*Sigh*
…
“What’s taking her so long?”
…
“C’mon you crazy blue horse! You’re never late!”
…
“Fucking Lun--”
“I’m here! I’m here!”
There she is! Luna bounded around the corner of the hedges and slid to a stop in front of my pedestal.
“There you are! You know I get all worried and stir crazy when you’re late like that!”
She gazed up at me with an apologetic look that was quite exquisite if I do say so myself.
“I have a legitimate excuse this time! Remember the changeling moles last Thursday?”
“Yeah, how could I not? I’m pretty sure they were fucking in the bushes before they got caught.”
“Tia thought it prudent to increase the guard around my room for ‘protection’. I had a harder time sneaking out than usual." Her face scrunched up for a second. "Also eww.”
“Damn right eww. The noises they made were just so fucking unatur--”
“Too much information Terry!”
I guffawed uproariously. I always enjoyed riling her up like that.
Especially with sex jokes.
“If you are quite done laughing about the machinations of changeling intercourse, I’d like to get started. Tia allowed me to go into the restricted section for a reason I made up, so I have some new ones this week.”
“By all means, go ahead.”
I watched silently as Luna lit up her horn, several books of varying age and thickness floated out of her mane.
Fucking!-- Why!?
Out of said mane also came a red picnic blanket, a full tea set, and some light snackage.
How she manages to not get it tangled or sticky I’ll never know.
Everything was set up in no time under the half moon’s gentle light. She plopped down on the blanket and cracked open the nearest book.
“We’ll start with Starswirl’s 'unabridged' notes on the Elements of Harmony. Maybe that will get us somewhere.”
I highly doubted it. Every week for twenty-five hundred years we’ve been at this and still no fruit to be borne. It made for some excellent debate topics though!
God when did I turn into such a fag?
Oh yeah! That…
(2,536 Years ago)
“Goddamn do I look sexy.”
It took thirty seconds for my retarded ass to figure out that I said that out loud. A quick survey of the hotel room confirmed that I was alone, and perfectly safe from the burning ridicule of Justin and Beth. I looked back to the mirror and continued to admire the almost year-and-a-half project that I had worked and saved up for.
It was a perfect, to-scale rendition of Terrorblade from Dota 2. Countless steel strips and freedom dollars came together to create the badass armor I inhabited. The purple and blue stained strips clanked together as I did another pose, checking the heavy ass metal wings welded to the back and the massive pair of horns that adorned my head.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
I walked out of the hotel room, hunched over, to get the horns through the door and continued to do so for the sake of the ceiling.
One might say to oneself: “Hey Terry! Why didn't you just make a smaller version and use that?”
Well let me answer that for you fully fledged citizen! When I was very young I was diagnosed with Gigantism, making my growth hormones go all outta whack until I was about twenty-nine and seven foot, eleven inches. I was a big fucking dude, but so was Terrorblade. When Comic Con rolled into San Diego, I knew who I was going to be, the giant Dota fag that I am.
I crouched again to get into the elevator bound for the lobby. The people inside all complimented me, to which I responded with in my beep baritone: “I will repay this debt.”
God that felt good.
When I stepped out into the lobby I was showered in more praise and commendations. For once it felt good to be the tall guy in the room.
“Yo Terry! Over here man!”
I could recognize that scratchy voice anywhere. Standing near the entrance of the hotel was my best friend Justin, dressed in a Nanosuit 2.0, and his girlfriend Beth, who apparently ‘Didn’t get the appeal of playing dress up in public.'
Pleb.
In due time we all made our way to the convention center a couple of blocks down the road. When we showed our tickets and got inside, it. Was. Glorious!
Row, upon row, upon row of random crap waiting for us. An all you can eat buffet of nerdage, discovery, and Cheeto dust, splayed out like a beautifully fat gamer chick.
And all for us.
“Onetwothreego!”
With my final battle cry I charged straight into the crowds of people. I had a thousand dollars to spend, and five hours before they closed up. I had plenty of time.
With my mind set on where to go first, I made my way to the more game centered portion of the con using my towering height and found what I was looking for.
A shop filled to the brim with game-themed weapons.
I browsed the selection for something cool, when I came upon... a thing. Something that could not in any way shape or form, be a coincidence. Hanging up on a rack were a pair of glaives. Glaives not unlike the ones Terrorblade used in-game.
