A Letter to the Griffon Emperor on the Matter of War

by Wages of Sin

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1808

Twilight composes a letter detailing the reasons that war with Equestria is inadvisable.

In response to threats of a griffon attack on Equestria, Twilight responds with a letter detailing just why such actions would prove unfavorable for them.

Published 2014-04-05 03:10:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-19 06:29:39 UTC

Dear Emperor Tail Feather,

Dear Emperor Tail Feather,

While I am aware of the tensions between our nations, I am at a loss for what "affronts" you referenced in your missive. If you would like to open diplomatic channels in regards to any grievances, we would be happy to receive them. Otherwise, we must reject your offers to "accept our unconditional surrender." While a fair offer in the face of your alternative offer of, "absolute annihilation", once again I must repeat that we will "take our chances" as one might say, or in fact to the opposite, may suggest that you do not initiate such a plan for your own wellbeing.

As to not allow my turnabout to be mistaken for hubris, I have constructed a list of reasons such an action would be inconvenient, detrimental, devastating, or outright apocalyptic for you.

First is the issue of the pony-power. The Griffonian Military is impressive, reports placing its structure as comprising of as much as one sixth of the total population, but while that greatly dwarfs ours on paper (as we effectively do not have one outside of war time, and then only by volunteering) the difference must be considered not as what our army is, but what as what it will be.

Projecting from past statistics, the cultural significance of military service to the pegasi historically inclines one sixth of the population to volunteer for service, composing the majority of our combat troops. Half that number of the earth-pony community (about one twelfth of the earth pony population) typically enlists, most to provide non-combat support. The least (by total number) typically come from the Unicorn population due to their innately weaker physical stature and the relative scarcity of combat trained spell casters. Those unicorns that are trained in offensive or defensive magic, though, provide force-multiplying support and especially powerful unicorns possess the power to single-hoofedly defend (or otherwise) entire cities.

Through the prevalence of food, advanced magical and traditional medical care, and generally lower infant mortality rates, Equestria has a population triple that of Griffonia, resulting in its theoretical military capacity actually marginally exceeding that of Griffonia's, so outright conflict would be inadvisable, as we would be defending and have "home field advantage" as it were.

Furthermore, while Griffonia's isolationist policies have effectively spurned any attempts at alliances, Equestria has built relations with every nation of sentient beings on the planet, many of which would provide aid in our defense.

The Crystal Empire has sworn full allied mobilization, as have the Minotaurs, Zebradica has pledged food supplies, and the Saddle Arabians have pledged monetary resources. Furthermore, in the face of the destruction of their only viable food source, I'm sure the changelings would take subversive actions against you in our defense. And of course, as you should know, if the balance of world power is challenged the dragons will see to it that it is re-established.

Our overwhelming military resources don't really matter though, as it would never get that far anyway. Allow me to tell you why.

First, we have the forces of nature on our side. For example, it is very difficult to invade while there is a constant hurricane on the border (assuming we stop it there).

Second, it is difficult to support a war without food, and if Equestria were to embargo our exports of food, Griffonia's own production would not be able to support its own population, let alone a war effort.

Third, assuming you did have enough food, you would have no way of transporting it effectively. Our supply lines are structured around our nation's earth pony population, as their innate strength allows them to transport massive amounts of food by land. An entirely Griffon force, though, would be unable to transport anywhere near as much. They would be to overburdened for flight carrying more than a day or two's supply, so unless a disproportionately high number of troops were devoted to the task of transporting by land, the very act of sending troops across the natural barriers between our nations would starve your forces out.

But if you ignored these facts and war were to start, you would not only have to contest the aforementioned coalition and conditions, but also some insurmountable trump cards.

The go-to trump card of Equestria has historically been the Elements of Harmony, items regarded as the most powerful force in existence. If retrieved, they could be utilized to an unexpected effect, which would unquestionably result in "Harmony" in some form through your repulsion, imprisonment in stone, banishment to the moon, etcetera.

While not distinctly Equestrian, The Crystal Heart would be utilized in our defense. It is, if you are unaware, an item capable of projecting a shield large enough to surround nations and powerful enough to repulse any outside threat indefinitely.

