Lunatic

by Arm Maggedon

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 12239

What if a character that was so insane, so chaotic that anyone within a mile could feel his presence came to Ponyville. These events are the most likely result.

A crazy pony in Ponyville? That's not unusual, right?.....Right?

I'm trying to keep the characters as close to the show as possible. No non-canon stuff here.

Arm Maggedon is based off a character I created on my DeviantART account, ManofBE

NOTICE! Due to the events of the season 4 finale, I am hereby stating that the first 3 episodes of this story take place before them. Preferably sometime in between the season 4 episodes. All other episodes will take place after.

Cover photo made by Thunderwing000 on Deviantart.

Published 2014-04-05 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-15 01:52:48 UTC

Head In a Fountain

Lunatic

Chapter 1 - Head in a Fountain

A mare walking to the market noticed that something had its head in the town fountain. She walked up to it and poked it, asking, "Sir, are you ok?"

The thing in question jumped up into the air and yelled in the mare's face. She fainted shortly afterwards.

The creature then took a big breath of air and said, "Oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, and argon! Everything is ffffffffffffffffffffiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeWHOO!"

It sped through the streets, knocking over stands and landing its head against the back wall of the Sugarcube Corner. He then started eating random bits of garbage.

Mr. Cake walked out with a bunch of burned cupcakes on a tray and noticed the creature eating their ruined vegetable pot pie from last week. "Hey!"

"No!" the creature said, grabbing the tray from Mr. Cake. "Have you no soul?! Save an Arm Maggedon today!"

"What are you-"

The creature downed the tray of cupcakes, then the tray itself, then said, "Thank you for your kind donation!" The creature then ran off.

It pranced until it ran into Big Mac, who happened to be carrying a large cart of apples. After colliding with the big stallion, the creature began eating apples from the cart furiously. Big Mac was also furious, but not in the same way. He tipped the cart over so the creature fell out, along with the apples.

"Hey!" The creature yelled at the red stallion. "You got somethin' against a guy who wants to eat some apples? Can't a guy eat some apples in peace?!"

"Eenope," Big Mac said.

"I have the right to eat apples! It's not like you're gonna sell these apples for any other reason, are ya?!"

"Eeyup."

"Well, I think I'm entitled to be able to eat when I want with what I want! Ain''t it a free country? Huh?!"

"Eenope."

Getting in Big Mac's face, the creature said, "Eeyup, eenope, eeyup, eenope, eeyupeenopeeyupeenopeeeyupeenopeEEYUPEENOPEEEYUPEENOPEEEYYAAAA!!! AAH!! IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY?! IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU'RE EVER GONNA SAY, TO ANYONE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! DID YOUR MOMMY TELL YOU THAT? YOUR MOMMY TELL YOU, 'SON, ALL YOU'RE GONNA SAY IS EEYUP AND EENOPE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?!' HUH?! IS THAT WHAT SHE SAID TO YOU?! IS THAT IT?! AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS ALIVE AND LIVING, IF YOUR GIVE ME 'EENOPE' AS AND ANSWER, I WILL TAKE THIS CART AND SLAM IT AGAINST YOUR HEAD CONTINUOUSLY UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT OF IT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?

Big Mac stammered and said, "E-ee.......eeyup?"

Screaming, the creature, true to his word, took the cart and continuously slammed it into Big Mac's head until the only thing left was a bunch of wood chips.

"Now sit there," the creature said, "and think about what you've done!! Hmph!" And with that, the creature pranced off.

-------Insert Show's Intro Here-------

The creature was running through town when it noticed Fluttershy feeding a bunch of pigeons. It ran up to the flock, waving his arms and yelling, "FLY!! BE FREE!!"

The pigeons quickly flew away as the creature was rolling on the ground, laughing like crazy. Fluttershy gave him a stern look and told him, "That wasn't nice!"

In a millisecond, the creature was right in Fluttershy's face. "So?" it asked.

"U-um," Fluttershy said, quieter, "Th-that wasn't very nice."

"One more time? I can't hear you." The creature said, getting closer and sticking its ear in her face.

"Th-that wasn't very....." Fluttershy's voice trailed off until the creature couldn't hear even a decibel.

"Um, just one bit of advice?" The creature said. "SPEAK UP!!!!!!!"

Fluttershy, now afraid, quickly backed away with her hooves placed over her ears.

"Because, y'know, if someone can't hear you, then they can't make out what you're saying! Huh? Doesn't that make sense?! HUH?!"

Fluttershy said nothing as she shook with fear. The creature just shrugged and pranced off while humming "Let it Go".

He then came across Rarity, who was carrying a rack of many dresses, which our creature friend happened to run into. When he came out, he was wearing one of the dresses.

"Hmm," it said, "nice around the waist, but it feels too big in the butt and tight in the chest. What is this, the Victorian era?"

Rarity, trying to get her dresses in order, grumbled and said, "That dress happens to be made by me, sir!"

"Frankly, my dear," the creature said before tearing off the dress, "I don't care." He gave her a kiss on the forehead, said "Meep meep!" then yet again ran off.

After nearly half a day of trying to deal with his antics, everypony in town was angrily looking for this bizarre creature. Ponies searched every nook and cranny, but he always seemed to appear when and where they least expected.

And thus, we come upon Twilight Sparkle (about time too), who was walking through the market. She noticed many shops closing down, and the ones that were open were looking around furiously into the crowds like they were looking for someone.

As she passed by a jewelry shop, the shopkeeper kicked the creature out, who happened to shout "Oh, my jewels!" He landed right on Twilight, and their eyes meet as the creature stared at her. "Well hello, fair lady.

Twilight moved the creature off of her as a crowd of angry ponies approached them. "There he is!!" one of the ponies shouted.

"Ok, you got me. Now what was it your were planning on doing?" The creature asked. The ponies suddenly got a look of confusion, and murmured amongst themselves. The creature smirked and said, "I thought so."

"What is going on here?" Twilight asked.

"He beat up my big brother!" Applejack said, carrying Big Mac, who's head was wrapped in bandages.

"He might as well be a mute!" The creature said.

"He tore my dress apart!!" Rarity said, holding up the two pieces of her torn-up dress.

"It was a piece of trash anyway!" the creature said.

"He was eating my garbage!" Mr. Cake said.

"Was that really a bad thing?" the creature asked.

"Well......not really, no."

"H-he scared away the-" Fluttershy started to say, but very quietly. The creature ran up to her face again and shouted, "SPEAK UP!!" Fluttershy went back to her groveling position again.

"Hey!" Twilight said to the creature, "Don't scare her!"

"Hey! Don't scare her!" The creature mimicked, somehow perfectly imitating her voice.

"Stop that!"

"Stop that!"

"This isn't funny you know!"

"This isn't funny, you know!"

She stopped for a moment, and tried to speak quickly, and both ended up simultaneously saying, "A B C D E F G 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Princess Celestia Candace Luna Nightmare Moon Queen Chrysalis King Sombre Discord Sunset Shimmer AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!"

Twilight held her head in anger and frustration as the creature yet again was rolling on the ground, laughing. Applejack then pinned him to the ground angrily.

"Somepony oughta teach you a few manners, mister!" she said.

"Whoa, girl! I haven't known you that long!" The creature said. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Well, I'd never!" Rarity said.

"Uh, yeah. You would," the creature retorted.

"What?! Where did you ever get that idea?!"

"Well, with the dresses and gems all around, you kinda reek of, oh, I dunno, DESPERATION!!"

Ponies gasped. Rarity was starting to whimper as the creature put on a baseball cap and said, "What, are you gonna cry? Are you gonna cry now?!"

Applejack tried to buck him from behind but the creature grabbed her hind legs and slammed her into the ground. Hard. "Ow......," she moaned.

"'Teach me a few manners!' Sure, says the pony who'd attack someone from behind and not even have the decency to let the pony see what hit them!"

All of a sudden, the creature was magically frozen in a block of ice.

"That," Twilight said, "is enough of that."

"Thanks, Twilight," Applejack said, getting up. "Now what do we do with this thing?"

"More importantly," Twilight said, "WHAT is this thing?"

-------Commercial Break-------

Back at Twilight's library, five of the element holders were staring at the strange creature encased in the ice block in front of them.

