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                      Life in Prison                       
                        -by Smoker-                        
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              Chapter 1: Welcome to Cold Soul              
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Chapter 1: Welcome to Cold Soul
A number with so many uses.
There are 142 planar graphs with six unlabeled vertices.
HD 142 is a magnitude 6 star in the phoenix constellation.
142 is the atomic number of Unquadbium.
There were 142 staircases at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.
Indeed, Twilight Sparkle knew many uses for the number 142. In fact, she’d recently learned a new one.
142 was the number on the front of her orange prison jumpsuit.
The door slammed open, and Twilight gave a start. In the doorway was a man in a blue uniform. He held a taser in one hand, and Twilight saw a holstered gun at his hip.
“You’re wearing the ring?” The man said, gripping the gun.
“Yes.” Twilight held up her right hand. The sun glinted off of the golden band on her ring finger. “I take it you’re a prison guard?”
The guard relaxed visibly at the sight of the ring, but maintained his posture. “Come here.” He said, ignoring Twilight’s question.
Twilight obediently got up, and walked to the guard. He took her firmly by the shoulder. He led her down the small corridor, never taking his eyes off of her.
They stepped out of the door, and Twilight blinked, tears forming in her eyes from the bright sunlight. She’d been in that cramped boat for so long, her eyes weren’t used to this light.
Once her eyes had adjusted, Twilight looked forward, and observed the scene in front of her.
Looming in front of her was an enormous building. It really wasn’t very pleasant to the eyes; it was just a block of steel five stories high. There windows scattered around at regular intervals, and a massive steel door on the front. There was also a sign, which read “COLD SOUL PRISON”.
Looking around, Twilight saw that the prison was located on a small island. No land was in sight. She didn’t get much more looking before she was inside.
They were in a grey steel room, made of the same material as the outside of the building. There were a few chairs, and a desk, behind which sat two orderlies. There was a sign behind the desk which read “Welcome to Cold Soul Prison”, but the name of the prison was crudely crossed out in black marker, and replaced with a single word, in the same marker: “HELL”.
“Once I catch the bastard doing that, they’re on cleanup for a month.” The guard escorting Twilight grumbled.
“And hello to you too.” One of the orderlies said, pressing a button with one hand and flipping the page of her magazine with the other.
There was a loud buzz, and the massive sliding door on the rear wall of the room slowly ground open. Twilight saw that the door was over five feet thick; evidently, they weren’t taking any chances.
“Welcome to your new home, Twilight.” The guard with his hand on Twilight’s shoulder said. He smiled, but the smile held no warmth.
“Wait, you’re Sparkle?” one of the orderlies at the desk asked, looking up.
“Y-yes?” Twilight said slowly.
She felt a cold glob of saliva smack her on the cheek.
“I’d piss on you if I had the equipment.” The female orderly said.
“Come on, Twilight.” The guard said brusquely, before Twilight could retaliate. Twilight raised a hand and brushed off the spit, as she was escorted into a long hallway.
Cells lined the walls of this hallway. Twilight glanced at the cell doors as she walked by. The doors were made of solid steel, with small windows of reinforced glass for viewing inside.
“Is this really the most high-security prison on the planet?” Twilight asked the guard, trying to remain casual. A prisoner leered at her out one of the windows, her grin filled with broken teeth.
“The most high-security FEMALE prison.” The guard stated. “100 cells, 20 cells on each floor, 2 inmates to a cell, 200 inmates max. Its relatively low capacity is made up for with many precautions, protocols, guards, security cameras, alarms, etc.” He said this quietly, as though he was used to saying the same thing over and over.
The two walked up to another set of sliding doors. The guard inserted a key into a slot, and there was a dinging noise. The doors opened into an elevator, and the two walked in. The guard hit the button labeled “4”. The elevator began to slowly grind its way up to the fourth floor.
“Do as we tell you, and we’ll get along just fine.” The guard continued his monologue. “Cause trouble, and you’ll be disciplined.”
“Disciplined?” Twilight asked.
“We like to keep it a secret.” The guard said. He smiled grimly, and Twilight shivered.
The doors ground back open on what Twilight assumed was the fourth floor. They walked out into an identical hallway to the first. The guard took Twilight to the first cell on the right of the elevator, labeled “71”.
“Oh, I don’t envy you, having to share a cell with this one.” The guard commented, raising an eyebrow as he swiped a keycard though a slot next to the door, unlocking it. He pulled on the handle, and the heavy steel door ground open ominously.
“One-forty-one, you have a cellmate.” The guard said, shoving Twilight inside the cell. She turned, but the door had closed and locked behind her.
“Hi!” Came a cheery voice from behind Twilight. She stiffened, and turned around.
Sitting in one of the cots was a girl, in an identical orange jumpsuit to Twilight. Her hair was pink and curly, and she had an almost inhumanly large grin on her face.
“I’m Pinkie Pie! Well, technically my name’s Pinkamena, but that’s one of the most boring names I’ve ever heard, so everyone just calls me Pinkie.” The pink-haired girl said rather quickly.
Twilight didn’t respond; she just walked over to her cot and laid down.
“Hellooooo!” Pinkie said, walking over and poking Twilight’s temple. “Anybody home?” She asked.
Twilight mumbled something.
