baby dragon, anyway. What kind of sensible unicorn like you dates a baby dragon?

(Oh, dear Equestria. This is not turning out how I planned.)

If you do want to go out with me, though, which I doubt you do, then meet me on the mountain on the east border of Ponyville. I'll be waiting for you there. If you aren't there by 7:00pm tonight, I'll know that you're not interested. So, um, yeah. I guess I'll see you there. Or not.

From,
-Spike"

Rarity put the letter on her night table and smiled. She picked up her bag with a sweep of her hoof and started her way to the east border.