The Music Mare

by Forefront1

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 1712

The story of "The Music Man" played by ponies

Life for a travelling salespony is tough. Non stop work, travelling here and there, and overall hatred from the ponies you are trying to sell products to. Plus, it doesn't help when a con mare travelling Equestria ruining the reputation of sales ponies. However, it does seem strange that a simple mare can swindle towns out of thier hard earned bits by promising a band for the kids. Eventually, this con mare stumbles on to a little town know as Ponyville and she might have just met her match.

A retelling of the musical "The Music Man". All characters have the same names but are being written to fit their roles. Plus song parodies will occur but can be skipped. All ideas for the songs go to the writer of "The Music Man", Meredith Willson, and I did not create the cover art.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-12 09:30:07 UTC

Canterlot Island

The Music Mare

The Summer Sun Celebration, usually Equestria's happiest day. Every town from Trottingham to Appleloosa was getting ready for the big celebration, even if they couldn't attend the main ceremony. This main ceremony was no mere party or gathering. It was Canterlot's biggest event all year, the day Celestia herself would publicly raise the sun. Ponies from every corner of Equestria flooded the streets and hotels, trying desperately to find a place for the night. It wasn't odd for most hotels to be booked solid, literally everypony was dying to see the grand ceremony in the morning. Well, almost every pony.

At that very moment a certain stallion with a brown mane and a sandwich cutie mark who was simply selling instant parties was desperately running for his life to leave Caterlot. He had only been there a short time, however, that was enough time to get some of the most well known citizens in Canterlot angry at him. He had run for about three miles trying to evade the mob by running through alleyways, over fences, and even through an old ponies home, but the crowd relentlessly chased him. Running out of time and breath, he was just around the corner from his last hope, the train station. If he could catch the next train out of town then he could be home free. He already had a "Board Anytime" ticket, courtesy of a very cute train attendant; so all he had to do was get on. Just as he turned the corner he saw the train still at the station. Just as he began his final sprint he heard something that crushed his spirits.

"ALL ABOARD!" Shouted the conductor stepping on the train.

For a moment Cheese Sandwich couldn't think of anything worse. Until...

"There he is!" Screamed a very irate Blueblood. "Get him!"

Without hesitation, Cheese began his final sprint.

"Stop the train! STOP THE TRAIN!" He shouted in despair.

Unaware of his pleas the train sputtered to life and began to slowly pull out of the station.

Less than 1000 feet away Cheese Sandwich ran faster than ever before, all without turning to face the angry ponies behind him. He leaped on to the station, dodging ponies, bags, and even the occasional bench. Just as the train finally pulled away from the station he took a leap of faith off of the platform, barely landing on the final platform. He quickly got inside and caught his breath, finally free of his chasers. After straightening his hat and making sure he didn't lose his merchandise he continued into the train to find his seat.

As the train picked up speed and sped away from the station the mob looked over at it in disgust. Just as one member of the royal guard began to round up some men to pursue the train Blueblood stopped them.

"Let that commoner go," He said with an annoyed flip of his mane. "I think he got the message. Plus he's not worth our time. I think that's the last sales-pony we'll see in Canterlot for a while."

Safely on board of the train, Cheese Sandwich looked around for a place to sit. In the seats next to some normal ponies he saw some other sales-ponies that he had met on his travels. Flim and Flam were sitting together talking to Iron Will the Minotaur. Donut Joe was also talking to "The Great and Powerful Trixie". None of them seemed happy. Cheese found his seat with the others just as the train pulled into it's first stop. It was a small town, usually just used as a water stop so not many ponies got off. However, only two normal ponies remained in the sales-ponies car, not to mention a strange pony in the back covered by a trench coat and hidden behind a newspaper. After a few moments a rather elderly conductor walked into their car and shouted:

"Ponyville, next stop Ponyville!"

After the conductor left Cheese decided to join his acquaintances in their conversation. After a quick hello to the new passenger Donut Joe continued.

"You guys are stupid. You can't keep giving your customers refunds if they aren't satisfied.

Just outside the car they heard the conductor shout.

"All Aboard!"

It was at this time Cheese gave his two bits in the conversation.

"How come?" Cheese asked with suspicion.

Your customers will walk all over you. Right Iron Will? Joe asked his friend.

Right! Iron Will responded in a stern voice.

"Flim, Flam, you guys don't give refunds right? Joe said, further emphasizing his point.

"Indeed." Flim responded with certainty.

"Correct sir." Flam said right after his brother.

"Trixie what about you?" Joe said, gesturing to her.

"Refunds? Of course not." Trixie responded in disgust.

"Just like everypony else!' Joe said throwing his hooves in the air.

Just then the train began to putter to life and pull away from the station; and the sales-ponies continued to speak, in rhythm.

