Pony Rap Battlezby JasonCiderChaptersSeason One: Vinyl Scratch VS OctaviaPinkie Pie V.S Queen ChrysalisAzreal Dizaster VS DiscordTrixie VS BlueBloodJason VS Quick-Bolt 2The Crew VS The Flim Flam BrothersSeson One: Jason VS Quick-BoltSeason 1 WinnersSeason One: Vinyl Scratch VS OctaviaJason was relaxing on the couch when all of a sudden her receives a phone call. Jason answers the phone. "Hello?" Jason asked. "Hey what's up?" Vinyl replied. "Where you at?" Jason asked. "Right down the street." Vinyl replied. "With who?" "My girl Tavi, we were wondering if we could stop by." Jason smiled "Well shit yeah... com'on by." Vinyl was happy. "Really?" "Yeah! Hey..." "I know bring some blunts." "Uh huh, alright, bye." Jason hangs up the phone. A little while later Jason hears a knock at the door. He opens the door with a smile. "Hey Jason! We've brought blunts." Jason smile grows bigger. "Why am I here? I don't even smoke marijuana!" Vinyl rolled her eyes. "OH MY GOD! Tavi, I didn't force you to come. I said, 'hey I'm heading out you wanna come with?' And you said, 'sure! Beats sitting here listing to your awful dub step.'" Vinyl started to think, "and another thing..." Jason stepped between them. "Whoa! Whoa! WHOA! You two need to calm the fuck down." Octavia pushed Jason aside. "I'm tired of that racket you call music, and that's all you play day in and out. I can never get a rest when all I hear is that DOUCHE-STEP! " Jason got back between them. "I have a way to settle ALL of our problems without arguing." Vinyl and Octavia were confused. "What is that?" Jason put his camcorder on the table closest to their position. "PONY RAP BATTLZ!" "Oh no Jason. That wouldn't be fair. Didn't you and Vinyl make a group together?" Jason moved his head side to side. "Actually it was me, Vinyl, and Pinkie Pie but yes...yes we did." Vinyl grew a smile. "What's wrong Tavi, Chicken?" Vinyl started to imitate a chicken. "FINE! We'll do it Jason!" Jason hit the record button. PONY RAP BATTLZ! BEGIN! HEY! It's Tavi the stuck up bitch! Nopony knows you but I'm fucking RICH I'm way better than you so just confess, Compared to me, you're a preppy mess! So come on bitch, what cha waiting for? You're going to fail so just leave out the door! You can tell right now that I don't give a fuck! I make raps for a living looks like you ran out of luck. You literally cry at everything I say! No matter what you say, things are going my way. You don't want mess with me, girl I'm crazy. It's your turn to rap...just don't be a baby You think I'll take that lying down? You think I'm scared? So who's better? Do you want to compare? I'm part of the Canterlot symphony You're gonna lose today, it's Destiny So come on if you think you're so brave. Oh, and please do behave. Say all the insults you want, it don't phase me one bit. I wan't the one who fuck that idiot Yes Jason, I'm talking to you. I'm just a cute little girl, what are you gonna do? Just look at him, he has a dick the size of a raisin. At least I wasn't the one who had sex with Jason. Yeah, exactly. LITTLE girl. If you are money, I'm a goddamn pearl. I'm drooping bombs so you better hide for shelter. You give me a line and I'll give you back one better So, you think you're so special? You need to listen closely, and this parts crucial There's nothing special about you Octavia. You're gonna fall like your name is Mesopotamia WOW! A 6 syllable word, you must be proud. To be the smartest person out of the crowd. I'm more known than you're unneeded Dub-Step You're a loser, this is one huge misstep. Nobody knows you, and nobody will care. I'm going to win this...who cares if it's fair! I'm just like a goddess that you disrespected. I'm already known, you're never gonna be accepted. "Who Won? Who's Next? You Decide! PONY RAP BATTLES!" Jason turns the camcorder off. Pinkie Pie V.S Queen ChrysalisPinkie Pie was waiting for Jason when all of a sudden Queen Chrysalis came out of nowhere. "Surprised to see me so soon Pinkie Pie?" Chrysalis asked. "NOPE! I read the chapter already...I think I won." Queen Chrysalis looked confused for a second but then just ignored what she said. "Anyways...I am tired of ponies thinking that I, Queen Chrysalis, can be defeated by the likes of YOU!" Pinkie Pie raised an eyebrow. She noticed that Jason was walking closer. "Oh, Wazzup Jason?" Jason was scratching his head. "I don't know. I was sleeping when all of a sudden, you woke my ass up telling me to come down at the Square at 7:00 p.m and to bring my camcorder and a tripod. What do you want?" Pinkie was smiling as she points at Chrysalis standing right next to her. "Duh Jason!" Jason smiled before putting his camcorder on the tripod. PONY RAP BATTLEZ Pinkie Pie VS Queen Chrysalis Let's start this and I hope you'll soon know, What happens when you mess with the star of the show. I'll be dropping bombs like I'm from the Enclave. You ain't Royalty, you're my motherfucking SLAVE You can't scare me, I giggle at the ghosties. I'll cut you up and bake you in a cupcake, Nice and Toasty. You've ruin everything.you're going to be damned. You're birth certificate is an apology letter from the Trojan Man. I'll put my cleaver in the middle of your face. Just turn around, no way you can win this race. Come on motherfucker, lets see what you can pack. It probably sounds like Opalescence having a heart attack. Stab Slice and cut. Then we eat these bitches up These are my best rhymes, Jason give me a closeup. So don't rap against me, you better think twice, cause my rhymes are so cool I'm spitting Pink Ice. Hearing you rhymes were down right disgraceful I'm regal. You're just an angry pony that's hateful. What a lovely, but absolutely ridiculous sentiment. You better be scared, I'm turning the temperament. So if you still think you can win, go ahead and try. You actually do think you'll win? You think that I'll die? You see, I don't want to be labeled a killer, but my rhymes will stop your heart like an action thriller. So come on if you think you got what it takes, you better hurry up because I'm raising the stakes. You're not shit. You're just like the rest. Compare yourself to me. You're just a little pest. You're the worse pony out of the gay ass damned *crew you look kind of angry am I upsetting you? I'm going to introduce you to my pet here, my knife At the end of the day, I'm taking another life. You let Pinkamina out, you did-done-doed it. Let me compare each other...um you ain't shit I killed all of your friends but I think you remember. When I hacked, chop up, cut down, and then dismember. The last six I killed, they were easy to overpower. Didn't I kill like 30 changelings like every other hour? Coming up with rhymes are hard, so I'll give you a sec. Watch what you say though or you'll get a knife in your neck I struck a nerve didn't I, must of made you really mad. Ponies burn out like any other fad. You've killed many of my subjects, this I know true. It's compared to nothing of what I'm gonna do. Just ask the Princess she knows the true strength of my POWER. Like rain from the sky my army will shower. All six of you elements will feel my wrath. Just like anything caught in a parasprites path. "Who Won? Who's Next? YOU DECIDE! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Author's Note * Jason, Vinyl Scratch, and Pinkie Pie were in a rap group named The Crew. Maybe they'll appear in PONY RAP BATTLEZ Azreal Dizaster VS DiscordAzreal looked at his Bowie Knife that he always carries around with him. When all of a sudden, blue smoke appears to show Discord. "Well, isn't it my son! Give daddy a hug!" Discord raps his hands around Azreal before getting pushed off. "Arrogent. You're very arrogent Discord." Discord was then juggaling about ten chainsaws. "What do you meen by 'arrogent?'" Discord stopped juggaling them but the were still spinning around. "The way I see it Azreal," he snaps and the chainsaws disapeare, "you are the arrogent one!" "Me? I don't twirl chainsaws, I kill sinners while you are off somewere causing Chaos." Discord smiles. "Ahh yes. The best part of my Job is...well DOING my job. You don't even do your job. I created you to kill the Elements of Harmony and their all still breathing." Azreal started to sharpen his knife. "I was caught a little of track when Princess Celestia locked me inside the mind of one of them. Not even your precious chaous can brake this bond." Discord started to laugh. "Locked in the mind of your son? Maybe that Princess does have a chaotic side after all." Azreal put the Knife to Discords neck. "Everybody has a different side inside of them, maybe I can see what your looks like when I rip your heart out!" Discord started to laugh. "Oh! Oh! My sides! Wait a minute, you're sirrious!" Discord paused for a minute but then continued to laugh. "You can't kill me!" "And because of Jason, you can't kill me!" Discord anger rissen. "So, how should we settle this?" Azreal started to think. "My son actualy has a good Idea." Discord laughs. "A rap battle?" Azreal nodded. "Yes." "Okay. Well do it!" PONY RAP BATTLEZ Azreal Dizaster VS DISCORD BEGIN Azreal Dizaster opens the fight. Just shut up. Oh, you're not going to be allright I NEED blood. My thirst craves it After our fight I'll torment you in Hell's Pit I will use your blood, the walls need to be painted. I'm R rated, you're faded I like to put glass in ponies eyes. I love watching the blood flow and hearing those cries I can't wait for this to be over, I can tell my knifes eager I'll make your neck a fountain using my cleaver It's your turn to rap, so I'll be quick. We all know you cause Chaos 'cause you have a tiny dick. Apparently you forgot that I'm your master And that's the reason I named you DIZASTER What the matter Azreal? Are you becoming furious? It's like you think that I wont pond you into dust. I do feel sorry for you, watching your son suffer. He doesn't even know you? He doesn't know his mother? I can't kill ponies that's why I made you. And you didn't even do the things I made you to do. If you never fail, then where's Twilight's head? Why is it that the elements are still not dead? You always fail Dizaster, you're worse then your son. I can get rid of you, and it WILL be fun. Shut up Jackass. Your mouth never seems to stop. What are you gonna say when my hatchet goes chop Nothing! You're the most pathetic thing to crawl out of hell. To be made by you, I must of been cursed with a spell. Nothing can compare the hatred I feel. Some might think it's cool, but no, this shit is real So come on motherfucker do your best. I'll be the one laughing when my knifes in your chest. Calm down Azreal. No need to be mean. Even though your more of a failure then anyone I have ever seen. Do you understand who I am? You're truly a cowered, so go on scram. If you need some time, well, there's the door. That's good enough, who wants to be with a 2-bit Crack whore! "Who won? Who's Next? You decide? PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Azreal tries to turn it off. "Now how the fuck do I turn off this god damn--" Azreal destroyed the camcorder. Trixie VS BlueBloodJason wakes up as he feels a tug on his leg. He gets up and sees Sips and Snails pulling on his leg. "What the fuck do you little brats want? Can't you see that I'm sleeping?" Jason points to his bed. Snips ignores him and pushes his camcorder against his chest. "'The Great and Powerful' Trixie commands you to go the Square and record her and BlueBlood in a Rap Battle!" Snips says. Jason raises an eyebrow. "So 'The Not-So-Great and Not-So-Powerful' Trixie wants to rap battle against Prince Faggot? Why the hell would she do that?" Jason pauses for a second. "Did he bruise he ego?" Snips and Snails nod their head. "Of course. I turn left and bruise her ego, what am I saying?" Jason grabs his camcorder and runs off. "I conquered an Ursa-Major." Trixie says in confidence as Jason arrives. "NO YOU DIDN'T!" Jason adds.He places his camcorder on a low hanging tree branch. "Well then. I am the most famous royalty in Equestria!" Blueblood adds. "NO YOU'RE NOT!" Jason smiles and turns on his camcorder. PONY RAP BATTLZ Great and Powerful Trixie VS Prince BlueBlood Trixie here, knowing who's gonna win. I'm 'The Great and Powerful,' Who are you again? I defeated an Ursa-Major, to me your just minor I'm known throughout the world, your a stuck up little whiner I've defeated Twilight. That's the prime of my power! You were a pony that cries about stupid shit every hour. What's the worse that you can do? Hmmm...let's check. Sitting on your couch being a royal pain in the neck! Even other universes know about me. I even have proof, do you want to see? Snips! Snails! Come out here and show this asshole that's quite fruity. What happens when they mess with pure beauty. Snips, grab his bags! Snails, push him down. We're down here, we don't even need to go another round. I'm the Prince of all, you can call me Vegeta A looser is all that ponies look at when they see ya. Are you sure everyone knows you? Or is another of your lies? This is the last time ponies will hear of you. Say your goodbye's. Jason even knows that you're no good. It's impressing considering he was raised in the hood. YOU LITTLE PUNK! It's sad to look upon you, it brings villages