A Delicious Marshmallow draws near! Command?
Night had fallen in the Whitetail Woods two hours earlier, and stars twinkled in the clear night sky. A bright silvery half-moon hung low overhead. A light, cool breeze rustled the leaves of the trees in the calm forest glade. In the distance, owls hooted softly, crickets chirped, and Luna crept silently through the bushes, looking for a place to pee.
In a small, silent clearing near a gently flowing stream, a modest campfire burned merrily, with four little ponies seated around it. It was the first time the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their newest member, Button Mash, had been allowed to go off on a camping trip without adult supervision, and they were having the time of their lives. They had spent half the afternoon playing with small, fuzzy woodland creatures, picking wild berries, looking for strange rocks, picking mild berries, licking funny mushrooms, farming experience points, and trying to prove that bears did in fact shit in the woods. (And at least half an hour running from an angry bear.)
Now, it was night, and they were tired. They had eaten a hearty meal of Genuine Hobo Beans, and now it was time for that time-honored campfire tradition: S'mores.
Sweetie Belle rooted around in her back. "I've got the graham crackers," she declared as she proudly held up a box of Funny Made graham crackers.
"I've got the chocolate," Scootaloo said, waving around a giant slab of chocolate wrapped in a black and silver label that said "GENERIC CHOCOLATE TYPE CANDY".
Apple Bloom rooted around in her bag for a full minute. "Oh no!" she wailed. "Ah forgot th' marshmallows!"
"Awww," Sweetie Belle whined. "You can't make S'mores without marshmallows!
"What'll we do?" Scootaloo cried. "Our memory of this camping trip will be ruined forever without S'mores!"
Button Mash rubbed his chin thoughtfully, the propeller on his beanie spinning twice as fast as usual as his brain loaded. "Don't worry girls, I've got the answer!" He stood up and trotted a short distance away, returning a minute later with a long, thin, pointy stick.
"A stick?" Apple Bloom asked. "How does that help?"
Button Mash hauled Sweetie Belle to her feet. She blinked in confusion. Button Mash lifted her tail and jammed the pointy end of the stick up her butthole. Sweetie Belle's eyes bugged out and she squeaked.
"EWWW!" Scootaloo gagged. "I did NOT need to see that!"
"Go be a pervert somewhere else!" Apple Bloom shouted, waving her hooves at Button Mash.
"Huh? Pervert? What?" Button Mash asked as he jammed the stick all the way through Sweetie Belle until the tip poked out through her mouth. With a grunt, he hefted her up, stumbling around on his hind legs. "Uhh, Apple Bloom? A little help?" he asked as he tried to lower Sweetie Belle over the fire.
"Oh, Ah get it now! That's a great idea!" Apple Bloom said cheerfully.
"Yhh ghhs? Whfh hh dhhnn?" Sweetie Belle squeaked in muffled alarm.
Apple Bloom took hold of the end of the stick poking out of Sweetie Belle's mouth. Together, she and Button Mash slowly turned Sweetie Belle over the campfire. Sweetie Belle's body became puffy, slightly sticky, and turned a toasty golden color. Getting the idea, Scootaloo got the chocolate and graham crackers ready.
"Hs rhhy hrrhs," Sweetie Belle complained.
Once Sweetie Belle was done toasting, the Crusaders carefully scooped clumps of her onto hunks of chocolate sandwiched between graham crackers.
"Oh man...this is the best!" Apple Bloom declared around a mouthful of gooey unicorn.
"Yeah, who knew Sweetie Belle was so delicious?" Scootaloo asked.
"I did!" Button Mash declared, smacking noisily. Sticky strands of pink and purple from Sweetie Belle's mane stretched between his teeth as he beamed broadly.
After they finished off all the graham crackers, all the chocolate, and everything but Sweetie Belle's back left hoof and part of her tail, the foals put out the campfire and crawled into their sleeping bags.
They woke to a bright, clear sky and a happy, shining sun. Birds were singing, adorable bunny rabbits gallivanted through the clearing, and Celestia crept silently through the bushes, looking for a place to pee. The Crusaders cleaned up their mess, packed away their camp things, and started the hike back to Ponyville, Button Mash carrying Sweetie Belle's pack since they had eaten her and she was dead.
"That was such a fun campout!" Scootaloo said. "It's too bad we had to eat Sweetie Belle."
"Yeah," Apple Bloom said. "Oh well, let's remember her fondly when we poop her back out!"
"Ewww," Button Mash said, laughing. "You're gross, Apple Bloom."
"I guess we'd better go to Rarity's place first," Scootaloo said. The others agreed, so when they got back to town, they headed for Carousel Boutique.
"Oh, good morning, children!" Rarity said brightly as they trotted into her showroom. "Did you enjoy your campout?"
"Yeah, it was awesome!" Scootaloo said.
Rarity did a quick headcount. "Where's Sweetie Belle?"
"Oh, uh...well...Apple Bloom forgot the marshmallows, so we kinda had to eat her," Button Mash said.
"Yeah, uh...sorry about that," Apple Bloom said.
Rarity laughed airily, waving a hoof. "Oh, don't worry about that," she said. "Sweetie Belle has plenty of extra lives!" She led the Crusaders into her kitchen and opened the pantry.
Inside the pantry, Sweetie Belle respawned with a bright flash of swirling light. As soon as her respawn animation finished, she blinked and looked around at her friends. "You guys ATE me."
"Hey Sweetie Belle," Button Mash said. "Welcome back. Um, sorry about eating you. But you were really delicious!"
"I can't believe you guys just ATE me!" Sweetie Belle whined, stomping a hoof.
"Yeah, thanks for being cool about the whole us eating you thing," Scootaloo said.
"I'm not cool about it! You ATE ME!"
"Well, I've got absurdly large hats to make," Rarity said. "You children have fun!" She trotted out of the kitchen.
"So, anypony else hungry?" Scootaloo asked.
Apple Bloom rooted around in Rarity's pantry and came out with a Princess-sized box of Rice Kracklies. "Hey, Ah got an idea!" She waved the box around. "Who wants Rice Kracklies Squares?"
Apple Bloom, Button Mash, and Scootaloo all looked at Sweetie Belle, eager, hungry gleams in their eyes.
Sweetie Belle's ears wilted. "You guys SUCK," she whined.
Outside the kitchen window, Princess Cadance peed on Rarity's roses.
