Doge Does Derpy

by kalash93

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy
Length: 1365

One spring morning, Derpy encounters a strange creature called Doge. Coitus ensues.

This is what happens when I get an idea at 2 A.M. that won't go away. So for April Fool's Day, have a crack fic. So Derpy. Such Doge. Very reproduce. Many clop. Much joke. Wow. Doge

Published 2014-04-01 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-01 20:00:02 UTC

Wow, Doge.

Doge Does Derpy
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Happy April Fools, Everypony!
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Derpy Hooves was walking down the road in Ponyville. The winter had been long and harsh that year, and it had only been in the past few days that the winter had finally begun to clear up. She looked at the green grass emerging from the ground, turned into a muddy quagmire from the water from the melting snow. Still, a few defiant, green, valiant blades stood tall. She rubbed her nose on them, sniffing to draw in the earthy scents. She let out a happy sigh. Surely this was a good sign of good things to come. Then, Derpy took a bite and ate those few blades of glass. She was a pony, after all, and what good was grass if not for eating?

She headed to the park. Derpy trotted along, clopping every step of the way. The yellow sun of Celestia warmed her. Chill breezes reminded her of the recent winter cold. She drew near and gave an internal sigh of relief. The park was clear, courtesy of the local earth ponies. The ground was only slightly softened. Her hooves sank in a bit. The mare relished the feeling, the feeling she had not felt for months, though it felt more like years. This was good. She took a few more nibbles here and there, snipping the best shoots and leaves with her teeth. Derpy meandered over to the pond, bracing herself for a drink. Her lips contacted the cold water. She sucked voraciously, drawing in long draughts of quenching, cold, pure water. She sighed in happiness. Surely this was heaven.

Heaven was interrupted when she heard padded footsteps approaching from behind. She finished her drink and got the water off her lips with a flourish. Derpy Hooves turned around and came face to face with a strange creature. It stood on four legs, had a tail, had a snout on a long neck, and was covered in a white and cream fur coat. Its ears stood up and its eyes shone strangely. It was a dog, but larger than any dog she had seen, making Winona look miniscule in comparison. The dog was not too much smaller than the pony. It just stared at her out of the corners of its round eyes.

“Hi there,” greeted Derpy, approaching it tentatively. The dog gave no response. “What’s your name, doggy?” She did not really expect it to reply, but she had a soft spot for dogs and was always friends to them.

“Doge.”

“Wait, what!?” Derpy gawked in shock. Did she just hear that? “Um, did you just speak?”

“So talk. Many yes. Wow. Doge.” The dog’s mouth moved, producing clear speech.

“Okay…? You really can talk, Doge.” replied Derpy, cocking her head sideways.

“Very amaze. Much strange,” replied Doge. He began walking around her, circling her body. He eyed her flank and hindquarters. “Such plot. So female. Very sex. Many want. Much reproduce. Wow. Doge.”

That sounded odd. The mare shook her head, wandering off as the doge continued to circle and appraise her body. Admittedly, it felt nice to have somepony praise her body, even if that somepony was a literally son of a bitch. He brushed against her flank. “What’cha doin’ back there?”

“So desire. Much like. Wow.” Derpy stopped to talk to him, but the moment she did, she felt something warm and wet brush against her entrance. Derpy shivered.

She blushed, “H-Hey, watch it, please.” She was more surprised than anything else. Another lick came. It brushed against her clitoris, sending another shiver of pleasure up her spine. “Ooooh…” Shameless… They were alone. Ponies seldom came to this part of the park, and it was relatively sheltered from view. Doge was a dog, but he wasn’t some dumb mutt. Besides, it’d been a long time since she’d gotten any action. Any action was better than none. Excited, lust got the better of her and she presented herself. She stuck her sexy plot in the air, her pussy moistening with anticipation. Each lap of Doge’s tongue heated her fire further.

Doge licked her more and more. His own excitement grew as he licked away at the pussy in front of him. “So lust. Many horny. Such pussy. Wow.” Derpy squealed in delight as he pressed his muzzle deeper into her nethers. She didn’t know or care why or how, but he was good at this. She now was soaking wet. Her breaths came in pants.

“Al-Almost there,” shuddered the grey pegasus mare. Her orgasm approached. She gasped. His tongue struck her clit again. Her licked up and down her lips, teasing into her vagina and lavishing licks on her clitoris.

“Such wet. Many soak. Wow.”

“YES!” She screamed. Her orgasm gripped her. How she needed it. Her body writhed and her hips shook. Doge kept licking, only making her scream louder and louder. Her legs gave up, leaving her with her ass in the air, trying to catch her breath.

“Very orgasm. Wow.” She felt disappointment as the hot, wet tongue left her salacious slit. Then, she felt two legs spring onto her hindquarters. Doge was rock hard and looking for the entrance. She hadn’t asked for this, but what harm could another round do? His erection jabbed around her plot. “So miss. Many horny. Very awkward. Wow.”

“Hold on back there, silly,” cooed Derpy, reaching back with her hoof to guide Doge inside. She felt him brush her lower lips. Then, he pushed forwards, hilting inside her in one stroke. Her already weak knees quivered. “Ah!” She gasped, feeling his full length inside her.

Doge didn’t wait, and began rutting her mercilessly, driving his hard cock in and out of her like a piston. Each thrust hit her deepest regions, giving her a nice feeling of fullness. “Such pussy. Many wet. So fuck. Very mate. Much hot. Wow. Doge.” The mare rocked backwards to meet his thrusts, wanting more and more, feeling her pleasure building again. He plunged all the way into her hot depths and growled, shuddered. “Many quick. Such good. Wow.”

Derpy answered his thrusts, squealing and touching her clip frantically, lost in lust. This was so dirty, so hot, so raw, so primal. She hadn’t been turned on in so long feeling a mate fuck her mercilessly. She felt the heat tinge her cheeks pink. Her mate rutted her, intent on filling her with his seed. She felt his urgency in every thrust, and this only excited her more. She felt good. She wanted to feel him cum, explode inside of her, fill her with his seed in desperate ecstasy. Her round plot and slender waist bobbed on the cock, proffering him a lewd, sultry display. Her heated noises only drove them even wilder. Doge tensed up. She was nearly there, too. “Wow, so good, give it to me, Doge!”

Doge howled and wimpered. He ravished her and then seized up, going as deep into her hot, silky pussy as possible. Derpy felt him and sent herself over the edge, just as the first spurts of cum flooded into her cunt. “So cum. Many fuck. Such pussy. Much sex. Very wow. Wow. Doge.” They clung together in their throes of ecstasy.

At last, they broke apart, completely and utterly spent. Fresh cum oozed from Derpy’s used pussy. They lay together for a while. Derpy said, “So screw. Much good. Very orgasm. Wow.” She started, clasping her hooves over her mouth. “Much speak. So language. Such doge. Wow. Doge.” She gave Doge an alarmed look. He was getting up. “Many weird. Very question. So why. Wow.” She looked at her hooves again, realizing to her horror what had happened.

Doge walked off, leaving Derpy with memories and some gifts, but none quite so impactful as this new way of speaking.

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Author's Note

I couldn't resist. I just had to get this idea out of my head. Hope you don't want to murder me.
I did all the writing and editing for this in the space of about an hour. I am probably going to regret this.

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