"So, is it some kinda of changeling-pony hybrid or something?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Last time we saw changelings, I'm pretty sure that they didn't have claws instead of hooves," Rarity said.

"Oh! Maybe it's a sorta bat-changeling-pony-hairless cat hybrid!!" Pinkie Pie said, randomly (as usual).

The others just looked at her awkwardly. "Why would it be a-"

"It has the ears of a bat, the teeth of a changeling, the body of a pony, and the hairlessness of a hairless cat!"

They still looked at her awkwardly. "Ah don't think it's any of those things, Pinkie," Applejack said.

"More importantly," Rarity interjected, "there are hairless cats?!"

"Yes, there are," Twilight said, furiously looking through anything in her library on creatures mythical, fictional, or real. "But there isn't anything in my books that either relates to or looks like whatever this creature is! It's either the last of an unknown species or the first of a new kind."

"Oh! Maybe we should ask him!" Pinkie suggested.

"Nu-uh!" Applejack said, "We ain't lettin' that crazy thing out to let it create more havoc!"

"What did this thing do, anyway?" Rainbow Dash asked.

After retelling the events from earlier on, Rainbow said, "Hah! That's nothing I can't handle! I can take anything he can throw at me!"

"Oh, yes he can! He has EVIL ways!!" Rarity said, exaggerating.

"Come on, thaw him out and I'LL talk some sense into him!" Rainbow said, rubbing the ends of her hoofs together.

"We can even throw a, wait for it......," Pinkie said, trying to build suspense.

"A party-" Fluttershy started to say.

"A PARTY!!!" Pinkie shouted, with a bunch party decorations appearing out of nowhere.

Everyone just looked at her with blank stares.

"Let's just make sure nothing gets out of control," Twilight said. With magic, she thawed the ice cube, releasing the creature.

"Took ya long enough!! You do realize that I was alive in that thing, right? And freezing, too!!"

Rainbow Dash went up to the creature with a stern look. "Listen here, bub! Don't think that you can go around doing what you want-"

"Oh, and you think YOU can?"

"Well, yeah! I'm the fastest flier in Equestria!"

The creature looked at you and said, "How many times has she said that, kids? Like, over 100 or something?"

"Who are you talking to?"

"You think you're so good? Carry me!"

"What? You think I can't carry a stick like you?"

"Because you can't."

"I can too! Hop onto my back!"

"REALLY poor choice of words, girl." And with that, the creature hopped onto her back, and she felt to the ground instantly.

She struggled to move even a muscle as the creature sat on her back. "H-how much do you w-weigh?!" she yelled. "Oh, about 250. Why? Can't handle it?" "N-no! I can take it!"

She was barely able to get a millimeter off the ground before she shouted, "I can't carry him! Get him off!! GET HIM OFF!!"

The creature simply stood up, and Dash was able to lift herself off the ground again. "And that, kids," the creature said to you, "is why you should never make a bet!"

"*ahem* Excuse, sir," Twilight said, "but I think we got off on the wrong hoof. I-"

"Foot," the creature interrupted.

"Sorry?"

"The term is 'got off on the wrong foot.'"

"No, it's 'got off on the wrong HOOF.'"

"No, it isn't. Your species just took whatever was in the English language and replaced words with horse terms to make phrases sound cute."

The six mares stared at the creature for a moment. "What are you even talking about?" Twilight asked.

"Something that, when you realize the truth, will blow your mind."

"...........In any case, I believe we need to be properly introduced. I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle!" She held out a hoof towards the creature.

"Arm Maggedon!" the creature said, gripping Twilight's hoof and shaking it as if it were a piece of bacon.

"U-u-uh-" She took her hoof away before asking, "What was your name?"

"My name IS Arm Maggedon! Pleased to meet you, lovely to make your acquaintance, blah blah blah bluh BLEH!!!"

"Like the mythical point of time, Armageddon?"

"Exactly! Except the Arm is taken out and it's two g's instead of d's. Remember that now, there'll be a pop quiz later."

"Uh, right," Twilight said. "Mr. Maggedon-"

"Call me Arm."

"Uh, ARM, why were you running around town causing mischief, beating up ponies with carts-"

"A pony with A cart," Arm interrupted.

"Tearing up ponies' dresses and either insulting them or scaring them?"

"That's easy! Because I wanted to."

The mane six all looked at each other.

"Just cuz you wanted to?" Applejack asked.

"Yup."

"Without any regard for anypony's feelings?" Rarity asked.

"AnyBODY. And yes."

Again, silence fell upon the room.

"Can we ask why?"

"Because," Arm said, "Ain't it fun to laugh at people's misery?"

"PONY'S," Twilight corrected righteously, "and no, it isn't!"

"So you're telling me," Arm said, suddenly close to her, "that you've never laughed at a pony getting humiliated or getting a pie in the face or nothing?"

"No, I-"

Before Twilight was able to say anything else, Arm smashed a random pie in her face, then slammed one into his. Applejack couldn't help but snicker a little at the ridiculous sight.

"AHA!!" Arm said, pointing to Applejack. "See! It's a natural thing! People laugh at the faults and misery of others!"

"No," Twilight said, wiping pie from her face with magic, "they DON'T."

"You're really gonna say that after Applejack already proved you wrong?" He pointed to Applejack, who now had a humiliating look on her face.

"Mr. Maggedon-" Rarity started to say.

"Call me Arm."

"Ok, 'Arm', would it be too much to ask if you stop these antics?"

"It wouldn't be too much to ask! But I'm not going to."

"Um.....can I ask WHY you won't?"

"Sure!"

There was silence for moment.

"Um....why won't you?" Rarity asked.

"I just don't want to."

"....Why?" they all asked.

"Because, girls, THIS," Arm said, pointing to himself, "is probably the only life I'm gonna have. I might as well have fun!

"Like parties!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"NO!" Arm yelled, going right up to Pinkie's face. "NO parties! I HATE parties!"

"B-but-"

"They're stupid ways to try to either get people together to talk to each other, and I don't want to even know a single being in this town! Except you." He pointed to Twilight.

"Wait, wha-" Twilight started to say.

"They're also stupid stupid ways to try to introduce someone to a whole town, who, when you REALLY think about it, probably doesn't even want to know the new guy! HM?!?!?!" He looked furiously at Pinkie Pie.

"B-but-"

"NO BUTS! No whats, no buts, no coconuts!! You aren't helping anyone or are going to MAGICALLY," he waved his hands in the air, "change them or make them your best friend just by throwing some stupid unnecessary positively pointless PARTY!!"

Pinkie's hair deflated a little. "B-b-but-"

"AAAARRRGGGHHH!!" Arm yelled, "What part of this are you not getting?! It's like being on a gameshow and you're trying to guessing what's in the box when there's nothing in the box!!"

".....B-"

"What's in this box?!" Arm said, holding up a random box.

"Ooo!" Pinkie said, lightening up, "Is it a-"

"NOTHING!!!" Arm yelled, slamming the box on Pinkie's head. "absolutely NOTHING!!!"

He started pointing to all of them and yelled, "STUPID!! You're all so STUPID!!!" before slamming his head on a table.

The room became silent. Pinkie, from inside the box, started sniffling.

"Mr. Maggedon," Twilight said firmly, "I believe you owe Pinkie Pie and apo-"

"Leave me alone, I need space," Arm said, his face planted firmly on the desk.

"You need to-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!" Arm yelled in almost a demon-like voice. The mares quickly ran out of the library, leaving Arm to himself.

"Wait a minute," said Rainbow Dash to Twilight, "did he just kick us out of YOUR library?"

"Apparently so," Twilight said, a tone of defeat in her voice.

"What ARE we going to do with that, dare I say it, INSANE being?!" Rarity said. "It's so random it could have Ponyville burned to the ground in a week!" She im the terrifying scenario in her head.

"I don't think it will go THAT far, Rarity," Twilight reassured. "While he is seemingly insane-"

"Seemingly?!" the other five yelled.

"Ok, he IS crazy. But he also seems to have a certain level of intelligence that is probably keeping him from harming anypony."

"AHEM." Applejack glared at Twilight.

"At least, to a point where they are not SERIOUSLY injured."