“What was that? My earsies couldn’t pick that up!” Pinkie said, cupping her hand to her ear.
“I DUN WANNA BE RAPED UP THE BUUUTTTT!!!” Twilight suddenly yelled, and Pinkie flinched in surprise as Twilight started crying. “I’ve seen all the videos and the tv shows where people go into prison and when they come out their anus is the size of a softball they’ve been buttraped so many times and I don’t want to lose my anal virginity because I’ve heard it really really hurrrts!” This all poured out of Twilight’s mouth almost as quickly as the tears streaming down her face.
“Whoa! Easy there, girl!” Pinkie said, putting a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “Relax. Nobody’s going to come in your rear entrance.”
Twilight sniffed. “R-really?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye!” Pinkie said, giggling as she shoved her fist into one of her own eyes. “So just relax, okay?”
“O-okay.” Twilight said slowly, straightening up as Pinkie sat down on her own cot. “I just always hear about how-“
“Listen, girl.” Pinkie stated. “Nobody here other than the guards even has the equipment to stick up there. That kind of stuff is saved for male prisons.”
“Oh. That makes sense, I guess.” Twilight said, blushing lightly. “What do you say we start this conversation again.”
“Sounds good to me!” Pinkie stated, holding out her hand across the small gap between the two cots. “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! Well, technically my name’s Pinkamena, but that’s one of the most boring names I’ve ever heard, so everyone just calls me Pinkie.”
“Hello, Pinkie. My name is Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight said as she raised her head a little and shook Pinkie’s hand. She noticed something: Pinkie had a large scar on one side of her wrist. Not a slitted scar, as though she’d attempted suicide, but rather a strange, round scar, about the size of a quarter.
“So, I suppose it’s mandatory for all new cellmates to ask each other.” Pinkie said, flopping down sideways onto her cot. “What’re YOU in for?”
Twilight averted her eyes from Pinkie’s gaze. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She, too, laid down on her cot. It was as lumpy as cold oatmeal.
“C’mon, girl, we’re all friends here. It’s not like they’ll arrest you for saying it – you already are arrested!” Pinkie giggled. “Really, though, what are-“
“I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. About. It.” Twilight stated coldly.
“Aww… ooh! It can be a guessing game then!” Pinkie said, grinning widely. “Lemme think – you robbed a bank and killed everyone inside! No – you killed people and wore their skins like fuzzy slippers! No – you turned into a cheesy demon and tried to take over an entire high school!”
“What? No! Just stop, Pinkie. Please.” Twilight said, rolling over and facing the white-painted steel wall.
Twilight heard a sigh behind her. “C’mon, just a hint? Just one hint, and I’ll stop bothering you about it.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, and shifted over to face Pinkie again. “Let’s just say, it made headlines. Many, many headlines.”
“Ooh! Sounds juicy!” Pinkie said, licking her lips. “mmm… juicy!”
“Yeah, I guess so.” Twilight said with a bitter chuckle. “So, what are YOU in for?” she asked Pinkie.
“Oh, well, it was totally unfair!” Pinkie said, frowning. “They threw me in here just for hosting a PARTY!”
“A… party?” Twilight said, her eyebrows raised. “You got thrown in one of the most heavily guarded prisons on the planet for throwing a party?!”
“I know, right?!” Pinkie said, her voice rather exasperated. “And it was a really fun party, too, with lots of fireworks!”
“Fireworks, huh?” Twilight asked. “Care to tell me a little more about this… party?”
“Oh, absotutely-lutely!” Pinkie said, and began to cheerfully tell Twilight her tale.
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late in the evening, about two months ago...
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Negotator Dovesfoot stepped out of his tan-shaded car. He’d just pulled up the the site of what the news was calling a “massive terrorist attack in progress.” He’d been called out there by the police, for reasons they didn’t explain to him. Then again, explanations weren’t necessary: Dovesfoot was a hostage negotiator, there was only one thing he would be called in for at all.
“Dovesfoot. We must stop meeting like this.” Said a man with grey hair, walking up to Dovesfoot and clapping him on the back.
“I couldn’t agree more, Commissioner Flyswatter.” Dovesfoot said, smiling grimly. “We should get together sometime, grab a drink.”
“If we survive, that is.” Flyswatter said gruffly.
“Now now, don’t talk like that. Think on the bright side of life.” Dovesfoot came up to a table where SWAT team members were organizing their equipment. He noted one man held a large sniper rifle. “What’s that for? I thought you said this would be, preferably, a non-lethal mission.” Dovesfoot asked.
“Let’s just call it ‘insurance’, Dovesfoot, in case your silver tongue doesn’t quite cut it.” Flyswatter said. He turned around, and looked at the enormous building behind from the parking lot where the table was positioned. The Canterlot Dining hall; one of the most illustrious dining establishments in the country. Flyswatter felt sorry for the poor souls who’d had dinner reservations for tonight.
“So what’s the story, evening glory.” Dovesfoot asked Flyswatter, bringing his attention back to the matter at hand.
“All right, here’s the scoop.” Dovesfoot said, adopting a quick, low tone of voice. “2200 hours, a girl walks into the dining hall. She’s now been identified as Pinkamena Diane Pie; minor criminal record for stealing party supplies, but she served her time, and has kept her nose fairly clean… until now, that is.”
