One Horn Too Many

The atmosphere inside the cab was heavy. The sound of the engine deafened most if not all of the music coming off from the driver’s radio. It wouldn’t have mattered much however, as Edward could not tell much of what was being sung anyway, and Pierre certainly did not appear in the mood for translations.

Once more, the Englishman glanced to his fellow brony. His face was hidden from sight, completely turned toward the landscape scrolling past them. He had remained in a thoughtful silence so far, only breaking it to instruct their driver as to their first destination.

Quite frankly, it was both everything and nothing like what he imagined. The arrival at the airport had been quietly amusing, for he could not help a smug grin at seeing his friend’s bafflement. A few minutes of rambling later, mostly on how he could not have been that big of a troll, Pierre had finally sighed and asked how long he intended to stay. Thus, it had been decided that they would more or less spend the week together until his master’s was truly underway.

On the other hand, once they had left the hotel to start the sightseeing, Pierre had fallen into this quiet state. As evident as the anger was, to the point that Edward had felt justified in needling him about this sulking, it still had become rapidly an hinderance to any conversation.

With such silence being cultivated, he had let his thoughts wander. As he did now.

A small smile grew on his face. There were many things to do for their improvised trip, many occasions to have fun, even something to make it up to Pierre. Surely there would be something that could be offered to a history student in Greece...

It was on those thoughts that the silence was broken.

“Yes…”, came the first word.

As he turned around, Edward quickly noticed Pierre’s grin. His eyes shone brightly, and his face showed all the excitement of a child in a candystore.

“Yes!” He exclaimed loudly.

“Oh, you finally decided to stop sulking?”

“Ah!” Pierre dismissed the comment with a wave of his hand. “All the britishness in the world couldn’t sour this moment for me.”

Intrigued, Edward leaned closer, his brows furrowed in concentration. Stretching his neck, he gave a tentative glance through the windshield, past the driver that was resolutely ignoring them. Yet he still couldn’t quite spot the source of Pierre’s excitement.

“Here, look through my window.” The Frenchman grabbed him with surprising strength and pointed at something beyond the tainted window. “See that, over the hill? That’s the Acropolis!”

And, as Edward saw the unmistakable temple overlooking the citadel, his mind was visited by a quiet sentiment of awe. Those relics of the past held such prestige, such splendor that he felt briefly humbled. But, beyond that, he couldn’t help but feel he had to make the frenchmen beside him look stupid. “So, it’s an old stone building, what’s the big deal?”

It earned him a punch to the shoulder and a death glare.

“To be honest though, it is quite a brilliant old rock. The level of detail is quite astounding, especially for the tools at their disposal.” Edward hummed slowly, rubbing his now bruised shoulder.

Pierre grunted in a mixture of agreement and annoyance. He even shoved his friend back in his seat, but kept the silence that had accompanied them until now.

A situation that at least one of them deemed unacceptable.

“So, are we simply playing tourist, or is there something special you need to do while here?” A bored Edward pondered, staring out the window mindlessly.

“Right now? We’re only playing tourists. I’ll have to come back here again a good number of times anyway, the first time might as well be a more recreational activity.”

“For once, Mr. Mime, I can agree with the sentiment. Are you sure you can afford it though?”

“Yeah, it’s cool, Ed.” Pierre shrugged, his eyes half-closed in contemplation, a small smile on his face. “It’s not like it’ll be the last time I see this place.”

--

Merciless rays of light shone on his face, coming off as a painful curtain of red behind his closed eyelids. With a groan, he buried his head away into his pillow, but things felt strange. Unusual. Turning his head around was impaired by a pull at the back of his skull. No amount of twisting and turning would fight off the sensation; he could not fall asleep again. His eyes flickered open, and Pierre was made to remember his situation.

His muscles tensed, frozen at once when the sensory assault proved very real. The hooves he saw were his, the touch of a blanket was dimmed, or rather amplified, by the uncountable strands of fur that covered his skin. Details of all kinds came one after the other, each of them contradicting more than twenty years of his memory.

