Chapters A Night (to Try) to Remember
A Night (to Try) to Remember
Part 1
Rarity inhaled deeply, letting the pleasant aroma of her drink fill her nostrils. The snifter glass gently shifted about, buoyed by her magical aura, and its burgundy contents swirled along the transparent walls. She tipped the glass to her lips, gracefully sipping its contents in a way that only years of cultured drinking could imbue. A satisfied smile crossed her lips as the cognac warmed her throat as it drained to her stomach. She was almost finished with her third glass of the night, which would put her just at her tolerance level for this particular beverage; such a shame that her friends didn't know their own tolerances.
At that thought, she looked about the bar from her seat in the corner booth. While she wasn't the type to normally socialize in such establishments, this bar was cultured enough for her tastes, being well designed, well built, and having a satisfactory selection of wines and spirits. Of course, the main reason she was there was because it was Twilight's idea: in her continuing studies of friendship, it had come to her attention that "social drinking" was a common activity among friends, which led her to suggest this outing to her own friends. The idea was met general agreement, though Fluttershy needed some convincing and reassurance, which took the form of Rainbow Dash and Applejack carrying her to the bar.
That had been that morning, now it was just after midnight. Rarity's eyes flitted about the establishment, taking stock of her friends and their varying conditions. Over to her left at a small circular table, Rainbow Dash was slumped over on the table's top while Applejack was sprawled out underneath it. The bottles and stacks of shot glasses served as a testament to their drinking contest. At the bar was Fluttershy, talking up a storm with another patron for at least the last hour. Rarity had to smile at that, though it was a shame that the pegasus had to ingest some alcohol in order to become more outgoing. Finally on the stage next to the karaoke machine were Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle, still belting out songs as they had been doing for the last couple of hours.
"Equestria Girls, we're kinda magical!
Boots on hooves, bikinis on top!
Furry coats, so cute we'll blow your mi-ind!"
Movement near the bar's entrance caught the white unicorn's eye. Shifting her gaze, she saw that it was Big Macintosh coming in. She finished the last of her drink and stood up, waving him over to her booth.
"Good evening, Macintosh, thank you for coming at such a late hour."
"Evenin', Miss Rarity," he greeted in return, causing her to giggle lightly.
"Darling, how many times must I tell you? Just 'Rarity' is fine."
He smiled sheepishly, "Sorry, ma'am – er, Rarity, force o' habit."
"It's quite alright. I do hope Caramel didn't have to wake you when he took my message to you."
"Nnope," he said with the shake of his head, "I was goin' over the farm's books for this week's sales."
"Oh good. Is Spike with you? I asked Caramel if he could get him as well."
"Eeyup, he's outside. The bouncer wouldn't let 'im in."
"Ah yes, he is too young, isn't he? I suppose we ought to get the girls together before he gets too upset."
"Eeyup," the stallion drawled again with a glance around the room. "So, uh, where's my sister?"
"To your right and down, dear," she called over her shoulder as she made her way to the small stage.
The red Clydesdale quirked an eyebrow upward at the unicorn's cryptic response but looked in the direction she specified anyway. Both eyebrows went up upon seeing his sister sprawled out on the floor, her hat somehow having migrated to her rump. He shook his head at the number of shot glasses that littered the table.
"Yer goin' to be feelin' that in the morning, Sis," he muttered. He gently picked her up by the scruff of her neck in his mouth and slung her over his back. Her only reaction was a slightly louder snore as he placed her hat back on her head. He stepped over to Rainbow Dash and cleared his throat. "S'cuse me, Miss Dash? I think it's time to head on home."
Dash remained slumped over the table.
Macintosh nudged her gently with his hoof, "Miss Dash?"
Dash slid off the table and crumpled heavily to the floor, her head landing with a resounding thump on the oak floorboards. Macintosh cringed and leaned over her.
"Erm…sorry?"
By this time, Rarity had returned with Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy in tow. Pinkie seemed to be about five seconds away from being sound asleep, her eyes half-closed as she stumbled into Twilight. The purple unicorn was acting just the opposite, bouncing on her hooves and giggling like she didn't have a care in the world. Finally, there was Fluttershy…
"Oh hello Big Macintosh, I didn't see you come in how are you doing? Is the farm doing well? I'm sorry if some of the animals I care for wander in there and take some of your apples; it's hard to keep track of them sometimes. I mentioned that to Applejack earlier and she said it wasn't a problem but I wanted to apologize to you too since it's your farm too. Oh is she asleep? I'm sorry I didn't realize she was I shouldn't be so loud right now but it's hard because I feel so happy and I'm not sure why, not that it's a bad thing, I mean I'm usually pretty happy but this is different for some reason and I just feel like sharing it with everypony – oh! This must be what Pinkie Pie feels all the time; how interesting don't you think that's interesting?"
Macintosh wasn't sure which surprised him more: the fact that the normally quiet, reserved pegasus just spoke more in the last thirty seconds than in the whole previous year or that she had done it in a single breath. He looked past her to the unicorn mare she had been talking to before, who appeared to still be unconsciously nodding towards Fluttershy's now-empty seat, her eyes glazed over. He realized that the yellow pegasus was looking at him with an expectant smile, waiting for his answer. His mind groped for something intelligent to say in response.
"Eeyup."
That wasn't it, but it seemed to satisfy the pegasus who then began a predominately one-sided conversation with Pinkie. Macintosh shifted his attention to Rarity, who had magically levitated Dash's prone form into the air for transport.
"What in Equestria did ya give that filly and how much?" he asked incredulously.
"Fluttershy? Oh, she just had that bottle at the booth table."
He examined the specified bottle, a smile of recognition crossing his face. "Hey, this is my uncle's hard cider brew!" His expression changed to one of confusion as his eyebrows knit together. "Wait, just this bottle? It ain't even empty! I've heard of lightweights, but that's jus' ridiculous."
"To be fair, she very rarely drinks anything stronger than a sarsaparilla. Speaking of whom, would you be willing to escort her back to her cottage? I would walk her myself, but I have Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie to get home and I think that may be a bit harder than I originally thought. Spike can help Twilight back to the library so I'm not worried about her."
The stallion shrugged, "Sure, I can manage that. Her cottage ain't too far from the farm anyway."
"Oh thank you ever so much," Rarity smiled in some relief. "Now, we all agreed to meet for lunch tomorrow at the Clover Café, will you remind Applejack if she forgets?"
"Eeyup, not a problem."
"Thank you, darling. Well, I must be off, have a good night!"
"You too, Rarity."
And with that, they separated, each taking their charges back to their respective homes for a night's rest.
******************
"You should've told me what y'all were plannin' on doin' last night, Sis, I could've given ya some advice."
"Like what?" came a groan from underneath a familiar Stetson.
"Like avoidin' a hangover," Macintosh drawled with no small irony.
Applejack groaned again and tried to pull her hat further down over her head. They were sitting at one of the large tables outside the Clover Café, a popular meal spot in town, waiting for the rest of their group to arrive. Surprisingly, Applejack had woken up that morning at a reasonable time, considering all that happened the night before. Likely it was her years of farm and keeping that schedule. Unsurprisingly, she had spent most of the morning in the bathroom getting herself on a first name basis with the toilet. By the time she had finished with the bathroom, it was time to head on over to the Café and Macintosh had insisted on coming with her. He had said it was to make sure that she didn't run into any problems while in her condition; Applejack figured he came just to be annoying. Presently, Fluttershy trotted up to the table.
"Mornin', Fluttershy," Macintosh greeted.
The yellow pegasus hid behind her mane, blushing lightly, "Oh, g-good morning, Big Macintosh; hello, Applejack. How are you this morning?"
"I'll be better once you stop screamin'," the farm mare muttered.
Fluttershy ducked her head, suddenly very contrite, "Oh dear, am I shouting? I'm sorry, I didn't realize it."
Big Macintosh chuckled, "You're fine, Fluttershy, AJ here's just bein' cranky 'cause of her hangover. Ain't that right, AJ?" The last part was said much louder than was necessary.
Applejack's whole body shuddered and she turned her head just enough for one eye to be visible, giving him a glare that could have killed a small animal, "Macintosh, when I feel alive again, I'm gonna shave yer mane off in yer sleep."
"Oh…my…" Fluttershy was wide-eyed at the exchange; Macintosh merely chuckled, obviously enjoying himself far too much to be worried about the threat. He shifted slightly to turn to Fluttershy, ignoring Applejack's death glare.
"How're you doin' after last night? You seem to be a fair sight better than AJ here."
Growl ...
"Don't be rude, AJ."
The pegasus' eye visible through the part in her mane barely made contact with his. "Oh, I'm…fine…I think."
Macintosh tilted his head curiously, concern evident in his eyes. "You 'think'? Is somethin' wrong?"
She shook her head. "Oh no no no, I mean, I don't think so. I just can't, well…" She trailed off into mumbling.
"Sorry, Fluttershy, I didn't quite catch that."
"She said she couldn't remember anythin' from last night," Applejack grumbled.
"Oh," the stallion chuckled, "I wouldn't worry much, Fluttershy, AJ's the same way right now." Another growl, which he ignored. "'Sides, I walked you home last night."