"THAT'S IT!!!" Pinkie Pie yelled, ripping the box off of her face, taking everypony by surprise. "We'll prove him wrong! We'll make the most super duper absolutely positively awesomest most amazing *someone insert more adjectives here; I'm getting lazy* party EVER! AND HE WILL LOVE IT!!!!"

Everpony became silent for a moment.

"You know, maybe if he actually experiences a party," Twilight said, "because I somehow doubt that he's ever been to one, maybe he'll lighten up to Ponyville."

"But what makes you so sure he'll follow through?" Applejack said, looking inside. Arm still had his head face down on a desk.

"I-" Twilight stared to say.

"He'll like it!!" Pinkie yelled. "He'll like and we'll become best friend ponies FOREVER!"

"Pinkie, what if he-"

"HE'LL LIKE IT!!!" Pinkie yelled, a frighteningly determined look on her face.

"Ok! Ok! He'll like it!"

And so the three mares, undetermined (excepted for Pinkie) headed to get the party set up.

-------Commercial Break-------

It was nearing nighttime now, and Arm was still prancing around Ponyville. He happened to go right up to a big sign that had a red arrow that he was supposedly supposed to go in the direction of. Unfortunately, that will remain unknown as he happened to smash into the sign, getting extremely angry and then proceeded to tear the poor sign apart. Twilight, who was hiding in a nearby bush with Spike, groaned at the sight of her seemingly fool-proof plan failing miserably.

Apologies for this extremely detailed narrating, I get that way sometimes at night.

After prancing around a little more, Rarity stepped in front of Arm. She threw her mane back and said, "Oh, THERE you are, Mr.....um, Maggedon! I was wondering if you would be so kind-"

"No," Arm said.

"What?"

"I will not be kind."

"......Very well, would you do me a favor-"

"No."

"What now?"

"I won't do you a favor."

Rarity was (of course) getting irritated. "Would you PLEASE help me with-"

"No."

"What now?!"

"I won't help you."

Rarity was so angry steam was coming out of her ears. "You just won't do anything for a pretty lady, will you?!"

"Well, nothing for a mare who claims she's pretty."

"What does that- UGH! Nevermind!" Rarity trotted off angrily, completely forgetting about what she was supposed to do.

Arm pranced around some more (and yes, he's entertained by this somehow) when Rainbow Dash flew up next to him.

"Hey skinny!" she said. "I bet you can't beat me in a race!"

"I bet I can't."

Silence.

"Well, I bet I can go to the Sugarcube Corner before you can!"

"You know what I bet?" Arm asked. "I bet that you're too chicken to go to that stupid bakery right now, order a 1000 freaking cupcakes, and eat nothing but those 1000 cupcakes for the next few days until they're all gone!"

"What?! I can't do that-"

"Translation, you WON'T do that, because you're afraid of the consequences! You say you've been to the danger zone, but the truth is, you've never even gone out of the danger zone, have you?"

Rainbow Dash was confused. "Wait, what are you-"

"In conclusion, you don't want to do it because you are self-righteous and too much of a coward to go outside your comfort zone." He then used his claw to seal her lips like a zipper. "This conversation is over."

Dash sat there for a moment, mumbling about what Arm said.

The moon was in the sky now, and Arm was still prancing through the empty streets of Ponyville.

Suddenly, something zipped by, bopping Arm on the head.

"Tagyou'reit!!" a high-pitched voice said.

Arm looked around angrily for the source of such a bopping, only to receive another one soon after.

"Tagyou'reit!"

Arm was now at the "Don't make me angry" stage, and searched with a hunter's precision for the unseen creature.

Then Pinkie Pie bopped his head so hard his face hit the ground.

"Tag! You're it! Now you have to ca-"

All of a sudden, Arm got off the ground and started yelling like a deranged madman. He looked at the pink pony with eyes that said "Kill!" and immediately ran after her.

-------Scene Change-------

Meanwhile, at the Sugarcube Corner, ponies were waiting nervously to surprise the pony-changeling....thing.

Twilight noticed Rarity and Rainbow Dash looking unhappy. "What's wrong?" she asked the both of them. "Don't ask," they both said back.

Spike took one of the cookies from a tray and at it as he waited. "Twilight, are you sure this is gonna work?"

"It will, Spike," she answered with determination. "If there's one pony who can get anypony's attention, it's-"

Suddenly, the door crashed open, and Pinkie Pie skid along the floor.

"Pinkie Pie!"

Arm stomped in angrily. The poor pink mare's mane completely deflated. She never looked so scared in her whole life.

"Listen to me, and listen GOOD, buster!!" he yelled. "If you so much as lay ONE HAIR of your fur on me, you better write to mommy and daddy, because it'll be the last time you see their names!!"

Ponies gasped. Some fainted. Pinkie was on the floor, unable to come up with anything to say.

"Arm!" Twilight yelled. "You're scaring-"

"If you so much as say my name to me," Arm continued yelling at Pinkie, "I will hunt you down, AND GUT YOU LIKE A FREAKING FISH!! DO YOU GET ME!?!?!?!"

"Arm!! I said-"

"I will make sure you suffer by tearing apart every recipe you ever made right before you're eyes! I'll burn, bury, and rip apart your stinkin' pastries as if they were-"

He was suddenly lifted and slammed into the wall by Twilight's magic.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!!" the alicorn yelled. "I have had just about enough of your behavior! Words can't even begin to describe how poorly you've behaved since you got to Ponyville! You make enemies out of everyone, you make fun of ponys' weakest points, and even when we open our arms and welcome you, you hurt us as if we're dolls!!!"

".....So?" Arm said, immobile.

"Why?!" Twilight asked, almost pleading. "Why do you act like this?"

"Let's just say that I've had a sad and pitiful life that would be a story too long for this episode. I've never needed friends, neighbors, or anyone THEN, and I certainly do not need them NOW."

"But we can welcome anyone to the pony community-"

Arm mimicked that last sentence. "Did you ever get the idea that I don't want to be part of your community? Huh? Ever thought about that?"

"No, I haven't," Twilight said. "But that doesn't give you permission to stay around here and mess with ponies as you please. If you were just passing by, fine. But if you're staying here for a long time, then you're going to have to know this community like I do."

"And if I don't?" Arm asked.

Twilight looked around at her audience. "I think everypony would be happy to escort you to the town limits. Maybe even carry you there."

Arm was silent for a moment. He finally sighed and said, "Fine."

"Really?!"

"Yes, really."

"Oh thank you-" She stopped herself before she hugged him or anything. "*ahem* Thank you, for at least trying."

"Yeah, yeah- HOLY SMOKES THAT CAKE!!"

Arm gazed upon the 5-decker cake that sat on a table.

"You like it?" Pinkie Pie asked cheerfully. "I made it myself-"

"This is for earlier!" Arm said before throwing the pink pony out the window. He then literally dived at the cake, getting frosting all over himself and eating it messily. Ponies left him to his own space as he gorged upon the chocolate delight.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I learned a lesson about newcomers. Sometimes, they might not act like everyone else. They might not be bright, they might be crazy. But one thing is for certain. Sometimes, the best way of dealing with it is too keep your arms open, and explain the importance of the community to them. Otherwise, they might have a hard time on their own!

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight sent out the letter as she glanced over at Arm, who was covered in frosting, twitching in his sleep, and mumbling random things that related to cake.

End of Part 1

It's Not Like We Need Them!

Author's Note

*WARNING Ideologically sensitive material ahead. Please do not take any anger you may feel out on the author or anyone else. Proceed with caution WARNING*

Credit goes to my friend for the French Arm uses at the beginning. Lesson learned: When trying to write something in a foreign language that you don't speak, get help from a person who actually knows the language for help.

It's Not Like We Need Them!

Lunatic

Chapter 2 - It's not like we need them!

Arm was prancing around Ponyville like he does every day of the week. He took a rose from a vase belonging to the town florist, put it in between his teeth, and said to her, "Je n'ai aucune idée ce que je dis. Je ne me fous pas aussi de toi."

"O-oh my!" the florist mare said, blushing.

"That means, 'Young lady, I have no idea what I'm saying. I also do not give a darn about you.'" Arm gave his signature creepy smile.

"Wait....WHAT?!"

"Boop!" Arm said, poking her nose, and prancing off.

