In the town of Ponyville there is a mare that shares many labels: baker, mother, boss, wife, semi-professional tennis player. Her name is Cup Cake, the proud co-owner of Sugar Cube Corner and she is currently very pissed and to whom was that anger directed towards? Let's ask her.
'Everyone of those damn gossip mongering horses!' The blue mare thought to herself as she pretended to cheerfully mind the counters of her bakery.
Her smile said, "Buy some cake and cookies dearie," but her mind was screaming to attack a few select ponies with a broken table leg.
It's not that Missus Cake was prone to violent tendencies, it's just that shortly after her wonderful, sweet and adorable foals were born the rumors began to occur. Rumors that in no subtle way called her the village bicycle. At first she brushed it off, but as days turned into months, her resolve started to falter and she was soon reaching her boiling point.
It was this anger mixed with a deep-seated passion for a certain tall lanky yellow earth pony.
Of course, she confronted her husband over the gossip and his response while not particularly insightful did always make her feel somewhat better.
"Honey you shouldn't let a few nasty words get to you. I know you love me and you don't prove anything to anypony." Carrot brought his hoof up to her chin and met her lips with his own in a tender kiss.
The blue earth pony touched her muzzle and sighed at the memory. "I know it should be enough, but I can't take it anymore."
She truly wished her husband was here to comfort her more, but sadly he was at the High Cuisine annual baking convention in Las Pegasus, figuring that meeting new vendors and making more connections would help their small business grow.
"It is rather late, I could close the shop early take the foals out for a stroller ride."
In the late afternoon sun our blue homely heroine trotted along the park pushing her children. It was all good in the hood that was until a pegasus couple approached her.
“Awww, they’re so adorable.” The mare of the pair said with a warm smile.
“Thank You, dearie.”
“So who are their parents?”
Having been through this song and dance before a hundred times Cup Cake rolled her eyes. “They’re mine.”
That should have been the end of it, the couple should have accepted it, smiled and left, but things soon went to hell in hand basket rather quickly, all with just one word.
“Really?” The stallion piped up and looked at the baker and her offspring incredulously.
“Yes, these are my foals.” Cupcake said as she ground her teeth in a forced smile.
“Star, don’t be rude, not every pony can have foals of their own.”
“I’m sorry about that Miss.” The two ponies buggered off elsewhere.
Cup Cake just stood there as she felt her anger rise to the point where she did what any parent would do. “Pound, Pumpkin, mommy needs you to do earmuffs.” With that being said, the twins put their hooves over their ears while their mother set forth a volley of curses.
Later that night, after the shop was locked up and the twins were fed and put to bed, Mrs. Cake sat in her own mattress watching television silently wishing that Carrot would come home a day early and make her feel better. The Blue mare was finally at her breaking point, she needed to prove to the town that she was both a virile mare and a loyal wife.
It was here in bed as if by some cosmic coincidence that a rerun of Mulery started as she was flicking through channels.
“You are NOT THE FATHER!!!”
The stallion on stage was happy enough to start break dancing and making a general ass out of himself on national TV.
While Cup wasn’t a fan of trash programming it did give her an excellent idea to show her love to her stallion and get the rumors to stop all at the same time.
Missus Cake trotted merrily to her destination after getting Pinkie to watch the foals albeit with the help of friend Applejack who helped with the baking, afterall Cup Cake still had a business to run.
Soon she made it to her desired location, which was Ponyville General; more specifically, it was the office of her gynecologist.
“Ah, Mrs. Cake, Doctor Pap Smear will see you now.”
Luckily, for Cupcake Ponyville General was also, where her husband’s proctologist and the twins’ pediatrician were located, so getting a DNA sample wasn’t all that difficult.
Twenty or so minutes later as the blue mare was finishing reading a two-month-old copy of a generic celebrity gossip rag, when the nurse called her over to the front desk.
“Your results are ready.”
With those words, Cup viciously tore the paper from the nurse’s hooves and skimmed over it. “This will show them, THIS WILL SHOW THEM ALL!!! MWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!”