=======

Bits for the Merchandise-

Bits for the donut-hooks-

Bits for the party favors-

Bits for the birthday cake-

Bits for the chocolate covered-

Bits for the jelly filled-

Bits for the candy and the soda and the ice cream.

Bits for the cider, bottle and tonic.

Bits for the transport and the export and the crowd control.

Look whadayatalk, whadayatalk,

whadayatalk, whadayatalk, whadayatalk.

Wheredayagitit?

Whadayatalk?

Ya can talk, ya can talk, ya can bicker ya can talk, ya can bicker, bicker bicker ya can talk all ya want

but is different than it was.

No it isn't, no it isn't but you have to know the territory.

Chi, Chi, Chi, Chi, Chi, Chi, Chi.

It was the hot air balloon

Made the trouble,

Made the ponies want to go

Wanna get wanna get

wanna get up and go

7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 24, 25

miles up to Canterlot-

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Who's gonna listen to

a crazy out of town sales-pony

in their town anymore?

Whadayatalk,whadayatalk.

Wheredayagitit?

Gone, gone.

Gone with the cider, bottle and tonic.

Gone with the chocolate covered, sprinkle covered, ice cream.

Gone with the Bits, and the fame, and the fun.

Ever meet a lady by the name of Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie?

Pie!

No!

Just a minute, just a minute, just a minute-

Never heard of any sales-pony Pie-

Now she doesn't know the territory-

Doesn't know the territory?

What's the lady's line?

Never worries 'bout her line.

Never worries 'bout her line?

Or a ding-dong thing.

She's just a Bang beat, Bell-rigin',

Big haul, Let's go,

Neck-or-nothin', Bit gettin'

Move-it-or-lose-it type sales-pony,

that's little miss Pinkie Pie, Pinkie Pie.

Tell us, what's her line?

What's her line?

She's a fake, and she doesn't know the territory!

Look whadayatalk, whadayatalk,

whadayatalk, whadayatalk.

She's a music mare.

She's a what? She's a what?

She's a music mare and she sells clarinets to the kids in the town with the big trombones and the rat-a-tat

drums, big brass bass, big brass bass, and the piccolo, the piccolo with uniforms, too with a shiny gold braid

on the coat and a big red stripe runnin'-

Well, I don't know much about bands but I do know you can't make a living selling big trombones, no sir.

Tubas and horns, perhaps and here and there a big drum-

No, the lady sells bands, kids bands. I don't know how she does it but she lives like a queen and she dallies

and she gathers and she plucks and she shines and when the mare dances, certainly friends, what else? The princess pays her! Yes sir ,yes sir,yes sir, yes sir, when the mare dances, certainly friends, what else?The princess pays her!

Yes sir! Yes sir!

But she doesn't know the territory!

=======

The train shook to a sudden stop almost sending the sales-ponies to the ground. As they were getting up and checking for any injuries the conductor called back into the train car.

"Ponyville! Ponyville!" He shouted in a tired tone. "Ponyville! We're cross the county line into Ponyville! Population 74. All Aboard!" He said as he walked to the front of the train.

"All right, if you all will get the cotton out of your ears, I think I'll tell you about Pinkie Pie." Trixie said picking herself up and standing on a seat above the other sales-ponies.

"Wait, you really know Pinkie Pie?" Iron will asked curiously.

"I have never met her," Trixie began bitterly. "But I do know this. She's the one giving every sales-pony a bad reputation. After she's visited a town the next sales-pony to enter gets chased out of the city by an angry mob." Trixie said angrily while stomping her hoof on the seat.

"Why would people be angry because of her?" Cheese Sandwich asked remembering what happened in Canterlot.

"Because, the only way she can sell band instruments is to form a band in the town with herself as the leader." Trixie pointed out.

"So? What's wrong with that?" Iron will asked, clearly confused.

"Because she doesn't know one note from another! She'd confuse a bugle with a flower pot! I swear, one day I'm gonna get that Pie and when I do..." Trixie shouted in fury.

"Whoa, take it easy Trixie!" Donut Joe said calming her down. "You'll get her one day."

"Yeah," Trixie sighed, straightening herself up. "But not today, not in Ponyville. Even "Pinkie Pie the Magnificent" wouldn't dare try to sell to these ponies out here." She said taking her seat in defeat.

Just as everypony took their seats the conductor called a final time.

"All Aboard!"

Suddenly the strange pony got up in the back and walked to the doors, just as the train was starting up.

"You know, you guys got me thinking, maybe I should check out Ponyville." The stranger said collecting their bags.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Trixie asked the stranger.

"Oh..." The strange pony began as the turned to face Trixie.

There in her hooves was a large black suitcase that read:

Property

of

Pinkie Pie

"No pony special." She said with a sly grin as she hopped off of the moving train.