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        My Little Squirrel: Friendship is Explosive        
                   -by Kelvin Shadewing-                   
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                    Copy Pasta Western                     
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Copy Pasta Western
My Little Squirrel - Friendship is Explosive
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit work of fan fiction. My Little Pony © Hasbro. Midi Waffle & Kyrodian Legends © myself (Nick Kovacs).
NOTICE: This is not a self insert. The Midi in this story is from my game; he is not me. I'm doing this as a character exercise. Thank you.
Chapter 1: "Copy Pasta Western"
The sun beamed down hard on the Appleloosian desert, heating the sand to the point where it felt like it would become glass at any moment. Small patches of grass and shrubs soaked up what little moisture they could in the searing heat, weathering the dry climate in their usual fashion. A vulture circled overhead, searching for any creature, be they pony or beast, that happened to venture too far into the wild and become the bird's next meal.
Nearby, in the town of Appleloosa, the roof of the Salt Block exploded, sending burnt chunks of wood flying in all directions. The front door burst open as a burly earth stallion trampled the water trough on his way out, followed by a brown, bipedal squirrel standing four feet tall with blue eyes and a light tan muzzle. On his head, he wore a floppy green beret, the kind that didn't have a stem, and his clothing consisted of a red jacket, light gray undershirt and baggy blue jeans that were rolled up at the hem.
The orange stallion with the traditional black mane, bullet cutie mark and villainous mustache hardly looked the part with the expression of absolute terror stuck on his face. He looked back to gage the distance between him and his non-equine pursuer.
The squirrel held his hand up and collected energy into it, forming an acorn which ignited on the stem. He threw it forward, and it exploded on contact with the ground just a few feet from the earth pony.
Bullet Bill was an outlaw, soon to be a former outlaw if he didn't escape the mad bomber behind him. He was known as the fastest draw in the west, and could make any projectile, be it a toy slingshot to a dinner plate, into a lethal weapon, and his skill with a rifle or crossbow was unmatched. But he never expected he'd be faced with somepony so bent on wanton destruction. The crazy rodent didn't even give him the time of day before making the whole room they were in explode into a million itty bitty pieces.
The squirrel, Midi Waffle by name, 16 years of age, continued to rain fiery wrath upon his target. Midi was an independent bounty hunter, and though his methods were crude, he always got his pony. This was mostly due to his stubbornness and inability to know when to quit. After three weeks of tracking down Bullet Bill, he finally had him in his clutches, only for things to go sour in the end when some idiot who couldn't keep his mouth shut spilled the beans. It was a miracle he'd gotten this close, and another opportunity like this was not going to present itself, now that Bill knew who he was.
Bill turned a corner and skidded to a halt, not noticing he'd just run himself into a dead end until it was too late. He turned to face his opponent who was standing right behind him, blocking the exit. The outlaw was faced with two options: fight and face a fiery death, or fight and kill the little bucker.
Midi smirked and fired another bomb. Bill grabbed the bomb right out of the air with his hoof, swung it around, and lobbed it back at the destructive squirrel. The bomb collided with its conjurer and exploded on contact.
Bill grinned at his handiwork and watched the dust settle. He expected to see the smoldering corpse of the would-be former bounty hunter, but instead, saw Midi still standing there.
The hunter had another bomb in his grasp, this time holding it in both hands over his head. His hands began to glow, and the acorn started growing in size.
"Are you mad?!" the outlaw shouted, "You'll take out the whole town!"
Midi grinned psychotically. "I know! Isn't it great?" His eye twitched as the bomb grew even larger, now bigger than his head.
Bullet Bill wet himself. "I-I surrender!" he cried, "I'll come quietly! Please! Just don't blow me up!"
Midi pouted and diffused the bomb, which caused it to disappear in a small puff of smoke and light. "Aw, you ruined my fun." He took out a pair of hoof cuffs and put them around Bullet Bill's forelegs. Then he led him back into the street where Sheriff Silver Star was waiting for them.
"Well, you got 'im," Silver Star said.
Midi smiled. "Yup. Now, about my bounty?"
"Ah, yes," replied Silver, and threw Midi a bag of bits.
The bounty hunter eagerly grabbed up the money bag and felt its weight. He tilted his head quizzically and looked inside. "Only two hundred? I thought the bounty was a thousand?"
"Well there would have been more, but we had to deduct some to cover damages."
"What damages?!" Midi asked incredulously.
Silver Star pointed at the burning roof of the Salt Block.
"Oh." Midi chuckled sheepishly. "Well, it wouldn't have happened if that wall wasn't in the way."
The sheriff scowled and took his prisoner. "Be thankful we even paid you that much." He turned away and hauled Bullet Bill off to the jail.
Midi sighed and walked the walk of shame back to the inn. He sat at the mini bar and signaled the bar tender. "Yo, barkeep. Pineapple fizzler." He put a few bits on the bar and slid them forward.
At the sight of full payment, the bar tender promptly filled a large glass with the drink and slid it down the bar towards his customer. Midi would have caught it, but a burly, dark red stallion snatched it off the bar and swung himself around so he was sitting with his back against the bar. The large earth pony leaned back and quaffed the drink in one swift motion.
"Hey!" Midi snapped, "That was my drink!"
The pony polished off the glass and set it down. "Weak kiddy drink, too."
Midi swiveled on his stool to glower at the thief. "You owe me, bud."
"Don't get your fluffy duster in a knot," the stallion said with a bored expression, barely even looking at Midi, "it ain't worth it."
The squirrel did not relent, and immediately got into the earth pony's face. "Look here, you over-sized apple muncher! I had a hard day today. I spent over a week chasing down Bullet Bill through a big freaking desert and then getting stiffed on the bill, and all I want is my stupid drink, and you come along and steal it! I am so not in a good mood right now, so either you buy me a drink or I'll turn you into a slag heap!"