*Lightning strike*
The hysterical blue baker trotted with her results into Quills and Sofas and gave Davenport an almost sinister grin. “I need this copied and blown up to billboard and poster sizes on the thickest paper you have in stock. Okay I'm going need one in the bigger size and twenty in the other size, dearie.”
The stationery store owner gulped in fear as he slowly grabbed the piece of paper on the counter. “O-okay ma’am, that’ll be Thirty bits and I can have it done by tomorrow morning.”
“Good.”
“Um...cash or credit.” The stallion squeaked out.
Cup Cake fished through her saddlebag, disappointed that she didn’t have any hard currency on her. “Credit, unless...”
“Y-yes?”
“You wouldn’t happen to take cashier’s checks, would you?”
“Actually, we just started accepting them, just last week.”
The mare grabbed a check, filled it out and hoofed it over to the shop owner as she continued making her preparations for the following day.
The next morning Cup Cake had given her favorite and only employee instructions on how to handle Carrot Cake’s coming home party including a little pick up from Quills and Sofas.
With her plan set in motion, Cup Cake placed her children in their stroller and made her way to the train station to wait for her husband.
(45 Minutes Later)
The Friendship Express pulled into the station and its fifty or so Ponyville bound passengers disembarking from the train. One rather tall gangly stallion made his way through the crowd and within a few seconds of searching, he found ‘a sight for sore eyes.’
“Foals! I missed you guys so much!” Carrot exclaimed as galloped over to embrace his son and daughter. Their response was a happy mess of excited baby noises.
Cup could only smile as she watched the scene before her, it was only of the many reasons she loved her stallion.
After placing Pumpkin and Pound back in their carriage, he brought his attention to their mother. “Sugarplum...mmm...a cheap hotel bed with a few pillows is no substitute for you.” He brought his better half in for a loving nuzzle to which she happily returned.
"You can tell me all about the trip when we get home, but as for now, I have a special surprise for you honeybun." Before Carrot could react Cup Cake blindfolded and proceeded to led him from the station towards their bakery.
A short walk through town and a few confused onlookers later, the family of four reacted their destination.
Missus Cake made a few hoof gestures to her number one employee. All Carrot could hear was a loud *FUMP*, as if a tent was being dropped followed by the gasp of what sounded like several ponies.
"Now you can remove the blindfold."
Carrot Cake couldn't believe his eyes as the entire exterior of their business was covered in highlighted white paper.
"Um...what's all this this about?"
"I know I should ignore the idle gossip of the town's ponies, but I just had to prove to them and you that these are your foals... YOU HEAR THAT? THESE FOALS ARE HIS CELESTIA DAMMIT!!!!"
Cup reached under her husband making him wince in discomfort. "This is where my babies come from, this is mine!"
"If I have to shave my flank and tattoo: Property of Carrot Cake, so be it." The angry mare punctuated her final words by grabbing her husband's head and cramming her tongue down his throat in a forceful kiss.
After catching their breath, Cup Cake once again turned to the pink mare perched on top of the bakery.
"Still don't believe me? Pinkie unfurl the banners."
"Aye, aye Captain."
Doing as her boss commanded her to do, she revealed the banners, which depicted both the pegasus and unicorn that Pound and Pumpkin got their traits from.
"This is my great, great grandfather…” She pointed to the unicorn adorned banner, before drawing her focus to the other image. “... and this is his great, great, and so forth grandmother. By Tartarus if you go far enough back on my family tree you'll find a dragon or two."
"Dragon?"
"My great, great, great, great grandmother was a frost dragon. Besides, why else would I have a recipe for sapphire cupcakes?"
That did explain a few things to Carrot like his wife's temper when she got mad and her general possessiveness, oh and the pile of gold and jewels in the corner of their bedroom.
“What? If Pinkie was somehow related to the Apples, then Missus Cake was part dragon.”
Author's Note
A/N: I know that a DNA test does not involve a gynecologist, but rather it involves saliva, but I wanted to write that type of character into a fic, because I wrote a proctologist character in another of my fics...anyway I‘m rambling… just had to put this annotation here to prove that I‘m not totally ignorant.
I hope you enjoyed this.