“Cut to the chase, Fly.” Dovesfoot said rather impatiently.
“Right, right. So she walks in, and goes up to the server; the one who reserves tables or whatever. She whips out a gun, brings it to the waitress’ head, and locks her arm around the waitress’ neck.”
“So it’s your basic ransom situation.” Dovesfoot inferred.
“You’d think, but it gets worse. Much, much worse.” Flyswatter said. “So she drags the waitress into the dining hall, where everyone’s eating, and threatens to shoot the poor girl unless her demands are met. She tells everyone to reach under their seats, and put on the quote-unquote ‘party vests’ underneath.”
“What?”
“Hang on, here’s the bad part. So sure enough, under every seat in the place is strapped a vest. Strapped onto each and every vest is a block of C4 high explosive.”
”What?!”
“Indeed. So Pinkamena threatens to detonate the c4 if anyone so much as taps it. She doesn’t want anyone ‘interfering with her party plans’, again quote-unquote. Here’s the worst part: she pulls out a detonator for the c4, but it has two buttons. One button will detonate half of the c4 blocks, the other will detonate the other half.”
“So she has the entire place hostage, and even if she murders some of them, she still has the rest as insurance.”
“Bitch must have planned this for months, down to the letter. We’re trying to track down the waiter she bribed to place the vests under the seats, not to mention whoever sold her almost a half-ton of c4.”
“Must’ve cost her a fortune.”
“She apparently owns a very successful bakery.” Flyswatter sighed, picking up a phone from the table. “Here you go. Pinkamena’s number is the first one on the speed dial. See if you can’t talk her out of it, and if she really gets nasty, just hang up, and I pull out plan B.”
“What’s plan B?”
“I’m really, really hoping it doesn’t come to that.” He clapped his hands and called to the SWAT operatives surrounding them. “All right, places, people! Operation Oven Mitt is a go!”
XXXXXXXX
“All right, party people! It’s time for pin the tail on the pony!” Pinkie cried, smiling. She raised her hands in the air with excitement. She might have been an innocent six-year-old, if not for the fact that in one hand was the explosives detonator.
“C’mon, let’s have a cheer!” Pinkie yelled at the crowd. She was grinning widely.
Every hostage’s eyes glanced at the last person who hadn’t participated in Pinkie’s “cheer”. Or more specifically, the bullet wound between his eyes.
Everyone started screaming madly.
“That’s the spirit! Now, who wants to go first!” Pinkie held up a large dagger, and pointed it at one unfortunate diner. “You sir!”
“M-m-me?” The man stuttered.
“Yes you! C’mon down!” Pinkie stated, gesturing to him with the knife. Nervously, the man walked up to her. Pinkie spun him around so she was facing his back. “Okay, here we go!” Pinkie closed her eyes and stuck out her tongue.
Then she jabbed her arm forward, sinking the dagger deep into the man’s back.
The man screamed, falling to the ground. “Aww, I missed!” Pinkie said, frowning. “The tail doesn’t go there, it goes on your rear!”
Pinkie yanked the dagger out of the man’s back, causing more screams, and spurts of blood. “Now now, there’s no frowning at a Pinkie Pie Party!” Pinkie said, rolling the man over so that he faced her. She traced the dagger around the corners of his mouth. “Turn that frown upside-down!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
The man’s eyes darted around, then he gulped, and forced a smile, despite the searing pain in his back.
“That’s the spirit! Everyone give ‘im a big hand!” Pinkie stood the man up, grinning. Everyone clapped nervously as Pinkie shoved the man back towards his seat. “All right, who wants to cut the cake?” Pinkie asked, raising her blood-stained dagger.
“cuz I love to make you smile, smile, smile… yes I do…”
Everything paused as a cheery tune began playing from nowhere. “Oh, rats. Will you excuse me for a moment?” Pinkie said. Still holding the detonator in one hand, she put the dagger back into her belt and pulled a ringing pink phone out of her back pocket. “Howdy doodles!” She said cheerily, answering the phone.
“Hello. This is Officer Dovesfoot of the CPD.” Came the calm, collected voice from the phone. “I’m just here to talk to you, and make sure everyone stays safe.”
“Stays safe?! What do you mean?!? These partygoers are having the times of their lives! I mean, listen!”
Pinkie held the phone out to the room. “You guys do know you’re free to leave at any time, right?” She called out to the hostages. She casually flipped the detonator in her free hand.
Nobody dared speak.
“See? They love my party! They want to stay with me!” Pinkie said cheerily, putting the phone back to her ear.
“Listen, miss... what’s your name?”
“My friends call me Pinkie, but everyone’s my friend, so you can call me Pinkie, too!”
“Listen… Pinkie… this is a very nice party you’ve got going on here.”
“Why thank you!” Pinkie said, giggling.
“You’re very good at throwing parties. It looks really fun.”
“Don’t I know it!”
“Can I come in with a few of my friends, to join the party?”
Pinkie paused. “Nuh-uh! Sorry, but this is a private party! I don’t even have any more party vests for you guys!” Pinkie said, smiling.
“I thought as much.” Said Dovesfoot through the tinny speaker. “So… how are the guests enjoying the party.”
“Oh, they’re loving it! We played pin the tail on the pony, and we had a dance party, and we played a guessing game!”
“Guessing game?”
