EDIT: This fic is sponsored by Optic Gaming, Doritos, Faze, Mountain Dew, Dogecoin, Hasbro, Youtube, Facebook, Club Penguin, Snoop Dogg, Morgan Freeman, Nicolas Cage, Machinima, Le pwediepie, San Francisco Zoo, Bad Dragon, Cannabis Strains Inc. and New Line Cinema. Oh yeah and Lil wayne gave me a big booty hoe to fuq while writing this
EDIT AGAIN: Lol got on le hot page for /r/montageparodies. Euphorik. Thatmaawong, I <3 u tho I love screwing le ponies XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
"Ready for this?" said Snipars as the lenny face that was expertly photoshopped onto his head intensified in its nonchalance.
"Lol *radye *4 *dis" replied Fapplet, popping a can of mountain dew and chugging it down his blunt.
"Smoek w33d errday" replied Swagnemite aka Wreckingscrubs aka Dankmaster.
Thatmaawong was uncharacteristically silent, since he was always talking shit about Wreckingscrubs and dissing him at every given opportunity. The swag team looked at his child like yet pedophillic face in confuse b4 inserting their semen-stained discs of COD ghosts into their xbones. Next-gen consoles were sw3ggy to them lol.
Suddenly their next-gen consoles shook violently like they were about to eject late but instead a red ring of deaf appeared on their consoles. Every one groaned in non-euphoria sins it was their first tiem playing on they next gen consoles. However, the ring of deaf disappeared and the game started, automatically landing them in a lobby.
"Lel I thought our virginities were actually going to be taken," said Fapplet as he recovered from hyperventilating over the possible destruction of his chick-repeller.
"Praise Kim Jong Un," said Snipars as his lenny intensified when the match was made. Swagnemite did a bong hit while thatmaawong was still silent, as if pondering the mistery of life.
"OH MY GAWD" shouted Fapplet as he saw how slowly the match was loading; it was still at that intel screen or whatever the fuq that shit is when u wait for COD games lol. Suddenly the lord of all gamers, Gabe Newell, popped up at the screen and all of the swag masters had to bow before his almighty girth.
"You four have been personally chosen to bring swag and weed to all corners of the virtual world. You have done well so far," said Gabe, with a proud tear holier than all of the Tears of Goddesses ever bought in League of Legends running down his glorious cheek. "But you have to bring weed and swag to the one, untouched corner of the world, a taboo in its own right, but I am sure all of you are dank professionals capable of braving such terrains of virginity and autism."
"You don't mean..." started Snipars, and the other three had looks of fear on their Potto shopped faces. Gabe nodded grimly.
"The Google company?" offered Swagnemite and all of the others nodded in agreement. however, Gabe shook his head grimly, and the others listened cuz what could be faggotier than googel lol
"Equestria. But--"
"IT'S FOOKIN 1MP055I8L3!!!" cried Fapplet as the blunt in his triangular face bounced up and down as he ran around the room.
"Wow what would Snoop do" asked Swagnemite.
"This is not euphoric at all," said Snipars as his fedora fell off his head, landing with a heavy hitmarker on the ground.
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" shouted thatmaawong bravely. The other three gasped at his philosophical revelation, and Gabe nodded in understandment.
"Individually, this task is daunting. Your levels of virginity on your owns can't beat Equestria. But together," said Gabe, and the four lined themselves up for a collateral group hug headshot.
"Ya'll would do fine. Besides, that monetising ad-spamming fgt OfficialMcm isin't cummin lol" said Gabe. They were filled with pride and Gabe opened a portal, through which his new champions walked. He gave them a salute and shedding a tear, he whispered, "there goes true heroes."
YOLOSWAGBONGHIT2014
The four champions winded up in a heavily populated street, in the process warping back about 50 ponies into a dimensional limbo from which they couldn't come back. The ponies around them panicked and all was pandemonium, and some cops were called up. Swagnemite hated the police because snoop says they suck but unfortunately Gabe didn't give them any weapons so the four had to find a hiding spot. Snipars flicked his beloved fedora expertly into the air, flying it str8 for a car and exploding it, killing 420 ponies. He made the sign of the Doge as saddened violins played in the distance at the loss of his source of euphoria.
