Hexed Lives

Chapters

The Gathering
Rejoice
Explore, and Discover
Endings Are Only the Beginning
The Man in Black, The Hero in Blue
Chaotic Wedding

The Gathering

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 & The P Co

-Canterlot-

It was a normal day in Equestria, sunny, bright, and calm.

And also dreadfully boring.

Princess Celestia was half-listening to yet another boring meeting over some arbitrary topic. What was today’s argument again? Was it the price of fish? Maybe that fashion trade thing? She had no idea, she hadn’t paid attention since the line, “Today’s debate is over the following topics;”.

And neither had Luna, she was still quite far behind in the times, though she had caught up on modern music, and found a strange liking for dubtrot and hip-hop. All she knew was that this debate was something that only higher-up Canterlotians would care about.

Suddenly, Celestia felt a wave of pain shoot through her head, something just happened, she felt a disturbance in the force!

She glanced out the window, the sky shimmered and rippled with unnatural energies, then suddenly was perfectly fine, what just happened?

“I think it’s about time we adjourn this meeting for the day.” The white alicorn announced, silencing one of the nobles mid-sentence.

Without waiting for any further response, she teleported out of the room and to another part of the castle, it was time for an investigation!

-Random Universe XYZ-

Harry groaned as he woke up with the sun in his eyes, what time was it? He glanced at the alarm clock and gasped.

“Oh no, I’m late!” Harry got out of bed and prepared to go to work as an Auror, one of the highest authorities in the wizarding world. After several minutes of fumbling and confusion, he was ready to go to the precinct.

“Harry, are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, just late for work. I have to leave now, goodbye.” Harry kissed his wife quickly and was now going out the door.

In spite of this lateness, Harry was not that horrible off, as he was the head of the Auror Department, and such, could get himself off slightly easy.

“Harry, where were you?”

Harry looked off to see Ronald Weasley, his close friend and brother in-law.

“Oh sorry Ron, I slept in.”

Ron sighed, and looked towards him.

“Alright, just get to work.”

“You’re not my boss, I am.”

“Same difference.”

“Let me just go to my office.” Harry suddenly felt a throbbing sensation near his scar.

“Harry, are you alright?”

“Yeah, just a migraine. I’ll take a healing potion, don’t worry.” Harry walked towards his office and sat down at his desk. That’s when he noticed a strange box on his desk, with a tag on it. He picked it up and read the tag.

‘This object has supernatural properties. Use it with respect.’

Harry didn’t know who this ‘Q’ person was, all he knew was that it was a gift. He opened the box and saw that it was a medallion-type object.

“What the bloody hell is this?” It didn’t seem to be magical, and was made of some kind of metal, maybe stainless steel, and it was engraved with a symbol, a circle of arrows pointing outwards. He didn’t know that symbol, he’d slept through some of his Runes classes back at Hogwarts.

He looked at the tag again, and saw extra writing on the back.

‘P.S. Use this with a teleportation spell.’

Harry would use it later, right now, there was work.

“Potter, we have a lead on Hobloker, he’s in Stuttgart.”

“Stuttgart, as in Germany? I’ll be there.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Harry would use the teleport spell to go to Stuttgart and get this criminal. He then thought of the note. He’d humor this note and use the spell on the medallion.

With a swish and flick, and cast the spell on the medallion, and disappeared.

Meanwhile, a very young-looking man in dapper clothing walked up to the front of the building, and smiled.

“Well, I suppose that helped. Maybe there’s some guy in another world that would like to meet me.” The man chuckled as he walked off, right before snapping his yellow-gloved fingers and teleporting.

-Random Universe ABC-

Climbing out of his tent, Wilson watched the papery construct disappear in a puff of smoke.

“Great, bloody great, now I’ve to deal with another night awake,” He complained, scratching at his waist-length beard, he had misplaced his razor and decided not to worry about shaving for a while, that was three Summers ago.

Looking around the barren landscape, he saw some flowers in the far distance, maybe a day’s travel, he’d need to prepare the materials for a campfire, or at least a torch, if he wanted to not get mauled by that shadowy beast that hides in pitch-darkness.

Gathering some twigs from his sapling section, then a sheaf of grass for kindling, he set off, grabbing his Dark Sword and Nightmare Armor at the last second, in case any nightmare creatures decided to attack him along the way.

While running to the flower patch, he briefly thought of his time in this world, he was afraid, he was afraid of practically everything, even the seemingly harmless rabbits fed on his fear and turned into dangerous little monsters when his mind was too frazzled.

“That’s odd, those flowers, they aren’t normal… THAT’S ANOTHER PART!” He shouted, the last part to the machine! He would finally find Maxwell and kill him, finally end this madness, a flicker of hope ignited in his heart as he poured on the speed, reaching the flowers in a few minutes.

Indeed, the Metal Potato Thing was laying in the middle of a circle of evil flowers, the smell of the flowers made his mind fog over, filling his perception of reality with distortions of sound and color, his nose oozed a tiny trickle of blood.

Grabbing the Metal Potato Thing and running away, the addled scientist shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but to no avail.

“Oh sweet Jesus my head, I feel like my skull is splitting open, I need some taffy.” The short brit decided, hobbling to his home on unsteady legs.

Giving a wave to a pigman and receiving a judgmental snort in response, Wilson shoved another piece of taffy in his mouth, the sweet honey-tasting candy settling his nerves a great deal.

The Wooden Thing rested on the ground, placed so precisely and securely in its position that it seemed almost as if Maxwell had simply grown it out of the ground.

Placing the Metal Potato Thing into the center, the machine whirred to life, the pieces shifting and moving in positions that didn’t seem possible, but in Maxworld, were perfectly logical, at least in comparison to some of the other things he’d seen.

Finally, a small holographic screen appeared, reading:

Journey Onwards?
(Yes) (No)

Wilson pressed (Yes), causing the machine to hitch, then summon up a pair of shadowy hands from the ground, grabbing the wiry man and pulling him down into the shadows.

Wilson appeared in a dark, blank room, so dark and blank that he couldn’t tell where the walls ended or met each other, or if he was simply standing in an empty void.

A ridiculously upbeat song was playing.

Looking around, he found that the song was coming from a record in a gramophone, that made sense, he’d owned a gramophone a few years ago, but had turned it into a toaster.

A throne was sitting in the middle of the room, empty, odd… usually people sat in thrones…

Sounds of struggle broke through the gramophone's sounds, and then the struggle itself broke the actual gramophone, stopping the song on a dime.

Maxwell, he was there, and he appeared to be fighting some sort of… thing.

It had a goat head, two mismatched eyes, horns, and wings, a lion’s paw and an eagle claw, a deer’s hoof and a lizard’s leg, and a dragon-like tail.

“WILSON! HELP ME!” Maxwell shouted, trying to push the strange monster away and charge up some sort of magic.

“Oh do tell, please don’t, dear Wilson, my name i-” Discord was cut off by a punch to the face.

“DIE YOU WRETCHED BEAST! WILSON, SLASH HIM!” The tall, lanky Lord of Darkness’s commanding voice boomed throughout the room.

“Um… I… um…” Wilson was lost for words, what should he do? “Um… what can you offer me?” He asked hesitantly, nervous beyond consolation.

“I can bring you to a safe place, little Willy, you’ll be fine if you just KILL MAXWELL!” Discord offered, clawing at his opponent’s eyes.

“GAH! I’ll send you back home if you just KILL DISCORD!” Maxwell offered, stabbing Discord with his rose, which had turned into a dagger.

Wilson stood there, frozen in fear, he had a choice, both beings looked practically decimated, and only one swing of his sword would deliver the final blow to his target.

Maxwell, or Discord?

He was too slow, and the fight ended on its own, “Um, hello? Motherfucking God of Chaos here? I can do whatever I want…” Discord reached impossibly far forward and booped Maxwell on the nose, “...Whenever I want…” The tall Lord of Darkness shrank slowly, his bones audibly snapping into different shapes, “...However I want…” Maxwell was now a little black dove, “...Whyever I want…” Discord pulled out a hat, and then pulled a cage out of the hat, and then pulled a bottle of aerosol out of the cage, “And nobody can stop me, unless you have the right powers, which you don’t.” And with that, Discord sprayed Maxwell the Dove with aerosol, choking and killing the little black bird in a few seconds.

It was like some sort of sick parody of a miner’s parrot detecting gases.

“I… I… I’m so confused, and scared.” Wilson muttered, unable to raise his voice any louder than a whisper.

“Don’t be confused, be happy, or whatever, here, let me get you that reward.” The draconequus reached into his stomach and took out a piece of paper, flattening it out and handing it to Wilson.

Place DNA Here:

---> ( ) <---

Wilson looked back up at Discord, only to get a nose full of pepper, “Ahhh… AHHH. ACHOO!” He sneezed, covering the whole sheet in a disgusting greyish-green mix of mucus and pepper, causing it to catch fire and surround him with streaks of grey and brown light.

The energies swirled around him, going faster and faster, until finally, the only thing he could see was Discord’s devious smile.

And then he was gone.

-Random Universe LOZ-

Link was shocked beyond belief. He had just witnessed his close friend, Midna, literally crush Zant with her power, her hair.

“That was only a fraction of my power.” Midna said quietly, sounding a bit fearful of her own abilities.

While Midna stood there, shocked and staring at her hands, as if expecting them to turn on her and claw each other off, Link just sighed, and went to grab the heart container that layed by the throne.

“We need to go to Hyrule Castle, Zelda is in danger.” Midna told Link in a serious tone.

Link nodded, and walked towards the portal out of the throne room.

But before he stepped in completely, a being appeared right next to the two. Link drew his sword and shield and entered a battle stance.

“You know, you’re quite rude. Quite rude!”

“Who, what are you?” Midna demanded.

“Oh, where are my manners?” Discord snapped his fingers and swing music began to play in the background. The two of them looked around, trying to find the source of the music, only to find Discord with a top hat, a monocle, and a cane.

“♪Who am I? I am a creature of crazy.♪

“♪Who am I? I think your vision’s hazy!♪” Suddenly, Link and Midna’s visions blacked out.

“♪I’ll be blunt, I’ve got a card, you can’t trump~.♪”

“♪I just think, you’re plumb out of luck, my name’s Discord, ya chump!♪”

Their visions came back and suddenly they were in clothing that resembled clothing from the 1920’s. Discord, dressed in drag, began to grab Link by the arm and swing dance with him as a trumpet solo began. The swordsman was confused and did not know what was going on, but in the position he was in, couldn’t grab his sword or shield off his back. Discord spun the swordsman towards Midna, who caught him. Link shook his head and Discord went into another verse.

“♪Who am I? I just a guy who loves chaos.♪” Discord flicked his tail at Midna, who flinched in response.

“♪Who am I? I’m slippery like moss!♪” Link picked up his sword, which had fallen to the ground, and swung it at Discord, but the blade harmlessly slid over of the draconequus’ hide.

“♪Who am I? I’d ask, who are you?♪”

“♪Who am I? You couldn’t’ve knew?♪”

“♪I am Discord, not this dis chord, I am a master of chaos!♪”

Trumpets began to blare out as Discord grabbed the two of them, and danced with them. With a smirk, he then tossed aside Midna and twirled Link, right before shoving him into a random void.

“♪That was just your loss.♪” Discord teleported out of the room with a final blare from the music. All Midna could do was look at her surroundings, and herself, finding that she’d lost her dress when Discord left.

“Link?” she asked the empty room, the only response being a tiny echo.

-Random Universe NOP-

Ezio stood atop the deck of the small ship, looking out at the great blue sea, which was now alight with orange sparkles.

“It’s beautiful, Ezio.” Sofia said softly, not wanting this moment to end.

“Yes, just like you.” He whispered, he was a wily one, and charms did not fade like hair-color.

“EY! You’ll see it better through my telescope, come on, take a peek.” Leonardo suggested much louder than he should have, shoving the bronze-colored tube into Ezio’s hands.

“I… okay, fine Leo, only for you.” The gray-haired assassin gave up in frustration, putting his eye to the lens and peering out at the sparkling water.

“Right, right, by the way we’re out of roasted boar, and I think you have an injury.” The boisterous inventor laughed, watching Ezio remove the telescope from his eye, showing that a circle of ink had been marked around it.

Such an original prank could only come from the mind of Leonardo da Vinci, but Ezio was not amused.

“Leo, how about you go lie down, you’re getting old, friend, soon you’ll be sixty, and then it’s just a matter of time before you keel over.” The Master Assassin warned, gently pushing his old friend towards the lower decks.

“Better to die in your sleep than die by the blade, or was it the other way around? The blade is painful, but sleep is for the weak, what if there was a sword made of nightmares?” Over the years, Leo had been gradually losing his sanity, and today was not a good day to show his progress, as the Mentore del Assassino wanted to sit back and relax for a few days.

“Ezio, the water, did someone decide to dump the city’s chamber-pots in it?” Sofia pointed out to the water, where the sparkles had turned into a gross brown.

“Either that or the earth shook, because the water is gray.” Leo shouted to them from across the boat.

Ezio looked at the sky, clouds were swirling around, and through the haze he could see lightning building up, “Merda, GET BELOW THE DECKS, A STORM IS COMING!” He shouted, coughing at the exertion of his voice.

All crew members that weren’t storm veterans scrambled to get to relative safety, the Mentore del Assassino worked on turning the boat towards the shortest path to the barely-visible coastal city.

Working quickly, his wrinkly hands dexterously moving ropes through the right motions, he prepared for the worst.

Horrifying red lightning struck down from the sky, sending shockwaves throughout the sea.

Ezio was terrified, he could only mutter, “I am sorry, God.” Before the storm consumed him.

Feeling sand on his face, the old man opened his eyes to find that he’d washed ashore on a tiny island, a lone stone structure standing in the middle of it.

Getting to his feet and checking his blades, weapons, and clothes, all of which were intact, he walked to the structure.

It looked very out of place, a large fountain of crystal-clear water with knee-high walls, a statue of what looked like mix-match-animal-monster singing like an opera woman was perched on top of the middle spire, it’s open mouth spilling water into the pool below.

“What is this?” He asked himself, looking around the walls and statue, using his Eagle Vision to get a more detailed look.

A plaque read, The Fountain of Youth, yo, the letters faint due to the wear and tear of time.

“I… I can’t believe it, it’s real?” He’d heard of the Fountain of Youth, but to see it was quite a marvel.

Stepping closer, he looked at the statue again, then down at the water.

Suddenly, the statue shifted, and the stone coating shattered, releasing the draconequus sealed inside. Discord reached down, grabbed Ezio by the head, and shoved his face into the water.

“BE CLEANSED YOU VILE SOUL! WASH AWAY YOUR…” The crazy god shouted, right before losing his train of thought, and expressed a look of confusion and annoyance. “...tacos, or whatever.” He made up on the fly, right before reaching his lower body around and farting directly up Ezio’s nose, then dunking the old man’s head again.

Trying his best not to drown and/or throw up, the master assassin fought the assault hard enough to bring his arm up and stabbed the crazy monster in the wrist, causing the hand to go limp.

“AHHH! SHIT! OW! OH DEAR SUN, WHY! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!” Using his one good hand, Discord pimp-slapped Ezio across the face, sending him reeling into a fall.

Lying face up, his lip-scar tearing open and bleeding, he saw Discord kneel over him.

“Um… wait let’s see,” The insane god reached between his wings and pulled out a book titled English to Italian Dictionary, opening it and reading upside down, “Ah, that’s where I left it,” He pulled out a pressed rose, smelling it, “Alright, back to biznatch.” He snap-swung the rose, turning it into a deck of cards.

Ezio stared silently, contemplating if this was all an elaborate joke by The Ones who Came Before or not.

“Isssss~ THIS your card?” Discord asked, pulling out a modern-day business card.

Assassin’s Order
We kill people so you don’t have to

Need a murder? Call 1-800-KILL-TEMPLARS

“I… guess?” Ezio said hesitantly.

Discord snapped the card into a comic book, then into a video game case labeled ‘Assassin’s Creed: Revelations’, then finally into a shiny white glove.

“Well well well then, my little assassin, I’d have to say that this… was a thriller!” Suddenly Ezio was lifted up onto a beach chair and forced to watch Discord’s re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’, complete with zombie ponies and a black wig on Discord’s head to mark him as Michael Jackson, before his goat-like head turned stark white.

When the song ended, Ezio was dropped hard onto his back, forced to look up.

“We need a serious evil moment, so…” The draconequus cleared his throat.

He lifted Ezio up by the neck, then threw him into the air.

“Requiescat in Equestria.” Discord said, uppercutting the Assassin in his gut, knocking him breathless and unconscious.

When he landed, he didn’t land on sand, he landed on a tree.

-Random Universe DEF-

It was a quiet night in New York. Not even heroes and villains alike were doing anything on this pleasant night.

It made Frank Castle all the more suspicious. Normally, there was crime to stop here, but this night, nothing, not even a petty theft on some quick-stop gas station. Something was up.

His intuition made him think that Wade Wilson, better known as Deadpool, was involved.

So naturally, he went to the first place he could think of.

“No senor, there is no Deadpool here. He has not been here since Tuesday. Now... get out... please... you are scary.”

The Punisher scoffed, and almost walked out of the door, only to see the costumed nutjob walk through the door.

“Pablo, enchilada, chop-chop! Hey Frank, and extra green sauce please.”

“Wade...”

“What’s up Frank, I got a tight schedule.”

‘Not really.’

‘You’re kinda on the job thing right now though.’

“I don’t believe you.” Frank said, cocking a revolver that was holstered.

“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad!”

“What about that barber a few weeks ago?”

“Oh, that thing? Talk to Spidey, he was with me that one time.”

“About what?”

“Hit Monkey.”

Frank did not say another word, pulled out the gun and aimed towards Deadpool.

“OH!!!” Pablo jumped back upon seeing Frank pull the gun out.

“Keep making the enchilada Pablo, I got this.”

“I’d expect you to say a crazy story like that.”

“Well, it’s true. Come on Frank...” Pablo put the enchilada on the counter, and Deadpool put down the $8.64, exact change, as payment.

“Sit down, relax, have some enchiladas!” Deadpool threw the hot Mexican food towards at Frank. While the man dodged it, Wade teleported outside and began to run.

‘Well, we’re being chased by some murderous psycho.’

‘And he’s armed to the teeth.’

“So we run, easy peasy, lemon squeezy.”

Deadpool jumped through a window in an abandoned warehouse and found himself in the middle of a major arms deal.

Immediately, they pulled their guns on him.

“Oh, so that’s why tonight was quiet. That makes so much sense!”

“It’s Deadpool! Kill him!”

Deadpool pouted, and took out his Uzis, and began a major firefight.

Several minutes later, Deadpool found himself alone, due to a sudden case of unlifeing everyone in the warehouse.

“Well, that was an epic moment that will be left to imagination.”

‘Huzzah!’

“Well done, I say, well done!”

Deadpool turned towards the source, and saw... something he hasn’t saw before.

“Wow... never saw something like you before.”

“I heard that before.” Discord said as he grabbed a manifesto and began eating it like a sandwich.

“So, what are you?”

“The name’s Discord, and I’m here to offer you a deal.”

“I’ll take it!!!” Deadpool yelled as he pumped his arm.

Discord found himself dropping the booklet, which spilt out lettuce and glue all over the floor, for some reason, blank-faced, genuinely confused for the first time in ages.

“...But you haven’t even heard of what I was going to offer you, in fact, you have no idea what kind of deal I might ask of you.”

“I know, but since we’re in a fanfiction, I’m assuming I need to take your deal.”

‘Can’t argue with that logic.’

Discord glared at the sentence above this one, and snarled.

“I’m supposed to be the random one here, pal!” the mix-matched monster growled, pointing at the textbox.

“I’m not your pal, buddy.” Deadpool countered, pointing at Discord’s larger fang.

“I’m not your buddy, man.”

“I’m not your man, dude.”

“I’m not your dude, moron.”

“I’m... insane, so I have justification.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, and your momma was really busy before you were born, WOOO!!!”

Discord suddenly went so deadpan, that even the crickets stopped in their wake. He snapped his fingers, but nothing happened.

“What happened? Was that supp...”

“I placed a bomb in your ass, it’s going to explode soon. When you wake up, you’ll be in the middle of a forest, jerkface.”

“What?”

Discord snapped his fingers again, and disappeared. Just as the flash disappeared, The Punisher came through the door, looked around, saw the multiple dead bodies, include two that were in an unfortunately awkward interlocked position, and soon aimed his MG at the merc.

“Wait, before you shoot, I must warn you, some monster thingy just planted a bomb up my ass, and it’s set to explode soon.”

Frank didn’t change his expression, and simply shot Wade in the gut.

The bullet punctured Wade’s gut, hit the bomb, and caused it to explode, causing Frank to stumble, and Wade to explode into smithereens.

Once the shellshock subsided, Frank looked at his handiwork, and left, just as the cops came to the scene.

“Guess he wasn’t lying that one time.” Frank said as he lit up a cigarette, and walked away.

-Random Universe UVW-

Bullets, bullets everywhere.

Master Chief had never seen so many bullets all at once, what was being fired at him?

Whatever it was, he knew that it wouldn’t stop until he was dead, so he simply stayed in cover.

“Cortana, what’s the status report?” He looked at the hologram, it was a nice reconstruction, but the real thing was completely unique.

Cortana v2 used her radar abilities to scope out the area, sensing every object within twenty feet of the soldier she was attached to.

“Four thousand rounds have been fired, the enemy is wielding a very old firearm, something called an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon, or something like that, the database is incomplete.” The AI reported, providing a second view of the enemy.

Whatever this thing was, it looked uncannily human, and yet it was horrifying in that it was dissimilar enough to know that it wasn’t a human.

“COME ON LITTLE JOHNNY! I JUST WANT TO EAT YOUR SKIN!” The beast roared, spraying little bullets all over the boulder he knew John was hiding behind.

“He is about to run out of ammunition. Estimated time of completion, one second.” Suddenly the cacophony of gunfire was replaced by a *CLICK* sound.

Master Chief jumped up over the boulder and aimed his gun at his foe.

Discord’s smile changed to a frown, he had been expecting a woman.

“Um, hold on, I chose the wrong cosplay for this.” The draconequus said, shedding his Metroid Chozo armor and dusting his torso off.

“John, take caution, I am detecting intense energy readings from this creature.” Cortana warned, keeping her scanners going.

“Who are you?” The soldier demanded, pointing his Battle Rifle at Discord’s head.

“I’m…” Discord suddenly derped up, “I’m…” He paused again, trying to remember his next line, “I’m…” Another pause.

“Enough with the games, creature!” John had his finger on a plasma grenade, ready to throw it.

“*ahem* I’M RICK JAMES, BITCH!” The mad god shouted, his voice echoing throughout the canyon clearing.

When his sound modules stopped being peaked, John could hear the sound of clatters.

Discord was juggling his plasma grenades.

“You, I… goddammit Cortana what is this thing?” He demanded, trying to aim at one of the grenades to shoot it and set it off.

“Scanning, processing, mythology searches have returned that this is a creature known as a draconequus, a mix-match of many different animal parts into a single entity, they were renowned for their powers over change and entropy.” The AI responded, hiding her hologram behind the Spartan’s head.

“Ah yes, right, that was it.” Discord pulled out a donut and put it on his face like a monocle, then pulled out a monocle and drank from it like a shot-glass, removing the glass in the frame. Discord tossed it aside and it splattered like a piece of Gak. “I am Discord, residential God of Chaos and Master of Disharmony, nice to meet you, I hope that this is a good neighborhood?” He asked, looking around at the small tunnels leading to more clearings.

“This isn’t a residence, you monster, and I’m not going to let you leave here. If your title is anything to go by, then you are undoubtedly evil.” Without another word, Chief fired at his foe.

Discord screamed as the bullets tore through him like jelly; tasty, tasty jelly.

Then he scooped up his face-jelly, smeared it onto a piece of bread, smooshed that piece of bread onto a piece of bread with peanut butter on it, then ate it, restoring his face and giving him a longer, thicker mane and goatee.

“Truly this thing goes against the laws of reality, or common sense,” Cortana mused, staying quiet as can be.

“Oh what fun is there in making laws? None, and neither does making sense be fun like… words… Discord.exe has stopped working.” His eyes flashed blue with some indeterminate white letters that rolled up into his head, and then he fell over.

“Did… did we win?” Chief asked, even with all of his experience, this situation was simply too perplexing.

“Negatory, soldier! I have orders for you, if you want to stay alive!” Discord said like a drill sergeant, appearing from around Chief’s side, wearing a 21st century Admiral’s uniform, complete with a bushy moustache and large tobacco pipe.

“Well, death has never bothered me before, so why now-” *SNAP*

Discord held the soldier’s dislocated head in his hands, snapping his neck back into not-being-broken, which revived him, “Believe me now?” He asked, opening one eye really wide.

“Well, you’ve made a valid point, sir, what is the mission?” Dying wasn’t pleasant, especially to those for which it was permanent, so Chief went along with this little act.

“There’s a new planet, a planet full of weird shit like me, soldier, and I want you to find the not-weird stuff and kill it, and you’ll not be alone! You’ll have a partner, and I hope you don’t have any qualms with you being blue and him being red, or him being the Caboose to your Church!” Discord smiled evilly, this was going to be extra fun.

“My armor is green, sir, and a church isn't a train.” John correct hesitantly.

“... Uh… Close enough… alright, come on, here’s a teleporter cube thing.” The eagle claw held out a Pulse Grenade.

“I’m not falling for this, I’ve dealt with forerunner technology before.” Many times, in fact, and each time was eye-opening and sometimes unsettling.

“This one’s special, see?” Discord raised it up to eye-level with John, showing the soldier that the glowing lines marking the cube were blue, rather than orange, “Trust me soldier, have I ever led you astray?”

“We’ve known each other for five minutes, and in that time, you’ve shot at me, broken my neck, and are now posing as a commander, the only reason that I haven’t shot you down again is that I already tried once and it didn’t work.” Master Chief stated matter-of-factly.

“Weeeeeeell~ TOO DAMN BAD! NOW GIT!” Slamming the cube into the ground, Discord disappeared in a flash of gray and brown magic, leaving John to be consumed by the supposed teleporter.

“Chief, the suit is going critical, emergency shut-down activated.'

A wrenching sensation overcame his whole body as his suit failed, and then it was all dark.

-Random Universe EQD; Canterlot, Equestria-

Celestia trotted back and forth, trying to figure out what caused this surge of energy. She shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation, but something didn’t make sense. It was at that point that she began to contemplate what that meant.

“No...” She realized that only one being would make a situation that would induce such unease and confusion on her.

“Yes…” Discord said, appearing next to Celestia suddenly.

Celestia turned towards the draconequus and contorted her face to one of pure hatred.

“I thought you were supposed to be sealed away.” Celestia said in a low, angry tone.

“Well yeah, but I’m not very well known for doing what I’m supposed to do, Tia.” Discord informed, pinching Celestia’s cheeks like she was a little foal.

Celestia backed away and prepared to build up a magical burst.

“Discord, you shall go back to your stone prison soon enough.” Celestia said, hoping to intimidate the chaotic being.

“Y’know Tia, being sealed in stone meant that I couldn’t talk, but I could still see and hear, I know you don’t have your little Ewements of Hawminny at your disposal, so I’ll be doing whatever I damn well please, you old hag.” The draconequus mocked, pulling out a long, thin cigarette and lighting it with a bottle of water.

Celestia widened her eyes briefly, but continued her magical build-up.

“I am not a foal Discord, nor am I helpless against you! True, the elements are no longer with me or my sister, but they have been released by new bearers!”

“Such is the minds of mere mortals, made of paper and glass, their ideals and perceptions can be torn and shattered with ease~” Discord philosophized, taking a drag of his cigarette, “They~... will pose little threat to me, because I’ve brought my own back-up as well, my own six little heroes, ready to fall from the sky and tear your world down.” Discord crushed his cigarette in his fist, looking down on Celestia with his own glare of hatred.

“What? You are lying, you lie and deceive, it is your very nature, and by the Faust, I shall stop you!” Celestia sent out a burst of magic, which Discord simply dodged by walking to the side. The blast hit the wall, and residue rained down in the room.

“Even a broken clock is right twice a day, Tia, and this is no lie. I can say with complete confidence that my own team of element bearers are in Equestria already, and will find and take you down.” With that, Discord pressed his hand into the wall like it was jello, pulling it back and revealing his hand was now covered in a thick layer of thin, runny caramel.

Booping Celestia on the nose with a stained claw, the insane god teleported somewhere else, no doubt to wreak more chaos on Equestria.

Celestia snarled, telekinetically grabbing a quill and ink and writing a letter.

To my Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle,

Rejoice

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co

I require your assistance in Canterlot immediately, this is a matter of national security and global safety.

Bring your friends, they will be needed as well.

~Faustspeed, Celestia.

Sending the letter on a wisp of white smoke, the white alicorn looked outside to see what damage Discord had already done.

So far, he’d turned the sky green, changed the ground to a checker pattern, converted the clouds to cotton-candy clumps that rained chocolate milk, and just generally was a nuisance.

Then came the moral question, oh how she hated the moral question.

Is he really evil? I mean, so far he’s just being kind of… an annoyance, but surely something so chaotic cannot truly be good, right?

Right?

Well, I mean, maybe there’s another side to this?

His side, yes, but it’s still a legitimate side.

Is he really doing anything besides just having some fun?

Like I said, at worst he’s causing civil unrest, at best he’s stimulating problem-solving minds.

Shit, am I really considering letting him go?

No, no matter how not-bad he might seem, he’s still not good, and that just won’t fly here.

Celestia looked out into the distance, wishing that she knew where those supposed Elements of Chaos were.

It would take a miracle for her to convince them to not side with Discord.

Harry looked around, and saw that this was not Germany at all. He looked at his amulet, which suddenly had transformed into a chocolate medallion. A new note was there too.

Sorry 4 trickin’ u... LOL, not!

~Q, aka Dissy

P.S. Ur a butt.

P.S.S. U have very messy hair, dat’s y ur name is Harry.

P.S.S.S. I like applesauce.

“Oh, son of a mother...GRRR!!!”

Harry sighed, and muttered ‘Lumos’.

His wand lit up and illuminated the forest. It was dense, and almost jungle-like in its dankness and humidity.

“Great, bloody great.” It was like English weather, but warm instead of cold.

Harry wandered around, hoping to find some sort of civilization.

A light in the distance caught his eye, and using a smaller spell, one that didn’t even need words, his vision zoomed in, seeing the light to be a fire.

Running to the fire, hoping that it wasn’t a wildfire, the wizard prepared to cast a water spell, when suddenly he saw the source.

It was a torch, being held by a malnourished looking man with a crazy hair-do.

“...Please don’t be hostile.” Wilson whispered as he turned to the sound of the footsteps, seeing Harry standing there.

The wizard froze, he’d been caught using magic, possibly by a muggle.

Being caught using magic by a muggle was grounds for immediate execution, either of the wizard or the muggle, it was random which one was picked, although considering that Harry was the Head Auror, that meant the muggle was to be killed.

“Hello? Are you hostile?” Wilson didn’t know if asking would help, but he brought the crackling flame of his torch closer.

Harry was brought back to reality, and had to think.

“Uhh... no...” Harry stopped using his wand and made a small *click* nouse, hoping to pass it off as a flashlight of some kind.

“Okay, good, I can’t deal with another hostile, come on, I know how to get out of here.” Wilson’s sanity meter was on its last few points.

The darkness was just too much.

5...4...3...2...1...

He swung his torch at a nearby tree, setting it alight.

“Why are you doing that!” Harry looked at the fire, trying to think up a non-magical way of putting it out.

“It’s fine, just don’t touch it.” Wilson didn’t seem to be affected by the gratuitous amounts of smoke and ash in the air.

“Have you lost your mind!?”

“Yes, just twenty seconds ago, chap, do you have a green mushroom?”

“What, NO!” Harry wasn’t having this and went up to the apparent sociopath.

“Green mushrooms… or a piece of taffy?”

Harry raised an eyebrow. He was sure that he had a piece of treacle-flavored taffy in his pocket.

“Here.” Harry handed Wilson the piece of taffy, who took it with glee.

Smiling, the insane scientist chomped it up effortlessly, feeling the torn chunks of his mind mend themselves into a form of sanity.

“Okay… wait… the forest is on fire.” Wilson noted.

“Of course it is, you lit it on fire!” Harry yelled.

Wilson put away his torch and grabbed at the wizard’s wand, feeling like he could fix this with the right words.

Oh hell. Harry thought. He was caught.

“RAIN!” Nothing happened, “RAINSTORM!” Still nothing, “PLEASE MAKE WATER!” Nope “THE FOREST IS ON FIRE, PLEASE HELP!” Nadda.

Harry would have loved to watch this poor sap try to make spells by asking kindly with muggle words, but the smoke was getting to him, his vision was getting hazy from the smoke and his lungs stung from the ash.

Harry grabbed the wand and began the spell needed.

“Aqua Eructo!” He chanted, sending a burst of water at the roaring flames.

The trees fizzled, but would obviously need something more powerful to extinguish them fully.

Harry increased the stream power, hoping that that would be enough to extinguish the flames.

“It’s not enough, captain, you’ll need something to just… eat the flames, if only I had my frost staff.” Wilson said, not wanting to die in a forest fire.

Harry merely deadpanned.

“You are not bloody serious, are you?”

“Something really big could crash and stamp out those flames, it’s just a solid-fuel fire anyways.”

Harry needed to think of something.

Wilson moved his hands in vaguely magical motions, “Spirits of the forest, get off your arses and protect yourselves.”

Harry had to think, he brought his wand upwards and sprayed the air with water, then did a different motion.

“Expulso!” Harry sent a explosion curse at the blob of water in the air, creating an explosion that created a pseudo-rainfall spell.

The gambit did the job well enough, the fire had died out enough to be able to be stomped out, which Harry did. Once the fire and embers were gone, Harry turned towards the less-than-sane scientist.

“So, I think, latin, it’s definitely latin, let’s see.” Wilson grabbed the wand again and said a few words, “Mentis Episkey.” sure enough, it worked, a small ball of light sailed out of the tip of the wand and into Wilson’s head, restoring a few dozen sanity points.

Harry however had some relief, although it was disconcerting to see a wizard adult with almost no magic experience whatsoever.

“Give me that.” Harry said, taking back his wand. “It’s my wand, you can’t just take these things without asking.”

“Sorry, so… I’m Wilson, professional scientist.”

‘Okay’ Harry thought, ‘Something is very wrong here.’ No way would a wizard be a scientist, it was like water trying to fuel a fire.

And as he’d just demonstrated, it was impossible.

He might have been one of those few wizards who escaped the council's close watch however.

“Okay... I am Harry, Harry Potter. I’m a Auror.”

“I forget what my last name is.” Wilson thought hard, but the memory had been drowned by cycles of insanity and restoration over the course of over a year of living in Maxworld.

“How long have you been lost here?”

“About… judging from the sun, I have no idea, but it feels like it couldn’t have been more than… oh wait, it was dawn when I was sent here, now it’s almost noon… hmm.”

“So, about 8 hours... Where else have you been to to forget your last name, Wilson?”

“Oh, this place called… well I just call it Maxworld, it drove me crazy on countless occasions, but I got better most of the time, left me battle-hardened and an expert in applied sciences.” Wilson smiled, scratching his face.

Wait, when was the last time he’d shaved?

He had a mountain-man length beard, and it practically covered the whole front of his torso.

“Hhh... Makes sense.” Harry sent his wand upwards and cast the periculum spell to send bright flares up to the sky.

“We might want to stay still, help might be on the way.”

“Okay then, I trust you, mister Potter.” the short scientist assured, giving Harry a pat on the shoulder.

“Thank you Wilson, I just hope the first person who finds us isn’t hostile.”

Ezio looked out at the horizon from on top of a tree.

He saw red sparks flying out from a source in the distance, and figured that whatever it was, it couldn’t be more than he could handle.

Parkouring down from his tree, the master assassin ran along the tree branches, feeling light and swift on his feet.

Meanwhile, Link, who had just found himself in a strange new world, saw the flares as well, and assumed that something hostile was at that location.

He began to march on, sword sheathed, but ready to be drawn in case of battle.

Ezio jumped from tree to tree, keeping off the ground effortlessly, if he could keep this up, he’d be at the flare’s location in no time.

However, one jump was much further than he anticipated, and he landed in the middle of a clearing, doing a quick roll to avoid falling damage.

Link noticed the assassin fall into the clearing that he’d just stepped into, and assuming that he was not friendly, performed the Mortal Draw, unsheathing the Master sword, striking at the same time. The attack was blocked by the man, who grabbed Link by the arms, and threw him back into a tree.

Ezio decided to keep his hidden blades in their casings for the time being, not wanting to seem too hostile to this heavier-set man with the big fancy sword who’d just attacked for no reason.

Link got up and glared at the man, thinking he was a thief who was trying to steal his rupees, and pointed his sword at him in an attempt to intimidate him.

“Merda, if you praise Jesus, say so now.” the green-clad swordsman didn’t seem like a Templar, but if he was, then the fight would be on.

Link twirled his blade. He didn’t know who ‘Jesus’ was, but he knew that if he was trying to play god, then he’d have to answer to the goddesses of Hyrule: Farore, Din and Nayru. He entered a battle-ready stance and prepared to fight.

“So I’m guessing that’s a no?” Ezio still held his hands up in defense, ready to counter any attack.

Link noted that Ezio wasn’t trying to attack, so he slowly moved around the assassin, ready to strike if he tried anything.

“Yeah, that’s a no then.” Ezio concluded, turning slowly.

Link saw the crossbow on Ezio’s back, and noticed that the man’s hand was just inches from grabbing it, so he quickly did a pair of side-rolls followed by a Back Slice.

Or at least, it would have been, but Ezio, in a display of great agility and core strength, did a standing backflip and landed on his hands on the blade of the Master sword, flipping his feet onto Link’s shoulders and vaulting off to land behind him.

Link turned quickly to the assassin, jumped forward and prepared to strike him, yelling at the top of his lungs.

“Not very professional, amico” Ezio lectured, backing away from the slashes with ease.

Link backed away, noting his agility, and took out a clawshot to take him to the treetops, leaving Ezio confused momentarily.

“I do not wish to fight you, brother, but if you persist, I will be forced to draw my blade and strike with deadly force.” Ezio warned, preparing to unsheath his hidden blades.

Link heard the warning well enough, dropped down from the treetop, looked at the assassin. He stepped forward, twirled his sword twice, right before bringing the blade behind him to twirl three more times, right before sheathing the sword.

“Alright, nice to see that we can solve this conflict in a civil manner, I am……” Ezio stayed quiet for several seconds, unsure of what to say, “I am…” what could he say? “I am… Connor, Connor Kenway.”

“...” Link nodded at this name, but did not speak himself.

“What’s wrong friend? Cat got your tongue?” Ezio asked with a small laugh.

Link scoffed. While he could speak, his voice wasn’t exactly the most understandable of voices, as it was very deep-pitched and quiet. Besides, he prefered to stay silent.

“I see, big shot man too good to talk to a little master assassin like me, I understand, not many people speak around me.” Ezio’s eyes widened and he backed away as he realized his mistake.

Link grabbed his sword, but did not draw. He had just heard assassin, and assumed the worst. He glared at Connor.

“Listen, I am agile, you are strong, we are… equal if put into a more arithmetic value, I am a scholar, amico, you are… an elf.” Ezio finally noticed the pointed ears Link bore.

Link let loose a guttural growl. He hated to be called an elf, it was insulting, and it was not pleasing to be reminded that he was shorter than most people.

Then he noticed that, despite this comment, he was actually a good bit taller than Connor, if he was an elf, what was this man? This made Link smirk as he walked over to Connor and put his hand on top of his own head, sliding it over the assassin’s head, showing that he was, indeed, a good few inches taller.

“Imp, maybe, or perhaps a gnome?” Link muttered, barely audible.

“Ah, so the big man can speak?” Ezio heard him clearly, his enhanced hearing picking up the words with ease.

Link nodded, clearly trying not to laugh. “My name is Link, Connor.”

“Nice name, strong, like the chain that protects the harbor, well Sir Elf of the Woods, I think we should make our way to that sky-fire thing.” The gray-clad young man turned and started off, leading the way.

Link looked to the flares and nodded, and followed the Assassin.

“System check, suit power readings at 87%, activating sight modules.” Cortana 2.0 informed, turning the visor on.

“So, there’s a hot chick in that suit?” Deadpool asked as he looked over John.

‘Dude, that’s so awesome!’

‘Hella awesome indeed.’

“I am a man.” John informed, standing up.

“So wait, the chick’s a program, well then, I’d like to upload myself up in there, if you know what I mean. Eh, eh?”

“That remark was not amusing.” Both Cortana 2.0 and John said at the same time as the latter stood up and the former projected her hologram.

Deadpool immediately noticed how the green metal guy towered over him.

“Huh, you’re kinda like Cable. Are you Cable from an alternate dimension?”

“I am Petty Officer Master Chief of the Navy, John-117, Spartan II, and now Spartan IV.”

‘Wha oh, Navy person.’

‘Not hot, I do not hope.’

“Spartan... OHH, do you kick people off cliffs, yelling ‘THIS IS SPARTA!!!’”

“No, I am a Spartan II, you are thinking of Spartan 0, the original Spartans from Sparta.”

“Geeze... nice counter.” Deadpool conceded.

“You are the mercenary in red, I was told that I am to be paired with you on this mission.”

“I was told that I’d be paid.”

‘No you weren’t.’

“Shut it.” Deadpool hushed his inner voice.

“I didn’t say anything.” John felt that he was in the presence of a psychopath.

“No, not you, I was talking to someone else, am I right, you two?”

Wade, no breaking the fourth wall, not in front of Chief.

“Aww, but I’m so good at it.”

I dictate that you stop, or else I’ll… make it to where you can’t die!

“What? NO! Then I’ll never be with Lady Death, the hottest lady in Marvel!”

Then stop it.

Besides, didn’t Thanos already do that.

“You guys are dicks.”

Cultured dicks, but still dicks all the same.

“Death, oh Lady Death, you’ve got such big boo….boots, and nice ti...timing, and a great ra… ravishing smile, also amazing knockers, and ass-breath, but I can dig it, it’s like pizza and nachos in there.”

Master Chief watched this lunatic talk to himself, and then ramble on about Death as if she was a beautiful woman. It was clear to him that this Discord purposefully paired him up with this man to drive him insane.

Grabbing Deadpool by the head, Chief gave him a hearty squeeze.

Unfortunately, his suit acted like an extension of himself, enhancing his strength about ten-fold.

Thus, Deadpool’s head was crushed.

Death looked at her uglier-than-hell boyfriend for a few brief moments, smiling.

“Like I said, a great ra… ravishing smile.” he said, looking around the nothingness of the void.

“Hello Wade, long time no see.” Death said, genuinely enjoying Deadpool’s company.

“Death, baby, what’s up?”

“I’ve just been collecting souls like usual, got some helpers, their pretty cool.” Death pointed to a pair of men, a red-eyes-in-big-cloak boatsman and a gray-robed Jesus clone.

“Sweet, I got my head crushed by a Spartan in green armor after I took this job with this guy named Discord.”

“Sounds like an interesting afternoon.” Death said, frowning when she saw the health-red glow surrounding her companion.

Deadpool felt the telltale feeling of being pulled back into being alive.

“Farewell, my love, I shall see you soon enough.”

“As will I sweet Death. Goodbye.” Deadpool disappeared from the afterlife, and found himself waking up to a surprised Chief.

Master Chief watched as the other man’s head reformed from its crushed state.

“John, I am detecting an interference.”

“Ow... dipshit...” Deadpool muttered as he got up.

“Cortana, what’s the interference?” Chief asked, unsure of this new development.

'Hello, you kinda evicted me, asshole.' Oh great, now he had a voice in his head.

“What’s up with you?” Deadpool said as he took out a new mask to replace his blood-stained one.

‘I lost yellow box!!! And now I’m green!!!’

“SHIT!!!”

“Deadpool, explain to me what this orange box is doing in the space near my head?” The soldier demanded, aiming his gun at the mercenary.

“Hell if I know, all I know is that it was yellow.”

‘Hey, that’s... I don’t know if that’s racist.’

‘Hey green, check it out, we can still talk to each other!’

“Oh hell, now our minds are connected, I wish you would have stayed dead.” John could tell by the briefly visible expression on Deadpool’s face that he almost felt the same way, but the empathic look was soon replaced by an indignant one.

“Hey, this is the kind of shit that happens to me on a near daily basis. You shouldn’t have come here in the first place.” Deadpool crossed his arms and turned his back to the soldier.

“I was forced here, death is not pleasant.”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK, SHE’S HOT!!!” Deadpool exploded at the man.

“I do not think we are talking about the same death.”

“Well... you’re green, like a Hulk.” Deadpool said as he poked the armor.

“Well then… I’m… offended? You’re red and black… like… a bad CO.”

“...That’s racist, and it’s pronounced OC.” Deadpool said to turn the tables.

‘Racism card, nice.’

‘But it’s not racist, because John’s white, wait… Deadpool’s white too… I think.’

‘Stop trying to apply logic, it hurt the reader’s brains.’

‘Oh right, sorry reader, here’s a brain bandage.’

Unfortunately, the yellow-orange voice, being a voice, did not have hands, or even a physical form, with which to give you a brain bandage, so you’ll have to go get one yourself.

“How did I read that?” John asked incredulously.

“GASP!!! You have mastered the art of the fourth wall, welcome to the club! Now let’s get out of here, we’re making too much filler.” Deadpool began to walk towards the flares that had been up in the sky for about two minutes.

John knew what the fourth wall was from his english classes when he was young, a good Spartan II was not only physically tough, but mentally strong.

With a more forceful ambition, John grabbed Deadpool’s hand and conjured forth the power of scene transitions.

Harry heard a heavy thudding noise, and Wilson immediately turned from his stick carving to look out into the dark forest.

A chainsaw then revved up, and a tree was cut down.

“GROOOOIIIIIIIINSAAAAAAAAAAAW!!!” Deadpool screamed as he held a chainsaw at his groin.

Chief pulled out his DMR and blew Deadpool’s arm off to get him to calm down.

“Hey, that was my jacking off arm!” Deadpool rebuked as his arm restored itself.

“Bloody hell, now I have two psychopaths on my hands.” Harry complained, readying a spell.

“Complaining won’t help anything.” Wilson said, pointing his Dark Sword at the three, then continuing to carve the stick into a wand shape.

Meanwhile, Link and Ezio came up to one of the most unusual scenes they had even seen.

A knight in glowing armor, accompanied by a red and black skinned man holding some sort of devil-craft sword, facing a wizard and a man with a sword made of darkness whittling a stick into a wand.

“Merda.” Ezio said flatly, instantly getting the attention of the four men..

Link widened his eyes, and looked at the other men.

“Oh look, new friends!” Deadpool said as he raised his chainsaw.

‘They are not friends, yet.’

“Hello chaps, care to join us?” Wilson had quickly learned to simply not care about the insanity of others, all thanks to the wizard.

“Uhh...” Ezio was speechless.

“Dude, I think he’s broken.” Deadpool said in a flat tone, turning off his chainsaw and putting it away in hammerspace.

“He looks… old fashioned.” John said, putting away his rifle and pulling out his energy sword.

Ezio widened his eyes at the seemingly magical blade, unsheathing his hidden blades.

Deadpool took out his katana blades, and smiled under his mask.

Link drew his sword, ready to fight.

Wilson sighed, tightening his grip on his dark sword, while putting away the wand.

Harry cast a cross-worded spell, ‘Sectum Wandus’, producing a wire-thin line of magic from the tip of his wand, a sort of magical form of sword.

And then...

“BWAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Everyone looked up to see Discord, almost laughing himself into a coma.

“Oh... Oh... look at you six, about to create such wonderful, wonderful, blood-filled chaos... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Unfortunately for Discord, none of the humans liked not being taken seriously.

“OI! Discord, sod off, or the deal’s off!” Wilson shouted, testing his new wand out with a quick ‘Lumos.’

“And you still didn’t pay me, also, that ass bomb, not cool.” Deadpool patted his stomach, getting weird looks from some of the others, while getting out his gun and preparing to fire several rounds of killy bullets at the godlike chaos child.

“I do not take orders from a madman, I kill madmen to save the not mad.” John took aim with his DMR.

“You... it was you who took me from my home!” Harry said in a slightly foaming-at-the-mouth tone, prepared to use whatever spell to kill this being right then and there.

“My years of age, my family, my friends, all gone because of you!” Ezio was already on top of a tree, ready to bring Discord down to ground-level with a hook-blade grapple.

Link took out his bow and arrow, and then tied bombs to them, and aimed at the monster.

Discord, just looked at them, and looked at his tail.

“Oh look at the time, My very important schedule-” he pulled out a Playcolt magazine, “Dictates that I’ve got to be ‘not here.’ right about now, so, um… ta-ta.” Discord snapped his fingers as all the humans attacked at the same time.

‘Lacarnum Inflamarae!’
*BANG*
*BANGBANGBANG*
‘Avada Kedavra!’
*THUNK*
*grunt*

Ezio jumped into the air, only to barely managed to avoid the crossfire caused by the lack of a target, narrowly escaping with only a burnt hand.

“Sorry, bro, was aiming for the mismatch son of a whore.” Deadpool apologized.

“I understand, but my hand, it is very damaged.” Ezio tried to flex his fingers, but it wasn’t working.

If he couldn’t use his fingers, then what kind of life could he live?

“Seriously, I bet his mother was really busy before he was born, don’t y’all think?”

“I don’t think that’s how biology works, crazy person.” Wilson remarked.

As Wilson and Wade Wilson went into a semi-argumentative banter, Link went to the assassin’s side, took out a blue potion, and handed it to him.

Saying a quick thanks, ‘Connor’ uncapped the bottle and poured a bit of the fluid onto his hand, rubbing it in like a salve.

To Link’s dismay-turned-surprise, it actually worked without being drank, and the skin faded back to its original tanned color.

“Woah, tell me where I can get that, because the moolah I can make off of that is massive!” Deadpool’s eyes changed to dollar signs as he looked at the results.

‘He’s laughter, not generosity readers.’

‘I don’t think we’re supposed to know that yet.’

‘Too late.’

‘Fuck, well… I guess they know if they read Six by Awesomedude17.’

‘And From Wires to Wonders by The P Co.’

‘And even then, they could figure that being Deadpool, he wouldn’t fit any other Element Harmony besides Laughter.’

‘I think Trevor could've fit Loyalty though.’

‘Well he’s not in Hexed Lives, he’s in Codex of the Chaotic Heroes.’

‘Oh hey, shameless self-promotion.’

‘When I was willingly handed over to John, it became inevitable.’

‘Yeah, I suppose. P Co writes you.’

‘Yeah, luckily it’s his writings and not his recordings, or else by now we’d be talking about sex positions or vodka infusions or something, oh hey! Nikolai is in CCotH, I wonder how long it’ll take that story to update. Anyways, so today’s sex position is-.’

“WOAH WOAH, guys, this is a teen story. Keep it down.”

“What?” Harry said, confused at Deadpool’s outburst.

“The voices in our heads just had a lengthy conversation that nearly ended in a discussion about sex.” John informed, checking his readings while nothing new was happening.

Link looked at the metal man, and paced backwards in awkwardness.

Ezio, on the opposite end of the spectrum, paced forwards in an attempt to know more.

“Hello, I am Connor Kenway, and I’d like to know more, amico.” Ezio greeted, making sure to use his cover-name.

“Sure Connor, anyway, it started when I became awesome, nice face, by the way, and before I had my heart ripped out... Deadpool started off, but was interrupted.

“It’d be nice to know who’s who, but it’s getting dark, and we’re in the middle of a forest with little shelter.” Harry pointed out.

“Don’t worry, I have a solution, I just need rocks.” Wilson piped up, pulling out his wand.

“OHH, like in Shrek!”

‘Shrek is Dreck.’

Wilson pulled out his Dark Sword and cut several branches from the nearby trees.

Casting ‘Duro’ to turn the sticks into stones, he made a fire pit and placed it on the ground, instantly ignited and providing ample light.

"Magic.” Link muttered.

Harry slapped Wilson upside the head, “You can’t just use magic in front of muggles, Wilson, a wizard needs to be careful with their spells.”

“Who cares? Talk to Doctor Strange, messy hair dude.” Deadpool said, already having a few marshmallows on a stick.

“Doctor Strange?”

“Master Magician, or Sorcerer Supreme, or something.”

“What?” Harry was taken back by this, whoever Doctor Strange was, he was obviously a rebel wizard, he might need some investigating later on.

“A wizard need only assert their dominance and arrive exactly when they intend to.” Wilson corrected, putting a few logs onto the fire.

Link nodded in agreement, having seen his fair share of magic.

Ezio was intrigued, if magic was as easy as speaking latin, then he’d be the best damn wizard in the world!

‘For the record, the AD17 does not intend for Link or our mentally deficient merc to have magic.’

‘However, P1 is not opposed to Ezio learning a few utilities, and Wilson is already well on the way to beginning disciplines.’

‘That’s kinda cheating.’

‘Okay, Ezio won’t learn shit, because metal doesn’t work with magic, and he’ll try and fail to do magic with his hidden blade.’

‘Sure, besides, that thing is already badass, no need to overshadow everything he has.’

‘I don’t know, I saw P1’s diagrams for a steampunk assassin’s hidden blade with an electric effect, like a taser.’

‘Oh... Steampunk. I also like Dieselpunk.’

‘Wilson’s probably Magicpunk.’

‘Well, that’s interesting.’

‘Like thugs with spells, basically, and instead of gats, it’s wands with Magic Missile., for a start on the concept’

‘Cartman’s Magic Missiles are the best.’

‘Yeah, well, let’s stop overshadowing the story, BTW railroad worker Assassin Hammer Shell Blade, that is all.’

Master Chief merely facepalmed, clearly done with this insanity, but not willing to give up sanity.

“You alright?” Harry asked.

“Yes, civilian, I am, just… tired.” Chief sounded minorly depressed, but he’d been through a lot, and seen plenty of shit, and even shit that shit out more shit to see.

“Well, what is your name?” Ezio asked, scooting a bit closer.

“John-117, and you?” the tall soldier had forgotten the small man’s name already.

“Connor, Connor Kenway, master… fighter.” the young man looked back over to Link, who looked at him with a hardened stare.

“I’m still watching you.” The Hylian warned.

“You say something, I can’t hear you?” Deadpool asked.

“I think it was a warning to Sir Connor over there, I would not intrude on a personal affair, mister…” Wilson gestured for Deadpool to give his name.

“I go by many names, The Merc with the Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, Deadpool, Wade Wilson, but everyone calls me Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman, or just Wade, but any one of them will do... OH RIGHT, THE CANADIAN MANIAC!!!” Deadpool yelled out the last name, letting everyone to look at the crazy merc. “You?”

“Wilson… Wilson…….” something came to him, “Wilson Percival Higgsbury.”

“So, that’s your full name?” Harry asked.

“Yes, it just came to me in a spike of sanity, I suppose that being around others who can talk back in intelligent ways triggered some of my memories to come through.” Wilson said as he set down his Dark Sword, watching the crackling of the flames.

“Birds.” Deadpool suddenly said.

“Intelligent for the most-part.” Wilson added, before becoming enamored in the sound and sight of the fire roaring away in the pit.

“Well, my name’s Harry Potter.”

“Oh, Harry Pot-head!”

Chief then proceeded to shoot off Wade’s head to shut him up.

“BLOODY HELL!!!”

“Do not worry, civilian, he’ll get better in a second.

A second later, Deadpool’s head filled in with flesh and bones.

“I had it coming, sorry bros.”

‘This might get crazy if it’s a running trend.’

‘Agreed, I only got a little mad and reddened, but you had to reform with Wade.”

“Oh hey, they’re purple and red now... cool.”

“Tell me John, does he speak of those… voices in his head?” Ezio asked.

“Yes... and somehow, I have to share them with him.” John said.

“Unfortunate fate, chap.” Wilson chuckled, whittling his wand into its fully formed shape, never taking his eyes off the flames.

“For the record, this amico’s name is Link.” Ezio spoke up.

Link nodded, and smiled.

Harry looked at Wilson again, and finally noticed that Wilson was holding a sword made of pure darkness.

“What are you doing?” The wizard tried to slap the sword away, but was cut on its ethereal edge.

“Don’t touch the blade, chap, or else it’ll cut you.” Wilson said absent-mindedly, smiling at the blade.

It was made of nightmare fuel, and it tore Wilson’s mind to pieces the longer he held it.

As time wore on, the group began dose off, with Link being the first to go to sleep, then Harry, then Ezio, then Wilson, and then Deadpool.

John stayed up for a little while longer, watching the others carefully.

It was his duty to protect his team, and these five were his team now.

Wilson shifted in his sleep and woke up with a start, gasping when he saw the large man.

“Nightmare?” John asked.

“Yes, a terrible one, I don’t know what to do, Sir John, my sword is all I have, but it pains my mind to even hold.” Wilson looked at Link, and then noticed his rather… dapper looking sword.

Why with a sword like that, he’d be the fanciest warrior who ever lived.

Maybe… maybe if Wilson replaced it with his own sword, Link might not notice.

“No, no that’s stupid, and I’m not a thief, I would never take something that didn’t belong to me.” Wilson lamented, setting the ethereal black sword on the ground, before picking it back up and looking through its translucent form.

“Mrr... AHH, BABY CLOWNS!!!” Deadpool woke up, right before Wilson placed his finger on the merc’s mouth, thankfully, no one else woke up.

“So, what do you think, Sir Deadpool? Of the fragility of the mind?” Wilson asked in a wondering tone.

“Frankly, I lost my mind a long time ago, so yeah... I guess that works... I do say, that sword is quite badass, and so are you.”

“I am a mere coward, a coward with a sword he made out of his dreams, I’d never really survive long enough to do great things, I barely lived long enough to be cast into this place.” He’d been out of food when he’d found the last piece of the machine.

“So, if you’re still alive from God-know-where-you’ve-been for however long, that still proves you’re badass. Also, dream sword?”

“Well, more like nightmares, I went insane, and the world responded in kind, creating nightmare beasts, I cast them away, but they left stains of influence on me with Nightmare Fuel, I combined it with a twig and got this sword.”

“Soldier, no coward could cast away nightmares and make a sword from their corpses.” Chief commended, giving the thin man a pat on the back.

“Tell you this, trade ya my Adamantium sword for that!” Deadpool said, unsheathing his sword.

“While tempting, it drains one’s mind of mental faculties, I’d say that within half an hour, you’d be reduced to a zombie, Sir Deadpool.”

“Then I’d become, HEADPOOL!!!”

“That pun was bad, and you should feel bad, Wade.” Chief gave the masked man a slap upside the head.

“Ow. Who cares, gimme that sword!” Deadpool snatched the sword from Wilson’s grasp, and gave Wilson his own sword.

‘This can’t end well.’

Firstly, Wilson fell to the ground, because the katana was actually pretty heavy, and he was rather malnourished.

Next, Wade let out a series of grunts of pain and moans of relief, eventually dropping the sword because of his gradually weakening grip.

“Whoa buddy, that was… I kept just… dying over and over, like I was a zombie or something.”

“I’m sorry Wade…” Wilson said, shoving the katana in the merc’s direction and grabbing the Dark Sword, putting it into his inventory.

“I may need to change my pants... like right now.” Deadpool ran off, leaving behind the two confused men.

“Well, get some sleep, soldier, no tell what might come, and if you’re not rested, then you won’t be at your best.” Chief said, vowing to stay up until it was absolutely safe.

Wilson nodded and nodded off, laying on the ground and snoring lightly.

A few minutes later, Deadpool returned with a muffin in his hand, “Hey, there’s this town, and I found out because I found this muffin, it’s really good.” he said between bites, confusing John on how he could eat with his mask on.

“I’d say that I’m pretty sure that you and Wilson are badasses.” Deadpool complimented, looking around with little bits of blueberry muffin falling out of his mouth.

“Uhh... thank you... friend?” Chief replied, almost awkwardly.

“Badasses don’t call each other friend, friend! They call each other ‘asshole,’ or ‘dickhead,’ or ‘penisballs’!”

John sighed, deciding that the last few things the red & black suited man did was the least of any concerns when dealing with him. The soldier watched Deadpool as he stretched his arms up and fell backwards, out cold on a whim.

With tired eyes behind his visor, Chief slowly drifted off.

“Power Armor energy levels at 80%.” Cortana 2.0 said suddenly in notification.

“Thanks.” Chief muttered, slowly drifting off into dreamland himself.

All of them slumbered easily, not knowing that Discord was still out there, and things would get a lot harder the longer they waited.

‘This may not be the best of times, but I should probably tell you, Wade actually liked the sensation of repetitive dying, a little too much if you ask me.’

Chief sighed, still managing to keep a grip on his sanity, “Shut up red voice.” he drifted off again.

‘Well fuck you too, buddy.’

And it was all dreams from then on.

Explore, and Discover

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co

Daylight assaulted the eyelids of the six men.

Chief had been just dozing off, however. Confused, he checked his clock.

According to his clock’s readings on the progression of time, it was about 1AM

“What is the sun doing?” He asked himself in confusion, speaking louder than he intended.

Deadpool snorted, but remained asleep, muttering something about ‘Death wearing a pizza bikini’.

The sound of Chief’s words combined with Deadpool’s snort startled Harry into waking.

“Bloody hell. My alarm sounds different.” The wizard groaned, not feeling rested from his sleep.

“Shh, I think that Discord has managed to gain control over the sun, it’s only one in the morning, go back to sleep.” The soldier explained quietly.

Harry sighed, laid back down, and fell asleep as soon as the sun set and the moon rose.

Wilson found himself waking up due to the changing cycles.

“Even Maxworld wasn’t this erratic.”

“Well, that does not say much.” Ezio said as he rubbed his eyes, having been shocked awake by a blast of sunlight.

“Eh, I’ve dealt with worse.” Deadpool said as swung on a tree branch, hanging upside down by his feet, “Like this one time, Pedro got possessed by a demon.”

Link sighed, the farmer-turned-swordsman-turned-hero growing increasingly annoyed by the changing day-night cycle.

“We need to stop Discord from ballsing up time itself, chaps.” Wilson said, leading onwards out of the forest.

“Ballsing? British words are weird.”

‘Duh.’

‘Of course they are, that’s why they’re British.’

‘Yep.’

“That’s racist.” John chastised the voices.

'You're a racist!'

“Yeah, no. If anything, Americans are the ones who bastardized the language.” Deadpool added.

