"I can't live a life where I'm not with you."
Author's Note
A/N: This story has some personal stuff throughout it, and it's hard to explain. Just IRL stuff, and the like. Anyway, I've only published it because, you know, I haven't written anything in ages. I might start writing again, but I'm not sure on it. This story is where Octavia and Vinyl have been without each other for a few months, and the like, so...yeah. It's after a break-up and an argument.
Yours in Eternity,
Misty
"I can't live a life where I'm not with you."
She lay there in silence, staring at the ceiling with a blank expression on her face. Her eyes were clouded, and her mind was worse; a hundred or more thoughts cycling through her head at once.
Do you hear that? She thinks to herself, closing her eyes for a brief moment. Silence. How long will it be before I get to play again?
Nothing plays in her head anymore. The tapping has ceased after a week of restlessness and less success she had hoped for. The silence of her home that used to burst with harmonious symphonies haunted her to her core, the need to play large, but she could never find it in herself to lift herself up, and do something. Anything.
The sheet music she used to spend days, even weeks or month on, writing to her heart's content were all pushed to the back of her mind. Her final symphony that was supposed to be played with her orchestral group, was never finished and she'd let them down. She'd let them all down. Everypony who had depended so much on her, and had expect everything to be exquisite and beautiful was flushed down the drain, and now, Octavia's known as a "used-to-be" amazing cellist.
"Was it worth it, Tavi?" She asked herself out-loud, the same way Vinyl had said it before she'd walked away, tears staining her white coat. "Was it really worth losing everything you worked so hard for?"
Tavi's eyes watered, but nothing fell. Not a single tear rolled down her cheeks, but the salty taste still on her tongue from her previous breakdown. She lay there in a ball, her hooves cold from the air vent constantly blowing on her body. With an aching heart and a lump in her throat, she reached for the phone with a weak hoof, picking it up and fumbling with it for a moment.
With all the strength she had, she dialed the DJ's number, and pressed call. Putting the device on speaker, she placed it down next to herself, the need to cry building as the lump in her throat grew.
"Heeeello, DJ Pon-3 here, whatcha need?" Vinyl spoke into the phone, causing Octavia's heart to lodge itself her throat. "Um, hello?"
"V-Vinyl? Dear?" Octavia whispered softly, the lump in her throat and the threatening tears making it hard for her to speak.
How does one fix a broken cellist? Octavia asked herself, her eyes no longer able to shed a tear as she lay there, everything so close, yet so far away.
"Oh.." Vinyl's voice faded slightly, a sigh heard on the other end. "Hey, Octavia."
Her name. Vinyl actually said her real name. What did I do? Octavia asked herself in silence before she spoke up. "Vinyl, I need to see you tonight," she managed, her voice cracking as the sentence left her lips.
Vinyl went silent. Her breath was short, but otherwise, everything sounded normal..or so she thought. "Octy.." Vinyl's voice was softened, and the happiness she had greeted Octavia with went out the window. "I-I can't. You know I can't."
"Wha-why not?" She asked in disbelief.
"I just...I just don't think it's a good idea."
Octavia's voice caught in her throat as she lay there trembling, her lower lip quivering. "Why won't you tell me why it's not a good idea?" She asked, trying to swallow the rather large lump in her throat. The urge to cry began to become stronger and stronger, the silence on the other end driving her mad.
"Just hearing your voice, Octavia," Vinyl started before a huff of air was blown into the speaker. "Just hearing your voice makes me upset, and makes me remember what happened before....that."
"But I didn't expect that to happen, Vinyl. You know I never expected it. Why.." she paused for a moment, wiping her tears. "Why are you blaming me?"
Vinyl sighed again. Once again, there was more silence, something Octavia had never liked. "You gave up, Octavia. You didn't want to do anything about it, and I tried to," she paused. "I really tried to help you, Octy..."
"But Vinyl, I--"
"Why didn't you let me help you, Octavia?" Vinyl's voice cracked, a sniffle being heard through the phone. "Please, tell me why you didn't let me help you.."
