The "Death" of Button Mash

by Rated Ponystar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Dinky Hooves, Rumble, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 22509

Button Mash fakes his death to avoid getting in trouble. Naturally, things go wrong.

Button Mash has finally convinced his mother to let him stay home alone while his family goes out for a few days, assuring his mother that nothing will go wrong.

Needless to say, something does go wrong. After burning the kitchen in a fire, Button Mash gets the brilliant idea on how to make sure his mother doesn't kill him. He's going to fake his death!

With no other choice, (Mostly thanks to blackmail) Button's friends must help him fool the town into thinking he's dead but he'll have to figure out a way out of this mess or his mother will bury him six feet for real.

Thanks to my Pre-Readers: DbzorDie and Zaphod

Thanks to my Editors: Obselescence and Seether00

Thanks to Kill Joy for the cover art

Published 2014-04-04 20:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-09 21:10:38 UTC

Burning Down The House

Usually, the end of the school day was the one thing that all students looked forward to. Every eye glancing at the clock, every prayer to every deity for time to move faster, and every second counted off inside their heads for the sweet chance of freedom. However, one student was wishing time would go backwards instead of forwards, and his name was Button Mash. He had been cringing in his seat for this entire day, as if it were the moment of his execution by the legions of haters who called for his head. Yesterday had been the day of the big test and he had spent the week playing games instead of studying... again.

That wasn’t even the worst part. He had lied to his mother that he had been studying the whole time and hadn’t played a single game since. He had been so confident that he told his mother that he would get a B or higher and offered to give up his games for a whole month. The growing pile of sweat under his seat showed his regret for the whole thing.

He watched with terror in his eyes as his teacher, Cheerilee, walked to each of her students to give them back their papers. Each of them either sighed in relief or banged their head against their desk in despair. Button carefully moved his pencils out of the way so they wouldn’t stick to his head when his head eventually came down upon the wood. He watched as his best friend Sweetie Belle smiled at her shining B+ before turning towards Cheerilee who arrived at his desk. She took his test paper off her back and placed it face down on his desk as if to mock him.

Even when she had finished giving them all out and the final bell rang, Button Mash still didn’t dare flip his paper over. Sweetie Belle, who had finished packing her stuff, walked over to him and asked innocently, “So, how did you do?”

“I don’t know...” he answered.

Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “Aren’t you going to look?”

“I’m afraid that if I do I’ll have a heart attack.”

“Man, are you dramatic today,” Scootaloo, his other friend, said as she walked over, smirking at him. “Come on, Button. You always get C’s and D’s in school. Why is this any different?”

Button’s shoulder sagged as he muttered, “Because I told my mom if I didn’t get a B or higher I would give up games for a month.”

While Sweetie Belle winced and looked at him with sympathy. Scootaloo laughed which earned her a glare from the colt. “Oh, you’ve got to me kidding me! You seriously made a bet like that? Maybe you should get a library card, since that’s what you’ll be using for the next four weeks.”

“Oh ha ha ha,” Button Mash growled, “I’d like to think that as my friend you would show me support.”

“I support you!” Sweetie Belle shouted before smiling at him.

“That’s because you two got a crush on each other,” Scootaloo answered nonchalantly.

“I-I do not!” Sweetie Belle and Button Mash both shouted. Looking into each others’ eyes for a second, the two blushed and turned away.

Apple Bloom then walked over and shook her head. “Quit teasin’ them, Scootaloo. Yer gonna make them die of embarrassment.”

“Hey.” Scootaloo shrugged and smiled, “I can’t help it if they’re that easy to make fun off.” She turned to her left, where her fellow pegasus, Rumble, was finishing a leftover cookie from his lunch. “Aren’t I right, Rumble?”

“Pretty much,” Rumble answered, nodding in return.

“Aw come on, Rumble. Don’t be like that, best bro!” Button Mash whined as he faked a sniffle. “How could my fellow Xbox online buddy do this to me after all we’ve been through? All the noobs we owned and the achievements we got?”

“Because, as your friend, I’m obligated to mock your love life.”

“I don’t have a love life! I mean, Sweetie Belle is just... well...” Button mumbled to himself as he rubbed the back of his head. Sweetie Belle, glaring at him, shoved her face into his.

Button gulped as Sweetie Belle demanded, “Is what?”

“Uh... I...” he nervously looked around the slowly emptying classroom to spot Dinky and Pipsqueak chatting with each other while showing their test results. “Oh, hey! How did you guys do on the test?!”

The distraction worked, as both friends looked at each other and showed their papers. “I got a B, while Dinky here got an A+, as usual.”

Blushing from the praise, Dinky looked at her best friend and nuzzled him. It wasn’t a surprise to any of them, since Dinky’s father, the mysterious Time Turner, was one of the smartest ponies they had met. Even Twilight Sparkle was helpless against his knowledge of almost everything. Naturally, she was their class’s best student “Aw, thanks, Pip. What do you say we go celebrate at my place? Sparkler will make us her famous ice cream sundaes and we’ll eat until we burst!”

“Sure thing! See you guys later!”

The five waved Pip and Dinky goodbye, Button Mash sighing in relief. The smiling expression on Sweetie Belle’s face made him believe his troubles were over. Well, almost over. Scootaloo placed her hoof on the test paper that had yet to be uncovered on his desk, reminding Button Mash that he wasn’t home free yet. “So? Are you going to uncover it?”

With sympathetic smiles all around from his friends, minus Scootaloo who was rubbing her hooves with glee, Button Mash took a deep breath and flipped the page over. In an instant, the grade he saw made his jaw drop and he wasn’t the only one. All four of his friends stared at the paper like it was the crown of Princess Celestia herself. There, for all to see, was an A+ on Button Mash’s test. The first he had ever received in his entire life.

“You... got an A+?” Scootaloo whispered in shock, her right eye twitching.

“Button, you got an A+?” Rumble questioned as he looked outside the window, trying to spot any comets, dark clouds, or other signs that the end times had come.

“Button you got an A+! That’s awesome!” Sweetie Belle shouted, hopping up and down.

Button carefully took the paper in his hooves and read each multiple choice question he had been given. All he had done was randomly put in the boxes that seemed like the most likely answer and by the gaming gods of the world he had actually managed to luck his way out. The revelation that he hadn’t failed finally sank into Button as he jumped onto his desk, reared his head back, and shouted, “Booyah!”

Button wasted no time packing his stuff up and speeding out the classroom like he had been ke he'd been cast with Haste. His screams of joy echoed across the school as the Cutie Mark Crusaders and Rumble walked over to the window, watching a happy colt cartwheel and dance towards his home. That was until he missed his step, rolled down a hill, and crashed head first into a tree which caused the birds to get off their branches and start attacking him. Shrieking like a girl, the poor colt ran away while the flock of birds followed him, hoping to peck the fur out of his hide.

The four shook their heads while Scootaloo turned to Sweetie Belle and asked, “And you like like him why?”

“Shut up.”

***

Not too far from school, another member of the Mash family was having a rough time. Love Tap had been trying to fix her favorite fern that was dying, so she had taken it to her friend Roseluck for help a few days ago. Sadly, Roseluck had done all she could, but when she brought the fern back she said that the plant had all but a few hours left to live. Putting the paper report of her plant’s condition on the table, Love Tap sighed and turned to a sympathetic Roseluck. “Well, I guess that’s that. Thanks for everything, Roseluck.”

“Sorry I couldn’t be much help, Tap,” Roseluck replied as she headed towards the front door. Along the way, she noticed a few bags nearby and tilted her head. “Are you going out for a trip?”

“Oh, my husband told me his company’s having a ski trip and family are invited. Best of all, the company decided to pay for all expenses,” Love Tap answered, excitement in her eyes as she turned to a small picture on the wall where it showed her, much younger, holding a skiing trophy while a mountain of pure white was in the background. “I haven’t gone skiing in ages. Not since I got married. It’s going to be nice going back to that mountain and seeing old friends again.”

“You think Button will be excited?” Roseluck asked as she opened the door, letting herself out.

“I’m sure he’ll practically scream with joy,” Love Tap replied with a confident smile.

“Aaaaaaaahhh! Help!”

The two looked to their left to see said colt running as fast as he could, his beanie propeller twirling even faster than normal. Behind him, an entire fleet of crows, robins, blue jays and other birds was chasing him, wearing soldier helmets as they dived for the little colt. Thankfully, years of DDR had managed to make Button Mash more athletic than most gamers and he was able to dodge every attempt to peck him. Before either mare had a chance to comprehend what was going on, Button Mash pushed his mother inside and slammed the door shut, locking it. Roseluck’s eyes widened when she realized the birds had directed their rage now against her and she fled for her life.

Needless to say, her psychologist would have his hooves full trying to convince her that birds weren’t trying to kill her, much like bunnies were nearly three years ago.

Button Mash, holding the door shut with his mother, sighed in relief when he heard the last of the birds flap away. “Okay, this is why virtual reality is better. When nature in a game tries to kill you, it doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re not really hurt are you, Button?” his mother asked, checking her little boy for any cuts or bruises.

“I’m fine, Mom!” Button pushed her away and glared in annoyance. “There is nothing wrong with me!”

Love Tap, deadpan, raised her hoof and pointed at the small trickle of blood on his right flank. “Then how do you explain that?”

Turning around, he saw the small cut and quickly freaked out by screaming and running around in circles at the sight of blood. “Gah! I’m bleeding! I’m hit! What if it’s got some animal disease and I’ve been infected! I’ll turn into a some half bird half pony monster and start eating flesh!”

“Button, I’m sure it’s noth-”

“I need a health potion! Medic! Button needs food badly! Mooooommmmm! Save me!”

Rolling her eyes at her son’s dramatic behavior she calmly went towards the bathroom for the first aid kit.

*** One Band Aid Later ***

“Thanks, Mom! I can feel my HP restored!” Button Mash shouted, grinning at the sight of his Transponies band aid covering his ‘massive life threatening wound’.

“Well, I’m glad you feel fine. So,” Love Tap turned toward the kitchen and started packing a few snacks for their trip. “How did you do on your test?”

“Test?” Button asked, tilting his head. “What test?”

“The one you ‘studied’ for?” she replied with emphasis.

Button quickly remembered but smirked upon remembering what his grade was. With a proud march, he trotted over to his saddlebags and pulled out the paper that he presented to his mother who still had her back turned to him. “Oh it was nothing. I just simply got.... an A+!”

The bowl of pudding that Love Tap had been holding fell from her grip and crashed. The chocolate snack spread across the counter much to Button’s disappointment. He wanted to have that for dessert tonight. Love Tap quickly turned around and saw the paper in his hooves with the perfect grade clear as day stamped on it. Taking it for herself, Love Tap looked it over for any sign of tampering, but there was none. Sitting on her haunches, jaw wide open, she said, “I... I can’t believe it! You actually got an A+! You!”

“What’s that suppose to mean!” Button demanded, stomping his hoof. “Is it so hard to believe that your own son actually studied and did his best on this test? Aren’t parents suppose to have faith in their kids?”

Of course, Button hadn’t studied in the first place and this was all due to luck, but she didn’t need to know that.

Realizing her blunder, Love Tap quickly smiled and hugged him. “S-sorry, sweetie! I was just shocked! Of course I’m proud of you and I’m glad you were telling the truth! I’m sure if you keep studying hard you’ll get even more grades like this!”

“Soooo, no getting rid of my games for a month?” Button asked, hopefully.

Love Tap smiled and bopped him on the nose while nodding. “You can keep your games. And as a bonus for doing such a good job you can ask for one reward. As long as it’s possible to do of course.”

Gasping with joy, Button Mash nodded before asking, “Pinkie Promise, right?! Anything I want?!”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she hugged him one more time before putting him down and pointing to the luggage nearby. “Now go pack your things, we’re going to be late for the train.”

“Train? What for? Wait, are we going somewhere?” Button asked, eyeing the bags with confusion.

“Don’t you remember, sweetie? I said we were going to a ski resort and we need to leave today if we want to make it. Your father is already there and waiting for us.”

“Aww, but Mom! I don’t want to go skiing! I hate the cold!” Button Mash winned, shivering at the thought of snow and doing... exercise. He nearly gagged at the thought of it. “Besides, ski resorts are lame. You have to wait forever in lines, deal with jerks who have been doing this stuff for years and like to get in your face about it, and I’m likely to die from a crash, pneumonia, or even a yeti coming out and getting me!”

“But I’ve seen you play that snowboarding game all the time,” Love Tap pointed out.

“That’s a game, Mom. Everypony knows those are better and you can stay inside your warm house while playing, duh,” Button said, rolling his eyes. A lightbulb soon went of in his head as he smiled and pointed at his mother. “Okay! I’m calling in my bonus award right now! I want you to leave me at home, alone, while you go out and hang with Dad at the ski resort!”

“W-what?!” Love Tap shouted, “Button, you can’t be serious! You’re only a colt and not responsible enough to be on your own!”

“I am so!” Button replied. “Didn’t I already prove that today with my awesome test score!”

“And does the fact that only a few minutes ago you were writing your will while I was applying the band aid retract that?”

Button blushed as he tried to think of something to help him out. Truth was, he had been waiting to be home alone for a weekend for a long time, ever since he heard about what happened to Apple Bloom. She had been allowed to be on the farm on her own until Applejack acted like a complete worry wart and babied her. It was only after she had proven herself that Apple Bloom had been promised to be left by herself.. Wait! Promise! That’s it!

“You have to let me stay home alone because you Pinkie Promised!” Button pointed out, which made Love Tap’s eye widen. “And nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise! Or else...” Biting his lower lip, Button pretended to sniffle while giving the puppy eyes towards his mother who was nervously squirming. “Or else... you’ll lose the love and trust of your son...”

