My Action Stallion™!

by Marnssj

Rating: everyone
Tags: Steven Magnet, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Adventure, Shining Armor, Bulk Biceps
Length: 1291

Join Big Macintosh, Bulk Biceps, Steven Magnet and Shining Armor as they go on action-packed adventures! They are The Action Stallions™! "It's time to Spring Into Action!™" Only on the Hub!

Hasbro starts marketing to an entirely different demographic with this new spin-off TV series and line of toys...

Ask parents before using their credit card. Some assembly required.

Written on April Fool's Day, as a parody of the series if it were geared more specifically toward young boys.

Author's Note: Takes place in a universe where the four pictured characters all know each other and are the stars, and everypony else are the background characters, even the Mane 6. Consider these guys the Mane 4 for purposes of this story. I might be mistaken but I think that in canon none of them have ever met. Enjoy!

Published 2014-04-01 22:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-01 22:30:05 UTC

The Action Stallions™ Spring Into Action!™

One day, the Action Stallions™ were sitting around, relaxing in their Action Hub Clubhouse™, when unexpectedly there came a knock at the door.

"Oh, was anypony expecting company?" sassily asked Steven Magnet, the Action Stallions'™ number one sea-serpent sidekick.

"Not that I know of," said Shining Armor, with a raised eyebrow.
"Nnnope," drawled Big Macintosh.
"Uh, maybe?" asked Bulk Biceps. Trotting over to the entrance, he flung wide the door nearly ripping it off its hinges and found standing there Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor's sister.

"Oh Bulk Biceps, Shining Armor, Big Macintosh! Please help! Ponyville needs the Action Stallions™," she said, eyes glistening with barely-contained tears.

"You heard her, Action Stallions™! It's time to Spring Into Action!™" Shining Armor exclaimed, the other Action Stallions™ cheering their signature catchphrase as they rushed out the door, nearly bowling over Twilight Sparkle in the process.

My Action Stallion™! MY ACTION STALLION™!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MY ACTION STALLION™!
I used to wonder how to be a man
MY ACTION STALLION™!
Until you all showed me just how we can
Big adventure
Tons of chicks
Rippling pectorals
Faithful and strong
Showing machismo
It's an easy feat!
AND ACTION MAKES IT ALL COMPLETE!
My Action Stallion™~!
Did you know your bravery shines through the day!

Shining Armor poked his head back in, sheepishly asking, "Uh, so where exactly were we needed?"

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes before replying. "Three fillies have gotten themselves lost in the Everfree Forest! It's far too dangerous to go alone," she said, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Got it! We'll be back in no time!" he said with a confident smirk, turning back around and charging forth toward the Everfree Forest.

Quickly delving into the deepest swath of the underbrush, they heard the cries of a filly splashing around in water far too deep for her little legs to tread safely. "Big Macintosh, you're up!" Shining Armor said, turning to the big red stallion.

"Eeyup!" he stated, quickly donning his water-wings and executing a textbook-perfect standing swan-dive into the lake, before paddling out to the young filly. He threw her his inflatable duck friend Phil McQuacken™, and quickly towed her to safety.

"Oh, thank you Big Macintosh," she cried. It was his little sister Apple Bloom. He smiled and nodded as she gave him the biggest hug she could muster, before Steven Magnet graciously volunteered to lead her back to the safety of Ponyville.

With one filly rescued, the Action Stallions™ set off to find and save the other two!

Hey! Here's a filly in trouble, swimming too soon after eating lunch! Quick, Aquatic Rescue Big Macintosh™, it's time to Spring Into Action!™
WATCH IN AWE as he leaps into the lake, equipped only with his faithful inflatable duck-floaty friend, Phil McQuacken™!
They really float!
Good job Aquatic Rescue Big Macintosh, you've saved the day once again!

"Alright Bulk Biceps, I think it's time we gave this forest a little altitude adjustment," Shining Armor snickered, before continuing once he realized his joke fell flat. "No really, I think you should fly up and see if you can scope out where the others might be."