Her eyes widened as she shifted nervously. "Y-you did? Oh, um…t-thank you, Big Macintosh. Um…did anything happen that I should remember?"
Macintosh's countenance suddenly changed as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously and avoiding looking directly at Fluttershy. "Erm, well, nothin' really important, I mean, I guess some stuff did happen, but nothin' bad or anythin'."
Applejack actually raised her head off the table to give him a curious look, however Rainbow Dash's arrival sidetracked her from grilling him further. Dash sat down at the table with uncharacteristic deliberate ginger and looked around at the others through squinted eyelids.
"Hi orange blob who's probably Applejack, yellow blob that's Fluttershy, and big red splotch."
"Um, that's Big Macintosh, Rainbow," Fluttershy intoned.
Dash squinted harder at the stallion. "Oh, guess it is. Hiya, Big Mac."
"Mornin', Miss Dash."
"Ugh, just 'Rainbow Dash' or some variation thereof, please," she groaned and lay her head on the table. Fluttershy started rubbing her friend's back and was rewarded with a slightly more pleasant groan. "Pinkie Pie should be here soon, she said she'd be right behind me when I left Sugarcube Corner."
Sure enough, from the direction of Ponyville's popular sweet shop, came a bouncing pink pony. Peculiarly, her bounce was far slower than normal, going so far as to violate all known laws of physics as she was descending from the jump as slowly as she launched herself into it; it was though her whole body was trapped in slow motion. She landed softly and sat down next to Dash, her eyes eerily focused straight ahead, seemingly into infinity.
"She's been like that all morning," Dash commented, "I think this is her version of a hangover."
The other ponies nodded, it seemed to make sense, at least as much sense as anything related to Pinkie Pie could be. It was then that Horte Cuisine, the Café's earth pony owner, came to the table.
"Would you like to order, sir and madams?" he asked in his well-cultured accent.
"Um, some orange juice, if that's alright," Fluttershy said quietly.
"I'll have a mug of root beer," said Macintosh, "An' I think you'd better jus' get everypony else water, I think that's all they can handle right now."
"Bowl."
All eyes turned to Pinkie as soon as she spoke.
"Big bowl," she droned, eyes unmoving, "Please."
Both stallions arched an eyebrow at her.
"An' I guess make hers a big bowl of water if you can," Macintosh finished.
"As you wish." With that, the cream-colored stallion disappeared back into the Café proper. Shortly thereafter, a familiar white unicorn trotted over.
"Good morning, everypony!" Rarity greeted brightly.
Dash immediately covered her head with her forelegs, "Gah, cheerful pony at ten o'clock! Take cover!"
The fashionista giggled as she sat down, "Oh come now, Rainbow, surely it's not all that bad. Besides, weren't you the one bragging all of yesterday on how nopony else in all of Ponyville could match your stamina?"
Applejack smirked, "That was before she tried out-drinkin' this farm mare. Heh heh heh ow." Her chuckle was cut short by renewed throbbing in her noggin. Dash just grumbled and withdrew farther under her forelegs. Horte Cuisine returned a minute later with a platter of drinks in his mouth.
"I shall bring out Miss Pie's bowl in a moment," he said with a slight air of disdain as he passed out the drinks, "I do apologize for not bringing it out with the rest of the drinks."
"S'alright, Horte," Macintosh said, "Sorry, I forgot t' mention that there's a couple more comin' and Rarity just got here."
He glanced over to the newcomer, "Ah, so she has; what would you like, Miss Rarity?"
"A pomegranate seltzer would be fine, Horte, thank you," she smiled. Horte bowed and retreated back inside. She turned her attention to the gathered group, "And how are you all this beautiful morning?"
"Hurrgh." "Bleargh." "Oh, I'm fine." "Sun…so…bright."
"Then close your eyes, Pinkie."
"Oh yeah."
Rarity had to cover her mouth with a hoof to suppress a giggle. She truly felt bad for her friends, having suffered this ailment once or twice before herself, but she couldn't help but be struck by the amusing reactions they were having with their hangovers.
"Oh you poor dears," she finally said, "Don't worry, you'll recover soon enough."
"Soon enough ain't soon enough," Applejack muttered.
Just then, Horte returned again with Rarity's drink and Pinkie's bowl, which he carefully set down in front of the pink pony.
"Shall I get you a straw, Madame?" he asked. "Surely that would be more preferable than lapping it straight-"
Sploosh!
Pinkie pitched forward and planted her face squarely into the bowl, splashing some of its contents over the sides. Horte and Macintosh were the only ones of the group who showed any sort of reaction to the mare's peculiarity, staring befuddled at the bowl containing her partially submerged head. Rarity sipped demurely at her seltzer.
"It's quite alright, boys," she said, "She's normally like this. Horte, we'll let you know when the rest of our group arrives."
The stallion shook his attention away from Pinkie. "O-of course, Miss Rarity," he said and moved on to another occupied table to take its occupants' orders, away from the odd group.
Rarity looked around at the gathered group. "Odd that Twilight isn't here yet. She's usually so punctual."
"I hope she's alright," Fluttershy said in a worried tone, "Do you think she's still at the library?"
"She's in Canterlot," said Spike as he appeared beside the table, naturally taking the seat closest to Rarity. His statement drew questioning glances from the others.
"Canterlot?" Rarity asked, "Why is she in Canterlot? Did Princess Celestia summon her?"
"Well…not exactly, although the Princess did send me a note concerning Twilight," he explained, holding up a scroll bearing the Royal Seal. "See, things didn't go quite as planned last night and-"
A bright flash just off the main thoroughfare nearby caught everyone's attention. There, next to the road, stood a pair of unicorns, one dark blue and wearing glasses and the other…
"Oh, Twilight darling! Over here!" Rarity waved.
The blue unicorn mare glanced towards their table and smiled brightly, "Ooh, only a hundred feet off; it's been so long since I have done that, I half expected that we would end up in Trottingham. Splendid!"
"Yeah, wonderful," Twilight groaned, her very appearance like the posterfilly for death.
"There you are, Twilight!" Spike exclaimed as the mare pair approached, "I really wish you told me you were going take off like that last night. Not that I was worried or anything, it's just I'd rather know what you're planning before you spring it."
Twilight gingerly laid her head on the table and shut her eyes. "I didn't exactly plan it, Spike," she said in annoyance, "The alcohol messed with my magic receptors and I had trouble compensating properly."
"Oh yes, a unicorn must be extremely careful when ingesting such strong drinks," the blue mare said gravely as she sat next to Twilight, "You are very fortunate you made it through as unscathed as you did."
"'Unscathed'…right," the student repeated dryly.
"Hey uh, Twi?" Applejack spoke up, "Not to be rude or nothin', but are ya gonna introduce us to yer friend?"
"My apologies, Miss Applejack, I should have done so before we sat down," said the blue mare, "Sister suggested that I travel incognito since this is not a formal visit. I yielded to her wisdom in this matter, especially since I do not want to cause a scene. I do ask that you keep your voices down and your reactions to a minimum."
The ponies and dragon exchanged mystified glances with each other as the blue mare lifted her glasses off her nose and enveloped herself in a magical aura, briefly revealing an ethereal, starry mane and pair of wings in full regal glory. As her glasses floated back to her nose and she resumed her disguise, she noticed wide eyes and hanging jaws all around the table. She smiled apologetically.
"I do apologize for the subterfuge. As I said, I did not want to cause a scene, and please, just call me Luna."
Rarity was the first to recover from the shock. "O-of course, Your Maj – er, Luna." She turned to Twilight, "Good heavens, Twilight, what in Equestria happened last night?"
The purple unicorn sat upright and opened her mouth to explain as she would in a lecture…and promptly closed it. She repeated the action a few times, finally deflating with a sigh.
"I don't remember. At all."
Spike spoke up, "Well, I can tell you what happened right after we left the bar."
"Please do, Spike," Luna plied as a scroll, quill, and ink flashed into existence, "Celly was insistent that I get the complete story to relate to her later."
Twilight groaned and covered her head, an overwhelming sense of dread oozing out of every pore.
The baby dragon leaned back in his chair, "Well, let's see, I guess I better start from when we left the bar…
"Well it's about time you came out," Spike grumbled as Macintosh exited the bar. "I've been stuck out here for ten minutes," he added, shooting a glare at the bar's bouncer.
Macintosh arched an eyebrow as he shifted under his sister's dead weight, "Sorry it took so long, but there's no need to be rude about it."
Spike sighed tiredly, "Sorry, getting woken up in the middle of a great dream to bring Twilight back home because she's had too much to drink isn't my idea of a good time." He added under his breath, "And I was just about to get a kiss from Rarity, too."
"Beg pardon?"
"Erm uh, nothing!" the dragon stuttered, immediately aware of his faux pas. He quickly changed the subject, "So! Ah, where's Twilight?"
"Hiya hic! Spike!" The purple unicorn staggered out of the bar, swaying dangerously to and fro, and stopped in front of Spike. A sloppy smile framed a pair of half-closed eyes that drifted over him. "Isn't it hic! a little late for you to be out, young dragon?"
"We jus' wanted to make sure you'd get home alright, Miss Sparkle," Macintosh interjected.
