It was a normal day in Ponyville, but that’s not really pertinent to the story right now. What matters so much so that we have to skip character development and scene setting, and replace it with mediocre expositional onslaught is the fact that there is a seventh Element of Harmony in Equestria. Well, that there is pretty much the whole plot, so why read on? Well, you will because you can’t resist knowing how the main characters, of whom are OC in nature (that’s “original character” for those of you not acquainted with our fancy terms) find this element and are revealed to be its unconditional bearer, earning them the rank of most popular pony among the six most important ones in Equestria.
As much as I’d like to end the story there, that would be impossible, due to exigent circumstances, so we will let our OCs (you remember what those are, right?) tell the rest of the story… Again
Hi, my name is Mark. Mark Sman, and I’m an earth colt who lives in Ponyville with my best friend Tee Bag. Tee Bag is not your usual pegasus, mainly because he has a fear of the sky, and flying… and wings… you know, to be honest, I think he was born an earth pony, and his wings are surgically attached, but we’ll address that plot point later.
I’m important, though, I don’t really realize it yet, but if I did, man, that would be a total abuse of the universal rule of pacing. I’ll give you a hint that I somehow know in exposition, but not in-story, and that’s that I’m the seventh Element of Harmony. Well, technically eighth if you count Princess Cadence. Oh well, no more useless exposition. Right now, it’s time for an adventure!
“Mark?! Mark, have you taken out the trash yet?!” my mom called from downstairs. I faced away from my computer screen in my unexplained room and groaned.
“I did!” I lied, because I’m a bad colt, the baddest around. Well, except for that one kid in my class, but since he’s not here, that automatically makes me the baddest one, am I right?
“Isn’t Tee Bag coming over today?”
“Yes!” I cried out. “We’re going to Sugarcube Corner for cupcakes later!” All of this yelling was putting a strain on my throat, but my badassery wouldn’t let me yield to my girlish insecurities, of which will also be addressed as a later plot point.
“What if you come across some changelings or a timberwolf on your way there?!”
“Don’t worry, Mom, as the seventh Element of Harmony—”
“Eighth!”
“Eighth Element of Harmony, I’ll know exactly how to handle the situation!” There was a silence from downstairs, so I had thought that maybe my mom shut up for the scene, but then I heard her voice again and gave myself the biggest hoofpalm ever.
“You’re not the Element of Harmony yet, and even if you did possess it, you still wouldn’t be the element itself, just the bearer of the element.”
“I’m going to Sugarcube Corner now, bye, Mom!”
Some time later, because a paragraph of transition is beneath me as an experienced writer
“Oh hey its you Mark Sman my best friend ever I’ve been waiting here forever man what’s up?”
“Sweet Celestia, Tee, haven’t you heard of punctuation?” I asked, abhorred at the linguistic monstrosity that was my best friend.
“Haha that’s really funny so hey I heard that the mane six are running around looking for a seventh element of harmony well eighth technically and since my dad is part of the guard—” I interrupted Tee by placing my hoof in his mouth in the most non-homosexual way ever.
“Seriously dude, if you’re just going to keep talking like that, maybe you shouldn’t at all. And who the hay is the mane six? Why can’t you just say their names?”
“Oh no, Discord is attacking Ponyville!” a random pony screamed from outside of Sugarcube Corner, of which me and Tee are located inside of. Instead of giving any details about my best friend, we’ll jump to the part where the central plot is introduced.
“Muahahahaha!” Discord howled, drawing pink storm clouds around him as he laughed haughtily in the air. Galloping over to confront him were the six current element bearers, and unbeknownst to them, and (supposedly) me, the seventh, oops, I mean, eighth element was waiting to be awakened.
“Discord, we’ll stop you in your tracks!” Twilight shouted, displaying her regality for everypony to marvel at.
“How can you possibly hope to defeat me?” the draconnequs laughed. “I’m the master of chaos!”
“We’ll do it,” Applejack said now. I nearly swooned over her as she stepped up to the plate. Man, Applejack was probably by far the hottest out of all of those mares up there. “We’ll do it, because we have the Elements of Harmony, and nothing can beat them!”
“Yeah, you tell that big dumb oaf!” I yelled out. Discord looked over to me, and given my grade-school intelligence and reasoning skills, I knew he was plotting to hurt and/or kill me.
“Well, you ponies can’t save everyone!” Discord laughed firing a chaotic beam of magic at me and Tee Bag.
“Oh my gosh what do we do Mark We’re going to die and we haven’t even been in the story but for about 900 words!”
“Don’t worry, Tee Bag, I know exactly what to do! Instead of relying on the super powerful element bearers to save us, I’ll just throw myself in front of you and sacrifice my life to gain the power of the seventh—”
“Eighth.”
“Eighth Element,” I finished. I positioned my body over my best friend in the whole world and looked down at him with tears in my eyes. “It’s been fun, Tee.”
“What are you kids doing? Run! There’s obviously enough time to move if we can all speak like this!” Rainbow Dash shouted. I opened my eyes and realized that she was probably right.
“Yeah, good idea, Tee Bag, we’ll just—AAAAAUUGH!” I screamed, as my body was assaulted with the full force of Discord’s awesome power. I could feel my body deteriorate from the inside out, but I knew that this wouldn’t be the end, because after his magic burst, I would be standing tall, cloaked in a holy aura of elemental awesomeness…. any moment now.
“Mark Sman! You’re dying!” Tee Bag shouted, offering me his hoof.
“Holy smokes, you spoke like a regular pony,” was all I got to say, before a bright flash of light enveloped the are—
Unfortunately, our main character was zapped into a million bits of dust and cannot continue the narrative. In any case, to provide closure, while he believed he would’ve been the actual bearer of the seventh-but-technically-eighth element, he was more or less used as a symbol of an intangible element between close friends that our other main characters used as leverage over Discord in their epic battle.
Rather anti-climatic to end the story here, but honestly, even if Mark Sman were allowed to continue, you would probably know, and care, as much about it as you do reading this exposition. So, here's two-bits, a tale strung about a courageous protagonist discovering a hidden trait about himself in relation to another set of protagonists will most likely be as eye-cancerous as Mark's story was.
So, there you have it, folks. The seventh-but-eighth element, and one colt’s journey, however short it was, in achieving it. I gave you the chance to desist reading earlier, but you insisted, so now, you get to think about what you’ve done.
Author's Note
I am not responsible for any forms of diseases/sickness/loss of evens/or brain cells that occurred while "reading" this "story."
