Chapters Chapter one!!!
Warning; In case you completely disregarded the warning in the description, here it is again. This was the product of utter boredom, and is intended to be on the darker side of funny. If you have any sense of moral code, more than 12.78% of a soul, or empathy in any way shape or sort, don't read. You have been warned. Contains unhealthy amounts of nonsensical, offensive, and adult "things." Read at your own risk.
Yeah, I'm breaking the fourth wall, wanna fight about it?
So you're gonna read it anyway, huh? Hey, your funeral.
Okay, let's get on with this train wreck.
It was a bright, sunny day in Equestria blah blah blah [insert overdone fanfic intro here]. Pinkie was trotting through Ponyville on her way to see Twilight. She'd discovered this strange thing in the Everfree forest, and wanted to let Twilight know. She approached the Library, and knocked on the door. Twilight poked her head out, mane in a mess.
"Gah, what the hell do you want Pinkie? I'm kinda busy." Pinkie Pie cocked her head in wonder about her friend's frazzled look. "Twilight," she began. "Have you been doing the nasty?" Twilight blinked several times. "Pinkie, you have three seconds before I close the door."
"Okay, okay okay," blurted the pink party pony. "I found this strange thing in the Everfree forest! It's called the Internet! " Twilight blinked lazily. "The fuck is an internet?"
Twilight groaned. "God dammit Pinkie, it's like seven in the morning... I'll be out in a couple minutes." A male voice echoed a question from upstairs, not quite understandable to the pink pony outside. "Hah!" retorted Pinkie. "I knew you were doing the nasty!" Twilight groaned once again. "Like I said, I'll be out in a minute."
Twilight opened the door back up after about ten minutes, and was greeted by Pinkie Pie. "All right," she grumbled. "Let's see what you got your ass dragged into this time." With that, they departed, on the way to the Everfree forest. "Soooooo, what's up?" inquired the hyperactive and undermedicated pink party pony.
"Guh... Pinkie, I had a hell of a night, and your questions aren't helping much. Let's just go find out what is so important, so I can go back home." Pinkie's face contorted in thought. "Ok!!" she blurted out.
Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw Applejack approach. "Oh hey, AJ," she said. "Hey Twi! You haven't seen that good for nothin' brother a' mine have ya? Lazy som'bitch was supposed to slop the pigs!"
Pinkie; Why don't we ask these people!
Twilight; Pinkie! Stop talking to the audience!
Pinkie; But whyyyy?
Twilight; Dammit Pinkie, you're breaking the fourth wall! Get back in your quotation marks!
Pinkie; Okay....
"There, is that better?" asked Pinkie, irritated at her current constrain of quotation marks. "Yes," responded the lavender unicorn, annoyed at Pinkie for her careless break in character. Regardless, Pinkie continued to protest. "But every time I say something, the author's all like '...replied the pink party pony.' Triple alliteration? Is that really necessary??"
"Pinkie," responded Twilight. "Don't question the author! He could scrub you like that!" Pinkie's face contorted in challenge. "Ha! I'd like to see him try! I bet he lives with his grandma or something! I bet he's a clopper! I bet he gets his sick kicks from-"
She was cut short by the impact of an anvil soaring from the sky smashing into her skull, shattering her spine, and driving the rest of her into the ground with a nasty splat. "God dammit, Pinkie! What did I tell you!?" hollered Twilight. She let out a sigh. "Well, she held the only knowledge to continue this godforsaken plot line... so now what?"
Applejack shrugged. "Wanna go to the Everfree forest?" Twilight sighed. "Eh why not." With that, the two trotted down the dirt road leading to the Everfree forest, and before long, reached the entrance to it. It's long vines and dark trees were, for the most part, the reason ponies feared it.
"Hey Twilight?" asked Applejack. "Why is it that everypony is terrified of the Everfree forest, but we explore it on a regular basis? I mean really! Half of the time it seems dangerous, and half of the time it's just as safe as the rest of the world! I mean, for God's sake, a pony, well zebra to be accurate, lives in there! It's just a big break in continuity is all I'm saying."