Twilight shifted her attention to the stallion, squinting in the low light. " hic! I appreciate your concern Ma…Macinntarsh," she slurred, "But why would I need help getting home?"
"Because you're drunk?" Spike said, nonplussed.
"I'm not so think as you drunk I am," she replied, slightly indignant, "In fact, I'll hic! prove it. I'll walk back to the library by myself!"
With a toss of the head, she trotted indignantly yet haphazardly away from the bar. Spike buried his face in his hands while Macintosh shifted his ever-present hay stalk in his mouth.
"You going to be alright gettin' her back home?"
Spike let an annoyed sigh slip out, "Yeah, I think so. I just have to make sure she doesn't walk into the wrong house." He paused, looking down the road so he didn't lose sight of her. "Or the pond," he added as he took off running. "Twilight!"
"What?"
"The library's that way." Spike pointed a finger towards another street.
Twilight looked that way, "…I know that hic! I was jus'…proving that the shortest distance between two points is a curve instead of a straight line."
"Hoo boy, see ya later, Big Mac!"
"See ya." Macintosh looked behind him to make sure his sister was still slung over his back, which she was, and saw Fluttershy jabbering away at the bouncer, who appeared to be growing very uncomfortable with the pegasus before him. Spike would not be the only one who let out an annoyed sigh that night.
Since Twilight's ability to walk in a straight line was somewhat impaired, Spike had little difficulty catching up to the meandering unicorn. He slowed his pace once he caught up, staying in the middle of the street rather than trying to match her swerving across the street. She bumped into him several times, giggling each time; having caught a whiff of her breath, he was very glad that there weren't any open flames about. He shuddered to think what would happen if he were to receive a letter when she was close by. Twilight, meanwhile, rambled on and on about some spell theory she was working on, which was occasionally interrupted by a hiccup.
"Finally, there's the library," he breathed thankfully as their arboreal home came into view. Twilight hiccupped. "Now I can get back to my nice warm bed."
"hic!"
"Think you can make it up the stairs to your bed, Twilight?"
"hic!"
"I'll take that as a yes. I'm glad we don't have anything planned for tomorrow, the way you're acting now I don't think you'll be in any condition to do anything."
"hic!" POP!
The surrounding area became day for a split second before succumbing to the night once more. Spike blinked a few times as his eyes readjusted and realized that he was alone in the middle of the street.
"Uh…Twilight? Twilight, where'd you go?"
Looking around, he noticed a small charred area of ground…right about where Twilight had stood.
"…Aw horseapples."
"She drunk teleported?" Rarity asked incredulously.
"For those of us who aren't magically inclined," Dash interjected, "Is that a bad thing?"
Rarity rolled her eyes, "Yes, Rainbow, it is a 'bad thing'. Imagine, if you will, performing your 'Buccaneer Blaze' while drunk, what would the result be?"
The comprehension of the comparison slowly dawned on her. "Oh," she mouthed silently. "So, what happened? Didja get to the library or what?"
"Ahem, I believe this is where I take over the narrative."
All eyes turned wonderingly to the Moon Princess, Twilight groaned loudly.
Princess Luna sat at the work table in her bedchamber, busily reading through a tome documenting the peace and trade treaties from a century earlier with the Llama Kingdom on the western border. Even though she had been home for nearly two years, she was still catching up on all the events of her missing millennium and slowly taking over her duties as Nocturnal Princess from her sister. Her job of guiding the moon and stars was easy; researching history and law to recover her executive and academic duties was a far more daunting task.
A sudden, bright flash lit up her room and stole her attention away from the tome. She immediately recognized it as a teleportation spell and feared the worst.
"Zounds! Intruder! Alarm, alarm!" she shouted, her horn glowing a brilliant blue in preparation for whatever the intruder may do.
Twilight stumbled in confusion, glancing around the room with a furrowed brow. "This isn't hic! the library…Oh! Luna!" she exclaimed happily upon noticing the princess and trotted up to her to give her a hug, "It's so go- hic! good to see you again!"
Needless to say, getting hugged by a drunk, affectionate student was not on Luna's "Possible threats from intruders" list. As it was, the glow from her horn slowly died as she tried to comprehend the situation.
"Um…it is good to see you too, Twilight Sparkle, if very much unexpected," she said, awkwardly returning the hug. The doors to her room burst open as her two gray Night Guard pegasi rushed in, ready for combat.
"Princess Luna, are you alright?" the first one, Silver Cloud, asked while the second, Nightwing, scanned the room for anything out of the ordinary. Their eyes came to rest on the purple unicorn hugging their charge and their anxiousness turned to confusion.
"Hi Nightwing! Hi hic! Silver!" Twilight waved to them. Since she had spent much of her life in and around the palace, she had gotten to know many of the Royal Guards.
"Miss Sparkle," Nightwing nodded hesitantly in return.
"I am quite alright, thank you, Captain. I apologize for the false alarm. I was not expecting Miss Sparkle and she startled me."
"Oh hic! I'm sorry, Luna, I didn't mean to hic! oh wow, look at all of these books!" She disengaged from the princess and stumbled excitedly over to a bookshelf that ran along the entire wall and up to the high, vaulted ceiling. "Is this your personal hic! collection? Ooh! I've never seen that title before, at least not at the academy…"
The two guards exchanged confused looks and approached Luna, who appeared quite perplexed at the whole situation.
"Your Majesty, would you like us to take her to one of the guest rooms?" Silver asked.
"hic!"
Luna pondered for a moment, "Thank you, Captain, but I do not think such action will be necessary. Twilight Sparkle is Celestia's personal student, how much trouble could she be?"
"I don't know, I don't think she's ever been drunk before," Silver pointed out.
"hic!" POP!
Once again, the room was enveloped in a bright flash, causing all present to cover their eyes against the ocular onslaught. Once the flash passed, they looked to where Twilight had been standing only to find a small charred mark on the floor. Luna was aghast.
"Fie! She teleported!" She spun around to her guards, "Quickly, search the palace grounds for her, she may be in peril!"
"'In peril'?" Silver asked in confusion.
Luna explained quickly, "If a unicorn teleports while intoxicated, her concentration may falter or she may accidentally cast another spell during transit, resulting in parts of her being in several places at once. Now go with haste!"
"Yes, Ma'am!" Silver and Nightwing, both somewhat paler after hearing the explanation, snapped to attention and galloped out into the hallway.
"When you find her," Luna called after them, "Bring her to Celestia's chambers!"
With that, she trotted out to her balcony and took flight, gliding down from her spire towards her sister's living quarters across the main courtyard. Thankful to see light streaming out from Celestia's bedroom balcony, she snapped her wings back for an extra burst of speed. She touched down lightly and quickly entered the room.
"Sister! I am afraid I bear grave news!"
" hic! Hi again, Auntie Luna!"
At that moment, Luna could not figure out which was more perplexing: the fact that Twilight was already present in the room with Celestia, or that she had just been addressed in a familial term.
Celestia smiled ironically, "Let me guess, your news has something to do with Twilight here?"
Twilight hiccupped again as she stared wonderingly at a great painting adorning the wall.
Luna's jaw worked itself open and closed as she tried to find something to say. Finally, she managed a simple question, "When did she get here?"
"Just a minute before you did, Sister," Celestia replied. "I take it she visited you before coming to me? I'm jealous," she winked.
"Celly, this is serious," Luna moaned, "She is very obviously intoxicated and she is teleporting around without rhyme or reason. We must do something before she suffers injury."
"You are right, Sister," Celestia nodded sagely, "This must be dealt with right away." She chanced a small chuckle, "It's amazing, though, after all these years she still manages to surprise me. I know she was not in Canterlot tonight, she would have informed me beforehand."
Luna stared at her incredulously, "You mean to say that she teleported here by accident…from Ponyville…while inebriated? By the stars, Celly, you do know how to pick out the interesting ones."
"Auntie Luna?"
Both princesses turned their attention back to Twilight, whose face had turned a rather unseemly shade of green.
" Urk I don't feel too good…"
The eyes of both princesses widened as a singular thought crossed their minds.
"Oh horseapples."
"You threw up in Princess Celestia's bedroom?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed a little too loudly, as both she and Applejack clutched their heads and groaned. Luna managed a chuckle.
"No no, we managed to get her to Celly's bathroom in time, though I am afraid Twilight had quite a time of it before she managed to fall asleep. We got her cleaned up and then to bed without any difficulty, after which, Celly sent Spike a note telling him not to worry and that Twilight was safe." Spike held up the parchment he had mentioned earlier. Luna continued, "When she told us this morning of what she had planned with you all, Celly suggested that I come along to relate her narrative if necessary and for me to discover the whole story of what transpired last night."
"Well, we are very grateful that you took care of Twilight the way you did and brought her back," Rarity said, "It means the world to us that you would take the time to do so."
"You are very welcome, Miss Rarity. I must admit that this has been a very enlightening experience, and I am sure that we all have learned something from this. Have we not, Twilight?"
Had it been physically possible, Twilight was certain that she would have shriveled up and died of embarrassment right there.
A Night (to Try) to Remember
Part 2
"Are you feeling better, Twilight Sparkle?" the Princess of the night asked.
"A little bit, Princess, thank you," Twilight allowed, taking a long sip from her glass of water before softly setting it back on the table.