The florist threw the vase at him in anger, hitting his head. It was not very effective, as Arm kept on prancing.

He happened to prance by Big Mac, but didn't notice him. Macintosh, however, instantly recognizing the crazy....thing, instantly ran off in the hopes of not being pummeled by his own cart again.

Suddenly, he heard a scream from afar. Gleaming, he announced, "A woman in need of help?! This is a job for......," he quickly grabbed a curtain from a nearby shop and tried to spin around dramatically in it, only causing himself to get caught and have himself tied up. He then angrily ripped apart the curtain and ate whatever remained of it.

"This is a job for....," he said again, grabbing a second curtain, only to have the exact same result.

He grabbed a marker from a waiter in a nearby restaurant and drew an "S" on his chest.

"This is a job for SUPERMAN!!" He then jumped through the window, pretending to fly, then ran off toward the source of the cry for help while humming the Superman theme.

He ran up to Cheerilee, whose hind hooves were crushed by a fallen sign.

"Help me!" she said. "I can't get this off!!"

Arm flicked the sign and it instantly fell over and off of the injured mare.

Cheerilee looked down to see that her hind hooves were broken. "Oh no!" she yelled. "I have to go to a hospital!"

"Fear not!" Arm said, "I will take care of this!"

"You can fix my hooves?"

"No! I'm going to get you to a hospital! DUH!!"

He got up on his own hind legs, picked her up, and rushed to a hospital.

"Oh no!" Cheerilee yelled.....again. "What am I gonna do about my students! I'm supposed to give a lesson today!"

"Fear not!" Arm yelled....again. "I shall take care of your class for you!"

"But-"

"Say no more! I will take care of everything!"

Arm kicked open the door to the hospital and carried Cheerilee up to the front desk. "This woman is in need of medical attention!"

"B-but I have a splinter!" a stallion behind Arm said, holding up his hoof, which had a tiny piece of wood stuck in it.

Arm removed the splinter, then kicked the stallion over. "There, it's out. Happy?"

He put Cheerilee on a gurney, then said, "No need to thank me! I'm just another one of you, trying to-"

They kicked him out, closing the door behind him.

"......HYPOCRITES!!" he yelled, before prancing off toward the school.

-------Show Intro-------

The fillies were waiting for Ms. Cheerilee to show up, bored out of their minds.

Suddenly, Arm kicked open the door, making the students jump. They stared at the strange being before them as he marched up to the front desk.

"Hello, students! My name is Arm Maggedon!" He wrote his name up on the board. "I will be your substitute teacher for today!"

"Where's Ms. Cheerilee?" Snips asked.

"Cheerilee got her hind legs broken from a sign and is currently in the hospital," Arm answered.

The fillies gasped. "Is she gonna live?!" one from the back shouted.

Arm was silent for a moment, then laughed loudly. "What, she might die from broken hind legs?! Nah, she'll be alright, kids. Those hospital ponies can fix anything! Heck, I bet they they could cure Chron's Disease! (No offense meant towards anyone with Chron's disease.)

The fillies looked at each other in confusion. "What's Chron's disease?"

"In any case," Arm said, "I will be substituting!"

"Wait a minute!" Snails yelled. "Do you have a teacher's degree?"

"Nope!" Arm said, keeping a smile on his face.

"Do you have any experience in teaching?" Snails asked.

"Nope!"

"Then how come you're the one teaching us?"

"Well, do you know of anyone else that teaches filly school that lives here in Ponyville?"

The students looked at each other again. None of them were able to think of anyone other than Ms. Cheerilee who could teach fillies.

"Exactly!" Arm said. "And with that, we shall-"

"You spelled your name wrong!" one student yelled.

Arm cringed when interrupted. "Yes, I know Armageddon is spelled A-R-M-A-G-E-D-D-O-N, but my name is spelled A-R-M space M-A-G-G-E-D-O-N. Why? Because that's the name I was born with......actually no, I just gave myself that name randomly. Now, if there are no further interruptions, we shall continue with our lesson!"

There was silence in the room.

".....What was she teaching you about, anyway?" Arm asked Applebloom.

"Well," Applebloom said, "last time, she was teaching us about 'echo systems' or something like tha-"

"Ecosystems!" Arm yelled. "Ecosystems are fun! That is, if you want to know exactly how energy and matter move through small communities on our planet, which I find incredibly boring! Nonetheless, who can tell me what ecology is?"

None of the students raised their hooves.

".....Ecology is the study of ecosystems! And who can tell me what an ecologist is?"

Again, none of the fillies spoke up.

Arm looked at Applebloom and said, "I thought you said she was teaching you this stuff."

"Well.....we weren't really payin' attention in class..."

"Wait, NONE of you were paying attention to her lesson?! You weren't taking notes or anything?!"

"What are notes?" one filly asked.

Arm's jaw dropped so that his mouth was wide enough to swallow a whole country. "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT NOTES ARE?!?!?!?!" Arm yelled.

Guilty looks sprouted on the students' faces.

"She never told us about them!" a filly yelled from the back.

"Then get out your pencils and paper!"Arm commanded. "I'm gonna teach you how to take notes!"

The students' look of guilt got even worse. "W-we don't have any supplies," the same filly said.

Arm's jaw - oh come on, there's no possible way to describe how shocked he was without getting ridiculous.

"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SUPPLIES?!?!" Arm yelled. "I mean, what is this, KINDERGARTEN?! Doesn't she tell you what supplies you need for school?!"

The fillies looked down as Arm yelled at them.

"Ok, ok, it's fine," Arm said, calming himself down. "She probably has stuff in her desk we can use."

He searched through the drawers of her desk, but found nothing.

"There's nothing in here?! Not a pen, pencil or a piece of paper?! WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL IS THIS?!"

The fillies felt encouraged to hide under their desks in case their angry substitute started throwing things.

Calming himself down once again, he asked the students, "Is there anything in this class that we can use?"

"Well," Scootaloo said, "there's some pencils and paper in the back." She pointed to a stack of paper and a cup of pencils sitting on a container in the back.

"Fine," Arm said, "everyone will take a piece of paper and pencil from the back."

The students lined up and did as Arm told them, while he laid down on the desk like a corpse.

"The substitute is CRAZY!" Sweetie Belle said to her friends quietly.

"I know!" Applebloom responded. I liked it better when Ms. Cheerilee was here!"

"That's because Ms. Cheerilee took pity on you blank flanks, blank flanks!" Diamond Tiara said, smirking.

*sigh* Oh lord, here we go.

"Not true!" Applebloom said. "She just didn't like you because you and Silver are just big bullies!"

"HAH! I don't need special treatment from her! My family is luck enough to have a sweet little girl who got her cutie mark before the rest of you! And chances are, YOU," she pointed to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, "will be the LAST ones to get your cutie marks.

The three friends growled angrily at Diamond Tiara.

"She's right you know!" Silver Spoon said, "you doofuses are so desperate to get your cutie marks that you'll probably get them after everyone else has HONESTLY gotten theirs!"

"You better take that back!" Sweetie said.

"Oh please!" Diamond exclaimed. "We all know that you'll eventually be down in the dirt- oh wait, one of you already is!

Suddenly, a loud SLAM made the fillies jump. Arm was standing on his hind hooves right behind Diamond, and not looking the least bit happy at her.

"You know," he said, "I'm not sure what the rules are here, but I'm pretty sure that there's at least one that's against bullying."

Diamond Tiara gave a loud gulp.

Arm said, "I want you to apologize to her, right now."

"I don't have to! I'm pretty sure my dad-"

"Your dad," Arm interrupted, "may be able to buy a lot of things. But one thing he'll never buy, KIDO, is my concern for the feelings of others. Now, I want you to apologize, and I want you to apologize NOW."

Diamond looked angrily at Arm, then turned around to face Applebloom.

"Fine, I'm sorry," she said. "Sorry that your family has to live with a bunch of animals while we sleep on the finest beds in-"

Before Diamond could finish, Applebloom pounced on her, causing a cartoony fight between the two. Arm broke them up by grabbing Applebloom with his left hand, and Diamond with his right.

"YOU!" he yelled at Diamond. "Apologize! NOW!!"

Diamond, fearful, looked at Applebloom and said, "I'm sorry!"