Deadpool pulled out an iPhone and showed the language settings to Harry.

The wizard blinked in surprise and looked at the screen.

A picture of the British flag was positioned next to the words English (Traditional).

A picture of the American flag was positioned next to the words English (Simplified).

“See? Well really, that’s a time when one of my favorite memes is applicable. This is definitely a ‘SHOTS FIRED!’ moment.” Deadpool explained, not really explaining anything at all.

“What is this device?” the brightly glowing screen of the iPhone was the only thing that had caught the glasses-wearing brit’s attention.

“A cell phone, by Apple.” Deadpool answered simply.

“Apple... as in Apple Computers?” The wizard recalled the company making a few notable devices, but nothing this technologically advanced.

“I would have said the Apple of Eden, but I doubt that the divines would make such a strange device.” Ezio put in his two cents.

“That reminds me, SELFIE!!!” Deadpool grabbed Ezio by the arm, and took a selfie.

With the flash on.

“GAH!” Ezio freaked out from the flash of light and, by reflex and muscle-memory, uppercut Deadpool with his blade out, stabbing into some important nerves and killing him.

“Blegh… Oh man, I’m so posting this on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and maybe I’ll shoot a sweet vid and post that to YouTube! Oh yeah, by the way, ‘healing factor’ doesn’t count towards ‘no pain factor’, asswipe.” Deadpool complained, thankful that his brain didn’t have to reform.

‘Yeah, I like this form, and it would get ridiculous if it had to change again.’

“Tell me about it.” Deadpool said, teleporting away from Ezio and to the front of the group, “ONWARDS! TO ADVENTURES! AND ENCHILADAS!”

“I am confused, when he said asswipe, was he calling me toiletry cleaning tissue?” Ezio asked Link.

“I’m not sure.”

“Frankly, all of this makes no sense anyway, so let’s just deal with it and try to find civilization.” Harry said to the group.

“Agreed.” Chief said, charging ahead of Deadpool and leading the way.

His GPS worked despite this technically being an uncharted planet, and he could tell that the way out of this forest was due north.”

‘Nolan North? People say he and Deadpool sound alike.’

‘Well, so do people who choose him for the Saints Row IV voice.’

‘I think Chief sounds a lot like Steve Downes’

‘That’s like saying that Iron Man sounds and looks like Robert Downey Jr.’

‘Or that Angelina Jolie might be the best Maleficent.’

‘Or that Chris Evans would make a good Captain America.

“Alright you two, enough actor allusions, we got plenty already.”

‘...I still say that Thor looks a lot like Chris Hemsworth, and therefore, I’m gay for Thor.’

‘And Spidy’s Andrew Garfield.”

“Enough chatter, we must stop Discord from terrorizing this country.” John commanded the voices.

“Very well, let us go, my friends, into the unknown.” Wilson said, putting on his newly-made top hat, made from spider silk he’d gathered webs strung up in a tree near the campsite.

“I must say, that hat looks quite dapper.” Ezio noted, stepping forward to walk beside the scientist.

“Thank you, dear Connor. Maybe if I find more spider silk, I can make one for you. Unless you don’t like spider silk.”

“I am not opposed to spider silk, just the spiders that make it, and that sounds lovely.” The assassin accepted, adjusting his hood.

The group finally reached the edge of the forest, and from there could see a town in the distance, just past a few gently rising hills.

“My God! What has he done?” Harry yelled out, seeing how chaotic it has apparently become.

The ground seemed to be made of garishly bright purple and medium blue checker-pattern square panels, the sky was green, it was raining a brown liquid that Deadpool immediately identified, “It’s chocolate milk.”

“Chocolate... milk?” Ezio asked, confused by such a strange-sounding concept.

Link let the milk fall onto his hand, and tasted it. Immediately, he found himself wanting more.

“Oh yes, Maxworld was definitely not this erratic.” Wilson noted.

“Well Maxworld sounds like a dreadfully boring place.” A familiar voice complained.

The group looked above and found Discord floating in the air, having come back to antagonize them.

“What do you bloody want?” Harry asked.

“Well, you see, the only way to stop me, is with the Elements of Harmony, and you don’t have any.” That last part sounded like the mocking words of a schoolyard bully.

“Oh yeah, well... you don’t have...” The mercenary put a hand to his chin in thought.

“Don’t bother Wade.” Ezio said.

“You don’t have… cajones!”

Only Wade, John, and Ezio knew what that meant, and Ezio simply took a step back and watched this battle of words take place.

Discord summoned the most powerful power possible.

MEMES!

“One does not simply have cajones.” Discord said in a mock serious tone with explanatory hand gestures.

‘Oh no, he’s breaking out chaos memes!’

‘We’re doomed, FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-’

“Well that can’t be true, because I have ALL THE CAJONES!” Deadpool countered, raising a katana and making the ‘ALL THE THINGS’ pose.

“Ain’t nopony got time for your cajones.” Discord snapped, rolling his head and snapping his fingers.

“Oh wait, here it is...” Deadpool held out nothing.

“What is that supposed to be?”

“The amount of fucks I give.”

“Well look at this!” Discord gestured to everything.

“And what is that supposed to be?”

“The amount of fucks I don’t give!” The draconequus countered.

“What is happening?” Wilson asked.

“It might be one of those weird internet things.” Harry suggested, not even sure of his explanation.

“Makes as much sense as those two.” Ezio said.

“What if I told you, you suck balls?” Deadpool mocked the Matrix guy meme.

“I’m going to take this bullet,” Discord pulled out a S&W 500 cartridge, “I’m going to shine it up real nice, then I’m going to turn it sideways and stick it STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!” that one was a reference to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

“Challenge accepted.” Deadpool said as he crossed his arms over his chest and put on sunglasses.

“Trolololololololololololol, trolololololol.” Discord did a perfect trollface.

Deadpool took out a massive rocket launcher, and spoke.

“Surprise, Motherfucker!”

Discord put his fist in the barrel, “If you need this hole to shoot the rockets from, then I have stopped the possibility of you firing a rocket at me, Discord 1, Deadpool 0.”

“Wow, Scumbag Discord, makes chaos everywhere, then sticks his fist in your rocket launcher.”

“ENOUGH!” Discord shouted, his voice suddenly possessing the echo of a god.

“Your mom is enough.”

“You’re quite the irreverent little snot, aren’t you?” Discord gave Wade a bash on the head for his insolence, producing an empty coconut sound

“No, this is Deadpool!” Deadpool slurred, dizzy.

Discord snarled and amplified his voice tenfold, “What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in guerilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Equestrian armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this version of Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the lands of Equestria and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Equestrian Kingdom’s Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ‘clever’ comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you me-damned idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”

“Wow, you even fixed the spelling mistakes, nice job buddy.” Deadpool was unaffected, whilst everyone else was covering their ears in an attempt to stop the ringing and prevent deafness.

Discord straight-up, full-on, simply and merely… blew up... and was gone, leaving no trace but the ringing in the other five men’s ears. Deadpool smirked.

“Worth it!”

“Did we win?” Wilson asked, barely able to hear himself.

“Why are you asking, of course we didn’t. It’s another display of chaos.” Harry said.

“That, and the town hasn’t been fixed yet.” John pointed out, physically pointing his finger to the still-being-ravaged town in the distance.

The group decided to make haste and run towards the haggard settlement.

“WAIT! STOP!” Deadpool said as they were just about to cross the threshold into the town.

“Wait, listen to him, I’m feeling something made of dark magic in this area.” Harry said a few words and lit his wand.

Indeed, there was intensely-shifting dark chaos magic barrier sealing the town away.

“Impressive, how’d you figure that out Wade?” Wilson commended

“Figure what out? I was gonna tell you guys that I have to pee, badly.” Deadpool went behind a large sign, and let nature do it’s work.

The others watched Deadpool with incredulous looks, right up until he retreated behind the sign, then their attentions were caught up by the sign itself.

Welcome to Ponyville
Population: ~700

The friendliest place in Equestria

“Okay, that’s weird.” Wilson couldn’t help but feel that somehow, this place was about as crazy as Maxworld.

“Ponyville?" Link said to himself.

“A town named after small horses?” Ezio pondered

“Oh... I know where we are!” Deadpool said to himself.

“Hold on Wade, I have internet access, I’ll Google it.” John said, accessing his suit’s internet UI.

“Yes, but I knoooow!”

“I doubt you do.”

“We’re in Equestria!!!”

“The sign says that, Wade.” Harry noted, pointing to the sign.

“Yes, but the sun and moon are controlled by winged unicorns!!”

“... He’s right.” Chief said, not believing the words he was seeing on his helmet’s UI.

“What’s a Google?” Ezio asked, intrigued.

“I don’t know either.” Wilson asked himself.

“It’s some other internet thing, it’s a common way to find information that you want to find out quickly.” Harry explained.

“This internet seems quite exhilarating.” Wilson remarked.

“It was made in the 1960s, by the military, but what we’re technically talking about is the World Wide Web, which was made in the early 1990s by a guy named Tim Berners-Lee. Ooh, I didn’t know he was bri’ish too.” Deadpool recalled, and by recalled we mean ‘read the wikipedia page’

“Oh, so I’ll be a old coot by the time it comes to my old world then.”

“Where do you come from?”

“I come from a forest in the northern half of England.”

“Okay… let me rephrase that, when do you come from?”

“It was 1962 last I checked, and I’m 30.”

“2014 for the Poolsky here.” Deadpool said to himself.

“Wait, you are both from the future?” Ezio asked in shock.

“Jesus Connor, how far back are you from to have 1962 be the future? I mean, are you World War 2 time? That was 1939-1945. Or how about World War 1 time? That was 1914-1918. You from either of those times?” Deadpool responded.

“1512 in Italia.” The assassin answered, sounding a little sheepish.

“DAAAYYYUUUUUUUUM DUDE! You’re old as hell then.” The merc said, making Ezio feel bad about himself.

“Around… 2005 in my world.” Harry spoke, reminiscing all the things that had happened before the turn of the millenium, back when he was at Hogwarts, and the much more joyful things that had happened after the turn, when he was able to live a relatively normal life.

“It is the late 11th century in Hyrule”

“2557 in my world.” Chief said.

“So you, Chiefy, like, literally over a thousand years away from Conman here?” Deadpool pointed at Chief and Ezio.

“I suppose, assuming our worlds would follow the same timeline...” Ezio thought about that for a moment.

“Then we are from different times... and we’ve all been chosen simply because Discord studied our very… diverse... timeline.” Wilson explained as lightly as he could.

“That would also be assuming that we’re not also from alternative Earths.” Deadpool mentioned, having dealt with other timelines and Earths before.

“What is Earth?” Link was confused, he had never heard the term used to describe a location unless it was an adjective.

“That right there is why we’re from other dimensions.” Deadpool confirmed, pointing at Link.

“Because Link doesn’t know what Earth is?” Harry queried.

“Well what does he call the planet?”

“It is, of course, the world of Trireign, ruled by the three goddesses, Din, Farore, and Nayru, I have heard tales of such things as Elder Gods, and one of them, Nintendo, is said to have created my world, the specific personality was one of its most charismatic, Shigeru Miyamoto.”

“Activision might be one of my elder gods, but the one who truly created me is... hold on...” Deadpool took a New Mutants #98 (Feb. 1991) comic book out from his hammerspace pocket, and read through it.

“I believe the name in the corner of the cover reads Marvel.” John pointed out.

“I know, but I’m just so awesome that I want to read through the whole thing, and also Rob Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza, they’re the specific personalities who made me.”

“I am just going to go now, speak with the townsfolk maybe.” Ezio excused himself from the weirdness. He began climbing up a nearby building that was partially outside of the barrier, using the out-of-place bricks and missing cement to hoist himself.

Link nodded “I’ll… join you." he said, grabbing onto the wall and hoisting himself up it, finding proper holding spots with ease.

Wilson and Harry looked on through the swirling black runic barrier, and decided to go around the border, trying to find anything unusual, i.e. non-chaotic, or maybe a hole where Discord had missed a spot.

“Wade, how’d you know about this world?” Chief asked, watching the retreating wizards and ancient-time warriors.

Deadpool reached into his hammerspace pocket again and pulled out a cute little smiling Pinkie Pie figurine, which he smiled at under his mask.

“Brony for life.” He stated simply, giggling a little as he gave the figurine a boop on the nose and put it back in his pocket

Chief just shook his head, watching as Ezio and Link passed over the still-visible barrier with ease.

“I think it’s more of a wall than an absolute barrier, which would be a dome, since our pre-colonial friends there seem to be above the top.” The green-clad soldier pondered.

“Is it even dangerous? I mean, Harry was all like ‘Oi, dahk magics n’ crumbs, weh shud foind a why around it’, or however British people talk, and I’m just standing here like ‘Dude, we should see if it’s even dangerous’, except in my head I sound a bit more like Duke Nukem, because I’m awesome.”

“Right, let’s just go through.” Chief said, grabbing Deadpool by the arm and tossing him through as he simply walked through the completely non-solid barrier.

“Praise Helix, and Duke did nothing during the Helix apocaly-*YACHOO*” Deadpool was overcome by a shaking sneeze.

John shuddered for a second, then *ACHOO*

They both felt a wave of pain and a few gut-wrenching sensations, then an odd sense of distortion and off-balance-ness.

Looking at each other, the two black-and-red/green clad men found themselves to be...

Black-and-red/green clad stallions!

Fade to black.

“*GASP* PLOT TWIST!” Deadpool yelled out, preventing the short end to the chapter.

“I don’t think this counts as a plot twist, Wade.” Chief argued.

“PLOT TWIST!!!”” Deadpool yelled again.

“Again, not a plot twist.”

“PLOT TWIST!!!!” Deadpool yelled louder, as if saying it louder would make it more true.

“Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Deadpool stood up on his hind legs, pulled out a pair of UMP .45 SMGs, and fired them into the air, screaming, “PLOT FUCKING TWIST!!!!!”

“WRRRINAHANANANERNEERRRR!!!” a new voice screamed

“Who are you?” Chief asked the new human next to them.

“THE NAME’S MISTER TORQUE, AND I’M DON’T KNOW WHERE THE F*** I AM! PLOT TWIST!!!”

“That’s not a plot twist either.” Chief pulled up his Energy Sword and slashed at the human.

“YOU ARE RIGHT, IT’S A F***ING ONE-SHOT GAAAAAAAAAAG!!!” the bleeding Mister Torque said as he digitized away.

‘Well that was a thing.’

‘That was a thing.’

“So, we should make our way to find someone who knows what’s going on.” Chief commanded.

“What’s not to understand about this?” Deadpool gestured to the incalculable situation around them.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing.” The supersoldier deadpanned under his helmet, “Come on soldier, we have a mission to accomplish.” Chief led the way, somewhat shakily walking with his new quadrupedal body.

“We are stallions, stallions, ahahahahaaaaah!!! We will find them, and they will come.”

“I am not sure how I feel about that last part.”

“I’m not a clopper, or am I? Hmmmmmm…” Deadpool pondered this question so hard that it caused a scene transition.

“Clopper?” but not before Chief could put out one last question.

Ezio jumped across the small gap to another rooftop, watching Link follow with a similar jump, but with less success, as he fell below the top and had to climb up the edge of the overhang again.

“Try jumping with more force, Link.”

“You shouldn’t find it strange that I have a lack of trust in your advice, Connor.”

“Maybe you’re just too big, parkour is made more for smaller men.”

“If I’m big, then why did you call me an elf yesterday?”

“Because of your ears, and your stature, elves are tall, lithe warriors and mages, and your height/weight ratio is equal to that of a wood elf.”

“We obviously have very different definitions of ‘elf’.”

“Maybe, maybe… I am 5’6” tall, by the way.”

“I’m 5’9” tall, I could tell that I was a few inches taller than you anyway.”

“You must have massive people in Hyrule, then, if you think you’re below average.”

“The average height is 5’11” for a human.”

“I see, really big, say, I wonder… do you have any ropes or chains? I have a good idea.” Ezio remembered a Apple-conveyed story about a group of oriental Japanese fisherman Assassins who figured out how to make a ‘whip-blade’, basing the design on a cast-and-reel fishing rod.

Link hesitantly pulled out a clawshot and handed it over. He kept his hand on his bow in case ‘Connor’ were to try something.

Ezio reached his hand into the gauntlet-like device and pulled the trigger, launching the claw over to a straw roof across the street.

Immediately he was pulled towards it, and let out a loud breath of relief when he landed.

Link had used his other clawshot to pull himself over to where Ezio was.

“It’s quite a sudden rush, and will take some getting used to, amico, but this tool is amazing. Such mobility, è pazzesco.”

“Yes, can I have it back now?”

“Hmm, we’ll race, if I win, I keep it, if you win, you get it back, deal?”

“The best deal I can hope for at this point.”

“Alright, ready, set...” Ezio clawed over to another roof right as he was about to say GO.

“PLOT TWIST!!!”

“Was that Deadpool?” Link stopped to look over the edge.

“Again, not a plot twist.” the stallion that looked like Chief said to the stallion that looked like Deadpool.

The exchange went back and forth for several seconds when, suddenly and out of nowhere, a new human arrived via a cloud of colored particles, and it spoke.

Link was so enraptured by this that he actually forgot about the race until the new human disappeared.

“Wait, I still need to get my other clawshot back” He realized, looking around for his racing opponent.

‘Connor’ was nowhere to be seen.

Harry was sure that, by now, he and Wilson had walked almost the total perimeter of the barrier, because he could see a wet stain on the ground in the distance, right next to another Welcome to Ponyville sign.

“It feels like we’ve been walking for an hour.” The wizard complained, adjusting his glasses and looking at the sky as it changed to night again, then back to day a few seconds later.

“We have actually been walking for about an hour, according to my pocketwatch.” Wilson said, showing Harry his dynamic watch.

Harry could see that the watch had countless tiny panels, each color-coded to show the hours of the day, dusk, and nighttime.

“That looks like quite the device, an epic accomplishment of time-related magic.”

“I don’t know by what means it works, all I know is that I got it from a Lord of Darkness to help me survive.”

“Lord of Darkness?” Harry feared that this fragile-minded man had been interacting with Voldemort before coming here.

“Maxwell, the ruler of Maxworld, that’s why it’s called Maxworld.” Wilson said as he spun his wand between his fingers.

Sighing, the Auror continued walking, “I can understand why.” He replied in a somewhat snarky tone.

“Yes, so… what is that stain there?” Wilson pointed to the stain near the sign.

They got closer and saw that they obviously hadn’t gone a full circle around the town, and for a simple reason:

This stain wasn’t a puddle of urine.

This stain was a puddle of blood.

Going behind the sign, the pair found the body of a humanoid creature pinned to the back of it in a Jesus pose, complete with knives through the hands, feet, and one through the heart.

“Oh my God!” Wilson found himself sick to his stomach from both the sight and the smell.

“It’s… it’s both terrible and inefficient, mainly terrible.” Harry couldn’t help but notice how the killer had used four knives where one was enough.

Wilson looked at the knives themselves, pulling the one in the feet out and wiping the blood off on the pants of the creature.

“Odd, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that this knife looks a lot like those belonging to our friend Connor Kenway, but he isn’t a killer.” Wilson said, recognizing the shape of the blade and handle as the same ones held by their 1500s ally.

“Or is he?” Harry recognized the rune engraved on the blade and the same shape for the small pommel.

The Assassin’s Order, I know that rune anywhere, but how didn’t I see it before? I need my glasses checked, or my brain, didn’t he have that symbol as a belt-buckle? If what Wilson said is true then he’s one of them, they’ve been around a lot longer than the 1500s… wait a second… Connor Kenway does not sound like either a Renaissance-era name, nor an Italian name… I need to search for this in the nexus.

Harry said a few words and pulled up a magically projected screen of information, all the knowledge he could want, even if he had to work his way to the desired block of information.

“Connor Kenway.” The wizard spoke, activating the voice-controlled information display nexus and causing the screen to shift from the instruction page to another image.

Native American/English Assassin during the late 1700s. He was a key person, even if completely uncredited, in the build-up, procession, execution, and ending of; the American Revolution, interacting with George Washington himself. The projection showed Connor Kenway’s picture, who looked nothing like their ‘Connor’, not even the skin color or the robe design was the same.

Harry narrowed his eyes. This meant that ‘Connor’ had lied to them, and badly.

“Assassins from the early 1500s.”

The most notable Assassin from the early 1500s, AKA part of the Renaissance Era, was the naturally skilled member and later top-leader, the Mentor, of the Order, Ezio Auditore da Firenze, who acquired the Apple of Eden and recovered the Keys of the Masyaf to find the legacy of Altair Ibn La’Ahad, a middle-eastern assassin from the Medieval era. Records state that by the end of his life in 1524, he had accumulated an Assassination record a mile long. The distance specialists confirmed that it is, indeed, a mile long. His total number of kills is exactly 90,794, which was almost topped off in 1512, with only 1 more in his last few years of life, as confirmed by the death specialists. It is said that he spoke directly to another Assassin from the modern era, Desmond Miles. The projection showed a picture of Ezio Auditore with the caption ‘Ezio wearing the Mentor’s robe in 1512’.

The Ezio in the picture looked near perfectly identical to their ‘Connor’, even the robe and face was the same, the only difference was that their Ezio had brown hair, and this one had gray hair.

“My word... this Ezio seems to be quite the person.” Wilson remarked.

“A person who may have found out an age-reversal spell, if he is even capable of using magic.”

“Or maybe he was simply pulled here before those notable events.” Wilson reasoned.

“No, his robe is the same as his older self, the Mentor’s robe, perhaps Discord reversed his age?”

A study into a disturbance in the history of time would suggest that Ezio may have been forced to partake of the Fountain of Youth by a Chaos Avatar known as Discord. the projection informed, catching the key words of ‘Discord’ and ‘age’.

“Well, would you look at that?” Harry said, now getting the full picture.

“So our ally is one of the greatest assassins in history, with the knowledge of an old man and the abilities of a young one, and he may or may not have killed this man in cold blood.”

“Well, I suppose he’s on our side for the time being.”

“But what about the cold blood?”

“I believe that this person may have been a Templar, but I need to examine the body first.”

“Templar?”

“The enemies of the Assassin Order, the Templar Order, they have the same goal, but a very way of getting to it, the Assassins believe that the way to have a perfect world is to teach it to be perfect, the Templars say that the world must be forced into perfection.”

“Sounds like the Templars lack faith in people.”

“Or the Assassins have too much faith.”

“Either way, it’s obvious that Ezio is a good man, if he has willingly joined us.”

“Yes. I suppose.”

“I have one question though?”

“What might that question be?”

“Which side are you on, the Assassins, or the Templars?”

“I am not part of that fight, I am a Wizard, we are above the struggle for perfection of the muggle world.”

“Muggle?”

“Non-wizards are often called muggles by the wizards.”

“But all you need is Latin to do magic.”

“Not all humans are capable of magic. The fact that you are means you slipped through the cracks of the Wizard Council.”

“Then… I’M A WIZARD, HARRY!”

“Yes you are.” Harry sighed. “Yes you are.”

“Yay magic! And I’m from the sixties, say… I wonder how easy it would be to remake my Ice Staff?” Wilson pondered his magical constructs.

“You did not know of your wizardry, but you knew how to forge the power of the elements into tools?”

“Yes, yes I did, it was bloody amazing.”

“Speaking of bloody.” Harry turned to the still-bleeding corpse of the unknown man.

“I guess we’ll have to...” Wilson tried to think of a good way to put this.

*SNAP* part of the sign snapped off.

The two wizards turned towards the noise. A massive rabbit, no doubt made by Discord, was eating the sign.

“That freak.” Harry began to take the body down from the sign before it was swept up by the hungry chaos-affected animal.

Wilson helped, taking each of the throwing knives for himself.

Hauling the body away from the huge rabbit and the sign, the two looked at the dark barrier again.

“So, do you have anything that can counter dark magic?” Wilson asked, thinking hard.

“There are many spells, but most are offense.”

“In the face of a no-doubt functioning via touch-to-activate type of barrier, I would say that offense won’t be effective.”

“Well, there is one special defensive spell, used only for emergencies.”

“Fantastic, let’s cast it and get in there.” Wilson readied his wand.

Harry slowed his breathing as he willed the power forth.

This one, extremely powerful spell, if not cast correctly, could destroy or at least fragment the user’s very soul, turning them into a Hollow One, or in some more fortunate cases, a Lich.

The reason for this, was that is required one’s magic to interact with one’s actual soul.

“Expecto Patronum!” The Auror cast, a burst of light exploding from his wand.

Speaking with power, Harry commanded a spirit of goodness, a part of his very essence, to come forth and defend him from the dark magic of this god of Chaos.

Wilson looked in awe as the light formed into a magnificent, powerful-looking stag that galloped from the distance up to its creator. Upon reaching the border, it began to cast away the dark magic barrier with mere flicks of its antlers.

The scientist/wizard also noted that the dark-chaos magic tainting the ground, air, and weather was destroyed as well.

“Expecto Patronum!” The scientist cast, a significantly smaller burst of light exploding from his obviously less powerful wand.

Wilson watched as his own bravely-spoken words formed a ball of light that showed itself to be a sun-like Will-o-Wisp, and it too cast away the dark chaotic magic with little bursting bolts of light shooting out of it.

Walking past the threshold of the town with the barrier down, Wilson smiled and gave the Will-o-Wisp a little pat of appreciation for protecting him and getting rid of the taint.

It made a cute little squeaky-giggling sound and dissipated, its job complete.

Harry’s stag bowed its head to its creator and charge, then began galloping off, fading as it got further away.

“Well that was… new, I wasn’t expecting an outro from it.” Harry said, watching his spirit vanish into nothing.

“I liked it, it looked cool, and mine was quite adorable when I got to know it.” Wilson smiled.

Harry and Wilson looked down the street and saw two stallions gallop up to them.

“Guys, friends from across the pond... we’re ponies.” Deadpool stated simply.

“How did you get past the barrier without being transformed?” Chief asked, confused at the still-human state of his teammates.

“Magic!” Wilson said with glee, smiling and twirling his wand.

Harry gave Wilson a slap upside the head, “We technically don’t have to explain a bloody thing.”

“Good enough for me, by the way, since I’m a pony, I can do stuff here now! BYE!!!” Deadpool teleported away.

“I will attempt to find allies in the town, if possible.” Chief disappeared through a crack in the fourth wall.

‘I can expect the ponies to try and kill the humans since Discord summoned you.’

‘Yeah, or at least they aren’t going to trust you, like, at all.’

‘Except Wade and MC here, but I hope Wade ain’t, well, ya know...’

‘I think not, but I’m not sure, at least they have a head-start on trust, being ponies and all.’

‘Yes, the best game of Twister is a good way to build trust.’

‘Except when some douchenozzle tries to block the green dots.’

“Guys, come on, we’re trying to keep this PG here.” Deadpool complained in his own location.

‘But what about the douchenozzles who try to block the green dots?’

‘And technically, this is PG, being that we’re talking about Twister.’

“I can’t argue with that logic, and yeah, people who try to block the green dots are dicks.” The red/black clad stallion accepted, pulling out a katana and prying the front door open.

Light forced its way into the empty main room of Sugarcube Corner.

“This is one of those awesomely smooth transitions where it just sort of pans past someone’s head and suddenly the scene is different.”

‘Oh yeah, those are so siiiick.’

‘Hey look, there’s Pinkie.’

A grayed Pinkamena Diane Pie looked at this intruder in her home, eying him up.

She pulled out a blackjack and bashed him upside the head, then slammed the door shut after shoving him outside.

“NOPONY’S HOME!” She shouted angrily.

“But Pinkiiiiiie, I loooooove you.”

‘Dude, she’s gray, Dissy’s got her.’

“Oh shit, right, I forgot about that, DON’T WORRY PINKIE! I WILL SAVE YOU! FOR I AM THE GREAT, AND POWERFUL, DEADPOOL!”

“More like great and powerful dumbface!” Pinkie insulted Wade.

“Hey now, don’t call my face dumb, I feel bad enough about it as it it.”

“Well it is! So stay out!”

“But I am Dr. Professor Carlos Winston Lazarus McBatman, I can’t have been a Doctor and a Professor, or a Lazarus or a Batman, without my 17 college degrees.”

“And I’m the Queen of Syrup Land, so kiss my plot and get away from me.”

“Oh... hard to get... sexy...” Deadpool breathed heavily.

‘Actually, she literally asked for you to kiss her plot, if anything, that’s not ‘hard to get’ at all.’

‘Logic.’

“Oh… easy to get… sexy...”

Pinkie hefted up her blackjack and bashed Deadpool’s face in again.

“Oh baby, you know that I recently discovered that I might be a masochist, so that’s not going to get me to leave.”

Pinkie turned around and sucker-bucked Deadpool in the torso, knocking him across the street, then slammed the door shut again.

*PEWOWSH*

“I can teleport too.” The crazy stalker said, giving a lewd grin.

Pinkie merely punched the teleporter, causing it to malfunction.

“Oh, crap.” Deadpool suddenly teleported away.

“Stupid dum-dum trying to interrupt my stewing in anger and hatred.”

*CRASH* Deadpool jumped in through the window.

“I AM NOT DUMB, FIRSTLY I HAVE 17 COLLEGE DEGREES, granted half of them are in theater and cooking, BUT STILL! And I only teleported about twenty feet away, by the way.” Whenever his teleporter malfunctioned, its range went down by a very large margin.

“If they’re easy and cheap online degrees, then get the buck out!” Pinkie grabbed Wade and tossed him out the broken window.

“Fine, be like that, you stone-faced bitch, I’m going to go hang out with the cool ponies, like Rainbow Dash and Twilight.” Deadpool turned around and trotted away.

*boop* He bumped nose-to-nose with Pinkamena, who now stood in front of him.

“Nopony calls me a bitch!” She stabbed Deadpool in the throat.

‘Is this now Cupcakes?’

‘I think the chance for Cupcakes went out the door when Pinkie threw him out the first time.’

‘No no, like... she makes... cupcakes... nevermind, this is a brony thing.’

‘I know what you mean, and again, she threw him out, that pretty much threw away the chance to have a re-enactment of that fanfic.’

‘Well... we’d taste terrible anyway, even if we’re an unlimited hamburger machine then.’

Deadpool laid on the ground, thirty seven stab wounds in his chest.

“That oughta teach you to mess with the PINK… IE PIE!” The gray mare spat to add insult to injury.

“Could you stab me thirty two more times, you missed a lot of spots.” Deadpool croaked through blood.

Pinkie complied, and in a flurry, she stabbed Deadpool another thirty two times.

“Hehe, now I’ve got sixty nine stab wounds, funny.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow, and stabbed him one more time.

“And there’s the mouthwash stab.”

*stab*

“And that makes seventy… awwwwWWWWWW.” Deadpool complained, standing up and giving Pinkie a boop on the nose, giggling like a schoolgirl, “I DID IT! I DID IT! LOOK MUM, I DID IT!” he cheered, jumping up and down in joy.

Pinkie now knew that this pony was more crazy than she was, and decided to slip by him while he was cheering and leave through a manhole.

“Wait, did Pinkie just leave? SHIT! I NEED HER!” Deadpool peeled the screen away and grabbed Pinkie out from in the sewer, “I’m so sorry!” he gave her a bash on the head, knocking her unconscious.

‘Note, if we’re doing her, the author better remember that Wade’s submissive, always.’

‘‘I think he’s running off to find Twilight.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Because this is season 2 really. So Twilight is still normal. Also, he’s running down the street screaming ‘TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! HELP!’.’

“TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT! HELP! ALSO, WHERE’RE THE TACOS?”

Unfortunately for Wade, Twilight was a little tied up with something right now.

“So, you break into my house, and then tie me up and interrogate me? You’ve got some backwards morals, creature.” Twilight said, tied up in a chair.

Ezio and Link stood over her, the former having already come back around after quickly dispatching a random attacker right outside of the town, the latter having met up with the former and being forced to accept defeat.

The two had looked for a library to find out more information on Discord in order to more easily stop him.

“Merda, I walked in and you fired something apparently called a ‘Magic Missile’ at us, We countered and neutralized you, amico. We could have killed you. We could have broken something in your body, but we didn’t, because I want to be nice to a victim for once.”

‘Well then, if interrogating me after tying me up is nice, then I suppose I’m super nice.” Twilight said, thinking over all the times she’d ever used either interrogation or rope.

“The rope was just a precaution.”

“You both do realize, I have magic, right?” Twilight said as she teleported out of the bonds.

“Great, it seems that everyone has magic but me, where’s the love for the Assassin, huh?” Ezio complained, jealous of the seemingly commonplace power.

“Assassin? MAGIC MISSILE!” Twilight called out as a silvery bolt of energy launched towards Ezio.

Ezio caught it with his hidden blade, the metal absorbing and neutralizing the magical energy in an instant.

“Don’t do that, it scares me, and when I get scared, I get jumpy, and when Connor gets jumpy, that’s when Connor accidentally stabs someone in the throat.” He pointed to the still present bloodstains coating his hidden blades.

“MEEP!” Twilight backed away from the two, when suddenly...

Deadpool suddenly burst through the doors.

The jumpy lavender mare turned around and faced the mercenary only a second before he spoke.

“TWILIGHT, PINKIE IS GRAY!!! ALSO, hi Connor, hi Link.”

“Hello Deadpool, I was just about to ask Miss Twilight here a few questions.”

“About what?” Deadpool asked.

“We came to the library seeking knowledge.”

“But as always, he who increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow.” Ezio recited, referring to having to tie up the studious unicorn.

“That’s why I never went to college.” Deadpool laughed.

‘You said you had 17 degrees.’

“Those are online degrees.”

‘That, and I’m sure it was just an excuse to make Pinkie stop calling you a dumbface.’

“That too.”

“Who are you talking to?” Twilight asked.

“The voices in my head that I have recently began sharing with Master Chief.”

Twilight backed away, bumping into Ezio again.

“You are cornered, I would not suggest attempting to flee, more physically fit creatures have tried to flee me, and I have caught them all.”

“Are you calling me fat?” Twilight asked indignantly.

“Well, you do have what the people in my business would call ‘dat flank’, and then they would make a few grunting sounds because they like rapping.” Deadpool said without realizing that he insulted Twilight.

“That’s… I… SHUT UP!” Twilight went all tsundere and bashed Deadpool over the face with a huge dictionary, “Idiot.”

‘These ponies hurt more than I expected.’

‘I think it’s mostly the weight of the knowledge.’

“Um, amico, there is a gray pony on Deadpool’s back.” Ezio pointed out.

“What? Is that... PINKIE!!!” Twilight recognized the shape of her usually joyous friend.

“This is so alt cont.” Deadpool groaned.

“Well, is it isn’t Twibright Fartkle, I still don’t know why you think we’re friends.”

“Pinkie, we just went into that maze yesterday, and Discord did something to your mind, he did it to everypony’s!”

“Not alt cont... I think.”

‘Somewhat alt cont… we seem to have not delayed the incident, but have rather delayed the resolution.”

‘We weren’t trying though.’

“I heard yelling, I am prepared to destroy anything that delays our success.” Chief skid to a halt in front of the others.

“I just noticed, Deadpool and Chief are ponies, odd.” Ezio noticed, stroking his short beard.

*FOO-WHOASH* Harry and Wilson appeared behind the group.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, EZIO!” Harry shouted, “Petrificus Totalus!” He cast the full-body paralyzation spell.

Ezio froze up in fear, but then ran off.

“I thought...”

“Wait, what just hap-? I JUST CAST PARALYZATION MAGIC ON HIM!” Harry tried again, but Ezio still didn’t stop.

“It seems that he may be immune to it.” Wilson guessed.

“Logic, I’ll go after him bronies!” Deadpool ran off, chasing Ezio.

“Is… is his real name Ezio?” Chief asked, a bit confused.

“Yes, and he’s an Assassin.” Harry said.

“Well I knew that.” Link informed, immediately getting turned to by the master Wizard.

“What, how?”

“He told me.”

“When, where?”

“Yesterday, in the forest before we all grouped up.”

“Why, who?” Harry was just confused at this point.

“Him, Ezio, told me, Link, because I didn’t let up on him.”

It was Wilson’s turn to slap Harry upside the head, if only to give him a bit of percussive maintenance.

“Get ahold of yourself, chap.”

“He ran, why though?” Harry asked, facepalming.

“I think you frightened him, because you could have greeted him in a gentler tone, pitch, volume, or wording.” Chief reprimanded, speaking with brutal honesty.

The glasses-wearing Brit found a chair near the table in the middle of the room and sat down in it.

“But how did he resist my Petrificus Totalus?” He asked, not expecting any valid responses.

“I heard him muttering Latin in his sleep last night, he was attempting to cast it, but he failed, I think he might be something even less magical than a muggle, if that’s even possible.” Wilson recalled, he’d been sleeping next to Ezio the night before.

“Well, I think there is one rumor of the magical world, one that the wizards prefer not to talk about, one that I will have to search for.” Harry brought up his magical knowledge projection again.

“Cool hologram, dude.” Deadpool said, checking out the screen.

“Weren’t you supposed to be chasing Ezio?”

“Oh, right!” Deadpool teleported away and resumed the chase.

“It is an impressively compact display, if this magic is truly worth its claims, then I should gather some intelligence on it for the UNSC.”

“Chief, it is highly possible that that is a very terrible idea, not only would the wizards apprehend the entirety of this ‘UNSC’, but you shouldn’t even be knowing about magic in the first place.”

“Well, maybe you should be more truthful to your teammates, and I doubt the wizards could handle the United Nations Space Command anyways.” Chief suggested, his ear pricking up to the sound of a voice.

Truth, it is said that there are always many sides to a story, the side of everyone involved, and the truth. The truth is something so mystical and vigorous, that it has been found to be, if ever harnessable, an unspeakably powerful entity, capable of destroying the perception of reality in an instant.

“Nice philosophy, but we need ‘less magical than muggles’, please.” Harry requested.

The wizards of archaic times told of another type of being, just as the wizards were an ascended form of humans, so too was another type of being an ascension. Those Who Came Before, sometimes known as the First Civilization, are said to, as well as their descendants, have the power to control the rules of reality with the right tools, they are immune to magic, both in the usage and receival of it, but wizards are exempt from their reality-bending power in a countermeasure. Many relics have been found throughout the history of their time, the most prominent and powerful of which is the Apple of Eden.

“Apple of Eden? Ezio mentioned that earlier.” Link muttered.

Mentore Ezio Auditore da Firenze of the Assassin Order had, for long periods of time, had possession of the Apple of Eden, the known powers of it are healing, divine guidance, mind-control, and in one case throughout history, this one not from Ezio, the power to defy death. Scans and research during a brief time of the Wizards possessing it found that there are seven powers it possesses, four of which are known, healing, divine guidance, mind-control, and defying death, though the methods by which the fourth is accomplished are unknown.

“That’s… I had no idea.” Harry dismissed the information screen and looked around.

Chief stood uncomfortably off to the side, still a pony.

Deadpool had not returned with Ezio.

Link was keeping silent and leaning against one of the wall-carved bookshelves.

Wilson was still standing near Harry, but now was a bit closer to Twilight.

“Geez, who knew that Ezio would be so special?” Wilson wondered, twirling his wand between his fingers.

“I wouldn’t have guessed myself.” Chief said from his side of the room, counting up the number of rounds he had left.

“It’s strange, and I noticed that Ezio was the only one has seemed to have received any sort of change.”

“What do you mean?” Wilson asked.

“Before I was pulled into Equestria, I was on an adventure to save Hyrule from a monstrous person known as Ganondorf, however, in a place called the Twilight Realm, Discord intercepted me, then spun me around after a musical performance and sent me here.”

“Dear lord. For me, I suppose he just turned Maxwell into a bird, killed him, then snapped his fingers, made me sneeze and sent me here.” Wilson told his own story.

“I won’t ask about the logic behind that story, but he snapped my neck and killed me, then unsnapped it and un-killed me, then ordered me to come here, other than that, nothing really changed.” Chief regaled.

“He gave me a medallion in a present box and told me to use a teleportation spell on it, and when I got here, it turned to chocolate.”

“Might you have this medallion? My sugar levels are quite low.” Chief said, checking his body scan.

“Well… bloody hell I had it in my pocket, so it’s probably melt-... it’s gone, the medallion has disappeared.” Harry informed, checking his pockets and finding only a handful of treacle-flavored taffies, “I guess I probably left it in the forest, it doesn’t matter anyways.”

“Those will do though.” Chief said, pointing at the taffies.

Harry counted out the taffies, there were seven, one for each of them, including Twilight.

Seeing no further point in hiding his magic, since everyone had already been well informed of it, he levitated the taffies out to his companions.

“Nice, delicious mind-repairing candy.” Wilson unwrapped it in a second and chomped it up.

Chief unwrapped it, but found a problem.

A head shaped problem.

‘AH, SOMEONE’S TRYING TO EAT YOUR CANDY!’

‘No, it’s his helmet, he has to take off his helmet first.’

Reaching towards the clasps, and thinking ‘How will I do this as a pony?’ the super-soldier tried to reach and undo the clasps that held his helmet on.

*KLOOP* the clasps were undone.

*HISSSSSSS* the pressurized gases of his helmet fled through the opening.

‘Your hooves work like magnets man, except you can choose what they pick up or not.’

Grabbing the sides of his helmet, he slowly lifted it off.

Everyone looked towards him, waiting for the big reveal.

His helmet came all the way of, revealing...

A normal-looking stallion with a pale tan coat, light yellow mane, and tired-looking icy-blue eyes.

“Well, we know what you look like as a pony now.” Harry said.

“I look exactly the same as a human, but with skin instead of a coat, and hair instead of a mane.”

“And a flatter face.” Wilson added.

“That too, I don’t know what all of you were expecting, but it’s not much.” Chief set down his helmet and popped the taffy into his mouth, chewing it up, “This is really good, by the way.”

“Thanks, it’s my favorite flavor.” Harry informed.

“I’d say mine too.” Chief said through tiny slurps.

“Yes, I enjoy a good Trechel every now and again.” Wilson said.

“I don’t get it.” Link said, having put the whole taffy, paper and all, in his mouth, not understanding that it was wrapped.

“Did you unwrap it first?” Harry asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“It was wrapped? I couldn’t tell.” Link had felt its papery texture, and assumed that it was just an odd type of sweet.

Whenever something was ‘wrapped’ in Hyrule, that usually meant it had been covered in a brightly colored paper, tied up in a ribbon, or inside a box.

Pulling the partially chewed piece of candy out of his mouth, he peeled the paper off in little wet strips, much to the ‘ew’s of the others. When all of it was gone, he put it back in and immediately tasted the difference.

“It tastes of the syrup of trees and the honey of bees.”

“Some call it molasses, but you’re from the 11th century, so I guess that explains your ignorance.” Chief said, his eyes locked in an ‘indifferent to these events’ partially-closed state, even as he chewed up the sweet treat.

“Mmmm, tasty.” Twilight chimed, the sugary treat bringing a smile to her face as she chewed.

Harry looked around at the cheerful faces of his fellows, wondering where Deadpool was with Ezio.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

*PEWOWSH* Deadpool appeared in front of Ezio, “HAHA! STOP!”

Ezio merely vaulted off of Deadpool’s back and landed on his feet past the black-and-red clad earth pony.

Deadpool finally broke the cycle when he appeared in front of Ezio, then when the assassin was about to vault off his back, he jumped.

Ezio faltered for a moment, landing hard on his feet and tucking in for a roll, slowed down enough to be tackled by Deadpool.

Rolling along the ground, Deadpool pinned the small man under him, both his legs and his arm.

“HA! Gotcha, now come on back to the library and let’s talk this out, like adults or whatever, agreed?” The mercenary offered.

Ezio used his free arm to swing up a slash into Deadpool’s neck, injecting him with a powerful poison.

The crazy stallion fell off of the assassin for a few seconds, allowing him to stand up and continue running.

As if he existed only to make Ezio look cooler, Deadpool attempted to stop him as he climbed up a wall, only to show his reflexes as he clawshot-flew towards another rooftop.

Then, in midair on a jump, Deadpool appeared above Ezio, only to have the assassin grab a hind leg, swing up and onto his back, then jump off, using the earth pony’s heavy structure to his advantage.

Finally, Deadpool just straight-up tackled him again, knocking him off a roof and into a conveniently placed pile of hay.

Ezio jumped out and was immediately tackled again.

“STOP RUNNING BRONY! JUST COME BACK TO THE LIBRARY AND WE’LL HAVE CANDY AND CONVERSATION!” Deadpool commanded.

But Mentore Assassino has no superiors.

After several seconds of struggling, Ezio finally managed to wrench his hand out from under Deadpool’s hoof, then brought it up and jammed his hookblade into the back of his pursuer’s neck, pulling his head down and delivering a quick, confusing kiss.

“HEY, at least buy me dinner first, que puta!” Deadpool spoke back, clearly annoyed.

Ezio pushed him off and kept running, somewhat confused at Wade’s comment.

Deadpool appeared in front of him again, only this time...

“EUGH! WHY DID YOU EVEN DO THAT BRO-*OACHOO*” Deadpool was surrounded by a flash of gray magic and was in human form again.

Ezio stopped on a dime and turned around, running the other way.

Deadpool merely pulled out a Craywiza Reddiclosa model Bicyclic-Duality unto Magaxim.

AKA, a four-barreled .50 AE pistol.

*BOOOOM* went the four barrels, blasting a huge chunk of Ezio’s leg out, fortunately only barely scraping the bone.

“GRAH!” The assassin toppled over and slid across the rocky dirt road, his hood sliding up and behind his head and his hands holding his wound while he hissed in pain.

“In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have used my second biggest handgun.”

‘If that’s your second-biggest, what’s your biggest?’

‘Do you really need to ask? It’s both his biggest handgun and his pork-sword.’

‘Oh, eugh.’

“I made that sound a minute ago.” Deadpool said as he walked over to the writhing Italian.

“So, will you come quietly?” The standing man asked.

“Ad infernum.” Ezio replied through clenched teeth and strained breathing.

“Oh shit, you’re losing blood fast, don’t worry buddy, I have the perfect thing for it.” Deadpool ripped open a portal to another dimension, letting forth a wave of salty water, but also managing to pull through a bag.

Ezio looked up at Deadpool after almost being drowned by his antics.

Wade open the bag and removed several dozen small lead balls that acted as weights, as well as a dull golden orb.

An Apple of Eden.

“Now then, BE HEALED!” The crazy Canadian bashed the orb onto Ezio’s exposed leg-bones.

“GAH!” Ezio gasped, before feeling a rushing sensation of relief.

He looked down and saw that his leg had been healed, along with his pants.

And Deadpool was holding an Apple of Eden.

Ezio snatched it from the other man’s hand and stood up, holding it out and watching golden tendrils of light emanate from it.

“HA! Now obey me, fool.” The Italian commanded, directing the lights towards his pursuer.

The lights began to wrap around Deadpool’s head.

“...No thanks.” Deadpool slapped the overpowered item out of Ezio’s hand, causing it to shatter upon hitting the ground, each individual piece shattering into tarnished chunks, each of those chunks (for some reason) flattening into little splatters.

Ezio just took a step back, appalled at the way such a powerful relic had so easily broken.

“It’s like Wilson’s brain, just hit it on the ground really hard and it’ll break.” The muscly gunman explained, not really explaining anything at all actually.

Ezio took another step back, then just put his hands up, “I give up.” He surrendered.

“Alright, cool, now then, we just need to get back to the libra-” Deadpool was cut off by the sudden speaking of a young, tomcoltish voice.

“See, I told you girls that there’re weird two-legged things in town.” Scootaloo said, pointing a hoof at the two killers.

“They look funny.” Applebloom said, cocking her head to the side and raising an eyebrow at the appearance of the two.

“Um… I really like his... mane.” Sweetie Belle said, trying to sound nice as she looked at Ezio’s suave hair-do, which was visible since his hood was still down.

“AwwwwwWWWWWWW, SO CUTE!” Deadpool picked the Cutie Mark Crusaders up in a big bear hug.

“Hey, I’m not cute!” Scootaloo complained, trying to fight the powerful embrace of the mercenary.

“Of course you aren’t,” He agreed sarcastically, “But little fillies who deny being cute only become cuter!” The masked man squealed in schoolgirl-like delight, hopping up and down.

*SQUEEK!* Sweetie Belle managed out from her compressed lungs.

‘Okay, let them go, she squeaked, and we don’t need Diabetus.’

*Sigh* “Fine!” Deadpool dropped the CMC onto the ground and turned towards Ezio.

“Let’s get you to back to the library to figure out this Discord business!”

“Discord?” The three fillies exclaimed.

“You know of him?” Ezio asked the little girls.

“He made mah sister a liar!” Applebloom complained.

“He made my idol a self-centered jerk!” Scootaloo yelled out.

‘I sense a minor irony.’

“He made my sister fall for a rock.” Sweetie Belle said dejectedly, pawing the ground a bit.

“A... rock?” Ezio asked awkwardly.

“Yeah, a rock. She calls it Tom.”

“I woulda called it ‘Dwayne’, but that’s just D-Pooly here, come on, we have ‘stuff’ to ‘do’ and ‘continuity’ to fix!’ The merc-with-the-mouth grabbed Ezio with one hand and scooped up the defenseless fillies with his other.”

“You are not a narrator in some sort of play, amico.” Ezio said as they flashed away and reappeared ten feet from the library.

“Wait, my teleporter is still a bit buggy, is everypony okay?” He looked to the CMC first.

Applebloom looked like a tiny bit of her tail had been clipped off, and a few of Scootaloo’s mane-hairs looked out of place.

“Teleporter? I… I give up on... on... trying to make sense of you!” Ezio gut-punched the crazy mutant.

“OOOH! DON’T POKE ME THERE! That’s where I keep my tacos.” The just-jabbed antihero said, rubbing his stomach.

“Poke? What do you… OH MIOS DIO!” Ezio looked at the half-present structure of his poison blade, the other half having probably been teleport-cut off.

“Don’t worry dickbag, I got it.” Deadpool pulled the other half of the broken blade out of his lower thigh, “Healing makes a good carry-bag.”

Ezio took the other half and removed his left blade, as it was quite useless now.

“THERE YOU ARE!” The sound of Harry’s voice made Ezio flinch and tense, ready to run.

“Harry, nice to see you again.” The assassin pretended nothing was wrong.

“Nice to see you too, Ezio, now explain this.” Harry brought up the information page linking Ezio to the First Civilization and the Apple of Eden.

“The First Civilization was promiscuous, and there are many partial-First partial-human people, I am one of them.” Ezio remembered what the Apple of Eden had told him through Divine Guidance.

“I see, that information lines up with what the databanks have to offer, so you’re off the hook… for now.” Harry dismissed both the screen and his suspicions, at least for the moment.

“I was not on a hook to begin with.” Ezio argued, gesturing to his un-stabbed clothing and skin.

“No… that doesn’t… he means you’re out of trouble… for now.” Wilson explained.

“But I have one question, if we’re going to keep you-*CHOO*” Chief turned back into a human.

“I can answer a question, amico, if you can not sneeze on me.”

“Challenge accepted, so, here’s the question: Are you on our side? Can we depend on you to cast aside your personal desires and/or safety to contribute to either the good of the tea-?” Chief stopped when Ezio nearly shouted.

“Yes, I have stabbed countless people, in the head, eyes, between the eyes, lungs, kidneys, chest, stomach area and stomach organ, legs, arms, neck, and even the ass and nether-region. While I have physically stabbed countless people in their actual backs, I have never metaphorically backstabbed anyone, ever.” Ezio swore up, down, left, right, and center of his duties and ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ to everyone on his side.

“...Good.” John accepted the explanation with no further questioning.

“Yes, my duties may be to myself, but my first loyalties are to the Creed and to my allies.” The mentor added.

“I believe you.” The super-soldier assured, leaning on the wall.

“Just like that?” Twilight queried, looking at the assassin, “You’re just going to accept his statements at face value?”

“Well, two things, Twilight, one; I am a good judge of character, that’s one of the three reasons I’ve made it this far, the other two reasons are luck and skill. Two; Ezio knows that, if he betrays us, we’ll just kill him.” It was brutally honest and blunt, but Chief had learned a lot in his time, and being blunt was sometimes the only way to hammer out the imperfections..

“I will do anything to prove my goodness.” Ezio pleaded.

“I… may have a solution.” Link unsheathed the Master Sword.

“I will do anything to prove my goodness, except get stabbed.” Ezio revised, backing away from his supposed friend.

“I will not stab you, I merely ask you to place your hand on the blade.” Link knew that this would be the ultimate voice of truth in this situation.

The Master Sword was also known as ‘The Blade of Evil’s Bane’, only one of pure heart and soul, such as himself, could wield it.

Ezio did not hesitate as he reached his hand over the blade and touched it.

It felt hot and stung his hand, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

“How does it feel?”

“It’s smooth, a perfectly made blade, amico. It seems to hold the power of storms, though, as it feels hot and stings my hand the longer I hold it.” Ezio said through gritted teeth.

“He’s neutral, we definitely will not have to worry about him.”

“Yes, I was aware of that.” John half-agreed, a bit miffed that his honest and confident evaluation had been ignored.

“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, I was only trying to give everyone a definitive result.”

John just sighed and looked away, his icy-blue eyes locked on the still-open library door.

Wilson followed the pale man’s gaze and saw something from his angle.

A shadowy translucent figure, clearly one of those nightmare constructs that plagued his fragile mind.

“BEGONE!” The scientist shouted, charging out of the doorway with his Dark Sword raised high.

The figure disappeared when he got about fifteen feet away.

“NO! Come baaaaack! I need to banish yooooou.” He called out dejectedly, quietly dropping to his knees with a defeated-sounding whimper.

The figure stopped only a few blocks away, and found that she wasn’t being followed anymore. She dropped her invisibility cloak and sighed. She had a full body catsuit, and blue goggles covering her eyes.

Of course, the insane one sees through it!

She took out a balisong out of habit, and looked around the corner, seeing what few ponies remained outside being greyed out left and right by the chaotic being.

Regardless, she had a job, and called back her employer.

“Ah, Agent 4, it’s been a while.”

Agent 4 nodded.

“Almost caught?”

She nodded.

“Either you’re losing your edge, or those humans here are more crafty than we thought. Keep your distance. Another thing, the green armored one, he managed to tap into our satellites and access imagery of the whole of Equus. Oh and I thought you should know, for the other world, our attempt to kill off the most dangerous one was unsuccessful.”

“What made you think the normal one was dangerous?” She talked back in a hushed tone.

“The least intimidating ones are usually the more dangerous ones. Regardless if he can barely handle his rifle, he still managed to kill one of our own. I think the zombie one has also found the abandoned Base 99, we detected his presence nearby.”

“Which zombie one? The actual zombie, or the drunken idiot?”

“The drunken idiot is not much of an idiot, unless he was just wandering around and not actually actively searching for us, the former of which is more likely, now that I say it out loud. Luckily, unless one of them has a large amount of hydrogenated decacarbide and a bit of nitrogen, they won’t be able to complete the lock circuit to open the door to the experiments lab, which we trashed for the most part, but they might find something in there. Enough of my rambling, any other news from your end?”

“One of the HVIs is an Assassin from the order. My partner’s dead, by the way”

“An Assassin! Dammit, your partner must have been a Templar. Change of plans, do not engage until target Discord is eliminated by The Elements of Harmony. We cannot risk any more men dying by these... misfits.”

“I’ll be careful around the Tim Burton knockoff the most, he was the one who found me.”

“Good idea, and good luck beautiful.”

Agent 4 chuckled, and smiled under her mask.

“Same here, handsome.” She closed her comms link, and proceeded to get on top of the rooftops.

She’d perform ‘Step 3’ later, right now, Discord had to be taken care of.

She knew that they wouldn’t fall so easily, they were not easy at all. If anything, they were the most difficult threat there is...

Period.

“Amicos, if we are to stay together, we must be able to trust each other, we must learn to be able to depend on one another, agreed?” Ezio asked, taking the initiative with some team-building exercises.

“Alright, what are you proposing?” John asked.

“He’s not proposin’ anything Johnny-boy, he’s asking for agreements.” Deadpool corrected, “And I’m in, so what’re we doing? Does it involve Mexican food?”

“No, I’m not sure what a Mexican is.”

“Mexicans are from Mexic-ooohhhhhh, right, yeah, 1500s dude. They’re from Mexico, south of America! Americaaaaaa! GOOOOD GAAAVE HIIIIS GRAAACE TOOOO THEEEEE! And he gave the power of FREEDOM TO HAVE GUNS!” the black-and-red clad man pulled out dual shotguns and fired them out the door.

“Well, that is… okay. So, one thing that I know will keep us close is a special system I devised. I call it ‘Codex of Code X’,” Ezio paused to sit down on the couch near the fireplace, “So here’s how it works, we need to be honest about ourselves to our fellows here, and with that honesty comes a test, and when that test is passed, it ties another rope of friendship between ourselves.”

“That’s nice and all, chap, but how does it work?” Wilson sat on the floor near him.

“I will go first. I have an ability, as part of my First Civilization blood, called ‘Eagle Vision’. This ability, along with focused senses, allows me to see something’s relation to myself, so I just…” he clenched his eyes shut, and when he open them again, there was a black ring around his hazel irises, “You all are blue, except Harry and Wilson for some reason, you two don’t show up. Blue means friendly, but if there was something red, that would be an enemy.”

“I think I get it, so what does this mean in terms of this exercise?” Harry asked.

“After sharing your details, you will say the following phrase: I, your name, solemnly ask you, my allies, to trust me should I call upon usage of the phrase, and then the phrase, should I use my skills of, and then your skill.” Ezio said, making gestures and motions to assist with the conveyance of knowledge.

The assassin repeated the proclamation a few times to make sure everyone got it.

“Alright, I think we’ve memorized it good enough.” John assured.

“Okay, I will go first. I, Ezio Auditore, solemnly ask you, my allies, to trust me should I call upon usage of the phrase, Code Red Eagle, should I ever use my skills of alignment determination to separate friend from foe and find a foe.” Ezio put his right hand over his heart and his left hand up.

A general agreement of ‘yes’ was the response.

Harry swore in ‘Code Bloody Bell’ for when he detected dark magic.

Wilson swore in ‘Code Sugar Crash’ for when his mind was breaking down.

John swore in ‘Code Reach’ for if there was any sort of alien language or technology that he recognized.

Link swore in ‘Code Skirmish’ for when his battle-sense would kick in. It was usually a divine warning in the form of a change of ambiance, a warning-sounding musical track that led into a battle song.

Deadpool was denied swearing in ‘Code Tacos’ for when he was hungry, but got approved for ‘Code Mexican Hater’ whenever there was an enemy that even he would take seriously, which meant that that enemy was a really goddamn big deal.

“So, what all of you may not have noticed, is that lady Twilight is gone.” Ezio poked his head out of the door, seeing nopony in town.

John poked his head out above Ezio’s, there was still nopony in town.

Wilson poked his head out under Ezio’s, still nopony.

Going up from the bottom, Link, Harry, and Deadpool poked their heads out of the other side of the door.

Nopony.

Nopony at all.

“Well, looks like Ponyville lost its namesake… WAIT! CHAOS CONSTRUCTS!” Deadpool pointed towards crazy-looking brown figures in the distance, “WAIT! THE CHILDREN!” the teleported away.

-Several minutes later-

The strong anti-hero finished depositing all of the fillies and colts of Ponyville into the church, which he’d been surprised even existed here.

“I guess it’s like, offerings to Celestia and Luna for favors and stuff.” he kept his language clean around these youngsters.

Handing one of his comics (Deadpool Team-Up Vol. 1 #885) to Cheerilee to read to the worried school-aged foals, Deadpool teleported outside.

*BOOM!* Something hit the side of the church, not doing much to the thick, heavy stone walls.

There were sounds of struggle outside, and Cheerilee merely read further through the comic, speaking louder so that every foal could hear her.

Reading through each line with a louder voice, another *BOOM!*

The sound of ripped flesh and punching filled the hall.

A series of *BOOM!* later, and the sounds of struggle got steadily louder and louder.

*SHHHIIIIIIIINNNG… CRACK* A scythe, one of Deadpool’s lesser-used weapons, punctured the door, scaring everypony inside.

Cheerilee held the comic close and walked down the aisle, trying to imagine what might be going on outside.

Images of deadly, horrid beasts, the very appearance of which would corrupt the minds of these young ponies forever. Her imagination burned the images into her mind’s eye.

Before she knew it, she’d reached the door, and looked through the hole the scythe had left.

“Hey.” Deadpool said in a calm voice as he turned his head back towards the door, seeing Cheerilee’s eye peeking through the hole he’d left.

“Uh... h-hel-l-lo?” Cherilee stuttered.

“How ya doing?” Deadpool looked no worse for wear, even though there was a veritable army of chaos constructs fifteen feet away from him, each snarling and wanting to tear him apart.

“J-j-just p-p-p-peach-ch-ch-chy.”

“Good. Have fun. Stay safe. Keep the children happy.” Wade’s voice went serious, a dangerous sign.

Then he went back to fighting the Chaos Constructs again.

Slashes and stabs flew everywhere, he lost blood about half as fast as he could regain it.

As the battle raged on, an aura of goodness, which surrounded Deadpool completely, became more and more bright and prominent, surrounding the merc in a holy red glow.

“AAAAHHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! THIS IS POOLSIDERS II BITCHES! HAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAA!” Deadpool laughed uncontrollably as he fought with more agility and strength than ever before, becoming a veritable whirlwind of deadliness.

Celestia sensed a disturbance in the force.

Something had just tried to embody the Element of Harmony of Laughter.

The scary part was: it was succeeding.

Author's Note

Holy fuck, did we work on this chapter.

Here you go.

By the way, who is Agent 4? What does she have to do with this world?

And what does any of this have to do with The Codex of Chaotic Heroes? A whole lot actually. Read the story pals.

Endings Are Only the Beginning

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co

Harry stood in shock at it.

Ezio and Master Chief couldn’t believe it.

Wilson didn’t even want to believe it.

Link glared at it.

‘It’ was referring to an army of chaos constructs, large humanoid things made of whatever had been in the area when they were created (most of the material present was dirt, hence the mostly brown color), was destroying the town.

“Bloody hell, this is bad.” Harry complained, readying up his wand.

“This is bad.” John cocked and locked his Battle Rifle, ready to eliminate the enemy.

“This is bad.” Ezio looked at his poison blade, which was still broken from the teleportation cut.

“This is bad.” Link drew the Master Sword and the Hylian Shield, both of which would see plenty of use in the next several minutes.