Twilight blinked several times. "Applejack, get back into character." Applejack let out a sigh. "Fine. Gee, sure is a sight, this place. Ah bet all sorts a' creepy crawlies are lookin' forward to snackin' on us. " Twilight perked back up. "That's better!"
Twilight and Applejack ventured inside. "So what exactly are we doing here?" asked Applejack. "Hell if I know," responded Twilight. "It was your idea." Applejack looked around. There was little about this place to judge your location. If you've seen one Everfree tree, you've seen them all.
Applejack spotted a faint glow in the distance. "Hey Twi. What's that?" Twilight looked in the direction AJ was gazing in, and began to approach the dim blue light. "I unno," she responded plainly. "let's check it out!"
She trotted up the where the glow came from, and twisted her face in confusion. It was a table holding up some sort of display hooked up to a rectangular piece of some sort of machinery that hummed quietly. A small sticky note was placed on top of the display. The Internet.
"Huh," Twilight said plainly. "So this is what Pinkie was telling us about." She poked at the display seeing if anything would change. Only a small distortion responded to her poke. "Well it's not a portal," thought Twilight out loud. She poked at the keyboard, but again nothing happened.
It wasn't until she prodded a small circular button with a slash through it that the machine hummed quickly, and much louder than before. Twilight let out a yelp and fell back, terrified of the strange device left in the forest. Before long several messages popped up before presenting Twilight with a screen of rolling green hills and an open sky.
"Well that's weird," thought Twilight. "A location on the screen that isn't a portal?" Applejack was shifting nervously behind her. "Uh, are you sure it's safe to be out her at this time of night? Seems a little risky." Twilight turned around and addressed her friend. "Nah," she said. "As long as we keep the plot diverted from the fact that we are, in fact, in the Everfree, nothing will attack us. That's how the Everfree Forest works! Otherwise, all of the other TV plot lines that took place in here wouldn't work. Think about season two, episode six where Applebloom has to visit Zecora. A plot like that would be interrupted by all sorts of animal attacks if the Everfree worked in a logical sense."
AJ blinked several times. "Wut?" she asked. Twilight responded immediately. "Dammit AJ, don't misspell things! You know how fast the readers will jump on that?" Applejack stared at her in a face full of emptiness, obviously not grasping the situation. "Uh... 'Kay."
Twilight groaned, and went back to the strange device. She poked the mouse, and noted a small movement of an arrow on the screen. Huh , she thought. I wonder if this thing can select things too. With that, she clicked with the small left section of the mouse on an icon labeled 'internet explorer.'
Images raced across the screen. "The fuck is a Yahoo? And why are all these nasty hairless monkeys on this thing?" She clicked on a tab marked '4chan.' "Hmm..." she said, observing the various images and posts flashing on the screen. "Okay... Okay... Okay... Wait, what's /b/? Well one way to find out!"
With that, she clicked on the link. About 4.567 seconds passed before the first post displayed on the screen. "Holy fuck! What is that!? Oh god, no! No no no no no!!!"
Applejack jumped at the sudden outburst. "Twilight? Just what was all that about?" She received no answer as the lavender unicorn bolted past her towards the exit of the Everfree forest. "Twilight! Wait up!" She panted heavily. She was an athletic pony, but even that couldn't help her keep up with Twilight. "What was it?!"
"No!!!" Twilight called back. "Never again! NEVER AGAIN!"
"Twilight? Twilight you in here?" called out Applejack in the doorway of Twilight's library. The shades were closed, and no light filtered in, despite the daylight outside. She creeped in, a chill running down her back. "Twi, if you're playing a prank on me, it ain't funny." Applejack found herself at the bottom of the large, circular staircase carved into the tree itself. Her hoofsteps echoed around inside the library as she made her way step by step into Twilight's room.
"Twi? You in here?" she asked out timidly. Her eyes scanned the room, searching for a hint of her friend. Through the darkness, she spotted a small lavender lump shaking furiously in the corner of Twilight's room. "Twi? Is that you?" Applejack called out once more. She approached the small form, and indeed, it was Twilight Sparkle.