What is she talking about? She left me! The cellist thought coldly to herself before picking up the phone and taking it off of speaker. "What are you talking about? You left me, Vinyl. You're the one who--"
"Right," Vinyl murmured coldly. "I'm the one who left. Thanks for reminding me. Thanks so much, Octavia." A final sniffle was her. "I didn't leave you because I wanted to. I left you because I had to. You wanted nothing to do with me. You had no time for me. Every time I asked you if we could go out, you'd say you were busy, or you had a recital. So, don't you dare blame it on me. I made room for you, but you didn't make room for me."
"I did make room for you! I didn't ask you anything anymore because you were the busy one!" Octavia countered, raising her voice, making the crack in it easily heard.
Vinyl didn't respond for a while. The two of them breathed into the phone silently, a million or more thoughts racing through Octavia's mind at once. "You know," Vinyl started. "I did everything to make you happy, Octavia. You fucking knew that. You knew I'd show up to each and every one of your recitals, regardless if I hated the music. Regardless if I hated the high-class snobs you played for. I only went to see you. I went to just see you, Octavia. I just..." Vinyl's voice drifted off, a few sobs heard on the other end. "I love you, Octavia. You know I love you, right?"
Octavia froze. Everything around her froze. The cold air blowing on her ceased to exist. The trembling that shook her entire being stopped. It's like....everything just. Ended. Like the stop button on the DVD player was pressed. "You know that, right...?" Vinyl asked again after a few moments.
"I know that, Vinyl. Why are you saying this now...?" She asked cautiously, her heart hammering against her ribcage.
"Everything I did for you. The long nights where I spent video chatting you when you were crying. The hard days where we'd fight over Celestia knows what. The short, memorable nights. The happy mornings. Everything we did. Everything I did....was all for you. I constantly begged my manager to stop booking so many gigs a week, just so I could spend time with you." Vinyl stopped abruptly. "I just. I couldn't see you do what you were doing to yourself. You gave up. Not only on me, but everything. You stopped writing your music because the ideas didn't come anymore. Because you couldn't do it anymore. You started pushing me away, and you pushed me so far away...that I couldn't come back. I couldn't come back, no matter how hard I'd try..."
The cellist opened her mouth to speak, but quickly snapped it shut. She listened intently, soft sobbing coming from the other end, mixed with a few kicks of bass. She began to shake again, the overwhelming feeling to cry become too much. She broke down, tears coating her cheeks as she buried her face deep into her pillow. Short gasps came from her as she sobbed into the pillow, still listening to Vinyl. As the soft whimpering that came from her began to subside, she spoke softly. "Octavia..."
She lay there, weeping as quietly as she could. Her pillow was soaked, and some of Vinyl's scent lingered there. She breathed in as best as she could, holding her breath as best as she could until she could straighten herself up. She grabbed a tissue from the bedside tablet, blowing her nose before tossing the used tissue on the ground. Octavia picked up the phone slowly, sniffling as she did so. "Yes, Vinyl?"
"I...need to go..." She whispered softly.
"Please, don't go..." Octy replied sadly, holding back more tears. "Please..."
"I really have to go, Tavia." Vinyl pushed as she wiped her face off as best as she could with one foreleg. "I...I have to be somewhere. Like, now."
Tavi sighed, knowing begging the DJ to stay on the phone was useless. "If you need to," she murmured. "I'll let you go.."
"Alright. I'll, uh, talk to you whenever. Bye, Octavia," Vinyl spoke into the phone before hanging up.
"I love you too, Vinyl.." Octavia whispered softly before returning to her sobbing. She pressed end before she did so, pushing the phone off of her bed. She hugged the pillow close to her chest, burying her face deep within the cotton and sobbing to her heart's content. She pulled the blankets over her body, ruining her uncombed mane even more, and tangling the mess more than it'd already been. Slowly, she began to fall asleep, a deep slumber welcoming her with open arms, darkness consuming her.