"Quickscope, we dun haf time," said Fapplet as he dragged Snipars along, and the four finally found an abandoned house to kick back in. Unfortunately the house's roof was ripped off and staring down upon them was Princess Celestia, on wings that were a-flappleting. They tried to run but her horn suddenly glowed brightly and sporadically.
"OMG that lens flare" all of them said as their eyes were transfixed to Celestia's sik amount of lens flare. Suddenly the Elements of Faggotry were called in, raining down magical sparkles as they flew around the sky above the four swaggots. This broke them out of their professional lens flare judging and then they started protesting.
"we are ambassadors sent by Gaeb himself 2 teach u bout sw3g3," shouted Snipars. However the ponies didn't understand. Swagnemite picked up a convenient piece of pen and paper on the ground and wrote something, then presented it to the ponies
"u wot dawg u can speak horsey?" said Fapplet. Swagnemite looked at Fapplet straight in his reddened and slitted eyes and nodded.
The paper said
SAMPLE TEXT
The ponies got their jimmies rustled and then their horns lit up ready to incinerate our young heroes with their faggot beam. The other three looked at Swagnemite.
"Lol if I'm not high I think it means 'Go fook urself' in neigh language lel"
Our four heroes died.
YOLOSWAGBONGHIT2014
BUT
WHAT IF THEY WERE NOT RIP
AND FAPPLSWAGNESNIPAMAAWONG TRIKED DEATH ITSELL
AND CAEM BAK FROM LE HEAVN
The four golden gods woke up in heaven i.e. jamaica and were greeted by their rastafarian amigos. A thousand bob marleys came down upon them, showering marijuanas at their feet and hitting bongs faster than James Franco getting down on Seth Rogen getting down on a motorbike. They were truly in heaven... until they saw Snoop Lion push through the throngs of Bob Marleys, followed closely behind by Tyrone. They automatically got onto their knees, unable to fathom how they could meet so many of their heavenly idols in a single day.
"My fellow Rastafari," said Tyrone as Snoop Lion stood by, his swag emanating off of him. "We have 4 good men here on a mission: to de-faggot Equestria. Unfortunately, they have little help. We are not as potent as them, so we can't do anything."
Every rastafarian groaned.
"Lol jk."
Every rastafarian inhaled deeply.
"We can give you Snoop's Holy Bong," said Tyrone, getting the Snoop nod of approval. This was followed by wild cheering and multiple adolescent screams.
"Each of you will get your favourite gun also, the Intervention," said Tyrone, bestowing upon them the heavenly gun of the gods. Swagnemite broke down in tears and Fapplet and Snipars and thatmaawong looked as stunned as their faces were when they first no-scoped. Snoop Lion smiled, but whether it was because of he was #proud or because he was high, we will never know sins the truth will 5ever be hidden behind his void-deep sunglasses, never to return to the surface.
Snoop Lion fixed on his beanie and raised his right hand. The four saviours raised their right hand too, sensing a change in atmosphere. This motion was emulated by all of the Rastafarians, and Tyrone pulled out the holy sample text of the Rastafari.
"From this day, I pledge to be Rastafari, and I shall 360 no scope on every single shot on call of duty, titan fall, halo, sky rim, sims 3, assassin's creed, train simulator, football, dentistry, surgeon simulator, real life surgery, league of lesbians, Club Penguin and Craig's List. I shall drink doritos and eat mountain dew only for the rest of my life while I 420 blaez it err day allday."
Snoop Lion gave a fatherly chuckle which warmed the hearts of all and blew a smoke ring through their faces. They cried.
Snoop Lion grabbed Maawong's shoulder. He was the youngest in the group, and Snoop Lion proceeded to touch him tenderly with his words.
"Drop it like it's hawt."