“This is very not good.” Wilson looked at the Dark Sword, then at his wand, these armaments wouldn’t do much without a proper user, and the Dark Sword drove him crazy.

Ezio was immune to magic...

“Sir Ezio, take my Dark Sword, it’s magical insanity powers will not affect you.” Wilson presented the evil blade to the Assassin.

“Grazie, amico, take my crossbow, I hear the British are master archers.” Ezio took the sword and handed over his crossbow and quiver.

‘That’s racist.’

‘Is it though?’

‘Aw hell, PURPLE VOICE WHYYYYYY!?!’

‘Deadpool got de-capped, but his healing factor covers that, why are you worried?’

‘Are you going to end all of your lines with a question? Because that will get annoying and invoke really long voice-to-voice conversations.’

‘I might, is that a problem?’

‘This conversation is over, I miss purple already.’

“Get ahold of yourself, red voice, Deadpool will be fine.” Chief said as he took point and marched out the door, ducking low to get under the frame.

“Again with those voices, I’m not even that crazy, at worst I hear whispers.” The scientist/wizard said, flexing his wrist in preparation for some fast casting.

“Of all the people I get stuck with...” Harry said to himself, right before casting an offensive spell at a chaos construct.

“You could have gotten villains.” Link pointed out, looking for any nearby enemies or innocents.

“Maybe, but if that’s the case, I’d rather deal with sane villains than insane heroes.”

Just then, Deadpool flew across the street, going through a house, then another, then another.

“That hurt, and it was a pretty good headrush too, DO IT AGAIN!” The crazy merc shouted at the overly large and heavily armored warrior, who was made mostly of the town’s entire blacksmith shop.

“I hope you didn’t get any more brain damage.” Chief spoke in a deadpan manner, taking out his Brute Shot grenade launcher.

*FOOM FOOM FOOM FOOM* it fired a four-grenade burst.

*BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM* and all four went on target.

“RRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRWWWRRRR!!!” The huge monstrosity roared, showing its hungry furnace of a mouth.

“That thing is very angry.” Ezio said, slightly scared.

Link took out a bomb and threw it right into the beast’s mouth, which promptly exploded.

“I’ll take this thing, you all find and save as many ponies as you can.” The courageous swordsman commanded, thinking of his fellows and the civilians first and his own safety last.

Chief nodded, giving a thumbs up, “Take care, soldier.”

Leading the others away, the huge soldier blasted another construct to pieces with his DMR.

Harry looked back at the now alone swordsman, and mouthed a ‘Thank you’ to him.

Feeling bad about leaving Link with no other sort of help, Harry cast a small spell, so small that it wouldn’t trip him up while he ran.

‘Specialis Revelio!’

As soon as the tiny bolt of air distortion struck true, he ran off.

Entropic Firestarter

Mortosmither

Link entered a defensive stance as the fire-breathing beast let out a gout of smoke into the air.

Mortosmither proceeded to belch fire at Link, who rolled out of the way. He took out his bow, nocked a bomb-arrow, and fired at the beast’s mouth. Unfortunately it closed its mouth before the bomb arrow hit.

Luckily, the green-clad warrior knew a lot about puzzle-solving and monster killing, and decided that stunning it before firing off the bomb arrow would be a safe bet.

So he pulled out the only weapon he knew would work on the thick stone body of the forgery-made monster.

His Ball and Chain.

Taking it out, he began to swing it around, gaining momentum, and then swung it at the legs of the forged creature, forcing it onto its knees.

However, its mouth still wasn’t open, but its chest was in range, so without missing a beat, he brought the ball back, swung it around as much as he could without losing his balance, and delivered a blow that would shatter walls.

Unfortunately these ‘walls’ were infused with chaos magic, but that didn’t stop them from being compressed, really hard.

*COUGH-BLAAAAGH*

Mortosmither was forced to open its mouth to release pressure, breathing fire as it exhaled. Without missing a beat, Link threw a bomb into the monster’s mouth.

*BOOM*

*GRAAAAAOOOOWWWRRR*

Mortosmither’s large, bulbous head shattered.

At least, the stone parts.

Jagged splinters and shards of burning wood and coal clung to a cracked metal shell, the cracks releasing pressure and flames automatically.

“Well, a changing boss, this is new.” Link would, for once, have to change his tactics mid-fight.

*GRAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOW!!!*

Link was, in spite of his stature and frame, incredibly strong. With only his two arms, he picked up one of the shards of stone head and threw it at his enemy for a heavy hit, causing the huge beast to stumble.

*CRCK GAH* several cracks formed on the surface of the chest, enough for something big, but all Link had were his bombs, which wouldn’t do much without further weakening.

That’s when Mortosmither grew tired of the screaming and playing games.

*FWOOOOSH-SHIIIIIIIIIIING* A white-hot sword came out of its mouth, grabbed by its stubby, fat fingers.

Link scowled at the blade, and tilted his neck, gaining a few gratifying pops.

Putting the Master Sword in its scabbard, he smirked, knowing that with its fat, clunky hands, Mortosmither would lack any degree of dexterity, much less a degree comparable to his own.

At least, that’s what he thought.

The white-hot sword was white-hot for a reason, the handle cooled and fused with the stone hand, sealing any hope of disarming it.

Unless...

‘Of course, dis-arm!’ he thought, checking his quiver and bomb bag for another bomb-arrow.

Plenty of arrows, but no more bombs.

'No... I’ll have to improvise.'

“Yo, Linkara! Catch!”

Link looked up to see a green, studded-looking object fly towards him, and grabbed it.

Deadpool had been watching, ready to get a break after so much fighting.

“Pull the pin, and fire at will!” Wade yelled out, dive-bombing to the other side of the building he was on top of.

“Let’s hope those maceball lessons pay off.” Of course, some might call it ‘baseball’, if they weren’t from Hyrule.

*ping* He pulled the pin.

*grunt* He threw it high into the air.

*CLACK* He smacked it with the flat of the Master Sword with a Mortal Draw.

*BOOM* The sword-arm shoulder of Mortosmither cracked deeply, showing signs of breaking, with only a bit more force.

The chain of the Ball and Chain still wouldn’t reach that far, though, and it probably would recover quickly from another knockdown. But the cracks did seem wide enough for his clawshot to reach, and with his Iron Boots...

Link put on his heavy Iron Boots, took out his one clawshot, fired it at the arm, and it grabbed. The weight of the boots prevented him from being pulled to the beast.

But the chain had to pull something.

And that something was a large piece of stone, and without that one piece of stone, the rest fell apart.

“I see, the entirety of its stone shell is composed of dependant pieces, if one goes, the rest go with it.”

He had to be careful, his sensitive ears had been picking up the high-frequency roars as damage, and his arm felt numb from the strain of pulling that stone.

Mortosmither roared, and picked up the pieces of arm it had just lost. Link took advantage of its waste of time and rolled around to climb on the beast’s back, ignoring the heat coming from it, and proceeded to stab it repeatedly at the weak point at the neck.

Unfortunately for Link, Mortosmither, being a golem of sorts, didn’t have range limits for his joints, and turned his head, legs, and arms around, slashing Link off with its now yellow-hot blade.

Link fell down; burned, beaten, and defenseless as his shield and sword landed a few feet away.

“You can do it, Link, I believe in you.” A faint, barely noticeable voice assured him, as though cheering him on.

With a somewhat replenished feeling of hope, he stood up again, patting out the flames and picking up the Master Sword again, rearing it back for a Great Spin.

*shrrroooo-SHING* went the shining energy of his Great Spin, even though he wasn’t at full health. He couldn’t do much else from this position, so a Great Spin was good enough.

Surprisingly, the move still worked at full power, despite what the Hero’s Shade told him.

*VWOOSH* A red wave of force went out from him, hitting Mortosmither hard and cracking its leg stones.

The boss-monster raised its sword and swung hard, but Link had his shield up fast.

Now, it was a battle of strength versus constitution.

“Roll a constitution saving throw, Link.” Deadpool instructed from a nearby rooftop, tossing a D20 down.

20.

“SWEET!... oh wait sorry that was Mortosmither’s strength attack, roll your own save, buddy.” Deadpool realized.

Link spared a moment to tap the little piece of plastic with his sword.

“THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T TRUST THE DICE MAN!” Deadpool teleported away.

Link deadpanned and forced himself to push the blade away from himself, feeling his spine crack slightly from the strain.

‘Help him you moron!’

‘Rule one of a boss battle, only NPCs can help, and even then, it’s just wisdom and not anything actually useful.’

“...Screw it...” Deadpool whistled and fired his guns at the ground next to the golem, forcing it to look at the merc.

Link took this opportunity to drink the rest of his bottle of blue potion, feeling relief and energy flood his senses for a few moments before balancing out again.

Deadpool noticed the size of the orange-hot sword, and somewhat regretted his decision.

“...Fuck me, fuck it…” He started laughing as loudly and uproariously as he could.

Mortosmither covered its sensitive sound-receivers (since it didn’t really have ‘ears’), being careful as to not stab itself in the head.

Link nodded and raced around behind it, clawshot-grabbing the cracked surface without his Iron Boots on and climbing onto its back.

With his (very luckily indestructible) sword swinging fast as he half-rode, half-climbed the massive monster, Link delivered a powerful downwards strike with the blunt pommel of the Master Sword, causing the half-cut back to crack along several feet of stone.

Mortosmither turned itself around and grabbed Link with one stubby hand, mostly holding onto him by one ankle.

“Hey Link! Catch this, and I hope you don’t miss!” Deadpool pulled out an RPG-7 and fired.

Link, having enough knowledge of guns from Master Chief, decided not to test his luck and hopped off, letting the rocket propelled grenade hit the beast as he landed hard.

Except there was no boom.

“IDIOTA! I told you to CATCH IT!” Deadpool pointed Mortosmither to Link, the former of which grabbed the latter again and raised its massive red-hot sword.

Link gulped and wished that he had some way to slow time or enhance his own reflexes.

*POM-VWIIIISH* The grenade propelled itself towards him, he winced as his ankles felt like they were being crushed.

“Don’t be a wuss, Link.” An unseen force guided his hand, grabbing the shaft of the rocket before it whizzed by.

With the vibrating explosive in his hand, Link looked at the sword coming towards him, and swung the rocket at the wrist.

*BOOOOM* a much bigger explosion than either the swordsman or the construct had anticipated.

The explosion hurt Link greatly, but the wrist fell apart. Mortosmither found itself missing the stone arm completely, as well as screaming in pain. Link took his Master Sword, hopped up, and dove down onto the beast’s head.

*SHINK*

“And that’s how the alternate Ganondorf dies.” Deadpool said to himself.

‘Wind Waker spoilers? Blasphemy!’

‘Oh God, that game’s been out for years now, it’s like that Sheik is Zelda thing, everyone knows it now.’

‘WHAAAAAT? But… but… how? Sheik is a dude! A dude!’

‘Yes, but Zelda had wrappings around her boobs. Few people noticed that.’

‘Oh, I see… wouldn’t that kinda hurt?’

‘We’ll remember to ask Lady Deadpool when we see her again.’

‘Oh well sure it’d hurt her, her knockers are HUUUGE!’

“Guys, I think we’re distracting the readers from the boss battle. Sides, that kiss we had with her, very awkward.” Deadpool informed, sitting on the edge of a collapsed roof, drinking a Coke and thinking about life.

Another construct tried to pull him in during its creation, but he held-fast to the stone wall, then burned the straw-and-wood beast with his flamethrower.

Back on the ground, Link grit his teeth and snarled at the massive monster, stone falling off of it in large chunks, one of which knocked him off his feet from the impact, another landing on him and threatening to crush his bones.

Fortunately, being classified as a Wood Elf meant that his bones were, at this age, as strong as the strongest stone, yet had the flexibility of some more flexible types of wood, and they held fast against the crushing pressure.

Mortosmither watched its finally-cooled sword get warped and smashed by his former body pieces.

*ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRWWWWWWRRRRRAAOOOOOOOOW* An explosion of fire rattled the area, melting the stones and his sword together and sending a shockwave of deadly heat and flares of flames at Link right as he stood up again, and he sank to his knees from the pain.

The warrior of the forest, hero of time, and holder of many other titles laid on the ground, his face covered in cuts, bruises, and burns, his hat had fallen off, his tunic was torn up and blackened entirely.

“Do you need some help, Link?”

“*cough cough* Yes.” Link croaked, quite sure that even his vocal chords were charred.

A black hand rose from the ground, swiftly grabbing a nearly-boiling-hot bottle of red potion and pouring it into Link’s mouth, healing him a somewhat sufficient amount.

Turquoise energy flared up around him, lifting him to his feet.

“Wait… turquoise and black... Midna? Is that you?”

“I think it’s my turn to repay you for all of the… almost countless acts of kindness you did for me.” A shadowy form rose from the ground, right where his normal shadow would be, “I managed to find you from your shadow, I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been listening in on pretty much all of your conversations.”

“Not at all, but can you please help me right now?”

“Not a problem.”

Midna turned to Mortosmither, and raised a hand.

Turquoise energy flowed all around Link, repairing his blackened tunic (though not turning it green again) and covering it with bright turquoise runes. The magic had also changed his hat into a pointed hood that went over his head, but didn’t cover his eyes.

You got: The Twilight Tunic, this suit of armor, when worn, will allow Midna to interact with the physical world in Equestria, because even with the Twilight Crystal, she is greatly limited here. When wearing this, any dark or light magic will not affect you.

Deadpool just pouted, and tossed the controller to his game, that he was somehow playing, away.

“Okay, this lost me again.”

‘You weren’t even playing a game. You were watching this.’

“Oh yeah.”

Link drew the Master Sword and, with rejuvenated strength, continued the fight.

Mortosmither also got his own upgrade, or technically, a downgrade.

“It seems he has functioned a bit like a giant Dark Nut, now that his armor is gone, he will move more swiftly, but will have less usage of his strength and will use a smaller weapon.”

Indeed, the stone armor had been broken off and melted away, revealing a rippling surface of metal bands and wires.

“Cool, it’s like Destroyer, the metal monster that Thor had to fight in his movie.” Deadpool provided an accurate comparison.

Grabbing the only not-melted piece of stone armor left, Mortosmither used its metal hands to quickly shave it down into a stone rapier.

From the surprised look on its face, it didn’t expect to remove that much mass from its new weapon.

Link swung his sword around performed a Jump Strike, using the weight of the Master Sword to guide his motions and send him into the air, delivering a powerful, if mostly undamaging, attack to the rapier.

Mortosmither wasn’t expecting the attack, and spun around 180 degrees to compensate for its weapon spinning to the right...

...And when it was completely turned around, it did a backflip.

Link clenched up, bracing himself.

Midna simply dropped Link into a shadow, safe from the fatal stomp.

Link was telepathically informed of this new ability. He used a new move, one he’d just thought of, the Twilight Spire.

Link launched himself upwards out of the ground and stabbed Mortosmither in the hammer.

“Ooooooh, right in his metal-making dick, damn, I felt that dude.” Deadpool winced, feeling a massive sympathy pain.

“Link, who is that?” Midna asked Link.

“You should know, you’ve been listening to my conversations.”

“Yes, but until a minute ago, when you were close to the Twilight of the Afterlife, I was unable to see the physical world.”

“That’s Deadpool, he’s more mental than Zant, but he’s on my side.”

“Can we trust him?”

“John says he’s okay, and I trust John.”

“John?”

“The biggest, most electrical, least dark Dark Nut you’ll ever meet.”

“Hey, dipshits, watch the monster!” Deadpool yelled out.

Link looked up, only to see the stone rapier coming down towards him.

He raised his shield and braced for impact.

*CLANK* Stone met metal, and the rapier let off a small cloud of dust, temporarily blinding Link and knocking him back a few dozen feet.

Mortosmither did another body-turn and starting swinging his sword back and forth as he made large steps towards Link.

“I don’t think it realizes that a rapier is not a slashing weapon.”

“No, and I can use that.” Link swung out his Ball and Chain, timing the throw just right.

*CRACK-KLACK-rumble rumble clatter* The thin stone sword shattered into a million pieces, leaving the metal titan unarmed.

“HIT IT IN THE HEART!” Deadpool shouted, knowing the secret.

Link waited for it to deliver a punch, then backflipped out of the way as its fist got stuck in the ground.

With his foe temporarily immobilized, Link clawshot-grabbed onto its rippling chest, but was stopped by the heat.

Mortosmither pulled its fist free, and all three present heard a scream.

Link, Deadpool, and Mortosmither all looked to see a gray pegasus protecting a small purplish-gray unicorn, her wings looked broken by some unseen previous scuffle, and the unicorn had a broken leg from some unseen previous scuffle.

“A filly! Hold on girls, I’ll save you!!!” Deadpool hammily proclaimed as he jumped through the air, aiming for the space right in front of the two ponies.

Mortosmither swung his fist hard and knocked Deadpool halfway across town with a huge, heavy punch.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-” *DING*

Link knew that if he didn’t act fast, and ignore the flesh-boiling flames to get to the heart and kill this beast, then these two innocent ponies would surely die.

“I’m a hero, I can’t allow this to happen.” He assured himself, bending away the bands over the fiend’s chest.

A large, loudly beating, gold-looking heart was suspended among the flames, seemingly made from coins.

Link called upon all of his strength, and struck true.

“HAY-YIH!” He shouted, stabbing downwards with all his might.

Mortosmither felt its heart break, and with such a devastating injury, it couldn’t go on any further.

The flames flickered as it stumbled around, losing its sense of balance and direction, then fell to the ground backwards lifelessly, leaving Link standing on its chest in victory.

The coin-heart collapsed in on itself, revealing the coins to actually be made of pyrite, AKA fool’s gold.

Link twirled his sword once more, then sheathed it, and promptly hopped off the felled monster and ran towards the ponies that were injured.

He had only one red potion left, enough for two of the three of them.

Deciding to help the ponies and deal with his own pain later, he administered the potion to the two.

“Mmmm, thank you, mister two-leg thing.” the little unicorn thanked, smiling up at him.

The pegasus mare merely whimpered, still very, very afraid.

Link sighed, hissing at the pain in his hand.

“What the? YOU! YOU THERE!” a british-sounding voice shouted at him.

“What the...”

A light brown stallion with a dark brown mane and hourglass cutie mark galloped towards Link, a strange wand-like device held in his mouth.

*BZZH-WHEEEOOOH* it shined on Link for a few seconds.

“*ptoo* Alright, let’s see… YES! IT IS YOU! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO USURP MY JOB!” The angry earth pony reprimanded.

“I’m sorry, what are talking about?”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me, mister ‘Hero of Time’, because I’ll play back, and I’ll win, saving people with the pertaining of time stuff is MY JOB! I’m the Doctor, it’s what I do.” Doctor Whooves explained.

“Erm... who are you, exactly?” Link asked, confused out of his mind.

“I’m the Doctor.”

“Doctor what?”

“Exac-... that’s not what you’re supposed to say.”

“I apologize if I’ve offended you, I was trying to save these two.”

“Oh, well then, keep calm and carry on.” Doctor Whooves trotted away, satisfied with his small victory.

“Okay... that was... unusual...”

Link looked around for something to help him calm the grown pegasus, and found a teddy bear in a nearby building.

“Link? I saw the explosion and- is that a trauma teddy?” Harry stepped out from an ashy alleyway.

Link looked towards Harry, and looked at the teddy bear, and held it up, as if he wanted to know if that was what it was.

You got, the Teddy Bear: this soft little thing is SUPER ‘MURICAN, named after the most bear-like man they ever had, Theodore ‘Teddy’ Roosevelt.

In more Bri’ish uses, it is used to help calm and console children who have been exposed to traumatic events, such as mass murders, car crashes, or terrorist attacks.

Link was very confused at the rather archaic explanation compared to the other explanations he’s gotten. But then he wondered...

‘Deadpool.’

He looked at the whimpering mare, and handed it to her.

“Huh? *gasp*” Derpy looked at the comforting face of the little bear, gasped, and smiled, hugging it close for protection and giving a little giggle of approval.

Dinky looked at her mother, then sighed and rolled her eyes at the silly display, but still smiled at seeing her mother happy.

Harry just chuckled at the sight, and walked towards the swordsman.

“Well, I suppose that was interesting... What happened to your clothes?”

“I fought and destroyed Mortosmither, the Entropic Firestarter, and an old friend helped me.”

“And who’s this friend?”

“Hello there, I’m Midna.” Midna appeared from Link’s shadow, only a foot away from Harry’s face.

“GAH!” Harry held his hand over his chest, and looked towards the imp-like creature floating near him.

“Oh, you’re the posh guy, listen, before you make any accusations, I’m not a darkness creature, I’m a Twili, we’re half’n’half light and dark.”

Harry calmed down, and sighed.

“Alright, but please don’t scare me like that again, and please be careful about doing that near the hooded one.”

“*giggle* It was really funny though, and Link’s used to it.”

“I wonder whyyyy he’s used to it, and another thing: I wasn’t talking about Link.” Harry sarcastically responded.

He looked at Link’s new black garb, including the somewhat concealing hood that replaced his hat.

“Then who are you talking about?”

“That would be me, amica!” Ezio landed near the three, having already seen the final blow for himself.

“...I like his voice, it’s… saucy.”

Ezio smirked. It seemed no matter what, he could still charm any woman he met. “Then you’ll love to know that I have many other ‘saucy’ things as well.”

Link looked at Ezio, and wondered what he could mean with that.

Harry just gagged, having already lost his breath from the second scare of Ezio’s loud entrance.

Midna went “Raowr.” and purred, but the mood was immediately and completely ruined by Deadpool.

“Hey, we scaring people now?” Deadpool teleported in.

“Please don’t go through with that idea, and where are John and Wilson?” Harry said, looking around for them.

“Over here.” John spoke, walking in, carrying an insane Wilson over his shoulder.

Wilson was pulling at his arm, trying to remove his skin, “You need a bandage, John, here, let me get you one.” he said, his eyes twitching and his mouth twisted into a crazy slasher-smile.

“Oh geez, what happened to him?” Harry asked.

“A chaos construct absorbed him during its creation process, and I freed him. Unfortunately, it was too late, I’ve been telling him that I’m not injured for the past ten minutes, and still he wishes to give me the literal skin off his back to help me.” Chief set Wilson down, holding his wrists together so that he wouldn’t hurt himself.

“Wow... that’s sad.” Midna said, with a look of concern.

“Link, you’ve got a rather dapper suit, I have just the thing to… top that off for you.” Wilson tried to pull out his own hair to make a tophat.

“Okay Willy, read the comic book.” Deadpool said as he handed the crazy, bearded man his comic book.

Wilson read the words, and found himself laughing his insanity away within a few panels.

“You are the meat indeed.” Wilson laughed as he read Wade’s adventure in trying to stop Bullseye from killing him.

“So, am I the only one who’s not glowing, or is everyone doing that?” Deadpool noticed the not-yet-revealed narration line.

Everyone already noticed, and indeed, Harry’s body glowed slightly with a cream-yellow light.

John had a bright green glow surrounding him.

Wilson had a pink glow.

Link had a golden glow.

Ezio had a dark red glow.

And Deadpool still had his bright-red glow.

“What the...” Link said to himself as he examined his arms.

Link looked in his inventory and found that the Hero’s Clothes sat unscathed in their slot, as well as the Twilight Armor, the Magic Armor, and the Zora’s Suit still in their own slots, with two more slots for other armors empty.

Changing back to green, Link saw that the glow persisted.

“What is this sorcery?” Harry asked himself.

“I don’t know, I laughed my head off when fighting an army, and I got it.” Deadpool explained.

“I tried to help John not get sucked into the chaos construct, if that’s worth noting.” Wilson said as he adjusted his vest.

“I helped Wilson escape the construct itself, and I helped assure him that both he and I was fine.” Chief said to the others.

“I gave two injured ponies some potions and a Teddy Bear to comfort them.” Link informed.

“I’ve been casting light magic as much as I can, but this bloody dark chaos magic is everywhere.” Harry said as he flicked his wand at another patch of blue and purple tiles.

“I’ve aided in helping the mares from the seamstress workshop escape, one of them was indeed carrying a rock that she called ‘Tom’.” Ezio said, somewhat not believing Sweetie Belle’s explanation until he saw it for himself.

“*gasp* RARITY! I like Rarity, her voice is nice.” Deadpool said, chuckling at the memories.

“How do you know that?” Ezio asked.

“I went over the last chapter, you should’ve read it.”

“Chapter? Are you implying that life is like a book? I would agree on that sentiment for the most part, amico.” Ezio replied.

“Actually, it’s more like fan fiction.” Deadpool explained, not really explaining anything at all.

Ezio raised a finger to reply, but decided against it, as he might end up like Wilson was a minute ago if he persisted.

“I will say that these glows must mean something, and we still have a mission to do, men.” Chief reminded, taking point and leading the group to the center of town.

“Maybe we could just ask the princess? Twilight! Are you listening?” Spike asked his sister figure, having spent the past half-hour looking for the Elements of Harmony.

“I know Spike, but I’m still trying to find the Elements of Harmony, now check the H section.” Twilight replied to her brother figure.

“If you want, I could just burn Discord alive, see how that works.” the little dragon suggested, making a tiny wisp of flame that just barely poked out of his mouth.

“Spike, Discord wouldn’t even let you near him, much less close enough for you to roast him alive like a marshmallow.” Twilight explained.

Spike sighed, and looked at Twilight.

“Well, don’t you think that those strange creature things could whup that Discord up?”

“Maybe… while they all seemed to be capable fighters, Discord isn’t something that somepony can just fight, Spike, he needs to be taken down with his opposite, a reasonable and well-prepared attack.”

“Then how come it looks like those dudes are just waltzing right up to him?” Spike pointed out of the open door.

“WHAT!”

Twilight cast Mage Eyes, which allowed her to see much further than her physical eyes were able to.

Indeed, the six humans, with the giant metal one leading them, were heading straight towards Discord’s skull throne.

“They’re going to... Wait, why are they glowing? WHAT IS GOING ON ANYMORE!!!”

“Twilight… Twilight, I need you to do something for me, that Deadpool guy told me it’s a good way for mares like you to stop panicking.”

Twilight sighed, and looked at Spike.

“What?”

“Twilight, calm your tits.” Spike said flatly, not even blinking from the sheer ridiculousness of his statement.

Twilight facehooved, and decided that she would go ahead and kill Deadpool if he survived the fight with Discord.

Discord looked around at the beautiful, beautiful chaos the town had been enraptured in.

Then he grimaced when he saw the ugly harmony-enforcing glow of the Elements of Harmony.

Except the humans were here, not the ponies.

“Oh, oh, OOOOHHHHH, you think you can take me? You and what army? I ALREADY HAVE AN ARMY!” Discord shouted at them, amplifying his voice a few times over.

Harry sighed, and read from the book he’d taken from the library.

“There are six Elements of Harmony, Laughter.” Harry read, amplifying his own voice.

“That’s me, oh shit, THIS IS EXCITING! Even if it’s some major alt cont.” Deadpool yelled out, his glow getting brighter.

“Generosity.” The wizard continued.

Wilson nodded, noting that Ezio still had the Dark Sword.

“Loyalty.”

Ezio looked at his new friends, swearing that he’d stick by them.

“Kindness.”

“I… I only do what needs to be done.” Link said humbly.

“Honesty.”

“Okay hold on Harry, I’m going to let you finish, but Discord, I have something to say to you.” Chief stepped forward.

“What it is?” Discord said, visibly annoyed.

“We are the Liberty Legion, and we’re going to liberate your ass from your body.” He cracked his knuckles for emphasis.

“HA! Then the Liberty Legion will be but a footnote in the pages of history!” The draconequus countered.

“The Liberty Legion will not be a footnote, the Liberty Legion will write the book.” John responded.

“And what makes you say that?” Discord snarked.

“Discord, or as Wade might call you, Dicksword, let me level with you here; we’re better than you.” John gestured to himself and all five of his teammates, “Each of us, individually, are better than you. If we were to hit you all at once, you would explode.”

“Yeah, and we’re totally famous beyond the fourth wall.” Deadpool said, winking at you, the reader.

“As I was saying, and the sixth, Magic, which… wait a second what does Magic have to do with Harmony?”

“It’s the magic of the possibility of persistence? Maybe magic represents that even Harmony has some chaos in it?” Deadpool tried to philosophize, but being Deadpool, his actually quite insightful and intelligent philosophy was only seen as either a distraction, a fourth-wall break, or just him being crazy.

‘Oh geez, he really is crazy.’ Midna thought to herself.

“And with the six elements combined, they form a power beyond… what the bloody hell is this?” Harry turned to the next page to continue reading, only to find that the next page, and the hundreds of pages after that, had been cut into.

In that cut-out space was six golden objects, five necklaces and one tiara.

“Jewelry?” Ezio said to himself, examining the red lightning bolt gem necklace.

“Mine’s suppose to come in pink.” Deadpool said, holding his baby blue balloon necklace.

“Are these even ours? I don’t want to take something that doesn’t belong to me.” Wilson held up the dark purple diamond-shaped gem one.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Link said to himself, holding the pink butterfly necklace with a frown on his face.

“I hope so.” Chief said, holding the necklace with an orange gem shaped like an apple.

“I... I don’t even...” Harry said as he held up the tiara with a magenta star gem on top.

“BWAHAHAHHAAA!!! You don’t even know what those are? You are so pathetic.” Discord tried to suppress his laughter, and reached for a chocolate milk of glass.

“Shut up before I love and tolerate the shit out of you.” Deadpool threatened, putting on his necklace.

“OHHH... the big muscle-head with a face that even a mother couldn’t love is going to ‘love and tolerate’ me... OHHH!!!” Discord mocked Wade, booping his face.

“Code Mexican Hater.” Wade grabbed Discord by the eagle hand and violently ripped it from the wrist, spraying blood all over the face of his mask.

“Oh gosh! That was not love and tolerance at all!” Discord grew a new hand from the stump, and snapped his fingers, removing Wade’s hands instead.

Wade’s healing factor grew new hands from his stumps.

“STOP!!! STOOOOOOOP!!!”

The group turned towards the purple unicorn running towards them at this moment.

“I’m sorry Twilight, but we have to do this.” Chief said, wanting to finish this mission once and for all.

“But... hold on- that’s where the elements were? UGH, listen, you can’t use them...”

“Why not?” Ezio refused to believe this ‘no relics’ bullshit.

“Because only me and my friends can use them!” The lavender unicorn revealed.

“Well, if all we need to do is be friends, then I think we qualify.” John said, putting on his own necklace.

“It’s not that simple!”

“Actually, I think there’s a plot point in all of this, sooooo... LET ‘ER RIP BOYS!!!” Deadpool yelled out.

“I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’ll assume it’s an order for ‘fire when ready’ and go from there.” Link put on his necklace.

“It is quite dapper, and I adore the cut.” Wilson put on the lovely-looking necklace.

Chief sighed, not caring about the ridiculousness of the object around his neck, only caring that it would do the job.

“Hmm...” Ezio put his own necklace on, ready to do whatever it takes.

Harry looked at Twilight, who looked back at him with a look of despair and unsureness.

“If it’s only consolation, miss Twilight, at least let this be a judge of character.” Harry said as he put on the tiara.

The series of magical sounds filled the area, drowning out any other noise.

*VWEEEEESH*

*FOOOOOM*

*HOOWAAAAH*

*VWAHM*

*SHEEEEOOOORAORM*

*WHAAAAAAA*

The six humans lifted into the air, the Elements shining with holy light.

Each of the six physical forms shifted and reshaped, becoming somewhat slimmer, but more sizable, with Harry’s tiara becoming more magnificent and actually crown-like.

The gems changed shape as well.

For Deadpool, it was a pink DP symbol.

For Ezio, it was the shape of the Assassin’s Teardrop in dark red.

For John, it was the UNSC Shield Eagle symbol in green.

For Wilson, it was a shape of a stick resting inside an erlenmeyer flask in light red.

For Link, it was the shape of the Triforce, with the appropriate pieces in red, blue, and green, and the middle in black.

For Harry, it was the four-piece crest of Hogwarts, with a black H made of thin lightning bolts, denoting that it stood for ‘Harry’ rather than ‘Hogwarts’.

“Go ahead humans, blast me! DO IT AND FULFILL YOUR NEW DESTINY!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA HA HA!!!” Discord yelled, knowing that his plan was coming to fruition.

Harry raised his wand and aimed for Discord’s heart.

“STOP!!!” Celestia suddenly appeared in front of the six humans, ready to blast them before they blasted Discord.

“Why should I? This absolute blighter ripped away from us ALL THAT WE HAD! Friends, family, lives! It is completely justified that we should want to destroy him.” Harry pointed out matter-of-factly, his voice reverberating like a god’s would.

“Princess?” Twilight looked to her teacher with a desperate hope.

“Please, you cannot do this, if you do, then the elements will be lost from all of Equestria.”

“But we got ‘em, what’s the worst that’ll happen? Rasterization?”

“Yes indeed, if you become their new bearers, you’ll be forced to live here from then on, so that we may be protected from all threats to...”

“Oh, put a sock in it Tia.” Discord shoved a dirty sock into Celestia’s mouth, who promptly spat it out in disgust.

“I am ready to blast him now, especially since he assaulted royalty.” Harry aimed again.

Twilight reached out, knowing she couldn’t stop the casting.

“Harmonius du Entropus, Kedavras e Dominus Reposeses-” Before he could finish the spell with a flick and swish of his wand, Harry was knocked out by Ezio using a stun poison.

The Elements shut down, the light fading and the gems returning to their original shapes and colors.

However, all the built-up energy shot towards Discord, blasting him into a stumbling stance and sealing him in stone, eliciting a burst of particles and causing several objects to fall out.

“NO, DAMMIT, I WAS SO CLOSE, SO CLO-...” Discord was cut off when his mouth was covered by the stone imprisonment. It was over.

It was finally over.

Discord fell over backwards, face frozen in a look of anger and annoyance.

Wilson looked at the items strewn across the ground.

“Well, that’s a relief. But one thing… is that what I think it is?” He asked, looking at Link and pointing to the assortment of stuff.

“Indeed, boss loot!” Link informed, cheering so loudly that his voice was at normal speaking volume.

“I call first!” Ezio and Deadpool yelled out at the same time, charging towards the chest, pushing and shoving each other.

Link used the Master Sword to push the two neutral heroes to the sides, pointing to the loose objects on the ground.

“My loot comes in chests, you can have the loose stuff.” He noticed that his voice seemed a bit more audible than before.

“No fair, we helped too!” Deadpool whined.

Link undid the clasp on the chest and opened it, revealing two Heart Containers.

He picked them up and crushed them between his hands, absorbing the life energy.

You got: A Heart Container, with this, your life has increased by one.

“So, what was that?” Ezio asked.

“Heart Containers, they contain the power to protect one’s body and soul.” Link explained, looking to his Hearts.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ ♥

“Well, alls well that ends well, no?” Wilson said, finally relieved that all of this business was finally done.

Harry walked over to the loose objects, rounding them up with some telekinesis and examining them.

“I thought that the Elements would be lost from us forever. Thank you, thank you all for doing the right thing.” Celestia said, bowing to the six humans.

“No thanks is needed, it’s all in a day’s work for us.” Chief said humbly, still seeing the act of defeating the God of Chaos himself as nothing more than part of his normal duty.

Ezio looked at the grouping of floating items, seeing a pair of bracers and some small boxes with Assassin Teardrops on them.

“Hidden blades, these are mine, amicos.” He put them on, testing them.

The bracers were highly slickened ‘ironwood’ armor bracers, wood reinforced with bars of steel (like rebar and concrete), the thick layer of oily varnish made it good for deflecting any sort of sharp or blunt melee weapon, the reinforced wood useful in deflecting most projectiles.

The boxes contained several different special hidden blades, and a chart to organize them with.

Four shells, Hook (for grappling), Hammer (for heavy armored targets), Axe (for light armored targets), Shortsword (a collapsible shortsword in the form of a three-tier Hidden Blade).

Four bases, Normal, Whip (a Hidden Blade on a chain), Detach (like the real Connor’s hunting Hidden Blade), and Launcher (like a gun with a stacking of hollow blades for ammo)

Four effects, Poison (can also be used to stun or knock out enemies), Fire (useful against light armor), Electric (useful against heavy armor), Slicer (can cut weapons into pieces and cause heavy wounds)

Wilson found some blueprints, and decided to read them right away.

“Oh, Project Thunder, Wunderwaffe DG-2, Galvaknuckles, these blueprints are just amazing, and they might be quite useful. HEHE.” Wilson chuckled to himself as he put on a little smile, not sure where this ‘Element 115’ that was needed even came from, or what it even was.

… And then he read the instructions on how to make the Wunderwaffe, “...This is in German, I can’t read this.” He said in a ‘this is bullshit’ tone.

“There looks to be a copy on the back.” Ezio pointed out, making a ‘turn’ motion.

“...And this diagram is written in Russian… goddammit.” Wade said as he looked at the Project Thunder weapon.

‘Can’t you speak Russian?’

“Speaking and reading are two different things.”

‘He has a point.’

“At least this one is in English.” Chief said, looking over the instructions on how to make the Galvaknuckles.

Wilson turned the blueprints over, frowning when he saw that the ‘copies’ were only lists of parts, the lists for Wunderwaffe and Project Thunder still written in German and Russian respectively.

“Element 115? I thought there were six elements.”

“The Elements of Harmony are not the only elements there are.” Celestia informed.

“Besides, the Elements of Harmony are different from chemical elements.” Twilight explained.

“I was referring to Light, Forest, Shadow, Water, Spirit, and Fire.”

“Really?” Celestia said with a raised eyebrow.

“They’re what Trireign is made of.”

“This looks to be some sort of technology, obviously for you Chief.” Harry handed a purple plate thing to the huge man.

John looked at his Energy Sword, then at the plate, which seemed to be shaped perfectly to fit to the handle, and made of the strange purple alloy the Covenant used so often.

“Something for my Energy Sword? Nice.” he activated his sword and fixed the small plate to the handle.

The twin blades faded from pale blue to a bright neon green, the same color as plasma pistol shots

“I wonder…” he clenched the handle of the Energy Sword tighter, right where the plate attached.

Theory confirmed, an bolt of green lightning arc between the two blades, then fired as a plasma shot when he released.

“I got... THIS!!!” Deadpool yelled out as he pulled out a highly trimmed-down and modified M134G Garwood Industries upgraded Minigun, having only three barrels instead of 6, a more angled shape, and being rechambered for the .50BMG with the note ‘why not?’ being attached to one of the barrels.

For added aesthetic effect, the first barrel’s muzzle had Stop reading this engraved on it.

The second muzzle read and run away.

The third read you dead fool.

Wade laughed at the engravings, acknowledging the stealthy pun of Deadpool and Dead Fool.

“Oh, a gatling gun?” Wilson remarked, familiar with the shape, but not the succession of technology.

“It says ‘Death Machine’, but whatevs.”

“Death Machine?” Twilight asked nervously, hoping she’d misheard.

“Death Machine.” Wade confirmed.

Twilight gulped, quite scared of these scary weapons now.

Wilson looked at the new sword he’d been given, a glowing handle with a glowing flowery hilt with a long, glowing blade that was straight as an arrow.

“Light Sword, makes as much sense as the Dark Sword, but this one restores sanity as it’s held instead of reducing it.”

“Light Sword? The Spirits of Light told me that Ganondorf was supposed to be executed with that very blade.”

“Well now I have it, and it gives me sanity; sweet, sweet sanity.”

Link looked at the little blue ocarina that was obviously meant for him, recognizing the olden instrument well, for he had heard the stories of how the previous Hero of Time had used this instrument on his adventures.

Harry dug around the pile of stuff, only to find something he never thought he’d hear from again.

It was the Elder Wand, completely intact and unscathed.

“I thought I got rid of this.” Harry said to himself.

“Got rid of what?” Ezio asked, fitting his new bracers so that they were comfortable.

“Uh... nothing much, just some junk so far.” Harry lied, putting the wand away.

“Well, whatever it is, it’s your business, I will not persist.” Ezio backed away to reinforce his statement and turned to the others.

He looked at Link, who had changed to the Twilight Armor, and noticed how much it looked like an assassin’s robes.

Even his skirt was longer.

“Sir Link, a word?” Ezio pointed to a nearby wall that they could talk behind.

Link looked at Ezio suspiciously, but decided that, since the smaller man qualified for something literally called ‘The Element of Harmony of Loyalty’, he was trustworthy enough to not try to kill him.

Stepping behind the wall, Ezio ducked slightly, looking at the others.

“So, you know that I am trustworthy and loyal, and I know that you are a brave and kind soul, but one thing is certain between us, we need to stick together the most.” Ezio made flourishing motions to make his argument seem more enticing.

It looked to work on Link, as the swordsman nodded, “While I trust the others, you’re right, Deadpool seems too volatile to work with for an extended period of time without caution. John seems alright, but his apparent lack of mental fortitude and mental tenacity, as well as the presence of a ‘voice in his head’ speak volumes of his character. Wilson is like Deadpool, but with a higher variety to his insanity and much less volatility in his reactions. Harry is… strange, to say the least, I have not met many mages in my time, nor Wizards.”

“Yes. Your armor, it’s quite similar to my robes, no?”

“I noticed, the hood is impeccably similar, the dark color is quite the same, the only difference is that my armor seems to have turquoise runes and white trim, and your robes have red and brown adornments.”

Ezio smirked, and thought about what this man might have to offer.

“I will take you under my wing, if you wish to learn to be swift like the wind with the bite of a deadly snake.”

“I... have to think about it. I do not know much about your... guild.”

“I understand your hesitance, and I can assure you, the Assassin Order is anything but evil, we seek to teach the world of perfection, in the hopes that it may take the lessons to heart. I also understand that such speed and dynamicness may be very hard for you to learn, judging from your quite static and power-focused fighting style.”

Link began to think about Ezio’s words. There were many valid points in his claims. He’d have to ask a few very important questions first.

“If I join, what would become of me? What would I have to do for any sort of ‘initiation’? Are there long-term personal benefits as well?“

“You would accept that forcing ideologies on others is evil. The only initiation is a small brand on the ring finger. As an Assassin, you will be charged with handling large amounts of money and property, if that suits your fancy?”

“Does the brand hurt?”

“Only a burning sensation for a minute, then a few hours of dull pain, and after that, you’re done.”

“Might you have any branding tools?” Link knew that the brand would hurt, he’d helped brand the goats back in Ordon, and their bleats of pain never left his ears.

The master assassin smiled, and drew the Fire effect blade, removing a smaller version of the Assassin sigil from the blade’s casing and attaching it to a wire, heating it red-hot and pressing it into the fair-colored flesh of Link’s left ring finger.

Link winced at the sudden sensation, grunting as his skin blackened.

When the metal had almost completely cooled, Ezio removed it, rubbing away a few flakes of dead skin and looking at the nearly perfect branding, poking it with the wire at a few key nerve points to make sure the skin wouldn’t try to heal, thus becoming permanently stained, however this effect was easily reversed.

Link looked at the little black mark, admiring the simplicity-to-meaning ratio of the small symbol.

“Now then, repeat after me, you will have to learn to live by this saying, ready?”

“Ready.”

“Where others blindly follow the truth, we know, Nothing is true.”

Link repeated the statement.

“Where others are limited by morality and law, we know, Everything is permitted.”

Link repeated the second line back.

“Alright, now say it on your own, three times.”

Link recited the creed three times, each time saying it with a bit more trust and confidence.

“Welcome to the Order.” The mentor greeted, giving the larger man a hug.

The newly dubbed member of the Order stood there awkwardly, then returned the hug.

Ezio gave Link two pats on the back, the broke the embrace.

“Glad to have you in, but there is one thing.”

“What?”

“You have only just begun your training, and until you have finished, you are not a full assassin. Do you understand?”

“Yes, just as I was once not a full warrior, but the Hero’s Shade taught me well.” Link always made sure to remember where he came from, no matter how far he went.

“And Ezio Auditore is going to teach you how to be an Assassin, step one, never talk about being an Assassin, got it?”

“Got it.”

“Step two, never, talk, about BEING AN ASSASSIN! Got it?”

“Any reason for repeating that, besides emphasis?”

“It’s doubly important that the secrets of the real reason behind the struggles of the world are not revealed to the public, the results would be catastrophic.”

Link nodded. If that was true, then his training with Ezio would have to be private, and secret.

“Now then, your first freerunning lessons, since there are plenty of broken buildings around, sitting there doing nothing but collecting dust, we will start with urban freerunning.” the master climbed up the wall, tossing the other clawshot back to Link, “And take this, I have a blade-based method, should I need it.” With that bit of advice out, the young master ran over to another building, jumping perfectly and landing with his hands on the edge and his feet pushing up.

Link followed suit, jumping harder than he usually did and grabbing the ledge with ease, hoisting himself up as Ezio had done.

“I would’ve thought that the secret Assassin training would be more… private?”

“Well, we usually have specially-made courses, but I don’t have any nearby bases, neither with or without training courses, so we’ll have to use what we have available, which to an Assassin, is a lot more than the average person would think of.”

“So you pound it into my head that we are to be secret, and then immediately go back on that sentiment.”

“Oh no, trust me, that sentiment is the most important sentiment there is, but right now, we don’t exactly have the time or resources to maintain it, and thus we’ll have to parkour in public. Trust me, to the others, and to citizens, we’re just drunk.”

Link sighed, “Drunk people don’t do these fancy acrobatics.” and he followed his new teacher all across the ruined remains of Ponyville.

“...So, like, what else is up?” Deadpool asked his new best buddy, Master Chief, all about how his view of the day went.

“Aside from the fact that we no longer have to stay here, not much else.” Chief said.

“Power Armor energy levels at 70%”

‘Will someone tell that bitch to shut up? Her voice is too… UGH!’

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, who’re you, new guy? Wait… RED?’

‘I heard him too, it’s not me.

‘Well this is awkward.’

“Great, more voices.” Chief said, mildly annoyed.

‘You should know who I am, you just sealed me away.’

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, DISCORD?”

‘And the Spirit of Justice, AKA a more devious side to the Elements of Harmony.’

“Wait, then who’s the brown voice?” Deadpool asked.

‘Me? Why I’m none other than Ron Demons, AKA Randomness, the Spirit of Change, a more lighthearted side to Chaos.’

‘So, we now have two new mental roommates?’

‘I’ll go make some salsa for the welcome party!’

‘I’ve never been to a party.’

‘We’ll show you how it’s done!’

“And Chief can come when we go to sleep, ain’t that right, buddy?”

“I suppose during times of unconsciousness, my own mind would be among these… voices.”

“Then it’s settled!” Deadpool grabbed a brick and held it to his head.

“Nighty-Night!” He clonked himself hard, and was now out cold.

John looked at the unconscious man, and activated his Armor Lock (Emergency Mode), shutting down his body.

‘See, now we’re here!’

‘My greatest nightmare has come true.’

‘Oh hey, look, they’re here!’

‘Red voice, you look good, have you lost weight?’

‘Oh ho... well...’

‘I think I might have gained weight.’

'You were fat before, fatty.’

‘Don’t call him fat, or I’ll beat the shit out of you.’

‘Do I even have shit to have be beaten out of me?’

‘Don’t make me test that theory.’

‘Damn yellow voice, calm the hell down.’

‘Seriously, it’s not that big a deal, we were all just joking.’

‘Well my feelings are still hurt. *Sniff*’

‘Don’t cry, it’ll make it awkward if the voice in my head cries.’

‘Actually he’s in my head, red voice is in your head.’

‘Speaking of in Chief’s head. It seems Wilson wants to speak to you… BRRRRIIIING BRRRRIIIINNG!’

‘Alright, I just need to will myself awake.’

‘Don’t worry, I’LL GET IT!’

‘Wait what?’

‘Funny enough, I don’t think that’s ever happened to me, maybe not, I forget a lot.’

‘Well, first time for everything! And if it isn’t the first time… well… you’re long overdue for another one!’

Wilson put a hand to his chin in thought, both of his more beefy allies were out cold.

Suddenly, both of them shot up awake.

"Hey Willy, whatcha need?" Deadpool asked, sounding a bit different.

“Oh, Wade, I have come for a question, do either of you know your standpoint on this ‘Assassins and Templars and Wizards and First Civilization’ stuff?”

“To be frank, I don’t really know, or care, enough about that really.” John replied, sounding a bit off as well.

“Aww... Wade, what do you know?” Wilson asked, hoping for an answer.

“Uh… um… guys with super pimp skills, that’s what we are.”

“Okay?” Wilson replied, somewhat confused.

“Hey asshole, get out of my head!”

“What? Chief, was that you?” Wilson was hoping his sanity wasn’t going down again.

“Technically it’s my head now, John.”

“Oh my goodness, I need some sweets!” Wilson yelled out, running away.

“We have assumed direct control… error, error, say hello to the robots.” Blue-voice Deadpool said like a robot.

“Hello Robots.”

‘Don’t encourage him Wade.’

‘That wasn’t me, that was you, or well… red-voice you, you can tell because he has the double quotations, where as us voices have single quotations.’

‘These colors are confusingly the same.’

‘I have had no problem with discerning the voices’

‘I had a little problem, thanks to, well, similar colors, and particles in my nose. I wasn’t prepared to fall over backwards and hit my head.’

‘I sneezed and bashed my head on the floor, so now D-Pooly, you’re laying ass-up as a pony on the floor of the library.’

‘FOR DIGNITY!’

“Whoa, that was cool, but it kinda sucked ass.” Deadpool stood up as a pony, admiring his own ass.

Chief also noticed that he was a pony again as well.

“It seems that we change every time we sneeze.” John noticed the pattern.

“Coolio like a Corleone, buddy, I can handle dat.” Wade laughed as he galloped up to the loft, then jumped off, spreading the wings that he didn’t have.

“Wade, John, are you in here?” Twilight asked as she got out from the upstairs door.

*CRASH*

“I am, and I am not a pegasususususususus.” Wade groaned, rubbing his chin as it healed.

“To be honest, I’m kinda glad you’re hurt, considering that you taught Spike some really bad language.”

“Who’s Spike?” Chief asked, having not met that particular person yet.

“That purple dragon who lives here.” Deadpool said.

“Me, dude.” Spike said from the kitchen doorway, wearing an apron.

“Right, I see now, very small, very very small dragon.”

“I’m, like, half Twilight’s age, actually a bit more than half.”

“Yep, I told him the words that the mares need to hear when they need to calm down.” Wade said with a proud tone.

“You seriously didn’t use that 21st century phrase, it went out of style by the 2020s.”

“John, you need the words for when stallions need to calm down. John, calm your balls, dude.”

“I’ll also keep that in mind.” Spike said.

“I swear Spike, if I hear you saying that, I’m going to lecture you so hard.” Twilight, at this point, practically had steam coming out of her ears.

“He learns well though.” Wade said in a mock serious tone.

“If a bit erratically, like Deadpool’s entire mind.”

“I heard dragon, what’s going on here?” Harry asked, looking around the room and seeing Spike.

“Sup.” The little dragon greeted.

“Oh, a baby dragon, probably still too young to polymorph.”

“Your dragons are different.” Deadpool remarked.

“I’ve never heard of dragons polymorphing.” Twilight remarked.

“Well, that’s because they do it so well. That, and they can do it at will, so one second a dragon can be a swan, the next it can be a prince.”

“I see where the possible perversion of the power comes from.” John thought of all the things he would do if he could change his form at will.

“I… hmmm.” Spike grunted and clenched his eyes in focus.

Nothing.

“I told you, too young.” Harry repeated, “If you’ll excuse me, I have some things to think about.” The wizard walked away from the library, looking out at the ruined town.

“Oh come on!” Spike tried again.

“But just think about how awesome you’ll be, little buddy!” Deadpool cheered, rubbing Spike on the head.

“Umm, Spike, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Twilight noticed that Spike was concentrating on trying to polymorph again.

“Don’t give yourself a hernia, soldier.” Chief warned.

“Grrr...”

At that moment, the pressure was released, so to speak. Red faced, Spike ran back to kitchen, embarrassed.

“Well, it wasn’t a hernia, that’s for sure.” Chief remarked.

Twilight tried to keep her gag reflex from coming up, and turned towards the humans-turned-ponies.

“Get out.”

“Now Twi, I understand if you don’t exactly trust us all that too much, but-”

“Get… out… now, so far, all you’ve done is make Discord even more crazy and destructive than he probably should have been, fought with creatures made out of the town, broken buildings, terrorized the ponies. You nearly stole the Elements of Harmony! And now you’ve convinced Spike to try to polymorph, as well as teach him highly inappropriate words!”

“In my defence, the sandwich meat in that wasn’t exactly our fault.” Wade replied.

“I don’t care what sandwich meat is! Or what you’re even referring to when you say that.” Twilight snorted in anger.

“I’m not scared, Twilight, I’m going to say that right now.” Chief assured.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!” Twilight screamed, firing a stunning blast of a long-range teleportation spell at the two.

*VWEEZHOOOM*

“Geez, what a hippo-crate.” Deadpool remarked, noting Twilight’s rather colorful reaction.

“I think you mean hypocrite.”

“I know what I meant!”

The two looked around to find themselves surrounded by trees again.

“Great, we’re back in the forest.”

“Hold up naow sonny, n’take a look-see at dem dere trees, dose’s apple trees, we’s at Sweet Apple Acres, I tell you hwat.” Deadpool observed in a fake southern drawl, pulling out a pair of revolvers.

‘That racist.’

“You’re racist!”

‘I beat the shit out of racists.’

‘I made racism.’

*PUNCH*

*cry of pain*

“Right, I’m going to look to see if there are any ponies here who need saving from any residual danger.”

“Alright, I’ll help.” The crazy merc plucked an apple from one of the trees, taking a big bite out of it.

It was only a matter of time now.

Applejack was sitting on the porch, minding her own business after finishing the repairing of the crop fields (Discord’s chaos magic didn’t reach out far enough to affect the farm without him directing it there, so the farm remained unaffected after the first wave)

Suddenly, she felt her apple senses tingling.

“Some varmint’s eatin’ mah apples.” she realized, and galloped towards where the signal came from.

John looked down the path and found an orange earth pony mare galloping towards him and Wade.

“HEY! STOP IT YOU!” Applejack commanded, making Deadpool freeze up in surprise.

“Excuse me, Miss…” John motioned for Applejack to introduce herself.

“Applejack.” The strong mare replied, deadpanning.

“Excuse me, Miss Applejack, what is the problem?”

“He’s stealin’ mah apples, me’n mah brother’n mah lil’ sister work hard on these here fields, an’ we ain’t gonna letcha just take tha apples witout askin’ or payin’, so explain yerself or pay up.” The orange farmer defended her honorable work.

“I see, are you finished?” Applejack nodded in response, her eyes twisted into a hard glare, “Okay, well then allow me to retort; We are from the government, we are not stealing your apples, we are simply commandeering them.”

Applejack’s hard glare softened and fell, “...Well I suppose that might be alright, y’all only took three anyway.” Applejack noticed the very small number of discarded cores.

*rustle rustle*

“Huh?” all three of them turned to the bush.

A small child, looking about elementary school age, emerged from the bushes.

He had long, swept-sideways blond hair, like a surfer, aviator glasses that looked just a little too big for him, a pair of black war-paint stripes on his cheeks, and was decked out in SWAT gear, despite his age making it obvious that he was very below the age limit.

“Holy shit, it’s Dovahkiin.” Deadpool ran up to Douchebag, took a selfie with him, then began the posting process.

King Dovahkiin, having started with no title, then earning the rank of a Sir, then a Commander, and now a King, looked at the black and red pony, then at the black and green pony, and felt like he was in a crossover between a boys’ show and a girls’ show.

He pulled out a status sheet and handed it to Deadpool.

“Mhm, mhm, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, alright, I see your problem buddy, first of all, this is Beta-9, not Iota-2, and second, you have the 1009 z coordinate backwards, you should really be 9001 z, which is like 8000 z to the north from here.” Wade hoofed the paper back to the kid.

Dovahkiin thought back to how hectic his day had been, his parents had been abusing each other ever since they moved to Chicago. He’d gone to the police station to report it, but was immediately brought into the back and told that, as a part of SWAT, he’d need to go on missions too, then he was assigned a location to go to.

All because he had still been wearing his SWAT gear from the Stick of Truth game, and now here he was, not even 10 years old and putting his life on the line for his country.

Dovahkiin nodded, and Deadpool, with no reason other than a strange urge to, added the young boy as a Facebook friend.

Chief, for some other strange reason, opted to add the kid to Facebook, even if the site hadn’t used since the 22nd century.

Applejack suddenly felt like she needed to learn what the word ‘Facebook’ referred to, and thought to ask Twilight later.

Deadpool gave the miniature SWAT officer a pat on the head, then opened up an interdimensional portal and pushed him through it.

“Ah, kids, I love kids… I feel lighter… NOOOO! HE STOLE MY Blacker Glacker 1143!”

“What?”

“My semi-auto .45 ACP handgun, it’s just a more awesome looking version of a Colt M1911.”

“What! Why would a kid steal a gun, that’s dangerous!” Chief yelled out uncharacteristically.

“I know, it’s gonna kill him and send him to Mormon heaven!”

“*Sigh* Well we-... Mormon?”

“Yeah, he also threw this in my face.” Wade pulled up a red-stained capsule with a string attached.

“Don’t tell me… is that?”

“Yeah, geez, Scumbag Dovahkiin, throws a tampon in my face and steals one of my pistols.”

“I don’t want to know how he got that, or even why he even decided to have that.”

“He stole one of my pistols, and threw this in my face… what a douchebag.” Wade chuckled, throwing the tampon far away where it would never be found again.

“I thought you liked children?”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I love the little tykes, its just that Dovahkiin there pulled a major dick move.”

“Dovahkiin? I thought that was a myth.”

“That’s his name, he’s one of the few humans capable of using magic, with his farts.”

“Well, we better tell Harry... wait, farts? Nevermind.”

“He can also cast fireball with a Roman Candle, Cone of Cold with a fire extinguisher, Lightning Bolt with a bucket of water and a car battery.”

“That’s enough Wade. I don’t want to know any more.” Chief said simply and bluntly.

“Oh man, but my favorite is Pyre Ball, with a nerf football...”

“Enough, Wade.”

“AND DYNAMITE! Okay I’m done, geez don’t rush me.”

“It’s not rushing if I don’t want to know.”

“I can’t argue with that logic.” The crazy merc smiled and turned back to Applejack.

“Good, I wonder what the wizard and the scientist are doing.”

“Did Twilight go an’ clone herself in personality halves agin?” Applejack remembered how badly that experiment had gone.

“Nah, but she blow up and send us here.” Wade almost make sense sometime.

“What?”

“He taught Spike bad language. And I’m surprised he managed that, considering that he barely has a proper grasp of the English language anyways.”

“Equish.” Applejack corrected.

“English.”

“Equish."

John caught on, “Right, different dimensions, we call it English where we’re from.”

“Alright, if ya say so. I gotta ask though, who are you two?”

“Deadpool, Badass!”

“John-117, Master Chief Petty Officer.”

“Yer a navy pony?” Applejack recognized the rank from a few study sessions in her schoolings.

“Space navy, but navy all the same.”

“Golly, yer definitely from a whole ‘nother world. How ‘bout we treat ya’ll to some piping hot Apple Family cookin’ fer helpin’ us wit Discord?”

“Well’a, I reckon dat sounds mighty nice an’ fine’a you, Miss Applejack.” Deadpool said with a fake southern drawl.

“That there’s just wrong.” Applejack said, annoyed at the imitation.

“DP, I know you may qualify for the Element of Laughter, but I’m going to use my qualification for the Element of Honesty and assure you, making fun of how people talk isn’t funny.”

“Wait, what?”

“It’s a plot point.” Pinkie said, popping out from a nearby tree.

“PINKIE! YOU’RE PINK!”

“Well duh, that’s why I’m PINKie Pie!”

“Well a few hours ago you were gray, and a bitch.”

“I know, it was funny, except the bitchy part. Also, sorry about the stabbing.” Pinkie said rubbing the back of her neck.

“It’s alright, I already forgot about it anyway.”

“If you forgot about it, how did you recall it?” Chief asked.

“She brought it up, the thought wasn’t Matrix surgeried out of my brain, it was just… repressed.”

“Y’all humans’re weird, even if’in ya’ll are ponies right now.”

*ACHOO ACHOO* and Deadpool and Chief were humans again.

“Nevermind. I gotta ask Twi ‘bout dat.”

“We change every time we sneeze, it’s as simple as that.”

“How’d that happen?” Pinkie asked, popping up from behind Chief's back and riding on his shoulders.

“Discord’s scary evil dark chaos magic barrier, we went through it and now we have this sneezy pony thingy.” Wade explained, actually explaining something for once.

“Oh, well ya gotta talk ta the princess ‘bout that, it ain’t good ta deal wit dark magic. Now if’in ya excuse me, Ah’s work ta do. See ya later Pinkie.”

“Bye AJ!”

“Well, Harry called it dark magic, but I know that it was just chaos magic, dark magic is King Sombra’s thing.”

“Who?” Both Elements of Honesty queried at the same time.

“Oh right, season 2.”

“Oh, you know that, we have to talk later.” Pinkie was face to face with Wade now.

“Okay.” Wade smiled under his mask

“Ah’ll juss tell granny we got some heroes comin’ fer supper.” Applejack trotted away, feeling almost completely weirded out by the two humans.

“Shouldn’t they have been the heroes? Er… heroines?” Chief asked, still not entirely sure about this metaphysical knowledge.

“Heroin is bad for you… oh wait heroines? Yeah, yeah they should have, but this story is about us homo sapiens getting our limelight.” Deadpool explained, somehow explaining something somewhat.

“Homo Ultrasapien, actually.”

“Wut?”

“I was genetically mutated, they called us Homo Ultrasapiens, because we were a much higher and greater version of normal humans.” Chief explained.

“Then I Homo Supersapien, because I’m super compared to the Average Joe, and there’s a reason I’m called a superhero and not an ultrahero.”

“I doubt some superhero would be politically incorrect, insane and trigger happy.”

“I’m technically an anti-hero superhero.”

Chief decided to just drop the subject. They had arrived at the farmhouse anyways and he didn’t want to bring the issue to the Apple family.

Deadpool was not so keen on that notion, “And Harry and Wilson are Arcahomo Sapiens, and Ezio’s a Prehomo Sapien, and Link is a Homo Sexian.”

“Homo Sexian doesn’t exist.”

“I’m calling him gay-looking, no guy wears one earring and isn’t gay.”

“That’s sexist.”

“Maybe, but for super Al-Gore cereals, Link’s a Trihomo Sapien.”