to tears. It amazing how you lasted all these years. We're done already? Man that was tragic! Nobody likes you, and no, this ain't real magic. You're gonna win? You better think again. At least, unlike Jason, I'm not addicted to chems Ask him if you don't believe me? No? Ask him about smack? See? You better get ready, the Prince is on the attack! Prince of All? You got to be kidding me? We don't even need to tell the future to tell what I'm gonna be! Unlike me, there is something wrong about you. You may be a prince but you act like a cartoon! SNIPS! SNAILS! Leave me for now. I'll promise you this and this is a vow. You'll rue the day you messed with "The Great and Powerful" Like me I will own the world, one day you'll see! That's all you can do? Is that the prime of your power? You're must be locked up like a princess in her tower. But no Trixe, your prince will not be coming. No ones gonna love the whore that your becoming. No pony loves you, and that day will never end. You have no friends, not even ones that pretend. So before you come to battle, with your ego intact. To the winner goes the spoils, you ain't gonna get jack. "Who won? Who's Next? YOU DECIDE! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Jason turns his camcorder off. Jason VS Quick-Bolt 2"Jason!" Quick-Bolt yelled. He walks to Jason and pulls out a camcorder. "We have some unfinished business to discus." Quick-Bolt grabs him by his shoulders and shakes him. "We need to do another Rap Battle." "Sad that I won last time huh? Fine. I'll go another round." Jason grabs the Camcorder. "You'll go first." "Alright." Jason hits record. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason DC. VS Quick-Bolt BEGIN! The general is coming back like a curse, only worse. Hit the brakes, you can't win. You better start going in reverse. I'm with the greatest of the greatest you're just a wussy. Get a Hello Kitty Tattoo, because you're a little pussy. I seen braver pot heads when I watch Scooby-Doo You're a coward, yellow belly, no one likes you. If you stopped talking to the changelings instead of me. Your wife's death could have been diverted. It could have ended happily. Her blood is on your hands Jason, and never forget it. You made a deal with the devil, don't you get it? You killed so many ponies for your own selfish needs. That black heart brought more changelings of many different breeds! It seems that everything bad that happens is because of you. No one else understands, why doesn't it seep through? Raps. Flawless. Like MK Victory. You're here trying my style, I'm still making History. Say what you want I'm never gonna end my flow. I don't care about hate because I'm a Juggalo. Scratches down my back, there from Twilight last night. Calm down Jar Head, I'm not looking for a fight. But like Elvis Presley, I don't run from one either. You don't remind me of a Soldier, more like Justin Beiber No one likes me? Huh, that's actually funny. If that's true, then how am I making so much money. Listen up real close, I hate to repeat. How can you spit with shit spillin out your teeth? Me and Pinkie was gonna get you something for a birthday present latter. Do you want mouthwash or toilet paper? If I die, I get more famous, My fame will never quit. You can die in battle tomorrow and no one would give a shit. "Who won? Who's Next? You decide. Pony Rap Battlez!" Jason turns the camcorder off. The Crew VS The Flim Flam BrothersJason was finally able to fall asleep from a long days work, when he awoke to yelling from outside. "Every fucking time. Every FUCKING Time that I try to go to sleep, these mother fuckers are so fucking persistent on finding out who's better, that they keep me awake. Isn't Ponyville the capital of Peace and Harmony in Equestria after we defeated Night Mare Moon?" Jason slowly gets up and walks to his window. "Can you guys keep it down until tomorrow? This is kinda pissing me off." "Maybe you shouldn't of made it so easy to settle problems." Pinkie Pie yelled from the street below. "Oh, Jason. Speaking of which. Can you come down here and help us out? The Flim Flam Brothers are back and they said that they were better than The Crew. We should show them how their wrong!" "Do they have a third member?" Jason asked. "We don't need a third member to show the pathetic Crew how much they don't compare to The Flim Flam Brothers." Flim yelled with confidence. His brother shakes his head. "Exactly! We can go two on three!" Jason shakes his head angry. "Okay, normally, I would rip your tongue out for talking shit about the Crew, but I'm way to fucking tired and I don't do two on three. Maybe you guys should just go to hell. I'll meet you guys there." Pinkie Pie nods her head. "Let's go guys, you heard him." Pinkie started to walk away but no one fallowed. "Guys?" "He was being sarcastic Pinkie." Vinyl said with her hoof over her face. "OOOOH! Boooooo." Pinkie Pie yelled. Jason starts to walk away. "Even Jason, the leader of your miserable crew, is to scared to rap battle Us." Flim yelled and Jason stops in his tracks. "What did you say?" Jason asked as nicely as he could. "Maybe you two should follow in his hoofsteps, and run with your tails between your legs." Flam Joked. "I'll be right down there. Pinkie Pie, you know what to do," He throws Pinkie Pie his camcorder. She catches it and turns it on. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! THE CREW! VS THE FLIM FLAM BROTHERS! BEGIN The Crew is back, like we would be gone for long. You just fucked up, let me show you what went wrong. The Crew is undefeated, how are you gonna win? You're gonna drop bombs? Bro you better think again. Jason? Where are you? We need you here. Why Vinyl? There's nothing to fear. We're winning, I could tell, can you just fathom? You're gonna disappear like your Danny Phantom. No family, friends, no one to notice that they're dead. We're gonna slit your throat and rip off your head. Calm Down Pinkie we don't want to go crazy. I think you're right. Probably? Maybe. You'll be wondering like derpy at the end of the song Just talking to yourself. I just don't know what went wrong! Is this all you got from the so called best? My expectations weren't high, but you two did even less. Let's do this brother. I just can't wait. The Flim Flam brothers always win, and it's just fate. Pinkie Pie, the craziest member of The Crew. Addicted to Cocaine when she was about two. Sad, isn't it? Having to watch your family die. It sure effected your sister, what's her name? Mod Pie? She changed since that night, she was never quite the same. Because she knew how her sister is INSANE! And Vinyl