And confirming his most recent ones.

It hadn’t been a dream.

Quelle merde…

Holding in a sigh, he rolled over, trying to push the sheets away from his body, without quite managing to. His hind legs were still weighed down.

Carefully, with slow and thoughtful movements, he extricated himself from his prison and started getting out of bed. First off, the front legs, they fell together against the floor, but he, all too focused, locked them into solid pillars.

For a brief moment, memories of his previous life flashed before his eyes. They were short-lived, all too mundane. It was simply of him trying to get up in the morning, and failing miserably. Most of his body remained still on the treacherous fluffy, warm, comfortable surface, while his arms served as uneasy pivots. All too predictably, gravity screwed him over and his face made acquaintance with the ground.

Now, his current position reminded him of those occurrences, though with a crucial difference. At the moment, he had rarely felt this steady. And, when he pushed himself forward, his hind legs caught the rest of his weight without a hint of trouble. He was standing on all four, perfectly.

A bubble of bitterness popped in his brain. It seemed as if everytime he tried to improve his movements, he only made things worse. Being comfortable brought back images of his homeworld. Being stupidly clumsy brought humiliation and pain. He could have been trotting for hours, the second he thought about it, he would start tripping over his hooves.

The corners of his lips fell, his mouth twisting into a grimace. Just thinking about it set something ablaze in his chest, but wondering about the future blew that fickle flame away, leaving only a cold fear. So many things were twisted about this, so many things simply were too surreal to be actual part of the world for him.

But no amount of denial could help him here. Until they could find a way back, as humans, they would have to adapt. So far, they had done a mediocre job at it. The finer details of pony movements were completely lost on them. A simple trip to the bathroom had proven itself an humiliating challenge.

He didn’t want to imagine how badly things would go if they had to flee for their lives. Through sheer dumb luck, they had gone through the Everfree Forest without encountering anything. If they had...

A shiver shook him from horns to hooves.

“Maybe I should...” he whispered, lifting one front leg slowly.

Glancing back to his still sleeping companion, Pierre bit his lips, testing his balance on his hooves. His eyes closing, he ran through his mind the sequence he followed to walk, and tried to imagine it faster. If he were to run...

With a deep breath, he launched himself forward, galloping for a short moment. However, as the wall closed the distance between them at an alarming rate, he realized that slowing down was harder than it seemed.

The peaceful and silent morning was thus broken by a thundering bang, sudden enough to send one british bicorn straight out of his sleep.

A loud swear followed suit.

“S-sorry, Ed,” Pierre muttered, mechanically rubbing his forehead. “I tried to stop, but I just ended up headbutting the wall.”

The grey stallion glared under his disheveled morning mane. "In the name of the Queen, I will not stand for such brazen stupidity!"

“Right, right,” Pierre replied slowly as he failed to locate any bump, bruise or swelling. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Perhaps I’ll plant my horns somewhere unsavory, or toss you out of the window, you know, whatever happens to present itself first,” Edward detailed, a wicked grin forming on his face as he imagined each given scenario.

At that, an incredulous snort came from his friend’s direction.

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Good luck, try not to drown.” Ed waved carelessly, before falling back upon his pillow.

“You would like that,” Pierre replied as he trotted, slowly, carefully, toward the bathroom and disappeared inside. There was the click of a lock, then, nothing.

For a precious few seconds, peace reign supreme in their suite. Edward’s head sunk comfortably into his pillow and a sigh of contentment escaped his lips. The bed was decadently fitted for a king. He could have spent all morning just lying down there, listening to the sound of running water and the occasional voices of a passerby below the window.

Then, from the depth of their bathroom, he heard a crashing noise and an obnoxiously loud French swear word.

“So much for that,” he growled into his pillow. “Stupid wanker...”

Sometimes I wonder how that silly little Frenchman would even survive without someone to pick him up, after he falls flat on his face. He might be a likable person, but, when all he does is spaz out over everything, it really leaves one to wonder...