"Hey, Sugarcube," she began. "You allright?" Twilight shuddered in response. Applejack placed a hoof on her shoulder, quieting the unicorn's shaking some. "What happened out there in the Everfree, Twi?" she inquired, desperate for answers. Twilight choked out a few sentences between sobs. "I went to a place that they called... 4chan. I saw button that led to a place called /b/... and I clicked on it!" Sobs rocked the unicorn.
Applejack still couldn't understand what had happened. What was a 4chan? And what did 'clicking on something' mean? "Twilight," she began. "I don't understand. What was that thing anyway? What did it do to you?" Twilight held her weeping for a brief moment, and choked out a response. "It... It was furry Friday!"
More inconsolable weeping took over the unicorn. Applejack had never seen her this way. Whatever that thing was, it was bad, and it had to be removed! She shuddered at the thought of returning to the Everfree, however, despite the explanation about the whole "Keep the plot diverted from the Everfree" speech that Twilight had given her.
She needed help; powerful help. She needed Princess Celestia.
__________________________________________
A loud knocking interrupted Princess Celestia's careful handwriting. "Hello?" she called out. "Who is it?" An orange head poked through her chamber doors, a certain uneasiness was about her. "Oh uh, hello Princess," Applejack began. "I need your help. Something bad has happened, real bad. Twilight found this thing in the Everfree forest. Whatever it was, it spooked her pretty bad."
Princess Celestia's face contorted in both confusion and thought. "What was it?" she asked plainly. "I think it was called an... internet or something like that," Applejack responded. Princess Celestia gasped quietly. The internet. She thought she vanquished that foe long ago.
"Princess?" began Applejack. "What's wrong?" Celestia let out a sigh, and then began. "The internet is the makings of Discord. It's essentially an invisible web that connects these devices called computers all across Equestria. That thing you found in the Everfree must have been a computer, one of the last surviving devices. At first, when the internet first came about, it was brilliant. Anypony could post something funny, or scary, or intriguing, or whatever! It connected ponies like never before!"
The Princess' stature lowered. "But then it all turned down a dark path. Ponies started abusing the newfound power they had. They began purposefully angering and agitating other ponies purely for the sake of amusement! We began calling these troublemakers trolls.
"Before long, nearly all ponies who ad access to a computer began to troll. Even I found myself seduced by the sheer hilarity of seeing another pony freak out on the other side of a conversation. Ponies even took to calling me Trollestia. "
The Princess shuddered, remembering the acts she had committed. "It was then," she began. "That I decided to end this plague on Equestria once and for all!"
"What did you do?" asked Applejack, intrigued by Celestia's story.
"I trolled the internet into Oblivion," replied Celestia, shame still evident in her voice.
"Is that what you have to do now?"
The Princess nodded in agreement. "I'm afraid so."
Applejack's face once again contorted in thought. "Well what about Twilight? She's still mortified from what happened."
Celestia sighed. "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do. What's done is done. She just has to cope with it herself."
"So now what?" asked AJ, eager to find out the next step in their plan to banish this evil from Equestria once and for all.
"I'm going to need some Mountain Dew," replied Princess Celestia. "If I'm going to have to do this again, I'm going in prepared. In the mean time, try and live life as normal. The worst possible thing you can do is let this whole situation get to you. The trolls feed off of your misery. Anyway, I'll be here, preparing. This is going to get interesting."
Diabeetus and Rainbow Pop-Tarts
Applejack trotted through Ponyville town square, a certain uneasiness seeping into her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a pink splotch. Must be seeing things, she thought to herself. It wasn't until a familiar voice called out to her, that she realized she wasn't mistaken. "Oh hi Applejack!" it called out. Applejack whipped to the direction of the voice. "Wha- Pinkie? Is that you? Weren't you crushed by a falling anvil?"
"Yeah, but I guess the author decided to put me back in. Funny how things happen isn't it"
"Uh, yeah, funny." Applejack trailed off as she witnessed Pinkie pull out a small pin and prick just above her hoof just before injecting a yellowish liquid into her from a bulky pen-like apparatus.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?" she inquired nervously.
"I'm taking my insulin, just like I do everyday," responded Pinkie, surprised that Applejack didn't know that about her. "You didn't know that I'm diabetic?"