“Forever!” shouted Pinkie Pie, popping out of a nearby cookie jar. The jumped back in surprise as Pinkie retreated back into the jar, but not before taking a cookie.

“But... Button...” Love Tap started until Pinkie popped out again, this time stretching her neck so she could look directly into Love Tap’s frightened eyes.

“For... ev... er.”

And then she retreated once more.

“How does she do that?” she muttered before looking at her son with a sigh. “Okay, Button. I guess I can trust you to be responsible enough on your own.”

“Yay!” shouted Button Mash, leaping back and lifting his hooves over his head.

“But!” Love Tap shouted, raising her hoof. “On a few conditions.” She cleared her throat as Button leaned forward, listening with every word. “One, you must call me every day at 4PM. Two, tomorrow is Friday and you have to do your homework. Three, if there is an emergency you call the police or hospital then me, your dad, or your brother in Canterlot. Four, no staying up too late. Five, you will keep the house neat and clean. And finally, six, do not try to sneak into a club again, get chased, and cause property damage.”

“That was one time! And I wasn't the only one! Spike and Rumble were with me!” Button argued, crossing his hooves. “Besides, Spike bit that bouncer and he only got two weeks of grounding while you gave me six.”

“Button, listen to me!” Love Tap ordered, gaining his full attention as he snapped up straight. Softening her expression, she leaned down and looked into her son’s eyes. “Button, I’m trusting you to do the right thing and be a responsible adult. I don’t want to come home and find out that something happened to you. I would never forgive myself.”

Smiling, Button nuzzled his mother and nodded. “I’ll be fine, Mom. I promise. Nothing bad will happen.”

She gave him a quick hug before grabbing her bags nearby. “Okay, I’m going to head to the station early then. I’ll give you a call when I get there. Also, please do the laundry and vacuuming today before you do your homework? I would really appreciate it.”

“No problem, can I ask a few friends to come over and play with me as well?” Button asked eagerly.

“After you finish your chores,” Love Tap issued as she opened the door and sighed. Looking behind her shoulder, she saw her son smiling and waving at her with an almost angelic expression. With one last blow of a kiss, she closed the door, leaving Button all alone in his house.

With nopony else but him.

“This... is... so... awesome! Yahoo!” Button Mash screamed as he jumped up and down. He landed and started dancing while singing, “I’m on my own! I’m on my own! I got the house to myself for a few days! Oh yeah! No rules! No Mom! No Dad! But me, me, and me!”

Landing on his back, he sighed and looked up at the ceiling with glee spread all over his face. “Man, what do I do first?! Play games?! Eat ice cream?! Have a party?! No wait!” Button lifted himself up and pounded his left hoof into his right hoof. “I have to show Mom that I am a responsible pony. I should get all the chores done first and then have the party!”

Rubbing his chin, he thought to himself, Okay so the first chore is... laundry!

“There is no time to lose! Super responsible Button Mash, away!” shouted Button Mash as he ran towards the basement door. Unfortunately, in his hurry he forgot the first step and quickly found himself in a losing battle for control of his balance against gravity. “Uh, oh. Waaaa!”

Button shrieked and yelled in pain as he fell down all 15 steps until he landed face first on the floor. Sniffling, he began to cry and whimper on the floor, curled up in a ball. “Moooom! I fell down the stairs! Moooom! Where are you, Mooom!”

Upon hearing nopony coming for him, he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked around before he blinked and, like nothing had happened, smacked himself on the head. “Oh, right. I forgot.”

***

Using a ladder to reach the machine, Button put in the dirty clothes one by one from his favorite gaming t-shirts to his mom’s strange black and fancy underwear. Why does she even have this? I’ve never seen her use it before. Eh, girls are just weird with their love of clothes I guess.

After that was all done, he quickly looked at the detergent and carefully scooped the right amount and put it in before setting the dials right for the correct wash. “There we go! Easy as a tutorial level! Now I just need to close the door and...” Button reached to shut the top down, balancing on the ladder on the edges of his hooves as he reached ever closer for it. Licking his lips he could feel the top right in his grasp. At least, that was until gravity decided to screw around with him again and tip him over into the washing machine. Button barely had time to hold his breath before the top slammed on his head and trapped him inside.

Sensing the top closed, the machine’s programming kicked in and started the wash, much to Button’s horror. “No! Stop! Wait! I—glug glug glug!”

Button found himself pounding against the inside walls of the machine as he was thrown around like a ragdoll with the dirty clothes, soap and water getting into his eyes as he felt his stomach squeeze inside of him. He was only thankful that there was enough room for air above while praying this would all be over soon.

DING!

The machine finally stopped and Button was finally able to stop swirling around to open the hatch. Weakly, the wet colt lifted himself out of the washing machine, his little beanie propeller still spinning. He spat out a large stream of soapy water before landing on the edge and flopping to the floor. “So... much... foam...”

At least he could wipe taking a bath of his check list.

***

“Next up, vacuuming the house. Should be easy enough,” Button said to himself as he looked at the machine. He took the handle and flicked it on, slowly moving it around the carpet with ease. Smiling, he lifted up the vacuum hose and said, “Who you gonna call?! Ghostbusters! Dun dun dun-na-na-na-na-na-num! Dun dun dun-na-na-na-na-na-num!”

With his mind making him thinking he was fighting off ghosts, Button didn’t notice that he was too close to the curtains and accidently put the sucker too close. He gasped upon seeing his mother’s favorite curtains start to get sucked in as a slow, but loud, ripping sound was heard. “Ah! No! Bad machine! Reverse! Reverse!”

Flipping the switch over and over again, he caused it to reverse and the vacuum released all the stored up dust it had collected in a large puff cloud. The entire room was soon covered with dust bunnies as a grime-covered Button Mash coughed into his hoof before opening his eyes and stared at the new mess he had created. Glaring at the vacuum, Button shouted, “Stupid machine!” and kicked it the mental contain, which he soon regretted while hopping around and holding his hurting hoof.

***

“Alright! Homework!” Button Mash shouted as he placed his textbooks and paper on his desk inside his room and stretched his forelegs. “We’re not gonna stop until every piece is finished and completed! I can do this!”

“I can’t do this!” Button Mash cried out, banging his head against the desk over and over again.

Eventually, he stopped hitting himself and sighed while rubbing his head. “Okay, so I’ll just do this later or maybe beg Sweetie Belle to help me with it before school starts like always. No big deal.” His eyes widen as a smile stretched across his muzzle. Reaching for his phone, he opened it and saw the contacts of all his friends on. “Which means... it’s time...”

He started with his first speed dial.

“Hello?” Sweetie Belle asked on the other line.

“It’s time...” Button Mash said cryptically before disconnecting them. He called the next pony.

“Hello?” Apple Bloom asked on the other line.

“It’s time...”

Again he shut the line and called again.

“Hello?” Rumble asked, confused by the sudden call.

“It’s time...”

One by one, all his closest friends were called to heed his summons. They would come one by one, with food and entertainment. And together they would have the most awesome and epic playdate ever in the history of history. Button, smiling at his success, spoke one more time into the phone. “It’s time...”

He shut the all down and got up to prepare his room for his guests when the phone started ringing. Raising an eyebrow, Button sat back down and hit the accept button. “Hello?”

“Yeah, what does ‘it’s time’ mean?” Rumble asked.

“What?” Button asked.

“Well, you suddenly called me out of the blue and just said ‘it’s time’ like I’m supposed to know what that means.”

“Get on the bandwagon, Rumble! My mom just left me alone in the house for a few days and we can do whatever we want!” Button replied excitedly.

“... Your mom actually did that? She really left you alone? Is this a joke?”

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Button asked, offended. “She trust me to be a responsible adult and make sure nothing goes wrong while she and my dad are gone for a few days.”

“... Yeah, I’m not buying it.”

“Why you... wait I have another call.” Button accepted the new caller and said, “Hello?”

“Yeah, what does ‘it’s time’ mean?” Scootaloo asked. “Is some new game coming out and you’re getting all excited again?”

“No, it means I got the house to myself and we’re free to do what we want!” Button shouted, rolling his eyes.

“Your mom let you stay at home by yourself? Really?”

“Oh, come on. Name one bad thing that’s happened whenever I was on my own?” Button demanded, grumbling to himself.

“What about the time you got lost on our school’s field trip to Canterlot and almost destroyed the entire economy by–”

“I thought we agreed to never talk about that again!” yelled a blushing Button who tried to force those memories out of his head. He was only thankful nopony except a few hooful knew about that incident. “Look, just bring some snacks and games and we’ll–” Another call. “Hang on, somepony else is one the line. Hello?”

“4:45 PM!” Pipsqueak said.

“What?”

“That’s the time it is right now. That’s what you asked for right?”

“No, I meant...” Another call. “Darn it hold on. Hello?”

“I’m behind you one hundred and ten percent, Button!” Spike shouted on the other end, with viciousness in his tone. “If Mansbro refuses to allow us fans of My Little Human to express our love of the show by cease and desisting our hard work, then we must retaliate by blowing their headquarters sky high! Muahahahaha!”

“Spike... what are you talking about?” Button asked, nervously.

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about me having a party at my place since I’m all alone!”

“You’re parents left you alone? Even after what happened in Canterlot when you–”

“Yes, okay, we all know what happened and agreed to never talk about it again!” Button cried out, rubbing his temple before another call alerted him. Sighing, he said, “Hang on, I’ll call you back. Hello?”

“So... you really are alone in your house? This isn’t a joke?” Rumble inquirted.

“Yes. Shut up. I got another call. Hello?”

“4:47PM!”

“Go away.” He then got another call and answered it. “Hello?”

“Yeah, Ah got 4:46 on mah clock, but Ah think Pip’s is more accurate,” Apple Bloom said.

“That’s not what I meant... wait I got another call. Jeez, can’t you guys just stop calling? Hello?”

“Me again,” replied Apple Bloom.

“Sorry.” this time Button pressed the right button. “Yes, Dinky?”

“Hey, Scootaloo let me know what’s going on with this whole ‘it’s time’ thing. Just letting you know my Dad’s gonna be dropping me over, okay?”

“It’s not gonna be in that blue box is it?” Button asked, remembering seeing it for the first time, crashing into the mail post office. Granted, Dinky said her mother had been trying to drive it at the time instead of her father, but he doubted its stability, despite its coolness.

“Oh, no. We’re taking Bessie with us.”

“Who?” Button groaned again as he was alerted to another call. “I’ll call you back, okay? Hello?”

“Hey! What should I bring to the party? Blue balloons or red ones?” Pinkie Pie asked, before gasping. “Or I can bring both! That would mean twice the balloony fun!”

“Pinkie, how did you know I was even having a party... and how do you even have my number to begin with?” Button asked, staring at his phone in disbelief.

“Oh, I have everypony’s phone number on my phone.”

“...”

“...”

“... And you don’t find that creepy at all?”

“Nope! So can I come to the party?”

“No, colts and fillies only.”

“Awww...”

Button was thankful that another call came in and he sighed in relief before switching lines again. “Hello?”

“So when are you picking me up? Six or seven?” Sweetie Belle, asked.

“Pick you up? Rarity can’t drop you off at my house?”

“Wait... what does ‘it’s time’ mean?”

“We’re having a party at my place since my parents are out, what did you think it meant?”

“Oh... um... nothing... nothing at all... I... uhhh...”

Button’s eyebrow raised as he heard Rarity on the other end of the line shout, “Sweetie! I have your dress ready for your date with–”

“False alarm! False alarm! Put it back!” Sweetie Belle shouted, fumbling with her phone. “Um... did you hear that?”

“Kinda... what does–” Another call signal was heard. “Wait a second. Hello?”

“4:50PM, mate.”

“Okay!” Button shouted, throwing his hooves in the air. “Enough of this, I’m putting everypony on speakerphone!” He pressed a few buttons and put his phone on the table before shouting, “Can you all hear me?!”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Loud and clear.”

“Yes!”

“Roger!”

“Yup.”

“Yupper Roonie!”

“Pinkie get off the line!”

“Sorry! *click*”

“Okay, listen. Yes, I am alone in the house. We’re all going to get together at my place so bring whatever junk food and games you want and we’ll have a blast. Be here in thirty okay?”

“I’m still unsure about this...” Rumble muttered.

Button smiled and shook his head. “Rumble, my friend. You have to have more faith in me. I can promise you that nothing is going to go horribly wrong.”

“Oh my gosh something’s gone horribly wrong!” Button Mash shouted as he smashed his door open, eyes wide in terror. The Cutie Mark Crusaders stopped playing their game while Dinky and Pip nearly choked on their sodas after being scared tailless by the surprise entrance. Rumble and Spike, playing cards, looked at each other with an unsurprised look on their face.

“So how long did it take?” Rumble asked, putting his cards away and rubbing his temples.

“Three hours and fifteen minutes this time,” Spike said, looking at his watch.

“Huh, new record.”

“Can we focus here?!” Button Mash shouted, waving his forelegs around. “Because we have a fire in my kitchen!”

“A fire?!” everypony shouted as they got up and followed Button to his kitchen room. When they arrived they quickly gasped at the sight of the flames spreading from the stove to the cabinets above.

Everypony stared at the flames with both shock and fear, well except for Spike who was unimpressed. He had seen better and even done better himself. Apple Bloom turned to Button Mash and asked, “How in tarnation did ya make a flame this big?!”

“I was making hay fries when I felt the need to use the bathroom, but when I came back I saw this big flame so I tried to blow it out but that didn’t work, so I grabbed water that turned out to be oil and the flame got bigger!” Button explained quickly. “Then I just panicked a bit before getting you guys!”