The pony rested his elbow on the counter. "You fit over a week into a day, huh?"
Midi didn't miss a beat. "Yes! Yes, I did!"
"You got a big mouth on you, friend," the pony said darkly, "but I'm glad I ran into ya. See, I've been after Bullet Bill, too, and you done come up and grabbed him right in front of me."
Midi crossed his arms and splayed his ears back. "Hmph, so you're sour cuz I did the job better? Tough rocks, dude. You don't come up and steal from me over it."
"You dishonored me by showing me up," the stallion said, "and now I'm out a thousand bits, and you expect me to pay for your dumb drink?"
"And you think I've never lost a mark to someone else before?" Midi scoffed. "Dude, it happens. That's the game. You lost. Grow up and get over it!" He stood up and turned around. "You can have my dumb drink. I'm not thirsty anymore."
Before he could leave, though, the pony grabbed his shoulder.
"Hold up there, partner," he said, "I don't think you get what I'm saying. This ain't about money. You dishonored me, and now I want to settle this."
Midi glanced back at the aggressive equine. "What's your name?"
The pony grinned. "Feel like knowing who's about to tan your hide?"
"No," he said boredly, "I'm just tired of referring to you as 'the pony,' that's all."
The pony looked confused. "Whatever. The name's Cinder Block."
Midi's eyes and cheeks bulged for half a second before he sputtered and burst into uproarious laughter. "C-Cinder Block?! That is the dumbest name I have ever heard!"
He continued on cackling until a pair of hooves to the gut sent him flying out the window. Almost as soon as he stopped skidding, he flipped back up to his feet, using his tail to hold his balance. Cinder Block was out only a couple seconds later, snorting like a bull.
"That does it, squirrel!" he bellowed, "First you steal my mark, then you insult my name! Where do you get off doing that?!"
"Sheesh, this guy's clearly never played a first person shooter," Midi said to no one in particular as he dusted himself off.
"Here and now!" Cinder called out, "Death, duel to we'll a have!"
Midi stared and blinked. "Uhh... what?"
Cinder Block shook his head. "We'll have a duel to the death here and now!"
"Ummmm..." Midi took a pensive pose. "Nah. Not here. Too cliche. I say we find a more interesting setting. Like on an airship, maybe?"
"NO!" Cinder roared, "HERE AND NOW!" He scuffed his hoof on the plank walkway and charged forward.
Midi put his hands behind his back and smiled coyly. "Well, alright, if I must." Just before Cinder could trample over him, he used his tail to spring himself into the air over his opponent. "Honestly, I don't see why we're fighting anyway. Usually, when I fight people, they become cinders, and you're already one."
Cinder turned and pounced at Midi, who simply slid underneath him.
"Uh, don't fights usually have more hitting in them?" Midi tipped backwards like a bowling pin and righted himself up off to the side to dodge a swing of Cinder's forehoof. "I mean, I'm no expert, but," he leaned around and walked backwards to avoid a rapid chain of punches, "this looks more like a figurative dance than a fight."
"SHUT! UP! AND! FIGHT!" Cinder huffed and accented each word with another near-miss attack.
"Ooh, dance fight? OK!" Midi flipped upside down onto his head and spun around, rapidly slapping Cinder's face with his feet and tail. Once the barrage was over, he jumped back and held himself up on his tail. "Hey, not so close! You'll get hurt!"
Cinder rubbed his sore cheek. "Blasted squirrel!"
"Good idea!" Midi spawned an acorn under his feet and stood on it. "Let's have a blast together! Bomb voyage!"
The stallion gasped and hit the dirt in time to avoid being fried by the following explosion. Once the rocks and dirt stopped falling, he looked up to see Midi flying off through the sky. "Hey! Come back, you coward!"
But it was too late; he'd never catch up with him now.
Lowering his head, Cinder tipped his hat forward, giving himself a more menacing demeanor. "Third strike, rodent. Best watch your back."
Midi landed squarely on the train platform, grateful for not landing on anyone's head; he'd been in enough trouble for one day. He went up to the ticket stand, still trembling a bit with adrenaline, and addressed the ticket mare, who had her face buried in a book.
"One ticket to Whocaresville, please," he said nonchalantly.
"Child or adult?" the mare asked.
Midi ground his teeth. "Nothing in between?"
"No, ma'am."
The squirrel's jaw dropped. "Ma--ma'am?! I'm a sir, lady!"
The mare looked up without any expression. "My apologies, sir. Child ticket, I assume?"
Midi sighed and facepalmed. "Yeah, sure, fine, just gimme the ticket."
"Very well, sir, that'll be ten bits. If I may, are you accompanied by an adult?"
Midi crossed his arms and tilted his head away with his eyes closed. "That information is classified to strangers." He put the ten bits down and took his ticket.
"Have a nice trip, sir."
Brushing his spiky bangs out of his face, Midi turned and boarded the train. He wasn't joking when he said "Whocaresville"; he really hadn't decided on a destination. This world was still strange to him, having only recently arrived by way of a freak warp zone accident, and anywhere that had work was good enough for him. Besides, it felt good getting out of this backwater-sans-water town.
Taking a room in the sleeper car, Midi picked a bunk, stowed his beret in the curl of his tail, then hopped into bed. It didn't matter where this train took him; without any leads for getting back home, anywhere was as good as nowhere.

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                       Race to Filly                       
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Race to Filly
Chapter 2: Race to Filly
The first town Midi came to was another old western town called Dodge. Midi looked out the window and frowned.
