Thunk!

“Stupid piece of junk!”

Thunk!

I sighed and ran a hoof through my mane. “Okay, let’s try this again.” Though it was true that when Stable-Tec built something, they built it to last, the same couldn’t be said of Solaris Inc. No, they preferred to just slap some machinery in some housing and hope to the Celestial Sisters that it worked. Case in point was the terminal that was my current source of frustration. While it was supposed to be holding a record of medical data for the Followers of Fluttershy, it was currently being an overly large and (probably at one point in the past) expensive paperweight, causing me to wish that I could have it suffer the same fate as the cracked terminals that adorned my flanks.

But of course, all that was brushed aside when the door to my room was thrown open.

“Disk! Drop whatever you’re doing and get your flank to the lobby!”

I turned to see Healing Medley in the doorway, pink chest heaving and purple mane frazzled. “Huh? What’s going on?”

“Thyme and Spades found a unicorn collapsed outside the front door.”

“Wait, what?” I fell over myself as I scrambled to get my saddlebags on. “How? I mean, unicorns just don’t appear in Pittspur! That just doesn't happen!”

Medley nodded. “Yeah. Sleepy Thyme said that he muttered something about a cure before passing out.”

Medley's words stopped me dead in my tracks. "Buh- Whuh- Nopony outside of the Facility is supposed to know about that yet! How did this guy find out about it!?”

The grinding of Medley’s teeth betrayed her calm tone. “No idea. But we’re going to save his sorry flank, and then we’re going to find out.”

Medley and I arrived on the ground floor, and it was chaos. Well, as much chaos as you can have with a night staff of six.

Lying on his side in the middle of the entryway was the sorriest excuse for a pony I had seen. The pony’s purple coat was marred by innumerable wounds, stab, burn, and bullet alike. His scraggly dark blue mane looked like it had seen better days, with the ends of most of his hairs singed. At first, I thought that he might have been dead, but as I looked closer, I could see the very subtle rise and fall of his side, indicating that despite appearances to the contrary, this pony was still alive.

In short, he looked like he had been through Tartarus and back.

Medley began shouting orders. “Spades! Thyme! Has the patient’s condition changed?”

Both of the colts shook their heads.

The chief mare’s mouth became a grim slash. “At least he hasn't gotten worse. Thyme, I need you to mix up a Number Three. Spades, go with Thyme and assist. Disk, I need you and Brace to get this guy to Staff’s office.”

The named ponies ran off to their assigned duties, while Medical Brace and I carefully lifted the unconscious lavender unicorn onto our backs. As we began our careful trot to Asclepius Staff’s office, I heard the patient mumble something that vaguely sounded like a complaint of being moved. I wasn’t surprised; considering his state, he was probably in a whole mess of pain.

The walk to Asclepius Staff’s office took less than a minute, but it was one of the quietest minutes of my life, not counting the sounds of the ponies running around behind us under Healing Medley’s direction.

At last, Medical Brace spoke. “We’re here.”

We shoved open the door to the medical unicorn’s door and carefully deposited the mystery unicorn on one of the makeshift cots. “Asci? Asclepius Staff? We’ve got a patient for you. The twins found him collapsed outside not too long ago.”

The wizened pink unicorn looked over our guest. “Oh my.” Casting a spell of some kind, he began his diagnosis. “Yes, I can see he is in very poor condition.”

“You don’t say.” My voice was so flat you could have used it as a carpenter’s level.

Staff nodded his head. “I do say. Not only is this pony in a state of shock, but he seems to be suffering from advanced radiation poisoning.” He floated a hooffull of Rad-Away bags from a doorless storage cabinet and hooked them to a Pre-War IV stand that had somehow survived. The needle ends were immediately jabbed into the mostly-unconscious pony’s legs. “That should take care of the radiation, but we still need-”

As if on cue, two colts ran in, balancing a sickly-green-colored healing potion on a tray on their heads.

“Ah, Sleepy Thyme, Lucky Spades. You have excellent timing, as always.” Asclepius surrounded the potion with his magic and floated it to his patient’s mouth. “I’m afraid this is going to taste terrible, but trust me, it is as effective at healing as it is foul.” Without further ceremony, he began to slowly pour the potion down his patient’s throat, massaging his neck to make him swallow when necessary.

My partner cleared his throat. “Is there anything else you require of us, Asclepius?”

In response, the medical pony just made a shooing motion with one of his forehooves.

I glanced at Brace. “Well, then, I guess that’s that for now?”

“Indeed.” The gray stallion began to walk back out the door, and I followed.

“I have to ask: why are you always so formal with him?”

“Asclepius?”

“Yeah.”

“It never hurts to show respect to your elders, especially one so learned as him.”

I gave Medical Brace a smirk. “Still hasn’t accepted you as his apprentice?”

Brace sighed, and I knew I had struck home. “Yes. No matter how many times I ask, he keeps rejecting me. If I didn’t know better, I would say that he... never mind.”

This was a side of him I had never seen before. Usually he was very forthcoming with his feelings, trying to model himself after Ministry Mare Applejack. “What?”

“It’s nothing. Forget it.”

“Oh come on, Brace. You know I can keep a secret.”

Another sigh. “All right. I was going to say that if I didn’t know better, I would say that he doesn’t want anyone to be able to fill his place, almost as if he wants to make sure he keeps his position, but if he dies, then...” Medial Brace broke off. “I really shouldn’t be talking like this.”

“Oh come on! It was just getting interesting!”

“No. I will speak no further on this subject. I recommend you return to whatever it was you were doing before Healing Medley called the emergency.” And with that, he left me standing in the hall by myself.

I sighed, and, with nothing better to do, headed back to my workshop.

////====////

Distant shouting roused me from my work trance. I looked around my little room, trying to discern its source. The voice called again, and it clicked that it was coming from the Atrium. I took my small beam pistol from its place next to my desk and placed it in its holster before heading out. Technically, I wasn’t supposed to have it, but I had heard way too many stories of the rest of the Wasteland to not at least take some precautions. I pushed open my door and looked down the aisle of “apartments” as Medical Brace liked to call them. Really they were just the large empty second floor divided up by sheets of scrap metal, but it was better than nothing. Seeing nopony else answering the call, I made my way down to the end of the row and peeked my head over the railing.

I could just make out the form of the unicorn from a few days ago, his midsection swathed in bandages and a cast on his left foreleg. I rolled my eyes. Some ponies just did not know how to be good patients. I chuckled lightly to myself as a possible joke about “patience” made its way through my mind as I trotted down the ramp.

I stopped a few feet away from the Pittspur Medical Research Facility’s latest “guest.” I noted the way he was slouching slightly. “You shouldn’t be up yet. Go back to bed.”

He gave me a glance, and I felt like I was being examined. “No,” he said finally. He took a deep breath and looked around at anything but me. “Where am I?”

I sighed. He was obviously not going to cooperate, at least not with me. Somepony like Medical Brace might have had better luck, but I often had a hard time dealing with patients. “You’re in the Pittspur Medical Research Facility, or PMRF for short. Some of our staff found you outside a few days ago, barely alive. You should count yourself lucky; not many ponies could have survived the injuries you had sustained, and certainly not the amount of radiation you had been dosed with. What were you doing, standing in the rain?”

“So I finally made it,” the unicorn said, “‘Bout time. So,” he turned to face me for once. “How far is that Stable from here?”

“Oh no you don’t. Staff would split his bit if you tried to leave in your condition, not to mention what Healing Medley would do.” I suppressed a shudder. She could be quite the firebrand when her temper got the best of her. “She’s in charge here, by the way. I would not recommend crossing her.”

“Who says I’m leaving like this?” he asked incredulously. “Healing potion or two in my system and I’ll be good enough to walk again.” he stretched out his legs a bit, probably still sore from the copious amount of magical healing he required.It was odd; for some reason his body seemed to reject most conventional methods of healing, so we had to pump him full of potion in order to get him anywhere near close to full health, not to mention the Hydra we had to use… that stuff was nasty.

“Next question,” the nameless stallion said staring at me from under his brow. He spoke slowly, pronouncing each word individually with great care and clarity. “Where. Is. My stuff?”

I chuckled despite myself. This pony was Bad News, but I had a promise to the Followers, and I intended to uphold it, damn it! “No no no. I don’t think you understand. You are days away from being healed properly, even with healing potions. You step out that door like you are and you are going to get very very hurt, and I really don’t want to see that. Come on,” I tried to grab the pony by the foreleg. “You have some resting to do.”

He glanced down at the hoof around his arm before looking back up at me. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said coldly.

“You’re right. I didn’t. Your possessions are being guarded; it looked like you had some things of value on you when we found you.” I noted the expression of anger begin to form on the patient’s face. “Don’t worry, we didn’t take any of it, just put it in storage. If you want I can get you a receipt from Cold Storage. You’ll get everything back when you leave. Now come on,” I tugged at the leg I was gripping, trying to get the unicorn to move. “Bed is waiting.”