Six hooves and one dragon’s claw found themselves upon their respective owners’ faces before they refocused back on the task at hand. The fire was now spreading towards the sink and fridge as smoke began to fill the place up, causing the group of friends to start choking while wiping the tears off their eyes. Suddenly, Dinky saw something and gasped with joy. “Wait! I got it!”

She rushed over and pulled out the fire extinguisher that was laying in the corner. “We can use this!”

Button’s face lit up as he took it from Dinky and smirked. “Perfect! I know exactly what to do!” He took the fire extinguisher and threw it at the fire... which only caused the fire to increase as the extinguisher went up in flames. “Button!” shouted everypony in fury and disbelief.

“What?! I thought that’s what you were suppose to do!” Button shouted with a small nervous laugh as everypony glaring daggers at him.

"I propose we throw him in the fire now, before he does something that kills us,” Rumble suggested.

“Second,” Scootaloo said raising her hoof.

Button was about to protest when Sweetie Belle spoke, “We’ll worry about that later! For now let’s just get out of here!”

Nopony disagreed as they rushed to the door, Pipsqueak taking the lead as he got ready to turn the knob. Suddenly, an ax smashed through the door, causing the fillies and colts to scream in terror as they backed away. The red ax retreated before it started smashing against the door again. The group of friends huddled against one another as they realized they were trapped with the fire on one side and a crazed ax murderer on the other.

“Button, if we die, I’m going to leave a dying message saying it was all your fault!” Scootaloo shouted

“And if we live through this we’re kicking yer arse!” Pip seconded.

The ax carved a huge hole in the was a hoof, covered by the smoke, opened the door, and everypony gasped at who they saw entering the house, dressed in a firepony’s outfit. “Pinkie Pie?!”

“Hi guys! I saw the fire while I was walking down the street, don’t you silly fillies know that bon fire parties are suppose to take place outside?” Pinkie chided while shaking her head. She then smiled before pulling out a bag of marshmallows. “Anyway, who's up for s'mores?”

“Pinkie! That’s a real fire that’s burning and if we don’t get out of here we’re all gonna end up like burned marshmallows!” shouted Sweetie Belle, pointing to the inferno behind them.

“Oooh!” Pinkie Pie nodded. “That makes a lot more sense. Don’t worry! Firefighter Pinkie and Gummy are on the job!”

The children looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

Zipping out of the house for a split second before returning, Pinkie Pie held the tiny alligator, wearing a fire helmet of course, and pointed him at the fire. “Gummy! Use your Hydro Pump!”

Button shouted, “Are you serious! Pinkie, this is real life not... not...”

Button’s voice died out as he and the other children watched as Gummy began to grow fatter and fatter like a balloon being filled with helium. He grew so big that he barely could fit into the house. Finally, he opened his mouth and unleashed a huge burst of water that spread all across the fire, dousing it instantly and saving the rest of the room from being destroyed. The kids, now wet themselves, were looking at the scene, utterly stupefied.

“... Pokemon.”

With all the water released, Gummy returned to regular size. Pinkie Pie cuddled with her pet, praising him for his talent while the rest were still trying to comprehend what they had just seen. Sweetie Belle finally spoke for them all when she said, “Well, that throws out all logic.”

They only nodded in response.

“Phew, that takes care of that. You guys enjoy the rest of your party, me and Gummy are gonna have our own to celebrate our victory over the fire!” Pinkie Pie said as she trotted out of the house with a smile on her face.

The entire gang sighed in relief at the thought of no longer being in any danger. However, Button Mash slowly moved towards the now ruined kitchen that his mother treasured and worked hard on everyday. “It’s... destroyed....”

The others, seeing the ruins of the room, winced in sympathy as they walked over to the frozen colt and looked at him with pity. “Y-yeah, but at least you're alive, Button. That’s what matters,” Sweetie Belle pointed out.

“Alive? Alive?!” Button Mash shouted in terror as he started to pace around the room. “Don’t you get it! My mom and dad are going to kill me when they get back! Mom trust me to be a responsible adult and I ended up destroying our entire kitchen! She’s gonna ground me for life and never trust me again and oh dear Celestia what do I do?!”

“You could always lie! Say it was a spark or something that caused a fire!” Scootaloo suggested.

“The insurance company will find out what it was,” Button moaned.

“Maybe you can fix it!” Dinky suggested right before a piece of the stove fell off and went aflame again. Spike rushed over and stomped on it, putting it out. “Or... not.”

“No, I have to run away!” Button Mash said getting up. He rushed to a closet in his living room, opened it and pulled out a large briefcase.. Opening it up, then then turned to his friends. “I need to get all my clothes, games, and some food before I take a train out of here and change my name. How does Joystick Turner sound?”

“Stupid,” replied Spike. “Look, I’ve burned things before, Button. I’m sure your mom will be more happy to see you alive than her kitchen being totaled. Running away isn’t going to solve your problems.”

Button sighed and sat on his brief case, covered his eyes with his hooves. “Yeah... I can’t survive out there with... nature. I’d die in ten seconds. Or my mom will when she comes home and find me... me...”

Button’s eyes lit up as an idea came to him. A crazy idea, maybe a stupid one, but it was the best possible idea he could think off. Jumping to his hooves he smiled at his friends who all looked at him nervously. They knew that smile. It meant that something really dumb was going to happen and they were all going to be involved in it.

“I know how I can get away with this without getting in trouble,” Button said with glee. “We’re gonna fake my death!”

Author's Note

At long last I managed to get this done. If you haven't guessed this is kind of playing on the whole "Button Mash is dead" thing with Jan Animations getting the C&D from Hasbro. I read "Button Mash isn't Dead" by The Albinocorn and I figured I might as well do something like this as well. Expect more humor coming up and more insanity to follow.

And no, this is not related to my "Gift of the Mash" story.

Operation Possum Play Begins

Love Tap couldn’t remember the last time that she had such a relaxing evening. Oh right, it was before she became a mom. Still, Love Tap wasn’t going to waste this opportunity at the resort. The jacuzzi at just the right temperature, a glass of red wine with a plate of olives and cheese, and the neck messages she was getting from the griffin servants heaven blessed talons. If only her husband could join her, but he was busy hanging out with his friends at the poker table. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll have some... alone time when we both finish with our activities.

For now, Love Tap was comfortable with her situation. It was really thanks to the masseur; he could push all the right buttons to wipe away so many years of stress. Her eyes lit up as the image of her youngest son appeared in her mind. She sat straight up, spilling her wine, and shouted, “Oh my gosh! I need to check on Button!” She turned to the griffin masseur and frantically asked, “Is there a phone I can use?! I need to call my son!”

“Just a minute, ma’am. I’ll get one for you,” the griffin answered before leaving. He returned a few minutes later with a cellphone on a small tray.

Thanking the griffin with a huge tip, Love Tap began calling her son’s cellphone number. Holding her breath as it began to tone, Love Tap tried her best to not think about the possible trouble that her son was already getting into. She loved him, Celestia as her witness she loved her son since the day he came out of her kicking and screaming, but she knew Button had a tendency to get into trouble more than once. It wasn’t that he was dumb, in fact he was a bright kid when it came to computers and technology. He just was always a bit... clueless at times.

Every ring made her heart beat increase another five jumps as she waited to hear Button or some other adult to pick up and tell her something awful. Please don’t be as bad as the time he tried to sneak into Frizzard to see the new Starcraft series. Or when he tried to brave Tartarus to see if it had nine circles of damnation. Or when he went to Canterlot and almost ruined the economy by—

“Hello?”

“Sweetie, it’s Mommy!” Love Tap shouted in relief. “I called to see if you were doing okay. It’s almost past your bedtime, you know?”

“Aw, come on, Mom,” Button moaned on the other end. “I’m a grown stallion now. I don’t need you to call me and let me know it’s almost bed time.”

Love Tap sighed. “I know, but I was worried. Everything is okay back home, right?”

“Yeah, nothing’s wrong. I did what you asked and—”

“Hey Button, how about this idea? Death by spontaneous combustion. We think we can make it look good by—”

“Sweetie Belle! I’m on the phone with my mom!”

“W-was that Sweetie Belle?” Love Tap asked, raising her eyebrows.

“Uh, yeah. She decided to come over and we had a play date. She was just about to leave...”

“And the ‘death by spontaneous combustion’?” Love Tap asked, narrowing her eyes at the phone as if her son was the mechanical device. She could already tell that he was hiding something and sweating up a storm. Her mother instincts were never wrong.

“It’s... it’s for a play... we’re improvising a play and the main character... uh,” Button hesitated a bit before answering. “Well, he fakes his death and we’re trying to come up with a cool way for him to do it!”

“And what is this play your improvising? Have I heard of it?” questioned Love Tap.

“Oh... um, Romeo and Juliet? We’re making it more modernized.”

Love Tap’s brain filtered in this new data and came to a shocking conclusions. Romeo and Juliet. My son. Sweetie Belle. Alone. A sly smirk grew on her muzzle as Love Tap felt a tear coming on. Her son was really growing up so fast. She always knew Sweetie Belle was a good mare for Button should their friendship ever evolve and it looked like it was going to. “Oh, Button. You're so much like your father when he was young.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing, sweetie,” Love Tap teased with a giggle. “I’ll call you tomorrow after school. Now Button? When you get to the kissing scene, don’t forget to have some mints so you don’t knock her out. Love you!”

“Wait, wha—*click*”

Love Tap put the phone down and sighed with a smile on her face. “Ah, young love.”

***

“What was that about?” Button questioned before shrugging and headed back to the living room where his friends were waiting for him. Most of them looked bored, having to sit around near past their bedtimes while only Sweetie Belle seemed to be paying attention.

“Can I say for the tenth time that this is the most ridiculous idea you have ever come up with?” Scootaloo pointed out, shaking her head. “I mean, we’ve done some pretty silly things in our crusades, I’ll say that much, but faking your death? That’s just stupid.”

“Have you even thought about the ramifications of doing this? Or do you even have a plan for this dumb idea?” Dinky asked.

“It’s not dumb! And I have come up with a foalproof plan!” Button said as he put up an art easel with a large set of drawing paper he had worked on earlier. Taking a ruler, he pointed out the title “Operation: Possum Play” and smiled. “This is our plan of attack, team.”

Rumble raised his hoof. “Question, what do you mean by ‘team’, not everypony here is agreeing to this.”

Button snorted. “Okay, fine. Who among you doesn’t want to take part in this plan to fake my death?”

Everypony but Sweetie Belle raised his or her hoof, or claw in Spike’s case, which earned the unicorn crusader a few stares. “What?”

“Seriously, you’re all for this?” Scootaloo asked her friend.

Blushing, Sweetie Belle muttered, “W-well, it’s not like I want him to get in trouble with his mother. And we are his friends so...”

Spike snorted. “Yeah, right. You just want to be loyal to your crush.”

“We’re just friends!” Sweetie Belle and Button Mash both shouted. The two looked at each other, faces beet red, before turning around.

The others, one by one, started to get up and head towards the front door before Button dashed in front of them, holding his forelegs out. “Wait a minute! You can’t leave me! Not when I’m dealing with the biggest crisis of my life!”

“Yeah, your life. None of us are gonna get in trouble when your parents find out you burned the kitchen,” Rumble pointed out.

“But you have to help me! Please! Please! Please!” Button begged as he got on his knees and started sobbing. “If my parents find out I ruined their kitchen, my mom will ground me forever! I’ll never be able to play my games again! No more killing Reapers! No more saving Princess Plum! No more teabagging on Call of Loyalty! I’ll slowly lose all sense of reality and go insane! Up will become down! Water will taste like fire! I’ll start thinking The Middle is a decent TV show! I’ll become a drug addict, be kicked into the streets, go to rehab and become a born again Faustian! Only to then relapse and get addicted to more drugs before I die a lonely death where my corpse will become some dog’s toilet before public sanitation drags me away and dumps me in a shallow grave!”

“And Ah thought Rarity was the town's drama queen,” Apple Bloom muttered, rolling her eyes.

Dinky shook her head. “Button, you’re just being over dramatic. All you have to do is explain the situation to your mother.” She walked over and smiled, slowly helping him up. “She’ll be mad at you, but she’ll forgive you in time and I bet she'll be even more relieved to know your safe. You’re a kid. We’re suppose to do stupid things. And besides, there is more to life than video games. Just look at us, we’re not addicts like you and we get along fine. So what do you say? Stop the craziness?”

Button looked eye to eye with Dinky and then at his friends who nodded with smiles of their own. “Y-you... you all really believe everything will be okay?”

They all nodded again.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Button stood up and smiled. “Guys... I’m really glad you said that...” Then he shook his head. “But I’m afraid I’m not taking no for an answer so you guys have better help me or I’ll be forced to use my Limit Breaker known as...” He pointed his hoof high into the air, “...blackmail!”

Scootaloo scoffed. “Oh, please. What dirt do you even have on us?” She was about to laugh when suddenly a file smacked her in the face. Growling, she picked up and looked inside before turning pale as a ghost. “H-how... how did...”

“How did I know you secretly are a fan of the Twilight book series? I have my ways,” Button Mash proclaimed as huffed onto his hoof and wiped it on his chest.

“You... son of a...” a blushing Scootaloo grumbled as her friends crowded around her and started giggling or whispering in disbelief. In the file were photos of Scootaloo reading the said book. One of them even showed her kissing a poster that said “Team Werepony” that featured a muscular and handsome teen idol that had wolf like eyes. And a shot of her watching the DVD of Breaking Dawn Part 2. Needless to say, some of her friends were already down on the floor, kicking their hooves up in the air while their laughter echoed across the room.

“Oh man! I can’t believe Scootaloo of all ponies like sparkling emo vampires! Gahahahaha!” Pipsqueak laughed .