As Edward pondered his friends clumsy nature, he heard the sound of approaching hoofsteps.

“That must be the purple princess, or that blasted guard. Either way, better make sure Pierre doesn’t embarrass himself too bad.” With that, Ed rose to his hooves and jumped from his perch on the rather comfortable bed.

“Frogger!” he called.

“Huh, what?” A maroon muzzle peeked out of the bathroom’s door, dripping hot droplets of water onto the ground. After a swipe of a hoof, wet bangs of black made way for blue eyes that shone with curiosity. “What is it, limey?”

The question went unanswered for a few seconds, accurately the time it took for Twilight Sparkle to come into view of Pierre.

“Hello boys,” she said with a polite nod to them both.“I’ve come to check up on you, and I brought some friends with me.”

"Well, tell them to be careful, Pierre has a giant case of the stupids today," Edward snarked, still looking to his clumsy and wet friend.

And before another volley of biting insults could be fired between them, they were blindsided by a pink blur. Cotton candy mane bouncing and perfect shining white teeth showing, Pinkie Pie had taken to the sight with much more excitement than even her usual levels of hyperactivity.

“Oh, oh! Is that the bagages you had for your travels? I mean, I wouldn’t carry stupids in my stuff, but I don’t travel that much either! What would you need it for? Is it in case of ‘stupids emergency’, whatever that is?”

“Most likely, though Pierre is the expert, so feel free to ask him about all the uses for Stupidity. He has probably made more uses for it than anyone else, ever!” Ed suggested, pushing the pink mare toward his companion.

Seizing the opportunity, she wrapped him tightly within two inescapable furry legs. “We’re going to have so much fun together, maybe-cuz!”

She gave another squeeze, and Pierre felt his lungs empty themselves of air. Dots and flashes of light danced in his sight briefly, as his first protest died weakly as a wheeze.

“On the other hand,” he growled raspily, trying to untangle himself from Pinkie’s grasp. “If you ever feel the need to be an unlikeable asshole with no friends, feel free to ask him all about smug and condescending declarations. You would think he has to reach a quota the way he speaks.”

“Yet, you hang out with me, what does that say about you?” Edward inquired, slowly walking forward and wrapping a foreleg around Pierre’s neck.

“It says that this is a nightmare and a desperate situation. Clearly, I must have offended someone above.”

“Or maybe Nightmare Moon captured you? I’d love to see that, imagine the dark magical hexes and curses she could cast on someone like you?” Edward countered, ribbing his adversary on each word.

“Only if King Sombra gets a go at you. You wouldn’t last more than a few hours in the mines, but you might make a decent enough rug in his bathroom.”

Shaking his head, Ed sat on his haunches and waved away Pierre’s assumptions. “Sombra can’t even finish a sentence, I’m convinced he was retarded or something.”

“Goodness gracious!”, came Rarity’s posh voice from behind them. “You two have been to the Crystal Empire as well?”

While they were arguing, the rest of the bearers of the Elements had entered their suite. At the front, Rarity and Rainbow Dash had joined Twilight, standing on each side of her. Slightly behind, Fluttershy and Applejack were looking at them over their friends’ shoulders.

He attributed them taking him by surprise so to the size of their hotel room. Even with eight ponies in the entrance, they could still stand comfortably… with the exception of Pierre who was still trapped beneath pure party pony hugs.

“No, why would we?” Edward looked between the seamstress and the princess. “We’ve only been in Equestria a couple of days – a fact Twilight here seems to have omitted –, and besides, I can’t say I’m much a fan of cold places.”

“Most mentions of Sombra were erased from history,” Twilight explained with a slightly suspecting tone. “And his return was a fact only known to a select few.”

“Well, clearly, me and my friend here are super ancient thousand year old gods, sent to Ponyville to warn you of an ancient evil that will soon awaken…” Edward said calmly, waving a hoof nonchalantly toward the onlookers.