“Alright alright,” he said, taking a step in the direction I was leading him. “One last question though, this cast,” he held up the hoof that was sturdily wrapped and bound, “what’s it made of?”

The unicorn's acceptance, accompanied with his apparent interest in his cast, made me miss what I should have seen coming. “Oh, it’s a special blend of concrete and touchstone. Hardens real nice, but light as a feather. Cool, huh?”

“Concrete?” he said, looking at the cast shaking his head. “Very sturdy, very dense.”

WHAP

Pain blossomed in the back of my skull as he dealt me a solid blow. Luckily, he was still recovering, or I was sure that would have left me out cold on the floor. Nevertheless, I stumbled forward from the force of the strike, dropping the other pony’s leg. “OW!” I whirled to face him. “What in the name of Celestia’s hallowed hock are you doing!?”

Instead of an answer, I found the unicorn had dropped to the ground like a sack of screaming potatoes. “FUCK!” he finally let out after a few seconds of writhing on the floor. “Fucking shit!” he said through gritted teeth. “Damn it.”

I held the back of my head with a hoof. It wasn’t a serious hit, but it was nothing compared to what the pony in front of me was probably experiencing. I carefully lifted the unicorn onto my back, being sure to dodge any of his flailing limbs. “Look,” I said flatly. “You’re only making things worse for yourself, okay? So stop acting like an impetuous foal.” I shouldered the door to the clinic open and deposited my guest back onto the cot from whence he came. “Now do everyone a favor and stay.” Without waiting for any sort of response, I turned to leave, but the door almost hit me smack in the snout as it opened, admitting the doctor of the hour.

“Ah, Data Disk,” he said as though he was greeting a friend for the first time in a while, “How are you?”

I rubbed the back of my head where the other pony (whose name I should probably have asked by then) had hit me. “A little sore, but I’ll be fine. Your patient tried to stage an escape.”

A raised eyebrow. “Really?” The doctor pushed past me to stand next to the bed. “How do you feel, my little pony?”

“Pissed!” his response was short, gruff and angry. “Where are my things!?”

Staff raised a placating hoof. “Don’t you worry, Erratic Key. Your things are being cared for.”

Finally hearing the formerly-anonymous pony’s name, I tilted my head in curiosity to get a better look at him. Emblazoned on his flank was the image of a key snapped in two. As I did so, a thought began to percolate in the back of my head.

Interesting that both he and I have something broken in half as our Cutie Marks.

A Pre-War article I had read a while ago on a theory about something called “fused fates” floated into my mind. In it, the author postulated that ponies with similar Cutie Marks all had their destinies entwined. They would not always affect the others in an obvious fashion, but they would still cause the others’ lives to be affected in some way. The author used a metaphor with ripples in a pond or something poetic like that.

Something tells me I should probably keep an eye on this pony.

I snapped back to the here and now when I heard my name. “Sorry, what?”

Asclepius Staff sighed. “I said, would you please go let Medley know that our guest is awake? There are some more diagnostic procedures I need to perform.”

I nodded and left the unicorns, making my way out and up the ramp.

////====////

I knocked on the door of Healing Medley’s office, the plywood covering the hole where glass used to sit enhancing my knock slightly. There was some shuffling, and the door opened, the mare I had been sent for on the other side. “Yes?” she asked stiffly.

I cleared my throat. Talking to Medley never really came easily to me for some reason. “Uh, Asclepius Staff sent me to tell you that the patient we brought in a few days ago is awake.”

“Good.” She seemed to take the news as little more than an annoyance. “See that he makes a full recovery before discharging him.”

I had to resist the urge to bow and call her “ma’am.” I settled on nodding.

She closed the door again. There was some more rustling, and she came out holding a slip of paper, which I took. “Here. Give him his receipt. Oh, and once you’re done there, one of the turrets in the entrance is malfunctioning again. Get on it.”

Another nod from myself, and the door was closed forcefully in my face. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding.

Okay then, better get to it…

I trotted back down the ramp to the medical office. Knocking to announce my presence, I pushed the door open just in time to hear the tail end of the Erratic Key’s saying something about wanting his things back, probably for something like the fourth time. I rolled my eyes as I entered, placing the receipt Medley had given to me on the table next to his bed. “Here,” I said, probably more curtly than was strictly necessary, “A receipt of your possessions. You’ll get them back once you’re discharged.”

“Yeah, that’s fine and dandy, Nurse Charity. But I don’t want to know my stuff is fine and alright. I want my stuff. Like, here, in front of me. Otherwise I’ll never be able to get out of here.”

Sisters, this guy just does not know when to give up, does he? I sighed heavily.. “All right, you know what? Fine. If you want out so badly...” I gave the bed-ridden unicorn’s cast a swift kick with my rear leg, dispelling the touchstone and causing the cast to crumble. I ignored his cries of pain and Asclepius’ vocal objections at what I had just done. “There you go. Take your receipt to the front desk; you’ll have all your stuff back in no time, and you can just come on back in a few hours once you’ve gotten yourself shot full of holes. Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a turret that needs my attention.” I angrily shoved my way past Asclepius, who looked like he was on the verge of protesting something else, and slammed the door open.

“Thanks, doc,” Erratic Key said sarcastically. What he said next would, unbeknownst to me at the time, change my life forever . “Now if I can go get my stuff I can get started on that cure or whatever.”

My previous train of thought derailed itself with a mental record scratch and crashed into a neighboring village, killing millions of innocent thoughts. I turned around and quietly closed the door.

That’s right, Medley said that he had said something about a cure when we brought him in...

Asclepius Staff blinked. “I’m sorry, I must have misheard you. Can you repeat what you just said?”

“I was complaining about how I was just assaulted by a controlling asshole of a nurse.Though I’m sure you were more interested in the cure thing, yeah?”

I waved the insult aside for the time being and shared a A Look with Asclepius.

“How… how did you come by this information?” he asked tentatively.

“Let’s say a little robot birdie told me,” Erratic Key said. “Either way, I know there’s some disease spread through this city and you seem like a fine enough place to start. I mean,” he turned to face me, “why else did you think I wanted to go to the Stable?”

Asclepius Staff blinked in surprise. “You were going to the Stable!? In your condition?” He nickered. “Good thing we found you, then. You were in no condition to go Stable-diving, and even then you were alone.” he shook his head in disbelief. “You are either the most brave or the most foalish pony I have ever met, Erratic Key, though I am inclined towards the latter.” he looked back to me, his eyes asking if we should confirm what our guest already knew. A subtle nod was returned his way, and he sighed. “What we are about to discuss here does not leave this clinic, understood?”

Erratic Key furrowed his brow. “Why?”

I stepped forward. “Fair question. Basically, it comes down to the Follower’s philosophy. While, as I previously mentioned, we do have a treatment readily available for the Pittspur Pox, we have no real vaccine or cure. As such, we would rather be able to open our doors and announce that we have a cure than keep them closed and have to report every few months that we are still working on something. It all comes down to hope, you see. If it’s public knowledge, then the more we delay the cure, the less hope the people of Pittspur have, and the worse things get. Eventually we would probably have to deal with some sort of riot or siege if they got angry enough. As it is, we want to try and avoid large-scale conflict.”

“So you’re lying to an entire city in hopes that they don’t all crucify you?” he asked.

Asclepius coughed. “Basically, yes. You understand, though, right?”

Key stared at us for a few moments, motionless as he did so. “Fine,” he answered with a shrug, “So from what I understand, you two can’t get to the Stable, which is where the cure is?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly. It’s not like there’s just going to be a bottle somewhere with a label on it saying ‘The Cure’ or anything. We need to create it ourselves. And while we certainly have the tools to do so, we have no idea what is actually causing the disease. All we know is that its first recorded case was after the opening of Stable 25, the Stable in the middle of the city, making it most likely that the two are linked. Our working theory is that the Stable was somehow sabotaged by Solaris, inc, Stable-Tec’s main competitor. If we were somehow able to-”

Hold on a second. This pony was all set to go into that Stable.

So?

So… what if I can convince him to find the cause of the Pox while he’s there? It would certainly save us the headache of hiring a mercenary or something.

Two things: 1) That would be basically hiring a mercenary. 2) You just met this stallion! How do you have any idea that he’s trustworthy?

I mentally shrugged at myself.

Just a feeling I have. Trust me on this. Besides, if you really wanted, you could always just go with him. You have been looking for an excuse to get firsthoof experience of the Wastes.

Not a bad idea, if I do say so myself.

Glad I agree.

I stomped a hoof in sudden realization. “I got it! You could be that pony! You could go to the Stable!”

“Hey! You know what, I could, couldn’t I?” Key said with mock enthusiasm. “Oh, but I couldn’t make that journey unsupplied. Tell you what, idea guy, I’ll make a list of things I’ll need and you can get them for me, and I’ll be able to get out of here and get to that Stable.” he handed the receipt to me, which I took and placed in my saddlebags. “There you go.”