“S-shut up!” Scootaloo shouted, lowering her head while blushing. “It... it’s not as bad of a romance as people think!”

“Please, I could write better romance then that,” Spike joked.

Button walked over and put a hoof over his dragon friend’s shoulder. “Actually, Spike. If you managed to keep the sex down in your stories, I’d say you’d be just as good.”

Spike stood still as his eyes lit up and his tailed straightened out. “You... you...” Spike’s worst fears were realized when Button handed him a folder that contained all his fanfiction printed out. Everything from his Lord of the Horseshoes slash romances to his My Little Human crossovers with Warblade 40K. “How did you even know?!”

“Dude, you seriously need a better author name than ‘DiamondPlotMarkLover4Life’. I mean come on it’s obvious who it’s referring to with a name like that,” Button Mash pointed out, earning a few chuckles from the others.

“I don’t get it, who is he talking about?” Sweetie Belle asked, tilting her head.

Everypony looked at her in awkward silence.

“A-anyway!” Button Mash moved away from Spike, who was doing his best to prevent Apple Bloom and Dinky from checking out his work, and onto Rumble who was sweating. “Are you gonna work with me, Rumble? Or do I need show everypony what happened last Hearth’s Warming Eve? Here is a hint, it had to do with a pregnant porcupine.”

Rumble growled as he towered over Button Mash, who wasn’t the least bit intimidated. “You swore never to tell anypony.”

“Desperate times for desperate measures,” Button Mash said as he turned around and faced them all. “Look, I don’t like doing this, but I need your help. If you help me fake my death, I’ll give you all the evidence I have on each of you even if we fail. Heck, I’ll write a will saying you get my games and stuff if we succeed, deal?”

Everypony looked at each other and sighed, “Deal.”

“Great, now let’s head back inside the living room and plan our strategy,” Button said enthusiastically as he skipped back into the living room, his friends dragging their hooves after him.

Scootaloo walked over to Rumble and whispered, “So what did happen that Hearth’s Warming Eve? Did it have to do with that great big fire in the woods and animals acting all like crazy psychopaths wearing pentagrams on their foreheads trying to kill each other? Fluttershy had to spend months getting things back to order.”

Rumble groaned. “Let’s just say I’m never gonna trust cridders that talk ever again. Especially, on Hearths Warming Eve.”

***

Having spent an entire hour last night planning multiple ways to fake their friend’s death, the group was barely able to drag themselves to school with any energy come morning. The other students heading to school looked at them with raised eyebrows and concerned looks before pressing on ahead. The only one of them that was missing was Spike, blissfully sleeping in his bed since his part of the plan was to come later.

The only one who seemed to be having any energy at all was Button Mash who skipped happily towards his tired friends. “Hey guys! How are you all this morning?!”

A series of unified moans and glares at the one responsible for their state of condition made it clear how they were. Ignoring this, Button Mash smiled and said, “Ah, I’m sure you’ll get your energy back by recess. When we launch attempt one of Operation: Possum Play that I like to call code name humpty dumpty!”

He took out a sketch pad that showed a series of terrible drawings that detailed their grand plan:

“First, the Cutie Mark Crusaders will toss around a frisbee around recess time. Make sure you guys are—”

“Wait a minute!” Apple Bloom shouted, pointing at the pony figure that looked like it had a butterfly on her head. “Is that suppose ta be me?! Ah look nothin’ like that!”

“My horn looks weird!” Sweetie Belle complained.

“And why am I so small with the crooked head?! And are those my wings?!” Scootaloo growled, getting up in Button Mash’s face. “If that’s some sort of jab at my inability to fly yet I’m gonna skip straight to the part where we bury you!”

“N-not at all I was... um, really tired when I made this!” Button Mash lied while the rest of the group chuckled. “A-anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted, you three will toss a frisbee around, in public, until one of you manages to throw it up onto the roof.”

He turned the next page:

“I will bravely volunteer to go get it and make my way up towards the roof. According to what I hear, there is a way up on the second floor,” Button Mash explained before turning to the next page.

“Then Dinky, being the straight A student and teacher’s pet that she is, will run to Ms. Cheerilee and tell her what I’m doing. This will be key in making her a witness to my so called death.”

Dinky facehoofed before sighing. “First off, I’m not a teacher’s pet. I just happen to study hard unlike a lazy gamer like you. Second, you spelled both my name and Ms. Cheerilee's name wrong. And finally, my horn isn’t that small.”

“Geez, what is with you females and the sizes of unicorn horns. You’re almost as bad as those teenage fillies I saw yesterday who kept arguing whose colt friend had the bigger horn.” Button then scratched his head in thought. “What was also weird was that they talked about the horns between their legs. I thought unicorns only had them on their foreheads?”

All the females instantly blushed and shook their heads while the guys did their best not to snicker. A quick death glare from the fillies shut them up pretty quickly. Button tilted his head. “What?”

“Button... you know of the birds and bees right?” Scootaloo whispered.

“What do avians and insects have to do with anything?”

“A-anyway!” Pipsqueak interrupted. “Maybe you should continue, mate?”

Button nodded and flipped the next page:

“Step four is Spike’s part. He’s going to bring in a cart full of pillows for part five!” Button Mash explained while turning to the next page.

“I take it this is where you fall?” Rumble asked.

“Yup, I’m going to pretend to slip on the other side of the school so that they only see me falling and nothing else!” Button Mash pointed to each of them. “Remember, you have to act like it’s all real! If there is even the slightest hint that you guys are faking it will raise questions.”

“You’ll be careful, right?” Sweetie Belle asked, pawing the ground with a faint blush. “I-it’s not like we want you to get really hurt doing this after all.”

The others nodded in agreement. While Button was an annoying, blackmailing, and all around clueless pony, he was still their friend. They wouldn’t wish serious harm on him. Serious being the key word.

“Don’t worry! You may not know this, but last year I took high diving lessons last summer and I was pretty good at it!” Button Mash proclaimed with a proud smile. Of course the diving board was only 3 feet over the water, but experience is experience right?

“If all goes according to plan, I’ll land on the pillows safe and sound,” Button said. “Rumble will fly ahead of everypony, concerned about me, and help Spike get rid of the evidence before dousing me in ketchup to act as blood.”

“Which leads to our last page...”

“... to me simply playing dead and Rumble crying over my body,” Button Mash finished before closing the book. “Everypony will think I’m dead and the mission will be a success. See guys? It’s foal proof!”

Dinky shook her head. “There are so many things that could go wrong with this.”

“Ah just hope yer prepared for the consequences if this does go right, Button Mash,” Apple Bloom warned.

“As long as it prevents me from getting grounded, I don’t care,” Button said as he put the pad in his bags. “Now let’s get going before Ms. Cheerilee calls us laaaah! I forgot to do my homework!”

“You’re going to be ‘dead’ what does it matter?” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes. “What’s the worst she can do to you?”

“Do you have to ask that?” Button Mash muttered, but he soon smiled. “But don’t worry. I have an excuse ready for anything.”

***

“So the reason you couldn’t do your homework was because you were selected by a mystical fairy to enter the forest so you can cure an elder tree of a corruption. That same tree then teleported you into a world where digitized monsters fought one another and you were chosen to tame them all and defeat a growing darkness,” Cheerily repeated as she walked around the classroom.

“Said darkness managed to trap you in an underground prison where you died, resurrected as an undead, and had to kill insane monsters to steal their souls and gain your regular form again by freeing a god. Said god then decided to reward you with seven emeralds that made you turn golden, fly, and shoot energy blasts out of your hooves.” She shook her head and facehoofed.

“This allowed you to return to the digitized world where you defeated the darkness only to discover it was being controlled by a greater evil that turned out to be a giant brain in a glass jar. You destroyed the brain, escaped back to our world where only a few minutes had past in our world. You were so exhausted saving so many lives and battling so many monsters that you passed out and forgot to your home work which only consisted of answering three questions that were true or false.” Cheerilee sat on her chair and stared at the smiling colt before she narrowed her eyes. “Anything else to tell, Button Mash?”

“Only that I already told you this before but you don’t remember because some ponies in black suits came in here and erased your memory. I only managed to avoid such a fate due to my awesome ninja skills,” Button Mash said, with puppy eyes. She is sooooo going to fall for this.

***

“Or not,” muttered Button, who stood in the corner of the room with a dunce cap on his head.

Rumble, who was nearby, made sure that Cheerilee wasn’t watching as she did math problems on the board before whispering, “Well, look at it this way. I bet the next A+ you get will be in a fiction storytelling assignment.”

“Oh ha ha ha, very funny,” Button muttered before a piece of chalk smacked him in the back of the head.

“No talking!”

“Yes ma’am!”

***

Finally, recess had arrived and it was time to put the plan into action. Button Mash watched from his lookout on the top of the slide to see if the others were in position. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were playing around with the frisbee as expected. Pipsqueak and Dinky were close by, pretending to play princess dolls. Seriously, I’m questioning Pip’s manliness with the way he keeps adoring the princesses so much. Rumble was by the monkey bars and Spike had yet to show up, but Button was confident he would arrive soon.

“Hey!”

The voice below him made Button look down to see an angry line glaring at him. Archer, the next in line, shouted, “Move your flank and slide down already! Some of us want a turn you know!”

“I’ll go when I’m ready, geez. Have you ever learned of patience?” Button Mash asked.

“Ever heard of my hoof up your butt?” growled Archer, as did a few others.

Seeing as he was outmatched, Button quickly slide down and made his way towards the three girls who noticed him. He gave the signal, two winks with his left eye, and Apple Bloom threw the frisbee as far as she could towards the roof.... and missed it as it bounced off the wall and landed back on the grass.

Button rolled his eyes as Apple Bloom sheepishly picked it up and tossed it to Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle nodded before spinning around and throwing it... in the wrong direction. The four watched as the frisbee hit a tree that knocked over a beehive. A swarm of angry bees came out and went after the first thing they saw: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. The two fillies screamed and ran out into the field with the stinging insects right behind them. Everypony on the playground watched this before shrugging and went back to their business.

This time Scootaloo got the frisbee and took her time aiming at the roof. Throwing it as hard as she could... and hit Button Mash in the forehead with it. “Ow! What the hay! We’re you aiming at all?!”

“Well that beanie of yours does make a good distraction target,” Scootaloo fibbed, secretly she was laughing on the inside.

“Oh for crying out loud!” Button took the frisbee and threw it towards the roof, this time managing to get it up there. “See?! Was that so hard?! Now tell Dinky to go get Ms. Cheerilee.”

Button wasted no time rushing towards the door and entering the school with Sweetie Belle volunteering to go tell Dinky it was time for her role to begin. The other two were left to watch as Spike finally enter the school grounds with a old looking cart filled with fluffy pillows.

“I’m not late am I?” Spike asked, looking around for any sign of Button Mash.

“Nah, Button’s headin’ up towards the roof right now,” Apple Bloom answered, who looked at the cart with suspicion. “Wait a minute, isn’t this the old cart mah family own’s back on the farm?”

“Yeah, Twilight was using our own cart to help Rarity find more gems. I had to borrow this from AJ,” Spike replied.

“Ain’t the brakes broken?”

“Yeah, but I doubt anything bad is gonna happen. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to set this up.”

***

Having accessed the attic door that allowed him to walk the roof of the school, Button Mash was now having second thoughts. The young colt gulped as he looked down and saw the hard ground below. Others students had already spotted him and were pointing at him, talking to one another either in confusion or worry. Button Mash walked over to the other edge of the school, carefully making sure he didn’t slip for real and fall to his actual death.

“He’s over there Ms. Cheerilee! You have to stop him!” Dinky’s voice shouted from the other side, down below.

Knowing he had to get ready for his part, he leaned over and saw the crate of pillows already waiting for him, hidden from view. Okay, this is it. Nothing can go wrong now.

“Button Mash!” Ms. Cheerilee screamed as she looked up and gasped. “What in Equestria are you doing?! Get down here before you break your neck!”

“Don’t worry, Ms. Cheerilee!” Button shouted, waving his hoof. “I’m alright! I almost have the... woah! Woah! Ahhh!” He waved back and forth, the crowd below gasping as he inched closer to the edge with the cart just in his sights. “I-I-I’m slipping! S-somepony help!”

Taking a deep breath, he jumped back and screamed. The others screamed too as they watched him fall, a few crying out his name in terror. Button Mash continued to scream until he landed perfectly on the pillows with only the wind knocked out of him. He shook his head, trying to get his bearings straight when he felt the wagon jolt... then slowly move forward on it’s wheels.

Button quickly checked and, sure enough, the cart was moving down the angle it was on, right towards the downward hill leading into town. “Oh crud...”

Gravity soon took effect and the colt screamed as the cart fell down hill. Ms. Cheerilee and the others who rushed over to see if he was alright, instead saw the apparently living colt scream his head off as he rode down the hill in an old cart towards the center of town. “Sweetie! Stop this crazy thing!”

“Oh, that can’t be good,” whispered Sweetie Belle as she watched her friend roll away.

***

“Everypony out of the way! Move it! Runaway cart!” Button Mash cried out as ponies on the street dived out of the way. Per usual Ponyville response, everypony started running away and panicking like headless chickens while some tried to stop the cart from running anypony over. Needless to say, the prospect of being run over made them duck out and cowered away.

“Mmmmoooommmm! Help!” Button Mash screamed as he held on for dear life. His eyes widen at the sight of a ramp that was placed conveniently in his path. “Oh no, oh no, oh no!” He closed his eyes and screamed as the cart flew high into the air.

High above, Rainbow Dash and her weather patrol team were currently pushing a set of thunder clouds that had gotten free from the Everfree Forest and right into Ponyville. Leading the team, Rainbow Dash said, “Make sure to keep a gentle hoof on those clouds, guys! Don’t want to start a lightning storm in the middle of town!”