Chief simply opted not to push any further, Wade and the voices took enough of his sanity as is.

‘That wasn’t nice.’

“Quiet you.” Chief hushed the voices.

“Quiet who, child? Ain’t nopony was talkin’.” Granny Smith said, turning around from her cooking.

“Sorry, I talking to my associate here.” Technically true.

“Yeah, we have… whisper conversations sometimes.” Deadpool knew that Granny Smith was a bit hard of hearing, and wouldn’t question it.

“Alrighty then. My hearin’ ain’t what it use ta be, so if ya got somethin’ to say, speak louder.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Chief said.

“Naow then, onta a more importan’ thing, y’all’re some big stallions.”

“Why thank you.” Deadpool bowed and smiled.

“Yep, I bet ya’ll make some good ponies fer AJ.”

“GRANNY!” Applejack yelled out.

“I meant workers, child, a couple’a workers to help aroun’ the farm wit’ stuff like buckin’ the trees, carryin’ the crops, plowin’ the fields.”

“GRANNY!” Applejack covered her face with her hat.

“HA HA... innuendo.” Deadpool realized what they were talking about.

“Get yer minds outta the rain gutter, I was talking ‘bout tha other stuff we grow, like corn and wheat.”

Chief slapped Wade upside the head for his dirty thoughts.

*CRACK* and Wade’s neck broke from the force.

“Ow, that hurt.” Fortunately for Deadpool, and unfortunately for everyone else, he could still talk, and fixed his neck no problem.

“You needed that.” Chief assured Wade, not really assuring Wade at all.

“*GASP* You’re learning, and your education pains me.”

Applejack merely shook her head and turned away from the humans.

“These’re some weird humans right here.” Granny said, humming as she stirred.

“Do you have any sort of comparison?” Deadpool queried.

“From what Ah saw, there was the other green fellow, an’ the one wit the messy hair.”

“Oh, Link and Harry.”

“Messy hair fella’s name is Harry?”

“Yeah, Hairy Pothead, it’s funny.” *SLAP* *CRACK* “Ow!” *UN-CRACK*

“It’s Potter.” Chief corrected, deciding that he would have to discipline Wade as best he could, even if the only result was a slight slowing of his motor-mouth.

“Ain’t that hurtin’ him?” The green mare asked, noticing the repeated strikes.

“Trust me, he heals quickly.”

“The only pain is emotional.” Wade said sadly.

“That ain’t how ya raise a child, ya got ta make him know what’s right from wrong without hurtin’ ‘em.” Granny told them, unaware that Wade was really in his 30s.

“Oh, I know what’s right, but right isn’t always fun.”

“Well that ain’t… that ain’t a lie.” The old mare remembered many times in her youth when she’d broken the rules just because she wanted to have fun.

“Yep, we all gotta live it up at some point of our lives. I bet the Church here...”

“Church?”

“I’m nicknaming you ‘Church’.” Wade explained. “I bet the Church here has done some crazy shit back in the day for some reason.”

“Well, I know a lot about life.” Granny said, turning from her pot to look at the two.

“I once fought a group of fully grown marines, I was alone, and 14 years old.” John reminisced the fun memory, what a rush it had been.

“Eheehee, nice, a good fight is good for the soul.” The green mare flexed one of her wrinkly foreleg in a muscle-man pose.

“I know that feeling.” Wade put in his two cents.

“I’d like ta tell y’all what I’ve learned in my time.” Granny gave the stirring stick a flick

“And how much time is that?”

“A hunnerd an’ six years.”

“106 years? DAYUM!” Deadpool knew Granny Smith was old, but never thought her to be a centenarian.

“Alright, let’s hear it.” John was already hooked.

“Well… Learn from yer mistakes. Learn not ta cheat. Remember that there’re miracles all around ya. Be strong. Always tell the truth. Keep your eyes open... and sometimes... your mouth shut.” she smirked, watching to two nod in complete agreement.

Deadpool sensed something was up when Granny winked at him, and pulled out his electric guitar.

*bao-WAO-WAOOOOOOOOOO...WAOOOOO!*

The green mare’s gaze hardened, and she laughed “Hahahahahaha HEHE HAHAAAAA.” she laughed uproariously, her scratchy voice making her laughter sound a bit derogatory.

“Don't complain, an’ don’t bitch! Don't be afraid. Don' always do what you're told to do!” she looked at them hard, then put on a slightly crazier and much more lecturing expression.

“Hesitate, and ya LOSE! Be a bad boy! Heehehehehhhh.” she stopped to laugh again, a more lighthearted, carefree laugh, one that sounded robust and young.

“I like you all the more now.” Deadpool said, giving the old pony a thumbs up.

“Raise hell! Go all out! Live, FAST!” she paused, her expression softening into that of a wide-eyed storyteller.

“An’ never... EVER... forget... where y’all came from.” her voice went soft for the last line, as it was the most important piece of advice she’d ever taken to heart.

At this point, Deadpool had switched to playing a piano.

“Boys, ya learn a lot in a hunnerd years, a lot. One day, maybe y’all’ll give tha chilren of yer old-timer days some advice like I juss gave ta you.”

Chief nodded, feeling both reprimanded and encouraged at the same time, like a strange chilling sensation.

“Ooh, I’m getting chills too.” Wade shivered so intensely it could have been mistaken for a seizure.

‘The wavy lines represent chills!’

‘That’s going to be a formatting nightmare.”

‘I like nightmares.’

‘I make nightmares have nightmares.’

‘Watch out, we got a badass over here.’

“Oh, it’s ready.” Granny realized, giving the soup one last stir.

Slowly stepping over to the dinner bell, the Apple matriarch rung it.

“SOUPS ON, EVERYPONY!!!” She whooped, sounding more energetic than she had in several weeks.

The clip-clop of hooves told Chief and Wade that the other Apples were on their way.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go wash up.” Deadpool teleported to the bathroom.

“Does that human have some kinda magic thingy he can use ta teleport?” Granny asked, surprised by the sudden disappearance.

“No, it is technology, while I seem to have a mountain valley, he has a valley mountain… what I mean is that we have our own unique advanced technologies. In the UNSC, teleportation technology is very limited, but for him, he can do it at will, it seems.”

“Oh... well ya actually lost me at this... UN... Whatever it's called. Ya could’a just told me that it wasn’t magic.”

“Sorry, I just felt like explaining it.”

“Hellooo.” Big Macintosh greeted stoically.

“Hello civilian.” Chief replied, just as stoic.

“Nice to meet youuuuu.” it immediately became obvious to the soldier that this pony had a minor speech impediment, as he tended to draw out the last word of all of his sentences.

Deadpool heard it and came out of the washroom.

“Hey bud, you might wanna get your larynx checked, just saying.”

Chief slapped Wade again.

*PAP* *CRACK* “OW!” *CRICK*

“Now big green fella, that just don’t seem very riiiiggght.”

“Yeah, but neither is just blatantly pointing out something that shouldn...”

“It had to be pointed out, it’s really hard to notice.”

“Quiet Wade.”

‘This is getting hostile.’

‘Fall back, retreat all advances towards the breakdown of communications and move to the safety ridge.’

‘Geeze Justice dude, you’re a real stickler.’

‘I was made this way. Don’t judge me, you racist bastard.’

‘I was made blue.’

“Oh lord, now I hear them.” Cortana complained.

“What was thaaaat?”

“Cort-”

“I am Cortana_2.0.aiu, Artificial Intelligence Unit, I was assigned to Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 after the original Cortan-” *BLIP*

John set the AI chip on the table, removed his helmet, and scowled at the secondary AI.

“Well... that was awkward... WHO WANTS CHOW?!” Deadpool sat down the rather low seat.

Chief raised his hand as he picked up the chip and glared at it closely, whispering to it.

“Never speak of her, you fake little bitch.” He muttered, so quiet that nobody else could hear him.

‘Except us.’

‘DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!’

‘Chief, it seems that you have issues, care to explain?’

‘Testing, testing, 1 2 3, can you hear me?’ Chief tested his abilities with thought-speak.

‘Loud an’ clear bruh.’

‘My original AI unit, Cortana_1.0.aiu, was my best friend. She was almost more than that, because she wasn’t only an AI unit. She was… lost… after some… bad stuff happened, it was terrible, and Cortana 2.0 is only a sad reminder that I’ve lost one of the few things I truly care about.’

‘THE FEELS!’

‘Don’t cry Wade, it’ll be awkward if you do, especially for no reason.’

*sob* Wade shed a single tear, which fell into his drink before anypony noticed.

*slurp* “Hmm, this cider is a bit bitter.” Wade noted as he drank the slightly tainted cider.

“Bitter? Did anyone switch his drink with hard cider?” John was concerned immediately, a drunk Deadpool would be disastrous.

“We ain’t got anymore cider left over, but it’ll be cider season in a few months, that’s apple juice.” Applejack informed, thinking with a hoof on her chin.

“I suppose it’s just me and my taste buds.” Wade said, hoping to throw off the ponies from slowly figuring out that he’d cried into his drink.

Because Deadpool doesn’t cry.

But Wade does.

Harry looked around the basement/laboratory of the library.

He’d slept in worse conditions, like under a set of stairs, so this wouldn’t be too bad.

“And this is where you’ll sleep.” Twilight said simply.

“And remind me why I couldn’t take the guest bed?”

“You’re too tall for it, but lucky for Wilson, he’s not.”

“So because I’m too bloody big, I have to sleep on the cold hard floor?”

“No, of course not, I’ll be able to get you some warm bedding, some throw pillows...”

“Oh, so not cold and hard… well I suppose I can keep myself busy, if you’d let me do some potion-work.”

“Potions?” Twilight said, right before nodding. “Just don’t use up any important ingredients without telling me, and don’t blow anything up.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

“No, not often, but I’m not a very... ‘stiff upper lip’ kind of pony, and my friends like to barge in.”

“Duly noted.”

“Yes, indeed.” Wilson said as he walked down, eating some taffy, in spite of the health penalties.

“You’re going to drive yourself to illness, if you keep that up without any real food.”

“I know, but my sanity was getting low, after I heard Chief spouting madness.”

“Hold your sword for a while, you said that it increases sanity.”

Wilson thought about that, but then remembered a little detail. “It does, but it’s heavy.”

“Well at least eat something healthy.” Twilight told the scientist.

“You’re a pony, so you must have carrots.”

“Erm, I suppose. Check the fridge.”

“Alright then.” Wilson said as he walked back up to the main room of the library.

“So… he’s an odd one, eh love?” Harry asked.

“Love? Are you coming on to me?”

“No, no, no sorry, it’s just a vocal tic.”

“Ah, okay.”

“I call my male companions chap and mate, and my female companions love and madam.”

“What are your friends like?” Twilight asked, reminded of the similarities of companions and friends.

“Well, there’s Ron, he’s lazy, but dependable, part of a really close-knit family, the Weasley’s.”

“Are these Weasley’s like the Apple Family.”

“I suppose, I remember seeing some rainbow pony sleeping on a cloud while the town was being destroyed.”

“Ah, Rainbow Dash. Was she grey too?”

“Yes, but I recognize a rainbow when I see it, no matter how desaturated. I was reminded of Ron when I saw… Rainbow Dash was it? When I saw her lazing about.”

Twilight nodded, and thought of something.

“Well, who do I remind you of, by that logic?”

“Hermione, she was the stick...ler...iest of anyone I’ve met, taking everything from school to Quidditch very seriously. She even took up the Sword of Slytherin and killed the giant snake with it.”

“Quidditch?” Twilight asked, genuinely intrigued.

“It’s a bit like American football, but with flight-broomsticks.”

“American? Flying broomsticks?” Twilight brought herself some parchment and quills.

“I’m from England, AKA Great Britain, AKA the United Kingdom, it’s a very old country. Across the Atlantic Ocean, several thousand miles, is the county of America, it’s about…” Harry tried to recall his geography lessons, a vital part of his Auror duties.

“Is this America large?” Twilight asked, taking notes.

“It’s about… 9,826,675 km2.”

Twilight widened her eyes, and wrote all of this down.

“That’s about ten times the size of Equestria. I would fully expect multiple countries lying in that ‘America’ place, right?”

“Much of Europe could fit in America, Europe is comprised of dozens of small countries, about the size of Equestria at biggest.”

“Europe...” Twilight said to herself as she wrote down this information.”

“Why aren’t you using a stain spell?” Harry asked, noticing the quill and ink.

“A what?”

“A stain spell, it would allow you to write with your mind.”

“Ah... well, with all the magic I could perform, I don’t think I could summon ink out of nowhere.” Twilight said sheepishly.

“It’s like a Color Spray, but with more cognitive control.”

“Hmm... Harry, I wonder, is Wizard magic different from unicorn magic?” Twilight inquired.

“Well, you seem to be limited by knowledge, where as I am limited by the power of my wand on top of knowledge.”

“One, you are asking one of Equestria’s most prestigious magic users, not to toot my own horn, and two, wands?”

Harry wanted to know her credentials, “Degrees?”

“I have a master’s degree in eighteen schools of learning, half of which are magic.”

“Then you should be able to simply summon up some color.”

Twilight found herself wondering the uses...

“There hasn’t been a spell to do that really... maybe I can look into it.”

“It would be like… I’m trying to think of a clear-pointed analogy… it would be like a typewriter, but you press the keys with thoughts.”

“OH! When you put it that way, that would be pre-graduate’s play.” Twilight finally got a clear picture, and decided to try it.

Immediately, the whole paper turned purple from recording her thoughts.

“Okay, dial it down some.” Harry was amazed at the speed and power of Twilight’s magic.

The unicorn slowed her breathing a bit, relaxing and clearing the paper, then she began recording some thoughts with ease.

“This… this would speed up so much, thank you Harry.”

“You’re welcome Twilight.”

“Yes, now I have to tell Princess Celestia about this wonderful new magic!” Twilight was about to trot off.

“Right… speaking of Princess Celestia… why is she a princess? Doesn’t that mean that her mother is the Queen?”

“...You know... from what I asked... it’s a sore subject for her...”

“I think I get the picture, I used the same words, ‘sore subject’, for my own issues.”

“Oh, um… if you don’t mind me asking, what does she mean by ‘sore subject’ then? She didn’t actually tell me anything besides ‘it’s a sore subject’, so I’ve been left wondering.”

“Well, from my experience, not that this says anything for her, but… my mother is dead.” Harry started breaking up a bit.

His family ties may have not been all that close, but the principle of it was too strong to ignore.

“Oh... I’m so sorry Harry...”

“It’s… it’s okay love, it happened a long time ago, I’ve recuperated from it. The scar is still there though.”

“Scar?”

“Emotional scar, I mean.”

“Oh, because I noticed that you… uh… had a scar, on your forehead.”

“Ah yes.” Harry brushed aside the hair blocking his lightning bolt shaped scar, revealing it.

“How’d you get that?”

“It was something that killed my parents... it was... nevermind... I... don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh… I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“No no... it’s fine... I knew it would get to this Twilight... just... get my beddings ready... I need some time alone.” Harry sighed.

“Alright, um… take care.” Twilight awkwardly trotted up the stairs and closed the door slowly.

Harry listened to the door click closed, then looked at the laboratory.

“Hmm, I wonder if those lessons from Snape paid off.” he needed something to distract his mind from the thoughts of the past for right now.

Meanwhile, Twilight went into the kitchen, to find Wilson enjoying a nice, freshly tossed salad.

“This is a nice change of pace from nuts and berries.” Wilson said to himself.

“Where were you? I mean… before.”

“Maxworld, a crazy place where this person, Maxwell, tossed me after... well... he tricked me. But he’s dead now, so all is good for me.”

“How’d he die?”

“Discord did it, turned him into a raven and choked him to death with poisonous gases, like a miner’s parrot.” Wilson said with a disturbing amount of glee.

Twilight cringed. “Oh… right, okay, well, I mean, he was bad right?”

“Oh yeah, I died about a million times before I finally got to him, his crazy animals and stuff kept getting the better of me.”

“Died? Many? Animals?” Twilight spoke rapidly in a panicked tone.

“Bunnymen did me in once when I carried meat. They don’t like meat, they really don’t.” Wilson put a hand to his beard, thinking, “Pigmen, on more than one occasion beat me to death for not giving them food. I remember some tallbirds pecked my skull open. I’ve been drowned, frozen, burned, shocked, cut, smashed, bruised, beaten… and don’t even get me started on Deerclops. I’ve died over a million times.”

“Then how are even alive, here, eating a salad?”

“Because of a lot of luck, a lot of touchstones, some meat effigies and a whole lot of these.” Wilson opened his vest to reveal an Amulet of Life Giving.

“It makes me more hungry, but the benefits outweigh the negatives.”

“It’s just a bit of gold and a ruby, Rarity could make dozens of these for a few bits and a favor from Spike.”

“Yes, but this is a magic gem, made by dark arts. Maxworld is a very dangerous place.”

“I see, dark magic is… well it’s actually more appropriately called sorcery, as specifically dark magic would be an elemental magic, much like fire magic and electric magic.”

“I do believe that Maxwell practiced sorcery, but I wouldn’t really know, I only really saw him be... Hmm... be...” Wilson thought of an appropriate response, “Be… a right bloody bugger.”

Twilight nodded, and began to think a bit.

“Were there others?”

“No, just me and Maxwell, I heard screams occasionally, and found some skeletons, but other than that, no. Now that I think more of Maxwell, the more I’m reminded of my cousin William, he was a magician back in the States, which basically just means ‘good with illusions and tricks’.”

“I know a pony like that.” Twilight said, reminded of Trixie.

“But then, I stopped hearing from him after he told me he got ahold of a book called ‘The Umbra Codex’, the name sounded dangerous.”

“Hmm, I can’t even imagine how bad Trixie might be if she got ahold of some dark relic.”

“Right, so you have beddings to go prepare, right?” Wilson reminded, giving her a boop on the nose with a carrot.

“OH! Oh yes, right, Harry’s probably stewing away on the cold, hard, wooden floor, I should get those now.” Twilight blushed sheepishly and backed out of the kitchen, Wilson giving her a bored glance as he ate.

He looked out the window and twirled his wand, thinking of how to make it more powerful.

“Hmm, madam Rarity must have loads of gems, if she could make these amulets by the dozens as a spiky favor...”

“Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout Rarity for?” Spike said, hopping onto one of the chairs with a large emerald in his hand.

“Name?”

“Spike.”

“Oh, that makes sense now, a favor from Spike and Rarity can make dozens of these amulets.”

“Whadda they do?” Spike asked in a bro tone.

“They revive me if I die.”

“Dude… that’s creepy.”

“It’s just magic, no different from using a gem’s innate elemental abilities to… enhance and focus…” Wilson’s words trailed off as he saw a mostly clear gem being lifted from the little pile, “Can I have that one, please?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“I need a shave, I’ll make you a fancy tophat, suit, and moustache for that diamond.”

“D’ya think that’ll make Rarity more attracted to me?”

“From what I’ve heard of madam Rarity, she won’t be able to resist a sharp dressed man like you will be.”

“Alright, sweet, here ya go bro.” Spike tossed over the diamond, watching the light of the lightbulb get scattered by its prismic octahedron shape.

Wilson caught it with limited success, as the sharp fractal edges sliced into his skin, but one ‘Episkey’ later and he was fine.

Using a gold nugget, the light of the bulb, and his own magical know-how, Wilson fixed the diamond to a new wand, this one more accurately whittled into a tapering tube, and from a large piece of a fancy desk he’d found in one of the many broken buildings across the town.

Gold capped and mahogany bodied, with a diamond focus, thin lines of gold running between the top and bottom, and a few gold rings near the top as an arcane catalyst, the wand was a mastercraft.

“Whoa, dude, that’s cool.” Spike flipped his opinion completely around, wondering how the small man was able to create that beautiful wand in only a small series of hand-waving motions.

“Indeed, it is cool. Hmm...” Wilson remembered a spell Harry muttered earlier, and decided to try it.

“Wingardium Leviosaah.” Wilson cast on a random mug on the counter.

Nothing.

“Wingardium Leviosaah.”

Still nothing.

“What are you...”

“WINGARDIUM LEVIOSAAH!!!” Wilson strained to cast.

His strain caused the spell to backfire, and the mug then turned into an explosive, shattering into a million pieces with a shocking force. Wilson found himself getting hurt by the explosion, and his salad ruined. Spike, being a dragon, was merely shocked at the sudden sound, and shrapnel. Twilight and Harry soon found themselves in the kitchen, where they saw an ash covered Wilson coughing up some smoke with hair blown back comically.

“What happened here!?” Twilight asked.

“I tried a spell, Wingardium Leviosaah.” Once again, nothing happened.

“Oh for… Wilson Percival Higgsbury... It’s LeviOsa, not LevioSAAH.” Harry chastised the beginner.

“Oh... sorry ol’ chaps. *cough* ...My salad’s gone missing.”

“Actually, it’s all over the floor.” Spike pointed out, trying to clear his ears of the ringing with his fingers.

“What were you casting the spell on?” Twilight asked.

“A mug. *cough cough*”

“Great, now I need to get a new coffee mug. Thank you Wilson.” Twilight said sarcastically, more than a bit miffed that one of her good mugs was broken into a million pieces

“I’m terrible sorry Miss Sparkle. Perhaps I could pay to repla-... oh wait, I have no money.” Wilson realized, having decided to simply toss his wallet aside back when it became increasingly apparent that Maxworld hadn’t any use for money.

“It shouldn’t be that expensive, only a few bits. I’ll still be having you replacing it as punishment for breaking it.”

“Seems fair, so… I’ll need some work… I haven’t had a job in two years, it might be nice to get back into the working world.” Wilson looked at himself in his reflection on Harry’s glasses.

“Something tells me there will be plenty of work with the town’s reparations.” The larger wizard observed, looking out into the night sky and moonlit town.

In the distance, something shifted.

“Hm?” Harry quickly cast a sight enhancing spell.

Right as he finished the wand motion, he saw his wand.

Or rather, the Elder Wand.

The words of magical will were filtered through the archaic, nigh godly level of magical power of the Elder Wand, casting the sight enhancement spell with the highest amount of power possible.

For a few seconds, Harry saw everything.

Everything.

Light spectrum, all other electromagnetic waves, thermographics, night vision, souls, the magical, the magicless, sounds, etc.

Everything.

“GAAAAHHHHHH!” Harry screamed in pain as his poor mind struggled to take all of it in, he shut and covered his eyes, but his eyelids did nothing to obscure his sight.

“Uh… um… DISPEL MAGIC!” Twilight cast the spell of anti-spell with as much power as she could.

Harry sighed in relief as the overwhelming flood of information slowed to a trickle, then stopped.

He opened his eyes and looked towards Twilight, “*huff* Thank you. *puff*” he managed, his breathing labored after that brief, yet horrible experience.

Twilight gave him a reassuring smile, “You would have done the same for me, I’m sure.” she said humbly.

The larger messy-haired wizard looked at the smaller messy-haired wizard, who was turned away and doing some arm motions.

“Wilson? What are you doing?” Harry asked, wiping his brow of stress-sweat.

“Oh, sorry chap, I tried my best, but your glasses had a crack in them, and I’m no glass specialist.” Wilson handed over the circular spectacles slowly.

Harry looked at them, the left lens had a strangely shaped crack in it.

Then he realized something...

He could see perfectly fine.

“Now that I look at them directly, you have eyes befitting of a mother.” Wilson said, scratching his chin.

“Yeah, you do.” Twilight agreed.

“From my experience with Twilight’s mom, yes.” Spike added, feeling comfort in Harry’s gaze.

However, the auror had been wearing glasses for so long that his eyes had sunken into his head slightly, making him look quite odd without them.

Slowly, however, the magic dissipated, and his eyesight faded back into a field of blurs. He sighed and put the spectacles back on, casting the Unbreakable charm on them to prevent further damage.

His glasses seemed to have been upgraded from the residual energy of the spell, prompting him for a wide array of optional types of sight.

He quickly turned to the window again to look out of it, and saw a humanoid shape in the distance, his Life Detection sight told him that it was, indeed, a human of some sort, and the Distance Calculator told him it was 102 meters away.

Harry turned around, made a ‘don’t worry’ gesture, and silently cast the teleportation spell with his wand out.

*whoosh*

“Well... I suppose that was to be expected.” Wilson thought out loud.

“Hel... c... ou h... me?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s wrong Wilson?” Twilight asked.

“I thought I heard something, weird.” Wilson merely ignored it, there wasn’t much to do.

There was cleaning, then sleeping to do.

Codename ‘Eye-scraper’ watched the group inside the library.

His gray hoodie and gray jeans hid his form well in low light.

“HQ, I have confirmation that all targets have received additional equipment, however, good news is, their leader doesn’t seem to be able to control his.” he said over the radio inside his bandana, which hid his mouth and nose while the peaked hood of his hoodie covered his eyes.

He lifted his hood slightly, revealing blue hair with black lowlights and his aviator-style glasses, which continued to hide his eyes from view.

His weapon was a CCC, coordinator’s custom craft, a plasma beam sniper rifle that he named the SBC Twister, due to the small swirling aura of the beam, it’s steel-gray frame was frosted over to prevent light reflections, a good thing for his usual sneaky style as a Master Marksman.

A hollow, spring-filled stock was fixed to it, as projecting beams of plasma required more force than one would think. No scope was attached to the top, rather a small, powerful camera was fixed to the bottom of the muzzle, a red dot sight attached to the top.

The muzzle was a replica of a dragon’s skull, the ray firing from its mouth and a pair of red dot sights set into its eyes.

“Alright agent, good work, I hope that having one of your own as a target won’t be a problem.”

“Trust me, it’s just another assassin, there are plenty.” The blue-haired man assured, watching the events taking place in the library kitchen.

Suddenly, target ‘Glass-eyes’ disappeared, and Eye-scraper began worrying.

“Uh, he just disappeared.”

“What? Who?”

“Glass-eyes, sir.”

“Then get out of there, he might have teleported.”

“He won’t see me, I’m the top non-assisted stealth operative you have.”

“Tell that to Agent 4, and by that, I mean ‘think about magic’, you fucktard.”

“She had a tech-cloak, sir, I don’t use any stealth enhancements and I still have less world relocations than her.”

“Then you’re even more likely to have been seen, evacuate NOW.”

“I don’t think...”

*whoosh* the sound of wind rushed behind him.

“AHA!!!” Harry pointed his wand at the slim, barely-visible man.

Eye-scraper sighed, and turned around, removing his glasses and revealing one of the multiple reasons why his codename was ‘Eye-scraper’

“Oh my...” Harry looked into Eye-scraper’s eyes.

Eye-scraper had luminescent golden eyes, the sight of which put 99.99% of people subject to them into a state of horror.

Harry began to see visions.

Screaming.

Suffering.

Voldemort.

Eye-scraper took this moment to punch the wizard away to get time to prepare his hidden blade, lashing out towards the shocked wizard and delivering a small strike to the shoulder.

“Boss, I might need backup if he screams.” The blue-haired man said through his radio.

“Like me?”

Eye-scraper looked to see Agent 4, arms crossed, clearly not amused.

“Oh...”

“I’m the more experienced one, rookie, so you better take after me if you want to live. One of them is an Assassin.”

“Rookie? You didn’t even toughen up to the idea of genetic engineering. Meanwhile I’m top of my sector.”

“I’m head of reconnaissance.” 4 shot back.

“Oh yeah, well...”

“I’m also one of the top assassins from my world. Not that many of those people were killers anyway.”

“Amico, stay still.” a voice said, seemingly coming from all directions.

Ezio jumped down from his perch on a nearby building and landed on Agent 4, pinning her.

“So, you’re the Assassin that killed my old partner. Heh, good riddance, never liked the Templars anway.”

“Sì, but if you persist, I will be forced to kill you as well.”

“Mai detto HO sostenuto dell'assassino.” Agent 4 took a taser and shocked Ezio, causing him to lose his grip. She kicked the Assassin off and rolled into a battle stance.

“Wait a second… Ezio Auditore?” Eye-scraper couldn’t believe it.

“You know of me?” Ezio asked.

Eye-scraper raised his hidden blade, which had a modern black-steel blade loaded into it.

“A fellow assassin?”

Eye-scraper raised his rifle and aimed at Agent 4, firing.

*PEEEWWWWWW* went the beam, firing right into...

Nothing… Agent 4 had bailed when Eye-scraper had began speaking to Ezio.

“Dammit, fuck, shit, ass, bitch, GAAAAAHHHH! I almost had her, I’m sorry Ezio, if I knew that you were the assassin in the target group, I would have turned to your side sooner. Onorare sempre il Mentore.” Eye-scraper bowed before the superior assassin and helped him up.

“It is okay, she cannot hide anymore. One thing, I have never seen a hidden blade like this before.” Ezio said, putting a hand onto the modern assassin.

“The design is of the normal blade base, but it uses modern materials, including even stronger metals, and a piston-operated sheathing system.” The young assassin demonstrated by flicking his wrist, the blade wasn’t out before Ezio blinked, but it was out after he blinked.

“Oh, such a marvel of machinery. Leonardo would be pleased.” Ezio replied, impressed.

“Da Vinci?”

“The one in Vinci, yes.”

“I heard the rumors that you were friends with him. I guess they were true.”

“Yes, he was close to me, very close. What is your name, brother?”

“Well, my codename is Eye-scraper, because I’m a Master Marksman, my eyes have a horror-inducing enchantment, and I was assigned to the -sadly failed- mission of September 11, 2001.”

“Ah, assassinations comes in many packages. I would not wish to look in your eyes though. What happened during...”

“It was a failed counter-terrorism mission, hundreds of people died, thousands more were wounded, several wars broke out, and economies fell. I was responsible for shooting down the plane, and a templar distracted me.”

“Dios Mio, such travesty.”

“Indeed...”

“What does ‘Master Marksman’ mean?”

“It means that, from about the distance of a kilometer, I can put nine out of ten rounds into a target about the size of the side of someone’s head.”

“Dios mio, questo è pazzo.”

The two were silent. Not much was happening, until...

“Who is this person Ezio?” Link asked, dropping down near the two and putting a hand on his sword, which he had at his waist when wearing the Twilight Armor

“This is Eye-scraper, he-” Ezio was cut off by the man in question motioning for himself to tell his own story.

Eye-scraper cut him off “Actually, my backstory is a bit cray-cray, so I was once a pony, a pegasus, then I was taken by The Organization and turned into a human, then came genetic modification and training, and I’ve been an assassin for a few years. By the way, I have limited draconic powers, and these.” He opened up a pair of dragon wings, which had been previously hidden on his back.

“Oh my... Dragons?”

“This is definitely new.” Ezio said.

“Yeah, the Organization is full of assholes, I never got told anything, so I guess I’m not a really successful double-agent mole for you.”

“This organization...”

“Very mixed really. Usually, they have one good thing about them, and that’s a very anti-bigoted view of life. Everything is fair game for them.”

“Everything is permitted...” Ezio recited, feeling a bit sick at this revelation.

“Yes, part of the creed, however they seemed to take from all sides of the story of time, Take by Force from the Templars, Know all and be aware of all from the Wizards, Rule is for those who earn it from the First Civilization, and Destroy all that crosses you, Grow all that helps you, Fight until death, and Die without fear, from the humans.”

“That’s a normal human creed?”

“It is unspoken, but with the knowledge of that statement in mind, one can look at human history and understand why it is part of their creed.”

“So, your name?” Link asked.

“My original name was Blue Comet, because my coat was white with a blue tint, and my mane was blue, and I produced a bright contrail when I flew really fast.”

“Ah, alright. This is my new protege, Link.” Ezio motioned towards Link.

“Um… this is… awkward.” Blue looked at Link with a mix of disbelief and nervousness.

“What do you mean?”

“Well... I wasn’t expecting... and… um… well, you see, the Organization, that mission I told you about, with 9-11, it was… it wasn’t really… how do I put this in a way that won’t freak you out?”

“I had regained my youth when Discord forced me to partake of the Fountain of Youth before sending me on a mission. I am just using my newfound youth to add a new member to our order.”

“Right, okay, that’s pretty weird, but… this pretty much blows that out of the water… the Organization, they have access to…”

“To what?” Harry asked.

“They have access to, well, you might not believe this, but…”

“But what?” Ezio egged on.

“They have access to... Earth Alpha.”

“WHHHAAAAAAATTT!!!?!?!?!” Deadpool shot up out of the ground and grabbed Blue by the shoulders.

“Who? What? Where?” Blue was freaking out.

“That is Deadpool, he is loco.” Ezio informed.

“Oh, Deadpool, yes...” Blue recognized him now.

“Did you just say… Earth Alpha?” Deadpool shook the man by his shoulders.

“U-u-u-uh, ye-e-e-e-es, and I-i-i-i didn’t think yo-o-o-ou might kno-o-o-oow that wor-r-r-rld.” Blue forced out through the shaking.

“They now know everything about us, this world, and pretty much everything else they want to know, and more.” Wade said simply.

“Why? Deadpool, what is going on?”

“Dudes, listen, Earth Alpha, is… it’s… it’s…”

“Bloody, don’t do this again.” Harry warned.

“It’s… the real world!”

‘DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN!’

‘PLOT TWIST!!!’

‘Now I believe that is a plot twist.’

‘Hey Chief, you're learning quickly. Also, I thought this world was very real, what makes this other world the real world?’

“Because, it’s the center of all creation, it’s where everything was made, all of us, we were made by the Alpha Humans.”

“Center of creation?” Harry inquired.

“Yeah, your world is literature, my world is comics, Ezio and Link’s world are video games, so’s Chief’s and Wilson’s… even Equestria was made from Earth Alpha, and it’s a cartoon show.”

“Wait, slow down... what are you blabbering about?” Link asked, with some concern.

“Guys, if this Organization has access to Earth Alpha, it could know everything about each and every one of us, except for one little detail that is a major break for us.”

“What?”

“They only have access to one viewpoint of us, that, and they can’t counter-knowledge… an OC!” Deadpool grabbed Blue by the shoulder and shook him a bit, “Like this guy.”

“OC?” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“Original character, it’s a maddening revelation to find out that your whole world is just a… production... from someone greater’s mind.” Blue explained, and the other three finally got it.

“Not really, most Alpha Humans call it ‘religion’, I call it cray-cray.” Deadpool chimed, giving Blue a hard pat on the back.

Meanwhile, in Codex of the Chaotic Heroes.

“What’s wrong David?” Trevor asked, not really caring.

“I don’t know, but I feel like I’ve become a major player in something 17 pay grades bigger than my minimum wage pay-grade.”

“Feh, screw minimum wage, I sell drugs and guns.”

“And I don’t even have a job where I’m from, also that gets you in prison where I’m from as well.” Lee said, coming up from behind.

“Not that it matters, police are so corrupt in my world, they literally let you go after you simply pay bail.”

“Geeze, no wonder you’re fucked up.” David cringed.

“I was fucked up long before I got locked up.” Trevor laughed.

Back in Hexed Lives.

“Well, regardless, we’re still in trouble. As long as they know all of us, we’re just going to get more enemies that can counter us, endlessly.” Blue said, slapping Wade’s arm off of him.

“Well, regardless of that, they can’t know all about us, even the games, comics, books, and even in Harry’s case, movies, don’t provide complete backstory information, or what we’ve experienced here.” Wade argued.

“But they can simply watch us here, amico.” Ezio pointed out.

“But… but… butt… ASS! ASSHOLES! Y U NO STAY OUTTA OUR BIDNESS?!” Wade shouted to the heavens.

“Thankfully, now that the other agent’s caught, they’ll have to bring in a new one, and from what I could tell, she was one of the better ones.” Blue pointed out, happy to not have to deal with Agent 4 again.

“Then what were you?”

“Top of the ‘un-assisted stealth ops’ list, each list actually has only four to seven people on it, but there are over a dozen lists, each specializing in various types of operations.”

“So, if they send one from your column...” Harry started.

“I was only spotted by you because I coughed, and that made me move, and that movement made me visible, and that was only because I hadn’t any water for several hours. Even then, it was a minimal movement that you barely caught, and only because you were paying attention.” Blue argued.

“And the others?”

“They don’t realize the importance of timing, location, and coloration, I could hide anywhere in town right now, and you wouldn’t find me, but all of them, they think black is the way to go, all the time, everywhere, it’s not really saying a lot when I’m called the ‘top un-assisted stealth ops’ agent.” The thin assassin revealed, frowning when he’d found that his group was basically five idiots and a draconian marksman.

“Right, okay, this is… a lot to take in, bloody hell.” Harry cradled his face in his left hand, blowing air as he thought.

“I agree. The fact that we may actually be watched...”

“By the way, we’ve just made a discovery.”

“What is it Blue?” Ezio asked.

“From what we learned from Discord, he is actually not able to murder a person with only magic. He has to use his claws, or use a form of magic to create monsters that can kill to do the job.” Blue knew better actually, he had picked up on games in his time on Earth Alpha, and knew that Discord just didn’t have the heart for brutality with his Chaos powers.

If he had the right motivation though...

“I see, so, if he’s contained, he’s harmless?” Wade wanted to make this clear to everyone, including the viewers.

“Yes, and he may be able to be turned to our side, since he is an avatar of one of the central powers of existence, Chaos.”

“And how do we do that then?” Harry inquired.

“It will take time, and perhaps more experienced ponies than I or you.”

“Fluttershy.” Wade simply interrupted Blue.

“Yes, the Element of Kindness, she may be able to snuff out his fire of hate with the gentle, non-burning mass of kindness.” Blue mused.

“How do you know of her? None of us really met her.” Ezio asked.

Wade pulled out his Pinkie Pie figurine, “Brony for life, dude.” he gave the little Pinkie a boop on the nose.

“That is unusual, and somewhat creepy.” Blue cringed.

“Don’t worry… ‘bout a thing… cause EVERY LITTLE THING’S, GONNA BE ALRIGHT!”

“GO HOME AND GO TO SLEEP!” a pony from a nearby building complained, her sleep interrupted by the screaming.

“Huh, I never noticed that it was night.” Harry looked up to the starry sky, having recalled it being hard to see.

“I suppose we should split up.”

“And I have to go into hiding, now that I’m caught. I’ll help you from the shadows, Mentore.”

“We fight in the shadows, the serve the light.” Ezio recited.

“Yes, and with this, I’ll light them up well.” Blue fired a beam of plasma into the air.

“Whoa, duuuuude, that’s the Special Beam Cannon, from Dragonball.”

“Yes, the SBC Twister, I made sure that the shots were specifically of that type of power.”

“We shall go now. Wade, get unstuck.” Harry said as he teleported away with magic.

Ezio and Link climbed up a nearby building, disappearing in seconds as they parkoured away.

Wade and Blue stood there, silent.

“Soooo, if you’re an OC, how come you’re not red and black?”

“You’re red and black, I was white and blue, which is technically the opposite.”

“...Cultured dick.”

“I suppose the human penis looks like a mushroom.”

‘Sir, that is most inappropriate.’

“Wait a second… what?” Blue looked around for the source of the new voice.

‘And he hears us. Bet he’ll have a field day with Chief.’

‘This guy doesn’t seem like the best to take up multiple head-voices, I like it.’

“What is this?”

“You can hear our head voices too? Now we need a fourth!”

“Yes, I feel, weight, with the yellow one.”

‘That may be because of your previous pony genetics, you are bound more towards harmony, I will instruct you in many ways.’

“Can I tune out your boring-ass instructions?” Deadpool asked, not wanting to do boring nerdy shit like learn.

‘Yes, I have found that you can tune out all but your bound voice.’

‘Yay! We’re roomies, forever.’

‘Don’t make it creepy, blue.’

‘Tune him out, I wanna test it.’

‘No, wait, do not-*click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’

‘Oh... it works! *click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’

‘Oh you dick, your first move is to tune us all ou-*click* (Disabled output to: Blue Comet)’

‘I am so glad you cannot disconnect me.’

“Why is that?”

‘I have much to teach you.’

“Oh, well I like to learn new things.”

‘*tear of joy* We will get along wel-*click* (Disabled output to: Wade Wilson).’

“Oh thank gaawwwwd that worked, I wonder why it called me by my name instead of my name.”

“You have two names?”

“Well, I have a legal name, and an alias, or seventy-two.”

“Dear Celestia, that is quite the book of identities.” Blue spread his dragon wings, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be on my way, I have to hide, and remove my radio.” he pulled off his bandana, revealing a set of pearly white sharp teeth, and threw the bandana to the ground, crushing it under his foot and shooting it with his rifle for good measure.

“Later bro.” Wade teleported out of the night.

Blue gave a two-finger salute and flew off.

Even though Discord was defeated, a new ally gained, and a lot of information revealed, our heroes still have much to deal with, from holidays, to birthdays, to bad days, to good days. Liars, crooks, thieves, mysteries, murders, and more, maybe even a marriage.

Who am I kidding? We’re going by the episode list for season 2, of COURSE we have to include the finale.

All this, and more, NEXT TIME ON:

Dragonball Z

Hexed Lives.

‘Wade, stop typing on our story.’

‘Seriously, it’s not helping.’

‘You guys just don’t appreciate my genius.’

‘The genius that we gave you, in addition to your stupidity and ingenuity, on top of your insanity.’

‘By the way, I read your notes for future chapters, I have to say, that one song, I like it.’

‘I’m putting a lock on the filing cabinet and a broom to your brain.

‘What? No, NO, NOOOO, NUUUUUUUUU!!!'

‘Come to think of it, why are we doing all of season two, if we’re doing just 10 chapters?’

‘You cultured dicks.’

‘Shut the fuck up, the chapter’s over. Oh yeah, and as punishment for your ‘genius’, first, I shall beat you over the head for your insolence, then you shall have a pink voice.’

‘NOOO-*BASH*-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!’

‘I love happy endings.’

Chapter over.

Author's Note

HEY-EY, what's up, shit-dicks?!

Seriously, I cannot believe on how big these chapters are getting. I also cannot believe that we're not even half-way done, already, Discord is fucked.

Maybe because this Agent 4 is caught, that her employer is now pissed, and wants to discipline Blue Comet?

Maybe The Codex of Chaotic Heroes has some answers.

The Man in Black, The Hero in Blue

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 & The P Co

-Several Weeks after Discord’s return-

Harry walked down the street, wishing to talk to Wilson after than horrid incident on Nightmare Night.

Wilson raised his Light Sword and screamed, slashing at Princess Luna as she landed.

Harry restricted Wilson and reprimanded him, “Calm your bollocks, Wilson, it’s one of the princesses, remember?” The messy-haired man reminded, shifting inside of his copy of Snape’s outfit.

Wilson straightened his fedora and pinstripe suit, sheathed his Light Sword, and looked at Luna, bowing.

“I am so sorry, your highness, please do not smite me.” He pleaded, instantly desperate for his life, “I’ll do anything-er, almost anything!”

Luna was forgiving, however, and set a hoof on Wilson’s shoulder.

“You do not need to worry, my friend, we are willing to forgive you for this action.” Luna said with a small, wise smile.

“Oh thank you, I’m so sorry, I’m just so jumpy, and I’m kinda… really afraid of the dark.”

“We understand, we too were once of an easily frightened mindset, but in safety, we found a toughness, you will get better, young one.” Luna empathized

Wilson looked at the ground, then back at the dark blue alicorn in front of him, smiling.

“God bless the Queen! Or… wait no you’re a Princess I think… oh wait I’m supposed to be an American, or am I? Dah, forget it! God bless the President! Wait… no… I guess Princess!” Wilson finally decided as he adjusted his Golden 20s outfit and raised a fist into the air in victory.

Every day, along with his own report on the information of the Organization, now Wilson sent a small journal note to Luna, who was helping him to become more mentally stable.

Harry was now going to investigate a cave that apparently had had so much residual chaos magic in it that the magic and permeated the stone and the cave had become enchanted.

He stopped walking for a second, hearing a distant clip-clop sounds of somepony galloping down the street.

He turned around and saw Rarity galloping in his direction, then turned back.

*VORP* A group of people, and a single tall, black-skinned humanoid appeared on the street.

A magical screen he’d had up, which had a compilation of the notes he’d made on the Organization, caught a man in the group.

One second.

During that one second, the tan-skinned man with the light brown hair, gray shirt, and blue jeans locked eyes with him.

*BAMF* and the group was gone just as suddenly as they’d appeared.

“Oh! Mister Potter, nice to see you today, sorry, but I must make haste, my little sister is-” Rarity stopped and gasped in surprise when a beam of energy went right by her ear, singing the tip of it.

Harry knew what this was, “BLUE! STOP!” He shouted to the offending ex-agent

“I could have hit her if I wanted to, that was just a warning shot, a warning to you, Harry, not this bitch.” Blue said as he flew up to the pair.

“Now Sir Blue Comet, that is very rude.” Rarity indignantly protested.

“So’s blowing the fuck out of an entire desert town just because ‘there might be terrorists’, while that might seem like a good reason to bomb a dune, or an empty valley, THAT’S NOT A GOOD REASON TO TAKE INNOCENT LIVES, AGENT 4!” Blue raised his SBC-SR again and prepared to blast Rarity between the eyes.

Harry slapped the barrel away, “Calm your bollocks, Blue, Rarity is not a… whatever you’re implying she is.”

“A member of the Organization… but then again… hmmmmm, okay, answer me this: If you’re Rarity, then… who is the King of Pop?”

“Muzzael Jockeyson, of course.” Rarity knew this answer perfectly.

“Okay, it’s just a Rarity, not Agent 4, Agent 4 doesn’t really follow the trends.” Blue backed off and flew away, “I’ll keep an eye out for any more agents, okay?”

“Okay Blue, just don’t jump on anyone’s back for being slightly suspicious.” Harry instructed to the departing man.

“Bloody...” Harry soon found himself hearing some noises from an alley.

Thinking it might be worth investigating, he slowly approached the noise.

It came from a trashcan.

“Must be a rabbit or something.” Harry mused to himself.

“ATTACK!!!” A man in light blue fatigues that were covered in garbage jumped out of the can and charged toward Harry.

All Harry did was sidestep, and the man crashed into the wall, headfirst.

He fell backwards, dizzy, but conscious.

“Are you al...”

“You damn British sympathizers, YOUR KING WILL NOT TAKE AMERICA AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE, AND I GOT A BOOTED FOOT TO SHOVE STRAIGHT UP THEIR COLLECTIVE ASSES!!!” The man took out a degraded cardboard roll and began whipping Harry with it.

Harry merely ignored the barely annoying strikes, and walked away.

“Ha, retreat while you can, for you will never de-story the American way.”

“Destroy.” Harry corrected.

“Exactly! You will not win, you British Bulldog.”

‘Well, Wade’s no longer the crazy one here.’ Harry thought as the crazy man continued ‘attacking’ him.

“*sniff sniff* I SMELL SOMEONE THINKING OF ME!” Wade said as he swung through the branches of Sweet Apple Acres like a monkey.

‘Might be a random thought.’

‘From the Harreh Pothead… lel.’

‘Yes, makes me wonder, what’d he think?’

‘No matter, there is someone ahead of Wade, Blue, acquire visual.’

Deadpool stopped from his chanting of “Parkour!” whenever he grabbed another branch, and looked ahead.

A muscled man in some kind of ragged clothing was standing there, looking around. Deadpool dropped down, and looked at the man.

“Hey, who’re you?”

“Heyoo!”

“Steve? That’s your name?”

“Heyoo!”

“And you’re from this planet called Pandora?”

“Heyoo!” Steve, despite being covered head to toe in clothing, made it very clear that he was being annoyed by the merc.

“Why? The readers need to know what you’re saying.”

“Hayoo.” Steve said as he flipped of Wade.

“Well, I’ll translate.” Deadpool turned to the screen of the viewer.

“He told me to shut up and go fuck myself, or he’ll shoot me with Hyperion guns.”

Steve pulled out one such gun, a pistol of some sort.

‘That’s actually a Jakobs gun.’

‘If it didn’t take one shot, you’re not using a Jakobs.’

“Yeah, sorry bro.” Wade replied.

“Heyo.” Steve briefly replied. “Heyoo?” Steve twirled his gun and holstered it.

“Oh yeah, follow me to Ponyville, please, and I can show you THIS, the land of ponies.”

“Heyoo.” Steve followed Wade to the ponyville with literally no logical reason to do so other than being asked nicely.

John stood crouched right outside the border of Ponyville, his sniper rifle zoomed in as he watched the Everfree Forest.

“Chief, I am detecting an unknown presence and a friendly signal within 4 feet of each other, be wary, they are approaching your position at 20 meters per second, NOTICE: suit power levels at 55%”

“Copy that, Cortana.” John readied his rifle and aimed at the general direction of the signal.

A large wood-textured boat burst out of the foliage, slowing down on its ion thrusters as a song came into hearing distance.

“What the hell?” John watched as the boat stopped about twenty feet away from him, a large ramp lowering to the ground.

Down the ramp came two humanoid figures, one was a Sangheili, or an Elite, as most called them.

The other was a slightly hunched-over man in pirate gear, with long black vines growing out of his jawline.

“Ohhhhh damn Charlie, you’re a party animal.” Arbiter slurred, trying not to drool on his translator device.

“Aye lad, Charlie Scene Blackvine is all the party in da galaxy… aye, HUWAAAAAAAAAAH! AN ENEMY!” The red-clad pirate-looking guy shouted as he raised his hat, revealing a ninja headband.

“What?” John was confused at this sudden and confusing turn of events.

“Johnny~! HEEEEYYY!” Arbiter said as he stumbled over to his friend.

‘What the fuck? I don’t remember the Arbiter acting like this.’

‘He’s drunk, somehow.’

‘Fucking pirates. Always stealing something.’

‘In this case, Arbiter’s sobriety! Yay drunkenness! Such beautiful mischief.’

‘I am sensing that they are magical ninja space-travelling pirates… I’m too old for this bullshit.’

‘That is the most ridiculous thing I’m going to agree with you with.'

“Arby, ye know this landlubber?” Charlie said as he pulled out a pistol and a throwing needle, tossing the latter at John’s shoulder.

The extremely lightweight projectile bounced off of the armored soldier’s shoulder plate and fell to the ground. The tip had been dented, rendering the unorthodox weapon unusable.

“Alright, you have ten seconds to explain yourself, now.” Chief said sternly to the ninja-pirate.

“I was sad, because I didn’t know where you went, so I searched for people who know maps.” Arbiter started.

“Ain’ nobody knows tha star-charts like ol’ Blackbeard here, of tha planet o’ Ents.”

“Tree people? That planet was found to not have any intelligent life.”

“Aye, but ye was lookin’ at arr dogs, we’s a fine race, an’ I cad’nt a done me piratin’ thang without me crew an’ me beard.” Blackbeard gestured to his viny beard.

“How is that even possible?”

“Yae Humans grow mini-vines outta ye faces all the time, why’s it so weird thayt us Ents have beards as well?”

“Our beards are made of hair, which is a natural growth composed of chemicals that our bodies make.” John replied.

“Ain arr beards are made o’ vines, ain sometimes leaves, if ye be a flatter kinda Ent, ain sometimes moss, for the especial growy types.”

“...Fair point.” John felt like part of his brain had melted out of his ear, the part that prevented him from suspending his disbelief.

“Right, so eh’ll be on me way, the clan’s ‘avin a meet-up at tha Star-Nets.” Blackbeard mounted his ship again and sailed off into space.

“The Star-Net is a series of stars that are highly unstable, they’re going to get blown up in a solar flare.” John said as he watched the brown boat-ship become a tiny dot, and then disappear completely.

“So~… *BLAH-BLAAAARG*” Arbiter vomited all over the ground, so much vomit that John had to step back from the expanding puddle

Even through his vents, Chief could smell that Arbiter had just voided his body of all of the alcohol in it, and this act was so intense that he now had labored breathing, “*huff* … water?” The heaving elite requested.

Chief sighed and pulled out his canteen, handing it over.

The purple-armored Elite took it and drank almost the whole thing in one go, coming up for air about fifteen seconds later.

“Thank you, alright, so… hostiles?” Arbiter crouched down again to protect his neck as he brandished out his dual energy swords and looked at the brightly-colored town.

“No, friendly, very friendly, Arbiter, this place is kind of weird.”

The Elite nodded, putting away his swords, but not standing up straight again.

“If they are as friendly as you say, then they can understand that they will need to earn my trust.” It was biological response to nearby danger than the sangheili lean their heads down to protect their necks, only willing to expose them in the presence of their closest friends, as a sign of trust.

Even Arbiter himself only ever stood up straight when he was alone with John, and if one was attentive, they could use a sangheili’s leaning response as a silent and subtle alarm of nearby danger.

“I’m sure of it… and I gotta say, even I was surprised to find out just how huge you are.” John said with his hands behind his head in a relaxed stride.

“Yes… nine feet tall when standing straight up.” Arbiter recalled his true height.

The two old friend’s walked down the street, catching up as they made their way to the library.

Wilson walked down the street.

It was yet another day to go find a job.

He couldn’t believe it… almost two whole months, and no luck.

He had managed to get a few bits, enough to get Twilight a new mug, during the first couple of weeks when everypony was rebuilding the town.

However, any work that was more full-time or permanent was evasive, and he dared not try to get a job at the spa.

Especially since Rarity had some... less than graceful moments at that place.

-One month ago-

Wilson was looking for a job, and decided that there might be one in the spa.

He walked inside, then heard a loud moan from deeper within the building.

Taking up his light sword, he ran further in, thinking that someone was dying.

Within a minute, he found the source.

In a room, behind a closed door, was Rarity, getting a… less than appropriate massage from an unidentifiable stallion masseuse.

“Oh... my...” Wilson felt extremely embarrassed, closed the door slowly and quietly, and then ran like hell.

-Present day-

The messy-haired scientist/wizard shook his head free of those thoughts, and he bumped into something.

It felt like a padded wall, and look opened his eyes.

Looking down at him was a man dressed in an immaculate pinstripe suit with a worn-out fedora topping it off (and denoting the length of his time in , with a Tommy Gun in his jacket, a Colt 1911 in a holster in his pants, and a stiletto knife in his pocket.

This was a member of the mafia, the deadliest and most present force Wilson knew of from a month-long trip to America he had once.

“Uhhhh… have mercy?” Wilson unsurely asked.

“Do you know… who I am?” The mobster asked.

“I am sorry, I do not.”

“My name… is Adam Corleone, you are… a brother?” Adam asked as he eyed the cut of the suit Wilson was wearing, it was the same as his own.

“Uh… yes… yes I am, brother, I did not recognize you at first.” Wilson lied, hoping to make a new friend.

“Neither did I, my stol-… licensed vehicle... was crashed in an escape from the poli-... pigs…” Adam stuttered as he turned away from Wilson, in a minor amount of shock from being in this candy pony land, “Walk with me, brother, I find it easier to talk over a plate of lunch, no?”

“Yes.” Wilson agreed happily, he loved having a steady supply of food, he’d already gained ten pounds from his time in Equestria, and generally felt better about himself due to the friendliness of the townsfolk towards him.

While they couldn’t help much with his fear of the dark, Princess Luna had helped him to be more comfortable with it.

-Town Square-

The ponies of Ponyville had experience many weird things in their time, especially over the course of the last several months.

From Nightmare Moon’s return to Discord’s return

Then violence was wrought over the town by an impromptu magic fight between Harry and Twilight due to Twilight almost going insane for ‘being tardy’ (which had earned her a hearty slap of percussive maintenance).

Then there was Nightmare Night.

Then today’s event, the Sisterhooves Social.

So nopony really thought it weird when a few extra humans showed up.

Twilight did, though.

The mare in question had been just now stepping out of Town Hall from a meeting with Mayor Mare over the lack of a ‘Jobs Board’ in town, the addition of which would allow the ponies of Ponyville to get help with their medium-sized problems, I.E. problems too big to fix on their own, but too small to need specialized assistance.

She looked around, and found a set of odd sights.

Chief was walking to the center of town with a large humanoid figure next to him, it had dark blue skin, shiny purple armor, and a large pole-hammer and rifle-shaped object with strange, purple jagged thingies poking out on its back.

Coming from another street at a different angle was Deadpool and a strange human with a mask on.

The human looked at her, then Twilight and every human present turned to some shouting coming from another street.

Harry was being followed by a shouting man who was assaulting him with a degraded paper towel roll.

BLU Soldier dedicated each of his harmless hits to someone, “AND THIS ONE’S FOR ME! AND THIS ONE’S FOR ENGINEER, HE WAS AMERICAN! AND THIS ONE’S FOR ME AGAIN! AND THIS ONE’S FOR THAT ANNOYING KID, HE WAS AMERICAN TOO! AND THIS ONE’S FOR ME AGAIN! AND THIS ONE’S FOR THE PRESIDENT, NOT THAT YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT THAT IS! AND THAT’S FOR MY OLD ROOMMATE, BUT I ALSO HATED HIM!!!”

Harry had finally been annoyed to his breaking point.

“Petrificus Totalus!” He recited, causing Soldier to stop his movements, seize up, and then fall to the ground.

“If you are a wizard, THEN I AM WILLING TO BE ROOMMATES WITH YOU!” Soldier noisily informed, still able to move his lips.

Harry groaned in exasperation, hesitantly releasing the spell on the crazy soldier.

Jane Doe, or ‘Soldier’ as he preferred to be called, stood up again, bringing out a toolbox.

“Engy gave this Dispenser to me, I definitely did NOT rip this up from the battlefield when I noticed I was fading out of existence, it was given to me by an Engineer, yep, definitely was, so you have no reason to doubt that.” Soldier conspicuously assured his innocence, placing down the toolbox shape and beating on it with his paper towel roll.

Steve the Lion-hearted looked at the blue-clad soldier.

“Listen, whoever you are, you’ve obviously been… eliminated from the battlefield, or however you soldiers say it.”

Steve perked up at the word ‘eliminated’, and pulled out his rocket launcher.

“Whoa dude, that’s cool, wish I had a model like that.” Deadpool said as he watched Steve take aim and fire.

Soldier didn’t miss a beat as he caught the rocket mid-air, “YOU CANNOT USE MY OWN WEAPON AGAINST ME! IT’S MY WEAP- YOU FILTHY RED SCUM!” Jane turned the rocket (which was still propelling itself) around and let it shoot off towards Deadpool.

Wade jumped, getting his legs blown off.“HAHA! TAKE THAT!” Jane cheered as he resumed whacking the Dispenser.

“HEYOO!” Steve shouted, readying another rocket.

A few hits later, the Dispenser’s box (surprisingly) opened up in response, becoming a Level 1 Dispenser and giving Soldier some ammo for his empty rocket launcher.

“Haha!” He shouted as he reloaded his own rocket launcher, the Direct Hit, and aimed it.

Deadpool pulled out an RPG-7 and aimed it at Twilight for some reason.

Twilight saw the weapon aimed at her at prepared a flurry of Magic Missiles.

From a nearby rooftop, Ezio prepared a fragmentation grenade and Link prepared a Bomb Arrow.

“What do we do? Who should I aim for?”

“Aim not for Lady Twilight, or for Sir John, aim for a newcomer, or Deadpool, he is aiming for Twilight.” Ezio instructed, cocking his arm back.

Chief pulled out his Brute Shot, and Arbiter prepared his Needler Rifle.

Everyone aimed at each other, waiting for the shot that would unleash hell.

*PW-BOOOOOOM...clatter clatter*

A strange, black-clad man, with Blue Comet underneath him, crashed down from the sky, making a huge noise and sending pebbles into the air, which made clattering sounds when they fell back down again, making everyone jump, but luckily not fire any explosives.

Blue curled up his legs and kicked Condition One off of him, using his wings to push himself up.

Condition One did a single pushup and was on his feet in a second, MP5s drawn.

Blue flexed his fists as he drew his SBC-SR, ready to put a nice, clean hole into the other agent.

“You’re hesitating, you’ve never hesitated before!” CO shouted

“You’re outnumbered and outgunned, D, so either fuck off or get wrecked, kid.”

“You may be a few years older than me, but you’re not nearly as skilled as I am.” Condition One said as he looked around.

Chief was too heavily armored to kill in time.

Deadpool had his healing factor.

Twilight’s Magic Missiles would home in on him.

There were a total of 9 attacks aimed at him, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to dodge all of them, no matter what angle he dodged at. CO knew that even with his reflexes and training, even he couldn’t move that fast.

So he did the next best thing, fire randomly with one MP5 and punch in the teleport code.

Blue noticed CO putting away one MP5, and knew immediately what was about to happen.

He ducked just in time for CO to fire right where his head had been, and the bullets flew towards Soldier, who blocked them with his surprisingly tough helmet.

*PWEEOOSH* went the SBC-SR as a hole was cut clean through CO’s body, making him stumble as he punched in the last key, teleporting away.

Chief, Arbiter, Soldier, Steve, Deadpool, Link, Ezio, and Twilight put away their respective explosives and looked at each other.

Twilight’s eye twitched, “This is going to be a lot harder.”

“TELL ME ABOUT IT!” Wilson called out from a cafe right next to the square, he and Adam had seen the whole incident.

Blue narrowed his eyes and looked at the others, evaluating them.

“I agree.” The former-agent said as he put his rifle on his back and flew upwards to watch over the town again.

Twilight looked at the others, waiting for an intelligent response.

“Heyoo!” Steve called out to the pretty little unicorn, wishing to brush her mane.

“YOU, YOUNG LADY, ARE A BLASPHEMY!” Soldier said as he was about to aim the Direct Hit at the pony who dared to be purple, but was immediately hit with another Petrificus Totalus, “Alright, nevermind, you’re okay.”

Arbiter stayed stooped, but was trusting enough to put away his Needler Rifle.

Ezio and Link dropped down, relaxing from battle stances to casual stances.

Wilson and Adam walked into the scene, ready to act.

Twilight sighed, levitated out a piece of paper, and began making a chart.

-11 Days Later-

Applejack looked up at the moon, then down at the lantern.

She lit up another cigarette and took a drag.

She’d never admit it unless pressured, but she was a pretty bad smoker, and somehow she’d kept it secret thus far, maybe she didn’t even show any signs of it, she’d managed to stay quite healthy with her rigorously active lifestyle.

‘Earth ponies’s known fer ar physical stuff, ‘n Ah’m lucky ‘bout that, t’ain’t right how some ponies go an’ get themselves all fucked up though, gettin’ lung illnesses n’such, dear Celestia I hope John ain’t mad that I borrehd his smokes, but these’re really good.’ She thought as she sighed, expelling white smoke from her mouth as she continued to look up at the moon.

The green-eyed farmer watched the moon for an hour, putting out the lantern and lighting another cigarette from the one she had.

About three cigarettes later, she felt tired for being up so late, and the chemicals in Chief’s smokes were really relaxing.

She briefly thought about how the past week and a half had gone.