“Tell you what. I’ll do you one better. Give me a few minutes to pack up some things, and I’ll come with you. Besides, you’d need to come with me to the front desk to get your possessions back. Rules, sorry.”

Asclepius moved to block my exit from the room. “Disk, are you insane!? You have no experience out there! You’ll die within the day!”

I gave him a small smirk. “Not exactly. I can handle myself in Uptown just fine, you know.” I pulled a map from my saddlebag, which the medical pony promptly took. “I managed to gather all that without crossing the river. Imagine what I could get if I were to actually start to explore with somepony to watch my back. Considering the state our friend here was in when we brought him in, I imagine he’s had more than a little bit of experience. Am I right?” I called the question over my shoulder to the injured unicorn.

He gave a humorless laugh. “Ahaha. No. Your friend over here, though, is very correct.”

A smug grin formed itself on Asclepius’ face as the other unicorn offered his support to his argument.

On the other hoof, I could feel my face fall and disappointment entered my voice. “Well according to The Wasteland Survival Guide, one’s chances of survival go up at an exponential rate the larger the travelling group is. Thus, if you and I were to join forces, our odds of survival would be much higher than if just one of us had headed out on his own.”

“Do you really think your chances of not being shot go up by coming with me?” the Wastelander asked.

“Well, I’m assuming that you’re a better shot than I am, so… yes.”

“No no no,” he said matter-of-factly with a shake of his head. “You misunderstand. I mean, do you believe your chances of staying alive improve by leaving the large well supplied building full of doctors and medical supplies?”

The logic in the purple unicorn's question made me pause. "When you put it that way... no." It suddenly occurred to me that I really had no reason to leave the safety of the PMRF.

Oh come on, are you kidding me?

What?

Don't play dumb. You know what you’re talking about.

... Medley?

Precisely. You know how much the cure research means to her. If you can advance that at all, she'd be incredibly grateful. I mentally winked at myself, causing me to blush.

But I couldn't just-

Yes you can, and you will!

But they-

“Are you blushing?” somepony asked.

“Whuh?” I shook my head, bringing myself back from my internal dialogue to reveal Erratic Key staring at me with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Oh, I… uh. Okay, well maybe I do have an ulterior motive. You see, Medley and I... we, uh..." I rubbed the back of one of my forehooves with the other. "We're kind of in a relationship, you see, and, uh, the cure is really her driving passion right now. I was hoping that if I could accelerate that at all..." My sentence tapered off as I tried to retreat into myself in embarrassment. I hadn't really told anypony else about this, not even Medley, and behind me I could feel Asclepius Staff leaning in.

“Wait wait wait, let me see if I understand this,” Erratic Key said, closing his eyes. “You’re in a relationship?”

“Well, uh… maybe? I mean, I was hoping that the cure would… yeah.” I kicked at the floor nervously.

“So that’s a no, then? Or, let me put it like this: this relationship which may or not be real: does the mare know?”

"I, uh, well, not really, no. I haven't really said anything to her about it yet. I mean, I've tried, but she just gets a bit, well, you know, sometimes."

Erratic Key rubbed a temple as he stretched his jaw. He seemed to debate something for a bit, then finally spoke: “What can you do?”

The abrupt change in the unicorn’s disposition threw me for a loop. Did he know something I didn’t about Medley? “What, uh, what do you mean?”

“I mean what are you good at?” he asked, pressing his forehoof harder into his temple. “What can you do that will possibly help someone survive out there?”

“I-” I began, but the unicorn behind me cut me off.

“Disk, I once again ask you to reconsider your course of action, now more than before! If you plan on going out there just to win the favor of Medley, well then, I suggest that you think long and hard about things before you do. I she really worth dying over? From the sounds of things, it looks like you just have a little crush on our dear Director of Operations. Do you think-”

I whipped around to face the accusing pony, pushing myself to that we were almost pressed into one another. “Look, Staff. This is more than just Medley. It’s bigger than you, it’s bigger than me, and sometimes I think it’s bigger than the whole of the PMRF! If we succeed here, we’d be ridding the Pittspur area of a twenty-plus year old problem! Don’t you think that’s worth the risk!?”

“Oh Stars, I hope she’s at least hot,” Erratic Key commented from the peanut gallery. I ignored him as hard as I could.

Asclepius Staff narrowed his eyes, taking a step back. “Now you’re just waffling. Before you were saying that you wanted to leave to gather more data, then you wanted to impress Medley, and now it’s about the greater good. Make up your mind, Disk! Which is it?”

Come on, think! What can I say to convince them to just let me go?

“All of them!” I blurted. “It’s about everything!”

“Maybe she’s a bitch and he likes it dirty or something?” the peanut gallery added in a lower tone. Once again, he was forcefully ignored.

Asclepius said nothing, but his raised eyebrow said all he needed to.

I decided to ignore him for the time being and turned back to the Wasteland unicorn. “To answer your question, I happen to be very good at fixing things, as well as working with computers and other mechanical devices.” I gestured towards my Cutie Mark with my snout. “Additionally, as a Follower, I happen to have a decent bit of medical training.”

That last bit seemed to get his attention.“Can you make drugs?” he asked enthusiastically.

“I- whuh?” The unicorn’s sudden attention was more than slightly disconcerting. “Uh… I suppose, given the right materials and equipment, though the Followers-”

“You’re hired,” he said, nearly leaping to his hooves from the bed despite his still-unhealed injuries. “Welcome aboard. Now what the hell do I call you?”

“I, uh, my name’s Data Disk-”

“You’re kidding,” Staff said from behind me, “You’re kidding right? You’re really going to go out there with this obviously insane Wastelander without any sort of… of preparation!?”

I turned once again to face the old pony. “Look, Staff, my mind’s made up, and there’s really nothing you can do to stop me. I’m leaving, and that’s that.”

Asclepius narrowed his eyes dangerously. “I could tell Medley.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh really?” The unicorn turned tail and began his swift egress, but I reached out and tripped him, causing him to hit his head on the wall.

As the old unicorn slumped to the floor, I reared back in surprise. “Oh, Sisters!” I put an ear to his chest. “Okay, good. He’s just knocked out.” I looked around, the unfortunately-familiar feeling of panic settling in. “Uh… oh!” I lifted the unicorn onto my back and set him down on one of the nearby empty beds. “Okay, Erratic Key, we better get out of here. I just attacked a senior staff member, and there’s no way in Tartarus anypony’s going to like me after that.”

“I don’t know, you’re starting to score some points with me,” Erratic Key said, giving me a smug look as he walked past me and out the door.

I followed, and found Erratic Key standing outside the door, waiting for me.

“So this mare of yours,” he inquired. “Is she single?”

“Uh… I guess so,” I said, scuffing the ground with a hoof nervously. A bad habit, I know, but one that I just couldn’t seem to break no matter how hard I tried. I quickened my pace a bit and began leading the way up the ramp towards the second floor. “I mean, right now she is, at least.”

“Well make up your mind, man,” Key said. I looked back to see him looking around worriedly. "We are going to get my stuff right?"

I nodded. “Yeah, but like I said, I need to get my things first. I’ve seen enough patients from the Wasteland to know that I’m not going to last very long without some supplies, even with your help.”

“Oh sweet Stars,” he groaned, “You’re going to say goodbye to her aren’t you?”

“I, uh, what?” The thought honestly hadn’t crossed my mind. “I don’t think Medley would approve of my going out like this, even if it was to further research the cure. Like I said, I just need to…” I opened the door to my small living space. “get some stuff.” I began grabbing supplies from around the room. Okay, let’s see… hack tool. Check. Repair kit. Check. Water. Check. Food. Check. Extra spark batteries. Check. Map. Check. Medical supplies. Check. Hrm. Oh, duh. Caps. Check. Too bad I don’t have any armor. Maybe I can find some at the Residence. Oh yeah, better snag the spare targeting talisman. I exited my room. “Okay, that should be enough. The only thing I don’t have is some armor, but hopefully I can find some at the settlement up the road.”

“And what about my stuff?” Erratic Key said, raising an eyebrow.

“At the front desk. Come on.” I began leading the way back down to the ground level. “So it’s been a while since I’ve really been far from the PMRF. Anything I should know about before we leave?”

“You’re going to die,” he said flatly. “Probably in the first two days. If you can make it that far you’ll probably die in the next two days. Though if you can make it about a month you’ll have a special or stupid death waiting for you.”

That wasn’t very encouraging. “Gee, thanks for the support.” We passed by the medical “office” and down another smaller ramp to the main lobby. I trotted over to the desk where a dark blue earth pony was sitting. “Hey Stores, got a receipt.” I passed the paper over the counter to the waiting pony. “One for discharge as well.”

Cold Storage said nothing, as was his wont, but he slid a clipboard with several papers across to me. He retreated into the back room as I began filling out Erratic Key’s discharge papers. They weren’t anything actually official, but we tried to keep some records of who came in, when, and why. Just in case.