A few of the pegasi responded but one of them gasped and shouted, “Duck!” The other weather patrollers saw at what she was pointing at and flew out of the wait much to Dash’s confusion.

“Duck? What’s so scary about a—” Rainbow Dash turned around only to have eyes nearly bulged out at the sight of a flying cart coming straight towards her. “Incoming!”

Dash flew out of the way just in the nick of time, however, she failed to notice the thunder cloud in front of her and smacked face first into it. A shock of lighting jolted her before she fell through the air, landing in the fountain with a big splash. The thundercloud rumbled before shooting out bolts of lightning everywhere. The other clouds were hit and a chain reaction went off, shooting lightning bolts all over the town. Ponies screamed as the bolts hit any house or tree that instantly went aflame.

Back with Button Mash, his ride of destruction was only beginning as he landed back on the ground and swerved into the market district where a barrage of stands filled with fruits, vegetables, hay, and more awaited him. The stand owners tried to save as much of their goods as possible, but it was too late as Button Mash’s cart crashed into each of them and continued on. Food and items were shot into the air, ponies screamed upon being pelted with them.

“The horror! The horror!”

“I got broccoli in my nose!”

“Somepony stop that cart!”

“My cheese and milk is ruined! How will I pay my bills this month!”

“Our carts have gained sentience and are trying to destroy us all! Flee for your pathetic lives!”

“Wait a second, ain’t that mah farm’s cart?!”

“My cabbages!”

Button himself wasn’t left unscathed as he tried to wipe tomatoes out of his eyes and bird seed out of his hair. Although he wished that he hadn’t done that when he realized that the cart was heading for his favorite GameGo store. Having had enough of this crazy ride, he took a pillow, jumped out, and landed on the pavement, using the pillow a shield to stop him from getting to injured.

Rolling to his haunches, he held his stomach which felt like it had been in the washing machine. Again. That nausea only increased when he gasped at the sight of his precious GameGo store getting breached by the cart. A thousand stabs went through Button’s heart upon hearing all the games inside gets smashed in the mess as the employees fled out in a panic. Button Mash cried out, “No! Noooo! I-it’s alright! Some of the games had to have been undamaged! I can still sav—”

And then the store blew up.

Button Mash eyes began to tear up as he saw the flames burn the store to the ground. All the Marios, Sonics, Master Chief, and Zerglings were now all ashes before his very eyes. Button Mash screamed and pounded on the ground. “You maniacs! You blew it up! You blew it all up! Damn you! Damn you all to tartarus!” He then paused and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh wait, that’s me.”

A few more explosions made every hair on his fur stand up as he turned around and saw the town behind him. More fires, shouts of ponies in chaos, and laser blasts in the air only made him gulp.

“I am so going to be grounded over this...”

Author's Note

Before you ask, yes that is my art. That is why I commission all my comics and stuff. I plain just suck.

Hope this is still funny to you all.

Into The Woods We Go

The gang wasn’t surprised that the plan had failed. After all, ninety percent of all of Button’s plans or ideas usually ended up in failure. While the sight of utter destruction was not new, the amount of it was staggering. Many ponies were rushed to hospitals or psych wards for intensive treatment. Apparently, there was a belief going around that carts had become sentient and were trying to take over the town, leading to a huge unscheduled cart burning as ponies tossed all their carts into a roaring bonfire. Naturally, the royal guards arrived to restore order with Princess Twilight. There was a riot. More injuries were a result as were arrests.

And this was all in twenty-four hours.

The only good thing that had come of it was that all the chaos made ponies forget that Button Mash was in the cart that started it all. Ms. Cheerilee was the only one to remember, but was more relieved that Button was okay. After giving him detention for the rest of the month, that is.

So with that all said and done, the group was hoping that Button’s insane plan to fake his death was all over. Yet the next morning they were all lined up in front of the Everfree Forest with Button Mash, wearing a toy military helmet, pacing in front of them.

“Alright, soldiers! Yesterday’s attempt to complete Operation Possum Play was a failure. There is much to blame, none of it mine of course, but what’s most important is that we move on from what we learned!” said Button Mash, attending to his friends.

“You mean the lesson that faking your death is stupid and causes enough property damage to raise our parent’s taxes for the next three years?” asked Dinky raising her hoof up.

“Yes! Wait, no!” shouted Button Mash, narrowing his eyes. “Great now I forgot my big speech. Thanks, Dinky.”

“Yes, thank you, Dinky,” smirked Scootaloo.

Tossing his helmet away, Button Mash said, “Look, we screwed up and we’re left with less than two days to have my name on a death certificate before my parents get home. We need to go with Plan B, aka ‘Little Red Button’, if were gonna make it in time.”

Some of the others raised their eyebrows. “Little Red Button?” asked Rumble. “Are you gonna start cross dressing like Pip does in his room whenever he’s playing Super Magical Sailor Princess Heroes?”

“Hey! A-a guy has the right to feel pretty while defeating the forces of the Minusverse!” cried out a blushing Pip.

“Ignoring Pip’s questionable taste of imagination,” said Button Mash, earning a glare from the Trottingham colt. “We’re gonna go ahead with my backup plan!” He then pointed into the forest behind them. “We’re going into the Everfree Forest!”

His friends stared at him for a long time before Spike raised his claw. “Yeah, I thought the goal was to fake your death. Not get killed for real.”

“Oh come on, when was the last time anypony actually died in the Everfree Forest?!” cried out Button Mash, stomping his hoof. “We’ve heard hundreds of stories about the ‘dangers’ of the Everfree Forest, but how many of them are actually true? I mean we have a zebra living there and she’s fine. What dangerous things have any of us been through with this hunk of trees?”

“Me and the girls got almost turned into stone by a cockatrice,” pointed out Sweetie Belle.

“Ah almost got mah soul sucked out by cursed undead zombie ponies who burned a little filly for a cutie mark,” said Apple Bloom.

“My family and I had to get rid of alien shadow like insects that live in wood and can eat a pony alive in seconds,” said Dinky.

“Nightmare Moon, that’s all I’m saying,” stated Spike, crossing his arms.

“What about Slender Pony?” asked Pip.

Button Mash rolled his eyes. “First off, Pip, everypony knows Slender Pony likes to hang out at Whitetail Woods. Second, I’m sure all that stuff happened but if Princess Twilight and her friends can go back and forth towards that creepy castle every few days then I doubt anything dangerous exists there anymore. Besides, nothing will happen to us during the day. It’s like a rule or something in video games. Daytime is when you can travel, build, mine and explore while night time is when all the Creepers come out and kill your characters after all that hard work done for nothing.”

“I said I was sorry!” cried out Sweetie Belle, huffing. “Its not like you were any better in our last play session.”

“Besides, my big brother told me of a path he and his friends always took when they went into the Everfree Forest. As long as we follow that, we’ll be safe,” said Button Mash, smiling proudly.

“This coming from the same brother who told you that the royal greeting for a princess was slapping her hindquarters and saying ‘All hail the glorious royal butt’?” pointed out Scootaloo, deadpan.

“So I’m not allowed in the Crystal Empire anymore, big deal. Place doesn’t even have video games in their entire kingdom! I don’t see why so many ponies are so amazed by it,” said Button Mash, shrugging which earned another facehoof fromthe rest.

“Look, Button,” said Sweetie Belle, walking over to him and touching him on the shoulder. “You’re a sweet guy and you're a good friend, but you kind of tend to be a bit... naive...”

Button Mash gasped and looked like he had been sucker punch in the stomach. “I-I’m not naive! Name one thing that’s ever happened to prove that!”

Rumble snorted and bumped elbows with Spike who smirked as well. “Well...”

*** Two Months Ago***

Spike and Rumble could barely hold back their laughter as they watched Button Mash playing with his toy train just across the street. The two of them were hiding in a bush, keeping as quiet as possible until Spike turned to Rumble. “You sure he’s gonna fall for this? I mean I know he’s always mixing reality with his games and all... but nopony is this gullible.”

“Hey, I want those ten bits and I’m gonna win it fair and square,” said Rumble as he pulled out as small laser pen. He beamed it over towards Button Mash.

The playful colt was humming to himself while moving his train back and forth when he suddenly noticed a red blinking dot nearby. He narrowed his eyes and slowly touched it a bit, but nothing happened. He looked around, trying to find the source of the dot, but there was nothing.

Spike giggled before he pulled out his cellphone. “You got the sound clip?”

Rumble pulled out his and accessed a saved music file. “Right here.”

Button continued to look at the red dot until his cell phone started to ring. Answering it, he then heard only one thing.

Button’s eyes widen before he stared at the red dot, then up in the sky as his face began to pale.

“Aaaaaaaaaaauuuuuugggghhhhh!” screamed Button Mash as he ran down the street in a panic. “Get out of Ponyville! Missile inbound! We’re all gonna die!”

The two kids fell out of the bush, laughing to the point where tears were coming out of their eyes. Spike paid the pegasus ten bits but it was worth it.

***

“Man that prank was great,” said Spike as he and Rumble shook their heads with nostalgic glee while Sweetie Belle did her best to hold down a raging Button Mash who looked ready to maim them.

After calming down, Button Mash cleared his throat. “Anyway, the idea is simple. All of us will be pretending to be searching for the mysterious Olden Pony, who searches for her rusty horseshoe and murders anypony who doesn’t have it. We’ll just film a few shots of us playing in the woods and then suddenly a timberwolf will come out and eat me!”

“And how are we going to do that?” asked Scootaloo, raising an eyebrow. “Are we gonna walk up to one and ask,” she faked a smile and performed the classic puppy eyes trick that all foals knew from birth. “Please, Mr. Timberwolf, can you only pretend to eat my juicy fat body so that I can make everypony think I’m dead by being too stupid to live.”

“Hey!” shouted Button Mash over everypony’s laughter. “I am not fat!” He paused. “And I’m not stupid either!” He then pulled out a timberwolf costume from his saddlebags. “I managed to get my old costume from last year’s Nightmare Night. Somepony just need to wear this and all will be fine.”

“Can we just get this over with? Ah wanna get home for dinner later,” said Apple Bloom.

The gang nodded as Button Mash grabbed his saddlebags before leading them all into the Everfree Forest.

***

Thirty minutes had passed and so far most of the gang was ready to leave. Even in the daytime, the Everfree still had a strange foggy and dark setting about it as the trees were so tall they could barely see any sunlight from above. Sounds of animals, bugs, and other creepy sounds echoed across the woods, sending shivers down their spines. Some of the trees even had scary looking faces if one could see close enough. Even Spike, who had been through the forest multiple times with Twilight, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who often took a safe route to visit Zecora, were still nervously checking around for any danger.

However, a much greater problem was approaching them...

“I need to use the loo again.”

The gang groaned again as they glared at a blushing Pip who lowered his head nervously. “Sorry.”

“This is like the third time since we entered here!” shouted Button Mash, hoof over his eyes. “Do all Trottingham ponies have small bladders or something?”

“Ah can’t help it! Ah get scared easily and... well...” Pipsqueak nervously said while crossing his legs.

“And you want to be in the Royal Guard when you grow up. They don’t let you have bathroom breaks when you focused on defending the princesses, you know?” said Button Mash.

“That’s actually true,” pointed out Spike. “They teach you how to hold it in for a full twenty-four hours while you’re on duty.”

“I don’t think I have the time to learn that, mate,” muttered Pip, gulping.

Button rolled his eyes and pointed to bush far away. “Just go, and hurry it up before we leave you here for the manticores.”

Pip didn’t need to be told twice as he zipped towards the bush. With that problem taken care off, Button turned to the rest of his friends and said, “Well, we might as well shoot our first take. Who's got the camera?”

There was a long silence.

“Anypony?”

Another moment of silence.

“Don’t tell me...” Button lowered his head and sighed as the rest realized. “Nopony... brought the camera.” Growling he turned to Rubble and shouted, “Dangit, Rumble! You had one job! Just one job!”

“Me?! Why is it my fault!” shouted Rumble, pointing at him.

“Well, you're the one to remind me of things before I look stupid!” shouted Button Mash

“You were the one who wanted to be shot getting killed by a timberwolf! And aren’t you carrying the bags?”

“Yeah, I think most of us here assumed you had it in there,” said Scootaloo, pointing to the saddlebags on Button’s back.

“I put the costume and the other necessities inside first before we headed out. I didn’t have room so I texted you all to find one and bring one,” explained Button. He raised his eyebrow. “You guys did get a text right?”

They all took out their cellphones and shook their heads.

“I got nothing.”

“Nope.”

“Don’t got it.”

Button Mash scratched his head. “Then who did I sent the text too?”

***Meanwhile***

“Hey, Button! I brought the camera!” shouted Pinkie Pie cheerfully. When she arrived at the entrance to the Everfree Forest was met with silence. Pinkie looked around in confusion. “Hello? Guys? Button?”

***

“Well, it doesn’t matter! Let’s just get out of here and head home!” shouted Sweetie Belle, shivering. “I’m really not liking this.”

Button bit his lip upon seeing not only Sweetie Belle afraid, but the others acting nervous as well. Guilt began to eat inside of him as he sighed and realized this was a really bad idea. I knew we should have gone with the fake sniper trick.

“Guys, I’m sorry, this was dumb. Let’s head home and try something else later or tomorrow, cool?” he asked. Nopony voiced a disagreement as they nodded simultaneously. Button turned to the bush where Pip was and shouted, “Yo! Pip! We’re heading back! Get over here!”

There was no response. Everypony raised their eyebrow as Dinky shouted, “Come on, Pip! You didn’t need to pee that badly! Let’s go!” Again there was nothing. Worry crept onto Dinky’s face as she turned to her friends and asked, “Do you think he’s okay?”