‘Thangs’re pretty established now.

Harry n’ that weird Jane Doe guy with the blue uniform’re roommates, n’ they’re still in Twilight’s basement.

Wilson n’ that creepy Adam guy, they got back from Manehattan today, they done made some business decidin’s n’ got a whole mess’a bits, they’s gettin’ themselves a mansion built.

That Blue Comet guy is bunkin’ with RD, and that Ezio Auditorium’s rentin’ a house in town with Link, Deadpool, and Steve, and I guess Adam and Wilson while they’s waitin’ fer their mansion to get done bein’ built.

Chief and that Arbiter thingy have done taken up residence here at the Acres. They’re both willin’ to help out with the farm work, they’re both pretty strong.’

Her eyes fluttered shut, and her forehead made a small *slap* sound as it fell a few inches onto the edge of the barrel she had been sitting in front of.

She was so deeply asleep that she didn’t get woken up by the rooster’s call.

“Awaken, John-117, it is 6AM, as your employers had requested you awakening time be, todays missions:

Get out of bed (recently completed)

Groom (in process)

Consume Breakfast (not completed)

Accomplish Farm work (not comp-” Cortana stopped when Chief put up a hand in a ‘stop’ gesture.

“I know my daily chores Cortana, you can stop now.” Chief assured.

“Side mission: Locate Applejack, she ‘stepped out’ last night and did not ‘step back in’, as the saying goes.”

“I’ll do that now, and I’m shutting you off.” John removed his helmet, then his whole suit.

“Suit power levels at 48%” Cortana informed from his helmet, taking the responsibility of shutting off Chief’s armor for him.

Underneath his armor was a simple white muscle shirt and blue camouflage pants, which covered him enough and kept his armor from giving him a rash or something.

‘But or something sounds really dangerous! Also I noticed that last chapter, we introduced shutting off the voices, but this chapter, we’re just completely ignoring that idea.’

‘Stop talking to Wade, red-voice.’

‘But I’m so fun to talk to! Could you think of how a world without me talking would be?!?!?!’

John sighed and ignored the re-colored Deadpool thought-voice.

He kept his pistol in his pocket as he stepped outside before Granny Smith was done making breakfast.

Walking around the left side of the barn, he found Applejack’s hat sitting on the edge of a barrel.

Coming closer, he heard some light snoring, and found that Applejack was still wearing the stetson, and was just asleep with her head on the barrel.

“...Private Applejack?” He addressed her sleeping form.

Applejack jumped awake and looked around.

“GAH! Huh? Wha-oh shit.” A cigarette butt fell out from between her lips as she scrambled to hide it.

“What? You smoke?”

“Uh… eenope, Ah don’t, whaddya mean by smokin’?” Applejack was a bad liar, and the fact that she kept looking side to side and had her mouth scrunched up was a big sign that she was, indeed, lying.

John didn’t have much time to respond, the orange mare’s stetson had been sliding forward on her head, and it finally fell off.

“Whoa-oh!” Applejack caught it, but a pack of cigarettes fell out.

John noticed that they had the same symbol on them as his own pack of cigarettes, and reached into his pocket for his own pack, to compare the boxes, “Huh?” His pack was not in his pocket.

He looked down at Applejack with a stern gaze, Applejack was about half his height from this position.

“You stole my smokes, why?” He interrogated.

“Ah was gonna giv’em back, Ah juss needed a few, my own pack was all empty!” Applejack pulled an empty pack out from behind the barrel and showed it to the soldier.

“I see… well alright… you smoked ten cigarettes in about one and a half hours?! That’s highly unhealthy Private Applejack.” he warned, counting the extra empty spaces.

“Yeah, well ya don’t see me coughin’ now, do y-*Cough*... Sorry ‘bout dat.”

“Yes, but I suppose the effects of smoking a large quantity of tobacco products for a long time are starting to show up.” Chief noted.

Applejack sighed, and shook her head.

“S’not any of yer business here, Chief. See ya inside.” Applejack hopped from her seat, then trotted back into the farmhouse.

Chief just stared.

It was a stare of concern, but there wasn’t much to move this pony.

Applejack was a very stubborn pony.

“God-…dammit... I’m too old for this shit, two or three wars and a whole load of bullshit between, with cryo and slipspace, and… god I feel like I’m in my 80s.” John was already tired of all the struggles he’d had in life, and that exhaustion was starting to degrade into sickness.

He picked up his pack and lit up his own cigarette, he saw this pack of special blend (these were smooth and clean-burning, and also full of relaxing agents) as an award box, each time he’d done something to either earn or deserve one, he’d smoke one.

But Applejack… with the way she was acting about it, she’d been keeping this dirty secret for a long time.

And John knew from experience that the longer you stayed dirty, the harder it was to come clean.

Ezio eyed the brown, steaming liquid in a mug, and took a sip.

“I am glad you enjoy coffee now Ezio.” Wade said as he took a sip.

“Heyoo.” Steve said as he sipped his coffee.

“Quite good indeed.” Link noted.

“Yes... it’s a bit bitter, but it’s still good, do they have any molasses or honey?”

“Heyoo.”

“Steve’s right... no better invention than coffee.” Deadpool ignored Ezio’s request.

“Heyoo!”

“Yeah, except... wait, was he some muscular guy who screams every line he says?”

“Heyoo.”

“Oh, yeah, Mr. Torgue was killed by Chief.”

“Heyoo!”

“Oh, he did? So did I! Screw you, Osborn!” Deadpool yelled the last line in an annoying tone as he did a fist shake.

“What are they...”

“It’s better that you do not ask at this point, we will say that Deadpool is Deadpool, and leave it at that.” Ezio interrupted Link as he took another sip of coffee.

Link soon follow suit as he took a sip of coffee himself.

“Mm-hm.” Link hummed as he took a sip.

“Yep.” Ezio said as he took a sip.

“Heyyy-yoo.” Steve muttered as he took a sip.

“Eeeee-yup… oh wait or was it mmm-yup? CRAP! I forgot my line, sorry, sorry.” Deadpool said as he put up a hand of apology to the viewers.

“I do not understand this ‘fourth wall’ that he insists he breaks, we are outside, structurally, there are no walls.” Ezio muttered as he leaned over to Link.

“Fire, water, wind, and earth... deserts, oceans, canyons, and mountains, those are natural barriers.”

“While strong, I sincerely doubt Deadpool is capable of destroying a mountain.” Ezio remarked.

Link nodded, and took another sip of coffee.

Ezio got his honey, and Deadpool and Steve were lost in their own conversation.

“He-he-he-he-he-heyoo.” Steve chuckled.

“YES! BAHAHAHAHAAAA! YES!” Deadpool commended, when suddenly...

“WATCH OOOOOUUUUUUT!” Rainbow Dash yelled as she redirected a falling cart away from crushing Deadpool.

And most importantly, his head.

‘Ohmigosh, DASHIE SAVED MY LIFE!’

‘Booooooo!’

‘Wait, huh?’

‘What? How is Rainbow Dash hearing our thoughts?’

‘I don’t… what? I don’t get it.’

‘Testing, testing, one two three, can you hear me?’

‘Deadpool? DISCORD?! What the hell is going on here?’

‘Oh goody, we needed a fourth, and you seem to be it, Dashie.’

‘Don’t call me that, only Pinkie’s allowed to call me that… idiot.’

‘You sound like an english-speaking tsundere… OH THAT’S SO CUUUUTE! Dashie’s secretly girly, Dashie’s secretly girlyyy!’

Rainbow Dash looked at Deadpool, who was doing a little dance, and punched him in the face, hard.

*crunch* His skull caved in.

‘That was very rude, dude.’

‘NOOOOOOO! Not blue voice! NOOOOOOOOOO!’

‘Head trauma towards Deadpool is a risk, as you may end up with a worse voice to hear, if you don’t mute them out, which it seems like we aren’t actually really doing.’

‘Shut up and explain this shit.’

‘I’m Randomness, AKA a lighthearted form of chaos, the orange one is DPV1, DPV2 is the red one, the yellow one is Justice, who is a badass form of harmony.’

‘My fellows always call me a ‘badass’, but I am good, and I lack an ass.’

‘No dude, they mean you’re awesome, like me.’

“I think they are speaking through thoughts.” Ezio said, slightly weirded out about how Deadpool and Rainbow Dash just seemed to be standing there, looking at each other.

“I feel like they are, it’s probably magic.” Link guessed.

“Heyoo.” Steve put in his two cents.

“I still do not know why you only say ‘Heyoo,’ my friend.” Ezio noted.

“Heyo.” Steve shrugged, looking at the weird scene.

‘HEYOOO!!!’

‘Now what was that?’

‘Steve, you joined in too? HOW?’

‘Heyoo!’

‘So, we need a fifth now?’

‘Heyoo?’

‘Is that all he says?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Yep, pretty much, like pretty pony here.’

‘Shove it!’

‘Like up dat a...’

‘Heyoo!’

‘Alright Steve, geeze... you’re a prude.’

‘Heyoo.’

‘Wait, really?’

Steve held his hands about 8 inches apart.

‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.’

‘What’s he saying?’

‘Don’t ask, but that would be how long his ‘midget’ brother is, if you catch my drift.’

‘.........ew’

‘Heyoo.’

‘Shut the fuck up Steve!’

‘And people say we’re annoying.'

‘Yep.’

‘I feel ignored.’

‘I feel like beating the shit out of your racist ass for some nonsensical reason again. *BAP*’

‘MY SEMEN SACKS!!!’

Rainbow Dash fell to her side and was soon out like a light.

“That happened...” Link looked at the pony on the ground.

“I feel bad for her.” Ezio said.

“Heyoo.” Steve said, tilting his neck.

“Same here.” Wade finished off his coffee, and left.

Steve went to the pony, and began scratching her chin.

“Leave?” Ezio asked.

“Yes.” The two got up, paid for the drinks, and left the Bandit and the unconscious pony alone.

“Heyoo.” Steve whispered as he petted the pretty pony, the pretty, pretty pony.

“Deadpool.”

“Yes?”

“We’re wiping the ability to hear voices to everyone but you, Chief, Blue and some fourth guy.”

“What! Why?”

“Because we got a broken pony, and Steve broke into the mind chat without trying. It’ll get too confusing at this point.”

“Dicknut.”

“P1, would you like to do the honors?”

“Of course buddy, *ahem* Deadpool, by his Lordship’s Divine Decree (‘his Lordship’ meaning me) you are hereby sentenced to a sealed voice-pallet, or something, I’m not sure on the terminology to be used in this situation, but…*hefts godly hammer*”

‘But RD was in on it too *BASH* OW! YOU FUCKNUGGET!’

‘I feel like I’m eavesdropping, I’ll just leave then.’

‘Same here, um… is Rainbow Dash still supposed to have the Randomness voice tied to her, or are we waiting for a fourth person?’

“No to Arbiter, or Link, Wilson would go mad, it’s not for any of the alts really, so that leaves Harry, Ezio, and RD, and since this is technically a reality-bender thingy, Harry can’t be affected by it, so either Ezio or RD… I’m trying to think of which one would be the better story… COIN FLIP! Heads for Ezio, Tails for RD, because of dat tail.”

*ping...takka-takka-clatter-clatter-clatter-rowrowrowrowrowowowoooooooo-tick*

“Tails, it goes to Dashie, because in a story where we have to keep just about everything completely organized, the perfect way to make it work is with an important decision being decided by a coin toss… Hmm… I think my GF is here… maybe… gotta go.”

*woom*

“Bye P1!”

*woom*

‘Don’t leave! I’m scared… I don’t like being alone! Hello? Oh shit… I think they’re gone furreals!'

‘Do wake up, dear, it is safe now.’

“Ugh… what the heck just happened?” Rainbow Dash asked as she stood up with a helping hand.

She looked up and found Blue holding her hoof and helping her stand again.

‘Each of the four voice holders fell unconscious, this also meant that…’

‘You should have seen John’s face when he woke up with a face covered in cereal, IT WAS HILARIOUS!’

‘Okay, um… I’m new to this… can I get… like… a biscuit call or something?’

‘Piece of shit...I blacked out and fell into my breakfast, and the first thing Granny Smith said to me was ‘Never met a pony that hungry before,’ it was ridiculous.’

‘So I’m guessing that’s John Chief or something.’

‘Master-117… no it John-117 or Master Chief, I got your back RD, and your front, and your sides too if I’ve had some coffee.’

‘I am Justice, and Randomness, AKA the voice in your head, is acting suspiciously civil right now.’

‘You racist, Randomness is Randomness, and he can randomly decide to be good, or evil, either way he’s still fun to be around.’

‘That’s not even racist, that’s going off of the proof he’s presented thus far, that’s a fallacy, a hasty generalization to be specific.’

‘Just remember Blue, you’re stuck with me, so don’t piss me off.’

‘So we have Justice the jerk, Randomness the weirdo...’

‘Orange voice.’

‘And Red voice.’

‘And also the person, the STAR!!! Me, DEADPOOL!!!’

‘More like Deadfool.’

‘Hey, I’m awesome, like you. Wait, my significance sense is tingling!’

‘Oh… shots fired, he just countered your insult by making you a part of it, I STILL LOVE THIS GUY!’

‘Anypony noticed that he said that his ‘significance sense’ is tingling?’

‘Ya, and I kinda decided that I should figure out what it is… what is it?’

‘I do not know, I think it’s Wade being Wade.’

‘Maybe...’

‘Or maybay I am sen-sang that somethang’s important ‘round these here’s parts of Equasteria.’

‘Hearing that made my eyes hurt.’

‘My brain hurts even more, ugh.’

‘You get used to it Dashie, after a week, it’ll be fine.’

‘A week is too long.’

‘And a month is too short.’

‘Wait what?’

‘Wade, the significance?’

‘I... have no idea! Gotta go find... stuff!’

‘Good riddance.’

Suddenly, a mechanical roaring noise, was heard throughout the town as something approached.

Rainbow Dash looked towards the noise.

A large technologically modified cart of some sort was barreling down the road, with Wilson and Adam trapped inside.

“THE BRAKES ARE BROKEN! THE BRAKES ARE BROKEN!” Wilson shouted at the top of his lungs to the cafe group as the car passed by in a second.

Nobody present could identify the car, mainly because Ezio and Link had lived in a time prior to cars, and Steve only knew Pandoran cars.

That, and this highly advanced supercar was going over 200 miles per hour.

Rainbow flew after it, matching the speed with relative ease.

Suddenly, a large humanoid wearing black and blue fell down in front of the speeding vehicle, catching it with his large muscles and using his own additional friction to slow the car down.

The blue paint burned away when a spark from the steaming-hot tires (which was questionable), and it was revealed to actually just be Deadpool forcing the car to a stop.

“PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!” Deadpool screamed as his feet began to leave a bloody trail along the ground, and his feet were soon ground down to his ankles, then his calves, and then to his shins, and finally up to his knees as the car finally ground to halt.

With the car finally stopped, Adam and Wilson stepped out to see Wade on the ground with bloody stumps that reached up to his knees.

“Oh my goodness, what the hell happened to this mook?” Adam looked at the result of the impromptu brake.

“Oh, he does that sometimes… he’ll be fine in a minute.” Wilson assured with a wave of his hand.

“Are you kidding me, look at... him.”

Adam then saw Wade’s healing factor replacing his legs.

“Superman ain’t got nothing on this, dog.” Deadpool said in a gangsta tone.

‘Wrong type of gangster.’

‘Who cares? He still gangsta!’

'I am going to ignore you now.'

The gangster used his finger to draw a cross over his chest, in a failed attempt to ward off this demon-like presence.

Deadpool sneezed, turning himself into a pony.

Adam fainted, landing on the hood of the car.

“Geez, like he hasn’t seen magic before.” Wade said.

“But he hasn’t seen your sneezy transformation.” Wilson pointed out.

“Oh right... That’s sciency stuff that I never bothered to remember, my cancer balances it out though.”

Wade smiled in satisfaction and Wilson frowned in confusion.

“Did you say that you had cancer?”

“Yeah.”

“As Sir John informed me, that is a terminal illness…”

“Yeah, but my superpowers that I... got... helped save me, and made me DEADPOOL!!!”

“How’d you get those superpowers?”

“I found ‘em.” Wade smiled as he ran a hoof over the hood of the car, “An SSC-”

“Where?”

“An SSC Ultimate Aero XT, this is a 2013 model… it has several upgrades from the 2009 version of SSC, it’s top speed is 275 miles per hour.”

“Where did you find those powers?” Wilson wondered, not really paying attention to the car specifics.

Wade frowned, and glared at Wilson.

“Stop asking that.”

“Is it a sore-”

“YES IT’S A SORE SUBJECT, SHUT THE FUCK UP BRO-HAMMAD!!!”

“Oh… you poor soul…” Wilson trailed off in a sad tone, and Wade sighed in response.

“Listen, just… you didn’t know… alright? Y’wanna know how I got these scars that you can’t see under my mask butIassureyouthey’retheredon’tthinkforasecondthey’renot.” He said really fast.

“Um… yes?” Wilson said as he raised an eyebrow and scratched the side of his head in confusion.

“Cancer… and do you know the definition of insanity?”

“What?”

“Me… and do you want to know how I got these powers?”

“Not anymore.”

“Good… and do you want to know how I got this sneezy transformy power?”

“If you don’t mind explaining that one.“

“I went through the chaos barrier, Johnny-boy has it too.”

“Oh… well that was a very tame and safe explanation.”

“Oh… dear lord… is that creature gon-NOPE!” Adam pulled out his Colt M1911 and aimed it at Deadpool.

“Hey, you’re left-handed!” Deadpool noted, not really flinching at Adam’s dangerous act.

“I am left-handed, yes, this is a thing, it is not common, but I am good… you are not really bothered by my pointing a gun at your head?”

“I got a healing factor, I can’t really die by a headshot.” Wade explained.

“Oh… well then…” Adam sighed and surrendered, putting away his M1911 and looking at the car.

“Yes, Wade’s healing factor has helped him a few times, especially that time he was on a wagon that rode off a near-by cliff.”

“Wanna make that a noodle incident?”

“A what now?”

“TVTropes.”

“What’s a TV?”

“I think it was an early 1940’s invention, it’s awesome, I have one in my pad, it’s sweeeeet.” Wade waved gang-signs around.

“Oh… uh… when Adam came around, I remembered… I had my numbers wrong, I’m from 1926, rather than 1962.” Wilson explained.

“Oh… well you missed out on a lot then, bro-ski.” Wade stood up and started sensually rubbing his body on the hood of the car, “This is a badass car though.”

“The problem with this car, is that it requires fuel, as all cars do, and all attempts at finding fuel thus far, much less any car besides this one, have been fruitless.”

“So, your answer?”

“I had to improvise.” Wilson replied.

“Oh, is it that ‘nightmare fuel’ you mentioned the first night we were here?” Wade said in a cheeky way. “Because that sounds badass.”

“Well, actually, there was some fuel already inside, which helped get it started, but it was on less than ⅛th of a tank, so yes, improvisation, and Wilson had that black jelly substance.”

“It’s Nightmare Fuel, and apparently it’s universal, though the car had orange details when we found it, now those details are red.”

“So, if you need more, you’re going to have to go to the woods, and go insane again?” Wade asked.

“Mayhaps... yes… yes I would.”

“Woods, insane? You both are insane.” Adam said incredulously, not believing how quickly this conversation had swerved to a topic stranger than his cousin’s American trading partner, one young mister Roger Phillips.

“We found the car in the woods, Adam, it was parked next to a tree about five feet into the treeline.”

“Yes, but those woods were bright, cheery, and certainly not maddening.” Adam recalled seeing a deer in there and considering killing it for some quality meat.

“We’re talking about the Everfree Forest, not the Whitetail Woods, dude-ishini.” Wade clarified

“Everfree?”

“Yes, the Everfree, a dangerous place, where the weather is exactly like the weather back home.” Wilson explained.

“The weather here ain’t like home?” Adam hadn’t noticed, he’d just sort of marvelled at the amazingly accurate ‘weather forecasts’ that were in the newspapers.

“Pegasuseseses control the skies.” Wade pointed upwards, diverting the mobster’s attention to some pegasi moving a few clouds around.

“I was wondering how Miss Rainbow Dash was napping on the clouds, I imagine they are quite soft.”

“I bet, but non-pegasuseseseseses can’t go on them without a spell, and even then, ya gotta get up to them in the first place.”

“I see… and I believe the term is ‘pegasi’.” Adam corrected.

“That’s what I said, pegasuseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseseses.”

“Saying it longer isn’t gonna make you more right, dude.” Rainbow Dash finally spoke up, poking her head out from the window of the car, which she had climbed into out of curiosity.

“Well excuse me for forgetting how many syllables are in pegasuseseseseseseseseseseses.”

“So… how do you make this thing work?” Rainbow asked from the front passenger seat.

“Oh, there’s a key in the hole over there, and as long as you have fuel, you can run it. There are pedals that make it go forwards, or backwards.” Wilson explained.

“On base speed, it is so powerful that, in drive, it rolls itself forward at 10mph without braking or gassing it.” Adam noted.

Rainbow grabbed the key and turned it, cranking up the powerful engine and making the supercar roar to life.

Adam quickly got in behind the wheel, “I have a license, Miss Dash, and I am fairly certain that you do not, as there are no automobiles in Equestria.”

“Why do we need a license then if these just came here?” Wade asked, making some nonsensical point, as well as a somewhat plausible argument.

“Driving is not a permission to be allowed, it is a discipline to be learned, if this is the only car in Equestria, I don’t want an unlicensed driver and/or someone who drives like a maniac to crash it through the town hall, that would be bad, as we would not have a car, and there is no replacement for it.”

“Oh poo, I’m a licensed driver, but I’m also a guy who drives like a maniac.” Deadpool pouted.

“You do everything like a maniac.” Rainbow replied.

“I know, that’s why I am pure sweetness!”

“You are one screwed up guy.” Adam said as he began to drive away.

“Tell that to my psychologist.” Wade said back.

“I will be sure to give him a call, and a pay-raise if he must deal with you regularly.” Adam laughed, his smooth, light baritone voice with his accent making the laughter sound very insulting.

“Yeah, haha... *gasp* next section please.”

“What?”

-A Month Later-

Harry looked around, blinking for a second as the spell he was casting was interrupted by the *BOOM* of Pinkie’s party cannon as the Element Bearers had their party for Twilight’s birthday.

He had been trying to gather information on the mysterious ‘Michael the Guide’ person from about 40 days ago, but to little success.

Nothing so far, except a vague mention of a world known as Terrania.

“So… Private Potter, am I the only one that finds it odd that the Equestrian calendar has four weeks a month, forty eight weeks a year?” John asked, sitting next to the wizard.

“Well, it is another world altogether. We have to accept that this world does not follow the same trends as Earth.” Harry decided in that moment.

“I understand, but it is a small oddity, and I suppose the small ones are the most interesting, each month is exactly the same, seven days a week, four weeks a month, twelve months a year, forty eight weeks a year, 336 days a year… it’s just really interesting to me.”

“Agreed.”

“Attention John-117, suit power levels at 31%.” Cortana reported, John still had his helmet with him, as it provided many good benefits.

“What can you use to charge that suit of yours? I don’t think it’ll last much longer at this rate.” Harry asked.

“It’s been four months, just about, it’s designed to last six months without recharging, and there are no electricity chargers that I’ve been able to locate in Equestria, so when the time runs out…” John hated the idea of having to ditch his armor.

“Have you considered Soldier’s dispenser?” Harry asked.

“I did, while it gave me ammo and cured a mild neck-ache, the current was much too weak for any sort of reliable charge-up, I laid my suit there for an hour, and it had charged up by 1%.”

“Hmm... that’s a bit bothersome indeed.”

“Like your roommate?”

“Please don’t remind me of him!” Harry snapped.

“I suppose he’s been bad.”

“If you, British Pansy, and you, Steel Wall, are done with your chit-chat, I believe it’s time for some dancing!” Soldier grabbed the two by their hands and pulled them up.

With surprising strength, Soldier managed to get John to his feet (or rather, convince him to stand up, and the fact that he was out of armor was a major factor in it.)

Harry was much less problem, and he began dancing the second he stood up, which looked a bit funny, considering that he’d joined the ‘pinstripes club’, alongside Wilson, Adam, and Ezio.

All the club really did was wear pinstripe suits to both formal and casual occasions, Harry had made sure that Adam understood that he wanted no part of his mafia activities.

The party was nice, even Deadpool had decided to cut back on the shouting for this one.

...well, there was still some shouting.

“FOR SHE’S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW! FOR SHE’S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW!” Wade screamed out.

Pinkie joined him, and the two sang out the song.

“FOR SHE’S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOW!!! *a glass shatters* THAT NOPONY CAN DENY!!! WOO!!!”

Adam looked at the somewhat cut up hand that used to hold his glass of scotch, and winced.

“Ow… that was very unnecessary, Miss Pie.” The mobster said as he pointed directly at Link, “You, you go fetch the first aid kit, right now, I’m bleeding.”

Link nodded and went to the nearest bathroom in the castle to fetch the kit.

“Oh, Dios Mio.” Ezio sighed.

Link soon returned with the first-aid kit, and pulled out some medical cloth.

Adam went through the process of applying pressure to stop the bleeding, then having Link wrap up the wound tightly, and finally he was done.

“Sorry bro, but you can’t help my sexy singing voice.” Wade said.

“Alright, now… do we have any cups made of that ‘plastic’ stuff? I still want my scotch, and I want it without further injury.” Adam was still thirsty.

A cup was fetched for him, and the party continued as normal.

Link looked at the large cake, and thought about how to cut it.

“Um, do we have a knife?”

Ezio nodded, pulling out a slightly curved dagger and cutting the cake into many squares, giving the biggest piece to Twilight.

“Ahh, good! Everything’s good. We got Sparkle-butt, Sneaky man, Mafia guy, Masky McChatterbox... man I wish Merasmus could see us all hanging out!” Soldier yelled out.

“Why?”

“So he can be angry at how I’m better than him, but he’s in jail.”

“Why?” Wade said as he ate a slice of cake.

“That automatically makes you better than him, Soldier, because he was caught.” Ezio assured as he ate his own cake.

“He’s in jail because I killed Tom Jones. The heart makes its own rules gentlemen.” Soldier took a sip from his cup. “Mmm, blue punch.”

Some people looked at the crazed man with weird looks.

“Err, wasn’t that your RED self?” Wilson asked.

Steve cocked his head to the side.

“Heyoo?” he asked Deadpool.

“It’s a weird sub-plot involving an otherwise mindless game about shooting and killing people… but it’s got a better story that Call of Duty at least.” Deadpool assured.

“I don’t remember.” Soldier replied in a straight tone. “But I remember Miss Pauling helping me make sure that there is nothing to make my life worse. Absolutely not!”

“Heyoo.” Steve said as he put his top hat back on.

Steve’s ‘formal’ attire was just his normal attire with a top hat added in.

Deadpool wore a clip-on tie.

And Soldier just had a Trilby (“It’s a fedora, Spy told me it was a fedora.”) on.

“All he says is Heyoo.” Adam looked at Steve.

“Heeeeyyyy-YOO!” Steve accused.

“I AM NOT! YOU TAKE THAT BACK, YOU MOOK!” For a second, Adam could have sworn that he understood Steve’s speech.

“Yeah, that was not nice Steve.” Wilson said, angry at the former’s rather blatant outburst.

“Hey-hey-hey-yoo, HAAAAAAAAH-YOOOOOOO!” He jumped up and down at pointed at Soldier.

“Let me take care of him.” Soldier said as he took out a Market Gardener.

“Heyo...” Steve said meekly, right before running away as Soldier charged at the masked man.

“Oh… OH I GET IT!” Deadpool realized, “Soldier Boy, that old song, I love that song, AAAAAAAHHHH-YOOOOOOU.”

“Please do not sing.” Ezio yelled out.

“But...”

“Yes, don’t sing!” Twilight said, annoyed.

“BUT...

A collective response of “Don’t sing.” came from the rest of the group.

Deadpool pouted, “Why I gotta get-some prude-ass friends?” He sang quietly, crossing his arms and pouting like a child.

“It’s not that we are prude, it is that your normal speech is annoying enough.” Arbiter informed, snarling at the song that had almost been sung.

“Yeah, and to be honest, you’ve kinda got that personality that screams annoying.” Midna said.

“I agree with my favorite coy little imp.” Ezio said, pointing at Midna and nodding to the masked man.

“Frankly Wade, I don’t think there’s anyone more annoying that you.” Link said, bluntly and truthfully.

“Wowwwww… with friends like these… who needs enemies? Mi’rite? Mi’rite.” Deadpool lamented, nodding to himself.

“Face it Wade, the only reason we keep you around is because you’re bloody stuck with us, much to our misfortune.” Harry said as he tried to think of the Silence spell.

“Well… *sob*... FUCK YOU GUYS! I WILL IGNORE ALL OF THAT, AND SAY, LET ME SING, DAMMIT!!!” Wade cried, flipped off every human and humanoid present, and started to run away.

“AWW, DON’T FEEL BAD!!!” A new voice rang out.

Everyone drew their weapons, or entered a battle pose.

“What was that?” Rarity asked.

Then some song came on.

“This seems kind of… off for ‘swing’.” Wilson noted.

And then the synth came on, and something in the middle of the room exploded.

A man in a purple pinstripe suit was there, twirling his cane repeatedly as he tapped his foot to the beat. He smirked and stopped the song abruptly.

“That was annoying.” He said, which Applejack caught as an immediate lie.

“Who the hell are you?” Adam asked.

The man snapped his fingers, and Adam’s mouth was zipped up.

“Gentlemen, I am AD17, but that’s a short version. I will not tell you what it stands for, because that would imply that I’m a bigger narcissist than I am acting like now.”

Wade looked at the purple-clad man, and sneered in a not-so-comical way.

“Author!!!”

“Halfway. Frankly, you should know at this point that something had to have happened, what with that blue eyed dickwad, and when we left from the lines between the story.”

“Then… wait… did P1 leave because he ended up in some other story then? WHAT’S GOING ON!?!?” Deadpool asked, contemplating running away.

“Codex. By the way, he’s in the other version of Equestria, looking for Fluttershy.” AD17 made a much more comical sneering expression at that thought.

“EEP!!!” David deadpanned, and facepalmed at Fluttershy’s noise.

Ezio looked back at the masked maniac the group called ‘friend’ on occasion, noticing his stance.

He looked ready to swing a fist, but was doing little hops on his toes, just as Ezio himself did when he was ready to start fighting.

“What are you?” The hooded man demanded.

“At this moment, a more dickish, but benevolent version of Discord.” AD suddenly snapped his fingers, and Soldier’s hat turned into a Ghastly Gibus.

“NOOOOOOOOO!!! MY HAT!!!” Soldier grabbed at his now ruined hat, lamenting at now being Poor and Irish.

“If you are with Discord-”

“NICH, NIEN, NYET, NO!!! I am not.” AD replied, slightly annoyed.

Wilson immediately turned around and walked away, not wanting any part of this.

“I sorry, I do not know you enough, who are you?” AD asked Wilson, appearing right in front of him.

Deadpool turned tail and ran away while the suited man dealt with Wilson.

“I am Wilson Percival Higgsbury, scientist and wizard… I don’t want any part of this craziness.”

“Oh right, P1 mentioned something about not starving. Hmm... Yes...” AD waltzed around the man, then turned towards Rarity.

“Hello mi’lady, how are you today?” AD17 held out a hand.

“Umm, I am good, thank you very much.” Rarity hesitantly shook his hand.

Harry teleported out, taking Steve, Soldier, and Blue with him.

Ezio climbed the wall with Link, and the two escaped through the air-vents.

“Oh, they’re gone. Listen Sparkle-Butt, I gotta go talk to Sun-butt. Later bitches.” AD disappeared in a flash of blue light.

Twilight looked at the spot the man had been standing in two seconds ago.

“Did he call me ‘Sparkle-Butt’, and Celestia ‘Sun-Butt’?”

“He did, and it’s kinda weird.” John said as he began a movement to the human’s room, needing his armor in case things got worse.

AD17 appeared right in front of Harry and swiped his wand out of his hand.

“What the...”

“Listen, I’m going to take you to the Enderworld place to talk to these Endermen thingys, and maybe this Michael person.”

“What, why are you...”

“Because I’m crazy, and you’re British!” AD did a swish and flick with Harry’s Wand and teleported the messy-haired man out of the world, then came up to Soldier and turned his hat into a magnificent Towering Pillar of Hats with a Green Confetti effect.

“*GASP* I have an American HAT!!! YAAAAAAAAY!” Soldier smiled as AD teleported to Celestia.

-The Ender Castle, infinity time units after the inception of existence-

The End, a place in the center of The Void, while most would see it as a desolate wasteland, it was actually an extremely large town full of commerce, enjoyment, and mind-numbingly amazing art that had been made over the course of hundreds, thousands, millions, or even billions of years, all made by the steady hands of the ageless Endermen.

The stone may have been white, and the sky may have been black, but there were many friendly faces out and around, parks, the friendly Endermen, and the grass was a soft purple-pink color.

Harry took all of this in as he realized that he was standing in the archway of some castle walls.

“Harry Potter, your presence has been requested, please follow me.” An Enderman servant, identifiable by his plain brown robe, directed the Wizard to the interior of the castle.

Inside, he found his breath taken away by the heavenly sight of the most detailed carving he’d ever seen, it depicted thousands of beings on the borders of a city, and then Harry realized that the city in the carving must have been a map of the Ender City.

“Harry Potter, I am Queen Enderia MCMXCIX, or 1999 for short, I was told that you would be arriving soon, please, follow me.” A huge black dragon with a sweet, motherly voice introduced.

The messy-haired brit followed her as she directed him to a nearby room.

Harry shook his head, and wondered what happened back in Canterlot. He simply decided to just walk through the doors.

Inside was what looked like a pretty typical interrogation room at first glance.

Further examination revealed that it too was more art, the table and chairs appeared to have been whittled and ground down into elaborate shapes.

The table’s legs had flared bases that made it look like it was melting into a puddle.

The chairs looked like they were cushions that were held up by the arms of Endermen, the skin made 100% accurately to the skin of real Endermen, almost making Harry think that they’d simply used the severed arms of some Endermen to make it.

Harry sat down in one of the two chairs and waited, thinking over the events in Canterlot.

He figured that the Endermen were a very creative race, or perhaps an ageless race, as it would have taken many millions of years to build a castle of this size with this incredible level of detail.

From the presence of guards, officers, priests, monks, scholars, and more, all just in the castle alone, he knew that these creatures had a complex government that probably held both church and state in equally high value.

He hadn’t seen many muggle weapons like guns, or even cannons, but there was a plethora of sharp and blunt melee weapons of all shapes and sizes, making him think that either they didn’t accept gunpowder, or had advanced past it onto things like energy weapons or something, with the incredible and undeniable power of sword and shield staying in for the long haul.

He heard voices behind the doors, and Queen Enderia talking to someone else.

The doors opened suddenly, and the man he’d been searching for walked into the room.

There he was.

Michael the Guide.

“Hello Mr. Harry James Potter, I believe it’s time we discuss our current situation.” Michael said.

“Yes, Michael, we should.” Harry replied, ready to speak to this mysterious man.

“Just a heads up, one of our own is undercover in the Organization.”

“We have an Assassin in their base, looking for info too.” Harry lied, hoping to outdo this person’s boast.

Michael smiled, and spoke.

“Good, by the way...the Assassin vs Templar endless war? It rages on even in the Equestrian lands?”

“It’s bloody everywhere Michael, same with the Wizards and the Firsts, they are everywhere, and while we aren’t exactly actively seeking out fights against each other, if we meet, we will clash.”

“Yes, I suppose that’s also something to note. But in this dire time, we may need to work together to stop this threat.”

“In the end though, is the villain not destroyed by one final hit?” Harry philosophized.

“Yes, yes he is, but the two important questions are: When will that hit be? And who will deliver it?” Michael asked the hard question, shaking his head with thought.

“Only time will tell... that’s something my good friend Ron once said to me, of course he used it as an excuse to not attend a test back in Hogwarts, but the weight of the situation is still distributed the same.”

“Hehe... Well, most of the Weasley’s aren’t exactly the most... well… um... BUT they do have wise words, nonetheless.”

“Are you thinking of proactive? And I agree.”

“Yes, proactive… there is another group that may help or hurt us… two men from Earth Alpha.”

“I’ve heard of the Alphas, we can only hope that their better nature takes hold, and that their haste does not. Else this Organization will surely kill them, and our only lifelines will be cut.”

“Correct, I can only hope that they are safe… at least………… for as long as possible.” Michael had paused for a long while as he felt a sense of importance rising, “I can only hope that our final battle does not resort to the sociological trickle-up theory.”

“We are twelve strong, if this sociological ‘trickle-up’ theory, from what I can infer, were to happen, then the last person left alive would have the strengths of a dozen, how many do you have mate?”

“We are also twelve strong, it is… unfortunate… if our ranks were to diminish, and each of us were to improve as a result… if only we had more time...”

“Well, it’s been four months since the defeat of Discord… so that’s something.”

“I know it has been, but our worlds are out of sync, while you, Wilson, Ezio, Link, Master Chief, and Deadpool, defeated Discord, god-level Avatar of Chaos, we have just defeated King Sombra, a beast of darkness and evil, father of Princess Cadance.” Michael noted, thinking hard.

“How’d you know the names of my people?”

“I’m the Guide, it’s my job to know, as dictated by the Elder Gods, Gaming God Redigit specifically… you were created by Writing Goddess J.K Rowling…”

“Um… okay…” Harry was weirded out by this, this may have been Deadpool level weirdness, but this wasn’t Deadpool style weirdness.

“In your presence, I am subject to automatically gathering knowledge about the worlds that you present ties to, which means your Earth, and your Equestria.”

“Oh… that makes sense, I suppose.”

“Listen Harry, I have magic as you do, but I am not a Wizard, I am technically classified as a First… being an NPC before, and becoming a Player a yesterday… it is amazing that all that has happened to my group has happened over the span of one day.”

“If you suppose that trickle-up theory is correct, can you count on us to be the only ones remaining?”

“I can tell that the purple-suited man known as AD17 is not intending to do evil, all he really wants is to make a story… and I think our alliance would add a nice bit of twist to it, no?” Michael held out his hand.

“Yes… alright, I’ll do it… if it’ll get me back home faster…” Harry shook Michael’s hand.

Together, the two got some officiated Endermen Transporters to send them back to their respective Equestrias.

-Canterlot Castle Throne Room-

“So, this person, Damon...” Celestia knew the name, she’d heard it before

“Yeah, he’s more dickish than Dick-world and me combined, and we’re dicks.” AD17 told Celestia, sitting with his cane in a cross-legged position.

“I see... and what’s his power like?” She hadn’t really interacted much with him during his time in Equestria, though that may have been for the best.

“I... haven’t decided yet. I know he’s smart, deceptive, and he’s suave enough to seduce even the most asexual person to bed.”

“Oh my, with a set of skills like that, and an intent for evil, he could seize as much power as he wanted.” Celestia thought of the only other person with power-draining abilities she knew of, Tirek.

“He’s also the son of Lucifer. Don’t know why he has such a bad relationship with his dad.” AD pouted, mad that he was supposed to know everything about Damon, but didn’t.

“Lucifer is Lawful Evil, as opposed to his brother Satan, who is Chaotic Evil.” Celestia recalled the infernal tales.

“Yes, Damon’s very Lawful in the morality thingy. His regime is one that bigots hate the most.” AD17 absentmindedly twirled his cane around a couple times.

“How?”

“He charges the minor bigots, imprisons the moderate bigots, and kills the extreme bigots.”

“Oh dear mother… that’s… well…” Celestia found herself hard-pressed to explain the evil in that.

“I understand your reluctance, his way of doing things is... weird. At least he’s better than Hitler.”

“Violent.”

“That too. Got any soda?”

“Um… in the royal kitchen.” Celestia pointed in the general direction it was in.

AD teleported there, then came back 10 seconds later.

“All there is is club soda, blegh! Oh well.”

“Oh… well.” Celestia could hardly speak, as she was still processing all of this.

“Yeah, by the way, have you met the new humans?” AD asked, floating in the air.

“Soldier, Adam, Blue, Midna, Steve, and Arbiter? Yes.” Celestia recalled meeting the new six humans to evaluate their threat-level towards Equestria.

“Well… Blue, Midna, and Arby’s aren’t really humans, per-se... frankly, I’m surprised Doomguy’s not here.”

“Doomguy?”

“Demon killer with awesome guns.”

“Oh... well I suppose he’d be helpful.”

“He died from a freak meteor shower or some fuckery like that, it’s fucking bullshit!” AD had a look of anger and annoyance.

Celestia cowered back in fear, not thinking wholly clear at the moment.

“Oh, Tia, don’t be so fearful of me, I’m a dick, not a villain. Try reforming Discord, he’ll become like me.” AD said smugly.

Celestia had thought of that, but the idea seemed far-fetched and not likely to work.

“And who would I trust with that act?”

“Fluttershy?” AD shrugged.

“Hmm… it could work… it could work quite well, I’ll have him over in less than a week’s time.” Celestia assured.

“Yay, canon breaking!” AD snapped his fingers, and summoned his lackeys.

“What the-...” The Slavic one said, stopping when he saw his surroundings.

“Where the f...” The Hispanic one said, also stopping when he saw his surroundings.

“You two, I won something, now go on and try to find the others, chop-chop!” AD17 clapped his hands as Dmitri Vulakh and Romero Lopez shook their heads, and walked away, muttering something about ‘Awesomedude17 being a crazy dickwad.’

Celestia overheard that remark, and looked at AD.

He deadpanned, and spoke in an equally flat manner.

“Don’t judge, I’m a narcissist now.”

“Like you weren’t before?”

“Only on the internet. Only on the internet.”

In another part of the castle, Link and Ezio dropped down into a hallway, right on top of some guards.

“OOF! HEY!” One guard shouted as he threw Ezio off.

“Sorry, Amico, my mistake.” Ezio said as he got up from the ground.

“Oh hey… you’re that Ezio human, you’re pretty famous here in the castle.” The guard remembered hearing the maids talking about the ‘charming Istalian human’ all the time.

“Yes I am.” Ezio took a bow.

Link rolled his eyes, then noticed yet another human walk towards the two, armed with a shotgun of some sort.

“You two, AD wants you!” The Slavic man yelled out.

Link raised his shield and slowly back away from the man.

“Listen comrades, I do not want conflict, I am just under orders from a reality warper, who I hate.”

Link lowered his shield and stepped towards the man again.

“Is that the truth?”

“As true as it can be.”

“Well, while I would much rather see what the maids in the castle are so avidly on about when it concerns me, I would rather talk to the psychopath than possibly ‘get laid’ as Deadpool says.”

“They are ponies!” The man took a step back.

“I do not discriminate when it comes to the micia, amico, I never discriminate with anything.” Ezio’s only prejudices were towards Templars. In all other occasions, he was okay with everyone and everything unless physically, morally, or principally threatened.

“Ezio, they aren’t exactly...” Link decided to let it go, whenever Ezio started speaking his ‘Italian’ ‘Whatever that’s supposed to mean.’ words, that usually meant that he was going to do whatever he wanted, and nobody could influence him to do otherwise without a fight of words and/or blood.

“Listen, the superpowered sociopath wants you both, are you coming?” The man said, clearly annoyed.

“Eh, alright.” Ezio started walking towards the throne room.

“Good. My name’s Dmitri, I come from another world that AD apparently controls.” Dmitri said as he led the two down the hall.

“I am from Earth in 1512, my name is Ezio Auditore da Firenze.”

“I am from Earth too, but from the year 2029.”

“I am Link, from the world Trireign in 1123.”

“Oh, from the past. Sounds reasonable that you may have never heard of guns before we came here forcibly.” Dmitri said as he shouldered his shotgun and opened up the doors to the next stretch of hallway

“My experiences with Deadpool and Master Chief have told me enough about guns to know that they are dangerous, loud, and painful.”

“It’s why I wear armor and earplugs.”

“Hmm, I suppose that makes sense.”

Ezio sighed, he’d really wanted to go check out the maids, and his mind filled with the possible images of them.

‘French… yum.’ He thought, licking his lips.

Steve, Arbiter, and Chief were outside of the castle, waiting for Blue, Adam, and Wilson to reach the rendezvous point.

“Alright me, listen up, we’re dealing with what is essentially a more proactive form of Discord, and we don’t have any Elements of Harmony to help us now.” Chief said.

“And, he’s obviously more apathetic to our well being.” Arbiter added.

“HEYOOO!!!” Steve pointed at the approaching Adam, Wilson, and Blue.

“Listen men, is everyone unwounded?” Blue asked the three.

“Eenope.” Chief assured.

“No.” Arbiter answered.

“Heyoo.” Steve made a no motion with his head.

“Good. Let’s go on and give this AD17 a good whupping!” Wilson said, holding out his Light sword.

“Nobody fucks with the mafia and gets away with it.” Adam said angrily as he loaded his Tommy Gun.

Blue turned on the camera sight for his rifle.

“Hey, you six!”

The group turned to the Latino sounding voice, and saw a man in military type camouflage walking towards them, gun held up high in one arm.

“Heaven or hell, I’ll break out either way.” Blue said as he aimed towards the man.

“Listen, AD told me to get you, and if you want to kill him, be my guest amigos!” Romero sighed. “I fucking hate the bastard, man!”

“Hmm… Chief, how does one win in a situation like this?” Blue asked, keeping his SBC-SR trained on Romero.

“Don’t hesitate.” Chief answered, walking towards the man.

“Good to see one of you is willing to work with me. Frankly, the sooner I can get back to the Valor boot camp, the better.”

“Then I won’t keep your manager waiting, but I’m keeping my rifle in my hands, Blue lowered his SBC-SR and walked closer to the man.

Steve shrugged and walked over to them, shortly followed by Arbiter and Adam.

Wilson had a gut feeling that something was about to happen.

“I got a bad feeling about this.” Wilson walked towards the man.

“Do not mention it, that is how the book characters always get screwed over.” Adam chastised.

All of a sudden, his immaculately tailored pinstripe suit, which he’d valued more than his ten best whores, was suddenly transformed into a brightly colored clown suit, a garishly light blue and painfully vivid yellow, his ‘smart folk’ glasses had been transformed into facepaint and a big red nose, and his worn-out fedora, its state showing how long he’d lived in the Mafia, was turned into a poofy, bright red afro wig.

“You were saying?” AD said, smirking as Adam tried to rip off the horrid outfit.

“YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS! EITHER YOU CHANGE IT BACK OR I’LL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE!” The wizened mobster shouted, so fed up that he flicked his wrist.

*shing* A blade popped out from under the saggy cuff of the overly puffy sleeves.

The group went silent at this sudden revelation.

He cut off the cotton/plastic/whatever-the-fuck-it-was outfit, revealing that he mercifully still had his undershirt and boxers on.

A sleek, non-reflective golden casing was fixed to a thick, black silk sleeve, the blade itself was coated in a non-stick substance, and a strange sort of mechanism attached to the casing looked to be the thing that made it work like it did, the technology looked a lot more advanced than what the 1920s could offer, however.

But as Ezio had informed them all, the Assassins are always about four steps ahead in technology.

“Um… I’ve never seen one up close like this.” Wilson said, leaning in to get a closer look at the hidden blade.

At that moment, Adam realized what had just been revealed from his person.

“Oh dios mio…” He said, sheathing the blade and hiding it behind his back, having no other option.

“You… you’re an Assassin too?” Blue asked, unsheathing his own blade, made of carbon-steel with one side serrated.

“...Yes… okay? I am, this wasn’t supposed to happen, I should have kept my cool… and now you know the truth.” He sighed, sounding dejected.

“Heyoo.” Steve informed.

“Hm?” The dejected Assassin perked up.

“Listen soldier, none of us care, we’ve pretty much learned from dealing with Deadpool, it doesn’t really matter what you do or what you are, just as long as you’re on our side.” John assured

“Just look at me, the way things used to be, John would have killed me on sight, but now the Covenant and the UNSC are in alliance.” Arbiter added, putting a comforting, if weird-feeling, four-fingered hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“I don’t really care either way, I need to get out the sun ASAP, so follow me.” Romero led the group.

“Why?” Adam asked, wishing that his suit was back.

“I noticed that his eyes are an unusual color.” Arbiter noted.

“I’m an albino, and that’s that.”

Steve nodded, knowing the feeling.

“Heyoo.” Well, he himself wasn’t albino, but he’d met albino people before.

“I agree friend.” Wilson said as he felt his sanity draining from the dread of having to talk to another reality warper.

‘Achtung, hel-... hear-.... -now?’

“Hmm...” Wilson wondered what this would be.

“Achtung, hello, can you hear me now?”

‘Oh no... Not again.’ Wilson thought with dread, hearing the whispering again.

“Oh, you can! Vunderbar!” The voice suddenly tripled in strength and clarity, establishing itself as a permanent entity (until removed, that it), “I am Doktor Edward Richtofen. I’ve looked for someone to contact for so long, und you are ze one. Too bad you are on ze wrong plane of reality, I could’ve used you. Pity.”

‘Oh... umm...’

“But, I digress. You still have some use, und I can fully expect you to fulfil mien backup plan in case my first one, vell... blows up in mien face, as ze saying goes. Haha!”

‘A-Alright... M-my name’s Wilson.’

“Vilson... Ja, I zink I can help you, just keep yourself a little under half-sane until you’ve done your duty. First off, you vill need a Tesla coil, und Element 115!”

‘Wait? Why?’

“Zose blueprints in your inventory, I can read ze German one. Ze Wunderwaffe DG-2 is my greatest creation, und for it to be remade, better und more powerful ze ever! It vill aid in my revival to ze physical realm! So, vhat are you doing listening to voices in your head, GET TO IT, SVINEHUND!!!”

‘Wait… I’m talking to a… GHOST?!?!’

Wilson swatted at the air above his head, narrowly suppressing the urge to run away screaming.

Deadpool was on the edge of Canterlot.

He looked down the mile-high drop, and contemplated it.

“Those assholes… I guess they really don’t want me to sing then… I’m sorry for doing this so soon orange voice, but I’m switching sides, starting with this…” He jumped off the edge.

‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!’

*SPLAT*

Deadpool splattered across the ground, his body breaking his guns’ falls.

*BAMF* Harry appeared with an Enderman holding onto his shoulder.

*VORP* The Enderman disappeared.

“What the he-BLOODY HELL-*BLARG*” Harry threw up at the disgusting smell and sight of Deadpool’s organs and bones flattened into the ground.

-Purgatory, between death and the afterlife-

Deadpool woke up in a cool, comforting embrace.

“Hey babe.” He knew what Death felt like, she felt nice, kinda soft and squishy.

“Oh Wade, what happened this time?”

“I… fell… off a cliff…” Wade cried a few tears, “All my so-called ‘friends’ turned out to be assholes… all of them… even… well maybe not Steve, but he sided with them anyways… *sob sob sob*”

Death merely rubbed Deadpool’s back and head as he faded away, knowing that any of the usual conversation wouldn’t be appropriate at this time.

The puddle made of Deadpool shrank and reformed upwards into the mouthy merc, he clenched his fists and pulled out a pair of silver Forty Knocks/Fort Inox Blowouts, aka a pair of 40mm caliber handguns.

He turned around at the sound of retching, and found Harry standing in front of a puddle of vomit.

“Y’know, I thought we could be friends, like D-Pooley and a bunch of Cables, y’know, I thought you might have been able to pull me to the fixing point, and I could be Chaotic Good instead of Chaotic Neutral… but instead you pushed me to the breaking point, and now I’m going to be Chaotic Evil… goodbye, you asshole wanker, wanker of assholes.” Deadpool took aim at Harry.

Harry backed up in fear and cast a shield spell.

“Protego!” He cast, using the Elder Wand, as his own had been taken by AD.

*BANG*

A screen of intense air distortion appeared in front of him, and the massive bullet ricocheted off it.

Harry was fearful, if Deadpool had really gone evil, then he wouldn’t stop until Harry was dead.

The brit looked around, and found Deadpool standing several feet away at an angle from which Harry wasn’t protected.

“Protego Totalum!”

A dome of air distortion surrounded Harry, and Deadpool couldn’t get through.

That didn’t stop him from trying.

*BANG, SLASH, BANG BANG, SLASH SLASH SLASH*

Harry knew that he had to stop this, and now.

A set of memories surfaced.

The shield didn’t protect against the three unforgivable curses.

He wasn’t under any obligation to not use any of the three unforgivable curses.

Deadpool’s healing factor didn’t protect him from pain.

And the name of the unforgivable curse that Harry had been through personally, the one that he feared even more that the Killing curse.

Just as Voldemort had, Harry raised his wand, and just like Harry had been so unprepared when on the receiving end, before Deadpool could do anything to defend himself, before he could even move…

“Crucio!” Harry cast

Wade had been hit by the Cruciatus curse.

The pain was so intense, so all-consuming, that Wade no longer knew where he was... white-hot knives were piercing every inch of his skin, he felt that his head was surely going to burst with pain; he was screaming more loudly than he'd ever screamed in his life.

‘HOLY FUCKING SHIT!’

‘We’re changing colors!’

‘Oh fuck.’

AD17 frowned at the scene, and simply decided to stop this altogether.

He reappeared right behind Harry, took off the wizard’s glasses, and then snatched the Elder Wand.

Mostly blinded and unable to use magic, Harry was easy to knock out. AD17 then walked over to the writhing merc.

“You can rest easy now.” He soothed as he stopped the spell.

“And to think my alternate self raised him up to be a nice boy!” Wade whined.

‘Yeah... that’s a whole other thing.’

‘I also call bullshit. He grew up batshit crazy.’

“Listen Wade, I know you feel alone, but listen, everyone treats you like shit...”

“Gee, nice words.” Wade replied, rubbing his head.

“Let’s be frank, these guys hate your personality, but deep down, they do care for you.”

“I don’t think so!” Wade pouted and turned away from the purple-wearing lunatic.

“I do think so. You’re useful, and beside, I can see you being of such great use later, that they’ll cheer your name from here on out!”

“Really?” Wade sniffed.

“Shit yeah, let’s go!” AD17 took Wade and Harry and teleported them to the throne room.

“Fine Adam, but only because I did it for Solly here.”

“Solly? I like the sound of that, has a nice ring to it.”

“Whatever.” AD used his magic to summon a brand new suit for Adam, and bring his aged fedora back as well. Content, the group soon went into the Throne room.

-Canterlot Castle Throne Room-

Celestia watched as AD brought in the twelve humans, and stood up when he turned to her.

Link silently bowed to the white alicorn.

“Ah… princess.” Ezio greeted, bowing as well.

Celestia turned to AD, who stood smiling.

“So, explain why you wanted to gather us.” Chief said with authority.

“With pleasure.” AD spun his cane and summoned a mini-window in space and time.

“You see, there is this thing called the multiverse. Where if it can be thought up, it exists.” AD explained as he showed Maxworld in its natural state during summer.

“Yes…” Deadpool and Harry remarked in unison, turning to each other in surprise.

“How did you know about that?” Deadpool asked.

“Because I didn’t, I just figured that Einstein was correct.” AD replied, shrugging.

“No… he was talking to me, and I learned from another wise man known as Michael, he’s in another Equestria, where twelve more humans reside in wait for battle with our enemy.” Harry revealed.

“Ah, yes...” David showed Terraria in the window. “That genius from that 2D world. Kinda smartassish if you ask me.” David then showed another world, a bustling metropolis known as Liberty City.

“My world, that place...” Adam tried to speak.

“Is Liberty City, from a gritty world of crime, debauchery, and cheap entertainment.” AD then showed Los Santos.

“That kinda reminds me of California, I vacationed there once in my youth.” Wilson remarked.

“I suppose you could say that.” David then changed different angles of the city.

“Dios Mio, this is...” Ezio trailed off, entranced in awe by the miracles of architecture.

AD then messed up, and by that, he ended up showing someone in the shower.

The man turned towards the window, and screamed.

“OH SHIT!!!” The man grabbed at the curtains, then found himself getting tangled, and fell.

AD then tilted the window forward, and it fell, shattering on impact with the floor.

“We never saw that.” AD17 said without hesitation.

The rest of the group quickly agreed.

“What of Italy?” Ezio asked.

“Sure.” AD then showed the Republic of Florence during Ezio’s time.

“Hm, what of the modern day? I understand much has occurred since my time.” The Assassin requested.

“Well...” AD then showed Italy during the modern day.

“Oh look, more of those cars.” Wilson said.

“And the architecture certainly looks the same as the last time I was there.” Deadpool said.

“Those cars… they look good… good enough to steal.” Adam licked his lips and twiddled his hands.

AD then switched to a picture of a world with zombies running around a burning wasteland.

“What happened here?” Harry asked, filled with dread.

“Oh, this isn’t one of your places. Here, Nazis made zombies, zombies grew numerous, people on the moon blew up Earth, it’s complicated really. I blame Germany though.”

“Oh, zat asshole, eet’s not Germany’s ‘fault’, it’s mein own beautiful creation.”

‘WHAT!!!’

“Something wrong, boy?” AD asked Wilson.

“Firstly, I must inform you, sir, that I am in my mid-30s, and secondly, nothing is wrong, other than the sight of this… place.” Wilson couldn’t believe that something had gone so wrong in a place that would typically be quite normal.

“I’m a demigod, so all of you are boys to me, also, this place is doomed either way, we got this guy-” AD showed a picture of a bearded man. “-who wants to blow up Earth, and then we got-” AD then showed the face of Richtofen. “-this guy, who wants to make the world his bitch.”

“Ja, it’s true. Dr. Maxis must not be allowed to gain enough power. Ze world is better of vith me at it’s helm, Ja? Look at mein beautiful face.”

‘You’re… eugh.’

“Vilson, you are ze only one who can build ze Wunderwaffe, und you can control ze elements of nature vith ze devices I can help you vith. At least be grateful!”

‘And I am, I really am… it’s just… not that I don’t appreciate you, it’s just that you’re a bit ugly, I will build the Wunderwaffe though.’

“Zank you Wilson, also... look at zis man, Dempshey first before you judge. He’s very ugly, ja? HA HA HA HA!”

‘Hehe, I don’t think you were watching when I accidentally walked in on Deadpool showering, I nearly threw up at the time… it was bad, but I look back on it, and now it’s funny.’

“Hmm, I vill take your vords vith a grain of salt.”

‘Trust me, he’s more scars than skin.’

“So, these two men are basically going to doom this world?” Celestia asked.

“Pretty much. I feel sorry of the poor shlups who have to die either way.” AD then moved on to the next world, Hyrule.

"Hyrule.”

“We knew that, we can read the narration… or at least I can.” Deadpool said, looking two lines above.

“Yes... Hmm...” AD then saw Ganondorf, sitting on Zelda’s throne.

“One sec.” AD then caused the world to take on a blue hue, and time seemed to stop in its tracks.

“What did you do?” Link screamed out, his voice at normal speaking volume.

“I froze this world, trust me, they’ll thank me later when you have to come back to save the world, that’s what these stories always do.” David then switched to 2fort, in the midst of battle.

“OH YEAH!” BLU Soldier yelled out, pumping his fists.

“You know this place?” Adam asked.

“YEAH! GO FRENCHY!“ Soldier shouted to the BLU Spy disguised as a RED Spy, who dropped a knife he had ready.

It was at that moment that a RED Sniper turned around, and noticed the supposed ‘RED’ Spy, who then glared at the window, and Soldier looking through it.

“YOU IMBECILE!!!” BLU Spy yelled out as he tried to pick his knife back up.

“SPY! JARATE!” Sniper then threw the Jarate at the spy, and took out a Bushwacka.

“Jarate? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Soldier aimed and fired his Direct Hit at the Sniper.

The rocket then hit the window, and it shattered.

“We can only see and hear through it, genius. And now your partner is covered in piss, and probably dead.”

“Don’t worry, we got a respawn!” BLU Soldier said, smiling.

“I call hax.” Deadpool accused.

“I watched you regrow your goddamn LEGS, you RED scum, how is a Respawn considered hax when compared to that?!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be stupid?” AD noted Soldier’s rather smart moment.

“It’s on and off, most of the time I’m brilliant, but other’s just don’t know it.”

“Mostly off really.” Harry muttered.

“HEY! I have to admit, that even a broken clock is right twice a day… or was it a fixed clock is wrong twice a day? I don’t know… hmmm...” Soldier put a hand to his chin in thought.

“Enough! Next!” AD then made a new window, which showed a crater.

“Did The Dude already come through here? I don’t know.” AD shrugged and turned to the next world.

Or rather, a giant ship floating in space.

“The UNSC Mothership… damn.” Chief lamented, thinking about the good times.

“Oh, that what that is.” AD noted.

“Is that what the future’s like?” Adam looked on in awe.

“Well, there’s also another economic sink after the one in ‘29.” AD said.

“I’m from ‘28… SHIT!” Adam immediately began to dread the future when he got back.

“Invest in gold, your wallet will thank you later.” AD advised.

“To visit the stars? Amazing, I was not aware there was even a way to visit the clouds.” Ezio looked at the constellations in the background wishing to sketch them for reference.

“Ask Trevor here.” AD then showed the world with P1.

The window showed a balding, filthy man walking down an empty hallway with some black man, who seemed to be a mutant, and they both turned towards the window at the sound of it opening on their side.

“What the hell?” The black man yelled out.

“Is that… some sort of… HOLY SHIT, ANOTHER PRINCESS PONY!” Trevor pointed at Celestia.

“Uh, yes...” Lee said as he took in the sight of the others.

“From another dimension, you Canadian motherfucker.” AD insulted the balding man.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME!?” Trevor exploded, having been dealt a double whammy that had put him into an unstoppable rage.

“Hey fellow Nuck!” Deadpool ran up to the window and waved.

“FUCK YOU, YOU CUNT!!!” Trevor flipped off the men and tried to punch through the window.

Deadpool, using his ‘4th Wall Immunity’, reached through the window and caught the fist, pushing Trevor back.

“Wait Wade, don’t pull him-”

Wade then pulled him into the world, and onto the ground.

“-Through... crap...” AD dropped his cane, and began to worry.

“Don’t worry, I can fix this.” Wade took Trevor’s hand again, and climbed through the window with the methhead in tow.

Trevor then headbutted the merc once they were through, making him let go.

With Wade through, the dirty man then proceed to beat him up, eventually moving on to repeatedly stomping on the man’s head, all while repeatedly yelling out the word ‘cunt’ over and over again.

Lee knelt down in front of the window, then tapped on it out of curiosity.

The window instantly shattered.