“Yeah! The winner got a slice of cake! The loser got a consolation prize, too; I didn’t want him to feel bad.”
“Consolation prize?” Dovesfoot’s voice took on a slightly worried tone, but Pinkie didn’t notice it.
“Yeah, he was really upset about losing, so I had to give him a consolation prize. He was so excited, he fell asleep when he got it!” Pinkie patted the gun at her hip.
“I… I see. How many people are… asleep right now?”
“Eh….” Pinkie pointed the detonator at the bodies around the room. “One… two… three! Three of them are taking a nap. It’s okay; not everyone stays awake during a Pinkie Pie Party. Also, this guy right here looks pretty tired.” She patted the wounded man she had stuck her dagger in on the head.
“I see.” Dovesfoot paused, and Pinkie could hear whispering in the background.
“What’s that? Are you telling others about my stupendous party?! I wanted it to be a surprise!” Pinkie said sadly.
“Well, of course not. I’m not even talking to anyone at all.” Dovesfoot stated, his voice calm and collected.
“Oh, okay! Sorry, I just don’t want anyone to find out about the big fireworks finale of the party! It’s a surprise!” Pinkie said cheerfully. Someone in the room made a nervous squeak.
“Well of course. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.” Dovesfoot said.
“See? You understand.” Pinkie said happily.
“Listen… Pinkie…” Dovesfoot said. “Don’t you think it’s about time to end the party? I mean, it’s awfully late.”
“What? No! We’re having fun! You can’t just stop a party!” Pinkie said.
“I understand that, it’s just… it’s past some of the guests’ bedtime.”
“But they’re adults! They don’t have bedtimes!”
“They do, actually. I’m sure they’re all very tired. So why don’t you just stop the party, and let everyone-“
“NO!” Pinkie screamed into the phone. “The party’s doesn’t end till I walk in – I mean, out! I know what you’re doing! You’re just a mean ol’ party crasher, aren’t you? You’re trying to ruin my party!”
“No, I’m just-“
“That’s it!” Pinkie ended the call, and threw the phone on the ground. “All right, everyone! Who wants to see some fireworks!” Pinkie cheered. She raised the detonator high above her head, her thumb on one of the buttons.
CRACK!
The sudden crack which rang through the air came from three sources, simultaneously.
The first crack came from a sniper rifle, positioned on the roof of a nearby building.
The second crack was caused by a shattering window, as a .50 caliber round launched from said rifle came hurtling through it.
And the final crack came from Pinkie’s raised wrist, as the sniper’s bullet tore through it like tissue paper, shattering over half of the bones in her wrist, and causing her to involuntarily drop the detonator.
“AGH!” Pinkie screamed. For the first time that night, she wasn’t smiling; her face was twisted in a grimace of pain. “MY WRIST! YOU BROKE MY FUCKING-“
Pinkie was cut off as a second window shattered, due to a large body bursting through it. In less then two seconds, Pinkie was pinned on the ground, and her wrists were being wrenched behind her back, cold metal clamps closing around them.
“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…”
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Present
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“…and then there was a bunch of boring legal stuff. They wanted to execute me, but my lawyer pleaded insanity, and so they let me have life without parole. Wasn’t that nice of them?” Pinkie said, smiling as she finished her story.
Twilight stared at the woman in the bed across from her, mouth agape. “You… what… for real?”
“Of course!” Pinkie said, smiling widely.
“Wow…” Twilight kept staring, unable to comprehend that this silly, naïve girl had performed an act worthy of a minor supervillain. “Remind me not to mess with you.”
“Oh puh-leeze!” Pinkie said, waving a hand in a dismissive gesture. “I’m small fry compared to some of the people in here. You’ll see when I introduce you to them at rec time tomorrow.”
“Wait, what about your wrist? Is it okay?” Twilight asked, pointing to the bullet wound on Pinkie’s left wrist.
“Oh, this? They fixed it up as best they could after they arrested me. It still doesn’t work quite right, though…” Pinkie flopped around her hand, and Twilight saw the fingers twitching, as if trying to move.
Suddenly, a voice echoed from the hallway: “Lights out!” Immediately, the lights in the cell shut off, leaving the two in pitch blackness.
“Oops! Where does the time go, eh?” Pinkie whispered, giggling. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Twilight. They get mad if I talk after lights out.”
“Goodnight, Pinkie.” Twilight stated, rolling over so that she faced the wall that she could not see. Even as she tried to get some rest, one thought kept repeating through her mind: what the heck did the other prisoners do that was worse than THAT?

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            Chapter 2: A "Delicious" Breakfast             
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Chapter 2: A "Delicious" Breakfast
“Rise and shine, ladies!” Roared a voice from out in the hallway.
Twilight groaned. “Five more minutes…” She mumbled, pulling the pillow over her head. The fabric felt like sandpaper.
“C’mon, Twilight – they get really mad when you don’t wake up on time.” Came the voice of Pinkie Pie, shaking Twilight. “Besides – it’s a big big day ahead!”
“Tell the big big day that it can wait five more minutes.” Twilight grumbled, but got up anyways. She yawned, and shoved a fist into her back, getting the cracks out; she would have probably been more comfortable sleeping on the steel floor.
“Let’s go, let’s go!”  Roared a guard, throwing open their cell door. “C’mon, you two, up ‘n at ‘em! I ain’t goin’ easy on you because it’s your first day, Sparkle!”