"Don't say, it!" Arm yelled. "MEAN IT!"

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!" Diamond yelled.

"Good." Arm put her down, then faced Applebloom. "YOU. I want to talk to you after class."

Applebloom gulped loudly as students exchanged fearful looks.

-------Commercial Break-------

As the students started exiting the classroom, Applebloom was pulled back in by Arm and put at the desk in front of his.

"Now," he said, sitting at the large desk, "tell me about this issue with cutie marks."

"Don't you know about them, mister? Everypony gets their cutie mark when they figure out their special talent!"

"Mmhm. And why did Diamond Tiara think she had the right to make fun of your family?"

Applebloom cringed. "She thinks she's better then everypony because she and Silver Spoon got their cutie marks before any of us. And they like poking fun at me and my friends the most because we're always doing stuff to get our cutie marks."

"How so?"

"Well, we formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders, mister."

"One, call me, Arm. Two, the WHAT?"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Applebloom said, jumping onto her desk. "Our mission is to find our cutie marks and not be blank flanks!"

"What's wrong with not having a cutie mark?" Arm asked.

".....Diamond and Silver keep making fun of us for not having cutie marks. They think we'll never get them because of how stupid we are." She slumped her head down on the table.

"Hey hey hey, look at me," Arm said, bringing her head up. "You are NOT stupid. Ok?What you are, apparently, is ambitious."

"Ambitious?" Applebloom asked.

"It means that you want something so bad that you'll do anything to get it.....at least, I think that's what that means. Anyway, wanna see something that you kids didn't even notice?"

"What is it?"

Arm turn to had his left side facing her. He pointed at his flank to show that he too was blank. (Hey, that rhymes!)

"You're a blank flank!" Applebloom gasped.

"That's right! And I'm glad I don't have one of those cutie marks! 'Cause who would want to do the same thing for the rest of their life? That'd get boring after a while, people!"

"So, you don't have a cutie mark because you think they're bad?" She gasped again. "Are cutie marks a bad thing?!"

"No! Nononononono, you got it all wrong, kid! The reason I don't have a cutie mark is because a) Well, I'm not exactly a pony. And b) I never went searching for mine like you and your friends are! I never did everything that came off the top of my head! Heck, I wasn't even interested in getting a cutie mark!"

"So.....does that mean we should give up searching for ours?" Applebloom asked, a sad but cute look forming in her eyes.

Completely un-phased, Arm put his hand on the filly and said, "Absolutely not."

"Really?"

"Kid, if you and your friends want your cutie marks so bad, you go for them. But don't do everything on the planet searching for them! Just do the things that appeal to you."

"Appeal to me?" Applebloom asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It means, do the things you know you would like to do. Like me, I just like going around town, bugging other ponies because it's fun!"

"I don't think there's a cutie mark for that, Mr. Arm."

"One, call me Arm. Two, there doesn't need to be! Just do the stuff that you KNOW you would like to do. Like swimming, helping out on that farm of yours, and so forth. Get what I'm saying?"

"Well....sorta," Applebloom said, rubbing her head.

"Well, think about it. If you don't get it now, you might get it later."

"The cutie mark or what you said?" Applebloom asked.

"Both!" Arm answered. "Now go on, and join your friends now!"

Applebloom smiled. "Thanks, Mr. Arm. Oh, I mean, Arm!"

Before she got to the door, Arm stopped her. "Oh, one more thing! The next time Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon make fun of ya, just ignore them!"

"But-"

He put a finger on her lips. "Just ignore them. Got it?"

"Yessir!" Applebloom said.

Arm opened the door, and Applebloom joined Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

"What did he say to you?" Scootaloo asked.

"Are you in trouble?" Sweetie asked.

"Nope! I'm calling a special meeting for the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" Applebloom said.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TO THE CLUBHOUSE!" The three fillies cheered as they ran off.

Arm chuckled to himself as he closed the door to the school. He turned around to meet the angry eyes of Twilight Sparkle.

"Arm, you have a lot to answer for!" she said angrily. "You tore apart somepony's curtains, you smashed the windows of a restaurant, and-"

"Twilight," Arm interrupted, "it's probably all taken care of right now."

"Taken care of?! You-"

"Look!" Arm said, pointing to the shop he took the curtains from. "New curtains are already in place!"

"Yes, but that doesn't-"

"And look!" Arm said, pointing to the restaurant from earlier. "A new window is already there! You ponies fix things impossibly fast in this place!"

"MR. MAGGEDON!" Twilight yelled. "You took advantage of an injured pony!

"And you should think more clearly. First of all, is there any other teacher that can teach a class of kids?"

"Well....," Twilight said, "I could have taught them!"

"Twilight, have you even taught a class before?"

"Uh-"

"BAAAH!" Arm yelled, imitating a buzzer. "The answer is no. Second, where were you when poor Ms. Cheerilee cried for help?"

"I-I was busy helping Rarity-"

"Oh so helping a non-injured friend takes precedence over an injured friend?" Arm asked, raising an eyebrow.

"N-no! I-I-"

"THIRD! I wasn't taking advantage, I was doing something for somebody because they were unable to do it. Have YOU done something for somebody because they were unable to do it?"

"Well, y-yes! I have!"

"So then you would know what that's like! And what you need to do is think more clearly about what you think someone is doing before you go accusing them, wouldn't you agree?

"B-but at the time, it seemed-"

Arm interrupted her by bopping her on the head with his open palm. "Yes. The answer is yes. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to see if any restaurant in town serves chicken pot pie." And with that, he pranced off, leaving Twilight to reflect on what just happened.

-------Commercial Break-------

The next day, Arm was prancing around when he heard the sound of tiny feet copying his prancing movement. He spun his head around to find Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle copying his prancing in perfect harmony. He stopped, and they stopped with him.

"What are you kids doing?" Arm asked.

"Well," Applebloom said, "you told me yesterday that we should do what we know we would enjoy."

"She told us," Scootaloo chimed in, "and we decided we want to do what you do, Mr. Maggedon!"

"One," Arm said, "call me Arm. Two, WHAT?! Kids, all I do is going around, causing mischief and goofin' off! And don't you have school today?"

"There's no school today, Mr. Arm," Sweetie Belle said.

"And you have so much fun doing what you do," Scootaloo said, "we wanted to have fun too!"

Arm thought for a minute, then said, "No."

The fillies used their puppy eyes to try to sway him. Arm groaned, then said, "Fine."

"YAY!" the three fillies cheered. Arm continued prancing, and the fillies followed suit.

When Big Mac came into his sights, Arm tapped the big stallion's back. All it took was one glance for the big guy to recognize Arm well enough to run away quickly. "Heh," Arm said, "what a wuss."

Running around a corner, Big Mac stopped to take a breath. Scootaloo tapped him on the back, and Big Mac, thinking it was Arm, ran away quickly, leaving a large dust cloud behind. The fillies coughed at the big dust cloud Applebloom's brother left behind.

Later on, Arm pranced by a restaurant sign and stopped when something on the menu caught his eye.

"YES!!" Arm yelled, "THEY HAVE IT!!" He quickly went inside and sat down, with the fillies following him in.

"What will it be, sir?" the waiter asked.

"One large chicken pot pie!" Arm said, a sense of pride in his voice.

"Chicken?" the fillies asked each other.

The waiter came back quickly with Arm's meal. "Bon appétite."

Arm payed up a bag of bits, and the waiter went off with it.

"Where did you get those bits, Arm?"

"I picked them off of some pony," Arm said. "It's hilarious how safe ponies think their money is here!"

Somewhere in Ponyville, Filthy Rich noticed that the bag of bit he was carrying was now gone.

Arm took his fork and took a large bite from the chicken pot pie. "Mmmmmmm~!"

The fillies picked up their forks (don't go yelling at me, I don't exactly know how ponies eat) and took a bite out of it as well.

"Mmm-" And only then did they realize how hot the bite they had put into their mouths was.

"HOT!! HOT!! HOT!!!" they yelled. The fillies spat it out as they tried to find anything that would put the fire in their esophaguses out. Arm paid no mind and continued to enjoy his meal.

Even later on, Arm noticed Pinkie Pie setting up a stand that gave free samples of cupckes (one sample only).