Pierre’s hoof met his forehead, strongly enough to make a resounding noise. While the mares around him flinched, he appeared not to have felt any pain as he started speaking clearly. “Princess, do not listen to his ridiculous jokes. It is as we said. We are humans and we have come across some knowledge of this world beforehand...”

It was only when the last word had left his mouth that he realized how silent the room had become. Everyone’s stare had fallen on him, each expressing varying degrees of incredulity. Pinkie Pie seemed the most believing of the group, by a large margin. Her grin had not diminished in the slightest. In fact, she appeared ready to ask them all about it. The others though… seemed to be a lot less open to the idea. They chose to remain silent, in the hopes a new subject would be determined.

His ears drooping down, Pierre whispered: “I’m serious...”

The mares avoided his gaze, and as much as he tried to search for even a hint of trust, they remained as quiet as they had been before.

It was Rainbow Dash that finally broke the silence.

“Eh, I’ll go with the ancient gods thing,” she said, completely deadpan.

The others, excluding the still happily oblivious party pony, shared quick skeptical glances at the notion of either story.

“Why thank you very much, my young mortal.” Edward bowed, the biggest shit-eating grin plastered to his face.

In contrast, Pierre’s mouth twisted into a scowl into which he put all his hatred toward the Universe. And Edward. Especially Edward.

Fluttershy’s body subtly disappeared behind Applejack. From beyond strands of pink, fearful blue irises locked onto his.

Twilight, trying to steer the two quarreling stallions, sighed, and brought forth a clipboard and quill she’d brought along. Tapping the clipboard repeatedly in an attempt to garner the others’ attention, she decided that it would be best to move forward with their meeting.

“Well, we are slightly behind on our schedule.”

“Schedule?” they repeated.

“Yes. You see, I am taking over the effort to help you integrate into Ponyville’s community for the time being. As such, there is a lot to do, starting from giving you a crash course on the social expectations concerning two adult bicorns like you, the exchange rate and the general cost of life in Ponyville, the local texts of laws and-”

A grey hoof to the mouth stopped her short. And, albeit sudden, the contact was gentler than expected.

“Short version, if you would? We are on a schedule, aren’t we?”

“Oh, right. We decided to meet you and get to know each other better at the Croissant Parfait. It is a local café Rarity suggested we take you to after I learned one of you was Prench.”

At this, Pierre noticed how the mares eyes darted in his direction. Not long enough for it to be impolite, of course, but it had been noticeable. His gaze even met Rarity’s, though she did not look away, instead holding it with a hint of interest. Pierre’s face started to heat up under this attention, and his tail flickered once or twice. It came to the point he was almost grateful for the British pony leg pulling harder on his neck.

“You mean French right? Because – and I can speak with quite a bit of authority on this – the word starts with an ‘F’,” Edward interrupted, nudging his cohort as he spoke. “In either case, I do appreciate the free food, though I hope it’s not too fancy; I’m a man of earnest tastes.”

“Ain’t that something I like to hear! None of this fancy-smanchy stuff, just good hearty food,” Applejack said and patted him in the back, while Rarity huffed in indignation.

In unison, both Pierre and Edward’s stomach growled, demonstrating the cunning of Twilight’s plan. They could not have helped it, hearing Applejack’s words had brought forth images of delicious-looking apple treats to mind.

“Oh, I think it’s time to go.” Fluttershy smiled at them, hints of maternal care in her voice. “We can talk more when we’ve eaten, right?”

Nopony offered an objection to her suggestion, and they started leaving the suite, chatting freely. The mares introduced themselves, as best as one could manage while trying to leave a room at the same time as seven other ponies. At the back of the herd, Edward and Pierre counted themselves lucky that they already had more than a passing knowledge of their identities. In the end, they could only leave their suite once every mare had done so beforehand.

They stepped outside, half expecting an intrusive greeting from their bodyguard, but, to their surprise, the hallways were free of armored ponies. On either side of their suite, there were nopony waiting for them patiently, or anypony at all, truthfully.

