Cutie Mark Cancer
by Present Perfect
A spool of rainbow thread.
A Wonderbolts pin.
A rubber chicken.
A blue flower.
A bit coin.
A feathered quill.
Six keys were inserted into the mysterious six-sided box. Six ponies held their breaths, staring at their reflections in the crystalline surface. And then...
Magic!
The box burst open with a flash of blinding white light that split into seven colors. The six former Element bearers had never been at this end of a swirling vortex of rainbow energy before; instinct took over and, screaming, they tried to run, but it was too late. The light surged over and through them, suffusing them with magical power the likes of which Equestria had never seen before.
When the storm had passed and they were able to open their eyes again, they looked at one another and gasped in shock.
"Twilight, your mane!"
"Yours too, Rarity!"
"Oh goodness... Rainbow Dash, your wings look so pretty!"
"No, they look awesome! So does all this sparkly stuff on our hooves!"
"Wow, AJ, your bows and hat got all apple-riffic!"
"Land's sakes, if'n we all ain't just got real nifty-lookin'!"
Cheering and giggling, they group hugged and breathed long sighs of relief.
"I thought we were goners there for a second!" Pinkie admitted.
Twilight looked over the faces of her friends. Each had changed, with new stripes of color in their manes and cutie marks on their cheeks, but they were still the same ponies she had been with through thick and thin for four seasons now. That they had accomplished this feat together, unlocking this new power through their own virtues, was something she never would have dreamed of in her wildest fantasies, even the ones where they were all covered in chocolate pudding.
"Girls, I'm so proud of you... of us." Her eyes began to water. "We couldn't have done this if we weren't the best of friends. Each and every one of us proved that, even at our lowest points, we have the courage and strength of character to pull through whatever life throws at us. And this..." She looked up at the new yellow stripe in her mane. "This is what we needed all along."
The other cheered. Rainbow Dash shot up into the air and pumped her hoof.
"Aw yeah! Who the baddest mares in Equestria?"
"We are!" the rest chorused.
"C'mon girls!" Twilight shouted, putting on her war face. "Let's go save the Rainbow Principality and fulfill the Rainbow Prophecy!"
It was a hard-fought battle, but in the end, their friendship and newfound Rainbow Power won out. The Rainbow Principality was freed from its dark prison and Twilight was at last ready to take her place as its ruler.
As the Rainbow Ponies took a much-deserved rest and congratulated each other, Applejack noticed something.
"Say girls, any o' you notice these here, uh, extra cutie marks are kinda gettin'... more extra?" She held up her right front hoof for illustration. The sparkly apples, which had previously covered only her hooves, now covered her pasterns.
Twilight frowned. "Huh. That's interesting. We'll have to study this new Rainbow Power in closer detail once we get back to Ponyville. I'd have to assume it's something that happens when we use it...?"
Rarity screamed and all heads turned to look at her. She was backpedaling quickly away from Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I just couldn't let him sit out here in the Everfree Forest by his lonesome!" Fluttershy said. She turned and the other ponies gasped in shock as they saw her nuzzling a cockatrice. It was thankfully facing away from them, with its eyes closed, but they all joined Rarity in getting as far away from it as possible.
"Fluttershy, those are dangerous!" Twilight shrieked.
"I know, Twilight," Fluttershy said calmly. "But my cutie mark was telling me that I needed more animals to be kind to. And Mister Stoneybeak here just looked so frightened and helpless..." She quieted down as she began turning to stone.
Something moving in her peripheral vision caused Twilight to look up. "Rainbow Dash, what are you doing?"
Rainbow was currently zipping back and forth across the clearing they were in. "Gotta go fast!" she said, panting. "Gotta go fast!"
Rarity's sudden giggle drew her attention to where the other unicorn was busily digging in the dirt.
"Rarity, what..."
"Not now, Twilight," Rarity responded. "I've found quite the cache of gems here! Ooh, and my cutie mark is telling me there are some over there... and over there..."
"Apples."
Twilight spun around to see Applejack sitting in a daze, rocking back and forth and twitching occasionally as she drooled and repeated the same word over and over.
"Apples... apples..."
There were apple marks slowly fading in up her legs and on her belly. Twilight felt something inside her whisper "Magic..." She gritted her teeth and shook her head.
"What's gotten into all of you?"
"I dunno," said Pinkie, "but my cutie mark's telling me that it's time for a party! It'll be a 'What's Gotten Into Everypony' Party! Ooh, and then we can have another party to celebrate the end of the 'What's Gotten Into Everypony' Party! Ooh, ooh, or maybe even a party during the 'What's Gotten Into Everypony' Party! A 'We're Partying While Trying to Figure Out What Happened to Everypony During a Party' Party! Can you even have two parties at once? I bet I could!"
Magic...
Twilight twitched. "You've all gone crazy! I-it's the cutie marks! They're..." She swallowed as the dark whispers grew louder. "They're spreading. They're growing and spreading and taking over our minds, like a..." Magic. "Like a cancer!"
Her eye twitched again and she took two steps backward, splaying her legs. "We need help, now!"
Magic! Magic!
She slammed her eyes shut and wished that she was at home. The magic happened in her horn.
Fluttershy lay on her back in one corner of the library, legs kicking lazily in the air as she babbled to no one in particular.
"Butterflies! Bobolinks! Bobcats! Bluejays! Bunnies!"