That was fucking creepy as shit and squeal inducing at the same time.
I pointed to the glaives. “How much?”
The man behind the counter with the huge nose turned to me. “Two-fifty each.”
“Done.”
I literally threw my money at him, not caring that I just wasted half my dosh on two things. I was just so fucking happy!
Picking up the glaives I tested their weight. Perfectly balanced, sharp and edgy, and glowing. All seemed to be in ord--.
…
Glowing?
My body fell deathly still and a numbness began creeping its way through my body from my hands. The last thing I felt before blacking out was the sensation of being dunked in water.
(Present Day)
“Ugh! Nothing In here either! Starswirl you piece of manure!”
She chucked the book a good fifteen feet away where it landed on the damp grass.
“Luna, no need to get anal about it. It’s just one book out of the other thousands we’ve tried. Why get uppity about this one?”
Luna let out a sorrowful sigh and collapsed back onto the blanket.
“I guess I just expected him of all ponies to know at least something about the stone spells that the Elements seem to have an affinity for.”
She laid her head on the ground and sighed again.
“I was getting my hopes up for this one. Hoping that there would be at least something to try. Guess it was just wishful thinking.”
I looked upon the downtrodden Lunar Princess and felt the need to comfort her in some way. Mopey women were my kryptonite and awakened my inner white knight.
“Hey, maybe we need a little wishful thinking. Something to keep the hopes up ya’know? Shit I'm not good at this. Don’t feel so bad about it Lulu, I hate seeing you sad,”
That got a little smile out of her which in turn made me smile inwardly, as I had not a mouth the smile with.
“Mmm, you always know how to treat a girl right don’t you.”
I scoffed. “Are you kidding me? I was the biggest, no pun intended, spazlord of all my peers. My social skills with girls is in the negatives sister. It’s a wonder how I got you to stick around as long as you did!”
She let out a cute little giggle. “You know why. Stacked upon your ‘bountiful’ charm you are my best friend. I place emphasis on that for a reason. And if anything my sister’s student was taught holds weight, than friends help each other out in times of need. Am I wrong?”
“No.”
“That’s right. Just remember what you did for me okay?"
Smug little… She's right though. If I wasn't a statue I’d ruffle that hair so hard. I’d probably lose my hand though. I’d wager there was a black hole in there or some shi--.
…
“Luna? When did you guys plant moving black vines in the maze?”
Luna looked around, oblivious to the thin vine that poked through the earth underneath her.
“I see no black vines. Perhaps your vision is-- Gak!”
Instantaneously, several larger vines spread from a trapdoor-like patch of grass and latched onto Luna. One wrapped around her horn and another wrapped around her midsection, grounding her. Others grabbed her in varying places on her legs.
“LUNA!”
She immediately began struggling and writhing in the grip of the vines, only for them to get tighter, causing her eyes to pop open and look fearfully around. Then the vines started doing what I feared the most, dragging her down into the ground.
“NO!”
Her eyes finally set on me. We looked at each other as time seemed to slow. She closed her eyes, and did something that moved me in a way that I cannot describe.
She began to cry.
Seeing the hot tears flow down her cheeks caused my metaphorical blood to boil to dangerous temperatures. All I could think about was anger, anger, anger, ANGER! Anger for the vines, anger for Celestia who trapped me in this prison, and anger for myself for not being able to act as Luna was dragged to her unknown fate.
Anger turned into hate, and hate turned into…
Rage.
Rage!
RAGE!
Cracks began to form on the surface of the stone that was me. From those cracks shone an icy cyan light. I felt it, my rage was bringing me back to life! I fed the fires of my other half more and the cracks continued to form. I turned my attention from myself to check on Luna--.
She was already halfway into the hole.
I could feel it! Unbridled power with a blood lust to match flowing through me. Just.. a little... more!
“The hunter demon RAGES!”
My statue exploded outwards in a cascade of rubble and light. The dust didn’t even begin to settle before I hurled ball of light and demon-fire at the closing door of grass. I stomped my way on cloven hooves over to the patch that held the cursed plant. I had grown to over eleven feet high with an extra foot from my horns. My wings now extended outward, spilling liquid shadow on the grass like a tainted river spring. My head now resembled more of a skull than a human head, with a gaping mouth and eye sockets that glowed a ghostly cyan.