“Oh, and where is our favorite watchdog ?” Edward asked with one raised eyebrow. “I would have thought he’d be ready to pin us to the ground had we tried to leave our room.”

“Dismissed for the day,” Twilight explained, almost rolling her eyes at his comment. “After all, this is going to be a simple gathering between friends. Nothing too crazy.”

--

“Oatmeal?! Are you crazy?!”

They repressed a laugh, the taste of daffodil a vivid reminder of their situation. Surely coughing up food graciously paid for them would be bad manners, but Goodness was it hard. That one had been surprisingly clever.

There was a knowing look exchanged around the table, from one mare to another and to them as well. The atmosphere had grown relaxed and pleasant, as a mixture of food and good company had a tendency to do. Grilled herbs let out a delicate aroma, incorporated to the dishes of vegetables and fruits. They had tasted simple, yet almost entirely foreign to the two stallions.

Their mouths broke into grins of appreciation for it all. Sitting next to one another, as part of the circle around their reserved table, Pierre and Edward felt their worries and questions melt away. In this place, at a café with six charming and energetic mares to talk to, it was so easy to let themselves get taken in by the flow. A word, a comment, a joke, or a piece of juicy gossip, then they’d be part of it. Something salacious from Rarity that would make Fluttershy, sitting to her left, blush, and sometimes smile timidly. A boastful claim, immediately challenged by another’s rebuttal, followed by a lecture on restraint or manners, always ending in a fit of laughter, before the cycle seemed to start again.

And, of course, at the centerfold of it all, there was Pinkie Pie.

She was the life of the party, so to speak, and she could not stop giving the boys her attention. Jokes, of course, but a great deal of anecdotes and varied topics for them to connect on as well.

“Granny Pie said that her great-grandma told her HER grandma was a bicorn!” she pointed out cheerfully, making back and forth gestures between the three of them. “So, you two are like family! All three of us have bicorns in our families!”

They did not even have the time to protest that statement, as their field of vision were filed with a volley of multicolored confetti.

“No, I’m afraid that means only you are related to bicorns, Pinkie.” The grey stallion sighed, shaking his head at the overly excited mare.

On his seat, Pierre fared only marginally better. With a single hoof, he tried to dust off his coat of the confetti, without sending them into his food. As ordinary as the task seemed, it didn’t stop a shiver from going down his spine. For a brief instant, he shot nervous glances at the others, in particularly Twilight, but his reaction had gone unnoticed.

“Well, boys, personally, Ah don’t know if Ah have some bicorns in mah family tree…” Her green eyes went to her enthusiastically bouncing friend. “That detail’s a bit unclear… But, ya know what? That stuff just don’t matter none. We’re gonna do our best to treat ya like y’all were anyway.”

“T-thanks, Applejack. That’s really kind of you.”

“Shucks, it’s nothing. Ponyville’s a good place like that.”

“If you excuse the initial cage and all, but excluding that little episode, it seems like a rather nice place indeed.” Edward agreed, flashing Twilight a cheeky grin.

For her part, Twilight merely shifted her gaze away from the wily stallion and toward his much more subdued companion.

“You know...” Pierre started, looking a bit nervous. “Ever since we arrived in Ponyville, everyone’s been treating us really differently. Do you all think it is that big of a deal? Our species, I mean?”

“Oh, not at all, dear.” Rarity’s hoof rested on his, softly. “Well, in some way, yes, of course. Everypony has a role to play in Equestria. Why, pegasi regulating the weather is, as you put it, ‘a big deal’, don’t you think?”

“I…” He opened his mouth, but closed it without making a sound, looking a little defeated. “Fair enough, I guess.”

“Though most pegasi aren't treated like celebrities, upon arrival.”

“I wish!” Rainbow Dash snorted in her drink.

All eyes turned toward her. The attention did not deter her, not in the slightest.

“You know,” she went on with a cocky grin, “when you think about it, bicorns ARE pretty lucky,” she snickered.

