Author's Note

Cried writing this one out. Enjoy.

~Dragon

Chapter Six: Alone

That image again.

That damned image. It taunted Foxfire as she slept, forcing her to weep as she watched it replay again and again. Her mother’s last words rang in her head, pounding themselves into her already fractured mind.

Be safe and strong, my child. I love you…

Foxfire woke up, tears still streaking her face and blurring her vision. She squinted her eyes, remembering very vividly all of the foul things she’d done. At the time, those actions seemed like good ideas, but now...all she felt was painful guilt over them. Blood stained her hooves, and she could not change it no matter how much she wished for it.

“I’m not strong…” Foxfire murmured, her voice cracking. “I’m just a bad freak...who gives into impulse…”

The taunts of her former bullies rang in her mind again, and there could not have been any more truth behind them now.

They had been right all along to call her a monster. That was exactly what she had become.

“I hate myself…” Foxfire murmured, sitting up on the green bed. She stared at the pillow, stained in her tears, as if it had something she sought out. “I’m a freak...parasite…” She continued, her body shaking slightly. She threw her head high and shrieked, “WHY AM I ALLOWED TO LIVE?!”

Her cry probably echoed throughout half the damn hive now. A few changelings had gathered at the entrance of her room, puzzled looks dotting their faces.

“Why can’t I just die…?” Foxfire complained, her chest tightening up. “I just want to burn in Tartarus…”

The changelings exchanged glances with one another, and none of them said a word.

Foxfire shook again, merely whimpering uncontrollably at this point. She shed more tears than ever before, her voice raspy and dry as she sat there mumbling incoherently.

Everything’s going to be alright…

Another memory she latched onto. Foxfire shook again, mumbling, “I just want to feel mother hug me again…” But here, she could not see that her wish would come true.

Her mother had been stowed away.

“Nothing’s going to be okay…” Foxfire whimpered, the tears hurting her eyes as they streaked down her muzzle. “I’m hideous...for starters…” More tears left her eyes, twinkling like diamonds as they descended down her face and to the bed. “And I did bad things...selfishly...”

The changelings at the entrance exchanged another glance amongst themselves.

“A bad pony...who does bad things...can’t be allowed to live…” Foxfire continued, still more tears leaking from her eyes. “And yet, I live…can’t I just die…?”

Everything’s going to be alright…

Foxfire looked up at the rocky ceiling despondently, jaw hanging open a bit. “It honestly feels good doing bad things, but when they’re done...why do they hurt days after?” She asked, her words aimed towards nothing in particular. “Why...just why...I want to die..when will I die?” She hung her head in shame again.

The mare shook again. “I just want to go back home…” She murmured. “This is all a bad dream…”

Be safe and strong…

“I CAN’T!” Foxfire suddenly yelled, stomping a hoof into the bed. “A good pony doesn’t do bad things and be strong at the same time!”

The changelings who still lingered by the entrance went slack-jawed at this.

“If I hadn’t been born, then my parents wouldn’t have died…” Foxfire murmured. “And none of these bad things would’ve happened…”

One changeling approached her, even going so far as to sit on the bed next to her and pat her on the back with its hoof. Eyes slanted, and a frown was on its fanged muzzle. “Hey, it’s alright--” It started.

Foxfire snapped her head towards the changeling, her muzzle inches from its. “IT’S NOT ALRIGHT!” She shrieked, causing the changeling to wince as if stung. “It’s never going to be alright! I’ve done bad things, and through some fucking miracle, I’m still alive!” She turned away, head hanging low again.

Everything’s going to be alright…

The changeling sighed, its horn glowing. Green fire enveloped its form, and when it dissipated, there was a mare with a beige pelt and brown mane sitting next to her with evergreen eyes. “My child,” The disguised changeling started, its voice nowhere near that of her mother’s, “it’s alright. I’m here.”

For a moment, Foxfire looked at the creature that took the guise of her mother, only to look away again. “No, it’s not…” She pouted, moving her forelegs so she could lay down. That image played in her mind again, and she dug her face into the pillow. She knew the creature next to her was an imposter, albeit one that was trying to make her feel better.

The imposter sighed, then returned to its normal form. It got off from the bed and trotted out the room, and the other changelings who still lingered at the entrance followed it as it left.