Scratch, don't think that we didn't forget about you. What do you think that we know? What can be true? Like the colts you cheated on, are always on your mind. You even cheated on Jason, once upon a time. We know everything about you, when you know nothing about us. You're nothing to us, Nothing but dust. "Speaking of which, where is Jason?" Pinkie Pie asked. A strange black mist flows out from Jason's house. "He loves to make an entrance." Vinyl laughed. . You better get out before I fucking find you. There’s a Knife in my hand, and I’m huntin’ to blind you. You know what this calls for? It’s party time. People gather around. They love the wicked parties of mine I got you; tie you up, so you can’t leave. This is your last hours alive, and you can believe me. Tears are rolling down your face, it's only getting sadder. I’m ripping out your organs. Wow, these jokes are only getting bladder. I’m hungry for some cupcakes, I got a family recipe. I’ll be fair, you can even have a piece of me. You Passed out from blood loss, now you can hear my attitude. How dare you sleep during a party, you know that’s rude! One adrenaline shot should do the trick. Wake up you half dead, wanna-be prick! It ruined my appetite and I almost fainted. I’m gonna get sick, their meat was tainted. "Shot's fired Jason!" Vinyl joked. "WOW! How are the Flim Flam Brothers Gonna recover from that?" Pinkie Pie asked. "They can't." Jason said plainly. "They're not even here." "Oh...okay...well then. Who won? Who's next You decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason, how do you turn this thing of--" Pinkie Pie turns the camcorder off. Seson One: Jason VS Quick-BoltAuthor's Note Since these are problems being solved, you might see one pony in more than one rap. Seson One: Jason VS Quick-Bolt Jason was messing with a camcorder when Quick-Bolt walked by. Jason was looking confused like he was frustrated at something. "What's wrong Jason?" Quick-Bolt asked nicely. "It's this thing I'm doing. I can't find anyone to be in it!" Jason moaned. "What is it Jason? Maybe I can help." Jason psyched back up. "YES! That would work! 'The Great and Sexy' Jason Cider V.S 'The Mean and Scary' Quick-Bolt!" Quick-Bolt was a little confused. "Let me guess, you want to Rap Battle me?" Jason nodded his head. "Fine, but this time, don't bitch when I beet you!" "Can I go first?" Jason asked. "Yeah Jason, go ahead." Jason smiles as he hit play on the camcorder. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason Cider V.S Quick-Bolt! Begin! Back off you prick, what you think you're cool? Twilight must work in construction, look her new tool. You're a punk soldier, who thinks hes rad. I'm known as 'The Great and Sexy' how many girls have you had? I'm a Juggalo so know you can tell, I ain't going no were, see you in hell! I'm a somepony that can't be beat! So do me a favor, wait for defeat I'll be with my homies wile you're patrolling a jail! I do this for a living, we're gonna see an epic FAIL! I have an idea and it's actually quite bright How does it feel knowing you're gonna die before Twilight You must think you're tough, oh SO scary! Forget me, fight Tinker Bell, you're both fairies. And what do you mean how meany girls have I had? While you're here crying, I'll be with my comrade You must be an idiot, you treat this like recess I married Twilight, Dash married the real Princess I've done things that no mortal pony can complete There's a reason they put me in the Equestrian Elite I'm also a Prince, ponies shower me with Jewels! You're just a faggot, hanging out with a bunch of fools. I'm fast, I'll be gone without a trace. You're just a little bitch, let me put you in your place! We all know what happens when you get moody, CALM DOWN! I didn't mean to make you cry, stop or we'll all gonna drown. You're acting more like Twilight, what did she do? Twilight wears the pants, but you wear her panties don't you. I'm a ROCKSTAR, I make raps every day. And when you try to rap man it sounds foul play. I gonna win so lets rejoice. You can be a man or a bitch, your choice. You think you're bigger than me you little runt! I'm a god among men. To me, you're just a little cunt. So you think I'm turning to a girl? You think that I'll cry? I don't even need a degree in Hooverd to see pass that lie. If you're so tough, throw the first punch. I'll rip your horn off and eat it for lunch I'll be chilling with my girl while I'm reminding Mess with me again I'll beat you down with lighting "who won? Who's Next? You decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ Season 1 WinnersJason chilled by Sugar Cube corner when Quick-Bolt popped in to say hello, he turned on his camcorder. "YO LOSER, who won the Rap battle?" Jason jumps to his feet and jumped online. "It looks like the winner of our rap battle is...ME!" Jason Jumps for joy. "Whatever Jason...I didn't even want to win. Shut up!" Quick-Bolt yells before leaving. Pinkie Pie bounced over to Jason. "Hey Jason, who won against me and McBitch?" Pinkie asked. Jason looks some more. "Sad to say Pinkie but it looks like the winner is Queen Chrysalis. She must of WHOOPED YO ASS!" Jason joked. Pinkie Pie gets angry and grabs Jason's knife. "I'll find her Jason, and when I do, she better hope she's immortal!" Pinkie said as she throws Jason knife to the ground. "WOW! A little over reacting don't you agree?" Jason yelled to the leavening Pink Blur. Discord exploded with a cotton candy cloud. "I don't even need to guess Jason, I won?" Discord asked. Jason looks it up. "From what I can see...nope. The winner is AD. He told me not to listen to the battle...I wonder why?" Jason said. "You're lying for him!" Discord yelled before disappearing. "A lot of touchy motherfuckers." Jason said. He heard arguing coming from nowhere so he looks something up real quick. "I WON THE BATTLE!" Trixie Yelled. "No, I WON THE BATTLE!" Prince Blueblood yelled. "Easy motherfuckers. The winner is..." Jason pauses for dramatic effect. "'The Not-So-Great and Not-So-Powerful' Trixie!" Jason yelled with a smile on his face. "HA! Told you I won." Trixie gloated. "Who cares, it's only a rap battle." Prince Blueblood complained. "Son of a bitch." Jason yelled as he gets a phone call. "Hey Jason, who won the battle?" Vinyl asked. "I think that it was you. Let me check." Jason checks his laptop. "No, actually Octavia won." "WHAT!?" Vinyl asked. "I'm kidding. Calm down!" Jason joked. "Oh that's a relief." Vinyl sighed. "Who'll win next time? You Decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Jason yelled. "Who are you talking to?" Vinyl asked. Jason turned off the camcorder.
