Barnyard Banquet

by inside scoop

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure
Length: 2041

Filthy Rich holds a dinner to celebrate 5 years of his store chain. But when Diamond Tiara is kidnapped, hilarity ensues.

Filthy Rich holds a dinner to celebrate 5 years of his store chain. But when Diamond Tiara shows up, hilarity ensues.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-12 17:20:02 UTC

The Dinner

Filthy Rich had done many things in his life. He had taken his father's company that had been in his family for generations, and made it into a multi-million bit retail chain. He had maintained a top ten spot in the charts of the wealthiest ponies in Equestria. He had bought out so many companies and mom and pop stores that he was one of the top landowners in the country. But tonight, Rich was going to step outside his comfort zone. For the 100th anniversary of the Barnyard Bargains company, Rich would hold and personally appear at a banquet held in his honor. Rich was usually a very humble stallion (he only named three of his yachts after himself) and the prospect of having a dinner in his honor made him nervous. Not only did the fate of his company and his reputation depend on this meal, but his colthood rival and business competitor, Fancy Pants, would be there tonight. Oh, how Fancy Pants made Mr. Rich's blood boil. Pants had time and time again protested the bulldozing of a shoddy home or park where one of Mr. Rich's outlet stores was to be built. Pants was a nuisance, one that would hopefully be gone after Rich carried out his plan tonight.

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Diamond Tiara was very pleased with herself. Getting to eat at this dinner among celebrities and business ponies was quite the achievement. Her father had only invited the wealthiest, most famous ponies, and being at this party was sure to impress every pony back at her home in Ponyville. And the food! It was amazing! Caviar and cakes, fine wine and rare game meats. But the best part was that princess Celestia would cut the main cake for the dessert, the Barnyard Bargains logo made out of a moist sponge cake. The princess and Diamond's father would then take a limo back to the hotel they were both staying at. Now that would be something to tell her friends back in Ponyville about! Diamond had bought a new dress just for the event, and also because she outgrew the old ones. Diamond Tiara had put on a great deal of weight in the past few years, but she was ok with that, she liked going to the tailors to try on clothes anyways. But right now, her mind was on the princess, and Diamond was anxious to meet her.

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"Ten minutes 'till you are live Mr. Rich." said the grey mare holding the clipboard. Rich straightened his tie, nervous about this whole ordeal.  He knew Pants would take any opportunity he could to embarrass him, and Rich didn't want that. Filthy Rich decided to be the one in charge, embarrass Pants so that he would leave him alone. Better yet, Rich wanted Pants gone! "Roseluck! Come here." Rich hollered, but not loud enough for the ponies on the other side of the curtain to hear.

"What is it boss?" Roseluck responded. She had been taken away from setting the table for the third time tonight by her boss, and the red maned mare was getting fed up.

"Tonight, my dear secretary, we will get rid of Fancy Pants!" Rich said gleefully. "Call the guards, I must tell them my plan."

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Diamond Tiara had taken her fourth lick of the cake when the guards came in. Diamond had gotten peckish when she was doing all that daydreaming about the princess, and thought that just a little bit of that icing would hit the spot. "How dare you gaurds disturb me! I'm going to tell my father to fire you if you nosy stallions don't leave this instant!" Diamond said. The guards backed away.

"We, uh, we just wanted to tell you that the princess would like to talk to you." said one guard. "And we have Mike and Ikes." Now, Diamond was excited. Celestia and Mike & Ike's? That was too good to be true.

"Wait a sec, this sounds suspicious." Diamond said. But the guard didn't hear her, as he was shot in the back by a masked pony. The unknown horse made short work of the other guard, and two more masked stallions popped out from behind the tables. Tiara tried to yell for help, but a burlap sack was quickly shoved over her head.

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Fancy Pants was feeling grand. The waiter had just brought him his fourth glass of fine cider, and in two minutes, Mr. Rich, his arch rival, would be kicking off the dinner. Fancy was quite giddy, as earlier this morning he had payed to get the microphone that Mr. Rich would be using modified. When Rich got up to speak, the mic would change Rich's voice so he sounded like a filly. The press would lick that up like a cat with milk. Fancy drained his drink, savoring the delicious taste of apples and upcoming revenge. Mr. Pants' moment was ruined however, when he realized that he needed to go to the restrooms. Pushing his seat back, Pants walked to the conference center washrooms, admiring the beautiful carpets, and waiting for the moment of his Rival's humiliation.

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When the masked stallions look the sack off her head, Diamond realized she was in a car. The car was quite nice as well, with leather seats and gold leaf detailing the cabin. The seating was a bit tight however, as her flank was sandwiched on both sides by the ponies with guns. The car started to move out of the parking lot of the Crystal Conference Center, turning on to a boulevard that lead to the industrial district of Manehattan. Diamond guessed the ponies with her wanted ransom, as they seemed like petty criminals based off of the screwdriver jammed into the car's ignition.

"What are you trying to do to me? As soon as my dad's guards catch you, you will face life in prison!" Diamond shouted.