Another one trotted in, immediately assuming the guise of a familiar pegasus. “Foxfire,” She said calmly, “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” Foxfire replied, her voice muffled by the pillow.

Rainstorm trotted to the bed and took her place next to the despondent hybrid. “You’re...still mourning, right?” She asked.

“I want my old life back…” Foxfire answered, raising her head from the pillow. “It just hurts so much…I can’t live with the blood on my hooves...”

Rainstorm winced, a pang of guilt wrenching her heart. “Sometimes, I think that too…” She sighed, causing the crying mare to look at her. “Sometimes...I cry over the past…”

“You do…?” Foxfire asked, eyes still leaking with tears.

“Yes. I’m also a hybrid.” Rainstorm confessed with a nod. “Mom ousted me out when I was small.”

“Why?” Foxfire asked, blinking her bloodshot eyes.

“Well...she never wanted me. And she did get that message across.” Rainstorm answered, now tearing up herself. “After that, I came here, and...my so-called father did things to me, like what Gale did to you.”

Foxfire was silent, absorbing this new information.

“When I was strong enough, I had to kill him. And, until I met you, I was alone. I had nobody.” Rainstorm added, tears trailing down her face. “The other changelings jeered at me, and so did the ponies. Harsh words, insults, you name it.”

Foxfire kept quiet, blinking and causing more tears to trickle down her face.

“Frankly, I envy you because you had loving parents. I wanted to be in your horseshoes...at least, until I saw that image of the fire…” Rainstorm confessed. “I’m sure they want to know where you are, to see if you’re safe...but they’re gone now.”

Foxfire silently shed more tears, her jaw working up and down. No words could come.

“I know…it hurts. If they were still alive now, they’d be worried sick--like good parents ought to be. But they’re dead and gone, probably watching you above or below in the afterlife somewhere. I’m sure they want to hold you again, but they can’t. They wanted you to stay innocent, but...it seemed like it was impossible.” Rainstorm sighed, shedding more tears herself. “I heard from the full-fledged changelings they can hear the voices of the dead Queens and Princesses and such, but I guess I couldn’t hear any of it myself.”

She paused, using a hoof to wipe away Foxfire’s river of tears. “You can’t hear the dead ones either?” She asked.

Foxfire shook her head.

Rainstorm sighed. “I guess your mother would be trying to comfort you, even now. Perhaps we’ll find a way to let you hear her, despite the fact she’s dead.”

Foxfire worked her jaw again, but her words still refused to come. A hoof gently came and held her chin up.

“I know. The pain’s too much to bear for one hybrid.” Rainstorm cooed, her words giving Foxfire a sense of warmth, akin to what her own mother had given her. “I guess...fate drew us together, two misfits in a cruel world who lost everything but their lives.”

Foxfire wanted to nod, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Ponies and changelings alike treat me like I’m dirt. Your end? I’m amazed the whole hive is giving you different. I dunno why, maybe it’s because you’re a Queen-to-be.” Rainstorm sighed, more tears streaking down her face. “I mean, think about it: royalty gets pampered, has guards, and sometimes even get practically spoonfed.”

Foxfire did see the logic in that.

“Sometimes, I find myself waking up crying. I just wanted a normal life like you, and instead, I get a harsh reality--one full of pain, sorrow, you name it. One of these days, if she’s still around, I can visit my mum and give her a piece of my mind. But she’s so far away.” Rainstorm said, tears still streaking down her face.

Foxfire blinked, shaking a bit.

“You want to know why she’s so far away?” Rainstorm asked. Foxfire nodded. “Well, she’s all the way up in Canterlot, as close to Princess Celestia and her sister Luna as can be. Once I was ousted out, she played the complete bitch card and told the guards to kill me on sight if they ever saw me in Equestria. I’m amazed I’m still alive.”

Foxfire shed more tears at the mere image Rainstorm relayed to her.

“Yeah, from what I’ve seen, Canterlot nobility’s a bunch of rubbish.” Rain sighed, closing her eyes. “I can’t help but feel we’re alike in so many ways, Foxfire, I really do. We’re both broken, battered, and sometimes do bad things after we give in to our rage. And what happens? We feel guilty afterwards. Life’s just cruel sometimes, isn’t it?”

Foxfire nodded again. It was all she could do at this point.