"YEAH!™" Bulk Biceps yelled in response, quickly flapping his tiny wings until he took off and was high above the tree tops. From there, he could see a plume of smoke rising in the distance, and gestured down to the other Action Stallions™ waiting below that he was going ahead to investigate. Shining Armor and Big Macintosh nodded and followed on hoof far below.

Nearing the source of the smoke, Bulk Biceps realized that there was a small treehouse on fire, and a small orange filly was trapped inside! Psyching himself up, he charged up a head of steam and smashed through the burning planks, grabbing the tiny pegasus and cradling her within his gigantic muscles.

Once safely on the ground and far away from the dangerous flames, he set Scootaloo down and she immediately began singing his praises as Big Macintosh, Shining Armor and Steven Magnet arrived on the scene. Steven Magnet used his sea-serpent powers to douse the blaze with water from a nearby river, before dutifully escorting Scootaloo back to Ponyville.

Watch out Action Stallions™, there's a filly trapped in that burning building! Who can save the day?
Why, it's Aerial Assault Bulk Biceps™! Gaze in wonderment as he flies up and knocks down that flaming wall, saving Scootaloo!
(Imperiled Scootaloo™ not included.)
His wings really flap, and his muscles really flex! You'll be the hero of Ponyville when you have Aerial Assault Bulk Biceps™ at your side! YEAH!™

The Action Stallions™ continued their trek deeper into the heart of the forest's darkness, until it became so dark that nopony could see their hoof in front of their face. That's when Shining Armor's time to shine shone brightest. He powered up his magic until his horn illuminated the forest for dozens of yards in every direction, their manly physiques casting long masculine shadows across the treeline.

They heard a noise up ahead like the sound of a filly crying, and as they trampled through the thick weeds they found Sweetie Belle, a young unicorn. "No need to fear, the Action Stallions™ are here!" Shining Armor said with a smile, his shiny teeth only matched by the sheer luminance of his horn.

"Oh, thank you Action Stallions™, please, get me out of this dark creepy forest!" she whimpered, as Steven Magnet gently picked her up and together the four of them made their triumphant return to Ponyville. There, they found waiting Twilight Sparkle, as well as Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh's sister Applejack, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle's sister Rarity. Everypony cheered as the Action Stallions™ strode into the thoroughfare, and the Mayor even gave them the key to the city!

Young filly lost in the woods? Turn off the dark with Night Vision Shining Armor™!
Not enough light with which to read a map? Who needs a map when you have over one thousand lumens at your disposal?
His horn really lights up, and you'll be saying hello Ponyville in no time thanks to Night Vision Shining Armor™!
(Note: Night Vision Shining Armor™ is not a toy. Adult supervision is suggested. Do not look directly at Night Vision Shining Armor™'s horn. Batteries not included.)

And so, our heroes found themselves once again relaxing inside their Action Hub Clubhouse™, when expectedly another fretful knock came at their door.

"Oh I just knew we'd get more visitors today, just my luck considering what a frightful mess my hairdo is!" moaned Steven Magnet.

"Relax Steven, since when have you ever let that stop you from entertaining guests?" asked Shining Armor, with a raised eyebrow.
"Eeyup," drawled Big Macintosh.
"YEAH!™" agreed Bulk Biceps. Trotting over to the entrance, he flung wide the door, easily tearing it clean off its hinges with an embarrassed, "oops."

There stood before them Apple Bloom. "Oh Bulk Biceps, Shining Armor, Big Macintosh! Please help! Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon uh...somehow got stuck up a tree," she said, eyes darting back and forth in a suspicion-assuaging fashion.

"Never a dull moment when you're an Action Stallion™!" Shining Armor chuckled to himself.

My Action Stallion!
My Action Stallion!
(Acoustic guitar solo.)
My Action Stallion!
YEAH!™

And who could forget the Action Stallions'™ #1 assistant, Steven Magnet?
He's no seasick sea-serpent! Whether weathering gale force winds or battling fierce tsunamis, not a hair will be out of place with his Little Man's Grooming Kit™!
Comes with real pomade and mustache wax, ensuring that no matter what action comes his way, he'll face it with style!

Author's Note

Buy the toys.