Octavia awoke a few hours later to the sun shining on her eyelids. Cracking one eye open, she grumbled to herself before turning over and pulling the covers over her face. The room was slightly warmer than it was the night before, mainly due to the sunlight beaming down into her room from the window, since she ever hardly got out of bed.
"Celestia, give me strength," she grumbled under her bed before slamming her hoof down onto the end table, the curtains closing after she did. She moved about before she hit something with her back hoof, startling her some. She prodded it a bit, the fleshy feeling it had sent shivers up and down her spine. Someone broke in.. She thought to herself. Her cheeks were swollen from all the crying she'd done on the phone with her. Slowly, she turned her head, a white unicorn at the foot of her bed, with a black hoodie concealing their mane.
She quietly grabbed the knife that lay right before her bed before jabbing the unicorn her with hoof. "Wake up. I don't know how you got in here, but...you shouldn't be in here..." her voice trailed off as it stretched into a wide yawn. "C'mon, dude. Get up." She pushed harder before the pony rolled off of the bed, a blur of blue tumbling to the floor.
"Fuck!" The unicorn yelled after a thud had awoke them. "Damn, can you be any more careless?" Said the pony.
"Vinyl?!" Octavia yelled, immediately sliding off of her bed and rushing to the unicorn's aid. "Are..you okay?" She asked as she pushed the knife under her dresser.
Vinyl waved one of her hooves dismissively. When they made eye contact, Octavia saw dark bags underneath Vinyl's eyes, the once bold and bright crimson eyes of hers were dark, and almost lifeless. "Hey, Octy.." She whispered softly, her eyes watering. She sat up on her side, her once white coat now a tainted gray. "How are you?"
"I---" Octavia's sentence was cut-short as Vinyl pulled her into an embrace. She began stroking her mane with her hoof, sobbing softly into the cellist's fur.
"I miss you," Vinyl whispered into her coat as tears flooded her eyes, washing some of the dirt and grime away from her face.
"Vinyl, I'm right here," Octavia replied, finally returning the hug.
Vinyl pulled away, wiping her tears away on the sleeve of the hoodie. "You say that...but you still feel so far away.."
Octavia stared at her former marefriend with wide eyes, the sadness woven deep within the pools of crimson choked her and damaged what remained of her heart the more she stared into them. She forced herself to look away, some of the sunlight peeking in on the two musicians through a crack in the curtains. "Why so you say that?" Octavia asked softly.
Vinyl brushed her hoof against the cellist's cheek, letting it linger there for a few moments before pulling it away. She looked down at the space between them before saying, "Octavia, I...I can't live here anymore. There's too many memories. Everywhere I go, I taste you like blood in my mouth. I just...I can't live a life where I'm not with you.."
"Vinyl, what are you saying?" Octavia looked back at Vinyl, letting her eyes look her over before seeing how small and frail she'd gotten over the course of six months. Her face seemed smaller, as did her build. The hoodie she was wearing looked like it was two sizes too big, and her mane was untouched, like she hadn't taken any gel or moose to it in ages, nor does it look like she has showered in a month or so. The bags under her eyes looked like they'd tripled from when she last saw her, and the former smile she had was nowhere to be seen.
Vinyl looked up at Octavia, giving a fake, gentle smile. She looked at Octavia for a moment. Her fur looked the same, as far as she knew. However, her mane was a little more ruffled than usual, and was straight down instead of flipped to the side. Her tail was bushy-ish, and her eyes were darker than she had remembered. The bags underneath her eyes, and the puffiness of her cheeks made her skin crawl, because she knew she was the cause of her sleepless nights. All the times she'd come to check on her without her knowing and seeing her either eating for 4 or not eating for a week. Every night, checking in on her via magic and seeing her sobbing into her pillow. She caused it, by saying one sentence, a sentence that was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She ruined both of them by walking away.
"Octavia," she paused for a moment before looking deep into her amethyst eyes. "I'm moving away. For good."