"Uh, no. You never told us," said Applejack, still in disbelief.
"Really Applejack? Twenty some years of continuous and habitual ingestion of complete and utter garbage, and you honestly didn't expect any adverse health effects? You're truly surprised that eating nothing but pastries and candies has led to diabetes?"
"Uh... Well now that you put it that way..."
"Even the audience could guess that at this point!"
"Pinkie? Didn't Twilight say something about breakin' the fourth wall?"
"Fuck the fourth wall! I died like an hour ago! Who cares about the damn fourth wall!?"
"Jee, Pinkie, calm down."
"Calm down? I just died! I have diabetes, and apparently nopony cares enough to know about it! Shit!" She paused, frustration slowly subsiding. "Sorry about that AJ, forgot to take my bipolar medicine this morning."
Applejack twisted her face in confusion once more. "You're bipolar?"
"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
_______________________________
Princess Celestia perked up. She heard the scream. "Oh no," she whispered. This was how it started. It was that familiar combination of seven F's, twelve U's, and all caps. "It's starting."
The internet was starting to manifest itself in Equestria. Pinkie's outburst was a warning signal. If action wasn't taken soon, ponies would be unable to spell words correctly, and cats would appear from nowhere in the hundreds! Celestia shuddered at the thought.
She gazed outside her tower window, observing the horizon. Her ears twitched as a repetitive, but catchy song become just audible to equine ears. It was so familiar. Where had she heard it before? Her thoughts were interrupted by a rainbow streak across the sky.
"Hmm, a little early for Rainbow Dash to be out," she thought aloud. "It's not even eleven yet." Her eyes widened as she realized that it was not, in fact, Rainbow Dash. Upon closer inspection, the shape was... pixelated? It was then she realized that the song seemed to be somehow resinating from the rainbow spouting creature.
The shape was mostly a pink block with grey at its front, and a rainbow flying from its backside. She gasped out loud, and almost fell back as she remembered exactly where the song was from.
Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan...
With that, the shape was gone, the catchy tune along with it. Her face filled with dread. The first internet invasion had taken over quickly, but not this quickly. This is going to be one hell of a fight.
Twilight's library was dark. Only minuscule tendrils of light streaked through closed blinds. Dust hung in the air, sinking ever so slowly before being picked up by an updraft once more. Candle light flickered, casting long shadows across the wooden floor.
A lavender form sat in the center of the room, eyes fixated on a single book, moving left to right over and over in a repeating pattern all too familiar to the pony. Loud knocking interrupted her reading, and jarred her thoughts. "Who is it?" she called out.
A familiar voice answered. "Tweedle-Dee, and Tweedle-Let-Us-The-Hell-In!"
"Calm down Pinkie! Jeez, you really should take your bipolar medication!" replied another familiar voice, this time with an unmistakable southern drawl. Twilight rose to her hooves, and trudged to the door. "What do you want?" she asked, head barely poking out from the doorway.
"We're here to tell ya that there's a way to fix all this mess!" replied Applejack. "Celestia found a way!" Twilight perked up a small amount. "She did?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah. She says she has to... "troll the internet back into oblivion?" Twilight's eyes widened. "Get in," she said plainly.
Applejack and Pinkie Pie strained to see inside Twilight's dark home. "Sorry about the outburst, AJ," Pinkie apologized, popping two small, white pills in her mouth, and then swallowing. "Gimme ten minutes, and I'll be fine." AJ's gaze shifted back from Pinkie to Twilight.
"So what does that mean, 'troll the internet back into Oblivion?'" Applejack asked curiously.
"I assume the Princess has already explained the concept of trolling to you?" Twilight inquired.
Applejack nodded.
"Well good for you. I had to learn the hard way. Anyway, if she really has the raw natural talent, then it may be possible to defeat the internet once and for all. But if she's going to do it, she needs halp."
"I'm sorry, sugarcube, did you say 'halp?'"
Twilight flinched. "Oh no. It's already begun. OK listen. Applejack, you and Pinkie need to do me a favor. Go to Sugarcube corner, and get me as much Mountain Dew; Code Red as possible."