As she left to go get additional trays, Arm quickly went up to the stand, took the tray, ate the remaining cupcakes, then ate the tray, then ran off.

When Pinkie returned, she was surprised to find her tray gone. When she replaced that one, Arm quickly went behind her and took the other ones that she brought with her. The pink mare turned around and screamed at the fact her cupcakes just disappeared. She ran back to the bakery to get more.

The three fillies quickly took the tray on the stand, and rapidly tried to eat the cupcakes. Unfortunately, they were unable to finish them off before Pinkie came back.

"Hey!" she yelled. "Were you three stealing my cupcakes?"

"U-uh......" The fillies were unable think of anything, and quickly ran off.

Before Pinkie could give chase, Arm struck her with one of the trays, knocking her unconscious. He put a cupcake in her mouth, then went after the fillies.

The fillies took a breather, thinking they got away. Arm approached them and said, "Ok, this is where the buck stops, kids. Enough of this pretending to be me."

"But you were having so much fun-" Applebloom started to say.

"Yeah, that's because I like doing this!" Arm said. "And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here that likes doing this sorta thing."

"But-" Sweetie Belle started to say.

"Look kids, if you want your cutie marks so bad, you shouldn't try to get them by copying what other people do! Do what you know you want to do!"

The fillies looked confused.

"In other words, you are YOU. YOU are nobody else. Therefore, you should not try to be anyone else. Ya got it?"

"Well," Scootaloo said, "sorta."

Arm was silent for a moment, then said, "Eh, you'll get it eventually. But for now, just stop trying to be me, got it?"

"Yessir!" The three fillies said. They went off to their clubhouse while Arm pranced off to wherever the wind would take him.

Twilight, who happened to be keeping an eye on Arm the whole time, smiled as she realized something about Arm.

That night, she took a letter to Celestia.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I learned something valuable some someone I didn't think I would learn a lot from. While a pony may be lacking in one area of expertise, it doesn't mean that they're lacking in all of them. What I mean is, even if a pony might not be the best at behaving, they may have an obligated sense of responsibility. Or if a pony isn't honest, they may be loving and caring of others. We should never judge a pony at first glance until we really understand them. And even though I've known our latest citizen for about a week, I feel like I have a lot to learn about him."

Suddenly, a chicken pot pie was thrown in through the window. Arm poked his head in and said, "Eat it! You'll LOVE it!"

As he left, Twilight went back to her letter.

"A LOT to learn.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."

But I Don't Wanna Behave!

Lunatic

Chapter 3 – But I don't wanna behave!

Arm was prancing through the streets of Ponyville, looking around for anything that would entertain him.

He noticed Big Mac carrying a large cart full of apples and got an idea.

Arm took a large pie from another of Pinkie's sample stands and shoved the whole thing into Big Mac's mouth. He quickly ran off and hid behind a corner while Big Mac swallowed the pie and tried to forget about what just happened.

As the stallion trotted along, Arm carefully and quietly removed the apples from the cart. Applejack met her brother at the stand where she sells apples. "You got them apples?" Applejack asked.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac said. Arm groaned and munched on one of the apples when he hear that stupid word again.

Applejack noticed that there was apples in the cart. "Then where are they?!

With the predictable logic of Equestria on his side, Arm snapped his fingers and, at that exact moment, the gasses in Big Mac's stomach reacted with the pie and caused the stallion to belch loudly.

Applejack gave a sour look at her brother. "What in the hay were you thinkin', brother?! That Ah wouldn't notice a dozen or more apples missin' from the cart that Ah filled mahself?!"

As Big Mac struggled to find an answer, Arm laughed his non-existing butt off as he finished off the last of the apples.

It was then that he noticed his next opportunity to cause some mischief. He grabbed a can of paint and ran up to a rack where Rarity held one of her newest dresses. He painted something on the back of it as she brought it into the Carousel Bouquet for one of her customers to try on.

"Sorry it took so long!" Rarity said. "I just had to put a few extra touches on this dress."

"I don't mind!" the mare said as she took the dress inside one of Rarity's dressing rooms. The Element of Generosity giggled to herself as she thought of how much she could make off of this new design.

"IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?!" her customer yelled as she angrily walked out.

"Wh-what do you mean?!" Rarity asked.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about! I heard you laughing!"

"What?! No! I-"

Her customer angrily threw the dress to the ground and trotted out. "See if I ever buy a dress from you again!"

Rarity, bewildered, tried on the dress herself. She looked in the mirror to see the words "WIDE LOAD" painted in red on the butt of her dress. She screamed before fainting on the floor.

Arm laughed as he watched the whole thing through the window. As he started to prance away, he was stopped by the voice of Twilight Sparkle.

"Mr. Maggedon!" Twilight yelled as she approached the....thing.

"Well hello, your highness!" Arm said, taking a bow.

"You don't have to treat me like a princess, Mr. Maggedon."

"One, call me Arm. Two, I want to, and you can't tell me what to do."

"First off, fine, ARM. Secondly, we'll see about that. I need you to speak with some of us. Privately." Twilight tried to sound intimidating with that last word.

"Excellently portrayed!" Arm said after a short pause. He wrapped his arm around the alicorn and said to anyone around, "Let's all give her the Emmy this year! Eh? Right?!"

Using magic to teleport away from him, Twilight calmly said, "I need you to come with me, right now."

"Oh, Twilight!" Arm said. "As much as I would love to do that, I'm afraid you're not ready for-"

"NOW," Twilight said, using magic to drag Arm's lower half away.

"Hey hey hey!! Don't I have a right to martial privacy here?! A right to free speech?! ANYTHING?!"

Arm continued to complain as Twilight dragged him away.

-------Show Intro-------

Arm was brought to Twilight's library, where Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie were all waiting.

When Twilight's magic stopped dragging Arm, he got up and yelled, "Oh no! Twilight, please tell me I'm not in some stereotypical slumber party story!!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Twilight said, "but we have more important things to discuss. For instance, your behavior."

".....Yeah, and?" Arm asked.

"Well," we feel that, with the way you've been acting toward everypony lately, you've been...let's say-"

"A total jerk!!" Rainbow Dash yelled. "A complete and total jerk!"

"......So?" Arm asked.

"So you need tah clean up yer act, mister!" Applejack exclaimed.

"......So?" Arm asked again.

"You're a meanie, meanie, mean mean mean mean, meanie-" Pinkie started to say before Arm shut her jaw.

"If so much as one more syllable comes out of your mouth-" Arm began to say.

"This is what we mean, Arm!" Twilight said. "Messing with ponys' property-"

"PEOPLES' property," Arm interrupted.

"Calling ponies names and threatening them-"

"Calling PEOPLE names and threatening them-"

"WILL YOU STOP?!?!" Twilight yelled loudly. Her friend gave a surprised look at her as she cleared her throat. "And interrupting.....'people' constantly. I'd say that you're as bad as Discord when he misbehaves."

"Oh, nononononononononono," Arm said. "I am ten times better than that guy!"

"HOW are you better than Discord?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"First off, I didn't try to take over Equestria TWICE!"

"Twice?" Applejack asked.

"Once when he broke out and again with those weird black tentacles in the forrest."

"B-but that was AFTER he turned a new leaf," Fluttershy said, trying to defend her friend.

"Oh really? Then why is it he didn't bother to mention that he planted those seeds when he could have told you how to get rid of them in the first place?! Me: Two. Discord: ZE-RO."

"Wait," Twilight said, "How do you- ugh, it doesn't matter. What matters is how we're going to improve your behavior."

"And how do you plan to do that, Twilight?" Arm asked.

"We are going to have you spend time with a few of us so that you can learn to behave properly. You'll work with Applejack in the field, Fluttershy and her animals, and Pinkie in her bakery."

"Wait, then why is SHE here?" Arm asked, pointing to Rainbow Dash.

"'Cause I'd like to see the look on your face when we force you to do this."

"Wait, force?" Arm asked, "As in, against my will? RING RING! Hello? Thomas Jefferson speaking. Hey Tom! Can we get you over here to write these a Declaration of Independence? And maybe a Constitution and Bill of Rights while you're at it?"

"Arm," Twilight said.

"Sure thing, boy-o! Hope you have a lot of parchment paper over there!"