"Don't worry ma'am." said one of the captors in a gravely voice."Just 15 more minutes and we will be done with you."

Now this was getting strange. What would they want that only took 15 minutes. Diamond just hoped she would still get to see the princess after all this.

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Mr. Rich was ready to go onstage. His stage fright had all but disappeared after the guards had agreed to help him with his plan to rid Equestria of Fancy Pants. He combed his mane one last time, applied his false eyebrows, and walked out, in front of the 200 ponies in the crowd. They all started pounding their hooves on the floor in applause for Rich. Mr. Rich stepped up to the microphone, adjusting it to his height, and took a deep breath, ready to start his well rehearsed introductory speech. But the speach never happened, as a guard came running onstage.

"Mr. Rich!" The guard hollered. "Your daughter is missing!"

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Fancy Pants had just finished at the washroom, and was going out into the hall when one of Rich's guards approached him.

"Mr. Pants, you need to leave the building right away!" The guard exclaimed. "Rich's daughter has been kidnapped, and armed ponies are in the building. Every pony else was evacuated via limos, but I can drive you to the others."

"Well, it is in my best interest to leave then." A disappointed Fancy Pants replied. Now that every pony had been evacuated, they couldn't hear Rich embarrass himself. Fancy stepped into the limo the guard had waiting, and they drove off towards downtown.

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Inside the car, Diamond was going nuts. "How dare you keep me here!" She screamed, trying to catch the attention of a local police pony. But to no avail.

"The time draws nearer." said the masked pony who Diamond guessed was in charge. He was a light blue unicorn with a devotion to his orders. The pony had constantly reminded the others in the car of the time left before the fifteen minutes was up. Whatever was to happen then, however, remained a mystery. Diamond hoped that the remaining 8 minutes would end soon, as she was hungry, tired and fed up with being kidnapped. As she sat in the car, she wished Silver Spoon had come with her instead of going to the Fillydelphia Cutlery Convention, but that wouldn't have helped, as both of them would have been kidnapped. Thinking of her best friend made Diamond less lonely, so she continued to fantasize about Silver.

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Rich addressed the crowd. "Now, fellow businessponies! Stay calm." Now, the auditorium fell silent. "There may be armed ponies in the building, so we must stay quiet!" The room was so quiet, if a pony passed by, they would not guess a party was being held a mere two mere minutes before. Filthy Rich left the room, and picked up a telephone at the back of a lounge.

"Hello, Manehattan Police Department, how can we help you?" said the receptionist on the other line.

"Hello, this is Rich" Filthy said.

"What could we do for you sir?"

"My daughter has been kidnapped. I want a SWAT team and choppers, the whole nine yards. Last I heard, the captors were in two limos heading towards the warehouse district. I'll pay 2 000 000 if you put the stallion in charge of all this in max security."

"Well, you can't just..."

"Let's make it 4 000 000."

"We will get all units on it right away sir."

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Fancy Pants was shocked at how few limos were in the parking lot of the warehouse that Rich's guard had evacuated the party guests to. He was even more surprised when he realized who's limo it was. "What is the meaning of this, bringing me to my own limo? Who took my car?" He yelled at the driver. Pants got out and trotted over to his car, disgusted at the fact that it was taken without permission. As soon as he got back, he would tell the press Rich had it stolen! They would probably throw his rival in prison! A world without Mr. Rich, now that would be heaven! Fancy opened the door to his car, and was shocked a third time, as the driver was wearing a mask!

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"Who the buck are you?" Diamond said to the white intruder of the limo she was being held in.

"Fancy Pants, and mind your language young mare." he said, as he hopped into the limo and shut the door.

"You don't know who I am?" Diamond said in disbelief. How could anypony not know her, the daughter of one of the richest individuals in Equestria. "I'm Diamond Tiara!"

"Well, all I know is this is my car..."

"Wait, your car?" Diamond said. This stallion had arranged to have her kidnapped!

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Pants was fed up. The other ponies in the car had left, as if they were scared of him. Rich's daughter was in here, and Fancy would have to take his hate out on her. He was about to speak when somepony else spoke first.

"Come out with your hooves up! We have you surrounded!"

At that moment, Pants noticed the vans outside. There was five of them, all reading Manehattan SWAT. Along with the vans, at least 50 ponies with machine guns were around the limo, covering all exits from the parking lot. Pants swore, then opened the door. This day had gone from bad to worse, and he had a feeling it wasn't about to get any better.

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Diamond was gleeful! She had been saved! The fifteen minutes just ended when the police showed up, and she didn't want to know what would happen if they hadn't. Pants had been cuffed, and the police pony in charge said he would be serving 5 to 20, but most likely life. Diamond saw her father come rushing towards her, holding his hooves out as he embraced her large body.

"Diamond! I am so glad you are alright!" Rich said

"I am so sorry for putting  you through this." Diamond apologized. "I wasn't worried though, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me"

Rich just smiled, relieved that everything had went well after all.