“Maybe he’s got diarrhea? Like the time Scootaloo ate those berries on our campin’ trip last summer?” suggested Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo moaned and held her stomach. “Ugh, thanks a lot. Now I feel just sick remembering that day.”

Spike sighed, “You guys realize somepony is gonna have to go in and check on hi—Not it!”

Six “Not it” were shouted with the seventh coming from Apple Bloom who growled and kicked a nearby rock into a tree which bounced off and hit Button in the forehead. Ignoring his crying as he rubbed it, Apple Bloom stomped her way towards the bush. “Ah swear, if Ah see him doin’ his business Ah’m gonna gouge out mah eyes.”

Scootaloo whispered to Rumble. “Five bits says she catches him doing number two.”

“That’s gross,” whispered Rumble in disgust, but then he smiled. “Seven and you’re on.”

Apple Bloom nervously made her way towards the bush where they last saw Pip as she carefully opened it with one eye open and the other closed. They watched her look around before she dovein. Worry started to appear on their faces as they slowly thought of the worst scenario happening.

Apple Bloom dived out of the bush with shock on her face. “He’s gone!”

***

Day 32

We continue to wander in our endless forest prison, searching for our lost comrade who no doubt lies dead, food for the earth that has swallowed him whole. This forest is watching us, whispering to us, it tells us things we do not want to hear but do. The one who dragged us into this, the buttoned one. He is to blame for bringing us into this den of madness.

Perhaps it already has taken him as I fear it has taken my friends. The voices speak to us, drawing our strength as we continue to bicker among ourselves, slowly losing our sanity. I fear that we shall never escape, nor see the light of day again. Madness and darkness now are our friends.

Along with the many, many trees.

Day 33

We continue to live, but I wish death had taken us. Already my “friends” are plotting, seeking to throw themselves into the forest as we continue to cry for our long gone friend. The accented one was lucky, he no longer suffers under this accursed forest which has now claimed most of my “friends” sanity.

I have lived a short but good life, if I remember it. I remember a home that I treasured with friends and family that I loved. Never again will they see me nor know of my fate, but perhaps they think I am dead already. Let it be so for I know my fate is sealed and none of us will escape.

Not with the trees and its beast keeping us prisoner.

Not while the old forest still whispers.

Day 34

My friends are now husks, infected by the horrors of the forest. From deep within the earth, long since time forgotten are we hunted by abominations of which there are no words. It has already claimed our smart one and tiny winged one; I do not mourn for her but wish I was them.

My remaining ones are too shocked by their demise, now they speak in tongues. Madness is all they know and soon I will know it as well. If you read this, it is too late for me. But let my story be told, reader; let me not be forgotten as my corpse becomes another meal for the forest.

Let me be—

“Hey, Spike!” shouted Apple Bloom, getting his attention as he stopped writing. “We calmed down Scootaloo and Dinky from that possum from earlier. Now stop yer writin’ and help us figure out what to do. Seriously, y’all been doin’ that for half an hour already.”

Spike blushed as he put the pen and paper he got from Button back in the nearby saddlebags before joining the others.

Leaping onto a nearby rock, Button stomped his hoof for attention. “Okay, everypony, listen up! We’re currently lost and Pip is missing. Things are down, but the most important thing to do is remain calm!”

“Says the guy who thought nuclear missiles were gonna blow up Ponyville,” muttered Rumble under his breath.

Ignoring that, Button continued, “Okay, we need options. Anything?”

“Well, we’ll be okay thanks to those supplies you brought right?” asked Sweetie Belle. “You did sayyou brought necessities right?”

Button smiled. “Of course I did. Check it out,” he opened his saddlebags for everypony to see but they only just stared in disbelief. “With all these Joyboy cartridges, we’ll never have to worry about being bored!”

“You.. only brought your games? Your stupid games?!” cried out Dinky, looking ready to pull her mane out. “What about food?! Water?! Even something for lighting a fire?! Basic survival stuff! Haven’t you ever been camping?!”

Button tilted his head. “Why would I want to do that? Unless I’m a sniper, it only makes me look like a noob.”

There was a long silence followed by everypony smacking their foreheads with their hooves. “Dude, you need to get out more,” said Rumble.

“Well, it’s official. We’re all gonna die. I knew Button would get us killed one day and it’s finally happening,” said Scootaloo as she lay on her back and closed her eyes. “Might as well just lay down and wait for the end. If any of you manage to make it and I’m long gone, have my body buried in a Rainbow Dash colored casket, please?”

“Quit being a drama queen, Scoots,” scolded Apple Bloom, rolling her eyes. “We ain’t dead yet. All we gotta do is head in the direction the sun is settin’. Zecora said that’s the easiest way to get out of the Everfree.”

“But what about, Pipsqueak? We can’t just leave him!” shouted Dinky, stepping forward. “He’s my best friend! I’m not letting him get left behind!”

“How do we even know he’s even alive? A manticore could have gotten him! Or a poisonous snake! Or Bighoof took him away!” cried out Sweetie Belle.

“Bighoof isn’t real,” scoffed Spike, crossing his arms.”You really need to stop listening to Lyra’s crazy theories.”

“Maybe we should split up?” suggested Apple Bloom. “Half of us try lookin’ for Pip while the other half goes to get help?”

“Split up?! Are you crazy?! Have you ever seen horror films or games?!” shouted Button Mash, shaking his head. “The one thing you never do is split up! We’ll get picked off one by one until only one of us survives and a sequel is focused on them! And those usually suck!”

Making his point, Button Mash landed his haunches on the rock and raised his chin. “The most important thing to do is to sit still. Stick together. And, above all, not split up no matter what!”

A large roar was heard that made Button’s eyes widen as he slowly looked up and saw the large, drooling mouth of a timberwolf that had just landed behind him. He looked into its fierce yellow eyes that stared at him like he was this week’s special lunch delight. The others were just as frozen as they stared at the forest spirit, knowing that the slightest of movements would startle the beast and have them for dinner. Button did his best to keep his face focused on the monster while mouthing “help me” to his friends.

The others looked at each other, teeth near chattering as they tried to come up with something, but none of them could even think straight. It would take a miracle for something to distract the beast.

That miracle... happened to be a manticore that appeared behind some bushes and roared, having smelled fresh prey nearby. The timberwolf, seeing competition for it’s meal, also roared back. “Oh come on!” shouted Sweetie Belle, angry at their luck. She soon covered her mouth but it was too late. The timberwolf and manticore leapt over and dived for the group.

“Scatter!” shouted Button Mash as they ran in different directions, screaming their lungs out. Button Mash quickly grabbed his saddlebags before following Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle in one direction while Rumble, Spike, Dinky, and Scootaloo went the other.

Both predators growled at each other for a bit before eyeing each retreating group. Through a series of grunts, snarls. and snorts, the two agreed to let their conflict pass for now and head for the real prize. The timberwolf went after Button and his gang while the manticore went after the other.

“What was that about splitting up, huh?!” shouted Apple Bloom.

“Just shut up and run for your pathetic lives!” screamed Button Mash.

Just as the two groups were many distances apart... something else was just walking into the clearing. Pip looked around in confusion as he swore he heard his friends screaming yet there was no sign of them or anything really. “Maybe I was imagining it. Oh well. Now where is it?”

He started looking closer among the ground, near some flowers until something small yet beautiful started flying away. It was the jade and amethyst colored butterfly that he spotted earlier and had been chasing for half an hour. “Come back here, Ms. Butterfly! I want to touch you!” cried Pip happily as he skipped and started singing, “Follow the butterflies! Follow the butterflies!”

***

Spike was now finding Twilight’s offer to catalogue all the books in the library suddenly a lot more endearing than running for his life from a hungry manticore. He turned to Rumble and asked, “Can’t you fly us out?!”

“Are you kidding?! I can’t lift either of you guys out! The only thing I could do is fly out of here on my own!” replied Rumble.

“You do that and I swear I’ll come back as a ghost and haunt you!” screamed Scootaloo who jumped up a bit and tried flapping her wings. “Ugh! Stupid! Useless! Things!”

“Hurry! They’re ganging up on us!” shouted Dinky.

The four continued to flee with the manticore right on their tails, biting the air as he got closer inch by inch. Spike gulped. “So what do you think being digested feels like? Squeezed toothpaste? Or being a cooked marshmallow being squished into smores?”

“I’ve always thought of it as the feeling potatoes get when they’re getting mashed,” commented Pinkie Pie as she ran beside them.

“Eww, that sounds unp-p-p-p,” Spike eyes stared widening as the four of them looked at Pinkie who smiled at them.

“Hiya!”

“Pinkie Pie?!”

“That’s my name! Say it again and I’ll tell you the same yet a totally different thing!” cheered Pinkie Pie.

“Wha-what are you doing here?!” asked Scootaloo.

“I was looking for you guys. See!” Pinkie then pulled out a video camera. “I brought the camera like you asked. Don’t know why though. Are you trying to do a Blair Witch Project ripoff? Because that is so twenty years ago.”

“Pinkie! We’re being chased by a manicore that’s going to turn us all into his lunch if we don’t do something!” shouted Rumble, pointing behind him.

Pinkie glanced behind her as her mouth made a little “O” look. “Ohhh, that’s much more important! Don’t worry, everypony! I’ve got an idea!” Then as quick as she came, Pinkie Pie bolted to the left while the others continued to flee. The manticore turned his head to watch Pinkie flee in a different direction of the woods, but decided to stay on the little ones for now.

Scootaloo couldn’t help but groan that their fate now was all in the hooves of Pinkie Pie of all ponies. She then noticed a small break of light between the trees up ahead and shouted with joy. “Look! I think that’s the way out!’

Overjoyed, the three ran faster towards the bright light, arriving at a clearing... filled with other manticores. The three hit the breaks while turning pale at the sight of nearly half a dozen hungry beasts plus the one that was just behind them. The manticores all circled the three who held each other in comfort.

“Well... I guess this is it...” said Rumble, tearfully as they closed their eyes. Waiting for their doom. “At least we ain’t dying alone.”

“Yeah, and I’ll get some real wings in heaven,” muttered Scootaloo.

“I wonder if I’ll regenerate like my dad?” asked Dinky out loud.

“I can already hear the harps playing,” said Spike with fear only he then lifted his head in confusion. “Wait, those aren’t harps; that’s... a trumpet?”

Everypony and every manticore’s ears lifted when they heard the music and turned to find something that just made them tilt their heads in confusion. Wearing a blue and yellow mambo shirt with extended sleeves, white silk pants, a yellow scarf, and a black mexicolt hat with red balls on strings on it, was Pinkie Pie, holding a pair of maracas. She started dancing a bit, shaking the instruments as she leaped back and forth on her rear hooves. Everypony eyed her and then each other before Pinkie started to sing:

“They call me Cuban Pink!

I’m the Queen of the Rumba Beat!

When I shake my maracas I go

Shake-shaka-boom

Shake-shaka-boom!”

Turning around she began to shake her rump rather provocatively while Rumble shook his shoulders to the beat.

“Yes sir, I’m Cuban Pink!

My dancing is as hot as heat!

And when I shake my flank, I go

Shake-shaka-boom

Shake-shaka-boom!”

Pinkie started dancing to the left, swinging her forelegs left and right as she went towards two manticores who were looking at each other, confused beyond reason.

“The chickies who comes see me want to swing with my piebero!

“It's very sweet, so full of kink!”

Pinkie winked at both as she spun like a top before landing on all fours and shook her plot at the two blushing manticores.

“And when they're dancin they bring a happy bing the plotquer!”

“Singin a song, all the night long!”

By now most of the manticores were shaking to the beat along with the four almost-prey who were shaking it themselves. Despite being in a life or death situation, they couldn’t help but find the music enchanting. Pinkie jumped and flipped towards a small, weak tree, using it to spin around before landing and continuing her rumba.

“So if you like it sweet

Have a bite of Cuban Pink,

And I'll make you feel

Shake-shaka-boom

Shake-shaka-boom!”

Pinkie then shouted, “Conga!” and the music changed to that of conga music as one by one the manticores all lined up and started a line with Pinkie Pie. The four watched as Pinkie Pie lead the dancing manticores towards the other end of the clearing. She turned around and mouthed, “Go now” before continuing the dance.

The four didn’t question anything, only just ran as fast as they could while swearing to take up lessons in mambo if they survived.

***

Meanwhile, Button and the others were slowly getting winded as they continued avoiding the timberwolf that was getting closer and closer. A fork in the road was coming as a large rock stood in their way. Before anypony in the group knew it, they were splitting up again. Button went to the left while the girls went to the right, but the wolf followed the girls.

Button came to a halt as he watched the predator run away while the girls screamed. “Sweetie Belle! Apple Bloom!” He started to trot in place and sweat. “Come on, Button. Think! Think! Think of something!”

He gasped as an idea came to him and he quickly dug into his saddlebags.

Back with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, the two of them finally couldn’t take anymore running and fell on their haunches, despite their brains telling them to keep moving. They gulped and looked at the timberwolf who had an almost sinister smile as it crept up towards them. The two fillies held on to each other, closing their eyes and waiting for their end to come.

“Hold it!”

The two opened their eyes as the timberwolf glanced to his left. There, standing on a rock, was Button Mash in his timberwolf costume looking ready for a fight. “Rawr! These are my prey! Stay away from them or else I’ll go Red XIII on your butt! Rawr!”

At first, the girls were going to tell him to run since it was sure his plan wasn’t gonna work, but to their surprise the timberwolf turned away from them and focus on Button Mash. Button continued to roar, but soon he stopped as he saw something that none of the ponies expected.