My rage continued to burn brightly in my new from as I ripped off the patch of grass to reveal a tunnel leading downwards. From within I could hear scraping, slithering, and a soft whimper.
My face glowed a fraction brighter. I raised my head to the heavens and bellowed a war-cry and a challenge to whatever had the gall to foalnap my best friend.
“Izh icha safras!”
Author's Note
"Izh icha safras" = "You will suffer."
So that's that, an angry Terrorblade stomping around while the princess is taken somewhere.
Pretty edgy if I do say so myself.
Updates are probably still going to be very sporadic for the time being, with me writing every time I'm free. Though with summer coming up and just about 27 days left in school, the pace will be picked up soon.
Terrorblade is best pub-stomper. Riki and Drow can suck it!
Stay classy Fimfic,
Not Luna
Ch2. I Am Hell's Foul Vomitus
Goddamn these vines are thick!
I cut my way through another thicket of tree branches and black vines and trudged on. It might have been easier to just smash through them in my other form, but that was out of the question. The rage in me had worn off hours ago when it was replaced by worry. I couldn't work up the anger I had in the maze no matter how hard I tried. I was just so fucking nervous!
I know where the vines took her, make no mistake. I just don’t know what their intention was. If I hadn't seen so much hentai in my day, I probably wouldn't be as worried as I am now. But still a little bit, damn things had thorns! If my hide weren't so thick I’d be covered in scratches.
Unfortunately, every time my arm or wing brushed against something, I had to stop and force the pain away. Being set in stone for so long did diddly-squat for my injuries. I still had the broken arm and dislocated wing from thousands of years ago. The worst, however, was the huge magical burn on my chest. The metal strips that once made up my former armor, were blackened and stung like all hell.
I needed to move, despite my injuries I needed to know at least what was happening in that cave. If only to leave and come back with an angry mob chasing me, I would do it.
I shook my head. “Now is not the time for thinking. Now is the time for action!”
I couldn't let myself be distracted when every second is precious as gold. I just needed to grit my teeth and march.
Another wall of vines cut with my right glaive while the other hung limply in my left, the broken one.
Carry on, carry on, like nothing really matters…
My mind went all but blank and my body on autopilot. My vision narrowed and locked on to the general direction of the soul energy’s flow in the vines. I've been walking for hours now! The tree can’t be too far away. Course, the sun and moon had yet to move from their places so I really didn’t have any sort of reference here.
Nothing in the Everfree looked the same either, the trees were more gnarly and twisted and the canopy had closed completely save for some clearings now and then. It was overall a more oppressive environment than when I first landed here.
No! Flashback, later! Luna, now!
*pssss*
*cough*
What the fuck?
*pssss pssss*
*cough wheeeeze*
That sounded like it was just up ahead!
I increased my pace to try n’ see what the spraying and coughing noises were. It looked like there was another clearing up ahead, so I eased myself into the thick brush, minding my wing and arm, and looked through the leaves.
“What the fuck?”
I seem to be repeating that phrase a lot. It looked like the alicorn in the picture Luna showed me a couple of days ago. She was a unicorn that ascended apparently. The alicorn part didn’t catch my attention though, what did was the vine… things that circled around her, spraying some kind of shit in her face.
I couldn't let this stand. Not only was she invaluable to me in finding Luna, it was also just the right thing to do. I couldn't go out there in my current state however. I needed a distraction. I looked around in the bush for anything to help, when I spied a small rock at my feet.
“Perfect.”
I banished my right glaive and picked up the rock. Giving a few tosses I let it fly to the far side of the clearing. It did it’s job by making a commotion among the underbrush over there. As expected, the fly trap things all turned their attention to where the rock landed.
“Insert battle cry here!”
I sprinted out from the bush with my glaive back in my hand and severed the nearest fly trap. When they felt their brother had fallen, the other fly traps turned and converged on me. I cut the one that got closest in half and the others began to get more wary, sensing a real threat. They circled me, waiting for a weakness in my defenses.
“Good, if they are all on me, that alicorn has time to recover.”
One of them noticed my dislocated wing and flew to hit that. When I heard the rush of air, I spun around to greet him with the tip of my glaive. This however, didn’t stop my wing from flopping around, making me feel like my back had caught fire. I bit back the pain while another three fly traps emerged from the ground.