Applejack's face contorted in confusion. "But, what in the hay is goin' on?" she asked.
"Celestia can't do it on her own. We all need to help. Now, GTFO!!! And don't come back until you have the Mountain Dew!"
With that, she butted them out the door. Leaving Applejack to supply them with Mountain Dew. Pinkie Pie, however, simply laid on the ground in a puddle of her own saliva, her medication finally kicking in.
"Uh, Pinkie? You ok?"
Pinkie Pie's ear twitched in response, just before she sprung up from the ground, eye to eye with Applejack.
"Oh, hi Applejack! What are we doing, getting Mountain Dew? That sounds like so much fun! I can't wait to get back, and bring them to Twilight! Oh, I never knew she liked soda, isn't that strange? I thought I knew eeevery thing about eeeevery pony!"
Applejack shook her head incredulously. "You worry me, darlin."
A loud knock on her door jarred Twilight from her concentrated state. "Who is it? What do you want?"
Applejack's voice responded. "We got your freaky-deaky red drink! But there's something you may want to see."
Twilight walked to the door, and swung it open. "Get in. Now."
Applejack and Pinkie didn't object, and trotted inside, Twilight slamming the large wooden door of the library behind them. Applejack set down a palate of Mountain Dew, and took a seat, Pinkie joining her. She stared at them intently, scanning them for something.
"You weren't stopped by anything were you?" she asked them.
"Uh, no Sugarcube. Why do ya ask?" AJ responded.
Twilight looked away. "Don't touch, talk to, communicate with, or interact with anything abnormal. The internet feeds off of that... Anyway, what did you want to show me?"
Applejack motioned for Twilight to follow, ascending the stairs, leaving Pinkie Pie in a near comatose state. "Check it out," she said, pointing a hoof out Twilight's bedroom window. Twilight peered outside, scanning the landscape for anything abnormal. As she did, a slender black shape became visible, dancing in Ponyville town square.
Twilight slammed the curtains shut. "Dear Celestia!! You didn't communicate with it, did you!? Did you even look at it for more than a second or two!?"
Applejack shook her head lamely, still finding the gravity of the situation hard to grasp. Before she could ask Twilight what that thing was, Twilight bolted past her, and stared over the banister just outside her room, staring at Pinkie Pie. "Pinkie," she began. "Are you down there?"
Pinkie didn't respond. Instead, she stared ahead, her face not visible to Twilight.
"Pinkie?"
Pinkie turned, revealing a face that was no longer her own, but contorted into sickly black lines, forming a wicked smile.
Twilight's heart skipped a beat as she slammed the door shut.
WHAM!!!
Applejack spun around from Twilight's window to face her. "What?! What is it? What's going on?" Twilight shot her a glare. "I thought you said you didn't communicate with it!!"
"I didn't, Twi!"
"But did Pinkie?"
Applejack's eyes lowered. Twilight sensed this and approached her. "Did she?" she repeated. Applejack's honesty shone through once more, forcing out the truth.
"Ok," she began. "On the way here... she argued with it- but only for a second, before I dragged her away!"
Twilight groaned in frustration. "Even arguing with the trolls for a measly second can be enough!!" Applejack's face contorted in confusion. "Wait," she began. "I thought you and the Princess were doing the trolling."
"Trolls have already found their way here," Twilight responded. "And they got Pinkie. The only thing left to do is meet up with the Princess, and hope we can stop it in time."
An eery tune came from the center of the library, and creeped into Twilight's room.
Nananananana, ohohohoh. Trolololololol.
"Come on," said Twilight. "We have to leave now."
"But it's so catchy!" replied Applejack, becoming transfixed in the tune's simple, yet addicting sound.
"Now!"
With that, the room filled with a white flash, and the two were gone.
A bright flash in the center of her large bedroom startled Celestia. She looked to its source, and immediately noticed two figures.
"Applejack, Twilight, I'm glad you're here. Things have gotten worse."
"We know, Princess," replied Twilight. "The trolls got Pinkie." Applejack's gaze lowered, and Princess Celestia's eyes widened.