At a glance, it appeared little had changed in the appearance of the group in the twenty minutes since Princess Luna had finished relating Twilight's mishap from the night before. However, closer inspection would reveal an empty plate that once held a sandwich in front of Big Macintosh and bowls of salad ranging from partially eaten to just a few leaves remaining at Fluttershy, Rarity, and Luna's places. As for the others, they had opted for refills for their glasses of water, except for Pinkie, whose face remained submerged in her bowl. Twilight was convinced that the pink pony was somehow breathing through her ears.
"So who wants to go next and tell us their side of what happened last night?" Twilight asked.
"Ladies first," Macintosh said quickly; a little too quickly it seemed to Applejack. She subtly narrowed her eyes at him, a gaze which he avoided.
Rarity dabbed a napkin to her lips. "Very well, then. I shall do my best to recount last night's events with myself, Rainbow, and Pinkie Pie."
"Oh joy," the pegasus groused.
"Now, now, Rainbow dear, you will be relieved to know that your experience last night was not as, ah…colorful as Twilight's."
Said unicorn grumbled.
"Now then, where do I begin? Hmm…I was carrying Rainbow back to her home with Pinkie Pie, however I forgot one eensy-teensy little detail…"
Rarity gazed up at Rainbow Dash's cloud house, floating a good thirty feet above the ground.
"Ah, yes…I can't fly, can I?" She sighed morosely, "Oh how I miss those marvelous wings."
Pinkie Pie stumbled to a stop alongside Rarity, her eyes bleary as she blinked hard to clear them.
"How come w-we…" She yawned hugely. "How come we've stopped?"
Rarity nodded upward. "Well, we were going to drop Rainbow off at her house."
Pinkie looked up at the house through half-lidded eyes. "I don't think you can reach that high."
"I know that, dear," she said with a roll of her eyes, "I would need quite the boost to get up there."
Pinkie pursed her lips in hard thought for a moment before speaking again with a supportive smile, "You are a good person and ponies say nice things about you."
"I didn't mean a morale boost, Pinkie, I meant a physical one."
"Oh." The pink pony glanced back up at the house. "I don't think I'm tall enough either."
Rarity shook her head in amusement. "Pinkie, dear, I do believe that the alcohol is not allowing you to think straight."
"Thinking straight is boring; thinking sideways is much more fun!" Pinkie smiled widely before once again yawning. "But I do get sleepy when I drink and it makes me go through phases. Like in the first phase I'm tired, but in the second phase I'm tired and forgetful, third phase I'm back to being just tired…and I think the fourth phase is sleep, but I haven't figured that out yet. I always wake up before I can."
Rarity nodded, more out of habit than actual understanding, and returned her gaze to Dash's house.
"Well, if we can't get her up there, then I suppose we'll have to find another place for her to stay for the night."
"Ooo! She can stay at my place! I've got enough space in my room for her and I know the Cakes won't mind!"
Rarity cast Pinkie a thoughtful look. "Hmm…Well, with Sweetie Belle staying with me this week, I don't have a spare bedroom for Rainbow to use anyway. Thank you, Pinkie Pie, that is most kind of you."
Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. "What is?"
"Letting Rainbow stay with you, of course."
She gasped excitedly, "Rainbow's staying with me?! That's super fantabulous…whatever's going on."
Rarity stared at her flatly. "This is your 'Phase Two', isn't it?"
"Yup! This is whatever it is that you just said."
"And you're going to be like this for how long?"
"Be like what?"
"Be in Phase Two."
"Who's in Phase Two?"
"You are and it's affecting your memory."
"What's affecting my memory?"
Rarity's patience was steadily wearing thin and she regretted not having one more drink. "I can see we're not going to get anywhere fast this way."
Pinkie giggled, "We can't get anywhere fast when we're standing still oh wow we're at Rainbow's house!"
A frustrated sigh escaped the unicorn as she rubbed her temples to stave off a headache. "Let's just get you two to Sugar Cube Corner, shall we?"
"Okie dokie lokie!"
Pinkie bounced away in the direction of the confectionary shop and Rarity followed close behind, a very much unconscious Rainbow Dash in her gentle telekinetic grip. Pinkie suddenly stopped and turned around, a cheerful smile on her face.
"Hi, Rarity! When did you get here?"
"…Celestia, give me strength."
"Ok, I was wondering why you guys took me to Pinkie's place," Dash commented, her eyes now mostly open but quite bloodshot. "That was a huge shock to me this morning when-"
"Rainbow, don't interrupt," Rarity chided, "You'll ruin the narrative timeline."
Pinkie's head suddenly jolted up out of the bowl, catching everyone's attention.
"'Timeline'? Time doesn't travel in lines, it travels in circles and that's why clocks are round."
She smiled in self-satisfaction for a moment before face-planting into the bowl once again, splashing the table with water.
"Anyway," Rarity said after an awkward moment of silence, "To continue…"
"Hi there, Ditzy!"
"That's your mail box, darling," Rarity said wearily as they finally made to the Sugar Cube Corner.
The trek from Dash's house to the sweets shop seemed like an eternity for Rarity since Pinkie kept stopping every thirty seconds to either say hi or ask where they were supposed to be going. The occasional stop for a conversation with the random lamp post or bush hadn't helped either. It was a great relief to know that as soon as she deposited Dash and Pinkie she could go home and get some much needed sleep. She was further relieved when Pinkie pull out her key without any prompting.
"Phase Three, Pinkie?" she asked hopefully.
The earth pony responded with a yawn. "Is it? Guess I forgot Phase Two. We better get inside before Phase Four starts."
They made their way inside and headed up the stairs to Pinkie's bedroom. As they neared the top of the stairs, Rarity felt a cold chill run down her spine. She stopped, Dash floating next to her as she scanned the darkness. They hadn't turned on any lights for fear of waking Mister and Missus Cake or the twins and the ambient moonlight through the windows allowed them to see well enough to not worry about tripping over anything. Darkness could still play its tricks, however: shadows seemed to move and waver and everyday objects took on an ethereal appearance. She swore she saw a figure move out the corner of her eye.
Rarity knew there was nothing to worry about, it was just shadows and tricks of the light. There certainly wasn't hideous, glowing-eyed monster hiding around the corner waiting to gobble them up. Nope, nothing at all. …Still, a little extra light never hurt anything. A soft glow emanated from the tip of her horn, casting just enough light for her to make out objects clearly. She peered around the corner at the top of the stairs…a pair of glowing eyes stared back. Her throat constricted, choking off a scream. She froze in terror, the glowing eyes never leaving hers.
"Gummi!" Pinkie bounced past Rarity and picked up the apparition in a hug. "He came out to meet us! Isn't that sweet?"
It took a moment, but the unicorn finally recognized the tamed reptilian in the dim light. She leaned against the corner, heaving a sigh of relief.
Thump! Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-thud-THUNK!
Rarity winced; she had relaxed a little too much. Turning to look, she saw Dash's crumpled form resting against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, still unconscious.
"Sorry, Rainbow."
The trio plus Gummi managed to avoid anymore mishaps over the next few minutes as they finally made it to Pinkie's bedroom. With the aid of proper lighting, Pinkie and Gummi climbed into their respective beds while Rarity lifted Dash onto the couch. A few blanket tucks and pillow fluffs later, the pegasus was sleeping comfortably. She trotted over to Pinkie's bed to bid her good night.
"How are you, Pinkie? Do you need anything?"
"Nopie lopie!" she yawned. "I've got everything I need. Thanks for helping me get home."
"It was…minimally difficult, dear, think nothing of it," Rarity said with a smile.
"I just wish I knew how to confirm Phase Four." She frowned. "I can't seem to find a way to figure out whether or not Phase Four is really-"
Out like a light.
Rarity chuckled softly headed out of the room, pausing by the door.
"Sweet dreams, Rainbow and Pinkie."
She turned off the light and shut the door, quietly making her way downstairs. She made sure the door to the shop locked behind her as she left and she finally headed to her own home, smiling in satisfaction at a job well done at getting her charges home safe and (relatively) sound.
"What is it with all the abuse towards me?" Dash asked nopony in particular. "Rarity dropped me down the stairs and before that Macintosh shoved me out of my chair!"
"I didn't shove you," the stallion responded indignantly. "I nudged you."
"And don't even get me started on what happened this morning," she groused.
Silence reigned at the table. It took her a moment to notice all the expectant stares and smiles directed at her. She sighed in annoyance.
"And now you guys want me to tell you what happened this morning, don't you?"
"If you did not wish to tell us, then you should not have made mention of it," Luna said, herself wearing the biggest smile at the table.
'She's enjoying this way more than she should,' Dash thought. "Fine…"
The morning sun lit up Pinkie's bedroom, bathing its contents in a soft, warm glow. As the ambient light in the room increased, a blanket-covered lump on the couch began to stir. Dash stretched in an attempt to wake her sleepy muscles, which resulted in a pained groan and ended in her smacking her lips out of habit. She blanched.
"Bleh…gives a whole new meaning to 'cottonmouth'."