On the front of trump-card abilities, we are capable of producing the sonic-rainboom effect. If you are unaware, this event is a meta-physical disturbance wave propagation which is a technical term for what you may better classify as a magical EMP that would disable any magical devices and overload any spells within a substantial radius. I am aware of Griffonia's general lack of magical devices, but if you did have any intention of using magical weapons or enhancements, it should be known that they will not be of use for long.

While there are many other magical items and abilities that could be mentioned, the list would go on nearly indefinitely, so for the sake of brevity I will leave it at just these three, as these are just the most well-known and relevant to defense.

If this outlining of our defensive capabilities was not able to sway you, and everything I have mentioned above was somehow rendered impotent, and you did successfully “annihilate" us, you would then have to contest life in a world without ponies, a more daunting task than you may imagine, considering what would remain.

Equestria boasts four immortals: Celestia, Discord, Luna, and myself. In the face of our ponies’ deaths, undoubtedly a terrible fate would befall those who had harmed them, and this is no unsubstantiated claim: you would suffer.

Luna, the princess of the moon and night, once threatened to basically destroy the world because she was not being appreciated by ponies. If you intended to kill those whose admiration keeps the wrath of a Nightmare at bay, I shudder to imagine what force she would bring to bear against you.

I cannot say what Celestia would do, but if the nation she has spent an era creating and nurturing were to be destroyed, I have little doubt that her mind may be taken by a Nightmare similarly to Luna's. That would place two dark-magic enhanced immortal alicorns bent on revenge at your proverbial throats.

If that were also not to be enough, Discord, god of chaos, has recently taken up residence in Equestria and has shown bonds with ponies he values enough to deny his fundamental nature. I cannot gauge his full power, but it should be pointed out (and as you should well know) he once ruled the entire planet, subjugating and terrorizing all species for his amusement. If those he values were to be forcibly taken from him, I daresay his wrath against the guilty would be quite unpleasant to say the least.

As the youngest, and least studied of the immortals of Equestria, my reaction to the destruction of our nation can only be judged on projections of my mental state, as assumed to carry over from my time as a mortal. As much as I would dislike to put it in writing, It would be a lie to say I was (or am) entirely stable. In the face of the same stimulus, I fear I would simply go insane before a Nightmare form could overtake me. While this may result in my incapacitation, my other episodes of insanity have proven more proactive. That is to say, I may seek indiscriminate revenge, possibly also utilizing the dark magic I have recently learned from my mentor and a bout with the entity formerly known as Lord Sombra.

And finally, just for the sake of argument, if you did manage to kill our immortals, it must be remembered that the very rotation of the celestial sphere has fallen under the charge of ponies since the time of creation. The sun and moon have always been risen and set by ponies, and without us to guide their motion, they would cease to revolve. No organic life would survive beyond a year as the sun-facing side cooked off all moisture and the dark side froze to the point that even its oxygen began to condense to liquid.

I suppose it would also be relevant to mention that Discord and I both are bonded to universal forces, Chaos and Magic respectively, and as such, there is the odd possibility that our deaths could destabilize all reality. Or rather, quite possibility all of all realities.

Just thought you should know.

-Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

Just a random quick-write after thinking about what a nation challenging Equestria would face.

If you have further reasons, feel free to share them in the comments.

It wasn't a test?!?!?!? (and Sequel in the A/N)

"But- but- but-" Twilight stammered as she stood before her former mentor's throne.

Celesta merely continued to drink her tea, her calm demeanor not reflecting the gravity of the news she had just given.

"What do you mean it wasn't a test!" Twilight half-shouted half-cried up to her.

"Now I didn't say it wasn't a test, I only said that the letter from the Griffon Emperor was not fabricated."

Twilight slumped to the floor in relief, "Oh thank Harmony! I thought you were saying that you actually sent that letter back to him!" Twilight released a weary chuckle, "You had me worried there for a bit."

"I didn't say I didn't send the letter either, What I said was that you responding to the letter wasn't the test." Celestia said, not reacting to the building fear on Twilight's face.

Unable to build any more than a shaky whisper, Twilight's need for an answer prevailed over panic, "Then what is the test princess?"

"You are to deal with the Griffon threat in its entirety."

Then panic finally had its way, and Twilight's unconscious form finished its slump to the polished marble.

Author's Note

I really didn't want to add anything to the original letter because I feel that adding context to the letter may lessen the experience for some, to those I apologize and request they happily ignore this chapter as if it was non-cannon to the letter, otherwise, if you like where this is going, this is a tie in to the sequel found here.