"ARM!" Twilight yelled. "Just, please try this out. It's for the better."

".......Fine," Arm said. The other mares cheered. "But I'm telling you," he said, "it won't change a thing!"

"We won't know until you try it," Twilight said.

Arm gave out a loud groan.

Later on, he was at Applejack's farm, where she took him towards the trees.

"Alright, Arm!" she said to him. "Mah thinkin' is, if you do some hard labor, it'll make you appreciate things better in yer life."

"Ah swear, gerl!" Arm said, mimicking her accent. "If yer accent gits anymore generic, John Wayne will have tah come down 'ere n' slap you upsahde th' 'ead!"

Applejack gave a confused and angry look at him. "What the hay is a John Wayne?"

"WHO the HECK is John Wayne," Arm corrected.

Both of them were silent for a moment.

"Anywhom," Applejack finally said, "we farm ponies work hard in the fields, and yer gonna know how it feels today!"

"So by hard work you mean just kicking trees continuously, probably killing some of it's cells, all to try to make apples fall on your heads like one did Isaac Newton?" Arm asked.

"What the hay is- UGH! Anyway, NO. Bucking is hard work! Look!"

Applejack went up to a tree, and with all her might she bucked, causing a few apples to fall.

"Now you try," Applejack ordered.

Arm walked up to the tree, then kicked it, causing the entire tree to fall over, pulling the stump out of the ground.

Applejack gaped in surprise. Shaking her head to regain her train of thought, she told him, "You don't kick the entire thing over, dummy!"

"Why not?" Arm asked. "Trees grow impossibly fast in this place anyway!"

Applejack groaned, then went up to another tree. "Try again, and don't kick the tree over!"

Arm did as she asked, causing the apples to fall on Applejack's head.

"And can you try not to have the apples hit mah hea-"

"NOTHING'S EVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, IS IT?!" Arm yelled. He pulled the tree out of the ground and slammed it on Applejack. Don't worry, she's fine, as her head pops out of a hole in the tree.

Later on at the bakery, Pinkie Pie gave Arm an apron (which he didn't bother to put on).

"Okay, Arm!" Pinkie said. "Let's get started! But first! Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm feeling down?"

Arm didn't bother answering as he already knew the answer.

"PARTIES!! And do you know what parties can't go without?"

Arm didn't bother answering as he already knew the answer.

"PASTRIES!! And do you know how pastries are made?"

Arm didn't bo- oh, you get the point.

"BAKING!!! And that's what we're gonna do today!"

"....So your logic is that if I like baking, I'll like pastries, and if I like pastries, I'll like parties, and if I like parties, that'll somehow make me a better person?" Arm asked.

"Exactly!" Pinkie answered happily.

".....Repeat what I said so I know that you-."

"Now," Pinkie said, ignoring Arm, "baking is difficult! You have to test it and make observations and-"

"That's the scientific process," Arm said.

"Let's try making cupcakes! Baking cupcakes is a VERY tricky thing! First, you have to preheat the oven to 400 degrees-"

"No," Arm interrupted, "you preheat it to 350 degrees."

"Well, I preheat the oven to 400 so the cupcakes can bake faster! And everything is better when it's faster!"

"That's not always the case," Arm said.

"Sure it is!"

"I know a few industrial accidents that would disagree."

Pinkie went up to her counter and said, "Next, we line up all of our ingredients! We got 3 eggs, 2 cups of milk, 2-"

"No, we just need 2 eggs and 1 cup of milk," Arm said.

"Well, I do extra because more is always better!"

"That's not al-"

"MORE IS BETTER!!!" Pinkie yelled.

"Okay then, missy!!" Arm yelled. "I guess we need MORE milk! And MORE vanilla extract! And MORE eggs! And MORE white sugar! And MORE softened butter!! And MORE salt!! And MORE unsweetened cocoa powder!!! And MORE baking powder!!! And MORE baking soda! And even MORE all-purpose flour!!!!"

As Arm listed those ingredients, he poured them into Pinkie's mouth at a rapid rate. Pinkie burped loudly (her breath smelling like cupcakes), then passed out. Arm exited the room angrily.

Later on, Arm was with Fluttershy in her little bee orchard.

"Now, tending to bees is a tricky and slow process," Fluttershy said, quietly and slowly.

"I'm beginning to think that whatever ponies find difficult will be easy to me," Arm said.

"You have to let the bees out every once in a while so they can get fresh air. First, open up the cage."

".....I already know where this scene is going, so might as well do it," Arm said, doing as Fluttershy asked.

The bees gently floated out of the cage.

"Now," Fluttershy said, "we wait for...ah...ah...ACHOO!!"

The bees got spooked an floated towards Arm, stinging him all over.

I'm not quoting the meme.

I'm NOT quoting the meme.

I am NOT- Oh, who cares?

"AAAHH!! AAAH!! NOT THE BEES!!" Arm yelled. "NOT THE BEES!!!! AAAAAAAAAHH!! AAAAAAAAHH!!! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!"

The bees floated back into their cage after a while. Arm stood in place with bee stings on him and his eyes covered by his hands.

"Arm?" Fluttershy asked. "Arm you ok?"

"No," Arm said. "Because your bees freaking stung me in my eyes!!"

"Well, if you didn't scream when they swarmed you, they might have left you alone."

Arm angrily stared at her (well, sort of). He then picked her up and threw her towards the bee cage, knocking it over. Fluttershy ran as the bees gave pursuit while Arm struggled to find his way back to town.

Much later, Twilight dragged Arm back into her library and uses magic to heal his bee stings.

"Thanks," Arm said.

"What is with you?!" Twilight yelled. "My friends tried to help you when all you did was complain and hurt them!"

".....So?"

"So?! SO?!" Twilight was on the verge of punching him. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?! DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER EVER TEACH YOU HOW TO ACT LIKE A NORMAL PONY BEING?!"

"I never knew my mother," Arm said.

"IF YOU WOULD O-" Twilight stopped to try to catch what Arm said. "What did you say?"

"I never knew my mother," Arm repeated.

Twilight's look of anger switched to a look of surprise. "I....I'm so sorry.....did you grow up in an orphanage?"

"Nope. Left in the forest as a baby."

-------Flashback-------

A baby Arm, who looks a little more like a normal filly, sat in place and looked around to find no one.

".......mama?"

-------Flashback Ends-------

Twilight gasped in horror. "That's absolutely terrible!! How did you ever survive?!?!"

"I ate some blue leaves that were lying around," Arm said.

"Blue leaves-" Twilight gasped again. "YOU ATE POISON JOKE LEAVES AS A FOAL?!?!?!"

"Yes."

Twilight grew a look of sorriness and worry on her face, almost as if she was going to cry.

"I.....I'm so sorry," she said. "I wish I knew how-"

"No," Arm said. "You don't want to know how I felt going through that."

Twilight couldn't find any words to say.

"You know," Arm said, "most people would probably shake it off and say, 'Eh, I got over it long ago.' The truth is, I never shook it off. And I probably never will. Whoever my mother is, I hate her. I don't want to know her. And if I do end up meeting her one day, all I'm gonna say to her is what a horrible, horrible being she is for doing something like that to me. So no, Twilight, you don't want to know how I feel. And you'll never want to. Because, and I'll be honest, it's the worst feeling anyone could have."

Twilight sat there while Arm left her library.

-------Commercial Break-------

Twilight called her friends to the library to tell them what Arm had told her.

"Left in the forrest as a little foal?!" Rarity gasped dramatically. "Who would do such a thing?!"

"You know," Applejack chimed in, "Ah thought that if Ah ever saw that crazy thing's mother, I would smack her in the jaw! Now, Ah REALLY want to smack her in the jaw!"

"You see! This is probably why he behaves this way!" Twilight exclaimed. "He never had somepony there to comfort him, or bring him to school; he's had the chance to live a normal life taken from him!"

"And those poison joke leaves are probably why that guy is KUCKOO!" Rainbow Dash said.

"Exactly," Twilight said.

"So.....what do we do now?" Fluttershy asked.

"I'm thinking that Arm needs some motherly treatment!" Twilight said. "If we all treat him like a mother, that'll influence him to behave properly!"

"Wait," Rainbow Dash said, "treat THAT guy like a kid?! Nuh-uh! No way! No how!"

