Rainbow Dash Gets Shipped
“Rainbow, are you sure you’re ready for this?” Twilight drew up alongside her friend. “I mean, are you sure this is what you really want?”
“Twilight, please. This is, well, kind of a dream come true for me.” Rainbow flicked her mane to the side. “Besides, aren’t you the one always telling me I need to ‘broaden my horizons’?”
“Well, yes, but… that was with reading tastes, Rainbow! Seriously, how is “Daring Do” still interesting when you’re reading it for the fourteenth time?”
“Hey, would one of your magical theory guides be any more interesting? Besides, it helps me relax after training all day.” Rainbow turned to face her friend. “This is something I need, Twilight. It’s not just something I want.”
“But… what about your career with the wonderbolts? Don’t you think this would put a hold on that? Are you sure you’ve thought this through, Rainbow?”
Rainbow glanced forlornly out the window at the clear blue skies above. She’d never thought she’d be in this position. It wasn’t something she particularly cared about, really, at least not before she’d met Twilight. But Twilight had put all sorts of zany ideas in her head. Maybe it was all those eggheaded books.
“Twilight, you wanted to try this out in the first place, and look where it’s gotten us,” Rainbow looked deep into Twilight’s eyes, motioning at the box on the floor. “I know it’s going to be hard on both of us, but if we really commit, then nothing can stop us. I’m scared too, but we have to push through that fear. It’s just nerves.”
“That sounds exactly like what you told me when you started teaching me to fly.” Twilight fidgeted with her hooves.
“It’s exactly like that! If you never take off, you’ll never be able to reach your dreams! Don’t you remember how it felt your first time flying?” Rainbow was looking far beyond the purple mare in front of her.
“I think that was the time I crashed into a tree and broke my wing,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Okay, bad example, but still. I’m really scared too, but we’re facing this together. I know I can do this, but I need your help.”
“All right, Rainbow,” Twilight said, glancing back over at Rainbow. “Let’s do this.”
The Pegasus’s face cracked into a devilish smile. “You brought the duct tape, right?”
* * *
Four hours and two rolls of duct tape later, it was done. Twilight looked down at her friend, now securely duct taped inside a prepaid box from the Equestria postal service. A lone tear rolled down Twilight’s face.
“Rainbow?” she asked, pressing her face in close to the box.
“Yeah?” came the muffled reply.
“I think you made the right decision.” Twilight choked back a sob. “I’m sorry for ever doubting you. And, I just want to say— ah, hey Spike!”
The baby dragon stood in the door, eying her skeptically. “Why were you just talking to a box, Twilight?”
“Well, no… I mean yes. Wait, no, I mean… sort of.”
Spike raised his eyebrow. “Well,” he said, turning on his heel. “I’m starving. Do you think your royal bodyguards would go find me gems?”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Spike, they’re not slaves. They’re just here to make sure that we don’t get hurt—”
“—and here you are master Spike,” the guard bowed, placing a plate of rubies in front of the dragon. “If there’s anything else I can possibly do to be of service, don’t hesitate to let me know.”
Twilight glared at Spike. “You can’t just order them around like that!”
“Well, I am the assistant of a princess. What can I say if fans just mob me?”
“Whatever. I’m going into town, need anything?”
“With the box you were talking to?”
“Yes, I happen to have to send this package.”
“Well, what’s inside?” Spike poked at one of the duct taped seams with a claw.
“That’s classified information.”
“Oh, come on, Twilight. I’m your assistant,” Spike said, trying to gently slit the side of the box with his claw.
Twilight grabbed the box with magical energy and slid it away across the floor. “Spike, I this is a test from Princess Celestia. You can’t interfere or I’ll fail,” she explained quietly.
“Oh, alright,” Spike grumbled, turning to the guard next to him. “Hey, you think you could get me a sapphire slushie to wash this down? You’re the best.”
“Spike!”
The dragon made a prissy face. “Alright, alright, sheesh.” He looked up at the clock. “You, uh, do know the post office closes in five minutes?”
“Ponyfeathers! How could I have lost track of the time?” Twilight quickly levitated the box and rushed out the door, a stream of profanity in her wake. “I’ll be home soon Spike.”
* * *
“Hey, can you let me in? Please?” Twilight panted as she tried to reason with the poststallion. “I really need to get this package mailed.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but the Post Office closed five minutes ago.”
“Sir, this is urgent!”
The poststallion shrugged. “I suppose you are a princess, so I guess it’s okay to bend the rules a little bit. Unfortunately, all of our delivery ponies have left for the day except one, so I’ll have to give you… uh, Derpy over there.” He jerked his head back at the wall-eyed pegasus blowing bubbles behind him and made a “crazy” motion with his hoof.
“I’m sure Ms. Ditzy Doo is a very competent delivery mare.” Twilight said with a slight glare at the postmaster.
He shrugged as if to say, “well, it’s your package.” Twilight levitated it over towards Derpy. “Hey, can you deliver this package to, um, this address?” She fished a piece of paper out of her saddlebags.
The Pegasus took the piece of paper (upside down) and nodded. “It’ll be there in no time, Ms. Princess, ma’am.” She saluted, knocking herself backwards and tripping over the mailroom counter.
“Well, alright then. I’ll leave that in your hooves,” Twilight said, raising her eyebrows.
* * *
Three years later.
There was a crash as a box dropped through the roof of Canterlot castle and onto Princess Celestia's head. A rainbow-maned head popped out.
“Dear Princess Celestia,” Rainbow Dash intoned. “Today I learned that shipfics suck.”
Author's Note
Yup. It was a trollfic. For April Fools. Har har har.
