A Bartender's Troubles

by Hot Dog Jones

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, Original Character
Length: 2728

A story of friendship, seen from behind the counter of the mane 6's favorite bar.

Dice is a bartender in the Silver Saxophone, a piano bar in Ponyville. When the mane 6 need their drinks, they go to his bar to share stories, thoughts, and secrets. However, things are about to change for Dice in a way he might not expect.

Published 2012-04-01 06:34:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-08 05:58:50 UTC

Prologue

“..and then he just sends all my scrolls to the Princess without even letting me sign them! I mean, I know that the princess probably knows that it’s me, and I know that it’s the message that really counts, but can’t he at least let me add a personal touch? I’m only talking to the princess of all Equestria here! Am I droning? Please, Dice, don’t let me drone.”

“It’s alright, Miss Sparkle. I understand.”

“Oh, Celestia I feel so drunk! How much have I had?”

“Well, you had a shot of vodka when you first walked in, but since then you’ve just asked me for shirley temples.”

“Uuuugh, I can’t even drink right! Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, nothing wrong. You’re just a little misunderstood. Now you put your chin up and go tell that dragon who’s boss of the treehouse.”

“Y’know, you’re right, Dice. I’m gonna head back there and tell Spike just how I feel. Thanks for everything.” She slid a chunk of bits on the counter as a tip and stumbled out the door. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched her fumble with the door handle.

That filly’s crazy, but in the best possible way. I chuckled to myself and pocketed the large pile of gold from the counter. It was another long night at the Sharp Saxophone, the bar where I work. It’s actually a pretty great job, despite what ponies think. Sure, you can get some rowdy guys at the counter who try to show you up, but you can really get some of the good ones too. They share secrets, stories, and pretty much anything; what the bartender hears is confidential, and it’s a good thing too, because my number one customers are pretty known around town.

I had just finished serving Twilight Sparkle, the princess’ apprentice. She’s one of my favorites, and for many reasons. She always has a good story to tell, even if she does get drunk off only one glass. She’s come here for years, and we’ve talked many times – and somehow she always finds enough bits in her bags for a tip. Always a great mare to have around the bar.

There are also her five friends. They drop in every now and then themselves, maybe after a hard day, and tell me about their troubles. I’ve gotten to know these six fillies a lot, and also what their lives entail. I can tell if there’s a quarrel between them, or instead if something great has happened.

As a bartender, I have a sense for what’s going on – it’s all part of the trade. Most of the time though, the news is just handed straight to me, and it’s my duty to forget I heard it and serve my drinks.

For what the bartender hears is confidential, even when it shouldn't be.

AN: I think I should point out that this is a very spontaneous idea I had, resulting in the writing of this fic. I hope you enjoy it, but keep in mind that it may not be my best work. If you wanna see that, head on over to my profile and check out Artist's Block, you won't regret it.

On that note, I appreciate constructive criticism, so if you rated down, tell me why so I can deliver even better writing in the future.

Thanks!

-HDJ

Chapter 1

The rain poured as I walked down the dusty street.

Good thing I’m wearing a coat.. Fish could swim in this road.

I was heading to my night shift at the Silver Saxophone, ready to serve more drinks. I didn’t think there would be many ponies there on an evening like this, but still, a job’s a job. I could see the bar’s neon sign through the fog, so I was getting close. Thank Celestia, I thought, I’m soaked.

I stepped inside and took off my overcoat and hat. With a quick shake of my fur, I clocked in and headed towards the counter.

I started setting some things up opposite the counter, various liquors and whatnot. I stop suddenly, hearing a customer sit on one of the ragged stools. As I do a million times every day, I said my famous line.

“Welcome to the Silver Saxophone, what can I get you?”

In response, I hear the patron say, “Something strong. Surprise me.”

The familiar voice makes me turn from my sorting, only to see one of my usuals and good friends staring back.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the world famous Rainbow Dash, winner of the young flier’s competition and the only pegasus ever to perform a sonic rainboom. How’s my favorite customer doing?”

She obviously wasn’t in the mood to chat, simply uttering one word: “Alcohol.”

“Fair enough,” I said. I went to mixing her a Manehattan, fixing up the whiskey and adding a hint of lime for some flavor. She plunked a bit onto the counter and I slid her the carefully crafted beverage.

“I know it’s cliché, but still – why the long face, darling?”

“It’s… personal.”

“Rainbow, I’m a bartender. Nothing’s personal with me.”

She sighed and explained, “I’m having relationship problems.. but in a different way.”

“A different way?”

She paused and said, “It’ll sound a bit weird.”

