So I down my cup, and then I hit you up - saying stupid stuff!
THE DRUNKEN RAMBLINGS OF VINYL RECORD SCRATCH
~~~
Octavia let out a groan, and stuffed her face into the pillow. It was two in the morning, who in the wide, wide world of Equestria would be calling her now? She frowned, and reached over to the bedside table, picking up her cell phone.
“DJ Pon-3” read the contact name.
Oh, how wonderful. Octavia really should have expected this. The unicorn had been calling her for days now, though why she wasn’t exactly sure. She dimmed the light and switched the sound off, rolling back over to go to sleep. She had been asleep for maybe five seconds when the dim lighting flooded her room. The DJ had left a voice mail.
“Hey! Taaaavi,” Vinyl sang. “Taaavi. Oh, Octaaavia. Hey,” She laughed. “That would make a cool song. I should do that later.” A loud bang was heard, and muffled music was in the background before she spoke up. “Anyway, lovely mare ‘o mine, my job is done, and I kinda partied too hard. Can you pick me up? Thanks!”
And with that, she hung up.
Octavia wanted to get out of bed - really, she did. Helping Vinyl was no problem. But the fact that her marefriend had gone and done something stupid again just made Octavia lose all motivation. Plus, it was the fourth time this week.
That friend of hers, Neon whatever his name is can drop her off, Octavia thought, as she pulled the covers over her head and went back to sleep. The phone started going off again, but as it was on silent, and Octavia had the blanket over her head, blissfully unaware that Vinyl was trying to get ahold of her.
Vinyl frowned. That was funny. Normally, Octavia picked up on the first call.
She got the voicemail, again, and let out an annoyed whine. “Taaaavi,” she said. “Where are you? I’m cold. And drunk. And I don’t know where I left my keys. Plus some jerk stole my glasses. Wait, that made me sound like a nerd in high school, forget I said that. Just pick me up, I wanna go home ‘cause everypony here can’t handle my sexiness. I hope you can, though.”
A loud, stupid laugh escaped her lips and echoed down the street as she hung up.
Vinyl was outside, tapping her hoof on the sidewalk, waiting for Octavia to show up and help her get home. She could always try stumbling around, finding her way home by herself, but she knew she would just get lost again. She rolled her eyes and tried Octavia’s phone again, groaning when it went to voicemail after three rings.
“Aw, come on!” Vinyl exclaimed in frustration. She let out a frustrated sigh. “Tavi, what gives? Where are you? I’m at the bar, y’know that, so why don’t I see your sexy face anywhere? I need you to pick me up ‘cause I might get mugged or killed or raped by some creepy stallion who can’t resist a piece of me. Do you want your lovely marefriend to die in an alleyway in the middle of Manehatten, Tavi? Do ya?!”
She hung up, and stared up at Luna’s night sky, which was partly hidden by the city lights.
...this was gonna be a long evening.
Octavia woke up in the morning as usual, with the sun. The first thing she did was lean over to wake up Vinyl, but Vinyl wasn’t there. That wasn’t unusual. Sometimes, Vinyl just didn’t get home until later in the morning, especially if she’d been drinking the night before. Octavia shrugged and grabbed for her phone, which was blinking with several new messages.
“Hey. Tavi. It’s late. Where-” there was a pause as Vinyl hiccuped “-are you? I’ve been waiting for you for hoooooours. I wanna go home. Come get me.” Another pause, and Octavia thought for a moment that Vinyl had hung up, but her voice started up again. “Neon is here! He need a way home too, Tavi. Come get us, and we’ll all have sexy times.”
Rolling her eyes at Vinyl’s habit of sexual chatter when drunk, Octavia shook her head, deleted the message and moved onto the next one.
“Who is this?” a male voice said. “Oh. Tavi. Yeah, Vinyl, I dunno what to do.” A loud laugh, Vinyl’s, was heard and then she spoke up. “Man, Lights, you’re too much sometimes! Anyway, Tavi, Neon and I are wasted, and I think he put somethin’ in my drink. I just wanted to tell you I love ya ‘cause y’know I’m so happy right now and the world is kinda colorful and stuff. Also... how would you feel if I tried to grow a mustache? Would I look sexier?”
Then, the message ended. Octavia had to compose herself before moving on to the next message, hoping it was a little less...whatever it was this message was.
“Tavi, you’ll never guess what just happened. We were walking down the street, because we thought you got lost, right? And guess who we ran into?” There was a shuffling sound as the phone passed hooves and a shrill female voice screamed into the phone:
“HI MISS VINYL’S GIRLFRIEND!” Octavia winced and the shuffling was heard again.