In a few minutes, the bulky pony came back bearing a large burlap sack on his back which he walked around the counter to set on the ground. I slid the clipboard back to him, and he nodded, the closest anypony could get to a word from him. I turned back to Erratic Key. “There you go. I need to go take a look at one of the turrets before we really leave, so just head on over once you’ve got your things together.” I gestured to the main door that had at one time been several glass doors but had been replaced with boards. I walked in the indicated direction and let myself out into the cool Pittspur air.

The sky, from what I could see around the concrete awning that stretched over the entrance to the ex-science museum, was as gray as the awning itself. Judging from the light, though, it still looked to be early in the morning. I turned my attention to the tripod-mounted gun that stood next to me, serving as a poor pony’s turret. I reached into my saddlebag, withdrew my tool kit, and got to work.

Sure enough, as Medley had said, the targeting talisman was in need of replacement, a large slash cut through the middle. I wondered if the damage could have been caused by our visitor. I hadn’t seen unicorns fight all that much, but I imagined that they would be able to use bladed weapons very efficiently, not having to move to swing them. I mentally shrugged as I popped the old talisman off with a screwdriver. He was probably delirious at the time, judging by his wounds when we found him, and thought the turret an enemy. I fished out the replacement talisman and slotted it into place, causing the gun to jerk upright and point straight ahead at the ruined skyscrapers that made up the bulk of the Pittspur skyline. Ah well, a mystery for another time.

I stowed my tools and the talisman as I heard the door open behind me.

“This looks kinda familiar,” Erratic Key said from behind me just as I was putting my tools away.

“Good to hear. Hopefully you’ll remember something more as we go.” I pulled the Pittspur map from my saddlebags and laid it out on the ground.

“Okay, we’re here...” I pointed to the appropriate areas of the map as I spoke. “And Stable 25 is here, across the river. Now, since all the bridges are broken, we’ll have to deal with the ferry.” I ground my teeth in frustration. “Not looking forward to that. Once we cross, I suggest we head around the south side of the crater so we can avoid the Junkies that call the north side home.”

“Okay, uh, Disk? I’m not sure how to tell you this, but... it looks like some filly decided to get creative with their time of month on your map.”

I felt myself flush. “Oh shut up! I’ll have you know that it took me several years to compile that data! Plus, you try mouth writing and see how neat it is compared to your fancy hornwriting!”

Key chuckled. “So how long do you think that will take us? Because I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure if we have enough supplies to make a trip that far. Of course I have no idea how this map is scaled.”

I shrugged. “I found the map in the gift shop, but the scale was torn off, so your guess is as good as mine. As for travel time...” I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “It’s maybe a two or three hours’ walk from here to the Crossing, but that’s as far as I’ve been.”

“So about half a day, then. Do you have enough stuff, or do you need to go to…” Erratic Key paused for a moment. “Where is it you go to resupply?”

I rolled up the map and put it back in my saddlebags. “Well that settles that, then, we’re heading to the Residence. No use dying of hunger or thirst before we can even get to the Stable. The only thing we’re going to really want to avoid is the Aviary. Radiation has not been kind to those poor birds.” I gestured in the general direction of the old skycarriage terminal. “Lead on, MacClop!”

“What?”

I shook my head. “Never mind. It’s something Jury Rig used to say.”

“All...right then,” Erratic Key replied as we began walking. “Welp, we’ve got a long way to go so why don’t you tell me about yourself, Data Disk? Who is Data Disk really? What’s your Cutie Mark story? Favorite color? Favorite position?”

“I... uh...” That was a lot of questions, and I wasn’t sure where to start, especially with the question about position. I assumed that he was implying something sexual, but I hadn’t really ever been intimate with anypony before, not that I’d admit it.

“Well, let’s start with something simple,” Key said, closing his eyes. “What... is your favorite color?”

I put a hoof to my chin, pausing my walking. “You know, I never really gave much thought to that, but I’d have to say that I’m partial to green.”

“Why?”

I started walking again. “I honestly can’t say. Maybe it has to do with my color palette, or maybe it’s something else, I don’t know.”

Erratic Key sighed. “Fair enough. At least you know what a color is, which is more than I can say for most of the people out here in the Wasteland. Next question: Mares? Or stallions? Or both?”

That was an easy one. “Mares.”

“All right, Have you ever killed anyone? Intentionally?”

I stopped again. “No. No I haven’t. And I hope to the Sisters that I never have to. I know, though, that it’s a rule of the Wasteland that sooner or later, you will kill. I just hope to hold off on it as long as possible.”

Erratic Key halted, causing me to almost walk into him. When he next spoke, his voice was flat, low, and hollow. “Don’t act like you know anything about what’s out here. And if that’s the way you feel, then I suggest you turn right the fuck around and go home. If not,” he said, resuming walking, “we will go to the next question.”

I was stunned temporarily by my new companion’s sudden shift in attitude, but I shook it off and hurried to catch up with him. “Look, I know you’ve been out here for a while.”

“An understatement.”

“But I believe that what we’re doing here will help people, and that’s really all I want. To help.”

“So you think killing people is going to help them?”

I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes. “No. Killing people solves nothing. But if it’s what I have to do in order to save others, then that’s something I’m going to have to learn to deal with.”

Erratic Key sighed deeply and shook his head. “Don’t we all.” He paused, seemingly deep in thought. “So then,” he continued, “time for the big one. How did you get your Cutie Mark?”

I smiled. My Cutie Mark story was a point of pride for me. “I was raised in the PMRF, you see, so as a foal I didn’t have a whole lot to do in terms of entertainment, so I ended up just messing around on the public terminals. One day, I ended up accidentally unlocking some lightly encrypted files, and my Mark appeared.” I glanced at Key’s flank. “What about you?”

“Got bored up at Tenpony and decided to go exploring,” he said as we kept walking. “Eventually I found myself a locked door. I fixed that. After that I decided to leave, see what was out here in the Wasteland. Did some exploring, been to nearly every corner of what used to be Equestria. Except the Hoof; fuck that place.”

I knew this guy must have had some experience, judging from his appearance (I chuckled internally at my unintentional rhyme), but that was more than I was expecting. “Wow, really? That’s… just wow. What’s the most interesting place you’ve been?”

“Define interesting. I’ve seen shit you wouldn’t believe; you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”

I tapped my chin, but dropped my hoof as I felt something whizz by my ear. “Woah, what was that!?”

“GET THE FUCK DOWN!” Erratic Key screamed as he darted off into a building to my left.

As requested, I immediately dropped to my stomach, trying to see what shot at me. I scanned the horizon and saw three ponies. I couldn’t quite tell from where I was, but their manes looked a bit... off. And their eyes, oh Sisters above, their eyes. They all had a look in them that made me fear for my life. Though I had never seen them in person, I had read the Wasteland Survival Guide enough to knew what they were:

Raiders.

Their presence here in Uptown both confused and terrified me; they normally kept to Downtown, on the other side of the river. How did they get over?

“Hey Key, what-” I realized Erratic Key was no longer next to me and panicked. Ohshitohshitohshit. What do I do!? I knew in theory that I was supposed to be firing back, but I was still having a bit of trouble getting over the sudden shock of my life being put in danger.

“Where’d the other one go?” I heard the riflepony, his rough voice sending tremors of fear through my prone form.

“Fucker probably shit himself and ran off. Didn’t see anything on him ‘cept some packs. Probably ain’t got shit in ‘em anyway,” the SMG-wielding one commented.

“Who cares,” the pipe-wielding one laughed through his teeth, “We got this one. We can hunt the other one down as soon as we’re done here.”

I blanched as I heard the Raiders’ talking. OhshitohshitohshitI’mgoingtoDIE! I glanced around, trying to look for a place I could hide. Alleyway! Go! I ran as fast as I could towards the (hopeful) safety of the building’s corner, but fell forward when I heard a sharp crack and felt an intense pain shoot through my lower leg.

The Raiders wasted no time in surrounding me, the pipe-wielding one swinging his improvised club menacingly. “Heh heh heh. He’s not gonna get away,” he said. “No running. No escape. DINNER TIME!”

There was a small smack as an object hit the SMG-wielding Raider.

Tink, tink, tink...

I could see the fear on the Raider’s face as the grenade hit him. “Fuck! Grenade! Scatter!” The Raiders ran, but the grenade still sat on the ground. As I stared at it, time seemed to slow to a crawl.

“HOW’S IT GOIN’!”

From somewhere behind me, Erratic Key dove into the Raiders, stabbing some sort of blade into the SMG pony’s head with a sickening crunch. As the other two recoiled in shock, he picked up the apple and slammed it into the jaw of the rifle-wielding stallion, causing his rifle to fall to the ground. Giving no quarter, he continued hammering away at the Raider’s head until it was an unrecognizable mess of bone and blood.