"Come on, Dashie!" Pinkie chimed. "We'll make him just right! Then he'll stop making fun of you!"

"Hm....you have a point....OK! I'm in!"

The rest cheered, then began to plan out what each one would do.

The next morning, Arm woke up and stretched.

But there was something different. He looked around and noticed that he was in Twilight's bed, which he did not remember getting in the previous night.

"....Why do I get the feeling that today's gonna be an awkward one?" Arm asked himself.

Suddenly, Twilight opened the door to her room and walked in carrying a tray of food. "Good morning, star shine!" she said. "The Earth says hello!"

"Aaaaand that's why," Arm said.

Twilight set the tray down at his lap. "I brought you breakfast in bed! Buttered toast, orange juice, and some apple-cinnamon oatmeal!"

Arm stared at her questionably as he ate the toast she brought.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me, pumpkin!" Twilight said as she went downstairs. When she was out of sight, Arm opened her bedroom window and dived out, then took off as fast as he could.

While running, he unintentionally smacked into Rarity.

"OH! Do slow down, darling! You're going to get yourself hurt!" She took out a cloth with magic and rubbed the dirt on his head.

Arm instantly realized that whatever disease Twilight had, Rarity was also sick with it. "Uh-" he started to say.

"Now, be a dear and hold some of these items for me, would you?" she asked, handing him a bunch of sewing supplies. She then took him back to her house while going on about whatever it is that she's interested in.

Upon arriving at the house, Rarity gasped. "Oh! I just remembered! I made the cutest little suit for you!"

"Wait, SUIT?!" Arm asked.

And before he knew it, Arm was dragged inside by Rarity and forced into a luxurious suit and pants.

"Don't you just look handsome in that piece?" Rarity said.

"....What is going on?" Arm asked.

"Oh! I also made a tie for you! Now where did I put it?"

As she went into another room, Spike approached Arm with an unhappy look on his face.

"Hey there, PAL." Spike said.

"Kid, she's yours," Arm said as he threw off the suit and pants. He then dashed out the door without looking back.

Arm ran towards the outskirts of Ponyville, where Big Mac struggled to pull a cart chock full of apples.

"Hey there, sugarcube!" Applejack called to Arm. "Would ya kindly help out mah brother out with this apple cart?"

A frightened look spawned on Big Mac's face. "Uh-"

"Why should I help him?!" Arm asked.

"'Cuz Ah know that, deep down, yer a sweet, lovable foal that can do good," Applejack said (half-heartedly).

Arm gave a look of questionability towards the farm mare, then shrugged. He strapped on the cart's straps, and quickly dragged the cart into town, dragging a distraught Big Mac with him. When he got there, the large stallion was covered in bruises.

"Uh....great job, huney bunch!" Applejack said (also half-heartedly).

"......You know, for a being that's supposed to be the embodiment of honesty, you're a freaking terrible liar," Arm said.

"Hey!" Applejack said, trying to find a way around what Arm said. "That's no way to speak to yer elders!"

"My elders?! What are you-"

Arm suddenly realized in an instant what was going on.

"TWILI~GHT!!!!!!!!!!!" Arm yelled as he angrily ran back to the library, where Twilight was waiting.

"Arm!" Twilight said happily, oblivious to what was going on. "I was just looking for you!"

"Give up the act, Twilight," Arm demanded, "because it's not working."

"I couldn't find you in your room this morning, so I didn't know where you went! Here!" She held up the tray of food from that morning. "I save your breakfast for you-"

Arm smacked away the tray of food. "I tell you something personal, and then you go and try to use that information against me?!"

"I-I can see you're a little upset, dear." Twilight tried to keep a smile on her face. "Perhaps you need a soothing hot bath?"

"And then what do you do? You try to act like nothing's wrong! SHAME ON YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!! SHAME ON YOU!!"

"I-I read in one of my books tha-that there are many solutions for sudden flashes of anger, including-"

"FORGET! ABOUT!! YOUR FREAKING!!! BOOKS!!!" Arm yelled, snatching the book she had away from her, and hitting her in the head with it. She skidded along the floor and groaned in pain.

"What is wrong with you?! Can you freaking think logically without sticking your nose in some stupid, stupid book?!?!?!" Arm tore apart the book he had in his hand.

Twilight gaped in fear as Arm started pulling out books and tearing them apart.

"Books don't have the answers to everything!! You stick your nose into these stupid things for days, without end, then act like you learned nothing!!! WHY?! WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING THROUGH THOUSANDS OF STUPID BOOKS, FICTIONAL, SCIENTIFIC OR OTHERWISE, IF YOU NEVER GET THE POINT THEY'RE-"

"STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Twilight yelled as she used her magic to lift Arm up into the air.

"GET OUT!!!" she yelled. "GET OUT OF HERE, YOU PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A LIVING BEING!!"

And with that, she threw Arm out the window, sending him flying. When her anger subsided, she went into a depressed mood and lay there among the hundreds of ripped-up book pages.

-------Commercial Break-------

Twilight's friends were at the library cleaning up the pages that were lying around. Applejack went upstairs and found Twilight sitting on her bed, writing to Celestia about what happened earlier.

"You alright there?" the orange pony asked.

"I'm fine," Twilight mumbled. She fiddled with the remains of one book that she got as a child. She held onto that book since then, but now it was a worthless pile of paper scraps.

"Don't worry about it, Twilight," Applejack said. "After we clean up, we're gonna find him. And then, we're gonna give him the what-for! I'll buck his head so hard, he'll-"

"He was right."

"What now?"

"He was right, Applejack." Twilight got off her bed. "We weren't looking to make him feel better about what he had gone through. We weren't looking to substitute for the mom he never had. We were just looking to get him to behave, and we were doing the wrong way."

"Come on now," Applejack said. "You ain't belivin' what he was saying, do ya?"

"I do," Twilight stated firmly. "Because he was right about that."

"But he tore apart your library!"

"He did. But that doesn't mean that what we did was better. We both did wrong. And we both need to make up for it."

Applejack gave Twilight a concerned look. "Yer startin' to sound like that crazy thing."

"Maybe I do." Twilight suddenly realized something and perked up. "Maybe he's smarter than we thought. Maybe he's just trying to prove a point."

"An' what point is that?"

Twilight paused. "I don't know....but that doesn't mean we can't ask!"

Twilight opened her window and flew out into the sky. She circled the town, looking for Arm. When she spotted him, she flew back down and landed right in front of him.

"Arm!"

Arm yelped. "Don't do that! Geez, I thought you of all people would have the decency to-"

"Arm, I'm sorry," Twilight said. "What we did was wrong, and we all feel terrible about it. You don't have to-"

"Forgive you?" Arm asked. "Because I do."

"Wait," Twilight said, "What-"

"And I apologize for tearing apart your library. I know that was wrong, and you don't have to forgive me."

"But I do!"

Arm gave her a look that said "Seriously?"

"...Alright then," he said. "But your friends have to apologize individually! Just because I forgave you doesn't mean they're off the hook!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll let them know."

"Be sure to." Arm began to prance away.

"Arm," Twilight said, "what exactly is the point you're trying to make with all your....craziness, let's say."

Arm chuckled a little, then wrapped his arm around her.

"Twilight," he said, "sometimes, you're gonna get those situations where life will be like a math quiz: Answers won't be given you in a hand basket all the time. And as a person that's responsible for herself, you ought to be able to figure out what the things in life that don't make sense mean."

He then turned to the camera and said, "And that's your assignment kids! Get a piece of paper and try to figure out what the message of this episode is! Yeah, yeah, I know, we all hate homework, but there's a lesson to be learned here, and you gotta figure out what it is!"

"Arm," Twilight said, "who are you talking to?"

Arm turned to Twilight and said, "I said it once, and I'll say it again! When you find out the truth, it will blow your mind."

Twilight giggled. "Arm, you are a strange, strange being."

"So are you, sweetie," he said. "So are you."

As he pranced away, Twilight called to him.

"Arm! Why did you call me 'sweetie?'" she asked.

"You're the bookworm!" Arm yelled. "You figure it out! It's kinda obvious, anyway!"

As Arm pranced off into the distance, Twilight thought to herself and trotted off toward her library.