"We'll see if you still hate yourself."
Drugs are a real fuck-up. You feel great at first, and it's the most fun in the world, but then you come down. It consumes your life and becomes the most important thing in it. You push away anypony who just wants to help you and end up hurting more than just yourself. So once the dust settles, you find yourself more alone than you've ever been. Everypony can say that they've been alone, but have you ever been well and truly alone? Turns out people won't want to help when you can't even help yourself.
Out of context, I'd look like either a daredevil or a really big idiot. The ponies on the street are so far away when you're part of the skyline. The wind up here thrashed my mane and coat. I hadn't even known that Fillydelphia was expecting a storm. I was laying on my back with my right foreleg dangling over the edge of the building, and the other dangling off the edge where ponies walk.
I wasn't planning on jumping. Honest, I wasn't. But, if I fell, I wouldn't scream; I wouldn't even try to brace for the ground. I didn't want to. I'd feel bad for the ponies who would have to clean me up.
After taking one last deep drag of my cigarette, I carelessly flicked it off the side, along with the others. I didn't care about a few smokes, the things that put me here were a lot worse. I closed my eyes and just wanted to listen. Just as I had began to drift, I was now face to face with a particularly pissed-off looking pegasus mare.
“Hey buddy! You've already hit me, like, twice with your cigarette butts! If you're too much of an asshole to throw them away, at least have the Celestia-damned decency to not throw them off of a building!” She barked at me as she, not so gracefully, landed down behind the rail.
Only when she had landed is when I got a look at her, she had a turquoise mane and a pristine white coat. I only got a glance at her cutie mark, I think it may have been a golden ring or something. There were a few black marks across her coat. I think they may be been marks from where the still burning cigarette butts landed on her. I licked my hoof and rubbed the mark on her cheek. It wasn't perfect, but the ash was mostly gone.
“Wha-?” She looked at me with confusion in her gorgeous mint eyes. “You didn't have to do that, I could have gotten it myself.” There was still a hint of anger in her demeanor, but it had mostly faded.
“Sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I just needed a break up here.” I said to her with an apologetic-ish tone in my voice. She seemed to relax a bit before taking a seat next to me on the edge.
“What are you doing up here? If you fall, nopony is there to catch you.” She didn't even know, but that was something that hit really deep. Then, the realization of her words dawned on her. “O-oh. Were, uh, were you gonna... jump?” That last part had came out as a hardly-audible squeak.
“What are you doing up here?” I asked her back. I wasn't even facing her, I just watched the moon and all its little stars around it mix behind the neon signs and the highrise skyscrapers. “You already yelled at me, and I apologized and wiped away the offense. You didn't leave.” Why? Why didn't she? Can't I just go back to my self-loathing pity-party?
“I didn't leave because you look like you need somepony.” She placed a hoof over mine, and tried to get closer to me, but I pulled away. “Do you at least wanna talk about it?” Why? Why should we?
“I fucked up. There's nothing to talk about. And, I appreciate the affection, but you don't wanna get involved with me. Thanks, anyway.” I still couldn't face her. I blinked a few tears out of my eyes that rolled off my muzzle and onto my coat.
She had placed her other hoof on mine, gently rubbing it in a tense silence between us as we both stared out into the city.
“I... I know it may be hard, but you can't just give up. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, but if you do that, you'll never find it.” She gave out a long sigh.
“What if you're going the wrong direction? What if, only after you realized you were going the wrong direction, that you're too far in to find light? I know you'll find it eventually, but what if you didn't have that time? The dark keeps dragging you down further and further before you forget what light looks like. You don't know which way is up or down. You forget your left from your right, and it becomes hopeless.” I was losing my composure at this point, but I never said anything, I just set my head down onto her hooves and gently sobbed.
“Then you get help from somepony else. You let them give you a hoof up, and you both walk out of that goddess-damned tunnel together. Stronger.” She was stroking my mane with a hoof as we both lie there, the silence returning.
Finally, I broke the silence by looking up at her. “Why are you so eager to help somepony you don't even know?” Why was she?
“Because. You really remind me of a special somepony. He got lost in that tunnel and never came out. I don't want that to happen again. To anypony.” She looked down into my eyes, and I couldn't help but feel safe in them. I'd done a lot of bad things, and hurt a lot of nice ponies. But, I'd felt like I had a chance to get better. To do better. Maybe after all this, I could reconcile with the ponies I had hurt. But, if those flames were burnt out, I could start some new ones and keep them burning until I'm gone.
She gave me a reassuring nuzzle that I didn't pull away from this time. We were both hurt, and maybe we both needed somepony to help the other. I don't know what brought her here tonight, but I'm glad she did.
“You never even told me your name.” I finally asked her.
“My name? It's Angel.” She said gently. All the anger I heard earlier was non-existent. All she had was compassion and kindness in her eyes. It'd taken me a few moments to draw the connection between the name, wings, and cutie mark.
An angel, huh?
Thanks, I really needed one right now.
I guess you never know who the ponies who help you really are.
She saved me from myself.
She didn't have to.
But I won't ever forget,
The angel who took my hoof,
And held it tightly,
Before I did something that couldn't be undone.