I could only watch in horror as Erratic Key proceeded to pound the putrid pony’s skull into paste. This is.... oh Sisters, what have I gotten myself into? Burning bile rose in my throat unbidden as my lunch threatened to make itself known to the world.

Erratic Key turned, the blade in the SMG pony’s skull glowing a light blue as it levitated out of its victim.

The pipe Raider backed up in shock. “Motherfucker! You’re dead!”

“‘Fraid not,” Erratic Key whispered. He floated the sword in front of himself, watching the Raider.

The Raider let out a primal yell and charged.

Erratic Key dove, propelling himself just to the Raider’s side, rolled into a leap that ended with him atop his attacker’s back.

He turned his head slightly, and the Raider’s head was severed from his neck.

The pipe clattered to the ground as a slither of blood gently fell onto its rusted surface and the shattered concrete beneath it.

The Raider’s still-warm body fell to the ground with a dull thump. The blade’s handle once again glowed with Erratic Key’s magic, and it freed itself from the Raider with a wet sucking sound. Erratic Key scraped himself off and slung some of the fresh blood from his sword. “You alright?” he asked nonchalantly, inspecting his sword’s condition.

“I... you... and he...” I could only stammer as once again my rump hit the pavement. I stared at the wild beast who called himself Erratic Key. “What are you?” A small part of me chided myself for the cliche, but the rest of me was too stunned to care.

“I am whatever the Wasteland needs me to be in order to survive,” he replied, his voice bereft of emotion. “So, are you having fun yet? Helping ponies, am I right?”

“I...” the look on the stallion’s face as Key was bashing his skull in was branded on my eyes. “How can you do that? Just...” I could feel a strange anger building in me. “He probably had a family! A wife! Foals! And now he has nothing! His spouse, his foals, when they expect him home, all they have is a corpse! Not even that! They have three-quarters of a corpse! I know they’re Raiders, and they regularly do horrible things, but they’re still ponies! How does that justify killing them!?” By the time I was done, I felt spent and my sides were heaving. I dropped my head and began to cry. “Fuck...”

I stiffened as I felt the cold barrel of a gun pressed to my temple. A rough voice, one that held a slight resemblance to Erratic Key’s, began to speak, its tone low and dangerous: “You think those three gave a single shit whether or not either of us died? You think any of those questions cross the minds of any of the sick sadistic fucks you come across out here?” His voice began to rise in intensity. “What about you, Disk? What about the ponies you know? What about any of your friends, your family. You think they gave a single thought about any hopes, dreams, and ambitions you might have had?”

I felt the barrel leave my head and I looked to see Erratic Key gesturing grandly at the buildings around us. “Welcome to the motherfucking Wasteland, Data Disk! Population consisting of monstrous animals, horrid abominations and the dead bodies of EVERY. SINGLE. PONY. Who wanted to do a little bit of good but couldn’t drag themselves down into the mire of shit that is survival!” He lifted the SMG and fired randomly into the air. “IS EVERYBODY HAVING A GOOD TIME!”

There was a small click of an empty magazine, and Erratic Key tossed the SMG onto the ground. “You're a medic right? I suggest you fix that hole in your leg if we’re going to get anywhere today.”

I continued crying, but my mind was digesting what the crazy Wastelander who had saved my life just said. Eventually, I managed to stop my crying and wiped my eyes. “No. Just because it’s survival doesn’t mean it has to suck forever.” I looked him in the face. “And with the Celestial Sisters as my witnesses, I am going to do something about that, damn it!”

I pulled a strip of cloth along with a healing potion from my saddlebags. I swigged the potion and tied the cloth around my injured ankle, rising to my hooves with a new sense of determination. “Let’s go; we’ve got people to help.”

“Yeah, I guess we do,” Erratic Key whispered as he walked over to the broken bodies of the Raiders. He began to search through the pockets in the dead ponies’ barding, looking for anything useful.

A thought occurred to me, and I shuddered at the implications. “Uh, Key, I have a thought... neither of us have barding.” I winced internally and continued. “Should we... ugh... do something with the Raiders’ barding?”

“You can if you want,” he said as he finished digging through the last of the Raiders. “I mean, if you’re comfortable with dressing in pony hide and spikes that will get you shot on sight by any form of civilized pony then you go ahead. If not, we’ll take this stuff and sell it for some real protection once we get to that settlement.” His piece said, he began to strip the ponies of their armor.

I thought about that for a moment. “Good point.” Grimacing, I joined Erratic Key in the looting.

////====////

The trip to the settlement north was rather uneventful. With Erratic Key leading the way, we kept to the rubbled sections of the streets, sneaking our way around and steering clear of the Aviary and anything else that might be deemed as trouble.

The Residence was visible far before we actually reached it. In stark contrast to the rest of the city, this building looked almost-new, with some off-colored stone here and there betraying the fact that it had been painstakingly rebuilt. As far as I knew, the practice was uncommon in the Wasteland, but the shelter the multistory apartment building provided was worth the effort. Long plastic tarps stretched from the midsection of the building down to two large water collection tanks, doubtless fitted with filtration talismans to allow for rain collection.

“Well I have to admit,” Erratic Key said as I heard a clap of thunder over my head, “I was not expecting this.”

The sound turned my attention skywards. “Oh, crap.” I nudged Erratic Key. “We need to get inside, ASAP.”

“Yeah, the faster we make these trades, the faster we can go ahead and be on our way,” he said idly.

My forehoof collided sharply with my forehead. “No, it’s not that. The rain here is irradiated. We think that whatever the pegasi are doing above the cloud cover is producing some sort of magically radioactive waste, which they are then kind enough to dump on us. So unless you happen to like puking your guts out, I suggest you follow me.”

I moved to the intercom that was on the outside of the first of the lobby doors. The guard stallion on the other side noticed me and pushed the button. “Here for business or for lodging?”

“Business,” I stated, “and it’s starting to rain.”

The guard gave me a look that said that he knew quite well that it was raining, thank you very much, and buzzed the door open.

As we entered the space between the two sets of doors, the guard held out a hoof to stop us. He looked at my leg and at the blood spatters on Key’ coat, his eyes widened, and he pointed his battle saddle at us. “Now hold on right there,” he said, his voice brokering no nonsense. “Just where do you think you’re going?”

After the Raider encounter, I really didn’t like guns pointed at me, but I tried to retain my composure. “I- I, uh, we were, uh, we were attacked. We need to get to Downtown, and my friend here needs to buy some supplies.”

The guard raised an eyebrow. “And I’m supposed to believe that based on your word alone? Your “friend” there looks more like a Raider than a Wastelander. Mind explaining that?”

I blanched. “He, uh... he bashed in a Raider’s head. With a grenade.”

The guard looked at Erratic Key, then back at me. Then back to Erratic Key. Then at a point several feet behind my companion’s head. “He did what.” His eye twitched. “Hold on a moment. I need to speak with my superior. Don’t go anywhere.” He backed through the inner doors, keeping his guns trained on us.

Through the glass, I could see the security pony talking to a second one. After some muted conversation, the first guard opened the door again, holding it open this time. “My boss wants to talk to you.”

Curious as to what this pony could want, I headed inside.

The main lobby was a simple room, with the patched concrete being lit by several bare bulbs dangling from the ceiling. It wasn’t too great, but it looked like it got the job done. Directly in front of us I could easily see a staircase that I imagined led up to the rest of the building, or at least what floors hadn’t been made impassible by debris. Off to the right was a corridor from which the smell of food and the sound of a few people talking. However, we were being led in the opposite direction, towards a dimly-lit room with a bored-looking silver mare sitting behind a desk.

Our escort nodded to the mare, who nodded back as he left the way we came. The mare steepled her forehooves and leaned in on her elbows. “I’d ask you to sit down, but I’d rather you not stain anything.”

I forced a grin. “Yeah, we’re a real mess, huh?”

“No shit,” she replied with a chuckle. “So what in the name of all the Wastes have you two done to make one my guards run into my office pissin’ himself like a filly and telling me that I gotta see two visitors. Do you have any idea how much I have to do on a daily basis?”

Erratic Key stomped a forehoof. “Something along the lines of going into too much detail of what happened during our trip!” he turned to me. “We ran into a couple of Raiders along the way. This one shit himself and got shot, and things got a little bit....physical. Something about a grenade a skull and a lot of beating. Thus...” he motioned at the blood covering the two of us.

I raised a hoof. “I will have you know that I did no such thing. The... the shitting thing, not the getting shot thing,” I added, gesturing to my still-wrapped leg.

Erratic Key ignored me. “Rivers of the stuff. Brown everywhere.”

The mare exhaled heavily through her nostrils. “I’m sure. Look, if the worst thing I have to worry about is two ponies trying to defend themselves and getting just little bit enthusiastic, then I’d say we’re fine. Now, both of you get out of my office, and I expect to not see either of you again. Do you understand?”

I gave a short salute. “Yes ma’am!”

“Good.The shops are on the 2nd and 3rd floors there’s a bar on this level if either of you need a drink, or to rent a room. If you need anything else talk to Barrel the bartender.”