“And Wade’s gone, fuck.” AD slumped down and sighed.

“Well, we’ll just have to find him, eventually.” Harry said with little hope.

“Yeah, I suppose. But for now, let’s move on to Damon, the guy who’s fucking with you guys.” AD then changed to a still of Damon from a projector he summoned.

“That…yes... I’ve seen him before… long ago.” Celestia recalled.

“So did I, but I’m sure Sunbutt here saw him, like, millenia ago, meanwhile I saw him about four months ago.” Blue replied.

“Yes, this guy is the most charismatic, powerful, and intelligent tyrant you’ll ever meet, and he’s pretty mean if you’re against him.”

“He sounds dangerous… but I want Celestia to explain her knowledge on him.” Ezio evaluated.

“He is dangerous.” AD then changed to a still of the world he controlled. “This is what he’s done after he left, by the way.”

“Dear mother… that’s even worse than the works of Discord and Sombra combined.”

“Yep.” The still was of a regime of controlled civilians, with many being weeded out by the apparent officers.

“Of course, those guys are assholes who deserved it, so...” AD slammed the tip of his cane onto the ground.

“Explain, now!” Ezio shouted, readying his stance, standing with both arms half-raised and doing small hops to stay flighty, while Blue aimed the SBC-SR.

Link had his shield half-forward and his sword held back, while Midna prepared the Twilight Crystal to zap AD to death.

John and Arbiter readied their weapons, John with an Assault Rifle, Arbiter with a Gravity Hammer.

Harry looked at Soldier, who aimed his Direct Hit at AD, and decided to cast a wandless spell.

“Accio Elder Wand.” The large, powerful wand flew into his hand, and he aimed it at the demi-god.

Steve aimed his rocket launcher.

Wilson raised his Light Sword in one hand and his wand in the other.

Adam readied his Thompson.

AD simply snapped his fingers, and everyone’s weapons were transformed into exaggerated toy versions of their weapons.

“Say please, and maybe I’ll answer, dickwads.” AD then snapped his fingers to change his clothing to a more modern type of clothing, with a purple v-neck, and blue jeans with blue sneakers.

“Please… answer.” Adam asked, putting away his large-SMG-turned-toy into his jacket.

“Thank you!” AD then changed the weapons back, and began to explain the time Damon spent in Equestria.

“You see, thousands of years ago, before Discord and this guy, Sombra came to the picture, Damon found himself with his crew in Equestria. Back then, he was basically less influential than he is now. The most he did was rob big chain banks and assassinate high profile businessmen.”

“I was young when I heard of him, young and foolish.” Celestia added.

“Yes, before you learned, however, he found himself meeting this guy, Scorpan, and befriended him.” AD changed the still to a picture of Scorpan, accompanying Damon during some kind of journey.

“Interesting.” Harry noted.

“Damon was a pragmatic person, he didn’t even plan to attack anyone, simply to go back home. However, he then noticed how... perfect this world was.”

“He’s a demon… of a sort, and so he, by his own need, desired to corrupt anything perfect.” Celestia said with an angry tone.

“WRONG!!!” AD yelled out.

“What?” Celestia was confused.

“Actually, he did those things so you’d banish him to Tartarus, so he’d be able to get back into his world, and change the world into one with the same ideals as yours, or at least try.”

“Wait, are you saying...”

“If you simply decided to kill him then, he would not be a problem, at all.” AD pointed out, matter-of-factly. “And because he saw how perfect this world was, he decided to try and make the world he lived in to a close enough copy. We can all see how well this is going, right?”

“I… I was so close too… he… he killed…” Celestia began to tear up, if anyone would ask, she would tell them ‘It’s a sore subject’.

“So... basically... he’s after us because...” Wilson did not want to believe it.

“He’s after you because you killed a few of his troops, and discovered Agent 4, the woman.” The still was now of Agent 4 herself.

“Damon, or ‘Big Boss’ as I had to call him, is very protective of his troops, mainly because if they die, then that’s a huge investment gone down the drain.” Blue remembered that bit.

“Emotional and Economical. ‘Condition One,’ the guy who attacked you, is the most expensive in the economic sense. However, he’s an asshole to most people, and as such, is less expensive in the emotional sense.”

“I looked into his eyes… if not for my enchantment, he’d have the worst pair of eyes in the Organization.”

“And he managed to counter those special, special eyes too.” AD pouted, shaking his head.

“No… he just didn’t look directly at them, the only one the enchantment doesn’t affect is Damon… though I might be wrong.”

“Oh, trust me, he did, and he managed to avoid the mind-rape. You know why? Because he’s insane and malicious! More-so than Deadpool at his worst.” AD patted the Assassin on his head like he would to a pet.

“You can’t break the mind of a psychopath.” Wilson muttered to himself.

“I would’ve said you can’t break something that’s already broken, but that works too.”

“Well, that’s why you can’t break the mind of a psychopath, ‘because it’s already broken… so… that means that Wade has a bit of sanity left in him.” Wilson deduced.

“Oh forsooth, and in the eve, doth the light catch mine Lady Death, and illuminate her cleavage, which I doth desire to motorboat the shit out of.” Wade prosed with several waving and flourishing motions befitting of the greatest of Shakespearean actors.

Almost everyone jumped at the voice.

“How’d you come back?” Soldier asked Wade, not flinching at the sudden entrance.

“I was here a second ago, but I’m stuck over here…” Wade was behind a window, and he tapped on it, unable to get through, “This one is covered in glass, and it’s too small for me to squeeze through.”

“Uno momento, por favor!” AD then snapped his finger, and Wade was now on the other side of the window.

“Awww… but I liked the shiny city, I could’ve harvested that shit and made millions!” Wade protested, trying to get back through by breaking the glass in the way.

When he broke the glass, the window in space closed.

“AwwwwwwwWWWWWW!” The merc whined, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Wait, was he in...” Celestia knew of only one city that was shiny and could be harvested for money.

“An alternate Equestria, in the future, Princess Sunbutt, I’ll explain later.” AD clicked his tongue and leaned towards the princess.

“*snicker* Sunbutt...” Wilson tried not to laugh. It was more difficult that it looked.

Steve failed, and began laughing to himself.

Celestia glared at Steve.

“He-he-heyoo... Heyoo...” Steve said meekly as he finished laughing.

“Oh… shit… I feel like something’s about to happen.” Deadpool looked around, feeling something oncoming.

“HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY-” *CRCK* -OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Steve was thrown into a random building as a roar came out.

*RAAAAAAAAAAGH*

-Two Weeks Later-

Chief climbed up Spike’s back with a pair of combat knives.

“All of this came from greed, goddammit FiM!” Wade yelled out as he looked on.

“This is why I don’t like stealing.” Wilson said as aimed the half-powered Wunderwaffe at Spike.

“That is where you and I differ, brother.” Adam said as he rolled his left cuff up once and unsheathed his hidden blade.

“I have to agree with Adam there, amico.” Ezio said as he joined his fellow Assassin and climbed up Spike’s back.

“Heeeeyoooo...” Steve said weakly from the wreckage he was buried under.

The huge purple dragon roared and did a quick spin.

Chief was thrown off, but Ezio and Adam, with their more specialized techniques, held fast, and took Chief’s combat knives.

Link looked up at Spike, and sighed in grief.

He didn’t want to do this.

Harry looked over as Link switched to his Hero’s Tunic.

“Specialis Revelio.” The Wizard cast, knowing that this was going to be a big fight.

Draconic Knave

Spike the Greedy

Immediately, all of Spike’s attention was practically forced towards Link, who raised his shield in defiance.

Spike merely reached down and tried to rip it out of Link’s hand, resulting in the warrior being lifted up to eye-level.

Link looked into Spike’s eyes, his own filled with despisal towards the evil the dragon had embraced. As Spike breathed smoke in the elf’s face, an X-shaped scar on his left cheek from a training accident showed more prominently amongst his slightly grayed skin.

“I FEEL LIKE ANOTHER FORCED CROSSOVER IS ABOUT TO BE ADDED!” Deadpool said as he strafed Spike with dual Barrett M82s.

“You…” Spike said in his newer, louder voice.

Link frowned, thinking of draconian words, and considering the wisdom of shouting such words into the dragon’s face as it held him forty feet above the ground with its fire-breathing mouth on level with his face, he instead settled on throwing his sword into Spike’s mouth.

“GAAAAHHH!” The dragon yelled as his mouth was filled with pain from the divine sword’s evil-destroying power.

He spat it out, watching as Link caught it again, the handle nearly slipping away due to the added slickness of Spike’s saliva, but stopping because of the pommel. Link frowned at having to hold a spit-slicked sword, but put away his minor disgust in order to do what he needed to do.

Spike decided that Link wasn’t worth it, and threw him away.

“YAAA-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” Link shouted at the top of his lungs as he was launched across the town.

AD17 then grabbed Link, and let him drop onto the ground.

“We need Rarity!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” A distant girly scream sounded out through the otherwise silent (except for Spike’s rampage) town.

“Rarity’s been foalnapped!” AD yelled out, waiting for the resolution to happen by itself.

Link raced back to the center of town, but to his dismay, Spike had walked away and began climbing a nearby mountain after stealing the water tower’s top and putting his stuff in it.

“Uh, AMICO, HELP!” Ezio called out as he and Adam were carried away, still clinging to Spike’s back.

“Quickly Link, we must SAAAAAAAAVE THE DAAAAAY for those two!” Deadpool yelled out as he grabbed Link by the arm and began to run towards the dragon.

Link used his puzzle-solving skills to figure out a way to get up to them.

“Wade, I’m going to need you to launch one of those RPG things, I will hookshot onto it and be flown onto Spike’s back, ready?”

“Alright bro-ski.” Wade pulled out his RPG-7 and aimed at a portion of Spike’s back that was clear.

*PWEE-SHOOOOOO* the explosive rocketed off.

*CLICLICLICLICLICLI-CLUNK* The Hookshot grabbed the RPG, and Link was carried with it.

*BOOM* it blew up against the purple beast’s back, and Link quickly latched onto the scales and began climbing.

“That was some amazing skill there, Green Person.” Adam said, admiring Link’s skill.

“You know my name is Link, Adam.”

“OH! Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first with the change of clothes.” The mobster sheepishly smiled in embarrassment, looking down at the ground, which was getting further away.

Link looked around, and figured out how to ‘MacGyver’, as Deadpool called it, his way out.

“Okay, I will use a bomb to propel us towards that nearby lake, you two will need to… no wait, that won’t work, we’ll still be too far away, even with this height… shit.” Link cursed as he mentally facepalmed.

Ezio frowned, “So… how will we get out of this, then?”

“I prefer my body to not be splattered against the ground.” Adam admitted.

Link thought, he thought hard, they would all surely die if he didn’t think of something, and very, very soon.

“Link… play the ocarina thing, it has power in it, and maybe you can think of something.”

Link took out the ocarina, and tried to think up anything.

‘Good thing I practiced.’

He thought of the lake, and played what came to mind.

You played: The Serenade of Water.

Spike’s body suddenly shrank to its normal size, right as blue sparkles shot out of the small blue instrument and absorbed the three Assassins.

As Spike and Rarity fell, Link, Ezio, and Adam were safely deposited in front of the lake.

“Woah.” Adam found himself saying.

“Dios mio, that was intense.” Ezio had felt an incredible rush.

“To be honest, I didn’t expect that to work.” Link admitted, looking at the ocarina.

Its flawless blue surface reflected his own face back at him.

His ears were filled with wind for a few seconds, and when he felt like muttering something, he suddenly he felt himself being shaken.

“Link, Link, amico you’ve been staring at that instrument for almost three minutes now.” Ezio said as he shook his fellowman into awareness.

“Huh?” The green-clad man hadn’t noticed the time progression, and shook his head to clear it, “Sorry, I blanked out for a bit there.”

“I would say so too.” Adam nodded to Link as he began walking back towards town, his hands in his pockets.

Ezio gave Link a pat on the shoulder and began the parkour process back to Ponyville.

Link looked at the ocarina again for a second, then put it back in his pocket.

“Not to be a jerk, or anything, but you three need to come to town, now, and help us fix it up, AGAIN!!!” AD groaned as he held some 2x4s and a toolbox in his arms.

Link nodded, and looked at the area below where Spike had been.

“Oh, RD and Fluttershy took care of those two, by the way, come on! The sooner we finish, the sooner we can be lazy jack-offs.”

“I feel like something was left behind… I’m going to go check out the area over there, I’ll join you when I get back.”

“Alright, but I’m going to kick you in the ass if you don’t show up.” AD said as he teleported to Ponyville.

Link quickly made his way back to the mountain, and found a large chest sitting on the ground.

He unlatched it and opened it.

Inside was a deep red scale mail tunic, with a pair of silver scale gauntlets, gold scale-soled boots, dark brown scale leggings and sleeves, a steel-colored scale undershirt, but no helmet.

He picked up the suit, finding it to be mostly made of actual scales, from dragons.

YOU GOT: The Draconic Armor

This armor protects you from cold, fire, electricity, poison, and pretty much all elements.

It appears to be made from the scales of many dragons, and lacks the color blue, which denotes that it won’t keep you breathing underwater.

You however become a lot slower the more rupees you have, so keep your wallet as empty as needed.

Don’t fall into the temptations of greed.

Link was relieved to find a purple scalemail helmet with a pair of curved green dragon horns on the sides (like a recolor of the Dovahkiin helmet).

‘At least I’ll have headwear.’

The armor vanished and appeared into the fifth armor slot in his inventory, leaving only one suit left.

He looked at the symbol on his armor screen, and found that each of the suits was surrounding a Triforce with a flowery circle around it.

The Hero’s Tunic and the Magic Armor were by the Triforce of Courage.

The Zora’s Armor and Twilight Armor were by the Triforce of Wisdom.

The Draconic Armor and the lone empty slot were by the Triforce of Power.

“If I’d had to guess, I’d say that each armor corresponds to an element, and the last armor corresponds to Spirit… the Desert People, Ganondorf’s people.” He calculated, looking at the empty slot with anxiety.

“And power… I wonder what that has to do withhhh… no time for this right now, I need to help with the town’s reparations.”

Link switched back to his Twilight Armor, which he’d found gave him a speed boost at the cost of stability, and ran back to town.

-In the Middle of Winter-

Everyone was on a train ride towards Canterlot, where there was supposed to be...

“A play?” Ezio inquired.

“Yes, a play about how Hearth’s Warming Eve came to be.” Twilight explained to the humans.

“Yes, I remember making a universe where a shrieking robot tried to do that to Rarity, except she already knew, and the robot was just making it up on the fly.” AD17 explained as he looked out the window.

“Sounds dreadful.” The mare in question replied, wearing a christmas tree hat.

“Oh trust me, you got the guard while it was talking, you didn’t remember a thing, although you did beat up a robotic turkey.”

“Sounds like you made some weird worlds.” Adam looked on at the crazy man.

“Yeah... I like to bring the craziest of crossovers to reality at some point.”

“And make two stories that you ended up canceling, jerkface.” Deadpool glared at the author.

“Writing nonsensical plots is harder than it looks!” AD yelled back.

Twilight stuck her head out the window to get a good look on their progress.

“Hey everyone, we’re pretty close now!” She shouted over the winds.

Rainbow Dash, who had sworn up and down that she could have flown to Canterlot and back by now, looked outside to confirm.

“Yeah! Come on train, speed up! I can hardly wait to check out what the city looks like this time of year.” She whooped.

“WHOO-WEE!” Applejack shouted, stopping for a second to cough, “Canterlot, HERE WE COME!”

Rarity adjusted her massive tree-shaped hat, “Oh I do hope I look festive enough, can anyone offer a second opinion?”

“LOOKS LIKE CHRISTMAS!” Soldier assured, wearing a pair of reindeer antlers.

“Yes, a holiday from our world.” Harry said.

“Where’d you get those?” Fluttershy asked Soldier.

“Whitey here made them, they look AMAZING! A WONDERFUL HAT!” Soldier informed.

“Yes, it takes a while to find genuine, cruelty-free antlers from deer who don’t really need them.” Rarity said, beaming with proudness.

“I was informed that these were stuffed felt… BUT REAL STUFF IS EVEN BETTER!” Soldier whooped.

“Yep, I bet this Mann CO. just beats up the deer to get them though.”

“You remind me of Frenchy, he was a cultured dick.”

“Oh, well... erm...” Rarity felt confused at whether to be angry, or annoyed.

“Dude, not cool.” Deadpool said, leaning over to talk into Soldier’s ear.

“Yes, only I get to be a cultured dick, my dear boy!” AD said as he dressed up in some kind of stereotypical rich man’s clothes.

Arbiter looked at John for insight.

“Hearth’s Warming is essentially just the pony equivalent of Christmas, you know, I told you the story.”

“Oh yeah, of the heroic Jesus guy who fought the evil people, and then they captured and staked him in the end, but he turned it around on them with his cool holy powers, and humans were cursed with consciences and senses of honor.” Arbiter recalled very, very inaccurately.

“That sounds… confusing and awful.” Twilight summed up in three words.

“And we humans are not?” Wilson remarked.

“Well… I mean… you’ve stayed on our side throughout the past… six months, so I would say that you’re quite good people.”

“Yeah, but you all remember what I said about Trevor, right?” AD asked as everyone, especially Deadpool, remembered Trevor’s... colorful response.

“That guy was the worst kind of dick, one that’s uncut and uncensored.” Deadpool scowled under his mask.

Harry, Adam, Wilson, and Link all gagged at the thought.

“And probably frayed and overused too.”

This added pretty much all of the Mane 6, as well as Chief, Arbiter, Steve, and Soldier.

“Dammit Wade, now I’m gonna have nightmares for weeks.” Rainbow complained.

“Heyoo... oh...” Steve ran off to find the bathroom.

“At least I didn’t say burnt and covered in shit.”

That set off Ezio, Blue, and Midna into their own nauseated reactions.

“FARORE-DAMMIT DEADPOOL, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Midna yelled, narrowly fighting back the urge to vomit, using her hair-hand thing to hold Wade’s mouth shut.

Ezio considering deafening himself.

Blue raised his hood and pulled the strings to close it around his face.

Deadpool shrugged and walked to the door of the train.

He opened it and stepped out, immediately getting thrown along the ground by the leftover momentum from the train and stopping a few feet away from where the train-car stopped.

With dozens of broken bones, several square feet of skin sheared off, and trail of blood a hundred feet long, Wade stood up.

“I’m fine, it’s okay.” He assured the many high-class ponies looking at him in shock and disgust.

His body healed up, but they were still looking at him in disgust.

“What’s wrong?” He queried, scratching the top of his head.

That’s when he felt it…

...his mask was off.

“OH SHIT! NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOO!” He ran to the discarded piece of red and black cloth laying on the snow-covered ground.

“Oh my goodness... Wade... is...” Rarity muttered as she watched on.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT NOOOO, DON’T LOOK!” He shouted as he hastily tried to put his mask back on, ending up with it backwards.

“Oh dear...” Wilson muttered as he saw the sad sight of a desperate man trying to put his facade up again.

Finally, by the time he’d properly re-applied his mask, most of the others had seen his abysmal face.

Wade then ran off, clearly wanting to stay away from all of these witnesses.

“I’ll go fetch him.” Chief said, getting up and running towards the merc.

‘You have to help him.’

‘Weren’t you grey the last time we talked?’

‘Yeah, but that was temporary.’

‘He reformed when my skull shattered on the pavement!’

‘I’m still with you, John....’

‘And I’m back to normal.’

‘Gee, that’s wonderful, does that mean your going to start acting like a dick?’

‘At least my identity has not been spoiled.’

‘Good, I don’t want some other shit going on in my head, I like you, Justice.’

Chief finally caught up with Wade, who was hiding in a dark alleyway and crying.

“They all saw it…*sniff*... MY SHAME!” He hammily lamented as he picked up a discarded napkin and held it up to the light.

“Wade… stop, just stop. If we were going to leave you over something as pointless as how you look under your mask, then we’d have left you a long time ago for something a lot less secretive.” John pointed out, taking off his own helmet to make things a bit more personal.

“Wait… so…*sniff* you don’t care?” Wade asked with hope.

“No… nobody gives a shit, the rest of you pretty much drowns out all the worry about your scarred face.”

“Oh… JOY!” Deadpool jumped ten feet into the air and hugged John as tightly as he could.

Chief held him at bay for a few seconds, then decided that it wasn’t really worth it, and hugged him back.

“ALRIGHT! LET’S GO WATCH THAT PLAY!” Deadpool shouted as he over-dramatically led the way.

“Uh… Wade, the Royal Auditorium is this way.” John pointed the opposite way the mouthy merc was going.

“I KNEW THAT… I was just… taking the scenic route!” Wade lied, turning around, “But I suppose TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! SO MAKE PASTE!” He said, running down the street.

“It’s MAKE HASTE!” John shouted after him as he sprinted after the psychopath.

“THAT TOO!” Wade shouted back, somehow running while bent over backwards to look at John.

He noticed something behind John, on the rooftops.

A dark figure with a billowing black cloak.

"Chief, warning, suit power levels at 5%, all radar and HUD functionalities disabled to preserve battery life.’"

“Keep the radar on, I don’t need the HUD, however.” John instructed.

Suddenly, the radar came back on, and he saw a red blip coming towards him.

An enemy.

He stopped and spun around, catching the Organization Assault Agent by the foot and crushing it into bits.

Thladimir screamed in pain and turned on his armor’s taser functionalities.

*BUZZZZZZZHOCK!*

"Chief, suit power levels at 8%, whatever this agent is doing, it’s helping us more than hurting us."

“Good.” Chief reeled back his fist, and punched the man.

Thladimir shrieked in pain as he felt each of his ribs cracking.

“Who sent you?” Chief asked.

The Assassination Agent spat on his foe’s armor and scowled.

“CO, not that you’d have any luck identifying him.”

“You know a man known as ‘AD17’?”

“... shit...” Thladimir muttered, almost timidly.

“Yes, indeed.”

“*crrk* “Yes, Agent Thladimir.”

“HQ, I’m about to die, and one last report, they have AD17, they know CO, an unknown amount of information is compromi-GAH!” The electricity expert found himself choked to near death.

“Who is killing you? COME IN AGENT!”

Chief ripped the comm from Thladimir’s armor, and spoke into it.

“Me.”

“... John-117, Master Chief Petty Officer of the USNC.”

“How do you know all that?”

“... *laugh* This is Ex-Sergeant Johnson, maggot.”

“Why do you sound like a woman?”

“Voice changers, dumbass… prepare for the storm, we’ve seized the ‘Taint Master’, as he’s known.”

“What does that mean?”

“*click* *crrrrrrrrrk*” The other line went dead.

“Son of a bitch… and there’s no frequency module on this… Damon’s people plan too far ahead… DAMMIT!” Chief broke the useless device and looked into Thladimir’s dim eyes.

“What’s that thing Ezio says?... Requiescat en Pace.” Chief ripped the agent’s head off, then unloaded all of the electricity capacitors into his own armor.

“Chief, suit power levels at 20%.”

“Thank you Cortana. This is better than nothing at least.”

“Would you like me to run a database scan, to see if we have any information on this ‘taint master’?”

“Yes, but do it very efficiently.” He needed to preserve as much power as possible.

“Understood.”

Turning off his speed facilitators, John led Deadpool to the Royal Auditorium.

“Hey, Chief, just read your run in with that electro-dude.” Deadpool said as he showed this exact page to Chief from his laptop.

“...These notes… do you know anyone who has powers over electricity?”

“Thor is a guy who‘s like Luna, but with storms and shit instead of nighttime.”

“Thor… Asgard… Mjolnir… I know the tales, my armor is named after his hammer.”

“Yep, Asgard is real in my world, and Loki is famous after The Avengers.”

“But why is… wait… do you know of anyone with… power suits?”

“Iron Man-Dude-Bro, he’s like me, but he’s really self-centered and self-praising, and an asshole sometimes. He had a run-in with Thor once…”

“Hmm... You think you can find a way to bring either of them here?”

“I might… but I’m kinda worried about how Thor pertains to this ‘Taint Master’ guy.”

“Do you know who the Taint Master is?“

“Nope… no idea, but… if the Taint Master guy is anything like he sounds like, then he might make Thor evil, and then send him to attack us.”

“Then that will solve getting Thor here, though having a 640 or so pounds heavy wrestlemania master jacked up on storm-controlling powers and evil will not be an okay thing to have wanting us dead.”

“But if I get him, then he’d be on our side.”

“Yes… how does this pertain to Thor and Iron Man?”

“Iron Man-Dude-Bro drinks about half as much as Thor, oh yeah and Thor once tried to lightning him, it didn’t work.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, Jahvis Fancyantsyson told him what’s what.”

“And what was what?”

“His suit got overcharged, like 400% battery.”

“The MJOLNIR Mk6 power armor’s safety functionalities are capable of safely storing up to 500% energy levels.”

“Who makes something for a situation like that?” Wade inquired, confused at how the makers had reasoned that feature into the design.

“Whatever it is, it’s useful, now if only I had-”

“Sorry to interrupt, but if you can find a Mk7 ARM-ORION plate, then I can install a new feature, Overdrivers.”

“I guess that would solve the issue of using up the extra power.”

“Yes, they will essentially double your abilities, and another feature is arm cannons.”

“Okay, that’s too far into copying Iron Man-Dude-Bro’s designs, he had palm-lasers.”

“Frankly, if it helps me, I don’t really care about plagiarizing other designs.”

“I can install the arm cannon, or Plasma_Fist.aff, at any time, but it will require the sacrifice of your Spartan Laser.”

“I’ll hold off on that until we can get that overcharge.” Chief assured, stopping his stride.

“Why are we stopping?” Wade asked. looking up at John’s helmeted face.

“We’re here.” He pointed at the sign above the door, which read:

Canterlot Royal Auditorium

A sign beside the door, this one much less fancy and much more temporary-looking, read:

Today’s Schedule:

Hearth’s Warming Eve Play [ 12:30PM - 3:30PM ]

“Convenient, we’re about two minutes early.” John said, checking his clock.

“Yep, let’s go see where them mares at!” Wade looked around, putting a hand over his brow to block out the bright lights from overhead.

“They’re in the play, so they’ll be on stage, we need to find our seats, which I’m assuming are up in the area where I can see Harry, Wilson, and the others.”

“CONVENIENT!” Deadpool shouted, only to immediately get shushed.

He flipped the shushing ponies off, confusing them long enough to escape to his seat, singing “Nana-nana-booboo.” at them.

John shook his head and sat in his own spot, right between Ezio and Deadpool’s empty seat.

“So amico, how do you think the story of Hearth’s Warming will go?” Ezio asked, having discovered the wonder of popcorn and was now eating some.

“I’m not sure, but let’s not ruin it with wild guessing, did you see the mares backstage, I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to them since we got off the train.”

“I did… it was great.” Ezio recalled the recent memory.

-Flashback to Eight Minutes Ago-

Ezio stood on his perch in the rafters, looking down at the element bearers, watching them get dressed with a perverted smile on his face.

‘I should drop down and talk to them… but… eh to hell with it.’ He thought, dropping down.

“Hey amicas, nervous?” He asked, taking a few steps forward to make it seem like he was walking in normally, rather than dropping down from the rafters.

“Nervous, but excited!” Pinkie exclaimed, jumping up and down in her Chancellor Puddinghead hat, “I’m nervicited, I want to jump up and down and shout YAY YAY YAY!... But I also want to curl up into a teeny tiny ball and hide!”

“Oh my, that sounds like me… a lot.” Fluttershy sheepishly admitted, not being heard over the din of conversation.

“I must say though, you all look very pretty in your costumes.” The suave man complimented in his most charming voice.

Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes, but then decided that it was okay, “Not too bad yourself there, stud.”

“Why thank you, I do work out, a lot.” He flexed his arm, showing off his visible muscles.

“Mmmm.” Rainbow rubbed her hoof over his biceps, smiling and letting out a small purr.

“RAINBOW! Stop drooling over the stupid sexy Istalian and get dressed, the play is on in six minutes!” Twilight reprimanded.

Rainbow shook her head, and gave Ezio a light slap to the face.

“Stupid sexy Istalian… idiot.” She said with a blush.

She gave Ezio a half-hearted punch to the chest and hovered over to the box with her costume in it.

“I see, the sweet and spicy kind of girl, I can work with that.” The master Assassin said to himself, nodding and walking out of the room and to his seat.

-Flashforward to Now-

“That’s… Ezio… you’re acting awfully lenient towards these concepts.”

“I have been without for the past three months, John, please do not worry about what I do behind closed doors.”

“Um… Ezio… we’ve been here for six months, as in 1+1+1+1+1+1, or 2+2+2, or 3+3, or 4+2, or 5+1, the point is… it’s been more than three months since we arrived here.” John felt uncomfortable with the implications of the Assassin’s words.

“Ehh... I sexed an alien once, no biggy.” Deadpool said.

“Lady Lyra Heartstrings practically melted when I introduced her to my masterful hands.”

“Ohhh... I wonder how that goes.” Deadpool asked, thinking hard.

“It already went, and she didn’t walk straight for a week.” The suave young man smirked at his success.

“I did not need that image in my head.” Chief said.

“I apologize amico.”

“Frankly, I don’t care, mainly because they are both consenting individuals.” AD said as he leaned back in his seat. “You say bestiality, I say xenophilia.”

“I don’t care either Mentore, mainly because I used to be a pony myself.” Blue said, leaning forward so that other ponies didn’t hear him.

“... I don’t want to hear another word of this…” Link could only imagine Epona when thinking of what Ezio was implying, and the thought made him shudder with disgust.

“Yeah, I agree, the play’s starting, and I want to enjoy this.” Harry told the others.

“Yeah, me too, it would be a shame if there was a…” Deadpool trailed off.

-Three Hours Later-

“...Scene transition that didn’t let us show our reactions to the various parts as they happen.” Deadpool finally finished, having (much to everyone’s surprise) not talked throughout the whole play.

“Yes, but that doesn’t really make much sense amico.” Ezio said, having enjoyed the third musical number.

“At least the play was jolly good.” Harry said as he clapped.

“I wish I could’ve known, I was attacked during my trip to the bathroom, had to fight with both my swords out.” Wilson said, thankful that the less-than-elite agent had gone done quickly.

“Wait, attacked?”

“Another Organization Assault Agent jumped me while I was at the urinal, luckily I had my Light Sword ready, and I managed to come out unscathed, despite fighting with my pants down.”

“That sounds like something that you could expect in my video game.” Deadpool noted.

“Hmm... why you?”

“Well, while we’ve been here, I have been tinkering with something.” Wilson said as he took out the incomplete Wunderwaffe DG-2.

‘AH! Wunderbar, it’s almost done, all you need is a focus… do you have a focus?’

“All I need is a focus, does anyone know where I can get a focus?”

“Well, a good gem might do the trick, come brother, we’ll get one.” Adam said, leading the way.

“Alright, we’ll be back in a bit everyone, don’t let our absence detract from your Canterlot experience though.” Wilson said as he put away the Wunderwaffe and followed Adam.

“I wonder where they’re going?” Arbiter mused as he watched the pinstripe-clad pair disappear around a corner.

“I’m sure they’re just going to buy a gem at the gem shop, come, darlings, let’s enjoy Canterlot while we’re here.” Rarity said, scratching behind her left ear, “Ugh, that crown may have been lovely, but it quickly became itchy.” She complained, still scratching.

-At Gems and Jewels Canterlot Branch-

Adam looked around at all of the precious stones.

Wilson went down the lines.

‘Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, JA!!!’

‘Phew, for a good minute there, I thought you’d become a broken record.’

‘Nein, but zis gem is perfect.’

“This gem is perfect.” Wilson said, picking up the clear crystal lens, marked ‘10 degree incline convex lens Diamond.’

“Hmm, you looking to make a monocle, pal?” The shopkeeper asked.

“No… but I could use one.” Wilson picked up the gem next to it, with was a concave version of the first.

“Alright then, for those two, that’ll cost you-”

*CHIK-CHIK* Adam pulled out his M1911 and cocked it, aiming it at the shopkeeper's face.

“Nothing, we’re walking out with these two trinkets, and you will not stop us, understood?” He threatened, his smooth, monotone voice scaring the shopkeep half to death.

Lost for words, the stallion simply nodded, and backed away.

Adam kept his pistol aimed at the pony, and he and Wilson backed out of the shop.

‘Oh... vell zat vas unexpected. Not zat I’m not complaining zough.’

‘Ohhhh… Adam always bloody does this… I try to get something the honest way, and he says ‘that’s not the mafia way, brother’, and then he uses violence to steal it.’

‘Oh, zat vas vhat zose mental complaints vere about, I vas not paying attention to your eyes.’

“Adam, this is my purchase, not yours. Please just let me do my business.” Wilson complained.

“If you really wish to pay for things… so be it, but don’t dip into the protection money, we need that to operate.” Adam said, finally surrendering.

“What’s with the sudden change of heart?” Wilson asked, minorly confused.

“The mansion is complete, it took them fucking long enough, the last time you asked, it wasn’t done, so taking a risk with added expenses just wasn’t a feasible option at the time, better safe than sorry.” The professional mobster answered.

“What do we need all this money for? Who are we paying for protection?”

“Princess Celestia said that if we relinquish funds back to the government in order to stimulate the flow of the economy, then she would forgive any crimes we commit, so long as we don’t kill any ponies.”

“WHAT! Why haven’t I heard of this before?” Twilight shouted, feeling betrayed and confused, “Why would Princess Celestia harbor criminal acts? IS THIS HOW YOU’VE GOTTEN EVERYTHING?”

“Calm down Miss Sparkle, yes… yes it is… listen, as the Don once told me, ‘Everyone is corrupt, even the gods lack purity in their hearts’, Celestia is willing to deal with me as long as I don’t actually go through with my threats, no bank robberies either, just businesses, have to get that money back into circulation.”

“I… the principle of it is morally wrong, and I can’t agree with your decision, but I’ll accept it for now. I’m warning you, however, if you ever… ever go back on the non-violence pact, I will create a barrier inside your stomach, and expand it until you explode.” Twilight threatened with a scowl and angry eyes, her horn and irises lit with magical energy.

“Celestia already threatened to send me to the moon, I don’t want any more pianos hoisted over my head sweetie.” Adam coolly responded.

“Oh… oh my…” Twilight was taken aback by her own reaction.

Had she really just said that?

That was awful.

That was terrible.

That was… human-like.

The dozen humans (well, technically 9 humans, a twili, an pony-turned-human and an alien) had been rubbing off on her, making her, and her friends, act more like them.

She gasped and teleported away.

“Well then, I suppose that we may continue unopposed, come on Wilson, we have a Wonder Waffle to complete.” Adam said, mispronouncing the weapon’s name.

“No, I have a Wunderwaffe DG-2 to complete, Sir Corleone, if you want more weapons, ask Wade.” Wilson dismissed as he walked away.

“I understand, brother, personal achievements are something to be proud of, and I won’t invade on that.” Adam was, alongside Ezio, tied for the coolest head in the group.

Cool heads don’t make for Normal heads, however.

And Normal heads don’t make for Stable heads.

But Stable heads are, by necessity, Cool heads.

And Adam, unlike Wilson, was very stable.

Wilson peaked around the corner of a wall in the cave he was in.

It was a dark cave.

A very unassuming, dark cave.

A very unassuming, dark cave that no sane person would consider going into.

But Wilson was not sane at the moment.

And he had plenty of time, the others were trying to find out what happened to Applejack after that weird Rodeo Tournament thingy.

-One Month and One Week Later-

“Alright, you just need a highly concentrated source of Element 115 before ze Wunderwaffe can be at it’s most powerful form.”

‘Yes, finish ze Wunderwaffe, create SCIENCE!!!’

“JA!!! Science is alvays fun, ja!”

Wilson snickered as he stroked his magnificent beard, and looked for what Richtofen described as glowing blue rocks that can power all kinds of stuff.

It took him several minutes, which felt like hours to him, he found something.

“Buried deep in ze earth, ve found it, Element 115!”

Wilson grinned as he looked at the massive meteor, buried several hundred feet underground, there were a few holes in the ceiling that led upwards, it seemed as though this meteor had crashed here less than a century, but more than a decade ago.

And it was ready to be mined.

Wilson took out a Pick/Axe and proceeded to mined the material, ready to finish this wonderful piece of science.

Several hits allowed Wilson to completely shatter the rock, and he quickly harvested the material.

He began to craft the final product with all of the Element 115 he had, and his ‘Underpowered Wunderwaffe DG-2’.

It was complete.

“JA!!! JA!!! IT IS COMPLETE!!! GOOD, GOOD, AHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

‘Yes, it is! It’s... beautiful... *sniff*”

“I am so happy... If I had tear ducts now, I’d be crying so hard, und I’d be so hard too... jjjjjjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Wilson grinned even more as he carried his achievement outside of the cave and into the desert sun. He held it up high above his head, and yelled out in joy.

“I DID IT MUM! LOOK, I DID IT!!!” Wilson laughed, and caught the attention of an Organization spy, “JA!!! GUTEN ZEITEN!!!” He shouted, taking after Richtofen.

He had the ‘Fully Powered Wunderwaffe DG-2’

“Oh dammit.” Rachel said in worried tone as she began to call her boss.

“Yes?” Condition One said on the other end of the line, his deep voice disguised to sound like a stern mother.

“Boss, this is O.R.A #4. It seems that Group 935 is involved in this, Wilson has a Wunderwaffe DG-2.” She reported, waiting for the no-doubt well-calculated instructions of her highly intelligent superior agent.

Several seconds passed, and finally he replied with...

“Erm... care to remind me which one that was?”

“It’s the lightning gun. The shorter englishman built it himself, crazy as a bat.” Rachel replied, slightly annoyed at that remark.

How the top Agent of the Organization’s Combat, Assassination, Unassisted Stealth (after Blue’s betrayal), and Assault rosters, had forgotten something so unbelievably simple, yet very important, as the fucking NAMES of the Damon-damned TARGETS was beyond her.

“Keep an eye on him, he’s likely dangerous and insane.”

“Yeah, like Deadpool.” Rachel sighed away from the comm, annoyed at having to watch over these annoying sons of bitches for as long as she wasn’t discovered, which made her want to throw herself out into the open just so she could get reassigned.

“Copy, over and out.”

CO hung up, and Rachel just looked at the crazy Wilson waving around the lightning gun.

‘Goddammit Richtofen, does your influence know no bounds?’ She thought as she looked at the ground and sighed, thinking about her home, she’d been from the world that Richtofen had ruined with his zombies, and she hated him to an immeasurably high degree for that.

'What the bloody hell are you doing here ya ol’ cow?’

“Vilson, zat eez an Organization Reconnaissance Agent, vy don’t joo introduce her to ze foolly powered Wunderwaffe? Ve’ll zee how vell eet’s vorking?”

‘Ah, I see, I can hear ozzers’ thoughts at this level of insanity, zank you, Doktor Richtofen, for giving me zis boost.’

Rachel looked up to find the wizard standing over her.

“...Shit.” She quickly tried to find her liquid nitrogen sprayer.

She shrieked in pain as the weapon she had been looking for was used on her, freezing everything below her neck nearly solid and ceasing her movement.

With a few tears of pain in her eyes, she looked up at her foe...

… And nearly poked her eye out on the lightning rod of the Wunderwaffe.

*BOOM-ZZZZZZZZZHHHH* A small shockwave was heard, and then she was quickly roasted from the inside out by a strong bolt of lightning.

“Jolly good, that’s… Agent 4 and Condition One, this one, Ezio’s kill, John’s kill, Blue was turned, and that incident with the blades guy and me with my willy out spraying piss on the floor… so that’s six out of a few dozen… good progress!” He said, putting his top hat back on and going to check out the progress on finding Applejack.

Walking through the desert was calming… it was nice.

His sanity went back up, and Richtofen was silenced.

For a little while.

“♪Two weeks until the end of spriiiiing, it won’t be so bright, but it’ll still be greeeeen.” Wilson quietly sang as he found himself delving into yet another cave.

-One Month Later-

“Vhy are you singing?”

“♪It helps keep my sanity stable~... okay where was I? Oh yes. ♪No it won’t be so briiiiight, but it’s time to introduce even longer days, and even shorter niiiiiiights. ♪OH Summer, a time of rest and relaxaaaation. ♪Summer, come on, let’s go on a vacaaaation. ♪Summer is coming, and it’s fiiiiiine, let’s throw a party with ice-cold drinks and lots of liiiiiiime.”

“Eugh, vhy rhyme, of all zings?”

“♪I didn’t write the song~... shit.” Wilson had been delving into Canterlot Mountain.

After Twilight’s freakout and Cerberus’s leaving his post, Wilson had been charged with making sure he’d been led back successfully and that he was, indeed, at his post.

The scientist may have gotten lost along the way.

It might have been a mountain closer to Ponyville, and not Canterlot mountain.

That didn’t matter right now, he was deep in Canterlot Mountain now, and despite technically being several hundred feet underground, he was still thousands of feet above the ground outside.

He wandered, and wandered, and wandered, eventually finding himself down in a cold part of the cave, so cold that it had snow on the floor.

Using his Light Sword as a light source, the scientist/wizard/mobster/gentleman found himself looking into a cave full of gemstones and other crystals.

“Vilson, I am getting un eerie feeling from zis, please leave, NOW!”

‘No, I can feel it too, it’s something to do with chaos magic, I think this is a sort of… spatial rend, a rift, a hole, a wormhole.’

“Vhat are you? A thesaurus?”

‘I read one once… hold on, do you hear that?’

There was a sound like a distant shuffling on the snow, and then an “Oh shit!”, immediately followed by a falling sound, some clattering of plastic on ice, and a *click*.

Wilson felt extreme dread as he now had to wander through this chaos-filled area with an unknown other person somewhere, probably very nearby, and probably wanting to hurt him.

A pulse of chaos energy lurched out at that moment, launching his sword out of his hand and deep into the snow somewhere in the darkness, its glow drowned out by the thick layer of snow on the everywhere.

‘This is bad, this is not good at all, oh lord how could this get worse?’

Fate saw this thought as a challenge, and the song started, the beat reverberating off the crystal walls with great clarity and ambience, making it sound like the music was coming from everywhere.

“Bloody goddamn motherfucking HELL!” Wilson whisper-deadpanned to himself, scrambling through the snow to find his sword.

“AW HELL!” David yelled as he scrambled through the snow to find his iPod.

Author's Note

And then the cliffhanger came!

Do I need to say it?

Chaotic Wedding

Hexed Lives
By Awesomedude17 and The P Co

-Deep inside the Canterlot Mountain-

‘Well, that could have gone better, dipshit.’

Wilson was confused, that voice was neither German, nor pleasant.

‘Hello? Anozzer blue voice? Vhat are joo doing here?’

‘What? Who the hell are you, sauerkraut?’

That voice seemed familiar.

‘As Deadpool vould say, RACIST!’

‘Wait, Deadpool? Who am I even hearing?’

‘Hello fruend, my name iz Wilson Higgsbury, I can hear jour thoughts at this level of insanity… how are joo doing today?’

‘Um, not so good.’

‘HELP! I’M TRAPPED IN MY OWN HEAD! MY NAME IS DAVID AND HE’S HOLDING ME CAPTIVE!’

‘Shut the fuck up Condition One, I’m David, and you’re just a part of me, the crazy part.’

‘I vish I could have a separate crazy part, zadly I do not.’

Suddenly, Wilson felt a slightly vibrating object on his hand under the snow.

He pulled it out, revealing it to be the device that was playing the song.

‘Vilson, vhat do you zink zis music-playing device is?’

‘Deadpool called his an ‘iPod’, so I vill call it that as vell.’

There was a few second of pause, and then a source of light shone in the cave.

‘Hey, I think I found a sword.’

‘Hold on just a second David...*ahem* Hey Wilson, my pal.’

‘OH CHRIST NO! NONONONONNONONONONONONONONOOO, NEIN NEIN NEIN! ABORT ABORT ABORT MAXVELL NOT VELCOME!’

Wilson flailed around for a few seconds, then he fell down onto his face.

‘What’s wrong pal? Aren’t we friends? I would have thought that you’d have been more happy to see me?’

‘Happy to zee joo six veet under!’

‘Maxwell, what the fuck did you do to this guy?’

‘I sent him camping… forever… and his only objective was to not starve, anyways, Wilson, we have your pretty little sword, if you’d like to make a trade, then we can trade.’

Wilson didn’t care about the sword anymore, he liked this iPod.

David smiled, the deal seemed quite fair.

‘Fünf, vier, drei, zwei, eins, null… he’s at zero sanity.’

Wilson’s pupils dilated to pinpricks as the Light Sword’s holy glow illuminated his face, and he began to find a new song to play.

“Keep that bullshit! Richtofen is all I need, if you have anything extra though, I’ll take it off your hands.”

‘Hey asshole, this glowy sword is better than your stupid Jackass sword.’

‘It’s Bastard sword, CO.’

“Zat perfectly describes me, chap, give it here.” Wilson held out his hand.

David handed over the bastard sword, and held out his hand for the scabbard to the Light Sword.

Wilson nodded, handing it over.

“Vell, eet’s nice to zee zat ve can settle zis peacefully, now if you’ll excuse me… YOLOLOLO!” Wilson shouted as he ran out of the cave from the way he came, a new song playing on the iPod.

Wilson ran away for several seconds, relieved to only hear his own footsteps, he kept running until he could no longer see David, then he slowed to a walk.

‘Zat was amazingly clever, but what now?’

‘I vant to SVING!’

Wilson found himself already outside the cave and in Canterlot’s outskirts, he started the song over again.

Putting the skills he’d taught himself to use, he began dancing to the swing.

-Fifty Feet Away-

“Hey boss, look at him.” Shovel Wrench said, pointing at the dancing man on the edge of the construction site.

“That’s one’a them hoo-mans, the smart one with the crazy hair and the vest.” Quarry Space figured, watching the scientist/wizard dance.

“What do you think he’s here for?” Shovel asked.

“None of the workers know, a few of the boys working on the foundation for this here mining base saw him go in there a few hours ago, Sawdust said that he heard him talking about checking on Cerberus an-”

“The Guardian of the Gates of Tartarus?”

“Yep, and he was singing about Summer too.”

“Weird… so is he, supposed to be doing some kind of... dance?”

“Maybe, it looks like it.”

-Back with Wilson-

The dapper man danced with his top hat and fancy cane AD17 had been so nice as to give him for his birthday a few days prior to the Canterlot Mountain trip.

‘Vilson.’

Wilson continued his happy dance.

‘Vilson...’

His mind was repaired as he spun his wand into the air and caught it, casting a spell.

“Oh come on and see Me-e-e-entis E-pis-KEY!” He cast, restoring his sanity further.

‘VILSOOOOOOOOOON!’

Making his way down the mountain (which he’d carved a path into) and to the car (which he’d been driven in by Adam), the sane-again scientist found Adam waiting there, smoking a cigar.

“Ah, brother Wilson, finally, shall we return to Ponyville?”

“Sure, I found this thing down in the cave, and I met this guy… he looked like that agent that attacked Blue Comet, but he didn’t attack me, for some reason.” Wilson pondered that thought, “Either he’s had a change of heart and/or side, or I’m just lucky.”

“You’re insane.” Adam replied simply,

“Not right now, chap, not right now.” Wilson said as he buckled up while the suited man drove them back home.

AD17 looked around in the cold climate, enjoying the cool air.

“Yep, this is the life.”

‘Why are you helping me all of a sudden? Weren’t you killing me before we fused or whatever we did?’

AD raised an eyebrow, and looked around.

‘Oh trust me, you’re still an asshole cunt with a motherfucking sorry-ass face, but you’re still me, and I want my body to live, being alive is one of the few things I like.’

AD then saw him.

‘Thanks, I guess...’

‘So shall we go to Ponyville then? I want to hear the rest of that interesting song.’

He got closer, readying his staff.

‘Bad idea, Blue Comet might be there, and then there are the others in his group, it’d be suicide.’

‘Like, how many others?’

‘Total, twelve, maybe thirteen if he’s with those guys.’

‘He?’

'Might be me.' AD thought.

‘The other person we got to take care of those people, also, here, it’s been over six months in the same time it’s been one day where we are.’

‘So, is this a bad time to talk to you guys?’

The man turned around, and AD jabbed the man’s face with his cane, then swung it, knocking him out.

AD17 slammed the tip of his cane on the ground, and sighed.

“Great, he’s gone rogue, and now he’s out cold. Damon will be pissed.” AD said as he saw his crazy creation.

He grabbed the man by the neck, the teleported back to Canterlot with him.

-A few hours later, in Ponyville-

Ezio leaned back and paused for a moment, thinking, then he continued.

“So then, I simply threw Cesare Borgia over the wall, letting gravity do the work.”

“That’s pretty cool… I wonder what he was thinking… y’know, what the last thing to go through his head was?”

“Probably the stone-brick road.” Ezio suggested with a laugh.

The two shared a hearty laugh, then suddenly...

*FLASH* Blue Comet disappeared in a flash of golden light.

“Mios dio, what the hell?” The master Assassin yelped in surprise, checking the spot where Blue had been.

Nothing, he was really gone.

“Gone to where, though?” Ezio mused, quickly making his way down to the ground from the roof of the large house that he, Deadpool, Steve, Link, Midna, Chief, and Arbiter lived in.

Wilson and Adam had moved into their mansion, and from the insanity going on between the voices in the heads shared with Deadpool and Chief, Arbiter doing his alien stuff, Steve using his Rocket Launcher for just about anything that wasn’t launching rockets (including a walking cane, with the muzzle being the bottom end), it was hell for the renaissance man.

“Hey ya big stud- I mean, stuck-up fancy-ass.” Rainbow greeted, blushing slightly at the compliment she almost let out.

“While my posterior does get the benefit of wearing fine clothes, I do not believe that it is innately fancy, and I would say that it is stuck-down, since it is also called the ‘bottom’.” Ezio countered with a chuckle.

“Yeah, well anyways, where’s my roomie? He’s late on the rent.” She informed, cracking her fetlocks in preparation to smack the agent.

“He just disappeared, simply vanished and gone, I believe that he may have been teleported by some sort of divine means, due to the teleportation being made of golden light.”

“Well that’s just great, first he’s late on the rent, then he gets teleported to Celestia-knows-where, and I’m just here talking to this saucy idiot.”

“I am quite the scholar, Lady Rainbow Dash, so I would be more of a saucy smart-guy.”

“Shut up, stupid sexy Istalian.” The cyan pegasus muttered, blushing and turning away from the assassin.

“I understand your plight, there have been many ladies like yourself who could not admit their feelings, and I will give you time to sort yourself out, Lady Rainbow.”

“Stop calling me that!” She complained, “It’s…” her blush intensified, “...girly.”

Rainbow pouted, turning away from the assassin and flying away.

Ezio merely chuckled, getting the spectrum-maned mare all flustered and adorable like that was simply too tempting to resist.

There was still a problem though, Blue Comet was still gone.

“I wonder where he ended up at?” Ezio mused as he began to search for his fellow.

“Who knows? All I know is, I caught an agent, let’s all go to Canterlot, bitches!” AD said suddenly, dressed in business attire.

Light purple light flashed all around Ezio, and he was suddenly somewhere else.

-Canterlot Castle, Throne Room-

Celestia, having decided that the capturing of one of their other-versely enemies was far more important than a 1% price increase on kiwi tarriffs, shooed away the diplomats and prepared for the appearance of-

*FLASH* The twelve humans and AD.

Except one was missing, and another added.

“Where is Blue Comet?” She asked, confused at the sudden absence.

“I don’t know.” Ezio answered, “He simply vanished in a flash of light.”

“Where am I?” The new person asked.

“Wait a second, that’s the agent that attacked Blue a few months ago.” John pointed out, recognized the clothes and mask.

“He’s dizzy now, I knocked him da fuck out!” AD17 then binded the man into a chair with chains.

“He sounds less crazy, that’s a bad sign.” Deadpool knew what crazy sounded like.

“Well, he was knocked da fuck out, he’s disoriented!” AD rationalized.

“Well, let’s just see who the man behind the mask is.” Harry said, walking up to the man and removing his mask.

A blue-eyed man with curly brown hair was what was under the mask.

“I met him in a cave, if that helps.” Wilson added.

“Yeah, but I have no idea who that is.” Harry remarked.

“His name is David Vulakh of Earth 216-17, and he’s a maniac.”

“That’s in the Gamma sector…” Harry recalled.

“Gamma? What? Am I the Hulk now or something?” David asked, shaking his head.

“No, you’re not, CO, wake up cueball.”

“I know, for a fact, since I’m the one and only Deadpool, that Gamma humans don’t have access to Marvel comics.” Wade pointed out, right for once.

“Ugh, someone shut him up.” David groaned. “He’s fucking ANNOYING!!!”

“The nearest universe to Alpha that has Marvel comics is the Delta sector.” Again, Wade was correct.

“Well Wade, if you’re right, how does this help us?”

“Heyoo.” Steve agreed with Harry.

“He may look like that asshole that tried to beat up Blue Comet and kill some of us, but he’s not, or at least his brain isn’t.” Deadpool evaluated.

AD17 then had a test.

“KMFDM...” AD17 started.

“Sucks!” David replied, knowing that band.

“Okay, he’s an imposter, CO barely listens to industrial music.”

“So he’s not the guy, then who is he?” Adam asked, getting to the point.

“I’m from the other world, I think it was Iota-1.” David replied.

“No, we’re in Iota-1, you must be from Iota-2.” Wade said, getting closer to David.

“Well, if that’s true, then I can help, I’m deep undercover, I’m getting as much info as possible...”

“And you assimilated the real CO with the Lusar Codex.” Harry revealed.

“... How’d you know?”

“It’s an old and powerful wizard’s tome, I cared about it because ‘it was cool’, as my past self said.”

“Is it like the Umbra Codex?” Wilson asked.

“It’s the light counterpart, written by Lucifer to counter his brother Satan’s work.”

“Oh thank goodness, I was worried there for a minute... I heard both are in German from someone...”

“Yes, I can read some German... I like the language.” David lied easily.

“You are lying.” Chief noted quickly.

‘Hi gray guy!’

‘Oh god I hoped that this would take longer to happen.’

“Wade, get your fucking head voices out of my head.” David complained.

“But I like the sound of your head voices.”

‘Yes, it’s a quite dapper voice, no?’

‘SHUT THE FUCK UP! FUCK YOU DEADPOOL!’

‘Geeze, he’s a dick! And not the cultured kind either.’

‘This is a bit of a clusterfuck.’

‘Ya think?’

‘I am sure of it.’

‘Alright, enough of this!’

‘I count… Wade and Chief makes 2, 2, 4, 8, 11, 11 voices in all.’

“Yeah, the green voice has a point, and so does the light blue one, shut up!” AD17 yelled out.

‘VILSOOOOOON! LET ME IN!’

Wilson was getting driven insane by all these head-voices flying around.

‘Vunderbar, now zen, vith vier different blue voices, ve shud compress zis converzation to a minimum.’

‘Ja, sounds like a gut idea, mein fruend.’

‘Hey, dipshits, give me back my iPod.’

‘Don’t do it, Wilson, and don’t pretend like you know German either.’

‘And don’t let him play Dance, make him play Me-’

‘Compromise, play Hau Ruck.’

‘Hau Ruck?’

‘Okay, let’s forget the music for a minute, and let’s all just settle what’s going on...’

“Okay, so what we need to do is ascertain his innocence, Link, THE SWORD!” Deadpool commanded.

“Sword?” David asked.

“It is the Master Sword, a divine weapon that only pure of heart can touch.”

“Those of neutral hearts are harmed, and evil is destroyed.” Ezio recalled his own ‘test’.

‘Umm, I’ll just go before he touches you with that blade... good bye.”

The blade was laid on the back of David’s hand.

‘Oh God, it’s burning me!’

David winced at a slight pinching feeling, but merely shook his head.

“Yeah, that’s the good stuff.” David said, actually finding himself enjoying the sensation.

Link raised his eyebrows, and pulled back.

“Okay, that’s new.”

‘There is a lot of room in here.’

‘Yeah, I clean it out regularly.’

‘Unlike his suit.’

‘I didn’t need to know that.’

‘So I just realized, I can still hear you guys from here, it’s a big crystal place that I’m in.’

‘Oh yeah, me too.’

‘GAH! Filtzy American svinehund ist blue just like me!

‘Same here… and for a few hours, I thought that I was safe.’

‘Hours? It’s been, like, almost 5 minutes here.’

‘Enough of this rainbow, I have to edit this later.’

‘Don’t spoil the epilogue!’

‘I didn’t know that I was being a problem… I hate being connected to you idiots.’

AD slammed the tip of his cane on the floor, causing a loud explosion sound.

“Alright, let me do something real quick.”

AD pushed his hand into Wade’s skull, then swirled it around a bit, then pulled out a thin, tall man in a dapper suit, and threw him across the room.

“There, annoyance removed, and now we watch the resulting action.”

Maxwell shook his head, and then saw Wilson draw his sword, and dash after him.

“BEGONE FOUL MASTER OF DARKNESS!” Wilson shouted, raising his bastard sword and chasing after the diminished Umbra Lord.

“DAMN YOU ALL!!!” Maxwell went into the shadows, and disappeared. Wilson found himself annoyed beyond belief.

“BLOODY HELL! I almost had him!” Wilson shouted, punching the space that Maxwell had been standing in.

“So, that was...” Adam trailed off, deciding that this madness wasn’t worth it.

“Maxwell, last name is not Atoms.” AD replied.

“Uh, let me go?” David asked.

“Okay.” Deadpool said, shooting out the ropes.

Master Chief slapped Deadpool upside the head and pulled his pistol on David, keeping him sitting in the chair.

“You may be innocent, but we aren’t done here.” Chief informed in a warning tone.

“Yeah, but the enemy of my enemy-” David was cut off by a snarling sound.

“It cuts both ways, human.” Arbiter replied, snarling.

“... You look funny.” Was David’s only response.

“I am a Sanghelli, the Elite to the English tongue, we are a proud race of warriors, in but a mere two seconds, I could cut you into fours.” Arbiter drew his dual Energy Swords.

“Oh... okay.” David looked at Harry.

“Listen, if you let me go, I’ll tell you everything I know so far.”

“...Should we?” Harry asked the group.

“Tell us what you know first, then we’ll let you go.” Chief said, lowering his pistol.

“Okay, so you know Agent 4?”

“Blue told me of her, she is one of the best agents, and part of a group called Division W9.” Ezio recalled.

“And she’s an alternate Rarity, a guy named Michael told me about her past, briefly, I might add, but still.”

“Wait, what?” Soldier was picking his nose at the time.

“Blue did mention something about that.”

“Also, this guy runs-”

“Damon, we know.”

“Okay... I also noticed that their weapons are rather basic, Five-seveNs, Kalashnikovs, RPGs, reliable weapons for the most part.”

“I saw an agent with a device, I have it here.” Wilson pulled out the liquid nitrogen sprayer.

“That I haven’t seen before... but it looks like Liquid Nitrogen, very cold stuff.”

“She froze almost solid from the neck down, right before I put so much lightning through her that her head exploded.”

“Wait, Wilson, did you...” Harry stopped himself.

“Yes, she was planning to kill me, so why not?” Wilson replied.

‘Exactly!'

“Okay, I keep hearing a hammy German guy, who the hell is that?” David moaned out.

‘AH! Mein attempts at hiding mein voice have been all for nought! I am Doktor Richtofen.’

“Nikolai mentioned you once.”

‘REALLY!!!’

“Yeah, he hates you for trying to suck him up for a drink.”

‘Ridiculous, I vanted to hit on him, he has a good arse, ja?’

“And he’s gay, brilliant. Nothing against gays, it’s just, he’s seems, off.”

“You know, it wasn’t until I was a man that I realized that people had a problem with gays, one of my uncles is gay, and all I really knew about it that was ‘odd’ was that he would talk about his boyfriend instead of his girlfriend… but we’re getting off topic here.” Harry said, pulling off his glasses for a second and clearing his eyes.

“Yes, we are... as for my crew of misfits, we got eleven others. Nikolai is a former soldier for the Red Army, and a terrible alcoholic.”

“Hmm...” Chief hummed.

“Then there’s Albert, I don’t know much, but he seems a bit pessimistic. Mentioned Alcatraz too.”

“He might be a criminal… or a guard… either or.” Deadpool mused.

“Yeah, and then there’s Michael.”

“Yes, I met him.” Harry mused.

“And his new friend, Steve?.”

“Heyoo?” Steve hummed.

“Steve??” Chief asked.

“Yeah, he’s blocky, for some reason. Then there’s Stryker, a SWAT officer, and his partner, Dovahkiin.”

“SWAT huh?”

“Wait, Dovahkiin, I met him with Wade a few months ago.” Chief noted.

“You met the legendary Dragonborn, where?” Celestia asked.

“At Sweet Apple Acres.” Chief answered.

“Yeah, he’s like, a ten-year-old boy.” Deadpool added, “Did you add him to Facebook?”

“I don’t have Facebook, I prefer tumblr and Twitter.” David replied, annoyed.

“WHAT!”

“Getting off track, there’s also Lee, a half-zombie man.”

“How is one a half-zombie?” Chief knew the tales of the zombies.

“He’s still able to control himself, but as of now, he has nails about the size of steak knives, and can leap entire bounds.”

“Sounds dangerous.” Soldier noted. “I’d wrestle him.”

“Yeah, and he might also have some sort of super-long tongue, I saw him a couple of times patrolling the city.”

“Hmm, Gene Simmons like tongue?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, and there’s his fat friend, Coach.”

“Who names their kid Coach? OH WAIT! Ponies would, maybe.” Wade laughed.

“It’s likely a nickname, he’s carries around a shotgun, but seems to just be a normal human otherwise.”

“Interesting.” Midna nodded.

“GAH! WHO THE-?!” David freaked out at the sight of the imp

“Oh wow, he’s even more jumpy than Harry.”

“Geeze woman, don’t scare a man who is strong enough to break an arm with little effort!”

“The people?” Link asked, keeping the conversation on track.

“Right, there’s also a dragon, Spyro, he’s quadrupedal, and purple.”

“Hmm, he’s almost like Spike.” Harry noted.

“Apparently he’s supposed to be some Spike guy, like I’m supposed to be like Rarity, or something.” It hadn’t really been made very clear to David on the nature of that appearance.

“Right, wasn’t there suppose to be two more.”

“There’s this guy, who calls himself, ‘The Postal Dude.’ That guy’s a sociopath.”

Soldier turned around, feeling something...

He saw some red near the door, and pulled out his shovel.

“And then the worst of us all, Trevor Phillips.”