“C'mon purple! Wake up!”
*pssss*
“Shit!”
One of the fly traps had the bright idea of spraying me in the face. It didn’t make me dizzy and disoriented like purple did, but it did distract me. I barely had enough time to register the rushing wind before a fly trap slammed into my chest. If it felt like my back was on fire before, my chest felt like someone had just poured fresh molten steel on it. The blow sent me flying back into the brush, right on my wings.
*Crack!*
Yep, now the other one’s broken too.
I was in too much pain to get back up. It was like my body was intentionally locking up due to the agony I was experiencing. If the ringing in my ears had subsided or if I unclenched my eyes, I probably would have noticed the scuffle going on in the clearing.
For what felt like an eternity, but was really about thirty seconds, I laid there. I was helpless, in agony, and alone. If I could die, I would be wishing for it. I almost didn’t notice the feeling of something soft touch my cheek.
“Mister? Can you hear me?”
I merely grunted, both in pain and acknowledgement. The voice took that as its cue to do something. I felt the all too familiar tingling of magic and was lifted up. The voice kept me there for a good bit, probably examining my injuries, before setting me back down on my right side. I banished both my glaives, they only would have gotten in the way at this point.
“There we go. I’m sorry I don’t know any advanced healing magics, but I’ll try to make you as comfortable as possible.”
“Twilight! What in heaven’s name are you doing over there!?”
The female voice, now identified as Twilight, turned her head to the direction of the other voice. “I’ll be right there girls! Just give me a minute!”
She looked down at me again. “I promise I’ll come right back. I have to take care of these vines. Don’t try to move, okay?”
She looked like she was about to get up and walk away.
“Wait.”
She looked startled. Whether it was because of the demonic effect my voice had, or the fact that I had spoken at all, I didn’t know.
“What is your name?”
She smiled slightly. “I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. And yourself?”
“Terrorblade.” I said as I opened my eyes.
I saw the trepidation flash across her face from my name and the glow of my eyes.
“But you can call me Terry if you like.” I added sheepishly trying to ease her fears.
The smile returned. “I think I would like that.”
“Twilight! Hurry up! I’m getting stir crazy!”
“Coming!”
She trotted to the edge of the clearing before looking back to me one more time. “I’ll be right back.”
With that, she and a crowd of other ponies of varying colors disappeared into the forest from whence they came.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax with the pain I was feeling. It was surprisingly easy as it started to numb down after a while. It would probably do me a lot of good to get some shuteye. Being encased in stone for a couple thousand years, hiking several miles on pure adrenaline, and fighting vicious fly traps can be very taxing. I was asleep within minutes.
Okay now we can have the flashback!
(2,536 Years ago)
All around me I could hear it: the birds chirping, the branches swaying with the breeze, and the cicadas playing their sweet sonata. I didn’t want to believe it, and yet all the signs were around me. I even wished to deny the fact that I could feel the grass underneath me, as if my suit were my skin.
I layed there, face down, in a state of shock for ten more minutes before I got up and looked around. After the feeling of being dunked in water, I had woken up in a forest of some kind. A clearing to be more precise. All around me the trees were thick and tall. The canopy only partially covered the sky, and the places where the sunlight did drift down, underbrush and grass flourished. I could now see the cicadas and birds, singing together, a beautiful duet of nature. I listened for a bit to the sounds of their harmonics, then stood up and decided I needed a good place to look at myself.
I walked for a good bit in a random direction before stumbling upon a natural reservoir made by a babbling brook. I inched closer, afraid of what I might see, considering I moved so much more fluidly in my suit than in San Diego. I peered over the edge of the pond… and was not surprised in the least.
The eye holes and mouth hole that I had left in the helmet of the suit now glowed with a bright cyan light and moved every time I opened my mouth or blinked.
“I’m getting too old for this shit.” I’m only thirty-six but you get the picture.
I wasn't surprised by the sound of my own voice either, just silently accepting. I've read enough stories online about this type of situation to know that there is almost no way back to Earth at this point.
*sigh* “Maybe I should try to find some civilization.”
At least it’s a step in the right direction. Maybe this brook leads somewhere? I began to follow it upstream in hopes of finding a place to get some quests.
Heh, at least I've still got my sense of humor.