"Then it is even worse than I feared. The internet has now full entered our world. The time to act is now," Princess Celestia explained. "Twilight, I trust you've already experienced trolling, so I have no doubt that you will be able to pick it up quickly. Applejack, watch closely, and try to follow our lead."
With that, three computer terminals formed in the center of the room. Celestia did not hesitate, and immediately sat down at one of them. Twilight followed, and soon after, Applejack joined in. Celestia and Twilight both opened up Firefox, and within minutes created accounts for YouTube, Reddit, Tumblr, 9gag, Twitter, and even the dreaded 4chan. Within another three minutes, both the Princess and Twilight had created accounts for WoW and Team Fortress 2, and even Counter-Strike. Applejack, on the other hand, was stuck in the registration process of YouTube.
"Twilight, go help Applejack with her accounts, I'll take control in the meantime." Twilight agreed, and hopped up from her monitor to walk over to help AJ.
"Ok, there. You're all set up with your accounts," she said after a few minutes of rushed typing.
"Uh, why is mah username bitch_cake_8939? " Applejack inquired.
"Don't worry about that. Just watch what the Princess and I do, and try to copy it."
By this time, Celestia had already downloaded six different hacked clients for Counter-Strike, five for Team Fortress, and had even managed to hack into the WoW servers, allowing her to attack and kill players on sight. The trolling has officially started.
"Princess, how's the progress?" asked Twilight.
"Good, my student. I'll focus my efforts on making these n00bz ragequit. You troll all the forums you can. Don't stop until all profiles have been abandoned from total ragequit."
"On it."
From Celestia's headset, explosions, and raging voices could be heard.
"No, you're a homo. No, you're gay. Well you sound like a five year old. Headshot. Headshot. Headshot. What are you gonna do? Headshot. Yeah, I'm hacking, what are you gonna do? Go ahead, call the admins, I'll hack them too. Headshot. U mad? Yeah, dude, you're mad." Celestia's normally regal and flowing voice had dulled into a far less civilized one. A thin, wide grin had formed on her face.
"Celestia, how many n00bz have you made ragequit?" Twilight called over.
"Hmm, looks to be about forty. How many accounts have you gotten shut down?"
"By my numbers, at least twenty. Although, I've begun to resort to directly hacking their accounts, and changing their info, deleting friends and contacts, posting embarrassing photos and statuses, so on and so forth."
"Good, my student you are learning well. Applejack? How many people have you trolled?"
"Um, well... None. But I did meet this nice fella from Boston, wherever that is," replied the orange mare.
"Dammit, AJ! We're supposed to troll the users, not befriend them! Tell him he's ugly, and that he probably lives with his mom," scolded Twilight.
"But, he's been so nice."
"Now!"
"Applejack, don't use rage faces! You're only going to give it strength!" scolded the unicorn once more.
"OK, OK, jeez. I can't do any of this right, so I'll just go keep watch over at that window," replied Applejack, pointing to a window on the far wall.
"Ok. Tell us if there's any immediate danger."
Applejack gave a small salute, and took her position at the window.
"Uh, Twilight, things are gettin' weird out there."
"We know, Applejack. The internet is a weird thing. That is why we must destroy it once and for all."
The constant clicking and clacking of keys went on for hours into the night. Beads of sweat dripped from both Twilight and the Princess. They'd each both trolled well over a few thousand users, and had already put a dent in the number left. The only problem was that whatever was already here would only disappear after the internet had been completely trolled into Oblivion.
"Applejack! Report!" ordered the Princess.
"Uh, well, there are cats everywhere, there's some guy down in Canterlot singing a song that has no words, this weird mouth thing keeps firing its laser, there are cats made of pastries flying around poopin' rainbows, and Rick Astley has officially made a comeback."
"Twilight, we must troll faster," began Celestia. "This is going to require much more than run of the mill Mountain Dew. We need Mountain Dew; Pitch Black."
Applejack's eyes widened. "But, Princess, Pitch Black is nothing but caffeine, water, and sugar! It's caused more diabetes than Paula Dean's cooking!"
"It's the only way we can get the energy needed to troll at the rate we need."