Try as she may to open her eyes, her brain would rebel and clench them shut to keep out the invasive sunlight. Finally, after a concerted effort, she managed to crack them open. Everything was fuzzy as she looked around the room to figure out where she was. A pink blob entered her field of vision and she was forced to squint and lean forward to see it clearly.
"Is that…Pinkie? Hey, Pinks, uh, I guess that means I slept at your place last night. Thanks."
"Guhh…"
Her eyes snapped open at the strange groan. Pinkie stood before her, mouth agape, eyes vacant and glazed, and a hoof slowly reaching out for her.
"Daaashiieeee…"
It was then that Dash saw the green mass attached to the side of her friend's head. Due to her extensive knowledge of sci-fi and horror movies, she recognized the creature immediately.
"BRAIN SLUG!"
She tried to get away, but in her hazy mental state, she got tangled in the blanket and fell off the side of the couch, her head hitting the floor, followed by the rest of her, with a resounding thump. She groaned, her headache - now exacerbated by the light, excitement, and introduction to the floor – was threatening to split her head wide open. Her eyes opened a crack once again to behold Pinkie standing over her.
"Moorrning Daaashiieee…" she croaked.
The "brain slug" dropped off her head to the floor next to Dash's head. It regarded her with the same vacant stare as it always did. There was only one thing Dash could think to say.
"I hate you so much, reptile."
"So yeah, that was my morning," Dash finished. "Oh, and I threw up for, like, an hour after that before we came over here."
"Aw, I'm sure Gummi didn't mean to scare you, Dashie," Pinkie said, finally finished with her bowl of water. "He was actually massaging my head because I had a headache and he's really good at getting rid of them. I wasn't thinking too good when I woke up, either, so that's probably why I sounded like a zombie – not that I'd actually turn into a zombie. Nope! Not at all." Her eyes shifted side to side, avoiding contact with the others.
Luna was too busy giggling to notice as she wrote down the narratives. The others, both too tired and already used to her strange antics, paid it no mind.
"Wow, RD, no wonder ya said you felt like you were bein' abused," Applejack intoned.
"And I have the bruises to prove it, too!"
The farm pony chuckled and cast a warning glare towards her brother. "I got treated nice and gentle-like last night…right ?"
Macintosh could only grin sheepishly under her glare.
A Night (to Try) to Remember
Part 3
“Well, we’ve heard about Rarity, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie,” Princess Luna said with an entertained smile as she skimmed over her notepad, “That just leaves Fluttershy and Applejack.” She looked up across the table to the only stallion present with them. “Big Macintosh, would you be so kind to give your account so we can finish this delightful narrative?”
“Delightful for you, maybe,” Dash muttered under her breath, earning her a silencing glare from Twilight.
Macintosh sunk lower in his seat in an effort to go unnoticed; he knew it was impossible to hide his massive frame from everyone, but he was willing to try.
“Macintosh, dear, there’s no need to be shy,” Rarity cooed, “Just tell us what occurred last night.”
“Um…well…” He sucked in a deep breath and sat up straight. “I saw Fluttershy home an’ carried AJ home an’ put her to bed before goin’ to bed myself an’ that’s about all that happened last night.” He smiled widely, hoping it would satisfy everyone.
It went over about as well as Twilight’s experiment with self-scrambling eggs. It was four months before Spike stopped having neurotic fits whenever a recipe book called for eggs.
Applejack glowered intensely at her brother. “Ya know I can tell when yer lyin’, Brother.”
“I ain’t lying,” he responded indignantly, “That’s really what happened.”
“Yeah, but ya left out all the details.”
“…That’s beside the point.”
“Aw come on, Big Mac,” Dash said in exasperation, “Just tell us already!”
Pinkie added, “Yeah, Mackie, you’ve heard what happened to everyone else, so it can’t be that bad. I mean, unless you set fire to Trickle Lake or something but that would just be silly.”
“Not to mention physically impossible,” Twilight said flatly.
Macintosh was getting visibly antsy as he tried to explain, “No, no, no, it wasn’t bad or anythin’, but if it’s all the same to y’all, I’d rather not-”
“Macintosh?”
He cringed at the quiet voice and fell silent.
Fluttershy looked up at him plaintively. “Could you please tell us? I…I’d really like to know.”
…Aw consarn it, there needs to be a law against her using those eyes on others.
The last of his willpower dissolved with a defeated sigh. Begrudgingly, he started to recount the night before, picking up with Fluttershy’s “chat” with the bouncer.
“…I mean, it must get kind of boring standing out here all by yourself, well, except for the ponies you have to ID being out here with you, too, but you don’t get to talk to them at all in a normal conversation or anything. Is that why you hardly ever smile? Or is it because you’re making yourself look tough? I guess making yourself look tough makes the most sense since you’re trying to discourage underage ponies from coming in…”
Macintosh shook his head as he listened, wondering if Fluttershy had gotten into someone else’s drink by accident. He didn’t it possible that anypony could have such a low alcohol tolerance to get drunk on half a bottle of hard cider. Now the special brew that Granny Smith kept in the apple cellar he could understand – it was a step away from being classified as “explosive materials” – but this was just his uncle’s commercial brew, certainly nothing potent about it.
He was broken out of his thoughts when the bouncer caught his eye. The poor fellow was backed all the way up to the wall as he tried to get more distance between himself and the talkative pegasus. But every time he stepped back, Fluttershy stepped forward, albeit unconsciously, to keep up the one-sided conversation. Macintosh decided it was time to step in.
“Ahem, Miss Shy?”
Fluttershy stopped mid-sentence and focused on him. “Yes, Big Macintosh?”
“Rarity asked me t’ walk ya home and it’s pretty late as it is.”
“Oh, thank you, Macintosh, that’s very kind of you. Angel’s probably getting worried about me so, yes, we should leave now.” She waved at the bouncer. “Thank you for the chat, mister bouncer; it was nice talking to you.”
As they turned to leave, Macintosh almost swore he heard the bouncer giving his thanks to Celestia. They proceeded down the street in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres; Macintosh remembered that they would have to take a right after Trickle Stream Bridge first to go to Fluttershy’s cottage. Said inebriated pegasus trotted alongside him, happily chattering away about how much fun the night had been.
“You know, I didn’t think that drinking with friends would really appeal to me, but the idea is beginning to grow on me. Do you drink, Macintosh?”
“Jus’ cider, Miss Shy, I don’t much care for liquor or whiskey.”
Fluttershy giggled, “You don’t have to say ‘miss’, you can call me Fluttershy if you want to. All of my friends call me Fluttershy, well, Pinkie sometimes calls me ‘Flutters’ and Applejack and Rainbow have called me ‘Shy’ a couple of times, but most ponies just say ‘Fluttershy’.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. “Alright, ‘Fluttershy’. Can’t say that I go out drinkin’ much. Jus’ doesn’t appeal to me. Not t’ say that I don’t enjoy a good cider now and again, but I don’t have much of a reason to hit the bar.”
“Oh, I understand. I don’t think I would want to do this all the time, but once in a while would be fun. By the way, am I acting silly? This is the first time I’ve had something stronger than a sarsaparilla and actually, I don’t think I even finished my bottle of cider – not that it tasted bad, it was quite good, but I think I got distracted by Rainbow and Applejack’s shot contest and then they gave me a shot of whiskey.”
“That explains a couple of things,” Macintosh muttered under his breath.
“I didn’t realize that whiskey burns so much, not in a way that it hurt but it surprised me. And then it kept burning all the way down my throat into my stomach.” She giggled and fluttered her wings, “But then it made my tummy warm and that made me feel all happy inside.”
Macintosh simply shook his head, making a mental note to have a word with Rainbow and Applejack. Presently he noticed his sister’s weight shift on his back.
“Fluttershy, can ya push AJ back up on my back? That big rump o’ hers is draggin’ her off.”
Fluttershy managed to stifle a giggle as moved around to help. “Aw, now that’s mean, Macintosh. It’s not polite to call your sister fat oh hey, her rump is kind of big, isn’t it?”
“Toldja.”
“You’re makin’ this up t’ get back at me for all those arguments you lost, aren’t ya?” Applejack accused, casting an acidic scowl at her brother. Macintosh allowed a smug grin to cross his face, knowing he was getting under her skin.
“I thought you said you could tell when I was lyin’?”
She narrowed her eyes at him but he kept his defiant grin. Finally, her shoulders slumped and turned her scowl toward the table top, muttering, “You’re not my friend anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Applejack!” Fluttershy suddenly blurted, “I didn’t mean to say you were fat! I mean, I don’t think I meant to say that, I was drunk and I don’t remember anything, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t mean it!”
“Fluttershy, dear, it’s alright,” Rarity said soothingly, “Applejack isn’t serious, she’s just cranky from her hangover.”
“A-are you sure? O-ok.”
“Although, I must say that her rump is a bit on the large side.”
“It is not!”
“Yeah, it kinda is, AJ,” Dash snickered, “You know, I always wondered what you did with all of those extra pies and fritters.”
The farm mare’s body trembled as a wave of anger rolled through it. “I. Ain’t. Fat.”
Twilight spoke up, her eyes lost in thought, “I doubt it’s fat, it’s more likely just a lot of muscle built up from all the apple bucking you’ve done and that’s what’s making your hind end look fat.”
She glared at Twilight. “Not. Helping.”