“Thank you,” Erratic Key said, making his way back to the lobby. “So what do you want to do first? You thinking bar, ‘cause I’m thinking bar.”

I looked at the state of my companion’s coat as we paused just outside of the security mare’s office. “First thing? You need to get cleaned off. It might be a bit on the expensive side, but I think I have enough caps on me for you to rent a room. While you’re doing that, I’ll go and see about selling our... goods.” I know, they were Raiders, why should I care? They were still ponies, though, and the thought of selling things taken from a dead pony left a bad taste in my mouth.

Erratic Key nodded. “All right, let’s see if we can’t get a room and find out who we can sell some of this stuff to. I don’t know how long this rain’s going to go, so now’s a pretty good time to get some rest. We’ll probably need it.”

We began our walk over to the bar, and I noticed many of the Residence residents staring at Key’ horn, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere, probably on his side as well as theirs.

Finally the silence broke, and Erratic Key leaned over to whisper in my ear: “Disk, what’s with these ponies? It’s like they’ve never seen a unicorn. Or a pony covered in ridiculous amount of blood for that matter, but I find that everywhere I go. So where are all the unicorns?”

Ah. So he had noticed. “No one really knows. There’s a theory going around that Stable 25’s Grand Experiment was to have a Stable of only earth ponies, but I’m not too sure about that. Personally, I think it has something to do with Solaris’ meddling. I’m not sure what they wanted to accomplish without unicorns, but then again, this is Solaris we’re talking about.”

“Who is Solaris?” he asked.

We made our way through the lobby and entered the barroom. The bar was in surprisingly good shape, but then again, it shouldn’t have been surprising, considering the effort put into restoring the place. Across the barroom was the bar itself, a long plank of bright wood with numerous bottles of various drinks lined up along one end. What few ponies I had heard earlier must have left, because the only person in sight was who I assumed to be the barmaid, a chestnut-brown mare with a bright red mane and tail who seemed preoccupied with a terminal bolted to the wall.

I took a seat at the bar and turned to Erratic Key. “Right. You’re new to Pittspur. Basically, Solaris inc. is the biggest company who ever failed. Pretty much nothing they ever did turned out right. Case in point: they tried to combine a vacuum cleaner and a radio, Sisters know why, and somehow ended up with a sonic-based weapon. Before the war, they were Stable-Tec’s main competitor. They were trying to construct their own version of a Stable, but they kept failing. As the story goes, they somehow hijacked Stable 25 and messed with it to do their own experiments. The virus that we’re trying to cure? Yeah, that’s their fault.” I waved my hoof in the air. “Somehow.”

I tapped my hoof on the bar to get the mare’s attention. “Pardon me, ma’am? We’d like to rent a room, please.”

The brown mare turned around to look at us, her face plastered with a look of absolute pleasure. “Oh hiya!” she said as she approached us, “You two must be new ‘round here. Pleasure to meet’cha! I’m Barrel.” The mare began to rummage around beneath the counter as she continued to speak. “So what brings two new ponies to the Residence? One of ‘em a unicorn, too.” She reappeared from the counter and placed a small key on the table.

Barrel seemed like a nice mare. “Thanks.” I pulled out my bag of caps. “How much?”

“75 caps,” she replied. “Or if you ponies would be willing to give me a hoof, I could give you a special deal.”

“What do you need?” I asked.

“Oh well, do either of you know anything about terminals?” she asked, a sparkle in her eyes.

Now here was something that was right up my alley. “I know quite a bit about terminals, actually. What do you need?”

“Well, the one I’m using only has so much memory available and I keep trying to unlock more. But this tricky little spell matrix just won’t let me in. Do you stallions think you could help me out and try to unlock the rest of it?” Her voice had an accent to it that painted her as most definitely not a local, and her cheerfulness was honestly more than a little bit infectious.

“Ugh, those dumb Solaris machines!” I massaged a temple with a forehoof. “Yeah, that would be no problem.” I pulled my hacking tool out of my bag. “May I see the system in question?”

“Oh sure,” she said, unlocking a small part of the bar.

I walked over to the terminal and stared at it. As per Solaris standards., the poor excuse for a terminal looked to be constructed of the cheapest possible metal. I plugged the hacking tool into the port on the side and activated it. A stream of code ran down the screen of the device and a prompt appeared. After a few minutes of typing, I had successfully unlocked the extra memory that Solaris seemed fit to put in their terminals but not allow the user access to. I unplugged my tool and replaced it in my bag, swearing vengeance against the designer of Solaris terminals everywhere. I turned back to the wood-colored mare. “Okay, you should have access to all 16 kilosparkles of memory now. More than enough, if you ask me.”

“Oh thanks,” Barrel said. “That should give me enough space to record anything else I learn. Say, would two like to earn some extra caps while you're out in the Wasteland?” she looked pointedly at Erratic Key, “You two seem like you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself.”

“What do you need?” I asked.

“Oh, just a few odd jobs here and there outside in the city,” she smiled. “Anything you stallions bring me back I’ll happily pay you for. Where are you two headed?”’

“Truth be told, we’re actually headed to the Stable,” Erratic Key said.

“Wow, you boys are headed out pretty far. I hope you two stay safe; I wouldn’t want anything to happen to the two of you.”

“I think we’ll be okay,” he responded, throwing a hoof around me and pulling me into his blood-stained coat.

I squirmed under the grasp of my travelling companion, but I managed to break free. I wiped my now blood-soaked coat with a hoof. “Gee, thanks,” I shot at the unicorn. I turned my attention back to the lovely bartender. “Hopefully we’ll be okay.”

“Well, if you two say so. You two go ahead up to your room and consider it paid in full,” the bartender smiled.

Erratic Key bowed his head. “Thank you.” We turned to leave and immediately began heading for our room. “She likes you.”

I gave Erratic Key a nudge. “Shut up!” Despite my words, I couldn’t help but grin.

Soon enough, we reached the room. Key unlocked it, and we walked in.

The room contained a single bed which looked big enough for maybe one pony to sleep uncomfortably. A couch sat against the wall opposite the bed, with a door in the back leading to a small bathroom.

All in all, not a bad room, given the price. I glanced at my companion. “Dibs on the bed.”

Erratic Key glared at me, his voice a dangerous growl. “I have slept on the corpses of bandits, Raiders, and all the scum of this hellhole we call a world. The entrails of those who stood before me fended off the cold nights of the blasted waste that I called home. The bones of every single dead fuck who ever tried to stand against me have formed the foundations of my sanctuaries.”

He smiled. “You can have the bed if you want.”

I squinched my eyes into crescent moons. “Thanks! You can have first shower, if you want. The filters should be active, so don’t worry about radiation from the shower. There’s no heating talisman, though, so...” I shrugged. “What else is new?”

“The simple fact that I can shower!” Erratic Key yelled, already halfway to the bathroom. “Go ahead and see what you can find out around here. Talk to the residents and see what they know. When I’m done here I’ll meet you down Barrel’s and we’ll sell the stuff together. After that, as soon as the rain lets up, we’ll head out.”

Well then, Disk. You have some time by yourself. What do you do? I contemplated this for half a moment before the pain in my leg reminded me that there were some things I still needed to attend to.

I made my way to the stairs and limped my way to the second floor, looking for some sort of medical supply store. In my rush to leave the PMRF, I had neglected to pack some essentials, like anything to deal with a gunshot, which in retrospect was pretty stupid of me. A sign leapt out at me: it was an old wooden plank with the words “Snake Oil’s Stop” crudely painted in red on it above an image of a bandaged colt.

I knocked on the open door as I entered, more out of habit than anything else. The room was smaller rather cramped, as the shelves on which the vendor stored his wares jutted out from the walls quite from a bit. The curtains were drawn, meaning the only light source in the room was a single yellowed bulb, which cast a grimy light on everything. To my right stood a stallion, his coat the same grimy yellow as the walls.

“Hey there.” As he grinned, I could see that his teeth matched his coat. At least he was color-coordinated. “What can I get for ‘ya?”

I tried to snort away his bad breath without drawing too much attention to the fact I was doing so. “I was hoping to get some medical supplies.”

The yellow pony’s eye twitched, but then he smiled again. “Then you’ve come to the right place. Let ol’ Snake Oil take care of ‘ya.”

I took a half-step back. “Er... I just need the supplies, thanks. How much for a healing potion and a brace?”

The pony grabbed the requested items and puts them on the counter. “Seventy caps.”

“Seventy? Are you crazy? I’ll give you fifty.”

Snake Oil shook his head. “Sorry, kid you’ll have to do better than that.”

“Uh... fifty-five?” I was not a good barterer.

A shake of the head.

“Sixty?”

Another shake.

With a sigh, I shook seventy caps out of my bag and placed them on the counter, where they were swept up by the salespony, who pushed the items towards me.