Season One: Vinyl Scratch VS OctaviaJason was relaxing on the couch when all of a sudden her receives a phone call. Jason answers the phone. "Hello?" Jason asked. "Hey what's up?" Vinyl replied. "Where you at?" Jason asked. "Right down the street." Vinyl replied. "With who?" "My girl Tavi, we were wondering if we could stop by." Jason smiled "Well shit yeah... com'on by." Vinyl was happy. "Really?" "Yeah! Hey..." "I know bring some blunts." "Uh huh, alright, bye." Jason hangs up the phone. A little while later Jason hears a knock at the door. He opens the door with a smile. "Hey Jason! We've brought blunts." Jason smile grows bigger. "Why am I here? I don't even smoke marijuana!" Vinyl rolled her eyes. "OH MY GOD! Tavi, I didn't force you to come. I said, 'hey I'm heading out you wanna come with?' And you said, 'sure! Beats sitting here listing to your awful dub step.'" Vinyl started to think, "and another thing..." Jason stepped between them. "Whoa! Whoa! WHOA! You two need to calm the fuck down." Octavia pushed Jason aside. "I'm tired of that racket you call music, and that's all you play day in and out. I can never get a rest when all I hear is that DOUCHE-STEP! " Jason got back between them. "I have a way to settle ALL of our problems without arguing." Vinyl and Octavia were confused. "What is that?" Jason put his camcorder on the table closest to their position. "PONY RAP BATTLZ!" "Oh no Jason. That wouldn't be fair. Didn't you and Vinyl make a group together?" Jason moved his head side to side. "Actually it was me, Vinyl, and Pinkie Pie but yes...yes we did." Vinyl grew a smile. "What's wrong Tavi, Chicken?" Vinyl started to imitate a chicken. "FINE! We'll do it Jason!" Jason hit the record button. PONY RAP BATTLZ! BEGIN! HEY! It's Tavi the stuck up bitch! Nopony knows you but I'm fucking RICH I'm way better than you so just confess, Compared to me, you're a preppy mess! So come on bitch, what cha waiting for? You're going to fail so just leave out the door! You can tell right now that I don't give a fuck! I make raps for a living looks like you ran out of luck. You literally cry at everything I say! No matter what you say, things are going my way. You don't want mess with me, girl I'm crazy. It's your turn to rap...just don't be a baby You think I'll take that lying down? You think I'm scared? So who's better? Do you want to compare? I'm part of the Canterlot symphony You're gonna lose today, it's Destiny So come on if you think you're so brave. Oh, and please do behave. Say all the insults you want, it don't phase me one bit. I wan't the one who fuck that idiot Yes Jason, I'm talking to you. I'm just a cute little girl, what are you gonna do? Just look at him, he has a dick the size of a raisin. At least I wasn't the one who had sex with Jason. Yeah, exactly. LITTLE girl. If you are money, I'm a goddamn pearl. I'm drooping bombs so you better hide for shelter. You give me a line and I'll give you back one better So, you think you're so special? You need to listen closely, and this parts crucial There's nothing special about you Octavia. You're gonna fall like your name is Mesopotamia WOW! A 6 syllable word, you must be proud. To be the smartest person out of the crowd. I'm more known than you're unneeded Dub-Step You're a loser, this is one huge misstep. Nobody knows you, and nobody will care. I'm going to win this...who cares if it's fair! I'm just like a goddess that you disrespected. I'm already known, you're never gonna be accepted. "Who Won? Who's Next? You Decide! PONY RAP BATTLES!" Jason turns the camcorder off.
Pinkie Pie V.S Queen ChrysalisPinkie Pie was waiting for Jason when all of a sudden Queen Chrysalis came out of nowhere. "Surprised to see me so soon Pinkie Pie?" Chrysalis asked. "NOPE! I read the chapter already...I think I won." Queen Chrysalis looked confused for a second but then just ignored what she said. "Anyways...I am tired of ponies thinking that I, Queen Chrysalis, can be defeated by the likes of YOU!" Pinkie Pie raised an eyebrow. She noticed that Jason was walking closer. "Oh, Wazzup Jason?" Jason was scratching his head. "I don't know. I was sleeping when all of a sudden, you woke my ass up telling me to come down at the Square at 7:00 p.m and to bring my camcorder and a tripod. What do you want?" Pinkie was smiling as she points at Chrysalis standing right next to her. "Duh Jason!" Jason smiled before putting his camcorder on the tripod. PONY RAP BATTLEZ Pinkie Pie VS Queen Chrysalis Let's start this and I hope you'll soon know, What happens when you mess with the star of the show. I'll be dropping bombs like I'm from the Enclave. You ain't Royalty, you're my motherfucking SLAVE You can't scare me, I giggle at the ghosties. I'll cut you up and bake you in a cupcake, Nice and Toasty. You've ruin everything.you're going to be damned. You're birth certificate is an apology letter from the Trojan Man. I'll put my cleaver in the middle of your face. Just turn around, no way you can win this race. Come on motherfucker, lets see what you can pack. It probably sounds like Opalescence having a heart attack. Stab Slice and cut. Then we eat these bitches up These are my best rhymes, Jason give me a closeup. So don't rap against me, you better think twice, cause my rhymes are so cool I'm spitting Pink Ice. Hearing you rhymes were down right disgraceful I'm regal. You're just an angry pony that's hateful. What a lovely, but absolutely ridiculous sentiment. You better be scared, I'm turning the temperament. So if you still think you can win, go ahead and try. You actually do think you'll win? You think that I'll die? You see, I don't want to be labeled a killer, but my rhymes will stop your heart like an action thriller. So come on if you think you got what it takes, you better hurry up because I'm raising the stakes. You're not shit. You're just like the rest. Compare yourself to me. You're just a little pest. You're the worse pony out of the gay ass damned *crew you look kind of angry am I upsetting you? I'm going to introduce you to my pet here, my knife At the end of the day, I'm taking another life. You let Pinkamina out, you did-done-doed it. Let me compare each other...um you ain't shit I killed all of your friends but I think you remember. When I hacked, chop up, cut down, and then dismember. The last six I killed, they were easy to overpower. Didn't I kill like 30 changelings like every other hour? Coming up with rhymes are hard, so I'll give you a sec. Watch what you say though or you'll get a knife in your neck I struck a nerve didn't I, must of made you really mad. Ponies burn out like any other fad. You've killed many of my subjects, this I know true. It's compared to nothing of what I'm gonna do. Just ask the Princess she knows the true strength of my POWER. Like rain from the sky my army will shower. All six of you elements will feel my wrath. Just like anything caught in a parasprites path. "Who Won? Who's Next? YOU DECIDE! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Author's Note * Jason, Vinyl Scratch, and Pinkie Pie were in a rap group named The Crew. Maybe they'll appear in PONY RAP BATTLEZ