“Trevor Phillips?” Chief asked.

“How’s he the worst?” Celestia asked.

“The man’s a-

“YAAAAAAHHHHH!” Soldier let loose a battlecry, running towards the discoloration on the door to the throne room.

Unfortunately, he tripped over the Dispenser, and upon smacking his head on the ground, he vanished like a blink, no flashes of light or portals or anything.

“Huh, now that I look at that from an outside perspective, it looks fucking weird.” Postal Dude said, walking towards the group, “So I tripped over some random rock-candy-pony on the way to the 1st Player Army Training Grounds, and now I’m here.” He explained.

“Oh, there’s The Dude there... anyway, about Trevor-”

“Hold on, so I’m in another world right now?” The Dude asked the group.

Most of them aimed their guns at him.

“Hey, I’m not even exercising my Second Amendment rights, you fucking communists.”

“Don’t worry, he may hate everything, but he’s on our side.” David assured.

“I figured that I like being alive, so I’ll stick with you all for a bit.” Dude added.

“Alright, so about Trevor...” Wade asked.

“Alright, you know the most despicable person you think of?”

“Thanos…” Wade growled.

“Voldemort.” Harry growled.

“The Prometheans.” Chief growled.

“Ganondorf.”

“Zant.”

“The cops.” Adam scowled.

“Maxwell.” Wilson snarled.

“The Templars...” Ezio said with great hidden anger.

“Yes, and Trevor could say ‘fuck you’ to all of them, rip their guts out, strangle them with said guts, piss all over them, then go back to home to take several hits of meth right before killing hundreds in a blind rage, then probably doing suicidal stunts in his underwear. He’s fucking dangerous man, he could be the one who could kill Damon without trying.”

“BULLSHIT!!!” Wade yelled out.

“He wears a stained white muscle shirt and dirty blue jeans.”

“NOT BULLSHIT!!!” Wade remembered Trevor from the time he got his skill stomped to mush.

“And he tortured Agent 4 for info. I know, I helped.” The Dude piped up.

“You tortured her!?” Wilson yelled out.

“Well, I helped, I didn’t really do much besides hand Trevor a can of gasoline and a rag.”

“Gasoline?” Adam raised an

“And smashed her leg with a large monkey wrench.”

“Engie does that to people who catch him by surprise.” Soldier said, not really understanding the gravity of the situation.

“Weren’t you gone a minute ago?”

“Oh yeah right.” Soldier disappeared again.

“Is this some kind of running gag?” David asked

“Pretty much.” AD17 said, twirling his cane around.

“And you’re the guy who ‘knocked me da fuck out’?” David asked, raising an eyebrow to the business-like god-figure.

“Yep.” AD17 said, humming a tune.

“You know, I don’t blame you.”

“And that’s how we know he’s ultimately innocent!” Deadpool brought that point up again.

“But you’re an asshole, nonetheless.”

“I retract my previous statement!”

“Is there anyone else in your Equestria to note?” Chief asked.

“Aside from the elements, there’s also this couple who rule this place, The Crystal Empire.”

“I mean humans.” Chief clarified.

“Hmm... P1 was his name.”

“Oh shit, not him.” AD facepalmed.

“Did you say, The Crystal Empire?” Celestia asked.

*BANG*

“What was that?” Arbiter took out his Needle Rifle.

“Untie me again.” David asked firmly.

“Alright, but I’m holding you at gunpoint, just in case.”

“That supposed to make me feel good?” David said as his bonds was released, and was put into the grasp of Chief.

“No, it’s not.” Chief informed bluntly.

The group approached the area where the explosion came from.

*BANG*

“You skirt-wearing women are not...”

*Amazingly Powerful Kick!!!*

“AAAAAHHHH-OMPH!!!” *CRASH!!!*

A guard crashed through one of the walls, unconscious and probably dead.

Then came two more humanoids, wearing full Organization gear.

One was wearing a pale green mask with orange goggles, her boots seemed to have some sort of rocket-mechanism or explosive devices on them.

The other woman was wearing a pale red hockey mask with blue goggles instead, with obviously crimson-dyed straight hair hanging down her head.

“Let him go.” One of them ordered in a low growl.

“Agents, help me out here, now!”

‘Oh, they are here! Agents Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel’

Crushed Sauce raised one foot.

‘Crushed Sauce?’

‘Retarded, I know, it’s because applesauce.’

And I thought Hells was unimaginative.

A shockwave flew from the sole of her boot, hitting the group hard.

David stumbled towards the duo, and then took a Thumper from Crushed Sauce.

“About time you fucking showed up.” David aimed at Deadpool, and fired.

Crimson Gravel giggled like a schoolgirl as she sprayed napalm from a wrist-mounted shooter, making a flaming barrier between the three agents and the eleven humans.

The Dude was hit, and was burning.

He promptly zipped down his pants, leaned back, and let nature go, pissing himself out.

“OOOOHHH, YEEAAAH!!!”

“Fuckin’ gross.” Crushed Sauce scowled.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star… how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.” Crimson sang as she pulled out a cyan orb and threw it towards Celestia, launching her through the roof.

David looked around the hallway, and saw the room labeled ‘Evidence’ and kicked open the door.

“What’re ya doin’!”

“Getting my shit, shut up!”

David went in, and saw the familiar weapons he had before getting knocked out, and grabbed them all.

“Ring around the rosy.” Crimson sang as the humans recovered from the massive explosion, pouring a rose-red fluid on the ground in a circle.

“Geeze, she’s crazier than me!” Deadpool yelled out.

“A pocket full of posie.” She sang, dropping posie leaves on the ground and pulling out a lighter.

“Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!” The Dude fired a napalm rocket at Crimson, who kicked it away through a window, and scowled.

“Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!” She sang more menacingly, dropping the lighter and letting it fall onto the posie petals.

The flames went up to the ceiling, with electricity arcing through the air towards them all, and the group went backwards to avoid the fire.

“Fall back, temperature readings reaching critical heights.” Cortana warned.

Chief knew that the critical height was about 4000 degrees fahrenheit, so whatever this substance was, it was highly advanced.

“Alright, stop singing nursery rhymes, and let’s go, Agent 4’s in danger, and we need help to kill these fuckers!” David ordered the two, raising his MP5’s.

“Oh, it’s raining luggage, and babies, and limbs, and daddy doesn’t come home!” Crimson sang, pulling out a toy airplane and throwing it at the floor.

The throne room promptly blew the fuck up, the roof launching over a hundred feet into the air and crashing down somewhere in the guards’ training grounds, narrowly missing a group of new recruits and making them run away with liquid fear running down their legs.

David kicked out a window, and readied a parachute.

“That’s a reference to 9/11, in case you were wondering.” The cheery-voiced agent said.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, fucking crazy bitch.” David jumped out, and soon pulled the zipcord.

“Well, what can you expect from the Element of Laughter?” Pinkie asked, throwing a few more grenades into the mix.

“Laughter and Honesty are not what I am, you two.”

“True.” Applejack said, following the same idea as David.

Pinkie, however, was wearing a heavily fire-proofed suit, and had no problems in the heat of the inferno she’d caused.

She stayed behind to make sure that her frenemies were not okay.

“Are we dead? I feel like we’re dead.” Wilson asked, his eyes clenched shut.

“No we aren’t, soldier, now stop your whining.” Chief said, relieved that nobody had been left out of the bubble shield.

Crimson found the group amidst the smoke, and readied her molotov cocktails.

“Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water~!” She sang, lighting the rag with the fire raging right outside the shield.

“Shit.”

“You won’t hurt my friend!” A new voice shouted.

Just as Pinkie threw the crude fire bomb, a shadowy creature grabbed the crew and flew out the window.

She scowled as the shadow creature flew out.

“GRAH, I wasn’t DONE PLAYING YET!!!” Pinkie stomped the ground in frustration, and then decided to run off to regroup with AJ and CO.

-The edge of he Everfree Forest-

The Druid Mistress touched down, dismissing her shadowy summons with a pat on the head.

The group found themselves confused and worried.

She thanked all of her elemental friends for helping her get the group out safely.

The humans soon saw her, and readied their weapons.

“Who are you?” Adam demanded.

“They call me The Druid Mistress, but don’t worry, I’m a friend.”

“How?” Ezio asked.

“Well mister Ezio, why don’t you use your Eagle Vision?”

Ezio stopped for a second, ‘How does she know-’ he figured that that wasn’t important right now, and focused.

The world went dark, and he saw that this woman was covered in a bright blue aura.

“Why I didn’t do this earlier, I do not know… or maybe I did…” He remembered a few flashes of imagery shortly before they escaped, a blue man and two red women.

“The point is, those two, Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel, they’re broken, and... they need help...” The Druid turned away, seemingly ready to cry.

“Those two agents who powerhoused their way into BLOWING UP THE THRONE ROOM?! THEY NEED HELP?!?!” WIlson cried out in disbelief.

“It’s not their fault, they’ve been corrupted by Damon, he broke them, he threatened their families, then he... he...” She broke down, and began to cry, sliding to her knees, then to the ground, curling up in a fetal position and sobbing.

She’d held back her tears for a long time, and now they finally flooded forth.

Link was at her side soon enough, “Just stay strong and tell us.”

“Element of Kindness indeed.” Celestia said as she descended to the group, finally returning from her trip to the stratosphere.

“Well… I mean, it helped me resist and all, but…” Fluttershy continued her crying for several more seconds, letting the poisonous feeling drain out.

“What? The Element of Kin-... wait a bloody second...” Harry reached forward tentatively and removed the mahogany mask from the agent’s face.

A butter-yellow furred face with turquoise eyes filled with sadness, regret, and a hidden wrath greeted them all.

“Fluttershy? But…” Wade couldn’t even.

“Damon took each of us from different versions of anthropomorphic Equestria’s deciding to spread the ruin he’d put them through as far as possible… he’s a cruel bastard like that. When he came to me, he’d forced me to kill my best friend, and then went on and killed the others himself, I was forced to join, forced to take on these powers.” She removed her pale green gloves, revealing that the backs of her hands each had a colored six-pointed star tattooed into them.

Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Spirit, and Darkness were written on the arms of the stars, a sort of instruction system in case she may have faced amnesia.

“It’s pretty hellish, I have to say, but the pay was good and the benefits were great, but I just couldn’t be so cruel to others like that, so my Element helped me resist… same with Rainbow Dash.” The pink-haired woman explained, putting her gloves back on.

“So if you and this agent group’s Rainbow Dash were the only ones to resist, then Rarity and Twilight Sparkle were also corrupted.” Celestia inferred.

“Yes, Crushed Sauce is Applejack, she could take a 12.7x41mm round to the head and come out unscathed.”

“That’s the caliber of my pistol.” John noted.

“You have a S&W500 caliber pistol? Where do I get one?” Deadpool asked.

“It’s standard issue for the UNSC Space Marines.”

“S&W? Smith and Wesson? I might have to invest in them when I get back.”

“In addition to gold, friend.” AD17 said, appearing above the group on a large, fancy couch, dressed in a rich man’s relaxation wear.

AKA a bathrobe, fez, pipe, and slippers.

“Oh, hello there escapee 3, David.” Fluttershy greeted in a depressed tone.

“Wait, WHAT? But I thought that-” Deadpool was confused.

“I based David on myself, yes.” AD17 replied, “My friend must be escapee 2, Evan?”

“Yes, and we don’t talk about escapee 1, Lucifer.”

“Lucifer escaped the Organization mothership?”

“Lucifer was captured in the first place?”

“Yes, we call him the Taint Master, because of his abilities to tempt anyone into doing anything, and he was supposed to get Thor corrupted and sent after you… but…”

“THOR ODINSON SHALL NEVER BE SWAYED!” Thor shouted as he appeared out of a bolt of lightning.

And the thunder that followed right after.

*BOOM*

“Sorry about that.” Thor apologized, raising his fist and casting an electrified blessing on everyone present.

“Thor, where’s your hammer, Moaner?” Deadpool asked.

“Mjolnir, was captured by the Organization and stored in an unknown universe, I do not know where. However with this,” He pulled out the spear that Odin used as a staff, “...I can retain my powers.”

“Nice, and nice to see that you kept your Chris Hemsworth look.” Wade noted with a hand on one hip and a finger tracing an outline of Thor’s figure in midair.

“Yes, alright, so… with the great Gungnir, I can help you… I understand that you, Master Chief, have a reverence for me.”

“Yes, it is an unbelievable honor to meet a god like yourself.”

“Yes… take some lightning like the Man of Iron did.” Thor raised the staff and cast a bolt of lightning at Chief.

“Chief, suit power levels at 499% full.”

Chief prompted Cortana to install the Overdrive functions and the Hand Cannon attack, sacrificing his Spartan Laser for it.

“Alright, if you will excuse me, friends, I bless you with good tidings and no harm from storms, I must return to Asgard, for without its ruler, it will become chaos.” The large human-shaped god raised his staff to lightning-teleport away, but then remembered the shockwave that would follow, and decided rather to spin his staff to fly off into the clouds instead.

“Okay, bye Thor, and thanks for the willingness to support us.” Deadpool called out to his fellow Marvel hero.

“Well, that was certainly something.” Fluttershy remarked, flapping her wings and standing up again.

“Out of curiosity and science, how are you able to speak at a normal volume whilst the full-pony Fluttershy speaks twice the volume of a whisper all of the time?” Wilson asked, for science.

“I just, sort of… stopped doing it, I had to be strong to survive in the Organization, and so I spoke louder and louder until I finally just spoke at the same volume that others do, makes sense?”

“Makes sense.” The messy-haired scientist/wizard replied.

“Well, I believe that that is enough of this little exposition, we truly should get back to our work with finding out how to turn to the offensive against the Organization. We will help you, Druid Fluttershy, however we will need help from you to fight off the evil Applejack and Pinkie Pie agents.” Ezio assured, helping Fluttershy up.

“Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel are their codenames.” The sniffling agent revealed, wiping away her tears.

“HAHA, that first one sounds retarded, why is she called that?” Deadpool asked, laughing at the name.

“Because of applesauce, that’s really the only reason.” Fluttershy explained briefly, that was literally all there was to it.

“Applesauce?” Link queried.

“It’s like a sauce, made of apples… that’s it, that’s legit all there is to it.” Wade answered.

‘Roll call!’

‘Chief took a good shock to the noggin with Thor’s lightning.'

‘I am still Justice.’

‘And I’m still Randomness.’

‘I can still hear you guys from all the way in Iota-2

‘I’m not in Iota-2, whatever that is, but I can still hear you idiots.’

‘Hold on, I think I can-*CRRK*-make this a little less confusing by going silver.’

‘AH! That dark evil guy is back!’

‘No you idiot, Maxwell was a darker gray.’

‘Oh, okay then… so you can hear us?’

‘I think I can listen to just about anyone’s thoughts, Richtofen gave me that power.’

‘VILSOOOOOON! LOSE SOME SANITY!’

“I will overlook the reparations for Canterlot Castle, you all should continue to prepare for both directions of assault between us and the Organization, either them to us, or us to them.” Celestia instructed, flapping her wings and getting into a hover.

She gave one last look to the group, a very serious look.

“Mister ‘The Dude’, you should find a way to get back to your group.” She instructed the red-headed man.

“I’m already back.” The Dude said, immediately disappearing without any special effects.

“Again with a sudden disappearance… this is getting ridiculous.” Ezio facepalmed.

“Not as ridiculous as these-” Deadpool started.

-A couple of weeks later-

“-RANDOMLY-TIMED SCENE TRANSITIONS!” Deadpool finished, startling the others with his sudden outburst.

“Deadpool, why have you said this, amico? It has been two weeks since you last spoke, and it was one of the top 5 best two week periods of my life.” Ezio reminisced, it was so peaceful… so many glasses of wine that didn’t get spilt because of Wade’s startling outbursts.

“Wait, what? Oh shit, right, I forget that I still have to talk between these transition things.”

“Transitions?” Link inquired.

“You can’t see them because you’re stuck behind the fourth wall, but the past couple of weeks will go unread by the viewers at home… so what’s the plot today?”

“I have found that the term ‘plot’ refers to… well I will stop there, but I must say that I very much enjoy plots.” Ezio smirked behind his wine glass.

“Oh yeah, by the way, Ezio, can you go pick up some more beers? We’re out.” Wade called out from the fridge, finding that the box was empty.

“I have not drank any of your ‘beers’, I have my wine, which nobody touches but me.”

“It’s like a red potion, but without the health benefits.” Link summed up the cold amber drink well.

“Right… so the answer is still no, I will say that the last person to drink one should get more.”

“John is doing that now, Wade wasn’t paying attention.” Arbiter informed.

“I should inform the girls that you spoke, among other things that I should do….I will be back later.”

“The girls? Do you have a fanclub or something?”

“No, those little fillies who go around ‘crusading’ for their cutie marks, I’ve been feeding them useless information so that the Templars of this world do not get any information that will help them take us down.”

“Um, Ezio, I don’t think that everyone who ‘crusades’ is a Templar, they’re just young little girls, are you sure that you’re not just being paranoid?”

“Link, amico, you raise a valid point, but it is better to be safe than to be sorry.” Ezio said as he walked out of the house and parkoured down the street.

“Oh, we’re on the Ponyville Confidential episode, where they take on the identity of Gabby Gums and publish false stories about the Mane 6, and learn that people have secrets, and they don’t like those secrets being aired.” Deadpool recalled that episode.

“Well, I would never tell people’s secrets via this ‘newspaper’ thing, not only is it morally wrong to betray someone’s trust like that, the newspaper seems strange and sporadic to me.” Link grimaced at the thought, he may have been a genius when it comes to solving problems, but he couldn’t even work out how to even open the newspaper.

“Yeah… so y’know what Link, we should go on a train ride, just for fun.” Deadpool grabbed the green-clad man and teleported to the train station.

“I have been tempted to attempt to drive a train, after seeing Adam and Wilson with their ‘car’ vehicle and how much fun it seems like.”

“Y’know Link, I think you’d make a great train conductor, let’s go!” Wade cheered, dragging the smaller man over to the ticket master

The two were recognized by the ticket master, and were waved on without hesitation, Princess Celestia herself had made special note that ‘The humans who are helping us’ were to be given free admission to all means of public transportation, the note had come with a set of pictures of the humans themselves.

The two got on the train and headed towards Canterlot.

-A week or so later-

“We’re going to Canterlot!” Deadpool cheered to the others.

“It seems like just yesterday we were going to Canterlot for the fun of it.”

“Actually, it was a week or so ago, Linkara.” Wade pointed out.

“Could you run the reason we’re going to Canterlot by me again?” Harry requested, the whole situation hadn’t been very clear.

“Harry, don’t you remember earlier?” Twilight recalled.

-Half an hour ago-

The group had gathered together for a picnic.

Wilson and Harry were enjoying some delicious treacle taffies that Pinkie had made.

Ezio and Link were drinking tea with Rarity and making small-talk.

Chief was alternating between eating a sandwich and looking around the fields for any agents that might try to pick one of them off from a distance.

He saw a black mass in the distance, shuffling towards them.

Standing up and looking through the scope of his sniper rifle, he saw that it was some sort of bug-pony hybrid.

“Everyone, we have an unidentified creature approaching.”

“Weird, judging from the sun, Spike’s late to the picnic.” Deadpool mused, knowing that Spike was carrying the ‘Plot Coupon’ that would start this whole process off.

“Spike? Oh no, I forgot to get him, I bet he probably thinks we’re crummy friends for not bringing him along for our picnic.”

“ATTENTION EVERYONE! UNIDENTIFIED CREATURE APPROACHING!” John repeated forcefully, jogging over to the stumbling creature.

The bug-pony collapsed to the ground, “*cough* Five *cough cough* words, watch out for *cough cough, blegh*” It stopped breathing, dead.

“Well that was horrifying.” Adam said flatly, suppressing his emotions.

“I’ll move this thing out of the way then.” Chief said, picking up the dead creature and sprinting off to the Everfree Forest.

“Um… okay then, that was a thing.” Twilight spoke for all of the Mane 6 with that statement.

“That was a thing, a bloody weird thing.” Harry spoke for all of the humanoids with that statement.

Spike came running towards the group, a pair of letters in his hand.

“You know, through all of my head-trauma that I’ve suffered, I’ve forgotten almost everything important about what I know.” Wade whispered to Chief.

“Well I never knew it in the first place, so we’re both equally blind as to what’s going to happen.” John replied to Deadpool.

“Twi*huff*light, letter for *huff* you.” Spike managed through his labored breaths.

Twilight levitated the letter closer to her up and opened it.

“To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

First, I’d like to inform you that the reparations to Canterlot Castle are complete.

Next, as I’m sure that you’re as excited about the big wedding that will soon occur in Canterlot, I’ve compiled a list of tasks that you, your friends, and the humans should complete.

Twilight, I want you to be the head manager of the preparations, make sure everything goes smoothly.

Rarity, I want you to make the dresses for the bride and her bridesmaids-” The self-reading letter was interrupted.

“I get to make the dresses? Oh my, what an honor.” Rarity said with reverence.

The letter resumed reading itself, “Rainbow Dash, your Sonic Rainboom would be the best way to end off the ceremony, so be prepared with that.”

“Sonic Rainboom for the ceremony finisher? Best, wedding, EVER!” Rainbow did the ‘so awesome’ face.

Ezio felt his heart melt a bit at the sight, it was absolutely adorable.

“Fluttershy, your bird choir skills are unmatched, so conduct a bird choir.

Applejack, the Apple Family’s cooking is talked about even in the halls of the castle, so it would be a delight if you were to head the food preparations.

Pinkie Pie, what’s a party without you? Not a good party, that’s what, do the decorations and organization for the after-party.

Spike, since I know that you wish to participate more in these important types of things, you will be the general manager, helping everyone else do their best.

Harry Potter, the magi of Canterlot have sensed a disturbance, and your skills would be of great help to them.

Wilson, you should help Harry with the magi.

Ezio, Link, and Adam, your parkour skills would be of great use in the preparation of not only decorations, but in Adam’s case, efficiently helping Master Chief assist in military organization.

Master Chief, if you weren’t listening to the previous line, I want you to assist in commanding the Canterlot military for the duration of the event, as I understand that you hold the highest of ranks in your universe’s military.”

“It’s true, but it’s nothing worth noting.” Chief dismissed humbly.

“Link, in addition to helping Ezio with general decorating, there has been a threat voiced against all of Canterlot, and your skills in dealing with widespread threats will be of dire need.”

“Oh my, that’s serious.” Twilight said, right before activating the self-reading again.

“Arbiter, help Chief.

Adam, your leadership skills, as denoted by the successfulness of your career in ‘mafia affairs’ (I shall not spout your secrets like a common gossiper) will prove useful, you will find a pony named ‘Vital’ in the Royal Dungeon, he will help you.

Deadpool, don’t blow anything up, unless it’s a bad guy.”

“Aww, oh well, I can deal with it.” He put sunglasses on, “Blowing up bad guys is fun, because they deserve it.”

“Soldier, if you’re back, follow John’s orders.”

Soldier wasn’t back.

“Midna, help Harry and Wilson, your understanding of light and dark types of magic will not only help the short-term goals of finding out who threatened Canterlot, but also in revealing secrets about those two elements of magic, both of which are tied for the least-known-about types of magic there are currently.

If Blue Comet is back, help the group doing the military commanding.”

Blue Comet wasn’t back either.

“Steve, do the same as Deadpool.”

“Heyoo!” Steve protested.

“I wish you all the best of luck.

Signed, yours truly.

~ Princess Celestia.”

“So, the self-reading letter, was anyone else both bloody confused and intrigued by that?” Harry queried.

A general agreement was the response from the others.

“Okay, so who’s wedding is it?” Wilson asked, bringing everyone out of their stupor.

“I was wondering that myself, there’s no mention of it.” Twilight turned the letter every-which-way and nothing said anything about it.

“I know.” AD17 said, dressed in the dapper purple pinstripe suit he seemed to always like.

“Whose wedding is it?”

“Ask your brother, or your old babysitter.” Was his response.

“Well, that’s the thing, maybe I should have given you this letter first.” Spike said sheepishly, handing over the other letter.

AD looked over it, and deadpanned.

“Oh, alright...”

“What does it say?”

“Read it.” AD handed it to Twilight.

“Alright, *ahem* We, the Canterlot Royal Commissions Office, are delighted to formally invite you to the wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and-” She stopped, lowering the letter.

“Yep, Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard.”

“My brother.” Twilight said flatly, her whole mood turning around.

“Ding ding, we have a winner, I’mma go meet them right now.” AD lowered his head to Chief, and whispered to him. Chief nodded, and whispered to Arbiter, who nodded as well.

“Well come on, let’s get to the train station and head off to Canterlot.” Deadpool said cheerily.

“Hold on guys, I... just need a minute.” Twilight said, feeling a bit betrayed at the moment.

She let that feeling of betrayal stew for a bit, and she frowned.

The frown deepened into a grimace, and she turned away from the group, summoning up her magic and fuelling it with hatred.

A black, purple, and sickly-green bolt of energy flew towards a nearby tree, turning it into ashes.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT, AND HE DOESN’T BOTHER TO TELL ME ABOUT IT?!?!?”

“Well, let’s see what could have happened for the past few months, oh yeah, we all almost died, a lot of times.” AD replied.

“But he couldn’t at least stop by to say, ‘Hey Twilight, I’m getting married!’, NO, apparently he couldn’t.” Twilight did a pretty good impression of her brother.

“Well, you have some point, he could’ve at least told you he was dating Cadenza.”

“Yeah, and another thing, who the hay is this Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?”

“Well, since I’m from another universe that sees over this kind of thing, I say, just get on the damn train lady!” AD17 yelled, pointing at the train.

Twilight hadn’t noticed that they’d even been teleported to the train station, “You’re a big jerk, you know that? A Grade-A dickface.”

“I know, I try. You know why, because most of these human I have to talk to, big douches. Let’s go.” The maniac said as he march onto the train.

And so they got on the train.

-Present-

Twilight had calmed down a great deal since then, and had actually stopped grimacing.

“Well, I agree, David’s a dick!” Deadpool said.

“Oh yes, indeed.” Wilson nodded.

“And maybe that Evan guy that the Druid Fluttershy Agent Woman told us about.” Arbiter added.

“Wait, what?” Was the collective response of the whole Mane 6.

“Well ladies, that attack on Canterlot a week or so ago was by two agents, Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel.” Chief informed.

“The former name’s the stupidest name I ever heard.” Twilight said.

“Ah agree, who in their right mind would call themselves ‘Crushed Sauce.’?” Applejack asked.

“You would, AJ, it’s another universe’s version of you.” Chief informed.

“Wait, what?” AJ blurted out.

‘Wait, they were... Ah think Ah need another smoke later.’

“Well, we captured a higher-up agent named Condition One, who turned out to be a friend in disguise.”

“I know because both my Eagle Vision and Link’s Master Sword ascertained his innocence.” Ezio piped up.

“Is that so, then what happened to the real Condition One?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

“In another Equestria, there’s another group of humans, or most of them are humans… one of them was another universe’s David, he used a spell in a book called the Lusar Codex to assimilate Condition One into his own body and mind.” Harry explained.

“And so, then we were attacked and he left with Crushed Sauce and Crimson Gravel, the latter of which was a creepy crazy bitch who the other agent said is Pinkie Pie from another Equestria.”

“WHAT!!!” Pinkie Pie yelled out.

“Yeah, she sung these nursery rhymes, and used a lot of fire.” Deadpool recited from memory, “Don’t worry, best pony, she wasn’t you, really, she was more Pinkamena, but it Pinkamena were more psycho-killer than prude bitch.”

“Right, and our inside friend, an agent who is another Fluttershy, told us all of this.” Wilson concluded.

“Oh, I don’t know whether or not to be happy, or scared.” Fluttershy shied away from the group.

“Oh you should be proud, not only did the agent you resist the corruptive influence of that ‘Damon’ guy, she has some sort of element-based magical powers, and with those, she saved us from a fiery and painful death.” Adam commended.

“She stayed steady up until she told us about the agent versions of Applejack and Pinkie Pie, she wants to save them from the corruption of Damon’s influence, but she can’t do it alone, and with any luck, the agent form of Rainbow Dash will help us, or help our Iota-2 allies.” Harry explained.

“The agent me fought against that Damon guy’s influence too? Awesome, I knew I’d be too cool to be all evil like that jackass.” Rainbow Dash flexed her forelegs and looked at her muscles, “I bet the agent me is a total badass too… hey~, what about the agent Rarity and Twilight?”

“Apparently, Agent 4, the one who Blue Comet fought with briefly, is the Organization’s version of Rarity, and there is no information on the Organization’s Twilight.” Ezio revealed.

Twilight gulped, an unknown enemy was more frightening than a known enemy.

You can do anything you put your mind to.

But you can’t put your mind to defeating an enemy that you don’t know anything about.

And if she couldn’t put her mind to a way to defeat the agent version of herself, then how could she manage that?

The train lurched, slowing down.

“ALRIGHT! TIME TO GET OFF THE TRAIN!” Deadpool opened the door, raised a foot, then lowered it again, “Wade, learn from your mistakes, wait until the train is at a complete stop.” He lectured himself, “See guys and gals? I’m improving.” He assured the others.

When the train came to a full stop, he stepped off, and immediately tripped over his bootlaces.

‘Wow, that’s a new low for us.'

‘Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.’

“Since when did my boots have laces?” He looked at his boots.

They didn’t even have laces.

“I think you might have just tripped over a crack, actually, I might fix that later.” AD17 mused, floating out of the train with a slight sound of wind.

Everyone filed out of the train, and Chief immediately took notice of the high concentration of guards around.

“Everypony, ATTENNNN-CHUN!” He commanded, and all of the guards saluted.

Twilight snarled at the thought that these ponies followed her brother, “I’m going to go have a few words with my brother.”

“I will come with you, I need to speak to him as well.” Ezio said, following Twilight.

“The building for the magi is near where the guards are, so I’ll meet the bugger with you.” Harry followed the two.

Wilson just nodded, “I’m with Harry, so…” He followed the three.

Chief went off to get into a position where he could speak to many guards at once, the whole military group coming with him.

Adam, Steve, Deadpool, and Link were left.

Link nodded to the others and left with Pinkie to help with the decorations.

Adam got somepony to lead him to the Royal Dungeon, leaving Deadpool and Steve alone.

“Soooo~... want to go not blow stuff up?” Deadpool knew how to do a lot of stuff that wasn’t blowing things up.

“Heyoo.” Steve agreed, he knew just the thing to do that (usually) didn’t involve blowing things up.

-In the Shady Grays club-

“Poker, Steve, I never thought you were the type of guy to do this.” Deadpool said, holding his cards sideways.

Alongside the two humans, there was a mare who looked like a Lady Gaga copy, a stallion wearing a top hat with dog ears on it, a shady hunter-looking guy with a machete strapped to his side, and a mafia-looking stallion with a robotic-looking foreleg and eye.

“Disable all devices that would allow you to cheat at the game now, or face the consequences.” The dealer said in a deadpan tone, dealing out the cards.

Deadpool stared at the black-maned mare dealing the cards, noting the yellow, blue, and red stripes, one of each color going through her mane.

Her sterile-white coat and lightning bolt cutie mark denoted that she was probably a scientist, engineer, or mechanic.

“This whole situation feels… off.” Deadpool said, looking at the hunter, dog guy, robot-mobster, soulless-sounding dealer, then Steve and finally at himself, pulling out a portable mirror.

“That might be because I may have accidentally stacked the deck in your favor.” The dealer said in her flat, deadpanned tone.

The other players grumbled in discontent.

Midna followed the group going to meet Shining Armor in the shadows, thankful that Link had switched to the Twilight Armor, giving her the power to appear outside of the shadows, if only in ethereal form.

Twilight grumbled angrily as she led the way to the guards’ central post.

“And I can’t believe… after all this time, and he wouldn’t even take the ten-minute-long trip, or even teleport to Ponyville, he could have done that, I know he can… and…”

“Lady Twilight, let me empathize with you,” Ezio interrupted her under-the-breath monologue, “It was on a day similar to this, only rather than a wedding, it was… okay it wasn’t really a day like this at all, but I found out that my little sister, Claudia, was attempting to join the Assassin’s Order, while I had my doubts, the fact that she could keep quiet and use a knife made me see, that while I may try to know all about her life, and protect her, as my moral and familial obligations would dictate, I ultimately could not do either forever, so I set down my big brother shield and let her live her life.”

“How does this help me?”

“Your big brother may have done the same. You are a grown mare now, and it is hard to be a grown-up, because you must both let go of the things that made you a child, but you cannot let go of the memories, do you understand?”

“Well, yes… as much as I don’t want to accept it, I know you’re right. How do you know all this?”

“I told you, I am a big brother myself, I am just giving you advice from the ‘other side of the table’, so to speak.”

“So, on an unrelated note, chaps, inferring from the fact that there is one stallion in purple and gold armor and a dozen in plain gold, I’m guessing that the one is the captain.” Harry pointed out.

Twilight gasped and galloped toward the stairs leading to the little length of walkway.

Shining Armor heard the galloping and spun around, facing whoever was moving so fast, the group of guards raising their spears..

“HALT!” He called out in a commanding tone, and Twilight stopped, “Wait a secon-... TWILY!” He motioned for the guards to lower their spears.

Twilight galloped up the stairs as one of the guards snickered at the little pet name, earning a slap upside the head from Shining and a whispered order, “You’re on toilet duty for that, private.”

The stallion fearfully nodded and sped away, wanting to avoid further punishment.

Twilight ran up to her big brother and gave him a big hug.

“Shiny, it’s so great to see you again, despite the fact that I’m mad at you.” She said, hugging him tighter.

“Twily, why are you mad?”

“Because of the principals that you have blatantly ignored, she is your closest family besides your parents, if they are… off topic, she is angry because you could not make time to come visit for a little while and tell her in person that you are getting married.” Ezio said as he climbed over the edge of the wall, it was habit.

Harry teleported up, “And before you say that your work was too hectic, I manage the organization of most all the wizarding world as the Head Auror, and still find time to take a break, if you want to know what it’s for… all I’m willing to say is that it’s an hour a year, and it’s a sore subject.” Harry fought back the single tear he had.

“I haven’t had a job in 20 months, about 13 of those were because I was stuck in the wilderness, and about 7 of those were because I was here, nopony was hiring, and Adam gave me a chance to get money with our ‘mafia work’.” Wilson said as he was the only human to take the stairs.

“Okay, work topic is closed, now then… what’s your excuse for not coming to tell me in person?” Twilight demanded.

“Every waking minute has been met with exponentially greater tasks, Twily, the threat against Canterlot, it’s not just the castle, it’s all of Canterlot, we’re pretty sure that that means everything from the mountain’s base to its peak, which is a lot, if I was a better leader, then I could have managed to make some time, maybe a half-hour or so… but the point is, is that I tried, Twily.” Shining offered to continue the hug.

“... I forgive you…” Twilight resumed the hug.

“Thanks for understanding.” The white stallion said, taking a second to look at the humans.

“...But I still don’t forgive you for marrying somepony I don’t even know, who is this ‘Princess Mi Amore Cadenza’ anyways?”

“Twilight, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, is Cadence, you’re old foalsitter.”

Twilight’s next words were immediately put to rest by Ezio’s translation, “Mi Amore Cadenza, that is Italian for My Love Cadence, Cadence is a musical term, also Italian, that refers to a sequence of notes or chords comprising the close of a musical phrase.”

“How’d you know that?” Shining asked, surprised at the insight.

“You should ask Twilight, she was the first one to call me the ‘stupid sexy Italian’, hahaha.” Ezio chuckled at the blush that Twilight instantly gained.

“Hehehe, I was just trying to get Rainbow Dash’s mind back on the Hearth’s Warming Eve play, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Anything by what?” A new voice called out.

Twilight turned to see Cadence standing at the archway to one of the towers.

“CADENCE!” Twilight cheered, rushing over to the pretty pink princess.

“♪Sunshine, sunshine,

Ladybugs awake.

Clap your hooves,

and do a little shake.” Twilight sang, doing the motions.

“That was… an act that is easy to misinterpret.” Harry remarked, trying to break the awkward tension that had built up amongst the humans.

“I can’t believe that my big brother best friend forever, and the greatest foalsitter in the history of foalsitters, are getting MARRIED! This is perfect!” Twilight cheered, going in for a hug with Cadence, but getting rejected.

“Yeah, perfect.” Cadence said flatly, trotting over to Shining Armor.

Ezio heard a noise, and looked around, then up.

‘Ezio, use the Eagle Vision.’

The faintest silhouette of The Druid Mistress appeared on the sun, she was using her light element magic to talk to him.

He focused his hearing on her voice.

‘Ezio, use the Eagle Vision.’

Ezio figured that it couldn’t hurt, so he clenched his eyes shut and focused.

“Y’know dude, I don’t know how it is in human land, but staring at the sun isn’t good for you.” Shining joked.

Ezio lowered his head and opened his eyes, the world was dark.

He saw Harry and Wilson walking away, then he saw Shining Armor in blue.

And Cadence in red.

“Well Ezio, take care, Wilson and I better get to the magi an-” Harry stopped when Ezio raised a hand.

“Harry, Wilson, Twilight… Cadence.” Ezio said, readying his hidden blade.

“What, you big lug?” Cadence demanded harshly.

“What’s wrong Ezio?” Twilight queried, backing up.

“Cadence… Code: Red Eagle.” Ezio recited.

Harry and Wilson lashed out their wands, aiming them at Cadence.

Twilight prepared a spell and glared at the pretty pink princess.

“What’s going on? Why are you threatening my fiance?” Shining demanded, angry.

“Sir Shining Armour, your fiance, bound to you as she may be, is an enemy to our cause, an enemy to us all, she must be eliminated.” Ezio said sternly, switching to his hidden gun.

“Why are you saying this? Why are you threatening me?” ‘Cadence’ pleaded, on the verge of tears.

“Who am I to question the evaluations of a fair and just god? The Vision of th Eagles does not lie, Cadence, you are red, you are an enemy, and you must be eliminated.” Ezio raised his hidden gun.

‘Cadence’ knew that there was no easy way out of this… so she decided to go quietly.

“Alright, alright, I’m not Cadence, I’m not even a pony, please don’t magic-blast my ass to high heaven, I’ll go quietly.” Queen Chrysalis announced, dropping her facade.

Everyone took a few steps back as the pretty pink princess transformed into a bug-pony-hybrid looking thing, tattered insectoid wings on her back, black chitin covering her body, a turquoise mane with a few holes in it (nobody knew how that worked), fangs, and large, evil-looking eyes.

“I do wonder, if those wings work… do your leg-holes whistle in the wind?” Ezio joked, turning back to his hidden blade and gesturing for the changeling to follow.

Everyone kept their respective weapons trained on her as Ezio and Shining Armor led the way to the interrogation rooms.

Adam thanked the guard for leading him to the dungeons, and decided to go further on his own.

The guard nodded and returned to his post.

The mobster slowly walked past the cells, looking at the poorly ponies and even a few other species inside.

“Ponies, I’m sure that you’re a griffon.” Adam said, pointing to one griffon.

“What’s it to you, ya posh jackass?” Gilda said angrily, trying to reach through the bars.

Adam pulled his switchblade and jabbed her in the claws, making the angry griffon retreat.

“That stuck-up pony asshole called the cops because I crashed-landed into his pool, I was gonna fly away, but then those guards chased after me… this is fucking bullshit.” Gilda fumed with extreme anger.

Adam continued on, keeping his switchblade out in case some other prisoner tried anything.

Pulling out a cigar and lighting it, he kept walking until he saw one prisoner who didn’t look poorly, rather he was wearing a black smooth-surface suit with a wilted rose bloom attached over the heart. He had pale red coat, a swept-back gray mane and a receding mane-line, a between-shaved-and-grown gray moustache, and green eyes that were filled with wisdom, condescendingness, and thoughtfulness.

“Vital.” Adam said, letting out a puff of smoke.

“Vital Colteone, and your name would be?” The stallion asked, his tone low.

“Adam Corleone, I am the Don, I am the Godfather.” Adam said, the words came out a little harsher than he would have liked them to.

“What have I done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? I have said nothing to you but my name and a polite request for your own.” The mobster pony said, standing up and looking at Adam.

“Well, I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse. There has been a threat made against Canterlot, and you, I, and a friend of mine, will respond to it.”

“I see, I will do this justice. Just know that, as the way that this business works: someday -and that day may never come- I will call upon you to do a service for me, but until that day, accept this justice as a gift.” Vital accepted, really having no other choice.

“That is fair… I must ask, why are you in here?”

“In light of an attack upon myself, I exceeded my limit of ponies I am allowed to kill per week, and thus I was taken here… though I know that the pony who attacked me was not a pony, it was a bug of some sort, the size of a pony, with the power to transform into a pony.”

“I and my group of allies found one such creature stumbling towards our picnic an hour ago.”

“Ah, it has been too long since I’ve gone on a picnic… such simple times, but that is enough reminiscing for the current hour, let us make haste to the family’s headquarters, we can plan in peace there.” Vital stumbled, nearly faceplanting.

Adam immediately swooped down and caught his fellow mobster.

“Are you alright Vital?” He asked, worried.

Vital leaned in close to Adam’s ear, “Let your friends underestimate your qualities and your enemies overestimate your faults.” He whispered, standing up again, “Let us go, I need my fedora.”

“SPERGLORD!” A random prisoner shouted, smiling crookedly with bad teeth and a dirty, blown-every-which-way mane.

“I will be sure to inform the guards of your raucous behavior, Anon Mouse.” Vital said simply, following after Adam immediately after.

Anon Mouse gulped, he didn’t want another beating.

Chief watched as an even distribution of guards was made, forming a strong perimeter around the castle.

Arbiter and a group of elite guards patrolled through the city.

Link searched for Adam, wanting to tell him about the development with finding out that Cadence was an imposter.

He was busy roof-hopping to navigate the city faster, and he saw someone in the distance.

Faint images of a dark-skinned man leaping huge distances, then nothing.

“Odd…” Link mused, assuring himself that the images were gone.

He looked to the right and saw a reflection of himself roof-hopping along the buildings across the street.

He looked forward again, then stopped altogether.

There weren’t any mirrors on top of any of the buildings.

He looked to the right again, only to be tackled by his doppelganger.

Doppelganger Agent

Link?

The hero kicked his doppelganger away, drawing the Master Sword.

The doppelganger was already up and had his own Master Sword drawn.

“Is this some sick joke?” The Organization was already crossing the line by having an agent Mane 6, but agent versions of the humans?

“Is this some sick joke?” ‘Link’ mocked, dashing forward.

Link met ‘Link’ in the middle, getting into a stalemate and easily overpowering the imperfect copy.

Link may have been a whole league stronger, but ‘Link’ was a whole league faster.

The two met stalemate after stalemate, only getting a couple of hits off before they fell to the street below.

Both Link’s clashed, right as Arbiter and his group turned the corner.

“Oh… that’s not good.” The Elite said, pulling out his Needle Rifle.

“Arbiter, help me, shoot this imposter.” ‘Link’ called out, pointing at Link.

“Alright.” Arbiter replied, shooting ‘Link’ several times.

“GAH! Why would you do that?” The doppelganger pleaded, trying to pull the needles out.

He looked to his right and saw Link back away.

“What are y-” ‘Link’ didn’t get to finish.

*PEWM, PEWM PEWM PEWM PEWM PEWM*

The needles detonated, blowing the anthropomorphic changeling to bits, and causing him to drop his ‘Master Sword’.

Link walked over and picked it up.

It burned his hand with the white-hot-intensity of a thousand gallons of lava.

“GAAAAAAAAAH!” He shrieked in pain, dropping it immediately.

Arbiter ran to Link’s aid, and held the warrior’s hand in his own.

“You are not visibly damaged.” Arbiter said, looking over Link’s unmarred flesh.

“It hurts like you wouldn’t believe, though.” Link grunted, wincing at the phantom pains.

The sword was filled with evil energies, and since Link was good, it hurt him.

Arbiter rubbed Link’s fingers for a few seconds, helping him relax after that sudden shock.

“I still desire to acquire a diagram of the structure of human hands under the skin.”

“Your hands are a strange shape to me as well.” Link mused, flexing his fingers.

When the pain was gone, Link thanked Arbiter and went back to his roof-hopping.

Twilight left Shining, Ezio, Harry, and Wilson to the interrogation, she still had to make sure that the rest of the wedding would go smoothly.

On the way to the kitchen, she met Adam and a stallion who she assumed to be ‘Vital’.

“Hello Adam, and your name is?” Twilight greeted.

“Vital Colteone, underboss.” Vital replied, having recovered his threadbare, torn-open fedora.

“What’s wrong with your hat?” Twilight asked, noticing the poor state it was in.

“It is called a fedora, and it’s state is a testament to my badassery, I have worn this fedora for 99.99% of my time in the mafia, and thus I have lived long enough for it to decay into the state it is in.” Vital explained.

“The same goes for me, the wear and tear that my fedora has faced shows that I have survived through thick and thin.” Adam simplified, gesturing to his own worn-out, dirt and blood stained fedora..

“Oh… well then I’ll just give you two a wide berth... out of respect.” Twilight said nervously, walking around the mobster duo and continuing to the royal kitchen.

“Remember, Twilight, respect gets you far!” Vital called out to the retreating unicorn, then turned and continued towards the mafia HQ

-A bit later, in the Royal Interrogation Room-

“I swear, the only difference between these areas and the normal versions is that these are bigger and have the word ‘Royal’ in front of them.” Harry said to Ezio, looking at the interrogation going on.

The two were standing behind the 1-way window.

“I do not understand this magic, how are we seeing them, but they cannot see us?” Ezio didn’t really understand most of the things in Equestria, he simply accepted that they did things and he didn’t need to know how they did those things.

“The glass is enchanted to only be seen through on one side, I’m surprised that you’re able to see through it due to being a First Civilization descendent.” Harry explained briefly.

“Perhaps it is because the magic is applied to the glass, not to me, and so I can see through it, but if a spell to see through solid objects were to be applied to me directly, then it would not work.” Ezio philosophized.

Inside the interrogation room itself, Shining Armor and Wilson faced Queen Chrysalis.

“So, tell me, where is the real Cadence?” Shining demanded.

“Oh it would take ages to find her inside the mountain, and she’s already been there for a week… oh my, I wonder what will happen first? Will she die of hopelessness, or of starvation.”

Both Shining and Wilson were hit by that statement hard.

“I’ll go find her, I’ve been in the caves before.” Wilson assured, about to run out of the room.

Shining caught Wilson in his telekinesis.

“Hold on, Wilson, we’re not done with this monster yet.”

“Oh, so now I’m a monster? That’s not what you were saying last night.” Chrysalis smirked, flashing Shining the same smile she had before.

Ezio chuckled in surprise at that sudden revelation.

Harry blew air and took off his glasses for a second.

“Well, we’re not getting anything all that useful out of her.” Harry said, putting his glasses back on.

“Hey, we doing some NCIS stuff here now?” AD17 said, waltzing into the room.

“You have no clearance to be here!” Shining yelled out.

“I got superpowers, screw your rules!”

“And you would be?” Chrysalis asked.

“AD17, the guy who wanted Chief and Arbiter to go into the mountain to save Cadance, but then Ezio found you.”

Ezio went around to enter the interrogation room itself.

“So you knew about where she was all this time?” He questioned the man.

“Of course, but I have to keep the story steady.” AD explained.

“Story, steady? Is this some kind of storybook tale for you? My fiance is somewhere underground, possibly starving to death.”

“I can tell, and we have to find out where her babies are hidden.” AD17 twirled his cane around a bit.

“What? Since when does Cadence have babies?” Shining hadn’t heard this before.

“He’s talking about my changelings.” Chrysalis clarified, leaning forward.

“So you finally say something of use? Well, I know what to do, since you are insects-” Ezio was stopped right there.

“That’s an offensive and derogatory term.” Chrysalis protested.

“And racist.” AD chimed in.

“Regardless of that, we need to know, where are these changelings?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Because we will spare you if you do.” Ezio said, lashing out his hidden blade and holding it to the queen’s chin.

“And I know a guy who’d make that all the more painful.”

“Is it that Trevor person?” Ezio asked.

“Da!” AD17 adopted a Serbian accent briefly.

“Russian for yes… indeed. So, queen, tell us where they are, or you can take an alternative.” Ezio looked at Wilson.

“What?” Wilson said, backing away slightly.

“You said you have been in the caves before, correct?” Ezio recalled.

“Yes, why?”

“Chrysalis, you will lead Wilson to where Cadence is, and if you mislead him, he can easily kill you, and we can simply teleport him back up here.”

“And we’ll have Chief and Arbiter follow you, maybe with Twilight.” AD added.

“Why her?” Shining asked.

“Uhh, why not?”

“Twilight is working on the preparations for the wedding, we need her to keep this under wraps for the moment.”

“And if Cadance starves...”

“I will never allow someone to starve on my watch.” Wilson took the initiative.

“That dance Twilight did was some sort of identifier, so...” AD17 seriously wanted this to happen.

“Okay… so I will take Chrysalis in the caves-”

“Kinky.” Chrysalis mocked.

“Not that way, and shut up, Chief will make sure that nothing in the cave gets us, and I’ll make sure you get nothing in the cave.” Wilson continued.

“If you need your Dark Sword back, here.” Ezio offered it.

“Oh no, I have this steel masterpiece right here.” Wilson said, pulling out the bastard sword.

“What happened to your Light Sword thing?”

“I traded it with David when I first saw him, and I got this bastard sword and this iPod.” Wilson pulled out the iPod, which had been playing a quiet tune during the interrogation process.

“So that’s what that was. What is that device?” Shining asked.

“Deadpool called it an iPod, so I’m going to call it an iPod, it plays music, and it seems to have every song ever produced on it, past, present, and future, at least up to a point, the latest time I can find for a song published is April 6th, 2014.” Wilson said, trying and failing to find something made after that date.

“Well, enough on your music playing device, I will find Master Chief and inform him of the plan.” Ezio said, taking off.

“Gotcha, let’s go, old chaps!” Wilson led the charge, but not before AD quietly took the iPod from Wilson and fiddled around with it.

Chrysalis followed Wilson, but stopped when she saw AD’s fiddling.

“What are you doing with that?”

“Updating the playlist to June 9th, A bunch of new songs came out, I’d like ‘em to be up to date for my world.” AD then snuck the device back into Wilson’s back pocket.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about, but I’m still willing to go quietly.” The changeling said, following Wilson.

The plan was set.

Now it just needed to be executed.

Speaking of executed.

“Indie Pones, you have lost all your chips. Eliminated.” The flat-voiced mare informed.

Steve perked up at the word ‘eliminated’.

STEVE
“HEYOO!”

Steve pulled out his rocket launcher, backed up, and shot the hunter-looking pony.

*BOOM*

“GAH!” The pony was blown into the wall, “Geez, if you wanted me to leave, you could have just said so.” He complained, coughing up a puff of smoke and walking out of the club.

“Such an excessive use of force… it is entertaining… continue doing it.” The deadpanned dealer said.

“HOH, this is the most fun I’ve ever had in poker, even though I’m on my last chips now.” Deadpool said, looking at the miniscule pile of chips next to him now.

The next set of cards was played, and Deadpool rolled a Natural 20, distracting the cyborg-looking-mafia guy from folding his terrible set of cards.

“Snapper Clank, you have lost all of your chips… eliminated.” The dealer said, smirking when she saw Steve stand up again.

“Well, just do what you have to do, Steve.” The mobster said, looking at the floor and letting out a single tear.

STEVE
“HEYOO!”

Steve raised his rocket launcher, and fired.

*BOOM*

The mobster flew into the air, hit the ceiling, then fell and hit the floor.

Steve sobbed loudly behind his mask.

“Geeze Steve, don’t be a drama queen, that’s only a gravity explosive.” Snapper said as he got up, relatively uninjured, and quietly walked to the bar.

The dealer had silently dealt out the next set of cards and laid down the next few for the set.

Deadpool, with all of Snapper Clank’s chips, looked at his hand.

A joker, a Charizard trading card, and a green 2 from Uno.

“Wait, where’s my fourth card?” Deadpool said.

The dealer hoofed over another card, “Quit whining.” She said in her flat tone.

It was a 7 of clubs.

Deadpool looked at the set of cards.

An 8, a 9, a 10, and a jack.

“What?” He said, looking back at his cards.

“What what? What do you mean what?” The dog-eared-hat stallion asked, looking at the dealer.

The Lady Gaga copy had a bad set, but she hoped that her perfect poker face was good enough to bluff her way into getting some more chips.

Deadpool looked at Steve, who had his cards upside down, somehow.

A queen and a king were played, and finally an ace.

All clubs.

“All in.” The Lady Gaga copy said, putting in her few chips.

“All in.” The top hat stallion said, sliding his chips forward.

“Heyoo.” Steve said, putting his chips in.

“I call.” Wade said, pushing the rest of his chips in.

“Oh look, it seems that one-fourth of you people will win this hand, and 100% will end up depressed at the ending, math is fun, isn’t it?” The dealer said in her deadpan tone.

The four players put in their cards.

Lady Gaga copy had a low-rate flush with hearts.

Top hat guy had a seven and a deuce of spades.

Steve had four kings.

Deadpool had his joker, the Charizard trading card, the green 2 from Uno, and the 7 of clubs.

“Deadpool is the winner, Sapphire Shores, 431-Maxigun, Steve, you three are eliminated.

“YES!!! I actually won, this has to be a dream, right?”

“Believe me, if it was, I’d have more emotion than you.” The dealer said.

“Aw, don’t be sad Glad-Happy, it’s your name to not be sad.” Deadpool said, looking at Steve.

STEVE
“HEYOO!”

Sapphire Shores was picked up and thrown into the air, then launched out the door by another gravity explosive.

“NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo…” She kept flying further and further away.

Steve took a few seconds to reload, and while doing that, he walked over to 431-Maxigun.

STEVE
“HEYOO!”

He tapped on 431’s shoulder, then pointed to his rocket launcher, which was empty, then to the door.

“Oh good, I thought you’d blast me or something, let’s go.” Maxigun said, turning to his partner.

The hyperactive little colt bounced onto Maxigun’s back and pointed onwards.

“Heyoo.” Steve said, looking at himself in the mirror.

STEVE
“HEYOO!”

“Heyoo.” He turned his rocket launcher on himself, then fired himself out of the club, saluting to Deadpool as he flew through the air.

“So... you met a mare named Maud?”

“She’s my pen pal, all she talks about is rocks however.” Glad-Happy said, still having no emotion in her voice.

“Yeah, she’ll do dat.” Deadpool cracked his neck, and sighed.

“Right, so you have your chips, now what?”

“I’m gonna take this cash and go buy some enchiladas.” Deadpool said, reaching over and taking the bits he’d earned.

“I don’t do well with Mexicolt food, I’m lactose intolerant.”

“Well... I’m ass-tose intolerant.” Deadpool hated lactose intolerant people, always ruining his dairy-based fun.

The mouthy merc teleported behind the bar, grabbed a Guinness, then teleported outside.

“This… was not a triumph.” Glad-Happy lamented, her lamenting voice sounding no different from her normal voice.

Deadpool didn’t notice, he was already gone.

-Canterlot Royal Kitchen-

Twilight stepped into the room to the smell of freshly baked food.

“Twilight, how’re ya doin’?”

“Okay, all things considered…” Twilight looked around at the prepared foods.

“Good, mind taste-testin’ this apple fritter, Ah need tah know if the princess would like it or not.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Applejack shoved the mini-fritter into Twilight’s mouth.

Twilight nommed on the freshly made food, and smiled.

“Mmm, Cadence would love these… well let me just be extra sure.” She took another one.

Applejack smiled a nervous smile.

Then Twilight took another one, only to find it wasn’t a fritter.

“What the...”

Twilight saw it was a pack of cigarettes.

“Whose are these? Who’s been smoking in the kitchen?” Twilight asked.

“Ah don’ know, let me just go an’ get rid’a these then.” Applejack said, snatching the pack away and walking out the door.

Twilight looked around, and found that there was a trash can right by the door.

Applejack trotted right past it to get outside.

“Hold on, Applejack, there’s a trashcan right the-” The door was slammed shut.

She opened it and found Applejack walking away, “Hey, Applejack, you seemed to be nervous, do you want to talk about something? Is it about your alternate self, because I’m dealing with the same thing.”

“Well, yeah, it’s somethin’ like that, but Ah don’t see how it has somethin’ to do wit us now.”

“There was a trashcan next to us, just 5 trots away from where you were standing, that’s not normal.”

“Oh… I musta missed it…” Applejack lied, scrunching up her muzzle and looking away.

“Applejack, you’re a terrible liar.” Twilight seemed to have it figured out now.

“Lyin’? What makes ya think I’m lyin’?”

“I thinking you’ve actually been smoking for a long time, and all the stress is making it more obvious.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Well, for one, I didn’t want to say anything back in the kitchen, but your breath reeks of tobacco.”

“What, D’oh!”

“And your teeth are yellowing, even though you seem to brush every day.”

“Three times… I thought that was enough…”

“And your breathing is kinda... erratic now.”

“Well, yer sweatin’ me, an’ I get kinda stressed when ponies’re sweatin’ me.” Applejack said as she reached for a smoke.

“True… but the final piece of evidence is scientifically proven.”

“Whaddya mean? Have y’all been doin’ science on me without me knowin’?” Applejack said as she pulled a cigarette out of the box.

“The final thing is simple, and no experiments needed.”

“What is it?” Applejack said as she put the cigarette in her mouth and pulled out her lighter.

“You’re about to light another cigarette now as we are speaking, in plain sight”

Applejack then realized that her mouth had the paper stick in it, and cursed to herself silently.

“Ah didn’ even notice.”

“That’s the final piece of evidence, smoking has become muscle memory for you, subconscious actions that you do automatically.”

“But that don’t prove nothing’!”

“Applejack, it takes at least 1000 repetitions of an act to make it muscle memory.” Twilight recited.

“R-Really?”

“Even if you’ve been smoking for a few months, you’d still have that muscle memory from the nicotine addiction and repeated use, and I doubt it’s been that short of a time.” Twilight stared into Applejack’s eyes.

“So tell me… how long?” Twilight asked the hard question.

Applejack sighed. She’d been caught.

“7 years.”

“WHAT? 7 years? But… Applejack, you’re only 20 years old!”

“Yep, Ah got into mah papa’s stash once an’ Ah guess it stuck even after he… it’s a sore subject.”

“Applejack, the health risks are vastly dangerous at your age alone, doing it as early as the age of 13 is just plain suicidal!”

“Well, Ah mean, 13 is when I noticed that Ah was addicted, the first time was at 12, Ah only really got into it after mah parents passed away.” Applejack let out a few tears.

“Eight years! How have your lungs not given out yet?”

“‘Side from the tobacco, Ah’ve lived a healthy life.”

“Even then, organs’ capacities for stress and recovery is still limited!”

“Maybe fer you unicorns, but us earth ponies’re made’a tougher stuff.”

“Biologically, Earth Ponies, while having better stamina, are still no less limited than other ponies who exercise regularly, like Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah… that girl’s got herself situated… Ah don’ know then, maybe i’s juss a miracle, Ah always felt a special connection with tha ground, or maybe tha groun’ juss don’ want me in it.” Applejack tried, rubbing a hoof on the ground.

“It is a miracle that you’re barely healthy right now, but soon enough, the coughing fits will come-”

*COUGH COUGH COUGH*

“Like that, then you’re going to develop lung cancer, and survival rate of that isn’t in your favor.”

“Maybeh not, but I’m a fighter… *sigh* So yer sayin’ Ah’m gonna die chokin’ on mah own bile though?”

“Yes, healthy life or not, if you don’t stop smoking, it doesn’t matter what your outer body looks like, inside, it’ll be a shriveled mess. You need to tell the others, now!”

“Like… gimme an example.”

“Your lungs will shrivel and harden until they’re like coal.”

“No, gimme an example of a pony who got what yer sayin’.” Applejack stubbornly said.

“Well, there have been many cases.”

“Name one.”

“There was Marion Colteone, he died at 30, barely able enough to have foals with his wife before he croaked, smoking history: 10 years.

Applejack took a step back, but kept her ground.

“Name an earth pony.”

“Of course, Marion was an earth pony, but I’ll keep going… Ale Cappucino, died from both his addiction to caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine, alcohol for 3 years, caffeine for 2, nicotine for 9.”

Applejack gulped.

“Then there was Hairy Houdini...”

“Wait a second… are y’all juss nami’ famous criminals?”

“Well if you want someone on the right side of the law, the Duke of Trottingham, a champion in several sports, died after 5 years of smoking, he was a very healthy pony, only 25 years old… by the way, his death was only eight years ago, the same time you started.”

Applejack became thoroughly scared now.

“And if you keep it up, then by next year, it might be you who dies, and you know who’ll notice?”

“Uhm...”

“Everypony you knew, me, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Apple Bloom, Big Mac, Granny Smith, the other two CMC, The mayor, the princesses, and even after all of them? At least half of Equestria, remember AJ? Do you remember that we’re national heroes? Everypony will be crying their poor eyes out because one of the great Bearers of Harmony, who are supposed to be the shining beacons of hope, went up in tobacco flames. I may be sounding harsh here, but you need a taste of your own medicine, you need to hear some Honesty.”

“Oh mah gosh, Twilight, Ah need help!” Applejack said, grasping at Twilight’s forelegs and shaking her.

“We’re here for you, we can help you… first things first.” Twilight looked at the dropped box and loose cigarette.

She glared at them in hate, and in a flash of green and purple magic, they disintegrated.

Applejack winced, but did nothing.

“Well, there goes that. Now then, let’s get ready for the wedding, right now, we need to give my brother and my future sister-in-law the best wedding ever.”

“Okay.” Applejack said meekly, standing up again and putting on a determined face.

“By the way, what made ya so angry ‘bout smokin’ anyhow?”

Twilight sighed, and looked at the mare.

“Do you think you’re the only one who lost somepony to smoking?”

“Oh mah stars.”

“That was her name… Red Stars… don’t worry about it though, it’s been years now, I’ve gone past it.”

“Well… what were some better time with her?”

“Of course, let see, well… she really liked Supermane, despite her name being his only weakness besides Kryptonite.”

“Well, Ah liked tah dress up as Supermane when Ah was a filly fer Nightmare Night.” Applejack smiled a bit.

“*giggle* I can just imagine you galloping around, making flying noises.” Twilight laughed at the mental image.

“Don’t we all, we were all fillies once, right?”

“Yes, personally, I really liked Iron Colt, he’s a smart pony, like me, and he likes science, like me.”

