Whorn: A Debutante's Dark Descent Into Debauchery

Dear Diary,

It’s morning.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I’m overcome with exhaustion yet I cannot achieve much more past tossing and turning. My eyes feel like a pair of bonfires burning away in my eye sockets. My head feels as though an Ursa Major has been trying to pound its way out of my skull. And with each sunrise that I see, I feel as weak as a baby bird chipping away at its shell to break free. If I thought I couldn’t open the shop yesterday, I know for certain that I cannot do so today.

An absence of nutrition hasn’t helped my situation. I’m famished. I haven’t eaten any decent food since yesterday afternoon when I finished what was left of the fruit that Fluttershy brought me. My late dinner consisted of two pepper packets from The Hayburger and what remained of a can of aerosol cheese that Sweetie Belle left behind in my cupboard. I have no foodstuffs left in the house, save for unpalatable ingredients such as flour, vinegar, and the like. I’ve already grazed every last blade of grass on my property. Drinkwise, I am down to my last few bottles of sparkling mineral water and will soon be at the mercy of the tap.

I haven’t put on any makeup. I’m absolutely terrified of looking at myself in a mirror. It was all I could do to brush my hair let alone style it. The sound of my horn glowing with magic exacerbates my headache. Oh, how the beautiful have fallen.

I am beginning to believe that I may be losing my mind.

Please excuse me for a moment. Opal’s trying to get my attention. I must have forgotten to refresh her food and water.

I have officially sunk to a new low. I just tried eating Opal’s dry cat food. It’s perfectly dreadful although one wouldn’t guess that by the way she dove into it. I would say that I had no idea what I must have been thinking at the time I tried to eat it if I suspected that I was thinking at all. I spat it out and began to laugh at the folly of it. And then I started to cry. Opal simply watched me as she ate. In all fairness to her, my tears are not an uncommon sight within these walls.

It’s this wretched shop, Diary. It is both my safety blanket and my noose. My mother and my whore. My shelter and my prison. Feel free to ask me to stop should my analogies begin to annoy you. I wish that everypony would just go away while I buy my necessities. I feel like a chicken hiding under a bucket in a field crawling with hungry foxes. Stupid ponies with their stupid judgmental eyes. I must get out of here. My less than magnificent appearance be damned, if I don’t leave this place to get some exercise, fresh air, and good food, I shall surely perish or go mad or both. In order to do this, I shall have to rely upon an institution that mares the world over who don’t care about the appearance of their hair have used when time is of the essence: the hair bun.

Forget the fashion police. I'll be lucky if my bun doesn't draw the attention of the fashion SWAT team.

Unless I am called up to that fashion runway in the sky, I shall return to you in an hour or two, dear Diary.

Update: Good news, Diary! I won’t need to step out of the house after all. As I was headed out the door, Spikey-wikey just so happened to be standing outside about to ring my doorbell. He was here to pay me a visit and I asked him if he could be a dear and fetch some pizza and some groceries for me since I’ve been feeling under the weather. The little darling agreed, bless his heart. I gave him a pouch of bits to cover the expenses and a large but slightly flawed emerald for his troubles. He left just a few moments ago. Fie on you, starvation! You shan't claim this unicorn today!

Spike had tried to visit me that morning and I’m afraid I wasn’t a very good host. I had upset Rarity the day before and I was such a mess that I couldn’t even talk to him. He knew that something was wrong but he was kind enough not to pressure me for the details.

Spike is a dear friend to all six of us but since he is a minor, it was decided that he shouldn't contribute to this commentary. I’ve asked him not to read Whorn due to its graphic adult content and, to the best of my knowledge, he’s honored my request. He was present for most of the events that took place in Whorn anyway – and there are just some comments that the girls and I would feel awkward making with a boy in the room. And on a selfish note, I’d rather that he not be made aware of all of the more embarrassing details so that he can hold on to what little respect he has left for Rarity and me. On the day that he’s old enough to read it, he may do so. I just hope that he’ll have found other living arrangements by then.