It was then that Maawong knew, Snoop Dogg was not rip.
YOLOSWAGBONGHIT2014
The moment the four were back in Equestria, they shot up a bank and stole all the money. Then they threw their fedoras at it, exploding it and making sik YT money rain from the sky. Michael Bay cried and gave it anexplosion/10 while all ponies in a 420 mile radius had nerd-gasms and yelled at the scene, which warmed the hearts of the four as it was evidence that their display of swag was conditioning the ponies well, turning them into CODFags. Just then, a familiar smell of faggots came to their eyes and they turned to see the Maen Sex.
"Stop what you're doing!" cried the purple one.
"LOL" the four said in unison as they couldn't give half a blunt as to what horseys were saying.
The horses had no choice but to create a rainbow beam of death. It came so fast out of the dick on the purple one's head that we couldn't know whether the four legends could have evaded the blast. There was dust annd rubble, nothing could have survived.
1337 HAX INBOUND
A great burst of dubstep that seemed to form out of nowhere resounded through the entirety of Equestria as our four heroes emerged out of the blast unscathed. Lens Flare greater than that of Celestia's Sun blinded everypony's fragile eyes and accompanied with deafening bass drops, the four used the Holy Bong to turn everything in a 420 x 360 mile area into Helen Keller. Suddenly Celestia with a huge Futa cock came swooping down from the heavens and knocked them all out, disrupting the channeling of the bong. Fapplet groaned as his dank energies grew weaker, with the Holy Bong perched on Celestia's futa cock getting further away as Celestia flew up into the sky.
"Snips-snips!" cried Fapplet as Celestia aimed her horn at the bong, about to annihilate it to dust. "The Interventions!"
"On it!" cried Snipars as he whipped out the bulky gun. However, the level of dank in their blood wasn't high enough to pull off a legitimate 360 swag scope. so they did a skrub move by hardscoping but hardscopers go to hell according to the kids on xbox live. Plus their magazines were empty.
"Wtf is dis! m9" cried Fapplet. "Snoop triked us"
"Lol its k cuz he's snoop," said Swagnemite and everybody agreed.
"There's a... a note," said thatmaawong as he peeled off a note on the Intervention. His was the only one with a note. It said
Lol bullets r 4 fags plus 1v1 me rust after u pwn le skrub
"SHIT WTF DOS DAT MEAN" said Fapplet as Celestia was still charging up her horn plus her unstable futa cock kept swinging the bong out of her aim.
"I know," said Maawong as he used up the last of his dank energy to climb up the last skyscraper the city had. Once on top, he called out to the tyrant futa bitch.
"Hey skrub"
"what
">tfw intensifies" said Thatmaawong before he leapt off the building and did a 1080 dank scope, wall bang headshot collateral no scope Faze Temperr bong hit Claymore cancel tactical grenade cancel wow such skill xXxclubpenguin5liefxXx add me on roblox lol do u even lift m9 u wot m80 lol pls get on my lvl OH MY GAWD yoloswag do u even bench press 420 weeds m9 dank elephant purple shit inbound killstreaks all head shots lol u r a fag lvl?
He rekt Princess Celestia and no sad violins played for her. However, thatmaawong collapsed on the air as he fell off the building, leading everybody to believe that he was rip but fortunately miracles happen cuz he was resuscitated by weed. He woke up from a 30 year old coma and shed a tear when he heard that Equestria was well with ponies smoking and cultivating the dankest kush such that they didn't need Celestia cuz they were so high errday they couldn't tell between night and day. All days and celebrations were turned to 420 and Snoop tipped his beanie to that. Thatmaawong was hailed as a hero and enjoyed an unlimited supply of weed and doritos and mountain jews for the rest of his life while snipars inherited the title of autistic dictator in North Korea. Swagnemite went to spend the rest of his days in Jamaica while Fapplet went to start on a successful rap career by signing on with Lil Wayne because he's a jew like Drake.
Author's Note
SKRUBSCRIBE 4 MOAR MINCROFT: TOMB RAIDER