"Pass."
He crossed his arms on the window sill, resting his head on them as he glared out the window at the passing scenery. A few minutes passed by that felt like hours to the bounty hunter. He glanced over at a psychedelic mushroom growing on the window sill, then stared at it for so long, his vision began to zoom in on it as his pupils shrank down.
The mushroom shuddered, then tilted its cap up at the squirrel. "'Ay! What'chu lookin' at, squ?"
Midi raised an eyebrow. "I dunno, what am I looking at?"
"Don' play wit' me, boy!" The mushroom hopped in place and bristled up. "I'm from the Broncs! I will mess you up, squ!"
"Uh-huh." Midi pressed his finger to his thumb and went to flick the mushroom.
"'Ay-'ay-'ay! Don'chu be doin' what I think youz do--AAAAHHHHhhhh!"
Midi watched the tiny fungus go flying out the window towards the back of the train. He groaned and flopped back on the ground, moving his legs in and out in a snow angel motion. "Shoulda switched lines at Dodge..."
The door slid open, and a brown gryphon with purple-tipped feather bangs on her white head poked in. "Hey? Anyone in here?"
Midi tilted his head back at the newcomer. "Oh, hi. Yeah, it's just me in here. Come on in." He got up and sat on the bench so the gryphon could enter.
The gryphon entered and took a seat, eyeing Midi curiously. "You're the weirdest looking diamond dog I've ever seen. Heheh, you almost look like a squirrel, dude."
Midi crossed his arms and smirked. "Heh, actually I am a squirrel, but you were close."
The gryphon grinned back. "Nice. I like squirrels, especially with ketchup."
Midi's smirk melted into a sinister glower. "I'm curious, what do fur and feathers smell like when they're burning at the same time?"
The gryphon laughed and shook her head. "Man, I like you already. Name's Gilda."
Midi put his hands behind his head and rested a leg on his knee. "Midi, AKA the Bomber King. Pleased to meetcha."
The thing Midi noticed about gryphons when he came to Equestria was how they all looked the same with minor color variations. Other than that, they were all the lion/eagle type, and lacked ears, unlike the gryphons of Kyroda, with long, pointy ears and a variety of bird/cat breeds. With race often being a sensitive subject, Midi kept this observation to himself.
"'Bomber King'?" Gilda asked, her interest caught, "So you like the Unibomber or something?"
Midi raised an eyebrow. "Who's the Unibomber?"
"A unicorn who used bombs to blow up buildings," Gilda retold, "He used his magic to summon bombs from a secret stockpile. Even used it to break out of prison several times before they finally cut his horn off..." Gilda chuckled and clicked her beak. "Not to mention another part of him."
The squirrel humphed and turned his head to the side. "Sounds like a real jerk. And summoning bombs? Hah! I make my own on the spot." He held his hand at eye level and conjured an acorn bomb. "Here, check it."
Gilda jumped back. "Whoa, dude! Are you crazy? Put that out!"
"Too late," Midi said, his smirk returning, "ThreetwooneBOOM!"
Giilda gasped and covered her face with her forelegs and wings. The acorn detonated, but instead of fire, the entire compartment was dusted with light, frosty snow.
The gryphon jumped at the chilling sensation and started brushing the snow off herself. "Aw, man, what the heck?"
Midi burst out laughing and pointed at Gilda. "Wow, you should have seen your face!"
Gilda scowled. "So, you can make snow bombs too, huh?"
Midi nodded. "Yup. Fire, ice and lightning are the easiest kinds, but I can do others, too. They tend to be messier, though."
"Can ya do stink bombs?" Gilda asked with enthusiasm.
Midi tapped his chin. "Hmm, I've never tried those. Maybe I could..." His gaze wandered out the window. "We're passing an outpost!" He jumped to his feet and went barreling out the compartment door.
Gilda did a double take. "What? Hey, wait!" She looked out the door at the squirrel bolting down the train hall. She groaned. "Jeeze, just like a squirrel." She considered finding a nice new room without a fine layer of snow, but talking bomber squirrels didn't come around every day. Giving into curiousity, she went after Midi. "If he turns out to be a waste of time, I'm eating 'im."
She made it to the end of the car in time to see the squirrel's tail disappear through the roof hatch. She poked her head up and saw Midi preparing to jump off the train. "You aren't really thinking of jumping, are you?"
Midi looked back at her. "I gotta check for bounties. This place doesn't have internet."
"You're crazy!" Gilda shouted over the wind, "We're going seventy miles an hour!"
Midi shrugged and went back to waiting on the edge. There was a building with the Equestrian flag flying on the roof coming up. The squirrel licked his lip and grinned, then jumped at the last second and performed a perfect somersaulting dismount right into the outpost wall.
Gilda, meanwhile, had climbed up and used her wings as a drag chute to stop herself and flutter towards their destination. She oohed at Midi when he slammed into the wall and watched him slide down onto the ground. "Man, that's gotta hurt." She came to a landing. "Well, I just watched some guy commit suicide, and now I gotta fly the rest of the way to Fillydelphia. Nice."
"I'm not dead," Midi said into the dirt.
"Oh, goody! Now I get to kill you myself," Gilda snarked as she walked towards him.
Midi picked himself up and dusted himself off. "Bah, I've been through worse, you included." He grinned at the gryphon and waved at her to follow him. "You coming or what?"
Gilda scowled. "Hey, don't treat me like some tag-along!"
Midi folded his arms. "Nobody asked you to follow me, so that does make you a tag-along."
Gilda opened her beak to protest, then closed it and looked off to the side at the ground. She followed Midi inside, grumbling to herself.