“Dash, you know that this is not how it works at all!” Twilight stood up, getting more worked up by her friend’s insensitive attitude. “Studies show that their innate powers give them intuitive abilities to avoid dangers and the likes. Adult bicorns are routinely known to unconsciously dodge falling objects or push other ponies out of the way of unexpected accidents.”

Unfortunately, and rather unsurprisingly, the lecture had little effect on the flippant pegasus.

“Still, you guys have it pretty good. Hay, I wouldn’t mind too much being a bicorn, if that didn’t mean not being able to fly anymore.”

“That...” Twilight stuttered, mortified. “You...”

Briefly, Edward glanced at his left, toward Pierre, and saw that the same worry as before was starting to crawl up on him.

Not that the rest of the bearers fared much better. Their jaws hung, aghast at the audacity of the words their friend pronounced. Pinkie Pie, of all ponies, seemed blatantly unamused, her eyebrows lowered into a frown.

“Dashie...” she said slowly, and it betrayed pain.

“Come on, you guys know what I mean right? I mean, you could give Applejack a run for her bits when it comes to plowing,” Rainbow Dash joked, nudging the farm mare at her side.

The words had drained all colors from Applejack’s face.

“Ah do not…!” she started to say, but lost her voice in abject horror.

“How crude!” Rarity huffed, turning up her nose on such ghastly vulgarity.

Twilight jumped upright and her expression was sterned. “Rainbow Dash! That was completely inappropriate!”

“Oh come on, Twi!” she drawled. “We were all thinking it!”

“Huh… I-I wasn’t...” Fluttershy meekly intervened, half-trying to hide behind her mane.

“That doesn’t mean you should say it, Rainbow!”

“Pffft, come on, Twi. Everypony knows the goat heads just buck and raise. That’s it.”

“Rainbow Dash, there is nothing wrong with raising one's young. It’s how many species live, it’s natural. Is that so wrong?” Fluttershy added, stepping between her two bickering friends.

At that point, Rainbow’s bravado was starting to dwindle. The confrontational look she had bore melted into more of a grimace, as she looked into her oldest friend’s eyes. “W-well… no, I didn’t mean it like that, Shy.”

Deflating, she sat back down, and, with that, brought the reprimands to a halt. But the conversation did not pick up from that quite yet. In silence, they all waited for something, anything, that could end this awkwardness. There were a few attempts, well-meaning but too feeble, and the ponies ended more fidgety than before. Nervous chuckles came out of their throats, and they avoided all eye contact with either Edward or Pierre. If they had, perhaps they would have noticed how the maroon bicorn had grown steadily more worried every time.

His breath hitched up, and his eyes went over each of them quickly. Twitches shook his ears, then his tail. The first time he opened his mouth, he produced no sound. On his second attempt, each word seemed to be shaking with his voice. “Yes, well, I… huh… think we left something on at the hotel.”

No sooner had he spoken that he scrambled up to his hooves and left the restaurant.

“Pierre!” Watching as his friend took off, he quickly followed, but not before sending a very irritated glare at the rainbow colored mare.

Rushing past the startled elements who now sat in a state of silent confusion, Edward ran out of the door, scrounging to keep up with his fleeing friend.

“Pierre, wait up! Damn it, you git. I’m in no fit condition to run across Equestria for ya. We need to talk about this, damn it!” he called after his friend, stumbling on his hooves while trying to catch the retreating Frenchman.

As he watched his friend sprint away, Edward felt a culmination of all his pent up anger erupt. Not wanting his panicking friend to end up doing something foolish, he let out a growl of defiance, and sped ahead in a nearly blind blur of rage and fear.

Behind a corner, he caught sight of a patch of maroon fur. Slowing down, Edward trotted forward, a thoughtful frown on his face. It further intensified when he saw Pierre, sitting down with a vacant look in his eyes.

“You were in quite a rush, so, mind clarifying what exactly crawled under your skin this time? I mean, Dash made quite an ass of herself for sure, but your reaction was a bit out there, wouldn’t you agree?” He pondered, placing a steady hoof on his disgruntled friend’s shoulder.