Spike living on his own. Is it bad of me to picture his place being a total mess?

Hopefully he’ll have picked up some good housekeeping habits by then – but, to answer your question, no, it's not bad of you to picture that. And I’m not just saying that because I picture it being a mess, too.

Discord once said that chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Twilight countered that by saying that chaos was not as wonderful as friendship.

But, my word, Diary – friendship doesn’t hold a candle to how wonderful a large grain lover’s supreme pizza from Pizza Stable is! Oats! Wild rice! Quinoa! Couscous! Pineapple! Capers! Black Olives! Red Onions! Mushrooms! Wheatballs! All on a tender crust that Princess Celestia herself must have baked to perfection. However, I must take them to task over their marinara sauce. It’s a tad weak for my taste. I’ve been spoiled since foalhood by Mother’s incredible homemade marinara sauce so anypony in the pizza business has got some pretty stiff competition if they want to cross saucepans with my mother. My compliments to the chef. Now that I’ve had a splendid feast, I no longer feel miserable and hungry – just miserable.

Um, is anypony else getting hungry or is it just me?

It is so not just you.

Ooh, me, too! I’m hungry, too.

Oh, thank Celestia, I thought it was just me! What about you, Applejack? Are you hungry?

Shoot, you all know I’ve always got an appetite. [Author’s note: Hee hee! I just leafed through my working copy (to which I am adding my notes) and all instances of Applejack’s y’all are transcribed as you all. The ain’ts were left in, however. I suppose editing those into isn'ts would have been overly presumptuous.]

Ooh! Can we get some Pizza Barn pizza delivered right now? It’ll be like a pizza party! Can we? Can we? Can we? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Why wait for a delivery pony when I can go grab it for us?

I was actually going to suggest that we take a break and go out for lunch but I don’t suppose it would hurt to ask if we could get it delivered here instead. Tabitha? Would it be okay if we ordered some pizza and ate it here in the studio? It would? Thanks![Author’s note: Tabitha is the technician who sat in with the girls at the offices of Simon & Horseshuster and supervised the recording session for transcription. She read my parts out loud to the girls and paused after each sentence to allow for comments to be made.]

Though we should probably order Rainbow a salad since she doesn’t like pizza.

Ha! Good one, Applejack. Like I don’t love pizza. Puh-leeze. Pizza couldn’t be more awesome if it came in rainbow colors. Hey! Do you think they could do that?

Do what?

Do you think they could make a Rainbow Dash Pie? They could cut it six ways and each slice would have a topping the same color as one of the colors of my mane. I think I might have a moneymaking promotional idea on my hooves here!

Technically, rainbows have seven-

Technically, I will knock you out if you finish that sentence, Twilight.

Sheesh! I’m sure that’s just the hunger talking.

Could we get apple slices on one of the pies?

Now there's a surprise. What don’t you like apples on, AJ?

There are plenty of foods that I don’t like with apples in or on it.

Oh, really? Name one.

Uh... well...

While you're thinking of an answer, I'll fly to Pizza Stable and get us a couple of pies, one with half apple for AJ.

Um, could you please make that a whole pie with apple slices instead of a half pie?

You too, huh? When did you become such an apple lover?

Recently.

My compliments to the chef, regardless of sauce quality. Now that I’ve had a splendid feast, I no longer feel miserable and hungry – just miserable.

Let’s talk about Rainbow Dash, shall we?

Rainbow Dash is a mare of action. Her love of flight is surpassed only by her love of winning. She adores having her ego stroked with praise for her daring deeds – yet for all of her heroism, she has been known to get herself in a bind by taking up the occasional mischievous cause. If she was as noble and mature as, say, Fluttershy, she’d be frighteningly perfect and I would feel no end of jealousy toward her.

Yep. Nopony’s perfect... but I do come pur-rit-ty darned close.

