But Who’d Want That?
By Winter Quill
Sage Advice stood outside of the large circus tent, his head still spinning from the performance. He hardly noticed the other ponies as they streamed out into the starlight all of them talking about the show they had just witnessed and many of them carrying bottles of the off colored tonic. Was it possible that maybe, just maybe, the pair of unicorns were telling the truth?
He shook his head, trying to clear it, but nothing seemed to help. The words were still dancing around his head, echoing in his ears.
But who’d want that?
The grey earth pony bit the edge of his lip and took a step towards the tent before forcing himself to turn away. It was a fake, it simply had to be a fake. No potion, spell or tonic could do everything that the Flim Flam brothers had claimed. It went against every, and all, notions about magic… yet he couldn’t get it out of his mind just on the off chance that it would work even though it was an obvious fake.
Sage turned back and walked away from the tent but only made it a few steps before coming to a stop; so lost in his own world that he didn’t even notice the pair of earth pony as they stormed past him. Unlike most of the other ponies in town he remembered the last time the brother had come in with their song and dance number. That time they were honest about what they were selling and the cider had been good… at least until the very end. Was it possible that even though this looked like a hoax that it was still true, that there tonic could do exactly what they promised?
But who’d want that?
Letting out a long sigh he turned back towards the warm glow of the tent, his eyes focusing on the open flap. He could see shadows moving inside, the sound of voices rolling through the night but too soft to really understand. A few moments later the silhouette of a mare appeared, the familiar Stetson making her identify known.
Sage stepped back towards the shadows as Applejack walked past, her head and tail held low. She was followed by a young filly that might have been her sister; it was hard to tell in the darkness. Once they had past he turned his attention back to the open tent where he could still see the shadows cast by the unicorn brothers.
But who’d want that?
“I would,” he whispered, the answer finally dismissing the words from his ears. With a deep breath he walked forward, his head held high as he entered into the tent. The unicorns were standing next to some sort of juice press, a large barrel of apples by their side along with a mix of leaves. Instead of working they were pressed almost horn to horn, whispering to each other.
The earth pony watched the strange display for a few moments then gently tapped the edge of his hoof against a stone burred in the trampled ground. The noise was enough to get the attention of the brothers who shared a look of panic before pushing the equipment back under the table.
“Can we help you?” the one with the mustache asked, his eyes shifting from side to side.
Sage let out the breath he had been holding and nodded his head. “Your tonic; can it really do everything you said?” he asked, hoping tinting his voice.
The other unicorn seemed to pick up on this. “Of course it can my boy, of course it can. It can do everything we claimed and ever more, all you need is the right application and all your aches and pains will be a distant memory.” As he spoke a bottle of the tonic floated over wrapped in the green light of his magic.
“Just take a drink and you’ll feel as fit as a fiddle and as spry as a colt,” the other added with a well practiced smile that never quite seemed to reach past the edge of his muzzle.
He looked between the two unicorns, not quite sure what to make of them or their sudden eagerness. Still, he pressed on. “I’m not looking to be as spry as a colt, in fact quite the opposite.”
Now that seemed to bring both of the sales ponies up short. “What now?” the clean shaven one asked as he looked towards his brother, the floating bottle dropping to the table with a thunk.
This was the moment of truth, and Sage wasn’t going to let it slip away. “I want to be old,” he admitted. Even though he tried to say it with some force the words came out as a whisper.
The two unicorns looked at each other. “Did he just say…” the mustached unicorn asked his brother.
“Yes, Flam, he did,” Flim replied, a look of shock on his face.
Slowly they looked back at Sage, suddenly a bit of real emotion crossing over there twin faces, though it was suppressed almost as quickly as it came. “And why would a young buck such as yourself want something like that?”
“Because my special talent is meant for someone old,” he said, turning his flank to them and showing off his cutie mark, it was of an old book wrapped in a long grey beard. “I give advice to ponies, good advice that can help, but no pony will listen to a stallion barely out of school. They want the kindly words of their grandfather, even if the words are exactly the same.”
“I see,” Flam said, reaching up with one hoof to rub the side of his mustache. “So it’s a problem of presentation then, instead one of content,” the tone of his voice had shifted, no longer did it have the well practiced slickness of his sales pitch, instead there was something more natural to it.
Flim picked up the tonic bottle with his magic and pushed it to the side. “I regret to say, while our tonic is powerful, it’s not quite that powerful. It can’t really make you feel old,” the words seemed to be fighting to escape his mouth, but they made it free none the less.
Sage nodded and sighed, his black mane falling across his face. “I doubt it can do anything at all, well thank you for your time,” he said and turned away. It had been a fool’s errand after all, of course he had known that from the beginning but he had to try.
He was surprised to find another earth pony standing behind him, his head cocked to the side and looking on with a silent curiosity. “Excuse me,” Sage mumbled as he stepped around the other pony, not really caring anymore.
“Now wait a moment, I think we might be able to help you,” Flam said leaping over the table and galloping across the tent.
“How can we help him?” Flim asked, following a few steps behind.
“Simple brother of mine, we just have to introduce him to the right pony,” Flam said as he leaned up to the other earth pony and smiled something that almost seemed like a real smile.
The other unicorn seemed to finally understand and leaned against Sage. “Of course! This is Silver Shill, he’s our… silent partner and quite the expert in disguises. I’m sure he can show you how to look as old and wise as you would like; all for a small fee of course.”
“Of course,” Sage echoed, looking over the silver colored earth pony, a hint of a smile playing over his face. “It’s a deal.”
* * *
Sage Advice walked slowly through the center of Ponyville, taking his time as an oddly shaped horseshoe on his left front gave him a slight limp. He kept his eyes turned down, the thick glasses on his muzzle still heavy enough to bother him ever though the lens were glass and did nothing for his vision. A grey beard, having been carefully glued to his face, hung down almost to the ground, his made and tail having been died to match. A careful application of makeup to his face and flank helped with the illusion, though he was still a bit too heavy, but no one seemed to notice.
In fact all anyone saw was an old pony, one who was willing to sit with anyone and listen to their problems and offer the advice of his years. Exactly what he had wanted, and while it was quite a bit of work day to day, he couldn’t have been happier.
Author's Note
Just a silly little idea I got based on Leap of Faith. Mostly it's the result of a lunch time of writing so it might not be the best character piece in the world, but hopefully it's enjoyable non the less!
