Snips and Snails Go to China

by ZeroChill

Rating: everyone
Tags: Snails, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Snips
Length: 1246

After a mishap with some gum, Snip and Snails somehow end up in stereotypical China. Hilarity ensues. April Fool's Day.

It was a pleasant day in Ponyville. For Snips and Snails, it was just another boring day. Fortunately, Snips threw the idea of traveling in the air with a bubble gum pack. After an accident, they somehow end up in China.

This is an April Fool's Day short one-shot. It's silly, breaks various rules of physics, displays a stereotypical view of China and ends with overall apathy. You have been warned.

Published 2014-04-01 19:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-01 19:50:05 UTC

The only chapter of this fic

The entirety of Ponyville was bathed in the warm rays of the sun. Two unicorn colts, one who was pudgy, had a dark-teal coat, orange, messy mane and tail, orange eyes and a cutie mark of open scissors, and the other who was tall and lanky, had a dark orange coat, a well-trimmed teal mane and tail, green eyes and a cutie mark of a dark brown snail, lied down on a vibrant patch of grass on a hill. They seemed inseparable. As they lazily lounged on the hill, Snails lifted his head and faced Snips.

“You know Snips, why don’t we do something today? Lounging around is nice and everything, but it’s kind of silly if we just do nothing else but lie around.” He asked. Snips smiled enthusiastically and stood up on his pudgy hooves.

“I have the perfect idea! I have this pack of gum in my pocket that, if filled with enough air, will allow us to soar into the air like pegasi!” He said happily. Snails flashed a wide smile.

“That’s a great idea Snips! There’s no way that this could backfire on us!” He said happily. Snips took out a large pile of rectangular foils and unwrapped each of them quickly, revealing pink pieces of bubble gum. He put them all in his mouth and started to chew them. His jaws tired from the repeated chewing and caused him to slow down. Fortunately, the tough pieces of gum became undone with his powerful jaws. Snips slowly blew a large bubble until a pink bubble the size of a model-scale sun in a museum was fleshed out. The column of air inside the bubble caused Snips to slowly rise up into the air with his body straightened out vertically. Snails clambered onto Snip’s back and landed on the bubble as he cheered in excitement. As the two colts raised high into the skies of Ponyville, a lean, cyan-coated pegasus mare with a rainbow colored mane and magenta eyes soared through the sky. Like the cutie mark of a primary-colored lightning bolt firing from a cloud on her flank, she shot through various clouds. As adrenaline pumped through her bloodstream, her eyes widened in realization as a pink bubble with two colts on it came out of nowhere. With no way to slow her own body down, her body pierced the bubble like a bullet and popped it. Both Snips and Snails fell down from the sky, screaming for their lives. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash, who accidentally popped the bubble was adhered onto a cloud with large traces of bubble gum adhered onto her legs and wings. She looked around and frowned.

“I’m sure somepony will notice that I’m stuck on this cloud…hopefully.” She said uneasily before she sighed.

Snips and Snails fell through the various layers of the sky as the ground suddenly closed onto them. They embraced each other, closed their eyes and shuddered in the fear of a messy landing. As their heads collided with the ground, the gravitational pull somehow allowed them to drill into the ground as if it was a soft, sweet cookies and cream cake with vanilla-flavored frosting. As they opened their eyes, they were treated to an upside-down world in dark-green water colors with poorly-drawn skies, a large, jaded statue of a lion-dragon thing, dark mountains in the background, a large, red gate with a red, serpentine dragon carving on top of it and red, stereotypically-pointed skyscrapers. The both of them smiled at the sights.

“Wow! China!” The two of them said very enthusiastically.

“It’s just like in the cartoons!” Snips said with a playful shudder.

“I’m sure that this is going to be a great place for our adventure of the day, or night. Time zones are weird.” Snails stated with a mix of confusion and enthusiasm. The two of them pulled themselves out of the hole and walked around the area. There, they saw many different light tan-skinned, bipedal creatures of various hair styles and body types. They walked around and allowed the sights of the foreign world soak into their immature eyes. As they walked around, they came across a small, dark white building with a red roof made with red, round pieces of wood.

“This must be a restaurant! Going between dimensions made me a bit hungry.” Snips said with gluttonous desire. Snips and Snails walked into the building through the wooden door. As they looked around, they saw flayed carcasses of various animals hung on by rope. The sight of so much meat in one area caused them to feel unnerved, and Snails himself shuddered to himself. As they walked towards the counter, a large, fat, intimidating man with slanted eyes turned around with a sharp cleaver in his right hand. He eyed the two unicorn colts below him. “Excuse me sir, but do you have anything to eat around here?” Snips questioned. The man gasped and made a shrill sound before he backed away.

“The ancient Chinese spirits be praised. They have led two unique creatures in my shop!” The man said in excitement before he spouted a bunch of words in a language foreign to the ears of Snips and Snails. Snails looked towards Snips curiously.

“Ummm, what’s he saying Snips?” He asked. The Chinese man took out a stone and threateningly sharpened his cleaver against it, causing sparks to fly down onto the ground. Snails eyed the blade and the man with fascination. However, Snips’s eyes widened fearfully.

“I don’t know, but I don’t think I want to find out!” Snips shouted loudly before he grabbed Snails and ran off. The man eyed the spot that they were in before he sighed.

“My shop is once again left without a representative or customers from the spirits.” He sighed before he walked into the back of the market. Meanwhile, Snips and Snails ran as far away as possible, panting heavily from the exhausted running.

“Snips! What are you doing?!” Snails asked in a confused tone.

“Saving our flanks! That man wanted to turn us into minced chop suey!” Snips screamed.

“What’s chop suey?!” Snails questioned.

“I don’t know but it sounds like the right term to use for it!” Snips responded. The two unicorn colts jumped into the whole where they entered from and rapidly fell down into there.

A group of various ponies circled around the hole with concern and anxiety riddled on their faces. Their constant chatter is filled with the fear of the unknown fate of the two ponies that crashed through their. Much to their surprise, Snips and Snails popped out from the hole safe and sound. Everypony cheered before they lifted them out of the hole. Afterwards, they left the area. Snails looked onto Snips dejectedly.

“That place was cool. Boy Snips, if you weren’t so afraid of being made into chop suey, we still would have been in China.” He stated in annoyance.

“Whatever Snails. At least we still have the rest of this beautiful day. Speaking of which, did you see where my gum went?” Snips and Snails looked around, curious about where Snips’s gum went.

“…Hello? Anypony in this part of the sky? I’m kind of stuck. Help would be cool right about now.” Rainbow Dash stated as she floated on a stray cloud stuck in gum.

Author's Note

This is the inspiration for the fic. April Fool's Day.