The squirrel strutted up to the desk of a unicorn officer and braced his arm so he could lean on it, looking the stallion in the eye. "Sup, mah main pony," he said with macho gusto, "Got any good leads for me?"
The officer raised an eyebrow. "And you are?"
Midi examined the claws on his free hand. "Midi Waffle, the Bomber King, recently captured Bullet Bill." He shifted his eyes towards the unicorn. "And in case that didn't tip you off, I'm the main character here, so you gotta give me a quest."
The unicorn sighed. Great, another nutcase. Just what I need. "What kind of quest?"
Midi shrugged. "You know, outlaws, monsters, although I haven't dug up a lost treasure in a while."
"Do we look like a museum?" the officer asked gruffly.
"So that's a no on the treasure?"
"Yeah, that's a no."
Midi sighed and hung his head, propping himself on both arms. "OK, fine, who's the most dangerous outlaw. Come on, gimme a name."
The officer sized Midi up. "Did you really take down Bullet Bill?"
"Yes," Midi said somewhat forcefully, "You can even ask Sheriff Silver Star in Appleloosa." He stood up and raised his chin proudly. "It was a fight that town will never forget."
"Hm," the officer nodded, "Alright then..." He began sifting through wanted papers. "Jack the Tripper, the Pale Mare, Miller the Killer,,,"
"Ooh!" Midi began to wag his tail. "Gimme Miller! Gimme gimme gimme!"
"Oops, nope, sorry," the officer put that file away, "That case was closed a week ago."
"Aww, shoot." Midi pounded the air in front of himself. "Well, what about that Jack guy?"
"Jack the Tripper," the officer read aloud, "Suspect last seen in Fillydelphia. Known for tripping ponies on the street in places where they are prone to injury, then robs them while they're down. General hospital's been filling up with broken noses. Bounty is four hundred bits."
"Hm." Midi tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Definitely not as good as Bullet Bill, buuuuut I'll take it."
"Alright." The stallion stamped the form with the word 'SANCTIONED', the stamp bearing the insignia of the Equestrian royal police department, then hoofed the paper to Midi. "Just have the local police sign this when you make the arrest, then go to he mayor for payment."
Midi took the form and gave the officer a cocky thanks. As he walked out, he waved the folder at Gilda. "We got us a mark!"
Gilda was sitting in the lobby with her arms crossed. "Whadaya mean 'we'?"
Midi pouted at her. "Aww, you mean you don't wanna be my partner in crime fighting? I'll split the bounty with ya."
The gryphon raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously?"
"Well, that's unless you've got something more important to do." Midi's grin turned into a quizzical look. "What were you gonna do in Fillydelphia, anyway?"
Gilda hesitated for a second, and her eyes briefly flicked to her left. "Uh, lookin' for somepony."
"Somepony?" Midi asked.
"What about it?" Gilda scowled.
Midi put his arms behind his head in a relaxed pose. "Oh, nothing. Just... somepony? Not some gryphon? Or some dragon?"
"Somepony," Gilda growled.
"Do I sense hostility~?" Midi teased.
"Just drop it!" Gilda snapped.
Midi's smug grin dropped immediately, and he turned his head straight forward, keeping his arms where they were.
After a moment, Gilda glanced at her squirrely companion and noticed something was missing. "Hey, where's that folder, anyway?"
"In my tail."
Gilda reached into his tail fluff and found nothing. "It's gone now."
"Is it?" Midi said with a clear smirk in his voice.
The gryphon snorted. "Fine, be that way. Just don't blame me if you lose it."
"Speaking of losing it..." Midi pointed straight ahead. "We're here!"
Gilda looked at the bilboard beside the rail Midi was pointing at that read 'WELCOME TO FILLYDELPHIA!' She raised an eyebrow. "What does that have to do with--"
"Race you there! READYSETGO!" Midi bolted forward, kicking up dust as he ran.
Gilda's eye twitched. She didn't know what irritated her more, that this squirrel reminded her of 'somepony', or that she was actually about to lose a race. She crouched down and lunged forward, closing the gap between her and her bipedal opponent.
Midi laughed and held his arms up as he jumped and grabbed onto the top of a large boulder directly in his path. He tumbled over it, kicked off the other side, and used that to increase his speed.
Gilda caught up and shot him an impressed grin. "Nice move. Try an' top this!" She spread her wings and used them to boost her jump into a tree, then tucked her legs and wings in and shot between the limbs like a missile, then spread her wings at the first instant and glided back into race formation.
The two were neck and neck, but Gilda was holding back; she had to if someone with two legs was going to keep up, and she wanted it to feel more sporting. Midi noticed this and called her out.
"Hey, featherhead!" he shouted, "I'd rather lose fair than win because you felt sorry for me. Now nut up and show me what'chu got!"
Gilda chuckled. "You asked for it!" She broke into a full run and used her wings to boost herself forward, still staying on the ground. She left Midi in the dirt and laughed. Her laughter was cut short by a loud BOOM! and a gust of hot air pushed her forward.
Midi shot forward past her with his arms held behind him. He spawned a pair of bombs in his hands and used the blast to go faster, soon taking the lead.
"What the heck is that?" Gilda screeched as the squirrel passed her by.
"I said don't hold back, didn't I?" Midi laughed and kept running.
They were coming into rough terrain. Rather than go for the bridge the train was taking, Midi leapt from rock to rock, occasionally flipping and using his tail as a spring. Gilda followed close behind, electing to skim and graze the sides of the rocks while pulling herself forward. The two came out at the same instant into the plain for the final stretch.
The city limit was only meters away now. Midi was starting to feel his stamina draining away now that the adrenaline was wearing thin. He huffed and pushed himself, but he was falling behind all the same. He watched Gilda take the lead and sprinted to close the distance, determined to cut his loss.