She doesn’t believe in letting an opportunity to have fun slip through her hooves and she’s not above having a laugh at another’s expense. I believe that these are the traits that I shall exploit.

I had Pinkie promised to keep what Rarity had done to me a secret because, dummy that I was, I didn’t know that she had lied to me about being sick. If I had known that I could have saved Rainbow Dash, Applejack and the others from being assaulted, I would have broken my Pinkie promise in a heartbeat.

And I was so busy wallowing in self pity that I couldn’t think of anypony besides myself. I should have told somepony else. I could have put a stop to the cycle, too.

Uh! What have we all been talking about in group, guys? Stop blaming yourselves.

Seriously, though, I should have put a stop to it.

Hold on a second! Why do you get to blame yourself when we can't do the same?

Well, I mean, come on. No offense but you guys aren't heroes like I am.

Oh, um, I guess you're right.

Hmph!

I shall tell Rainbow Dash the story of how Pinkie Pie licked frosting from my horn the first time. The version I intend to tell shall be quite different than the one which actually happened. It goes without saying that I’ll omit the part where I attached myself to Pinkie and forced my horn down her throat. The key difference between this version and what really happened is that I shall claim that, while Pinkie was licking my horn clean, I was speaking in tongues and making the silliest, most embarrassing sounds. I’ll also mention how much Pinkie was laughing at the results. Ever the prankster, Rainbow Dash will not be able to resist putting her own mouth on my horn to hear for herself exactly how silly my sounds were. The sillier I make them and the more embarrassed I sound, the more she’ll want to hear it and the more she’ll try to suck it.

I hate having my weaknesses analyzed.

My plan is not without risk. Rainbow Dash is a top athlete. A horngasm, while glorious, is quite the distraction. If I’m not quick enough about holding her in place with levitation immediately after I unicum, she could attack me and easily do me some serious damage. Levitation requires concentration and it’s extremely difficult to execute while disoriented or, say, being beaten to a pulp.

It becomes significantly easier with practice.

My plan worked, Diary. For the moment, my pain is gone. I just wish it didn't come at the cost of Rainbow Dash's pain.

Possessing curiosity that surpasses that of the proverbial cat, Rainbow put her mouth over my horn and sucked on it to see. I pretended to babble, spouting off whatever random nonsensical sounds came to mind. Rainbow had a good hearty laugh and I knew that I had her right where I wanted her.

Though my body ached at the idea of my horn parting with those magic lips, I gently withdrew my horn from her mouth and asked her to stop being so silly. My soft approach had its intended effect because Rainbow proceeded to fly after me and chase me through my house, licking and sucking my horn repeatedly. That’s Rainbow for you. She’s not above playing tricks on a friend if there’s a laugh to be gained from it. Oh, those sweet unsuspecting lips! I increased the silliness in my silly noises the faster her mouth went up and down on my horn. This was actually not producing the effect I wanted because now she was laughing too much to suck me properly for more than a few seconds at a time. Then she experimented with what would happen if she went deep. As I've already told you, unicumming feels best when my horn is deep inside the mouth of my victim (???) and, just as I did to Pinkie Pie before her, I grabbed Rainbow's head and plunged it down into her throat.

Needless to say, I wasn't expecting anything like this. I thought Rarity was doing this because she was mad at me for laughing at her and then that stuff shot into my throat. I started to panic. There's not a feeling in the world like wanting to breathe and not being able to do it.

I moaned as the magism began spurting out of my horn and inside her throat. She began to fly but stopped beating her wings as vomit came up and poured over my head. Rainbow wasn't as tactful as Pinkie Pie was in her attempt to free herself. She simply pounded my head with all four hooves at once to knock me off. It worked. I was able to block my pain receptors and I fell on the ground where I must have looked ridiculous shooting magism across the room like an unattended garden hose.

“Did... you just do something... sexual to me?” she asked.

“Um... yes?” I replied. “I hope that’s all right.”