Applejack had coated the entire wall she was leaning against in drool, her eyes unfocused and her hat forgotten. Rainbow Dash had been reduced to a circular blue blur, a small "Aaaaaaa--" audible approximately two feet behind her actual position. She kept the hundred square feet worth of balloons close to the middle of the ceiling, where they bunched and bumped off one another irritatedly.
Rarity had been mummified in streamers to prevent her from galloping out the door after more gems. Spike stood guard, fidgeting as he looked back and forth between the various ponies.
"Twilight, hurry..."
Twilight meanwhile was reading two books and levitating ten more, while also stirring a cup of tea, turning a grapefruit into an orangefruit, making moustaches appear on the stairs and teleporting from one side of the room to the other.
"All I can find are treatises--" She teleported onto the bookshelf. "About Cutie Pox--" She teleported under her desk. "This power has never been seen before, let alone--" She appeared on the couch, sprang into the air, and knocked Rainbow Dash into the western bookshelves. She then dropped one of the books she was reading and lifted two more.
"Studied!" she panted.
With a mad giggle, Rarity lunged toward the door, her horn glowing. Spike had to haul back on the pair of streamers wrapped around her mouth to keep her at bay.
"Stop thinking about cutie marks then!" he shouted. "You said it was like a disease! If you think of it like a disease, maybe you can find the cure!"
Two gallons of milk appeared midair and splashed into the hallway all over Spike.
"You're right, Spike! Let me just find my--" Twilight appeared in front of the bookshelf atop which a semi-conscious Rainbow Dash lay.
"Daring Doooo..." she moaned.
Twilight added her to the collection of things she was levitating, along with every book she picked up and discarded. Pinkie began tying balloons to the books. With a triumphant shout, Twilight teleported on top of the dining room table, her mass of friend, reading material and party decorations trailing behind her.
"Medical textbook!"
She riffled through the pages, ignoring Fluttershy as she flopped onto her side and crawled over to Applejack. Fluttershy began to stroke the other pony's mane softly, cooing "Goldfinches, gazelles, goats, guppies" in her ear.
The floating textbooks began to dance around Rainbow Dash, who was still hazy, even as Pinkie tied streamers to her tail, once for each color of the rainbow. She finally jerked awake as the spell holding everything up stopped, and with a yelp, she fell once more to the ground.
"Well," Twilight said slowly. "I guess it looks like time for one more -- heehee! -- spell!" She grinned extra-wide, and her eyes began to swirl crazily. "Cutie mark chemotherapy, comin' right up!"
She charged up her horn while her cutie marks squealed with glee.
Six hospital beds held white linen sheets, beneath which lay six ponies. It was hard to tell which was which. Sure, one had a horn and two had little appendages emerging from their shoulder blades. One of them even had both. But the most critical visual cues that ponies use for telling each other apart -- manes, tails, coats and, most especially, cutie marks -- were gone, replaced by soft pink skin, stubble and dreary expressions.
"I'll never be pretty again," one wailed softly into her bedsheet.
"At least..." A second pony coughed. "At least we still have each other, right?"
A third pony shifted uncomfortably in her bed. "Yeah... nngh... sugarcube..."
"I'm sorry, girls," said a fourth pony, lowering her eyes. "It was the only way."
Despite the tired expression on her face, the fifth pony bounced in her bed. "My Granny always said, you should never trust extra colors where they don't belong."
"I'd say that I resembled that remark..." The sixth pony sighed loudly. "But I don't anymore."
The sigh was echoed by five other voices.
"Well," said the one with both horn and chicken wings, "the good news is, Doctor Sawbones said we'll be able to make full recoveries. I'm, uh, not sure how long it'll take us to go back to looking like normal, but... I'm sure that before we know it, we'll be right as rain!"
Only the ticking of a clock and beeping of machines in other rooms could be heard.
In the silence, somepony coughed.
"Uh-oh," said the bouncy one. "Looks like we'll have to buck her head in."
"Pinkie, stop referencing other stories."
One pony with a horn looked at the other and asked, "What's the matter, Rarity?"
"It's just... I can't help but wonder how we'll be able to pay for all of this medical treatment." She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her blanket. "I suppose it might be time to put Sweetie Belle's blue crystal making idea into action after all."
Somepony snickered. Another rolled her eyes and sighed.
"Uh, Rarity? Ignoring the fact that I cast the spell myself and don't really expect you to pay me, we live in pony Canada. Everything's free here."
"Yeah!" Pinkie said, looking at the camera. "I don't mind paying extra in taxes if it means other ponies get the health care they deserve! Especially when I can get that same benefit!" She grinned. "Thanks, Celesticare!"
Twilight piped up, "Uhh, but I cast the--"
"Darn tootin', sugarcube!" Applejack interrupted her, chuckling. "Universal health care is better'n a barn fulla half-eaten apples!"
Her friends shared confused looks.
"You can trust me on account of I'm from Southern Equestria!"
But they all had to laugh at that.
The End
Author's Note
Am I even trying anymore?
No. No I am not. I should be ashamed, but I'm not that either. I didn't write anything all last week, and now I'm kickstarting my writing juices for the month with something stupid. Again.
Credit for this ~~terrible~~ idea goes to kits. I was talking with him about season 4 last night, and he called Rainbow Power "cutie mark cancer" and the story happened in my mind. He suggested a bunch of details, like the fourth wall joke.
Thanks to kits, Fangwarden and Jake the Army Guy for feedback.
Addendum: No, I'm not changing this to be more in line with season 4's finale. Not even Twilight's Rainbow key. It wouldn't make any fucking sense in the context of this story, so just deal with it. :V