“Hon’, I don’t care. I’m just here to serve you drinks and hear your troubles.”

She paused an even longer amount of time, listening to the chatter of the establishment and the peaceful song of the piano. Finally, she uttered, “..I’m in love with a mare.”

“Well, I’ll admit, that does change a few things, but all’s fair in love n’ war I suppose. Who is this mare?”

“That’s another thing.. She’s one of my friends.”

I chuckled and replied, “One of the six? If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you’ve gone daft.”

“I know, I know.. It’s crazy.” She sulked and laid her head on the counter before adding, “The thing is, it feels so.. right.”

“Well, you would know when a relationship feels right, love. Only one way to find out if it truly is, though.”

She sipped her drink and thought it over, her feelings running through her a mile a minute. She then compromised, “Well, I could kind of subtly show her, just flirt with her a bit, but I dunno..”

I put my hoof on her shoulder and proclaimed, “Dash, if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that you should show that filly you love her.”

She looked up at me and said, “You’re totally right. I should go for it.” She smiled and added, “Thanks a bunch.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” I smiled back at her and took her empty glass. “Want another drink?”

“No thanks, I don’t wanna be tipsy for flying practice,” she giggled, “but thanks anyway.” She pulled out a gold piece and put it in my jar. I thanked her, and she trotted off towards the door. Just as luck would have it, she bumped into another of my usuals. They said a quick hello and parted ways, the new customer coming towards me.

Applejack sat down at the bar looking a bit sentimental, taking in her surroundings as if it were her first time in the Sax.

“Care for a drink, miss Applejack?”

“Oh, howdy there, Dice. Uh, yeah – just a glass of bourbon.”

I poured her the strong whiskey, watching as she brought her eyes over the scenic bar. Soon she took her gaze back to the counter, placing down a bit and accepting the concoction.

“Thank ya’ kindly.”

“Any time, miss.”

She sat on the stool, sipping her drink and looking around the bar. Her eyes paused at the piano, and she watched the pianist move his hooves across the fragile keys.

“Hey Dice.. Is that colt at the piano datin’ anyone right now?”

“I don’t think so.. Are you looking for a date?”

She blushed as she uttered, “Well, maybe.. ah’ve just been doing some thinking - ah’m not going to be around forever, and ah’d like to find a companion; somepony ah can trust with anything, somepony who understands me, somepony who I can really love.”

“Do you really need someone to complete your life? I mean, you’ve already got the farm to handle.”

“Ah know, it’s just ah’ve been feelin kinda.. lonely lately. Not that mah family’s bad company, they’ve always been good to me. Ah just want someone I can be closer with. Don’t you ever feel that, Dice?”

“Miss Applejack, you needn’t worry about my feelings. I’m just waiting for the right mare to come along, that’s all.”

“You sure? ‘Cause ah know some folks.”

“That’s quite alright, AJ. Like I said, don’t worry. Besides, who’s the bartender here?” I poured her another drink and chuckled.

She laughed and responded, “Well, ah’m just amazed the right mare hasn’t come along yet, ‘cause what mare doesn’t like you? You’re a huge charmer, not to mention you know your way around drinks.”

“I guess I am a bit of a charmer, but it seems to come naturally.”

“Y’know, ah wish Big Macintosh could be more like you. Then he might actually have the courage to ask out Fluttershy.” She laughed and took another sip of her bourbon.

“I never knew he had a thing for Fluttershy. That’s cute.”

She smiled and said, “Yeah, it is.. Now only if we could get in relationships.” We both laughed heartily.

The night dragged on as I watched the farmer pony slowly became intoxicated.

AN: Thanks for reading, and don't forget to comment and rate. I'd just like to clarify something - the starting of this story doesn't mean I'm delaying the rest of my other fic, but instead, this story may be on hiatus until Artist's Block is done. If you haven't heard of Artist's Block, you can check it out on my profile.

Thanks everyone ^^

Chapter 1.5

“And-hic-Big Mac bucks the tree, and it-hic-falls right on top of ‘em! HAH!” Applejack went into a drunken laughing fit. I knew she was drunk, not only because of how much she had asked me for, but just of how she was acting. This pony had definitely had one bourbon too many.

If only she had listened to my warnings.. I shook my head, but laughed just to humor her. I mean, what else could a friend do?

“What a great story, miss,” somepony said, but surprisingly, it wasn’t me. The colt sitting next to the farmer pony had leaned closer to her, apparently listening with a beer in one hoof. “Say, you look like you could use something other than bourbon. How about I buy you something more fancy?”

She snickered in her haze and said, “Sure thing, you nice pony you.” She kept laughing to herself as she spoke.