Red hearts in the timberwolves eyes.

In his eyes he saw the most beautiful creature in the world. Small, yet gentle. A body that made the spirit feel as if he was truly alive. The way her sticks and leaves stuck out made it feel like he was burning and yet it never hurt. Her eyes were like the stars in the sky and his voice was mysterious as it spoke words it could not understand... but nevertheless obeyed.

In a split second he was beside his future mate, licking and kissing her as she playfully struggled against him. Soon they would become one, make a clan all on their own with little ones, and hunt and devour ponies for grand feasts. It would be a paradise.

In reality, Button Mash was struggling to deal with a very touchy timberwolf. He fought against it’s licks and kisses as he shouted, “Help! Stop it! I need an adult!”

“Aww, it likes him,” said Apple Bloom with a smile. Sweetie Belle, however, did not share the same feeling.

Her face was slowly turning red as steam came out of her ears that made Apple Bloom step away. Gritting her teeth, Sweetie Belle muttered, “Some... dog... is... making... out... with... my...colt! RAAAAWWWWRRRR!”

The timberwolf looked up to see the commotion when it was suddenly kicked in the face. Sweetie Belle stomped on it’s head over and over again before grabbing it’s tail with her magic before slamming it up and down on the ground and threw it into a rock where it shattered into pieces. It soon took back it’s form, but wished it hadn’t as Sweetie Belle drop kicked it on the back, took its legs and pulled them towards her, stretching them to their limit as the timberwolf yipped and started to cry.

Apple Bloom and Button Mash continued to watch Sweetie Belle kick the wolf over and over while even suplexing it a few times despite the size difference. Apple Bloom whispered, “When y’all get married, never piss her off.”

“Yeah,” muttered Button Mash who didn’t even bother correcting Apple Bloom. He was too amazed by the amount of punishment Sweetie Belle was giving the timberwolf, not to mention blushing as he found it kind of... hot.

Sweetie Belle finally ended her rampage as she lifted the timberwolf by the throat and growled, “Stay away from him... bitch.”

The timberwolf nodded before he was released and ran away with his tail between his legs. Sweetie Belle slowly began to calm down before she blushed and turned to her two stunned friends. “Um... I...”

“There you are!” shouted Dinky as she and the others arrived. “What happened? Where is the timberwolf?”

“Uh, he had to go do his laundry. How did you guys escape?” asked Sweetie Belle, hoping to change the conversation.

“Pinkie Pie helped us, but who knows how long she’ll be in danger with those manticores!” shouted Spike.

“Oh, relax, Spike. I’m perfectly fine!” shouted Pinkie, bouncing her way towards the others while still in her outfit which earned a few raised eyebrows from the three who weren’t at the musical number.

“What happened to the manticores?” asked Rumble, tilting his head.

“Well...

***Five minutes ago***

Pinkie kept the conga line going as she and the manticores continued to dance their way through the forest. A few other animals looked at the chain of dancers and just turned away,deciding it was too weird to even think about it. Soon enough, they came upon a large river where Pinkie Pie soon left the line, but continued to dance as she encouraged the beasts to dance forward.

They didn’t think twice about it; they were too busy having fun. One by one they walked over the river in the air until the opened their eyes and realize what was going on. It was too late as they fell into the river and were washed away downstream, their roars crying out as they faded away.

Pinkie wiped the dirt from her hooves before turning back and hoping along the way while going “La la la!”

***

“And that’s how I managed to outwit them!” said Pinkie, proudly as she lead the others towards the edge of the forest. The sight of Sweet Apple Acres was a godsend to them as the group sighed in relief of being home.

“We’re finally safe!” shouted Rumble in celebration.

“But... we never found Pip...” muttered Dinky with a tear in her eye.

The group lowered their heads in silence for their friend who was still lost in the forest. If he was even alive at all. Button shook his head. “We can’t give up! He could still be alive! We just need to get the mayor to form a search party and then—”

“Hey guys! There you are!” said Pipsqueak coming behind Button Mash who looked at him with bugged out eyes and open mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“W-w-where have you been?!” shouted Button Mash, grabbing him. “We looked everywhere for you!”

Pip’s smile widened. “Oh! That was because I saw this really neat butterfly and decided to catch it. Look!” He raised his eye towards the butterfly on his head. “Isn’t she pretty?”

“... you mean to tell me... you chased a butterfly... for over an hour while we were in that forest...”

“Yup!

***

Big Macintosh, carrying the last load of apples for the day, was whistling a tune on his way home when he saw what looked like his little sister’s friend Pipsqueak running like his rear was on fire. Not soon after, did he see the rest of his friends chasing after him while screaming a few very gruesome threats towards the running colt.

Big Macintosh shrugged it off as kids being kids and continued on his way.

Author's Note

Yup, here is another update. I hope that the lyrics are at least ponified enough so that they can still stay on.

I hope you guys enjoyed this one.

Patient: Button Mash Part 1

Pip groaned as he felt his head pounding worse than the time he tried drinking rum while playing pirates. Not only did his head hurt from drinking it, but his backside as well when his mother learned what he did. No wonder she was a former Golden Gloves champion; she had quite a force behind that hoof of hers.

He tried to see where he was, but there was only darkness. That finally ended when a spotlight from above him and he winced from the glare. After blinking a few times to adjust his eyesight, Pip gulped and asked, “Uh, hello?”

Suddenly, another light came on, this time showing a TV screen full of static
. Pip raised an eyebrow until the static came off and instead started to show something else. A horrified face appeared on Pip as the characters from the awesome series Sun Wars began to dance and sing..

“No... not this! Anything but this!! Noooooo!” screamed Pip in the dark.

***

Upon hearing Pip’s screams, the rest of his friends all grinned at each other while some snickered. They backed away from Button’s basement door without a care in the world, although Dinky was biting her lip and hesitated from moving. “Are you sure that wasn’t a bit too much? Couldn’t we just have him play Xenos: Colonial Marines instead?”

“Relax, he’ll live through it. It’s not like we’re showing him Inuyasha,” said Button, which made the others shiver as they thought about the anime. “Now that we have extracted our well tasty revenge, it’s time for Plan C which I have dubbed... well, Plan C.”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Oh, great. So what is it this time? Make it look like you drowned by having you do a dead stallion's float? Cover you in ketchup and have a blood covered knife nearby to make it look like Jack the Ripper had his way with you? Make it look like you got eaten by a grue?”

“No, but those are good ideas to keep in mind,” pointed out Button Mash before raising his hoof in the air. “Quick question! Where do you go if you want to see ponies die?”

“A battlefield?” asked Apple Bloom.

“The gallows?” asked Spike.

“The DMV?” asked Rumble.

“Close on the last one, but the answer is the hospital!” shouted Button Mash. “It’s also where they get death certificates. So what we’re gonna sneak into a hospital, steal one, and use it as proof that I’m dead!”

Everypony looked at him in disbelief. “You want us...to steal from a hospital?” asked Spike in disbelief. “Dude, that’s like... dude, you don’t do that.”

“Yeah, you might as well ask us to steal from a church or an orphanage at the same time!” shouted Scootaloo. “We’re not gonna steal from the place that heals ponies!”

“Fine! How about we then just take a picture of a death certificate, scan it, and print it out here in my home so we can use it to show to the newspapers,” explained Button Mash. “Then they’ll put it in the obituaries and everypony will think I’m dead!”

“What about your body? Or having a funeral? Won’t ponies want to know about that?” pointed out Sweetie Belle.

“We’ll just make the cause of death something that makes it impossible to have an open casket. Like eaten by sharks or blown up by a missile or something,” said Button Mash. “Come on, guys. I only have ‘till tomorrow before my mom and dad get home! If I’m not ‘dead’ and buried by then or sooner not only will I be grounded, but my parents will kill me off for real!”

“How would that even work?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Well, maybe something like...”

***

It was a sad, grey day that afternoon, but perfect for the occasion. A group of ponies, dressed in black, all stood in an empty spot in Ponyville Cemetery, where they all stared at single open casket, placed just above its grave. It was always a sorrowful event when somepony so young die, but a greater tragedy when it was a colt who had yet to get his cutie mark. He lay on the white inner velvet cushions, a passive smile on his face as he stood as still as the tombstone that bared his name:

In Loving Memory of Button Mash

He ran out of lives

Rest in Peace

Lying inside the casket, surrounded by his games and controllers, the young gamer was approached by his friends and their families who all said their farewells to him. They each placed a white lily in his hooves that laid on his chest with Sweetie Belle even kissing him on the cheek before running away in tears, her sister chasing after her.

Finally, his mother, black veil over her face, walked over to her beloved little boy and rubbed her eyes with a handkerchief. “Oh, my little boy. At least you are at peace now.”

Opening his eyes, Button asked, “Um, Mom? Before you bury me, and I go to my eternal rest, can I please use the bathroom?”

Glaring at her son, Loving Care responded, “No, you are to stay in that casket until you learn your lesson, young man. Now go back to being dead.”

“But moooooommmm!”

“Now! Or else you won’t be buried with your games!”

This shut Button up as he quickly went back to his previous pose as the minister raised his eyes above as if asking when did he get picked for this. Nevertheless, he opened his book and said, “And so we return this young colt to the earth he was born into. May he find peace beyond this world and rest knowing that despite his short life, he will be remembered by us all.”

The casket was closed and lowered as Button continued to stay still, even long after the guests had left and dirt began to pile on his casket. Only after he was sure he heard the undertakers leave did he open his eyes and stretch his body out. Groaning he felt for one of his Joytoy’s and activated. “Well, at least I got these babies to last the next two weeks.”

HIs excitement died when he saw that the battery power was too low and his hoofheld was shut down. Button stared at the blank screen in horror before screaming, “Nooooooo!”

***

“You have the most grimdark imagination sometimes,” said Rumble, shaking his head. “But whatever. First question is how we’re gonna get into the hospital in the first place? We can’t play sick since their scanning spells will detect nothing wrong with us.”

“That’s why we have to make it look realistic. One of us is gonna have to be seriously hurt in order to fool them into letting us in,” said Button Mash, he then walked over to a table and took a group of matches, cut into different lengths. “I cut these to have us draw straws, the lowest one will be the pony that gets injured.”

“Or we could do this,” said Scootaloo as she walked over and punched Button Mash on the nose. The others winced as Button landed on his back, holding his muzzle while screaming.

“Gah! My nose! I think I’m bleeding! Gaah! Somepony call 911!” cried out Button as his limbs flared around, tears in his eyes. He glared at Scootaloo who was wiping her hoof with a feeling of satisfaction. “What did you do that for?!”

“Yeah, you should have asked us if we wanted a shot at him,” pouted Spike, crossing his arms.

“Oh, hush you big baby. You’re injured and that’s what matters, right? Let’s just do this already,” said Scootaloo as she dragged him up and helped carry him towards the door.

“That’s it! I’m leaving you out of my will for this!” shouted Button as he was pushed out the door.

“I’ll be sure to cry tears later,” muttered Scootaloo.

***

Getting into the hospital was a bit difficult at first since they were going to refuse entry for Button Mash upon seeing him. Apparently he held the Ponyville record for “most times trying to fake sickness and getting out of school”. It had taken them five minutes to convince the staff the injury was real and they took him into a room for a check up.

Nurse Redheart was writing something on her check up board after Doctor Stable had gone through a few medical scans. “Alright, we’ll be back with the results later. Chances are it’s just that broken nose, but policy and all,” said Doctor Stable, who sounded bored as he shut off his horn.

Button, holding his nose with an ice pack, nodded in thanks. “Thank you, Doctor Stable. I told you one day there would be a time when you would realize that my injuries were serious and real. Good thing I recovered from all of them on my own.”

Doctor Stable rolled his eyes. “Yes, Button Mash. You have to tell me of the time you managed to cure cancer, brain tumors, polio, broken skulls, liver failure, shingles, yellow fever, scorpion stings, leukemia and the dozens of other ‘Illnesses’ you claim to have been afflicted with.”

“Yup, but not right now. I feel like I need my rest for my recovery,” said Button Mash, laying down on his pillow.

Everypony in the room just slapped their hooves to their faces before the doctor and his nurse exited the room. Apple Bloom shook her head at him. “Ya really told them ya had polio?”

“Yeah, what about it?” asked Button Mash.

“And this is why you will never get past high school,” said Dinky, shaking her head with pity.

“You think he’s going to even get that far?” asked Rumble, shocked.

Button rolled his eyes. “Anyway, let’s get this mission started. All of you guys need to search the hospital for the morgue so that we can find a death certificate. Take a photo. And get out of here before anypony gets suspicious.” He pointed to each of his friends. “Scootaloo and Rumble will check the top floor. Dinky and Apple Bloom can check the second floor. Spike and Sweetie Belle have the first.”

“And what will you be doing, oh fearless leader?” asked Spike, eyebrow raised.

“Doing the most important job of them all!” Button leaned back and grabbed some pudding that had been left over. “Keeping the staff busy with my endless amounts of requests because their duty is to their patients. Speaking of which.” He pressed the call button. “Oh, Nurse Redheart?”

“What is it now, Button?” said the nurse on the other line.

“Some more pudding if you please.”

“Very well... brat...”

Button smiled with glee as the others glared at him. Rumble, shaking his head, said, “Okay. No. Look, you’re my friend, Button-debatable at this point-but there is no way I am going to sneak around a hospital looking for...”

Button merely raised his phone and pressed play on the video he had pressed. The group of friends watched as they saw Rumble, who was frozen with fear, playing with what looked like a bunch of dog action figures. One was a dalmatian wearing a firefighter outfit, a female cockapoo with a pink flyer’s outfit complete with wings, and a german shepherd wearing a police officer’s uniform.