“He’s also an alcoholic, maratizing, self-centered jerk.” Applejack replied.

“Unlike me… well… maybe not that-”

“No matter which one you say apply ta you, it’s not any better.

“The middle one?”

“Oh mah stars.” Applejack facehoofed, “What did I just say?”

“Well, I honestly don’t see the problem with it, I mean, I like them both.” Twilight said, not realizing what she was digging herself into.

“Stop talkin’!”

“What? I have to admit, if Shining didn’t have Cadence on lock, I’d definitely marry her, have you seen dat flank?”

“JUSS STOP!!! Please!” Applejack pleaded.

“Sorry…” Twilight realized her mistake, “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Look, it ain’t that Ah have a problem with mare who... are open in their options an’ whatnot, but... yeah, didja go on a rant nopony wants ta hear? Yeah, ya did that.” Applejack put her apron back on and shooed Twilight out the door, “Now go on, ya tha others ta check on.”

Twilight realized how much time she’d spent on this one stop, and quickly teleported away.

“Speak for yourself, Applejackoff.” The head chef said.

“Quiet you!” Applejack snapped back.

“Well some ponies might want to hear more, cunt.”

“Y’ALL SHUT YER BRIMISH MOUTH, GOURMET RECIPE!” Applejack raised a hoof.

“Hmph, maybe you’d like to hear about...”

“Gourmet, what have I told you about antagonizing the other chefs?” Celestia said sternly, walking into the kitchen with AD in tow.

“Don’t bloody do it… fine…”

“Yes, and don’t yell at a kitchen full of angry chefs with ginzu knives.” AD added, noticing the presence of that brand of knife.

Deadpool appeared with a taco in his hand. “You know what I like, besides guns, money, explosions, loose women, Death, and Mexican food?”

“What is it?” Gourmet asked.

“Scene transitions.”

“What? What is this-” Gourmet was stopped by a slap upside the head.

“-You’re talking about?” Rarity said, looking at her fabulous dress.

“Um, Cadence’s coat is pink, so green clashes, I thought you got those pictures?” Twilight said, pulling up another manilla folder with picture of Cadence from all sides.

“No, but since she’s Celestia’s niece, I thought that her coat was a very light color.”

“Well, she’s actually adopted, like Blueblood.”

“Oh, well it’s satisfying to know that that annoying snot is not true royalty.”

“Let’s just say, when he was younger, he let the power go to his head.” Twilight added on.

“So you’re saying that because he got power, he grew to become the pony he is now?”

“Yep!… and I swore to myself that, if I ever got power, I would not become like him.”

“Well, I mean, how could you get power like being a royal?”

“I don’t know, maybe I could be like Starswirl the Bearded, but I’m not sure about being a princess.”

“Well, your brother, by marrying Princess Cadence, will become a prince.”

Twilight then began to think.

“And that would mean... wow... I mean, wow.”

“And come to think of it, since you are the princess’s personal student, that means that you have a lot of connections and power, right?”

“I could do… no, I won’t let the power go to my head.”

“So, doesn’t that mean you’re already a powerful mare, who spend much more time running a library, than, say... politics?” Rarity thought.

“Well, I was never one much for politics, I’m embarrassed to say that it was my lowest grade in the academy, a poor little 90, barely an A minus.” Twilight revealed sheepishly.

“Twilight, most ponies don’t even pass in politics… what are your credentials?”

“I have 8 master’s degrees, 11 bachelorette’s, 17 associate’s.” Twilight recited.

“You’re definitely a prodigy. I mean, 8, 19, 36 degrees, most ponies would be lucky with-”

“The square root of that, 6, yes.” Twilight said, recalling the average.

“You’re a genius whom everypony should respect, how have you not even exercised whatever power you have, I do not know, maybe it was your upbringing, or your humbleness, but-

“Well, it’s become more and more tempting, I mean… after seeing that, just because they’re helping us, the humans, the imp, and the Sangheili, get free admission to any and all forms of public transportation, I’d like to see how far my connections would reach.”

“Indeed... I say that with all our power, you could...”

“I’m gonna stop this conversation before Rarity’s greed gets the better of you both.” AD said, walking.

“What do you want?” Twilight asked, “I mean, you are right, I should get on to Pinkie Pie, but what do you want?”

“Yeah, I had to take a short trip quickly to Iota-2, to pick up someone.” AD said as he brought Soldier and Blue Comet out from behind him. “P1’s annoying as hell.”

“M’lord still needs me.” Blue Comet said, wrenching himself from AD’s grip.

“I told him I needed you more.”

“I could go either way.” Soldier said, picking his nose.

“How uncouth!” Rarity scoffed, crossing her forelegs and turning her head away.

“There’s a time and place for that, Soldier.” Twilight chastised, preparing her magic.

“Yep.” AD smacked Soldier’s arm, and his finger went far up his nose.

“NOOOOO, MY BRAIN!!!” Soldier said nasally.

“Oh yes, and your magic, Twilight, you once told us that the Elements of Harmony amplify our respective traits by 100 times.”

“Correct.” Twilight said flatly.

“Well, you’re magic, so you have 100 times the magic of a normal unicorn based on the Elements of Harmony alone.”

“Correct.” Twilight was getting interested now.

“And your cutie mark, which you said cutie marks means that a pony is 10 times more skilled at something that a pony without the same type of mark.”

“Correct.” The lavender unicorn already knew this.

“Well, that’s a base value of 10, times 100, that’s 1000 times the power of a normal unicorn.”

“Correct, AKA the power of a lesser alicorn, like Cadence.”

“Lesser alicorn?” Rarity was confused by this term.

“An alicorn that started off as a normal pony, and then earned the privilege of bearing the power of all three races at once.”

“Yep, and Cadence was...”

“A pegasus, why do you ask?”

“Just curious, as you were saying.”

“That’s really it, but there are only two achievements that compare with alicorn ascension: The Congressional Medal of Honor, and Papalal Consecration of Sainthood.” Twilight recited.

“Papalia? There is an equivalent of the Pope in Equestria?” Ezio said, having just entered the room.

“The Pope is the head of the Omnitheistic Church of Universal Acceptance in Roam, Istaly.”

“You know, in my world, the Pope was replaced, and he embodies everything a pope should be.” AD17 put in his two cents.

“Yes, the same can be said for Pope Friendship I, he took the name because of the Elements of Harmony… it’s actually quite an honor for us to have inspired such a figurehead of power.”

“Weren’t you leaving, Twilight?” Rarity said, “Pinkie Pie does need to be kept in line.”

“Oh right, sorry.” Twilight sheepishly trotted away, looking for Pinkie.

“Right, so Ezio, what did you learn so far?”

“I have learned that either the group is slow, or Cadence is very deep in the mountain.”

“Cadence is inside Canterlot Mountain?” Rarity gasped.

“Yes… luckily we have a team of three looking for her.” Ezio assured, “Now about my outfit…” He said, turning to Rarity.

“Ah yes, Sir Ezio, I’m almost finished with them… I simplified the overall style, but took into account your liking of hoods… here’s the concept art… don’t mind those smudges on the side.” Rarity levitated the paper to the master Assassin.

“You drew me as an old man… I am minorly offended, I was put through the Fountain of Youth, I am not old anymore.” Ezio noted.

“Well I do apologize, but I felt it made you look wiser, Sir Ezio.”

“I understand your thought process, Lady Rarity.”

Rarity smiled, blushing a bit at getting recognized as a Lady of class.

And Ezio’s voice was just so saucy!

-In the Royal Banquet Hall-

“Saucy, ese es.” Pinkie said in Spurnish.

“What do you mean? What’s saucy.” Twilight said, having decided to simply teleport to the banquet hall.

“I just felt like saying that for some reason… probably due to the scene transition jokes.”

“Pinkie, scene transitions don’t happen in real life.”

“Silly Twilight, not if it’s a story!” Pinkie countered.

“Life isn’t a fairytale, Pinkie, life is real, and gritty, and hard to get through.” Twilight explained.

“But oh so satisfying when we do get through it, that’s why we PARTY!!!” Pinkie yelled out in enthusiasm.

“Yes, quite.” Harry noted, looking at the decorations.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with the magi, finding out who sent the threat, if it wasn’t that bug?”

“I am actually passing through at the moment Twilight, they told me to meet them at the barracks across the castle.”

“Oh, well tell them I said hi.” Twilight said.

“Funny, they told me to tell you they said hi.” Harry recited the brief message.

The wizard walked by the room and went to the barracks, being led by one of the guards.

“Alright... I hope they found Cadance.” Twilight said to herself.

“Cadence is gone? Why?”

“Well, we found an imposter, but we’re looking for her as we speak right now!”

“Oh, well I hope the search team has good luck.” Pinkie wished.

“This is not the best of luck we’ve had so far.” Wilson said as Chief hefted a rock off of Wilson’s leg.

“Yes, my bad, we booby trapped the caves so they’d collapse in case she found the way out.” Chrysalis said.

“When this is over, you’re leaving with one big-ass bruise.” Chief said.

“Like dying is any better?”

“At least bruises heal.” John assured, giving her a hard pat on the shoulder and activating his helmet lights.

Chrysalis’s ears perked up, she heard something.

“We’re close by, come on.” She said, galloping towards the source of the noise.

Chief was about to follow, but Wilson got gut-punched by a rock trap, and needed assistance.

“OW!”

Pulling the stone pillar back and letting Wilson out.

‘Vilson, lose some sanity already, I got a task for you.’

‘Friends help me not do that, sorry.’

‘Vell, I am a voice, vhat can I do?’

‘And talking to you instantly drops it.’

‘Ja, ze sanity. Listen, in ze ozzer vorld, ze discoved a part for zis veapon, ‘Project Zunder!’

‘Hey, enough chit-chat, time to go!’

‘I agree with purple voice, let’s go!’

‘Fine, but remember mien vords Vilson, ve need ze veapons to be complete for my FINAL... erm... touches, ja.’

Cadence came up to the group, breathing laboriously.

“*huff* I made it, I knocked that changeling bitch out and got away… *huff* let’s go.”

“Well, while she was a bitch, we were keeping her under control.” Chief replied, going to get Chrysalis.

“Well she’ll be mad when she wakes up, come on!” Cadence started looking around for a way out.

“We’ll lead the way out, but first, we need to arrest the queen of the Changelings.” Wilson wagged his fingers in excitement.

“We should just leave her down here, it’ll be a better punishment than giving her a cell.”

“Ma’am, we may not be the best of humans, but we’re not letting you give her the same thing she gave you.” Chief

“Well I’m not helping, so I guess one of you can lead the way out, and one of you can go back for Chrysalis.”

“HMmm...” Chief grunted as he turned towards the way out and started walking, “Stay close to me, okay?” He instructed.

“I’ll get Chrysalis then…” Wilson said dejectedly, not getting heard over the clattering of Chief’s footsteps.

He took out the iPod, and began to notice that he had new songs.

“What, these weren’t here before... wait... David, of course, always fiddling with things he shouldn’t fiddle with.”

He hit a random one.

An energetic song and voice came up.

“Ooh, now I want to mine some of these crystals.” He said, pulling out his Pick/Axe.

He ran down the cave tunnel, mining every crystal growth in reach.

*GRRR*

“OH, the rocks shake as I break down the cave!” Wilson said, losing sanity from the darkness.

The rocks shook again, and a few landed near Wilson, shooting bits of his sanity down with each one that landed nearby.

‘Alright, while you’re doing good in causing ze earthquakes, it vould be bad if you, oh, I do not know, DIE!’

‘Oh, okay zen.’

‘Also, your voice is schtupid, like Dempshey’s voice.’

‘Ze way joo say stupid is stupid.’

‘I zink ze vay you are ignoring me is schtupid.'

“Well screw you, bloody nincompoop.” Wilson said out loud, hearing some of the crystals shake and fall.

He picked them up, “I wonder if any of these are incidentally more Element 115…” He mused, pocketing them.

‘I vish, but zey are good for focusing ze energy even more, but ze are also veak, maybe one or two uses at most.’

“Alright zen… hmm.” Wilson looked around, wondering where Chrysalis was.

“Crystals, crystals, crystals… no Chrysalis… I see an alcove, maybe there’s a Chrysalis in there.”

Wilson climbed into the alcove, and found a pink alicorn.

“No Chrysalis, oh well… crap, it’s Cadance, and THAT MEANS!!!”

“No, wait, Cadence was with us…” Wilson said, thinking back.

“No, she wasn’t...” Cadance moaned, bleeding from a head wound.

“No, she was, and that means that-”

‘Joo are not takeeng into account the fact that our enemy is a shapeshifter, idiot.’

“... I am an idiot!” Wilson facepalmed.

“I’m Cadance, who are you?”

“I am Wilson, and we need to save your wedding, come on, ol’ chap!”

“You sound Brimish.”

“I AM BRIMISH!” Wilson shouted, taking out his bastard sword and leading the way back through the cave.

Harry stepped into the barracks, looking at the magi.

There were five of them.

“So, what have you been able to find?”

“We believe that the threat may have been issued by the changeling army.” One of the magi said.

“Um… the who?” Another magi said.

“Okay, who skipped out on the replacement job?” One said to the other.

“I don’t know, let’s hope he doesn’t notice.”

“Enough of this banter, we have a highly trained soldier and a scientist working of rescuing a kidnappee at the moment.”

“Um, Harry Potter was it?” The center magi said.

“Yes?”

“My name is Gander, um, me and my colleagues haven’t really done any work thus far, we just looked over the letter and they told you to meet us here at the barracks.”

“Oh, my bad, okay, let me explain to you what I know so far.”

“No, you don’t understand… they know what happened, but we haven’t done any work.” Gander lifted his hood and lit up his horn.

“Oh sorry, It’s just... the way things work back home, and here, are different.”

“We work together… so.” Gander looked at his fellows.

“So, let’s work together, and stop this threat.”

“Harry, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” Gander cast Dispel Magic on his colleagues.

Each were forcibly transformed back into their base changeling forms.

“Oh bloody hell...” Harry drew his wand.

“HE KNOWSSSSSS!” One of them hissed, attacking Gander.

Gander cast a barrier and caught the changeling in midair.

“Expelliarmus!” Harry cast at the changeling that chose to charge at him.

He looked to see the changeling that had attacked Gander get burnt to a crisp, then crushed to ashes.

*PROPERTY DAMAGE!!!*

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Soldier yelled out as he charged in, weaponless, and wrestled with a changeling.

“Soldier, when’d you come back!”

*Severing of spinal column between C3 and C4!!!*

“The purple man brought me here!”

“Come, the enemy is already at our front doors, Harry, take this.” Gander brought out a sword.

“Alright, also Soldier...”

“What?”

“Why are you naked?”

Soldier was indeed naked, save for his helmet, and covered in honey, for some reason.

“It was something I’ve done before!*” Soldier replied licking himself a couple times. “Mmm, honey.”

*See Naked Tales of Valor #1-37, Scout's Worst Double Dates #14

“HARRY! SWORD! TAKE!” Gander commanded, tossing Harry the sword.

Harry caught it and examined it for a few seconds.

The Sword of Gryffindor.

“Thanks.” Harry said, swinging the sword back and forth a few times.

“Alright, let wrestle some bugs!” Soldier yelled out as he charged headlong into battle, still naked.

“Um, fellows, there is one detail I think you’ve forgotten, the barrier around Canterlot.” Gander pointed upwards.

Harry looked up, and indeed, there was a barrier around Canterlot, giving the sky a slight magenta tint.

“Well, come on, I think I can see a black cloud approaching, and it’s most likely made of changelings.” Harry said, dual-wielding the Sword of Gryffindor and the Elder Wand.

Soldier reached into his helmet and pulled out his Direct Hit.

“How’d you do that?” Gander asked.

“HAMMERSPACE, YOU HAY-MUNCHING MAGGOT!” Soldier shouted, loading his rocket launcher.

“Alright, Soldier, two things, one, don’t insult an ally of ours.”

“Okay.”

“And two, clean up and put some clothes on, please!”

“I will consider it when the bees attack later!” Soldier half-yelled.

“They’re more like dragonflies.” Gander said, having studied the limited recorded knowledge on Changelings.

“Then I’ll change immediately, because dragons breath fire, and flies are annoying.” Soldier said as he marched towards the castle.

“He doesn’t realize that dragonflies are not dragons, or flies, right?” Harry noted.

“Maybe in human land, but in Equestria, they do breathe fire.” Gander said,

“He was actually correct, once again. A world class idiot, actually being right.”

“A broken clock is still right twice a day.” Gander quoted.

“I suppose the saying is true.” Harry sighed. “Let’s go find the rest of the guard, and prepare for the invasion.”

Gander nodded and teleported the pair to the central guard post.

-Bridal Prep Room-

Chrysalis smiled, she’d gotten through that little hiccup with minimal incident.

Now all she had to do, now that she was cleaned and dressed, was get married to Shining Armor and leave the country.

“*sigh* It’s great that this is finally going in my favor.” She said, spritzing on a bit of perfume.

All she had to do now was get to the Marriage Hall, get the ceremony over with, and get the heck out of dodge.

“Hello Cadance!” AD17 said as he poofed into her dressing room.

‘Great.’

“Oh, hello… um… what was your name?” She greeted in a friendly tone.

“AD17 is my alias, but call me David.” David said as he politely kissed her hoof.

“Well, I’m sure you know my name, it’s nice to meet you mister David.” She said, smiling.

“Indeed, the caves weren’t bad, were they?” David smirked.

“Oh they were terrible, I’m lucky I didn’t waste away before Wilson, Chief, and that dreadful bitch Chrysalis found me… I’m glad that Wilson and Chief were keeping her from hurting me.

David found himself stopping briefly, as if in thought.

“Are you alright?”

“Uh yeah, tell me Cadance, how does a little pony like you become an alicorn?”

“Oh, well... the princesses we know are born into it... but well...”

“Well what?”

“Well, some ponies just have to… earn it, really.” She guessed.

“Like you, when you were a pegasus, right?”

“Exactly! I still remember when all I could do was fly, and now I can do magic.”

“Indeed. Many ponies go above and beyond to get what they get.” AD17 said, smiling.

“Some succeed, and some fail.” ‘Cadence’ continued.

“Name one who tried.”

“Umm, Blueblood?” ‘Cadance’ heard about him before.

“Quite the tool, yes.”

“Yeah, well anyways, I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a husband to go get married to.” She said, opening the door and trotting out into the hall.

“Yes, the wedding ceremony.” David patted Cadance’s back. “Knock ‘em dead, girl.” David walked away.

“Well, I’ll try not to do that literally, hehe.” She laughed, gulping down her fear.

“Yes.” ‘But I know that the wedding will end in crazyness, and... Soldier’s naked covered in honey again...’ AD17 stared as dragonflies chased after the mercenary.

Cadence looked at the sight for a second, winced, grimaced, and kept going to the wedding hall.

Everyone was gathered for the wedding, the original group of humans on Shining Armor’s side, the secondary group on Cadence’s side.

“I am so happy!” Deadpool cried out, blowing his nose with Wilson’s handkerchief, and handing it back to him.

“Eugh… keep it, I have a spare.” Wilson said, pulling out his spare handkerchief.

“Thank you!” Deadpool said, taking the spare and blowing his nose again.

Wilson deadpanned and frowned at the mouthy merc.

Chief was out of his suit, instead in his military fatigues, with his pistol ready, but holstered.

Soldier had been cleaned and clothed in his own fatigues, though covered in scorch marks.

Midna opted to stay in the shadows.

Link and Ezio had put on their Assassin outfits, staying behind the group, ready to climb the walls to ambush any ambushers.

Adam looked at Vital in the crowd, winking at him to thank him for the M16.

Arbiter had his weapons behind him, which was within an arms reach of it. He was clad in replica Sangheili Honor Guard armor.

Harry was dressed in his High Auror clothing, wand put away.

Wilson was wearing his vest under his pinstripe suit, just because he could.

Steve was wearing a much cleaner and crisper version of his usual attire, his mask replaced with a pair of sunglasses and a medical mask.

Blue Comet was dressed in his own fatigues, aviator glasses on and rifle dissassembled into three parts.

Deadpool was dressed with a formal suit over his superhero suit.

AD17 looked from above the altar, and was dressed in more formal tuxedo.

He looked at Wilson, and winked. Wilson knew what he was saying, and winked back.

‘Cadence’ walked up the aisle and to the altar, staring into Shining Armor’s eyes.

“*ahem* We are gathered here today to witness the bonding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captain Shining Arm-”

“BATHROOM!!!” Wade teleported out suddenly, leaving a confused group.

“Ahem, right, as I was saying, Shining Armor.”

She paused, waiting for any sort of interruption.

None came, “Now then, we-”

“BACK!” Wade came back. “What’d I-”

“Wade, be quiet!” Wilson yelled out.

Deadpool pouted, but stayed quiet.

“*AHEM* Now then, as I was saying, I’ll keep this brief, Shining Armor, sickness and health, have and hold, and all that? Until you die?”

Most of the wedding-goers were appalled at the practically flippant summary.

AD17 just laughed.

“Man, this is better than Deadpool Team-up.”

“Which one?”

“Quiet you, both of you, Shining Armor?”

“I do.”

“Alright, Cadence, is the feeling mutual, do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Alright, so, if anyone disagrees, then say something now, or deal with it… forever.” Celestia looked around the room.

AD17 then appeared next to Cadance, and used his anti-magic.

The real Cadence burst in through the door.

“I OBJECT!” She shouted, “ON THE GROUNDS THAT THAT’S NOT ME!”

She pointed as Chrysalis found herself slowly transforming back into base form.

“I knew it wasn’t you, you had too many awkward pauses in our conversation. Later bitch, I gots an army to fight!” AD put on full modern military armor and teleported outside.

Chrysalis looked at Shining Armor, casting a mind-control spell on him.

John looked at Arbiter expectantly, who looked back at him with an equally expectant look.

They both cursed their failure of communication, ‘The one time, and it’s the time that counts.’

Chrysalis used her magic to suspend everyone in the otherworldly group, all of the crowd, Shining Armor, the real Cadence, and even Celestia.

“Now then, as we were going before we so rudely interrupted… you may now kiss the bride.” She said, kissing Shining Armor and casting a mind-control spell on him.

Celestia could not break her bonds, nopony and no human/imp/alien could.

Except the one that couldn’t be bonded in the first place.

“I advise that you stop, give up, and leave, now.” Ezio said in his best threatening voice as he whipped out his hidden blade and pointed it at the evil monarch.

Chrysalis cleared the other humans out of the way, making sure that she and Ezio stood on opposite ends of the altar.

“So, you really think that you can run over here and stab me before I kill you with my own deadly poisons?”

Ezio knew that this was a possibility, so he conceded, withdrawing his hidden blade, “No, no I do not.” He said, flawlessly faking a voice of defeat.

He slid the mechanisms around and aimed again, “Actually I think I can… come on then.” He finished switching to his hidden gun.

Chrysalis summoned an axe made of gossamer with a paper-thin edge and charged, ready to drive it into his sternum.

*BOOM*

With no mechanisms or structures to dampen the noise, the sound of the raw explosion bellowed out of the gauntlet, the shockwave breaking the window above the altar and startling every bird within a 100-foot radius of the wedding hall and even a few dogs.

Chrysalis fell to the floor as a good chunk of her brains splattered onto her back and the floor behind her, a 10 millimeter diameter circular hole shot through her forehead, right where Ezio had quickly pinpointed and fired the hidden gun with skill developed from many, many years of experience.

With the source of the magical bonds gone, everyone was freed, “Well, that was cool, so let’s get outside and wreck some shit up!” Deadpool said, taking the initiative and ripping his formal suit off the top of his normal one, teleporting out and back in with his weapons.

There was a chittering outside, and everyone looked out to see the sun and sky blotted out by a seemingly infinitely large army of what looked like big, black dragonflies shaped like ponies.

Harry pulled out his wand.

“Accio, Sword of Gryffindor!” He cast, and the sword broke right through the wall to get to him. He then teleported away with Wilson and Deadpool.

Ezio and Link climbed the walls and got outside.

Chief, Arbiter, Adam, Steve, Gander, and Vital forced their way through the crowd.

Blue broke and flew out of one of the windows.

Soldier didn’t need an emergency change, so he simply blew a hole in the wall and left through that.

Midna came up from the ground, looking at Celestia.

“Hey, what are you doing?” The imp asked, watching the white alicorn grimace.

Celestia was fighting a mental battle, one she was quickly losing.

‘Oh dear, dear, poor, foolish Celestia, did you think that I’d be slain so easily? The changelings are nothing if not tenacious.’

‘Dear mother help me… you monster, first you try to take over Cadence’s position, now this?’

‘Reformation through flame.’

Celestia opened her eyes, grunting in pain.

“Sorry, I just… that was a terrible sight to see, and I had a front-row view.” ‘Celestia’ said, holding her head for a moment and spreading her wings.

“Alright then, let’s go, fellow princess.” Midna said, sitting on Celestia’s back.

The ‘princess’ got into a hover.

“Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy… ohhh... get to the Elements of Harmony, I’m feeling faint…” The white alicorn said, nearly dozing off in the middle of her sentence.

‘Vhat is zis, anozzer veaken mind? Vunderbar!’

‘What, who are you?’

‘Doktor Richtofen, and don’t mind if I keep talking, it’s all just ein elaborate ruse to make you go crazy.’

‘I feel a great evil from you, Richtofen.’

‘Oh, you know how to flatter a man, haha!’

‘Shut up, I need to pretend to be all weak so I don’t have to fight my changelings.’

‘So, be veak, physically und mentally!’

‘Celestia’ stopped hovering, stumbling and falling to the floor.

“I think there was a spell cast on me… it’s hard to stay awake.”

“Don’t worry, princess, we’ll get the Elements of Harmony and fix all this.” Twilight assured, looking to the others.

The six mares threw off their movement-restricting dresses and galloped away, leaving Midna with Celestia.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” Midna said, staying close to Celestia.

“Chief, there are enemies at… well… they’re all over the place.” Cortana 2.0 informed as John put his armor on.

“Thanks, I saw that already, by the way.” Chief informed as he pulled up his DMR.

Soldier was once again naked and covered in honey for some nonsensical reason, something that most of the group found disgusting.

“Soldier, why? Just why?” Harry pleaded for a sensible answer.

“If you need to fight the enemy, you need to be like the enemy, so I became naked and sticky!”

“How are they sticky?” Wilson asked.

“Don’t bugs have a sticky outer coating?”

“Not these ones.” Arbiter said as he crushed a changeling’s skull with his fist.

“Oh, well I’m still gonna wrestle them, RAAAAAAGH!”

*German Suplex!!!*

“They decided to attack as an army… unfortunately I am trained to fight against armies.”

“How is that unfortunate?” Adam said as he showed the changelings his ‘little friend.’

Meaning his M16.

“It’s unfortunate for them.” Chief said, firing his sniper rifle into the crowd.

Whole rows of changelings fell to his bullets.

AD17 had gone full Rambo as he fired a M249 one handed, using the other to feed a chain of bullets to the gun.

“JAH! I AM SPEAKING LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER NOW, JAH!”

Ezio and Link were using their own skillsets to literally cut a path through the horde.

“This isn’t ideal, but at least they have the durability of bokoblins.” Link said as he swung hard, cleaving through three changelings.

“I have no idea what those are...” Ezio said as he stabbed a changeling through the neck. “... But I’m thinking that these bugs are as easy to kill as their smaller brethren.” Ezio finished as he pulled out and began to fight some more.

It was true, already they had cut a path to the others.

Arbiter jumped into the crowd, raising and smashing his Gravity Hammer into the swarm repeatedly.

“GO FOR THE EYE!!!” Wilson yelled out, fighting changelings left and right with his sword.

Vital and Gander were up on their hind legs, going back-to-back badass style.

“I killed a few of these before they were found, ya know.” Vital said as he punched out a changeling.

“My fellow magi were replaced by some of them, I incinerated one and telekinetically crushed another.”

“Were there other casualties from them?”

“The wizard used a spell, and the naked human covered in honey snapped another’s neck.”

“Impressive, I will make sure to record their respectable acts of bravery against this most vicious enemy.” The mobster said as he shot through the horde.

“That’s a kind and very odd gesture.” The mage said as he launched a Radiant Spear through seven changelings at once.

They kept fighting for several seconds before suddenly.

“I’m out, SWITCH!” Gander said, tossing his staff into the air and taking Vital’s M16.

“What?” Vital said as he missed the staff.

“I got the staff!” Deadpool said as he finished roshamboing a changeling.

The mobster quickly darted over, grabbed the staff, then darted back to Gander’s back-side.

“So how do I… do this…” The earth pony said, trying to cast a spell.

“Just focus, earth ponies have magic too.” The unicorn said as he gunned down more and more of the seemingly endless army.

Vital focused his will, and the staff launched a copper-colored beam of force through whole rows of changelings.

“THERE’S TOO MANY OF THEM!” Deadpool said as a group of changelings spat a rubbery sort of liquid on him, binding his wrists.

‘Use your spin attack!’

“That’s Link’s move!”

“What? Now is not the time to get caught up in a mental conversation, Deadpool.”

“Use that area of effect attack Link! Spin!”

Link nodded, rearing his sword back.

He was, by luck, still on full hearts, so the Greater Spin Attack would.

“Oof!” He was hit, taking off a quarter heart.

He turned to the changeling that had hit him, shield bashed it, then used his iron boot to stomp through its skull.

“HARDCORE!” Deadpool commended, pulling out Dual RPG-7s and firing them from an aerial angle.

Ripping the changeling’s heart out and crushing it in his fist, Link recovered the quarter heart and charged up the Greater Spin Attack again.

*SSSSHHHHHING!*

*W-VHOOOM* The air distorted as energy ripped through a fifteen-foot-wide circle of the mooks.

“Huh... Never expected him to rip out the heart.” Deadpool said, having only known Link’s kind side.

But they just kept coming.

Finally, after hundreds of minor hits added up to some major damage (and Chief and Deadpool getting heavily bound in rubbery goo)

“JAH, I AM BEING SURROUNDED, AND COVERED IN RUBBER, JAH!!!”

“Shut up Dav-MPH!!!” Wilson found himself suddenly covered in and gagged by the rubbery substance.

With their endless numbers, the changelings finally took down all but Soldier, Blue Comet, and Link, the former of whom’s honey coating actually protected him from their attempts at binding him.

“I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE DEAD, DYING, OR IN SOME WAY , SHAPE OR FORM, NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!” Soldier yelled out as he fought some more, snapping more necks and breaking even more thro-asses.

Link did another spin attack, and switched to the Dragonscale Armor for better defense.

However, due to his unfortunate luck, his wallet was being flooded with rupees from the countless dead foes, and soon he collapsed under the weight of his own defense.

“Looks like it’s just you and me Soldier!” Blue said, firing his SBC SR at the Changelings.

Another row went down, but one of them landed a blinding arc of goo over his eyes.

“GAH!” He yelped, now only able to see through his camera scope.

And that method was extremely difficult at this time.

“It’s just black on black on black on bright and cheery!” He shouted, firing randomly.

Soldier found himself getting fatigued from the constant fighting. Even a blood warrior like himself had limits. Soldier was just stupid enough to fight to said limit, and a little beyond.

“If only Medic was here to give me an Uber.”

“What? It’s hard to hear you over the buzzing army of gooey, scrapey death.” Blue said as he tripped over his own bound feet, falling and becoming covered.

Indeed, the group was becoming doomed at the moment.

“Oh no, we’re almost surrounded.”

“Good, then we’ll make this job all the more easier.” A new voice came out.

“Who’s that?”

“Remember us~!” Crimson Gravel half-sang, walking in with Crushed Sauce.

“Oh, no.” Celestia remembered these ponies all too well.

“If only I had…” Midna disappeared into the shadows.

“Now, where is she?” Crushed demanded from Celestia, holding her up.

“Where is who?” Chrysalis asked.

“Where’s The Druid Mistress?”

“Who?”

“You know, the anthropomorphic Fluttershy.”

“Oh, I...”

‘Explain, now!’

‘Normally I wouldn’t, but since this is my body, I will.’

‘You’d die eizzer vay zough.’

‘The yellow pony, Fluttershy, there’s another one of her, but she’s like these two.’

“I don’t know where she is, she’s hidden from even me.” Chrysalis wasn’t lying.

“But I do.”

“Now who’s that?” Crimson demanded, looking around for the new playmate.

From the shadows came Maxwell, smiling widely as he knew what to do now.

“I know exactly where she is, but I’ll only tell, if you help me out.”

“Hold on, who in the sam-hell are ya?” Crushed Sauce asked the twig-like man.

“I am Maxwell, Lord of the Umbra, I’ve finally mustered enough dark power to manifest a physical form permanently.”

“So~, then tell us, where is she~?”

“Well slow down there, pal, I was getting to that on my own… she’s between the twigs where the Discord lies in gold.” He riddled.

“Oh Sweet... I hate those damn riddles, tell us in somethang simplar, or Ah’ll snap yer neck!” Crushed Sauce grabbed Maxwell by the collar of his vest.

“Now let’s not get too hasty, pal, I’ll talk, The Druid Mistress is in the land of the free and the home of the chaos.”

“The Everfree Forest.” Crimson figured.

“Yes, and now I ask something from you.”

“What?”

“Take me to Condition One, I have some words to say to him now.” Maxwell said, smiling menacingly.

“Iffin you say that like that, Ah think that’ll be a good idea.”

“Alright then… I’ll be on my way.” Maxwell said, taking Applejack’s hands off his collar and stepping back.

He was suddenly grabbed by a shadowy hand, and pulled down into the shadows.

-Princess Luna’s Bedchambers-

“Alright… with both good and evil darkness combined, I can use the power of my ancestors.” Midna said, looking at Maxwell and Luna.

“If this is the best way to get through the changeling army, then I will do this voluntarily.” Luna vowed.

“If I can leave afterward, let’s get this over with.” Maxwell accepted begrudgingly.

Midna nodded, and began absorbing the dark power.

She took the form of the Fused Shadow.

Outside, the changelings were prying the bound heroes off the ground to transport them to their queen.

The sky suddenly turned Cataclysm Orange.

“Um, what’sssss up with the ssssky?” One changeling asked.

“I think that’sssss a chemical reaction between the ozone layer and incoming epic danger… we ssssshould hurry up.” Another changeling answered.

“Let’sssss hurry then!”

The remaining few hundred changelings found themselves burdened by the weight of all the humans.

Suddenly, an explosion blew part of the roof of one tower off, and a huge figure came flying out of it.

“WHAT ISSSS THAT!”

The figure revealed itself to be a massive, dark-colored beast, with turquoise, orange, and yellow highlights.

It pulled out a massive spear made of light, smashing a dozen changelings with one swing.

Flattening four changelings at a time with its massive hands and shooting dark turquoise beams of energy at the swarm, the Fused Shadow made quick work of the remaining changelings.

Freeing the humans from the rubbery bonds with the blade of its spear, the Fused Shadow ceased its rampage and reverted back to Midna, who was now solid, Luna, who was a bit woozy, and Maxwell, who held his head in pain.

“GAH, this manner of attack is much more painful than I’d have expected from this form of magic.” Maxwell complained.

“Indeed, but it was under-powered.”

“Underpowered? How?” Luna queried, shaking her head to clear the fog.

“I was holding back, otherwise, you’d both be dead.”

“Oh, that’s just joyful.”

“Also, it’s supposed to, along with myself, draw from three sources of dark magic, and you’re only two, so it was draining both of you at a 150% rate.” Midna added.

“MAXWELL!!!” Wilson raise his blade and charged to his most hated enemy.

“After these pests are taken care of.” Maxwell motioned towards the charging group near them.

He dropped into the shadows, leaving the two dark princesses alone with the group.

“These beings shall not get closer!” Arbiter cut himself out of his bonds.

“They have all been slain, dear humans… and Sangheili, and Twili.” Luna assured, looking around at the motionless corpses.

The group looked around, and actually breathed a sigh of relief.

“I was almost out of ammo.” Chief said, he’d been on his last magazines for each of his guns.

“And I was very nearly killed.” Deadpool noted.

“You can heal.”

“Yeah, that’s why I was nearly killed.”

“We were all nearly killed.” Link said.

“Indeed, it was a tremendous battle.” Ezio and Arbiter said, confused at how they said the same thing at the same time.

“I agree with the alien and hoody, now, who wants ribs?” Soldier asked, clapping his hands together.

“Soldier… the changelings have exoskeletons, there are no ribs to eat from them.”

“I wasn’t talking about bug meat, maggot!”

“Oh.”

“Also, put some clothes back on.” Wilson said.

“Alright… but the honey kept me from getting trapped like you privates.”

“It was surprising, to say the least.” Harry noted.

“I’m glue, they’re rubber.”

“Also, WE! CAN! SEE!!! *gasp* Your privates.” Wilson cried out, throwing a pair of pants at Soldier.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Maggot.” Soldier said as he begun to put his pants back on.

The group looked around at the sea of bodies.

Harry blew air, “So… it doesn’t stink nearly as bad as I would have thought.” He said, looking on the bright side.

“No, it smells like… sour candy.” Deadpool said, scooping some of the blood up in his hand.

“Ah, don’t eat it...” Harry scolded wearily, sounding like a tired mother.

Wilson however already did, and did note the taste.

“It’s a delicate taste between lemon, rum and... unagi?” Wilson thought of the weird taste.

“I’m surprised you know what unagi tastes like.” Chief said.

“I’ve managed to make some before in the wild, don’t ask.”

“Right, Wilson’s taste-testing aside, we should get the clean-up crew out here.”

Wilson felt some health come back, about 5 health, with a hunger satiating of 2, but came with a sanity drain of 3.

He drank some more, only enough to recover his health.

“STOP EATING IT!” Harry scolded, sounding like a stern mother.

“As Deadpool would say, ‘don’t knock it until you try it.’” Wilson retorted, wiping the blood off of his face.

“I have a stomach intolerance for seafood, it’s not a full allergy, but I’ll just vomit it back up.” Harry said, feeling a bit sick.

“It’s not really seafood, it’s just tastes like it.” Wilson replied, taking some of the blood for himself for later.

“I’m still not drinking the changeling blood.” Harry said, crossing his arms and looking around at the countless bodies.

“Alright, but if you find yourself desperate, you know where to find the drink of health and hunger.” Wilson turned around and walked towards the castle.

Ezio had finished stepping over the corpses along with Link, glad to get away from the inanity of the group.

“Well, that was something Link.” Ezio half-panted.

“Yes, it was.” Link replied.

“Hey, you’re speaking like a normal person now.”

“I didn’t notice… hmm.” Link hummed.

“Maybe what the Fluttershy human-pony thing said was right, you are getting louder because of the need for it.”

“I see… where is she anyways?”

“I don’t know, but I think she contacted me with light-element magic.”

“So, you think she’s alright?”

“I hope so, look to the sun.” Ezio said.

Link looked into the sun, and was sucked away by a force beyond physical power.

“GAH!” Crimson yelped at the sudden appearance.

“What the, why’d ya summon him!” Crushed demanded.

“I didn’t!” Fluttershy said, looking at Link.

Link looked around, trying to find out what was happening.

It was the Everfree Forest, and in the center, was the three anthro ponies he met.

He got up, and put on his Hero’s clothes, having too much money to make use of his Draconic Armor.

“Step away from The Druid.” He commanded, drawing the Master Sword.

“Crimson, hold ‘im off!” Crushed Sauce yelled out, grabbing The Druid by the arm.

“Hush little baby, don’t say a word… momma’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.” Crimson sang as she pulled out a sword with bird wings for the crossbar.

Link scowled, and twirled his sword in response.

He looked to the trees, he trusted the trees.

The Hero’s clothes trusted the trees.

Crimson lashed forward, but soon found herself overpowered by Link’s strength, which was being amplified by being in the forest.

For once, Pinkie was scared, she heard ghosties, and began to giggle madly.

The ghosties didn’t go away.

“HEEAAAH!” Link pushed the mare away with newfound might and prepared his stance once more.

Pinkie found herself being held down, it felt like a dozen children’s hands were keeping her from moving.

Link saw the phantom images of children, no older than maybe Talo or Beth, they were clad in green, like he was, and seemed to be helping him by constricting Crimson.

Link prepared to perform a fatal strike.

Pinkie closed her eyes.

*SHINK*

Pinkie found herself not to be in pain at all, and opened her eyes.

Link had stabbed the ground next to her face, and was looking directly into her eyes.

“I will not slay you… because I know that you need help…” He pulled out his ocarina.

“What are you...”

. . . . . .

< . . < . .

. > . . > .

. . \/ . . \/

. . . . . .

You played: Song of Healing

Pinkie felt her brain being torn to shreds.

Crushed felt the same way, she turned to look at the hero.

Evil magic billowed out of both of their ears, leaving them cleansed of corruption.

RAAAAAHHH!!!

The moans of anger filled the air until the area was silent.

The two mares fell to the ground, unconscious from shock.

Link breathed heavily and walked over to Fluttershy, helping her up.

Fluttershy hugged Link.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!”

“GIH!” Link found himself being squeezed far too tightly for his lungs to breathe, “JIHE-EE-EH!” He choked out.

Fluttershy loosened the hug, “Sorry.”

“It’s alright... I only helped.”

“You looked to the sun, didn’t you?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yes… but I felt something else there too.” Link looked at the sun again.

The screams and shrieks of evil spirits filled his ears, and all went white.

-An unknown plane of existence-

Link found himself standing on a field made of light red energy, a tall, fancily-dressed man standing on the edge, looking at sun.

“Ah, you must be the Hero of Time. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”

“And you are?”

“I have many names, Diablo, the Morning Star, the Light Bringer, the Taint Master, but my friends just call me Lucifer.”

“You are the father of Damon, AD17 told me about you.”

“Yes, my bratty son got too big for his britches and decided to forge out an empire on his own.”

He turned towards Link and sighed.

“I sent him to Europe to take the souls of sinners, but grew mad at the church.”

“I thought people like you corrupt-”

“I don’t care what you think… but really though, did you honestly believe that the MASTER OF LIGHT would taint people?”

“Uhh...”

“My brother is evil, but he also rules his own plane, and he just waits for the sinners to come, he doesn’t even bother in the worldly affairs.”

“Uhh…”

“But you’d be very correct if you believed that the Master of Light would taint people, I mean, one of my names is ‘The Taint Master’... but I digress.”

“S-so... tell me, what did Damon use you for, The Druid Mistess told me about...”

“He tried to get me to corrupt Thor, and that failed, that bastard has an incorruptible will, just like you.” Lucifer pointed a glass-looking sword at Link.

“Oh...”

“And, you see, I like the people that I can’t corrupt, it makes it more of a satisfying victory when I work for it… so let’s fight, shall we?” Lucifer shrank down to Link’s size and drew his own sword.

“Very well.” Link replied, drawing his sword and shield.

Devil of Law, Tyrant of Light

Lucifer

Choose your theme: 1 or 2

Lucifer started by taking to the air and sending bolts of light down at Link.

Link rolled out of the way and took out his bow and arrows.

“HA, do you honestly think that’s will work?” Lucifer said as he blasted the arena with bright light, blinding Link.

Then there was sudden, sharp pain through Link’s back, and he was soon thrown across the room.

“I expected better.” Lucifer pointed out, clearly annoyed at the lack of challenge.

Link however knew two things now.

One, he controlled light.

Two, he would not allow arrows to be fired.

Readying his stance again, he held the Master Sword tight, with a grip of courage.

He ran quickly, an after-image following him.

Lucifer countered with a parry, throwing Link’s silvery blade away as his wine-red blade stabbed the hero.

Link grit his teeth almost hard enough to break them from the searing pain he felt.

“I expected better.”

Link responded by kneeing the light devil in the crotch, then stabbing him with the Master Sword.

“OOOOOOOHHH!!! That smarts… I see what you were feeling, oh great... good one.”

Link narrowed his eyes.

“The Tyrant Sword, the blade of good’s bane.” Lucifer showed Link the sword in full view.

The shape was the same as the Master Sword, but the crossguard was a pair of demonic wings instead of angelic ones.

The blade was as red as wine, with a gleaming golden hilt.

“In the end, we are the bane of each other’s existence.” Link mused.

“Exactly, so what hope have you against me in an even attack and defense in my favor?”

“A couple wise men once told me...” Link jumped into the shadows.

“Oh spare me your silly wisemen speak.” Lucifer said, shining his light all over the arena and blotting out any sight of Link’s shadow travel.

“...If you wish.”

Lucifer then found himself being stabbed in the back by a new addition to Link arsenal.

A hidden blade, only accessible by Link’s Twilight Armor.

“Gah! So you have a knife? Well that won’t help you.”

“Not just a knife.” Link said, pointing to the clear liquid on the base.

“Poison? You clearly don’t know me.” Lucifer began to bring out light from all directions, only to find that the armor was blotting out the magic.

“Hmm, clever. I was beginning to think I overestimated you.”

“And all shall find peace in the shadow of the great three goddesses, for there all is well.” Link recited, holding his sword so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

“What is that supposed to do? Are you some sort of paladin now?”

*clank clank clank clank clank*

“I beg to differ.” The Hero’s Shade said, walking in from the snowy heights of the Mountain of Masters.

“Oh, it is you. It has been many years since we last met.” Lucifer said.

“And what a great many years it has been, to not have to deal with your flippant attitude towards the concept of battle.”

“How about we make this battle interesting then.” Lucifer then used his magic to transform the Hero’s Shade into the form he had as a mortal.

Link looked up at Lucifer.

Link looked down at Link.

“What.” Link said flatly, looking down at his ancestor.

“Yes Link, the resemblance is uncanny, no?”

“Only 100 years in between you two.” Lucifer added.

Twilight Link stabbed Lucifer in the back with the Master Sword, dropping off.

Ocarina Link threw off his heavy armor, revealing the original Hero’s Clothes.

Lucifer recovered from his strike, and readied his stance.

“This hardly seems fair.” Twilight Link said.

“Well when you’re fighting a boss, you take what you can get.” Ocarina Link said, raising the Hero’s Sword, a much less powerful copy of the Master Sword, he had it since Twilight Link had the Master Sword.

“Agreed.” Lucifer said, splitting into two copies of himself.

Both Links readied themselves, and looked on.

Only one Lucifer was real, so one of them would be right.

Twilight Link switched to the Magic Armor, since his wallet was full to capacity.

The four clashed, the false light-devil disappearing when Twilight Link hit it, the real one grunting when Ocarina Link stabbed it.

“GAH! No matter, I have health to spare.” Lucifer spat, slapping Ocarina Link away with a backhand.

Twilight Link rolled into Lucifer’s sight, and performed a Back Slash.

Needless to say, Lucifer didn’t have much time to react, and was pushed back.

“Enough of this, SUN, ANSWER ME!”

A few sunspots appeared, and the sky darkened as the ultimate source of light answered its master.

A face appeared on the sun.

“Great, just like Termina.” Ocarina Link muttered.

“Termina? This is the first I’ve heard of such a place.”

“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?”

And then all went light…

Ocarina Link threw something to Twilight Link, an object, it looked like a heart.

Twilight Link grabbed it.

It was a large, spiky heart with wide, circular orange eyes.

His ears were ringing, but he barely made out the message.

“PUT THE MASK ON!” Ocarina Link instructed before he was disintegrated in the burning light of the sun.

Link put the mask on, and the light faded.

The sky became much darker, and the moon rose, with it’s own face.

Lucifer’s face fell as he stared up at the moon.

“You’ve met with a terrible fate, haven’t you?”

And all went dark.

Lucifer managed to shield himself from the brunt of the dark magic, but when the darkness faded back into the unpowered light of the sun, he saw Link right in front of him.

Link’s willpower made sure that the mask did not corrupt him, and he raise his sword above his head.

“... I... conceed. You win, Hero of Time.”

Link lowered his sword.

Lucifer slashed him away, “HAHAHA! You really thought that I, the great Devil of Light, would be so easily defeated? COME ON!”

So Link came on, and with courage driving him forward, he liberated Lucifer’s body of his stupid-faced bleach-blond-haired head.

I.E. he decapitated him.

The head rolled down to Link’s feet, and Link sighed.

“It’s over, even a devil has his limits… and Lucifer just didn’t recognize his.”

He opened the chest left behind, “I just hope that self-overestimation runs in the family.”

You have obtained: The Tainted Tuxedo

This armor protects you from all evil, however your sword, the Master Sword, will be replaced by the Tyrant Sword, and you will be classified as evil.

It’s appearance also lets you get into many magnificent events that require formal wear.

Finally, it seems that Lucifer’s time as an angel has left a stain, and with this suit equipped, you can summon gray angelic wings.

Be careful to not give into the corruption.

Link nodded, and then grabbed the larger-than-normal heart container next to the chest.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“Alright, now I can face Damon.” Link said as he equipped the Tainted Tuxedo and struck the ground.

And everything turned white.

“Link, you okay?”

Link groaned as his ears rang and his eyes refused to open for a few seconds.

“Link, two things, one; bitchin’ suit, two; what the hell happened?” Wade asked, looking over Link.

Link’s eyes snapped open, and the light of the sun greeted him, not hurting his eyes at all.

Ezio glared at Link.

“What is it Ezio?”

“You have come up red, Link, I want an explanation before I am forced to assassinate you.” Ezio said, grabbing Link by the collar.

“It might be because he has a tuxedo, if you’re not James Bond, you’re usually evil.”

“Relax, I am on your side, I merely had an... altercation.”

“An altercation?” Ezio asked.

“I looked towards the sun, and found myself fighting Lucifer himself.”

“Damon’s father?” Harry recalled that detail.

“Yes, I slayed him, and took this armor, and something else from him.”

“Really now?”

“I was told that wearing this armor would mark me as evil.”

“Well, that sword reeks of evil.” Twilight said, sticking her tongue out in disgust at the sight of it.

Link drew the wine-red blade and looked at it, touching it.

Nothing.

He laid it on Ezio’s hand.

“Yep, it stings, a lot.” Ezio said, pulling away.

“Oh, me next, I bet that it feels like- A BILLION FIRE ANTS EATING AWAY AT MY FLESH!!!” Wade pulled back as the burn marks appeared on the back of his hand.

“This is the Tyrant Sword, the blade of good’s bane… I’ll just change.” Link said, suddenly appearing in the Hero’s Clothes with the Master Sword.

“Good idea.” Ezio said.

“Good, I was worried for a minute there.” Midna said, grabbing Link’s leg and holding on.

“Uh, yes, don’t worry Midna, I am alright.”

“Good, because we have two anthropomorphic ponies laying downstairs, generally feeling bad about themselves.” Twilight said.

“Well… I can test to see if they’re-”

“No need for your flaming sword of holy vengeance, Link, my Eagle Vision has assured me that they are fine.”

“The pink one cries like crazy, I unwillingly took a shower in her tears when she woke up, and I still want a towel.” Wilson said, still wet.

“Yeah, we should take a look at them at the very least.” Harry said, leading the group downstairs.

The two agents sat on the floor, the red-clad one crying like a thunderstorm, the brown-clad one mumbling to herself and rocking back and forth in a fetal position.

“Ah didn’ want this, Ah didn’ want this, Ah didn’ want this.” She repeated to herself in a mantra.

“By Nayru’s love...”

“Speaking of love, we’ve managed to clean up most of the invasion’s mess and the wedding is back on for later today.” Shining said, giving Cadence a kiss on the cheek and a hug of safety.

“And you missed the bachelor party.” Soldier added.

“Yes, Ezio did let himself... go crazy.” Shining said.

“I did not go crazy.” Ezio denied.

“Dude, you ripped off your shirt and molested one of the maids.”

“All the while screaming ‘IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I SHALL PURGE YOUR SINS WITH MY 9-INCH NAIL!’... it was a bold proclamation.” Deadpool said.

“EZIO!” Link found himself shocked at the explanation.

“Okay… I drank too much wine… but that last part… I might have done sober, albeit much more subtly and quieter.”

“It wasn’t as loud as Wade said it, to be honest.” Soldier scratched his chin. “I think they were behind closed doors when that happened.” Soldier said.

“And I can’t help but notice that Ezio has not put his shirt back on.” Chief said.

Indeed, Ezio’s tan chest and stomach were bare, showing his muscles.

“What can I say, amico, if it is damaged, I cannot use it.”

“Just get Rarity to fix it, for bloody hell’s sake!” Harry said.

Luckily Ezio still had his hood and cape, so that was something.

“I think it’s fine… he looks bette-... less stupid this way.” Rainbow Dash said, staring at Ezio’s finely chiseled musculature and drooling slightly, “I could use a ‘purging’ too...”

“I think the only ones of us that don’t look at least somewhat like that are Harry, Wilson, and Adam.”

“Lady Rainbow Dash, why do you not just admit your feelings for me? It would make both of our lives much easier.” Ezio insisted, giving Rainbow a boop on the nose.

“GAH! I… I don’t know what you’re talking about… idiot.” She said, flying away with a blush all over her face.

“Sir Ezio, please stop antagonizing dear Rainbow Dash and just… wear the casual robes I made for you.” Rarity insisted, pushing him towards the castle to get changed.

“Alright, I will do it, alone.” Ezio said as he parkoured up the tower to the room.

“Or you can wear the spare tuxedo I made in the case that you wanted it!” Rarity called out to him.

Ezio stopped, looked down at her, nodded, then continued upwards.

“So… I guess we’re on cleanup duty while Ezio gets dressed?” Wilson guessed.

“It would be best if you did… thank you for volunteering, everyone… and no explosive cleaning.” ‘Celestia’ said in a trolling tone.

“Trollestia strikes agaaaaaaiiinnn~!” Wade shouted as he teleported away.

Everyone laughed a little bit, but then realized that ‘Celestia’ was serious.

“Uh... What does...”

“I’M A MOOOOOOOOOOOONSTER!!!” The anthro Pinkie cried out, covering ‘Celestia’ in her tears.

Many people and ponies in the group tensed up.

“No worries, my little ponies, this is relatively easy to take care of, unlike the source of the problem.” ‘Celestia’ assured the group, looking over the two agents.

“Yes, I agree. It’s just salty water. These two...” Twilight trailed off.

“I’ll have some therapists help them out, maybe let Blue Comet talk to them as well. Fluttershy is talking with her copy at the moment. You may all take your leave.”

Everyone nodded and returned upstairs.

There was still a lot of work to do.

David was stocking up on the S&W .500 ammo he needed for his revolver, and set aside his now underpowered Pythons.

“Alright David, just get the ammo, look for Rarity, and help her get here, easy!” He said to himself.

“Condition One!”

David froze and turned towards the door.

Damon was there, clearly angry.

“BOOOSS!” David nervously responded.

‘I’d say that too.’

“Enough!” Damon smacked David with a backhand, sending the man tumbling to the floor. Damon grabbed David by the collar of his armor and brought him up to eye-level with his unusually purple eyes.

“You caused the downfall of this group, and by the name of my God-damned father, you will at least hasten this downfall by stopping these humans, as soon as you can!”

David, thoroughly scared, gulped and meekly replied.

“Y-y-yes Damon, right away! J-just don’t... just don’t hurt her, please!”

Damon let go of David and scoffed.

“Fine, Mahogany is expensive anyway. You got three days.” Damon walked out of the room, leaving David panting and scared.

‘Oh, love of Christ, what have I done? I’ve basically killed Rarity...’

‘What’s next, you getting Stockholm Syndrome?’

‘Fuck off!’

‘Am I developing Stockstolb syndrome? Why am I doing this?’

‘The proper term is Flowers Nightingale syndrome, which is where the roles are reversed.’

Chrysalis, still in Celestia’s body, was acting as the officiator for the wedding.

Everyone was redressed in their previous formal wear, all except Ezio and Link, who were now wearing their respective tuxedos.

“If anyone has any objections as to why these two should not get married, speak now, or deal with it, forever.”

Suddenly, another Shining Armor burst through the door.

“YOU FORGOT THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS!” He shouted.

Ezio activated Eagle Vision, and the new Shining Armor came up red.

“Enough of these changeling blame-games.” Ezio said, pointing to Link and Adam, who were standing at the doors.

Link grabbed the red Shining, made a ‘come on’ gesture to Adam, and the two left the hall, closing the door behind them.

“Alright now, I suppose that’s no reason to say this marriage is illegitimate, so I now pronounce you two, stallion and wife! You may now kiss the bride!”

The two shared the sealing kiss of love and fate.

The crowd cheered, and the humans smiled at this wonderful moment.

“I am so happy.” Wade sniffed a bit.

“Now it’s time for the PARTY!” Pinkie cheered.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Rainbow Dash pumped her hooves.

The cyan pegasus flew out the window that Blue Comet had broken earlier, and started up the Sonic Rainboom.

By the time everyone had filed outside, the Rainboom was ready

It just needed a little extra kick.

“It’s beautiful.” Ezio mused.

“It hasn’t happened yet, she’s still charging up.”

“I was talking about her…” Ezio followed Rainbow’s movements with his eyes.

“Yeah, we figured as much considering what you’ve been doing.” Harry said.

Ezio ignored Harry’s remark and raised his hand to give Rainbow Dash a thumbs-up.

Rainbow saw the gesture, and that was the little kick she needed.

*BOOM*

A circular rainbow blasted from the point Rainbow had broken the sound barrier at, and the result was both awe-inspiring and beautiful.

“BEST! WEDDING! EVER!” Rainbow cheered to herself, keeping up her flight for another minute before slowing down.

By that point, the sun was going down, and the party was ready to begin.

-A bit later-

Everyone was dancing and having a grand ol’ time.

“DID YOU SEE THAT RAINBOOM? That was my best one YET! Ohmigosh this is all just SO AWESOME!” Rainbow’s voice cracked on those last two words.

Ezio just chuckled at the face Rainbow made.

“And hey, thanks for that little push I needed.” Rainbow said.

“It was no problemo, Rainbow Dash, I only help when I am needed after all.”

“It pretty much saved me from failing to do the Rainboom, you’re awesome Ezio.”

“Yes, I suppose I am, in more ways than one.” Ezio wagged his eyebrows.

Rainbow Dash suddenly kissed Ezio, full on, no holds barred, on the lips

“Oh wow... yep, it finally happened!” Deadpool said.

“EEP!” Dash realized what she’d just done, and covered her muzzle with her hooves, blushing furiously.

Ezio found himself blushing ever-so-slightly at the sudden kiss and placed hand on his cheek.

“I’d be embarrassed too.”

“Heyoo.” Steve said as he began to eat some more keish.

“I… I can’t believe that I just…” Rainbow’s mind as racing.

“If it is any consolation, I was not bothered by it.” Ezio assured, flashing her a confident, charming smile.

“You weren’t bothered by that? How?” Dash inquired, getting a bit indignant.

“Rainbow Dash, I am an old white man, nothing is going to weird out or bother an old white man.” Ezio explained cockily.

“That sounds like a challenge.” Dash accepted the challenge, flying away and planning.

“If you both are gonna f-PHM!!!”

“No talking about that, Wade!” Wilson said, covering Wade’s mouth with his hand.

“Okay.jpeg.” Wade said dejectedly, slumping and walking away.

“Well, my pre-20th-century friends, I must say that you both wear suits well.” Adam said, noting both men’s rather amazing attire.

Ezio’s suit was topped off by a wide-brimmed fedora, which still performed the job (albeit less effectively) of concealing his eyes.

Link’s suit was topped off by a top-hat with a greenish-gold band around the base.

Everyone was just having a really good time.

Even Crimson and Crushed had recovered enough to join the celebration, though they decided to stay far off to the side to avoid being seen..

Everything was looking good.

-Meanwhile-

“Okay, I got ammo, I got my weapons, and I got a clear mission now. What am I missing?”

‘Perhaps you would like to ask the person who is reading your mind, and talking to it at the same time.’

‘Great, now my life is complete.’

‘My physical form now exists, but I can’t pass up the opportunity to, as you would say, ‘be a dick’ towards Condition One.’

‘All of my hate.’

‘This is why most people hate Mondays, annoying pricks.’

Nothing was looking good for David, not at all.

-A Few Weeks Later-

Twilight and Midna stood in front of ‘Celestia’.

“So… um… *ahem*...I-”

“Save it, ‘Celestia’, we know what happened.”

“Oh, well then, get onto that Crystal Kingdom mission then.” The nervous mare said, looking side to side.

“No, about what happened after John blew your head off, Chrysalis.”

Chrysalis stood firm, “We all saw it, her brains went splattering across the floor.”

“And your mind took over Celestia’s body.” Midna continued.

“But we’re going to help Celestia.” Twilight declared her horn alight with magic.

Midna’s hair lurched upwards into hand form, and the hand darted towards the white alicorn.

Chrysalis cried out in pain as her mind was forced from Celestia’s body

Twilight, fuelled by hatred, grabbing the ethereal essence of Chrysalis’s power in her telekinesis.

She forced the changeling queen to take a physical form, then she dismembered that form and beat it to death with the disembodied limbs.

Then, she patched the body back together and zoomed to be right in front of Chrysalis, sliding forward on a cloud of sorcery.

“You, will not, harm, my friends, AGAIN!” The furious unicorn beat the changeling down further with every part of that sentence.

Finally, she crushed Chrysalis’ body into a tiny ball and drowned her remaining power in a flood of wrath.

Breathing hard and snorting a few times, Twilight calmed herself down and looked at Celestia.

The look she got back was one of worry and fear.

“Are you alright?” Twilight asked, concerned.

“Yes… are you?” Celestia replied, thankful to finally have her body back.

“I feel alright… so… Crystal Kingdom eh?” The lavender unicorn queried.

“Yeah, let me explain.” Celestia replied, standing up again.

“Glad to have helped.” Midna said with a smile.

Then they talked for a few minutes.

-One Hour Later, on the train ride-

AD17 looked at everyone on the train, first at Rarity, who had fallen asleep next to him, then at Soldier, who was sitting next to John, picking his nose yet again.

“Well, things might be interesting in the coming day or two.” The purple-clad god said, laughing at his obvious understatement.

Harry laughed with him, “Well, there might be surprises too, like what if some chaos happened, right now… wait I need to check that now, I’m bloody worried now.” He quietly cast a spell.

John checked his radar, worried as well.

They both found that there was a large, unidentified object coming straight at them, and they were going straight at it.

“STOP THE TRAIN!” Harry and John simultaneously shouted in equally commanding tones.

John raced towards the head of the train.

Twilight was curious and scared, “Why? What is so bad that we need t-?”

Suddenly, the train collided with another train, and all went dark.

Author's Note

Oh my God, so much happened!

Sorry for the delay, summer classes happened.

For right now, I got stuff to do!

Later!

Obligatory explanation link for cliffhanger.