Diary, I swear to you that what I am about to tell you is the honest truth. After I answered Rainbow Dash’s question, she sat down and cried like a baby. I mean she bawled as though she suffered a terrible personal loss. It was that severe. Not even Pinkie was as upset by my assault as she was. It was an outburst of emotion worthy of my drama couch. I cried with her but I doubt she even noticed. Then I did the coldest thing I think I've ever done to anypony. I levitated her out of my front door and left her outside, locking the door behind her.

Are you okay, Rainbow?

Darn it. I hate crying.

Do you want that hug now, Rainbow Dash?

Yeah.

I’ve got you, Dashie. I'm here for you. We all are. Just take your time.

Okay.

Whew.

So, anyway...

Rarity... triggered... a suppressed memory. I don’t believe in all that stupid psychology mumbo jumbo so trust me when I say that I know how lame that sounds... but it did. Here’s what happened.

When I was seven, I was at the playground in Ponyville Park. It was during a flight camp field trip. That was the one you missed because you caught the feather flu, remember, Fluttershy?

Oh, yes, I remember that.

Anyway, I was playing with my friends and I was having a blast until nature called. I liked my independence even back then... so rather than ask one of the chaperones to hold my wing and lead me to the potty as if I was a toddler, I snuck off and went there on my own. So I go to use the restroom... and when I was done... I mean, I was eager to get back to the playground and have more fun with my friends so that’s where my mind was.

Whew.

How are you guys doing?

So when I was done and left the restroom, somepony called out to me. I looked to my left and there’s this unicorn stallion standing there. I already knew not to talk to strangers but this guy looked harmless, like a photo of somepony’s favorite uncle you’d see sitting in a picture frame on somepony’s mantel. He looked older but he wasn’t like senior citizen old. I flew over to him and he asked me if I could do him a favor. He was clean cut and he even smelled nice. Anyway, he asked me politely if I could help him. He told me his magic wasn’t working because his horn was clogged. I asked how I could help and he told me that whatever was clogging his horn could be removed if somepony could suck it out. So... we went behind the restroom and... not knowing any better... I... did it.

Oh, Rainbow Dash...

Oh, my Celestia...

Oh, Dashie...

Heavens to Betsy...

I figured there was nothing to it, you know? I was already big on winning and this seemed like a super easy obstacle. Lame cliché number two: it all happened so fast. He asked, I agreed... and then a minute later, he... did his business, he thanked me and he was out of there. One more victory for the amazing Rainbow Dash. I washed my face in the water fountain, ran over to my friends and kept on playing like it was nothing. I never gave it another thought. I never told my folks about it because it didn’t seem like a big deal. To me, it was just a mediocre good deed. I didn’t know I had done something sexual to him. If he had shown me his wang, I would have known immediately that he was a perv and flown off to tell somepony. He just seemed so friendly that I didn’t suspect a thing. When Rarity tricked me, I remembered that day in the park... and I was so angry with myself for being so stupid... that I broke down. I wanted to beat the tar out of her but I was too sad to do anything but cry like the stupid little bitch I must have looked like to that plothole stallion who took advantage of me! I WAS ONLY SEVEN YEARS OOOOOLD!!!

Oh, my poor little Dashie... I’m so sorry.

It wasn’t your fault, Fluttershy. It was mine. It's like Twilight said in the foreword: if sharing my story gets even one parent or guardian to tell their kids to be extra careful out there, then at least something good can come out of it. Could... the rest of you guys... come here and make this a group hug? I need it really bad.

Of course.

Always.

We love you, Rainbow.

If there was any question as to whether or not I had become a monster, all doubt was removed on this day.

(Author’s note: Rainbow Dash, I cannot put into words how sorry I am that this happened to you and that my actions made you recall it. If I could undo what I did to you and the others, believe me, I would. I can only do the same thing I’ve been doing since my recovery: apologize profusely and beg for your forgiveness.)