Rarity tried to hide a giggle. “Come now, darling, it’s not all that bad. It really does accentuate your figure quite nicely.”
“And besides, even if it isn’t muscles, getting a big ol’ rump by eating great food is the best way to get one, right?” Pinkie bubbled.
“That’s it!” Applejack stood up sharply, wincing at the dull throb in her head. “For the last time, I ain’t fat! And if y’all are gonna keep this up, then I’m gonna get another opinion.”
She marched away to the thoroughfare and glanced around, quickly spotting a pair of stallions she knew fairly well. Caramel and Lucky Clover’s conversation petered out as she approached.
“Hey guys, sorry to interrupt but I got a question for y’all.”
“No problem, AJ, what is it?” Lucky asked.
She turned to give them a profile view of her body, specifically her rump. “Do I look fat?”
It should be noted that nearly every male has an innate survival sense that activates when a female asks certain questions and it allows them to answer truthfully, if not directly. AJ’s question is near the top of the list of those questions, right along with “Do you think she’s prettier than me?”
Caramel answered nearly automatically, “You are very well-built and attractive, AJ; right, Lucky?”
“Uh…I like big flanks and I cannot lie?”
Despite his name, Lucky was not a very fortunate stallion.
The others at the table watched the spirited discussion, their eyes suddenly widening and accompanied by a number of winces at Applejack’s response. Luna nodded sagely.
“Impressive…most impressive; I was not aware that such a complicated knot could be accomplished by using a tail.”
“Poor Lucky,” Twilight lamented, “I hope he can grow that back.”
A few moments later, Applejack stalked back to her seat at the table, a deep scowl creasing her now-red face. Silence reigned at the table as Spike and Macintosh gawked in horror at the misfortune that had befallen their fellow male.
“Well?”
Macintosh started at his sister’s sharp tone.
“Are ya goin’ to finish the story or what?”
He eyed her cautiously. “Erm…eeyup.”
Fluttershy had stopped talking, thankfully, and they were approaching the Trickle Creek Bridge. It wasn’t that Macintosh found her talking to be unpleasant, but the constant noise had started to wear on the quiet stallion and he was grateful for the serenity of the night.
“Macintosh, do you like singing?”
He sighed in annoyance; so much for serenity. “Eeyup.”
“I just love singing,” she bubbled, “It’s so much fun, so invigorating! It allows you to embrace your passion and emotion and let your heart be enraptured with the joy and peace that it brings. I always feel so at peace after I sing.” She smiled up at him. “Do you feel like that when you sing?”
He nodded, figuring it’d be best to humor her for the time being. “Sometimes I do.”
“Ooh, I bet you have a lovely voice; can you sing for me?”
Macintosh felt his ears grow warm at the compliment as he averted his eyes from the pegasus, feeling a little sheepish. “Ah…I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”
Her face fell slightly. “Oh, well I guess it’s alright. Hmm…Ooh, I know! Do you mind if I sing?”
“I suppose not.”
Almost instantly, her gait shifted to a determined, focused pace. Each step was purposeful as she kept up alongside Macintosh. The stallion almost swore he saw a gleam in her eye as her mouth twitched up into a half smile. She opened her mouth and the words flew out in a quick tempo in time with her hoof-falls.
“This appeared as a moral dilemma 'cause at first
It was weird how I swore to eliminate the worst
Of the plague that devoured humanity it's true
I was vague on the how so how can it be that you
Have shown me the light?”
Macintosh gave the pegasus an odd look as she dove into the chorus.
“It's a brand new day and the sun is high
All the birds are singing that you're gonna die-”
“Come again?” Hearing her sing something so aggressive was surprising to say the least.
Fluttershy stopped and looked up at Macintosh’s somewhat disconcerted expression and explained matter-of-factly, “It’s from Doctor Adorable’s Sing-Along Blog; you don’t know that one?”
“Nnope,” he answered and started walking again towards the bridge.
Fluttershy frowned. “Well, it’s not as much fun singing when nopony else knows the song.” She thought for a moment before brightening again and burst forth in a sunny tone, “It’s a small world after all…”
Macintosh cringed. “Oh sweet Celestia, not that one, please.”
“Oh alright,” she huffed lightly. A few more moments of thought and she had another ballad brought a smile to her face. She bounced lightly along as she sang.
“I feel pretty,
Oh so pretty.
I feel pretty and witty and gay,
And I pity any girl who isn’t me today!”
She slid up against his side and looked up with an expectant smile. He met her gaze, unflinching. The standoff lasted until Macintosh finally released a defeated sigh.
“La-la-la-la-la la la, la-la.”
He hung his head as Fluttershy pranced to the bridge.
“I feel charming,
Oh so charming,
It's alarming how charming I feel!
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real!”
She hopped up onto the bridge railing and peered at her reflection in the water, Macintosh could only shake his head at what was going on.
“See that pretty girl in the mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me-EEEEE!”
She suddenly lost her footing and slipped off the railing, plummeting to the stream below. Before she could react, her fall came to an abrupt halt, her nose mere inches from the stream’s surface. It took a moment for her mind to catch up with the sudden turn of events and she looked up to see what had stopped her fall. The sight of Macintosh hanging part way over the railing firmly grasping the end of her tail between his jaws greeted her. As soon as he saw she was okay, Macintosh gently hauled her back up onto the bridge and sat down, panting lightly.
“You gave me quite the scare there, sugarcube; had to jump right quick t’ catch ya in time.” He glanced over his shoulder to Applejack’s still unconscious form lying at the foot of the bridge and muttered, “Hope she won’t get too mad at me for droppin’ her like that.”
“Thank you for catching me,” Fluttershy said with a slight blush. “But you really didn’t have to, I can swim pretty well and the stream isn’t that deep.”
“That’s why I had to catch ya,” he answered as he picked his sister up by the scruff of the neck and slung her across his back, “Ain’t enough water t’ break your fall. You would’ve hit those rocks down there and that wouldn’t have done your pretty face any good.”
Fluttershy blinked as she digested the information and peaked over the edge at the water; in the dim moonlight, she could just make out some fairly large rocks just below the stream’s surface. A slight shudder ran through her body as a newfound appreciation of what had nearly occurred took hold. Macintosh noticed her tremble and he approached her slowly.
“Fluttershy, is somethin’ wrong?” he asked cautiously. “You didn’t hurt anything, did ya?”
He was quite surprised when she rushed up and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. He simply stood there in awkward silence, unsure of what to do or what to make of the hug, until Fluttershy spoke.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely, “I wasn’t thinking and I didn’t realize I could have really hurt myself back there. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been here.”
He smiled warmly and draped his left leg across her back to return the hug. “Aw, it’s alright, sugarcube, no harm done; I’m glad you’re okay.”
She smiled and hugged him a little tighter to express her gratefulness. As she hugged him, she happened to inhale some of his scent and it gave her pause. He smelled of apples, earth, and a hint of sweat; it was a mixture of work and nature. And she felt his chest muscles stretch with each breath. She found she liked it. A lot.
“Mhmmmm, so hunky…”
The red earth pony’s eyes shot open as he felt her snuggle into his chest and he desperately hoped he had heard her wrong. He quietly cleared his throat.
“Um, Fluttershy? You say somethin’?”
The pegasus leaned back and regarded him with eyes half-closed in contentment, a shy smile teasing her lips.
“Has anypony ever told you that you have wonderful green eyes?”
His brain nearly stripped a gear at that; fortunately, he recovered quickly enough and eyed her warily.
“Ya sure you’re okay?”
She hopped to her hooves and chirped, “Never better!” She slipped next to Macintosh as he started walking again and rubbed up against him, adding in an airy voice, “Thanks to you.”
“You’re…welcome?” Macintosh wasn’t quite sure how to answer given her sudden mood change. It was confusing, to say the least; first she was talkative, then musical, and now she seemed to be flirting. The problem was compounded by the fact that he didn’t know her well at all and if this was normal for her. Applejack did have some strange friends, after all.
Just then as they approached the fork in the road, she gazed up at him with fluttering eyelashes and a sultry smile. “Wanna see my cutie mark?”
He stopped in his tracks and blinked slowly as his brain tried to decrypt the meaning behind the words. He opted to play it safe…at least what he hoped was safe.
“Um…I can already see your cutie mark.”
“Ooh, you naughty boy!” she giggled and pranced away down the path to her cottage.
This time, Macintosh’s brain really did strip some gears. As he watched her retreating form, he could only think of one thing:
“What the hay is wrong with that filly and why’s it scarin’ me?”
Thankfully, Fluttershy’s cottage was only a short walk now and in no time it came within sight. Fluttershy waited for Macintosh at the first turn past the fork and rejoined him. Macintosh did his best to stay focused on the last stretch of road, but he couldn’t help notice sultry glances the pegasus kept throwing his way or when she sighed when her flank “accidently” brushed against his. Other than that, she was mercifully quiet. Finally, they arrived at the cottage and Fluttershy paused at the door.
“Thank you so much for seeing me home, Macintosh, and for saving me earlier,” she said earnestly.
He stifled a relieved sigh, thankful that she stopped being flirty, and smiled. “Wasn’t anything much, the Apple family always helps out their friends and neighbors.”
