The Day after Yesterday
“So…” Flash Sentry began. “We’re not getting married?”
“For the last time, ‘NO!’” Twilight Sparkle cried as she stood in front a number of charts, graphs, and printouts of information all neatly organized around the Library.
Flash held up a small piece of paper. “But the script clearly says…”
“For Celestia’s sake, Flash! Buy a calendar!”
Flash frowned. “I already spent all my bits having a bunch of t-shirts that said ‘Best Waifu Stealer’ printed up.”
“Why would you even do that?!” Twilight demanded.
“I figured our guests could wear them at the wedding.”
“There isn’t going to be a wedding!” Twilight said.
“But… the script…”
“FLASH!” Twilight cried. “It’s made up! UUHHGG! I HATE April’s fool’s day!”
“Wait…” Flash looked down at the script then back up at Twilight. “Are you suggesting someone wrote this in jest?!”
“Oh for crying out loud… YES Flash! That’s exactly what I’m saying!”
Flash’s lower lip began to quiver. “But…but why would anyone do that?”
“Because that’s what you do on April Fool’s day! You mess with ponies! Besides, do you really think Pony Joe would be the one to marry us and you’d respond to asking if you’d take me as your wife with “Totally, brah?”
Flash frowned. “I’ve been known to drop a few ‘totally’s and a few ‘brah’s… also ‘bradical’ on special occasions. ”
Twilight sighed and shook her head. “Spike!” she called out. “Are you done with the death assessment yet?!”
“Yep!” Spike said cheerfully, scroll in hand, as he walked up to Twilight and Flash. “Everyone’s dead,” Spike informed.
Twilight sighed, “Everyone?”
“Well, it’s not like that was unexpected, or anything…” Spike said.
“I know,” Twilight replied. “But I was kind of hoping…”
“Wait… who’s dead?” Flash asked.
“Everybody, Flash,” Spike replied.
“Even Celestia?”
“Everybody’s dead, Flash.” Spike deadpanned.
“What Bulk Biceps?”
“Everybody’s dead, Flash.”
“What Derpy?”
“They’re all dead, everybody’s dead, Flash.”
“Dr. Whooves isn’t, is he?”
“Everybody is dead, Flash.”
Flash’s face pulled into a tight frown. “Not Octavia.”
“Vinyl Scratch, yes Octavia, everybody, everybody’s dead, Flash!” Spike said with a bit more force.
“…Pinprick?” Flash asked hopefully
Spike gave out an exasperated sigh. “He’s dead, Flash. Everybody’s dead, everybody is dead, Flash.”
Flash knitted his brow. “Wait, are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead?”
Spike smacked a claw against his face. “Twilight, why do you even hang out with this guy?”
“Oh, cut him some slack, Spike,” Twilight said. “It’s his first April 1st. He doesn’t know the show makers play jokes on everyone and the writers kill off their entire casts for the”—Twilight stuck out her tongue and made a disgusted sound—“blegh, ‘lulz’”
“What?” Flash said in a confused tone. “So, everyone dies every year?!”
“Yep,” Twilight replied. “That’s not even such a big deal… I mean… most everypony moves on and we’re alive right away, but sometimes some ponies don’t understand that.”
“What do you mean?” Flash asked.
Spike chuckled. “Heh… Pinkie thought she was a ghost for a few weeks the first time it happened.”
“Uhg, don’t remind me,” Twilight exclaimed. “She kept haunting everypony and then stealing everypony’s food. It took everypony else a week just to piece together that Pinkie had figured out she was still alive, and was just using the ghost excuse to raid everypony’s fridge!”
“So… what are the heavy hitters?” Twilight asked Spike.
Spike unfurled his scroll and looked it over. “Uh… there’s a restraining order against Princess Cadence due to excessive cuddling… Facebook now owns Ponyville… You promised Trixie you’d invite her out on a picnic the next time you go out with your friends… You’re in love with Rainbow Dash…”
Flash’s eyes went wide. “Wait?! WHAT?!” he cried.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m in love with Rainbow Dash in like a billion stories… its any more canon pranks that I’m really worried about.”
“Uh… canon pranks?” Flash asked.
Twilight nodded. “The pranks that suggest large, universe changes are coming.” Twilight looked at Spike. “Do we have any of those?”
“Well, actually yes… you’re getting married to Flash.”
“Bradical!” Flash said triumphantly as he pumped a forehoof into the air.
“I already told you that was made up!” Twilight said angrily.
“Oh…” Flash uttered in disappointment as he slowly lowered his hoof. “Right…”
Spike continued, “Uh… Nightmare Moon is coming back.”
Twilight paused. “Huh… well… that’s plausible I guess…”
“Luna is apparently going to transform willingly to fight a greater foe,” Spike explained. “Possibly permanently.”
Twilight frowned. “That’s less plausible. Oh well, I’m sure that rumor will be easy enough to…”
“CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE!” a voice boomed out from outside. “YOUR PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT HAS ARRIVED THAT YOU MAY LOOK UPON HER UNTARNISHED BEAUTY, PERHAPS FOR THE LAST TIME!”