“Thanks,” I muttered, putting my purchases in my saddlebag and making my way back to the room. I sat on the bed and began the rather tricky task of putting the brace on my leg.

A good hour later, my leg braced, I downed the healing potion I had bought from Snake Oil. I winced as the bones in my leg began to set. Rolling off the bed, I tenderly put my hoof down, testing my weight on it. Finding it acceptable, I headed down to Barrel’s to meet up with Erratic Key.

As I entered the bar, I noticed that there was a rather well-dressed pony sitting next to a larger one at a table in the middle of the room giving my companion a rather nasty look.

I slid into a chair next to Key. “What’s their deal?”

“Don’t worry about it, Disk,” he said, throwing an obviously-drunken hoof over my shoulder. “Hey, Barrel!” he cried out to the smiling bartender, who had since begun to hum a little tune “Get this fresh minty pony a drink! On me!”

I gave Erratic Key a sidelong glance. “I’m not minty...” I muttered. Something nudged my hoof and I looked down. A glass of scotch. I looked back up to see Barrel smiling at me. “Uh... thanks.” I wasn’t really much of a drinker, but I decided that I could make an exception. I lifted the glass to my lips and took a sip. Burning liquid poured down my throat, and I made a face. I heard someone clear their throat behind me, and I turned around. In front of me stood the business suit-wearing pony. Up close, I could see that his coat was a very dark brown, almost black color. Not something you see every day.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

The suited pony cleared his throat again. “Yes, I believe you can. My name is High Roller. My associate over there,” he gestured to the large also-brown stallion, “Is Bad Stone. We represent... well, let’s just say for now that we represent a party very interested in your work at the Pittspur Medical Research Facility.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

High Roller just chuckled. “Of course you don’t. Have no fear, I am keeping what I know close to my vest, as it were. Now, my... client is searching for a relic of the ancient Crystal Empire. I happen to know of its location, and I am willing to reward you quite handsomely if you were to retrieve it.”

Something about the stallion struck me as off. I nudged Key. “What do you think?”

“I heard reward ‘nd handsome,” he slurred. “Just so you know, flattery will get you nowhere. I thank you for your time, though, and appreciate your interest in my body. Bribery will work just fine, though.”

Both High Roller and I stared at Erratic Key. I coughed. “Erm, you’ll have to excuse my companion here. He’s, uh... a bit drunk. That said, we thank you for your offer, but we will have to decline.”

The dark pony raised an eyebrow. “I see. Well, if you reconsider, we’ll be around.” He waved to Bad Stone. “Come, we have things to do.”

As the two strangers left the bar, I turned back to Erratic Key. “Huh. What was that all about?”

“What was what about?” he asked. “I was under the impression that we were in need of money. You know the thing used to buy stuff, like alcohol for instance,” he said as he raised a glass in my direction before downing it. “Honestly, some stallion walks up offers a treasure hunt with the promise of untold reward and yo-” he held up a hoof. “Alcohol just hit. Anyway, we need money, and you need more drinks.” he tapped the bar twice. “Just so you know, those two problems probably aren’t related.”

Barrel soon returned with a pair of shots, which she placed in front of us. “Hey Barrel?” Key asked, “What ya know ‘bout one High Rooler?”

Barrel raised an eyebrow. “Hm? Oh, I’ve seen him around here a few times. Usually pretty quiet. Asks if any strangers come through every time he visits. Never sure why though. Did he ask you boys something?”

I nodded. “He said that he was representing someone who was looking for a relic from the Crystal Empire.” I looked down at my scotch, contemplating taking another drink of the burning liquid. I shrugged and took another sip, suppressing another face.

“The Crystal empire?!” Barrel squeed. “Nopony hardly knows anything about the Crystal empire,” she said as she clapped her front hooves together like a little filly. “Do you think he might know something about it?

“Probably,” Erratic Key said. “If he comes around asking for strangers, then he’s looking for something would be my guess. That ‘r he wants somepony to do some lookin’ fer him.”

“Oh, just imagine what we could learn if somepony found something important about the Crystal Empire!” There was a gleam in her eye. “Would you boys please help him find whatever it is that he’s looking for?” Barrel turned to face me, and I was unprepared for the mare’s pleading puppy dog eyes. I swear I almost had a heart attack right there. “I’ll consider all your drinks from tonight on the house.”

“Disk, need I remind you that if we go look for this, all the drinks I’ve had will not cost us any caps?”

“How much have yo-”

In response, a light blue aura surrounded two bottles of whiskey and ten shot glasses as Erratic Key levitated them into the air. They were all empty.

I facehooved. “You and I have to have a talk later. And need I remind you that we are currently on a mission of our own?” I sighed. “I suppose that if wherever High Roller has us go isn’t too far out of the way, it wouldn’t hurt our income to go along with him.” I turned to Barrel. “Where’s this guy staying?”

“Yeah!” Barrel said clapping her hooves together again. “He staying on the fourth floor, room number thirteen.”

“Welp, I say we get going,” Erratic Key said, stumbling off the bar stool. “Come on Disk, we got quests to get!” He began to hobble in the general direction of the door.

I sighed and pulled Erratic Key towards the door. “Come on; we’re going to wait for you to sober up before we do anything.” I pulled my companion to the room and flopped him on the bed. “Get some sleep. It’s good for you.”

////====////

Morning found me shaking Erratic Key awake. “Hey. Come on, we have a pony to see about a thing.”

“Nn. Wh?” the lump on the bed muttered. He opened his eyes, but then quickly squeezed them shut again. “Gah. Too bright. I’ll be down in a bit.”

I sighed and made my way to the room that Barrel had told me was occupied by the business suit-wearing stallion.

Well, here we go...

I knocked on the door.

There was some shuffling from the other side, then the door opened a crack. Through it, I could see the blue eye of a yellow-coated pony. “Can I help you?” a mare’s voice asked.

“Uh... I think so. Is High Roller there?”

The door closed and there was some more shuffling and some muffled conversation. The door opened again, revealing High Roller. “Ah, so you’ve returned. Reconsidered my offer, have you?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Yeah. As much as I hate to admit it, we could use the caps right now.”

The dark pony smiled. “That is good to hear. Now, I imagine your companion is still sleeping off the effects of his libations, yes?”

“Yeah. I really need to talk to him about that.”

The suited pony nodded. “Yes, I would imagine you would.”

“Nnnnnnnnnnngh,” a familiar voice complained from behind me.

I turned to see Erratic Key. “Oh, hey. Welcome back to the ranks of the living.”

High Roller rubbed his hooves together. “Now that I have the both of you here, please, come in.”

I gave Key a nervous look before heading in.

Moldy dark green carpet lined the floor, falling into depressions where the somehow not-two-hundred-year-old furniture sat. the walls were lined with shelves and drawers of good condition. Well, good for to hundred years, at least. Bad Stone stood on one corner of the room, in an effort to see everything going on, classic merc/trained professional style.

High Roller took a seat in a chair at one end of the room and crossed his forehooves. I idly noticed that this position put Bad Stone right behind us. “The artifact my client is seeking is none other than the fabled Crystal Heart. We have managed to track it down to somewhere here in Pittspur.” He reached behind himself and pulled a map from seemingly nowhere. “We believe it to be either here,” he pointed to the Multi-Ministry Tower, “here,” he pointed to the MAS Emergency Broadcast Tower, “or through here.” He pointed to an area on the map that I had marked on my own simply with a large “X” and a question mark. “Should you recover the artifact and bring it to me, my client is prepared to reward you with twenty-five thousand caps.”

My mouth dropped open. What would I even do with that much money?

Then he dropped the bombshell. “Each.”

My eyes widened and my ears shot forwards. He had my full attention.

Erratic Key seemed as eager as I was, if not more so. “What can you tell us about this ‘Crystal Heart?’ Anything that might make the search a little bit easier? What does it look like? How large is it? Do we need to know anything before we actually try to bring it back here? Also, the last area, what can you tell me about it?”

High Roller adjusted his tie. “My apologies, but that is all the information my client has at this moment. I’m afraid that you’ll have to search for the Heart on your own. That said, I do have something to give the both of you that might ensure your survival. He gestured to the adjoining room. “Cherry Twist, would you bring these fine gentlemen their presents?”

To my surprise, a bright yellow unicorn with a similarly vibrant red mane walked out, levitating what looked to be two sets of leather barding. Two unicorns in two days? That has to be some sort of record or something. She floated them towards us. “Thank you!” I took one and put it in my saddlebags to put on later.

The aura surrounding the other set of barding changed from dark to light blue as the unicorns exchanged grips. “I must say,” Erratic Key said, “this is some the finest looking stuff I’ve seen in a long time.”

“I’m glad you think so,” said High Roller. “My client had it hoofmade specifically for this purpose.”

I paused in my arranging of my saddlebags. No one simply “made” anything in the Wasteland. Either this mysterious client somehow lived outside the Wasteland, or he/she had access to some really rare Pre-War tech. I spaced out for a minute as I tried to imagine just what kind of person High Roller’s “client” was.

