Pros and Cons, Or Never Try To Con a Pro

by Steel Resolve

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tirek, Fluttershy, Comedy
Length: 2249

Discord has found Tirek, and is about to parade him back to his friends for their love and adoration. But an offer is made, an enticing offer... He'll need to talk this one over with a friend.

Discord has found Tirek, and is about to parade him back to his friends for their love and adoration. But an offer is made, an enticing offer... He'll need to talk this one over with a friend.

Published 2014-05-12 02:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-12 02:30:02 UTC

On The Importance Of A Second Opinion

Author's Note

Dramatic reading by Luvlessi

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Dramatic reading with illustrations by DrWolf

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Never Try To Con A Pro

“Tirek, I presume?” I ask, grinning at my old... friend is a strong word. Acquaintance. Yes, that works.

“Discord. You're free?” he replies, a worried look in his eyes.

“As a bird.” I snap my fingers to demonstrate. It’s really quite thrilling to see him again. I wonder if he plans to resist me? That might be fun.

“I commend you on your escape.” He’s just standing there, waiting for me to make a move. How boring.

Well, that answers that; the Tirek I knew would have struck by now. Too weakened by his long imprisonment, I suppose. Well, no point in drawing this out. I have tea with Fluttershy soon.

“I'm afraid the feeling isn't mutual,” I say as I snap my fingers, materializing a set of chains on his hands.

He looks down at his chains, a resigned look on his face. “Oh, I should have known you would want to have Equestria all to yourself.”

“Oh, I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for my friends,” I reply glibly. Our long-standing acquaintance makes me confide in him in glee. “Just between the two of us, it's mostly for Fluttershy.”

“Fluttershy?” he asks, a look of disgust crossing his face. I really don’t like that look, but I let it pass for now. “You're not saying you're friends with ponies?”

“Surprise!” I exclaim in happy proclamation.

“I am surprised that someone with your intellect does not see this 'friendship' is but a new form of imprisonment. Clearly you've had to abandon your true nature to stay in their good graces.”

I stop playing my harp instantly. Just because I grace these ponies with my presence does not mean I’ve lost my edge, after all. “I have done nothing of the sort!”

“Oh, please, I've seen this before—" I zone out for a bit, why do villains always feel the need to ramble on and on when they've been caught with their pants down? It's like they think they can talk their way out of it. Amateurs. Blah blah blah something about a brother I don't care! I wonder if it's time for tea yet. Fluttershy said to remember something. Oh, right, the sandwiches.

"—master of chaos himself?" Oh, he's talking about me, now. Okay, you have my attention.

"Join me, Discord, and reclaim your greatness. Unless, of course, 'pony errand boy' is the role you've always wanted to play in this world.”

Freedom. It does have a certain ring to it. I have been feeling a little pent up lately; it might be fun to stretch my wings again without worrying about who I was upsetting...

Oh.

Oh, right. We’ve talked this over, haven’t we? Okay... first impulse is to join him and cause merry chaos across the land. So, second is...

“Hold that thought, would you? I need to phone a friend.”

He gives me an incredulous look, but gestures to his chains in annoyance. “I can’t exactly refuse, can I?”

He’s a good friend for being so understanding. “Thank you.” I snap my fingers, and a magic mirror floats in front of us. After a moment, I see my dear friend Fluttershy... and she immediately screams at me.

“Discord, not now! I’m taking a bath!”

I blink, and after a moment’s thought, pull a set of curtains over the mirror. “She’ll need a moment.”

Tirek snorts in disbelief. “You’re talking to the pony?!”

“Well, yes. Look, you’ve made an interesting offer, and I’m not saying no. But I have another friend to consider, and I want to ask her opinion on the matter.” I’m a little surprised at his anger, to be honest. But I suppose he did always have that general hate of all things equine. I rather like them, they’re so much fun to play with! “Look, I don’t want to scare her off, so I think I’d better just hide you away for now.” I place him in a nice bird cage and throw a blind over it. When he won’t stop shouting I enchant it to block sound. There, that sorts that out.

“Fluttershy, is it safe yet?”

She gives a cute little squeak in the affirmative. I draw the curtain and give her a contrite little smile. I’ve never understood why it bothers her when I pop in at certain times, but I am learning to respect her wishes. “Sorry for startling you, but I’m having one of those... things.”

“Things?” she asks, polite curiosity on her face.

I think for a moment. It’s such an odd concept to me, but she keeps trying to explain it. “Yes... you know, the thing where I am having an impulse and questioning whether it would be a bad idea or not?”

“Oh!” The confusion clears from her eyes, and she smiles as she realizes what I mean. “A moral conflict! Oh, Discord, I’m so proud of you for checking in first!” She settles down on her bed, brushing out her long pink mane. “Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“Well, you remember Tirek?”

“The evil monster you’re hunting?”

I hold a single claw up to my lips in a shushing motion. “He might hear you! But yes, that’s the one.”

Her eyes light up, and she smiles at me. I do so enjoy it when she’s happy. I think I’ll send her a basket of puppies later. “You found him! Good job!”

“Well, yes, but that’s the problem. You see... he’s pointed out that I might be going soft, and made a very nice offer to join him. It... I’ll be honest, it sounds like a lot of fun. But I didn’t want to just do it without talking it over with you. What do you think I should do?”

“Hmmm.” Fluttershy is calmly working a knot out of mane as she gives my question thought. I await her response impatiently. I do have a friend waiting for an answer, after all.

“I think you should not be evil,” she says, finally.