For a moment, there was no reply.

“Pierre, wha-”

“Why did she say that?” Pierre whispered quickly, his gaze firmly set on the ground in front of him. “I don’t get it. This wasn’t normal. Did you see Applejack’s face? Dash just started making those jokes, and all the others looked at her as if she had broken an unspoken rule, a… a taboo. Just like she said, they were all thinking it! Something about bicorns! Their lifestyle. Their status. What is it?”

“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t have the slightest idea, but the longer we stay here, the more I realise this isn’t a cartoon anymore. We really might just be in over our heads, and we can’t do anything but sit here and bear it.”

“That… that’s just...” Pierre gulped loudly, the corners of his lips falling downward. “You can’t mean that, Ed. YOU can’t mean that you want to just sit down and wait.”

“No, but WHAT else is there to do? We should be focused on getting home, not pony politics.”

“Right, right…” He lifted himself up into a standing position, though his gaze remained low and his voice, quiet. “We need to focus on a way back home...”

“In the meantime, just think of it as a unique experience. Which is almost an understatement, if you ask me.”

"I know I should be happy about this... I'm meeting Twilight, my favorite character. we're being treated around, a-and I feel ungrateful for overreacting, but..." His voice trailed off momentarily, and his gaze became distant. He stayed that way for a few more seconds, until he turned back toward Edward with a fearful look. "There's something so creepy at play here..."

“Agreed, though for now, I think it best that we don’t make ourselves out to be completely insane. It’s gonna be hard enough convincing them we’re human, don’t you think?”

“Yeah… let’s go back to apologize.” Pierre let out a deep breath, and started trotting back toward the restaurant with his friend in tow.

“Edward! Pierre!”

The voice froze them in their track.

From the same corner Edward had taken, Twilight came after them running, gasping for air as she finally spotted her two charges.

“Please, let me apologize on behalf of Rainbow Dash.” She gave them both remorseful looks. “She certainly did not want to make fun of your species’ precarious situation. I doubt she really understands how important your role is. Or the kind of sacrifices that demands out of ponies like you. She was just being… Rainbow Dash.”

“Right, cause you truly speak for her, don’t you, Ms. Lorax?” Edward scoffed, regarding the mare with both contempt and tired understanding.

“Did you just…?” Pierre asked before shaking his head in exasperation. “Why do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you say things they cannot understand?”

Rolling his eyes, Ed couldn't help but snicker at the situation they faced and the confused look of the purple princess.“That’s simple, I don’t, but sometimes one must call out those who made a mistake, if she plans to speak on another’s behalf, then she will also pay the guilty’s toll. Is that not a fair consequence?”

“Wow, you’re just so full of it.”

“Oh, do you have something to add?” the grey stallion questioned, glaring daggers at his rival.

“You two never stop bickering, do you? I thought Applejack and Rarity could be bad, but this is just… surreal.”

“Sorry, Princess.” Pierre’s ears flattened against his skull. “It’s just… the nerves, we get snippy.”

She winced.

“Again, I really need to say that Rainbow’s words were not malicious in the slightest. Though, I suppose that, since we have already jumped into the subject, I might as well ask you right away.” Twilight levitated her notepad out of her saddlebags and looked back at them seriously.“What do you two look for in a mare?”

“We are not looking for mares,” Edward said sternly. However, after a pause, his expression softened and a mischievous tone pierced through his voice. “Unless my friend here has been hiding his clopfics from me; in which case, I am only speaking for myself.”

“Hey! I’m not a clopper! They were humanized in that one occasion I… I’m just digging myself deeper, aren’t I?”

“Like a true frog licking, poetry loving, baguette eating, snail slurping, coffee sipping, condescending, narcissistic wanker. Which in all honesty is quite amazing that you can juggle so much baggage at once,” Britain's favorite son retorted, barely holding his laughter back long enough to finish.