“Sir yes sir.” The still groggy Twilight mumbled, following the guard.
One crowded elevator ride later, Twilight followed the small crowd of prisoners towards the cafeteria at the far end of the ground floor. They entered, and Twilight noticed it looked no different than a high school cafeteria: picnic tables, crowded and cramped with people.
“C’mon, Twily! You can sit with me and my gang!” Pinkie said, smiling. “You don’t want to sit alone around here.”
Twilight didn’t object, as the two entered the lunch line. The line shuffled forward, and Twilight took the opportunity to look at some of the other prisoners.
There was a girl in a straightjacket, being fed by a bored-looking nurse. The prisoner was barking like a dog.
There was a woman with electric blue hair, and burning red eyes. She winked at Twilight.
And over there… Twilight’s eyes widened. A green-haired girl had another girl in a headlock.
“What’choo say about mah ponies, you bitch?!” the green-haired girl roared, as the other girl’s face turned blue.
Then the green-haired girl’s eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell to the ground, releasing the other girl. A guard stood behind her, holding a taser. The guard dragged the violent girl off, as the other girl rubbed the bruises around her neck, and headed back to her seat.
“Yeah, don’t criticize Lyra.” Pinkie said, and Twilight turned back to her. “She’s obsessed with cartoon ponies, and anyone who insults her for it gets their ass beat.”
“Ponies? Who’d be obsessed with ponies at this age?” Twilight said, giggling slightly.
“Yeah, only weirdos like ponies!” Pinkie laughed.
(Meanwhile, in another dimension, a thousand bronies glared at their computer screens.)
“Looks like we’re nearly to the front of the line.” Twilight observed, looking forward.
“Oh boy! I hope it’s cupcakes!” Pinkie stated.
The two picked up plastic trays, and slid them sideways along a rack. More bored-looking guards dumped lumps of red goo onto their trays, accentuated with disposable plastic cups filled with water, and plastic spoons.
“Aww, chili again?” Pinkie whined as the two exited the line. “What’s a girl have to do to get a good cupcake around here?”
“Darling!” came a slightly accented voice. Twilight looked up to see one of the prisoners waving at them.
“Hey! Twilight, c’mon, I want you to meet my gal-pals!” Pinkie said, pulling Twilight along with the crook of her elbow and almost making Twilight drop her tray.
The two reached the table, and sat down on the benches attatched to each side. Twilight saw that there were four other women at this table. Of course, they were all wearing the orange prison jumpsuits.
The first woman, the one who had waved, had skin white as snow, and luscious purple hair. How she had it curled after spending who knows how long in prison, Twilight had no idea. Twilight also couldn’t understand how she had purple eyeshadow and lipstick on. Even her immaculate nails were painted a dark shade of purple. Twilight noticed that on her ring finger, this woman also had a golden band, like Twilight did.
“Hey, you’re a mage too!” Twilight said, smiling.
“What? Oh, yes, I suppose I am.” The woman said, looking at her ring. “These magic-inhibitors often make me forget that I have magic at all.” She stretched her hand across the table. “A pleasure to meet you. I am Rarity.” The woman stated, smiling. Twilight shook her hand, also smiling.
“Bah, don’t pay any attention to missy froo-froo over there!” Said the second woman at the table, seated next to Twilight. She nudged Twilight with her shoulder.
The second woman had magnificent rainbow-colored hair. How it was colored like that, Twilight had no idea – she’d probably paid a mage to alter it. Also, her hair was scruffy, and she had rather beautiful magenta colored eyes. Her nose was a tiny bit crooked, like it had once been broken, and reset. By the looks of her face, she was probably latino.
“I’m Rainbow Dash!” Stated the rainbow-haired woman, clapping Twilight on the back. “And I’m WAY better then fancy-pants over there! Fastest angel in the world!”
“Oh, you’re an angel?” Twilight asked, looking at Rainbow’s back. Sure enough, two lumps were concealed under her jumpsuit; her wings.
“Hell yeah!” Rainbow stated, grinning widely. “Angels are way better than you magic users, or you grounders who don’t have any powers at all.”
“Hey! I LIKE being a grounder!” Pinkie said, frowning as she ate her chili. “I’m way stronger than you’ll ever be!”
“Strength’s got nothing on speed, Pinkie baby!” Rainbow said, rolling her shoulders.
“Please ignore them, they tend to bicker like this.” Rarity said to Twilight as Rainbow and Pinkie had a back-and-forth conversation. “Allow me to introduce you to the other two members of our group.”
“Why don’t they introduce themselves?” Twilight questioned.
“Well… neither of them is very talkative.” Rarity gestured to the tanned woman next to her. “This here is… well, she never actually reveals her real name, so we just call her by her code name: AJ.”
AJ, who’d been eating her chili, paused. Twilight saw that AJ had messy blonde hair, like straw, which was tied up with a scrunchie at the end.
AJ looked straight at Twilight, who gasped. AJ had a massive scar, going from a little above her right eyebrow down to the right edge of her lips. The huge scar went clear across AJ’s right eye. Her right eye was dull and milky, obviously blind.
AJ nodded at Twilight, without saying a word, before turning back to her food.