Right before she crossed the line, Gilda tripped and tumbled forward, skidding to a stop with her beak just inches from the finish. Midi crossed it and skidded to a halt, the jumped in the air and did a fist pump.
"Eeeeyess!" he cheered, "In yo face! I knew I could take ya!"
Gilda got to her feet and dusted her chest feathers off. "Yeah, yeah. I woulda had ya if not for that dumb stone in the way."
"Maybe," said Midi, "But, all's fair in love and war, eh featherhead?" He playfully punched her on the shoulder.
Gilda loosened up and shared in the comradery. "Hah, yeah. Don't you worry, fuzzball, I'll get you next time."
Midi scowled and spoke in a deep, scratchy voice. "Next time, Gilda! Next time!" He laughed and started walking down the street, crossing his arms behind his head again.
The gryphon's grin went down a bit as she watched Midi walk away. She looked back at the patch of smooth, featureless ground where she tripped. Why did I let him win? She shook the thought away and followed the squirrel. Stupid fuzzball.
As she caught up, Gilda's stomach began to growl. "Hey, dude. All that runnin's got me starved."
"Yeah, me too," Midi replied, "Know any good places around here?"
"There's the Chineighse place down near the stadium," Gilda said, pointing down a road, "Speaking of which, the Wonderbolts are gonna be doing a show there tomorrow. What's say you an' me catch the action, huh?"
"Who are the Wonderbolts?" Midi asked with his eyebrow raised.
Gilda's eyes widened. "You've never heard of them?"
"Duh!" Midi retorted, "I've only been in Equestria for a couple weeks, and I spent most of that time traveling and fighting."
"Right, right," Gilda said with a nod, "Anyway, they're Equestria's top stunt flying team. They also do emergency work, too, sometimes." She looked up as a few pegasi passed overhead. "Word has it, they recently recruited a new member. Normally no big deal, but it is when they come recommended by Princess Sparklebutt."
Midi snickered. "I take it you don't like the princess, huh?"
Gilda shrugged. "What can I say? Our first and only encounter didn't go so smoothly."
"Ahh..." Midi rubbed his chin, then suddenly and dramatically pointed his finger right against her beak. "AHA! I figured it out!"
Gilda gulped and lurched back. "Figured what out?"
"The 'somepony'!" Midi exclaimed, then paused.
Gilda blinked. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!" the squirrel stated triumphantly, "You want... You want..." He held up the suspense. "You want to get an autograph from the new Wonderbolt!"
The gryphon took a second to process, then feigned a laugh. "Hah-haaa, yeah! You got me! That's exactly it!"
Midi fistpumped. "Hah! Knew I'd get it!"
Gilda shook her head and kept walking.
"You must be a die hard Wonderbolt fan, huh?"
Gilda shrugged. "Eh, not die hard, but pretty into them. Although, they've never had a gryphon join."
"Eesh, sounds racy," Midi shook his head. "You'd think anyone with wings could join, you know?"
"I don't think it's about race, dude," said Gilda, "Not many gryphons wanna join a pony flight team."
Midi stopped and his ears perked. "Uhh, Gilda."
Gilda facepalmed. "Yes, heard it the moment I said it."
Midi fought back a laugh, but it started to slip until both he and Gilda burst out laughing.
The two eventually came to the Chineighs restraunt, 'Taste Tea Chineighs Fude', and were led to a table for two. The waiter came shortly after with their drinks, took their orders, and then left them. Midi started sipping from his straw, and Gilda propped her arm on the table.
"So," Gilda started, "where are you from, anyway?"
Midi tilted his eyes up at her. "I didn't tell you?" He resumed sipping.
"Nope," said Gilda, "We kinda never got there because you had to go and play train death jumper."
Midi giggled. "Well, it's a long story, so I'll give you the short version: I am an alien from another world."
Gilda's eyes bulged. "Are you serious?"
Midi burst out laughing. "Nah, I'm just kidding."
"Oh." Gilda took a sip of her drink.
"That's the short, short version."
The gryphon did a spit take, spraying soda all over a nearby patron. She didn't care; the just stared at Midi with her beak hanging. "What's the short version?"

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                       Into the Fire                       
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Into the Fire
Chapter 3: Into the Fire
At the summit of Mt. Hotato, three figures stood at the rim of the volcano's crater, looking down into it. In the middle was Midi, to his right, a gray raccoon with green eyes, a blue hoodie and tan cargo pants. His name was Trey, and he stood about a foot taller than Midi. To Midi's left, standing two and a half feet taller was Rift, an android wearing black and gray armor with red stripes on his boots and gauntlets ,and red pauldrons. On his helmet was a red mask visor that completely took up his face, and on the sides were a pair of long white ear-like appendages.
Midi took a deep breath of the sulfur-smelling air and sighed. "I'll never get tired of this smell."
"You wouldn't," said Trey, crossing his arms over his chest, "Rift? Any sign of the target?"
The android took only a second to scan the area below. "Thermal readings increasing. One large mass detected inside the magma, the source of the heat increase. He is there."
Trey nodded. "Let's get this over with. I hate these elementals."
Midi held his fist up in a determined pose. "If we don't stop this guy, then those potato farms will be destroyed, and I won't get anymore potato bread! Let's do this!" Without another word, Midi leapt into the abyss.
"MIDI!" Trey shouted, holding his hand towards the falling squirrel. He promptly brought said hand to his face and sighed. "Why doesn't he ever think before he acts?"