"It's pure sugary diabetes-inducing intensity would drive even the burliest of ponies completely loopy! The only pony to survive was Derpy, and she got a severe case of the Derps!"
"It's the only way," replied Celestia plainly.
With that, two bottles of Mountain Dew; Pitch Black synthesized on the desks which held up Celestia's and Twilight's monitors. Without hesitation, both uncapped and downed their drink, increasing the rate of their typing. The rate of trolling increased dramatically with the caffeine sending them both into hyper focus. Twilight had trolled another, and then another, and then three more, ten more, fifty more, three hundred more.
Applejack could only watch in amazement as the two performed a feat only ever dreamed of by trolls everywhere. They were trolling the entire internet. Not a single internet user was safe. Grandmothers and Yahoo Answers were victims, as well as twelve year olds on Facebook, and God help those who found themselves on Twitter.
After a time, however, the Internet began to fight back. One can only pester a giant so far until it retaliates. From outside the castle's windows, the Nyan cat song could easily be heard, and even Rick Astley began to filter in through the glass. The castle shook as a blast from a rather powerful LAZAR ripped a large hole in the Eastern Wing.
"Uh, Celestia? Exactly how long is this going to take?" asked Applejack nervously.
"At this rate, less than twenty minutes," responded the regal pony.
WTF
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
The very foundation of the structure shook, and plaster dust rained from the ceiling as the castle shifted, and resettled.
"What in Equestria was that?!" asked Applejack, clearly shaken at what had just happened.
"The internet is starting to use its most powerful weapons," answered Twilight. "This is going to get rough."
Twilight was right. Over the course of the next ten or so minutes, several more LAZARS and WTF bombs shook the land. Now, bricks fell from the ceiling, and windows were shattered. AJ desperately tried to cover them up with wood planks before who-knows-what crawls through them. Applejack peered through a small open space between to planks.
"Uh, Twi? Why is there a human out there with long blonde hair, and really homoerotic purple spandex pants?"
Twilight's eyes widened. "Is there music with it?"
"Um, I think so. The words don't make any sense, and the singing is really high pitched, but It's so catchy, I can't stop listening to it."
"Applejack, get away from the window! 'HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA' is one of the worst, but most addicting songs on the internet!"
Applejack didn't move, but kept her eyes fixated out the window.
"Applejack, you have to get away from the window! We only need another minute!"
"Twi, the homoerotic super hero is gone, but there are about three warlocks, a mage, and two knights outside ready to charge."
"Applejack, get away from the window!!!"
It was too late. By the time that Twilight had uttered the last word, a single warlock had smashed through the window, sending Applejack flying.
LEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYY JEEEEEEENKIIIIIIINSSSSSSSS
"Celestia! How long until the process is completed!?" Twilight asked, Leeroy now turning his attention to her.
"I have one left, but he's harder than I thought! He's been able to stop all my hacks, and I've been unable to think of a witty comeback whenever he backtrolls me!"
"Can you hack into the site, and give yourself admin privileges?" Twilight asked, Leeroy Jenkins now closing in on her.
"I suppose, why?"
Twilight managed to dodge his blind charge giving her a moment of time. "Use the Banhammer!!!"
With a rapid succession of keystrokes, the Banhammer was seconds from use. Leeroy was now less than ten feet and closing. Twilight curled up, expecting the worst.
Twilight looked up. Leeroy was gone, and Applejack was awakening over by the far wall where she'd landed. Twilight looked around. All was fixed. Any evidence that the internet was ever even in Equestria was now gone.
The computers that sat on the desks displayed;
Firefox Could Not Open Page
At last, peace was restored to Equestria once more.
Author's Note
I put minimal effort into this fanfic, and would like to make it clear that this in no way reflects my serious works as a fanfiction writer. I started this off as a joke, and since people overall seemed to like it, I added more and more, making sure to include hefty amounts of internet memes and references. This is intended for everyone to get a good laugh, and take a step away from the more serious fanfics. Once again, please do not think less of me as a writer simply because of the silliness and crudeness of this fanfiction. Thank you for reading.
-Hodd