“What happened to her eye?” Twilight said quietly to Rarity. AJ gave no indication that she’d heard the question.
“Nobody really knows, dear; she rarely talks, and when she does, it’s only a sentence or two.” Rarity said, shrugging.
“Why doesn’t she talk?” Twilight asked.
“I’m really not sure. Sorry.” Rarity said quietly, frowning at her chili. “Ugh! A lady should not have to resort to eating such filth!”
As Rarity struggled to choke down her food, Twilight leaned back, looking behind Rainbow Dash to the final member of the group. The last girl had long pink hair, which reached past her shoulders, and was quite skinny. She was gently eating her chili, and her eyes darted around nervously.
“Hello.” Twilight said to the pink-haired girl. The pink-haired girl squeaked, and recoiled from Twilight, almost falling off her end of the bench. She stared at Twilight with frightened teal eyes, looking as though Twilight was a tyrannosaur about to devour her. She shrunk back, as though trying to hide behind her long hair.
“I’m Twilight Sparkle… What’s your name?” Twilight asked, smiling. The pink-haired girl looked at her, then quickly turned back to her food, determinedly not looking at Twilight.
“Don’t bother trying to get a word out of Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash said, straightening Twilight back up; apparently, she’d finished arguing with Pinkie. “She talks even less than AJ – she’s only said one word since she got here!”
“Really? Wow.” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow. “What did she say?”
“Just her name.” Rainbow stated. “On her first day here, she told me it while we were in bed.”
“You two share a cell?” Twilight said, her tone surprised.
“Heck yea! And lemme tell you, from firsthand experience: she may be shy, but Flutters here is a DEMON in the sack. I mean, just look at these titties!” Rainbow reached out a hand and grabbed one of Fluttershy’s rather large breasts, causing the shy girl to squeak in surprise.
“I suppose they are… big.” Twilight said, blushing.
“I know, right? And at rec time, me and AJ sneak into the bushes, and WHOO-WEE! You wouldn’t believe dat ass she has!” Rainbow said, grinning and winking at AJ, who didn’t look at her.
“Rainbow, you’re so perverted. Show some dignity, will you.” Rarity said, frowning.
“C’mon, Rarity, we’re all lesbians here. Men aren’t exactly plentiful around these parts.” Rainbow said, rolling her eyes.
Was it just a trick of the light, or did Twilight glimpse a smile flicker across Rarity’s face?
Twilight’s attention was drawn away, though, by a disturbance. “Hey, newbie!” Twilight turned to come face to face with a rock-hard abdomen. Her face slowly tilted up.
Staring down at the seated Twilight was a very tall, very muscular girl. Her hair was white and spiky, and she had a hooked nose like a beak. Her skin was a dark brown color.
“So you’re the new one, eh?” The tall girl said, grinning wickedly at Twilight. “I’m Gilda, and don’t you forget it.”
“Gilda, go away. We’re trying to eat.” Dash said, eating another spoonful of chili.
“Funny you should say that: I already FINISHED eating.” Gilda said. “Fortunately, I heard that Pinkie Pie felt like donating to the Gilda Hunger Fund.”
“What? I didn’t – HEY!” Pinkie cried out as Gilda’s huge hand swooped down and picked up her chili. Gilda shoved the food into her mouth, swallowing the entire lump in one massive gulp.
“Honestly, darling, use a napkin. You have sauce all over your mouth.” Rarity admonished, rolling her eyes.
“Oh shut up, hairy.” Gilda barked, rolling her eyes.
“The name is RARITY.” Rarity growled.
“Yeah, whatever.” Gilda said, turning back to Twilight. “Anyways, newbie, you haven’t passed initiation yet, have you.”
“Initiation? W-what do I need to do for that?” Twilight asked nervously.
“Breathe.” Gilda said, and before Twilight could react, Gilda’s massive hands were around her throat, cutting off her oxygen supply. Twilight coughed and gagged, clawing at the iron fingers around her neck. She could hear voices through her ears, growing fainter and fainter as her vision was tinged with red…
Then Twilight gasped; she could breathe again. As Twilight gulped in fresh air, her vision cleared, and she saw two figures on the floor: one was Gilda, the other…
“Ah can break your neck with one flex of a muscle.” AJ said in a bland, monotone voice; to Twilight’s surprise, she had a southern accent. She had Gilda in a one-armed headlock, and the larger girl was flailing like a fish out of water, trying to remove AJ’s arm. Gilda muttered curses and swears, but AJ didn’t even look at her as her arm tightened around Gilda’s throat.
“All right, break it up, BREAK IT UP!” Came a voice, and a pair of guards ran up. They shocked the two struggling combatants with their tasers, and they broke apart. The guards hoisted them up.
“What’s this?” Came a cold voice. Twilight looked, and saw a third guard coming up. This one had a black uniform instead of a blue one, and was a female. Despite her light pink hair, her eyes were cold and cruel.
“Warden Cherilee!” One of the guards stated, struggling to hold up Gilda’s bulk. “These two were fighting-“
“Yes, yes, I saw it on the security cameras.” Cherilee said, rolling her eyes. She pointed to Gilda. “This one started it, so she goes to the discipline room. I’ll be there in a bit. As for you…” She turned to AJ, who was still blandly staring into the distance with her one eye. “Solitary confinement, three days. Get them out of my sight.”