He and Rift leapt in after him and landed just behind him. Midi was crouched down and had his hand back to tell them to remain silent. Below the ledge they were standing on, veins of orange light began to show up in the layer of flat volcanic rock, soon becoming yellow as the rest of the rock lit up and became molten lava. The lava bubbled and churned as a bulge appeared in the middle from which a firy serpentine creature with a round, flaming head emerged. The creature thrashed and screeched, puking up thick globs of lava from its mouth.
"Plasma elemental located," Rift stated.
"Duly noted," Trey replied, "How long before he causes an eruption?"
"Ten minutes, thirteen seconds," Rift said, "And he's a she."
Midi stood up and rezzed an ice bomb in each hand. "Right. I'll handle the magma. You guys get her core."
With that, they sprang into action. Midi darted to the side and began pummeling the elemental with ice bombs, causing parts of its body to cool and fall off into the magma below. The creature screeched in anger and fired molten rocks at Midi which Rift blasted out of the air with precisely-aimed laser bolts. Trey conjured a quartet of dark matter shuriken and flung them at the creature. The shuriken arced through the air and centered in on the elemental's head, striking it in the eyes and mouth. As it screeched again, Midi threw a bomb in its mouth, blasting its face off and exposing a glowing core crystal where the brain would have been.
Rift charged forward and began slashing at the core with his beam katara until the head regenerated. As they repeated the process, the creature's tactics and behaviour became more ferocious and unpredictable.
It was at this point that Rift's sensors picked up a spatial anomally. "Warning! Spatial tear detected at magma precipace. Continued volcanic activity will agitate the tear and result in a warp zone."
"You mean this volcano's gonna erupt in two places at once?!" Trey shouted as he dodged a plume of fire.
"Affirmative," Rift confirmed.
"Why don't we ever get a freaking break?" Midi asked as he threw another bomb to freeze the elemental's arm before it could reach his team mates. They were doing well, having dealt with creatures like this before, but it was still wearing them down, and the volcano was threatening to go off at any moment. Midi wiped sweat off his brow and regrouped with his friends. "This was so much easier when we had Shacklebolt here and we weren't about to die in an eruption!"
Trey quickly analyzed the situation and made a new plan. "Alright, Midi, you work on slowing down the magma flow. That'll also cut down the elemental's power supply. I'll work on pulling out the core for Rift to attack."
"Got it," said Midi.
"Acknowledged," said Rift.
Midi ran off and started throwing ice bombs at all the brightest parts of the magma. This caught the attention of the elemental, but before it could attack, a whip of dark matter pierced into its head and yanked it back.
"COME ON!" Trey shouted as he reigned the beast back, giving it all he had to pull the core out. It was exposed enough that Rift managed to get a few shots in before the creature stopped resisting and instead threw itself back towards Trey. He was forced to release it and jump out of the way, shifting into a black whisp to avoid getting burned.
Beneath them, the warp zone began to dialate from the combined energy of the magma, the elemental, and Midi's bombs detonating nearby. It opened fully as the magma started to rise towards it.
Midi saw this and took a vantage point, then began charging all his energy into a single bomb. It was now or never; Trey and Rift had the elemental on the ropes, and Midi was about to freeze all the magma at once.
Before he could release the stored energy, the elemental made one last-ditch effort to eliminate the intruders to its domain, and fired a volley of heated rocks all around itself. One hit the ledge Midi was on and broke it under his feet. Midi cried out as he plummeted towards the lava pool.
"MIDI!" Trey screamed and tried to go after his friend, but one of the rocks struck him and forced him to resolidify, taking away his dark speed. Rift flew after Midi, but the elemental's arm pinned him to the wall and started melting his shields.
The android couldn't move, and his shields were being drained rapidly by he intense heat; he was left with only one choice. His torso opened up, and all his energy was diverted to his chest cannon. The beam tore through the firy arm and blasted the core right out of the elemental's head, crashing it into the opposite wall. The power drain took its toll, and Rift automatically shut down to recover from using the breaker beam.
Trey got up and scrambled to the ledge in time to see the falling squirrel disappear into the warp zone. "MIDIIIIIII!!!!"
Midi felt his body electrify and stretch in all directions at once as the warp zone took him to the other side of space and back, then depositted him at its exit point. He grunted on impact, then leapt into the air as a red-hot pebble landed on his butt. "OW! Hot! Hot! Hot!"
He brushed the pebble off and gasped as lava started to spill out from mid air right in front of him.  He jumped back and discharged the stored magic he charged, creating a freezing blast that turned the stone into black volcanic ash. The ice magic flowed through the warp zone as well and froze the magma on the other side, effectively plugging the portal shut.
Finally, the squirrel sat down and took a deep breath, letting it out in an extremely relieved sigh. He looked around, wondering where the warp had taken him, but none of his surroundings looked familiar. He took his LINC out of his tail and opened the com line.
"Trey? Rift?... Hello? Anyone?" He paused, then recieved no answer. "This is Midi Waffle, Cloud Chasers Delta lance. If anyone is getting this, please answer me. I'm at..." He looked at the LINC's radar, which indicated it was still scanning for the lay of the land. "Aw, screw it, I have no idea where the heck I am. Look, if anyone gets this, just send me a message or a signal or... or something!"
He sighed and closed his LINC, then stowed it back in his tail. After that, he took a breath, looked at the pillar of frozen volcanic ash, then picked a random direction and started walking.
"And that's how I got to Equestria," he said, holding up his glass, "True story."
Gilda was dumbstruck. When she finally pulled herself out of her stupor, she shook her head and blinked rapidly and stammered. "Wh-whuh? Really? That's..." She frowned. "I don't believe you."
"Okelley-dokelley," Midi replied, "Then explain this." He pulled out a small plastic object colored a dull gunmetal grey that was shaped like a PSP with a clamshell folding design. On the outer casing was an extruded print that read 'L.I.N.C.'