“We’re gonna write a song! It’s gonna be a bestseller, number one on all the charts! We’re going into this other bar, about three blocks down from where we were before. Come get us and your sexy voice can be number one too!”
Octavia facehoofed as the call ended with loud laughter as the final note.
Sometimes, she really regretted dating a disk jockey…
The next message started up, and loud sobbing was heard on the other line.
“Tavi! I’m so sorry!” Vinyl wailed. “I’m so, so sorry! Luna dammit, I should be, like, home and cuddling with you and watching those stupid romantic comedies you like instead of getting wasted with Pinks and Neon. This ain’t cool of me. I’m a shitty marefriend, you should totally dump me. Or like, better yet, I’m just gonna go into the nearby alleyway and let my body rot. That cool? Just know I love you and tell our future children I love them too.” She paused. “Wait, forget the kids thing. I can’t be a mom. Don’t ever make me a mom, that’s my dying wish. Bye. I’m going to go die now.”
Click. - another message ended.
Well, that happened. Octavia thought. Obviously, Vinyl hadn’t let herself rot. There were still several messages left from Vinyl’s number on the phone. Bracing herself for the next one, Octavia switched over. This message was different from the others. Vinyl’s voice was muffled.
“-call her again? It’s like, super late.” There was a muffled voice that Octavia couldn’t hear or understand before Vinyl spoke again.
“Yeah, but I don’t care. She’s shexy.” Vinyl was slurring more. Octavia figured that Vinyl had accidently called her when her phone bumped something in her saddle bags. Another muffled noise and then:
“Nopony asked you. She makesh me shuper happy, okay?”
The message ended there.
And as expected… another one started up.
Loud laughter was heard, and the same shrill voice from before - “Pinks” -was heard.
“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, Vinyl, you are like such a genius I never thought vodka and sprinkles and cider with whipped cream was a good idea but now I’ve tried it I feel like a superhero and I wanna go and party all day like I could do anything I think I could even lift that mailbox you wanna see me try it?”
A male voice, a different one from before, spoke up. “Pinkie, don’t you dare!”
Vinyl spoke up, with a loud cheer. “YEAH, PINKS! DO IT! I’M GONNA FILM IT AND PUT IT ON HOOFTUBE!” she screamed.
If it was hurting Octavia’s eardrums now, she could only imagine the poor citizens downtown…
Laughter was heard once more, followed by a few shuffles.
“Aww, damn,” Vinyl said. “You done bucked up, Pinks. Yo, Sandwich guy, help her, will ya?”
The call ended there, leaving Octavia confused and drained. She found it only slightly entertaining how amusing Vinyl and her friends could be while intoxicated. She mostly frowned it upon it, though, due to events like these happening.
Why couldn’t they just drink at home, like respectable ponies? There were only a few messages left and Octavia sighed. She waited for a while before the message started up.
“Hey, Tavi? I think we might be in a bit of trouble. We kinda pissed off some… okay, a lot of ponies. They might have called the cops. Can you please come and get us? Like… now?”
Leave it to Vinyl to get the cops involved.
A pause was heard, and then some screaming.
“Oh, shit,” Vinyl muttered. “That crazy cat lady is back.”
The call then ended.
Octavia let out a groan. What sort of hell awaited her when she found her marefriend?
Another message started up, and from the sound of it, utter chaos was going on. Everypony was screaming, there were a few swears thrown in and it almost sounded like somepony was getting beat up.
“Damn-fucking-nation!” Vinyl screeched. “Octavia, listen, you need to pick us up, like now. Neon and Pinkie’s coltfriend are beating the crap out of each other and I dunno why. I’d call the cops, but we’re kinda trying to avoid them now so - No, Pinkie, I am not taking sides! What is wrong with you?!”
The call was over.
The last message was from a number that Octavia didn’t have saved in her phone. She was almost afraid for what she would hear when the messages clicked over to the last one. It was Vinyl’s voice again, but it wasn’t her phone.
“Hey, Tavi, um, they told me I had one phone call so I kind of wish you had picked up. We - uh, we still need you to come pick us all up. We’re kind of- No, shut up Neon- we’re at the Manehatten Prison, and we’re kind of being held here against our will- I’m not telling her that, Pinkie, shut up!- and we kind of need you to get us, or we can’t leave.”
Octavia let out a loud groan.
She should have expected this.
“Why I’m in love with that crazy mare, I’ll never know,” she said to herself. “But she definitely has to pay me back for her bail.”
~ la fin ~
Author's Note
This is Jocelyn's fault. We swapped phone numbers, she threatened to call me at two in the morning and somehow, she got this idea. I sometimes wonder why we're besties... --The Princess Rarity
I REGRET NOTHING! --RushingAutumnLeaves
She didn't really say that, but I know she's probably thinking it right now :P.