Azreal Dizaster VS DiscordAzreal looked at his Bowie Knife that he always carries around with him. When all of a sudden, blue smoke appears to show Discord. "Well, isn't it my son! Give daddy a hug!" Discord raps his hands around Azreal before getting pushed off. "Arrogent. You're very arrogent Discord." Discord was then juggaling about ten chainsaws. "What do you meen by 'arrogent?'" Discord stopped juggaling them but the were still spinning around. "The way I see it Azreal," he snaps and the chainsaws disapeare, "you are the arrogent one!" "Me? I don't twirl chainsaws, I kill sinners while you are off somewere causing Chaos." Discord smiles. "Ahh yes. The best part of my Job is...well DOING my job. You don't even do your job. I created you to kill the Elements of Harmony and their all still breathing." Azreal started to sharpen his knife. "I was caught a little of track when Princess Celestia locked me inside the mind of one of them. Not even your precious chaous can brake this bond." Discord started to laugh. "Locked in the mind of your son? Maybe that Princess does have a chaotic side after all." Azreal put the Knife to Discords neck. "Everybody has a different side inside of them, maybe I can see what your looks like when I rip your heart out!" Discord started to laugh. "Oh! Oh! My sides! Wait a minute, you're sirrious!" Discord paused for a minute but then continued to laugh. "You can't kill me!" "And because of Jason, you can't kill me!" Discord anger rissen. "So, how should we settle this?" Azreal started to think. "My son actualy has a good Idea." Discord laughs. "A rap battle?" Azreal nodded. "Yes." "Okay. Well do it!" PONY RAP BATTLEZ Azreal Dizaster VS DISCORD BEGIN Azreal Dizaster opens the fight. Just shut up. Oh, you're not going to be allright I NEED blood. My thirst craves it After our fight I'll torment you in Hell's Pit I will use your blood, the walls need to be painted. I'm R rated, you're faded I like to put glass in ponies eyes. I love watching the blood flow and hearing those cries I can't wait for this to be over, I can tell my knifes eager I'll make your neck a fountain using my cleaver It's your turn to rap, so I'll be quick. We all know you cause Chaos 'cause you have a tiny dick. Apparently you forgot that I'm your master And that's the reason I named you DIZASTER What the matter Azreal? Are you becoming furious? It's like you think that I wont pond you into dust. I do feel sorry for you, watching your son suffer. He doesn't even know you? He doesn't know his mother? I can't kill ponies that's why I made you. And you didn't even do the things I made you to do. If you never fail, then where's Twilight's head? Why is it that the elements are still not dead? You always fail Dizaster, you're worse then your son. I can get rid of you, and it WILL be fun. Shut up Jackass. Your mouth never seems to stop. What are you gonna say when my hatchet goes chop Nothing! You're the most pathetic thing to crawl out of hell. To be made by you, I must of been cursed with a spell. Nothing can compare the hatred I feel. Some might think it's cool, but no, this shit is real So come on motherfucker do your best. I'll be the one laughing when my knifes in your chest. Calm down Azreal. No need to be mean. Even though your more of a failure then anyone I have ever seen. Do you understand who I am? You're truly a cowered, so go on scram. If you need some time, well, there's the door. That's good enough, who wants to be with a 2-bit Crack whore! "Who won? Who's Next? You decide? PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Azreal tries to turn it off. "Now how the fuck do I turn off this god damn--" Azreal destroyed the camcorder.
Trixie VS BlueBloodJason wakes up as he feels a tug on his leg. He gets up and sees Sips and Snails pulling on his leg. "What the fuck do you little brats want? Can't you see that I'm sleeping?" Jason points to his bed. Snips ignores him and pushes his camcorder against his chest. "'The Great and Powerful' Trixie commands you to go the Square and record her and BlueBlood in a Rap Battle!" Snips says. Jason raises an eyebrow. "So 'The Not-So-Great and Not-So-Powerful' Trixie wants to rap battle against Prince Faggot? Why the hell would she do that?" Jason pauses for a second. "Did he bruise he ego?" Snips and Snails nod their head. "Of course. I turn left and bruise her ego, what am I saying?" Jason grabs his camcorder and runs off. "I conquered an Ursa-Major." Trixie says in confidence as Jason arrives. "NO YOU DIDN'T!" Jason adds.He places his camcorder on a low hanging tree branch. "Well then. I am the most famous royalty in Equestria!" Blueblood adds. "NO YOU'RE NOT!" Jason smiles and turns on his camcorder. PONY RAP BATTLZ Great and Powerful Trixie VS Prince BlueBlood Trixie here, knowing who's gonna win. I'm 'The Great and Powerful,' Who are you again? I defeated an Ursa-Major, to me your just minor I'm known throughout the world, your a stuck up little whiner I've defeated Twilight. That's the prime of my power! You were a pony that cries about stupid shit every hour. What's the worse that you can do? Hmmm...let's check. Sitting on your couch being a royal pain in the neck! Even other universes know about me. I even have proof, do you want to see? Snips! Snails! Come out here and show this asshole that's quite fruity. What happens when they mess with pure beauty. Snips, grab his bags! Snails, push him down. We're down here, we don't even need to go another round. I'm the Prince of all, you can call me Vegeta A looser is all that ponies look at when they see ya. Are you sure everyone knows you? Or is another of your lies? This is the last time ponies will hear of you. Say your goodbye's. Jason even knows that you're no good. It's impressing considering he was raised in the hood. YOU LITTLE PUNK! It's sad to look upon you, it brings villages to tears. It amazing how you lasted all these years. We're done already? Man that was tragic! Nobody likes you, and no, this ain't real magic. You're gonna win? You better think again. At least, unlike Jason, I'm not addicted to chems Ask him if you don't believe me? No? Ask him about smack? See? You better get ready, the Prince is on the attack! Prince of All? You got to be kidding me? We don't even need to tell the future to tell what I'm gonna be! Unlike me, there is something wrong about you. You may be a prince but you act like a cartoon! SNIPS! SNAILS! Leave me for now. I'll promise you this and this is a vow. You'll rue the day you messed with "The Great and Powerful" Like me I will own the world, one day you'll see! That's all you can do? Is that the prime of your power? You're must be locked up like a princess in her tower. But no Trixe, your prince will not be coming. No ones gonna love the whore that your becoming. No pony loves you, and that day will never end. You have no friends, not even ones that pretend. So before you come to battle, with your ego intact. To the winner goes the spoils, you ain't gonna get jack. "Who won? Who's Next? YOU DECIDE! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Jason turns his camcorder off.
