'Twas Teh Year Fiftin Aitey-Shevin...

by AkemiTheSunbro

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Original Character, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Princess Celestia, Tragedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1134

The last defenders of the Waffle Kingdom make their final stand...

Teh year is fiftin aitey-shevin.

Mah squad an' I are teh last guardianz of the Falbed Almighteh Wafflez, teh prized objects of teh Waffle Kingdom.

Hour enemiez, the evel horsey demons, want teh Almighteh Wafflez for demsleves, claiming to furdur deir liez o' 'friendship'.

We did not complie. We did not give in.

And now we will die.

This iz Geofffffreehh, signing out.

Published 2014-04-02 01:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-02 01:20:04 UTC

Chapter 1

"Geoffrey, how's our laser ammo?"

"It's fine, Cynthia." I waved my hand nonchalantly at the only female comrade of what remained of our group. "If the evil horse demons attack again, we've got plenty of the ammos."

"Can I stabs? The hooded man named Wallace played with a dagger and asked. "I do so love to stabs!"

I nodded, "If one get's too close, yes, you can stabs."

Wallace gleefully bounced around like a maniac, laughing psychotically.

"You really shouldn't encourage him." Lucy, the muscly, wise old wizard, said as he stroked his long, black beard beard (Yes. A beard beard. It's that magnificent). "Remember Kalvan?"

I nodded as I chuckled, "Yep. Wanted to play 'catch teh knifez' with Wallace. Lasted about ten minutes."

It was then that I frowned and thought about all my fallen comrades.

The first to die was Vivian. This was way back before the Defenders of the Almighteh Wafflez knew the horse demons were evil. Made contact with us, kicked her in the face, and she died of a cuteness attack. Shame is, she was a master Necromancer.

Jimothy- Well, Jimothy made fun of Lucy's name after a long day of fighting the horse demons and learned that it is never wise to mock a great battle wizard. Not necessarily the horse demons' fault, but we rallied behind it anyway.

Terra, a master Thief, snuck into the horse demons' base of operations. However, she was caught by the sun demon and immediately executed. Well, not without severing a few heads of course.

Kalvan- well, you already know about Kalvan.

So that leaves us: Cynthia, the remaining female and weapons' master, Lucy, the wise old battle wizard, Wallace, the neighborhood psycho, and me, Geoffrey, leader of the last Defense of the Waffle Kingdom.

'How did the Waffle Kingdom fall so low?' you ask?

It was those cursed horse demons! From day one they wanted the Almighteh Wafflez! The Waffle King and Queen were the first to fall. Then, the capital city of Pillsbury succumbed to the tyranny of the demons! One by one, the horse demons killed our peoples. It was a slaughter...

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Who's there!~" Wallace called out in a singsong voice, knowing it was a horse demon coming to attack us.

A muffled response, "Name's Rainbow Dash! The Princess said she needed me to collect something for her. She said it'd be in this shack across from the library!"

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, the last of us were forced to leave the Almighteh Waffle Chamber- Almighteh Wafflez in tow- and silently invade a small, rundown shanty in their one their military branches in 'Ponyville'. A wretched place this is...

Just then, I noticed Wallace creeping towards the door. Before I could stop him, he swung open the door and immediately impaled his dagger deep into the unsuspecting cyan horse demons' head. Before it could even fall to the ground, Wallace grabbed it's head, snapped it's neck, and dragged it inside, giggling like a little school girl.

Silence fell as we stared at him. He simply replied, "You said I could stabs..."

I shrugged. I did say he could stabs if one got too close. Cynthia raised her eyebrow, "True, but did you have to snap its neck? Seems kinda like overkill to me."

Wallace giggled some more, "OOoooohh, but snaps are half the fun!"

We looked to Lucy to see if he had something wise to retort, but he simply shrugged.

Just then, our door was met with more knocking, more severe this time. As Wallace took in a deep breath to sing out 'Who is it~?, a regal voice called in, "ENOUGH."

Crap. It's the sun demon, leader of the horse demon army. It continued, "I am giving you one last chance to accept your execution painlessly. I have tried to be peaceful about this, but you have forced my hoof."

Wallace, now in his stabby position against the door, mocked, "Whaddya gonna do 'bout it?"

Oh Wallace... I'm so sorry...

"This." The voice deadpanned.

Just then, the entire front wall was blown inwards, crushing Wallace under it's weight.

"WALLACE!" Cynthia yelled as she tried to rush to his side, only to be stopped by me grabbing her wrist, "Geoffrey, let me go! We have to save him!"

"It's too late..." I grimly shook my head as the sun demon stomped in, followed by a five other horse demons wearing some funky jewelry, surrounded by about a bajillion and four horse demons clad in armor.

"Lucy..." I mumbled.

"On it." The wizard reached for a small box, which I knew contianed the Almighteh Wafflez. But as he attempted to place it under his beard beard, an apple-shaped laser struck him in the beard beard's center. Lucy's eyes grew wide as he slumped.

Cynthia and I looked on, horrified, as our wise wizard breathed his last.

"That one was fur Rainbow!" The demon that shock the laser hissed in a southern accent.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" Cynthia broke from my grasp, grabbed a plamsa bazooka we had hidden under the floor boards, drew a laser katana and rushed blindly into the sea of horse demons, making sure to stab the horse demon that killed Lucy.

"CYNTHIA! DON'T DO IT!" I reached for her, but her explosions and laser slashes drowned me out.

And then, they stopped...

I assumed the worst.

The sun demon looked back into her army and smirked. "It's over now. You are all that stands before me and those waffles."

"Over my dead body..." I said as I drew a laser sword of my own. I rushed at her, intending to stabs, but was stopped by one of the Jewelry wearing horse demons, now standing between the sun demon and I.

The demon with long, pink hair and a yellow body, asked, "W-We don't have to f-fight, d-do we?"

I replied with a heated reply, "You demons razed kingdom and killed my comrades. I will have retribution."

"...Then, you can't be reasoned with?" The yellow demon asked.

"Never." I snarled.

"I see then..." It gazed down as it pulled what appeared to be a pure-as-snow white muffin. She glowed white, along with the muffin.

The sun demon gave a worried look, "Fluttershy, what are you doing?"

"Derpy gave me this thing... She said it was a 'Holy-Sweetroll' and was a 'last-ditch, end-all' solution..."

"WHAAATTT?!?" We all gasped.

"Fluttershy..." The purple, jewelry wearing horse-demon cried, "What are you doing?"

'Fluttershy' replied, "Those waffles have caused too much harm to all of us... I'm giving him his retribution."

"WHA-"

With that, 'Fluttershy' exploded on a nuclear level, and we were at the epicenter.

As my soul was wrenched from my body, I smiled. My duty was done. The Almighteh Wafflez were finally safe.