“One day, Edward, I will pull out that amorphous red slug you call a tongue out of your stuffy little british mouth and use it to strangle you.”

At his friend's less than threatening chiding, the grey stallion could no longer hold back his mirth, and promptly fell to the ground writhing in laughter. “Hahahahaha, you’re killing me!”

Letting out a long suffering sigh, Pierre turned toward Twilight. “Princess, could you please break all of his legs for me?”

Scoffing, Twilight shook her head in detest. “Absolutely not!” Her voice struck like a whip, with enough severity and indignation to make the two stallions wary. “Harming a bicorn is a very severe criminal offense!”

Edward’s laughter gradually came to an halt, and his eyebrows furrowed together.

“O-oh?” Pierre asked quietly, and he leaned forward. Beneath that appearance of calm however, his blood had frozen in his veins. “And… how severe are we talking about, Princess?”

“The punishments range, in order of damage suffered, from a fine, years of community service to a small jail time.”

And, while she dutifully listed the consequences, Twilight did not notice how both bicorns had sobered up. Their faces were devoid of humor, their traits had become as still as statues.

“Ah...” Pierre exclaimed slowly, sharing a look of worry with Edward. “I suppose it would be a terribly idea for me to strike him then...”

“Oh, you need not worry, Pierre,” she told him with a bemused smile. “The punishment for bicorns is much more lenient. In fact, it cannot go higher than a simple fine. The law wouldn’t be very smart if it protected the bicorns in some ways but harmed them in others, right?”

“Right,” he agreed stiffly, his eyes darting toward his friend. “And what is planned against bicorns that would abuse that leniency?”

“Why, Pierre?” Edward drawled mockingly. “Planning on a robbery?”

At that, Twilight must have admitted that she did not see the dark grin on the more polite bicorn’s face coming. Nor did she expect the frankly morbid reply. “Your liver is on the list, yes.”

“Do you even have a buyer?” his friend deadpanned.

“I am certain I could find one. If not, then your pain will suffice.”

“Then, by all means, take it, that is if you can...you know with all that blood and such?”

Sensing yet another escalation in their bickering, Twilight rolled her eyes in exasperation. The thought to stop them with words briefly went through her mind, but she could see an exercise in futility when she saw one. With the two of them leaning toward one another, nostrils flaring and heads lowering, there was no way to appeal to rationality.

Neither Edward nor Pierre appreciated the feeling of being lifted so suddenly, which was as if their hearts had jumped up their throats and their stomachs had been left in their hooves. The glimmering aura on their fur tickled, uncomfortably, similar to an urge they could not satisfy. They had no time to even question their sudden status as airborne ponies, the princess they had been ignoring grabbed their attention.

“Now, about your living arrangements for the time being...” Twilight said sternly, frowning at them like she would two misbehaving foals. “I have taken the liberty of securing a much more proper arrangement.”

“You… what?” Pierre blinked, weakly batting a hoof in a vain attempt to move closer to the ground.

Seconds later, he, alongside Edward, got his wish. Painfully.

Twilight continued as if nothing happened, her horn lighting up once more, this time in synch with a roll of papers from her saddlebags. “Here, you will notice that I have already taken care of the legislature, the paperworks with the Mayor and the costs. I trust this will be to your likings.”

Still rubbing the sore spot on his chest, Edward moved forward to take the levitating scroll and, with a little patience, managed to open it.

It did not dawn on him right away, as the forms were quite different from what he was used to in his home country. Judging by the puzzled light that tainted Pierre’s gaze, of whom he could feel the breath on his shoulder, the Frenchie was not faring much better.

However, after a few instants of careful reading, the truth hit him like a speeding train.

It seemed as if the open air was suddenly closing in on them, as if there was not enough to breath. His heartbeat accelerated to a maddening pace, and he felt all his previous fears come back with a vengeance. Already, he could see the gears turning behind his friend’s eyes, and they expressed a similar worry. Regardless of her intent, Twilight had truly just showed them how bad things were.

She had bought them a house.