Jason VS Quick-Bolt 2"Jason!" Quick-Bolt yelled. He walks to Jason and pulls out a camcorder. "We have some unfinished business to discus." Quick-Bolt grabs him by his shoulders and shakes him. "We need to do another Rap Battle." "Sad that I won last time huh? Fine. I'll go another round." Jason grabs the Camcorder. "You'll go first." "Alright." Jason hits record. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason DC. VS Quick-Bolt BEGIN! The general is coming back like a curse, only worse. Hit the brakes, you can't win. You better start going in reverse. I'm with the greatest of the greatest you're just a wussy. Get a Hello Kitty Tattoo, because you're a little pussy. I seen braver pot heads when I watch Scooby-Doo You're a coward, yellow belly, no one likes you. If you stopped talking to the changelings instead of me. Your wife's death could have been diverted. It could have ended happily. Her blood is on your hands Jason, and never forget it. You made a deal with the devil, don't you get it? You killed so many ponies for your own selfish needs. That black heart brought more changelings of many different breeds! It seems that everything bad that happens is because of you. No one else understands, why doesn't it seep through? Raps. Flawless. Like MK Victory. You're here trying my style, I'm still making History. Say what you want I'm never gonna end my flow. I don't care about hate because I'm a Juggalo. Scratches down my back, there from Twilight last night. Calm down Jar Head, I'm not looking for a fight. But like Elvis Presley, I don't run from one either. You don't remind me of a Soldier, more like Justin Beiber No one likes me? Huh, that's actually funny. If that's true, then how am I making so much money. Listen up real close, I hate to repeat. How can you spit with shit spillin out your teeth? Me and Pinkie was gonna get you something for a birthday present latter. Do you want mouthwash or toilet paper? If I die, I get more famous, My fame will never quit. You can die in battle tomorrow and no one would give a shit. "Who won? Who's Next? You decide. Pony Rap Battlez!" Jason turns the camcorder off.
The Crew VS The Flim Flam BrothersJason was finally able to fall asleep from a long days work, when he awoke to yelling from outside. "Every fucking time. Every FUCKING Time that I try to go to sleep, these mother fuckers are so fucking persistent on finding out who's better, that they keep me awake. Isn't Ponyville the capital of Peace and Harmony in Equestria after we defeated Night Mare Moon?" Jason slowly gets up and walks to his window. "Can you guys keep it down until tomorrow? This is kinda pissing me off." "Maybe you shouldn't of made it so easy to settle problems." Pinkie Pie yelled from the street below. "Oh, Jason. Speaking of which. Can you come down here and help us out? The Flim Flam Brothers are back and they said that they were better than The Crew. We should show them how their wrong!" "Do they have a third member?" Jason asked. "We don't need a third member to show the pathetic Crew how much they don't compare to The Flim Flam Brothers." Flim yelled with confidence. His brother shakes his head. "Exactly! We can go two on three!" Jason shakes his head angry. "Okay, normally, I would rip your tongue out for talking shit about the Crew, but I'm way to fucking tired and I don't do two on three. Maybe you guys should just go to hell. I'll meet you guys there." Pinkie Pie nods her head. "Let's go guys, you heard him." Pinkie started to walk away but no one fallowed. "Guys?" "He was being sarcastic Pinkie." Vinyl said with her hoof over her face. "OOOOH! Boooooo." Pinkie Pie yelled. Jason starts to walk away. "Even Jason, the leader of your miserable crew, is to scared to rap battle Us." Flim yelled and Jason stops in his tracks. "What did you say?" Jason asked as nicely as he could. "Maybe you two should follow in his hoofsteps, and run with your tails between your legs." Flam Joked. "I'll be right down there. Pinkie Pie, you know what to do," He throws Pinkie Pie his camcorder. She catches it and turns it on. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! THE CREW! VS THE FLIM FLAM BROTHERS! BEGIN The Crew is back, like we would be gone for long. You just fucked up, let me show you what went wrong. The Crew is undefeated, how are you gonna win? You're gonna drop bombs? Bro you better think again. Jason? Where are you? We need you here. Why Vinyl? There's nothing to fear. We're winning, I could tell, can you just fathom? You're gonna disappear like your Danny Phantom. No family, friends, no one to notice that they're dead. We're gonna slit your throat and rip off your head. Calm Down Pinkie we don't want to go crazy. I think you're right. Probably? Maybe. You'll be wondering like derpy at the end of the song Just talking to yourself. I just don't know what went wrong! Is this all you got from the so called best? My expectations weren't high, but you two did even less. Let's do this brother. I just can't wait. The Flim Flam brothers always win, and it's just fate. Pinkie Pie, the craziest member of The Crew. Addicted to Cocaine when she was about two. Sad, isn't it? Having to watch your family die. It sure effected your sister, what's her name? Mod Pie? She changed since that night, she was never quite the same. Because she knew how her sister is INSANE! And Vinyl Scratch, don't think that we didn't forget about you. What do you think that we know? What can be true? Like the colts you cheated on, are always on your mind. You even cheated on Jason, once upon a time. We know everything about you, when you know nothing about us. You're nothing to us, Nothing but dust. "Speaking of which, where is Jason?" Pinkie Pie asked. A strange black mist flows out from Jason's house. "He loves to make an entrance." Vinyl laughed. . You better get out before I fucking find you. There’s a Knife in my hand, and I’m huntin’ to blind you. You know what this calls for? It’s party time. People gather around. They love the wicked parties of mine I got you; tie you up, so you can’t leave. This is your last hours alive, and you can believe me. Tears are rolling down your face, it's only getting sadder. I’m ripping out your organs. Wow, these jokes are only getting bladder. I’m hungry for some cupcakes, I got a family recipe. I’ll be fair, you can even have a piece of me. You Passed out from blood loss, now you can hear my attitude. How dare you sleep during a party, you know that’s rude! One adrenaline shot should do the trick. Wake up you half dead, wanna-be prick! It ruined my appetite and I almost fainted. I’m gonna get sick, their meat was tainted. "Shot's fired Jason!" Vinyl joked. "WOW! How are the Flim Flam Brothers Gonna recover from that?" Pinkie Pie asked. "They can't." Jason said plainly. "They're not even here." "Oh...okay...well then. Who won? Who's next You decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason, how do you turn this thing of--" Pinkie Pie turns the camcorder off.