Gilda mouthed the word 'whoa' as she examined the alien device. "What is it?"
"It's a pocket computer," Midi explained, "Standard issue for Cloud Chasers. That's the mercenary guild I'm in. Delta lance was the name of my team."
The gryphon turned the LINC around and read the inscription. "What's this stand for?"
"Lateral Intelligence Nano Computer," Midi said, "Basically, really small but really smart. It can do all kinds of stuff." He took it from her, opened it up, and logged in. "See, here's the radio, it can even pick up Equestria's radio, too. Here's the radar, the map, star charts, scanner, database... pretty much everything you need." He closed it and put it away. "Of course, I also got a lot of video games on mine."
"Video games?" Gilda asked.
"Oh, that's right, your computers only print paper." Midi took the last bite of his dinner and pushed his plate away, then took out some bits to pay for his part of the meal. "Say, any idea where we're gonna stay tonight?"
Gilda shrugged. "I'unno. Find a place that's cheap and sleep, I guess." She pointed a claw at Midi. "But you and I are not sharing a bed, got it?"
Midi waved her off casually. "Wouldn't dream of it. You seem like a rough sleeper, anyway."
The gryphon raised an eyebrow. "What's that s'posed to mean?"
"Oh, nothing," said Midi as he got up to leave, "Nothing at all."
Gilda hid a blush; she didn't like the way he smirked at her, yet all the same, it drove her nuts in a way she didn't expect. He's so much like her, except a guy... This is gonna be awkward...
Midi and Gilda left the restraunt and walked down the street together, making idle chatter. They came around a bend, and Midi held his arm out to stop Gilda.
"Shh," he shushed with his finger over his lips.
"What?" Gilda whispered.
Midi pointed at the stairs going down in front of them next to an incline in the street. It took Gilda a moment to remember that they were also looking for Jack the Tripper. Midi took a cautious step down, then put both feet on the same stair before taking the next step. Each one felt like an eternity to Gilda as she watched him slowly descend the stairs, until when he reached the bottom, they both saw that nothing had happened to interrupt the squirrel's progress down.
Gilda huffed and started down. "You might be an alien, but you're still a doo-OOF!" She tumbled forward as a light green glow wrapped around her hindleg and tugged it backwards in mid step.
Midi jumped forward and caught her before she could crack her head open on the sidewalk. "Gilda!" He helped her back up. "You OK, featherhead?"
Gilda shoved Midi off her. "Get off, I'm fine!" She stood up straight and tried to save face, but Midi didn't care either way.
He spun around and saw somepony go around a corner, and pointed. "That way! Come on!" He bolted off after the figure.
"Hey wait!" Gilda watched him run off and scowled. "That kid is unbelievable!" She chased after him.
They both came around the corner, and Midi pounced on the first pony he saw.
"Help!" the mare screamed, "Mugger! Bandit! Larcenist!"
"Give it up!" Midi shouted, "I know you're Jack the Tripper! You can't fool me!"
Gilda grabbed Midi by the shoulders and pulled him up. "Dude, get off of her!"
The mare stood up, revealing her butter-yellow coat and powder-blue mane, and turned about her assailant. "How dare you! Accusing me of being a criminal! The nerve!" She threw her mane back, revealing her horn.
"Oh yeah?" Midi countered, "Well if you're not the Tripper, then show me a magic spell and prove it!"
"Gladly." The mare levitated an aluminum can that was laying on the ground and threw it in Midi's face.
"Ouch," said the squirrel as the can bounced off his snout.
"Satisfied?"
Midi held his nose and scowled. The aura that threw the can at him was the same blue as her mane, so he couldn't press the issue any further. "Yes and no." He folded his arms and pouted as she walked away.
Gilda scowled at him. "Dude, what was that all about?"
"I saw a green light around your leg when you tripped," Midi said, "But her magic had a blue light, so it's not her. Unless unicorns can change their magic color. Can they?"
"Do I look like someone who knows a lot about magic to you?" Gilda snapped.
Midi stared at her blankly. "Uhh..."
"Nevermind," said Gilda, and pushed past him, "Let's just find someplace to sleep. I'm beat."
The squirrel raised an eyebrow as she passed. "Sheesh, someone's grouchy all of a sudden."
"Oh yeah, cuz I was so totally the one that just pounced some random pony," Gilda shot back.
Midi grinned slyly. "Sounds like someone needs her nappy-byes!"
"I just said--ugh!"
"You just said 'ugh'?" Midi giggled into his palm.
Gilda covered her face with her talon. "What am I gonna do with him?"
Eventually, the duo came to a hotel named the Silver Moon. The two of them went inside and approached the front desk.
"Two singles," Gilda said, holding up two fingers.
"Two singles, what?" Midi asked condescendingly.
Gilda glared at him out of the corner of her eye. "Two singles or the squirrel gets it."
Midi immediately looked away from her and donned the face of innocence.
The desk pony chuckled lightly. "I'm sorry, my friends, but with the Wonderbolts show tomorrow, I'm all out of single rooms for the out-of-town spectators. I do have a few double rooms, but they are expensive. One hundred and fifty bits each."
"One hundred and fifty bits?!" Gilda screeched, "That's highway robbery!"
"We'll split the double," Midi cut in, pushing Gilda aside, then fishing out 75 bits from his tail.
Gilda was about to protest when she saw Midi take out the bits. "Uh, yeah, what he said." She reached into the coin purse under her wing and took out her half of the bill.
The pony nodded and took the bits. "Very happy to be of service." He hoofed them the key to their room. "Room two thirteen on your left. Enjoy your stay."