Cherilee turned to Twilight as AJ and Gilda were dragged off. “Are you okay?” Cherilee asked, leaning down, her voice softening slightly as she looked Twilight in the eyes.
“I’m… I’ll be fine.” Twilight said, massaging her throat.
Cherilee unclipped a flask from her belt, and unscrewed it, pouring more water into Twilight’s plastic cup. “Thanks.” Twilight said gratefully, draining the cup. “Why do you have a flask of water?”
“I used to be a teacher, dear; I’ve learned to always be prepared for anything.” Cherilee said, the corners of her mouth twitching. Then her face turned to iron again. “I’ve also learned to discipline unruly students.”
“I understand.” Twilight said, nodding. Cherilee nodded back, and walked off. “She was fairly nice.” Twilight said to the others at her table.
“Yeah, Cherilee’s pretty fair. Just don’t get on her bad side.” Rainbow said. “Gilda, on the other hand, is just a bitch. But then, I suppose she had to be.”
“How so?” Twilight asked.
This time it was Pinkie who answered. “Gilda used to be an enforcer for some mafia gang; It was her job to collect ‘protection payments’. You have to be a real meanie to be in a job like that.”
“How do you know what she’s in for?” Twilight questioned.
“I know what everyone’s in for!” Pinkie said, smiling. “For example, you see that girl over there?” Pinkie pointed her finger at a woman at a nearby table. This woman was African-American, and had black-and-white striped Mohawk. Her nose was pierced with a small gold ring.
“That’s Zecora. She used to be a chef for the prime minister of some country in Africa.” Pinkie said dramatically. “Then, on a night when a bunch of other big leaders were visiting for a dinner conference, Zecora combined some chemicals in the kitchen, and poisoned every last one of them! They were dead before the night was out!”
“Wow.” Twilight said, eyebrows raised. “Say, that reminds me.” She turned to the other occupants of the table. “What are you guys in for?”
“Well, Fluttershy isn’t going to tell you her story – she hasn’t told anyone anything.” Rarity said, nodding at the pink-haired girl. “AJ’s off somewhere, and I… well, I’ve got a flair for the dramatic, so you’ll excuse me if I save the big reveal for later.”
“I’ll tell you MY story, though! It’s pretty awesome, except for the ending where I get caught.” Rainbow said, grinning.
Twilight leaned forward, as Rainbow began to tell her tale.
XXXXXXXX
about 5 months ago…
XXXXXXXX
“Yes, I’m here to open a checking account."
“Well, I’ll need to see some form of identification, and-“
”EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING GROUND!” came a raspy voice from the doorway of the bank. Three men, clad in black ski masks, stormed in, carrying submachine guns.
Then came another robber, this one a woman, and wearing a crudely painted rainbow-colored ski mask. She held a huge shotgun. “NOBODY MOVES, AND NOBODY DIES!” The rainbow-masked woman roared, firing a round from her shotgun into the ceiling, causing it to rain plaster.
Rainbow Dash grinned under her self-painted ski mask, as she watched the tellers and customers spread out on the floor. Too easy. “B! Crack the vault! R! Q! Get the money from the tellers! I’ll keep an eye on the customers!”
Rainbow watched as her accomplices sprang into action; two of the men walked up to the counters and began demanding money, as the third man went to the back of the bank.
For a few minutes, everything went smoothly. The two bandits at the front, codenamed R and Q, took the money from the registers and shoved it into a duffel bag. The third man, B, came from the back with two more duffel bags overflowing with cash.
Then Rainbow heard something: sirens. As she’d expected, the cops were on their way.
“Um, D? Boss?” R called to her, his eyes glinting with worry. “Didn’t you say we were supposed to be out of here by the time the cops got here?”
“Relax. This is all part of the plan, trust me.” Rainbow stated, nodding. She watched as a pair of squad cars roared into the parking lot, sirens wailing. Four policemen scrambled out, pointing their guns at the front of the bank, screaming things that Rainbow couldn’t hear.
“I’ve got as much as I could fit, boss.” B said to her, carrying out one last duffel bag of money. “What do we do now?”
“Correction.” Rainbow said, and before the three men could react, she’d snatched up all four duffel bags, and slung two over each shoulder. “It’s what do YOU do now. I, myself, am outta here. Later, suckers!”
Rainbow moved with incredible speed; she whipped out a pistol from her belt, leapt clear through the plate-glass window, and fired four shots, with the speed of a western gunslinger.
Three of the police officers went down dead, blood pouring from their heads and necks. The fourth bullet hit the final officer in the shoulder, causing him to fall down; living, but incapacitated.
Rainbow wasted no time: She sprinted over to one of the still-running police cars, and leapt into the open door. She quickly positioned herself in the driver’s seat, placing the duffel bags in the passenger’s seat.
As Rainbow slammed the car into reverse, she glimpsed the last police officer speaking into the radio on his chest. Bastard was calling for reinforcements, but Rainbow didn’t have time to deal with him. She sped her car away, out of the parking lot. She could faintly hear her former cohorts screaming after her, calling her a “traitor” and a “disloyal bitch”.
It didn’t matter; those three were just to keep the police occupied while she got away. By the time the police even got the the bank, she’d be a mile away.