I give her my best deadpan stare, smacking my paw into my forehead. “And I think you should not be boring,” I snap back, irritated. “I know there is a right and wrong answer here. The question is not whether to be good or evil, it’s what’s more fun! C’mon, put yourself in my shoes,” I say as a comfortable pair of loafers appear on my mismatched feet.

She sets the brush down. “Okay, so you’re wondering whether it’s a good idea to do the wrong thing?”

I’m pleased that she is not being dismissive of the question. Her other friends are really bad at that. It’s always ‘Discord stop turning ponies into turnips or we’ll find some other way to turn you back to stone.’ They’re so very touchy. “Well, whether it’s a bad idea for me. I do understand there will be consequences for the rest of the world, but I’m not really all that fond of most ponies anyway, present company excluded, of course.”

She frowns at my admission, but doesn’t chide me for it. I’ve been very honest with her in the past, after all. “Well... what does he want you to do?”

“Oh, you know, be his right-claw guy, help him round up ponies so he can drain their magic away, so eventually he’ll be powerful enough to take the princesses’ magic as well.” I summon up a nice cup of tea, setting one beside her as well. Just because I’m considering betraying them all doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten it’s time for tea. As an afterthought, I set a plate of watercress sandwiches next to her on the bed.

She calmly takes a sip of tea, but I can tell this is making her nervous. I should probably explain that I’ll make sure no bunnies are going to be hurt. She always worries about her animals. “And what is he promising you if you do it?”

“More than the standard thirty pieces of silver, I assure you. He says he’ll give me free rein to roam and do as I please. A partnership of sorts, rule by his side sort of thing. I don’t really care about the politics of it, I just like the idea of having some leg room.” I stretch my legs to twice their normal length to demonstrate my plight. “A draconequus needs his space.”

“Well, if you do that, I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” she says, finally.

That would be her trump card. Unfortunately she’s missed a big part of my quandary. “Well, yes, that’s a given. And I’ll admit, that hurts. But you see... I’ve known Tirek for a long time as well, and he’s offering something very like friendship. I’m going to need a little more before I can decide which friend I want to keep.”

She looks wounded, and my heart breaks into itty bitty pieces. “Okay, I think I understand now. He’s offering you something fun, and you’re tempted because things are getting too... boring?”

“And that is why we’re friends!” I exclaim, clapping my claw and paw together in glee. “You get me. Yes, that’s it exactly. But I admit my first, second, and third impulses sometimes get me into trouble, like getting turned to stone for a few thousand years or so.” My skin turns to stone as I say this, and I give a little shake that turns it to a fine dust that drifts away in the wind. “That’s why I need your help, friend. I feel like I might be missing something. Something important.”

“Well, what sort of pony is he?” she asks.

“Tirek?” I tilt my head, sketching a drawing that comes to life in an illusion of the centaur rotating slowly in my claws. “Oh, he’s a nasty sort. Not a pony at all, he hates them all. He really only put up with me because I could strike him down and he knew it.” I shine my claws casually on my pelt as I say this. I never brag. I don’t have to.

“So... he doesn’t like you, he just tolerates you?”

“Well...” I give that some thought, “Yes, that’s about right.”

“And... he can take magic away?”

“Yes! He’s been draining every pony he finds!” I smile at that; it sounds wonderfully interesting to me. “He gets stronger with every pony he drains. He’ll make a very strong ally.”

She blinks, taking another sip. She’s thinking, I can tell. She gets these cute little dimples in her cheeks when she’s concentrating. I decide to make it two baskets of puppies. She’s had a hard day.

“So... when he gets strong enough... what would stop him from doing that to you?”

I don’t answer at first, taking a nice deep sip of tea, which I immediately spit all over the glass. “You think he’d stab me in the back?!”

She nods very slowly, real concern in her eyes. “I think he would. He sounds like a predator, and predators don’t like other predators around. They’d rather just drive them away or...” She winces.

Thunderclouds form over my head as I tear my eyes away from her and glare at the cage. I remove the blind, looking at my captive friend inside. “Tirek! Are you planning to stab me in the back when you get strong enough?!”

“What? How did you—” He slaps a nervous grin on his face. “N-no! Of course not!”

I keep my eyes locked with his, noting the sweat forming on his brow. Finally, I look away, satisfied. “Well, that settles that then.”

“Um...”

My head swivels back to face the mirror, and I smile encouragingly. “Yes, dear Fluttershy?”

“It’s just... he sounds just like you do when I ask you if you turned one of my friends into a plant... I think he’s lying.”

My head turns back around, and shortly my whole body follows suit. “So, you are planning to stab me in the back after all, you weasel!”

Tirek shrinks back, but then stands tall and defiant in the face of my furious visage. “I would, and you’d do the same, you snake! We both know you’re as evil as I am!”

I shake my head, saddened. It rather looks like this partnership won’t work after all. “No, I’m chaotic. I could give a flying feather for your good or evil. I do what’s fun, and being stabbed in the back is not fun!”

I slam the cover back on the cage, hardly believing my short-sightedness. Turning back to her, I summon three baskets of puppies around her hooves. “Thank you, Fluttershy. You’ve saved me once again.”

She squeals happily as they start licking her face. I really do enjoy seeing her smile. I proceed to layer enchantments on the cage, ensuring my acquaintance won’t escape.

“Um...”

I turn back to her. “Yes? Did you want more?”

“No, they’re adorable, thank you. But...” She hesitates, then finally goes on. “I was thinking, if you’re bored... we could maybe pay a visit to the griffons? If you’d like...”

I’m intrigued, and motion for her to go on.

“Well... there was this griffon that visited Ponyville... her name was Gilda. I was thinking maybe you could have some fun with her?”

I see something in her eyes, a spark of... anger? Oh, this could be fun indeed.