She opened the door and smiled in return…a very sensual smile.
“Would you like to come in for some tea?”
Macintosh’s jaw fell open as he fought to both comprehend the situation and keep control of his mind against her inviting eyes. He shook his head to clear it and form a coherent thought.
“Duh…”
That wasn’t it. His second attempt was more successful.
“I, uh, would like to, Miss Fluttershy,” he stammered, “But, um…I gotta get AJ here back to the farm and get her to bed and it’s pretty late as it is…eeyup.” He grinned nervously, hoping it was enough to satisfy her. She took a step forward and his smile faltered.
“Oh, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” she purred. “Besides, she’s asleep already; she can wait a little while to be put to bed, can’t she?”
He wracked his brain as he weighed his options. She was right, Applejack was already asleep so waiting a few minutes for a cup of tea wouldn’t hurt anything and it was unlikely – he hoped – that anything would happen. On the other hoof, if something did happen, it was a sure thing that he’d draw his sister’s wrath. He glanced over his shoulder to Applejack, her body rising with each inhale and emitting a soft snore on the exhale; her peaceful form belying her well-known temperament. And he really wanted to see his next birthday. He sucked in a breath and straightened himself in determination as he turned back to Fluttershy.
“I’m sorry, but she’s my responsibility right now and I have to get her home,” he spoke evenly.
The pegasus pouted pitifully, but then smiled. “Oh Macintosh, you’re such a good brother to her; I won’t keep you then. Maybe we could have tea some other time? It could be just the two of us getting to know each other better.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him.
He nodded, figuring it would defuse the situation faster to just agree to the arrangement.
She beamed in response. “Wonderful! I’ll let you go now so you can get on home.”
A wave of relief washed over him at her words and he relaxed…only to be shocked when she planted a kiss on the end of his nose.
“Just a hint of what the dessert will be,” she whispered with a wink and disappeared behind the door into the cottage.
Macintosh’s brain went into autopilot mode as he turned from the door and made his way down the path without thought. After a few moments, his mind came back online as it caught up with what had just happened. He paused on the bridge over the creek that ran through Fluttershy’s yard to organize his thoughts.
Still in a daze, he muttered to his sister, “AJ, I really wish you were awake so you could tell me what in Equestria jus’ happened.”
~Splash!~
An annoyed sigh escaped him. “You jus’ fell off my back and into the crick, didn’t ya?” He saw a Stetson slowly float downstream out of the corner of his eye. “Eeyup.”
A leaf blew over the table, its light rustle the only sound emanating from that part of the café. All the ponies seated at the table had listened attentively to the last half of Macintosh’s recounting of the night and now sat in stunned silence. Applejack scrutinized her brother carefully, so much so that Macintosh was afraid her gaze would bore a hole through his skull. Finally, she broke her gaze and shook her head.
“He ain’t lyin’,” she concluded.
“Omigoodnessomigoodnessomigoodnessomigoodness…” Fluttershy’s pupils shrank as she tried to hide under the table.
“Wow, ‘Shy, I gotta say I’m impressed. I didn’t know you had it in ya,” Dash said with a somewhat proud grin and added with a wink, “Talk about aiming high, you went right to the top when it comes to stallions.”
There are no words to describe how thankful Macintosh was that his red coat could hide his blush, though he felt a twinge of guilt at seeing poor Fluttershy trembling and blushing furiously. Rarity noticed her condition as well and pulled her into a supportive hug as she chided Dash.
“Rainbow, for shame! Can’t you see that she’s embarrassed enough as it is?” She gave Fluttershy a reassuring nuzzle. “It’s okay dear, it’s not like you did anything last night that you would truly regret.”
Dash rolled her eyes at Rarity. “C’mon, Rarity, you know I didn’t mean anything by that. But yeah, Fluttershy, what you did last night was pretty mild compared to some of the stuff I’ve done when I’ve been plastered. Which I’m not going to elaborate on right now,” she emphasized with a pointed glare at Luna.
The princess tittered, “As you wish, Miss Dash, though I believe it would make for a good narrative.” She turned to Macintosh, who had regained much of his composure, and asked, “Is there anything else you wish to add concerning last night, Macintosh?”
He shook his head. “Other than takin’ AJ home, gettin’ her cleaned up, and putting her t’ bed, I’ve told y’all everything that happened, I swear.”
Luna nodded as she made some more notations on her scroll, which had grown to a substantial length. “Thank you, Macintosh. I must say, Twilight Sparkle, you and your friends are most entertaining.”
“Gee thanks, Princess,” replied the unicorn, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Luna ignored the sarcasm. “I have finished transcribing your accounts of last night and I must return to Canterlot, but before I take my leave, would you like for me to relate your friendship report to my dear sister?”
“You think we should send her a friendship report about last night?” Applejack asked flatly.
“Of course,” the princess of the night answered with no little mirth, “Surely you all some sort of lesson learned, correct?”
“Ooh! Ooh! I know!” Pinkie jumped out of her seat, waving her hoof excitedly.
Luna giggled, “Very well, Pinkie Pie, you may proceed.”
The pink pony cleared her throat and began, “Dear Princess Celestia, last night we learned that drinking with your friends can be a whole lotta fun!”
Dash chimed in with a wink to Applejack, “Especially if they know how to hold their own.”
“But it is very important to know what your limit is and not to exceed it if it can be helped,” Rarity added.
“A-and some ponies shouldn’t even drink at all,” Fluttershy squeaked.
“While it isn’t necessarily wrong to get drunk,” Twilight continued, “It is very important to remember to be responsible and to keep control of yourself as best as you can to avoid…complications.”
“An’ to make sure nothin’ bad happens, it’s always a good plan to have somepony ya trust there to get ya home safe an’ sound and don’t do anythin’ ya might regret,” Applejack said with an appreciative smile to her brother.
“To summarize, as long as you stay responsible, know how much you can handle, and be with friends you can trust and rely on, you can have a great time at the bar – or, well, anywhere for that matter!” Twilight finished with a smile, “Sincerely yours, your loyal subjects in Ponyville.”
With a flourish, Luna finished writing the letter. “Well done, my friends, this was a lesson well worth learning.”
“Um, Luna?” Twilight began tentatively, “Do you think you can add in the postscript that I’m really, really sorry about barging into the castle and for the mess in the bathroom?”
The princess allowed herself a hearty laugh at this. “Oh, Twilight, you know Celly could never be upset with you over something like this, but I will add it if you wish.” She made the notation, the quill and scroll vanishing with a flash afterward, and stood. The others at the table stood as well out of respect. “And now I must be off, fair friends. I thank you for a wonderful time; we must do this again sometime.” She leaned in with a conspiratorial grin. “Especially if you are planning another social gathering like last night’s.”
With a wink and a flash, she was gone, leaving everypony slack-jawed. Dash was the first to speak up.
“A shot contest with Princess Luna? That would be so awesome !” she squealed.
“I think I’ve had enough ‘awesome’ for a while,” Twilight stated flatly.
“I heartily agree,” Rarity said with a nod, “However, at least we now know how to handle ourselves in such situations in the future. Indeed, I wouldn’t mind going out again with you girls sometime.”
Applejack chuckled dryly, “I wouldn’t mind either, but I think we better sit on it for a while ‘til we’ve all recovered from last night. Anyway, as much as I’d like t’ stay and chat with y’all, me and Big Macintosh need to get back to the farm and get caught up on chores.”
“Eeyup.”
“Oh yeah, I gotta go too; I have to stop by the weather bureau today and see when they’re scheduling the next big storm,” Dash remembered. “See ya, guys!” And with a powerful flap of her wings, she was airborne and gone.
“Looks like she’s recovered from her hangover well enough,” Rarity observed with a wry smirk.
With their lunch meeting wrapped up, the gathered friends bid their adieus and went their separate ways, Fluttershy bolting for home almost immediately. Applejack and Macintosh walked in silence as they proceeded out of town. As they walked, the image of Fluttershy shaking and blushing as she tried to hide herself under the table played over and over in Macintosh’s mind. A frown crossed his face as a pang of guilt dug at him; he hadn’t meant to embarrass her so much, which was part of the reason he had been so hesitant in recounting last night’s events in the first place. He had been raised to be, among other things, considerate, kind, and respectful of others and by embarrassing Fluttershy like that, true as his recounting was, he felt as though he had betrayed some part of that.
“Somethin’ wrong, bro?”
Macintosh snapped out of his reverie at his sister’s question, realizing that he had just released an audible sigh. He mulled over whether or not to tell her what was on his mind. Deciding to not bore her with something she would probably think to be silly, he gave her a noncommittal shrug and a simple “Nnope”.
Applejack frowned. “Come on, Macintosh, you’re thinkin’ about something that’s botherin’ you, I can tell by the way you’re gnawin’ on that hay stalk. What’s wrong?”
He regarded her for a moment before answering, “Jus’ feel kinda bad about what happened, is all.”
She looked up at him, curiosity etched onto her face. “Whaddya mean? Far as I’m concerned, ya did everything you should’ve done gettin’ us home.”
“Didn’t you see how Fluttershy acted when I finished talkin’?” He shook his head. “The way she was carrying on, I thought for sure she was gonna curl up and die back there.”
