The Last Laugh
by: Zurvan
Pinkie Pie was mad, how dare this pony, this Cheese Sandwich barge into town and take her party away from her. True it was technically Rainbow Dash’s birthaversary party, so it was her party, but Pinkie was suppose to plan it. Now this stallion, claiming to be a ‘super-duper-party-pony’ unlike any other was stealing her thunder. How dare he! That’s fine she knew how to deal with ponies like that, she’s done it before, with a sadistic grin she calmly goes to her room in Sugarcube Corner and gets her saddlebags and calmly starts packing the things she’ll need. As she’s packing she hears a knock at the door.
“Pinkie, are you in there?” Twilight asks.
Pinkie comes down and opens the door and with her best acting puts on a huge grin. “Hey Twilight.”
“Why aren’t you helping Cheese Sandwich with Rainbow Dash’s birthaversary party?”
“I thought it’d be nice to let someone else plan this one, I mean he did come to town just for the party.”
“I’m sure he could use your help Pinkie.”
“Nah, I think he’s got it under control. I’ll see you at the party. I’m telling you, it’ll be completely different experience for me. I’ll get to enjoy a party I didn’t plan for once.”
“Well… if you’re sure.”
“It’ll be fine Twilight, you’ll see.”
“Okay then,” Twilight says then heads off.
As soon as Twilight is out of earshot Pinkie’s happy grin becomes a sinister grin. “Good, she suspects nothing!”
Rainbow’s party goes off without a hitch and soon she’s flying near Cheese Sandwich. “Thanks for the party Cheese, it was pretty awesome.”
“Was it epic?” Cheese asks.
“ Feels like it was missing something to be at that level Cheese, but it was close.”
“Well then,” Cheese says as he puts on his hat. “My work here is done.” With that he starts walking off.
What nobody sees is Pinkie Pie watching him discreetly from some trees nearby, and after she’s sure nobody is watching she follows him, and quickly catches up to him. “Wait! Cheese!” She calls out.
Cheese turns to the voice and sees Pinkie Pie approach him. “Oh hey Pinkie, I’ve been looking for you.”
“That’s great! Cause I have a picnic set up just for the two of us.” Pinkie says.
“Just us?” Cheese asks.
“Yeah, I wanted to thank you for planning Rainbow’s birthaversary bash.” Pinkie says.
“It’s just what I do.”
“Come on then.” Pinkie says and begins to bounce off. Cheese looks at the empty road ahead of him, then back to the bouncing mare and shrugs for a second before deciding to follow her. They arrive at a spot that Pinkie has already set up, a checkered blanket lays on the ground. On top of the blanket is a picnic basket, some food is already laid out on the blanket, and a pitcher of what appears to be apple cider, with two glasses already poured. Pinkie sits down on the blanket, her saddlebags slipping off her back and she grabs one of the glasses of cider and drinks some. “Delicious.”
“This does look good.” Cheese admits as she sits by the other glass and drinks some.
“Sandwich?” Pinkie asks pushing a sandwich in his direction.
“Sure.” Cheese says as she takes the sandwich and takes a big bite, only to start coughing, he quickly grabs his cider and downs it. “That’s spicy!”
“I know, aren’t ghost pepper’s the best?” Pinkie grins as she carefully pours Cheese another glass and he downs that one, then another after that, Cheese drops the glass after the third glass of cider. “Something the matter?” Pinkie asks with a grin.
“What’s in this cider?” Cheese asks. “I don’t feel so good.”
“I drugged it so you wouldn’t be able to resist.” Pinkie says as she gets up and rummages through her bag. “There can only be ONE super-duper-party-pony, and that pony will be me!” Pinkie exclaims then pulls her head out of her saddlebags, a large butcher knife grasped in her teeth.
“Now Pinkie,” Cheese says as his legs give out from the drugged cider. “There’s no need in don’t anything rash.”
Pinkie puts the knife down. “It’s too late for that Cheese Sandwich, nobody takes a party away from Pinkamena Diane Pie!” She grabs the knife firmly in her teeth and approaches Cheese.
“Pinkie listen..” Cheese manages to get out before Pinkie quickly and efficiently cuts his throat. She then calmly cleans the knife off before putting it in her bag. Then puts the food and cider back in the basket, and the basket in her saddlebags before removing her saddlebags from the blanket. She then carefully folds the blanket up around Cheese’s body and put on her saddlebags before effortlessly lifting the makeshift bag up and carrying it a little more off the road. There she has a large pot set up with a good amount of wood under it, with some effort she tosses the ‘bag’ into the kettle. Using the supplies in her bag she lights the fire, and in no time at all she has a roaring fire going under the kettle, and soon enough the water starts to boil. As it does she carefully uses a branch to remove the blanket from the pot, and toss it into the fire. The water on it making a horrible hiss, but the heat of the fire drying it up and quickly burning it to ashes. Pinkie boils Cheese’s body. laughing the entire time, until all the meat falls off the bones. Then she allows it to cool. She takes the bones and some special rocks that Maud had sent her and pulverizes the bones into dust. She then carefully takes the ‘meat’ out of the pot and places it in some butcher paper, wraps it up and marks it: “Gilda”. Before putting postage on it and drops it off at the nearest mailbox.
Nopony should ever challenge the position of the element of laughter, if they do the will find out that Pinkie always gets the last laugh.
Author's Note
Forgive me for writing this, it's been in my head since I've seen the episode. I finally couldn't sleep until I had it written down. Wrote in an hour, and very quickly self-edited. Let me know if you see any glaring errors.