“Chase, I must confess something to you! I’m pregnant and Marshall’s the father!” said Rumble on the video as he moved the cockapoo. Grabbing the police dog, Chase, Rumble faked a cry. “What?! How could you do this to me Skye?! After all I done?! I had chosen you to save instead of Zuma during that battle against the evil cat robots destroying Adventure Bay! I love you!”

Grabbing the dalmatian, Rumble continued his voice acting, “But Chase, it was only after you had senselessly faked your death to get revenge on your evil twin brother! Skye needed comfort and I was there for her while you were being selfish!”

“How dare you, Marshall! My own best friend!” cried out the police dog toy. “Skye, you must choose one or other other! Me or Marshall! If you choose him, I’m leaving Paw Patrol!”

“Um, I think I hear Ryder calling. This pup’s gonna fly!” shouted “Skye” as Rumble lifted her up into the air and made zooming noises.

The video ended as everypony stared at the video for a few seconds before they fell onto their backs, kicking the air and howling with laughter. Rumble just sat there, red faced, as he wished he could be like Skye (His favorite out of all six personally) and fly away. Button Mash just shut his phone off and said, “Now who would like to guess how many likes that would get on YouTube?”

Rumble muttered a few death threats before grabbing a laughing Scootaloo by the tail and dragged her out. The others soon followed as Button Mash turned his cell phone back on and started playing Candy Cruncher.

***

“I’m going to kill him. I don’t know how, when, or where, but I will kill him,” muttered Rumble as they made their way up the stairs.

Scootaloo, still snickering, said, “You’re how old and you watch Paw Patrol? Fans of My Little Human I can understand, but Paw Patrol?”

“Oh, look who’s talking miss emotionless vampires and werewolves,” grumbled Rumble.

“At least its intended for a more mature audience,” snapped back Scootaloo, blushing.

“Mature? That’s highly debatable.”

The two pegasi managed to reach the top where they looked around the hall and found nopony. Not a single doctor or nurse in the area. All the doors were labeled by numbers, but there was no sound of any patients. Curious, Rumble walked over to one of the doors, but it was locked tight. “It won’t budge.”

“This is weird,” said Scootaloo walking further down the hall. The two were silent as they continued their journey until they spotted an open door. “Wait, look.”

The two slowly approached it and opened it, revealing nothing more than a blank white room. Raising an eyebrow, Scootaloo was about to approach it when Rumble stopped her. “Wait a moment!”

“What?”

“Don’t you think it would be the smart thing to not go into that room? I mean you’ve seen horror movies, right? The one stupid thing every protagonist does is get too curious for their own good and before they know it they got an ax in their skull,” pointed out Rumble.

“Oh, come on, this is a hospital in Ponyville, not Quiet Hill,” snorted Scootaloo as she entered the room. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Just as soon as she said that, the room started to shake, as Scootaloo’s eyes widen at the fact that something sticky and red was starting to fill up the room. The two looked down at the walls and gasped at the sight of blood pouring from the cracks and filling it up. Rumble sighed and turned to Scootaloo. “Would blood from possibly the ponies who previously entered this room trying to drown you to death convince you?”

“Yes. Yes it would,” said Scootaloo, calmly before she screamed and rushed out. Once she was back in the hall, Rumble closed the door with a strong kick and the two ran down the hall as fast as their little hooves could take them.

***

Sweetie Belle and Spike decided to take the most direct route and ask where the morgue as. Unfortunately, their reply was that unless they were certified staff members, the knowledge was not to be given to visitors. Spike was all ready to just give up then and there, but Sweetie Belle had an idea. Grabbing a few items from a nearby laundry cart, Sweetie Belle headed for the ladies room where Spike was forced to wait outside.

A few minutes later, his eyes widen as Sweetie Belle came out with an oversized doctor’s jacket with tie, a stethoscope around her neck, sercial mask and cap, and a pin that said “Surgery Doctor” on it. “How do I look?”

“Like you want a one way ticket to jail! Sweetie Belle, it’s illegal to impersonate a doctor!” warned Spike in disbelief. “If they catch you you’ll get in so much trouble.”

“Can’t be as bad as the time me, the Crusaders, and Button impersonated being diplomats at the United Alliance meeting last year,,” said Sweetie Belle shrugging.

“Wait, that was you four?” Spike leaned back in shock. “You’re lucky Princess Celestia managed to talk things over before a world war could be declared! You four are still wanted in every kingdom on the planet with instant execution without trial! How did you three, and Button, manage to do that?!”

“Remember how Button gets too carried away with his games?” Sweetie Belle blushed as she rubbed the back of her head. “Well, he may have treated every country like the stereotypes they are in those games. And we might have gone along with it because we didn’t know any better at the time.”

“.... someday he’s going to be the key to the apocalypse, I swear,” muttered Spike, shaking his head. “Look, just take it off. We don’t want to risk it. Besides who is going to believe you’re a surgeon at your height? ”

“Excuse me? Are you a surgeon?” asked a nearby nurse who walked over and stared at Sweetie Belle with desperation in her eyes.

The two friends stared at each other for a second before staring back at the nurse. “Um, yes?” answered Sweetie Belle while Spike facepalmed.

“Great! We got a patient that needs help, stat!” shouted the nurse as she grabbed Sweetie Belle before she could say anything. Spike rolled his eyes and followed.

***

Button Mash calmly sipped his soda via straw that was being held by a twitching Nurse Redheart whose thoughts were... well... if we were to look into it would make Susperia look like a Disney movie. The “injured patient” gave out a relaxed “ahh” before motioning the nurse to take away the soda. “Will that be all, Button?” asked Nurse Redheart, her voice like that of a chalkboard being scratched by nails.

“Well, I feel refreshed after my meal, but I think my rear hooves need another message,” said Button with a smile, while Nurse Redheart crushed the soda can she had in her hoof. His eyes lit up with alarm when his phone began to ring and he saw the ID as that of his mother. “Uh, actually, I think I’ll need to be alone now. Go save lives or something.”

Muttering a thank you to the high heavens, Nurse Redheart exited the room as Button answered his phone. “Uh, hello? Is that you, Mom?”

“Button! Thank goodness, I was able to get a signal. Listen there might be a bit of a complication with me coming home tomorrow,” said his mother along with the sound of monster roars, screaming, and fighting. If Button didn’t know any better he’d swear he was listening in on one of his own games. “Something kind of happened and you’re father and I are stuck in it.”

“Uh, Mom? I thought you were skiing, not taking part in a LARP experience, “ asked Button, raising his eyebrow.

“What? No, it’s not like that it’s... hang on. DIE YOU INFERNAL MONSTER SCUM!”

The sound of a chainsaw nearly made Button wet himself as he heard an demonic like cry of pain before the sound of a head being ripped apart by hundreds of spinning teeth echoed in his ear. Why do I suddenly feel jealous of my mother right now?”

A few gasps of breath later and Loving Care was back on the line. “Sorry, well, it turns out that some teenagers decided to explore a long forgotten cave and awoke a demonic yeti army that has already eaten half the staff and we’re kind of fighting for our lives. So we might be an extra day late.”

“Is Dad okay?” asked Button, surprisingly calm about this.

“Oh, he’s fine. He’s with the flamethrower right now,” replied his mother, following by a few shots of what sounded like a shotgun. “How’s everything at the house?”

“Great! Uh, but I’m running low on food. Can I take your money from your hidden stash in your jewelry draw to get more?” asked Button.

“Honey, you’re not allow to touch any money since that Canterlot incident.”

“Ugh, one time! I swear! One time!” yelled Button Mash, hoofpalming. “Anyway, I have to go. Love you.”

“Love you too! *Click*”

Shutting his phone off he turned to the door where Doctor Stable was coming in with a sad look on his face. “Oh, hey doc. What’s my results.”

“... Button, I don’t know how to say this, but I...” he sighed as he walked in, shaking his head and putting a hoof on his shoulder. “It’s never easy when I have to say this to younger patients, but it’s best if you know. As regulation, we did some test results and... and...”

Button frowned as he tilted his head. “What?”

Doctor Stable sighed. “Button, I’m afraid you only have forty-eight hours to live.”

***

“Okay, if Ah was a morgue, where would Ah be?” asked Apple Bloom, looking around the second floor with Dinky by her side.

“Probably in the basement. It’s cold, dark, and underground so kinda symbolic for dead ponies,” replied Dinky.

The two opened a door and found it to be a storage area with gurneys, hospital equipment, used clothes, and more. Strangely enough, the lights were on despite nopony using this place. Deciding to take a look around, Apple Bloom grabbed a stethoscope and used it to feel her own heartbeat. “Oohh, that’s kinda cool. Hey Dinky, get over here.” Dinky came over and Apple Bloom put the listener on her friend’s chest. “Heh, Ah can hear yer heart.” As she moved it to another location, she paused upon hearing a second set of thumps. “W-wait... that’s weird. It almost sounds like ya got two hearts.”

“That’s cause I do,” said Dinky, as if it was an everyday occurrence.

“W-what?!” shouted Apple Bloom leaning back in shock. “What are ya?! Some kind of an alien?!”

“Uh... I told you that and the others many times,” said Dinky in disbelief. “I’m a half-alien from my Dad’s side.

“When did ya mention this?!” asked Apple Bloom.

*** One and half years ago ***

“Now class, we have a new student with us today, please say hello to Dinky Hooves,” said Cheerliee as she presented a shy little Dinky to the class who were eyeing her with curious eyes. “Why don’t you say something about yourself, Dinky?”

“Well, my dad is a time traveling alien who married my mom who is a pony. He looks like an earth pony now because he regenerated a few weeks ago, but he used to be a unicorn. Also we live in a big blue box that is bigger on the inside then it is on the outside,” said Dinky with a smile on her face while getting weird stared at from everypony but Apple Bloom was busy doodling on her desk.

“Um... that’s very interesting, Dinky,” said a nervous Cheerilee.

Diamond Tiara, unable to resist with such an easy target, snorted and shouted, “Oh, geez! Like who's gonna believe that story?! A time traveling alien, hahahah!”

Her laughter was soon overcome by the sound of something echoing in the air like vacuum activating for the first time. Dinky smiled as she turned around just as a blue police box was materializing in front of her much to the jaw dropped shock of her fellow students and teacher. Well, except Apple Bloom, she was still drawing.

Finally, it stopped and out of it’s doorway stood a brown stallion with an hourglass on his rump. “Ah, Dinky. You forgot your lunch. Good thing I remembered it before your mother and I had to head off to fight the Sontaran Invasion on Planet Colama.”

He handed her a paper bag which she took with a nod. “Thanks, Daddy. Have fun! Are we still up for our trip to Dark Ages tomorrow?”

“Of course! Wouldn’t want to miss it for the world,” he replied before turning to Miss Cheerilee who was looking ready to faint. “Oh, hello again, Cheerilee. Please look after my daughter. Gotta go now! Allons-y!”

He entered the police box again and it began to disappear once more until it seemed to cease to exist. Everypony in the room just stood there, slack jawed until Apple Bloom proudly lifted her drawing in the air. “Finished!” She paused and looked around, noticing everypony staring at the new filly. “What? What did she say?”

***

“Ah really need to pay attention in school more,” muttered Apple Bloom.

“Well, that’s not important. What is important is finding out how we’re gonna get into the morgue floor,” said Dinky as she looked around before she noticed a pony dummy and an idea came to her. “Hey, how about we do this...”

***

“Keep moving, Apple Bloom! Left, right, left, right.”

“Easy for ya to say! Ah’m doin’ all the leg work!” shouted Apple Bloom as she struggled to hold onto her friend while on her rear hooves. Dinky kept her front hooves on the gurney where a pony figure was laid across it with a white sheet covering it. The two of them were sharing a scrubs uniform with Dinky as the top and Apple Bloom as the bottom.

“Shh, I see one,” whispered Dinky as she waved over to a nurse. “Excuse me! I’m here. Where is the morgue?”

“Oh, we have it in the basement. Take the elevator over to the right,” said the nurse before looking at the body with sympathy. “You never get used to this on the job. May I ask who's poor soul this is so I can pray for her?”

“Ummm,” Dinky bit her lip as a hundred name went through her and her mind settled on. “Pinkie Pie!”

The nurse gasped. “Pinkie Pie! Oh my gosh... from what?!”

“Um, heart attack?” asked Dinky.

“... well we all knew that sugar was going to do her in one day,” sighed the nurse as she walked away, shaking her head. “Poor Pinkie... and my foal’s birthday was in two weeks...”

Apple Bloom poked her head out and raised an eyebrow. “Ya sure that’s not gonna come back and haunt us?”

“We’re faking Button’s death so we’re already causing chaos. Besides, once ponies see Pinkie bouncing around they will assume it was just a false rumor,” said Dinky as they headed to the elevator and took it down.

***

“I’m... what?” asked Button Mash, eyes wide as his entire body froze.

“I’m sorry. You have what is known as gamaritidis,” said Doctor Stable as he looked at his sheet. “It means that all that video gaming you have been playing is going to cause your brain to explode and kill you. There is no cure and you only have two days to live. I suggest you make the most of it.”

“I... I see...” whispered Button Mash, tearing up.

“You need me to do anything for you, son?” asked Doctor Stable, putting his hoof over the colt’s shoulder.

“N-no... I just... wanna be alone...”

Doctor Stable nodded as he walked out the door. When he was in the next hallway, he burst into laughter and held his side. Nurse Redheart, grinning like it was her birthday, walked over and asked, “Did he fall for it?”

“Yup!” shouted Doctor Stable. “Little brat’s gonna be worried sick for two days! Sucker!”

Author's Note

Yeah, sorry for the long hiatus

Patient Button Mash: Part 2 (Aka very late Halloween chapter)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.