XXXXXXXX
15 minutes and over five miles later…
XXXXXXXX
Rainbow couldn’t believe it. She had the reinforced Crown Vic police car going at its max speed (a blistering 130 mph) and the police bastards were STILL on her tail!
She continued to floor the accelerator, tearing down the freeway like she was mad. It was way out in the middle of nowhere, so there were little to no cars around. She felt exhileration coursing through her veins as she glanced in the rearview mirror, seeing a police car gaining on her.
Without even turning around, Rainbow twisted her arm and fired her shotgun backwards out the window at the police car. A bang and a squeal told her the tires had blown, and she grinned. Using her thumbnail, she crudely scratched another tic onto the crude counter she’d made on the wheel. She’d already sent 7 police cars spinning off into her doom. She pulled her shotgun back in, and set her hand back on the wheel, and the gun on her lap.
“WOOHOOHOO! YEAH!” Rainbow screamed as she tore around another hairpin turn. This baby handled like a god!
Suddenly, Rainbow heard something: a slightly different siren. She looked in the mirror again, expecting another police car.
Her expectations were fulfilled… in spades. Rainbow’s eyes widened as she saw the police car in the window. It was signifigantly sleeker than the others, and Rainbow Dash recognized the quadruple grille on the front of the car.
It was a police-grade Dodge Charger, capable of going 150 miles an hour on a straight stretch of road.
Now Rainbow began to feel a bit worried. That thing could catch up to her damned quick if she didn’t act fast. She tore around another turn, watching the charger pull back a bit. Then she craned her arm out the window again, firing two more blasts at the police car.
The first blast bounced off the hood of the car, and the charger actually swerved around the second blast, not dropping its speed whatsoever, rapidly approaching Rainbow.
Rainbow glimpsed an arm with a pistol stretching out the charger’s window, and heard a “PUK”. She screamed as a bullet grazed her bicep; it was just a flesh wound, but was enough to make her accidentally drop her shotgun out the window.
Rainbow swore, pulling her arm back in and grasping it. That was her fatal flaw; she looked back up and saw another curve approaching her, far too close for her to make.
“Fuck me.”
KARRA-SPLANG-KAROOSH-SMASHA-CARUMBLE-SCREEK-SQERSH!
KA-CLUMPITY-CLUMPA-CLUMP! THUMPA-BUMP! BRANG!
Tinkle tinkle.
Rainbow groaned, her head feeling like it had been used as a drum for an entire band concert. “Anyone get the truck plate of that liscence?” She mumbled.
Rainbow groaned again, her eyes slowly crawling open. She saw roots and dirt all over the front window of the car. She felt blood rushing to her head.
She unbuckled her seat belt, and shot upwards onto the roof of the car. Rainbow grumbled, as her foggy brain tried to comprehend the fact that it was upside down.
Her mind was totally foggy as she wrenched herself out of the wreck of the car. Her shoe was on too tight. She had a million other things flying through her head, but the frontmost thing was, for some reason, that her shoe was way too tight.
Rainbow grunted and moaned some more as she pulled herself out of the shattered window of the car, crushing the fallen glass under her body. After what felt like hours, she finally escaped the wreck.
Rainbow tried to stand up, but found herself screaming. Her shoe, her shoe was WAY too tight. Agonizingly tight. Vice-crushingly tight. She flopped down again and again as she futilely tried to get to her feet.
Panting, sweat on her brow, Rainbow managed to flop onto her back. She tried to sit up, to untie her shoe.
Then she stopped, realizing she didn’t have a shoe.
Or a sock.
Or a foot.
Or a calf.
When the police reached her, Rainbow was still sitting in that position, staring at the mangled mess which used to be her left leg.
XXXXXXXX
Present
XXXXXXXX
“Jeez, seriously? You lost your leg?” Twilight asked.
“Yeah.” Rainbow answered, her face dark.
“Couldn’t mage-doctors magically reattach it? I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.”
“Well they probably could, if the foot wasn’t just a mass of pulp at that point.” Rainbow stated, and Twilight winced. “Yeah, the crash was really friggin’ nasty. On the plus side, I did get a sweet-ass prosthetic.”
Rainbow swung her legs out from under the table, and Twilight saw that she was indeed correct: From the knee down, Rainbow’s left leg was a prosthetic. Twilight couldn’t help but stare at the the black, reinforced plastic, connected to a curved piece of plastic where the foot should be.
“This is a running prosthesis.” Rainbow explained. She tapped the curved plastic. “This little bit right here mimics the running motions of a normal foot, and enables me to run much faster then I would if I had a regular prosthesis.”
“Fascinating.” Twilight said. She was about to ask another question when there was a sudden yell.
“BREAKFAST IS OVER! EVERYONE ON THE TRACK IN FIVE!”
There was a collective groan and a series of shuffles as the prisoners began to get up, put their trays away, and walk through a door on the far end of the cafeteria.
“Eesh. Track day.” Pinkie grumbled, as the five got up and followed the crowd.
“Why? What’s track day?” Twilight questioned.
“Let me put it this way, Twi.” Rainbow Dash stated. “You ever see that one bit in ‘Band of Brothers’ where they eat a bunch of spaghetti, and then right afterwards they go on a run, and everyone’s puking their lunch out? Well, after this, you’d trade places with those guys in a heartbeat."
Twilight gulped nervously.