Seson One: Jason VS Quick-BoltAuthor's Note Since these are problems being solved, you might see one pony in more than one rap. Seson One: Jason VS Quick-Bolt Jason was messing with a camcorder when Quick-Bolt walked by. Jason was looking confused like he was frustrated at something. "What's wrong Jason?" Quick-Bolt asked nicely. "It's this thing I'm doing. I can't find anyone to be in it!" Jason moaned. "What is it Jason? Maybe I can help." Jason psyched back up. "YES! That would work! 'The Great and Sexy' Jason Cider V.S 'The Mean and Scary' Quick-Bolt!" Quick-Bolt was a little confused. "Let me guess, you want to Rap Battle me?" Jason nodded his head. "Fine, but this time, don't bitch when I beet you!" "Can I go first?" Jason asked. "Yeah Jason, go ahead." Jason smiles as he hit play on the camcorder. PONY RAP BATTLEZ! Jason Cider V.S Quick-Bolt! Begin! Back off you prick, what you think you're cool? Twilight must work in construction, look her new tool. You're a punk soldier, who thinks hes rad. I'm known as 'The Great and Sexy' how many girls have you had? I'm a Juggalo so know you can tell, I ain't going no were, see you in hell! I'm a somepony that can't be beat! So do me a favor, wait for defeat I'll be with my homies wile you're patrolling a jail! I do this for a living, we're gonna see an epic FAIL! I have an idea and it's actually quite bright How does it feel knowing you're gonna die before Twilight You must think you're tough, oh SO scary! Forget me, fight Tinker Bell, you're both fairies. And what do you mean how meany girls have I had? While you're here crying, I'll be with my comrade You must be an idiot, you treat this like recess I married Twilight, Dash married the real Princess I've done things that no mortal pony can complete There's a reason they put me in the Equestrian Elite I'm also a Prince, ponies shower me with Jewels! You're just a faggot, hanging out with a bunch of fools. I'm fast, I'll be gone without a trace. You're just a little bitch, let me put you in your place! We all know what happens when you get moody, CALM DOWN! I didn't mean to make you cry, stop or we'll all gonna drown. You're acting more like Twilight, what did she do? Twilight wears the pants, but you wear her panties don't you. I'm a ROCKSTAR, I make raps every day. And when you try to rap man it sounds foul play. I gonna win so lets rejoice. You can be a man or a bitch, your choice. You think you're bigger than me you little runt! I'm a god among men. To me, you're just a little cunt. So you think I'm turning to a girl? You think that I'll cry? I don't even need a degree in Hooverd to see pass that lie. If you're so tough, throw the first punch. I'll rip your horn off and eat it for lunch I'll be chilling with my girl while I'm reminding Mess with me again I'll beat you down with lighting "who won? Who's Next? You decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ
Season 1 WinnersJason chilled by Sugar Cube corner when Quick-Bolt popped in to say hello, he turned on his camcorder. "YO LOSER, who won the Rap battle?" Jason jumps to his feet and jumped online. "It looks like the winner of our rap battle is...ME!" Jason Jumps for joy. "Whatever Jason...I didn't even want to win. Shut up!" Quick-Bolt yells before leaving. Pinkie Pie bounced over to Jason. "Hey Jason, who won against me and McBitch?" Pinkie asked. Jason looks some more. "Sad to say Pinkie but it looks like the winner is Queen Chrysalis. She must of WHOOPED YO ASS!" Jason joked. Pinkie Pie gets angry and grabs Jason's knife. "I'll find her Jason, and when I do, she better hope she's immortal!" Pinkie said as she throws Jason knife to the ground. "WOW! A little over reacting don't you agree?" Jason yelled to the leavening Pink Blur. Discord exploded with a cotton candy cloud. "I don't even need to guess Jason, I won?" Discord asked. Jason looks it up. "From what I can see...nope. The winner is AD. He told me not to listen to the battle...I wonder why?" Jason said. "You're lying for him!" Discord yelled before disappearing. "A lot of touchy motherfuckers." Jason said. He heard arguing coming from nowhere so he looks something up real quick. "I WON THE BATTLE!" Trixie Yelled. "No, I WON THE BATTLE!" Prince Blueblood yelled. "Easy motherfuckers. The winner is..." Jason pauses for dramatic effect. "'The Not-So-Great and Not-So-Powerful' Trixie!" Jason yelled with a smile on his face. "HA! Told you I won." Trixie gloated. "Who cares, it's only a rap battle." Prince Blueblood complained. "Son of a bitch." Jason yelled as he gets a phone call. "Hey Jason, who won the battle?" Vinyl asked. "I think that it was you. Let me check." Jason checks his laptop. "No, actually Octavia won." "WHAT!?" Vinyl asked. "I'm kidding. Calm down!" Jason joked. "Oh that's a relief." Vinyl sighed. "Who'll win next time? You Decide! PONY RAP BATTLEZ!" Jason yelled. "Who are you talking to?" Vinyl asked. Jason turned off the camcorder.