Apparently, drunk Applejack thinks everything is funny.

“Oi! Bartend! How about a martini for this mare?” He placed his hoof around her shoulder, and she blushed.

I rolled my eyes and started mixing his drink. I wasn’t sure why this pony wanted to take advantage of AJ’s intoxication, unless he was just a pure jerk – which by now was just what I was assuming.

“Here you are, enjoy,” I said, delivering the drink and trying to keep my cool.

“Thanks, mate.” He then leaned in and whispered to me, “Hey, is this filly a friend of yours? Cause she’s really a sucker when she’s drunk.” He started laughing, but then stopped when he saw my stare.

“I’m watching you,” I whispered menacingly, “If you do anything, ANYTHING to hurt this mare, you’re going to get it.”

He leaned back, giving me a mean stare the whole time. He knew I was onto him, but he wasn’t going to give up his easy girl for the night.

“Say, how about we go dance?” he said to AJ with a smirk.

“Sure, ah’d love ta-hic-dance,” she said, stumbling off the bar stool. They went over by the piano and casually danced. Applejack was doing alright for being totally smashed. I heard the door bell ring, only to see yet another usual at the SS – Fluttershy.

Fluttershy never really struck me as the drinking type, mostly because she was so, well, shy. But she loved to come into my bar for a casual drink once in a while. She never really got drunk, but she didn’t stay dry either.

“Good evening, miss,” I said, watching her sit down at the bar, “what can I get you?”

“Oh, um.. How about a cosmopolitan, if it isn’t too much trouble I guess,” she said meekly.

“Don’t worry about it, love, one cosmo comin’ right up.”

As I busted out the vodka, I could see AJ’s dancing had taken a more raunchy turn. It was less casual dancing and more just making a total fool of herself.

“Celestia, look at her. Fallen for some colt under her poor judgement,” I said, looking towards Applejack and shaking my head.

“Oh my! Is that Applejack over there?” Fluttershy said, leaning back from the scene.

“Yeah, unfortunately. She got drunk and then ran off with some weird stallion. Guy’s bad business if you ask me.”

“I could imagine so. I hope he doesn’t take advantage of her.”

“Well, we can only hope.”

I poured the drink from its metal shaker into a glass for Fluttershy. Some alcohol wouldn’t be so bad for me either. I need something to take my mind offa this.

I started pouring myself a pink lady, just when I saw that AJ and the mysterious colt left the dance floor. I scattered my eyes about trying to find them, hoping they hadn’t left. And, what do you know, that’s just what they were doing.

The stallion was guiding Applejack out the door, with her stumbling the whole way. He shot me a devilish grin and went out the door himself, one hoof around AJ.

“Oh no you don’t!” I yelled, grabbing a bottle and jumping over the bar (not to mention scaring the wits out of Fluttershy). I ran for the door and looked outside. He glanced back and saw me, then tried to push AJ to go faster. Lucky for me, she was totally unable to walk in a straight line.

Without thinking, I threw the bottle straight at him. He barely had time to react before it nailed him in the skull. He fell like a rock, totally unconscious.

I ran over and surveyed the scene. Applejack was unharmed and still bobbling around idiotically, the colt however, not so much. He had a few cuts here and there, but otherwise seemed fine, but I just hoped I hadn’t given him brain damage or something. (I mean, the guy’s a jerk, but I have to be respectful at some point.)

I snuck back to the bar with AJ. The normal chatter of the ponies and the piano had subsided, but still, it isn’t every day you see a bartender lash out. I went back behind the counter to see a very confused and frightened Fluttershy staring back at me.

“W-what was that all about?” she said, bringing her head down on the counter.

“It was nothin, don’t worry about a thing.”

“Is Applejack ok?”

“She’s fine, but she ain’t sober. Would you.. mind escorting her home?” I asked with a weak smile.

“Oh, sure. No problem.”

“Thanks, love. Here, have another drink, it’s on the house.”

She sipped the drink and uttered, “Mm, thanks so much. I needed that. I mean, uh.. thank you.”

I smiled at her, watching as she took an interest in the liquor. That pony’s a mystery.

Not even one hour into my shift, and I knew it was going to be a long night.

AN: Hey guys. Sorry I'm not busting out chapters very much, and this one's only around 900 words, but I've been sick in bed for the past week, mostly unable to write. I felt bad about not getting my loyal watchers a chapter, so have this little tidbit of chapter 2. Don't consider it a full chapter, it's far too short, but enjoy what little there is.

Oh, and happy Easter. May many eggs fall upon you.

And go Jesus.

-HDJ