"Yeah, whatever," Gilda said lowly.
The pair found their room on the second floor and went inside, then simultaneously gasped at what they saw. Directly in front of them was a single queen-size bed.
Gilda spoke first. "You get the floor."
"What?!" Midi cried, "Hey, I paid as much as you did!"
"I've got less money than you," said Gilda.
"Only cuz you had to go all pork mignon at dinner and not just get something filling," Midi said, folding his arms.
"That's cuz you have no taste." Gilda harumphed and turned her head away from him.
An elderly stallion behind them chuckled, pulling their attention. "So, how long have you two been married?" He chuckled again as the young 'couple' spun on their heels.
Gilda's jaw dropped. "Wh-what? Married?! How could--"
Midi got a sly grin as he looked at Gilda out of the corner of his eye. "Come on, dear, you've been on your feet all day. I'll give ya a wing rub." He brushed past her and tickled her with his tail.
Gilda's head snapped towards the cocky rodent. "Why you little--wait, did you say a wing rub?"
The elderly pony tottled away, still laughing softly to himself as Gilda went into the room and shut the door with her hind paw. She pushed Midi aside with her rump and leapt into the bed, splaying herself over the whole thing.
"Ahhh, all mine," she said and relaxed.
Midi popped up and scowled at Gilda. "You're really making me sleep on the floor?"
Gilda smiled and rubbed her cheek on the pillow. "Mhmm."
Midi grinned and sat Indian style, holding himself up in the air with his tail and slowly waving side to side. "Hey, Gilda."
"Hm?" Gilda opened one eye and looked at Midi, then propped herself up with her elbow. "Cute, but I still get the bed."
The squirrel rolled his eyes and lowered himself back down to the ground.
"Dude, you need to explain the tail," Gilda said.
Midi stroked his chin. "Hmm... gimme a pillow and I'll talk."
Gilda pulled both the pillows close against her. "No way, man. These are mine."
"Okaaaay, no tale about the tail then~!" Midi laid his tail overhimself like a blanket and curled up in a ball underneath. He reached in and pulled out the folder given to him earlier and began reading it.
Gilda lay there in defiance until she couldn't take it anymore, then threw the pillow at Midi's face. "There, have your stinking pillow! Now you gonna talk or what?"
Midi put the pillow under his head and smiled in triumph. "Have you ever heard of subspace?"
"No."
"Well," Midi explained, "my friend, who's a physics major, told me that subspace is basically space inside of space, like a box inside a box. The weird thing is that that box is larger than the box it's inside of."
Gilda put a talon over her forehead. "Ugh, thinking about that is gonna give me a headache."
Midi chuckled. "Yeah, I know. Anyway, my tail has one of those in it. Don't ask me how; I was born with it. I can store all kinds of stuff as long as they aren't too big to fit through the weird portal thingy."
"So I'm guessing I can't go in there?" Gilda asked.
"Hah, nope. Sorry princess." Midi laughed, but was cut off by Gilda grabbing him around his neck and pulling him up.
She held him beak to muzzle and glared death into his eyes. "What did you call me?!"
Midi choked and caughed in Gilda's grip.
"If you ever call me princess again, I will tear out your bowels and stuff them down your own throat. Got it?"
"Okie," Midi squeaked.
Gilda dropped him to the ground and rolled over to face away from the squirrel, grumbling to herself.
Midi rubbed his neck and groaned. "Jeesh, what's her problem?" He went back to reading the case document and spoke up again a few minutes later. "Hmm, this is interesting."
"What?" Gilda mumbled.
"It says here everypony who was robbed by Jack was either rich or just looked rich. Also, everypony described Jack as looking different; all they know is he's a unicorn."
"It was dark and ponies have bad eyesight. So what?" said Gilda.
"Well, don't you think it's odd that he only goes for rich ponies?" Midi asked.
"No," said Gilda, "Rich people have more to take. It's as simple as that."
Midi raised an eyebrow. "You haven't been chasing criminals that long have you?"
"Right, and how long have you?"
"Since I was fourteen," Midi replied, "I'm sixteen now. I know that's not very long, but still, it's long enough to know that thieves aren't picky like this unless they have a reason."
Gilda was impressed to hear that Midi, being only a couple years younger than her, had already been doing what he did from such a young age. "OK, so what do you think the reason is here?"
"Well, aside from the obvious fact that they have more to take," Midi theorized, "it could be that they have a bone to pick with rich people, or maybe it's a more noble cause; only stealing from people they think can afford it. So that's two totally different motives.
"Then there's the part about the different descriptions. Multiple suspects? Maybe, but then why are they all unicorns? Is it a unicorn-only group?" Midi shook his head. "I dunno. Catching one might be enough to get the bounty, but it won't solve the problem of ponies getting injured."
"Isn't the bounty what we're here for, though?" Gilda asked.
"Nope," said Midi, "We can't just take the money without doing anything to solve the problem."
"Hey, the bounty says catch Jack the Tripper, so that's what we're gonna do," Gilda said firmly, "If somepony else wants to don the mantle, then fine by me. We did our job."
Midi frowned. "That's not my job. I don't stop until I find the root of the problem and burn it out. I'm gonna find the leader of this group and bring him to justice, and when I do that, then I'll collect my bounty. Not before."
"Well then it looks like we'll be parting ways tomorrow," said Gilda, "I dunno about you, but I've only got enough money on me to see the Wonderbolts tomorrow and then head home. If we don't catch this Jack guy by then, bye-bye squirrelly."
"Fine," Midi said as he put the folder away, "But I'm not leaving this town until I find this guy or a bigger problem pops up." He laid down and rested his head on the pillow. "Whelp, goodnight, Gilda."
"'Night."