“Did they, now?” Erratic Key asked. “You’ll have to inform your client that I’m quite impressed.” he looked back over at the yellow unicorn. “Very impressed indeed.”

“Well then, will that be all?” I asked, shaking myself out of my trance.

High Roller nodded.

“In that case,” I said, “I have a very generous gift to put on. Once again Mr. Roller, thank you, and we will do our best to find the Heart for you.” My piece said, Erratic Key and I left the room.

As soon as we were out in the hall, the door behind us shut, Key turned to me. “You do realize that guy will betray the shit out of us as soon as we bring him what he wants?”

I nickered. “Oh, yeah. We’ll have to be ready for that. Going to be tough, though, considering that he apparently has some rather powerful connections.”

We began to walk back to our room, and Key continued talking: “The guy could be ponyshiting us. No real way to know until we actually find the Heart thing though. First things first, we need to get to the Stable. After that we can head over and check the two locations in the eastern part of Pittspur. If we still don’t find it then we can check the last location as we make our way back to the PMRF. Before that, though, we’ll need to buy the rest of our supplies and find out what it is Barrel needs us to do.” As we reached the bottom of the stairs, Erratic Key turned to me. “To save time, I’ll get our supplies and go make the trades. I’m better at that than you anyway. You head on down and talk to Barrel and see what she needs us to do.”

I nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” I pulled the lead pipe I had scavenged from the Raiders from my saddlebag and held it out to Erratic Key. “Think you can get anything for this?”

“No, but you can,” he said before bapping me on the head with a hoof.

“Ow!” I rubbed my head. “Okay, I get it.” I put the pipe back in my pack. “I’ll guess I’ll see you in a bit, then,” I said as I left.

I entered the bar and looked around, spotting Barrel behind the counter. I took the same seat as I had earlier and tapped the counter to get Barrel’s attention.

“Hi,” Barrel said. “What can I get you?”

“Hi Barrel.” I said. “I was actually hoping to ask you what it is you wanted me and Key to do. We kinda left without asking, and I feel bad about it; it just seems impolite to me.”

Barrel’s grin widened slightly. “Oh there’s plenty of things that I need help with, but I’ll start you two off on an easy one. In Downtown, there’s this a large impact crater that was made when the megaspells went off. There’s a whole lot of radiation out that way so I want you two to scout around and see what effect the presence of a large crater might have had on any wildlife.”

I scratched my head. “Wildlife? Pittspur is an urban environment. There’s not really much wildlife to be had aside from the Radsquirrels and crows.”

“Oh you’d be surprised,” Barrel said, nodding sagely. “After two hundred years, wildlife has a way of spreading out. Not to mention all the poor animals that were in the zoos in the city. One of the most dangerous places in the Pittspur is the Aviary. Though I don’t really mean animals, as much as other ponies. I want to know what ponies who live out in the wilderness know. See if there’s any useful tips they might know, you know.” Barrel chuckled a bit. “Just go out and learn what you can and,” Barrel glanced down for a moment. “make sure you come back and tell me.”

I reached out to put a comforting hoof on Barrel. “Hey, don’t worry. Key seems like he’s had a lot of experience out in the Wasteland. I’m pretty sure that as long as I follow his directions, I’ll be okay.” I joined Barrel in looking at the floor. “I hope,” I muttered.

“Oh I’m sure you two will be fine,” Barrel said with a laugh as she headed to the back of the bar. “Can I get you anything else before you go?”

I thought for a bit. Eh, what the hell. Not every day you get the opportunity... “I’ll have a rum and Nuka, if you have the fixings.”

“Make it two,” Erratic Key shouted from across the room.

“Two Rum and Nukas comin’ right up.” Barrel turned her back to us and began to prepare our drinks. Key slid into the seat on my right.

“So how goes it?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Not bad. Barrel wants us to check out that big crater in the middle of Downtown to see what kind of impact the Wasteland has had on the people and animals living around there.”

“Thank the Stars, I thought she was gonna ask us to bring back a Hellhound or some shit,” he said.

I cocked my head. “I noticed you’ve been swearing by the Stars a lot, Key. Not many ponies do that; it’s more of a zebra thing. Not to be rude, but what’s up with that?”

“You don’t want to know,” he said “It’s a pretty lo-”

“YOU TWO!” both of us turned around to see the silver mare in charge of security standing in the bar’s doorway point a hoof at us. “Both of you, entrance of the Residence right now!” She turned and left before either of us could get a word out.

“I- but... whuh?” I looked at Key. “What did you do?”

“Why is it you chose to blame me for this?” he asked. “You haven’t known me for two days, and you’re throwing accusations at me.” He stood up from his seat and began to exit the bar. “I won’t stand for it,” he said in a fake Trottingham accent as he left the bar, “good day sir.”

“Well fine, be that way.” I turned to Barrel. “Sorry, but it looks like something is happening. I’ll have to take a raincheck on that drink.” I flip-flopped back and forth before deciding to give her a quick hug. “See you later.” I made my way to the main door.

“What’s going on?” I heard Erratic Key ask the security mare as I trotted into a scene of tension I was unprepared for. What was probably the entire security force of the Residence, all seven of them, were pointing their battle saddles at the door, trigger bits in their mouths.

“What the fuck did you two bring here?!” the head mare asked. Her eyes were wide with fear, sending alarm bells ringing in my head. “There’s a Celestia-damned army outside asking for you two!”

I looked fearfully at Key. “What did you do!? I certainly had nothing to do with this! I’ve been living in the PMRF my entire life! WHAT DID YOU DO!?”

He looked coolly back at me “Exactly. You’ve been living in Pittspur far longer than I have. You’ve had plenty of time to piss off any number of people. Me? I just got here.” He turned back toward the security chief. “So....define army.”

“There’s six ponies out there right now!” She shrieked.

“Six hardly counts as an army,” Key scoffed.

“They're all just standing there. IN THE RAIN!”

“The fuck...” Key mumbled, but I was already staring wide-eyed out the window. Sure enough, there were six different ponies all standing at about thirty yards away. Each of them was draped in a long dark robe that covered their entire bodies. “I thought the rain was radioactive in Pittspur,” I heard Key ask.

“It is,” the chief answered.

I, on the other hoof, was having a bit of a hard time with the information my eyes were sending to my brain. “What in the hypothetical fuck!? How are they... they should be dead from...” I could feel my brain give up on trying to explain what I was seeing, so I simply resorted to gesturing with a hoof and flapping my mouth like a choking fish.

“What do they want?” Key asked.

“They just asked for the two ponies who arrived here earlier today,” Chief said.

“Well alright then,” he said. He approached and opened the double doors, allowing the pounding of the rain to echo throughout the lobby. “Hello!” he called, “I believe I was asked for.”

The one in the middle began to slowly walk closer. After about ten yards he stopped again. “You were the one responsible for the deaths of The Shaper’s chosen?”

“What the fuck is he talking about?” he asked, turning to me.

“I have absolutely no idea,” I said.

Erratic Key turned back to the pony in the street. “If you mean those three douchebags who tried to eat me and my friend, then yes. I killed them. Why?”

“The Shaper will not tolerate the rise of a rival or his servant. Leave now and you will not be bothered. If you chose to stay and seek the soul of hope you will die.” The mysterious pony turned and trotted back toward his five companions who began to back away into the downpour. “Do not enter the city,” he called out one final time, “Do not seek out light’s catalyst or you will be destoried.”

And with that he was gone.

Erratic Key turned to me, his mouth a wide “O” of surprise. “What the actual fuck?”

Achievements unlocked!

Rough welcome - Reach Pittspur

Double Header - Recruit your first companion

Ne’er-Do-Well - Achieve a negative status of Notorious or greater with one faction.

display erratic_key.csh
Erratic Key - Level 10 Unicorn

S:3
P:8
E:5
C:7
I:4
A:7
L:7

Tagged Skills: Lockpick, Survival, Melee - whenever you put a skill point into one of these skills, it is raised by two ranks.

Unicorn - As a Unicorn, you get +1 to Perception and Agility, but -1 to Endurance.

display data_disk.csh
Data Disk - Level 5 Earth Pony

S: 6
P: 3
E: 8
C: 4
I: 7
A: 4
L: 6

Tagged Skills: Medicine, Science, Repair - whenever you put a skill point into one of these skills, it is raised by two ranks.

Earth Pony - As an Earth Pony, you get +1 to Strength and Endurance, but -1 to Agility.

Author's Note

Erratic Key, Barrel, and other NPCs graciously played by Galvin Starlight.

Thanks to Derpmind for giving me a better name idea for the city, double thanks to Mimezinga for letting me build on Solaris, triple thanks to the Fallout: Equestria wiki and Nukapedia for helping me keep within acceptable canon, and of course an extra-special thanks to Kkat for creating the original and letting us all play in her sandbox!

If you want a PDF copy, check out the GoogleDocs version here!