“Psst. Terry! Wake up!”
I was roused from my dream memory by the voice of that Twilight character form before. I was still on the forest floor, but it was noticeably darker than before. The vines were also gone.
“Huh? Wazzit?”
“Shh. Don’t speak. I snuck away from the party we were having to get you, but I think I'm being followed.”
She frantically looked around, ears swiveling to catch any noises being made.
“I think we’re clear.”
“Hold on,” I interjected, having an idea. “let me try something.”
I concentrated energy into my eyes and switched to my own patent-pending Soul Vision. Through this, I could see souls within living creatures. I saw Twilight and her lavender soul. The cicadas and birds were asleep, but I could still see their mundane, non-sentient grey souls. I looked a little farther out and saw… no way.
Hiding in the bushes a few meters away, was an alicorn shaped mass of familiar cyan soul energy.
Luna.
I immediately tried to get up and go to her, only to be pushed down by Twilight.
“Terry, I told you not to move!”
I struggled against her magical bonds as best I could.
“Let. Me Go!”
Luna’s soul energy made a graceful bound from the bushes of which it was hiding, leaving a blurry trail of light that dissipated when she stopped at the center of the clearing. She pointed a hoof at Twilight.
“Ha! We found you... Twilight… Sparkle.”
Her eyes set on me, and time seemed to slow for a second. She opened and closed her mouth again and again, trying to find the right words. I didn’t fare much better. My own mind was still racing from the overwhelming circumstances that brought her to me. I mean, anyone could have followed Twilight! It could have been Celestia and all her demon hating malice, or any one of her supposed friends. Someone could have even followed Luna!
But it wasn't and no one did.
It was her. She was here.
It was enough for me to pass out, knowing that everything was going to be just fine.
“How did you find him?” Luna asked in an uncharacteristically soft voice, not wanting to wake Terry up.
“I was going back to help my friends find you and Celestia, when I was attacked by Venus Flytrap vines in this clearing. Terry jumped out and fought them off long enough for my friends to arrive and finish the job. We needed to get rid of the vines, so I left him here to come back later.”
“You left him here!?” Luna whisperingly shouted.
“I couldn’t very well bring him back to Ponyville now could I? He absolutely reeks of demon magic! Any unicorn with a brain cell can put two and two together and get a mob going.”
Luna calmed down some, knowing that Sparkle had a point. She had her own experiences with Terry and the general public.
Not pretty.
“”You speak truth Sparkle, but it was not a wise decision to leave him here. What if and unsuspecting civilian had found him, or worse my sister? She has an unnatural hate for anything pertaining to the seven realms below and goes out of her way to remove any and all traces of it here. I just didn’t want anything happening to him is all.” She ended her statement of his safety with a chaste cheek nuzzle. She could feel that even though the plates that made up his face were metallic in nature, they were warm and had a slight give to them, as if it were flesh. Just like she remembered.
“I’m sorry Princess Luna, I was in a hurry and didn’t have time to think of anything better.” She lowered her head to the ground, out of shame.
Luna placed her hoof on Twilight’s chin, brought it up, and wrapped her forelegs around her. “You need not apologize Twilight. I probably would have done the same thing were I in your hooves.”
Twilight, not expecting the sudden contact, instinctively hugged Luna back.
They stayed like that for a solid five seconds before Twilight spoke up.
“Not that I don’t enjoy hugs or anything, but what are we going to do with him?”
Luna detached herself from her lavender cousin and thought for a second.
“I think the safest place for him right now is my chambers. It’s the last place Celestia would think to look, and I know she will start a search soon. Sister has made a habit of checking the gardens for missing statues every time something happens after Discord was freed the first time.”
As Luna was about to teleport Terry and herself to her room, Twilight spoke up.
“Wait! Can I come with you? I want to tell him thank you when he wakes up.”
Luna allowed a large, genuine smile to grace her features. “I think I can allow that. Come”
With that, they were all blinked away to Luna’s personal tower in Canterlot, leaving behind the clearing that could have been the grave of two exceptional individuals.
Author's Note
So second chapter of this thing yeah?
So today is double update Easter and I just wanted to tell you, if you didn't know, that this story is updating as well. Check this out!: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/126148/synthetic
Peace be with you
Not Jesu-- I mean Luna
