Hey, sexy Twilight. Want to kill all Humans?
On a wondrous lavender night, a beautiful white Alicorn known as Princess Celestia lay fast asleep in bed. She moaned in her sleep as she licked her lips, due to a particularly good dream of herself in a magical land of cake and wonder.
Cakes, all manner of cakes were all around Princess Celestia in this magical land of cakes and chocolate. The trees and rocks themselves seemed to be made of cake or chocolate.
"I love cake!" she shouted.
She smiled and then picked up a delicious chocolate cake. However, things didn't remain happy for very long when there was a strange knocking sound, followed by dark shadows surrounding her.
"Can I have some chocolate cake?!" said a quiet demonic voice.
A chill went down her spine. She turned around and saw Nicolas Cage right behind her staring at her with flaming red eyes.
***
She woke up with a start, her eyes wide in fear. There was a loud knocking on her door.
"Get up Celestia, it is important." shouted Twilight's muffled voice from outside the hall.
Celestia groaned. "Oh.... can't it wait... until tomorrow?"
"No! The fate of our planet hangs in the balance!"
"OK! Fine! I'm getting up!" Celestia groaned, stumbled out of bed and slowly made her way to the door. "This better be important."
Celestia opened the wooden door to see Princess Twilight's worried face. She walked into the room, turned to face Celestia and said. "We must destroy Humanity!" she shouted.
Celestia stared at her with her mouth agape in shock. "Wh---- what?"
"If we don't destroy them, they will destroy us!"
"Is this some sort of joke?! Because if it is, I find it of very poor taste."
"No! I'm being serious!"
"Right, being 'serious'. Twilight, do you not recall that Earth is quadrillions of miles away in another galaxy?"
"But they will come and destroy us eventually!"
"Right, 'destroy us'. I'm more worried about those guys."
She flashed her horn to show Twilight a mental image of giant cuttlefish like machines at the edge of the Milky Way Galaxy.
"Who are they?"
"Oh, the Reapers. They go around exterminating all galactic sapient life in the Galaxy every fifty thousand years on average."
Twilight eyes went wide in shock. "And... how long have you known about them?"
"Eh, a few million years." she said waving her right hoof nonchalantly.
"And you've done nothing to stop them?!"
"I wish I could. But we don't have the technology to reach them nor can we teleport to them."
"Oh... Anyway, can you help me kill all Humans? You're Princess Celestia, you can do anything!"
"Hah! Twilight, I'm not some sort of overpowered Mary Sue cut out from a story made real."
"But we must kill all Humans!"
"You know what, you can't be Twilight. No former student of mine, would be such a hateful, ignorant fool!" she roared in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "REVEAL YOURSELF IMPOSTER!"
"Alright, fine! I was just joking!" said a familiar voice.
"Discord?!" she shouted in shock.
There was a flicking sound, followed by Twilight shape shifting into Discord. "Yep, it's me!"
"And what was the point of waking me up?!" she said through gritted teeth.
"Oh, I just wanted to see your reaction if you found out Twilight hated Humans. … " he said in a low voice. "Like she does in some universes."
"What?"
"Never mind."
"I'm worried, does she really hate Humanity?"
"Uh... no. Quite the opposite actually."
He flicked his fingers to show in a cloudy bubble Twilight in her bedroom holding two dolls in her hooves. One doll of herself and the other of Commander Shepard.
"I love you Twilight!" Twilight said in a bad imitation of Shepherd’s voice.
"Oh, Shepherd! I love you too!" she said with her normal voice.
She pressed the two dolls together and made kissing sounds.
"Have you been stalking her?" Celestia said with narrowed accusing eyes.
"No. She invited me to play with her badass toys!"
He flicked his fingers again to show himself in Twilight's bedroom playing dolls with her.
"Can I play with Shepard?" asked Discord in the memory.
"No! Shepard is my husbando! But you can play with Conrad Verner."
"But I hate Conrad Verner!" he shouted while crossing his arms.
Discord flicked his fingers again to stop the memory. To glare angrily at Celestia laughing at him with a hoof over her mouth.
"She always got the cool guys! I'm always stuck with Conrad Verner."
"Oh, Discord. They are just toys!"
"They're not just toys!" Discord shouted angrily with tears filling his eyes, followed by stomping out the door and slamming it behind him.
She yawned, now with Discord gone she can finally go to sleep. She made her way over to the bed, lay herself under the blankets and closed her eyes.
Meanwhile on board the Normandy. Commander Shepard lay awake with a rather sorrowful look on his face. He sighed, then got up and walked over to a picture of Princess Twilight Sparkle smiling.
He picked up the picture, and stared at it longingly.
"One day.... we will be together my waifu." he said in a low voice as manly tears fell down his cheeks.
Elsewhere Twilight Sparkle was doing the same lying on her bed and holding a picture of Commander Shepard smiling.
"One day... we will be together... my husbando." she said in a low soft voice as tears fell down her cheeks.
The End
Author's Note
If you're not moved by Shepard and Twilight longing for one another you have no emotions.