Twilight smacked a hoof against her face. “Oh, dear…”
The three made their way towards the Library’s entrance and exited into the bright, warm Ponyville day.
Princess Luna stood in the center of the street. Speaking to all in earshot. Which happened to be most of Ponyville in her case.
“FEAR NOT! THOUGH I MAY HAVE PROMISED NIGHT ETERNAL AS NIGHTMARE MOON, THIS TRANSITION IS FOR THE GREATER GOOD! I’M SURE I WILL BE ABLE TO TEMPER MY EVIL WAYS IN MY NEW FORM!”
“WHOUAAAHAAAAHAHHHAHAAAAA!” A fountain of tears shot out from Pinkie Pie as she stood a few yards from Princess Luna. “SAY IT AIN’T SO! SAY IT AIN’T SO! Oh! Hiya, Twilight! Hiya, Spike! Hey, Flash!” Pinkie said cheerfully as she noticed the trio approach. “Congratulations on the upcoming wedding by the way.”
“Uh… actually…” Flash began sheepishly.
“Princess Luna!” Twilight cried. “Stop! You’re not going to transform back into Nightmare Moon!”
Luna looked at Twilight and lowered her voice somewhat. “Ahh, my dear Twilight. I know this news must come as a shock to you, but I’m afraid it has already been prophesied!”
“Prophesied?!” Twilight exclaimed. “Princess Luna, that was a joke!”
“But… but it was on a reputable web-site!” Luna protested.
“NO WEBSITE IS REPUTABLE ON APRIL FIRST!” Twilight cried.
“It was even said that the creator herself might pen this new reality!” Luna cried.
“What?!” Twilight exclaimed. “Spike!”
“Well don’t look at me!” Spike said sullenly. “She showed up before I could finish!”
“UHHHHG! WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY YEAR?!” Twilight cried. “Can’t you all just disregard anything you read or hear on April the 1st?!”
Pinkie Pie blew a dismissive gust of air. “Pffft… Next you’ll be telling me I won’t have a colt friend next season.”
Twilight looked at Spike who quickly checked his scroll then nodded.
Twilight let out another of what she expected would be many exasperated sighs. “No Pinkie, you’re not going to have a colt friend next season.”
Pinkie puffed out her lower lip in a pout. “Is it because I’m not pretty enough?”
“What?” Twilight cried. “No! It’s because a permanent relationship with any of the mane cast would disrupt status quo too much!”
Flash uttered a disappointed sigh.
Spike gave flashed Flash a sympathetic look and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Chin up buddy, we’ll get ‘em someday.”
“Well… I don’t really get it…” Pinkie said. “But at least I can still plan for Kimi Sparkle’s arrival!” Pinkie bounded off and began singing to herself. “Tra la-la-la la-la-la la-la…”
“HUH?!” Twilight exclaimed. “No wait just a— ”
Spike placed a claw to Twilight’s lips, silencing her. “It’s okay, Twilight… let her dream…”
“Twilight! TWILIGHT!” An earth pony mare with a yellow coat and blue and pink striped mane and tail cried. “You have to come quickly!”
“Sweetie Drops?” Twilight asked. “What’s—”
“Bon Bon,” the yellow mare corrected in an irate tone.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Alright, what’s wrong, Bon Bon?”
“You have to come to the art gallery!”
Twilight frowned. “The art gallery? What’s going on there?”
“For starters, almost every painting in the art gallery is now in front of a picture of Nicolas Cage!”
Twilight frowned. “Well, that’s just weird…”
Bon Bon nodded. “Lyra’s protesting their removal. She says that it has ‘improved everything immensely’.”
Twilight let out yet another exasperated sigh, “Uuuhhhg! Let’s go…”
Without warning Spike belched out a jet of green flame that materialized into a scroll.
“Oh, what is it now?!” Twilight said.
Spike unrolled the scroll. “It’s from Princess Celestia! She says Canterlot has been invaded by Changelings dressed up as clowns.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Tell her ‘Nice try, but April Fools was yesterday!”
Spike saluted. “Yes, ma’am!”
A waft of smoke drifted into the darkened throne room and cast an all too brief, green glow as it magically coalesced into a scroll. As the scroll fell, a bright green glow surrounded it and it opened. Lips as black as the night parted into a wicked smile, revealing pronounced, sinister looking fangs.
“I really should be thanking you ponies for this ridiculous tradition,” Queen Chrysalis said, her voice resounding with a soft echo. “Twilight’s healthy skepticism will be your kingdoms undoing. No pony will believe that…”
‘HONK!’
“STOP THAT!” Chrysalis demanded as the red nose at the end of her snout glowed yellow once more.
‘HONK!’
Chrysalis growled in frustration, adjusting her round, curly, rainbow colored wig before she fluttered up to her captive and pushed her red nose adorned muzzle inches away from her prisoners face.
There was a soft chuckle from the prisoner. “You know… this might all be worth it if you have to dress like that the entire time you rule Equestria,” Celestia said as leaned forward and bopped the red nose with her own snout.
‘HONK!’
“SHUT UP!”
The End