Applejack chuckled, “Oh, I see where you’re comin’ from. Don’t worry too much about it, she’s always like that; she’ll be fine. ‘Course she probably won’t leave her cottage for a few days, but like I said, ain’t nothin’ to worry about.”
“You sure she ain’t mad at me for it?” he asked at length.
This drew a guffaw from the orange mare. “You kiddin’? Fluttershy’s such a sweetheart I don’t think she could ever hold a grudge, definitely not against somepony who got her home as safe as you did.”
While it helped, Applejack’s words didn’t fully assuage Macintosh’s sense of guilt and the frown on his face persisted. A soft smile crossed Applejack’s face and she paused to give him a sisterly nuzzle.
“You’re a great brother, Macintosh. You did real good last night an’ I’m proud of you.”
He smiled gratefully and returned the nuzzle. “Thanks, sis, that really means a lot to me.”
They continued on, a comfortable silence between them. Before long, they reached Trickle Creek Bridge and crossed over. Macintosh chanced a glance over the side at the shallow creek below, remembering how close Fluttershy had come to smashing into the rocks hiding just below the surface. The realization that if he hadn’t been there last night meant that Fluttershy might have gotten hurt badly or even drowned sent a chill down his spine. He allowed himself a smile, knowing that he had indeed done well last night; even so, he still felt responsible for her condition at the lunch meeting. He paused at the intersection and looked down the road towards the pegasus’ cottage, contemplating his next course of action. Applejack continued on for a ways before realizing he had stopped; she stopped as well and turned in his direction with a questioning look.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” he said at last.
She nodded in understanding. “Want me to go with you?”
“Nnope.”
It didn’t take him long to reach the front yard of Fluttershy’s cottage, which, even with the numerous chattering and chirping animals flitting about, seemed just as serene as it had been the night before. Most of the animals retreated a safe distance and observed the visitor curiously as he approached. Macintosh could almost feel the eyes watching him, each pair belonging to an animal trying to decide whether he was friend or foe. He stopped at the door and noticed a badger and several squirrels off to his left giving the stink eye, which made him realize that these animals would probably go to great length to ensure the safety of their pegasus caregiver. He kept that in mind as he knocked on the door. The knock was met by an immediate rebuttal.
“GO AWAY! I’M NOT HOME RIGHT NOW! TRY AGAIN NEXT YEAR!”
Macintosh was certain that his hay stalk had been blown halfway to Canterlot by the sonic blast. He shook his head to clear it and knocked again, this time calling out.
“Fluttershy, it’s me, Big Macintosh. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
After a few moments of silence, the door cracked open slightly, just revealing part of Fluttershy’s face in the shadows.
“M-Macintosh?”
Suddenly feeling very self-conscious, he took a step back spoke with an unsure smile, “E…eeyup. Um, s’alright if we talk?”
Fluttershy hesitated briefly, then opened the door and stepped out. She trembled in the presence of the significantly larger stallion and tried to make herself as small as possible, hiding her face behind her mane and looking everywhere but at Macintosh himself.
His own shyness kicking in, Macintosh drooped his head down in an attempt to seem less imposing and glanced about, avoiding the pegasus in front of him. His mind was suddenly blank about what he was doing there in the first place. Surprisingly, it was Fluttershy who finally broke the silence, though her voice was barely above a whisper.
“So, um…what was it you wanted to talk about? I-if you wanted to talk, I mean, I thought you wanted to talk to me or you could have changed your mind when I came out and I should probably go back inside and leave you alone…” she squeaked.
Macintosh regained his senses and quickly spoke, “Wha? No, no, Fluttershy. Please stay. I just, well…I wanted to apologize.”
Fluttershy lifted her head in surprise. “A-apologize? Apologize for what?”
“For what I said at lunch,” he responded, rubbing the back of his neck at the awkwardness of it all. “I didn’t want to tell everypony about last night ‘cause of what happened an’ I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m really, really sorry about embarrassin’ you like that.”
The yellow pegasus shook her head. “Macintosh, you’re not the one who should apologize, I should be the one saying I’m sorry.” Her stance shifted uncomfortably. “My behavior last night was…very inappropriate and inexcusable. I caused you so much trouble that I wouldn’t blame you for being mad at me and never wanting to speak to me again.”
“I wouldn’t go that far; t’ be fair, you were drunk at the time an’ you weren’t acting yourself. I wasn’t gonna hold anything that happened last night against ya, honest.”
Her face colored lightly and she smiled shyly. “You’re too kind, Macintosh, and I wish I could repay you.”
This time, Macintosh shook his head. “You don’t hafta, Fluttershy, I was just bein’ neighborly.”
“I-I don’t mean to be contradictive, but what you did was more than ‘just being neighborly’. I mean, I guess walking a drunk neighbor home could be considered neighborly, but you saved me from falling off the bridge – that alone I have to repay you for – and then you put up with my…” Here her ears flattened against her head as she grimaced. “My a-aggressive flirting…I can’t believe I tried to seduce you. I am so, so sorry that you had to put up with me when I was like that.”
He grinned sheepishly. “Heh, I right didn't know what to make of it when you did that, but I ain't mad at you for it. Don't know you too well, but it doesn't seem like your normal way.”
Fluttershy shook her head emphatically. “No, not at all! I’m so shy that I hardly talk to anypony other than my friends much less even think about actually flirting with somepony,” she admitted nervously.
“Kinda figured it was the alcohol talkin’ there,” he chuckled.
She frowned. “Yes, I think that was the last time I’ll have anything stronger than a sarsaparilla; I really don’t want to go through that again.”
“Can’t say that I blame you.”
After a moment of silence, she took a deep breath and straightened herself, actually managing to look directly at Macintosh as she spoke. “Th-thank you for everything you did last night, Macintosh, and for taking care of me even with my, um, flirtiness. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t been there. If there’s anything I can do to repay you, please let me know.”
He smiled warmly. “Your thanks is good enough, Fluttershy, you don’t owe me anything.”
“Oh. Well, ok, if you say so,” she replied, her shyness returning.
“Eeyup. Well, I gotta get back t’ the farm, AJ’s probably waitin’ for me.”
“Oh, of course, you shouldn’t keep her waiting long. Good bye, Macintosh.”
He tipped his head as he turned to leave. “See you around.”
As he trotted away, Fluttershy walked around to her garden beside the cottage, lost in her thoughts. She still felt distraught over her behavior the night before, but nowhere near what she had felt before Macintosh had stopped by. Before, she thought it would be a month before she could even go into town without feeling like everypony knew about what she did and that they would make fun of her for it, but now just a day or two at home would probably suffice. She was immensely thankful that Macintosh had been the one to help her home; she shuddered to think what would’ve happened if it had been someone less chivalrous. He had been so kind and understanding, so gentle, so strong, so…hunky.
She blushed furiously and shook her head to rid the thought from her mind. That was no way to think about him, especially after he had treated her so well. She knew he was the kind of stallion that all the mares in town would kill to have – if any of the scandalous whispers she had overheard were anything to go by. She was certain she didn’t have a chance with him, not when he could pick any other mare who was prettier than her. Rainbow Dash was right, she really had aimed high last night when she flirted with him. She felt foolish. She was so weak that getting drunk was the only way she could be assertive enough to actually flirt with, let alone talk to, a stallion.
Right?
She paused as the thought churned over in her mind. Was really it the alcohol that gave her the courage…or was it something she already had in her all along? How could she figure out if that was so?
“…Oh buck it. Big Macintosh!”
The stallion had just made it to the bend in the path near the fork when he stopped and whirled about at the sound of his name. Much to his surprise, Fluttershy came galloping down the path toward him. She skidded to a stop in front of him, panting with the sudden exertion.
“Fluttershy, are you ok? Is somethin’ wrong?”
“No…no, I’m alright…” she managed to say between pants. She swallowed and composed herself. “It’s just, um…th-there’s a new Neighponese restaurant just off Main Street; Rarity says it’s a really nice place.” This was it, the moment of truth: did she really have the courage to go through with it? “Would…would you like t-to have dinner with me?”
Macintosh stared at her blankly. Did she really just run after him only to ask him out?
Fluttershy felt her courage draining away rapidly and she started to cower. “Only if you want to, I mean. I-I just want to repay you for saving my life.”
He finally found his voice. “Fluttershy, I already said you didn’t owe me anything. I’m a stallion of my word and I can’t accept any repayment.”
The shy pegasus let her head and ears droop, feeling dejected. “Oh. Ok, I understand that; sorry for bothering you.”
She turned to go, but a hoof coming to rest on her shoulder stopped her. She lifted her head to find Macintosh smiling warmly at her.
“I can’t take repayment,” he said, “But I wouldn’t mind dinner with a friend.”
She smiled, a sense of warmth filling her chest. “I’d like that.”
Applejack stood near the fork in the road, watching the pair from a distance out of earshot. Eventually, they nodded their goodbyes and went their separate ways. Macintosh said nothing as he trotted past her; she hadn’t expected him to, it wasn’t his nature. She fell in alongside him as they headed back home.
“So,” she said with a knowing smile, “Didja get things straightened out with her?”
He grinned widely in spite of himself.
“Eeyup.”
The End
